1
00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:03,128
[bluesy harmonica music]
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,506
OK, philosophy book, check.
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:10,344
And toothbrush,
toothpaste, check.
4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,221
Hey, if you're running away
from home,
5
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,972
letting your mommy
pack your bag for you
6
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kind of ruins the shock value.
7
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,435
When you're
a commuter student,
8
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,520
you don't have a dorm room
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,230
to go back to
and grab anything.
10
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,773
Whatever I might need
has to be in there
11
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,858
since once I get to school,
I'm basically stranded.
12
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,402
Oh, so it's kind of like
"Naked and Afraid,"
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except you're wearing
a cardigan
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and there's a Jamba Juice
at the student union.
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I even take a blow-up pillow
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so I can relax
on the cement bench
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00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,412
by the fountain
between classes.
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If I leave my hat
on the ground,
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people put money in it.
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I'm a commuter student too.
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But sometimes when I have
a long day on campus,
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my friends with dorm rooms
let me crash there.
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Well, not "let me"
24
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insomuch they're not
strong enough to move me.
25
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Come on,
it's not that bad, right?
26
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You're on campus.
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You got great classes.
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You're making money
with your little hat.
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No, it's fine.
30
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Well, I mean, if it's not,
then talk to me.
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I wasn't complaining, Mom.
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I'm just trying
to get out the door.
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Oh, you better not complain.
34
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Yesterday I tattooed teardrops
on a guy who kept saying,
35
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"Can't you go any faster?"
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as the sirens got louder.
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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Oh, wow.
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Is he--is he going to school
or backpacking across Europe?
40
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Now, no Conner has
ever seen Europe,
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and it's probably not
gonna happen
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until we can get there
in an old pickup truck.
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I knew I'd find you here.
44
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I could smell the bacon
walking up the driveway.
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I'm not here for the bacon.
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I'm here to spend time
with my family.
47
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My crunchy
applewood-smoked family.
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Hey, what are you doing here?
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I need to vent.
50
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,657
I'm trying to put
everything in order
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00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,993
for Harris to start
taking over The Lunch Box,
52
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but the paperwork, it's crazy.
53
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Business license,
food handler license,
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liquor permit.
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You have no idea what the man
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puts us
small business owners through.
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Oh, I do.
I run my own hardware store.
58
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,758
I have
my own drywall business.
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Yeah, I used to manage
Casita Bonita.
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I ran an Orange Julius
in Minnesota.
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Sometimes,
it's OK to just listen.
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So is anyone interested--
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Nope.
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Wait till I ask.
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Is anyone interested
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in coming
to Beverly Rose's school--
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all: No.
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Oh, come on.
Doesn't anyone want to help
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make a difference
in a young person's life?
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00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,331
all: No.
- Hell no.
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Oh, I need someone
in our family
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who has musical ability to come
teach in Beverly Rose's class.
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They have no arts budget,
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and these kids need music
in their lives.
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Well, I play piano.
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They had to sell the piano
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to fund 30 minutes
of PE a month.
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00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:05,811
The first class was the kids
carrying out the piano.
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00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:08,688
I can teach the kids
how to play the harmonica.
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It's fun passing one around
with your friends,
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if you don't mind trench mouth.
82
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,823
How about you, Louise?
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00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:21,118
You play guitar, you sing,
and you don't have a disease
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from a Ken Burns documentary.
85
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,123
You know,
actually, I'd love to.
86
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I was just talking to Dan
about how I want to teach music
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now that I'm off the road.
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So we're just moving on
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without seeing
what I might have to offer?
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Oh, I'm sorry, Jackie.
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00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,177
I didn't know
you had any talent.
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Ouch!
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I played a hell of a tambourine
in a jam band
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right after high school.
95
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Tambourine is not
a real instrument.
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Bands let the girl they want
to sleep with play tambourine
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so she won't leave.
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Maybe that's why they took
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00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,944
all the little metal things
out of it.
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Those bad boys.
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00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,031
[laughs]
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They just wanted to see
this hot thing shake it.
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[bluesy rock music]
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00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:13,795
♪ ♪
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"The Conners" is recorded
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00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,518
in front of a live
studio audience.
107
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all: ♪ It's the hammer
of justice ♪
108
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♪ It's the bell of freedom ♪
109
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,526
♪ It's a song about love ♪
110
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♪ Between my brothers
and my sisters ♪
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♪ All over this land ♪
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One more,
everybody except Becky.
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all: ♪ All over this land ♪
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[applause]
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Oh, that was great, everybody.
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Becky, can you hand out
the lyrics to the next song?
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The kids are so into it.
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This is the longest
Walter has gone
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without stabbing anybody
with a pencil.
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Oh, this is Ms. Ainsworth,
the principal.
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I would love to talk to you
about an idea I have
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for a part-time music program.
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I could do it
a few days a week.
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It would cost you
next to nothing.
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How next to nothing
would you be,
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00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,161
right next to it
or practically on it?
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Gas money.
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Pay for my lunch.
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Printer paper could go missing
now and again.
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Deal.
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OK, what you have
in front of you
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are the lyrics
to a really fun song
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called "Dancing Queen."
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OK.
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Let's hand back
all of these pages.
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Don't even look at them.
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I accidentally looked
at mine.
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What's going to happen to me?
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You're going to be fine,
Albert.
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We're just going to let
the next class come in.
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And all of you are going
to have an early recess.
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Class dismissed.
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What's wrong with this song?
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We dance to at home.
145
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I don't know, honey.
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00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,497
But why don't you go
comfort Albert?
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And remember,
don't turn your back on Walter.
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What's going on?
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Look, we would love to have
more music for the kids,
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00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:24,718
but this song is about a queen,
and some of the parents
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00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,429
are going to interpret that
to be about gender identity.
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00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:28,972
And then it's going
to become a thing.
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This is crazy.
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I'm a parent, and I don't think
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this song is about
a drag queen.
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00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,729
And I wouldn't have
any problem if it was.
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Me neither.
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00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,189
But these kids are
going to go home
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and tell their parents
that they sang a song
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about a dancing queen.
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00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,028
The parents are gonna go
to the school board.
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00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,487
And then pretty soon,
I'm looking
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00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,949
for a new dental plan
under Obamacare.
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If you want your program
approved by the school board,
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I'd get ahead of this.
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Submit an apology.
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God, they're just songs about
different kinds of people.
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Whatever happened to the love
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00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,715
between our brothers
and our sisters?
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00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,718
Apparently, they can have
all the love they want,
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as long as the brothers aren't
wearing the sisters' dresses.
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Sorry I'm late.
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I had to take out the trash.
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This was a lunch date,
so thanks for inviting my dad.
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00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,858
Well, I had to buy him lunch.
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00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,401
I lost a bet.
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00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,903
Overestimated
how many corn nuts
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00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,864
I could fit in my mouth.
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00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,784
I knew I'd feel weird being
back in a school cafeteria
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00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,286
without being high.
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00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,788
So I brought a beer.
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00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,333
Oh, well, good for you
engaging in self care.
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00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,627
You do know that you can't
drink in here, right?
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00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,380
This ain't my first rodeo.
185
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,923
Ah!
186
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,842
You'll get that back
after class.
187
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,886
So I just saw Mark
188
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,263
coming out of the school
psychologist's office.
189
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,349
Do you think I should be
worried about that?
190
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,142
I mean, this is the danger
of working
191
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,852
where your kid goes
to school, right?
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00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,771
You're going to see some stuff,
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00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,315
and you're going to just have
to pretend like you didn't.
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00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,026
I just get the feeling
that something's bothering him.
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00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,861
And we used to talk
about everything,
196
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,280
and he's being so distant
from me lately.
197
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,533
Maybe he just wants
to be more independent.
198
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,201
He's 18.
199
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,120
When I was his age,
I was married,
200
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,871
working, paying bills,
and drinking beer,
201
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,039
which I'd like to do now.
202
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,208
Nope.
203
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,378
But what if he's going through
something, like, really big?
204
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,047
Or worse, what if it's
something that I did?
205
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,800
Honey, you're a great mom.
206
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,428
I can't see where he'd have
any complaints.
207
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,221
That's something
I never worry about
208
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:36,766
because I know your mom and I
did a good job as parents.
209
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,316
Oh, my God,
am I that delusional?
210
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,655
What's up?
211
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,615
I'm matching up
lids and bowls.
212
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,534
Helps me think.
213
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,244
They're all different sizes,
214
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,830
so I have to try every lid
on every container
215
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,123
to find the right bowl.
216
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,418
Well, shouldn't be too hard.
217
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,754
We don't clean the dishes
that well.
218
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:09,674
Just match up the lids
and bowls that smell the same.
219
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,678
It's lid matchup day?
220
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:17,223
Why didn't you call me?
I love this.
221
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,893
Louise, stop.
222
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,481
Never, ever...
223
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,942
use opaque lids
on transparent containers.
224
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,070
These are for perishables only
225
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,738
so you can see
if something is spoiled.
226
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,156
I don't want to overstate,
227
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,492
but I may have just saved
a life.
228
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,748
You know, I'd really rather
just do this by myself.
229
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,834
Ooh, lid day!
230
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,461
I'm in.
231
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,463
I'm actually here to apologize
232
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,048
for what happened at school
the other day.
233
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,216
What's up?
234
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,967
Oh, I was going to sing
an ABBA song,
235
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,094
and then
the principal stopped me
236
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,554
because she thought
that the parents
237
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,931
would find it inappropriate.
238
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:04,312
Wait a second.
239
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,982
Last time I looked--
yep, it's still America.
240
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,278
We don't ban music
241
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:15,198
just because we disagree
with the message.
242
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,366
This calls for action.
243
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,784
Louise, I'm going to need
a piece of paper.
244
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,160
I'm going to need a pen.
245
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,621
I'm going to need
a very large rubber band.
246
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,248
And I'm going to need a brick.
247
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,836
You need to calm down.
248
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,421
They're not going
to listen to me.
249
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,632
I don't even have a kid there.
250
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,343
I am going to apologize
to the school board
251
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,011
and then just let Becky
deal with it.
252
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,221
It's her fight.
253
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,766
I saw the group text
say it's lid day.
254
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,017
So I grabbed these
that don't belong
255
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,144
to anything at our house.
256
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,271
Not a good time, Mark.
257
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,565
We're right in the middle
of something here.
258
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,441
We're talking about
music being banned
259
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,152
at Beverly Rose's school.
260
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,071
They wouldn't let Louise
sing "Dancing Queen."
261
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,573
Have you heard
all the other songs
262
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,783
the school board's been asked
to ban?
263
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,078
John Lennon's "Imagine"?
Come on.
264
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,497
It has the lyric about
imagining no religion.
265
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,748
"Lola"?
266
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,292
She's transgender.
267
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,334
"Billie Jean"?
268
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,962
Could be
the illegitimate kid.
269
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:14,090
Or--or just Michael Jackson
in general.
270
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,554
"Rainbow Connection."
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow."
271
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:20,763
"Rainbowland."
272
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,307
Yep, no rainbows.
273
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:25,435
That's just openly anti-gay.
274
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,895
Or anti-leprechaun.
275
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:29,564
Either way, it's just wrong.
276
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,524
This--this is horrible.
277
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,443
I mean, what if I'd been
a kid in that room?
278
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,986
What if some of these kids
have gay parents?
279
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,404
What kind of message is that?
280
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,991
I guess my brick idea's
not looking so crazy now.
281
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,202
What are you going to do?
282
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,371
Well, you know I support you.
283
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,625
But the music program
is really important.
284
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,543
Music totally changed my life,
285
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,504
and those kids deserve
the same chance.
286
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,548
I don't know,
maybe I'll slip in
287
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,134
a rainbow song later on.
288
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,012
But right now,
I'm not making waves.
289
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,555
OK.
290
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,140
Well, Becky, if you want
to fight this, I'm in.
291
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,017
Somebody's got to.
292
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,937
I understand
that this isn't your problem,
293
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,314
but I thought you were
more of a badass than that.
294
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,152
Way to ruin lid day.
295
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,870
[bluesy harmonica music]
296
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,830
Hi.
I'm Darlene.
297
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,707
I work in the cafeteria.
298
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,876
You are
the school psychologist, right?
299
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,252
Yes. Carla Rogers.
300
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,296
Is it OK if I sit with you?
301
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,007
Promise not to trauma dump.
302
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,051
Everyone says that,
and they do it anyway.
303
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,512
Have a seat.
304
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:45,807
So my son goes
to school here.
305
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,600
His name is Mark Conner-Healy.
306
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,851
Do you know him?
307
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,520
I can't say
one way or the other.
308
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,397
Of course you can.
I mean, we're both
309
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,108
university employees, colleagues.
310
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,402
If you think about it, we both
kind of have the same job.
311
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,445
We stir things up
until something disturbing
312
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,699
comes to the surface.
313
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,326
I've taken an oath that says
I can't divulge anything.
314
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,413
Yeah, I've taken an oath too,
you know, as a food server.
315
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,665
But if you came to me
and you wanted to know
316
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:14,252
what was in the chili,
I would tell you.
317
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,462
I think I know.
That's why I bring my own food.
318
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,466
You'll have to talk
to your son.
319
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,843
OK.
320
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:25,179
How about I say
why I think he came to you,
321
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,765
and if I get it right,
then you take a bite
322
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,352
of one of those carrots you've
organized so beautifully.
323
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,522
My son is not in danger, right?
324
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,898
Oh, good.
325
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,900
That is the most
important thing.
326
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,152
OK.
327
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,904
Is he struggling
with his self-confidence
328
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,574
in a new environment because
his father abandoned him
329
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,492
at such a vulnerable point
in his life,
330
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,579
even though his mother was
heroically supporting him
331
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,373
through such a difficult time?
332
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,168
Yes!
Oh, that makes so much sense.
333
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,046
You know, as a mom, you worry
that it's something you did.
334
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,217
Wait, is it something
that I did?
335
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,014
Wait, you're just
eating carrots, aren't you?
336
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,144
You're messing with me.
337
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,480
Is that
in your Hippocratic Oath?
338
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,066
Oh, your little world's
not so tidy now, is it?
339
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,446
I'm free Wednesdays at 2:00.
340
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,075
How about 4:00?
That's when I get off.
341
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,245
Is Mark home?
342
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,663
No, he should be here
any minute.
343
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,499
Oh, but hang on.
344
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,335
Now, you know you can't ask him
about going to therapy.
345
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:40,088
Well, I'd like
to respect his privacy.
346
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,549
That's why I tried
to shake down his psychologist.
347
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,427
But that carrot-eating witch
wouldn't crack.
348
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,722
I guess we'll get into it
when I see her next week
349
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,225
at my session.
350
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,434
Hey.
351
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,023
How was school?
352
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,734
OK. I was kind of tired.
353
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,862
You seem a little down.
354
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,864
Is that because
of the depression
355
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,033
I might have given you
either through genes
356
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,869
or my well-intentioned
parenting?
357
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,371
What? No.
358
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,373
I just haven't been
sleeping that well.
359
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:18,209
You're lying up awake
thinking about how I drove
360
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,628
your father away,
and it's left you
361
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:23,047
without the ability to form
long, trusting relationships
362
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,091
with other people?
363
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,259
What's going on?
364
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,011
Have you been listening
to an audiobook?
365
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:32,390
No.
366
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,891
All right, look, I saw you
coming out of the school
367
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,102
psychologist's office.
368
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,021
And I know it was wrong,
but I tried to talk to her.
369
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,231
I mean, she wouldn't
tell me anything--
370
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,774
You did what?
371
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,860
Didn't we agree that if I went
to school where you work,
372
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,320
that you weren't going to
interfere in my personal life?
373
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,197
Yeah, but I didn't
sign anything.
374
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,410
Look, you always came to me
when you had a problem,
375
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,745
and now you barely talk to me.
376
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,165
I need to know if you're OK.
- I'm OK.
377
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,666
I just want to live
my own life.
378
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,752
All right. I get it.
I crossed a line.
379
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:05,339
I'm sorry.
I don't need to know.
380
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:09,468
I also don't need to eat,
and I don't need to sleep.
381
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,596
And then someday when I'm gone,
382
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,515
you can just whisper it
to my grave.
383
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,227
Fine.
384
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,770
I went to the psychologist
385
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,148
because I'm having trouble
making friends.
386
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,442
And I don't even feel
like I'm at a university
387
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,360
because I'm a commuter student.
388
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,904
I couldn't wait
to get to college,
389
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,364
and now it feels like a job.
390
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,241
Why couldn't you
talk to me about that?
391
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,702
Because you've sacrificed
so much.
392
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,829
We obviously can't afford
for me to move into the dorm,
393
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,790
and I don't want to seem
like an ungrateful jerk.
394
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,418
Well, no,
I would never think that.
395
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,338
But is it really that bad
being a commuter student?
396
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,423
Yeah.
Everybody's making friends
397
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,508
'cause they're hanging out
in their dorms after classes.
398
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,219
And there's all this
cool stuff in the evening
399
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,720
like theater and trivia.
400
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,847
And I can't join
the LGBTQ alliance
401
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:55,973
because they only meet
at night.
402
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,141
I don't even have time
to be gay.
403
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,064
OK,
how about you wake up earlier,
404
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,608
and then you get an hour
of gay time for yourself.
405
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,613
Thanks for the tip,
but I'll learn to live with it.
406
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,822
No, come on.
407
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,157
I mean, we've got to be able
to come up
408
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,283
with something
better than that.
409
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,535
Hey, I'm telling you,
it's OK.
410
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,371
When it comes to dealing
with being miserable,
411
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,457
I have a house
full of role models.
412
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,460
I know we make it look easy,
but don't beat yourself up
413
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,920
if you're not unhappy
right away.
414
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,672
Just trust me.
415
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,507
It'll happen.
416
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,385
["Always Chasing Rainbows"
playing]
417
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:36,931
♪ I'm always chasing ♪
418
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,392
♪ Rainbows ♪
419
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,519
What are you doing here?
420
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,021
I'd ask you the same.
421
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:47,733
But it's not subtle enough
to need an explanation.
422
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,694
Like it, though.
423
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,488
I thought you'd be home
working on your apology.
424
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,491
Or do you need a preapproved
list of apologies
425
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,868
so you don't offend anybody?
426
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,372
I'm not apologizing.
427
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:05,001
You guys really kicked my ass,
and I needed it.
428
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,127
It's easy to drop the ball
429
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,129
and let someone else
pick it up.
430
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,631
I have never done that.
431
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,968
Not going to start now.
432
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,761
That's what lid day
is all about!
433
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,683
Oh, it's a shame
434
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,768
the kids are going to lose
their music program.
435
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:27,106
Eh, just until I'm elected
to the school board.
436
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,984
- What?
- Yeah, I'm going to run.
437
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:34,155
OK.
Maybe you are still a badass.
438
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,032
You know, somebody has
to be on that board
439
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,159
to push back
when things don't make sense.
440
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,745
A Conner on the school board.
441
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:44,081
That's like an arsonist
joining the fire department.
442
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,792
Who would've thunk?
443
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,586
Why are we walking
through the dorm?
444
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,172
I know Aunt Becky just
naps in random rooms.
445
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,757
It's charming
when a woman does it,
446
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,008
but when a guy does it,
you end up
447
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,385
on some kind of list.
448
00:18:56,385 --> 00:19:00,181
Actually...
449
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:02,099
this room is yours.
450
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,809
What? But how?
451
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,186
We can't afford this.
452
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:09,065
Oh, jeez,
did someone die in here?
453
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,776
Oh, look who suddenly needs
a room that nobody died in.
454
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,987
I don't understand.
455
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,825
You wanted a dorm room,
so congratulations.
456
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,620
You are now officially
457
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,082
the dorm's night janitor.
458
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:30,294
Is there a door number two
on this very weird game show?
459
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,545
No.
460
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,339
But this is a good thing.
461
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,300
Being a student janitor,
you get a dorm room,
462
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,178
you get a small salary
for work study,
463
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,680
no more commuting,
464
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,141
and you're going to have
all kinds of time to be gay.
465
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,519
Look, I know it's not perfect,
466
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,688
but it's the best thing
I could come up with.
467
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,732
Well, you did
get me a dorm room.
468
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,235
And I didn't specifically say,
"Don't make me a janitor,"
469
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,821
so that's kind of on me.
470
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,782
And I'm sorry
for getting involved,
471
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:03,661
but I just can't watch you be
unhappy and not do something.
472
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:06,580
Is one of you
the new night janitor?
473
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,665
It's him.
474
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:11,460
Not to brag,
but I hooked him up.
475
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,379
You have keys
to the service elevator, right?
476
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,381
- Probably.
- Great.
477
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,383
I'm Caleb.
I'm, like, two rooms down.
478
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,301
We have too many kegs
to carry up to the roof.
479
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,679
We're having a party up there.
480
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,639
You should stop by.
- Sure.
481
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,603
The shrink was wrong about you.
482
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,022
You aren't a total narcissist
who is more worried
483
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,607
about absolving yourself
of parental guilt
484
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,110
than solving my problems.
485
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,862
Oh, my God.
486
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,322
Kidding. I made that up.
487
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,116
Yeah, but you did it so fast.
488
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,913
How do you like your steak?
489
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,291
It's great. Thanks.
490
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,501
So what else is
Darlene complaining about
491
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,670
in her sessions?
492
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,630
She's totally victimizing
over you
493
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,258
not doing enough housework,
even though it sounds like
494
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,301
you have your hands full
with work,
495
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,469
school, and your daughter.
496
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,762
I do!
497
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,098
She doesn't think
straightening up is housework,
498
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,349
but I think things look neater
499
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:10,895
when they're stacked in
at right angles.
500
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:11,979
You're sure
she's off today, right?
501
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,314
Yeah.
502
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,983
So she's resentful
when I take time
503
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:16,817
to go to the gym, isn't she?
504
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,319
Yes.
505
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,904
She says it's OK
for you to have Ben Time,
506
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,363
but she doesn't take
Darlene Time.
507
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,908
Oh, I wish she would take
Darlene Time
508
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,576
because let me tell you,
that is Ben Time.
509
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,038
[child giggles]