1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,626 [laughing] 2 00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:07,904 So, Darlene, you gonna quit working at the cafeteria 3 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,010 now that Mark'’s not going back to Stephen A. Douglas? 4 00:00:10,113 --> 00:00:11,632 Oh, as soon as possible. 5 00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:15,256 School'’s on break, so I had to replace all the students on work study 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,810 with convicts on work release. 7 00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:21,228 One of them was a meth cook, so guess who'’s gonna be the new sous-chef? 8 00:00:21,331 --> 00:00:22,470 [laughs] 9 00:00:22,574 --> 00:00:25,094 You'’re not the only one looking to make a change. 10 00:00:25,197 --> 00:00:28,097 I think addiction counseling might be a little too close to home for me. 11 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,031 Yeah, that was so stressful. You had a breakdown. 12 00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:32,479 You know, you should take it easy. 13 00:00:32,584 --> 00:00:35,000 Like right now, you should-- you should probably fold. 14 00:00:36,243 --> 00:00:38,762 You'’re not gonna win this with a pair of twos. 15 00:00:38,866 --> 00:00:39,763 Ooh. 16 00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,834 I wanna stay in women'’s issues though, 17 00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:45,114 so I put myself up for an internship at the Illinois Center for Women. 18 00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:48,255 As someone who'’s dealt with women'’s issues his entire life, 19 00:00:48,358 --> 00:00:50,912 why the hell would you wanna do that? 20 00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:54,778 To catch the psychological problems of young women early, 21 00:00:54,882 --> 00:00:57,264 and get them support so they don'’t end up like... 22 00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:00,750 -us. -Mmm. Mmm. 23 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:04,685 Do they treat gambling and emotional eating? 24 00:01:05,582 --> 00:01:07,343 Hmm. I raise. 25 00:01:07,446 --> 00:01:11,312 You know, I feel so sorry for people like that. 26 00:01:12,451 --> 00:01:14,626 Is this pizza making you guys happy? 27 00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:16,765 [laughs] It'’s making me so happy. 28 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,425 Hey. Uh, I'’m not gonna have time for dinner, 29 00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:21,943 so is it okay if I grab a slice? 30 00:01:22,047 --> 00:01:24,084 Don'’t they let you take a break between jobs? 31 00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:28,122 No, and I think I'’m gonna need to take a third job to make my tuition. 32 00:01:28,226 --> 00:01:29,779 Any ideas? 33 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:33,817 Why don'’t you take things off of high shelves 34 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,612 and hand them to smaller people? 35 00:01:35,716 --> 00:01:40,030 No. No, no. What if you put, um, stars on top of Christmas trees? [laughs] 36 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,860 -[laughing] -Okay, I get it. 37 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:44,138 I'’m the one tall person you guys know. 38 00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:47,797 Okay, I'’m out. I'm not doing anything at all tomorrow. 39 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,729 Anybody wanna hang out? 40 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:50,834 Hmm. 41 00:01:50,938 --> 00:01:53,458 No? Well, your loss. 42 00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:55,045 I'’m gonna drive around 43 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:58,152 and, uh, look for one of those Trader Joe'’s mini tote bags 44 00:01:58,256 --> 00:02:01,051 that are going on eBay for, like, a thousand bucks. 45 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:04,538 Okay. Could we just focus on the game, please? 46 00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:07,920 The raise is to you, Becky, and it is... 47 00:02:08,818 --> 00:02:09,922 uh, $200. 48 00:02:10,026 --> 00:02:11,165 What? 49 00:02:11,269 --> 00:02:14,755 The whole pot is 40 cents and a half-eaten candy cane. 50 00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:18,034 Well, I gotta get some more money to pay the bills somehow. 51 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,519 You know, like gas, water, electric, groceries. 52 00:02:20,623 --> 00:02:21,589 Everything is up. 53 00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:23,350 I'’ll see your 200, 54 00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:26,698 and raise you a million gazillion dollars. 55 00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:29,321 Okay, fine. Then it'’s $200 to you, Harris. 56 00:02:29,425 --> 00:02:31,392 You live with me too. So it'’s only fair. 57 00:02:31,496 --> 00:02:34,499 I think I can help with costs. I'’m moving out. 58 00:02:34,602 --> 00:02:35,914 Fold. 59 00:02:36,017 --> 00:02:37,018 Wait, what? 60 00:02:37,122 --> 00:02:38,951 Wow. Bombshell. 61 00:02:39,055 --> 00:02:40,367 Also, me too. 62 00:02:45,716 --> 00:02:47,753 Hey, what do you mean you'’re moving out? 63 00:02:47,857 --> 00:02:50,377 Well, I just applied for a one bedroom. 64 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,033 I'’m making enough at The Lunch Box now, 65 00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:55,140 and I-- I want to know what it'’s like to finally be able to smoke weed 66 00:02:55,244 --> 00:02:56,692 in the comfort of my own home. 67 00:02:58,039 --> 00:02:59,351 My car was really starting to smell 68 00:02:59,454 --> 00:03:00,766 like Snoop Dogg'’s tour bus. 69 00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:03,424 I thought you stopped smoking weed. 70 00:03:03,528 --> 00:03:04,770 Eh. 71 00:03:06,116 --> 00:03:07,635 -What'’s your excuse? -[door closes] 72 00:03:07,739 --> 00:03:09,775 You'’re not living in a Cheech and Chong movie. 73 00:03:11,294 --> 00:03:14,435 Tyler and I have been talking about all of us moving in together. 74 00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:16,472 He has to get out of his house ASAP 75 00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:19,199 '’cause his mom isn't "comfortable" with our relationship. 76 00:03:19,302 --> 00:03:21,925 She keeps calling me the other woman. 77 00:03:22,029 --> 00:03:26,482 Okay, so then what this is really about is your desperation to hang on to Tyler. 78 00:03:26,585 --> 00:03:29,278 So you'’re gonna live with him way before you'’re ready. 79 00:03:29,381 --> 00:03:30,796 Who says I'’m not ready? 80 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,833 This is the exact same thing you did with Mark 81 00:03:32,936 --> 00:03:34,628 in Minnesota, right? 82 00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:37,389 You rush into that situation without thinking it through. 83 00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:40,427 Then you'’re like, "Oh, no. I'’m stranded here." 84 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:43,015 I was a teenager then. I'’m a grown woman now. 85 00:03:43,119 --> 00:03:46,226 Yeah. And you got a kid. You'’re not even thinking about how this might affect her. 86 00:03:46,329 --> 00:03:48,952 So you'’re trying to use my daughter to get what you want? 87 00:03:49,055 --> 00:03:50,575 Go to hell. 88 00:03:50,678 --> 00:03:52,611 Well, I think somebody'’s gotta look out for her. 89 00:03:52,715 --> 00:03:55,614 The only thing you'’re looking out for is money, 90 00:03:55,718 --> 00:03:57,651 you greedy little gargoyle. 91 00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:02,172 Don'’t you have a Gothic church to perch on somewhere? 92 00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:28,268 [Becky] The Conners is recorded in front of a live studio audience. 93 00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:30,511 Hey, Grandpa, do you have time to teach me how to drive a truck? 94 00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:32,202 No, not right now. 95 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,790 Jackie'’s on the five-yard line. 96 00:04:34,791 --> 00:04:36,690 Oh! 97 00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:39,900 You kids are really lucky you'’re getting your ball back. 98 00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:42,351 Now, stay out of my yard. 99 00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,493 Hey, what are you asking Dan for anyway? 100 00:04:46,596 --> 00:04:48,805 I'’m the one who used to be a truck driver. 101 00:04:48,909 --> 00:04:51,843 And now that the statute of limitations has run out, 102 00:04:51,946 --> 00:04:54,190 I can get back behind the wheel anytime I want. 103 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:58,298 Except for in, uh-- Except not Kentucky and, um... 104 00:04:59,022 --> 00:05:00,092 Alaska. 105 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,405 What a shame. 106 00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:05,270 I only need to drive in Kentucky and Alaska. 107 00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,100 It'’d be great if you could teach me. 108 00:05:08,204 --> 00:05:09,930 I have to drive a tow truck tonight. 109 00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:12,588 I got a job with a repo company. 110 00:05:13,761 --> 00:05:16,316 No way am I gonna help you repo somebody'’s car. 111 00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:19,388 Please, Grandpa. This is the only night job where I can make enough money 112 00:05:19,491 --> 00:05:21,010 to afford the University of Chicago. 113 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,495 It doesn'’t matter. It'’s too dangerous. 114 00:05:23,599 --> 00:05:26,222 I caught some guy repo'’ing my truck one time. 115 00:05:27,085 --> 00:05:28,189 It was 4th of July, 116 00:05:28,293 --> 00:05:30,088 and I hit him in the head with a bottle rocket. 117 00:05:31,434 --> 00:05:34,057 I didn'’t know he was wearing hair spray. 118 00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:37,095 He'’s not gonna be the one taking the heat. 119 00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:40,581 I'’ve seen plenty of these shady repo operations. 120 00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:43,619 Mark is obviously the decoy. 121 00:05:43,722 --> 00:05:47,381 They like to use bland young boys to distract the car owners 122 00:05:47,485 --> 00:05:50,039 with the good news of Jesus Christ. 123 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,593 They hired me because Illinois law requires 124 00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:56,286 the computer system of any repo car to be cleared of personal data. 125 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,255 A guy I met at school, the Raven, taught me how to do it. 126 00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,533 I feel so much better knowing 127 00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:03,328 you were trained by the Raven. 128 00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:09,299 You don'’t understand. I have to make this money now. 129 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:12,613 I just found out the university'’s only gonna hold my spot for a year. 130 00:06:12,717 --> 00:06:16,997 Damn. All right, well, it looks like I'’m coming with you to keep you safe. 131 00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:19,896 And I'’m coming along to keep you both safe. 132 00:06:23,072 --> 00:06:26,351 I'’m legally allowed to carry a Taser again. 133 00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:29,665 [laughs] Just practicing my aim and, uh... 134 00:06:29,768 --> 00:06:31,805 Girl Scout comes out of nowhere. 135 00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:38,950 [sighs] I had to buy a lot of thin mints to make that go away. I tell you. 136 00:06:39,053 --> 00:06:40,469 [chuckles] 137 00:06:43,472 --> 00:06:45,750 -Hey. -Hey. 138 00:06:45,853 --> 00:06:48,787 So, Becky losing her mind turned out good for you. 139 00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:51,928 Just 50 extra bucks a month, and you can have the big bedroom. 140 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,308 I thought it was 200. 141 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,485 Oh, no. Becky'’s really the big water and energy waster. 142 00:06:56,588 --> 00:06:59,419 I mean, a bath every day for Beverly Rose? She'’s seven. 143 00:06:59,522 --> 00:07:00,765 She'’s just gonna run outside 144 00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:02,801 and start playing with a dead squirrel again. 145 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,839 Yeah, I still don'’t think we need to wait 146 00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,496 for Ben to come back to pick that up. 147 00:07:08,669 --> 00:07:11,016 [sighs] It doesn'’t matter anyways. 148 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,846 I just found out that they won'’t rent to me 149 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:14,710 unless I have a cosigner. 150 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:24,167 That'’s a shame. 151 00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:28,896 Although, there is another place that'’ll accept me. 152 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,382 How would you feel about me living by the old abandoned amusement park? 153 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,144 I heard singing coming from the fun house, so I wouldn'’t be alone. 154 00:07:36,558 --> 00:07:38,561 -Harris, I can'’t cosign for you. -[sighs] 155 00:07:38,665 --> 00:07:42,047 We don'’t know when Ben's gonna start bringing in money from the new magazine, 156 00:07:42,151 --> 00:07:45,085 and if you fall behind on rent, I'’m on the hook, 157 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:46,811 and then I can'’t help Mark. 158 00:07:46,914 --> 00:07:48,157 It'’s just a bad time. 159 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,366 [sighs] When is a good time? 160 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,920 You'’re always helping Mark. 161 00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:57,546 Look, this is a very special opportunity for him that is happening right now. 162 00:07:57,649 --> 00:08:00,065 Just be patient, and I'’m sure, in the future, 163 00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:01,998 I will be in a position to help you. 164 00:08:02,102 --> 00:08:04,484 I'’m sure, in the future, I'’ll be in a position to help you too. 165 00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,763 But I'’m gonna buy an aboveground swimming pool 166 00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:09,350 instead of your heart medication. 167 00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:12,250 Well, this is a good step. 168 00:08:12,353 --> 00:08:14,217 At least you'’re acknowledging that I have a heart. 169 00:08:19,671 --> 00:08:21,880 -How'’s it going? -Erasing the data now. 170 00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:24,124 Oh, man, my cop training 171 00:08:24,227 --> 00:08:27,265 really helping me put together a profile of this deadbeat. 172 00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:29,750 This little spoon? Cooking dope. 173 00:08:29,854 --> 00:08:32,477 Cheerios and Froot Loops all over the place? 174 00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:35,100 Munchies from smoking the ganj. 175 00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:41,313 Pacifier and diaper? A kinky hooker was involved. 176 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,076 This is so easy. 177 00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:47,285 Every time one of these losers buys a car they can'’t afford, 178 00:08:47,388 --> 00:08:49,321 I get one step closer to paying my tuition. 179 00:08:49,425 --> 00:08:51,531 Hey, what the hell are you doing? 180 00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,256 -Get away from my car! -Hold it, hold it. 181 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,948 We'’re just doing our jobs. 182 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:57,744 You can get your car out of impound when you catch up on your payments. 183 00:08:57,847 --> 00:08:59,608 I'’m charging the Taser. Keep her talking. 184 00:09:00,816 --> 00:09:03,543 Oh, God. My ex is supposed to be making the payments. 185 00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:05,441 Yeah, yeah, look, we have to do this. 186 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,994 So just stay back, nobody gets hurt. 187 00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:09,549 They didn'’t give me a battery for this thing. 188 00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:11,999 So, when I throw it at her, you rush her. 189 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,175 Please, please, please don'’t take my car. 190 00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:17,971 I need it to drive to work and get my daughter to preschool. 191 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,628 [scoffs] Oh, you got a kid? 192 00:09:19,731 --> 00:09:21,146 Who are you fooling? 193 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,079 I found your dope spoon 194 00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:26,842 and your sweet cereal munchies, and your diaper, 195 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:28,637 and your pacifier. 196 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,500 Oh, she'’s got a kid. 197 00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:35,747 Look, can'’t you cut me a break just this one time? 198 00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:38,750 I-I promise I will make sure that they get a payment. 199 00:09:39,648 --> 00:09:41,165 -Dan? -[softly] Yeah. 200 00:09:41,270 --> 00:09:45,377 -[sighs] I mean, what are we doing here? -[Mark sighs] 201 00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:47,310 No amount of money is worth this. 202 00:09:47,414 --> 00:09:49,865 -We'’re not taking her car. -Yeah, I can'’t do this. 203 00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:52,971 -Uh, look, we'’re not gonna take your car... -[car owner sighs] 204 00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:56,043 ...but they'’ll probably send somebody else over to get it. 205 00:09:56,147 --> 00:09:59,460 The best thing you can do is park a couple of blocks away. 206 00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:01,566 And another thing I'’ve seen people do, 207 00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:06,467 uh, is you get, like, a six-foot python. 208 00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:07,710 You put that in the car. 209 00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:09,988 But whatever you do, and this is important, 210 00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:12,508 you remember you take it out before you put the kid in, 211 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,684 '’cause there's nothing worse than finding a python 212 00:10:15,787 --> 00:10:19,342 with a kid-shaped lump in your back seat. 213 00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:26,660 You did the right thing. 214 00:10:26,764 --> 00:10:30,043 [sighs] I'’m stupid for thinking that I can make enough money 215 00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:33,149 to go to a school like the University of Chicago. 216 00:10:34,012 --> 00:10:35,496 Things have a way of working out 217 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,327 that you can'’t see when you'’re in the thick of it. 218 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:42,227 Stop telling me I can do this. It'’s obvious I can't. 219 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,679 Maybe I'’m not supposed to go to college. 220 00:10:45,783 --> 00:10:46,853 Just-- Just let it go. 221 00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:48,993 I saw a picture of her daughter. 222 00:10:49,096 --> 00:10:50,580 No snake'’s gonna be able to get their mouth 223 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,410 around that bowling ball head. 224 00:10:57,277 --> 00:10:59,072 Can we talk? 225 00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:00,867 We can do it by the light of my phone 226 00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:02,938 if you don'’t wanna pay for the overhead light. 227 00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:07,183 I'’m not an unreasonable person. We can talk. 228 00:11:11,187 --> 00:11:12,913 Here'’s $200. 229 00:11:13,017 --> 00:11:16,192 I don'’t want you to think I was taking advantage while I was living here. 230 00:11:16,296 --> 00:11:17,780 [scoffs] I don'’t want your money. 231 00:11:17,884 --> 00:11:19,713 You don'’t have to prove to me you'’re not greedy. 232 00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,439 I know you'’re greedy. It's okay. 233 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:24,304 No, that'’s not the point. 234 00:11:24,407 --> 00:11:26,789 What is the point? Tyler? 235 00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:29,067 Sure. It'’s about Tyler. 236 00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:31,276 [mockingly] Everything'’s about Tyler. 237 00:11:32,899 --> 00:11:35,625 Are you trying to be ironic? You said it was about Tyler? 238 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,766 Well, it'’s about a lot of things. God! 239 00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:41,701 Can you tell me the things that are neither Tyler nor the money? 240 00:11:41,804 --> 00:11:43,875 Why do I have to do all the telling around here? 241 00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:46,050 Why don'’t you tell for once? 242 00:11:46,153 --> 00:11:49,398 You'’re losing your mind. I don't know what you'’re talking about. 243 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,883 [chuckling] Oh. Well, that says it all right there. 244 00:11:54,161 --> 00:11:56,474 If an ambulance pulls up to the house, 245 00:11:56,577 --> 00:11:58,787 don'’t ask, just get in. 246 00:12:01,099 --> 00:12:03,515 Don'’t go in the kitchen. Becky'’s being weird. 247 00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:06,311 Where have you guys been? 248 00:12:07,312 --> 00:12:11,316 Dan and I have never been to a rave, 249 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:13,594 and we asked Mark to take us. 250 00:12:14,492 --> 00:12:18,185 And we'’re all on acid, 251 00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:21,706 so don'’t ask us any more questions. 252 00:12:26,297 --> 00:12:29,610 I didn'’t want her to worry. And you went right to drugs. 253 00:12:30,957 --> 00:12:33,200 [sighs] I took a job repo'’ing cars, 254 00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:35,444 but I couldn'’t go through with it. 255 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:38,033 Why are you doing crazy, dangerous things? 256 00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:40,621 Well, crazy and dangerous is what pays good money. 257 00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:42,554 I only have a year. I had to try. 258 00:12:43,832 --> 00:12:45,212 Look... [scoffs] 259 00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:47,801 ...I know how important this is to you, 260 00:12:47,905 --> 00:12:49,838 but I don'’t want you risking your life. 261 00:12:49,941 --> 00:12:51,632 -[Mark sighs] -Okay. You know what? 262 00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:53,738 I'’m gonna keep working at the cafeteria 263 00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:56,672 just in case you go back to Stephen A. Douglas. 264 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,708 I am not going back to SAD. 265 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,331 I know how much you hate that job. 266 00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:02,160 I don'’t want you doing that for me anymore. 267 00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:04,576 Well, no, I-I really like the kids, 268 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,959 and I like looking up their slang when I get home at night. 269 00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:11,756 Mark, you can'’t do this on your own. 270 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,758 I'’m gonna get a job to help you out. 271 00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:16,692 All I'’ve been doing since the hardware store burned down 272 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,177 is sitting around trying new peanut butters. 273 00:13:20,247 --> 00:13:22,422 I-I can get a job too. 274 00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:26,564 I mean, yesterday, I played checkers for two hours at McDonald'’s 275 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,498 with this Armenian guy, and he'’s damn good. 276 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,535 But I just... [smacks lips] ...I need more. 277 00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,574 You guys worked your whole lives so you could retire. 278 00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:38,196 You'’re not going back to work because of me. 279 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:41,751 Son, this family has struggled for generations. 280 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,271 If we'’ve ever had the opportunity to break that cycle, 281 00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:45,445 you'’re the one to do it. 282 00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:46,826 And it'’s not just about you. 283 00:13:46,929 --> 00:13:50,174 It'’s all about all the Conners to come after you. 284 00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:52,866 They'’re gonna come after you for money. 285 00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:56,697 They'’re gonna come after you for houses. 286 00:13:57,629 --> 00:14:01,012 Listen, Mark, we all love you. 287 00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:02,945 I mean, we want to do this for you. 288 00:14:04,222 --> 00:14:07,812 No... [stammers] ...I'’m tired of being a burden. 289 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:11,367 I don'’t-- I don't want anybody sacrificing anything for me. 290 00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:13,818 Okay? Just get on with your lives. 291 00:14:15,199 --> 00:14:17,442 Or go and get lives, and then get on with them. 292 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,034 [knocking on door] 293 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:26,313 Hey, Raven. 294 00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:27,797 It'’s the Raven. 295 00:14:28,937 --> 00:14:30,800 I'’ll let it slide. Come on in. 296 00:14:32,423 --> 00:14:34,425 I'’m glad you finally came around. 297 00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:37,048 Doing that repo thing is a waste of time. 298 00:14:37,152 --> 00:14:39,154 This is where the real money'’s made. 299 00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,121 That'’s Lloyd over there. He goes by the Falcon. 300 00:14:41,225 --> 00:14:44,435 -Hey, Falcon-- -Hey! Never talk to the Falcon. 301 00:14:46,057 --> 00:14:48,680 Okay, so what kind of hacking will I be doing exactly? 302 00:14:48,784 --> 00:14:50,441 You know how you get a ton of annoying emails 303 00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,098 from dodgy businesses you'’ve never heard of 304 00:14:52,201 --> 00:14:53,271 trying to sell you stuff? 305 00:14:54,134 --> 00:14:54,963 That'’s us. 306 00:14:57,482 --> 00:14:59,588 So how do you make money at that? 307 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,971 Those businesses hire us to hack into big corporate systems 308 00:15:03,074 --> 00:15:05,283 and borrow their email lists. 309 00:15:05,387 --> 00:15:07,907 I think there'’s a word for borrowing without permission. 310 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,287 It'’s called stealing. 311 00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,496 But where else are you supposed to make this kind of money? 312 00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:15,328 Nowhere, I guess. That'’s-- That's why I'’m here. 313 00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:18,538 The best thing to do is concentrate on the fact that we'’re helping people 314 00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,850 who want to buy $800 sneakers for 20 bucks. 315 00:15:22,438 --> 00:15:24,889 W-Wow. Those only cost you $20? 316 00:15:24,993 --> 00:15:28,479 Aw, that'’s so cute. You'’ve never seen nice things. 317 00:15:29,998 --> 00:15:31,447 These are real. 318 00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,380 You see the Falcon'’s sunglasses? 319 00:15:33,484 --> 00:15:35,348 They cost more than your dad'’s car. 320 00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:37,177 I haven'’t seen my dad in years. 321 00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:40,249 Make enough money doing this, and he'’ll come right back. [clicks tongue] 322 00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:44,667 All right. I'’m in. 323 00:15:44,771 --> 00:15:47,981 Well, if you'’re gonna be one of us, you gotta have a bird alias. 324 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:49,362 What you thinking, the Falcon? 325 00:15:53,538 --> 00:15:54,850 The Stork? 326 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,300 -Is it the long legs? -Hey. 327 00:15:58,026 --> 00:15:59,579 Never question the Falcon. 328 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,756 Congratulate me. 329 00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,344 I got a job coding. 330 00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:09,899 It'’s a Fortune 500 company. They have offices in eight cities. 331 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:14,352 Oh, my God. That'’s amazing. [stammers] What do they do? 332 00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:17,183 Marketing research. 333 00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:18,874 It'’s an ad tech company. 334 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,153 They, uh, they use algorithms, uh, to reconfigure data and-- 335 00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:25,501 -Sounds neat. -Doesn'’t it? 336 00:16:25,605 --> 00:16:28,953 Oh, Grandpa. I got a job where the money is so good, 337 00:16:29,057 --> 00:16:31,852 you and Aunt Jackie don'’t need to get a job, and Mom can quit SAD. 338 00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:33,716 -That'’s fantastic. -I know. 339 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:36,409 It'’s almost too good to be true. 340 00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:39,550 -But it'’s not. It is true. [chuckles] -[Dan chuckles] 341 00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:41,862 I'’m happy for the kid. [inhales deeply] 342 00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:43,864 Well, I'’m still gonna get another job. 343 00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:46,108 What? You don'’t have faith that he can make it work? 344 00:16:46,212 --> 00:16:47,558 You never know what'’s gonna happen. 345 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:50,354 Companies downsize, there'’s layoffs. 346 00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:53,357 Plus, since... [sighs] ...I ran out of peanut butters, 347 00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:54,806 I'’m bored senseless. 348 00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:57,361 I fed pigeons yesterday. 349 00:16:57,464 --> 00:16:59,604 I spent the whole day with a bunch of flying rats. 350 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,538 And we'’re meeting up again on Thursday. 351 00:17:03,988 --> 00:17:05,954 Did you come over here to tell me that? 352 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,751 Because that'’s the kind of thing you can just shoot over in a text. 353 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:11,030 Nope. I talked to Becky earlier. 354 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,412 She said you'’ve been acting irrational. 355 00:17:15,137 --> 00:17:16,310 Oh, yeah. [chuckles] 356 00:17:16,414 --> 00:17:19,244 If-- If it'’s irrational to try to keep your sister 357 00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:21,385 from moving out with some guy she hardly knows, 358 00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,214 then, yes, I am irrational. 359 00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:27,460 Let'’s consider a different perspective on this. 360 00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:28,944 Just for a moment, shall we? 361 00:17:29,772 --> 00:17:31,153 I think you'’re full of crap. 362 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,017 What'’s going on? 363 00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:37,642 I don'’t know. It'’s just all too much. 364 00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:40,300 [chuckling] Like, the hardware store is gone. 365 00:17:40,404 --> 00:17:43,131 Ben'’s off starting some crazy magazine. 366 00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:46,237 I have no idea where I'’m gonna work. 367 00:17:46,341 --> 00:17:49,758 Becky and Harris are leaving. I mean, why are they doing that to me? 368 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,346 They'’re not doing that to you. 369 00:17:52,623 --> 00:17:54,176 They'’re just ready to leave. 370 00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:56,661 Why don'’t you want them to? 371 00:17:57,973 --> 00:18:01,010 I don'’t know. I mean, I guess when Mom died, 372 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:05,049 I-- I felt like I was supposed to take care of the family. 373 00:18:05,153 --> 00:18:07,051 I felt like the family needed me. 374 00:18:08,673 --> 00:18:11,297 I think I need the family. 375 00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:15,853 [softly] God. 376 00:18:15,956 --> 00:18:17,993 I knew I loved Harris. She'’s my kid. 377 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,168 But Becky, ugh! [imitates gagging] 378 00:18:21,652 --> 00:18:23,723 Look, when you get older, 379 00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:27,278 you wanna spend as much time as you can with the people you love. 380 00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:31,179 This new Darlene is a mushy pile 381 00:18:31,282 --> 00:18:33,491 of hugs and kisses for her family. 382 00:18:33,595 --> 00:18:35,838 Besides, you'’re still gonna be there for them. 383 00:18:35,942 --> 00:18:38,462 You just have to constantly drop in on them 384 00:18:38,565 --> 00:18:41,189 with lame excuses, like I do with you. 385 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,193 Okay. Thanks, Dad. 386 00:18:45,296 --> 00:18:47,367 You may unhug me now. 387 00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:50,059 I can'’t. Your love is like a tractor beam. 388 00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,339 Keep squeezing. She'’s still moving. 389 00:18:54,202 --> 00:18:55,341 Once she'’s limp, you're done. 390 00:18:57,515 --> 00:18:59,379 You'’re right. How can I not love that? 391 00:19:00,898 --> 00:19:01,899 [Darlene sighs] 392 00:19:04,073 --> 00:19:05,903 Sorry I survived the hug, 393 00:19:06,006 --> 00:19:08,008 but I'’ve got good news. 394 00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:10,079 I am gonna cosign for you. 395 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,840 You know, '’cause I love you. 396 00:19:13,082 --> 00:19:14,912 -Are you serious? -Yes. 397 00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:16,741 Thank you, Mom. 398 00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,674 Maybe I'’m being overly sentimental, 399 00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:22,782 but I'’m gonna give you 10% off any sandwich at The Lunch Box. 400 00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:24,922 Monday through Thursday, 401 00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,889 before 11:00 or after 5:00. 402 00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:28,097 Avocado'’s still extra. 403 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:32,067 Uh, I'’m a vegan. I'’ll die without avocado. 404 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,414 -But, yeah, you know, your call. -[chuckles] 405 00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:41,766 Hey. Mom just gave me a hug and told me she loved me. 406 00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:44,044 Be careful. 407 00:19:46,046 --> 00:19:47,289 Hey, I'’m just passing through. 408 00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:49,705 Let'’s not do something we'’ll both regret. 409 00:19:49,809 --> 00:19:52,225 Sit the hell down and let me be nice. 410 00:19:56,816 --> 00:19:57,817 [Becky sighs] 411 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,958 I'’m sorry for what I said about Tyler. 412 00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:05,480 I care about you and that'’s why I tried to destroy your last chance at love. 413 00:20:06,722 --> 00:20:08,414 I guess I just wasn'’t ready 414 00:20:08,517 --> 00:20:10,174 for you and Beverly Rose to move out. 415 00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:13,315 But I actually do think that you should live with Tyler. 416 00:20:13,419 --> 00:20:17,768 Okay. But you did say a few things that made sense. 417 00:20:17,871 --> 00:20:21,150 Really? I did? '’Cause when I thought back on it, I was kind of mystified. 418 00:20:22,393 --> 00:20:24,084 As much as I wanna live with him, 419 00:20:24,188 --> 00:20:27,433 I don'’t wanna be stranded out there with Beverly Rose if it doesn'’t work out. 420 00:20:28,572 --> 00:20:30,505 What if Tyler moves in here? 421 00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,577 [chuckling] Really? You would do that? 422 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,234 Yeah. 423 00:20:35,337 --> 00:20:39,479 I think it'’d be good for us to have kind of a test run on living together. 424 00:20:40,515 --> 00:20:42,171 And you won'’t end up a lonely old woman 425 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,415 wandering the halls with lipstick smeared across your face. 426 00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:45,623 [Darlene chuckles] 427 00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:47,142 I'’m not gonna be lonely. 428 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,179 Once the magazine is set up, Ben'’s gonna come back. 429 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,423 Aw, you still think that? 430 00:20:56,841 --> 00:20:58,671 Excuse me, the Falcon? 431 00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:00,811 I-- I know I'’m not supposed to talk to you, 432 00:21:00,914 --> 00:21:03,192 so I'’ll just talk, and you don'’t have to respond. 433 00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:09,509 So... [stammers] ...my family, they'’ve made me, like, this golden child, 434 00:21:09,613 --> 00:21:12,063 and I'’m supposed to save future generations of Conners, 435 00:21:12,167 --> 00:21:14,687 and it'’s so much pressure, and I-- 436 00:21:16,896 --> 00:21:19,450 Gotcha. No personal talk. 437 00:21:19,554 --> 00:21:21,245 What kind of stuff are you interested in? 438 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,250 Cat videos? Me too! 439 00:21:28,528 --> 00:21:29,529 [baby giggles]