1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:03,712
"The Conners" is filmed
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,464
in front of a live
studio audience.
3
00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,007
Okay.
4
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:12,221
Now let's see what we all
agree on for the wedding.
5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,182
Nothing.
6
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,100
So we'll start from there.
7
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,685
Uh, okay.
8
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,354
Under "Entertainment,"
9
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:24,816
I think we can safely
cross off Fleetwood Mac.
10
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,151
Why?
11
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,361
We really want them,
12
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,987
and you never know
unless you try.
13
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,698
I-I... I think Lindsey
Buckingham lives in the area.
14
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,535
I'm almost positive I
saw him at the Goodwill.
15
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,746
And you should see him
now... bald, overweight.
16
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,582
He's virtually unrecognizable.
17
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,585
Okay, you saw a random
old lady with alopecia.
18
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,754
Near miss. Moving on.
19
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,589
Oh, Harris and Aldo,
20
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,633
I was a little surprised
by your choice.
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,886
Now, I did not figure you
guys for patrons of the opera.
22
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,597
Okay, so, I met this
guy at the tattoo shop.
23
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,433
Listen to this.
24
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:03,605
♪ So wait and pray
each night for me ♪
25
00:01:03,738 --> 00:01:07,993
♪ Till we meet again ♪
26
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:12,739
I mean, it's not "Landslide,"
but it's pretty good.
27
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,741
Well, all in favor?
28
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,786
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, hey, hey! Okay.
29
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,998
Our first unanimous
choice is opera.
30
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,417
Did not see that coming.
31
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,085
Uh, okay, next, location.
32
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,547
Oh, come on. It has to be
the reptile house at the zoo.
33
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,757
I removed something from
the gullet of Totoro,
34
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,217
their Komodo dragon.
35
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,969
He ate his girlfriend,
36
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,265
so this is the closest he's
ever gonna get to a wedding.
37
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,976
Okay, we have a choice
that's way better...
38
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,686
the shores of the
Des Plains River.
39
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:43,811
Shores?
40
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,124
There's just a cement bank with
the skeletons of the animals
41
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,108
that drank out of the river.
42
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,985
Oh, yeah, but I mean
a block further down
43
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,404
where the current washes
the carcasses into the lake.
44
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,865
It is so pretty.
45
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,242
Why don't you just have
it here at the house?
46
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,429
We'll move the furniture out,
the place will look great,
47
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,829
and you can save a ton of money.
48
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,789
Great idea, Dan. Thanks.
49
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,335
I think you've earned
yourself a beer.
50
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,878
If you insist.
51
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,590
- Yeah? Huh?
- Yeah!
52
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,507
Hey, hey, hey!
53
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,051
Okay, great, we got a location.
54
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,510
Next, ceremony.
55
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,387
Okay, okay, this is my only ask.
56
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,015
I really want one piece of
the wedding to feel like me,
57
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,683
so instead of a priest,
58
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:25,020
I would like the person officiating
the ceremony to be someone secular.
59
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,857
The guy who just notarized my
home loan is a retired judge,
60
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,376
and he said he would
be happy to do it.
61
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,028
Well, I don't know.
62
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,863
Okay, how about this?
63
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,949
What if we take all our
wedding announcement pictures
64
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,702
for the newspaper
at The Lunch Box
65
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,413
and we all hold stew
instead of bouquets?
66
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,249
Oh, honey, please?
67
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:50,087
Free advertising gets
Mama's motor runnin'.
68
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,926
Wow, I never imagined
getting married by a judge
69
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,094
instead of a priest,
70
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,929
but I want to make you happy,
71
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,848
so sentence me to
your love prison
72
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:04,476
and throw away the
key, Your Honor.
73
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,270
Hey, everybody, the
bakery just sent over
74
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,064
samples of wedding cakes.
75
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,708
If you want to get in
there before Beverly Rose
76
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,401
has licked all of
them, you better hurry.
77
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,322
Don't you want to
pick out a cake?
78
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,050
I've seen your daughter
drink toilet water.
79
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,117
I'll go with the group.
80
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,537
So...
81
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:26,665
Did you get Aldo off the
having a baby right away thing?
82
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,582
Yeah.
83
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,185
Usually when he comes
up with an idea,
84
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,003
he gets distracted by something
else and forgets about it.
85
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,923
So I got him a 2,000-piece
Lego Taj Mahal.
86
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,467
That should buy
me 10 to 15 years.
87
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,425
- Hey, Harris?
- Hey.
88
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,011
I want to surprise Neville
with something for the wedding,
89
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,680
so could you tattoo his
name on my ring finger?
90
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,141
So, Aldo is the
lettering master,
91
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,727
but if you want Neville riding
a dragon between your boobs,
92
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,228
I could do that.
93
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,814
Uh, let's start with
the finger first,
94
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:37,235
and, uh, but, yeah, maybe
for our silver anniversary,
95
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,780
when there's more space
between the girls.
96
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,991
I can't wait for the weddings.
97
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,411
If any family needed a boost
of fresh DNA, this is it.
98
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,748
Hey, stop jawin' and fold
that afghan, would ya?
99
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,833
Man, this has been
here forever, right?
100
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:52,958
Where'd it come from?
101
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,796
Well, it's an interesting story.
102
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,800
Around the turn of
the last century...
103
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:03,303
our family lived in a small
town in Ireland called Kilkenny.
104
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,556
Aah! They killed Kenny!
105
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,183
Save whatever that
is for your kids.
106
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,768
Anyway...
107
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,520
they were very poor,
108
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,523
so my great-grandfather decided
to take a boat to America
109
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,899
to seek his fortune.
110
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,527
But the family was
worried that the baby,
111
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,987
my... my grandfather,
would die from the cold.
112
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,865
Your grandfather was a baby.
113
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,787
So was yours.
114
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,791
Anyway, they crocheted
that to keep the baby warm.
115
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,710
That afghan represents the
hopes and dreams of our family
116
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,170
coming to America.
117
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,965
I guess all the hopes and
dreams fell through the holes.
118
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,302
What you looking at?
119
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,888
Oh, uh, now that I'm gonna
be moving into the new house
120
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,849
with Darlene, I
adjusted the plans.
121
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,934
Here, check it out.
122
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,270
See, I'm taking out this
guest bedroom with the bath
123
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,275
and I'm putting in a music
room for me and Mark.
124
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,064
- Hmm.
- Huh?
125
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,650
That's my room.
126
00:05:58,775 --> 00:05:59,818
Oh, damn.
127
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,070
Well, I didn't know you
were still planning on
128
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,822
moving in with us. I'm sorry.
129
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,907
No, no, no, that's fine.
130
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,536
There's a little Harry Potter
space under the stairs.
131
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,246
I can raise Beverly Rose there.
132
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,582
At least until she
starts hunching over.
133
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:17,460
Then we can move to the
tool shed. It's taller.
134
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,712
Don't be silly.
135
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,922
My golf clubs go
under the stairs.
136
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,427
Ben doesn't want me there.
137
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,845
He thinks I'll be in the way.
138
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,431
No, I'm sure they
both want you there.
139
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,558
But if not, over
time, you'll learn
140
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,268
to ignore all the snide comments
141
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,145
and the way their
bodies tense up
142
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,510
when you walk through the door.
143
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,649
Ah, here's another
dusty, old thing
144
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,068
that's been on
the couch forever.
145
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,546
I tried putting it
out on the curb,
146
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,113
but no one will take it.
147
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,699
See?
148
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,994
Over time, it gets easier.
149
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,419
Hey, babe. Before we grab lunch,
150
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:00,962
can we stop and pick up my tux?
151
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,380
It's so cool.
152
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:06,593
They added panels to the pant
legs to accommodate my calves.
153
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,558
Don't need 'em Hulkin'
out during the ceremony.
154
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,888
Smash!
155
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,975
No, no, we need to talk.
156
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,100
W-What's up?
157
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,187
I went to go check
our wedding registry,
158
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,314
and I saw that someone
bought us a breast pump,
159
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,483
and I thought, "That's
weird as hell."
160
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,319
And then I realized you
changed the wedding registry
161
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,321
to a baby shower registry.
162
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,366
Yeah, well, I got no baby
stuff left over from my kids
163
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,409
'cause my ex turned our
garage into a meth lab
164
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,578
and blew it all up!
165
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,705
I told you I didn't want
to have a baby right away.
166
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,915
Why would you do that?
167
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,293
I'm almost 40, and I
want to have a child
168
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,505
with the woman I love,
and I need to have it now.
169
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:47,467
Okay, well, I'm 20, and I
don't want to have a baby now.
170
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,761
How about in a year?
171
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:50,887
No.
172
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,181
I don't know if it's
going to be 5 years
173
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,266
or 10 years or 15 years.
174
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,144
15 years? Who knows how
old I'll be in 15 years?
175
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,695
That's not gonna work for me.
176
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,780
I don't care if it
doesn't work for you.
177
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,032
I'm the one who has
to have the baby.
178
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,742
Then why are we even
getting married?
179
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:13,994
You only wanted to marry me
180
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,519
so we could have
a baby right away?
181
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,998
Of course that wasn't
the only reason.
182
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,958
But it... it is a big one.
183
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:24,379
Then maybe we're getting
married for different reasons.
184
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,715
Maybe we're not
getting married at all.
185
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:33,013
What are you saying?
That you won't marry me?
186
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:36,099
Yeah. I guess I am.
187
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,518
I know I am.
188
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,689
No, I-I'm not gonna be pressured
into something this important.
189
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,149
I didn't want it to be pressure.
190
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:47,152
I-I wanted it to be something
that we both wanted.
191
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,611
And it's not.
192
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,413
How you doing?
193
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,914
Not great.
194
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,376
I know it's gonna be hard to
be a bridesmaid in a wedding
195
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,253
where you were
supposed to be a bride.
196
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,339
Oh, my God, I have
to be a bridesmaid?!
197
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,425
Thanks, Becky. I was gonna
break it to her slowly.
198
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,384
That's what these
199
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,596
dinosaur-shaped chicken
tenders are for.
200
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:18,516
Look, you know how badly
I want you there, right,
201
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,436
but I will totally understand
if you can't do it.
202
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,688
I'm not gonna let what
happened between me and Aldo
203
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:24,814
ruin your wedding.
204
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,233
Aww, thank you.
205
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,777
And before you take a bite,
206
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,530
you should know that's good,
healthy, plant-based chicken.
207
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:37,202
That is a Tofu-dactyl and
that's a Tyranno-soy-rus Rex.
208
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,459
This whole thing is
going to be so hard.
209
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,669
And now I have to find
a new place to live too.
210
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:53,009
Hey, how about you get a
place with your Aunt Becky?
211
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,428
It'll be like in
the olden days...
212
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,680
one generation taking
care of the next,
213
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,682
helping each other
with our burdens.
214
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,685
I'm not gonna be your niece-wife
and help you raise your kid.
215
00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:07,273
Even if it's true, that's a
lousy thing to accuse me of!
216
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,111
Then you say, "I do, I do,"
217
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,695
rings, rings, and then I say,
218
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,115
"By the power vested in me
by the State of Illinois,"
219
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,616
bam, you're married,
220
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,636
and we're done in time to
catch the end of the Cubs game.
221
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,370
Hey, sweet.
222
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,122
Okay, well, I'll see
you on the big day.
223
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,414
Get some rest.
224
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,626
Oh, don't forget to vote,
even in the small elections.
225
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,311
Hey, if I promise to
do all that stuff,
226
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,046
can you fix a parking
ticket for me?
227
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,383
Excuse me, I thought
I was in Illinois.
228
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,806
It's gonna be great, right?
229
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,641
I can't do this.
230
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,393
He has no soul.
231
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,979
I have commemorated
every important event
232
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,315
in my life in God's
presence with a priest,
233
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,695
and now, I'm getting married,
and God's not gonna watch it.
234
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,864
He's gonna do dishes
until the reruns
235
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,824
of "Highway to Heaven" come on.
236
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,285
Watching with Michael
Landon, I might add!
237
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,912
C-Come on, Neville, Neville.
238
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,540
We were taught that
God is everywhere.
239
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,252
H-H-He's in this family,
being all around us.
240
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,964
Okay, no disrespect, and
I love them very much,
241
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,925
but that family's
all going to hell!
242
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,140
I need God in this house
when I get married,
243
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,517
or Jackie and I are getting
married somewhere else.
244
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,561
Oh, damn it.
245
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,687
This isn't fair.
246
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,689
This was our wedding first.
247
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:35,987
What?
248
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,364
I let Neville believe
that Michael Landon
249
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,910
is watching television
in the clouds with God.
250
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,536
I could've buried that guy.
251
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,750
So, now,
252
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,376
Neville doesn't
want to get married
253
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,501
with Ben and Darlene
254
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,879
unless they bring in a priest.
255
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,088
The whole thing is a mess.
256
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,840
You're lucky you got
out when you did.
257
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,344
Do these look like
tears of luck?
258
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,763
Ow.
259
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,681
- Done.
- Okay.
260
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,059
No.
261
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,478
It was supposed
to say "Neville."
262
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,147
You wrote "Never."
263
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,692
Uh, I'm... I'm so
sorry. After the "Nev,"
264
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,611
I-I got caught up
thinking about...
265
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,112
how I'd never be happy again,
266
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,448
and then the "Er" just
came out naturally.
267
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,699
You moron!
268
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,701
You've jinxed my wedding!
269
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:27,247
I have "never" written
on my ring finger!
270
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,541
As if I'll never be happy,
I'll never get married,
271
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,836
I'll never be able to slap my
mother with my wedding ring
272
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,297
so it leaves a dent!
273
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,192
How 'bout I put "Neville"
on your neck for free?
274
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,552
No, I'm not letting
you near my jugular!
275
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,429
- Oh!
- Ah!
276
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,684
This whole wedding,
it's going to hell.
277
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:51,354
My finger's gonna fall off
because Aldo botched my tattoo.
278
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,731
Neville will only get
married if there's a priest.
279
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:54,983
We don't fix that,
280
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:59,028
I end up a
nine-fingered spinster!
281
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,365
Okay, you're overreacting.
282
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,909
You're going to be a
ninefingered married lady.
283
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,327
Oh.
284
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,705
You and Neville
can get a priest,
285
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,999
and Ben and I will just
get married another time.
286
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,334
What? No, no. We have
to get married together.
287
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,128
Why is this such
a big deal to you?
288
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,338
Because I keep
thinking about your mom
289
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,943
and how she was so worried that
you and I would never be happy,
290
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,010
and she'd say, "There's
gotta be somebody out there
291
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,720
lucky enough to get Darlene.
292
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,346
There's gotta be
somebody out there
293
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,641
desperate and broken
enough to marry Jackie."
294
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,227
Okay, but Mom is gone,
and she's not gonna know.
295
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:35,189
I believe that your mom's spirit
is gonna be at the wedding.
296
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,525
And I think that she
would be so happy
297
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,569
to watch us get
married together.
298
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,487
I think she's
laughing her ass off
299
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,489
that I'm trapped in
this thing, but okay.
300
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,533
Okay, okay.
301
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,868
- All right.
- All right.
302
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,203
- All we need to do...
- Yeah?
303
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:53,291
Is find a way to have a
priest there for Neville
304
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,834
and a judge there for me.
305
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,086
Or... Or go with me on this.
306
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,213
What if...
307
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,258
we have a priest
there for Neville
308
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:05,136
and a judge there for you?
309
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,306
Wow.
310
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,058
Where did that come from?
311
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,018
Right?
312
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,232
It's late.
313
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:23,988
And I can't sleep without the gentle
iron-lung sound of your CPAP machine.
314
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,282
I'm just thinking
about tomorrow.
315
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,326
I know.
316
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:31,371
The kids are moving
on with their lives.
317
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,890
But it's not like
they're leaving tomorrow.
318
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,707
We still have to build
the house for them.
319
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:37,126
Yeah, but it's the
beginning of the end.
320
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:40,254
I have a feeling this marriage
is gonna stick for Darlene,
321
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,590
and once their
house is finished,
322
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:47,345
she'll take Harris and Mark
and Becky and Beverly Rose too.
323
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,264
Okay. I'm gonna jump in here.
324
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,309
I've given you a couple
of chances to say,
325
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:56,062
"But I got you, babe,
and that's enough."
326
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,147
Well, now that you said
it, I don't need to.
327
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:01,734
Yeah, you do, and you better.
328
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:06,364
You know how much I love you,
and you know it's not the same.
329
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,033
I'm sure they'll come
back all the time
330
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,078
with a whole bunch of
emotional problems.
331
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,455
You did a lousy
job raising them.
332
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,667
So you got that to hang onto.
333
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,341
Okay, I finally see it.
334
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,509
What?
335
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,052
Why Ben would marry you.
336
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:31,389
I really didn't get
it till just now.
337
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,933
Turns out the only thing
keeping you from looking decent
338
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,018
was a shower and a brush.
339
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,147
Save it for your toast.
340
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,775
Anyway, I've been thinking.
341
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,488
You and Ben are
starting a new life.
342
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:51,159
So I've decided it's better
343
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,203
that I don't move in with you.
344
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,038
Oh.
345
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,249
Um, well, it's...
it's up to you,
346
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,334
but I was really
hoping that you would.
347
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,295
Really?
348
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,420
Yeah.
349
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256
I mean, Ben and I
aren't gonna have kids,
350
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:06,924
and he really wants one,
351
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,051
and I think Beverly Rose
running around the house
352
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,095
would be good for him.
353
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,764
So you're just
using me for my kid?
354
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,309
Unless you want to play
hide-and-seek with Ben.
355
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,150
It isn't really about
Beverly Rose, is it?
356
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:27,111
After all our ups and downs?
357
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:31,365
You just... love your sister
and you want her around?
358
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,953
Ugh, fine!
359
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,973
It's not bad enough I have
to tell Ben I love him
360
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,209
in a couple minutes, now
I have to tell you too?
361
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,654
This is why I don't wear a
dress. People get all emotional.
362
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,725
What the hell?
363
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,102
That's the opera
singer that Aldo hired.
364
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,523
His name is Puddles and he's
a famous lifestyle clown.
365
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:04,648
That means he never talks
366
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,859
and just looks like
that all the time.
367
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:10,780
♪ Here come the brides ♪
368
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,866
♪ All dressed in white ♪
369
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:20,373
♪ Sweetly, serenely in
love's golden light ♪
370
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:23,042
♪ Sweet love united ♪
371
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,432
- Damn, that clown can sing.
- Yeah.
372
00:17:24,456 --> 00:17:28,548
♪ For eternity ♪
373
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,673
Welcome.
374
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,009
We are here to celebrate
these joyous unions
375
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,803
before the eyes of God.
376
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,888
And for the atheists among us,
377
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,974
before the eyes of our
friends and family,
378
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,767
who are actually real.
379
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,229
Really?
380
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,439
Just a happy accident.
381
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,443
We ask God for His blessings
upon these two loving couples,
382
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:54,198
and we call upon Him to watch
over and protect these unions.
383
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,118
The couples will
now share their vows
384
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,453
- before God.
- And Abraham Lincoln.
385
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,622
You know, since we're
playing "Let's Pretend."
386
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,502
- Um...
- Does... Does that say "never"?
387
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:07,628
Yeah, it was a mistake,
388
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,756
and the old Jackie would've
taken it as a bad sign
389
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,009
and freaked out and
ruined the whole wedding,
390
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:16,429
but because of you, I can see
things in a different way now.
391
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:20,057
So it stands for I've
never been happier,
392
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,894
I've never been more
optimistic about the future,
393
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,105
and I'll never leave you.
394
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,191
Aww.
395
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,484
- Oy.
- Sorry.
396
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,321
As soon as this is done here,
I've got to get this drained.
397
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:40,036
Uh, to me, uh, "never"
stands for never been married
398
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:43,122
because I never thought I
would find the perfect woman.
399
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,373
But I did.
400
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:50,296
The first time you walked
into my office for a job,
401
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,840
I took one look at
you and thought,
402
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:57,261
"Oh, this little
kid must be lost."
403
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,930
Then I realized you
were a grown adult,
404
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:04,644
which made it much easier
to be attracted to you.
405
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,104
Ugh, no. This isn't really
406
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,565
- turning out the way I anticipated.
- Yeah.
407
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,320
Darlene.
408
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,364
Whatever life brings us,
409
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,783
I know it's going to be okay
410
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,327
because I'll have
you by my side.
411
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:27,458
And there's not a moment in my
life that won't be made better
412
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,126
sharing it with you.
413
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,596
I have made so many
mistakes in my life.
414
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,515
And it's just... it's crazy,
415
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,060
'cause I keep being
thrown blessings,
416
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:50,523
like my family and my kids.
417
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,236
And finally you.
418
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,905
I do not feel like
I deserve you,
419
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,032
but I'm gonna do
everything I can
420
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,534
to make you happy
421
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,453
and hang on to you for
the rest of my life.
422
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,956
I love you, Ben.
423
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,251
I don't think there's
anything to add to that.
424
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,711
Except...
425
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:15,047
Ha! Ha! She said "blessings."
426
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,968
So what God has joined together,
let no man put asunder.
427
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,387
Wait, we forgot the "I dos."
428
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,638
Uh, well... well, do it.
429
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,223
- Oh, I do.
- I-I do!
430
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,516
- I do.
- I do.
431
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,721
By the power vested in me
by the State of Illinois...
432
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,229
And God, who created
the State of Illinois
433
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,773
when He was creating
everything else...
434
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,776
We now pronounce you
husbands and wives.
435
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:40,114
♪ It had to be you ♪
436
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,784
♪ It had to be you ♪
437
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,495
♪ I wandered around ♪
438
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:51,417
♪ Finally found somebody who ♪
439
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,837
♪ Could make me be true ♪
440
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:58,424
♪ Could make me be blue ♪