1
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:06,420
Hey, D.J. What are you doing here?
2
00:00:06,690 --> 00:00:08,630
Geena sent me over 'cause
she doesn't want her
3
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:09,840
or Mary to get sick.
4
00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:12,600
I guess she figured whatever
germs are living in this couch
5
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:14,920
would kill the intruders.
6
00:00:15,020 --> 00:00:16,420
You're in luck, Deej.
7
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,140
The unlabeled can that was in
the pantry since we were kids?
8
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,260
Chicken soup.
9
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,540
Tastes okay.
10
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:26,260
Yeah, I figured. The can
was barely swollen.
11
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,200
- Hey.
- Hey.
12
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:30,480
Oh, don't go near D.J.
13
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,620
He's sick, and I've used up
all my nurturing on him,
14
00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:35,060
so if you guys get sick, I'm
just gonna yell at you.
15
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,050
Sorry, Uncle D.J. I
can't get sick, anyway.
16
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,520
I have a test tomorrow.
17
00:00:39,530 --> 00:00:40,780
I do, too,
18
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,390
so if you want to cough
on my scarf, please do.
19
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,900
Thank you.
20
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:50,060
So... where's Dan?
21
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:51,640
Mom wants some shelves put in
22
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:53,600
above her bed for her bowling trophies.
23
00:00:53,610 --> 00:00:54,800
Why can't you do it?
24
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,900
'Cause if it falls, I'm the
one with the obvious motive.
25
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,119
Dad's covering my
vending-machine route today.
26
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,230
I hope he can handle it.
It's a very complicated job.
27
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,720
Isn't it just like you
open a glass door,
28
00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:09,570
and you replace the chips and the candy?
29
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,890
Yeah, and space travel is
just lighting a rocket
30
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:14,930
and landing on the moon.
31
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,170
Did you just equate space travel
32
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:19,860
with servicing a vending machine?
33
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,730
Oh, Dan. My God.
34
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:26,780
What happened?
35
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,800
A vending machine fell over on me.
36
00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:31,780
I knew it. Are you okay?
37
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,500
Again, a vending machine fell on me.
38
00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,280
How? They're bolted to the wall.
39
00:01:37,340 --> 00:01:39,140
This one wasn't.
40
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,750
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure!
41
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:42,220
I had plenty of time
to stare at the wall
42
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,580
while it was crushing me.
43
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,580
Well, how bad is it?
44
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,560
I had to spend four
hours in the emergency.
45
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,320
Nobody has insurance now,
46
00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:53,660
so they use it like a doctor's office.
47
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,240
It's a no-win situation
48
00:01:55,260 --> 00:01:57,020
because the emergency has to take you,
49
00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:58,240
but it costs a fortune.
50
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,000
Oh, I don't know. It was only $6,000.
51
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,310
If I'd have had my other pants
on, I'd have paid it right then.
52
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,540
$6,000?
53
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,940
I thought Medicare covered like 80%.
54
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,390
They did, but they made me take an MRI,
55
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,780
a blood test, an I.V.,
56
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,770
a bone guy, a brain guy.
57
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:19,780
That's the co-pay.
58
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,000
We can't afford this, and
it's the company's fault.
59
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,560
You know what? They better pay
or we're gonna have to sue.
60
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:27,680
Wait. Uh, you can't sue
the company I work for.
61
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,420
Eat your old soup and be quiet.
62
00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:33,000
Relax, Deej. I'm not suing anybody.
63
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:35,350
I'm sure the company
will cover my expenses.
64
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,520
Oh, don't be naive, Dan.
65
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:39,160
Those vending-machine companies...
66
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:41,020
they'll nickle and dime ya.
67
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:42,660
Hey, hey!
68
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,530
I didn't even mean to do that.
69
00:02:49,140 --> 00:02:54,140
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
70
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,040
"The Conners" is recorded
71
00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,959
in front of a live studio audience.
72
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,740
Hey, check out my updated website.
73
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,960
I'm using icons to subliminally suggest
74
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,440
that people use my services.
75
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,680
So, you see, the drum
majorette and the sun?
76
00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:39,980
That implies I can lead you to a life
77
00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:43,060
where nobody rains on your parade!
78
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,420
Yeah, yeah. That's a huge stretch.
79
00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:49,220
You want to hear about my day?
80
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,200
I don't care. I do.
81
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,720
The owner told me I have to stop
82
00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:55,390
flirting with the other employees.
83
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,820
Well, to be fair, you did
have sex with two of them.
84
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,420
Yeah, he lead with that.
85
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:03,660
Did he single you out?
86
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,800
No. He told everyone there's
gonna be zero tolerance
87
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:09,000
for fraternizing amongst the employees,
88
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:11,779
and he's making us all take
boundary-awareness training.
89
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,770
Well, that's not the
worst thing for you.
90
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,680
It's stupid.
91
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,780
Work is where most people meet.
92
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,500
And meeting people at work is perfect
93
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,150
because you know they have jobs.
94
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,720
Um, let me talk to you
not as your Aunt Jackie,
95
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:29,520
but as Lanford's leading
certified life coach.
96
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:33,600
Um, maybe you're flirting
too much in general.
97
00:04:33,620 --> 00:04:35,690
For instance, the guy at the Rite Aid.
98
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:36,930
Paul?
99
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,270
It's just a little game we play.
100
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,040
He asked you to marry him,
101
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:43,580
and you haven't said no yet.
102
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,500
That's the game.
103
00:04:46,540 --> 00:04:48,520
Okay, well, at least let me help you
104
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:50,300
get your boundary-awareness certificate.
105
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:52,850
I'm fully accredited. See?
106
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,240
A wise, old owl is saying it.
107
00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:00,310
I'm sorry to hear you hurt
yourself, Mr. Conner.
108
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:01,940
- Please call me Dan.
- Okay, Dan.
109
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,860
Um, before we start, how about a snack?
110
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,770
Huh? "Snack time's all the time."
111
00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:07,900
That's our slogan.
112
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,320
Oh. I thought it'd be
something more like,
113
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,000
"We crush you with our
vending machines."
114
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,740
Anyway, we have cheese
puffs, mini pretzels,
115
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,480
and we have cheese and crackers.
116
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,970
You know that little,
red, plastic paddle
117
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:22,980
in the cheese-and-cracker packet?
118
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,700
That was us.
119
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:27,460
I don't want to take
up a lot of your time.
120
00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:29,940
I'm just asking to get
my medical bills covered
121
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:33,180
because your machine should
have been bolted to that wall,
122
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:36,580
and I'll take some
cheese puffs for later.
123
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,720
Well, it's not that simple.
124
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:40,190
See, first of all, you're not
an authorized technician.
125
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,620
This, uh, never would have happened
126
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:42,980
had you been trained for the job.
127
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,200
It fell on him.
128
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,800
Are you saying if my dad was trained
129
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:49,020
that gravity would have
behaved differently?
130
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:50,600
My company has a heart,
131
00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,680
and I have been authorized to...
132
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,230
offer to pay half your medical bills.
133
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,100
Half? Are you kidding me?
134
00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:58,340
Relax, Darlene. We've just
started talking about this.
135
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,040
No, they're trying to screw us.
I knew they would do this.
136
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,730
I guess we're just gonna have
to get ourselves a lawyer.
137
00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:05,180
How do you like our new business, Dad?
138
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,481
Of course, we're gonna have to
get rid of Old Man Grayson.
139
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,200
Okay, we're done.
140
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:13,080
Once you say "lawyer," I'm no
longer allowed to talk to you.
141
00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:15,040
Oh, I'd like to take this opportunity
142
00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:16,440
to dismiss my counsel.
143
00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:18,500
I'll be representing myself.
144
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,600
You're selling out your daughter?
145
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,990
And how.
146
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,140
Oh, I like that.
147
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:28,240
But, no, we can't keep talking.
148
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,160
They'll validate your
parking at the front desk.
149
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,320
Fine, but just so you know,
150
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:34,020
your red, plastic paddle is dumb.
151
00:06:34,030 --> 00:06:36,300
You've got to make the cheese
softer or the paddle harder.
152
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,350
Jerk.
153
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,720
I can't believe those phones are
more interesting than I am.
154
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,320
Sorry about that. We were being rude.
155
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,480
Don't take this the wrong
way, but you're way too hot
156
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,800
to be working in a place like this.
157
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,420
You're gonna let him leave
you in the dust like that?
158
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:01,079
I figured you knew you were hot,
159
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,620
so I didn't have to say anything.
160
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,760
Good job.
161
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,740
I'll get your waitress for
you. This isn't my section.
162
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:14,180
Hey, hey. Can I talk
to you for a second?
163
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,959
- Sure.
- Have you seen this?
164
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,880
That's your picture on
my rival's website,
165
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,120
Rita Silver.
166
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,560
How could you go to her
for your certificate?
167
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,680
Look what she wrote...
"I am now coaching
168
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,930
the niece of Jackie Harris,
169
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:29,640
Lanford's number-two life coach."
170
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,700
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
171
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:36,340
I didn't know whether you
were a life coach or not.
172
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,120
I've never seen you with a client.
173
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,220
Of course I have clients!
174
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,850
You don't see them because
I fix their lives so quick!
175
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:46,350
We...
176
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,920
And Rita Silver is a certificate mill,
177
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:51,440
and if you'd come to me,
you'd have your certificate
178
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:54,740
and a little bit of knowledge
about what's going on in there!
179
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:58,300
Sorry, but I think this
whole thing is bogus,
180
00:07:58,330 --> 00:08:01,100
so why not just go to somebody
who's gonna rubber-stamp it?
181
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:02,860
I have enough to deal with right now.
182
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,320
All right. I'll let it go.
183
00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:07,540
But after what Rita said,
184
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,150
I might have to put a little
something on my website
185
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,940
that destroys your reputation.
186
00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:19,440
Okay. We just did 10 minutes
of physical activity.
187
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:20,956
Can we have our game controllers back?
188
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:22,860
Uh, I said 30 minutes.
189
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,940
It's 10 below zero. The
ball almost shattered.
190
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,140
Back in my day, we
called that shatterball,
191
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,700
and we loved it.
192
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,360
That was the ambulance company.
193
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:39,220
I just went two blocks for $800.
194
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,040
You want to meet with them and
get it up to an even thousand?
195
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,760
I-I told you I'd handle the bills.
196
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:47,220
Like you handled the guy at
the vending-machine company?
197
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,580
We were negotiating.
198
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,020
We need somebody to fight for us,
199
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,340
which is why I called a lawyer,
200
00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:53,930
and he should be here any
minute, and you're welcome.
201
00:08:53,940 --> 00:08:56,360
I don't want a lawyer!
202
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,640
I'll go back and talk to the guy alone.
203
00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:01,540
Oh, and do what?
204
00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:04,739
Get five bucks more and a
packet of mini pretzels?
205
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,219
Just hear this guy out.
206
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:08,219
He's obviously very successful.
207
00:09:08,220 --> 00:09:11,220
I saw his commercial on a
screen at the gas pump.
208
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,960
Oh, well, if the gas
station recommends him...
209
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,580
Why are you pushing this so hard?
210
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,700
Because we were already up against it,
211
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,810
and if you can't work for a
long time, it'll break us.
212
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,460
We don't have any savings.
213
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:28,100
If you're worried about me,
I can take care of myself.
214
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,480
Well, what if you can't?
215
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:32,120
I mean, there's barely any
good-paying jobs out there.
216
00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:34,980
My kids might be living
with us until their 20s,
217
00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:36,350
and if you're not working,
218
00:09:36,380 --> 00:09:38,300
I don't know how I'm gonna
take care of everybody.
219
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,100
I will not be a burden.
220
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,240
I'll sell my organs to science...
221
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,060
... slowly.
222
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,319
Just play nice.
223
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,380
- Don't attack him.
- I'll try,
224
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,920
but there's a reason there's never
been a lawyer in this house.
225
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,980
Or a teacher or a senator
226
00:09:53,990 --> 00:09:55,260
or anyone with a master's degree.
227
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,500
Let's see what happens.
228
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,310
Darlene? Brian Foster.
229
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,350
Oh, thank you so much for coming.
230
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,880
This is my dad, Dan Conner.
231
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,239
Nice to meet you, Mr. Conner.
232
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,160
Hey. Sorry. I got a bad wing.
233
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,190
Also I think all lawyers
should be thrown into the sea.
234
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,340
He was very pleasant before the injury.
235
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,780
We should be compensated for that.
236
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,760
Look, I'm sure you must be worrying
237
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:17,920
not just about the injury,
238
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,820
but how you're gonna pay those bills.
239
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,520
That's what I'm here for.
240
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:24,840
I am really gonna fight for
you to get a fair shake.
241
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,800
Uh, I was just telling him we
need someone to fight for us.
242
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,190
Remember I was just telling you that?
243
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,559
Yeah, I do.
244
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,230
I have the uncanny ability
245
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,890
to remember things from seconds ago.
246
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,270
Look, I'm not looking
to win the lottery.
247
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,230
All I want is my hospital bills paid.
248
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,520
Dan, you've already done the hard work.
249
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,700
You got hurt.
250
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,279
Now let me do my job.
251
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,280
Darlene faxed me all the info.
252
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,060
I see six figures.
253
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,100
Whoa! Six figures?!
I'm not hurt that bad!
254
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,580
Never say that again.
255
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:58,180
You have no idea what kind of problems
256
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,320
you're gonna have in the future,
257
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:01,780
and this is pennies to these people.
258
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:04,660
And the fact is, they were negligent.
259
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,640
You were helping out your sick kid,
260
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:09,350
which I know will make
every woman on that jury
261
00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:11,730
want to have sex with you.
262
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,180
I'd rather not.
263
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,500
If they can just bring me a
beer in front of the TV,
264
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,310
that'd be fine.
265
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,020
They'll settle this long
before they go to trial.
266
00:11:21,030 --> 00:11:23,060
You deserve this money.
267
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:25,420
Wouldn't it be nice to put
a few bucks in the bank
268
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,600
for your family?
269
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,840
Oh, he'll do it. Right? You'll do it?
270
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:31,100
He'll do it.
271
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,060
I'll do it.
272
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,230
Now all you got to do is
get my daughter on board.
273
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,380
Here's to Dad retiring before he dies.
274
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,390
So, Grandpa, how much
money are you gonna get?
275
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,850
We're not getting rich,
276
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,560
but we ought to see a
few bucks out of this,
277
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:52,600
and if we do, it'll be
good for all of us.
278
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:53,810
Can you imagine?
279
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:55,770
We could get the house
down to one mortgage
280
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,310
and get a new water heater
281
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,260
so we can shower like it's not
a pit stop at a NASCAR race.
282
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:04,310
Do I dare dream about a
college with a campus
283
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,880
instead of an office building
next to the freeway?
284
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,270
You can certainly start
thinking about it.
285
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,810
Thanks, Grandpa!
286
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,080
I love you more than Mom.
287
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,230
The Art Institute is offering
five kids from our school
288
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,600
a chance to take classes
with Tony Fitzpatrick.
289
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:19,780
He's amazing.
290
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,270
I sent in some of my art from
class, and they picked me.
291
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,120
Wow. I didn't know you did that.
292
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,756
It costs a lot of money, and I
didn't think we could afford it.
293
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,320
It's $500.
294
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,800
- Is it important to you?
- Yeah.
295
00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:32,220
Let them know you're coming.
296
00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:33,690
I love you more than Mom, too!
297
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,300
Darlene, what do you want?
298
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,500
Well, the love of my
children would be nice.
299
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,820
So, another toast to Dan
for making it all possible
300
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,140
by doing something as stupid
301
00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:46,940
as pulling a vending
machine over on himself.
302
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,890
All right. You guys can go ahead.
303
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,350
I'm gonna make Becky bring
me dessert, eat half of it,
304
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,020
and then send it back.
305
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,930
Can I get a daiquiri, please?
306
00:12:57,940 --> 00:12:59,560
- Sure.
- Thanks, Becky.
307
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,920
I'm sorry. Do we know each other?
308
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:04,350
No, but you know my boyfriend, Gil.
309
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,900
You've been texting him.
310
00:13:06,860 --> 00:13:08,020
Huh.
311
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,310
I didn't know that Gil had a girlfriend.
312
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,380
Also I don't know who Gil is.
313
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,340
Really?
314
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,600
Oh, yeah.
315
00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,730
I know that guy.
316
00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:21,280
He never told me he had a girlfriend.
317
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,140
Would you have cared if he did?
318
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,520
Hey, if he's in a relationship,
319
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,430
that's on him.
320
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,390
One daiquiri.
321
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,970
But you're the one who's sending him
322
00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:33,930
pictures of you in a short
skirt and cowboy boots.
323
00:13:33,940 --> 00:13:36,190
Stop it. Look, I know
what you're doing, okay?
324
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:38,060
I've met trash before.
325
00:13:40,490 --> 00:13:43,120
- You need to leave.
- Oh, I intend to.
326
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,310
Oops.
327
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,520
I guess you'll probably try
to drink that up, right?
328
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,840
Because you seem to like
stuff I've already had.
329
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,480
Watch your men, ladies!
330
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,640
'Cause this little slut
will come after them!
331
00:13:57,650 --> 00:13:58,890
Why did you stop me?
332
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:01,320
Because she wasn't totally wrong.
333
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,319
She called me a slut!
334
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,760
Okay, she was wrong about that,
335
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,120
but what do you think that you would do
336
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,640
if somebody was texting your
boyfriend like you're doing?
337
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,760
I don't know, but I wouldn't knock over
338
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,120
a perfectly good daiquiri.
339
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:20,930
Becky, you're looking for all
of your validation in men.
340
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,160
I know what it's like.
341
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:25,600
I used to look for a lot of
my self-worth in bars...
342
00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:28,060
biker bars, trucker bars, cop bars,
343
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:31,030
and one gay bar, which may or
may not have been an accident.
344
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,310
But that's you, not me.
345
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,919
I admit that I flirt too much,
346
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,020
but you're making it into a
bigger problem than it is.
347
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,759
- Is that a guy?
- Yeah, it's a guy.
348
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,190
Which one is this?
349
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,480
I don't know. He didn't
include his face.
350
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,020
Is that the direction you
want to keep going in?
351
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,720
- No, not really.
- Okay, well, then step one
352
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:57,310
is you have to erase
everything on that phone
353
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,560
that has anything to do
with flirting with guys.
354
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:00,990
Okay.
355
00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:09,840
Might as well just do a factory reset.
356
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,030
You know, this whole lawsuit
thing is really bad for D.J.
357
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:21,160
Oh, well, I'm sure
he'll get another job.
358
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:23,520
He's got experience handling change.
359
00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,860
The coin-operated industry's his oyster.
360
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,860
I know you guys use humor
to deal with things,
361
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:32,140
but D.J. was really
happy about this job,
362
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:34,930
and now he's depressed about the
possibility of getting fired.
363
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,430
Oh, he's getting fired.
364
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,700
I'm... I'm sorry. Humor.
365
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,660
Yeah, you're right. It's wrong.
366
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:43,270
Did you know he's been
seeing a therapist at the VA
367
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,839
for the last two years?
368
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,780
No.
369
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,190
Look, please don't tell him I told you.
370
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,060
He's so proud, he wouldn't even tell you
371
00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:52,560
what that chicken soup did to him.
372
00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,020
You can't take off the tray
table and answer the door?
373
00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:02,860
I can, but evidently I don't have to.
374
00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:05,979
Hey, Brian.
375
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:07,180
Are you guys eating dinner or anything?
376
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,160
- I don't want to interrupt.
- No, no. Come on in.
377
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,240
I was gonna call you, but I...
378
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:13,400
I really needed to
talk to you in person.
379
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:17,390
Oh, I know what you're doing here.
380
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,350
You're coming in all sad-looking
381
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,660
and then you're gonna
give us a big, old check.
382
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:25,440
Not exactly. I talked to the
company's lawyers today.
383
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:26,460
And?
384
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,720
They decided they're gonna
fight this out in court.
385
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,440
Wait. But w-we'll still win, right?
386
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,780
Here's how their lawyer put it to me.
387
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,640
You know how you put a
coin in a vending machine
388
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:39,260
and that cinnamon bun
you're craving gets stuck?
389
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,490
Yeah.
390
00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:43,600
And then you're at the point
where you have to decide,
391
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:44,980
are you gonna put more money in,
392
00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:47,320
hoping it will be pushed
further and drop,
393
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,219
or do you just go for the Life Savers
394
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,980
'cause you know they'll roll out easy?
395
00:16:52,020 --> 00:16:54,200
Could you simplify this?
I'm about to throw up.
396
00:16:55,570 --> 00:16:56,850
They're offering a settlement.
397
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:58,230
It's not as much as we'd hoped for.
398
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,310
How much is it?
399
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,810
No pain and suffering.
400
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,730
Just money for medical bills,
and after my fees come out,
401
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:06,000
you'll be just a little short.
402
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:09,230
We're gonna be short? You
promised us six figures.
403
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,760
Oh, I was hoping for six figures,
404
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,420
but these guys are threatening
to drag this out.
405
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,140
It could take years.
406
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:15,840
I recommend you take the settlement.
407
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,760
God, this sucks. You know what?
408
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,030
You're the last person I
ever hire off a gas pump.
409
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:23,020
We'll take the offer.
410
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,270
No.
411
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,660
You know what? If we're taking this,
412
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,140
then D.J. has to keep his job.
413
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:29,730
That's the deal.
414
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:32,020
- I can do that.
- Thanks.
415
00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:33,660
Let me walk you out.
416
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,810
You know, I just want you to
know, I had every intention
417
00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:39,310
of sticking it to those guys for you.
418
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,660
No, you didn't.
419
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,520
You were looking for a fat
settlement and a quick payout.
420
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:45,560
They offered you half,
and I got you more.
421
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,800
In my book, that's a win.
422
00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,440
That's no win. You set us up.
423
00:17:49,540 --> 00:17:51,099
You made my family think that
424
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:52,699
things were gonna work out for once,
425
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,380
and then you bailed on us.
426
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:56,320
I should have known better.
427
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,180
No other lawyer would have
done anything different.
428
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:01,440
That's the first honest
thing you've said to me.
429
00:18:01,470 --> 00:18:04,040
Hey. You took a shot.
430
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,020
If you'd lost the arm,
431
00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:08,240
I think you'd be in much better shape.
432
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,300
I have to go inside now
433
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:14,900
and tell my grandkids why
I have to let them down.
434
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,000
If I ever see you again,
I will kick your ass,
435
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:20,480
and then I will throw you into the sea.
436
00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:22,560
And there's no point in suing me.
437
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,360
As you know, we ain't got no money.
438
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,140
Hey, buddy.
439
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,820
Hey, Grandpa. You don't have to tell me.
440
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,100
I heard.
441
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,800
People don't always come through, pal.
442
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:38,800
I didn't really want to go
to that art class anyway.
443
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,390
It's gonna be in the summer,
444
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,280
and there's other stuff I'd rather do.
445
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,960
Oh, that's too bad, 'cause you're going.
446
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,020
Really? But we can't afford it.
447
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,500
You have to pay your doctor bills.
448
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,890
That's my business, not yours.
449
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:52,070
Thanks, Grandpa.
450
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,500
What about me?
451
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:57,180
You said I could think about
going to a real college.
452
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,940
Yeah, fair is fair. You can
keep thinking about it.
453
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:05,000
So, one of the reasons you
may have been looking
454
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,540
for external validation from men
455
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:10,380
is because you don't feel good
456
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,960
about what you've
accomplished in your life.
457
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,779
How can you say that?
458
00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:16,780
Look around you.
459
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,480
So, we're gonna come up with a plan
460
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:21,959
that helps you get a career
461
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,850
so you can feel good about something
462
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,360
more than just your pretty face.
463
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:26,520
You think I'm pretty?
464
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:29,380
Kidding. I know I'm pretty.
465
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,340
So, what is your dream job?
466
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,270
Okay, but don't laugh.
467
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,860
I've always wanted to
work at the Field Museum.
468
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,820
You know, in that room
where they clean off
469
00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:42,980
the fossils and the artifacts?
470
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,550
I saw that on a field trip once,
471
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:45,976
and I've never stopped
thinking about it.
472
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,920
Wow, archaeologist. Uncovering history.
473
00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:51,520
Bringing the past to life.
474
00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:54,930
I brought materials on paralegal
and dental technician,
475
00:19:54,940 --> 00:19:57,240
but let's roll with this.
476
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,326
I don't even know where to start.
477
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:02,400
Well, Jackie's jewel number one...
478
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:04,880
Find somebody who's doing
it and talk to them.
479
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,939
Here's the Field Museum website.
480
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,760
Maybe we make a few calls.
Maybe you could intern.
481
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:13,990
Here's the manager of
the docent volunteers.
482
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:16,040
He's cute.
483
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,860
Oh, great.
484
00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:19,640
We can work on two things.
485
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,440
Oh, Dad. I called the hospital.
486
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,880
We qualify for an assistance program.
487
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,390
Technically, we're indigent.
488
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,480
Ow!
489
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:33,640
Yeah!
490
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:36,060
After paying off all
of the medical bills
491
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:37,460
and Mark's art class,
492
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,770
we have $645 left.
493
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,360
Which part of Europe are
we gonna see first?
494
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,940
We can go to Santa's Village!
495
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,660
Oh, you remember how much fun that was?
496
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,880
We would go in the petting zoo,
and then all those animals
497
00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:52,310
would jump up on us with
crap all over their feet,
498
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,340
and then we'd go get gingerbread cookies
499
00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:56,140
without washing our
hands, and Dad would say,
500
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,310
"You guys are gonna all get
sick," and then we did?
501
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,270
I want to go!
502
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,340
All right, all right.
503
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,520
I say, though, it's Grandpa's
money, and he gets to decide.
504
00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:09,839
I've always been a fan of
the mail-order steaks.
505
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,740
How about we order 30 of them?
506
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,140
I will eat one filet a night
507
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,100
for 30 consecutive nights.
508
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,760
It will be known as the
"month of mignon."
509
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:25,100
Oh. Wow. You're a good dad.
You're not gonna linger.
510
00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:31,020
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --