1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,305
**

2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,873
I'm sorry
I couldn't join you guys.

3
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,875
I, uh, had a rehearsal
for this gig

4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,243
I got coming up
on the weekend.

5
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,479
Oh, gig!
Oh, wow.

6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,481
Well, Neville's busy,
I got nothing going on.

7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,349
I'd love to stop by,
rock out,

8
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,052
throw some elbows
in the mosh pit.

9
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:19,487
Yeah, sorry.

10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,988
It's a private show.
Oh.

11
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,324
Ohh.
Is it for somebody famous?

12
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,493
Come on.
We won't tell anybody.

13
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,528
Mainly 'cause
we don't have any friends.

14
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,098
Well...kinda famous.

15
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,399
Mm.

16
00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:36,604
Okay, it's the Hunter Feldstein
bar mitzvah,

17
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,773
and yes, he is president
of the student council,

18
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,442
so it's kind of
a big deal.

19
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,944
Plus, his dad owns
a car dealership,

20
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,414
so it pays well
and we get brisket.

21
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,185
Oh, don't worry, Ben.
I got the dishes.

22
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,854
I also cooked, so I like to do
all the work after the meal

23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,956
for a sense
of completion.

24
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,792
Huh?
Oh, good for you, honey.

25
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,894
Hey, um,
the Chamber of Commerce

26
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:03,631
is having Halloween festivities
all week downtown

27
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,467
and they're asking us
retailers to participate,

28
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,136
but I'm not gonna be able
to help your dad

29
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,937
decorate the house
and do that, too.

30
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,274
Oh, just throw some stuff
in a bowl and leave it outside.

31
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,410
If you're taking your kid to
a hardware store on Halloween,

32
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,547
you're officially giving up
as a parent anyway.

33
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,216
Oh. Actually, I would have
loved that as a kid.

34
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,084
My mom only took me
to a couple of houses

35
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,954
to trick-or-treat,
and then I had to rub her legs

36
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,357
for the rest of the night
while she ate my candy.

37
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,294
Oh, hey, they're having

38
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:37,798
a "Most Creative
Frankenstein Costume" contest

39
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,600
at that bar
near the new house.

40
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,634
250 bucks.

41
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:41,969
You should enter that!
Nah.

42
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,637
You've still got
the neck bolts

43
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,740
and the size 26 boots
from a year ago.
Mm-hmm.

44
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,442
That costume was fire!

45
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,744
[ As Frankenstein ]
Ahhh! Fire!

46
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,546
Fire! Aah!

47
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,452
Very amusing.

48
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,988
But please don't do that
when the city inspector

49
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,123
stops by the new house
on Tuesday

50
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,792
to check out
the electrical.

51
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,194
Tuesday?

52
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,028
Oh, there's no way we're
gonna be ready for him.

53
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,298
Oh, that's why I gotta work
straight through Halloween,

54
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,365
and I'm gonna need a hand.

55
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,433
Oh, wait.

56
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,168
I have one right here.

57
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,137
Oh! Oh!
Ahh!

58
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,006
[ Laughter ]

59
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,211
Hey, if you guys
are working at night,

60
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,678
can you try to keep
the noise down?

61
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,880
One of the new neighbors
told me the entire block's

62
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,617
already upset because
construction's taking so long.

63
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,953
Ha. Sorry the free labor
isn't building your new house

64
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,356
as quickly and quietly
as you'd like.

65
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,793
Look, I just want a fresh
start with new neighbors.

66
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,629
Instead of having to roll
into the driveway

67
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,030
with my headlights off,

68
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,566
I'd like to be able to get out
and wave and invite them

69
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,902
to a barbecue that we both know
is never really gonna happen.

70
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,471
When you do that,
you let me know,

71
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,540
and I will whip up
some of my famous

72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,308
make-believe potato salad.

73
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:58,679
It takes a lot of imaginary
time, but it's so worth it.

74
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,815
I've already taken
the first step

75
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,684
at getting in good
with the new neighbors.

76
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,186
I put up this small
lending library box

77
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,821
in the front of the new house
with free books

78
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,089
that people can take.

79
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,924
Well, that may be the last place
people can get books

80
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,260
they actually want.

81
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,595
I follow this human rights group
on Instagram,

82
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,764
and the moron who represents us
on the school board

83
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,433
is trying to ban a bunch of
the classics at Mark's school.

84
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,235
I don't like book banning,
but some parents

85
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:24,204
just want to have a say
in what their kids are reading.

86
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,840
Personally, I've always thought
that kind of parenting

87
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,577
got in the way
of my TV time.

88
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,079
This idiot wants to ban
"To Kill a Mockingbird,"

89
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,282
"Catcher in the Rye,"
"The Scarlet Letter."

90
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,783
I spent my whole day
going door-to-door

91
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,118
to get people to sign
a petition to recall this guy.

92
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:42,189
Yeah, good for you.
You get in people's faces!

93
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,292
Make 'em uncomfortable!

94
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,793
Well, we need
more volunteers.

95
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,261
You wanna help?
Uh, me? No.

96
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:50,431
I don't believe in bothering
people at home.

97
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,400
And yet, here you are.

98
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,770
As important
as freedom of speech is,

99
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,039
we have a bigger issue
facing us --

100
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:03,043
how we're gonna get the house
decorated in time for Halloween.

101
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,045
Now, I'm not gonna be able
to do any of it,

102
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,714
so you guys are gonna
have to step up.

103
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,749
Well, we don't know
how to rig all the lights

104
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,784
and animatronics
and all that other stuff.

105
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,620
And now there's
a hand guillotine.

106
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,322
I'd like to point out
that we've had a toaster

107
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,823
that's been broken
for 20 years,

108
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,626
but we have
a hand guillotine.

109
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,160
I don't wanna hear
any excuses.

110
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,262
Your mother and I were busy,
too, but we got it done.

111
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:25,833
Get you butts in gear
and make it happen, cap'n.

112
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,370
[ Sighs ]

113
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:35,443
All right, uh, who wants
to get their butt in gear?

114
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:36,644
[ Sighs ]

115
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,015
So we're not doing
Halloween this year?

116
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,786
Okay,
who's gonna tell Dad?

117
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,121
Not me.
Not it.

118
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,990
Okay,
so we're all agreed.

119
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,325
It's Becky.

120
00:04:51,359 --> 00:05:00,133
**

121
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:09,042
**

122
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:12,045
-- Captions by VITAC --

123
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,647
"The Conners" is filmed

124
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,616
in front
of a live studio audience.

125
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,451
Your dad's gonna be
so disappointed

126
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,387
we're not doing
Halloween.

127
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,788
Well,
I can't help decorate

128
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,623
because I am trying
to save democracy.

129
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,825
You guys are just old and lazy.

130
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,961
She's not wrong.

131
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,464
I just really need a break
from Halloween this year.

132
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,565
My kids have outgrown it.

133
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,734
The new house
has been exhausting.

134
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,035
Plus, staying on Ben's ass

135
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,237
to build the lending library
took a lot out of me.

136
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,172
Oh, for some reason,

137
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,542
it had to have
a little chimney.

138
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,146
Now, I've never seen a library
with a fireplace before,

139
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,717
but that didn't matter,
did it?

140
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,553
Uh, even tiny little people
like to snuggle up

141
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,887
and read by the fire.

142
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:57,324
Oh, yeah, I had to build
tiny little people, too.
Mm.

143
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,926
Well, count me out.

144
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,394
It's my first Halloween
living with Neville.

145
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,830
We're gonna dress up some of
the animals at his clinic.

146
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,365
You know you can make a lamb
look like Abraham Lincoln,

147
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,167
but he's gonna eat
the beard every time.

148
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,770
But you see what I'm saying?
Abra-lamb Lincoln?

149
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,406
[ Laughs ]

150
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,774
Oh, just me?

151
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,275
Okay.

152
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:18,446
Oh, look, you know, your dad's
gonna barely be around

153
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,280
to enjoy
Halloween anyway.

154
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,050
It is not the end of the world
if we miss one year.

155
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,286
Wait, you guys are bailing
on Halloween?

156
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,455
Yeah,
and you have to tell Dad.

157
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,356
It was unanimous.

158
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,791
What?
No! No, wait.

159
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,861
This is Beverly Rose's
first real Halloween.

160
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,463
COVID stole
the last two.

161
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,230
We have to make
this one special!

162
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,099
Well, you're the only one
with a young kid.

163
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,901
It's your fault for waiting
to have one

164
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:45,238
until five seconds before
your womb turned to stone.

165
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:49,109
[ Sighs ] Fine.

166
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,378
If you guys aren't gonna
set up Halloween,

167
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,280
I guess I'll just have
to do it myself.

168
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:54,281
Thanks, Becky.
Oh, great!

169
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,449
-Perfect.
-Wait! No!

170
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,618
That was supposed to guilt
you into helping me!

171
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:58,952
Yeah, strangely enough,

172
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,621
the guilt just made us
walk faster.

173
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,889
Bye-bye!

174
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,558
**

175
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:05,926
[ Knock on door ]

176
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:06,994
I'll get it.

177
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,634
Hi.
Uh, can I help you?

178
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,102
Hi. I'm Pamela Finch.

179
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,336
I live three houses down

180
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,071
from where
you're building your new home.

181
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,573
Oh, hi.

182
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,509
That's my house.
I'm Darlene.

183
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,910
Really nice to meet you,
neighbor.

184
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,678
Please, come in.

185
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:27,247
Hmm.

186
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,017
And, uh...
just so you know,

187
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,853
the new house is gonna be
a lot cleaner.

188
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:36,456
And it won't smell like
a nursing home...

189
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:39,359
inside a brewery
inside an Arby's.

190
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,794
That's good to hear.

191
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,330
Uh, some of the other neighbors
asked me to come over.

192
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:46,800
We have a little issue
with the lending library
in front of your house.

193
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,636
Please don't tell me
it's the chimney.

194
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,103
'Cause that would make
my husband right,

195
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:53,273
and I can't have that kind
of toxic dynamic in my marriage.

196
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,176
I've never actually seen
a chimney on a library before,

197
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,946
but that's not
why I'm here.

198
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,281
[ Sighs ] We've been patient
with the hammering at night,

199
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,617
but now you're using
this library to,

200
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,053
well, push your politics
on the neighborhood.

201
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,688
Politics?

202
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,557
Oh, are you talking about
the vegan cookbook?

203
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,691
'Cause you can bring
as much meat

204
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,693
as you want
to the barbecue.

205
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,895
Oh, did I tell you
I'm having a barbecue?

206
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,830
You're invited.
Uh, no.

207
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,899
It's about you sticking
these flyers in the books

208
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,167
that you're putting out.

209
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,170
The -- The books that the
school board is trying to ban.

210
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,005
That would be me.

211
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,240
I put those in there.
You what?

212
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,242
Well, we'd like you
to take them out.

213
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,978
Well, we don't care
what you want.

214
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,980
You can't censor books
because you don't agree

215
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,381
with the ideas in them.

216
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,016
Harris,
let me handle this.

217
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,317
No,
it's your lending library

218
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,652
and we can put
what we want in it.

219
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,820
And if you have a problem
with it,

220
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,254
you could make your own
lending library

221
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:44,524
and put as much Ronald Reagan
fan fiction in it as you want.

222
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,096
Harris, go upstairs.

223
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,864
Please. Right now.

224
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,767
Seriously? [ Sighs ]

225
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,435
[ Sighs ]

226
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,104
Thank you, Darlene.

227
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,272
Look, my daughter's
a very passionate person.

228
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,674
Look, I understand.

229
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,710
Listen, if you want to make
a better first impression

230
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:03,844
with your new neighbors,

231
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,679
why don't you get her
under control,

232
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:08,281
get rid of all the fliers
and the provocative books?

233
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,684
Because of her aggressive,
radical agenda,

234
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,419
I had to take
"Lady Chatterley's Lover"

235
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,555
away from my 9-year-old.

236
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,959
Well, I noticed that you
never returned it.

237
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,762
So I'm gonna have to disinvite
you from the barbecue.

238
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,198
Your loss, because my aunt
makes world-famous potato salad.

239
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,267
Good day.

240
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:31,504
**

241
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,207
How's it going?

242
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,910
Ohh! Just great!

243
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,911
[ Sighs ]

244
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,446
I'm just
a few pieces away

245
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,916
from being 100 pieces away
from being done.

246
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:46,319
Sorry I can't help, but I have
to go to this bar mitzvah.

247
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,789
I gotta go watch a boy
become a man. [ Chuckles ]

248
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,659
And for the first time,
I'll have nothing to do with it.

249
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,796
Okay.

250
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:58,666
[ Door opens ]
Beverly Rose: Mommy.

251
00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,767
[ Door closes ]

252
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,801
Son of a --

253
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,269
Ow! Uh!

254
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,504
Look, Mommy.
I helped.

255
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:08,275
Oh, good job
getting the cobwebs, honey.

256
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,510
Okay.

257
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,480
This looks like
a human femur.

258
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,983
And this is...

259
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,351
a dog tail?

260
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,754
Either there are
multiple skeletons in here,

261
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:24,057
or one product
of a very forbidden love.

262
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,762
You know what?

263
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:32,332
Let's just call this
a scary Halloween tumbleweed.

264
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:37,637
Let's see if this old thing
still works.

265
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:38,672
Okay.

266
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:39,707
[ Electricity crackling ]

267
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,775
[ Gasps ]

268
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,143
[ Sighs ]

269
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,612
Beverly Rose.

270
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,716
Are you excited to be moving
into your new house?

271
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,983
Yes!

272
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,651
Good. Then you're gonna
have to pitch in.

273
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,620
I'm gonna put you
on the table saw.

274
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,988
Can I, Mommy?

275
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,189
No.

276
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,958
And Grandpa
has to stop making

277
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,360
life-threatening things
sound fun.

278
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,562
Okay.

279
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,464
Hey, I just noticed

280
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,234
there's no Halloween decorations
up outside yet.

281
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,704
You guys are really gonna have
to kick it into gear

282
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,472
to get it all done.

283
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,507
Everybody bailed.

284
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,644
I'm the only one who wants
to do Halloween this year.

285
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,981
Oh, wow.

286
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,716
Well, I appreciate
the effort,

287
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,085
but if nobody wants to do it,
I can't make them.

288
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,589
I can't believe
I'm the only one who cares.

289
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,726
Beverly Rose is never
gonna know how cool this was.

290
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,594
But she will understand
disappointment,

291
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:38,098
and that's an important lesson
to learn in this family.

292
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,767
Oh, be careful
of that skull.

293
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,501
The wires
are a little, uh, hinky.

294
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,870
**

295
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,407
**

296
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,441
[ Sighs ]

297
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,442
Hey.
Hey.

298
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,744
How was
the bar mitzvah?

299
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:54,381
Well, I learned
that, uh, "Hell Is for Children"

300
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,917
is not
a bar mitzvah song...

301
00:11:56,950 --> 00:12:00,520
and that, uh, Uncle Saul
is all hands

302
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,055
when he's had
a couple of drinks.

303
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,259
But I brought you a doggy bag
with some brisket

304
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,428
and a chocolate dreidel.

305
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,898
You're a mensch.

306
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,900
I can't find the remote.

307
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,403
Would you act out a couple
of scenes from "Cops" for me?

308
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,871
And at the end go...

309
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,974
[Slurred]
"Those ain't my drugs.

310
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,976
This is my cousin's car."

311
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,479
I just love that.

312
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:27,781
Oh.

313
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,617
Wow.

314
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,787
You know, Halloween is
just a couple days away.

315
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:36,990
I thought the place
would be decorated by now.

316
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,426
Ah, it still looks like a house
where scary things happen,

317
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:43,964
but more in a "That's
not the right color for
tap water" kinda way.

318
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,098
[ Laughs ]

319
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,235
Hey, you okay?

320
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,602
Nope.

321
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,806
I asked everybody to step up
and help with the decorating,

322
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:53,941
and they didn't.

323
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,642
Halloween's
our big holiday.

324
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,478
Well, if the kids don't want
to do it, screw 'em.

325
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,680
You were doing it mostly
for them anyway, right?

326
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:03,616
Well, also for myself.

327
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,185
When Roseanne and I
were first married,

328
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,155
our -- our families
hated each other,

329
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,757
so Thanksgiving and Christmas
were miserable.

330
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,027
But Halloween was for us,
and we loved it.

331
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,431
All right, well, you know,
we'll just skip it this year.

332
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,601
And I promise --
You can still take

333
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,503
Easter eggs off
the neighbors' lawn

334
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,372
before the kids
come outside.

335
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,607
You love that.

336
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,943
We'll just do Halloween
next year.

337
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,611
I doubt it.

338
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,114
Darlene, Becky, and Beverly Rose
are all moving out.

339
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,783
Mark's going to college.
Everybody's got their own lives.

340
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:40,787
And once they stop, it'll be
hard as hell to get them back.

341
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,789
Ah, it's the end
of an era.

342
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,191
Ahh...

343
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,593
I don't even feel like
eating my dreidel.

344
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:51,298
**

345
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,501
I don't know if I'm making this
the right size.

346
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,702
How's it look to you?

347
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:02,075
Beverly Rose!
Can you come in here a sec?

348
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,778
Mommy has to measure your
beautiful face for your costume.

349
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,983
Can I be
an astronaut leopard princess?

350
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,084
Sorry, sweetie.

351
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,053
That request is about
eight hours late.

352
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,089
[ Sighs ]

353
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,158
This year Mama's gonna work
through the night

354
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,261
to make you
a beautiful rose costume

355
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,697
so that you can go
as a "Beverly Rose."

356
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,500
An astronaut leopard rose?

357
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,069
No. Just a rose.

358
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,605
With petals that
the hot glue gun

359
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,842
burns right through
to Mommy's fingers.

360
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:36,944
[ Sighs ]

361
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,012
[ Scissors thud ]
Ow!

362
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,282
The scissors are in your foot,
and it's bleeding.

363
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,951
[ Breathing heavily ]

364
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,053
It sure is, honey.

365
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,287
Uh...

366
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,790
There's a mummy in the trunk
in the garage.

367
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:54,061
Could you bring it in here?
Mommy needs the bandages.

368
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,463
Okay.
Okay.

369
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,367
Hey, Beverly Rose.

370
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,601
I can't talk now.

371
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:07,874
Like I'm dying to hear
what Peppa Pig did today.

372
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,144
God, those scissors
in your foot look so real.

373
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,580
It's a long story.

374
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,817
You ready to talk?

375
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,586
There's nothing
to talk about.

376
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,955
I only came down here
because I thought you left.

377
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,756
I know. That's why I backed
out of the driveway,

378
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,159
drove around the block,
and then pulled back in.

379
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,496
You took her side,
didn't you?

380
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,630
No, I did not.

381
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,233
But you put me
in a really bad situation.

382
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,602
You always told us to stand up
for what we believe in

383
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,770
because you believed
in those things, too.

384
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,806
You told Mark
not to hide being gay.

385
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,009
You told Beverly Rose
not to hide being smart.

386
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,111
I'm standing up
for freedom of speech,

387
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,113
and you tell me to shut up
and go to my room?

388
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,848
Because I have to live next
to these people, all right?

389
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,117
Everybody always looked down
on me

390
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,618
in this neighborhood
because of my parents,

391
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,520
and I don't want anyone
looking down on me

392
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,288
in the new neighborhood
because of you.

393
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,525
For once, I'd like people
to dislike me for me.

394
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,860
God,
you're such a sellout.

395
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,629
Why don't you care more about
what I think of you

396
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,131
than a bunch of strangers?

397
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,832
Because you stopped liking me
when you were 8.

398
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,834
I gotta go with people
I got a shot with.

399
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,370
**

400
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,310
Damn it.

401
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:20,613
Happy Halloween,
little people.

402
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,315
Have some candy corn.

403
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,886
Sorry if I crushed anyone.

404
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,860
Damn it, Ben.

405
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,695
You forgot to lock this thing.

406
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,200
All: Happy Halloween!

407
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,204
Holy crap!

408
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,040
We knew you were disappointed
we weren't doing Halloween

409
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,741
back at the house,
so we did it here.

410
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,344
Yep. We're gonna have the
trick-or-treaters come in,

411
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,181
do the whole nine yards,
just like we were at the house.

412
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,350
Oh, and we're gonna scare
the crap out of them with this.

413
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:58,718
Whoa!

414
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,188
I love it!

415
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,590
That's why you sent me
all the way

416
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,159
to that electrical supply house
in Winnetka?

417
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:09,162
Oh, well, no shame
being outsmarted

418
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:12,031
by Ben Franklin-stein.

419
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:16,369
I am on $100 bills, so that's
why you wouldn't recognize me.

420
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,171
[ Laughter ]

421
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,407
Jackie: Well, I know
you've been working hard,

422
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,943
so how would you like a little
bite to eat prepared by me --

423
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,545
Dr. Stew-little?

424
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,948
I talk to the animals, and
then I chop 'em up into stew!

425
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,817
'Cause I'm a sicko!

426
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,255
I apologize for thinking
you guys were gonna

427
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,956
let me down this year.

428
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,126
Oh, no, actually,
that was the plan. Yeah.

429
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:43,296
Until, uh, this showed up
on the family group text.

430
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:46,266
If you guys don't make this
happen for Dan,

431
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:50,069
who's devoted his life to you
and asks for nothing in return,

432
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:53,373
I will stuff you all
into those Halloween trunks,

433
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,941
wait till you've dried out,

434
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,810
and use you
as next year's decorations!

435
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,414
It's, uh, funny how psychopathic
threats can help you see

436
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,982
something from
a different point of view.

437
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:05,285
Well,
that's why I love her!

438
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,820
Even if she is dressed up
like, uh,

439
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,289
Alice Cooper
in Wonderland.

440
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,624
Ah,
welcome to my nightmare.

441
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:15,061
Aww. That's what I said
when she first married me.

442
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,797
And we actually have
a costume for you

443
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,932
while you're working
on the electrical system.

444
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:20,933
-Yep.
-Oh.

445
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,802
There you go.
Put that on.

446
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:23,936
Okay.

447
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,071
Put out your hand.

448
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,673
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.

449
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,276
Okay, now touch
that outlet.
[ Laughs ]

450
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,110
Okay.

451
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,612
[ Electricity crackling ]

452
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,185
Yessss!

453
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,353
I love it!

454
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,689
Mommy,
it's a haunted house.

455
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,457
And there is candy.

456
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,394
Okay.

457
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,497
Where were you?

458
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,965
I tried texting you to come
help us, like, three hours ago.

459
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,167
Oh, I'm sorry.

460
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,969
Am I moving
a little slowly for you?

461
00:18:57,003 --> 00:19:00,473
I have two swollen fingers,
a wrenched back,

462
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,975
hot glue gun burns,
and a hole in my foot

463
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:06,279
because somebody decided we're
skipping Halloween this year!

464
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,448
Well, what matters now
is that you're here

465
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,717
and you're dressed as...

466
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,686
a flying Q-tip?

467
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,956
No, I am
a Helicopter Mummy.

468
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,892
It was clever, and it
stopped the bleeding.

469
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:23,630
And you are a...

470
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,797
tiger lily!

471
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,634
No, Grandpa.
I'm a leopard rose.

472
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,969
Well, I'm...

473
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,671
shocked!

474
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,973
[ Electricity crackling ]

475
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,910
**

476
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,846
Don't get excited.
I'm not here for you.

477
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,180
I'm here for Grandpa.

478
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,349
Oh.

479
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:45,084
Aww.
I like your costume.

480
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,553
You look like
somebody who was, uh,

481
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:50,423
unjustly slut-shamed
by a Puritan village.

482
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,759
I'm Hester Prynne...gles.

483
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,527
Mm.

484
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,363
Guess what your mom is.

485
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,232
Uh, well, I think it's
just random so she can show us

486
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,268
she still fits in her
Little League uniform.

487
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,869
No.

488
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,238
I thought a lot about
what you said,

489
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:08,107
and I do care
about censorship,

490
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,377
and I do care
what you think of me,

491
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:14,681
so that's why I am
the catcher in the rye.

492
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,083
Yeah.

493
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,352
Well, it's not exactly
proactive,

494
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,854
but I know you must feel like
an idiot in that costume,

495
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,090
so that makes me happy.

496
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,758
Oh, it gets better.

497
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,731
Even though I wanna make
a fresh start

498
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,766
with my new neighbors,
everybody who stops by

499
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,935
to trick-or-treat
will get the message.

500
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,404
Thanks, Mom.

501
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,407
It's possible I was wrong
about you when I was 8.

502
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,643
If they ask,
it was your idea,

503
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,646
and you got it from Pamela Finch
three doors down.

504
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:51,217
Happy Halloween,
everybody!

505
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,786
[ Woman laughs evilly ]

506
00:20:53,820 --> 00:21:01,594
**

507
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:02,829
[ Whirring ]

508
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,263
Drop dead.

509
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:08,267
[ Woman laughs evilly ]

510
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,602
Take more!

511
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,137
**

512
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,339
Jacked up!

513
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:18,277
**

514
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,680
[ Man laughs evilly ]

515
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,815
**

516
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:24,484
Man: Ha. Ha. Ha.

517
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,354
[ Screams ]
[ All scream ]