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00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,139
♪
2
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[ Sniffles ]
3
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Oh, thank God.
4
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Please tell me you picked up
my antihistamines.
5
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I love you.
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Damn it, Dan.
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I'm sorry.
8
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I was over at the funeral home
with my crew,
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looking at what we
need for the demo and
rebuild for Darlene,
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and I totally spaced.
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Look, I-I asked you yesterday,
I reminded you today.
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Even Beverly Rose knew
I wasn't feeling well.
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She came over
with her toy stethoscope
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and listened to my lungs
and just shook her head.
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I don't think Beverly Rose
should making a diagnosis.
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The Lanford Little Friends
is one of
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the worst-ranked toddler
med schools in the country.
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Hey, look, as soon as
the construction crew leaves,
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I'll run out
and get your medicine.
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No, never mind.
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I'll go myself.
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Something else will just come up
and you'll forget again.
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But if I have a sneezing fit
and drive off a bridge,
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I'm gonna come back
every hay fever season
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and haunt your old ass.
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[ Door closes ]
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Okay,
daughter number two,
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the construction crew's
on its way over
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with a list of materials
you're gonna need.
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Wow.
I have a construction crew.
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It's starting
to feel real.
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What are you
working on there?
33
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Oh, I'm just going over
my finances.
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Even with
the construction loan
35
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and taking over
Blansky's mortgage,
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my housing might
actually cost less
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than the rent I'm paying
to my current slumlord.
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I don't think it's fair
to call me that.
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Real slumlords
make money.
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I think you're
a great slumlord, Dad.
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I told you I needed a window
in my bathroom,
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and you put a painting of
a window in there the next day.
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Now I can see the Aegean Sea
from my toilet.
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Alright, just one
last calculation.
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I want to see what
my property tax is gonna be.
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[ Keyboard clacks ]
47
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Holy crap.
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It's gonna be like
$6,000 a year.
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Taxes suck.
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But ever since I put down
11 dependents,
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my paycheck
is much bigger.
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Well, and don't forget about
all your insurance, too.
53
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You got your mortgage,
flood, fire, homeowner's.
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Oh, man, I didn't
figure in any of those.
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Dad, do you have
all that stuff?
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I wish.
57
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I gamed the system by
not having anything of value.
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Okay, Becky, I held the line
on your rent control
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for nearly five minutes,
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but it's time
to double your rent.
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If you're gonna
gouge me,
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I might as well live
at the Ritz.
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You wanna live in
a fancy hotel, honey?
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No,
I'll miss Grandpa.
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If we're at
a fancy hotel,
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Mommy can find
a rich Grandpa to date
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who will
buy you a pony.
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Okay.
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Ah, hey,
here they are, Darlene.
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Here's your
construction crew.
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Of what?
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The pyramids?
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These gentlemen
all gave me my start.
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You remember everybody.
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- Hey, guys.
- How you doing?
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Always went above and beyond
for these guys,
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and now they're gonna
return the favor.
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Yeah, we're more than happy
to help Dan's daughter
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get her dream home.
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Mind if I sit down?
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After a long day
of dialysis,
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that walk from the door
kind of took it out of me.
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You ought to try some of
my copper bracelets.
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They really
boosted my energy.
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I don't fall asleep
at traffic lights
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and wake up
to find myself
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rolling through
intersections anymore.
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I'll tell you what.
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Why don't you guys head over
to Casita Bonita
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and we'll go over
the materials list there?
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Lunch is on me.
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Sounds Mexican.
No thanks.
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Last time I had chili,
it cost me two feet of my colon.
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Boo-hoo.
I got a pig aorta.
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Come on.
Let's go.
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See you over there.
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[ Grunts ]
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Those guys
can't demo a house.
[ Door closes ]
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They can't even
digest food.
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They're free.
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You can't afford
to be picky.
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Here's hoping
when the Grim Reaper
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swings his sickle
at one of those guys,
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he'll miss and knock
a wall down instead.
105
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Great, now on top of
all the taxes and insurance,
106
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I'm gonna have to hire
some younger guys?
107
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I'm about to sign papers,
108
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and I can't afford to do
all the stuff we planned.
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I have to make
some more money.
110
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Well, you've been at Wellman's
for, what, a couple years now?
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Go in there
and ask for a raise.
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Hey. Yes.
The time is right.
113
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You know, all these companies
are desperately trying
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to hang on to the employees
that they've got.
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Oh, yeah, that's true.
116
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I mean,
I screw up all the time,
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and they still
keep me around at my job.
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I told them I was taking
the trash out two hours ago,
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but really,
I just came here to get food.
120
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Oh, God. I gotta get back.
I'm gonna miss my lunch break.
121
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Well,
under my management,
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production efficiency
went up 15%.
[ Door opens, closes ]
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Hey, that's pretty good.
Is that worth a raise?
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Yeah,
I think it's pretty good,
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considering there's no such
thing as production efficiency.
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- {\an8}Captions by VITAC --
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♪
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[ Knock on door ]
129
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Got a minute?
Yep.
130
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Yeah. Fine.
131
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[ Sighs ] We have got to do
something about Sleepy Kevin.
132
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He dozed off in
a box of packing peanuts,
133
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woke up on a truck
halfway to Moline.
134
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He was this close
to being frozen
135
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in the belly
of a FedEx plane.
136
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Okay. Okay.
137
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I will put Cokehead Annie next
to Sleepy Kevin on the line,
138
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and her mindless jabbering
will keep him awake.
139
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Done.
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That kind of creative thinking
deserves a raise,
141
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don't you think?
142
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Well, sure.
But you're not getting one.
143
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Why not?
144
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I've been here
for almost two years.
145
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I've increased
production efficiency by 27%.
146
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I haven't taken home any
toilet paper or bottled water
147
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,598
in like a year.
148
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:06,199
When I measured
the copy machine to see if
149
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:09,537
it would fit in my car,
I knew I had a problem.
150
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,706
If it didn't fit in my car,
it's not gonna fit in yours.
151
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Look,
you deserve a raise.
152
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,077
And so do I.
153
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,346
But the only people getting them
are the line workers
154
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so they won't quit.
155
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What, so I can't afford
to get a house
156
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,552
because we have to hold on to
Cokehead Annie?
157
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,119
She does the work
of four people,
158
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,555
but she does it wrong.
159
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You coming in here
does give me an idea, though.
160
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If we go in together
and threaten to quit,
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they'd have to
give it to us.
162
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Whoa.
163
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Threaten to quit?
164
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What if they let us?
165
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,772
They can't afford
to lose us both.
166
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After all, we've upped
production efficiency by 38%.
167
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No, 27%.
168
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,912
The number I made up
is better.
169
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,313
So, you with me?
170
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:56,917
Well, I trust you
like I trust my family.
171
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,285
That's not a good thing,
172
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,853
so I'm gonna go
run it by some strangers.
173
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,924
I'm gonna
test your reflexes.
174
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,826
Okay, Doc.
Go for it.
175
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,662
[ Giggles ]
176
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,931
Oop!
177
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,633
Your parts
are all mixed up.
178
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,301
You know
what fixes that?
179
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A sip of
Grandpa's medicine.
180
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,608
Mommy says beer
doesn't fix anything.
181
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,975
She's right.
182
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,077
Money fixes everything.
[ Door opens ]
183
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,780
And for proof,
here's a dollar
184
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not to tell Mom I asked you
to hand me my beer.
185
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,121
I just need
a minute to change
186
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,923
and then I'll be ready
to go to the concert.
187
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,124
I can't go, honey.
188
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,458
What? Wh--
189
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,127
I sent you a text.
Didn't you get it?
190
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,595
No.
191
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,130
Hey, come on.
192
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,132
We've been planning to see
Bachman-Turner Overdrive
193
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,299
for over a month.
194
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,668
What's going on?
195
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,770
Becky's study group realized
they were working on
196
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,805
the wrong assignment
and they need to start over...
[ Sighs ]
197
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:54,307
...so I'm watching
Beverly Rose for her.
198
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,677
I sent the text
to Chuck.
199
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,445
He wrote back,
"I spent the day with you.
200
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,548
I've gotten my fill
of old white guys."
201
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,984
I was really
looking forward to this.
202
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,719
Well, we'll see
BTO another time.
203
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:08,155
We can't see
BTO another time.
204
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,223
The only business
they're taking care of
205
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,660
is getting their affairs
in order.
206
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,528
We'll see another band.
It's fine.
207
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,130
I'm upset, Dan,
and -- and you're just acting
208
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,298
like it's no big deal.
209
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,733
What do you
expect me to do?
210
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,869
Drop my granddaughter off
at the fire station
211
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,404
so I can go to
a concert?
I-I didn't say that.
212
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,505
Well, what the hell
are you saying?
213
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,874
'Cause I'm saying
it's more important
214
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,542
for my daughter
to get a degree
215
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,077
than it is for me
to go to a concert.
216
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,912
Uh, th-that's not fair.
217
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,714
Well, no, what's not fair
is everybody
218
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,316
needs something from me,
and I'm only one person.
219
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,552
You know what?
I am not getting into
220
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,721
a screaming match
with you over this.
221
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,856
We're still talking.
Where are you going?
222
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:51,264
She's mad at you.
You should give her a dollar.
223
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:52,933
Unlearn that immediately.
224
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,234
Okay.
225
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,105
♪
226
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:58,939
Hey.
227
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,207
You get the raise?
228
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,409
No.
The company's strapped.
229
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,612
Robin wants me to
threaten to quit with her
230
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,614
because she says
it gives us more leverage,
231
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,548
but how can I
take that risk?
232
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,117
I think I'm gonna
have to tell her no.
233
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,919
Risks are
a part of life.
234
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,754
You have to be fearless.
235
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,122
Roseanne and I,
we took a big leap
236
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,190
when we opened
our loose meat place.
237
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,458
But that went bust.
238
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,928
Well, yeah, but that's
your mother's fault,
239
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,096
because she's not here
to defend herself.
240
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,601
This hurts to say,
but Jackie's right.
241
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,937
You can't get ahead unless
you take some chances.
242
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,438
That's why I started
the bike shop
243
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,940
when your mom and I
had nothing.
244
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,441
But that went bust, too.
245
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,377
Yes, and I'd do it again because
I don't have to sit around
246
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,947
wondering whether I could've run
a successful bike shop.
247
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,315
Now I know I can't.
248
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:46,453
Hard to believe neither of you
is a motivational speaker.
249
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:50,123
Honey, the point is,
if you're too afraid to try,
250
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,392
you'll never know whether
you could've gotten the raise
251
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,794
or could've
gotten the house.
252
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,264
[ Sighs ]
God, I want that house so bad.
253
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,799
Take it from
an old man.
254
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,635
It's easier to live
with failure than regret.
255
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,337
I wouldn't listen to these two
"Shark Tank" rejects.
256
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,673
Robin's really smart.
257
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,675
If she thinks you can
get a raise, I'd go for it.
258
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,442
Yeah, maybe.
259
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:12,512
I mean, one of the Conners
has to succeed eventually.
260
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,281
It's the law
of averages.
[ Door opens ]
261
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,783
Like going to
a tropical island
262
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,951
and being killed
by a falling coconut.
263
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,619
There's no reason that can't
happen to me, right?
264
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,957
Eh.
265
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,693
You think Louise
is okay?
266
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,527
I've been calling her.
She's not picking up.
267
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,629
Probably avoiding you.
268
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,800
Uh, let me call.
269
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,634
I married you guys,
for God's sakes.
270
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,303
She'll answer for me. Mm.
271
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,139
[ Line ringing ]
272
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,774
Louise:
Who is this?
273
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,976
It's the woman
who married you.
274
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,445
I never married a woman.
275
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,215
I-I mean,
I dabbled in the '70s.
276
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,952
Where are you, hon?
I'm worried.
277
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,520
I'm at the funeral home.
278
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,957
I just need
a little time to myself.
279
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,360
I'm gonna sleep here tonight.
280
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,129
Good night.
281
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,964
[ Call ends ]
Mm.
282
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,033
I'm going over there.
283
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,135
We've never had a fight where
she just walked out on me.
284
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,170
Dan, she just told you
she doesn't want to see you.
285
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,404
You're just gonna
make it worse.
286
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,374
I tell you that all the time
and it doesn't work.
287
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,143
Well, I know
you don't mean it.
288
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,811
Oh, but I do.
289
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,212
Get out.
290
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,014
See?
291
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,983
This is our thing we do,
right here.
292
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,085
♪
293
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,157
Hey.
294
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,159
Oh, hey.
295
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,327
Uh, cremation, huh?
296
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,529
Might as well know
what you're in for.
297
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,365
Even if my dad told you
you're gonna have
298
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,933
a really beautiful funeral,
299
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:43,703
it was always gonna be fire
and a cardboard box.
300
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,606
Did your dad send you over here
to apologize for him?
301
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:47,941
No.
302
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:51,044
I wanted to say sorry for
screwing up your date night.
303
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,612
Don't be mad at him.
304
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,115
He was just helping me out
'cause I was in a jam.
305
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:59,186
Look, I love that he's generous
and always wants to help,
306
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,790
but you don't seem to realize
he has a wife now.
307
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,724
He does?
308
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,760
I thought all the women's
underwear in the wash
309
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,829
were thrown at him
by his fans.
310
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,965
We know he has a wife.
311
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,400
Do you?
312
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,903
'Cause every time one of you
needs something,
313
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:19,773
you expect your dad to drop
everything and take care of you.
314
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,776
And the thing
he usually drops is me.
315
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,277
[ Sighs ]
316
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,313
We're family, Louise.
317
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,415
I'm family, too.
318
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,251
Then you should know that
when we're in crisis,
319
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,320
we survive by
undercutting each other
320
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,723
so that our crisis
gets taken care of first.
321
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,392
Babysitting
isn't exactly a crisis.
322
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,561
And now he's gonna be busy
building that house
323
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,629
for you and Darlene,
324
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,331
I'm never
gonna see him.
325
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,666
Building the house
was your idea!
326
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,468
I was being nice.
327
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,338
Well, you made a mistake!
Move on!
328
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,006
I do not
want to fight.
329
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,108
I'm leaving.
330
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:58,611
You cannot just walk out
in the middle of a fight!
331
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,180
How are we
gonna know who wins?
332
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,117
♪
333
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,452
This is a huge mistake.
334
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,920
Would you relax?
335
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,621
We have to be
cool and confident.
336
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,958
We deserve this raise.
337
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,125
You know who doesn't
get a raise?
338
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,427
The fidgety and sweaty.
339
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:18,966
I can't help it. My low
self-esteem is shooting
out my armpits.
340
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,600
You know, I'm going.
341
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,836
You have got to start
believing in yourself.
342
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,839
This is a pivotal moment
in your life,
343
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,341
and you will never forgive
yourself if you walk out.
344
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,642
Okay, you're right.
345
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,279
I'm just terrified
I'm gonna say the wrong thing.
346
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,482
Just follow my lead, and try not
to sweat through the chair.
347
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,621
So, what can I do
for you two?
348
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,390
Well, Marcus,
it's no secret
349
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,893
that Darlene and I make
an effective management team.
350
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:49,229
This year, we've increased
production efficiency by 54%.
351
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,797
Isn't that what you said,
Darlene?
352
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,902
Uh...yeah.
Uh, 54% sounds right.
353
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,304
Even I'm impressed
when I hear it.
354
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,240
Together, we've created
a steadying influence
355
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,175
during a time of
personnel upheaval.
356
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,676
So much upheaval.
357
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,812
Too much, really.
[ Chuckles ]
358
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:09,316
That's why we both would like
our first raise in years,
359
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,650
and if our request
isn't met,
360
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,922
we have no other choice
but to resign immediately.
361
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,857
Is that how you feel, too,
Darlene?
362
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,260
Mm-hmm.
363
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,097
Well, I'm just
gonna say it --
364
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,865
You both deserve a raise.
365
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,335
Oh. Thank you.
366
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,503
And I really hope that
compliment holds you over,
367
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,672
because I just
can't give you a raise.
368
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,941
All the money's
been allocated
369
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,943
to keep the line workers
from quitting.
370
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,744
What, so we can't get a raise
'cause you have to
371
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,879
hold on to Cokehead Annie
at all costs?
372
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,082
She's the first one in
and last one to leave.
373
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,516
Well, yeah,
she lives here.
374
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,518
Her house
went up her nose.
375
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,620
Well, whoever's pee I'm testing
is coming back clean.
376
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,189
[ Chuckles ] Anyway,
377
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:53,060
I know you'll be an asset to
whatever company you work for.
378
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,794
Good luck.
379
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,763
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, alright.
380
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,698
Yeah, now we've stated
our bargaining positions.
381
00:14:58,731 --> 00:14:59,967
Now it's time
to haggle.
382
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,769
No. [ Chuckles ]
No haggling.
383
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,771
Thank you
for your service.
384
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,107
I think that's just for people
in the armed forces.
385
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,276
Well,
I didn't mean it anyway.
386
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:12,445
So, please
see yourselves out.
387
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,385
Well,
that's step one.
388
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,288
Step one?
There are no other steps.
389
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:24,257
He just let us quit.
390
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:25,792
Oh, my God.
391
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,127
What am I gonna do?
392
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,795
I don't have a job.
393
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,097
I'm not gonna be able
to get that house.
394
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,765
I-I let my kids down
and my family,
395
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,634
and this is all
because of you.
396
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,103
You told me
I was valuable.
397
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,270
You told me to
believe in myself.
398
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,938
What kind of
stupid advice is that?
399
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,279
Look, I don't know how I'm gonna
save Darlene extra money
400
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,282
so you can go hire
younger guys.
401
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,784
I'm already getting her
all the materials at cost.
402
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:54,521
Maybe we skip
the eight-foot ceilings.
403
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,423
[ Chuckles ]
She's a munchkin.
404
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,425
Seven-foot ceilings
will make her feel like
405
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,994
she's in
Westminster Abbey.
406
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,829
What about Becky?
407
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,197
She's regular
human size.
[ Door opens ]
408
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,301
Mm. Okay.
We're done.
409
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,702
Go on. Beat it.
Scram!
410
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:10,803
Yep.
Go!
411
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,972
Alright!
Hi, babe.
412
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:16,309
Uh, Becky told me you were
on your way over,
413
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:19,679
so I'm making a meal
for my special lady.
[ Refrigerator door closes ]
414
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,448
Hear that, Ben?
415
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,550
You're special.
416
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,125
Hey.
417
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,161
I know I blew it
with the concert.
418
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,628
I'm sorry.
419
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,297
Can't we put it
behind us?
420
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:41,334
Dan, it's never
gonna be behind us.
421
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,836
This is how you are
with the family.
422
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,873
You are constantly
putting out their fires.
423
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,709
And I don't want to have
to create a fire
424
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,511
just to get
your attention.
425
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,647
Are you really asking me
to stop helping my kids?
426
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,683
[ Scoffs ]
Of course not.
427
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,019
I just want to feel
like I'm as much a
priority as they are.
428
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,591
You are a priority.
429
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,925
Am I?
430
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,428
Did you ask Becky to try
to find someone else
431
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,364
before you said yes
to watching her kid?
432
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,032
No, I did not.
433
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,201
Alright.
434
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,868
So, look,
here's the deal --
435
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,904
don't stop
helping your kids.
436
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,608
Just change the equation
so that you factor me in
437
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,276
more than you do
right now.
438
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,879
If someone asks you to
do something, ask yourself,
439
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,881
"Am I the only one
who could do this,
440
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,251
or would I rather
get laid tonight?"
441
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,221
Got it.
442
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,355
The kids
are dead to me.
443
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,791
[ Chuckles ]
Not now.
444
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:44,063
♪
445
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,365
[ Exhales sharply ]
446
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,300
You need to chill.
447
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,601
You're pacing so hard,
448
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,070
my smartwatch
is picking up your steps.
449
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,641
Marcus is probably meeting
with the partners right now,
450
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:55,908
going over the numbers
451
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,877
in order to make
our raises work.
452
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,279
Did you eat the worm?
453
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,314
Right now, they are
going up and down the line
454
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:04,451
looking for two people
who can pass a background check
455
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,253
and a drug test
to replace us.
456
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,954
I hired
most of those people.
457
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,089
I think we're safe.
458
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,458
Ha-ha-ha.
459
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,092
You think your jokes
are funny right now?
460
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,961
Do you see me laughing?
461
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,829
Now that you're no longer
my boss, I can tell you
462
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,299
that I always laughed,
but your jokes were never funny.
463
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,768
Well,
let me tell you that,
464
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,236
now that I'm no longer
your boss,
465
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,471
I knew
they weren't funny.
466
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,440
I just wanted to
see you suck up to me.
467
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,443
Alright, that's it.
I'm gonna cave.
468
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,580
I'm going to beg for my job back
at my old salary.
469
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,981
You think you've seen
sucking up?
470
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,949
That was amateur hour.
471
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,285
Wait.
472
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,786
We still have
all the leverage.
473
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,955
You just need to show some
backbone a little while longer.
474
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,624
If we had any leverage,
they would have
475
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,293
given us the raise
in the office,
476
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,461
or -- or on our way down
to the car,
477
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,930
or the last two hours
that we've been here.
478
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,433
We're gonna be sweeping up hair
at Super Duper Cuts
479
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,667
a year from now
with you saying,
480
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,003
"They're gonna be calling
any minute."
481
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,841
What? No ridiculous
overconfidence?
482
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:05,212
No "We've got them
right where we want them"?
483
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,347
Well, you've made
some good points.
484
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,948
What? No!
485
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,650
No! Tell me
I'm hysterical!
486
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:11,818
Yes, okay, you are.
487
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,321
I'm just saying you might have
something there.
488
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,688
[ Scoffs ]
[ Bottle thuds ]
489
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,023
Alright,
I-I'm going to grovel.
490
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:18,225
Are you coming?
491
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,960
Seems like
the prudent thing to do.
492
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,395
Maybe if we go in
and beg together,
493
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:23,696
we'll have more leverage.
494
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,332
Shut up!
495
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,833
[ Cellphone chimes ]
496
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,836
Ah. Here it is.
497
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,204
[ Laughing ]
498
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,306
They're giving me
the raise.
499
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,542
[ Country music playing ]
500
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:44,083
♪
501
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,185
Maybe it went
into your spam folder.
502
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:50,823
No, it's just
hundreds of e-mails
503
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:54,827
reminding me that I have
$6 in Old Navy Cash.
504
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,196
Hopefully, I can use it
to buy food.
505
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:03,236
Well, this is awkward.
506
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,038
I hate you so much.
507
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,674
You've destroyed
my life,
508
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,377
and I'm gonna spend
the rest of my waking hours
509
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,513
hoping that you fail
at everything you do.
510
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,415
[ Cellphone chimes ]
511
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,689
Yes! I got it!
512
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,591
Yes!
513
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,964
[ Clears throat ] Now that
you are my boss again,
514
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,200
I would like to say that
I-I actually do think
515
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,235
your jokes
are pretty funny.
516
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,438
Shut up.
517
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:41,073
♪
518
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,777
Hey, Darlene! I didn't hear
your car in the driveway!
519
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,282
I took an Uber.
Long story.
520
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,083
Well, did you get
the raise?
521
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,486
Okay.
Uh, I got it.
522
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,654
I got the raise.
523
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,524
[ Loudly ]
You got the raise?
524
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,268
[ All cheering ]
525
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,737
See?
526
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,605
We knew you got
the raise all along.
527
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:15,107
Wow. I-I had a couple
dark moments,
528
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,109
but it's great to know that
you guys had faith in me.
529
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:19,979
Yeah.
Oh, that is so sweet.
530
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,715
We wrote something
on both sides.
531
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,420
All: Yay!