1 00:00:38,723 --> 00:00:42,403 Hello, and welcome to Hypothetical, the show that pits my favourite 2 00:00:42,403 --> 00:00:45,843 comedians against a variety of tricksy hypothetical scenarios. 3 00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:48,283 Let's meet today's guests. 4 00:00:48,283 --> 00:00:50,843 On my right it's Judi Love and Amy Gledhill. 5 00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:57,803 And up against them it's Liza Tarbuck and Josh Pugh. 6 00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:05,403 But now it's time to introduce my co-host and arbiter 7 00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:08,163 of hypotheticals, a man who's managed to make a career out 8 00:01:08,163 --> 00:01:10,643 of asking people what they want to eat for tea. 9 00:01:10,643 --> 00:01:14,003 Please welcome the dinner lady of comedy, it's James Acaster. 10 00:01:26,403 --> 00:01:27,963 Good evening, James. 11 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,203 Hello. 12 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:32,643 - How are you? - Good, thank you, yeah. 13 00:01:32,643 --> 00:01:34,683 Had a laugh with that backstage just then, 14 00:01:34,683 --> 00:01:37,403 but, actually, I shouldn't say what we were doing with it. 15 00:01:37,403 --> 00:01:41,603 Now, before we start, we need some team names. 16 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,803 Judi and Amy, what have you come up with? 17 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,283 We have come up with Sexy Waltzers. 18 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:47,843 Sexy Waltzers. 19 00:01:47,843 --> 00:01:50,243 Because Judi obviously did her dancing. 20 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,603 Waltzers. Oh, yeah, Waltzers. 21 00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:55,723 And was a waltzer, and I like to get drunk at fairgrounds. 22 00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:58,043 So. 23 00:01:58,043 --> 00:02:00,483 - That's good, I like that. - Yeah. 24 00:02:00,483 --> 00:02:03,403 Liza and Josh, what have you gone for? 25 00:02:03,403 --> 00:02:05,563 We're Team Gasoline. 26 00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:07,563 - Gasoline. - Yeah. 27 00:02:07,563 --> 00:02:10,043 It's young, it's fresh, it's current. 28 00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:11,523 Yeah. 29 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:14,003 Team Gasoline. 30 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,083 Wow, that is cool. 31 00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:17,083 Ooh. That was hot. 32 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,243 We've met our teams, let's find out what they're 33 00:02:19,243 --> 00:02:20,763 playing for, James. 34 00:02:20,763 --> 00:02:23,123 This week's hypothetical prizes are three restaurant-quality 35 00:02:23,123 --> 00:02:28,123 lasagnes, some trapped wind, 56 bald cats and a mini fridge 36 00:02:28,123 --> 00:02:31,643 containing a second even smaller mini fridge. 37 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:35,043 As ever, all our guests' responses will be completely made up 38 00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:36,483 on the spot. 39 00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:38,723 None of them have seen today's hypotheticals before the show. 40 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,923 They'll just be winging it, making everything up 41 00:02:40,923 --> 00:02:42,643 as they go along. 42 00:02:42,643 --> 00:02:46,243 And if that sounds scary, remember, it's how we all live our lives every 43 00:02:46,243 --> 00:02:48,763 single day anyway. 44 00:02:48,763 --> 00:02:51,163 Our first round is What Would You Do? 45 00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:56,043 James, how many points are up for grabs? 46 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,083 I'll be awarding up to five points depending on how they deal 47 00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:00,603 with the scenario, from one, you're out in the cold, 48 00:03:00,603 --> 00:03:03,763 up to five, you're wearing long johns in a sauna. 49 00:03:03,763 --> 00:03:06,283 The first question is a head to head. 50 00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:08,323 Winning team gets the points. 51 00:03:08,323 --> 00:03:10,923 Judi, you'll be representing the Sexy Waltzers, and Josh, 52 00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:13,003 you'll be playing for Team Gasoline. 53 00:03:13,003 --> 00:03:14,963 Here is the hypothetical. 54 00:03:14,963 --> 00:03:19,203 The seven wealthiest people in the world are Ronald McDonald, 55 00:03:19,203 --> 00:03:22,083 Colonel Sanders and the five guys from Five Guys. 56 00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,843 It's time to get in on the action. 57 00:03:24,843 --> 00:03:27,243 You must create the next huge fast food chain, 58 00:03:27,243 --> 00:03:29,843 one that will get the world drooling. 59 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,043 James, the rules. 60 00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:34,243 Your chain must have its own distinct cuisine, 61 00:03:34,243 --> 00:03:38,643 a beloved mascot, an instantly recognisable brand, and only one 62 00:03:38,643 --> 00:03:40,723 chain can win. 63 00:03:40,723 --> 00:03:44,203 The loser will become store manager for the winner's many outlets. 64 00:03:44,203 --> 00:03:46,683 A decent enough job, sure, but a daily reminder 65 00:03:46,683 --> 00:03:48,043 of what could have been. 66 00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:52,003 I mean that's a lot of information. 67 00:03:53,523 --> 00:03:56,883 Yeah, you're not on Loose Women now, mate. 68 00:03:56,883 --> 00:03:59,963 I can tell. I can tell, I can tell. 69 00:03:59,963 --> 00:04:01,803 Are you a fan of fast food chains? 70 00:04:01,803 --> 00:04:03,323 Ha. Hello? 71 00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:05,443 What's your favoured fast food? 72 00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:07,683 I do like a fried chicken, but I can make a perfect fried 73 00:04:07,683 --> 00:04:08,723 chicken, I must say. 74 00:04:08,723 --> 00:04:10,603 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 75 00:04:10,603 --> 00:04:13,003 - What's your secret? - I let my ancestors guide me. 76 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,003 You know, black people, we don't, listen, we do not weigh, 77 00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:17,923 or, you know, put into a little measuring cup how much seasoning. 78 00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:20,203 We just dash everything in, dash it in, dash it in. 79 00:04:20,203 --> 00:04:24,043 It looks like it's dancing, we're dancing, we're vibing, 80 00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:27,803 it's cooked, it's as dark as me and I'm like, Let's go. Yeah. 81 00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:31,883 So do you think that could be something you could play on? 82 00:04:31,883 --> 00:04:34,363 Could the whole restaurant be based around dashing it in? 83 00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:35,643 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 84 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,403 Good, cause that sounds like fast food as well. 85 00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:40,643 'Dash it in' is quite a good slogan for a fast food restaurant. 86 00:04:40,643 --> 00:04:42,003 I think so. 87 00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:44,283 It is, because you would dash in and get, and dash out. 88 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:45,643 Yeah, I like this. 89 00:04:45,643 --> 00:04:46,803 I mean that's. 90 00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:48,883 You're a foodie as well, James, actually. 91 00:04:48,883 --> 00:04:51,323 I'm a foodie, yeah. Hey, I make sure all my food is as dark as me. 92 00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,443 I've had salmonella six times this week. 93 00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:06,443 Well, look, with 'dash it in', right. 94 00:05:06,443 --> 00:05:08,203 Yeah. Yeah. 95 00:05:08,203 --> 00:05:09,883 It's about you having the experience of, like, 96 00:05:09,883 --> 00:05:13,963 quickly going in, ordering chillies, this, this, 97 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:16,403 this, they give it to you in these little slots and you just dash it 98 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,083 in, or you can have the premium one where we dash it all in for you. 99 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:22,123 And you put the main in a box and it's got a little 'dash it in' 100 00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:24,603 face on it, and then you can pick what face, 101 00:05:24,603 --> 00:05:26,403 because if it's 'dash it in' and you dash in everything, 102 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:28,603 you could pick like your ex and put his face on it, 103 00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:29,883 cause there's an app. 104 00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:32,443 There's gonna be an app, right? I'm going really far with this. 105 00:05:32,443 --> 00:05:34,603 And as you go to the drive-in you can just upload your person, 106 00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:36,603 who you want to be on your box, so it identifies that's your box, 107 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,843 so when you come, you get your box with your ex's face on it, 108 00:05:38,843 --> 00:05:40,963 and then you're dashing your food in it. 109 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:42,803 Do you get what I mean? Get out all your frustration. 110 00:05:42,803 --> 00:05:44,443 - You have people's faces on there. - Yeah. 111 00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,043 So that you know it's yours as it's coming through, 112 00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,843 - and I like that. - Yeah. 113 00:05:47,843 --> 00:05:49,883 Does it have to be someone who's pissing you off? 114 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,723 Can it not be someone who you like, so it comes through and you feel happy? 115 00:05:52,723 --> 00:05:54,163 Or is this a place for angry people? 116 00:05:54,163 --> 00:05:56,643 It can. It could be someone you wanna look at and eat out, that's fine. 117 00:05:56,643 --> 00:05:58,443 You just dash it in. 118 00:06:01,323 --> 00:06:03,963 There it is, my favourite face in comedy, Judi Love pretending 119 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:06,443 to be innocent after she's said something really dirty. 120 00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:09,523 Always makes me happy. "What?". 121 00:06:09,523 --> 00:06:11,883 Josh, are you a fast food fan? 122 00:06:11,883 --> 00:06:14,243 No, but I have got an idea, which is helpful, innit? 123 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:15,243 Yeah. 124 00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:16,563 - Oh, you've got an idea? - Yeah. 125 00:06:16,563 --> 00:06:18,283 Wanna share it now, or? 126 00:06:18,283 --> 00:06:19,843 Yeah. 127 00:06:19,843 --> 00:06:22,483 It's, Tracy's Dinners. 128 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,083 - Who's Tracy? - Tracy, yeah. 129 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,563 Yeah. She's a dinner lady. 130 00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:26,563 Yeah. 131 00:06:26,563 --> 00:06:28,403 And the whole thing, it's based around school dinners. 132 00:06:28,403 --> 00:06:30,083 - Oh, that's nice. - Oh, wow. 133 00:06:30,083 --> 00:06:32,123 We're only open 12 00 'til 1 00. 134 00:06:32,123 --> 00:06:35,243 - Yeah. - It is an issue. 135 00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:36,923 It's just school dinners. 136 00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:39,163 You get in, you have a tray at the door, slop. 137 00:06:39,163 --> 00:06:41,363 Oh, that's really nostalgic, and, like, you've got a tray, 138 00:06:41,363 --> 00:06:44,643 and there's custard, and there's like, the other things. 139 00:06:44,643 --> 00:06:45,843 Yeah. 140 00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:49,363 No backchat. Tracy wouldn't have any of that, I tell you that now. 141 00:06:49,363 --> 00:06:51,163 You'd be on report straightaway. 142 00:06:51,163 --> 00:06:53,083 Yeah. 143 00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:54,763 - She might have her favourites. - Yeah. 144 00:06:54,763 --> 00:06:55,963 Yeah. 145 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,843 My brother was the dinner lady's favourite. 146 00:06:57,843 --> 00:06:58,843 Was he? 147 00:06:58,843 --> 00:07:01,283 He got extra toast. 148 00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:03,083 Extra toast. 149 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,363 How many slices are we talking here? 150 00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:07,083 Well, per charm. 151 00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:08,203 Oh, OK, yeah. 152 00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:10,003 Actually, what is it? Do you know what? 153 00:07:10,003 --> 00:07:12,603 My mind just then went, what collective of birds 154 00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:14,603 is called a charm? 155 00:07:14,603 --> 00:07:16,363 I don't know. 156 00:07:17,363 --> 00:07:19,523 Isn't it a charm of, a charm of finches? 157 00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,563 - Yeah. - If you say so. 158 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,643 I've been told goldfinches in my ear. 159 00:07:24,643 --> 00:07:26,363 We've just been told goldfinches, Liza. 160 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,843 Well, actually, maybe they should be on the menu. 161 00:07:28,843 --> 00:07:29,843 Yeah. 162 00:07:29,843 --> 00:07:33,003 - It would be charming. - Yeah. 163 00:07:33,043 --> 00:07:35,283 - It could be a special. - Yeah. 164 00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:37,123 - Thanks, Josh. - It could be a special, yeah. 165 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,643 Like every good school, the special today is goldfinch. 166 00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:43,603 Er, if you don't win this, you're the worst player we've ever 167 00:07:43,603 --> 00:07:46,563 had on the show, because that is awful. 168 00:07:48,283 --> 00:07:50,963 Amy, what are you thinking of this idea? 169 00:07:50,963 --> 00:07:54,243 I think school dinners, as an asthmatic ginger kid, 170 00:07:54,243 --> 00:07:58,883 would give me PTSD, so I don't think you're gonna get many bullied people 171 00:07:58,883 --> 00:08:00,043 coming to Josh's. 172 00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:01,403 Oh, yeah. 173 00:08:01,403 --> 00:08:03,443 No snowflakes, that's one of the rules. 174 00:08:06,163 --> 00:08:07,843 Yeah, you know where they can go. 175 00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:08,843 Wimpy. 176 00:08:14,923 --> 00:08:16,643 - Right. James? - Yeah? 177 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:18,043 How would you like to test them? 178 00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:20,043 I think the only way to really know, cause, 179 00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:22,243 you know, we're not experts in fast food, you and I, 180 00:08:22,243 --> 00:08:24,003 Josh, but I know who is. 181 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:27,323 - It's obviously the Burger Prince. - The Burger Prince. 182 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:29,083 Er, he's obviously related to the Burger King. 183 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,243 Next in line to the throne, so I think it's best 184 00:08:33,243 --> 00:08:36,643 that we get our contestants to pitch it to the Burger Prince himself. 185 00:08:36,643 --> 00:08:38,523 James, have we got any props? 186 00:08:38,523 --> 00:08:40,363 Yeah, they're right there. 187 00:08:42,163 --> 00:08:43,683 What do you want here, then, James? 188 00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:48,203 Er, the Burger Prince I think would like to hear a pitch 189 00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:52,723 from Josh Pugh, and then I would like to see an advert 190 00:08:52,723 --> 00:08:54,443 from Judi Love, in that order. 191 00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:55,563 Oh. 192 00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:58,523 So, I'll take the pitch from Josh first, and you can sit 193 00:08:58,523 --> 00:09:00,643 there frantically thinking about what your advert is gonna be. 194 00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:12,003 Er, good afternoon, your highness. 195 00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:15,243 Firstly, thanks for seeing me. 196 00:09:15,243 --> 00:09:17,443 No worries. Any friend of Tarbuck's is a friend of mine. 197 00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:23,843 So, you know, you're busy in the kingdom of burgers. 198 00:09:23,843 --> 00:09:25,203 Oh, yeah. 199 00:09:25,203 --> 00:09:27,603 So what's perfect for you, Prince, is. 200 00:09:27,603 --> 00:09:30,283 Oh, a drawing. I love drawings. 201 00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:31,323 That's a plate. 202 00:09:33,043 --> 00:09:34,683 I've not seen a plate in a while. 203 00:09:37,763 --> 00:09:39,163 Ah, washing machine. 204 00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:44,803 Ah, it's an aerial view of a burger. 205 00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,363 It's a tray, with a plate in the middle. 206 00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:50,363 Ah. 207 00:09:50,363 --> 00:09:52,843 I'm here today from Tracy's School Lunches, 208 00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,803 and we're here today with a very, very exciting opportunity. 209 00:09:57,323 --> 00:09:59,963 It's 12 o'clock, you've had a busy morning, you're very peckish. 210 00:09:59,963 --> 00:10:01,163 Yeah. 211 00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:02,403 But you want something quick. 212 00:10:02,403 --> 00:10:04,443 You can't be faffing about, you know, potentially 213 00:10:04,443 --> 00:10:06,363 dashing your own food in, just for example, 214 00:10:06,363 --> 00:10:07,923 dashing your own food. 215 00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:13,123 Let me tell you this right now. 216 00:10:13,123 --> 00:10:17,003 Four series we've had of this show. No one's ever got booed before. 217 00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,803 Do you like birds? 218 00:10:21,803 --> 00:10:23,243 Do I like birds? 219 00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:24,643 Do you like finches? 220 00:10:27,203 --> 00:10:32,443 So far you have drawn an empty plate, some cutlery and a tray. 221 00:10:32,443 --> 00:10:33,643 Yeah. 222 00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:36,323 And you've attempted to take down a rival, 223 00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,963 who I haven't even met yet, I'm not even aware of, 224 00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,003 and now you appear to be riffing 225 00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:43,843 on whether I'm gonna eat a goldfinch. 226 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,483 So, we're looking for 60%, 227 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,563 for £250,000. 228 00:10:53,603 --> 00:10:55,323 Well, thank you for coming in. 229 00:10:55,323 --> 00:10:58,763 - Thank you. - Thank you. Wow. 230 00:10:58,763 --> 00:11:00,963 James, should Judi be confident at this point? 231 00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:04,523 I think Judi should be very confident at this point. 232 00:11:04,523 --> 00:11:07,123 I'm just gonna turn the TV on and see if there's any adverts 233 00:11:07,123 --> 00:11:08,123 on, I guess. 234 00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:13,083 I love watching the adverts, apparently. 235 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:15,323 Ah, what's this? 236 00:11:15,323 --> 00:11:17,643 Have you ever felt like time has gone in a flash? 237 00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:21,723 Then maybe you should dash and smash. 238 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,363 Whoa. 239 00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:27,763 Do you want fast food that is a representation 240 00:11:27,763 --> 00:11:29,043 of your individuality? 241 00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:30,443 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 242 00:11:30,443 --> 00:11:32,363 Then drive in to Dash and Smash. 243 00:11:32,363 --> 00:11:35,963 Maybe you've had a fed up time with your manager 244 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,723 and you want their face printed on your beautiful, 245 00:11:38,723 --> 00:11:42,763 personalised packaging, and you want a nice fry-up 246 00:11:42,763 --> 00:11:46,203 on your UK box and you just dash in a bit of egg, 247 00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:50,123 dash in a bit of bacon, dash in a bit of... bacon. 248 00:11:51,323 --> 00:11:53,043 Oh, double bacon. Yes. 249 00:11:53,043 --> 00:11:54,843 Dash in a bit of toast. 250 00:11:54,843 --> 00:11:58,963 Whatever you need, you come to mama and I'll dash, 251 00:11:58,963 --> 00:12:01,563 and hopefully later on you'll smash. 252 00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:02,803 Whoa. 253 00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:07,563 Whoa. 254 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:13,203 Normally the audience would be on tenterhooks to see who's won, 255 00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:19,323 but obviously the winner is Judi Love and she gets five points. 256 00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:20,323 Five points. 257 00:12:27,123 --> 00:12:32,123 Dreams can come true, look at me, babe, I'm with you. 258 00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:38,683 Would you play that on Radio 2? 259 00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:40,443 Yeah, damn right I would. 260 00:12:41,523 --> 00:12:43,523 Your Radio 2 show - incredible. 261 00:12:43,523 --> 00:12:44,883 Thank you. 262 00:12:44,883 --> 00:12:48,643 I listened to it once, and the phone-in was 'I've got 'AV' 263 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,643 in the top corner of my screen and I don't know how to get it off. 264 00:12:50,643 --> 00:12:52,203 Can someone help me?'? 265 00:12:52,203 --> 00:12:53,723 Yeah, yeah. 266 00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,723 Although some glorious person rang in and helped me. 267 00:12:55,723 --> 00:12:57,243 Ah. 268 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,443 It was driving me mad on a big screen. 269 00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:01,843 It kept drawing my eye, and I'm easily distracted. 270 00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:06,563 Today's phone-in what flock of birds is referred to as a charm? 271 00:13:07,603 --> 00:13:10,483 In this round we're gonna be picking something from James's ever-growing 272 00:13:10,483 --> 00:13:13,363 list of wishes, and our panellists are gonna tell us how they'd 273 00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:14,563 make it happen. 274 00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:16,803 This is a head to head for Liza and Amy. 275 00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:19,363 Best answer gets up to five points. 276 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,163 So tell us, what's on your wish list this week, James? 277 00:13:22,163 --> 00:13:24,803 Like all right-thinking people, I'm a massive fan 278 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,283 of Ant and Dec. 279 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,563 TV royalty. 280 00:13:27,563 --> 00:13:29,523 God save the kings. 281 00:13:29,523 --> 00:13:32,843 So, I want you to help me achieve my dream of forming 282 00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:34,483 a triple act. 283 00:13:34,483 --> 00:13:36,803 Ant and Dec and James. 284 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:38,723 Wow. 285 00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,323 And what are the rules? 286 00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:44,003 I must join them in hosting one of their highly 287 00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:45,483 successful TV vehicles. 288 00:13:45,483 --> 00:13:47,963 We're talking Britain's Got Talent, I'm a Celeb, or a brand-new show 289 00:13:47,963 --> 00:13:49,323 tailormade for the three of us. 290 00:13:49,323 --> 00:13:51,283 And you'll know that we've made it when we get to the stage 291 00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:54,043 where people are asking, 'Is that one Ant or Dec or James?'? 292 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:58,723 Amy, are you a fan of Ant and Dec? 293 00:13:58,723 --> 00:14:00,763 Oh, big time. 294 00:14:00,763 --> 00:14:02,963 I think they're the first people I've ever lusted over. 295 00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:05,803 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 296 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:09,403 Them posters in the rooms got quite a few kisses from me. 297 00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:12,963 That's the weirdest thing I've ever said. 298 00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:16,163 That was post PJ and Duncan, presumably. 299 00:14:16,163 --> 00:14:18,643 Well, it was when they were changing. 300 00:14:18,643 --> 00:14:22,723 It's when they had, their own albums coming out. 301 00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:23,923 Yeah. 302 00:14:23,923 --> 00:14:25,043 Which I love. 303 00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,803 And part of the way I would get you involved is cause 304 00:14:27,803 --> 00:14:30,643 I still remember some of their lyrics to some of their, 305 00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:32,843 sort of, B, C, D, E sides, 306 00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:36,323 and I reckon I could give you some insider tips. 307 00:14:36,323 --> 00:14:38,083 - Yeah. - Yeah. 308 00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:39,203 And some dance moves. 309 00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:41,323 I think if you just started doing them, they'd be like, 310 00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:44,523 'He must have already been in PJ and Duncan to know them.' 311 00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:45,803 Oh, yeah, I like that. 312 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:47,003 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 313 00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:48,003 Liza? 314 00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:50,403 I think we're gonna have to go for the packed lunch thing, aren't we? 315 00:14:50,403 --> 00:14:51,523 The packed lunch? 316 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,683 Is that what it's called? Ant and Dec's Packed Lunch. 317 00:14:53,683 --> 00:14:57,843 No, that was. I see what's happened here. I see what's happened. 318 00:14:57,843 --> 00:15:00,283 There was a lot of talk about school dinners earlier. 319 00:15:00,283 --> 00:15:01,603 Yeah, yeah. 320 00:15:01,603 --> 00:15:03,123 And now you're remembering. 321 00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:05,043 And now it's moved into my mind, yes. 322 00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:07,243 - Saturday Night Takeaway. - Saturday Night Takeaway. 323 00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:09,603 Saturday Night Takeaway, there you go, you see. 324 00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:11,003 It all makes sense. 325 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:18,203 So would you fancy that as an idea, or would you like it to be, 326 00:15:18,203 --> 00:15:20,923 sort of, somewhere entirely different, something fresh? 327 00:15:20,923 --> 00:15:23,403 Well, you got me excited about Ant and Dec's Packed Lunch now. 328 00:15:23,403 --> 00:15:25,363 Yeah. 329 00:15:25,363 --> 00:15:29,683 Maybe a spiritual show with you, Ant and Dec, 330 00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:32,723 about, about near-death experiences. 331 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,563 Yeah? 332 00:15:34,563 --> 00:15:37,723 And moving everybody forward into a higher 333 00:15:37,723 --> 00:15:39,003 state of understanding. 334 00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:40,083 Sure. 335 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:43,043 What role do you want James to play on the spiritual afterlife show? 336 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,563 The spirit. 337 00:15:44,563 --> 00:15:47,643 Some sort of, some sort of wizard, definitely. 338 00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,523 - So it's an afterlife show. - Yeah. 339 00:15:51,523 --> 00:15:52,923 And I play a wizard. 340 00:15:52,923 --> 00:15:55,003 - Yeah. - Yeah. 341 00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:59,963 I'm gonna say it. I've never looked forward to a play-out more than this. 342 00:15:59,963 --> 00:16:01,603 Oh, God. 343 00:16:01,603 --> 00:16:04,203 By the sound of things, I'm gonna be playing a wizard 344 00:16:04,203 --> 00:16:06,563 telling recently bereaved people that their loved ones 345 00:16:06,563 --> 00:16:08,123 are in a better place. 346 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,163 Amy, have you got a way of contacting Ant and Dec? 347 00:16:12,163 --> 00:16:13,483 No, but I reckon. 348 00:16:13,483 --> 00:16:15,243 How about a spiritual wizard? 349 00:16:15,243 --> 00:16:18,123 Babes, I'm your contact, babes. 350 00:16:18,123 --> 00:16:19,603 I'm your contact. 351 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,323 Have you got their numbers in your phone? 352 00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:22,843 No, but trust me, I can find it. 353 00:16:22,843 --> 00:16:25,123 Yeah? All right, all right. OK. 354 00:16:25,123 --> 00:16:27,323 So, say you were phoning up Ant and Dec initially. 355 00:16:27,323 --> 00:16:28,323 Yeah. 356 00:16:28,323 --> 00:16:29,643 Shall we play that out, James? 357 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:31,963 Sure. Yeah, do you want me to be Ant or Dec? 358 00:16:31,963 --> 00:16:33,923 Ant? 359 00:16:33,923 --> 00:16:36,163 - Ant McPartlin. - Yes, please. 360 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,443 OK, it's a two-parter for the Ant costume. 361 00:16:38,443 --> 00:16:41,003 Ooh. 362 00:16:48,163 --> 00:16:51,243 Oh, God almighty. 363 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,243 OK, do you want to give Ant a call? 364 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,923 Ant, not Dec. 365 00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:13,123 Love, I'm gonna have to phone you back. 366 00:17:13,123 --> 00:17:14,883 It's finally happened. 367 00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:20,563 Are you still there, Ant? Are you still there? 368 00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:21,483 Yeah, I just, oh, God. 369 00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:28,603 Also, during all this confusion, I've managed to get another prop, 370 00:17:28,603 --> 00:17:32,163 which was a sticky moustache, stuck to my fingers. 371 00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:38,923 Ant, you don't know me, 372 00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:42,243 but you know my friend Judi, probably. 373 00:17:42,243 --> 00:17:43,683 You know Judi Love? 374 00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:45,763 Oh, do I know Judi Love, yeah. 375 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:48,883 Um, oh, and my name's Amy. I'm real big fan. 376 00:17:48,883 --> 00:17:50,883 Er, not Amy Gledhill, is it? 377 00:17:50,883 --> 00:17:53,763 Er, hmm, what's the problem with that? 378 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:58,443 We received a lot of pretty soggy posters from you in the '90s, 379 00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:03,003 that had been kissed within an inch of their lives. 380 00:18:04,443 --> 00:18:05,763 OK. 381 00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:10,163 Well, James has been saying that he wants to be part of you and Dec. 382 00:18:10,163 --> 00:18:12,163 - James who? - James Acaster. 383 00:18:12,163 --> 00:18:14,723 - Oh, big fan. - Big fan, yeah, yeah, yeah. 384 00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:19,283 Um, well, I think it's time to do a, not a reunion, 385 00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:22,323 cause you and Dec are still together, but. 386 00:18:22,323 --> 00:18:24,043 Sadly. 387 00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:25,723 I fucking hate him, Amy. 388 00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:30,203 I reckon, if you get James in, you can slowly get Dec out. 389 00:18:30,203 --> 00:18:32,083 Oh. 390 00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,203 He's dead weight to you, Ant. You're the one. 391 00:18:34,203 --> 00:18:35,203 Yeah. 392 00:18:35,203 --> 00:18:36,803 You're the one with the big forehead. 393 00:18:36,803 --> 00:18:38,363 - Yeah. - What's he bringing to it? 394 00:18:38,363 --> 00:18:40,523 Yeah. Finally, someone gets me. 395 00:18:40,523 --> 00:18:44,083 Well, I reckon you get James in, you teach him a few moves. 396 00:18:44,083 --> 00:18:45,403 Yes. 397 00:18:45,403 --> 00:18:51,083 Slowly you phase Dec out, and also, I shouldn't really tell you this, 398 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:54,683 but James doesn't like his co-host, Josh. 399 00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,363 - Hello? - Oh, hello. 400 00:19:03,363 --> 00:19:07,203 Hi, Josh. Er, just trying to order Dash and Smash but it's not 401 00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:09,163 gone through properly. 402 00:19:10,603 --> 00:19:13,163 Just keeping you on your toes. 403 00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:15,843 Speaking of Dash and Smash, I've got to go and get a takeaway, 404 00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:18,043 and no prizes for guessing whose face I'm gonna have on the box. 405 00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:19,043 Fucking Dec. 406 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:22,923 Er, I'll get back to you. I like the sound of this. 407 00:19:22,923 --> 00:19:24,323 Thank you very much for calling. 408 00:19:24,323 --> 00:19:26,163 All right, thank you. I'll get my hair back. Thank you. Bye. 409 00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:28,203 Wow. What a dream. 410 00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:34,203 Good. Impressed? 411 00:19:34,203 --> 00:19:36,083 Impressed by my own incompetence, yes. 412 00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:38,963 Do you want to test Liza's idea? 413 00:19:38,963 --> 00:19:40,603 Yeah, I would like to test. 414 00:19:40,603 --> 00:19:42,363 Yeah, somebody needs to. 415 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:44,403 Yeah, I'd like to test Liza's idea. 416 00:19:44,403 --> 00:19:46,643 Really bracing myself for this phone call. 417 00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:49,403 It's great news straightaway, because I don't want 418 00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:50,523 to speak to Ant. 419 00:19:53,203 --> 00:19:55,123 Hi, Declan D, please. 420 00:19:55,123 --> 00:19:57,563 OK, I'll just get Dec. 421 00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,083 Sorry. 422 00:20:02,683 --> 00:20:05,163 Dec speaking. 423 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,363 Hi, Dec. Liza Tarbuck here. 424 00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:09,163 I've got an idea for a programme 425 00:20:09,163 --> 00:20:12,363 that I think you're gonna go nuts for. 426 00:20:12,363 --> 00:20:15,643 It's dealing with the bigger picture of 427 00:20:15,643 --> 00:20:19,203 what happens to you once we leave our meat suits 428 00:20:19,203 --> 00:20:22,043 on this planet and go somewhere else. 429 00:20:23,443 --> 00:20:25,603 That is the most poetic way I've ever heard it phrased. 430 00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:30,563 Now, I don't know about you, but I'm partial to a log 431 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,443 cabin somewhere beautiful. 432 00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:33,683 Yeah. 433 00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:35,843 Cause I need to introduce somebody else to your team. 434 00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:38,523 You may know him. James Acaster. 435 00:20:38,523 --> 00:20:39,523 Not a fan. 436 00:20:41,363 --> 00:20:45,683 I like Josh Widdicombe, personally, but I'm open-minded. 437 00:20:45,683 --> 00:20:47,803 Let me hear what happens at this log cabin. 438 00:20:47,803 --> 00:20:51,683 Well, we'll all get up there and we'll just have a few 439 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:55,443 moments where, we'll start going through what we think, 440 00:20:55,443 --> 00:21:01,323 and introducing, new thoughts, perhaps, taking ourselves a little 441 00:21:01,323 --> 00:21:05,243 bit higher, deeper, into places that we've never 442 00:21:05,243 --> 00:21:06,323 thought of before. 443 00:21:06,323 --> 00:21:08,443 OK. I'm gonna stop you there. 444 00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:09,443 Yeah. 445 00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:11,683 I've been in showbiz for decades now. 446 00:21:11,683 --> 00:21:13,843 I know an orgy when I hear one. 447 00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:21,683 I like the way your mind is moving, 448 00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:24,803 but sadly I don't know where you'd come up to. 449 00:21:24,803 --> 00:21:29,283 Probably about there, and that's not, that really isn't my bag. 450 00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:36,683 Well, listen, I hate to have to pitch myself for an orgy I didn't 451 00:21:36,683 --> 00:21:42,123 want to go to in the first place, but usually Ant and I stand on each 452 00:21:42,123 --> 00:21:47,043 other's shoulders, and we get in that way, and we haven't had any 453 00:21:47,043 --> 00:21:50,123 complaints so far. 454 00:21:50,123 --> 00:21:52,043 See you in the cabin, I guess. 455 00:21:52,043 --> 00:21:53,963 - Ciao. - Bye. 456 00:22:00,363 --> 00:22:01,363 Easy decision? 457 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:02,923 Yeah, Amy gets the full five points. 458 00:22:02,923 --> 00:22:04,003 Yay. 459 00:22:05,443 --> 00:22:06,643 Sorry, Josh. 460 00:22:06,643 --> 00:22:07,803 No. 461 00:22:07,803 --> 00:22:09,843 Next up, it's time for the Great Wall of Celebrities. 462 00:22:13,923 --> 00:22:17,163 Those are the last six people I matched with on Kinder. 463 00:22:17,163 --> 00:22:18,443 Do you mean Tinder? 464 00:22:18,443 --> 00:22:19,643 No, I mean Kinder. 465 00:22:19,643 --> 00:22:21,883 It's a dating app for people who love chocolate eggs. 466 00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:23,363 When you turn up you don't know who it's gonna be. 467 00:22:23,363 --> 00:22:24,483 It's a surprise. 468 00:22:28,203 --> 00:22:32,443 Teams, you must take it in turns to pick a celeb and guess how 469 00:22:32,443 --> 00:22:34,483 they answered a tricky hypothetical. 470 00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:37,483 Each question is worth one juicy point. 471 00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:40,843 Judi and Amy, who are you gonna pick? 472 00:22:40,843 --> 00:22:42,603 Shall we pick Bell? 473 00:22:42,603 --> 00:22:43,923 - Angellica Bell? - Yeah. 474 00:22:43,923 --> 00:22:45,123 Yeah. 475 00:22:45,123 --> 00:22:47,243 We said to Angellica Bell for the rest of your life you can 476 00:22:47,243 --> 00:22:49,563 only use items beginning with one letter. 477 00:22:49,563 --> 00:22:51,483 Which letter did she choose? 478 00:22:51,483 --> 00:22:53,443 What do you think, to get a variety? 479 00:22:53,443 --> 00:22:54,963 B. 480 00:22:54,963 --> 00:22:56,363 A, B, C. 481 00:22:59,803 --> 00:23:01,363 Here we go. 482 00:23:01,363 --> 00:23:03,883 The thought process out loud, let's hear it. 483 00:23:05,003 --> 00:23:08,483 It's either A, C or R or S or T. 484 00:23:08,483 --> 00:23:09,923 Or E. 485 00:23:09,923 --> 00:23:11,643 D is quite a rounded word though. 486 00:23:11,643 --> 00:23:13,283 D. Oh, my God, D. 487 00:23:13,283 --> 00:23:14,683 D. 488 00:23:14,683 --> 00:23:17,123 D, D. 489 00:23:17,123 --> 00:23:20,763 D, D, D. 490 00:23:20,763 --> 00:23:22,003 What am I thinking about? 491 00:23:22,003 --> 00:23:23,723 Let's see if Angellica Bell went with D. 492 00:23:23,723 --> 00:23:26,963 So my letter would be B, of course. 493 00:23:26,963 --> 00:23:28,203 OK? 494 00:23:28,203 --> 00:23:30,563 Broom, keep things tidy. 495 00:23:30,563 --> 00:23:32,403 Brush, toothbrush. 496 00:23:33,323 --> 00:23:34,603 And a bed. 497 00:23:34,603 --> 00:23:36,563 Hey. Beat that, then. 498 00:23:36,563 --> 00:23:38,763 She went with B. 499 00:23:38,763 --> 00:23:43,643 See, the mistake we made with Angellica is that she's quite. 500 00:23:43,643 --> 00:23:45,363 - Practical. - Practical. 501 00:23:45,363 --> 00:23:46,803 Practical. 502 00:23:46,803 --> 00:23:49,803 Where, yeah, we, yeah, we showed our true light. 503 00:23:53,003 --> 00:23:54,643 No points. 504 00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:57,123 Josh and Liza, who are you going for? 505 00:23:57,123 --> 00:23:59,403 We'll go for Kadeena. 506 00:23:59,403 --> 00:24:00,923 Kadeena Cox. 507 00:24:00,923 --> 00:24:02,523 You've just appeared on I'm a Celebrity. 508 00:24:02,523 --> 00:24:04,683 For the rest of your life you have to endure one of these I'm 509 00:24:04,683 --> 00:24:06,083 a Celeb traditions. 510 00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:08,003 Which do you choose? 511 00:24:08,003 --> 00:24:10,323 Cook every meal over a campfire, 512 00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:14,003 make all of your calls from a phone box in a castle, 513 00:24:14,003 --> 00:24:18,683 once a day someone pours a bucket of cockroaches over your head. 514 00:24:20,283 --> 00:24:22,443 If it was me, Liza, I'd go. 515 00:24:22,443 --> 00:24:24,763 First thing in the morning. Get it done, live your life. 516 00:24:30,443 --> 00:24:31,883 What would you do? 517 00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:35,963 See, making calls from a phone box in a castle, that's never gonna 518 00:24:35,963 --> 00:24:37,403 happen, is it? 519 00:24:37,403 --> 00:24:39,163 How often are you calling a day? 520 00:24:39,163 --> 00:24:41,923 Never. I don't ring anyone and nobody rings me. 521 00:24:44,203 --> 00:24:46,203 I've turned the tide, James. 522 00:24:48,163 --> 00:24:50,323 That's a first as well. No one's ever got that. 523 00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:51,803 Yeah. 524 00:24:51,803 --> 00:24:53,203 It's a rollercoaster, yeah. 525 00:24:53,203 --> 00:24:55,283 No one's ever got the sympathetic sigh. 526 00:24:55,283 --> 00:24:56,603 Liza, what are you going for? 527 00:24:56,603 --> 00:24:58,683 I think she's gonna cook every meal over a campfire, 528 00:24:58,683 --> 00:25:01,843 and she's just gonna have to travel round with one of them, 529 00:25:01,843 --> 00:25:03,883 you know, street food little vans. 530 00:25:03,883 --> 00:25:05,243 Easy. 531 00:25:05,243 --> 00:25:06,923 I'm happy to go with Liza. 532 00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,923 It's the right answer. 533 00:25:08,923 --> 00:25:12,683 This is the new loveable me, do you know what I mean? 534 00:25:12,683 --> 00:25:13,683 Yeah. 535 00:25:13,683 --> 00:25:15,443 This is the new, open, loveable me. 536 00:25:15,443 --> 00:25:17,083 So, yeah, whatever my. 537 00:25:17,083 --> 00:25:18,763 OK, you're campfire. 538 00:25:18,763 --> 00:25:20,003 Yeah. 539 00:25:20,003 --> 00:25:21,363 Let's see. 540 00:25:21,363 --> 00:25:23,523 Make all my phone calls from a telephone box in a castle. 541 00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,643 You fucking idiot. 542 00:25:29,203 --> 00:25:35,443 Under Josh's breath he just called me a fucking idiot. 543 00:25:40,043 --> 00:25:41,363 I think he's right. 544 00:25:41,363 --> 00:25:45,763 I think that's really just fantastic. 545 00:25:45,763 --> 00:25:48,003 Thank you, sir, I'll take that. 546 00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:51,363 No points, and that's the end of that round. 547 00:25:55,123 --> 00:25:57,683 But of course we'll see the celebrities again at the end 548 00:25:57,683 --> 00:26:00,243 of the show for Big Hat Small Hat. 549 00:26:00,243 --> 00:26:02,363 It's time for our next round, which is Not For a Million Quid. 550 00:26:08,123 --> 00:26:10,283 What would you do with a million quid, James? 551 00:26:10,283 --> 00:26:12,123 - Er, I wouldn't let it change me. - Oh. 552 00:26:12,123 --> 00:26:14,603 Put it that way. I'd keep on driving that bus. 553 00:26:15,763 --> 00:26:17,123 You don't drive a bus. 554 00:26:17,123 --> 00:26:20,883 Oh, yeah, sorry, I would let it change me. 555 00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:23,363 In this round we want to know how much you'd need to be paid to live 556 00:26:23,363 --> 00:26:25,243 through a hypothetical situation. 557 00:26:25,243 --> 00:26:27,363 The lowest bidder has to tell us how they'd do it. 558 00:26:27,363 --> 00:26:29,523 There's three points on offer if we think you could pull it off, 559 00:26:29,523 --> 00:26:32,003 and if I don't believe your bid is genuine, I'll disqualify you. 560 00:26:32,003 --> 00:26:36,923 The question is how much to be constantly either putting 561 00:26:36,923 --> 00:26:39,323 on or taking off clothes for a year? 562 00:26:41,563 --> 00:26:42,963 James, the rules. 563 00:26:42,963 --> 00:26:44,483 We're talking proper clothes. 564 00:26:44,483 --> 00:26:47,003 No messing about with gloves or scarves. 565 00:26:47,003 --> 00:26:49,523 You don't need to go down to your peanut hammocks, 566 00:26:49,523 --> 00:26:54,563 you just need to be always removing or putting on an item of clothing, 567 00:26:54,563 --> 00:26:56,763 and you can't just keep putting on and taking off the same 568 00:26:56,763 --> 00:26:58,283 item of clothing. 569 00:26:58,283 --> 00:26:59,643 In public? 570 00:26:59,643 --> 00:27:02,683 In public, in private, in conversation. 571 00:27:02,683 --> 00:27:04,083 Constantly. 572 00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:06,043 Any questions on this side about it? 573 00:27:06,043 --> 00:27:07,363 No, not really. 574 00:27:07,363 --> 00:27:09,283 I don't expect much from this round, to be honest with you. 575 00:27:14,763 --> 00:27:17,283 How are you feeling, Josh? Josh Pugh? 576 00:27:17,283 --> 00:27:19,443 - Stressed at the thought of this. - Yeah. 577 00:27:19,443 --> 00:27:22,363 And would you be confident you could do it, were the money on the table? 578 00:27:22,363 --> 00:27:24,803 I wouldn't agree to it, Josh, unless I thought I could do it. 579 00:27:24,803 --> 00:27:26,603 Yeah. 580 00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:29,123 I wouldn't waste your time and I wouldn't waste my time. 581 00:27:32,803 --> 00:27:34,763 Have we all got a figure? 582 00:27:34,763 --> 00:27:35,963 Yeah. 583 00:27:35,963 --> 00:27:38,043 Right, Judi first. 584 00:27:38,043 --> 00:27:39,923 I said 25,000. 585 00:27:42,763 --> 00:27:45,043 That's, that's not much. 586 00:27:45,043 --> 00:27:47,723 I mean 25,000 a year, that's like two grand a month. 587 00:27:47,723 --> 00:27:49,483 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 588 00:27:49,483 --> 00:27:53,443 For sitting down in your own warm house, taking off your socks, 589 00:27:53,443 --> 00:27:56,243 putting it back on, taking off your knickers, putting it back on. 590 00:27:56,243 --> 00:27:58,643 Might be the only chance of being able to do that. 591 00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:00,163 Putting on and taking off your bra. 592 00:28:00,163 --> 00:28:03,563 I mean, depending on how big your chest is, it might take 593 00:28:03,563 --> 00:28:05,163 you a few minutes to take off your bra. 594 00:28:05,163 --> 00:28:06,403 - Uh-huh. - You know what I mean? 595 00:28:06,403 --> 00:28:08,203 You could be living quite a nice life. 596 00:28:08,203 --> 00:28:10,723 Do you know what? It's a very good argument. 597 00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:12,563 Sorry, I'm aroused. 598 00:28:16,803 --> 00:28:19,323 That's very unprofessional. Never happened to me before on this show. 599 00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:21,003 I. I apologise. 600 00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:22,763 Right, we'll move on. Amy? 601 00:28:22,763 --> 00:28:25,883 Oh, I've gone 455,000. 602 00:28:25,883 --> 00:28:26,883 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 603 00:28:26,883 --> 00:28:28,803 - Cause it's gonna be so annoying. - Yeah, it is. 604 00:28:28,803 --> 00:28:30,523 And you're not gonna get much done. 605 00:28:30,523 --> 00:28:33,963 But if I'm driving I've got quite good at taking my bra off, 606 00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:37,523 like on the motorway, to get comfy, you know, for the drive. 607 00:28:37,523 --> 00:28:39,003 - I knew we'd get on. - Do you do that? 608 00:28:39,003 --> 00:28:40,163 I knew we'd get on. 609 00:28:40,163 --> 00:28:41,163 - I knew it. - Get it off. 610 00:28:41,163 --> 00:28:43,603 It's the worst when the back gets catch and the breast is halfway 611 00:28:43,603 --> 00:28:46,483 hanging out, and you start driving like this. 612 00:28:46,483 --> 00:28:49,483 Can I just ask, James, still aroused? 613 00:28:49,483 --> 00:28:51,763 Don't worry, back to normal now. 614 00:28:54,323 --> 00:28:56,523 Josh, what have you gone for? 615 00:28:56,523 --> 00:28:58,963 Yeah, similar to Amy, and for similar reasons. 616 00:28:59,003 --> 00:29:01,083 Um, 500. 617 00:29:01,083 --> 00:29:02,083 500. 618 00:29:02,083 --> 00:29:03,843 Am I just cheap? 619 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:06,443 Judi, I'm gonna level with you. That is mad. 620 00:29:09,003 --> 00:29:11,323 - Liza? - I've completely. 621 00:29:11,323 --> 00:29:12,683 - 150 million. - Yeah. 622 00:29:12,683 --> 00:29:16,563 'Cause I'd just be driven insane by it. 623 00:29:16,563 --> 00:29:18,803 Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a realistic. 624 00:29:18,803 --> 00:29:20,323 Yeah, yeah, that's what we were expecting. 625 00:29:20,323 --> 00:29:21,723 Realistic, Judi. 626 00:29:21,723 --> 00:29:25,843 Um, and, your bids weren't outside the realms of possibility. 627 00:29:25,843 --> 00:29:28,123 Never in a million years did I think anyone was gonna say, 628 00:29:28,123 --> 00:29:30,603 "What's the minimum wage? I'll do it for that." 629 00:29:33,123 --> 00:29:35,363 I think I meant to put an extra zero on there. 630 00:29:35,363 --> 00:29:37,523 - Yeah, well. - It's still the lowest. 631 00:29:41,323 --> 00:29:46,763 25 grand might not sound a lot to you rich guys, right? 632 00:29:48,643 --> 00:29:51,523 And it depends on what your sleeping patterns are like. 633 00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:55,043 Out of 24 hours, I might sleep 23 hours. 634 00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:57,763 Do you understand what I'm saying? And I'm up for an hour. 635 00:29:57,763 --> 00:29:58,803 Yeah. 636 00:29:58,803 --> 00:30:01,563 Do you know what? I'd get people involved and make it 637 00:30:01,563 --> 00:30:02,643 a community thing. 638 00:30:02,643 --> 00:30:03,683 We'd get together. 639 00:30:03,683 --> 00:30:06,003 You know what? I'm gonna join in, and I'm gonna donate, 640 00:30:06,003 --> 00:30:08,003 and then it's gonna be on Loose Women. 641 00:30:08,003 --> 00:30:09,203 Do you understand what I'm saying? 642 00:30:09,203 --> 00:30:13,523 And then everyone, you lot would do it, wouldn't you? Yeah. 643 00:30:13,523 --> 00:30:16,323 How long is an episode of Loose Women? 644 00:30:16,323 --> 00:30:17,843 It's an hour. 645 00:30:17,843 --> 00:30:20,963 - So that's your hour. - That's my hour, yeah. 646 00:30:20,963 --> 00:30:22,443 - So you're sleeping. - Yeah. 647 00:30:22,443 --> 00:30:24,763 - In the studio, I'm guessing. - Yes. 648 00:30:24,763 --> 00:30:28,843 Wake up, straight onto set, clothes on and off, audience doing 649 00:30:28,843 --> 00:30:31,403 it as well, straight off, in the bed again. 650 00:30:31,403 --> 00:30:35,323 Well, let's see if Judi in a situation can kind of. 651 00:30:35,323 --> 00:30:36,403 - Oh. - Yeah. 652 00:30:36,403 --> 00:30:37,643 Now, here's the thing. 653 00:30:37,643 --> 00:30:39,483 Shall we bring out the clothes? 654 00:30:39,483 --> 00:30:41,003 Yeah, let's bring out the clothes for Judi Love. 655 00:30:41,003 --> 00:30:42,843 But I have my own clothes on. 656 00:30:42,843 --> 00:30:44,963 We are not gonna make you take those off. 657 00:30:50,323 --> 00:30:51,603 Cliff. 658 00:30:51,603 --> 00:30:54,763 Cliff, bring a bag of clothes out for Judi Love. 659 00:30:54,763 --> 00:30:57,643 # His name is Cliff, he works in props. 660 00:30:57,643 --> 00:31:00,283 # He sets them up, and could do better. # 661 00:31:01,603 --> 00:31:04,083 So I've just got to take it off and put it back on again? 662 00:31:04,083 --> 00:31:06,243 Yeah, while we're on Loose Women, and I'll be. 663 00:31:11,083 --> 00:31:13,363 I'll be... I'll be the host. Kay is the host. 664 00:31:13,363 --> 00:31:15,523 I'll be Carol. 665 00:31:15,523 --> 00:31:16,603 OK, and Josh? 666 00:31:16,603 --> 00:31:18,683 - I'll be Stacey Solomon. - You be Stacey Solomon. 667 00:31:18,683 --> 00:31:22,603 - OK. - I could be Janet Street-Porter. 668 00:31:22,603 --> 00:31:23,603 OK. 669 00:31:25,403 --> 00:31:27,083 Well, I'll be Katie Price, then. 670 00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:28,683 Yeah. 671 00:31:28,683 --> 00:31:31,403 Hello, welcome to Loose Women with me, Kay Adams, Carol McGiffin . 672 00:31:31,403 --> 00:31:32,803 I say what I like. 673 00:31:37,843 --> 00:31:38,963 Katie Price. 674 00:31:38,963 --> 00:31:40,403 Hiya. 675 00:31:40,403 --> 00:31:42,203 - Stacey Solomon. - Hiya. 676 00:31:42,203 --> 00:31:44,043 And Janet Street-Porter. 677 00:31:44,043 --> 00:31:46,443 All right? 678 00:31:46,443 --> 00:31:47,763 And of course Judi Love 679 00:31:47,763 --> 00:31:49,843 And what are you doing, Judi? 680 00:31:49,843 --> 00:31:53,083 So, yeah, we're doing this campaign where you, 681 00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:56,563 you know, put stuff on and you take it off, 682 00:31:56,563 --> 00:31:59,683 and, you know, it's really therapeutic. 683 00:31:59,683 --> 00:32:01,643 Um, in fact, actually, I started doing this 684 00:32:01,643 --> 00:32:06,723 with my teenager because I thought she was so addicted to her phone. 685 00:32:06,723 --> 00:32:08,763 And it's really important. 686 00:32:11,643 --> 00:32:12,843 Just the hat and the sock. 687 00:32:12,843 --> 00:32:14,483 Have you just got two items that you do, Judi? 688 00:32:14,483 --> 00:32:17,283 Oh, yeah, no, it's really important for us to be able to have those 689 00:32:17,283 --> 00:32:22,403 moments where we can just reflect, and when I had this thought 690 00:32:22,403 --> 00:32:25,563 of taking off and putting on your clothes, it gave me 691 00:32:25,563 --> 00:32:27,203 and my daughter time, you know? 692 00:32:27,203 --> 00:32:29,443 And this is a question that I ask to many parents, 693 00:32:29,443 --> 00:32:31,483 if they're actually thinking about the time they're spending 694 00:32:31,483 --> 00:32:33,043 with their children. 695 00:32:33,043 --> 00:32:34,123 What do you think, Carol? 696 00:32:34,123 --> 00:32:36,923 I think all kids should be burnt, but you can't say that now. 697 00:32:41,483 --> 00:32:44,523 You know, I used to be a clothes shedder. 698 00:32:45,563 --> 00:32:49,883 I used to shed clothes, more than my weight, 699 00:32:51,523 --> 00:32:53,723 just to get five pound an hour. 700 00:32:56,443 --> 00:33:00,923 And because of that, I'm dedicating an hour a day, 701 00:33:00,923 --> 00:33:03,563 when I'm on here, where's the camera? 702 00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:10,283 I'm dedicating my hour on Loose Women 703 00:33:10,283 --> 00:33:16,083 back to shedding clothes, cause I don't forget where I came from. 704 00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:19,323 But I'm doing it for all the other potential Loose Women out there, 705 00:33:19,323 --> 00:33:22,763 don't take my fucking job though, 706 00:33:22,763 --> 00:33:27,403 that one day you could be up here with us, talking about real 707 00:33:27,403 --> 00:33:29,363 topics with real girls. 708 00:33:29,363 --> 00:33:30,763 I love you girls. I love you. 709 00:33:30,763 --> 00:33:32,243 I love you, babe. 710 00:33:32,243 --> 00:33:34,683 That's so good. 711 00:33:37,643 --> 00:33:38,763 Wow. 712 00:33:38,763 --> 00:33:41,243 - Carol? - Yeah. 713 00:33:41,243 --> 00:33:42,803 Any thoughts? 714 00:33:42,803 --> 00:33:44,603 I don't think COVID is real, PC gone mad. 715 00:33:49,763 --> 00:33:51,563 Janet, would you do it with me, Janet? 716 00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:54,123 No, I couldn't be fucking bothered. 717 00:33:54,883 --> 00:33:56,723 That's what Janet would say. 718 00:33:56,723 --> 00:33:58,043 Yeah. 719 00:33:58,043 --> 00:33:59,763 OK, James, do you think she could do it? 720 00:33:59,763 --> 00:34:03,163 Look, I was on the fence until the emotional speech started. 721 00:34:03,163 --> 00:34:04,643 She's still doing it. 722 00:34:07,643 --> 00:34:09,283 It's dedication, girls. 723 00:34:10,683 --> 00:34:12,923 Who could argue with that? Four points to Judi Love. 724 00:34:12,923 --> 00:34:13,858 - Four points. - Yay. 725 00:34:14,603 --> 00:34:16,443 It's time for On the Spot. 726 00:34:23,243 --> 00:34:25,803 In this round we're going to deliver a series of rapid fire 727 00:34:25,803 --> 00:34:28,323 hypotheticals, which we want our panellists to solve 728 00:34:28,323 --> 00:34:30,083 as quickly as possible. 729 00:34:30,083 --> 00:34:34,243 It's gonna be as high-octane as a skydive, without any of the danger. 730 00:34:34,243 --> 00:34:35,843 Or excitement. 731 00:34:35,843 --> 00:34:38,403 Josh will read out the hypothetical and then I will say the name 732 00:34:38,403 --> 00:34:40,283 of the person that I want to answer it. 733 00:34:40,283 --> 00:34:43,523 But if we think the answer is stupid we'll hit our buttons to stop 734 00:34:43,523 --> 00:34:46,003 the clock and ask what the hell they're on about. 735 00:34:46,003 --> 00:34:47,723 The best player gets the points. 736 00:34:47,723 --> 00:34:50,723 OK. Here we go. 737 00:34:53,523 --> 00:34:55,843 Starters, mains, puddings. 738 00:34:55,843 --> 00:34:57,443 You have to come up with a new course. 739 00:34:57,443 --> 00:34:58,443 Pugh. 740 00:34:58,443 --> 00:35:00,003 Pre-pre-starter. 741 00:35:00,003 --> 00:35:02,483 You eat it at home before you go to the restaurant. 742 00:35:02,483 --> 00:35:04,403 Love it. Love it. Love it. 743 00:35:04,403 --> 00:35:06,443 Scientists have come up with a way of creating a hybrid 744 00:35:06,443 --> 00:35:07,603 of any two animals. 745 00:35:07,603 --> 00:35:09,083 What are you making and what's its name? 746 00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:10,083 Love. 747 00:35:10,083 --> 00:35:12,083 Er, it would be a giraffe and an elephant. 748 00:35:12,083 --> 00:35:13,923 And what's it called? 749 00:35:13,923 --> 00:35:17,323 And it would be called a safari-hari. 750 00:35:19,563 --> 00:35:21,763 - Yes, it would. - Very good. 751 00:35:21,763 --> 00:35:24,123 They've just added an eighth day of the week. What's it called? 752 00:35:24,123 --> 00:35:25,883 - Tarbuck. - Yinx. 753 00:35:27,563 --> 00:35:30,603 You get that Friday feeling, Wednesday is hump day 754 00:35:30,603 --> 00:35:32,043 and you have a roast on Sunday. 755 00:35:32,043 --> 00:35:33,683 What do you do on Yinx? 756 00:35:33,683 --> 00:35:34,923 Gledhill. 757 00:35:34,923 --> 00:35:37,763 - Sex. - Yeah. 758 00:35:37,763 --> 00:35:40,883 Yinx. 759 00:35:40,883 --> 00:35:42,923 You and your best friend must get in to watch the Wimbledon 760 00:35:42,923 --> 00:35:44,003 final without tickets. 761 00:35:44,003 --> 00:35:45,563 By the way, your best friend is a hippo. 762 00:35:45,563 --> 00:35:47,123 Pugh. 763 00:35:47,123 --> 00:35:50,523 We've, trained as ball boys. There's a shortage. 764 00:35:50,523 --> 00:35:52,483 They've put an announcement out. We've stepped forward. 765 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:54,723 We've saved the day. Let us in. 766 00:35:56,883 --> 00:35:59,043 The hippo has been trained as a ball boy? 767 00:35:59,043 --> 00:36:00,683 It's a feel-good story. 768 00:36:03,483 --> 00:36:05,323 Actually, the only limiting factor is age. 769 00:36:05,323 --> 00:36:07,083 As long as the hippo was under 15 770 00:36:07,083 --> 00:36:09,643 he's probably got a better chance of getting in. 771 00:36:09,643 --> 00:36:11,123 It's more believable. 772 00:36:11,123 --> 00:36:13,803 You're at Kew Gardens with Monty Don. 773 00:36:13,803 --> 00:36:16,323 Convince him to strim a massive cock and balls into the lawn. 774 00:36:16,323 --> 00:36:18,163 Love. 775 00:36:18,163 --> 00:36:22,243 I would say to him that this is a charity event, 776 00:36:22,243 --> 00:36:24,763 and Loose Women are backing it. 777 00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:27,683 You're holding a banana. 778 00:36:27,683 --> 00:36:29,243 How do you get to the edible bit in the middle? 779 00:36:29,243 --> 00:36:32,563 - Tarbuck. - I think I'd just squeeze it. 780 00:36:32,563 --> 00:36:35,483 Yeah. 781 00:36:35,483 --> 00:36:39,683 Now, every show we put an easy one in that's really obvious, 782 00:36:39,683 --> 00:36:42,243 that you'd just peel the banana and eat it. 783 00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:44,603 We deliberately gave that one to you going, 784 00:36:44,603 --> 00:36:46,643 "I bet she doesn't do that." 785 00:36:48,003 --> 00:36:50,283 You've got an hour to get as far underground as possible. 786 00:36:50,283 --> 00:36:52,123 Gledhill. 787 00:36:52,123 --> 00:36:57,363 You go to Yorkshire Mining Museum and you go right down in the shaft. 788 00:37:02,043 --> 00:37:04,363 No one's arguing with that. 789 00:37:04,363 --> 00:37:05,963 You're at a local swimming baths. 790 00:37:05,963 --> 00:37:07,963 You must get the staff to start draining the pool 791 00:37:07,963 --> 00:37:09,563 by shouting five words or less. 792 00:37:09,563 --> 00:37:10,563 Pugh. 793 00:37:11,923 --> 00:37:16,323 I have shat myself again. 794 00:37:22,923 --> 00:37:25,003 You must invent a new UK accent. 795 00:37:25,003 --> 00:37:26,043 Love. 796 00:37:26,043 --> 00:37:27,923 Er, so it would be, it would be something like this, 797 00:37:27,923 --> 00:37:30,643 like, it would be kind of like do you know what I'm saying, 798 00:37:30,643 --> 00:37:34,083 do you know what I'm saying, do you know what I'm saying. 799 00:37:34,083 --> 00:37:35,523 That's what it would be. 800 00:37:35,523 --> 00:37:37,603 You know what I'm saying? 801 00:37:37,603 --> 00:37:39,843 I actually don't know what you're saying, but. 802 00:37:39,843 --> 00:37:41,523 That's the point. That's the accent. 803 00:37:41,523 --> 00:37:42,923 Yeah, I like it. 804 00:37:42,923 --> 00:37:44,643 The British Swimming Association has tasked you 805 00:37:44,643 --> 00:37:46,203 with inventing a new stroke. Name it. 806 00:37:46,203 --> 00:37:47,923 Gledhill. 807 00:37:47,923 --> 00:37:48,923 Way-oh. 808 00:37:53,323 --> 00:37:54,843 Show us way-oh. 809 00:37:55,883 --> 00:37:58,123 Way-ay-oh. 810 00:37:59,203 --> 00:38:01,563 This seems to be inspired by your technique for taking your bra off 811 00:38:01,563 --> 00:38:03,123 in a car. 812 00:38:03,123 --> 00:38:06,443 That's how you get it back on. 813 00:38:06,443 --> 00:38:08,003 The makers of James Bond have been in touch. 814 00:38:08,003 --> 00:38:09,523 They've had enough of "shaken, not stirred". 815 00:38:09,523 --> 00:38:11,843 Come up with a new way for Bond to order his martini. 816 00:38:11,843 --> 00:38:13,083 Tarbuck. 817 00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:14,763 Er, chewed and spat out. 818 00:38:19,603 --> 00:38:21,323 You must circumnavigate the... 819 00:38:21,323 --> 00:38:23,523 Oh, no, we'll never get to that one. 820 00:38:23,523 --> 00:38:24,923 Right, that's the end of the round. 821 00:38:24,923 --> 00:38:26,723 James, who are you giving the points to? 822 00:38:26,723 --> 00:38:28,883 Well, I was very keen on all of those, but just 823 00:38:28,883 --> 00:38:30,643 because way-oh is such a good swimming stroke, 824 00:38:30,643 --> 00:38:34,563 I'm giving the points to Amy Gledhill. 825 00:38:34,563 --> 00:38:37,003 Yay. Thank you. 826 00:38:37,003 --> 00:38:40,043 It was a hell of a journey, James, and how many points does Amy get? 827 00:38:40,043 --> 00:38:42,643 - One point. - One point. 828 00:38:42,643 --> 00:38:44,643 - Wow. - Wow. - Wow. 829 00:38:44,643 --> 00:38:47,483 It's time for our final round, the one that decides it all. 830 00:38:47,483 --> 00:38:50,003 We're heading back to the Wall of Celebrities 831 00:38:50,003 --> 00:38:52,403 to ask the biggest question in showbiz. 832 00:38:52,403 --> 00:38:55,003 Is it true that if you press the right button on the Teletubbies' 833 00:38:55,003 --> 00:38:57,443 telly screen you can see what they've just eaten? 834 00:38:57,443 --> 00:39:00,323 No, the question is big hat or small hat? 835 00:39:07,123 --> 00:39:10,683 We've asked our six celebs one final, all-important question big 836 00:39:10,683 --> 00:39:12,723 hat or small hat? 837 00:39:12,723 --> 00:39:14,483 James, what are the rules of the question? 838 00:39:14,483 --> 00:39:16,763 We told the celebrities you have to wear the hat for the rest 839 00:39:16,763 --> 00:39:19,483 of your life, you can't wear a medium size hat over the small 840 00:39:19,483 --> 00:39:21,483 hat, and these are the hats. 841 00:39:22,763 --> 00:39:25,203 All you have to do is tell us which hat the celebrity chose. 842 00:39:25,203 --> 00:39:28,683 James, before the question, can we have the scores as they stand? 843 00:39:28,683 --> 00:39:29,683 Yes. 844 00:39:29,683 --> 00:39:34,683 Team Gasoline has zero points, whilst Sexy Waltzers are in the lead 845 00:39:34,683 --> 00:39:35,843 with 14 points. 846 00:39:35,843 --> 00:39:37,563 Woo. 847 00:39:37,563 --> 00:39:39,523 Never seen it before. 848 00:39:39,523 --> 00:39:41,803 Who is this question for and how many points is it worth? 849 00:39:41,803 --> 00:39:45,203 It's for Team Gasoline and it's worth 15 points. 850 00:39:47,483 --> 00:39:49,243 What a story it would be. 851 00:39:49,243 --> 00:39:52,163 - What a story it would be. - Never. 852 00:39:52,163 --> 00:39:54,043 Team Gasoline, it comes down to this one. 853 00:39:54,043 --> 00:39:56,323 Who would you like to choose? 854 00:39:56,323 --> 00:39:58,243 Er, I'm happy to go Kadeena Cox again. 855 00:39:58,243 --> 00:39:59,843 - OK. - Yeah. 856 00:39:59,843 --> 00:40:02,523 And do you think Kadeena Cox went big hat or small hat? 857 00:40:02,523 --> 00:40:03,923 What one would you go for? 858 00:40:03,923 --> 00:40:05,443 I'd go small. 859 00:40:06,963 --> 00:40:08,763 Well, I am flabbergasted. 860 00:40:08,763 --> 00:40:10,843 Are you? 861 00:40:10,843 --> 00:40:12,563 Yeah, big hat every time. 862 00:40:12,563 --> 00:40:14,763 - Would you? - Yeah, go big or go home. 863 00:40:18,163 --> 00:40:20,083 I called you a name earlier in the show. 864 00:40:20,083 --> 00:40:21,283 Yeah. 865 00:40:21,283 --> 00:40:25,083 I shouldn't have done that, and I want to let you, this is yours. 866 00:40:25,083 --> 00:40:26,123 This is you now. 867 00:40:26,123 --> 00:40:28,483 That is, in my book, slippy of you. 868 00:40:31,963 --> 00:40:34,483 Er, I think I'm gonna go with you on this. 869 00:40:34,483 --> 00:40:36,083 Small. 870 00:40:36,083 --> 00:40:37,323 Well, let's see. 871 00:40:37,323 --> 00:40:40,523 To win it, did Kadeena Cox go small hat? 872 00:40:40,523 --> 00:40:42,123 Gotta be small hat. 873 00:40:42,123 --> 00:40:43,963 She's gone small hat. 874 00:40:43,963 --> 00:40:45,003 Oh. 875 00:40:45,003 --> 00:40:48,123 They've won it. They've won it, from nowhere. 876 00:40:48,123 --> 00:40:50,523 Is this where I go like that? 877 00:40:50,523 --> 00:40:54,323 And we've got some worked out routine. 878 00:40:54,323 --> 00:40:55,763 Oh-ho-ho. 879 00:40:55,763 --> 00:40:57,443 James, absolute shocker. 880 00:40:59,243 --> 00:41:00,283 James, what are the final scores? 881 00:41:00,283 --> 00:41:02,443 Sexy Waltzers have 14 points. 882 00:41:02,443 --> 00:41:05,003 Nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of that. 883 00:41:05,003 --> 00:41:08,123 Team Gasoline, very close, this, this is by a hair - 884 00:41:08,123 --> 00:41:09,483 are the winners with 15 points. 885 00:41:09,483 --> 00:41:12,403 I mean that's tight. It's been a tight game. 886 00:41:12,403 --> 00:41:14,883 It's been a tight game. 887 00:41:14,883 --> 00:41:16,803 You played very well, but you just didn't quite... 888 00:41:16,803 --> 00:41:20,043 So what this game is, is basically come up here and do 889 00:41:20,043 --> 00:41:24,003 fuck all, and then still win at the end? 890 00:41:24,003 --> 00:41:26,123 We're seeing your true colours now, aren't we, 891 00:41:26,123 --> 00:41:28,323 after I got booed earlier in the show. 892 00:41:28,323 --> 00:41:31,323 Congratulations. 893 00:41:33,163 --> 00:41:34,923 Fucking idiots. 894 00:41:37,163 --> 00:41:39,643 Congratulations to Team Gasoline. 895 00:41:39,643 --> 00:41:41,963 You've proved your worth in a non-existent hypothetical 896 00:41:41,963 --> 00:41:43,723 universe, so you are this week's winners. 897 00:41:43,723 --> 00:41:45,083 James, what have they won? 898 00:41:45,083 --> 00:41:47,603 Well, as said before, the hypothetical prizes are three 899 00:41:47,603 --> 00:41:51,243 restaurant-quality lasagnes, some trapped wind, 56 bald cats 900 00:41:51,243 --> 00:41:54,643 and a mini fridge containing a second even smaller mini fridge, 901 00:41:54,643 --> 00:41:56,683 but those were just hypothetical prizes. 902 00:41:56,683 --> 00:41:58,363 You've actually won a charm of goldfinches. 903 00:42:01,803 --> 00:42:04,363 Thanks to our guests, Judi Love 904 00:42:04,363 --> 00:42:05,563 Amy Gledhill, 905 00:42:05,563 --> 00:42:07,883 Liza Tarbuck and Josh Pugh. 906 00:42:07,883 --> 00:42:12,163 Extra special thanks to my co-host and points enthusiast James Acaster. 907 00:42:12,163 --> 00:42:13,523 Goodnight.