Nate Jacobs was in love.
He didn't know how it happened.
He didn't know why it happened.
But he could just feel it.
And it felt so fucking good.
But it was complicated.
We need to get him to a hospital.
- He's so heavy. - Are you good?
- Just open the door, bro. - It's unlocked. Just open it.
Bring him to the hospital. Let's go, please.
Open the door!
What was it about Cassie Howard
that allowed Nate to fully surrender himself?
With Maddy, it was always a game.
Cassie was the opposite.
He knew he wasn't perfect.
That he had some... issues.
But maybe the reason he had those issues
is because Maddy brought out the worst in him.
And maybe if he met Cassie
when he was a sophomore instead of Maddy...
she would've brought out the best in him.
How could he have ever overlooked her?
Underestimated her?
She was everything you could ever want in a woman.
He knew it was a little soon to say,
but he could imagine spending life with her.
I wanna feel you inside of me.
He was at home... and in love.
She was intuitive and emotional.
She was sensitive and vulnerable.
She was a strong, powerful woman.
I don't wanna weird you out or anything,
but I can imagine starting a family with you.
Nate began to wonder if he had brain damage.
Can you hear me?
How would he know?
He knew he could do a better job than his dad.
He wouldn't fuck his kid up the way his dad fucked him up.
And the way his granddad fucked his dad up.
Almighty God,
you are the only source of health and healing.
Does your dad work out every day?
Except his dad was such a fuckin' idiot.
He couldn't even control himself.
- I want you to come with my tongue in your ass. - Ah, fuck.
And had jeopardized everything their family worked for.
Any soon-to-be-Mamas wanna take a dip?
Sometimes... he just wished that his dad
would drop dead of a heart attack...
and be free of him.
But there's no point in fantasizing about a life
with Cassie when he knew that Maddy had that disc.
Fuck!
What if he could go back to the beginning?
What would he wish?
Where would things go?
Who would he be?
In you, there is calm.
Hey, man.
Nurse! Nurse!
Nurse!
Oh, my god!
You fuckin' whore. Slut.
It was the first day of school after the new year.
And I finally had everything I'd ever wished for.
You know you're like a dream?
I didn't know you were such a romantic, Rue.
What can I say?
Oh, fuck... I completely forgot he goes to our school.
I love you.
If this asshole says
anything about doing drugs,
I will literally slit his throat in the quad.
Rue?
Yeah?
I said, "I love you."
- I love you, too. - You kinda checked out for a second.
Please, God, do not fuck up my life.
- Yo, Rue. - Hey.
What's goin' on?
- Hi. - Hi.
Nothin'.
I'm Jules.
Sorry, this is Jules.
Hey, I'm Elliot. Nice to meet you.
Sorry, introductions are, usually, very...
overwhelming and... debilitating for me...
at least.
So, how do you know Elliot?
We met on New Year's.
Oh, shit, yeah.
That was it, New Year's. That's...
That's where we met.
Jules is my girlfriend.
Wow... I didn't know you were...
In a relationship?
The other thing I wish I could mention is
I, sort of, spent the last few days hangin' out with Elliot.
Which was cool 'cause he makes a ton of money
selling music stems online,
and we bought a bunch of drugs.
It was nice to meet you, and I'll see you later, Rue.
- Nice to meet you. - I love you. Bye.
Fuck. Was it just me, or was that super awkward?
That was awkward.
- Hey, Cass. - Hey, Jules.
Since winter formal, Cassie had gone through
a low-grade depression.
When was the last time you showered?
When are you gonna clean your side of the room?
Wait, when have you ever been single?
I was reading this article on abstinence,
and how not having sex is
like its own spiritual journey.
- Right. - The writer compared it to how monks take
their vows of silence, and I really feel like
that's my journey next year.
- Bitch, I don't believe a word you're saying. - Why?
Because you love to be loved.
Well...
How do I fix that?
I don't know, when you wanna say yes,
you just say no.
Would you like a ride to this party?
You wanna go to the bathroom?
You able to do this and not tell anybody?
Yes.
But she was drunk. Not super drunk.
But she never would've said yes if Maddy and Nate were still together.
'Cause that would be unforgivable.
Maddy was her best friend.
You just get back from the hospital?
Maddy couldn't sleep.
And if she were being totally honest with herself,
she wanted to be in that hospital bed with Nate.
Lexi, where's the fucking Tylenol?
Is that Nate's blood on your leg?
Why didn't you wash it off?
Nate sent me the most beautiful text message this morning.
Really? What he say?
That's so sweet.
Yeah, I know he's a horrible person,
but I'm kind of torn.
When are you getting off the phone?
Why do you care?
Because I wanna talk to you.
Hey, Cass, I'm gonna go hang out with my best friend Theo
and I'll call you later. Okay. Okay, bye.
Babysitting wasn't her first choice of a job.
I'm sorry, but 17-year-olds can't donate eggs.
That's fucking retarded.
She liked the kid she babysat for.
But what she loved the most was...
Fuck.
Maddy?
Fuck.
Maddy?
- Hey. - Hi.
- How was your night?
It was fun...
it's nice to be drunk.
Maddy?
- Can you come here for a second? - Sure.
Hey... can you help me with this zipper?
- I don't know where my husband is. - Oh, yeah, of course.
Thanks.
Thank you for being so sweet.
That's all.
- Good night. - Good night.
I feel like I would look so sexy pregnant.
Maddy, please do not get pregnant.
I wouldn't wear any of those nasty maternity clothes.
I would just be me... plus pregnant.
Remember when I got pregnant?
Yes, and it would be nothing like that.
Well, speakin' of baby daddies,
I've seen the photo that Ethan posted of the two of you.
It's cute as fuck.
Yeah, Kat, stop flaunting your healthy, non-abusive,
wonderful relationship.
It's actually triggering.
Yeah, he's... He's really sweet.
And he was really sweet.
I just have to go to the bathroom real quick, okay?
Okay.
Ethan?
He was the love of my life.
No, no, not totally.
Come on.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Wait, you're telling me Ethan tore your clothes off
and fucked the shit out of you?
Yeah... it's great.
- Wow. - Go, Ethan!
Bye.
Nate was released from the hospital a few days earlier.
I have a hard time believing
you don't know who did this to you.
- Dad, just leave it alone. - Well, I'm not going to.
Yeah, well, you should.
It's one thing to dislike your parents.
It's not like you have a choice.
But if you dislike your kid...
well, that's sort of your fault.
I just have a hard time believing it was unprovoked.
He's our son.
I know... I know. I'm just sayin'.
...I just wanna kill myself.
As soon as Nate had been released from the hospital...
he wished he was back in the hospital.
Just take a deep breath.
Nate, I'm legit going crazy right now.
You can't do this to me.
- Lex? - What?
What's going on with your sister?
I think she's having a nervous breakdown.
About what?
I don't know. Being single or something.
No...
those aren't the emotions of a single person.
The only way Nate was able to calm Cassie down enough
to stop crying was to tell her...
I promise we can meet in person next weekend.
But then he said something that totally freaked her out.
If Maddy finds out, she's gonna spend
the rest of her life trying to kill me.
I know.
But she'll actually kill you.
Fucking racist.
Sorry, I didn't hear you, bitch. What?!
- Hey, Cass. - Hey, Jules.
Now, at the time, I didn't know how much the Elliot thing upset Jules.
But I never thought that Jules was, like, clingy or jealous,
so I didn't think it'd be a big deal.
- It is a big deal. - Why?
The fact that you're even asking me to explain it to you
- is kind of an even bigger deal. - Oh, I don't understand
how such a small fucking thing
has become such a big fucking thing.
- 'Cause it hurt my feelings. - Why?
'Cause I can tell you have a crush on him.
I do not have a fucking crush on him.
Then why else would you forget meeting him?
- Like, "Oh, that's right. New Year's." - Jules, it's not like that.
- "Silly me." - It's not like that.
Well, I hope not. That would really suck.
- I'm sorry. - I gotta be home in 15 minutes,
or else I'm gonna get grounded for another two weeks.
I'll see ya later, Rue.
- I get you in trouble? - Yeah, kinda.
I feel like we should do drugs.
Why don't you have a seat, Cassie?
Mr. Jacobs believes you know who assaulted his son.
Meanwhile...
Fezco had a new house guest.
Ashtray was so pissed off he couldn't even speak to Fez.
- Good morning! - Morning.
Fezco couldn't understand the whole story.
But apparently Faye had pushed
the motel manager off the balcony.
The fucking cops are looking for Faye.
What the fuck!
I-I didn't do anything.
Unfortunately, Custer wouldn't leave her.
I know, dude, but she's the love of my life.
And the last thing Fezco needed
was the cops finding Faye with Custer.
Get in the fucking vent.
I know you're in there. Open up!
Oh, my god. Get in the fucking vent!
I love you.
Custer told Fez he could find her
behind the dumpster of the new Taco Bell.
Don't look at me like that.
The only reason that I went so crazy
is because the motel manager kept saying such mean things.
I honestly don't give a fuck.
So Faye came to live with Fez.
Yo, don't touch nothin'.
- Don't talk to Ash. - Okay.
And don't go in my fuckin' room, all right?
I promise.
- Want some of my sandwich? - Okay.
Cassie, I asked you a question.
She didn't see anything.
I'm not asking you. I'm asking her.
I already told Mrs. Jacobs I didn't see anything.
I know. We just don't believe you.
I'm telling the truth.
Look, Cassie, I'm more than happy to get
the Chief of Police, Bill Greenwood, involved.
Old family friend.
Maybe he should have this conversation with you.
With everyone, in fact. You know?
Get everyone's cell phones.
Text histories.
Find out what exactly happened.
Should we do that instead?
Now, what scared the shit out of Cassie...
was last night she texted Nate.
Hello?
Don't ever put that in writing again.
I'm sorry.
Don't look at her. Look at me.
- Why would you say that? - What?!
- What was I supposed to do? - Not say anything.
You heard him! He was going to call the police!
No, he wasn't. He was bluffing,
and you fell for it 'cause you're a fucking idiot!
- Why do you even care?! - Because you just ruined someone's life!
Fezco almost killed Nate! That was his decision.
Lexi had thought about that night a lot.
How could Fezco be so kind to her, and so violent towards Nate?
She couldn't remember the last time someone her age asked her
so many questions about herself.
He actually cared about what she had to say.
And then, 10 minutes later...
almost beat Nate Jacobs to death.
And even if Nate deserved it, it was a horrible thing to do.
It made her think about her entire life.
How she's always been so passive.
How she never had the courage to say anything.
And even the time when she did get the courage to say something?
Rue, you really need to get help.
What, are you gonna tell my mom or something?
Yeah, if you don't stop.
Okay.
She backed down.
Hon...
I don't wanna scare you...
but somethin' happened to Rue.
She's okay. She's okay.
But I think she overdosed.
Come here. Come here.
It's my fault.
She hated herself for being so weak
and passive and afraid.
So, a couple of days after Cal came over,
she decided to say something.
Now, I didn't know any of this
'cause I was with Elliot, smokin' a little bit of weed.
Jules invited me over to her house for dinner.
I guess, like, to apologize, but I had NA that night
so I went to Elliot's for a bit.
Should I just put dinner in the oven till Rue gets here?
No, she's not coming. She has a meeting.
You sure she's a good influence?
She's part of the reason you decided to get on that train.
Yeah, but she's not the one who got on the train.
It still doesn't answer my question.
You know what I feel like nobody in my life understands?
Is that, like, drugs are honestly the only way I can be myself.
Yeah, I-I don't think that's true.
Nah, it is true.
Like, when I first met you,
I would've never had the balls to just, like,
- come up to you and talk to you. - Why?
I don't know. I'm just, like, a deeply shy person.
And, like, with Jules, right? Like...
when I first met her, I was just...
immediately in love.
- In love? - Yeah.
When you say it out loud, it kind of sounds small.
What's a bigger feeling than love?
Loss.
You think?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe that's what it was, right? Like...
as soon as I saw her, I was just immediately afraid to lose her.
Who have you lost?
My dad.
- Meaning? - Meaning he's dead.
Shit, I'm sorry.
It's fine. You didn't, like, kill him.
How was he killed?
Oh, he wasn't.
Are you fucking with me right now?
No, it was... it was cancer.
Shit.
Yeah.
- How old were you? - I was 14.
- So, recently. - Not really.
I feel like that's kind of recent.
I don't know. I guess.
Honestly it feels like fuckin' forever ago.
Is that why you started doing drugs?
That's funny. That's what--
That's what everybody asks in rehab.
- What do you mean? - Just that, you know, like,
I wish it was that simple, you know, like...
"Well, my dad died, so I started doing drugs."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I feel like everyone's looking for, like, a...
cause and effect.
Sometimes shit's just like is what it is.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't know.
To be honest, if my dad was still here,
I'd probably still be doin' this shit.
How does Jules not know that you're doing drugs?
'Cause I'm good at my job.
Do you think it's a good thing that we're friends?
Yeah, why?
I just feel like...
we might not bring out the best in each other.
I feel like I'm okay with that.
I love you.
- I love you. - I love you more.
I love you more than more.
My god, no.
Ethan made plans with Kat to go bowling that night.
Kat was depressed because she couldn't figure out why
she didn't love Ethan.
So she decided to make a list of pros and cons.
But she couldn't think of anything,
which made her realize Ethan might not be the problem.
Kat hated herself.
But the problem with hating yourself is you can't really talk about it.
Because at some point recently,
the whole world joined a self-help cult
and won't shut the fuck up about it.
It's not gonna solve all your life problems,
but it is gonna solve...
Kat.
You're one of the bravest,
most beautiful human beings
I have ever seen.
- That's not true. - Yes, it is.
I wish I had your confidence.
But I don't, like... feel healthy.
Yes, you are.
No, like... seriously. I'm not.
Kat, you just have to love yourself.
But that's what I'm trying to tell you!
I fucking hate myself!
Every day you get out of bed...
it's an act of courage.
That's easy for you to say.
You don't have, like, fucking mental problems.
Yes, I do. Why do you think I look like this?
Are you kidding?
I wish my mental problems made me look like you.
- Trust me, you don't. - Trust me, I do!
You're, like, the most beautiful person I've ever fucking seen.
Maybe by a white, cis-male, heteronormative standard.
Oh, my god. Are you fucking joking?!
Kat! Are you fucking serious?!
That's not you fucking talking! It's the patriarchy!
It is me talking! You are not listening!
No! Society puts things into your mind!
I don't care about society! I feel like shit!
Kat, you need to smash all beauty standards.
But I can't even get out of bed!
You have to love yourself.
You need to find your inner fuckin' warrior!
- Become a bad bitch. - Just like you did last year.
- But that wasn't even real. - It looked real.
- That was the point! - I found it inspiring.
- Shut the fuck up! - Love yourself! Love yourself!
Love yourself! Love yourself!
Leave me alone! Get the fuck out!
Fuck.
Hey.
Nothing, just...
depressed in the bath.
Bowling?
What the fuck?
Yo, this is Nate. I'm busy.
Leave a message at the beep.
Look who the cat dragged in.
Yeah, yeah.
I see you're still on your suicide mission.
Let go. Let God.
Where are we goin'?
What are you thinking about?
We're almost there.
I've never been over here before.
So... you wanna tell me who that girl was you just had over.
What? No. She's a friend.
I can count on my hand how many friends you done had over here.
Well, she's one of 'em.
Look, Cass...
I really like you.
How I wish that things could be different.
I just think what happened between us was a mistake,
and we never should have did what we did.
Yeah, but...
It was my fault.
I shouldn't have...
It was my fault, too.
I just thought-- I ju-- I just didn't think that I'd get so...
It doesn't matter. It is what it is.
We can't see each other.
And we can never, ever speak about this.
I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm so fuckin' sorry.
Cassie!
Cass!
- Lexi Howard. - Hi.
- How you doin'? - I'm good...
- Hi. I'm Faye. - I'm Lexi...
Are, are you guys...
Yeah, no, she's just stayin' with me for a bit,
but, but she's cool, though.
What brings you out here anyway?
Oh, I just came to get a-a drink.
Okay, well, we got plenty of those.
Do you need help finding anything?
No, I'm okay.
Oh... that's the malt liquor.
Yeah, I know.
Cassie!
Cass!
Cassie!
You don't know how much power you have.
Fuck.
How are you ever gonna look Maddy in the eye again?
Feel sorry I didn't get to say goodbye on New Year's.
Good evening.
What's up, man?
You got any spearmint gum?
I don't know, man. The gum's right here.
This your store?
It's a family business.
Do your parents own it?
You usually ask this many questions, man?
Just you.
She tell you who I am?
- Nah, man. - Are you a cop?
No.
Just a concerned father.
You know what's kind of depressing?
- What? - I'll never find that kind of love.
What do you mean?
There's just no darkness. It's just sweet.
Yeah.
I don't know if that would ever be enough for me.
I don't know... I mean,
I guess some people are just kinda built different.
Yeah.
Guess so.
It works if you work it.
- How 'bout you let me give you a ride home? - I'm okay. I got my... my bike.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure you should be behind the handlebars right now.
- Yo, you ever listen to Thelonious Monk? - No.
What?
Greatest jazz pianist who ever lived.
Supposedly, he had huge hands.
He would play like this,
and then he would roll his hands over,
hit the keys...
- All right. - Okay, what are you doing?
I'm gonna introduce myself to your mother.
- What are you talkin' about? - Rue,
if my daughter was gettin' rides home from NA by a 54-year-old crackhead,
and he didn't come to the door to look me in the eye and shake my hand...
I'd think somethin' was afoot.
O-okay, but you can't, like,
go in there and start...
- talkin' and stuff, you know? - Oh, shit.
You scared I'mma tell your mama you're still doin' drugs, huh?
Oh, the anxiety you must have.
Mom?
Five minutes. Okay?
What is she gonna do for five minutes?
I don't even wanna know!
I think I'm gonna get back together with Nate.
It's a mistake, right?
- Don't do it. - I don't know if I can help it.
I wish you could see yourself the way the rest of the world does.
I got two daughters myself, so I know it can't be easy.
I've got a lot of respect for you.
Well, I'm just doin' what I can.
Do you want somethin' to drink or eat?
Do you want to sit down?
Nah, nah, nah. I was just comin' to introduce myself.
I'm sponsorin' the little troublemaker.
But she's doin' well, right?
I can't tell if that's a statement... or a question.
Well, she's got a long way to go.
But so did I at her age.
Oh, well.
- Thank you for having me by. - Oh, of course.
- All right. You have a lovely night. - You too.
Good night.
He's handsome.
I'm sorry.
I fell.
Come on, kid. Let's get you to the bed.
Is it true you killed Mouse?
Go to sleep.
You want to tell me why some punk drug dealer beat you up?
- You sure you want to have this conversation? - Yeah, Nate. I do.
Okay.
I don't think you want Mom to hear.
You remember that classmate of mine that you fucked? Jules?
All right, so she told her best friend...
who told her drug dealer.
And now they keep threatening to go down to the police station,
- and say that you like to fuck little kids. - Fuck.
So maybe I was stickin' up for you.
- I want to apologize-- - I don't need your apologies.
I need you to understand...
I didn't know she went to your school.
- I didn't know how old she was. - Mm-hm.
Well, what she didn't know is that you were filming her.
Do you have it?
Nate?
Do you have it?