1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,224 ...the worldwide blow-molded plastics market is expanding 2 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,271 at a rate we haven't seen since the '60s. 3 00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,447 Our projection... What's up with all the crypt keepers? 4 00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,623 Robin's gonna present some of my ideas 5 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,581 to the Wellman Board of Directors, 6 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,018 and she said I could watch. 7 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,628 It's nice the old white guys 8 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,934 still have a place to hang out and Patriarch. 9 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,371 Hey, Robin's talking. 10 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155 I am very happy to report 11 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:28,506 that production at the Lanford plant is up 20%. 12 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,509 Our team has come up with some very exciting ideas. 13 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,860 I am all about giving credit where credit is due, 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,341 so, Darlene Conner, 15 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,430 why don't you hop on and tell the board yourself? 16 00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,258 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 17 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:44,305 That's what you get for having ideas, Bride of Frankensuck. 18 00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:49,049 Um, this is quite unexpected. 19 00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,790 Thank you so very much, Robin. 20 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,966 Um, just give me a couple minutes to gather my notes, 21 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,446 and I'll be right back. 22 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:56,665 Oh, my God, I'm literally wearing sweats. 23 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:57,753 Relax. 24 00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,146 They'll be too distracted 25 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,538 by the crushing poverty around you 26 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,800 to notice you're a slob. 27 00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,672 We've got two minutes. 28 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:07,154 I've got to change, and we got to build a new house. 29 00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,025 Emergency, everybody! 30 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,288 We have to find someplace in the house 31 00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,160 that makes me look less poor. 32 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:16,337 Mark decorated his room so it almost looks middle class. 33 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,209 The fireplace. Rich people have those. 34 00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:22,865 Oh, and books on the mantelpiece will make you look smart. 35 00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,172 Hey, I need those. I'm studying. 36 00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,130 Marry rich. It's less work. 37 00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,961 ♪ Here's a little song I wrote♪ 38 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,225 I can't believe Dad nailed this singing fish to the wall. 39 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,708 How do you get this thing to shut off? 40 00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:42,014 It's motion activated. Just stop punching it. 41 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,017 That's a nice sweater. 42 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,063 Hey, what the hell?! 43 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,152 Your mom is pretending to have ideas. 44 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,284 She needs a costume. 45 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,763 Now, everybody, get out. 46 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:03,688 Too low. 47 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,388 Okay, you're gonna crush this. 48 00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:10,695 And in three, two... 49 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,263 Hello, everyone. 50 00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,352 I've never addressed a board before. 51 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,354 You caught me a little off guard. 52 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,400 Uh, I'm just at our lake house. 53 00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,577 But I haven't forgotten my roots. 54 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:26,537 And my time on the line gave me insight 55 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,410 into how to make workers more productive. 56 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:33,240 I, um, asked my people what they thought 57 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:36,112 we could do better to motivate them. 58 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:38,070 Um, and they said small things, 59 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,072 like a gift card for coffee 60 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,684 or a... 61 00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,860 like, a pinball machine in the break room. 62 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,733 Are you okay? 63 00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:52,084 My last thing that I'm gonna impart on you 64 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:55,479 is show the line workers that you care. 65 00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:59,135 ♪ Here's a little song I wrote♪ 66 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,616 And -- And like my fish says, 67 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,488 tell your employees not to worry and be happy. 68 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:08,144 I-I got to go. Back to you, Robin. 69 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:09,885 Darlene, what's going on? 70 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,713 I don't know. I don't know. 71 00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,410 I can't breathe. 72 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,152 And my heart's pounding like it's coming out of my chest. 73 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,371 I feel dizzy. 74 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,111 I think I'm having a heart attack. 75 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,809 I'm calling 911. 76 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,419 No, no, no, don't. We can't afford an ambulance. 77 00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,465 You're gonna have to drive me to the hospital. 78 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,206 My license expired, and I haven't renewed it. 79 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,468 Can you drive? 80 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,644 Oh, oh, right, right, you're dying. 81 00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:30,688 I'll drive. 82 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:08,378 --Captions by VITAC-- 83 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,861 We've been watching this same show for five minutes, 84 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,646 and the story's not going anywhere. 85 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:16,952 I think it's an infomercial. 86 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,519 Really? 87 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:22,305 You thought Chuck Norris working out was a show? 88 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,612 Hey, I don't need the attitude. 89 00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:28,703 I'm as strong as that guy. 90 00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,095 I could whip you. 91 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,749 No way. I was a cop. 92 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:35,710 What, did you carry the criminals to jail? 93 00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,494 You want to go? 94 00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,235 Let's go. 95 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:42,064 I hope you didn't need that arm, 'cause I'm taking it. 96 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,761 Ready? Go. 97 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,117 I know I should be surprised, but I'm not. 98 00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:54,381 You guys know where Darlene is? 99 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,860 No. Damn it. 100 00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,732 Got to find her. I need to talk to her. 101 00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,081 I have a big problem. 102 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,605 Help Ben with his problem on three? 103 00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:02,911 Okay. 104 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,391 One, two... 105 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,308 So what's the problem? 106 00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:11,659 Oh, I just told my mom I'd run my dad's hardware store. 107 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,225 I don't know how to run a hardware store. 108 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,705 I've never even worked retail. 109 00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:15,967 There's got to be somebody who can help you. 110 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,056 Well, my only shot is this guy, Mac, 111 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,537 who retired from the store not too long ago. 112 00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:22,322 Oh, oh, yeah, Mac. 113 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,411 He used to help me and my dad 114 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,890 when we went to your dad's store. 115 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,414 Oh, yeah? Great guy. 116 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,937 But I think he's still dead. 117 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,939 Oh, I'm screwed. 118 00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,597 What the hell? 119 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:40,209 So...how was your day? 120 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:41,906 I got fired off a job. 121 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,125 What? 122 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,648 Contractor called me a liability. 123 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,258 Oh, my God, what happened? 124 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,477 Nothing. 125 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,218 Some jackass in a forklift 126 00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:51,873 wasn't paying attention and almost backed over me. 127 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:53,918 Aren't they supposed to beep when you back up? 128 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,356 Oh, yeah, has to be on all heavy machinery. 129 00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,619 I had one on my big rig back in the day. 130 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,969 I used to say, "If you hear me a-beepin', 131 00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,362 you better be a-leapin'. 132 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,975 I didn't hear it 'cause it's a damn construction site. 133 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,325 They got circular saws, hammer drills. 134 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,981 Dan, I told you, you need to get your hearing checked. 135 00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,591 I didn't hear you say that. 136 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,464 And so what if they find out my hearing's shot? 137 00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,161 Hearing aids are like 5 grand. 138 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,684 Oh, you need a hearing aid? 139 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:25,515 Ben is asking if you need a hearing aid! 140 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:31,042 No, I need a lock on the door you don't have a key to! 141 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:35,177 Well, there's kind of a weird synchronicity going on here. 142 00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,527 Dan, you're gonna be out of work for a couple weeks, 143 00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:40,008 and Ben needs help at the hardware store. 144 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,836 Oh, I really do. 145 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:45,492 Well, no offense, Ben, but I'm a subcontractor. 146 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:46,797 I've got my own business. 147 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,320 I'm not gonna throw on an apron 148 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,148 and help old ladies pick out batteries. 149 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,846 Hey, what if it was just for a couple weeks 150 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,064 till I find someone permanent? 151 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,849 Come on, Dan. 152 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,025 You're just gonna sit around the house, drink beer, 153 00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:58,853 and fall asleep in your underwear. 154 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,508 Well, that was the plan, yeah. 155 00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:05,033 Well, I guess I could help out. 156 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,078 We're back. Don't worry. 157 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,906 What were we supposed to be worried about? 158 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,560 About me having a heart attack. 159 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,301 What? 160 00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,956 It wasn't a heart attack. She just had a panic attack. 161 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,872 Just a panic attack? I thought I was gonna die. 162 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:18,873 But you didn't. 163 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,091 That's so scary. 164 00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,571 Why would you have a panic attack? 165 00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,617 I don't know, probably because Robin, 166 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,314 without any prep, 167 00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,621 made me pitch my ideas to the entire Board of Directors, 168 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,232 and your stupid fish went off in the middle of it. 169 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,192 Man, that thing just won't quit. 170 00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,847 W-What if the big wigs noticed and they think 171 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:39,937 that I can't handle the pressure of being in management 172 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,984 and then it ruins any chance I have of making more money 173 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,247 or having a better future for my kids? 174 00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,945 Darlene, this family -- 175 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,208 and I think I can speak for everybody -- 176 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,560 never thought for a moment you had a chance. 177 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,389 Yeah, thanks, you guys. 178 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,304 I was getting too down. 179 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,611 You always remind me to keep a sense of humor about myself. 180 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,918 Honey, I'm pretty sure they were serious. 181 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,708 You feeling any better this morning? 182 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,144 Oh, yeah, much. 183 00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:14,711 And Robin said the Board of Directors 184 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,800 did not even notice my little freak out. 185 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,629 But she did feel badly about throwing me in the deep water, 186 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,458 so she gave me a gift certificate for a massage. 187 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:23,981 Hey, if you'd started foaming at the mouth, 188 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,854 I bet you could've gotten a suite at the Sheraton. 189 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,378 Here, I made you lunch for your first day. 190 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,119 Aww. I am so proud of you. 191 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,904 I know it was hard for you to put the podcast on hold 192 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,427 to take over the store, 193 00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,952 but you got my dad there to help you get started, 194 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,997 and you can do anything you put your mind to. 195 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:43,435 Well, come on, young Dan. 196 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,612 Today is your first day in the magical world 197 00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,614 of washers and screws. 198 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,312 I hear there's plungers as far as the eye can see 199 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,749 and the streets are paved with duct tape. 200 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,056 Hey. 201 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,058 Hey. 202 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,668 What you looking at? 203 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:01,062 Uh, my boss gave me a gift certificate to this spa. 204 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,411 Mm. 205 00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,978 Yeah, they put rocks on this woman. 206 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,457 Must be a hell of a wind in there 207 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:06,633 if they need to do that to keep her down. 208 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:07,764 Oh, wow. 209 00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:09,418 That's a super fancy place. 210 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:13,161 It says you got to pick between Reiki and Shiatsu. 211 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:16,904 So, that -- that must be those two masseuses right there. 212 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:20,560 Uh, no, no, it says those are two types of massages. 213 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,083 These women must be customers. 214 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,650 I guess they're there to relax 215 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,652 from the stress of being absolutely perfect. 216 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,523 You better take pictures 217 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,394 'cause none of us has ever been to a place like that before. 218 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,440 I know. It's crazy. 219 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:32,920 Oh, my God, look. 220 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,749 They bring you champagne and strawberries. 221 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,489 Ugh, is it hot in here? 222 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,839 My chest hurts. 223 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,842 Well, just breathe deeply. 224 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,148 Is it a dull pain or a sharp pain? 225 00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:45,672 I don't know. Why? I don't know. 226 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,848 I just heard people say that on TV before. 227 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,980 Is -- Is this like what happened before? 228 00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,329 Yes. 229 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,288 Do you want to call the shrink 230 00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,551 that they gave you a reference for at the E.R.? I don't know. 231 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,161 Don't ask me questions. I can't think. 232 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,381 Why can't you think? Don't ask me questions. 233 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:00,687 Why are you getting upset with me? 234 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,036 That's another question. 235 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,341 I'm sorry. 236 00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:04,516 Uh, what do you want me to do? 237 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,649 Stop asking questions. 238 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,869 Get in your car and start it. 239 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,348 Got it. And then what? 240 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:13,569 Go someplace else and let me die in peace. 241 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,748 Here you go. Have a great barbecue. 242 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,925 And make sure that propane hose is tightened all the way 243 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,405 or you're gonna kill your family 244 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,711 and probably your neighbors, too. 245 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,016 Have a great day. 246 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:29,411 You know, I-I really didn't think 247 00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,848 I'd like standing around talking to people all day... 248 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:34,546 ...but it's kind of fun when you know everything 249 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,113 and they're clueless idiots. 250 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,854 Maybe I am a people person. 251 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,205 Yeah, I'm kind of surprised at how much I know. 252 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,468 I guess just by osmosis and being around my dad 253 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,906 and hearing about hardware all the time. 254 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,429 You're the guy without the beard. 255 00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:48,996 Oh, yeah. Uh, six feet back, please. 256 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,562 I'm sorry. 257 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,216 I'm supposed to ask you a question 258 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,305 about a paint problem I'm having at my house. 259 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,830 Uh, hi. I'm the owner. 260 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,962 Uh, who suggested that you talk to the man without the beard? 261 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,790 Just another customer. 262 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,750 He said be sure to talk to the man without the beard. 263 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,405 Well, I know quite a bit about paint. 264 00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:10,582 Uh, you cool? Knock yourself out. 265 00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,932 Alright. How can I help? 266 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,064 Okay. I bought some paint, 267 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,632 and it's buckling on the wall next to my water heater. Mm. 268 00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,242 Was I supposed to use a special paint? 269 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,855 Yes. 270 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,639 Uh, did you bring a little chip so we can match the color? 271 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,597 What you need there is a waterproof latex. 272 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,208 Or it might not be the paint at all. 273 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:29,166 No? 274 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,038 You cool? After you. 275 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,430 Yeah, it ain't the paint. 276 00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,129 You have a pinhole leak in your pipe. 277 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,740 You need to open the wall, wrap the pipe, 278 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,177 patch the wall, and then you paint. 279 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,179 Mm. May I? 280 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,138 Indubitably. 281 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,443 Or you just put enough coats 282 00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:46,793 of that waterproof paint on there, 283 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,403 and it pushes that bubble down. 284 00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,579 My turn? 285 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:51,798 Yes, sir. 286 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,060 He's wrong. 287 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,889 You got water leaking into the wall. 288 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,847 It's gonna bubble the paint every time, 289 00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,893 plus you're gonna have mold and wood rot. 290 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,722 Well, that makes a lot more sense than the paint. 291 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,289 Ben, while I'm getting the rest of her stuff, 292 00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:06,987 why don't you go over there 293 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,467 and help her pick out a pretty paint color? 294 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:13,820 You sure he knows what he's doing? 295 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,518 Uh, I learned colors in grade school. 296 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,346 I think we'll be okay. 297 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:22,742 Hey, Dan. 298 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,700 Look at you in your vest. 299 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,354 Don't push it, Dwight. 300 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,138 What do you need? 301 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,445 Guess I'm not in the place with the friendly hardware folk. 302 00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,883 Just some painters' tape. Thank you. 303 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,624 Actually, I came by to tell you 304 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,844 I thought it was B.S. they tossed you off the site. 305 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,194 But I do get their side. 306 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:43,153 The way you stood there when the forklift kept coming 307 00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:46,374 was like that guy in China standing in front of the tank, 308 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:49,681 if he was eating a Slim Jim and looking the other way. 309 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,640 Hey, Dwight. Ben. 310 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,685 Hey, Dan, we just had a big shipment dropped off out back. 311 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,296 I'm still dealing with the paint. 312 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:56,732 You grab a dolly and bring it in for me, will you? 313 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,212 Yeah, as soon as I'm done with Dwight. 314 00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:00,997 I'm sure your little buddy can wait. 315 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,217 I can't have that stuff sitting in the alley. 316 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:04,392 I need you to do it now. 317 00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:07,047 I'm gonna get going. 318 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,266 Don't be too hard on him. 319 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,226 At his age, he's probably sleeping while you're talking. 320 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,754 What the hell was that? 321 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:19,755 What? 322 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,626 I asked you to work. 323 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,367 I can't afford to have your buddies coming by to chat you up 324 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,282 while there's stuff that needs to be done. 325 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,501 He was a customer. 326 00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,677 Hey, I'm not some high school kid 327 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,592 hanging out with my friends. 328 00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,203 I'm here saving you because your lucky ass 329 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,423 got handed a business you know nothing about. 330 00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,991 Whoa. Hey, you got some issues working for me? 331 00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,253 I can fix that for you. 332 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,385 You don't have to. 333 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,039 I'm taking sick leave. 334 00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,999 'Cause I'm sick of your face. 335 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,522 I'm out. 336 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,132 Well, fine. 337 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,439 If I see you again, it's gonna be too soon. 338 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:54,094 And by that, I mean tonight at dinner! 339 00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,882 And the second attack came 340 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,057 when I was checking out this fancy spa, 341 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,972 and it just really freaked me out. 342 00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,235 My ex-wife loved spas. 343 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:09,239 Spent, uh, $120 on a seaweed wrap once. 344 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,806 Last I looked, 345 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,764 you can go to the ocean and get seaweed for free. 346 00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,766 Is that why she's your ex-wife? 347 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,420 Uh, no, no. 348 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,945 Marriage dynamics are more complicated than that. 349 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,338 Didn't help, though. 350 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:25,516 So, um, why do you feel that something relaxing 351 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,041 like a massage triggered this reaction? 352 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,653 Maybe because the people in a spa like that are beautiful 353 00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:34,134 and confident and they belong there. 354 00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:35,918 Okay, "They belong there." 355 00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,877 Let-- Let's explore that. 356 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,749 Well, it was the same feeling I got in the video conference. 357 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,446 Like suddenly they were gonna look at me 358 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,361 and say, "What are you doing here?" 359 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:49,105 And then all of a sudden I felt dizzy and I couldn't breathe. 360 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,064 Well, do you feel like you're not worthy 361 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,892 to be in a big meeting or a fancy spa? 362 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,284 I don't know. 363 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,069 I mean, I'd love to get a massage, 364 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,853 and I'm happy I'm in management. 365 00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,289 I love doing well. 366 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:00,812 I-I just bought some underwear. 367 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,163 Only one in the package. 368 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,904 They thought enough of you to promote you, 369 00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:08,733 so maybe you deserve more money and a fancy massage. 370 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,126 Or to treat yourself 371 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,520 to a $200 facial or Jimmy Choo sandals. 372 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,043 Those last two were not you. 373 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,349 Um... 374 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,177 Sorry. 375 00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:18,700 But, uh, do I deserve it? 376 00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,658 I mean, I'm dressing like I do, 377 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,138 I'm acting like I do, 378 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,967 but what if they realize they made a mistake? 379 00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:26,316 Do you think they did? 380 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,014 Well, how would I know? 381 00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,755 I mean, I thought I was a writer, and I failed at that. 382 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,628 What if I'm not a manager either? 383 00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:37,066 I was always a wise-ass and made fun of everybody 384 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,677 because I felt like I was superior. 385 00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,723 But what if it's not true? 386 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,159 You know? 387 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,422 I mean, what if I'm not special at all? 388 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,772 I mean, that'll make anyone panic, right? 389 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,166 You feel like an imposter at work, 390 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,082 so you're starting to doubt your own self-worth. 391 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,737 Yeah, that's it. I feel like a fraud. 392 00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,653 And, I mean, you have to help me because it's paralyzing me, 393 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,220 and then I'm scared to death 394 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,265 I'm gonna lose the last chance I have 395 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,137 at giving my family a better life. 396 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:08,706 The Darlene that failed must've been a pretty great writer 397 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,274 because she's stuck a whole doomsday scenario in your head 398 00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,929 about your future that you're choosing to believe. 399 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,627 Yeah. I mean, she is scaring the crap out of me. 400 00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,368 She's the one that wants me 401 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,936 to keep buying big packages of cheap underwear. 402 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,460 So change the narrative. 403 00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:24,940 You have the pen. 404 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,942 Rewrite the story to where you're capable 405 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,379 and you succeed and start believing that. 406 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,164 It may seem silly at first, 407 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,905 but eventually you'll start believing it. 408 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,299 And the panic attacks will subside. 409 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,868 Okay. Uh, I think I can do that. 410 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,565 Unless I panic while I'm trying. 411 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,090 Oh, my God, what do I do if I panic while I'm trying? 412 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,092 It takes practice. 413 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:49,095 And in the meantime, I'm gonna get you some anti-anxiety meds 414 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,400 for when you feel an attack coming. 415 00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,315 Oh. I like the sound of that. 416 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:55,927 I'm gonna write a little story where Darlene loves these pills. 417 00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,670 Oh, oh. 418 00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,933 Too cold to deliver food on a bike. 419 00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,500 I hit a patch of black ice, 420 00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,155 skidded right past the house I was looking for, 421 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,637 so I just chucked the soup like a newspaper and kept on sliding. 422 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,640 That's quite a life you've carved out for yourself. 423 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,121 Well, someone's in a mood. 424 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,514 I'm sorry. 425 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,648 Ben and I got into a fight, and I quit. 426 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,606 He was acting like he owned the place. 427 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,260 Sure, sure. 428 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:25,870 Doesn't he own the place? 429 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,394 Look, I was fine quitting 430 00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,049 'cause I thought I had another job to go to. 431 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,615 Then the contractor calls, 432 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,748 saying he heard about the forklift 433 00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:36,185 and I was too big of a risk to bring on. 434 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,448 Hey, you're gonna work. 435 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,320 You're, like, one of the best drywallers around. 436 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,844 That's the thing. 437 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,628 I can't keep doing drywall. 438 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,152 What? Why not? 439 00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,067 It's getting harder and harder for me. 440 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,894 They don't make ice packs big enough 441 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,245 to cover what hurts on me at the end of the day. 442 00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:56,988 Oh, Dan, you're still a strong, vital guy. 443 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,817 They were right about the forklift. 444 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,733 I would've fired me, too. 445 00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:07,173 I always thought when I stopped, I'd do it on my own terms. 446 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,350 Well, let's look on the bright side. 447 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,134 You got two options. 448 00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,311 You can go grovel to Ben and beg for the job back, or... 449 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,707 Gee. 450 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,709 It sure seemed like there should've been something else. 451 00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,058 Yeah. 452 00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:28,890 You're gonna love me. 453 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,110 I don't see how, but go on. 454 00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,634 I figured out what's wrong with you. 455 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,766 I looked up your personality online, 456 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,160 and I wrote down all your character flaws. 457 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,119 You're totally a narcissist. 458 00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,861 I really don't think you can diagnose somebody online. 459 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:45,515 Well, not you, 460 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,692 because you're too complicated and important, right? 461 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,216 Narcissist. 462 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:55,090 I just came back from the psychiatrist, 463 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,615 and he helped me understand that I don't believe in myself 464 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:01,923 and I'm uncomfortable acting like a successful person. 465 00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,751 So are you gonna be okay or what? 466 00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:06,406 The shrink says that my new job is threatening 467 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,104 who I think I really am, so I have to figure out 468 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,585 how to keep some of the old me in the new me. 469 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,630 Maybe instead of dressing nicer for work, 470 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,502 you should wear what you normally do 471 00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,765 and go as a tiny, self-loathing lumberjack. 472 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:23,901 Ah. 473 00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:26,252 Look who's home. 474 00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,734 Really, man, I'm exhausted. 475 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,084 I'm sure you are. 476 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:36,610 You had a long day of telling people the wrong thing. 477 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,438 Are we still doing this? 478 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:42,311 Look. I'm sorry. It was my bad. 479 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,313 I've been my own boss for the past 30 years, 480 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,315 and I haven't had to listen to anybody. 481 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,012 Well, thank you. 482 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,102 And I really do appreciate you giving me the job. 483 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,801 Are you saying you'll come back? 484 00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,804 Do you want me to come back? 485 00:19:56,978 --> 00:20:00,111 Do you want to come back? 486 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,505 'Cause, you know, if you did, 487 00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,942 I could probably be a little less threatened 488 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:08,207 that the customers all love you more than me. 489 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,514 They do love me, don't they? 490 00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,299 You know, if you play your cards right, 491 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:14,604 you can get me permanently. 492 00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,432 What about your drywall business? 493 00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:19,392 Yeah, I think that's behind me. 494 00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,742 Wow. Really? 495 00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,701 Yeah. It's time. 496 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,965 So you're looking to become a permanent member 497 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,620 of the Olinsky chain of hardware store. 498 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,232 Hey, you know, even without you there today, 499 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,799 I learned something really important. 500 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,020 Tap the lid on the paint can closed with a hammer 501 00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:42,980 beforeyou put it intothe violent shake-y machine. 502 00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,678 You do learn quick. 503 00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,511 Okay, remember, this is my first time. 504 00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,208 I had to mix the color myself. 505 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,906 Plus I was working with a lot of gray 506 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,475 and a very... temperamental client. 507 00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:02,565 Ooooh, somebody's turning back the clock 508 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,480 for her young boyfriend Neville. 509 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:07,875 No, Neville's a freak. He likes me old. 510 00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,356 No, I'm doing this for my "Jeopardy!" audition video. 511 00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,009 Alright, let's see it. 512 00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:15,709 Oh, my God! 513 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:16,971 Huh? 514 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,668 What happened to the back? 515 00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,540 I like it. 516 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,107 I think the green is unexpected. 517 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,719 What did you do to me, you little monster?