NARRATOR: So nice to be playing the piano again.
Oh, welcome to "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits.
If you think you saw everything
that happened on the island this week,
think again.
-Damn! -What?
Someone ripped ass, bro.
-Damn! -Bro, who did that?
NARRATOR: Charming!
* Now halle-hallelujah, how you doing, how you feel *
* I got something I’ve been cooking up like *
* Fire on the grill *
NARRATOR: We’re all about to lift the lid and spill the tea
on all the bits you didn’t see.
We’ve got everything from this sexy...
-Woo! -Oh!
This is a girls’ show baby.
* You kiss me like summer afternoon *
* Yeah what a stunner Way you move *
Does he not have underwear?
Like I haven’t seen any! [giggles]
NARRATOR: ...to the funny...
Your feet smell like spam!
Really?
NARRATOR:...and whatever the OMG this is.
-I’m fucking heated right now. -Shut up!
I’m not gonna shut up, Deb.
NARRATOR: Take it outside, ladies.
Oh you are outside. In that case, carry on.
* You kiss me like summer afternoon *
And she’s ready.
NARRATOR: This is "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits.
Yeah, baby!
[“Good Life Summer Kiss” by Vanacore Music]
* Hey, [indistinct] we gonna have good time *
NARRATOR: Welcome to the Love Island Café.
Running late for an important meeting?
Enjoy panic attacks?
Well, you’ll love our baristas
and the lack of coffee in your hand.
Do we just put the coffee granules in there?
Yeah, I think so. And then water.
Water in here?
No, I think we put water.
-It goes-it goes to the-- -Okay. Okay.
See how many Islanders it takes to make it.
Yeah, Coffee.
[laughing]
NARRATOR: Yes. Here at Love Island Café
we know your time is valuable.
What we don’t know is how to make coffee.
How we gonna plug it in?
-Oh shit! Here. -[laughing]
[classical instrumentals]
I don’t know what any of these buttons do.
Yeah. I don’t make coffee.
That’s easy. Always-- Just always running.
How long does it take to make that?
Well, do you know how to make it?
-‘Cause we just-- -Nope.
[laughing]
Oh, so there’s no words on the buttons?
This seems like it’s doing something, right?
No.
Some water leaking out.
Yeah. I really have no idea.
Oh! I see.
This is-- Dump that one out.
Okay. Well, it’s hot at least.
Yeah.
Okay. Let’s try that again.
We’ll put the water in the other compartment.
Okay.
-[hissing sound] -Oh motherfucker!
-Ho! Ho! Ho! -[laughing]
NARRATOR: Thanks to the Love Island cafe’s
no hassle billing system gratuity is included,
and so is coffee that tastes like sunblock.
See if it starts dripping. I don't know.
-I don’t know. -There we go.
-[clapping] We did it.
NARRATOR: Jared and Jesse are grindy guys,
but making coffee is a latte for them to handle.
It’s a real grind to watch. You might get steamed.
It’s the item everyone’s talking about, Islanders ready?
Three, two, one,
it’s time for Beach Hut Blitz!
Islanders, aliens, are they real?
Aliens are 150% real.
You know, the, uh, government just said that
they’re gonna release some information about aliens
so that means they’ve known this whole time
and they’re only releasing the information
because we’re onto them.
I 100% think aliens are real
and I wanna meet some.
I’m like 50/50 on it,
but obviously I believe there is aliens.
I really can’t, you know,
just say I’m fully on board with that theory.
We have caught aliens before as well.
Listen, there’s no way that aliens are not real.
Because you know how big the fucking universe is.
I’ve watched a few podcasts on this type of shit.
We don’t even have an ounce of knowledge
really of what’s out there.
How, you know, pompous do we have to be as human beings
to think that we’re the only living things
out there on this planet?
There could be like fucking the craziest monsters.
Fuck, no! I would not be best friends with an alien.
Don’t they return you after they abduct you?
So like at least they have a little bit of kindness in them.
I don’t know if aliens built the pyramids,
but I don’t know how the humans built the pyramids, so.
[popping sound]
The UFO was flying around in the air
and then it stopped by ‘cause I was looking at it
and it saw me looking at it.
And then like I was just frantically Googling like,
“What do you do if you see a UFO?
"Is it gonna come for you after?”
So, I think that was a sign.
We’ve never been outside of our galaxy
and the entire universe is full of so many galaxies.
So who’s to say outside of the Milky way
that there’s not an entire other version of us,
but green and probably not as good looking?
But they are real, for sure.
[Love Island theme song]
***
NARRATOR: As I always say,
if you can’t betray your closest friend,
what can you do?
In this shocking unseen moment,
a braising deception leads to a fight
so full on they refused to include it in the main show.
It’s harrowing. It’s distressing.
[giggling] It’s pretty bloody funny actually.
Hey you guys? Let’s play a prank on them.
What should we do for when they come back?
-Oh man! -Wait.
When they also--
We should start-- and someone should start
an argument with each other.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then-- and then other people chime in.
And we’re gonna argue and then--
When they come out here
everybody’s face has to be like serious
watching the two people go back and forth.
Someone should be like, "You weren't supposed to tell 'em
-That one should be you. -"you knew me
-Oh! -"from the outside.”
-Oh! -Oh yeah!
Oh, that’s a good one.
And then all-- And everyone else just sitting there
like looking at their partner like...
Yes. [clapping] Yes.
Okay. Fine. I’ll do it.
Jesse’s face is gonna be like...
-[clapping] -He really is.
And all of yours have to really be like, “Holy fuck!” Like.
There they are. There they are.
I’m gonna make one of ‘em get me Red Bull.
Jesse, can you get me some Red bull
because I’m fucking heated right now.
-Red Bull? -Yo!
Can you get me some Red Bull
‘cause I’m fucking heated right now.
Shut up!
I’m not gonna shut up, Deb!
-What the fuck? -How many Red Bull?
I don’t give a fuck, Deb!
Fuck! I told you in confidence, Zeta!
I don’t care! I don’t care!
Told you in confidence, I don’t understand
why you’re walking away.
I don’t-- Fuck! I don’t care!
What the fuck?
So fucking annoying!
Dud, you’re doing awesome. Keep going.
You’re just gonna walk away?
[scoffs] It’s bullshit.
What happened?
It’s Love Island!
Do think no one’s gonna find out?
-I told one person! -It’s on screen.
You’re the one that ruined it and told everyone.
I don’t care! It’s on screen!
He’s like, “Red Bull, Red Bull.”
Syd-- Syd, do you want a Red Bull?
I’m getting her one.
Walk away! Walk away.
Whatever. Don’t talk to me.
-Oh my God! -I’m not talking to you, Deb.
I told you if something in confidence,
I’m never gonna be able to trust you again.
Oh no, no. Come on. Come on.
Wait. Wait. What happened?
Just, we gonna rock out together.
We gonna rock out together.
Come on. Uh, just like--
I just like, I don’t wanna kick off on a bird.
I know.
Fuck! You look really hot though.
You do look really hot.
Yeah. You look really hot.
You really hot tonight.
Word travels like this. [snapping]
Well, is it about the game?
-Mm-mm. -No.
It’s about-- So we about to turn shit up.
I’m annoyed.
Relax.
[laughing]
We got you!
[clapping]
It’s a prank.
[hard rock music]
Yeah! Great prank!
Yeah, I was-- I was concerned.
I was really concerned.
I saw it. I saw that.
No, you didn’t!
-You weren’t that mad. -Were guys scared?
NARRATOR: I love when elaborate lies end in laughter
and not never seeing my family again.
Deb and Zeta get comedy.
They know exposing friends to a deeply traumatic experience
always equals mega LOLs.
Nice one girls.
Oh my goodness!
[hard rock music]
NARRATOR: The girls are packing the boys clothes
for Casa Amor.
Weird to go for someone else’s stuff,
unless you’re the luggage thief who ruined my trip to Lisbon.
Mail me my cheetah print slippers and all is forgiven.
You heartless fool.
Oh, Timmy, Tims.
He’s getting the squish. I’m gonna pack this.
Should I pack this for him?
-Yeah. -Of course.
Uh! We’ll see where he puts it.
Definitely gonna miss bae.
I gave him the squishmallow to cuddle with at night
so he doesn’t cuddle with any other bitches.
Courtney, can I put this in the bag?
Just ‘cause I wore it in the hideaway--
-So I’m like-- -Yeah, do it.
-That’s hot. -“Don’t forget bitch!”
Okay. We have our Oreos
and cashews and Starbursts.
I’m giving him my eye mask.
-Should I give Jesse underwear? -Yes.
I should, even though he’s never seen them?
He’s always never seen them.
I wish I could write a note and be like,
“These will be waiting for you.”
[laughing]
NARRATOR: [laughing] Clothes are funny, right Courtney?
Yeah. [laughing]
Does he not have underwear?
Like, I haven’t seen any.
Jeff wears the challenge shorts as underwear, Nadjha.
But like, uh, every day?
Because I’m not finding any underwear.
[laughing] Like I’m really not getting.
[laughing]
The truth is coming out.
I’m really confused.
Like I don’t know where his underwear is.
Jeff is commando.
I couldn’t find any of this man’s underwear.
And then he had one pair of swim trunks
I could find, and they were wet.
I’m dead.
And like, are these clean or dirty?
Are these his?
Jeff did tell me all off his underwear were dirty.
Jeff, what the fuck am I--
Like, how am I supposed to pack for you?
[giggling] All his toiletries were just
in his book bag, just at the bottom.
It was wet.
So I just threw him in there.
I was trying to make it like all cute and organized,
but I couldn’t. Jeff needs a girlfriend,
is what I gathered after I saw his closet.
Jeff’s stuff was literally all in a pile--
-[laughing] -So that’s the best I could do.
Jeff had no underwear.
He has no underwear.
NARRATOR: I know exactly where my underwear is.
In a local psychiatrist office
being used as an ink blot test.
[hard rock music]
If one episode isn’t enough,
you need "Previously On,"
the official Love Island USA podcast with Matthew Hoffman.
It drops literally, like literally, literally,
right after every show.
Watch the show and listen to the podcast. Show, podcast.
Got it? Good.
Overflowing with hot tea from dumped Islanders,
former Islanders and mucho, muchospecial guests.
Dropping like it’s hot because it is,
every night on all podcast platforms.
[Love Island theme song]
NARRATOR: Welcome back at the "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits!
On the big, fancy main show,
all you ever see is Islanders pumping iron.
Boring!
But something you only get to see on Unseen Bits
is the top secret part of their conditioning program,
fighting bedroom ghosts.
I get low with to too
and sometimes I’ll need throw my hand up.
[popping sound] You feel me?
NARRATOR: Jeff looks like he could do some serious damage
to some air or a light breeze.
See that.
[giggling] Yeah. Yeah.
NARRATOR: I take that back.
NARRATOR: Jeff’s stacked and can break my spine with a sigh.
I’m waiting on you too.
-Throw your shit. -Yeah.
-Throw your-- You do. -Yeah.
[beatboxing sound]
NARRATOR: I need to man up
and pay one of the guys to fight him for me,
but which boy could beat all the others
and take on Jeff
so I don’t spend the rest of my life
eating pureed carrots through a straw?
Jesse, thoughts?
I’d say put uh...
Put my money on Timmy.
He likes milk and I think that’s great.
[laughing] I-- I think that fight will
come down to the wire, man. [laughing]
I’m a happy baby bear, you know?
Baby-- baby bear, you know?
NARRATOR: Really? That guy?
He’s the one that’s gonna stop my teeth getting knocked out?
I’ll just text my dentist.
-That’s it. -Real shit.
Going to sleep.
***
NARRATOR: The Islanders are some of the most
gorgeous people on the planet,
and with DNA you could only buy in heaven’s gift shop.
They’re born perfect.
But how do they get extra perfect?
Makeup and this weird thing called showering.
Showering? Am I saying that right?
Whatever. Let’s see how the ‘Natch Beauts’
go from 10 to, well, a stronger 10.
* [indistinct] *
* And they like it like that *
* Load up, like I'm going first class *
As the old saying goes,
"If a hot person is hot in the forest
"and there’s no other hot person to tell ‘em they’re hot,
"are they even hot?"
I was gonna say, your eye shadow looks really good.
-Who me? -Yeah.
-Oh, thank you! -You look so pretty.
Like I’m just like staring at your face like-- like...
[laughing] I’m like a billy goat.
I’ll stare at you all the time.
But anyway, Courtney--
-I’m sorry. -Okay. Besties, relax.
‘Cause you’re like sexually in love with each other.
Yeah, we are.
NARRATOR: On this show, you need to expect the unexpected.
After watching Courtney telling people they’re hot outside,
we’re changing everything.
and watching Courtney tell people they’re hot inside,
This show is mental.
You guys are both really hot.
I feel like I had blue balls for you guys.
Oh shit! Sorry.
-Damn! -It’s quite smooth.
So fucking smooth like throughout.
[laughing] That’s so funny.
***
NARRATOR: Courtney is spent,
so she kicks back the way I like to do,
by having a full grown man braid my hair.
So the left one goes under
and then the right one goes under,
and then the left one goes under,
and then the right one goes under.
Do you see what I mean?
I think I’m getting-- Shit.
One more time.
And then the left one goes under,
and then the right one goes under.
Go under the middle?
Yeah. And put it on the left side and then the--
You mean the right side?
Left side.
One more time.
[laughing] Keep switching, so like left--
Middle?
-Yeah. -Okay. Hang on.
Oh, oh! I’m messing up.
I got confident and now I’m not confident.
Ask Sydney.
Does it look like it’s right?
Oh fuck! [laughing]
This is my like first time.
-You doing better than I could. -No, bro.
You get a text. You’re now dumped from the villa.
You’re now dumped from the island.
Oh my God! [laughing]
NARRATOR: This "Brady Bunch" reboot kicks nuts.
How did that not make to the main show?
One more time.
NARRATOR: While watching this next unseen bit,
you may think you’ve dropped acid.
But it’s okay, you haven’t, unless like me you have.
Before your very eyes, you’ll see Jared
transform the humble cephalopod
into a standing ovation for himself.
Enjoy this mind bending voyage into the deep,
and yet somehow the profoundly shallow.
If you’d be any animal, which will would it be?
I think my spirit animal's an octopus.
-Why? -I’ve been near ‘em.
I definitely do like the ideas of slimy animals.
Like it’s just slimy shit with the octopus.
It’s very--
very fluid and can adapt to any situation that it’s in,
just like me.
NARRATOR: Here we go, then.
Um, I mean, I think it’s like the octopus.
I’m very colorful--
NARRATOR: Got that? He’s not done.
I’m very smart. My mind just goes like that.
Also at the same time, I’m strong, you know?
NARRATOR: Still not done.
Just like the octopus, you know, I’m capable of,
you know, emotional intelligence
and, uh, to love to eat, fuck and sleep.
-Yeah. Fair enough. -You know what I’m saying?
NARRATOR: Could he be done?
-And, uh-- -NARRATOR: He’s not done.
Just like the octopus, I’m really scared of sharks
-Like the Megalodon? -Yeah.
The big ass motherfucking sharks.
NARRATOR: Now he is done.
Just like the octopus, I’ve been to Catalina,
and stuff like that.
That’s my-- that’s my spirit animal.
NARRATOR: But there’s no way this guy’s an octopus.
I just can’t see it.
If only there was some poorly executed visual aid
that could help me picture it.
Oh yeah. Now I get it, I think
I was fishing once and I caught octopus.
Oh! We can’t-- we can’t fuck with that.
No! I like-- Obviously, I let it go.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah.
-I’m not gonna keep it. -Shit!
‘Cause if you’re killing octopi, I’m not--
Fuck no! Fuck no!
I’m gonna say, “Octa bye, bro."
NARRATOR: Octopi, Felicia.
[Love Island theme song]
NARRATOR: Unseen Bits lets you see what hadn’t been seen,
but we have spinoff shows for all the senses.
There’s untouched bits, untasty bits,
unaired bits and you can thank your lucky stars
the next hidden gem appeared on this show
and not unsmelled bits.
-Damn! -What?
Someone ripped ass, bro.
Damn
-Who did that? -Oh my God! [laughing]
Bro, who did that?
Fuck! Go over there, bro.
-Bro, who did that shit? -Oh my gosh!
Bro, I never-- Fuck this smell!
Bro, how does it-- How did it come all over here?
No, y’all actually smell it?
-Yes bro. -Bro, what the fuck?
Well, my sense of smell is so bad, bro.
-Who did that? -Oh my God!
-Hold on. -Who did that?
-Right when I walked over there. -Oh, my God!
NARRATOR: This was a tough watch for me.
I have PTFD, Posttraumatic Fart Disorder.
I grew up in a home with a lot of lentils and curry.
I’m in therapy now though.
Aromatherapy. [laughing]
You know what?
And I sense I’m gonna regret this.
I’m curious as to what Jared and Chanse
are talking about now.
Please let it be octopus.
Please let it be octopus!
No, but it was like--
I was just like doing this thing uh, uh, uh.
Like the way it moves around?
It’s so crazy how they like fit through like tiny little places.
They could fit through anything.
No, they went through like the crack in the bow.
It’s like shoo, out of there.
NARRATOR: Yes! Octopus chat.
Oh yes, it’s really kicking in there.
Whoa man!
I’ve seen octopus bite somebody’s ass.
-[laughing] What? -Yeah.
I would never expect something like that.
NARRATOR: Here’s a little game I’ve known to call
"Mm, What Happened Next?"
This game was invented by ancient editors
seeking to stretch out juicy content
with a question and answer game.
Like narrators of old,
I interrupt a scene right at the good bit
and give a quiz about what happened afterwards, or next.
And this juicy bit of content starts with Courtney
discussing her night in the sack
with strange bedfellow, Jordan.
So sleeping with Jordan, it was weird.
The spark wasn’t there for us last night.
Like he sweet and all, but--
Are you gonna have a chat with him to shut it down?
NARRATOR: So what does Courtney do next?
What does she do next?
A, admit she wants to give Jordan another chance in bed,
B, tell the girl she wants to sleep with Chad,
C, follow Mady’s lead and pull off a brittle self-dump,
D, share Jordan’s secret that he was electrocuted
while taking selfies with goats?
You’ll find out the answer to this question,
A, after the break,
B, on the other side of these commercials,
C, following a word from our sponsor
or, D, subsequent to these messages?
It’s all of the above by the way, guys.
[Love Island theme song]
NARRATOR: Welcome back to "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits.
If the main show is the prom queen,
Unseen Bits is like the quiet exchange student
who’s a freak in the sheets.
Now, before the break we left you on a cliff hanger.
So what does Courtney do next?
A, admit she wants to give Jordan another chance in bed,
B, tell the girl she wants to sleep with Chad,
C, follow Mady’s lead and pull off a brutal self-dump,
D, share Jordan’s secret that he was electrocuted
while taking selfies with goats?
So sleeping with Jordan, it was weird.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I heard you giggling.
Yeah. ‘Cause he kept saying,
“You’re so hot.” [giggling]
The spark wasn’t there for us last night.
Like he’s sweet and all, but...
I’m proud of you for giving it your all. You did try.
I just don’t think he handle me.
-Yeah. It’s fair enough. -Yeah.
Any boy that’s telling you you’re so hot every second...
But he’s still really sweet.
Are you gonna have a chat with him to shut it down?
-Um. -If he pulls you?
Yeah. If he pulls me.
Um, he was telling me about how he got electrocuted
trying to take a selfie with some goats.
-I thought it was really cute. -Interesting.
In Switzerland. [giggling]
It’s interesting story.
Yeah. [giggling]
NARRATOR: If you guessed D, you are absolutely right.
Here at Unseen Bits, we love to dabble
in a spot of theoretical physics.
You know, quantum superposition, all that guff.
Example, the scene is also unseen.
How is that possible
for it to be simultaneously seen and unseen?
Simple. The word scene is spelled differently.
And if you think this intro has been
a suboptimal use of your time,
just wait till you clap your eyes on this little
Emmy snub in waiting entitled "Schrodinger's Chad."
[imitating a seal]
-You like that? -Do that again.
Put that moose knuckle away, bro.
You like that?
-Look at my moose knuckle -This is my hot moose knuckle.
Damn!
NARRATOR: I lobbied hard to get Chad’s seal act
into the main show
and the producer said, and I quote, “No!”
While disappointing, I see now
that it was absolutely the right decision.
[imitating a seal]
NARRATOR: The Casa Amor raunchy races are like the Olympics
for the salivary glands,
and there was so much tonsil hockey
it didn’t all fit on the show.
We were gonna donate the unaired snogs to charity,
but then we thought “Screw that!
"Let’s jam them into Unseen Bits and call it ‘segment three.’"
The first race you didn’t see was this one.
[phone beeps]
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
-[indistinct] -[cheering and clapping]
NARRATOR: Well done, Casa kids.
Now your mouths all taste the same,
but how did the villa do?
Three Islanders must share a three way kiss.
Me, you and Nadja. Let’s go.
Yay!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
[clapping]
-Whoa! -[crosstalk]
-That’s how you do it! -[phone beeps]
That was good.
The villa has won.
No! No!
-[screaming] -[crosstalk]
Why are you doing that shit?
You’re on our team.
Fuck that bro!
[indistinct] yesterday too. [indistinct]
I’m just trying to set the tone.
Be a team player or get out!
[phone beeps]
Villa has won the first one.
[hard rock music]
-[cheering] -[crosstalk]
NARRATOR: Unseen race number two
has got to be flower arranging or something.
[phone beeps]
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
-Right here. -Right here. Right here.
Doggie.
Okay. [laughing]
Right here. We have to kiss.
Like [indistinct].
It’s right here.
He was on top of me and then we flipped
and then I was on top of him.
I think my last pose was just like a fucking-- like,
I was like splitting off him.
[laughing]
Let’s go.
Oh my God!
-[laughing] -[screaming]
-Okay, wait. -We need to kiss!
You always have to have
a very large selection of sex positions on hand.
I keep them in the top of the brain for a quick switch-a-roo.
Okay, go, go, go, go, go.
And you know, I dabble in the Kama Sutra.
I got it all down.
Got every single sex position you could ever think about.
It’s easy. Comes naturally, you know?
NARRATOR: There has to be a better phrase than
"comes naturally."
Okay, okay, okay.
NARRATOR: "Narrate a show," they said.
“You won’t feel bad about your limited sexual repertoire,”
they said.
-Go, go, go, go. -[clapping]
Let’s go! Let’s go!
-[laughing] -[phone beeps]
I gotta text. The villa has won the point!
[cheering]
NARRATOR: Congratulations.
You’ve made a man who spent his life locked in
a booth feel even more sheltered.
On with it then, race number three.
Make me feel even worse.
[phone beeps]
What the fuck!
NARRATOR: Honestly, it sounds like two octopuses
wrestling on a windscreen.
Fuck! Fuck!
Yo, this is fucked up!
[taps hands] What the fuck!
[phone beeps]
Ooh! All Islanders must pair up
and share a passionate kiss.
-I need someone. -Come here.
Let me know when the squelching is over.
-[giggling] -[smooching sound]
NARRATOR: Is the squelching over?
NARRATOR: [inhales] Well!
-That was so good. -That was good.
[phone beeps]
The villa has won the point!
[cheering]
NARRATOR: Welcome back to "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits.
And sure, the main show might have all the big recouplings
-and smooth editing, -[electric shock sounds]
but here at Unseen Bits, we like it rough.
Now during Casa Amor
we saw Nic giving Nadjha a fresh view on nuts.
-I like the cheddar popcorn. -Mm-hmm.
Like the white-- Shit!
-Yeah, that was-- [laughing] -That was dang!
Did you know like people die from like
that fall on their heads?
Oh, let’s not talk about that.
I don’t think this is a coconut tree,
but let’s not--
-Not speak about it. -Small little coconut.
A little like, whatever.
Do you see whatever-- What are these?
NARRATOR: But what you didn’t see
was the nuts didn’t like Nic’s diss track
and took the revenge later in the week.
I think that’s why people-- Like girls think that
mama’s boys are red flags,
‘cause they think the mom’s like
in their life too much.
But like, I-- I like love it. Like it’s--
[ominous instrumental]
[evil laughter]
[laughing]
-Holy shit! -There’s no fucking way!
-That is just fucking-- -Yeah, it’s so dangerous.
-Get outta of here. -That’s really bad.
Yeah. It’s so fucked. I know.
Like what if you were lying there?
I mean, my foot would’ve been fine,
but like well--
That one breaks it?
-That was like-- -That’s scary as shit.
Jesus!
Do you know like how many people die from like coconuts falling?
-That doesn’t shock me. -Do you know the statistics?
Jesus!
NARRATOR: For some reason, I find it comforting to know that
in five, 10 or even 20 years time,
Nic will be out there somewhere mansplaining death by coconut.
-[ominous instrumental] -[electric shock sounds]
NARRATOR: Cue the cheesy music because it’s time for
Beach Hut Blitz!
Personally. I think pick up lines are a little cheesy.
If you really want to get someone’s number
here’s my trick.
Have a car accident with them,
but be superhot about it.
Oh man. Go to pick up line for me, man.
“Girl, you must be a fart cause you blew me away.”
[laughing]
If she messages me first, normally I’ll say,
“Sorry, it took me so long.
"I was wiping the drool off my screen.” [laughing]
“Yo, has COVID taken you out yet?”
And then she’ll be like,
“No,” and I’m like, “Am I able to?”
“Hey baby, are you a book
"‘cause I’d love to rub my fingers down through your spine
"and bury my face into you for a few hours?”
[laughing]
I like the fire pit in the background.
My best pick up line is,
“You already have a chub,
"but you wanna make it a full chub?”
‘Cause-- get it? ‘Cause my last name’s Chubb.
I’ll like look down and then I’ll look up.
Just tell them that they’re hot.
Or if I’m like... and I slowly...
The success rate is usually a hundred percent.
It’s all in the eyes baby.
“Did it hurt?”
“Did what hurt?”
“When you fell from heaven.”
I’ve had that one line for like seven years now.
[laughing]
NARRATOR: As someone who did fall from heaven,
that pick up line is really insensitive
because it did hurt, a lot actually.
[Love Island theme song]
NARRATOR: I don’t mind a messy girl.
They throw their perfumed clothes everywhere.
It kinda works like potpourri. A messy bloke though,
now that can be skunky.
Let’s see which boy gets the gold and mold.
And my guy, Jeff, man, he-- I wouldn’t say he is messy.
You know he’s fresh to death, you know?
He’s got a lot of gear, man,
but he doesn’t hang his clothes up, you know?
I’m like, “Man, at least you got all these hangers, man.
"Just hang all these clothes.
"You got Balenciaga on the floor, man."
You know what I mean?
You got all this shit. Some nice shit.
It’s expensive, man. You know, just hang it up.
In the world-- What to world with this shit?
Jeffe. Jeffe’s got his shit all the fuck over.
On that side of the room,
that man has his shit just all over
and thrown in the fucking closets.
Jeff, I mean just based off of like his closet, right?
He doesn’t have anything hung up.
All the shit’s just like kind of thrown in there.
You’re a kid, bro.
Why you got Chips Ahoy cookies sitting on your desk?
[laughing] What the fuck?
[laughing] -Bro, what's this?
NARRATOR: Feeling down in the dumps?
You don’t need a self-help book or religion or a psychiatrist.
What you need is Chad,
an Islander using a bottle of tanning oil as a microphone.
I’m not saying I have all the answers in the world.
I just like to talk to people ‘cause, you know,
everything is gonna fucking be okay.
Have you ever woken up
and realize it just doesn’t feel like that day.
What are you gonna think? “Huh? Oh, I’m gonna give up today.
"Today’s not my day. Fuck today!”
No, the fuck, you’re not.
No, you’re not. You’re gonna grab today,
you do what you have to do to make it through that day
‘cause eventually you’re gonna be okay.
Huh?
What are you gonna do?
Hold on y’all, we need a picture right now in this moment.
He's feeling the light, bro.
We just ruined the guy’s moment.
No, it’s the-- for the speech.
This is the speech picture. Come on, man!
Nah, hold on, Jordan, you gotta come through.
-Oh! -Now, y’all there?
[shutter sound]
Sam, you got it!
What I like to call the "it factor."
You got that shit, don’t you?
You’re that fucking guy.
But what happens on the days you don’t feel it.
Now, you gonna sulk up like a little bitch?
No, you’re gonna go fucking insane.
That’s what you’re gonna do.
You’re gonna wake the fuck up, you’re gonna go harder.
-Right? -Yeah.
When shit’s going smooth it’s easy to keep it going.
-Yeah. -Uh-huh.
When shit’s going bad,
that’s when you take that next fucking step.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Huh?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Fear comes from you can’t see the end.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
But you can only see the end path if you fucking go.
-That’s right. -Yeah, that’s right.
I think it-- it went well.
[Love Island theme song]
NARRATOR: It’s "Love Island" Unseen Bites.
These bits were almost seen bits
but they didn’t quite make it,
kinda like me at med school
and my DJ career and my jiu-jitsu.
There’s no follow through in this dojo.
Hey, if you had to build the perfect man--
What’re you talking about?
No, hold on. [laughing]
-Physically-- -Build a fucking man now?
-I don’t know. -No out of us.
-Out of us, bro? -Out of us.
Just physically, if you have to build us.
Whose body am I using? Whose face?
Like body, like torso, legs, like--
-Everything. -Like, you know?
Well, it depends on how I feel that day.
Sometimes I like different things.
You’re getting the choice of all the things.
-Your hair-- -Mm-hmm.
--and nose piercing.
-Okay. -Mm-hmm.
So nose for him?
Yeah. Whose eyes?
His eyes.
His body.
Whose body?
-Isaiah. -Isaiah.
[ominous instrumental]
Your face-- Oh no, your voice.
-My face? -No.
What do you mean no? Don’t say it like that.
What the fuck?
[laughing and clapping]
I would take your lips.
-Mine? -Yeah.
-I got the best lips. -You got the--
you have the best lips.
For sure.
You feel me?
[laughing]
For sure.
NARRATOR: It’s interesting how we can accept maternal or
paternal energy from someone who isn’t our mother or father.
But somehow, if I dress up like a baby,
it makes it weird for everyone.
The mom of the Islanders is definitely Zeta.
Zeta has the best advice.
Both of you are boss bitches.
There’s so many men in the world
that would look at you two and be like,
“If I got my hands on them, I would be going off.”
And you guys need to own that power.
She's so encouraging. She’s literally like
the mentor we need, the light of the villa.
She holds us all together.
Say it and just own it,
and I feel like it will bring more out of him.
I would honestly say the dad is probably Jesse.
[cheering and clapping]
Everyone calls him Uncle Jesse,
but Jesse’s always the one that’s like also giving advice.
He’s so genuine.
He’d make sure like the boys are all in check.
Oh shit!
So I think Zeta and Jesse are the mom and the dad.
Now I’m making enough for me and you,
but if you don’t show up, I eat it.
Yeah. Of course.
So you showed up at a great time.
Did I?
The mom of the villa is definitely Zeta.
Do not self-sabotage
and do not go in there guns blazing.
Sit there, be a boss bitch
and listen to everything he has to say.
-Don’t even talk. -Mm-hmm.
-That’s so fit. -Yeah.
And so intelligent for your age
and you handle yourself like such a woman
-at such a young age. -Yeah. For real.
The dad of the villa is definitely Jesse.
Jesse just gives major dad energy. DILF.
NARRATOR: I’m not the hippest kid in the street,
but I’m pretty sure DILF stands for
Darwin Intuitively Loves Finches.
[Love Island theme song]
***
NARRATOR: This year’s Casa recoupling was
in many ways, an unpleasant event best left in the past.
I feel very betrayed.
NARRATOR: So Jared decided to go over the whole thing again.
I know Chanse, uh, over there at Casa,
I think we all, you know, took the opportunity to--
to kind of refresh and restart
and connections here are stronger
or like take some lessons into that.
So I think everyone here,
all amongst us guys, kinda took it as a growth
and like learning opportunity.
So obviously, you know, some of us came back, you know,
without a couple and some of us did.
And, uh, I’d say that amongst us, probably--
Chazz probably made the most of the whole experience.
He was king of Casa Amor aka--
-Shit was lit! -Chazza Amor over there.
-Something about Chazz. -Yeah.
[laughing]
Yeah, bro. Uh, going into Casa Amor, you know,
obviously I was coupled up with Kat
but yeah, I made the fucking most out of Casa.
You know, every single day I gave my all.
Got to know two, you know, beautiful women
and had to make a choice between the two of them,
you know, at the last second.
And, um you know,
I ended up bringing back the beautiful Bella.
[upbeat piano music]
[Love Island theme song]
* You kiss me like summer Afternoon *
NARRATOR: Welcome back to "Love Island, USA" Unseen Bits,
and unsurprisingly, we’re about to see some bits
that are yet to be seen.
Now they say it’s important to make a good first impression.
Sadly, the Islanders didn’t get the memo.
I have a really, really really good impression of Courtney.
It’s so good, I don’t think y’all are ready for it.
Okay.
[laughing]
Okay.
Sydney, I love your dress.
Like... [laughing]
Okay. Okay, fine.
Oh, the baby chicken nuggets!
Okay! [laughing]
I’ll do an impression of Isaiah.
[hard rock music]
Does this look great?
It’s Zay way, Zay.
You know the vibes.
“What’s up bro?”
[laughing]
“I rub my belly and then, uh, suck my tummy.”
“What’s up bro? Zay, what’s up?
"What’s up? You know what it is?”
I just wanna keep riding out.
You know what I’m saying?
Um...
keep doing what we’re doing, you know?
Um... yeah.
“Baby Zeta, sitting in the two-seater
"holla at me.”
Swerve. [laughing]
Joker!
Ti-- Timmy joke could crack on-- crack on it.
I’ll find another bird.
You want another bird, crack on?
You know Courtney, she’s really buzzing.
I can tell she’s buzzing. I love it.
I don’t know how to do a British accent, but...
“You gonna think that he’s just gonna let you go and crack on
"and he’s gonna not be able to crack on with another bird?
"That’s just crazy! It’s mad in here.
"And then he’s snogging out there and just getting--
"going to the loo and snogging and just,
"but man, is he fit!” [laughing]
“Oh, he’s quite fit, isn’t he?
"Why don't you go and talk to him?
"Yeah, be a little flirty.
"You know, he’s quite fit, ain’t he?”
“Joker! Joker, are you serious?
"You’re joker?” [laughing]
“He’s fit, ain’t he?
"He’s really fit.” [laughing and clapping]
“Timmy. Oh, Timmy!
"My Timmy. Oh, Timmy,
"I just love when you, you know, kiss me
"and I just want a little bit more time with Timmy, you know?
"Um...” [laughing]
“Dude, I look-- I look amazing right now.”
[laughing]
“Mm-hmm.
"Dude, what the fuck?” [laughing]
“God bless America.”
[laughing] "Yeah man.
"We gonna see. We’re going to see, man.
"She looking real nice. She looking real nice.
"Yeah. We going see.”
“God bless America.”
“Bro, look. So, bro.”
“Man, fuck this shit!
""I don’t even know-- Fuck!
"I don’t know what to even say right now.
"I’m so fucking heated.” [laughing]
You feel me?
NARRATOR: If you want to see that many
cute impressions ever again,
you’ll need to have a puppy walk through wet cement.
[hard rock music]
Every group has its jester.
It’s not me. [laughing]
But let’s be real, I am pretty funny.
Honestly. I think the funniest person here is Jeff.
Jeff is hilarious.
The booster boy.
He literally-- I would--
Well, I was like sitting in the kitchen and he goes,
“Toodle loo,” and told me to leave.
Am I your best friend
in here?
-Uh-uh. -Huh!
I said you were my best friend.
Why would you do that?
Why? Am I not?
-No! -[gasping]
That’s your best friend right there.
Well, yeah, duh,
but you’re my second-- Am I your second best friend?
We’re working towards that.
Jeff?
-What? -Fine. I’m gonna take it back.
Take it back.
Yeah. I don’t even like you anymore.
-Okay. -Okay.
-You don’t care? -No.
Like America love Jeff. Like what the hell are you doing?
Oh my God! You’re like anybody, you bitch.
Bitch, you like anybody.
Jeff, did you say you like it crispy?
Yeah.
Like really crispy?
I mean, if you just saying you burnt them, just say that.
[laughing]
You literally can lose calories just farting.
-You said what? -You didn’t know that?
-Yeah. What? -[laughing]
NARRATOR: Well, that’s all the Unseen Bits
we’ve got time for this week,
and what a show it was!
We’ve had octopi, impressions and people breaking wind.
In other words, see you at the Emmy’s guys.
Good night, America.
Tomorrow night...
Dude this is so fucked up.
You don’t need to talk to me like I’m five years old.
Dude, this is fucking bullshit.
NARRATOR: Tensions rise again.
It is just fucking bullshit
when I see her and I’m so fucking like,
I just I’m not this girl.