[David] ♪ Turn the beat around ♪
♪ Love to hear percussion ♪
♪ Flute player, play your flute ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that You got to get your beat on ♪
♪ And when the drummer Starts beating that beat ♪
♪ With the syncopated rhythm going Tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat on the drum ♪
You know, I'm just gonna give 'em a call. This is stupid. 10:00 a.m. meeting.
Be here on time. Don't even have a commute.
Please be wearing a shirt.
Oh, hey, Dave.
Are you serious? What are you doing in a hot tub?
I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm in a hot tub.
Yeah, I know that-- Just-- Just turn down the jets.
Otherwise you're not going to be able to hear me.
I'm just gonna turn down the jets.
Otherwise I'm not gonna be able to hear you.
-There you go. -Great, thanks.
Wait a second. Where's Poppy?
She hasn't signed on yet. I gotta give her a call now.
No. I don't wait for her. She waits for me.
-You call her, then you call me back. -No, come on.
Don't do the power play thing, Ian. It's not a--
[sighs] Oh, my God. It's-- It's like herding cats. It really is.
It's like herding big baby human cats.
[typing]
Please be showered. Please be showered. Please--
-Hello. -Oh, my God. Are you serious?
I mean, you look awful.
No, I'm doing great.
I'm on the best programming sprint of my life.
For the last 45 days, I haven't left my computer except to pee and sleep.
-Well, maybe leave once to wash yourself. -Wait a minute. Where's Ian?
No. We're not doing this. We're not doing the power play thing.
If he's not here, why am I?
I'm gonna call him now, okay?
Okay, well, I'm gonna go put a bra on
since you need these meetings to be all fancy or whatever.
It's not fancy to wear undergarments to a business meeting.
You know what, just go put on the bra. Put on the bra. Uh, it's unbelievable.
It's like, just be human. You know, just be a normal human being.
Yo.
[sighs] Where's your shirt?
Didn't feel appropriate, David. I'm in a hot tub.
Can't believe I have to ask this during a pandemic,
but would you just-- just get out of the hot tub and put on a shirt?
-No. -No?
Hey! If Ian doesn't have to wear a shirt, then I shouldn't have to wear a bra.
-I'm taking this off. -What?
-It's so unfair. -Don't take your bra off.
-It's almost a cliché. -Fine. I'll get out of the hot tub.
-You are allowed to do whatever you want. -Fine, David, just ruin everybody's day.
And I aren't allowed to do it. And I tell you what--
Guys. Oh, my God! What is happening?
[theme music playing]
Okay, so I don't know where C.W. is.
Uh, I know he was having some trouble signing in.
I mean, we gave him all the sign-in information--
Hey. David. Can we make this quick?
I've got a lot of work to do stripping Blood Ocean out of everything.
Yeah. Yeah.
Releasing a disease in the game right before a global pandemic
was not a great look.
Poppy, you should be taking this time to recharge and stay healthy like me.
You know, I haven't left my compound in like three months
because I'm so afraid of getting sick.
-He's too important to the world. -Oh, Jo, you don't need to say that.
But put it in the notes.
No, don't put it in the notes, Jo. It's not relevant to anything we're talk--
Oh, I have an idea.
What if instead of stripping Blood Ocean out of the game, I build a vaccine?
What? That would take you weeks.
What are you-- I feel like you're inventing work for yourself.
I feel like you're a cashed-up bogan.
"A cashed-up bogan"?
David, Poppy is being mean in Australian. Is the meeting almost over?
The meeting hasn't started.
You know what? Let's just forget C.W. and jump right in.
-Brad, can I get your attention, please? -Oh, sorry, David.
-I'm playing Street Fighter. -No problem.
-Thanks for letting me know. -It's cool.
Okay, so, uh, obviously the quarantine has been tough on everyone,
but our industry is thriving, and I think we should give back.
So, I'm suggesting a $100,000 donation.
-Wait a second. Wait, what? -Huh?
Brad, we as a company have a responsibility--
Money is my territory, and I make the final call.
I'm not giving something away without getting something out of it.
-That's insane. -That's charity.
You just described exactly what charity is.
-Not approved. -All right, tell you what.
Play me for it.
Your little game there. If I win, you gotta release the cash.
[chuckles] Deal.
But if I win, you gotta shave off one of your eyebrows.
-What? -Fucking hell. Goodbye.
She can't leave the meeting before me. No. Goodbye.
Oh, this is gonna be amazing. Goodbye.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Unbelievable. Meeting adjourned.
Hello. I don't know what I pressed, but I'm here.
Has the meeting started?
[grunts]
This lag is real bad. You can't judge attack time at all.
That's what happens when the entire world's playing on one server, I guess.
-Right. -Hey, question.
Answer.
-You want a chip? -Oh, yeah.
[burbling sound]
Mm.
See? It's like nothing's changed, baby.
-Hey, Rache. -Yeah.
Why do you wear that hoodie every day?
Oh, it's cold in my apartment.
Why don't you take off the hood?
Okay, just don't judge me.
Damn.
Yeah, I know. I can't color it, and I tried cutting it and--
That is badass.
You're like Storm from X-Men. You're like fuckin' Halle Berry, girl.
-[chuckling] Wait, really? -Yeah.
Hi!
Oh, is that Rachel's mom?
Hey, Rachel's mom, can you send Rachel in? It's work time.
-Lou, what are you doing here? -I thought you got promoted.
I did. They made me head guy in charge of babysitting dum-dums like you.
Couple of ground rules to go over: I don't mute when I eat.
I don't want to hear any chitchat.
I don't want to hear any side chat, certainly no back-sass.
And, ladies, let's remember:
[whispers] we're all in this together.
-Super. -Great.
-Yeah. You lose! -Damn it.
How are you so good at this game?
I guess some people have it, and some people don't.
Speaking of not having things, one eyebrow, please.
Fine, I'll get my razor.
Ah, shi-- Hold on. Sue's calling.
Hey, Sue.
Oh! It's a party.
I'm so sorry to interrupt,
but, um, my inbox is filling up with some very strongly-worded e-mails.
Right. Yeah, uh, what are the players upset about now?
Uh, it's actually-- it's the parents of the players.
They can't undo the parental control,
so their kids are getting locked out of the game after too many hours of play.
-Uh-huh. -And it seems like
the one thing that parents don't like to do is parent.
Which, you know, kinda makes you wonder why they had kids in the first place.
Okay, so-- Well, thanks, Sue.
We'll just take care of it. All right, bye-bye.
Okay, David. Sorry, David.
-Just one last-- Uh, is-- -Yeah.
What might get us some goodwill is that $100,000 donation.
Actually, Sue, we're not gonna be donating the money anymore.
But David will be donating his left eyebrow.
Wait a second. That's it, yes. Yes!
Okay, let's play again.
And if-- if I win, we donate $200,000,
and if I lose, I shave off my other eyebrow. Huh?
Mm. I'm done dealing in brows. I want your lashes.
I-- [sighs]
All right, fine. You can have my eyelashes. Deal. Let's, let's do it.
-No, David! -Deal!
David, your eyelashes, they're your third-best feature.
-Okay, Sue, uh, we gotta go. Take care. -Don't--
[Ian] Yo, Carol. What's up?
I'm gonna need less crotch, Ian.
Oh, sorry.
I don't hear that very often. I'm just kidding. That's a joke.
Okay. So, I'm calling because I've received some reports
about bizarre behavior.
Well, it is the video game industry, Carol.
There are a lot of nuts there, and they're probably ready to crack.
Although, one person in particular that I'm worried about is Poppy.
There's something going on there, I can tell.
The reports have been about you.
Ian, you can't send personal videos to your employees
with the subject line "Mandatory Viewing."
-Well, those are meant to be inspiring. -Really?
♪ Sometimes everything is wrong ♪
♪ When your day is night alone ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
Yeah, I'm showing people that
we're all in this together and that everybody hurts.
Ian, if you wanna actually help people, you're gonna have to make a sacrifice.
Maybe give away some of that money you clearly have.
I'm happy to do it, but that's not what people want right now.
They want hope, because money is not that important.
It is to people who don't have it!
You know what? I ain't got time for this shit, okay?
I gotta babysit y'all and homeschool my own kids at the same time? Carol can't.
Did you know they changed math? They just up and changed how you do math.
I'm done, okay?
So, wear a shirt, don't wear a shirt.
Get hammered and do 300 push-ups, put it on YouTube. I don't care.
-I'm sorry, Carol. I think I muted you. -[child] Mom, where are you?
Did you say something? Did you say something there?
I'm coming. Goddamn kids at work, kids at home. Oh, hell.
[grunts]
[tapping desk]
Yes! Fuck yeah!
[chuckles] Did it! I did it! I did it!
Whoo!
Okay, look at the video icon on the bottom left and then click that.
[C.W.] Ah. Ah, yes. Here.
Yes, yes, I can see you. Perfect.
[inaudible]
Oh, wait, I can't hear you.
No, no, no. There's no audio. Um, okay, click the unmute button, bottom left.
N-no. No, no. This is an audio FaceTime. Don't--
Do you see me now? I just Facebooked you.
Okay, you pressed the wrong button, just-- Let's-- Let's just stick to one app, okay?
-I'll text you. -No, C.W., don't text me.
Just a minute. Hang on.
No, don't text--
-Just stop pressing buttons! -Huh? Oh, here! Let me try this!
-No. -Ah, that's better!
What are you doing on the other side? Hold on. Let me try something else.
Just stop-- No! Just stop pressing buttons!
-How's that? Is that better? -Just leave it the way it is!
This is insane. This is truly-- [chuckles]
[echoing] Hey, I see you. You see me?
No, I-- I mean, yeah. Sure, but you're a panda.
-[echoing] A what? -A panda!
[echoing] A panda?
You must've pressed the wrong button, okay,
because you were just pressing buttons.
Wait, wait, wait. There's an echo. Yeah.
Echo. An echo. Echo, echo. Don't you hear that echo?
-Yes, I hear it. Just stop talking! -You know, it doesn't echo when you talk.
Just stop talking and listen and look at the camera.
-Which one? -The only one! The-- The panda one.
I don't wanna be a goddamn panda!
Science-fiction writer. How do you not know how to just use a cell phone?
-I'll fax you. -Goddamn it.
-C.W., do not-- Get ba-- Get back he-- -[fax signal begins]
This is insa--
[shouting]
Pick up. Poppy, pick, pick, pick, pick. Poppy, pick up.
-[Poppy] What? -Hey, Poppy!
Congratulations. I heard you finished your sprint. Let's celebrate.
Thanks, I can't. I'm busy.
Oh, no, you're not. David said you are all finished with your work.
And so am I because I've already had two of these and I wanna make a third,
so get on it.
And, by the way, um, turn your camera on
because it's-- it's less sad when I can see you if I'm drinking alone.
Great. Sorry, I-- I can't turn it on. I just got out of the bath.
Bath? You don't bathe. N-Now I know you're lying.
-Wh-Wh-what's going on? -Nothing's going on. I just-- I--
I just don't want anyone to see me right now, okay?
[sighs] All right, I-- I...
I did something nice for you and I wanted to have a drink and watch it,
but let me just send it to you now. And you can--
Hi, Poppy.
I'm going to walk you through a guided meditation.
Now, relax, close your eyes
and concentrate on the only thing that matters, the sound of my voice.
[Poppy] What is this?
This is core exercise, but as you can see, you're engaging your arms as well.
[Ian] That actually is not for you.
What I like to do is come down to my wine cellar here.
-Oh! Sorry, I keep popping up. -[overlapping videos]
Next, your guest cottage--
-[Poppy] No, I don't-- Can you-- -You do not wanna leave your house.
[Poppy] Turn the-- Can you get the videos off my--
I don't wanna watch any-- Listen--
-I just wanna be alone, okay? -Okay, okay.
Stop acting like you're trying to help me!
This isn't about me. It's about you being too scared to leave your compound,
but you still need attention because you're a fucking narcissist!
What? A narcissist? Like-- Fine!
Then, okay. I was doing something nice, but forget it.
Go! Go be with your dead plants, your cats, or whatever. I don't care.
-Okay, thanks. Yeah, I will. -Okay, fine.
I've got better shit to do too. So, whatever, dude.
Actually... I-- I look huge. Like, massive.
I'm gonna use this angle at the next meeting.
No, "fewer" modifies plural nouns.
"Less" modifies singular.
You can't have less female candidates.
You can have fewer, and you should.
And anybody who doesn't know that is dumb.
Oh, my God. Then I guess everyone's dumb, Lou.
Rache.
Oh, God.
What? We're in quarantine.
-We're having fun. -Probably just thinks it's stupid.
Actually, I don't think it's stupid.
I think it's a good idea. It's just that I think I would do it way better.
Then prove it, asshole.
All right. Here we go.
Why do you have toilet paper on your desk?
What? Oh, yeah, I got toilet paper everywhere.
I got loads of it. Way more than I could ever use.
I don't know, you seem pretty full of shit.
That's pretty good. You know what, I like her.
She should talk more. You should talk fewer.
See how stupid that sounds? Ugh.
Okay.
All right. Dana, here we go. This is what I want you to do.
On the count of three,
I want you to poke the bottom left side of your screen. Got it?
-Okay. -One, two, three.
Rachel, grab a chip.
Shit, that was better.
That was cool.
Can we do it again?
If you want this to be really cool...
we're gonna need more people.
Preferably men.
[yells]
-[laughs] -No! No! Oh, damn!
-God. -Hey, David. David, David.
Are we at your divorce trial right now?
Because I just watched a hot Asian chick rip your heart out.
Okay, one more game.
$300,000 against both eyebrows, both eyelashes. Full monty.
Pass. I'd rather have you lopsided.
Come on, man. I just wanna do some good here.
There's gotta be something you're willing to play for.
I want your essence.
-My what? -I want your spiritual core.
Your joie de vivre.
I want the mustache.
No. No, I need a mustache.
I look weird without a mustache.
I got bad news for you, bud. You look weird with the mustache.
But the question is, how badly does David Brittlesbee wanna help people?
All right, fine. Fine. Deal. You got a deal, but we're locked in.
[laughs] Yeah, you're gonna look like an egg!
Hey, Brad, I-- I hope you don't mind,
but I just wanted to-- to change up my gear a little bit.
You see, the truth of the matter is, I--
I just haven't felt right without my fight stick.
The fuck is all that? Wait, what is that?
Well, you see, when my parents got divorced,
my mom would give me 20 bucks and tell me to get lost.
So I'd take that money, along with all those feelings,
and I'd head on down to the arcade, where I played my favorite game, Street Fighter.
Let's just say... I got a lot of practice.
Oh, shit.
Let's fight!
[typing]
[mouse clicks]
[phone rings]
[line beeps]
[mouse clicks]
[phone ringing]
Hey, Pop. You got my messages. Good.
[Poppy] Are you on the street?
Yeah. And I am not happy about it.
It's like these people want to breathe directly into my face.
I mean, just right into my face.
Hey, asshole. Cross the street or I'll fuck you up.
[man on street] Really?
Yeah. Okay.
Okay, Pop, I'm gonna cross the street because he called my bluff and he is big.
You know, I don't think I am handling this as well as I thought I was. I, uh--
I gotta admit, I think I'm struggling. [chuckles]
Pop, you there?
Yeah.
You okay?
Uh-huh.
Can I see you then?
[sniffs]
No.
Pop, come-- Come on, man.
You're really freaking me out. Just let me see you.
I don't think I'm doing very well.
It was okay when I still had work,
but now that's done, and I don't have anything else.
All my family are thousands of miles away and I don't have any friends.
And I'm just alone.
-That's not true. That's not true, Poppy. -No, it is. It is.
I thought that I could handle this, but I don't think that I can.
And everybody else seems to have somebody, but I don't.
I'm just-- [sobs]
[sobs] I'm just alone.
Open your door.
Why?
Just open your door.
[Ian] Hi.
[Poppy] Hi.
[sobbing]
[Ian] I miss you.
I miss you too. [sobs]
-Poppy... -Yeah?
You really do need to take a shower, 'cause you stink.
[Poppy laughs]
You are such an asshole. [chuckles]
[sniffs]
[Ian] You good?
Yeah. You?
[Ian] Yeah. I'm good.
All right, I'll see you soon.
-All right. -[Poppy] Bye.
[call disconnects]
[overlapping voices]
-[female caller] The recipe is tequila... -[male caller] Reading a lot.
-I painted this one. -[Rachel] That's awesome.
I can't watch any more seasons.
If you don't think that the toilet paper industry started this,
then you're fucking crazy.
[Sue] Via snail mail. I just dropped them off at your house.
[Jo] Did you hear about how much money toilet paper made?
-[beep] -Hello!
There she is.
-Hey, Poppy. I waited for you. -Hey.
I waited for you this time in the meeting.
-Nice one, mate. -Looks like somebody did find that shower.
I wanted to look fancy.
Did you wash your hair?
Yes, I washed my hair.
All right.
I'll keep my eye on it.
-[Lou] Guys. Guys! Goddamn it! Guys! -[all clamoring]
-[beep] -[voices mute]
[Lou] Good. There. Jesus.
Now, remember, this only works if we all do our part.
Okay. We get one shot at this.
So, don't fuck it up, Rachel.
[inaudible]
No one can hear you. It's paradise.
All right. Looks like we're waiting on C.W.
But Brad has a quick announcement.
Whatever. Fine. Brad, go.
Yeah. Hey, everybody. So, I had this bet with David.
And, well, he totally sandbagged and lost on purpose.
But then we made the stakes really high and we played one final time.
And, uh, well... I still beat his ass!
-[Lou] Oh! -[all clamoring]
-[Brad laughs] -Whoa, David.
-David, you look weird. -[Carol] Honey.
-I know I look weird, okay? -You look like a baby turtle.
Wait, is that David or Sandy Duncan?
But it'll grow back in like eight or ten months. I don't know.
Has anyone ever shaved their eyebrow?
I don't know how long that takes. Does it grow back?
Whatever. It doesn't matter. I just--
I feel bad that I lost the $300,000 for charity.
Oh, I already donated it.
-What? -Yeah, I was always gonna donate it.
-What? -Ian doubled it.
-Yo. -But-- [stammers] Why?
I thought-- You were opposed to giving away money.
No, no. I told you I need to get something out of it. Which I did.
Your dignity.
That's $600,000 for charity. Way to go, David.
-[Dana] Way to go, David. -[Sue] Good job, David.
-[Ian] Nice work, Dave. -[Poppy] Great job, David.
-Thank you, guys. -[all clamoring]
[Rachel] Since we're all here,
-I think it would be nice to say-- -[Lou] Oh, God,
here comes some boring SJW rant about--
You know what, fuck you, Lou. Okay?
-You're being such a di-- -[clatters]
Oh, shit, I think I started it.
-Wait, what? -Go. Go, go!
[Ian] Oh, shit.
[Sue] Okay.
[upbeat music playing]
[Ian] Holy shit, it's working.
[Sue laughs, whoops]
-Wait, where's C.W.? -[Brad] Where is he?
-[Rachel] Come on, dude. Figure it out. -[Ian] Come on, man.
[Jo] Where is he?
Oh, my God!
Come on!
-Huzzah! -[all screaming, cheering]
-[triumphant music playing] -[C.W.] I made it!
[Brad] C.W., you're the man!
[laughs]
[Ian] Yes!
[cheering continues]
[all cheering, clamoring]
Fuck you, coronavirus.
[music continues]
[music ends]