1 00:00:00,683 --> 00:00:03,179 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:07,747 Hey! 3 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,083 Great show. 4 00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:12,652 Dan? 5 00:00:12,653 --> 00:00:14,354 W-What are you doing here? 6 00:00:14,355 --> 00:00:16,022 I've never seen you perform. 7 00:00:16,023 --> 00:00:17,891 And you were only 212 miles away, 8 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,727 so I thought I'd swing by. 9 00:00:20,728 --> 00:00:21,861 These are for you. 10 00:00:23,931 --> 00:00:26,266 Why do they have nacho cheese on them? 11 00:00:27,468 --> 00:00:30,604 A-A-And they smell like beer. 12 00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:34,107 After I saw you kissing the keyboard player... 13 00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:36,009 I threw them in the trash. 14 00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:37,944 But then I fished them out 'cause, damn it, 15 00:00:37,945 --> 00:00:39,846 I came here to tell you something, 16 00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:43,316 and maybe it's too late, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. 17 00:00:43,317 --> 00:00:44,718 I'm ready. 18 00:00:47,622 --> 00:00:48,989 Oh. 19 00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,123 You're ready. 20 00:00:50,124 --> 00:00:52,525 Yeah, I thought about what you said, 21 00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:55,028 and I want a fullon relationship, too. 22 00:00:55,029 --> 00:00:56,529 So, what, 23 00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,798 I'm just supposed to forget about this last year, 24 00:00:58,799 --> 00:01:00,367 when you've been stringing me along, 25 00:01:00,368 --> 00:01:02,335 and now you're ready? 26 00:01:02,336 --> 00:01:05,171 So I just jump on your bike and we ride away? 27 00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:09,376 Well, I'm a little saddle sore from riding for three hours. 28 00:01:09,377 --> 00:01:11,444 Maybe we could hit it fresh tomorrow? 29 00:01:13,714 --> 00:01:15,048 I'm sorry, Dan. 30 00:01:15,049 --> 00:01:16,716 Oh, come on. 31 00:01:16,717 --> 00:01:18,818 Come on, you got to still feel something for me. 32 00:01:19,987 --> 00:01:21,721 It's too late. 33 00:01:21,722 --> 00:01:22,822 I moved on. 34 00:01:25,459 --> 00:01:27,594 Guess you'll want these back. 35 00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:30,664 No, you can keep 'em. 36 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:34,134 Please don't make me. 37 00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:37,971 There's a Band-Aid in here. 38 00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,378 "The Conners" is recorded 39 00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:20,714 in front of a live studio audience. 40 00:02:20,715 --> 00:02:23,450 Okay, okay, I haven't slept in a couple days. 41 00:02:23,451 --> 00:02:25,552 Uh, tell me I'm not hallucinating. 42 00:02:25,553 --> 00:02:28,388 That is a man racing a bear 43 00:02:28,389 --> 00:02:31,291 on an obstacle course, right? 44 00:02:31,292 --> 00:02:33,093 Yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:33,094 --> 00:02:35,295 It's a show called "Man vs. Bear." 46 00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,664 And they... they do tug of war, 47 00:02:37,665 --> 00:02:41,267 they roll barrels up hills, climb trees. 48 00:02:41,268 --> 00:02:44,104 Doesn't the bear win most of the time? 49 00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:47,073 Oh, the bear wins every time. It's a bear. 50 00:02:47,074 --> 00:02:48,742 I don't think the guy's got a chance 51 00:02:48,743 --> 00:02:52,512 unless they introduce Sudoku or driving a car. 52 00:02:52,513 --> 00:02:54,981 I think circus bears can drive cars. 53 00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:57,951 You can learn anything if your food supply depends on it. 54 00:02:59,286 --> 00:03:02,219 What are you guys doing? It's 1:00 in the morning. 55 00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:04,557 Beverly Rose is teething, and she won't sleep. 56 00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:07,260 And you were snoring, so I came downstairs. 57 00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:08,595 I don't snore. 58 00:03:08,596 --> 00:03:09,929 Oh. 59 00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:12,165 Well, then, somebody was trimming trees in the bedroom. 60 00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:14,434 Let me take her for a bit. 61 00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:15,468 - Thanks. - Ooh. 62 00:03:15,469 --> 00:03:17,837 Trust me, Darlene. You snore. 63 00:03:17,838 --> 00:03:19,172 When we shared a room, 64 00:03:19,173 --> 00:03:22,675 I used to put my old makeup sponges in your mouth. 65 00:03:22,676 --> 00:03:25,145 That's okay. I used to use your toothbrush. 66 00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:26,146 So? 67 00:03:26,147 --> 00:03:27,747 To clean the turtle bowl. 68 00:03:31,185 --> 00:03:32,652 Why didn't you wake me up? 69 00:03:32,653 --> 00:03:35,889 I tried. I nudged you. I shook you. I pinched you. 70 00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,223 I even splashed water on you. 71 00:03:37,224 --> 00:03:40,026 Oh, that explains a very weird dream I was having. 72 00:03:40,027 --> 00:03:42,028 I was wrestling with a sea otter, 73 00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:44,297 and then he threw his martini in my face. 74 00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:48,902 "Woman vs. Otter"! 75 00:03:48,903 --> 00:03:50,870 That could be a show! 76 00:03:50,871 --> 00:03:52,439 Yes! 77 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,974 And I know where to get an otter. 78 00:03:53,975 --> 00:03:56,443 All I need is a distraction and a big towel. 79 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,617 Okay. 80 00:04:04,618 --> 00:04:07,087 Okay, I-I-I'll put a couple pillows under my head 81 00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:09,322 so I don't snore. Now come back to bed. 82 00:04:09,323 --> 00:04:12,292 Oh, just a few more minutes, 'cause in the last round, 83 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,494 they each have to give a cat a bath. 84 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,756 This is why we're not getting pregnant... 85 00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:20,567 'cause your sperm's too stupid to find my egg. 86 00:04:22,903 --> 00:04:24,938 Ben! 87 00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:26,139 Ben, Ben! 88 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,108 They're about to put the salmon down in front of them 89 00:04:28,109 --> 00:04:29,542 for the fish-eating contest. 90 00:04:29,543 --> 00:04:31,144 I think the man really has a chance here... 91 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,712 Bear won. 92 00:04:32,713 --> 00:04:35,081 Yep. 93 00:04:40,388 --> 00:04:42,188 - Last call. - Nuh-unh! 94 00:04:44,225 --> 00:04:47,293 It's only 2:00 in the morning. Last call's not till 4:00. 95 00:04:47,294 --> 00:04:48,728 It's last call for you. 96 00:04:50,031 --> 00:04:54,100 Fine. I'll take three beers and three more shots. 97 00:04:54,101 --> 00:04:57,103 You get one beer and o shot. 98 00:04:57,104 --> 00:04:59,806 And maybe you should call your wife so she can pick you up. 99 00:04:59,807 --> 00:05:01,641 I'm just staying at the hotel next door, 100 00:05:01,642 --> 00:05:03,810 and my wife's dead. 101 00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,445 You didn't kill her, did you? 102 00:05:06,947 --> 00:05:08,114 No! 103 00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:11,251 I'm sorry. We're right off the expressway. We got to ask. 104 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:14,921 Can I get a beer, please? 105 00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:18,024 Hey! 106 00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:21,027 - You're with the band, aren't ya? - Yeah. 107 00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:22,662 What'd you think of the show? 108 00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:24,431 I love Louise. 109 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,133 She is the lead singer. 110 00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:29,636 Nobody ever loves the keyboard player. 111 00:05:29,637 --> 00:05:33,006 Seems like somebody's loving the keyboard player. 112 00:05:33,007 --> 00:05:34,574 I saw Louise kissing you. 113 00:05:34,575 --> 00:05:37,143 And I got to be honest with you... 114 00:05:37,144 --> 00:05:38,978 It really bothered me. 115 00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:41,181 Oh, you're one of those guys. 116 00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:42,248 I know. 117 00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:44,551 It looks like she's singing directly to you, 118 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,986 but she's just trying to remember the words. 119 00:05:49,256 --> 00:05:51,224 It's not what you're thinking. 120 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,093 This is us. 121 00:05:53,094 --> 00:05:56,229 We dated a little back in Lanford. 122 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:59,232 Yeah, I didn't have the guts to commit. 123 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,168 And then I gave her cheese flowers 124 00:06:02,169 --> 00:06:05,071 and really messed things up. 125 00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:06,873 Cheese flowers? 126 00:06:06,874 --> 00:06:10,009 Is that something, like, that another guy could catch? 127 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,512 No, nothing like that. 128 00:06:12,513 --> 00:06:14,180 Look... 129 00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:16,449 I just want her back. 130 00:06:18,185 --> 00:06:19,486 Do you love her? 131 00:06:20,821 --> 00:06:22,622 I don't know... 132 00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,891 drunk guy. 133 00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:26,359 We've been friends for a long time, 134 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,895 and this just happened, and, uh... 135 00:06:28,896 --> 00:06:30,096 it's got nothing to do with you. 136 00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,265 Okay! Okay! 137 00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:35,135 I get it. Backing off. 138 00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:37,003 Beep, beep, beep. 139 00:06:38,239 --> 00:06:40,273 Oh, do me a favor, will ya? 140 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,108 The next time you see her, 141 00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:46,112 tell her that Dan's not afraid to say it. 142 00:06:46,113 --> 00:06:47,514 "I love you." 143 00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:50,617 But her, not you. 144 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,452 I-I love her, not you. 145 00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:59,058 It's you talking, but it's me saying it. 146 00:06:59,059 --> 00:07:00,593 You'll do that for me, right? 147 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,061 No. 148 00:07:03,063 --> 00:07:04,864 Aw, come on! 149 00:07:04,865 --> 00:07:06,733 - What's your name? - Zach. 150 00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:10,103 Zach, I'd do it for you. 151 00:07:10,104 --> 00:07:11,437 Watch. 152 00:07:11,438 --> 00:07:13,072 Marla. 153 00:07:13,073 --> 00:07:14,807 Zach loves you. 154 00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:19,512 Yeah, after midnight, everybody loves me. 155 00:07:19,513 --> 00:07:21,581 Good luck to you, buddy. 156 00:07:21,582 --> 00:07:22,949 Oh, thanks! 157 00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,751 Oh! Oh! 158 00:07:24,752 --> 00:07:26,753 Oh, I feel like you and I 159 00:07:26,754 --> 00:07:29,589 have made a little connection here. 160 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,926 It may be the beer talking, but I think I love you, too. 161 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,401 What are all the pills for? 162 00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:43,838 They're vitamins to increase my odds of getting pregnant. 163 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,973 So, you're actually trying now? 164 00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:48,608 You know, the world has enough kids. 165 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,644 The Earth can barely sustain what we've got. 166 00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:52,780 What the hell, woman? 167 00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:55,582 Ben and I want to have a baby together, 168 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,251 and it's gonna be a really small one, 169 00:07:57,252 --> 00:08:01,321 so it's not gonna use up a lot of resources. 170 00:08:01,322 --> 00:08:03,557 And we'll recycle it when we're done. 171 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,260 You're being really selfish. 172 00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:08,262 Lay off, Harris! 173 00:08:08,263 --> 00:08:11,165 I'm just saying. Adopt one, don't drop one. 174 00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:14,468 Look, I'm 43. 175 00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:16,470 I don't even know if I can have a baby, okay? 176 00:08:16,471 --> 00:08:17,905 Get off my back. 177 00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:22,109 Your old people sex is destroying the Earth! 178 00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:27,047 We're not gonna be here that long, so we don't care! 179 00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:30,317 Hey, you got to get dressed for the meeting. 180 00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,452 We're gonna be late. We got to leave like right now. 181 00:08:32,453 --> 00:08:34,988 I am sorry. I went to bed way too late. 182 00:08:34,989 --> 00:08:36,623 Beverly Rose fell asleep in my arms. 183 00:08:36,624 --> 00:08:38,425 I didn't want to move and wake her up. 184 00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:40,360 Well, you could have given her to Becky. 185 00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,696 Oh, I didn't mind. Becky needed a break. 186 00:08:42,697 --> 00:08:44,331 You go on ahead. I'll meet you there. 187 00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:45,866 But, hey, don't forget I am coming with you 188 00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:47,367 to your doctor's appointment afterwards. 189 00:08:47,368 --> 00:08:49,837 You don't need to go to that. I'll fill you in later. 190 00:08:49,838 --> 00:08:51,438 Just don't be late for the meeting. 191 00:08:51,439 --> 00:08:53,207 We need this guy's advertising dollars. 192 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,209 Well, hey, it... It is an adult bookstore, 193 00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,144 so if you get there before I do, just talk about 194 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,979 what a shame it is people don't read anymore. 195 00:09:00,315 --> 00:09:03,150 There's something wrong with the hot water in the house, 196 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,218 and I need a shower real bad 197 00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:06,386 because Beverly Rose threw up in my hair, 198 00:09:06,387 --> 00:09:08,055 and I tried running it and running it, 199 00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:09,223 and no hot water came out. 200 00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:11,358 And if I don't get a shower and some sleep, 201 00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:12,726 I'm gonna eat the baby. 202 00:09:14,028 --> 00:09:16,363 Nobody is eating any babies. 203 00:09:16,364 --> 00:09:17,998 It is probably just the pilot light. 204 00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,566 I'll check it. 205 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,039 Yeah. It's the pilot light. 206 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,407 This'll just take a second. 207 00:09:27,408 --> 00:09:31,178 Now, we just turn this, hold the button down, 208 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,579 and... it's out. 209 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:33,714 Alright. 210 00:09:33,715 --> 00:09:35,849 So, uh... 211 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:37,818 it's a little more complicated than I thought. 212 00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:39,853 Uh, but as soon as I get back from the meeting with Darlene, 213 00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:43,257 - I'll fix it. - You said you could fix this! 214 00:09:43,258 --> 00:09:44,992 Were you just talking out of your ass, 215 00:09:44,993 --> 00:09:47,427 like all men do?! 216 00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,096 I just want a shower! 217 00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:53,400 I just want my hair to smell like pretty apples again! 218 00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:54,434 Okay, okay! 219 00:09:54,435 --> 00:09:57,604 Maybe I can try and fix it right now, okay? 220 00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,573 Could just be a clogged burner. 221 00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:02,976 So, I'm just gonna reach in there... 222 00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:06,280 Wow. 223 00:10:06,281 --> 00:10:07,748 Well, that came out way too easy. 224 00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,891 Hey, rom-com! 225 00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:20,027 I heard you rode all the way to Springfield 226 00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:22,296 to tell Louise you couldn't live without her. 227 00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:23,897 Did you catch her at the airport 228 00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:26,900 before she flew to Paris to marry the wrong guy? 229 00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:29,303 Why are you screaming? 230 00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:31,238 Oh, a little hung over 231 00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,706 from all the celebrating, are we? 232 00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:35,042 Well, I guess some people can't hold a case of beer 233 00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:36,510 like they used to. 234 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:40,113 Actually, I got drunk with Louise's new boyfriend. 235 00:10:40,114 --> 00:10:41,448 Oh! 236 00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:44,251 Dan, let me tell you something from personal experience... 237 00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,320 Thrupples don't work. 238 00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,921 No thrupples. 239 00:10:47,922 --> 00:10:49,456 No couples. 240 00:10:49,457 --> 00:10:50,958 No nothing. 241 00:10:50,959 --> 00:10:52,492 She moved on. 242 00:10:52,493 --> 00:10:54,061 Oh, man! 243 00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,963 I'm sorry. Dan! 244 00:10:55,964 --> 00:10:57,831 I told her I was ready to commit. 245 00:10:57,832 --> 00:11:00,334 She was tired of waiting. 246 00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:02,769 I'm never gonna meet anyone like her again. 247 00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,505 Okay, look, you got your heart broken. 248 00:11:05,506 --> 00:11:06,640 That sucks. 249 00:11:06,641 --> 00:11:08,675 But if nothing else, 250 00:11:08,676 --> 00:11:11,611 you learned that you're ready to let somebody in your life now. 251 00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,313 Maybe it won't be somebody like her. 252 00:11:13,314 --> 00:11:16,984 Maybe it'll be somebody a little more, you know, your speed. 253 00:11:16,985 --> 00:11:20,187 Like a lady ranch hand 254 00:11:20,188 --> 00:11:21,555 or... 255 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,390 baggage handler. 256 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,360 I'm not looking for somebody to help me move a couch. 257 00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:29,863 Okay, I'm just saying now that you're open to all the possibilities, 258 00:11:29,864 --> 00:11:32,566 you're gonna find somebody. 259 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,369 Jackie, you've been open to all the possibilities for 40 years. 260 00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:38,572 - How's that working out for you? - We're not talking about me! 261 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,374 I'm out of my freakin' mind! 262 00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:44,044 I wouldn't know the first thing about meeting someone. 263 00:11:44,045 --> 00:11:45,812 Hmm. Interesting. 264 00:11:45,813 --> 00:11:48,982 As Lanford's former leading life coach, 265 00:11:48,983 --> 00:11:51,618 I'd say the fact that you're grabbing a beer... 266 00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,420 ...when we're talking about relationships 267 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,555 is very significant. 268 00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:56,957 Oh, please! 269 00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:59,526 It's hops and barley. They're grains. 270 00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:01,194 You put them in a bowl, you're a health nut. 271 00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:04,765 You put them in a bottle, you're running away from your feelings. 272 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,168 Look, I know that it can be intimidating, 273 00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:10,404 but there's a lot of women waiting to meet somebody like you, 274 00:12:10,405 --> 00:12:12,205 and we're all looking for the same thing... 275 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,974 Somebody who doesn't play games, 276 00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:16,543 somebody who's emotionally available, 277 00:12:16,544 --> 00:12:19,413 and most especially, 278 00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:22,816 somebody who doesn't wear a wedding ring. 279 00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,519 I don't know if I can do that. 280 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,722 Dan, taking off the ring... 281 00:12:28,723 --> 00:12:33,026 It's not gonna erase all the wonderful memories 282 00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:35,362 that you had with Roseanne. 283 00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:41,902 Your age and drinking history's gonna do that. 284 00:12:51,779 --> 00:12:54,133 - Where's Ben? - I don't know. I'm watching Mark. 285 00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:56,635 - Well, where's Mark? - I have no idea. 286 00:12:58,305 --> 00:13:00,139 Could be with Ben. 287 00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:03,242 Can you believe that Ben missed a meeting 288 00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:04,476 that he knew was important 289 00:13:04,477 --> 00:13:06,745 because he had to fix the water heater? 290 00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:08,781 I'm so fed up with him. 291 00:13:08,782 --> 00:13:11,150 He spends more time with Becky and her damn baby 292 00:13:11,151 --> 00:13:13,385 than he does getting our stupid magazine set up. 293 00:13:13,386 --> 00:13:15,120 I know we've gone over this, 294 00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:17,122 and I think this is one of those times 295 00:13:17,123 --> 00:13:18,991 where I'm just supposed to listen. 296 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,827 Do you know where Ben is? 297 00:13:21,828 --> 00:13:22,928 In the basement. 298 00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:24,296 With Becky? 299 00:13:24,297 --> 00:13:26,699 Yeah. She blew up her life, so that's where she lives now. 300 00:13:33,239 --> 00:13:34,373 Hey, you're home. 301 00:13:34,374 --> 00:13:35,774 You got my texts, right? 302 00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:37,343 Yeah, I got 'em. 303 00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:39,478 Well, I was waiting for you to text me back. 304 00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:42,281 Well, I was a little busy trying to woo a porn merchant. 305 00:13:42,282 --> 00:13:44,350 Can I talk to you for a sec? In private? 306 00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:45,751 Sure. 307 00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:46,952 Hey, I'm sorry I missed the meet... 308 00:13:46,953 --> 00:13:48,721 Not yet. I'll get to you in a minute. 309 00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,325 Don't be mad at Ben. 310 00:13:53,326 --> 00:13:55,260 I was falling apart and had throwup in my hair, 311 00:13:55,261 --> 00:13:56,962 and he really came to my rescue. 312 00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:59,031 Oh, yeah, I'll bet he did. 313 00:13:59,032 --> 00:14:00,466 What is that supposed to mean? 314 00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:03,335 It means you're watching TV with Ben in the middle of the night, 315 00:14:03,336 --> 00:14:05,204 then suddenly, Ben can't make it to a meeting 316 00:14:05,205 --> 00:14:07,206 because you have to take a shower. 317 00:14:07,207 --> 00:14:09,308 And then I come downstairs, and you're brushing your hair 318 00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:11,310 like a mermaid in front of him. 319 00:14:13,179 --> 00:14:14,413 What are you talking about? 320 00:14:14,414 --> 00:14:16,281 You don't have a guy in your life, 321 00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:17,783 so you're trying to steal mine. 322 00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:21,754 You are out of your damn mind. 323 00:14:21,755 --> 00:14:23,022 Ben helped me out a little bit 324 00:14:23,023 --> 00:14:24,656 because I was having trouble with the baby 325 00:14:24,657 --> 00:14:26,225 and I needed to shower. 326 00:14:26,226 --> 00:14:28,193 - That's it! - Is it? 327 00:14:28,194 --> 00:14:30,095 Because Emilio's stuck in Mexico, 328 00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:33,098 and you don't have anybody to "fix your hot water heater." 329 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:37,302 Did you give Ben a little peek before you went in the shower? 330 00:14:38,538 --> 00:14:39,972 It's a good thing I got some sleep, 331 00:14:39,973 --> 00:14:41,440 because if I hadn't, 332 00:14:41,441 --> 00:14:43,242 I'd knock your tiny ass across the room. 333 00:14:43,243 --> 00:14:45,377 Whoa. What is going on? 334 00:14:45,378 --> 00:14:47,446 You want a baby? Becky's got a baby. 335 00:14:47,447 --> 00:14:49,114 You'll make a beautiful family. 336 00:14:49,115 --> 00:14:50,549 You two can populate the world 337 00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:53,252 with a bunch of Aryan-looking giant Viking children. 338 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:59,258 Everybody's a giant to you, you nasty little munchkin! 339 00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:01,360 Oh, I hope there's still hot water, 340 00:15:01,361 --> 00:15:03,228 "because I've got puke in my hair, 341 00:15:03,229 --> 00:15:05,998 and if I don't take a hot shower, I'll die!" 342 00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:19,445 Please let me in. 343 00:15:19,446 --> 00:15:22,247 - No. - Talk to me! 344 00:15:22,248 --> 00:15:25,984 I want to understand why you think I want giant babies with Becky. 345 00:15:25,985 --> 00:15:27,886 I... 346 00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:32,291 I want tiny, psychotic babies with you. 347 00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:40,999 Tell me what's going on, Darlene. 348 00:15:42,135 --> 00:15:43,735 I get why you're attracted to her. 349 00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:45,137 What?! 350 00:15:45,138 --> 00:15:47,573 Yeah, you... you love the baby. 351 00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:49,808 You love Becky's middleaged, fertile womb, 352 00:15:49,809 --> 00:15:51,877 and you want to have a family. 353 00:15:51,878 --> 00:15:53,912 Yeah, I want to have a family. 354 00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:55,114 With you. 355 00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:56,482 Well, maybe I can't. 356 00:15:57,584 --> 00:16:01,253 Look, we haven't even been trying that long! 357 00:16:01,254 --> 00:16:03,021 Okay? You just got to be positive. 358 00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:06,258 Oh, fine. I'll just change my entire personality. 359 00:16:08,628 --> 00:16:09,962 Oh, look at that. 360 00:16:09,963 --> 00:16:12,764 The sun'll come out tomorrow, and, bam, I'm pregnant! 361 00:16:16,536 --> 00:16:18,537 Did something happen at the doctor? 362 00:16:19,606 --> 00:16:22,474 I had an infection a while ago, and apparently, 363 00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:25,410 it left a bunch of scarring in one of my fallopian tubes. 364 00:16:25,411 --> 00:16:26,812 Okay. 365 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,447 So, what does that mean? 366 00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:31,116 The doctor said that getting pregnant 367 00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,918 is gonna be a long shot. 368 00:16:32,919 --> 00:16:36,155 She said maybe with in vitro, but we can't afford that. 369 00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:38,457 And even if we could find a way to get all that money, 370 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:40,392 she said there's no guarantees. 371 00:16:40,393 --> 00:16:44,363 Well, hey, even if we don't have a baby, 372 00:16:44,364 --> 00:16:45,797 we're gonna be fine. 373 00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:47,366 Yeah, for a while. 374 00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:48,700 And then in a year or two, 375 00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,235 you're still gonna want a family. 376 00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:51,870 You're gonna find somebody who can have a baby, 377 00:16:51,871 --> 00:16:53,205 and you're gonna leave me. 378 00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:55,874 I am gonna prove you wrong 379 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,377 by being with you for the rest of your life. 380 00:16:58,378 --> 00:17:03,048 And so, when you're old and on your death bed, 381 00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:06,785 I'm gonna gently hold your face and I'm gonna say, 382 00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:09,154 "Betcha feel like an idiot now." 383 00:17:13,593 --> 00:17:15,394 It's not just that, though. 384 00:17:15,395 --> 00:17:18,430 There's something else, and I'm pretty sure it's your fault. 385 00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,400 I know. 386 00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:23,835 Why? 387 00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:29,408 Because I wasn't even sure that I wanted a baby, 388 00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:32,911 and then you started this, and now I want one. 389 00:17:32,912 --> 00:17:34,646 Okay? I really want one. 390 00:17:34,647 --> 00:17:36,815 Oh, come here. 391 00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:44,256 Look, the doctor said it's still possible, right? 392 00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:47,726 Okay, so... 393 00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:50,696 we're just gonna have to have a lot more sex. 394 00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:54,733 And, uh, you know, then afterwards, 395 00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:57,102 we'll have to hang you upside down from the ceiling, 396 00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:59,671 like a bat, to increase our chances. 397 00:18:01,541 --> 00:18:04,509 You just want the change that'll fall out of my pockets. 398 00:18:05,745 --> 00:18:08,614 Well, I assumed you'd be naked at that point, but whatever. 399 00:18:11,651 --> 00:18:13,151 Mm. 400 00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:16,488 I feel bad. I unloaded all my emotional baggage on Becky. 401 00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:19,491 How do you think I feel as her new husband? 402 00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:28,700 I can take that bear. 403 00:18:36,576 --> 00:18:38,510 If you're drunk, this isn't your house! 404 00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:42,481 What the hell is wrong with you?! 405 00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:44,750 You see me kissing a guy, 406 00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:47,486 and that's who you use to tell me you love me? 407 00:18:47,487 --> 00:18:51,923 I can see why you like him. He's real easy to talk to. 408 00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:54,426 This is so high school. 409 00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:56,428 You might as well pass me a note saying 410 00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,730 "Do you like Dan? Check yes or no." 411 00:18:58,731 --> 00:19:00,832 Well, the last time I did anything like this, 412 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:02,000 I was in high school! 413 00:19:02,001 --> 00:19:03,602 Well, you're a man now. 414 00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:06,305 And I just drove 212 miles. 415 00:19:06,306 --> 00:19:07,706 Tell me to my face! 416 00:19:08,641 --> 00:19:10,075 I love you. 417 00:19:11,077 --> 00:19:13,745 Well, it's no good if I tell you to say it. 418 00:19:14,881 --> 00:19:16,381 I don't know how to do this. 419 00:19:16,382 --> 00:19:17,849 I'm no good at any of this stuff. 420 00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,085 I'm no good at expressing myself. 421 00:19:22,021 --> 00:19:24,556 This was so much easier with Zach. 422 00:19:26,459 --> 00:19:27,859 What happened to your ring? 423 00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:32,197 I took it off. 424 00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:36,368 That must have been hard. 425 00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:39,204 It was time. 426 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,678 Well... 427 00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:49,181 you know, um... 428 00:19:49,182 --> 00:19:51,483 with that ring off, 429 00:19:51,484 --> 00:19:54,653 lots of women are gonna be coming after ya. 430 00:19:54,654 --> 00:19:56,555 Including you? 431 00:19:56,556 --> 00:19:58,490 Well... 432 00:19:58,491 --> 00:19:59,558 maybe. 433 00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:03,495 You had your chance. 434 00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:06,665 I would like to see what else is out there. 435 00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:10,635 Have you been to a high school reunion lately? 436 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,298 I'm going to the refrigerator to get some juice. 437 00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:26,767 Doesn't mean I'm trying to have sex with Ben. 438 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,670 I know. 439 00:20:29,671 --> 00:20:32,273 I went a little crazy and said some terrible things. 440 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,475 That is why I made you waffles. 441 00:20:34,476 --> 00:20:35,843 Ohh! 442 00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:37,811 But you really hurt my feelings. 443 00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:40,648 Can I at least get some whipped cream on this? 444 00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:42,783 I didn't try to kill you. I just called you a whore. 445 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,451 You can get up and get it yourself. 446 00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:52,926 Hey, your doctor told you you couldn't have a baby, 447 00:20:52,927 --> 00:20:54,295 and he was wrong. 448 00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,996 I mean, they make mistakes all the time, right? 449 00:20:55,997 --> 00:20:57,464 Of course! 450 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,732 All the time! 451 00:20:58,733 --> 00:21:01,702 Besides, having another baby is gonna ruin your life, 452 00:21:01,703 --> 00:21:03,737 so it's definitely gonna happen. 453 00:21:04,706 --> 00:21:06,307 You know what worked for me? 454 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:08,676 Drunk sex in a walk-in freezer. 455 00:21:08,677 --> 00:21:10,377 You guys might want to try that. 456 00:21:10,378 --> 00:21:13,047 And if that doesn't work, it's probably Ben, 457 00:21:13,048 --> 00:21:15,549 so go to Mexico and have sex with Emilio. 458 00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:17,584 Well, you heard her. 459 00:21:17,585 --> 00:21:19,353 If we're serious about the baby, 460 00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:20,954 you have to go have sex with Emilio. 461 00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:22,556 Hey, he's smokin' hot. 462 00:21:22,557 --> 00:21:24,125 I'm packing my bags right now.