1
00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:08,225
Happy belated birthday!
2
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,271
My birthday was like
a month ago.
3
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:13,100
Well, it took me this long to
find you the perfect present.
4
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:16,103
Holy crap.
5
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,279
Is that one of those giant
coffee table books?
6
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:19,758
Yep.
7
00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,282
It's one of those gifts
that looks impressive
8
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,153
but is actually really cheap,
right?
9
00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,677
Well, that's what made it
so perfect.
10
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,854
I got it for 25 cents
at a yard sale.
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,553
This old lady with arthritis
couldn't even lift it anymore,
12
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:35,470
so she dragged it in by a wagon
to show it to me.
13
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:42,477
Wow, a book about
famous castles.
14
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:45,175
How did you know about my love
for giant stone houses?
15
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:49,701
This is the same book
Meghan Markle looks at
16
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,703
when she's filled
with regret.
17
00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:56,839
So, you never told me --
what did Josh give you?
18
00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,451
You're the first woman in
the family to date a rich guy.
19
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,150
I once got an expensive
silk scarf,
20
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,369
but the guy's wife came
and took it back.
21
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:08,329
Oh, well, uh,
Josh was supposed to take me
22
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,374
to his family's vacation house
in South Haven,
23
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:13,334
but, uh, I haven't really
heard from him in a while.
24
00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,118
How long's a while?
25
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,815
I don't know,
like a-a couple of weeks.
26
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,513
A couple of weeks?
27
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,776
You guys were all over
each other 24/7.
28
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,386
I know.
29
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,779
Just please don't tell Mom
about it.
30
00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,868
She'll blow this
way out of proportion.
31
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:28,871
He's probably just protesting
somewhere with no cell service.
32
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:31,395
I'm sure he'll get me something
great when he gets back.
33
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:34,094
Harris, sweet Harris.
34
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,226
We're all raised to believe in
the fairy tale.
35
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,662
You know the one.
36
00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,664
It's 3:00 in the morning
at some dive bar
37
00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:41,362
and you see him
38
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,886
scratching his head with a fork
in the cutest way.
39
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,889
He puts out a cigarette
in his leftover nachos
40
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:49,500
and approaches you,
and you think
41
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,547
"This is the start of
something beautiful,"
42
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:54,723
so you spend the night
with him.
43
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:57,987
But you wake up the next morning
and he's gone.
44
00:01:58,161 --> 00:01:59,728
And so is
your toaster oven.
45
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:05,603
And you sit there eating your
soft, dry bread, thinking,
46
00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:09,216
"Damn, he got the coffee maker,
too."
47
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:13,872
Why don't you look at
the castles
48
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,744
and pretend
you're a princess?
49
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,575
I don't understand
why we can't have waffles.
50
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,446
Grandpa has syrup
right there.
51
00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:25,884
Uh, that is pure maple syrup
that I bought for your grandpa.
52
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,495
That stuff is like gold.
53
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,671
We're not gonna waste it
on your unevolved palates.
54
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:33,240
We'll get you a jug of
the cheap stuff
55
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,590
whenever we get
a coupon for it.
56
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:39,159
I'll add that to my list
for Child Protective Services.
57
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,422
I've had
previous grievances.
58
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:44,947
Oh, wow.
59
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,428
Here's a picture of a woman
who's over 100 years old.
60
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,647
In 1918,
she had the Spanish flu,
61
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,780
and in 2020,
she beat Covid.
62
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,260
Twice.
63
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,218
Man,
I wish I had her genes.
64
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,264
But not her luck.
65
00:02:57,438 --> 00:02:58,787
What do you got for me?
66
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:01,398
Um, a woman made her family
move into the garage
67
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:02,921
because she didn't want to
get Covid,
68
00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:04,793
so she got a cat
for company.
69
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,925
And then she tripped over
the cat on the stairs
70
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,013
and broke her neck.
71
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:10,755
As soon as we knock out
this Covid thing,
72
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,670
we gotta go after cats.
73
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:16,152
Can we just enjoy
sitting down to one meal
74
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,806
without talking about
Covid?
75
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,547
There's plenty of other
tragic events
76
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,636
for you two
to find hilarious.
77
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:24,116
Homicides are up
everywhere.
78
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,814
Enjoy.
79
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,685
Well, this is how we
deal with this stuff.
80
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,514
You can either laugh or cry,
and we choose to laugh about it.
81
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,212
Oh, by the way, Mom,
I don't have
82
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,822
basketball practice
tomorrow.
83
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,563
They said there's a leak
in the gym roof
84
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:36,999
and the floor
isn't safe.
85
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,479
Oh, nope,
that's a lie.
86
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,002
The parents
got an e-mail saying
87
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:42,091
that your coach
just tested positive.
88
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,268
C-Coach Kazmerick?
89
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,617
Is he okay?
90
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,706
Yeah,
he'll probably be fine.
91
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,752
The good news is if enough kids
have to quarantine,
92
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:52,841
you might actually
get a chance to play.
93
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,542
Do you think
there's a reason
94
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:01,023
they didn't tell the kids
about the coach?
95
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,460
Oh, he would've heard it
from his friends anyway.
96
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,854
I think it's a mistake
constantly hammering him
97
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,248
with all this
Covid stuff.
98
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:10,685
He's gonna develop
an obsession with it.
99
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:13,862
I-I just got him talking
about it, which is healthy.
100
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:15,559
I started having
panic attacks
101
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,300
because I wasn't talking about
my anxieties.
102
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,476
Yeah, fair enough,
but m-maybe you could try
103
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,609
mixing some good news
in with it.
104
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:23,393
Uh, I-I mean,
I read this morning
105
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,613
more and more people
are surviving the virus.
106
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:28,398
Well, Mark's a smart kid.
He knows it goes beyond that.
107
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,879
He knows some of them
wind up with heart problems,
108
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,229
lung problems,
memory problems.
109
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:34,970
See,
there's your good news.
110
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:37,233
Those people won't remember
what it was like to be healthy.
111
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:42,543
--Captions by VITAC--
112
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:20,537
That was so sweet for you to
get this for Beverly Rose, Dad,
113
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:23,061
but don't you think the way
her legs wrap around the seat
114
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,063
will make her bowlegged?
115
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,892
Well, if it does,
it'll make it much easier
116
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,416
for her to ride a horse.
117
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,941
Don't repeat this
to your sister.
118
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,856
I'm listening.
119
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,641
Dad, I need to
talk to you about Josh...
120
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,774
Ehh.
...that rich kid that Harris
is in love with.
121
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,166
Oh, I like him.
122
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,254
He gives me cash
to leave the room
123
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,126
so they can make out.
124
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,607
Invest that wisely.
That's your college fund.
125
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,131
So, Harris thinks
he's out of town,
126
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,133
but I saw him
at his parents' house
127
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,961
watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
128
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,964
on the biggest projection TV
I have ever seen.
129
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,487
I mean,
the picture was so clear,
130
00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,142
it was like I was
in the parade.
131
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:03,145
You were spying on this guy and
you stayed to watch the movie?
132
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,060
I already had a comfortable
position in the tree,
133
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,541
and that movie
really holds up.
134
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,890
Should I tell Harris?
135
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,066
Nehh. Tell Darlene.
It's her kid.
136
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,634
I'm Harris' brother.
Can I please tell her?
137
00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:16,332
No.
There's $5 in my purse.
138
00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:17,681
You can have it
if you leave now.
139
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:18,900
You don't have a purse.
140
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,163
I don't have $5, either.
Get out.
141
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,341
I don't know what to do.
142
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,778
Darlene warned Harris
about Josh,
143
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,694
but she doesn't want
the "I told you so."
144
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:35,264
I can't just sit back and watch
Harris be blindsided like this.
145
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:36,787
I know how much
that hurts.
146
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,920
Hey, Grandpa,
you might want to check on Mary.
147
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:40,356
She doesn't know how to
work the remote
148
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,836
and she just ordered "Mulan"
four times.
149
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,925
Aah!
That's 120 bucks!
150
00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:49,104
I'm so glad
you came in here.
151
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:50,888
There's something
I need to show you.
152
00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:54,892
I took this yesterday.
153
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,895
Josh has been at his parents'
house the whole time.
154
00:06:58,069 --> 00:07:00,028
That piece of crap.
155
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,726
He said he loved me.
Things were going great with us.
156
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,685
I'm really sorry.
157
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,817
He owes you
an explanation.
158
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,428
Why?
159
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,691
It's over.
There's nothing I can do.
160
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,432
Yes, there is.
161
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:15,043
Nobody has the right to
disrespect you like that.
162
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:16,740
You deserve some closure.
163
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:19,613
You let one guy get away with
treating you badly,
164
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,398
it's easier to let the next guy
do it to you, too.
165
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:26,010
Just don't want to be some
creepy ex-girlfriend stalker.
166
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,882
I don't know why that's gotten
such a bad rap.
167
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,189
You need to go over there
168
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:34,062
and show him
you will not be ignored.
169
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,020
Maybe you boil his rabbit.
170
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,369
What the hell
are you talking about?
171
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,415
Boil his rabbit?
That's horrible.
172
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,504
Oh, you never saw
that movie.
173
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,985
It's about this
perfectly reasonable woman
174
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,334
who gets the short end of
the stick.
175
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,857
We'll watch it later.
176
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,730
Oh, God.
I can't believe this.
177
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:50,905
What's wrong?
178
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:53,342
I don't want
your father to hear.
179
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,605
I went to visit
Roseanne's grave
180
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:57,520
because it'd been
almost two years.
181
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,956
Why are you freaking out?
182
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,175
Wait, was she not there?
183
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,481
No, she's there.
184
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:02,612
But now there's
a tombstone
185
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,093
right next to hers
that says,
186
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,748
"I can't believe they stuck me
next to this bitch."
187
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,838
That is horrible.
Who is it?
188
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,840
You remember
the Remschlatters?
189
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,189
You have to be
more specific.
190
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:15,930
There's a lot of
Remschlatters out there.
191
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,497
Paul Remschlatter.
192
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:19,586
The guy down the street
who used to put his trash
193
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,718
in our cans
when his were full.
194
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,590
Oh, I remember that.
195
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:27,115
And then Mom took the trash cans
and dumped them out on his lawn.
196
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,160
You know, after we picked out
all his recyclables.
197
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,684
Yeah,
so that went on for years,
198
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,773
and now he's trying to have
the last laugh.
199
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:34,818
Not on my watch.
What are you gonna do?
200
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,864
I don't know,
but I have to defend my sister
201
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,256
because she can't.
202
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,563
And she
always defended me.
203
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,652
Was that after
I left the house?
204
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,916
Because all I remember
is her relentlessly mocking you.
205
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,309
Tomato, potato!
206
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:49,398
She was
a wonderful person!
207
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,882
Mulan is so brave.
208
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,798
She took her father's place
in the war to protect him.
209
00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:59,669
That's a good daughter.
210
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,672
Hey,
when you drop your phone,
211
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,196
I pick it up so you
don't have to bend over.
212
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,634
Yeah, okay.
213
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,766
Do you think my arm
looks swollen?
214
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,768
It's a lot bigger than
the other one, right?
215
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,379
They both look
exactly the same.
216
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,338
What's going on?
217
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,645
Well, Mom sent me this article
that said some Covid patients
218
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,516
experience inflammation
in their veins
219
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,910
when they first get it and it
makes their arms swell up.
220
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:25,477
Well, it doesn't look swollen,
but is it sore?
221
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:26,914
I don't know.
Maybe.
222
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,003
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
223
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,527
Why are you sending articles
like that to him?
224
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,137
No, it's okay.
I asked her.
225
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,835
No, it's not okay.
226
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,314
I'm just gonna go upstairs
and rent this again
227
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:38,534
on my computer
where I can hear it.
228
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:42,538
Mark, go outside
and shoot some hoops, buddy.
229
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,192
I need to
talk to your mom.
230
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:49,110
No, I don't need to talk to you.
I know what I'm doing.
231
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,242
I'm sorry,
but I'm not gonna let that kid
232
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,157
think he's got Covid.
233
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,899
The only reason he thinks
he's got vein inflammation
234
00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:58,032
is because you keep pushing
this crap on him.
235
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,077
No, I'm not pushing
anything on him.
236
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,819
He asked me about it,
and I'm not gonna lie to him.
237
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,257
That's a parent's job.
You have to lie to them.
238
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:09,130
Kids can't handle everything
that goes on in the world.
239
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,653
That's just common sense,
right?
240
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,916
Sure, kids are fragile.
That's common sense.
241
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,180
No. The entire world
is on their phones now.
242
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,052
You can't hide the truth
from them anymore.
243
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,836
And if you do, they're just
not gonna trust you.
244
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,185
Oh, yeah, no.
245
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:22,796
If you don't have trust,
you got nothing.
246
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,798
It's not so much
a matter of trust
247
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,714
as it is making the kid
feel safe and secure.
248
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:30,368
Remember when D.J.
had strep throat?
249
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,936
We calmed him down by telling
him he was gonna live forever.
250
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:36,331
You can't go by him.
You can't cure stupid.
251
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:40,074
I'm having
really bad pains in my stomach.
252
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,336
Where does it hurt?
253
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,077
Upper stomach?
Lower stomach?
254
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:44,469
Did you go to
the bathroom today?
255
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,168
Yes. It really hurts.
Is it Covid?
256
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,430
You know what?
We're gonna go to urgent care.
257
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:49,431
Yeah,
that's what I'd do.
258
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,172
It's a stomach ache.
259
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,043
Let him lay down and see if
he's better in a half an hour.
260
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,871
You're right.
We might be overreacting.
261
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:57,134
No, we're going.
Are you coming, Jackie?
262
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,745
Well, maybe I should.
263
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,398
Unless Dan wants me to
stay here for supper.
264
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:01,356
You should go, Jackie.
265
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:02,662
Okay.
266
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,758
Ms. Harris?
267
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,455
Yeah.
Don Blansky.
268
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:15,457
I'm the director of
the Forest Hills cemetery.
269
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,328
Oh, hi.
Thank you so much for coming.
270
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:18,982
Call me Jackie.
Oh.
271
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,984
And I'm sorry I had to
push our appointment.
272
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,726
I had to take my grand-nephew
to urgent care.
273
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,772
Oh, anything serious,
or...?
274
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:27,208
Oh, no, no.
Don't get excited.
275
00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:29,340
He's fine.
276
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:32,387
But I made you some pie
to nosh on while we talk.
277
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,303
So, I imagine
you're probably wondering
278
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:36,913
why I invited you here.
279
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,523
Uh, well, no.
Not really.
280
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,177
I mean,
getting wined and dined
281
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,136
is all part of the job
these days.
282
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,138
Ah, I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
283
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,270
Everyone's trying to get
a good spot.
284
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,968
It's not like high school.
285
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:50,710
Everybody wants to be
Don Blansky's friend now.
286
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,494
Ooh.
287
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,757
Well,
I'm glad you're doing well,
288
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,499
even if it is for all the wrong,
ghoulish reasons.
289
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,675
Mm.
I don't wish anyone ill.
290
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:02,678
But when a jock
who bullied me dies,
291
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:06,638
you know, a nerd gets a Porsche,
you feel me?
292
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,380
I'm trying not to.
But, uh --
293
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,818
No, I-I actually
don't need a spot.
294
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,298
I just need a small,
itty-bitty, little favor.
295
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:18,694
I would like you to dig up
Paul Remschlatter
296
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:20,261
and move him.
297
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,045
We don't really dig people up,
you know.
298
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:24,744
Unless the authorities
figure out something like, uh,
299
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:27,050
you know, his wife cashed
a big life-insurance check,
300
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,052
so maybe he didn't shoot himself
in the back of the head.
301
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:31,098
That kind of thing.
Mm, well, yeah.
302
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,013
That's not my situation.
303
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,797
Well, what's the issue with
Remschlatter?
304
00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,408
Uh, the issue
is that his headstone
305
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:40,368
is insulting my sister
who's buried right next to him.
306
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,762
Oh! The --
The "bitch" one, right?
307
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,111
Yeah.
Yeah.
308
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,113
Yeah,
why would you allow that?
309
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,855
Well, it was the deceased's
last request,
310
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,552
and it's --
it's kind of funny.
311
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:53,860
People think we have
no sense of humor, but we do.
312
00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:56,036
We're just people.
313
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,690
Okay, look, I --
314
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,301
Here's what it is.
315
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:03,304
I never thought that I would
outlive my older sister.
316
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:04,740
I was a cop.
317
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,003
I was a trucker
who fell asleep a lot.
318
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:09,919
But I'm still going,
and she's not,
319
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:14,010
and so the least I can do
is to take care of her memory.
320
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,359
Okay, look.
321
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:16,796
I'm sorry
about your sister,
322
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,362
but, you know,
there's nothing I can do.
323
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:19,973
We -- We signed a contract.
324
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,757
Well, what's Remschlatter
gonna do?
325
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,324
Take you to court?
He's dead!
326
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,978
Well, everyone I work with
is dead.
327
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,501
That's not
an arguing point.
328
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,808
Look, most people will think
it's the woman
329
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,592
on the other side of him,
okay?
330
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,725
I'm sure everyone knows
your sister was a nice person.
331
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,989
Well, that's where you're wrong,
my friend.
332
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,773
Good day to you.
333
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:42,952
Josh!
It's Harris!
334
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,432
I know you're in there!
Come out!
335
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,042
What are you doing?
336
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,175
Pizza Express!
337
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:51,134
Guys hate confrontation,
but they love pizza.
338
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,310
Josh!
339
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:54,964
I just want to talk!
340
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,141
He's never gonna come out.
341
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,621
I feel so stupid.
Let's just go.
342
00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:01,623
Oh, I got a way
to get him out.
343
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,197
Geez!
First the rabbit, now a bat?
344
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:13,591
God, you're a psycho.
This is why you're single.
345
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,681
Calm down.
We're gonna destroy his mailbox.
346
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,161
Once he sees that,
he'll come out.
347
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:26,778
Whoa!
348
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,737
That stung a little.
349
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:32,088
If this was a cartoon,
I'd be vibrating right now.
350
00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:34,482
You have lost some rage
since you had that baby.
351
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,092
Let me take a shot.
352
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,966
I felt that one
in my teeth.
353
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,839
Okay.
354
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,412
He may be too wealthy
to vandalize.
355
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:55,895
Their mail must be
much more important than ours.
356
00:14:57,505 --> 00:14:59,986
God, it's taking a long time
for the doctor
357
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,509
to give us Mark's
test results.
358
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,293
I'm sure he's fine,
sweetie.
359
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,774
The doctor is probably
just ripping somebody else off
360
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:08,298
for a $300,
two-minute video chat.
361
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,170
Hey, Doc!
362
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,173
Thank you for your service
during these difficult times.
363
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,870
Is Mark okay?
364
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,872
Yes, he's tested negative
for Covid-19.
365
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:17,873
Really?
366
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,614
Are you sure?
367
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:23,009
I mean, he did have that
imaginary swollen arm and all.
368
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,185
Well, we also ran some tests
for IBS and colitis
369
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:26,838
because of the recurring
stomach aches,
370
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,188
but we were able to
rule that out, as well.
371
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,711
Recurring?
372
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,800
Mark didn't have any
stomach problems until now.
373
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,020
So, he didn't tell you he's
been having them for weeks?
374
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,804
No.
375
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,414
I'm seeing a lot of kids
with stomach issues
376
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,373
from chronic stress
in this pandemic.
377
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,157
It's been a year of these kids being bombarded
378
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:42,202
by information every day.
379
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:43,768
It's -- It's too much.
380
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,422
No,
that can't be the problem.
381
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,816
Mark's the kind of kid who likes
to hear the information.
382
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,210
Well, you know your kid.
383
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,560
But I'd talk to him
and see what's going on.
384
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,954
I'm gonna put my nurse on
to tell you about
385
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:57,043
some over-the-counter
medications that might help.
386
00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,828
This doesn't make sense.
387
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,264
I didn't
make my kid sick.
388
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,831
No, you didn't.
389
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,702
You gave him
a crippling anxiety disorder.
390
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:07,270
You didn't know what he was
gonna do with it.
391
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,841
Aah!
392
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,974
Holy crap!
393
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,933
This mailbox is built better
than our house.
394
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,631
Next tornado, I'm putting
Beverly Rose in this thing.
395
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,547
Hey, what are you doing?
396
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,071
My parents are gonna
call the cops.
397
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,421
Rich people.
Okay, Karen.
398
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,078
Why the hell have you been
ghosting me?
399
00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:34,428
Because I thought talking
would be awkward.
400
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,083
You seemed really into me, and I
just didn't feel the same way.
401
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:38,823
Plus, I mean,
I was your first love.
402
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,347
I didn't want to hurt you.
403
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,523
So you just pretend
that I don't exist?
404
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:44,916
You were only trying to
protect your own feelings
405
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,744
because you're not man enough
to actually face me
406
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,311
and say goodbye.
407
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,966
Did you think that I was
so in love with you
408
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,533
that you would crush me?
409
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:55,492
You are not that smart,
you are not funny,
410
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,190
and you have to
go to protests
411
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,061
to make yourself
look interesting.
412
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,628
You may have great hair,
413
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,370
but the rest of you
is extremely average.
414
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,199
So, are we good?
415
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,591
I am.
416
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:08,853
You suck.
417
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,472
I'm proud of you.
418
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:19,995
There are so many times
419
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,518
I should've done that,
and I didn't.
420
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:22,998
Thanks.
421
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,347
Feel better?
422
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,175
Yeah, but no.
423
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,048
I mean, I know I deserve way
better than that jerk, but...
424
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,137
doesn't mean
it doesn't hurt.
425
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,139
One last thing.
426
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,755
Yes!
Oh!
427
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,974
Yeah! Great job!
Whoo!
428
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,194
I forgot to tell you
that messing with a mailbox
429
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:46,630
is a federal crime.
430
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,023
We should probably run
right now.
431
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,334
Hey.
432
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:55,813
How you feeling?
433
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,815
A little better.
W-What did the doctor say?
434
00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:00,035
Well, no disease,
435
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,516
but she says you're under
a lot of stress.
436
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,344
So,
why didn't you tell me
437
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:05,693
you've been having
these stomach aches?
438
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,870
Well, I-I didn't want to
worry you.
439
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:12,439
Well, I'm a parent.
I'm supposed to worry.
440
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:15,137
And now, the doctor says that
me talking to you
441
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:18,271
about all this Covid stuff
might be causing the problem.
442
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,099
Do you think we talk about it
too much?
443
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:23,014
Yeah, but we have to.
444
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,755
Why?
445
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:27,149
Because you need to.
446
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,804
What are you
talking about?
447
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:31,414
Covid makes people anxious,
448
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:34,069
and you've been having
panic attacks.
449
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,463
That's why you want to
talk about it all the time.
450
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:39,509
Sharing it with other people
makes it less scary, right?
451
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:41,555
No, I don't want to
talk about it.
452
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:44,775
I-I was only doing it
to make you less anxious.
453
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:47,343
So, we don't have to
do this?
454
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,345
My God, no!
455
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,522
It -- It's like that
O. Henry story,
456
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:55,612
but instead of selling your hair
to get me a pocket watch,
457
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:59,268
you gave me severe cramps
and diarrhea.
458
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,923
Oh, yeah, everybody knows
that O. Henry story.
459
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:06,319
Anyway, um,
since my love
460
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:10,975
irritates your intestinal tract,
let's try this --
461
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,283
We are going to focus on
the positives
462
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,590
and we're gonna stop looking at
the negatives.
463
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:19,070
That sounds good.
And who are you?
464
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,637
Come on.
465
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,987
Look, there's animals
coming back to places
466
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,425
that were totally overrun
with people.
467
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,470
There's jellyfish
that are living again
468
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,255
in the canals of Venice.
469
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,605
Is that a good thing?
I thought jellyfish sting you.
470
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,346
Oh, you don't have to
worry about that, honey.
471
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,782
They're in Italy.
472
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:35,957
You're never gonna make it
past Indiana.
473
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,439
I-I guess
I just have to relax
474
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:43,051
and accept that even bad things
happen for a reason.
475
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,618
That's right.
476
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,054
And you know the saying --
477
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,100
"When God closes a door,
he opens a window."
478
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,059
And that's how
the murder hornets get in.
479
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,280
I'll -- I'll work on it.
Yeah.
480
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:57,021
That wasn't good.
481
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,681
What are you doing
out here?
482
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,422
Having a little celebration.
483
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:09,033
Problem at the cemetery
resolved.
484
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,819
You slept with the cemetery guy?
Gross.
485
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,864
He didn't make you
lie perfectly still, did he?
486
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,475
Oh, my God!
487
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,390
I didn't do anything
with the cemetery guy.
488
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:19,653
Oh, come on.
You can tell me.
489
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,045
Was his bed
like a coffin?
490
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,700
Ugh!
I wouldn't know.
491
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:26,268
There was a phone call, we came
to an agreement, and it's done.
492
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,748
I'm having
Roseanne moved.
493
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,576
Sweet.
494
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,795
I feel sorry for whoever's gonna
be buried next to that jerk.
495
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:33,449
Yeah.
496
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:36,670
I don't think my mom's
gonna like it.
497
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:43,242
Grandpa, where were you?
You never miss dinner.
498
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,027
What's with
all the screaming?
499
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,724
Dad,
we're not screaming.
500
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,726
Maybe it just seemed
that way 'cause somebody
501
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,077
just got certified
pre-owned hearing aids.
502
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,818
Used hearing aids?
503
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:57,430
That's disgusting.
504
00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:59,345
You know, if you snuck up
behind an old guy
505
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:01,521
to take them,
they don't work.
506
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:04,393
No, I got them from
a very fine pawnshop,
507
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,482
and they work
fantastically.
508
00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,832
Can you hear this?
509
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,704
Yes.
510
00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:13,620
Can you hear this?
Old goat says what?
511
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,012
Yes, I can hear it.
512
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:17,232
Move.
513
00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:18,581
And with this gizmo,
514
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:20,757
I can also turn them
all the way down
515
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:23,717
so I don't have to hear
any of this.
516
00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:25,893
Now, tell me, Jackie,
how was your day?