Previously on "Resident Alien"...
Harry can't date that bird.
He should be saving the Earth.
The portal is fixed, yeah?
We are moving to her home planet.
Some people find chips in their skin
that aliens use as a tracking device.
[dramatic music]
What do we got here, Deputy?
Someone found it near the bus stop.
I'll go through it and see who it belongs to.
You will never know a love like Heather and I.
We do not keep secrets from one another
like humans do.
You are gonna help us get Harry's alien DNA.
You will leave the planet,
and you will never see him again.
[soft music]
♪
[whirring]
♪
What the hell is that?
♪
[lock chirping]
[upbeat twangy music]
♪
[light music]
After discovering the Greys' plan
to change the Earth's atmosphere,
I have devised a plan of my own.
I am building a bomb that can destroy the Greys' spaceship.
And then their stupid, beautiful hybrids
will be stuck here and have to get jobs
as personal trainers and sideline reporters.
[beeping]
Uh-oh.
Something is wrong.
[beeping]
My blood sugar is dangerously low.
Once the general has the bomb, she can finish the mission,
and I can embark on my new one--
leaving the planet and spending
the rest of my life with Heather.
[sighs]
Good morning, my beautiful bird of paradise.
Mm.
Can I make you a nice breakfast, hmm?
I have a bowl of worms and insects.
Or there is also still one
aquatic invertebrate in the fridge.
Oh, that's OK.
I'm--I'm not really hungry.
OK.
Well, I could, uh, chew it up.
[sighs]
Regurgitate it back in your mouth.
That's really sweet, but no, thanks.
I think that I-- I didn't really sleep well.
Your human bed is not as comfortable as the nest
you made me at the hotel.
Then I will make you a new nest today.
I will go into town, and I will gather twigs
and string and some hair.
No, Harry, you've already done too much.
I want to do something for you.
A wing job?
Something even better.
First, I need you to change.
[moaning]
[quirky music]
Your gills definitely needed a cleaning.
There's more where that came from.
- [chuckles] - [grunting]
You like this?
Yes, I do. [laughs]
Oh, it is so nice to find someone
you can be yourself with.
Just leave everything out in the open.
[chuckles]
No secrets.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
My love, your head is bobbing.
Oh.
Is there something on your mind?
Weird.
Uh, no. [laughs]
Nothing at all.
Definitely nothing to hide.
That's for sure.
You can go harder.
I like the pain.
Oh. [moans]
We might need a safe word.
[grunting]
[indistinct chatter]
[snoring]
[light music]
♪
[knocking] [gasps]
[sighs]
- Hey. - Hey.
What are you doing out here?
I worked late, so...
I got tired on my way home, pulled over.
My house isn't on your way home.
You got me.
I just came by to make sure you're doing OK.
And you slept out here?
I mean, how did you even use the bathroom?
Wait.
Is this about the alien stuff that you said the other night?
Aliens? [laughs]
That's crazy.
No, I just-- checking up on you.
If that keeps aliens away, then great.
I was not abducted by aliens,
so you need to go home before Kate comes out
and starts asking questions. - Fine.
Hey, would you toss my water bottle for me?
Did you piss in it?
You know I did.
Pretty full. Smells like pee-pee.
Would you throw it out, yes or no?
- No. - Give it a toss.
It's full of urine.
Really?
It's just pee.
[soft music]
Love ya.
♪
Huh. Lovely.
There you are.
Tell me you did not spend another night
guarding Ben and Kate's house.
Yeah, but he caught me,
so can't do that again.
Tonight I'll have to bring binoculars
and park up the street, watch from there.
What's the plan here?
Let's say you witness an abduction.
How exactly are you gonna stop it?
Baseball bat.
I've seen pictures of Greys on the internet.
Their long necks, their heads are
just right in my strike zone.
Not to complain, but would it kill Jay
to wash a dish once in a while?
That sounds like complaining.
I know.
She's your daughter, and that actually
explains why she doesn't clean.
But her stuff is everywhere.
Pullout couch, always open.
Oh, my raspberry yogurt's gone again.
Big surprise.
- You finished that yesterday. - Yeah.
Because I knew if I didn't, Jay would eat it.
Fine.
I'll buy you more yogurt and clean.
Happy?
No.
Jay should be doing that.
Look, things are really good between Jay and I right now,
and I don't want to rock the boat.
Besides, we have bigger things to worry about,
like how to keep Harry from leaving with Heather.
Jay seems like the least of our--
[toilet flushing]
[quirky music]
Sup, fam?
♪
You're out of milk, FYI.
Jay's the least of our-- you were saying?
Leave me alone.
[grunting]
Nothing like a good gill excavation
to make you feel new again.
What can I do to thank you?
You don't need to thank me.
I don't deserve it.
You deserve everything.
That is why I will finish this bomb,
so that we can leave and we can never look back.
I cannot wait to see your planet.
Will your friends accept
that you are dating an un-winged alien?
Let's not talk about the future.
[laughs]
Let's just--let's just talk about the present
because it's so special. - [laughs]
You know, I think that's why they call it the present,
'cause it's a present.
That reminds me, I wrote you a--a new poem.
You did?
I love your poems.
But don't read it to me.
Stop right there and do not read it,
because I'm gonna take this out,
and if I don't come right back,
that's just because I ran out to get cigarettes.
But you do not even smoke.
I love that you try new things.
[somber music]
This must be what true love is like.
[car engine starting] When your lover leaves,
you feel like you will never see them again.
[tires screeching]
And the sound of her tires peeling out of my driveway,
I can tell she is in a hurry to come back to me.
♪
[light music]
Here you go, Debra.
Morning, Sheriff.
Hey, Deputy.
Hey, do you ever get the feeling like--
like you're being followed?
Right now comes to mind.
Last night, I felt someone following me.
So this morning, I changed up my route,
but I think that son of a bitch Joseph is still on my tail.
You know what this means, don't you?
We're on the right track with our investigation.
Our investigation? No.
I told you, when I get involved, people get hurt.
I'm done.
What?
I thought you just needed time.
I don't need time.
I need distance.
Taking time helps you see things more clearly, Deputy.
Hey, you know, Cletus peed in my bed once, right?
Now, I got mad, but did I get rid of him?
No.
I took some time to reflect
and find the right move.
So then I went and peed in his little doggy bed,
and I said to him, "Now, how do you like it now?"
That's how he learns.
They pee on you, you pee on them.
I'm not gonna rub his nose in it.
That'd just be cruel.
Not more cruel than me listening to this story.
Hey.
Uh, I need to talk to you guys about something.
I have had some complaints
regarding the Sheriff's Department.
I told you it was a terrible idea
to put up that suggestion box.
Yes, I got that from the note you put in the suggestion box
telling me to take down the suggestion box.
It seems certain constituents
aren't happy about their taxpayer dollars
being wasted investigating alien-related matters.
Taxpayers shouldn't have a say
in how their tax dollars are spent.
That's anarchy.
Well, some people call it democracy.
Exactly.
This is a free country.
People can look for aliens if they want,
or search the forest for fairies,
even if they only find a small frog
living in an old shotgun shell.
You said certain people are lodging complaints.
I want to know who.
I am not at liberty to say.
Hi, Sheriff.
Nana.
Thank you, Mayor, for our little talk.
[quirky music]
Oh, come on, Liv.
How do you expect people to take you seriously
with that crease in your britches?
[clicking tongue]
Ugh.
She's right.
I do have a crease.
How did she see that? [bell dings]
Sheriff, I'd like to see you in my office.
Mm.
♪
All right, Sheriff, have a... seat.
I asked to see you in my office.
No, you said
you'd like to see me in your office.
And I don't blame you.
Hell, I'm a statue of masculinity.
If I was in your office, you'd probably walk in
every morning and say, "Damn, now, that's what I want to be."
If you were a statue in my office,
I'd hang my jacket on you.
I'd want you to, because I'd be made
out of metal, and I'd be cold.
See?
Even as a statue man, I still get what I want.
OK, here's the thing.
You and Liv have been seen around town
snooping in plain clothes, investigating something.
Not to mention, you know, how you practically begged me
for a new deputy, but now he's gone,
and you haven't even replaced him?
What is going on?
Why are you being so secretive?
Why are you being so inquisitive?
Because I have a right to know.
This is my town. - Oh, really?
You obviously don't know how towns work.
You ever see a Western?
It's the sheriff that says, "You're in my town now,"
not the mayor.
Do you drive a car that has "mayor" written on it?
Yes, I do.
- You do? - Yes.
Sometimes when it's dirty,
Max writes "mayor" in the window,
and that's mayor,
as in "may your...
"town, if it is in trouble,
I will be the one to fix it."
You may have the word "sheriff" on your car door,
but the name "Hawthorne" is printed
on the soul of this town.
Right. Like that poison creek.
Forget about the creek.
That's being renamed.
I don't know why you're being like this.
You know, we used to be like partners.
We were never partners.
We operate under a split form of government,
like Madagascar or East Timor,
with two leaders sharing separate powers, OK?
Now, if you don't mind, I got work to do.
Humans thrive on forming connections to each other.
But when that connection is broken,
it makes them feel untethered.
They do not like that.
That is how I am starting to feel.
Heather has been gone for two hours,
and all I can think of is, what if she is hurt?
What if she has been plucked and stuffed into a pillow
or cozy lightweight jacket?
[tapping]
[pigeon cooing]
Hello.
Oh.
Thank you.
"Harry, if you're reading this,
"then you've met my friend Arlo.
I'm leaving the planet without you."
No.
"Don't look for me.
"And please give Arlo some cereal,
if you don't mind."
[Three Dog Night's "One"]
This cannot be.
♪ One is the loneliest number ♪
"How do I know this is really you?
Also, I am out of cereal."
♪ Two can be as bad as one
♪ It's the loneliest number
OK, there you go.
♪ Since the number one
Oh, so fast.
♪
You're back.
♪ No is the saddest experience ♪
"Yes, it's really me.
"Who else would send a note by pigeon?
PS, Arlo also enjoys a nice cracker."
"Why?
"What has happened?
"Also, Arlo would not eat my crackers.
They were the pepper kind."
♪ One is the loneliest number ♪
♪ One is the loneliest
♪ Number that you'll ever do
♪
[whooshing]
Heather.
We can't keep doing the notes.
It's not fair to Arlo.
He's freakin' exhausted.
My love, you came back.
No, Harry, it's over.
What?
But why?
Because I don't love you.
I never did.
No.
[somber music]
I don't believe you. Ah! Ow.
Why? Ow.
I think my heart is stopping.
It's not.
Hearts are the only thing in the universe
that work even after they break.
It's the thing that sucks about hearts.
How do you know that?
Is it because your heart is breaking too?
No.
My heart's fine.
Feels great.
Well, you cannot take our love.
It is not just yours.
It is also mine.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
No, wait, I--
I have a--a poem to read you.
You have to listen.
♪
It is titled "Forever Together."
♪
"Boy, I just can't stop smiling."
[sobbing] - No, I can't do this.
I cannot do this.
♪
Good--
♪
[whooshing]
Good what?
"Good"?
"Goodness, I love you."
"Good thing I was joking."
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[pigeon cooing]
Huh?
"Bye."
♪
"Goodbye."
♪
Why?
[crying]
♪
[sobbing] Why?
Why?
[suspenseful music]
[soft click]
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
Got you, son of a bitch.
[panting]
Wait, you're not Joseph.
I--I'm Troy.
Troy?
Whoa.
Are you Lena's son?
I was just curious.
I wanted to see the guy my mom was dating.
Come on, son.
You can't be following people around
in the dark, all right?
It's dangerous. And you can relax.
We're not dating. We're just colleagues.
She doesn't talk about her other colleagues
the way she talks about you.
She talks about me?
I overheard her telling my Aunt Naya
you don't like her paying for stuff?
I don't get it.
What's wrong with her paying?
Look, I appreciate that you're here
to protect your mom, all right?
But this is grown man stuff.
You wouldn't understand. It's complicated.
No, it's not.
From now on, you stay away from her.
OK, well, she's already staying away from me.
Why wouldn't she?
You made her cry.
What kind of a man are you?
[somber music]
♪
[sighs]
[soft music]
[knocking]
Harry?
[singer singing indistinctly]
I got a text saying you want to die,
followed by an emoji of a skull,
then a noose, then a gun.
Yeah. And then a knife and a casket.
Then for some reason, a church?
That was a mistake.
It was supposed to be a sword.
♪
What's going on?
Heather left me.
Yes.
Yes, she did.
And that is awful.
She's gone.
It's over.
Now my life is over.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Harry.
Do not lie.
You're happy.
The red-haired one is trying not to smile.
It seems like you know my name by now.
OK.
Look, we did try to break you guys up,
but it didn't work. - Right.
So maybe it's just you.
[crying]
Is that helping?
I...
You're wrong.
Heather loved me.
I loved her.
I don't know what happened.
Sometimes there is no explanation.
Oh.
Hey.
You just need to get your mind off her, you know.
Stay busy.
Focus on your little project here.
Huh, what is it?
Some kind of alien bird feeder?
- It's a bomb. - A bomb, you say.
What's that now?
I built it for the general to use
on the Greys after I left with Heather.
OK.
Well, saving the Earth, that's something to live for.
I don't care about the Earth.
This place sucks.
I hate it here!
Uh!
Hey, Greys!
Come and take this Earth!
I don't want it!
You can have it!
Hey, take this stupid plant!
I don't want it!
You can have it!
Take this stupid chair!
Huh?
I don't care anymore!
- OK. - Take me!
I want to die!
OK, will you come back in here, please?
Maybe you'll feel better if you eat something.
We got you a pizza.
I do not care about your pizza.
I hate the Earth, and I hate you.
Whoa!
That is not how I taught you to behave.
[door slams] [both gasping]
Asta worked hard to pay for that pizza, young man.
You will get your butt out here and eat it.
I don't care, and I hate you!
I hate you more!
[thudding, glass shattering]
You know, for the first time in my life,
I feel like I have what it takes to be a mother.
♪
[soft music]
♪
I finally met Lena's son.
He's been tailing me.
He wanted to see who his mom was dating.
♪
Wanna talk about it?
Nah.
There's nothing to talk about.
♪
She said we're colleagues, but then I find out
she's been crying over the breakup.
Seems like you want to talk about it.
No, no.
This is our quiet time.
♪
Quiet time.
♪
You know, maybe it's my destiny,
you know, to be alone.
♪
OK.
Let's talk about it.
♪
Her kid's right.
What kind of man has somebody special
then just-- just pushes her away?
The kind of man that lost his mom
when he was young and raised by his father.
♪
You got attached to these notions of masculinity.
So take it easy on yourself.
It's not your fault.
♪
Now can we fish?
You're the one who wanted to talk.
♪
[laughs]
♪
He was serious about leaving.
This thing has all the instructions
on what to do with this bomb.
Well, anything productive is on hold for a bit.
He just asked if men can be nuns.
Probably for the best.
I don't know if I want him handling a bomb right now.
I am so tired of playing parent to this alien child.
It's enough to do it at home.
Yeah.
What?
Nothing.
You're just not really doing it at home.
I told you, Jay and I are in a good place.
I don't want to ruin that. - Right.
You're afraid to piss off the teenager who lives with us
and eats my yogurt, so now I have no yogurt.
I am not afraid.
Yes, you are.
You're afraid you're gonna lose her.
And you're aiding and abetting her.
Aiding and abetting?
What, is yogurt-eating a felony now?
No, it's just, you're trying to be
her friend instead of just being a responsible adult.
If I'm so irresponsible, why do you come running to me
every time you're in trouble?
Because you let me, which might be
how this whole problem got started, if I'm being honest.
Oh, oh, OK.
So I've ruined you because I'm there for you
when you need me?
No, you're there for me when it suits you,
when it makes you feel better about yourself,
like Harry said.
Thank you.
Tell me one time that I was not there for you.
Oh, I don't know, maybe when you drove me insane
by keeping a life-altering secret from me
for a year and a half?
Oh, really? This again?
What was I supposed to do,
tell you the new doctor is an alien?
Yes!
I'm supposed to be your best friend,
but you couldn't share that with me.
Why?
I'm not getting into this.
Well, we're in it.
Let's just drop it, please.
I don't want to drop it.
I want to know why.
Because you're a loose cannon,
and I didn't know if I could trust you.
Is that what you want to hear?
You are so impulsive,
I just knew that you would tell someone.
That's bullshit.
You didn't want to tell me because Harry
dropping down to Earth was a godsend for you.
Just you.
Secret little baby you found on your doorstep,
another one for your menagerie of the needy.
You told Ben that he was getting abducted
when I told you not to.
You did it anyway because you don't listen
because you make everything about yourself.
I do not.
How do I make everything about myself?
Tell me. I want to know.
A lot of "I's" and "me's" in that denial.
I told Ben because real friends
don't keep huge secrets from each other.
You told Ben because you feel guilty,
and so you made everything about you.
OK, fine. Fine.
I make everything about me.
But you make everything about you
by saying it's not about you because you're a martyr.
I'd rather be a martyr than a loose cannon.
Well, that is exactly what a martyr would say.
- Loose cannon. - Martyr.
Pretend I'm not here.
[somber music]
♪
[door slams]
[knocking]
[sighs]
Why are you here?
I came to see how you're doing.
Were you getting dressed?
Undressed?
Or is this just how it is now?
Would you ask a woman that?
Your friend Asta contacted me.
Said you're a mess and can't work.
Now, I don't know the first thing
about how to console a lovesick alien,
but I heard about your chicken girlfriend
or whatever she was.
So...
[light music]
[low grunting]
♪
What the hell is that?
The guy said her name is Patricia.
I thought maybe she could help you
get over your girlfriend.
No judgment.
Everyone has their thing.
I am offended that you think
you can replace the love of my life
with just some random bird.
No offense.
This has nothing to do with you.
You're very attractive.
Do whatever you need.
Just finish that bomb.
And don't fall in love.
She's a rental.
[low grunting]
Don't worry, we don't have to do anything.
♪
We can just talk.
♪
And even though I've never had a UFO encounter myself,
I'm here to support my daughter,
because I love her.
I love you too, Mom.
Oh, baby.
[soft music]
♪
OK.
Thank you for sharing, Dorothy.
So this is where all the crazies meet.
I expected there'd be more padding on the walls.
[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hi. - You came.
Yeah. I was in the neighborhood,
so I figured I might as well.
You're new.
You want to tell us a little about yourself
and why you're here?
Oh, me? No.
Um, I'm--I'm not here to participate.
I'm--I'm just here to watch.
We don't get a lot of watchers here.
Well, I--I haven't experienced anything.
I mean, I--
I've been seeing this owl outside my window.
But it's not a big deal.
I mean, this is Colorado, right?
There are owls.
14 varieties, actually.
I--I looked it up online.
So, you know, no, I--
I think I'm good.
[soft music]
Except, um, I'm not-- I'm not good.
I'm...
[sighs]
♪
I used to like where I live.
But now--I mean, I love our--our home, but...
♪
But I don't feel safe there.
I mean, I--I even--
I even tried to convince my husband to sell our house.
But I--I think it's bigger than that.
Like, I think I'm not safe anywhere.
And I just feel like I'm going crazy.
Oh, am I allowed to use that word in here?
You're not crazy.
I've had a similar experience.
At first, the owls didn't seem odd,
but then it just kept happening.
I even put our house up on the market.
And then one day, I'm in the shower,
and I find this tiny bump behind my knee
that I'd never noticed.
So I did some research, and I realized
it's maybe a chip they implanted in me,
and that people all over the world
have been having similar experiences.
♪
Are you OK?
♪
I don't know.
Does he have any idea you were taking his DNA?
No.
I feel terrible, though.
I love him.
Oh, that's sweet.
You love your niece?
My knees?
You're gonna break my knees?
Niece.
Your niece, your sister's kid. - OK.
Well, you could have just said my sister.
I love her too.
Oh, snap.
Niece and knees, very different.
How so?
Niece is a little girl or a city in France.
I don't break knees.
I'm here on the scene,
watching Asta's boyfriend and Harry's girlfriend
having a rendezvous.
Both of them sound like my sister's girl child.
You have a niece called knees?
Yeah. She's my niece.
How are we losing to you people?
[light music]
♪
Shift reports for you to sign.
Everything OK, Deputy?
You got your sad face on.
Really?
I have a sad face?
I'll give you a tip.
Here, put this pencil in your mouth.
Sideways.
There you go.
You feel your smile muscles stretching out?
See, when you're sad, you fool your body
into thinking you're happy, then you feel happy.
[muffled] How long does it take?
Uh, seven minutes.
Of course, I'm a pro, so I did it in three
using that very same pencil.
So tell me, Deputy, what's got you down?
I went to one of my meetings today.
And this woman, Linda, brought her mom.
She just came to support her daughter.
I never had that kind of support,
and I probably never will.
Mm.
You know what? Take a seat, Deputy.
I--I want to tell you a story about this guy.
[clears throat] - Is this guy you?
Uh, doesn't matter.
Anyway, there's this really handsome guy
that smells really good, right?
And he lost his mother in his teens.
Now, his father-- - Lewis?
Can I finish telling you the story about this guy?
- Yeah. - OK, so his--his father,
he may have pushed his notions of masculinity
on this guy a little too hard, right?
And maybe if this guy would have confronted his issues
earlier in life, he wouldn't have
let his ego get the best of him
and pushed away a perfectly good woman.
Is the woman Lena Torres?
Let's call her Meena Flores.
OK, look, my point is,
we're shaped by the people who raise us.
And the people around you weren't very supportive.
In fact, they actively held you down.
Now, you are the strongest person I know,
except when you're around your Grandma Patty.
You need to stand up to her.
I can't.
She's mean and gives deceptively powerful noogies.
Well, what if I told you I knew a guy who'd go with you
and give you all the support you've never had?
Is this guy you?
Ha!
You finally figured it out.
[Sunny War's "Mama's Milk"]
♪ Took a vacay from
♪ The ways that you're used to ♪
♪ It's a new day to find a way to a new you ♪
♪
♪ I'm really not sure what you thought I signed up for ♪
♪ Skip the encore, I've had enough ♪
♪ I don't need more
I'll give you a lesson sometime.
Been trying to get ahold of you,
but I see you were busy.
Dude, the snow was awesome.
You should have come with us.
Yeah, it must be nice to take off work on a whim.
So impulsive, you know?
OK.
So what, you have a problem with me snowboarding now?
Nope.
Where is Harry?
I don't know.
Last time I saw him, I was with you.
Well, I went to the cabin,
and he isn't there.
All I found was a giant bird
who isn't Heather.
He definitely has a type.
OK. Why are you looking for him?
Judy saw Joseph talking to Heather.
What? Where?
I'm here on the scene, watching--
Ignore the-- she had a filter on.
[dramatic music]
I can't hear what they're saying.
What the hell?
Is the bird a spy for the Greys?
We have to find Harry and tell him.
I know where he goes when he gets depressed.
♪
Thanks for taking us up the mountain, Steve.
Yeah, no problem.
I've gotta do a flyby of the south peak anyway.
I think you and I have to come clear it on Saturday.
Cool.
Avalanche control is important, right?
Hey, are you concerned at all
that I'm some kind of loose cannon
and that I'll go up there with you
and just push you off the mountain?
Um, no.
Ah.
So you don't think I'm a loose cannon.
So you trust me. Interesting.
Steve, don't you think it's weird for someone
to give you shit for spending time with your daughter?
I don't have a daughter.
Yeah, but don't you think,
after everything you've been through,
you've earned the right to hang out with her?
You know, be a little more carefree.
Hey, Steve, do you think painting the bathroom
a combination of mauve and vomit
makes bath time enjoyable?
Steve, would you buy a tiny coffee table
that's so small, it won't even hold coffee table books?
We don't have coffee table books.
Because the coffee table is too small.
Oh, my God. I-- [clicks]
[no audible dialogue]
[whirring]
[light music]
♪
[sighs]
♪
I can't knock.
I'm too nervous.
This always happens when I come here.
It's OK.
You just got yourself a little case of "shy-knuckle."
I'll be with you the whole way.
Go ahead, make a fist.
[knocking]
Ow.
I think they're bleeding a little.
Liv. Sheriff.
What's going on?
I wanted to talk to you about something.
And you couldn't just send me an email?
Why did I bother learning the internet
if you're just going to show up in person?
All right, come in.
Wipe your feet.
It's not a flophouse.
[sighs]
Well, what is it?
[sighs]
You know all that stuff you say
about my hair and my face
and pretty much everything about me?
Yeah.
It--it feels kind of mean.
But it's probably not your fault,
because I know your generation has had it hard
with wars and everything, and um,
I know you were born in Great-grandpop's hay wagon.
Oh, you wanted to apologize.
OK, fine.
I forgive you.
Is that it? - Yep.
Uh, wasn't there, uh--
wasn't there something else?
[sighs]
Ay-yi-yi.
OK, I admit,
I stole your deviled egg recipe, Nana,
but it's only because I admire your cooking,
and I admired you.
I wanted to be like you,
but then you trash-talked me to the whole family.
And now you've said all those awful things
about me in the town paper.
Why would you do that?
I just told the truth.
I always do.
Oh, really?
Well, I can do some truth-telling too.
Oh.
Grandmothers are supposed to be nice
and smell like cookies,
but you are cruel and vicious, and you smell like vinegar.
And not that sweet balsamic stuff that you dip bread in,
but that British french fry vinegar.
OK, you're getting a little off track.
Little girls are supposed to be happy
to see their grandmas, but I always dreaded it,
because you made me feel small and worthless,
and I still feel that way, but I'm not going to anymore,
because you're the one who's small,
and you're the one who's worthless.
Dial it back a little bit.
You are an old, angry piece of---- -------,
and you can take that------ deviled egg----
and whip up some------ recipe and-------
jam up it up your----------!
OK, all right. That's enough.
No, no, no. I'm just getting started.
[thud]
♪
She's faking it.
Gary said she'll be OK.
It's just a minor heart attack.
I mean, she looked pale when we showed up,
so she was probably already pre-heart attacking.
Thanks.
Also, I told Garrett she's delusional.
So no one will believe her side of the story.
I like living in a small town.
Yeah. You get your recipes?
Yeah.
Thanks for picking the lock.
Let's go. We were never here.
♪
[mysterious music]
♪
[suspenseful music]
♪
No way.
[Ted Lucas' "Baby Where You Are"]
♪ If I could be, baby, where you are ♪
♪ Then I would know
♪
♪ Baby, what you know
Told you he'd be here.
♪ Just to be, baby, where you are ♪
What are you two doing here?
Heather's working with Joseph.
It is bad enough that she is gone.
Now you are spreading lies about the woman
that I used to love and now wish was dead.
It's not a lie, Harry.
Judy saw Heather give Joseph a trash bag.
Do you know why?
Was it a blue trash bag?
Yeah.
She cleaned my gills and put the gunk in there.
Do you know why she'd want to give that stuff to Joseph?
My DNA.
They want to clone me.
[ominous music]
They have my alien ball.
They're trying to manipulate it.
But I gave it to Robert, the alien tracker's son.
If the Greys kidnapped him, then they have the ball.
You have reception here? How?
It's very easy.
You just go into settings.
It will prompt you.
"Would you like to harness the mountain
"to use as your own personal cell tower
because you're a brilliant alien?"
[laughs]
And you just push "yes."
So funny.
Hello, son.
It is Harry, your new father.
Uh, not the dead one.
Uh, how are you?
Are you still on Earth?
Yeah.
I'm at the malt shop with the fellas.
[laughs]
The Greys have the ball.
What are they gonna do with it?
Our technology is all hydrogen-based.
It helps us manipulate water.
But if the Greys can do it, they can speed up
their plans for the cavern at Yellowstone.
Wait, so they could destroy the Earth any time now?
Worse.
The love of my life did not just leave me.
She betrayed me.
Love is like a lifeline
that tethers an astronaut to his ship.
If that line is cut, you are lost.
That is how I feel, cut off from the only love
I will ever know.
When the connection to what we believe and trust is lost,
it is like the air that we breathe is gone.
D'Arcy, let's just talk, please?
♪ Images of you
♪ It's constant torture
♪ But I don't know what else to do ♪
And then being connected becomes a matter of survival.
♪ Only those big black buzzards ask how I've been ♪
♪ Ain't you proud
♪ Oh, oh, hey
♪ Ain't you proud
♪
♪ Ain't you proud
♪
♪ She was a blue avian
♪ Now we are apart
♪ I hope that there's a giant wolf ♪
♪ That will rip out her dead heart ♪
♪ There is no love
♪ I can't believe it
♪ There is no love
♪ But it's true
♪ It's true
♪ And I'm angry
♪ I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm angry ♪
♪
[suspenseful music]
♪
What the hell?
[yelling]
♪
[peppy country music]
♪
♪ Made for you and looks so fine ♪
So what brings you to this neck of the woods?
♪ That's the way it will always be ♪
I'm here to kill my father.
[ominous music]
♪
[peppy country music]
♪ Oh, remember every day you find ♪
♪ You got a little trouble on your mind ♪
♪ You'll find me near 'cause I'll always be ♪
♪ Just for you and you for me ♪
♪