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Sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com

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Friends. Family.

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Ed.

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Ante in.

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I'm your dad's half-brother.

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That makes me family. Dork.

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Dork says what?

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- I'm not falling for that.
- What?

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Damn it.

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Hold on.

11
00:00:22,696 --> 00:00:25,431
There's some news
emanatin' from this region.

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There are no changes in my regions.

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No, wait, wait.

14
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Free Bird is onto something here.

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Eyebrows. They're darker.

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That's right.

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Somebody's got a big date tonight.

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Do the drapes match the curtains?

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Dude, that's not even a thing.

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In the interest of ever
playing a hand of poker,

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yes, I am seeing Louise tonight,

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and the Men's Health magazine
at my barbershop

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told me that getting rid of the gray

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takes years off
the top part of your face.

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Yeah, that'll work.

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As long as you hide
the bottom part with a...

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fan, like an old-timey Southern belle.

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I do declare,
you will never see my mouth.

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I kindly ask that you do not
appropriate my culture.

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So, big date, huh?

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Is tonight the night
you're gonna butter the biscuit?

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Yes. It is very likely that tonight,
Louise and I will butter the biscuit.

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And I don't want to hear
any more about it.

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- Understood.
- Okay.

35
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So, you nervous?

36
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I am nervous as hell.

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I was with the same woman for 45 years,

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and I never thought I'd be
unlucky enough to lose her.

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And I never thought I'd be lucky enough

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to find someone else,

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and I-I don't want to blow it.

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Well, then you better think twice
about the Groucho eyebrows

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and that CPAP mask you wear every night.

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What's a CPAP mask?

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It's a mask attached by a hose to a pump

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that forces air down my throat

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so I don't stop breathing
in the middle of the night.

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So you look like Tom Cruise in "Top Gun"

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if he was an old man
who couldn't breathe on his own.

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Who else has a date tonight?

51
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But you guys helped me make a decision.

52
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I'm not bringing the CPAP mask over.

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Oh. You're rollin' the dice there, Dan.

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Not wearing the mask could kill ya.

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Oh, would you quit it?

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He's not gonna die
from not wearing the mask.

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He's gonna die from the sex.

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The Conners - S02E19 - SEASON FINALE
CPAPs, Hickeys and Biscuits

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"The Conners" is recorded

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in front of a live studio audience.

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Hey. I have been trying to reach you.

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Are you okay?

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I'm going to jail.

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I'm going to jail, right?

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Absolutely.

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What did you do?

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Do I need to come and bail ya out?

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No, no. I don't want to
waste the money,

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and honestly, I could use the night off.

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I refused to sign the ticket
for texting at a stoplight,

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and apparently, there are certain things

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you can't say to a cop,
like "You work for me"

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or "Maybe if you had
a salad once in a while,

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you might've made fireman."

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Okay. Well, I can spend
the night here with the kids.

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Thank you.

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Remember, lights out at 11:00,
and make sure all the stove burners

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are in the off position

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so the gas doesn't kill
everybody in their sleep.

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So don't kill the children
or blow up the house.

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Got it. Okay, have fun. Make friends.

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Is it okay if Harper spends the night,

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or do I have to wait to ask Mom

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when the police give her
her one phone call?

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- Ya heard that, huh?
- Yeah.

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We have a lot to do

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to finish our Earth Day
science fair project.

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- Oh.
- It's a solar hot dog cooker.

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It was Mark's idea.

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My mom says global warming is a hoax

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because it gets cold at night.

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She's an idiot.

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And I figured since hot dogs

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are our family's main source of food...

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...and we regularly have
the power turned off,

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this would be worth learning.

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Okay, well, I-I think I can make
this decision without your mom.

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Harper can stay over,
but where's she gonna sleep?

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Uh, my room.

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She can use Harris' bed
since she's at Odessa's tonight,

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and we probably won't even sleep anyway,

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we have so much work to do.

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Huh. Okay.

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Uh, but you need to call your mom
and make sure it's okay with her.

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I already did. She said it's fine.

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Oh.

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Uh, hey.

108
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You're still gay, right?

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Yep. All day, every day.

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Good for you. You stay the course.

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W-Where are you going?

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You're... You're not
going home, are you?

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Look, I-I really was gonna go home.

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Uh...

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If the kids are up and I'm not there,

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they're gonna ask a million questions.

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Hey.

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You're the one who wanted
a committed relationship.

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Not running away is a part of that,

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so come on, get back in bed.

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I wanted a relationship before I
knew how bossy you were gonna be.

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Oh.

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What are you doing?

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Hunting wabbits. Be vewy quiet.

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Oh.

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I think sex scrambled your brain.

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You're acting really weird.

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We can talk in the morning.

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I hope so.

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Hey!

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Welcome back to society.

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Things have changed
since they put you away.

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This is a phone.

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You can send words through
the air to other phones.

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Yeah, and when you went in,
there was only one "NCIS,"

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and now there's one in
every city in the land.

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Uh, Harris, can you leave for a moment?

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Ben and I need to talk.

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Oh. Oh, I'm not Harris.

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I'm Harris' daughter.

141
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Are you Nana Darlene?

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Hilarious. Get out.
I need to talk to Ben.

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I do not like
what prison has done to you.

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Okay, I still don't understand.

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Why would you let Harper
sleep in Mark's room?

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Do you know how embarrassing it was

147
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to get a message from her mother

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saying her daughter
came home with a hickey?

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Hey.

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I asked Mark right
before he went upstairs,

151
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"Are you still gay?" And he said yes.

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It doesn't matter if he's gay.

153
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Kids at that age are experimenting.

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Well, hey, in my defense,

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I took away their caffeinated soda.

156
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Well, apparently,
Mark was still thirsty,

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because he was trying
to get liquid from her neck.

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It's just a hickey!

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Oh, how do you know?

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We have no idea what they did
until we talk to Mark.

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Well, maybe we should
wait to talk to Mark, then,

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before you jump all over my ass.

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- Oh, fine.
- Fine.

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How long 'til Mark
gets home from school?

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About five hours.

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That is... a long time.

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Sorry I'm late.

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Beverly Rose wouldn't let me go

169
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when I went to drop her off
at the tías'.

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I'm not used to being this adored.

171
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It's exhausting!

172
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Yeah, you went through a phase

173
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where I couldn't put you down.

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I'd just rub a little
whiskey on your gums.

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After some dancing
around in your diaper,

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you'd keel right over.

177
00:09:16,129 --> 00:09:19,498
Hey, that's another piece
of my alcoholic puzzle.

178
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,436
Man, the tías are still
on me to marry Emilio

179
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,037
to help him get back into the country.

180
00:09:25,038 --> 00:09:27,139
Tell me you're not
actually considering this.

181
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I don't know.

182
00:09:28,909 --> 00:09:31,444
He's Beverly Rose's dad,
and he deserves to see her.

183
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,079
The only problem is,

184
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,947
to make it look like a real marriage,

185
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:37,884
I'd have to live with him
for a least a couple years.

186
00:09:37,885 --> 00:09:40,620
That's gonna make it awkward
to bring home dates.

187
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,988
She's right.

188
00:09:41,989 --> 00:09:45,024
Most guys don't even like it
when you have a cat.

189
00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:46,926
What are you doing?

190
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:49,762
You'd be committing a federal crime
for a guy you don't even love.

191
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,964
I don't love him.

192
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,165
But the tías said

193
00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:56,402
lots of people grow to love
the person after they marry.

194
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,838
Well, they don't really
have a dog in this fight,

195
00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:01,274
so I guess they're being
totally objective.

196
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:02,842
Heeey.

197
00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:05,478
You grew to love Adam Sandler.

198
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,847
When everybody said
after "Billy Madison"

199
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:10,216
that he was a waste of time,
you hung in there.

200
00:10:11,385 --> 00:10:13,286
And then "Happy Gilmore"
turned you around,

201
00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:15,855
and then "The Waterboy."

202
00:10:15,856 --> 00:10:18,457
Now you got to watch that
every time it comes on.

203
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:20,359
Okay, okay, okay.

204
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,029
Let's just say Emilio does turn out

205
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:25,965
to be as great as Mr. Adam Sandler.

206
00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:30,002
When you say live with him,
where exactly would that be?

207
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:32,371
I'm asking for my friend...

208
00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:33,806
My friend Dan Conner.

209
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,511
- Please?
- Mm.

210
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,547
What is going on with you, huh?

211
00:10:41,548 --> 00:10:44,050
I mean, the coffee isn't even that good.

212
00:10:44,051 --> 00:10:45,985
I ran out of filters this morning.

213
00:10:45,986 --> 00:10:47,887
I had to use an old T-shirt.

214
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:49,956
Oh. No? Okay.

215
00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,025
I was up all night.

216
00:10:53,026 --> 00:10:54,627
I stayed at Louise's,
and I didn't want her

217
00:10:54,628 --> 00:10:56,028
to see me in my CPAP,

218
00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:58,864
so I had to stay awake or die.

219
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,566
Look, she's already heard you

220
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,068
trying to get out of a chair,

221
00:11:02,069 --> 00:11:03,736
and she still wants to be with you.

222
00:11:03,737 --> 00:11:05,571
Trust her a little bit.

223
00:11:05,572 --> 00:11:07,907
She likes you because
you're funny and you're solid

224
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:10,910
and you have the... the... the wisdom
that comes with experience.

225
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:12,611
Why don't you try using some of that?

226
00:11:12,612 --> 00:11:14,347
Look, I just think when she rolls over

227
00:11:14,348 --> 00:11:15,881
and sees me in that rig,

228
00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:18,217
it's gonna be like
waking up next to her dad.

229
00:11:18,218 --> 00:11:19,518
Eh.

230
00:11:19,519 --> 00:11:21,287
Some women like that, Dan.

231
00:11:25,525 --> 00:11:27,026
Oh, love the turtleneck.

232
00:11:27,027 --> 00:11:28,894
How's that sculpting class
you're teaching

233
00:11:28,895 --> 00:11:30,997
at the community college going?

234
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,700
I was looking at myself
in the mirror last night,

235
00:11:34,701 --> 00:11:38,004
and I was put off
by my unusually long neck.

236
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:42,975
Fine.

237
00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:45,111
Oh, God!

238
00:11:45,112 --> 00:11:46,879
You got one, too?!

239
00:11:48,048 --> 00:11:50,483
We had a deal. You were gay!

240
00:11:52,085 --> 00:11:54,120
It's not what you think.

241
00:11:54,121 --> 00:11:57,690
Harper has a new boyfriend
and wanted to practice kissing.

242
00:11:57,691 --> 00:12:00,393
The next thing I knew,
she went all "Twilight" on my neck,

243
00:12:00,394 --> 00:12:02,695
even though she knows I'm Team Jacob.

244
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,234
And then she asked me to give her one.

245
00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:10,002
Well, did anything else happen?

246
00:12:10,003 --> 00:12:11,137
No!

247
00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:12,972
Okay. Go upstairs.

248
00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:15,574
Oh, and when your Aunt Becky gets home,

249
00:12:15,575 --> 00:12:17,209
have her teach you
how to cover that thing up.

250
00:12:17,210 --> 00:12:20,079
By the time she was 15,
she was more hickey than Becky.

251
00:12:23,717 --> 00:12:24,917
See?

252
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:28,120
It's just a practice hickey.

253
00:12:28,121 --> 00:12:30,089
No harm, no foul.

254
00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:34,160
Hmm? I think I deserve an apology.

255
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:36,796
I don't owe you an apology at all.

256
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,931
Something much worse could've happened.

257
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:42,034
But it didn't, so why
are you still pissed off?

258
00:12:42,035 --> 00:12:43,436
You know what? I would just prefer

259
00:12:43,437 --> 00:12:46,272
if you'd run any parenting
decisions by me from now on.

260
00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:49,008
I can usually be reached
when I'm not behind bars.

261
00:12:51,078 --> 00:12:53,813
Uh, you know, we've been
together for a while now,

262
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:56,449
and at some point,
you are gonna have to trust me

263
00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:59,018
to make some decisions about the kids.

264
00:12:59,019 --> 00:13:02,488
Ben, the kids love and respect you,

265
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:05,357
which proves that you know
nothing about parenting.

266
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:09,862
Have you ever even told the kids
that they should listen to me?

267
00:13:09,863 --> 00:13:12,164
Well, I never thought about it,
because you're not their dad.

268
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:14,700
Yeah, I know that, okay?

269
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:17,103
Thank you for defining what I am not.

270
00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:18,504
How about defining what I am?

271
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:20,840
And why stop with the kids?
What am I to you?

272
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,208
W-What are you talking about?

273
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:23,676
I mean, we're trying to have a baby,

274
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,444
but you don't want to get married,

275
00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:28,614
we don't even live together.
I don't know what this is.

276
00:13:28,615 --> 00:13:30,683
Wait, hang on. Hang on.

277
00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:34,086
Calm down.

278
00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:36,088
Is this something
sex would take care of?

279
00:13:39,159 --> 00:13:40,960
No!

280
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,621
You've been washing that dish

281
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:51,922
for about three minutes.

282
00:13:51,923 --> 00:13:54,191
The Holiday Inn logo's
starting to come off.

283
00:13:55,994 --> 00:13:57,195
What's going on?

284
00:13:57,196 --> 00:13:58,362
Um...

285
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,031
Can I ask you something?

286
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:01,399
Yeah, sure.

287
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,869
You raised your kids alone.
You know how hard it is.

288
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:07,004
Is it nuts for me to marry Emilio

289
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:09,106
so he can come here
and help me with the baby?

290
00:14:09,107 --> 00:14:11,609
Oh, Ben has been on my ass lately

291
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:13,744
to be more involved with my kids.

292
00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:15,246
He loves your baby. Put him to work.

293
00:14:15,247 --> 00:14:17,248
Maybe he'll stop driving me crazy.

294
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:19,550
Me!

295
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:22,153
We're fixing me, you narcissist!

296
00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:25,389
If I marry him, I have
to live with him for two years

297
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,657
and give up any chance

298
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,926
of meeting someone I might really love.

299
00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:30,895
Oh. I wouldn't do that.

300
00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:33,030
Don't miss your chance
to meet the right person.

301
00:14:33,031 --> 00:14:34,966
It could happen at any time.
I mean, look.

302
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,435
I didn't think I could
fall in love again, and I did.

303
00:14:37,436 --> 00:14:39,470
I just got all the stuff I left here

304
00:14:39,471 --> 00:14:42,557
from the cardboard box you said
was "better than a drawer."

305
00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:44,909
I'm outta here.

306
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:49,780
What's your secret?
How do I get what you have?

307
00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:53,384
I don't get it.

308
00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:55,052
Why are you pushing him away?

309
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:06,130
Ben, don't go.

310
00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:08,065
I need a break.

311
00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:09,300
I'm just... I'm tired

312
00:15:09,301 --> 00:15:11,969
of being in this weird, amorphous,

313
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:14,705
undefined, mid-life relationship.

314
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:18,042
I think you just defined it
really beautifully.

315
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,877
Look, if we're not moving forward,

316
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,013
then we're just wasting our time.

317
00:15:22,014 --> 00:15:23,547
So give me one good reason

318
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,915
why you don't want to live with me.

319
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,484
No.

320
00:15:26,485 --> 00:15:28,719
I don't not want to live with you.

321
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,088
What?

322
00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,893
Look, this is just really hard for me.

323
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:38,296
I do want to live with you.

324
00:15:38,297 --> 00:15:40,898
I guess I'm scared.

325
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,833
You know, the last time
my life fell apart,

326
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:43,934
I came back here.

327
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:45,169
And now I feel safe,

328
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,004
and you want me to go
back out there again.

329
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:49,040
What, don't you feel safe with me?

330
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:50,074
Yeah.

331
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,276
But I'm screwed up,

332
00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:55,112
you know, and...

333
00:15:55,113 --> 00:15:58,015
It's just... I feel like
if it doesn't work out,

334
00:15:58,016 --> 00:16:00,484
it might be because of me.

335
00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:02,720
You know, I can't fail again.

336
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,121
Wait.

337
00:16:04,122 --> 00:16:07,024
I know you're screwed up,
and I still want to live with ya.

338
00:16:07,025 --> 00:16:09,060
That makes me more screwed up than you.

339
00:16:09,061 --> 00:16:10,995
So...

340
00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:13,531
If it fails, it'll be my fault.

341
00:16:13,532 --> 00:16:15,800
This shouldn't make me
feel better, but it does.

342
00:16:16,802 --> 00:16:18,703
That's because you're screwed up!

343
00:16:20,539 --> 00:16:22,039
Okay.

344
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,607
That's it. I'm taking the leap.

345
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,276
We should live together.

346
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:28,012
I don't know.

347
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:34,285
This is all just... so sudden.

348
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,421
It's gonna take me a while to pack.

349
00:16:37,422 --> 00:16:40,291
Oh, look! I'm all ready to go.

350
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:45,796
Hi.

351
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,032
Hey.

352
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:49,567
Wow.

353
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,736
I didn't take you as a toys kind of guy.

354
00:16:54,673 --> 00:16:57,575
Uh, I've done some crazy things,

355
00:16:57,576 --> 00:17:01,545
but, uh, I don't need that much
horsepower to make me happy.

356
00:17:03,048 --> 00:17:05,983
It's a CPAP machine. I have sleep apnea.

357
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,586
That's why I was
trying to leave last night.

358
00:17:08,587 --> 00:17:10,121
Oh, I know what you're thinking.

359
00:17:10,122 --> 00:17:12,123
You can easily make one of these

360
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:13,457
with a magazine and a fan,

361
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:14,825
but you really can't.

362
00:17:16,595 --> 00:17:19,163
Why didn't you just
bring it over last night?

363
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:21,699
Because I didn't want you looking at me

364
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:26,170
like I was somebody waiting
to get their organs harvested.

365
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,473
Dan, you're being ridiculous.

366
00:17:29,474 --> 00:17:31,942
No, I'm not.

367
00:17:31,943 --> 00:17:33,577
You're perfect.

368
00:17:33,578 --> 00:17:36,013
And I got all kinds of
stuff wrong with me.

369
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,815
Well, I'm a little upset

370
00:17:37,816 --> 00:17:39,083
that you didn't trust me enough

371
00:17:39,084 --> 00:17:42,119
to tell me about
your sleep machine sooner.

372
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,021
If you're gonna keep things from me,

373
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,024
then we're building our
new relationship on lies.

374
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,325
I got to tell ya,

375
00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:50,895
I feel like you're catfishing me.

376
00:17:52,631 --> 00:17:54,632
Just because I'm perfect...

377
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,835
...doesn't mean
that you should be insecure

378
00:17:57,836 --> 00:17:59,870
about your stuff.

379
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,705
I know you're trying to prove a point,

380
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,108
but I got to tell ya, you're still hot.

381
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,445
I'm not near done.

382
00:18:10,148 --> 00:18:12,983
Still sexy now, sailor?

383
00:18:16,087 --> 00:18:17,888
Still hot in my book.

384
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:23,861
Look, we should not be
ashamed of getting older.

385
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:26,163
We've earned the right to fall apart.

386
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:29,233
And the nice thing is,
we can do it together.

387
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,702
Yeah, funny thing is...

388
00:18:31,703 --> 00:18:33,070
until I look at myself in the mirror,

389
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,438
I don't feel old.

390
00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:36,474
Hmm. Me neither.

391
00:18:36,475 --> 00:18:39,376
And you... you have the eyebrows

392
00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:41,979
of a 30-year-old man.

393
00:18:43,648 --> 00:18:46,584
I toned it down, but you still noticed.

394
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:49,019
I'm told it makes my eyes pop.

395
00:18:50,055 --> 00:18:52,356
Aww. They do.

396
00:18:58,129 --> 00:19:00,064
It's about time you got here.

397
00:19:00,065 --> 00:19:01,866
We got to go to work.

398
00:19:01,867 --> 00:19:05,636
Well, well, well.

399
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:08,105
Look who's rollin' in
first thing in the morning

400
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,041
wearing the same clothes
he was wearing yesterday.

401
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,646
And the same clothes
I was wearing the day before.

402
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:20,251
We know what the walk of shame
looks like, Dad.

403
00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:22,052
You got your panties balled up

404
00:19:22,053 --> 00:19:24,321
in your purse here, don't you?

405
00:19:25,257 --> 00:19:27,224
I bet you got your bra on inside out.

406
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:29,860
I just wanted to be part of it.

407
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:35,332
Uh, you're gonna tell me
about last night, right?

408
00:19:39,771 --> 00:19:41,071
What's wrong?

409
00:19:41,072 --> 00:19:43,307
It's from the bank.

410
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,142
They're foreclosing on the house.

411
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,780
Y... You're joking, right?

412
00:19:49,781 --> 00:19:52,850
You know how slow business has been.

413
00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,285
I have medical bills,

414
00:19:54,286 --> 00:19:56,153
I need a new transmission for the truck,

415
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,389
so I had to take out a second mortgage.

416
00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,824
I-I just can't keep up.

417
00:20:02,294 --> 00:20:03,327
Damn.

418
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,795
I'm sorry, man.

419
00:20:04,796 --> 00:20:06,330
If they think
they're gonna take my house,

420
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:08,332
they got another think coming.

421
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,434
What are you gonna do?

422
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:11,802
I don't know.

423
00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:13,337
But I should start
by getting me a rifle.

424
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,306
We got the rev'nooers a-comin'.

425
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:23,630
Hey there, Count Suckula.

426
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:27,267
Uh, okay, so, your mom
and I have been talking

427
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,469
about my role with you kids,

428
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,238
and, uh, since you're almost a teenager,

429
00:20:32,239 --> 00:20:36,409
she asked me to talk to you about, um...

430
00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:38,812
well, the intimate things that, uh...

431
00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:42,882
happen between two people
who love each other.

432
00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:47,854
So here goes.

433
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:50,557
You've been to the zoo, right?

434
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:55,662
Sometimes, uh,
when you look in the cage...

435
00:20:58,432 --> 00:20:59,499
You can stop.

436
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,368
My mom and I already had this talk.

437
00:21:02,369 --> 00:21:05,138
She just wanted me to see
how uncomfortable I could make you.

438
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,406
Mm-hmm.

439
00:21:08,175 --> 00:21:10,677
You did a good job.

440
00:21:11,912 --> 00:21:13,847
You really had me sweating there.

441
00:21:13,848 --> 00:21:15,048
Thanks.

442
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:17,316
So, how are you gonna get back at her?

443
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,685
Oh, no, no.

444
00:21:18,686 --> 00:21:22,121
That's not the way things work
in a mature relationship.

445
00:21:23,557 --> 00:21:26,959
And I'll let you know
when I think of something good.