1 00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:17,485 "Old Lady Spinster," her guest hissed, 2 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:21,358 as he begged for his life. 3 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:24,361 If you listen closely, 4 00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:29,061 you can still hear the cries of her victims. 5 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,631 The cries of her victims! 6 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:38,114 - Oh, beware! - Beware! 7 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:43,641 Beware, beware! 8 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,034 Beware! 9 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,255 But you still have two nights left 10 00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,778 on your reservation! 11 00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,693 I told you we should've gone to Dollywood! 12 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:54,435 Who would want to stay here? These people are frauds! 13 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:05,794 This fake blood sure stains. 14 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,665 How grandmother was able to get real blood 15 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,450 out of this carpet, I'll never know. 16 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,016 Right? 17 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,671 Hey, Granny, share with us your secret, would ya? 18 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,717 I mean, give us some of that sage advice. 19 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,327 "Sell the house! 20 00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:19,547 Change your name and start a new hotel!" 21 00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:20,809 Wow, did you hear that? 22 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:23,594 That's some really good advice there. 23 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:26,989 It's not funny, Sam! Just show some respect. 24 00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,251 Come on, sis, just admit it. 25 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,122 Nobody wants to stay in a murder house. 26 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,124 This isn't just some murder house. 27 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,256 This is our house. 28 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,823 - It's morbid! - It's family. 29 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,655 People like horror. 30 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,309 People like being scared. 31 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,746 - Crazy people. - Don't. 32 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,269 I'm not saying you're crazy, I'm just-- 33 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,185 Our customers are out there. 34 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,274 We just have to find them. 35 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,804 Look at this. 36 00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:02,981 Lizzie Bord-Inn, booked. 37 00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,593 Dahmer Apartment, booked. 38 00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:08,291 John Wayne Gacy Circus Tent, booked. 39 00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,293 Us, nothing. 40 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:13,862 What is it gonna take to get us on the map? 41 00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:18,257 Grandmother was America's first female serial killer. 42 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,216 That's a big deal. 43 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,699 If only the world knew you were so groundbreaking. 44 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,745 And so psychotic. 45 00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:30,444 - What up, killers? - It's TheMorgueCases. 46 00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,620 Today I got to check another crime scene 47 00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:35,318 off my mass murder bucket list and spent the night 48 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:39,453 in Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment. It was so great! 49 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:42,151 That's it! Influencers. 50 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:46,808 I need stupid, vapid, "Like and Subscribe" influencers. 51 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:50,115 Okay, we reach out to this girl. We offer her a free night. 52 00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:52,683 We wine and dine and frighten her, 53 00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:56,513 and then, boom, positive review. 54 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,082 You lost me at "free." 55 00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,306 I'm at the Spinster Murder House, 56 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,786 and if you've never heard of it, don't be ashamed. 57 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,615 This one is a deep cut, even for The Morgue. 58 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,443 The story goes that 80 years ago, 59 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:16,577 Old Lady Spinster, the proprietor of this hotel, 60 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,362 murdered an untold number of guests. 61 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:23,148 After confessing to her crimes, she died in an insane asylum. 62 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:25,325 Uh, no. Hi. 63 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:28,371 Actually, she did not die in an insane asylum. 64 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:31,722 She died peacefully in a retirement home. 65 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,811 And this, my morbid viewers, 66 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:36,379 is Lady Spinster's own granddaughter. 67 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:41,341 That's me, proud Spinster. The name, not the other way. 68 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,692 You know how it is, Morgan. - Call me Morgue. 69 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,911 Now, you inherited this place from your grandmother? 70 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:49,044 Yes, we did, my brother and I. 71 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,918 Hi. 72 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,181 Go ahead and say hi to our viewers, Mr. Spinster. 73 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,662 Oh, are they, she's live right now? 74 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,839 Yeah, but don't worry. This is my BTS stream. 75 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:05,974 Only a few thousand people are watching. 76 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:10,108 Um, welcome to the Spinster Murder House! 77 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:12,981 This way to the deception den. 78 00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,553 Ooh! 79 00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:22,512 The house got gift points for creep factor. 80 00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,514 Grandmother designed it herself. 81 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,777 Some even say the house drove her to kill. 82 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,344 No, they don't. 83 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,346 You have a shrine of her? 84 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,958 I love it! It's so trashy. 85 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:40,400 Wow. It's working! 86 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:43,446 Oh, the stream dropped. 87 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,535 That's the steel panels in the walls. 88 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,189 Grandmother had them installed. 89 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,191 To muffle the screams of her victims. 90 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:53,935 Oh my god. That's horrible. 91 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,632 Is there Wi-Fi? 92 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:01,377 This place sure is a maze. 93 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,814 That's the whole point, dear. 94 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,469 You see, grandmother designed the architecture of this house 95 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:10,212 to confuse and then trap her victims. 96 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,348 See, that's what happens to guests 97 00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,698 when they break the house rules. 98 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,787 Rules? 99 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:22,224 My grandmother was very strict. 100 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:25,227 Rule number one, no smoking. 101 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,669 Oh, and then there's rule number two, 102 00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,106 absolutely no feet on the furniture. 103 00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:45,203 And of course, and most importantly, 104 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,467 rule number three: 105 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,817 - no noise after dark. - No! 106 00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:57,259 The blood of everyone who broke grandmother's rules 107 00:07:57,302 --> 00:08:01,350 still stains the walls of this house. 108 00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,962 - Looks more like rust. - Do you have leaky pipes? 109 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:08,313 No. No, no, no, no, no. That's blood. 110 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,880 Well, then, what happened to the bodies? 111 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,273 They never found them. 112 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,709 Then how do you know it's true? 113 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,232 Because she confessed. 114 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,625 If there's no body, then there's no murder. 115 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,453 That's like True Crime 101. 116 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,237 Perhaps she fed them to her victims. 117 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,543 And the bones? 118 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,762 They were tossed down this corpse chute 119 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:25,026 to a secret basement below. 120 00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:29,900 - That's just a dumbwaiter. - Or a dead waiter. 121 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:33,600 I don't know. It just seems a little thin. 122 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,035 What's that supposed to mean? 123 00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:37,385 It's just, I've studied every serial killer 124 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:40,650 from John Eric Armstrong to Kevin Lee Zimmerman, 125 00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:42,477 and I've never heard of the Spinster case 126 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,914 until you emailed me. 127 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,786 How do you know she wasn't just some crazy old woman 128 00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,265 who built a wonky house? 129 00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:50,617 You have no idea what you're talking about. 130 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:54,055 I mean, grandmother was a world-class serial killer, 131 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,578 and I'll bet if she was here right now, 132 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,101 she'd hack you to pieces! 133 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,065 What she meant was if you need anything, 134 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:05,066 let us know. 135 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:19,123 This house is definitely spooky, 136 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,299 but I don't know about the owners. 137 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:22,997 They're kinda creepy, 138 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,390 and I don't mean creepy in a fun way. 139 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,479 Like, sad creepy. 140 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,355 - "There's no body. - There's no murder." 141 00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,052 Can you believe her? 142 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,315 Accusing dear old grandmother of not killing anyone? 143 00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,013 Just stop complaining, okay? 144 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:43,321 We're not doing this for her. We're doing it for her viewers. 145 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,586 Whoa. 146 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:49,414 What the hell's happening with our reservations? 147 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:52,113 I bet it's her. 148 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:55,029 So far the only thing I'm sure Old Lady Spinster killed 149 00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,813 is my vacation. 150 00:09:56,857 --> 00:10:00,643 This little brat is gonna ruin us. 151 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:03,951 Oh no, she isn't. 152 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:22,578 Ah, you're just in time for breakfast. 153 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,667 I made some sausage and eggs. 154 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,539 I'm vegan. I think meat is murder. 155 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:28,889 I thought you liked murder. 156 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,543 Well, yeah, but just people. 157 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,545 Oh. 158 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,678 Also, the Wi-Fi's down. 159 00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,941 Yes, that, um, I've actually been on the phone 160 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,248 all morning with the repair company, 161 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,685 and waiting, you know how it is. 162 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,993 - Right. - Well, thanks. 163 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,081 Mm-hmm. 164 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:54,392 Hey, I wanted to apologize if I upset you yesterday. 165 00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:56,699 I'm just a stickler for details, you know? 166 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,048 Don't mention it. 167 00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,615 Yeah, I understand that you true crime people, 168 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,617 you have to ask a lot of questions. 169 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,967 I think that we should keep an open mind, 170 00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:05,795 which is why I was thinking 171 00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,232 maybe we could do a little investigating today. 172 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:10,104 What kind of investigating? 173 00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,976 Look around the house for any unmarked entrances, 174 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,762 hidden doors, overlooked crawlspaces. 175 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,589 Maybe find where all those bodies ended up? 176 00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,809 The police already did an extensive search. 177 00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:22,464 Like, years ago, and I bet back then 178 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:25,467 they didn't have stuff like this. 179 00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:31,299 Metal detector. 180 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:35,259 Ultra-wide band radar scanners. 181 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,957 Infrared camera. 182 00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,353 Now, who's ready to find some bodies? 183 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,933 Oh, look! 184 00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,848 Chemical stains. 185 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:15,952 Grandmother's secret stash of poisons. 186 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:18,433 That's her stash of poisons, all right. 187 00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,217 Gin. 188 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:25,483 Brandy. 189 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,318 - Are these iron walls? - Like I said, all metal. 190 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:39,846 You said steel. 191 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,372 Any objection if I open this wall? 192 00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:45,895 Be my guest. 193 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:09,005 Looks like some kind of vault. 194 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,792 Oh my god. 195 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,142 This is it. 196 00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,579 Grandmother's corpse locker. 197 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,846 You know how to open a safe? 198 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,414 Like I said, I love true crime. 199 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:29,373 I just know this is where grandmother hid the bodies. 200 00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,512 That should do it. 201 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,862 Would you like to do the honors, Pamela? 202 00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,536 Looks like Old Lady Spinster 203 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:05,322 was just a spinster. 204 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,542 No. 205 00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:10,023 No, she must've used this sewing machine 206 00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,895 to sew and then wear the flesh of her victims. 207 00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:15,506 I mean, there could be any number of torture chambers 208 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,552 or secret passages in this house, or-- 209 00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,771 - Just stop, okay? Stop it! --doors in this thing. 210 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,077 Or wait, there could be a latch or something! 211 00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,165 There can be-- 212 00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:24,211 Face it, Pamela. 213 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,822 Old Lady Spinster never killed anyone. 214 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,129 She was just crazy-- - I'm not crazy! 215 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,218 She didn't call you crazy, Pam, okay? 216 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,567 Now stop it. 217 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,699 Just because we haven't found any bodies 218 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:36,745 doesn't mean that she didn't kill anyone. 219 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,616 She was a homicidal genius! 220 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:41,793 She was greater than Wuornos! Greater than Bundy! 221 00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:44,318 You will see the Spinster name will live forever! 222 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,323 This place is a total scam. 223 00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,760 The owners are complete whack jobs. 224 00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,894 One-star rating only 'cause I can't give it zero. 225 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:58,071 Save the gas money and avoid the Spinster Murder House. 226 00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:00,900 Trust me, I wouldn't be caught dead here. 227 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,473 Whatever, I'll stop at a Starbucks. 228 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:23,313 - You need to calm down. - We need her to live document. 229 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:25,968 You confronting her is the last thing we need. 230 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,361 I can't believe it. 231 00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,102 She doesn't believe any of it. 232 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,278 She's probably giving us a bad review right now. 233 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:32,801 Can you blame her? 234 00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,890 You're screaming and going on like some crazy person. 235 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,763 Thank you, Old Lady Spinster. 236 00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:40,852 What is that supposed to mean? 237 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,506 Let's hope you lead to an exit. 238 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:43,899 The writing's on the wall. 239 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,292 We've been losing money for the last three years! 240 00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,294 The roof leaks, the plumbing's shot. 241 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,166 - Well, thank you! - Are you gonna fix it? 242 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,603 Maybe we can get that little brat to go along. 243 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:53,996 How are you gonna do that? 244 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,694 Are you gonna threaten her, or are you gonna pay her 245 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,871 with all the money we have? Let's face it, 246 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,744 this whole macabre bed and breakfast thing is doomed. 247 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,876 And frankly, I'm happy that grandma hasn't killed anybody 248 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,748 'cause now I don't have to feel guilty over 249 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:10,012 being a part of some crazy family! 250 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,623 She wasn't crazy. 251 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:16,801 This is our home, Samuel, and I will die before 252 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,934 I let that girl destroy what we've built. 253 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,850 - You're scaring me. - Good. 254 00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:25,810 Maybe that's just what the little bitch needs, 255 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:28,552 a good scare from an old ghost. 256 00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:15,034 Boy, sure is a good thing I brought my mace! 257 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,773 It's made with ghost peppers. 258 00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,340 You know, to keep away the ghosts? 259 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,777 What the hell is wrong with you? 260 00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:22,476 Oh, Pamela, is that you? 261 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,086 - Ow! - I could've sworn 262 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,001 it was the ghost of that crazy old lady. 263 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:32,703 Really? Take a look at yourself. 264 00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:36,838 This isn't a murder house. It's a crazy house. 265 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:47,327 Are you recording this? 266 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:50,025 - Stop it. - Oh, no way. 267 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,505 This might be my favorite shot of you. 268 00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,376 Give me that phone. 269 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,857 Give me that phone! Give me that phone! 270 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,859 You wanted people to see Old Lady Spinster, huh? 271 00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:59,208 - Shut up! - So here she is! 272 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,775 I'm looking right at her, crazy Old Lady Spinster! 273 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:03,604 - Shut up! You want a murder house? 274 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,741 Are you out of your fucking mind? 275 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,449 You can't hide from me. 276 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,233 This is my house. 277 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:30,283 Beware! 278 00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,720 Pam? 279 00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:41,642 Where's the latch? 280 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:45,080 I know it's here somewhere. 281 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,777 Yes! 282 00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,923 Hello, Mr. Modem. 283 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,099 Okay. 284 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,539 - Full signal. - Let's do this. 285 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:14,544 Help! 286 00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:17,025 I'm trapped in the Spinster house! 287 00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:26,687 Somebody call 911! 288 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:30,517 I'm at the Spinster house! She's gonna kill me! 289 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,096 Pam. 290 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,663 Isn't this what you always wanted? 291 00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,622 Please, please, I'm sorry, okay? 292 00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,624 -Some real true crime in your life? 293 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,887 No! 294 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,280 Sam? We have to get the carpet cleaned. 295 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,934 I think-- 296 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:44,286 I think the hardware store opens at six. 297 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,811 Sam, I need your help. 298 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:51,772 - Sam? - I'm right here, sis. 299 00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:55,558 After all, maybe grandmother didn't kill anybody, 300 00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,648 so we can still make this a murder house! 301 00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,579 - Good afternoon. - Spinster Murder-Suicide House. 302 00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:19,974 This is Sam. I am so sorry, ma'am, 303 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:23,847 but we have no vacancies until next winter. 304 00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:27,329 That's correct. Thank you, sir. 305 00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,765 Well, if you sign up 306 00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:30,724 for our Spinster Murder-Suicide House mailing list, 307 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,203 you'll be one of the first notified of 308 00:21:32,247 --> 00:21:35,076 any of our cancellations. 309 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,817 And we look forward to seeing you too, ma'am. 310 00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:51,135 Well, sis, I hate to admit it, but you were right. 311 00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,877 There's definitely a market for horror. 312 00:21:55,923 --> 00:21:57,011 No, no, no! 313 00:21:57,054 --> 00:21:58,621 Please don't kill me, Miss Spinster! 314 00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:07,891 And now to join my dear grandmother in hell. 315 00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:50,847 Granny really was a serial killer! 316 00:22:54,155 --> 00:22:58,681 I'm gonna be rich! 317 00:23:40,636 --> 00:23:43,073 There's a new sheriff in town, Mr. Bug, 318 00:23:43,117 --> 00:23:45,772 and his name's Harlan King. 319 00:23:45,815 --> 00:23:48,296 Requiestcat in pace, Beetlejuice. 320 00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,869 Who's next? You know what today is? 321 00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:58,393 It's eight-legged Armageddon day. 322 00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:02,136 Well, now that's really pretty, little lady. 323 00:24:04,878 --> 00:24:06,488 Time to die. 324 00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:10,231 Pretty shot to hell and gone. 325 00:24:10,274 --> 00:24:12,276 Pretty frickin' dead! 326 00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:18,979 Hello? 327 00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:21,329 King Pest Control? 328 00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,116 Shh. 329 00:24:27,204 --> 00:24:28,728 King Pest Control. 330 00:24:43,743 --> 00:24:45,919 "Step into my parlor," said the asshole spider 331 00:24:45,962 --> 00:24:48,225 to the terror-dominant fly. 332 00:24:48,269 --> 00:24:52,534 "Why, it's mass insecticide!" 333 00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,493 The King has arrived! 334 00:24:57,452 --> 00:25:01,543 Excuse me, Mr. King, I'm with a patient, working, 335 00:25:01,587 --> 00:25:04,241 as you're supposed to be. - I'm done already. 336 00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:07,549 Stinkbugs, spiders, moths, worms. 337 00:25:07,593 --> 00:25:10,639 Kaput. Just a couple of birds. 338 00:25:10,683 --> 00:25:13,033 Not many. I left them on the porch. 339 00:25:13,076 --> 00:25:14,948 Please wait in the parlor. 340 00:25:14,991 --> 00:25:17,167 Oh, well, first, I need you to remit my fee 341 00:25:17,211 --> 00:25:20,127 as per our agreement, which I believe came before 342 00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:21,650 this easy chair action? 343 00:25:21,694 --> 00:25:23,739 I'll be right with you. 344 00:25:23,783 --> 00:25:26,046 Sorry, I can't bring all the creepy-crawlies 345 00:25:26,089 --> 00:25:28,570 back to life and kill 'em all over again. 346 00:25:28,614 --> 00:25:31,225 That's not how that works, doctor. 347 00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:34,358 A little professional courtesy would be nice, just sayin'. 348 00:25:42,715 --> 00:25:44,064 Now, you and me, 349 00:25:44,107 --> 00:25:45,631 we're kind of in the same business, aren't we, doc? 350 00:25:45,674 --> 00:25:46,762 Help people eliminate little problems. 351 00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:49,373 Please stop talking. 352 00:25:49,417 --> 00:25:51,245 Mr. King, I trust this is the last time 353 00:25:51,288 --> 00:25:52,507 I will ever see you. 354 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:55,162 Please feel free to lose my number. 355 00:25:55,205 --> 00:25:56,555 Oh, sure, no problem. 356 00:25:56,598 --> 00:26:02,125 Just, uh, call me whenever you want me back. 357 00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:05,607 What makes you think I would ever want you back? 358 00:26:05,651 --> 00:26:08,697 'Cause there's only one King, and I'm it, doc. 359 00:26:08,741 --> 00:26:12,614 They call back always. You will too. 360 00:26:12,658 --> 00:26:14,529 Bye-bye. 361 00:26:21,797 --> 00:26:23,799 She doesn't know who she's talking to. 362 00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,932 She doesn't know how to deal with the public. 363 00:26:34,331 --> 00:26:37,073 "Lose my number!" 364 00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:39,293 Yeah, we'll see about that. 365 00:26:42,818 --> 00:26:44,385 You'll call back. 366 00:26:56,658 --> 00:27:01,750 Roaches check in, but they don't check out. 367 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,885 All right, you guys know the drill. 368 00:27:05,928 --> 00:27:08,670 Be fruitful and multiply. 369 00:27:08,714 --> 00:27:10,803 The King has spoken. 370 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,857 Damn it. 371 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:25,469 Is it East Willard or West Willard Boulevard? 372 00:27:25,513 --> 00:27:29,169 No, no, no, no, shh. 373 00:27:29,212 --> 00:27:31,824 You're not gonna crap out on me too, are you? 374 00:27:31,867 --> 00:27:34,304 Gonna be stranded in this flooded toilet. 375 00:27:34,348 --> 00:27:38,134 Don't do it. Do not do it. 376 00:27:38,178 --> 00:27:40,441 Shh, come on. 377 00:27:56,631 --> 00:27:59,199 Well, that's great. 378 00:27:59,242 --> 00:28:02,768 Don't bother to have any numbers on the buildings. 379 00:28:02,811 --> 00:28:07,033 Y'ello? King Pest Control! 380 00:28:09,470 --> 00:28:12,342 The King has arrived! 381 00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:19,741 Yo? 382 00:28:19,785 --> 00:28:24,050 King Pest Control? You cry, bugs die. 383 00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:29,969 You got about 30 seconds before 384 00:28:30,012 --> 00:28:33,189 I get out of here. - Mr. King? 385 00:28:33,233 --> 00:28:35,757 - Yeah, that'd be me. - Thank you for coming. 386 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:41,241 My name is Murdoch. You may call me Mr. Murdoch. 387 00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,809 I appreciate your time. I already know that 388 00:28:43,852 --> 00:28:46,289 your services are in great demand. 389 00:28:46,333 --> 00:28:50,859 Uh, yeah, right, yeah. There's only one King. 390 00:28:50,903 --> 00:28:54,080 Of course. 391 00:28:54,123 --> 00:28:55,603 So what's the problem? 392 00:28:55,646 --> 00:28:58,040 Do I gotta guess? Uh, look, I can handle anything 393 00:28:58,084 --> 00:29:01,348 from fleas to alligator infestations. 394 00:29:01,391 --> 00:29:02,697 I have no doubt whatsoever 395 00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:04,960 as to your efficacy, Mr. King. 396 00:29:05,004 --> 00:29:09,399 You come very highly recommended. 397 00:29:09,443 --> 00:29:11,750 Really? A referral? Who? 398 00:29:11,793 --> 00:29:14,013 Well, I'm not at liberty to reveal that, 399 00:29:14,056 --> 00:29:18,147 but I do know that you come from decades of experience, 400 00:29:18,191 --> 00:29:20,497 a family trade, in fact, 401 00:29:20,541 --> 00:29:23,631 handed down from your uncle, currently incarcerated? 402 00:29:23,674 --> 00:29:25,372 Hey, what's that gotta do with anything? 403 00:29:25,415 --> 00:29:28,941 Oh, apologies. 404 00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:30,551 Oh, it's immaterial. 405 00:29:30,594 --> 00:29:34,250 It has no bearing at all on our business. 406 00:29:34,294 --> 00:29:36,122 Tell me, Mr. King, 407 00:29:36,165 --> 00:29:39,342 would you enjoy owning a new service van? 408 00:29:39,386 --> 00:29:41,692 - What do you mean? - The one I got's okay. 409 00:29:41,736 --> 00:29:44,217 Well, I could hear you coming from half a mile away. 410 00:29:44,260 --> 00:29:46,654 Oh, listen, don't be upset. 411 00:29:46,697 --> 00:29:50,919 I believe that I could be the solution of 412 00:29:50,963 --> 00:29:53,443 many such problems of yours, 413 00:29:53,487 --> 00:29:58,535 provided you help me with problems of mine. 414 00:29:58,579 --> 00:30:00,973 Special drugs for special bugs, Mr. Murdoch. 415 00:30:01,016 --> 00:30:04,411 I make vermin die squirmin'. - Quite. 416 00:30:04,454 --> 00:30:10,286 Well, permit me to apprise you of my problem. 417 00:30:10,330 --> 00:30:15,509 My vermin problem. 418 00:30:15,552 --> 00:30:17,467 See, I have-- 419 00:30:17,511 --> 00:30:19,643 I've owned this property for quite some time. 420 00:30:19,687 --> 00:30:21,384 In fact, I have several just like it, 421 00:30:21,428 --> 00:30:26,085 and I'm poised to have them all razed and refurbished 422 00:30:26,128 --> 00:30:28,522 into condominium complexes. 423 00:30:28,565 --> 00:30:31,655 If I'm satisfied with your results, 424 00:30:31,699 --> 00:30:33,005 there could be a great deal more work 425 00:30:33,048 --> 00:30:35,529 just like this for you, full-time work. 426 00:30:36,922 --> 00:30:39,402 Well, twist my arm, lead me to it. 427 00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:42,188 My problem is I can't begin the renovations 428 00:30:42,231 --> 00:30:46,670 until my infestation issue has been dealt with. 429 00:30:49,456 --> 00:30:51,458 Come take a look. 430 00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:08,823 - Oh, easy-peasy. - No mystery there. 431 00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,433 Rats are attracted to the food waste 432 00:31:10,477 --> 00:31:11,870 these vagrants leave lying around, 433 00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:17,614 plus fetid garbage, plus human waste. 434 00:31:17,658 --> 00:31:20,052 I got just the cocktail. 435 00:31:20,095 --> 00:31:22,532 Nitrobenzene plus brotophyllocum. 436 00:31:22,576 --> 00:31:25,535 Vitamin K antagonist anticoagulant. 437 00:31:25,579 --> 00:31:26,972 Kills rats dead. 438 00:31:27,015 --> 00:31:30,976 Hell, it'll kill rabbits, possums. 439 00:31:31,019 --> 00:31:32,499 Just about anything. 440 00:31:33,979 --> 00:31:38,070 I didn't say anything about rats, Mr. King. 441 00:31:38,113 --> 00:31:43,162 You did mention something about human waste? 442 00:31:43,205 --> 00:31:46,208 Well, there you go. 443 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:55,000 I've tried every conventional method of removing them. 444 00:31:55,043 --> 00:31:57,828 The city officials have been no help. 445 00:31:57,872 --> 00:32:00,788 The civil authorities claim it's not their responsibility. 446 00:32:00,831 --> 00:32:04,357 I've had the police remove them several times. 447 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,185 I've run out of options. 448 00:32:08,317 --> 00:32:11,755 You want me to get rid of these people? 449 00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:15,585 I want you to resolve my vermin issue. 450 00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:21,243 Do you know what they cook in those kettles? 451 00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:24,986 Animals! Stray dogs and cats. 452 00:32:25,030 --> 00:32:28,207 I shudder to think what else they might be cooking. 453 00:32:30,557 --> 00:32:31,819 You know what, 454 00:32:31,862 --> 00:32:34,300 I don't do murder for hire. I'm outta here. 455 00:32:34,343 --> 00:32:37,999 That's all you do, Mr. King! Who do you think you're kidding? 456 00:32:38,043 --> 00:32:39,435 No, no, no, no! 457 00:32:39,479 --> 00:32:42,569 This is not the same as anything that I do! 458 00:32:42,612 --> 00:32:46,877 Of course it is! Here. 459 00:32:49,271 --> 00:32:52,971 Look before you leave, as they say. 460 00:32:57,976 --> 00:32:59,673 Now that is a lot of money. 461 00:33:03,155 --> 00:33:06,985 Surely one of your special chemical cocktails 462 00:33:07,028 --> 00:33:10,945 will do the trick. Drugs for bugs, as you say. 463 00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:16,037 After all, you are the King. 464 00:33:18,083 --> 00:33:21,390 Aren't you? 465 00:33:21,434 --> 00:33:23,610 All hail the King. 466 00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:31,487 Okay, okay, maybe just one. 467 00:33:31,531 --> 00:33:35,796 I-I-I could-- I mean, I could do one. 468 00:34:41,992 --> 00:34:43,690 It ain't worth it. 469 00:34:53,221 --> 00:34:54,701 Now wait a minute. Sir? 470 00:34:54,744 --> 00:34:56,442 Sir? 471 00:36:13,519 --> 00:36:14,737 Damn it. 472 00:36:14,781 --> 00:36:16,957 How dare you, you frickin' little monster? 473 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:22,658 In my house? My house? 474 00:36:22,702 --> 00:36:25,183 Gotta give you credit for some balls. 475 00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:01,697 A for effort, Mr. King. 476 00:37:01,741 --> 00:37:04,265 Unfortunately, you lost your nerve, didn't you? 477 00:37:04,309 --> 00:37:07,529 Is that Murdoch? 478 00:37:07,573 --> 00:37:10,358 That means you're not the King, doesn't it? 479 00:37:10,402 --> 00:37:12,447 No, no, no, what are you doing? 480 00:37:12,491 --> 00:37:14,406 Oh, and one more thing. 481 00:37:20,847 --> 00:37:23,937 Now you really are King. 482 00:37:27,070 --> 00:37:29,116 The crap is it now? 483 00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:33,555 Oh. 484 00:38:40,535 --> 00:38:43,321 They must've ate it all. 485 00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:46,411 The soup, the poison, every one of 'em. 486 00:38:53,505 --> 00:38:55,855 You've reached Murdoch Ventures Limited. 487 00:38:55,898 --> 00:38:59,162 Please leave a succinct-- 488 00:38:59,206 --> 00:39:00,381 Ah, the hell with you too, 489 00:39:00,425 --> 00:39:02,122 you one-percent shitbag. 490 00:39:32,500 --> 00:39:36,417 God. See, come on. 491 00:39:45,121 --> 00:39:46,558 God! 492 00:39:53,478 --> 00:39:56,002 Holy shit! 493 00:40:23,029 --> 00:40:26,467 Damn it, leave me the hell alone! 494 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,884 - We're sorry. - The number you dialed-- 495 00:40:53,059 --> 00:40:56,062 Shit! Shit! 496 00:41:13,558 --> 00:41:15,560 What the hell? 497 00:42:07,089 --> 00:42:08,700 Mr. King. 498 00:42:11,964 --> 00:42:14,096 Mr. King. 499 00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:16,055 Can you hear me? 500 00:42:16,098 --> 00:42:17,839 What are you doing here? 501 00:42:23,279 --> 00:42:26,500 I need your help. I mean, I need to talk to you. 502 00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:27,980 You're hurt. I called an ambulance. 503 00:42:28,023 --> 00:42:31,287 No! No ambulance, please. 504 00:42:31,331 --> 00:42:33,159 You said you listen to people 505 00:42:33,202 --> 00:42:34,769 and you help them with their problems. 506 00:42:34,813 --> 00:42:36,858 Yes, but you obviously need medical attention. 507 00:42:36,902 --> 00:42:38,294 I'm not equipped. 508 00:42:38,338 --> 00:42:43,473 No, no, no, no, no, please, I've done something! 509 00:42:43,517 --> 00:42:46,085 I've done something bad and I need your help! 510 00:42:46,128 --> 00:42:48,609 You have to help me! 511 00:42:48,653 --> 00:42:51,307 Okay. Okay. 512 00:42:59,533 --> 00:43:02,405 What's going on. 513 00:43:02,449 --> 00:43:04,103 I don't know why I said yes. 514 00:43:04,146 --> 00:43:06,235 I was gonna say no, but then I saw the guy 515 00:43:06,279 --> 00:43:08,281 with the briefcase and I was like, oh, 516 00:43:08,324 --> 00:43:09,804 and I thought all that dough could solve all my problems 517 00:43:09,848 --> 00:43:11,501 and... - Mr. King, 518 00:43:11,545 --> 00:43:12,590 you need to slow down. 519 00:43:12,633 --> 00:43:14,243 Take a breath. 520 00:43:14,287 --> 00:43:17,420 Now tell me, what did he want you to do? 521 00:43:17,464 --> 00:43:20,032 "Do what you do best." That's what he said. 522 00:43:20,075 --> 00:43:21,468 "Now they're practically dead already. 523 00:43:21,511 --> 00:43:24,123 They eat dogs and cats and maybe even people." 524 00:43:24,166 --> 00:43:26,429 Who is it that said this to you? 525 00:43:34,873 --> 00:43:37,615 The devil. 526 00:43:37,658 --> 00:43:40,400 The man who showed up in your bedroom 527 00:43:40,443 --> 00:43:43,403 in the middle of the night in a dream 528 00:43:43,446 --> 00:43:46,536 and now cannot be found, according to you. 529 00:43:46,580 --> 00:43:48,800 I dropped it into the soup, the strongest cocktail I got. 530 00:43:48,843 --> 00:43:51,846 I spent years developing it. 531 00:43:51,890 --> 00:43:53,718 It's a joke. It's my joke. 532 00:43:53,761 --> 00:43:56,285 It's, um, kind of a-- what do you call it? 533 00:43:56,329 --> 00:43:57,852 A mixologist of the trade, 534 00:43:57,896 --> 00:43:59,724 the right drug for the right bug? 535 00:43:59,767 --> 00:44:03,336 Nitrobenzene, brotophyllocum, pyrethroids? 536 00:44:03,379 --> 00:44:05,555 They tried to ban it, but if you know the ingredients, 537 00:44:05,599 --> 00:44:06,992 you can roll your own. 538 00:44:07,035 --> 00:44:08,689 That all sounds wonderful, Mr. King. 539 00:44:08,733 --> 00:44:12,650 I'm sure you're very good at what you do. 540 00:44:12,693 --> 00:44:14,086 I know what you're thinking. 541 00:44:14,129 --> 00:44:15,435 You're thinking I've got some kind of 542 00:44:15,478 --> 00:44:17,655 overblown guilt complex! 543 00:44:17,698 --> 00:44:21,223 Well, I'm beginning to think you need a cocktail too! 544 00:44:21,267 --> 00:44:23,443 Bottoms up, doc! 545 00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:31,059 Guilt can be a powerful drug... 546 00:44:31,103 --> 00:44:34,236 but so is sleep deprivation. 547 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:38,110 You haven't had any sleep in a long time, have you? 548 00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:40,199 No. 549 00:44:40,242 --> 00:44:42,462 How could I? 550 00:44:42,505 --> 00:44:44,420 They come even when I'm asleep. 551 00:44:44,464 --> 00:44:46,379 I see. 552 00:44:46,422 --> 00:44:51,732 I think you need to sit back, close your eyes, 553 00:44:51,776 --> 00:44:55,562 and maybe take a nap. 554 00:44:55,605 --> 00:44:59,044 I can fetch you some warm herbal tea, 555 00:44:59,087 --> 00:45:01,350 if you think 556 00:45:01,394 --> 00:45:05,137 that might help. 557 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:13,798 I've got a roach problem now, 558 00:45:13,841 --> 00:45:16,801 and I think I know why. 559 00:45:57,450 --> 00:45:59,234 No. 560 00:45:59,278 --> 00:46:02,542 No, no, no! 561 00:46:02,585 --> 00:46:06,502 No, no. 562 00:46:06,546 --> 00:46:09,723 - Oh, great. - Hey, doctor? 563 00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:13,292 Doctor, help? Doctor, help me, please! 564 00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:15,642 Please help me! Please, it's me, Harlan King! 565 00:46:15,685 --> 00:46:17,557 You said you'd help! 566 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,080 Damn roaches. 567 00:46:22,736 --> 00:46:25,608 Doc? Doctor? Doc? 568 00:46:25,652 --> 00:46:28,786 It's me, Harlan! Is that the drug? 569 00:46:28,829 --> 00:46:30,613 What are you doing? You said you'd help! 570 00:46:30,657 --> 00:46:32,659 No, no, doctor, please, it's me! 571 00:46:32,702 --> 00:46:35,618 It's me, please! Help me! 572 00:46:35,662 --> 00:46:39,535 Please, help me! What are you doing, it's Harlan! 573 00:46:39,579 --> 00:46:42,016 Please, no, no, no, no, no! 574 00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:44,105 No, it's me! It's me! 575 00:46:44,149 --> 00:46:47,326 Damn it. - No, please! Please! 576 00:46:47,369 --> 00:46:50,068 No! 577 00:46:58,990 --> 00:47:01,862 Coming. 578 00:47:01,906 --> 00:47:06,171 Hello, doctor. Bug problem?