1 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,421 [Ann] Though she spent just one season here, 2 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:31,633 Palm Beach will never be the same after Maxine Dellacorte. 3 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,802 The emotions felt by those who loved her 4 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:36,763 must be larger than life and twice as loud. 5 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,602 [Virginia] Serial killers are known to attend their victims' funerals, 6 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,271 so your funeral is our best bet to catch Norma. 7 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,024 Until then, you need to sit down and sit still. 8 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,526 I can't. I'm restless. 9 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,737 Mirabelle was my sister. 10 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,657 She deserves her own funeral. I think this is… this is grotesque. 11 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,285 Agreed, especially the part about trapping Norma. 12 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,996 Disagreed, specifically on that point. 13 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,915 You know what'd be even more grotesque? 14 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,292 Your body, if Norma finds you. 15 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,213 - [Ann] Tomorrow, we bury Maxine. - [door closes] 16 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,798 May she find the peace that eluded her in life. 17 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,092 Guide me, oh, spirit. 18 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:18,138 [sniffles] Why have you abandoned me in my hour of need? 19 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,974 I'm a hostage in my own home. 20 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:25,395 [Ann] Until her killer, Norma Dellacorte, is brought to justice. 21 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,481 - [Norma] You're out of cereal. - [gasps, sighs] 22 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:33,987 [Ann] May justice be done for the sake of Maxine's memory and our safety. 23 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,156 [elevator bell dings] 24 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,995 Dinah, what on earth are you doing here? 25 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,831 Identifying the body. [sighs] 26 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:48,836 Douglas can't bring himself to do it. You? 27 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,587 I was Maxine's conservator. 28 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,673 It's fallen to me to sign her out. 29 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:54,800 One last time. [sighs] 30 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:59,388 So selfless of you. It's almost as selfless as throwing her funeral. 31 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,306 A dead socialite in a pool? 32 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,101 Tragedy rubberneckers from Orlando to Okahumpka will come 33 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,185 just to say they were there. 34 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,688 It's just what the Palm Royale needs to stay afloat 35 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:11,984 after finding Maxine… [stammers] …afloat. 36 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,285 - Will you please go in there with me? - [elevator bell dings] 37 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,203 [sighs] 38 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,039 [Ann] Ladies. 39 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,126 [Evelyn] Ann, what are you doing here? 40 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,712 Maxine was my friend. 41 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:38,552 But I'm just here as a member of the press to verify the identification. 42 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,222 At least that's what I'm telling myself. 43 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,307 [Evelyn sighs] 44 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,058 How's that working for you? 45 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,645 No comment. 46 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,482 - [chewing] - Stop eating! 47 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,402 I'm "griefting." 48 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,237 "Griefting"? 49 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:02,075 Grief eating. For Mirabelle and for me. 50 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,454 I'm "griefting" for two. Douglas must be devastated. 51 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:06,830 Stop talking about Douglas, Maxine. 52 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,583 I wouldn't expect you to understand. You always take her side anyway. 53 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,419 Because Norma didn't kill Mirabelle thinking it was you. 54 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,464 At least Douglas didn't try to poison or drown me, like your sweet Norma. 55 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,841 The way Douglas treats you, that's not love. 56 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,594 If Tom did to me what Douglas did to you, oof! 57 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,430 Tom is. The only difference is you can't get pregnant, Mitzi. 58 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,144 [Robert sighs] 59 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,854 Hey, Virginia said we can't leave! 60 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,773 [gasps] 61 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,734 [people chattering] 62 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,152 [Maxine] I know what that means! 63 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,824 [Evelyn] We've all seen dead bodies before. 64 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,868 - [Dinah] I haven't seen a dead body. - [Evelyn] Oh, wow. 65 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,371 - Oh! - Oh, God. It's ghastly. 66 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,164 Oh, what's that smell? 67 00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:50,499 Oh, God. 68 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,918 - Oh, they are so dramatic. - [Dinah] I don't like that. 69 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,045 - All right, we've gotta turn around. - [Ann] We must. 70 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,797 Okay, on-on… on the count of three. 71 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,923 - Okay. - Okay. 72 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,385 One, two, three. 73 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,721 - What does she look like? - No. 74 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,806 - Did you look? - Didn't do it. 75 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,766 - No. Oh, God. I can't do this. - I can't. 76 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,560 - Oh, God. - Is this necessary? 77 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,019 - [Dinah] Do we have to? - You have to. 78 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:16,692 Okay. One, two, three… 79 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,239 three point five… four. 80 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,160 - That's not Maxine. - That is not her. 81 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,537 - What? - [both] No, that's not her. 82 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,456 I'm not sure who this is, but this is not our friend, so… so… 83 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,500 - Are you sure? - Good luck with the, um… 84 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,751 - Come out. - Get out of the room. 85 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,170 - [sighs] God. - I'm coming! The woman died! 86 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,254 [sighs] 87 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,423 Round them up, sequester them somewhere safe, 88 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,593 and make sure no one else sees this body. No one. 89 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,345 Yes, ma'am. [sighs] 90 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,015 [people chattering] 91 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,398 Hey, mama! What are you doing sneaking around up there? 92 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,067 They got some good burgers here, right? 93 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,235 Those weren't for me. 94 00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:03,822 I-I-I'm staying with the, uh, attractive but brooding gentleman. 95 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,742 What are you two doing squirreled away up there? 96 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:11,288 [chuckles] No one's supposed to see me. I'm dead. I'm sorry, Mister… 97 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,791 My friends call me Bruce, and your secret's safe with me, Miss… 98 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,545 Maxine, um… Just Maxine. 99 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:19,796 [gasps] 100 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,591 Oh, my God! 101 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,636 Are you the dead socialite with the funeral tomorrow? 102 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,930 - Maxine Dellacorte? - You know who I am? 103 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:32,809 Oh, this is bad. Oh, this is so beyond bad. 104 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:36,021 This is… This is a tragedy. This is Carmen. 105 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,148 I-I really can't have another person crying over me. 106 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:42,402 No, I'm not. A very close "friend" of mine from out of town 107 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:45,781 is supposed to attend your funeral tomorrow, but if you're alive, then… 108 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,408 Well, I guess he's not coming to Palm Beach after all. 109 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:53,121 I'm not supposed to tell you this, but… [sighs] 110 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:57,543 …great news. The funeral's actually still on. 111 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,297 You better get down here to this hot tub right now. 112 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,844 - What? Oh. - Come to the tub! Come to the tub! 113 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:10,681 Come on! Come to the tub! Come to the tub! 114 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,560 - Come to the tub! Come to the tub! - Okay. 115 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:18,021 She's coming! She's coming to the tub! 116 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,273 I'm comin'! I'm comin'! 117 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,359 Get on down here, mama! 118 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,279 Let's go! Grand entrance! 119 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,823 Give it up for dead Maxine, everybody! 120 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,452 [Mitzi] I don't wanna do this. 121 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:37,207 The funeral, the big wedding, the constant public humiliation. 122 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,376 - Promise me once the baby is born… - [sighs] 123 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,129 …I won't have to jump through any more hoops or loops… 124 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,548 - [sniffles] …or ex-wife funerals. - I promise. 125 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,967 We just have to fly to Switzerland first. 126 00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,636 Why are we flying to Switzerland? 127 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,223 To s-sew up the-the baby trust with the bank. 128 00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:57,728 I-I-It's a paperwork thing. I-I'm sorry, I-I-I should have told you earlier. 129 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,980 [Perry] Dinah! 130 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,732 Norma sent another note! 131 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,693 [sighs] 132 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,403 - Where's Dinah? - She went to the morgue. 133 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,529 Not if I can help it. 134 00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,739 The literal morgue, Perry. 135 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,283 She just went there to identify Max's body for me. 136 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,496 "I'm coming for you. I'll see you at the funeral." 137 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,665 I shouldn't have let her go in my place. 138 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,834 - Better find Dinah before Norma does. - I'll come with you. 139 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,711 - Okay. - Ah, fuck. I gotta get changed first. 140 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,379 Do not leave me here alone, Douglas. 141 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:29,092 You're carrying the Dellacorte heir. Norma would never hurt you. 142 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,804 [Maxine] I found out I had a twin sister and her name was Mirabelle, 143 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,017 and this woman, Norma, who is my husband's… ex-husband's aunt, 144 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,936 she tried to kill me, thinking it was me, 145 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,480 - but she ended up killing Mirabelle. - [chuckles] I love you. 146 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,563 [chuckles] 147 00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,358 You're the most fascinating woman I've ever met. 148 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,526 You're like Doris Day 149 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,736 - if she wasn't such a big jerk. - [gasps] Thank you. 150 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,156 I've told ex-lovers of mine they're gonna miss me when I'm gone, but you? 151 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,951 You actually get to see your ex-husband missing you. 152 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,870 You get to hear the tears, see the rending of garments. 153 00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,830 Shoot, I'm not gonna be able to see any of that. 154 00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:02,668 Well, Maxine, I do have a car. 155 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,213 Oh, I really would love to see him cry. 156 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,925 Did we just become best friends that are about to spy on our men? 157 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,553 - I think so. - Let's go! 158 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,596 Maxine, everybody! 159 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,641 [phone ringing] 160 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:27,067 Excuse me, I need to speak to Agent Trainee Tom Sanka 161 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,777 about the murder of Maxine Dellacorte. 162 00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,237 Tom Sanka no longer works here. 163 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,363 What? 164 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:34,575 [Perry] Why does the FBI care nothing about the endangered wives of Palm Beach? 165 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:35,659 [Douglas] Robert? 166 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,578 [agent] Why would Norma Dellacorte wanna kill your wife? 167 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,665 [Perry] Because Norma knows that Dinah knows that Norma killed Axel Rosenhips. 168 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:45,210 [Douglas] I can't believe that she's gone. [cries, sniffles] 169 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,920 This is so fucked, man. 170 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,756 That's so true, brother. So true. 171 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:55,846 My wife, a potential future First Lady of Palm Beach, 172 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,765 is receiving death threats from the same killer 173 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:02,186 who put this sad sack's ex-wife in the morgue across town. 174 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,729 - And? - [Perry] And 175 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:08,275 we allowed my wife to identify the dead body of his ex-wife, 176 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,194 and now my wife is in danger. 177 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,280 If you don't hear from her in 24 hours, 178 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,365 you can come back here and report her missing. 179 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,036 Look at him. Look at him, 180 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,704 this sad husk of a human. 181 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:26,210 The morgue told us that no one could see his ex-wife on the orders of the FBI. 182 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,212 No one else sees her until the funeral. 183 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,547 You're gonna keep her on ice, 184 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,966 when I know best what her wishes were? 185 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,968 Shame on you. 186 00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:42,976 [Perry] It's a doozy, Dougboat. No doubt about it. A doozy. 187 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:47,481 Maxine wouldn't wanna be on display like some ornamental fern. 188 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,691 [Douglas sighs] 189 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,985 She always said that if she went first, 190 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:56,156 she'd want her ashes to be scattered in the wind from my biplane. 191 00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,743 Hey, uh… 192 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,248 Do you need a… a hug? 193 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,083 [Douglas] Yeah. 194 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,251 [Perry] Oh. 195 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,005 - That's it. - [crying] 196 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,844 - Sorry. [sniffles] - Ah, don't worry about that. 197 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:23,183 God… [sniffles] I just wanna be able to honor her. 198 00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,271 You know, honor her in a way that I couldn't in life. 199 00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:31,483 Ah, I got to get back to Mitzi. [sighs] 200 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:34,903 - Let me drive you. - No, thanks, man. I'll… I'm gonna walk. 201 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,447 [sighs] 202 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,463 Gosh, I really hope I didn't miss Douglas. I wanna see him wail. 203 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:57,384 Listen, who is the mystery man coming to my funeral? 204 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,931 This is not a Japanese decorative pond. Do not be coy. 205 00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:06,894 - I can't. He's well known. Famous. - Oh. 206 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,478 Oh. 207 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:12,316 Okay, well, you can tell me. I'm dead, remember? 208 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,234 - Oh, please just give me a hint. - Okay, just a hint. 209 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,361 - Okay. - Okay. 210 00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:22,492 A boulder, plus a body of water in New York. 211 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,664 - No? - No. 212 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,374 Okay, um… 213 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,045 Doris Day's best friend. 214 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,881 [gasps] Tony Randall? 215 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,841 No, but he's around. 216 00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:44,097 Okay, it rhymes with Sock Sudson. 217 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,517 Rock… [gasps] 218 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,519 - Rock Hudson's coming to my funeral? - [shushes] Stop! 219 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,938 - He'd be ruined if it got out. - Oh, my gosh. 220 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,023 - That's so exciting. Oh. - Yes! 221 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,859 Oh, my God. I swear to God, it's like a fairy tale. 222 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,445 - Oh, my goodness. - In that I never know if it's real. 223 00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,864 - The other guys think I made him up. - If it's real to you, 224 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,033 then who cares what the world thinks. 225 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,871 It doesn't matter if he's a movie star or, well, an ex-husband. 226 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,873 Yeah, back to you. 227 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:13,335 Why, if he's your ex-husband, do you keep coming back? 228 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,670 [Maxine sighs] 229 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,215 Do you promise you won't judge me, or tell me to let it go, 230 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,551 or make me list all of his transgressions in detail? 231 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:21,969 Who do you think I am? 232 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:24,721 [Maxine] Okay. 233 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,268 You can't go back to a man you never left. 234 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:34,982 And Mirabelle, the twin sister I just found out I had, 235 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,819 I told her the big secret that Douglas was the only man that I would ever love. 236 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,572 And then he confessed to her his love for her, 237 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,824 which he thought was me, and then Mirabelle died. 238 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,244 - I know, it's a lot to process. - Yeah. 239 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:51,790 You haven't had time to grieve your sister or your marriage. 240 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:53,959 You are very wise. 241 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,420 - We're a wise people. - Yes. 242 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,757 [Maxine gasps] 243 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,760 - [Maxine] Speaking of grieving. - Is that the new one? 244 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,513 - Gosh, yes. - I hate to see a chic girl cry. 245 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,764 [Maxine sighs] 246 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,057 [Maxine] Here. 247 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,560 [grunts] 248 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,645 Stop. What are you doing? 249 00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,939 I can't watch someone cry, even if it's her. 250 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,775 That was the whole point. We came to watch people cry. 251 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:22,863 I have done everything you told me to… 252 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,534 but I can't do it anymore. 253 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:33,207 You said no one would get hurt. [sobs] 254 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,293 [screams] 255 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,463 What happened? 256 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,714 [Maxine] She fainted. 257 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,899 Is Agent Sanka here? 258 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,151 Tom left, Robert. 259 00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,070 I am so sorry. 260 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:10,827 I would never do anything to hurt him, and if I'd known he'd lose his job-- 261 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,915 He didn't. J. Edgar Hoover himself has taken an interest. 262 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:18,836 A transfer was offered, and I insisted he take it 263 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,504 before something bad could happen. 264 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,339 Again. 265 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:27,177 I don't know what rules you live by in Palm Beach, 266 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,264 but some things aren't for you, 267 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,016 including my husband. 268 00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,185 We have children together. 269 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,772 Do you know what that's like? 270 00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:40,524 [sighs] 271 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,526 Of course you don't. 272 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,280 Can you tell him I said goodbye? 273 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,073 Please. 274 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,784 Yes, I can… 275 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:53,871 but I won't. 276 00:15:57,708 --> 00:16:01,211 [breathing heavily] 277 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:04,506 [groans] 278 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,466 [Maxine] Do you think she's okay? 279 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,177 What about the baby? You think the baby's okay? 280 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,803 She's akimbo on the wall to wall. 281 00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,430 This is how I spent my 20s. She's fine. 282 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,973 - Well, let's get her to the bed. - Yeah. 283 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,309 - You get heads, I'll get tails. - I'll try to keep her hair nice. 284 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,144 - Oh. - Okay, from the knees. 285 00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:19,062 - Oh. - Oh. 286 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,397 - Okay. - Okay. 287 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,984 - One, two, three, alley-oop. [sighs] - Step. Two… 288 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,736 - [sighs] - Protect the head. 289 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,405 - Okay. - Okay. Gorgeous. 290 00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:30,699 - [mouthing] Wow. - [sighs] 291 00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:31,867 Really scared her, didn't I? 292 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:35,162 You are literally haunting the woman who stole your husband. 293 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,749 Golly, that is sweet revenge. 294 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,585 [chuckles] Should we let her stew in it a bit longer? 295 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,005 Yeah, let's go back to the hot tub and do some old-fashioned gloating. 296 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,174 - [chuckling] - Sleep tight, Mitzi. 297 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:52,763 I actually used to think minestrone was boring, but I don't think that anymore. 298 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,181 I used to feel that way about chowder. 299 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,476 - Oh, my gosh. Soup sisters. [chuckles] - Soup sisters. [chuckles] 300 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,353 Where in the literal fuck have you been? 301 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,897 [Maxine] Oh, um… 302 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,482 I went to see Douglas. 303 00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,943 Just-Just to soothe his grief over my alleged death, 304 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,778 but don't worry, he did not see me. 305 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,905 But Mitzi did, and she thinks Maxine's a ghost. 306 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,198 Who are you? 307 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,367 Oh, sorry, manners. 308 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,618 This is Bruce, my new best friend. He's gay. 309 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,996 - Maybe don't tell people that. - Oh, I'm sorry. 310 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,415 Okay, look, one of two things are gonna happen. 311 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,376 Either you stay dead and we catch Norma, 312 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,170 or the next funeral in Palm Beach will actually be yours. 313 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,713 Nobody else can see you. 314 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,633 There's only so many women this gay motel can hold. 315 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:31,468 There's other women here? 316 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,220 [sighs] 317 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:35,722 Nothing Norma could inflict on us would be worse than this room. 318 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:37,266 I do like the bedspread. 319 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,643 Not after you read the comments in the guest book. 320 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,978 Ugh. 321 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,104 [Ann] Hmm. 322 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,231 [pop music playing on radio softly] 323 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,941 I'll sleep in the bathtub. 324 00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:47,234 - [Ann] Ugh. - [Dinah sighs] 325 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:49,236 You might wanna rethink that. 326 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,320 - What? - [sighs] 327 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,364 - Hi, pals. - [Evelyn] Maxine? 328 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,783 - I am so glad you're alive. - [Ann sighs] 329 00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:56,159 Now I can kill you myself. 330 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,371 I will explain everything to you a-a-and answer all of your questions. 331 00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:03,000 But can we do it downstairs in the Jacuzzi? 332 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,712 See, my new gay best friend, Bruce, he's invited us all to a pool party. 333 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:07,796 Jacuzzi mixer, he called it. 334 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,507 The guest book calls it egg drop soup. 335 00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:13,177 Virginia said nobody can see us. 336 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,680 We can't go cavorting in a Jacuzzi. I am a target, Maxine. 337 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,098 These men are very discreet. 338 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:20,058 Why would we go to a gay party with you? 339 00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:25,063 Because in the wake of tragedy, the only thing we have is community. 340 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,942 And there are no minibars and they have tons of booze. 341 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,653 - [clicks tongue] Now you're talking. - [whispers] Yay. Come. 342 00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:34,156 You know, you should have led with that. 343 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,033 [Ann] I don't know how I'm gonna write about this, but… 344 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:40,829 Ooh, white hanky, that means they just like to watch and stroke it together. 345 00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,247 [pop music plays on speakers] 346 00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:43,916 - Oh. - Do you ever stroke it? 347 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,544 Uh, I have. [chuckles] 348 00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,296 - Not my favorite thing to do. - Oh. 349 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,341 It's more attitude that makes a bear a bear. 350 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,926 And their general interest in nipples. 351 00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:58,347 I panic every time, and I just can't do it, and I feel like… 352 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,098 - [Dinah] What? - I'm broken. 353 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,476 You just have to relax 354 00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:07,731 and learn how to relax into your breathing. 355 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,150 Do you have access to a bidet? 356 00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:12,819 - Wait… - Do you and your husband… 357 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:14,238 Perry says it reminds him 358 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,989 - of boarding school. - [chuckles] 359 00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:18,325 Oh, hey now, we're not all sex-crazed perverts. 360 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,618 That would be the pigs. 361 00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:21,620 I see. 362 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:27,084 And what kind of a man would a whale be? 363 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,293 I'm a blower. 364 00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,878 [gasps] I love that. 365 00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:33,298 - Light blue. Light blue, left pocket. - This is stunning. 366 00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:35,884 Do you know that I was the inspiration for the roommate in The Bell Jar? 367 00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:37,386 [gasps] 368 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,721 - Gosh, I just love all your pals. - I mean, come on. 369 00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:42,099 Thanks for including us and making us feel welcome. 370 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,684 Well, it's not totally selfless. 371 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,728 Cops won't raid a party with women. 372 00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,606 - Mmm. - [Virginia] What are you doing? 373 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:52,276 Out here looking folks in the eyes, telling people about your own funeral. 374 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,694 Bruce invited us all to a party. 375 00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,445 Oh, everyone, this is Virginia! 376 00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:56,822 She's a federal agent. 377 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,156 - [record scratch] - [music stops] 378 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,827 Ladies, do you mind joining me for a private chat? 379 00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,496 This woman is like the plague. 380 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,665 Oh, God. Get rid of her. [chuckles] 381 00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:09,877 - Feel better. - Thanks. [sighs] 382 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:15,465 [Virginia] Ladies, nothing can go wrong tomorrow. 383 00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:19,553 Evelyn, you're in charge of the funeral while Dinah will sit in the pew and wait. 384 00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,638 For what? For Norma to kill me? 385 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:26,643 Will I at least get a security detail or a b-bulletproof vest? 386 00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:30,355 Discretion is key. Y'all can't tell nobody about this thing, not even your husbands. 387 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:33,483 Great. And then you and I will be in the balcony together 388 00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:36,862 where we'll, you know, surveil the premises. 389 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,364 I think it's best for you to attend the services, Ann. 390 00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,783 Providing credibility as press. 391 00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:44,036 But this was our case. We were working it together. 392 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,829 Yeah, well, it's the FBI's case now. 393 00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,457 I got complete buy-in for once. 394 00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,419 Your staff is to proceed as instructed. 395 00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:57,674 May I point out that, like Dinah, there is zero upside in my participation here? 396 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,719 Okay. And-And what about me? [chuckles] What's my role? 397 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,430 - Your sister is playing your role. - I have to go to my own funeral. 398 00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,516 I need to see Norma's capture. I must be there. 399 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,184 - I'll see you all tomorrow. - [Maxine sighs] 400 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,727 Except Maxine. 401 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,485 [Maxine] Oh. Well, look who it is. 402 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,323 Boys. Boys, I-I have a question for you. 403 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:24,284 If your best friend was almost killed by an old lady, 404 00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:29,122 and that same old lady accidentally killed her twin sister instead, 405 00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,749 whose side would you be on, huh? 406 00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,709 Your best friend's or the mean old lady's? 407 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,089 - Yours! - Thank you, Bruce. 408 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:39,758 - See? - [Robert] I saw Douglas. 409 00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:41,301 He's not taking your death well. 410 00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:43,303 Even I feel bad for him, 411 00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:46,139 but don't let it spoil your fun with your new friends. 412 00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:01,697 [melancholy music playing] 413 00:22:12,249 --> 00:22:15,252 [Maxine laughing] 414 00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:18,172 - Me? [laughs] - [people laughing] 415 00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:19,298 [Bruce] Seriously. 416 00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,133 You ever had something called… [speaks indistinctly] 417 00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:22,384 - [Maxine] Yes! - [Bruce laughs] 418 00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:24,178 That's the funniest thing I've ever heard… 419 00:22:24,261 --> 00:22:25,888 - Well, I was just-- - …from a male friend. 420 00:22:25,971 --> 00:22:27,598 [Maxine chuckling] 421 00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:29,892 It doesn't! [chuckles] 422 00:22:29,975 --> 00:22:31,560 [Bruce] Oh, my God. 423 00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:34,646 All right. I mean, look, a picture, a portrait, but… 424 00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,442 [Evelyn] What in the world? 425 00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,527 Excuse me, you're not allowed in here. 426 00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:42,821 You can't take those. What do… [stammers] 427 00:22:42,905 --> 00:22:44,198 Put those down! 428 00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:46,366 [stammers] Hello? 429 00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:49,828 Virginia, get your officers out of my office. 430 00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,121 [Virginia] It's out of my jurisdiction. 431 00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:53,582 What's that saying about death and taxes? 432 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:55,584 Not even the FBI can stop a federal audit. 433 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:56,919 Taxes? You mean, I-- 434 00:22:57,002 --> 00:22:59,129 [Virginia] I told you and Maxine to let me handle Pinky. 435 00:22:59,213 --> 00:23:00,756 But no, you had to call the IRS. 436 00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:02,466 They showed up last night. 437 00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,384 Where were you? You never came to bed. 438 00:23:04,468 --> 00:23:05,802 Well… [scoffs] 439 00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,095 [mouthing] No, no. 440 00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:10,766 Late night funeral prep. This is the biggest event of the season. 441 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,476 Insomnia. 442 00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:14,853 I thought this might help, ma'am. 443 00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:16,021 With your grief… 444 00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:18,023 - [sighs] - …and the IRS. 445 00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:19,107 Jed, thank you. 446 00:23:19,191 --> 00:23:21,360 You don't ask how to help, you just do it. 447 00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,445 - I like that. - Oh. 448 00:23:25,906 --> 00:23:27,533 Why don't you go clean the pool, Jed? 449 00:23:27,616 --> 00:23:29,660 [Virginia] Actually, I'm gonna need Jed on door duty. 450 00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:33,413 This is still an active murder scene, so we're gonna need extra security. 451 00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:37,000 Ma'am, we have a major problem. 452 00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:41,255 It's hard enough grieving my sister I've only known for as long as I've known you. 453 00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:44,466 - Hmm. - But the event of the off-season, 454 00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,009 in my honor, and I can't even go. 455 00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:49,805 You have to report back to me in full detail. Preferably written. 456 00:23:50,848 --> 00:23:52,182 I'm not going. 457 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,853 What? We both can't not go. 458 00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:57,563 Rock sent a note. 459 00:23:57,646 --> 00:24:00,732 "Too much publicity. Rendezvous rescheduled." 460 00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:05,362 He said he'd call after, but… [scoffs] …not getting my hopes up. 461 00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:08,657 If you want to make a man hear you, you've got to make a man see you. 462 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:09,741 Some advice. 463 00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:12,119 Don't take her advice, especially if it's about men. 464 00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,371 And where are you off to with that fancy suitcase? 465 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:18,208 I'm going to your fake funeral to give a fake eulogy as a fake American hero. 466 00:24:18,292 --> 00:24:20,711 I hear you. Fake. But what's with the bag? 467 00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:23,505 Well, I'm taking this to Norma just in case she gets arrested. 468 00:24:23,589 --> 00:24:24,840 You know what it's like, Maxine. 469 00:24:24,923 --> 00:24:26,592 To be stripped from your dignity, 470 00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:28,886 tossed in a cell and stuffed into a paper gown. 471 00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,140 Well, at least I didn't kill my sister! 472 00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:36,560 That middle finger again. 473 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,812 Ugh, let's blow this joint. 474 00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:39,938 [Bruce] Yeah. 475 00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:41,565 [mysterious music playing] 476 00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:47,196 Wow. You are very good at this, Bruce. 477 00:24:47,279 --> 00:24:50,115 [laughs] You should have seen me outside the Ice Station Zebra premiere. 478 00:24:50,199 --> 00:24:51,742 - Oh. - By the way, look at that one. 479 00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:53,827 - She's devastated. - Oh. 480 00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:56,580 Yeah, her plastic surgeon, he's a heavy drinker. 481 00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:59,374 I always say if she sneezes, she might look like a basset hound. 482 00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:00,501 [Bruce snorts] 483 00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:02,294 Terrible. [laughs] 484 00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:06,256 [laughs] Oh, look who just zipped up on his Vespa. 485 00:25:06,882 --> 00:25:07,883 Ugh. 486 00:25:08,509 --> 00:25:11,512 - Oh, my God. It's him. - [Maxine] Who? 487 00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:14,431 - My Rock. - [gasps] 488 00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:18,060 Ugh. And he's with Reagan. 489 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:20,562 The governor of California? 490 00:25:20,646 --> 00:25:22,773 [Bruce] No, his wife. 491 00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:24,816 She's Rock's best Judy. 492 00:25:25,484 --> 00:25:27,110 I think her name's Nancy. 493 00:25:28,362 --> 00:25:29,488 You have a lot to learn. 494 00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,281 Nancy learned a lot from me too. 495 00:25:31,365 --> 00:25:34,201 She can fit a golf ball through a garden hose now thanks to me. 496 00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:35,869 [Bruce sighs] 497 00:25:35,953 --> 00:25:37,955 [Maxine gasps] Oh, gosh. 498 00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:40,207 Mirabelle's in there 499 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,585 and I'm sitting here talking about movie stars and golf balls. 500 00:25:43,669 --> 00:25:46,338 I need to give her a proper goodbye. I'm going in. 501 00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,674 Maxine, you'll never get in through the front door. 502 00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:52,386 If there's one thing I know how to do, it's sneak into the Palm Royale. 503 00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:53,595 [Bruce sighs] 504 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,348 And you are still invited to my funeral. 505 00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:58,016 They'll never let me in dressed like this. 506 00:25:58,100 --> 00:25:59,518 [pants] Wish me luck. 507 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:00,853 Good luck, Maxine. 508 00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:02,688 Promise me you'll make him see you. 509 00:26:03,397 --> 00:26:04,773 [golf cart departs] 510 00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:14,783 [dramatic music playing] 511 00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:17,035 [people chattering] 512 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,120 [door closes] 513 00:26:26,962 --> 00:26:27,963 [exhales sharply] 514 00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,132 Oh. 515 00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:35,137 Oh, Mirabelle. [sighing] 516 00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:38,098 I just had to see you one more time. 517 00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,270 I'm gonna assume your head's over here. 518 00:26:43,353 --> 00:26:46,315 [breathing shakily] 519 00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:55,073 You know, I've always wanted a family of my very own. [sighs] 520 00:26:57,868 --> 00:26:59,828 And I just want you to know I… 521 00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:02,831 I cherished every second we had together. 522 00:27:02,915 --> 00:27:04,958 [sobbing] 523 00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:07,961 I'm gonna miss you, my little buttercup. [laughs] 524 00:27:12,966 --> 00:27:13,967 [sniffles] 525 00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,430 [breathes shakily] 526 00:27:19,181 --> 00:27:21,183 Where in hell's bells is Mirabelle? 527 00:27:21,266 --> 00:27:22,726 [door opens, closes] 528 00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,311 [Virginia] I understand your concerns. 529 00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:25,854 And can I, um… 530 00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:27,940 [Maxine gasps] Jeesy chreesy. 531 00:27:28,023 --> 00:27:29,650 [comedic music playing] 532 00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:32,069 I can't believe we're going through with this shit. 533 00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:34,321 Everyone out there believes Maxine is in that casket 534 00:27:34,404 --> 00:27:37,115 when she's actually in a hot tub with her new gay best friend. 535 00:27:38,242 --> 00:27:40,744 If it makes you feel any better, there's nobody in the coffin. 536 00:27:42,788 --> 00:27:43,997 [Mitzi] I can't go. 537 00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:46,875 The whole town thinks I'm the one who killed Maxine. 538 00:27:46,959 --> 00:27:49,795 [Douglas] No, we all know that Norma is the one who killed her. 539 00:27:50,462 --> 00:27:52,047 They think I killed her spirit. 540 00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,591 That's why she's haunting me. 541 00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:57,636 That's just your guilty conscience playing tricks on you. It'll pass. 542 00:27:57,719 --> 00:28:00,514 She was at our back door. I'm telling you. 543 00:28:02,099 --> 00:28:05,269 [sobbing] I can't go to the funeral and see her body. 544 00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:09,022 I may never see my wife again, but here's yours. 545 00:28:09,982 --> 00:28:11,024 [Douglas] What is this? 546 00:28:11,108 --> 00:28:13,402 - Maxine. - [gasps, breathes heavily] 547 00:28:13,485 --> 00:28:16,488 As per the grieving wishes of you, my Stag brother. 548 00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:20,617 Scatter away. 549 00:28:20,701 --> 00:28:22,786 Apparently, Perry Donahue went down to the morgue 550 00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:25,205 and threw a temper tantrum until they agreed to cremate the body. 551 00:28:25,289 --> 00:28:28,667 This town is so fucked up. 552 00:28:30,085 --> 00:28:32,171 And you know who the most fucked up of them all is? 553 00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:36,967 Maxine. I can't believe I have to eulogize someone that I actually want to kill. 554 00:28:37,843 --> 00:28:41,054 [Virginia] Just get through today. Norma is in Palm Beach. 555 00:28:41,138 --> 00:28:43,307 You know she won't be able to stay away. 556 00:28:47,561 --> 00:28:52,858 I appreciate your persistence, Mirabelle, whoever you are. 557 00:28:53,609 --> 00:28:57,946 But until I find my bootlegger, I won't be delivering any messages today. 558 00:28:58,030 --> 00:29:01,200 Oh, you'll be delivering a message, Mary. 559 00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,579 I know. As soon as the processional starts, I make my move and then you… 560 00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:07,247 Don't worry about me. 561 00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:11,168 You do your part and I'll take care of the rest. 562 00:29:12,085 --> 00:29:14,463 And once that's done, I'll be free? 563 00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:17,716 We'll all be free. 564 00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:20,260 Come on, Norma. 565 00:29:20,844 --> 00:29:22,095 Show yourself. 566 00:29:22,179 --> 00:29:24,515 [classical music playing] 567 00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:29,394 [Maxine] Rock Hudson. 568 00:29:29,478 --> 00:29:31,230 He's even cuter up close. 569 00:29:31,313 --> 00:29:33,106 Now, as soon as the ceremony is under way, 570 00:29:33,190 --> 00:29:34,858 I want you to head out back and start scrubbing. 571 00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:36,902 Nobody's going to want to swim in a pool with pieces 572 00:29:36,985 --> 00:29:39,655 of Maxine's decomposing body floating about. 573 00:29:39,738 --> 00:29:40,739 Right away, ma'am. 574 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,491 Hey. Hey. 575 00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:44,493 Do you want to talk? 576 00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:46,662 No, I do not want to talk. 577 00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:49,081 I want Jed to clean the rotting flesh out of the pool. 578 00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:51,375 Oh, gosh. 579 00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,085 Happy Rockefeller. 580 00:29:55,045 --> 00:29:57,172 And as I live and breathe, Babe Paley. 581 00:29:58,507 --> 00:29:59,508 Oh. 582 00:30:03,345 --> 00:30:05,597 Excuse me. Excuse me. 583 00:30:06,098 --> 00:30:08,267 [panting] 584 00:30:09,393 --> 00:30:11,687 Dinah, I thought you were a goner. 585 00:30:11,770 --> 00:30:14,356 - Oh. Perry, not now. Not now. - [breathing shakily] Oh. 586 00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:17,276 Norma could be anywhere. I don't want to draw attention to myself. 587 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,945 You have no idea what I've been through. And now Maxine is gone. 588 00:30:20,028 --> 00:30:21,238 Get your shit together, Perry. 589 00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:24,533 [Maxine] Gee, Perry. I didn't think we knew each other that well. Hmm. 590 00:30:24,616 --> 00:30:27,411 Are you wearing a bulletproof vest? 591 00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:29,663 Two. [sniffles] I took yours when I thought you weren't coming. 592 00:30:29,746 --> 00:30:30,956 Just give it to me right now. 593 00:30:31,039 --> 00:30:33,000 - Give it to me. - I can't give it to you right now. Wait. 594 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:35,544 You don't have the balls to protect me. 595 00:30:35,627 --> 00:30:38,839 I am just gonna have to protect myself. 596 00:30:38,922 --> 00:30:39,965 Wait. Where are you going? 597 00:30:40,048 --> 00:30:44,136 The only place a woman can truly feel safe in this world. 598 00:30:44,887 --> 00:30:46,138 The ladies' room. 599 00:30:46,972 --> 00:30:48,682 Thank you very much. 600 00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:50,559 Excuse me. 601 00:30:55,022 --> 00:30:57,774 See, they're all looking at me. 602 00:30:58,734 --> 00:30:59,985 And so is Maxine. 603 00:31:01,278 --> 00:31:02,404 She's following me. 604 00:31:03,322 --> 00:31:04,364 And she's right too. 605 00:31:04,448 --> 00:31:06,450 I've been terrible to her. 606 00:31:06,533 --> 00:31:09,536 I promise you, Maxine is on the counter where we left her. 607 00:31:12,456 --> 00:31:14,625 No, she's not. She's right there! 608 00:31:14,708 --> 00:31:17,002 Well, if she's in there, then whose ashes do we have? 609 00:31:17,085 --> 00:31:18,712 Someone's in the kitchen at Dinah's. 610 00:31:18,795 --> 00:31:20,214 [Virginia] I am so sorry. 611 00:31:20,297 --> 00:31:22,257 There must have been a mix-up with the cremains, 612 00:31:22,341 --> 00:31:25,844 but I can assure you there's no one in that coffin. 613 00:31:25,928 --> 00:31:27,221 See, Mitz? It's all fine. 614 00:31:27,304 --> 00:31:28,931 - Come on. - [Mitzi sighs] 615 00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:32,142 [Evelyn] Welcome, friends. 616 00:31:33,894 --> 00:31:36,313 I can hardly believe this is happening. 617 00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:40,067 It all feels so terribly unreal. 618 00:31:41,193 --> 00:31:45,614 I can't help but feel somehow that Maxine is just gonna turn up one day. 619 00:31:46,615 --> 00:31:48,325 And yet here we are, 620 00:31:48,408 --> 00:31:53,247 saying our final farewell to Maxine. 621 00:31:53,872 --> 00:31:55,457 Who knows what her last name is now? 622 00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:59,127 Maxine came to us as an outsider… 623 00:31:59,211 --> 00:32:00,504 [Douglas breathing heavily] 624 00:32:00,587 --> 00:32:07,386 …but she worked and wormed her way into our hearts and burrowed in like a… 625 00:32:07,469 --> 00:32:09,012 [sucks on teeth] …like a barnacle… 626 00:32:09,096 --> 00:32:11,932 - [gasps] A barnacle? - …that clung on to a piece of driftwood 627 00:32:12,015 --> 00:32:13,851 and could not be scraped off. 628 00:32:13,934 --> 00:32:15,477 [suspenseful music playing] 629 00:32:15,561 --> 00:32:18,564 [Evelyn] Oh, no, no, no. Mary. Mary, stop right there. 630 00:32:19,147 --> 00:32:20,148 [Evelyn sighs] 631 00:32:20,983 --> 00:32:22,067 Mary. 632 00:32:22,818 --> 00:32:24,069 Mary, what are you do… 633 00:32:24,903 --> 00:32:26,071 [Evelyn sighs] 634 00:32:26,697 --> 00:32:30,868 I have a message for Maxine from the other side. 635 00:32:31,535 --> 00:32:36,039 So, if you all would just give us a moment of privacy… 636 00:32:36,957 --> 00:32:39,334 No, no, no. Don't do it, Mary. Mary! 637 00:32:43,046 --> 00:32:45,632 [screaming] 638 00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:47,634 No, no, no, no. I just need a minute. I need a minute. 639 00:32:47,718 --> 00:32:50,512 [crying] 640 00:32:50,596 --> 00:32:52,598 [funeral attendees murmuring] 641 00:32:57,477 --> 00:32:59,980 What the fuck? 642 00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:06,737 Someone named Mirabelle came to me. 643 00:33:07,863 --> 00:33:09,031 And she says… 644 00:33:10,616 --> 00:33:12,409 don't worry about her. 645 00:33:12,492 --> 00:33:14,828 She's having a lot of fun. 646 00:33:15,787 --> 00:33:16,872 And she loves you. 647 00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:20,250 And I'm not sure what this part means, but she said, 648 00:33:20,334 --> 00:33:24,755 "There's lots of man rods in Heaven." 649 00:33:24,838 --> 00:33:26,089 - [Evelyn] All right, Mary. - Oh. 650 00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:28,217 That's quite enough from the spirit world for today. 651 00:33:28,926 --> 00:33:30,844 Now we'll continue with the service. 652 00:33:30,928 --> 00:33:34,640 Actually, I do have another message to deliver. 653 00:33:34,723 --> 00:33:36,308 [Evelyn] No. Off stage right, Mary. 654 00:33:38,060 --> 00:33:39,978 [sobbing] I know what you're all thinking. 655 00:33:40,771 --> 00:33:42,731 That I shouldn't even be here… [sobs] 656 00:33:43,398 --> 00:33:45,901 …much less speak, but I'm gonna. 657 00:33:48,362 --> 00:33:49,947 - [Douglas sniffles] - [Perry clears throat] 658 00:33:53,033 --> 00:33:54,034 [sniffles] 659 00:33:56,036 --> 00:33:59,540 [sniffles] Maxine and I were married for 20 years. 660 00:34:01,792 --> 00:34:02,793 And I loved her. 661 00:34:03,752 --> 00:34:07,256 [sobs] And Maxine, I just want you to know that I am so sorry 662 00:34:07,339 --> 00:34:09,132 for everything that I have done. 663 00:34:09,882 --> 00:34:13,344 I don't know if you chose me or I chose you. 664 00:34:14,471 --> 00:34:17,474 Or if love is just something that happens 665 00:34:17,558 --> 00:34:21,978 when two people choose each other at the same moment. 666 00:34:22,062 --> 00:34:24,063 [sniffles] Like a bargain. 667 00:34:24,857 --> 00:34:28,193 And that beautiful, fragile bargain, 668 00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:30,654 - that may only happen once for a person… - Jesus. [cries] 669 00:34:30,737 --> 00:34:32,739 …could last a lifetime. 670 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,241 [sniffles] 671 00:34:35,033 --> 00:34:39,580 If both people keep believing in the singularity of that magic. 672 00:34:39,663 --> 00:34:41,331 [crying] 673 00:34:41,415 --> 00:34:42,833 - I'm so sorry. - Doug! 674 00:34:42,916 --> 00:34:44,835 I'm so sorry I let you down. 675 00:34:44,918 --> 00:34:47,629 - [Perry] Okay. Okay. - [crying] 676 00:34:47,713 --> 00:34:49,840 Oh, how deeply maudlin. 677 00:34:50,507 --> 00:34:53,844 [Douglas crying] 678 00:34:57,389 --> 00:34:59,892 [Evelyn] If anyone else has the urge to express themselves, 679 00:34:59,975 --> 00:35:01,894 please have the good sense to repress it. 680 00:35:02,728 --> 00:35:05,647 We will now resume the scheduled eulogy 681 00:35:05,731 --> 00:35:09,318 delivered by Maxine's dearest friend, 682 00:35:09,401 --> 00:35:13,989 patriot, warrior, American hero, Mr. Robert Diaz. 683 00:35:15,574 --> 00:35:17,701 [crying] 684 00:35:31,089 --> 00:35:34,384 I don't know about y'all, but I can't bear to look at her. 685 00:35:34,468 --> 00:35:37,387 [crying] 686 00:35:40,682 --> 00:35:43,644 If Maxine were here with us today, 687 00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:47,564 she would want us to move on with our lives. 688 00:35:48,315 --> 00:35:49,441 Yes. 689 00:35:49,525 --> 00:35:52,653 She wouldn't want us to get stuck in 690 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,864 sentimental stories or touching anecdotes. 691 00:35:55,948 --> 00:35:57,616 No, I love touching anecdotes. 692 00:35:58,158 --> 00:36:03,205 Maxine, contrary to popular opinion, she was a very private person. 693 00:36:03,288 --> 00:36:04,414 I was? 694 00:36:04,498 --> 00:36:08,168 So, I'm gonna ask you all to make a solemn pact 695 00:36:08,752 --> 00:36:11,713 where we don't talk about Maxine ever again. 696 00:36:12,548 --> 00:36:13,799 Life is too fucking short. 697 00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:16,134 [funeral attendees murmuring] 698 00:36:17,553 --> 00:36:19,471 Thank you. [inhales deeply] 699 00:36:19,555 --> 00:36:25,060 And, uh, now before the Palm Royale waitstaff brings Maxine to her… 700 00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:29,940 eternal resting place on the-the ninth hole, 701 00:36:30,023 --> 00:36:36,071 won't you join me in singing Maxine's favorite song, 702 00:36:36,154 --> 00:36:37,698 honoring her hometown, 703 00:36:38,365 --> 00:36:39,366 Chattanooga? 704 00:36:39,449 --> 00:36:42,035 - [cries] - Okay. All right. 705 00:36:42,119 --> 00:36:45,581 The lyrics are on the backside of your prayer cards. 706 00:36:45,664 --> 00:36:47,332 ["Chattanooga Choo Choo" plays] 707 00:36:47,416 --> 00:36:49,751 [singer] ♪ Hello railroad ♪ 708 00:36:50,377 --> 00:36:52,796 ♪ Is this the railroad? ♪ 709 00:36:53,755 --> 00:36:56,758 ♪ I want a one way ticket Down to Tennessee ♪ 710 00:36:56,842 --> 00:37:00,470 ♪ I'm leaving immediately Chattanooga, here I come ♪ 711 00:37:00,554 --> 00:37:04,516 ♪ Pardon me, boys Is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo? ♪ 712 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,602 - [toilet flushes] - [Dinah sighs] 713 00:37:08,937 --> 00:37:10,606 ♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪ 714 00:37:10,689 --> 00:37:12,065 [music continues softly] 715 00:37:12,149 --> 00:37:13,901 [Dinah] Marjorie Merriweather Post. 716 00:37:15,444 --> 00:37:18,197 - [chuckles] - How's the mayoral campaign, Dinah? 717 00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:23,827 I must admit it is a terrifying time to be in politics. 718 00:37:23,911 --> 00:37:25,787 Ever since my speech at your square dance, 719 00:37:25,871 --> 00:37:28,207 someone's been threatening to unleash the dogs on us. 720 00:37:28,290 --> 00:37:29,666 [barks] 721 00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,419 [growling] 722 00:37:32,503 --> 00:37:33,545 [barks] 723 00:37:33,629 --> 00:37:35,047 [door opens, creaks] 724 00:37:41,053 --> 00:37:42,054 You… 725 00:37:43,722 --> 00:37:47,643 are the one that's been sending the threatening letters? 726 00:37:50,187 --> 00:37:51,188 But why? 727 00:37:51,271 --> 00:37:54,316 Because you took my Dick. 728 00:37:54,399 --> 00:37:56,360 - I'm sorry? - My Dick. 729 00:37:56,443 --> 00:37:58,403 Richard Milhous Nixon. 730 00:37:58,487 --> 00:37:59,655 My little Ricky. 731 00:38:00,155 --> 00:38:01,365 My little Dickie. 732 00:38:01,949 --> 00:38:03,951 My little droopy dog cutie pie. 733 00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:07,162 Oh… [stammers] …I am so sorry. 734 00:38:07,246 --> 00:38:09,748 I didn't realize that you and the president were so close. 735 00:38:09,831 --> 00:38:11,166 Of course you didn't. 736 00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,627 [singer] ♪ Then to have your ham And eggs in Carolina ♪ 737 00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:17,005 ♪ When you hear the whistle blowing Eight to the bar ♪ 738 00:38:17,089 --> 00:38:20,259 ♪ Then you know That Tennessee is not very far ♪ 739 00:38:20,342 --> 00:38:21,885 ♪ Shovel all the coal in ♪ 740 00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:26,306 The only way for a woman to have power in this world is to obtain three things. 741 00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:29,101 A buttload of money, a buttload of guns 742 00:38:29,184 --> 00:38:32,980 and the ear of the most powerful man in the country. 743 00:38:34,231 --> 00:38:37,943 I've been seeing after Dick's needs for decades. 744 00:38:38,026 --> 00:38:40,070 I'm the one that always made sure 745 00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:43,657 that his milk was lukewarm and his saltines were cold. 746 00:38:44,449 --> 00:38:47,119 Whatever he needed, I provided. 747 00:38:51,707 --> 00:38:53,584 How very nurturing of you. 748 00:38:53,667 --> 00:38:55,836 I know. I'm a saint. 749 00:38:56,712 --> 00:38:59,131 Unfortunately, some little hippie tried to kill him. 750 00:38:59,214 --> 00:39:02,301 So now he doesn't want to come to Palm Beach anymore! 751 00:39:02,384 --> 00:39:04,261 So I thought I'd sweeten the pot. 752 00:39:04,344 --> 00:39:08,223 I offered to donate Mar-a-Lago to the cause of liberty. 753 00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:10,893 Use it as his winter White House 754 00:39:10,976 --> 00:39:15,022 and then we could continue to canoodle under the cover of real estate. 755 00:39:15,105 --> 00:39:18,483 But now I realize the real reason he didn't want to come around. 756 00:39:18,984 --> 00:39:20,736 It wasn't a gun wielding assassin. 757 00:39:20,819 --> 00:39:23,197 It was something far more dangerous. 758 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,740 - What? Me? - You. 759 00:39:24,823 --> 00:39:25,824 You. 760 00:39:25,908 --> 00:39:28,577 With your white teeth and your tight little tush. 761 00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:30,996 [singer] ♪ Hey, pardon me, boy ♪ 762 00:39:31,079 --> 00:39:33,457 ♪ Is that the Chattanooga Choo choo choo choo? ♪ 763 00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:37,419 ♪ Right on track 29, my baby, I'm fine ♪ 764 00:39:37,503 --> 00:39:39,046 ♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪ 765 00:39:39,129 --> 00:39:41,757 I can see you are upset. 766 00:39:43,634 --> 00:39:45,093 How can I make this up to you? 767 00:39:45,177 --> 00:39:46,345 I'll give you one hint. 768 00:39:46,845 --> 00:39:49,723 You can crack it, pour a little milk on it, add some herbs, 769 00:39:49,806 --> 00:39:51,308 but you'll never get an omelet. 770 00:39:52,351 --> 00:39:54,061 Axel's Fabergé egg. 771 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:57,648 I can assure you… 772 00:39:58,315 --> 00:40:01,860 I have looked high and low all over my home. 773 00:40:01,944 --> 00:40:03,487 Believe me, we've looked too. 774 00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:06,657 - You've… - Yes. In your home. With my men. 775 00:40:06,740 --> 00:40:09,451 Eating Malt-O-Meal in your kitchen whilst they tore the place apart 776 00:40:09,535 --> 00:40:11,161 and put it all back together again. 777 00:40:11,662 --> 00:40:13,455 [chuckling] I feel so violated. 778 00:40:13,539 --> 00:40:16,041 Good. And after we searched your home, 779 00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:20,587 I now know that Axel had a top secret safety deposit box in Switzerland. 780 00:40:21,672 --> 00:40:26,134 It's the only conceivable place that final imperial egg could possibly be. 781 00:40:26,218 --> 00:40:30,848 So, if I go to Switzerland and get that egg, then we'll be square? 782 00:40:30,931 --> 00:40:32,349 We'll be square. 783 00:40:35,269 --> 00:40:36,770 And if I don't get that egg? 784 00:40:36,854 --> 00:40:38,647 - I'll kill you. - What? 785 00:40:38,730 --> 00:40:39,731 Societally, I mean. 786 00:40:39,815 --> 00:40:41,817 I'll tell everyone you're Nixon's whore. 787 00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:44,152 - But won't that hurt Nixon? - No. 788 00:40:44,236 --> 00:40:46,238 People never remember what the man did. 789 00:40:46,738 --> 00:40:47,739 Only the woman. 790 00:40:47,823 --> 00:40:50,492 You'll have to carry that stench for the rest of your life. 791 00:40:51,535 --> 00:40:54,162 [imitates dog barking] 792 00:40:54,872 --> 00:40:55,998 Egg. 793 00:40:56,957 --> 00:40:59,168 - [singer] ♪ Pardon me, boys ♪ - Everyone now! 794 00:40:59,251 --> 00:41:01,795 ♪ Is that the Chattanooga choo choo? ♪ 795 00:41:01,879 --> 00:41:04,840 ♪ Right on track 29 ♪ 796 00:41:04,923 --> 00:41:07,384 ♪ Boy, you can give me a shine ♪ 797 00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:09,928 ♪ Give me a very good shine ♪ 798 00:41:10,888 --> 00:41:13,765 ["Chattanooga Choo Choo" continues] 799 00:41:23,108 --> 00:41:24,109 Hello, friend. 800 00:41:25,402 --> 00:41:26,862 I have a message for you. 801 00:41:27,988 --> 00:41:28,989 From Norma. 802 00:41:30,282 --> 00:41:32,659 "Go home. Now." 803 00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:35,245 [singer] ♪ I used to call funny face ♪ 804 00:41:35,746 --> 00:41:39,541 ♪ She's gonna cry Until I tell her that I'll never… ♪ 805 00:41:43,295 --> 00:41:44,296 [Ann] Hmm. 806 00:41:44,796 --> 00:41:47,341 [suspenseful music playing] 807 00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:53,597 [whispers] Norma. 808 00:42:00,896 --> 00:42:03,023 Virginia. Virginia. 809 00:42:03,106 --> 00:42:05,442 Ann, I thought I told you to stay down there with the mourners. 810 00:42:05,526 --> 00:42:06,902 She just went into the ladies' room. 811 00:42:06,985 --> 00:42:07,986 Veiled Norma. 812 00:42:08,862 --> 00:42:09,863 There! 813 00:42:15,953 --> 00:42:19,039 [Virginia] I got eyes on Norma. Suspect is on the premises. 814 00:42:19,122 --> 00:42:20,707 [on radio] Hold your positions. 815 00:42:36,390 --> 00:42:38,851 [funeral attendees gasping, clamoring] 816 00:42:38,934 --> 00:42:39,977 [gasps] 817 00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:41,770 Aha! 818 00:42:41,854 --> 00:42:42,855 Gotcha! 819 00:42:53,323 --> 00:42:54,867 [funeral attendees murmuring] 820 00:42:56,201 --> 00:42:57,286 Hey. 821 00:42:57,369 --> 00:42:58,370 Bruce? 822 00:42:58,912 --> 00:43:00,789 Don't shoot! Please hold your fire! 823 00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,124 Put your guns down. 824 00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:04,376 What are you doing? 825 00:43:04,459 --> 00:43:05,878 What you told me to do. 826 00:43:09,673 --> 00:43:10,883 I just want to talk. 827 00:43:12,384 --> 00:43:13,760 I just want to talk to him. 828 00:43:13,844 --> 00:43:15,262 Rock, please. 829 00:43:16,054 --> 00:43:17,097 Rock, don't go. 830 00:43:17,181 --> 00:43:19,933 [yells] Nancy, you are such an evil bitch! 831 00:43:20,976 --> 00:43:22,519 You listen to me, Rock Hudson. 832 00:43:22,603 --> 00:43:24,354 That woman is not your friend! 833 00:43:24,438 --> 00:43:26,440 She's a mediocre actress too! 834 00:43:26,523 --> 00:43:28,317 And a superior bitch! 835 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,236 Nancy Reagan is a fair-weather friend! 836 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,321 Stand down. 837 00:43:32,404 --> 00:43:33,822 Not our target. 838 00:43:33,906 --> 00:43:36,742 - [Bruce] Rock! Rock! - [gasps] 839 00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:39,161 I can explain. [chuckles] 840 00:43:39,244 --> 00:43:41,496 Um, you see, um… [stammers] 841 00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:43,457 …I was forced against my will by the… 842 00:43:43,540 --> 00:43:45,000 [sighs] It's going to sound crazy. 843 00:43:45,083 --> 00:43:48,462 By the federal government. They made me do this and… 844 00:43:48,545 --> 00:43:50,714 Tell them, Virginia! Tell 'em! 845 00:43:50,797 --> 00:43:53,050 Thank you so much for coming. 846 00:43:53,133 --> 00:43:56,803 Uh, we have open swim tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. 847 00:43:58,722 --> 00:44:01,350 [sad music playing] 848 00:44:02,351 --> 00:44:04,436 [sobs] You would've let me believe that you were dead? 849 00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:05,896 [stammers] I never wanted to-- 850 00:44:05,979 --> 00:44:07,731 Just let me live my life in peace. 851 00:44:11,985 --> 00:44:13,570 Douglas. [sighs] 852 00:44:22,996 --> 00:44:23,997 Norma. 853 00:44:25,165 --> 00:44:26,750 [breathes deeply] 854 00:44:49,606 --> 00:44:51,441 [mysterious music playing] 855 00:44:51,525 --> 00:44:53,318 [fire crackling] 856 00:44:53,819 --> 00:44:57,322 [Norma] Oh, you've really let the place go to hell, haven't you? 857 00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:01,743 Norma, the entire town is looking for you. 858 00:45:02,536 --> 00:45:04,121 The FBI is looking for you. 859 00:45:04,621 --> 00:45:07,124 Ditched the turban, ditched the muumuu. 860 00:45:07,791 --> 00:45:11,044 Nobody's gonna pay a little old lady any mind. 861 00:45:11,128 --> 00:45:12,504 [scoffs] 862 00:45:12,588 --> 00:45:14,965 I could get away with murder dressed like this. 863 00:45:16,675 --> 00:45:17,968 I should turn you in to the police. 864 00:45:18,051 --> 00:45:19,595 Oh, but you won't. 865 00:45:20,554 --> 00:45:22,431 We're family, you and I. 866 00:45:23,056 --> 00:45:24,308 What are you doing here? 867 00:45:25,475 --> 00:45:26,476 Darling, 868 00:45:27,603 --> 00:45:29,479 I can see it in your face. 869 00:45:30,189 --> 00:45:33,192 This town has become cruel to you. 870 00:45:33,817 --> 00:45:37,905 Which is why I've come back to spirit you away. 871 00:45:38,530 --> 00:45:43,452 Don't you realize I've always thought of you as a son? 872 00:45:46,205 --> 00:45:49,374 Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand. 873 00:45:49,458 --> 00:45:50,459 [exhales deeply] 874 00:45:52,794 --> 00:45:53,795 Yes, Mother. 875 00:45:54,338 --> 00:45:57,049 [chuckles] Come here. 876 00:46:05,849 --> 00:46:07,476 [knocks on door] 877 00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:08,560 [grunts] 878 00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:12,898 Mrs. Martinez, we have concluded our investigation. 879 00:46:13,649 --> 00:46:15,651 Our final assessment. 880 00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:17,528 Oh, my God. 881 00:46:19,363 --> 00:46:20,364 Evelyn? 882 00:46:21,907 --> 00:46:23,909 - [Evelyn sighs] - What's going on? 883 00:46:23,992 --> 00:46:26,995 Well, dead corpse floating in the pool, 884 00:46:27,079 --> 00:46:29,748 FBI sting foiled by Maxine rising from the dead, 885 00:46:29,831 --> 00:46:33,460 and now the Palm Royale owes eight million dollars in back taxes, 886 00:46:33,544 --> 00:46:35,796 so the IRS is shutting us down until we settle. 887 00:46:35,879 --> 00:46:36,964 That's what's going on. 888 00:46:37,047 --> 00:46:38,799 At least you didn't lie to me. 889 00:46:38,882 --> 00:46:41,885 I'm sorry I cooperated with the FBI. My mistake. 890 00:46:41,969 --> 00:46:43,971 I'm sorry I took charge of our lives 891 00:46:44,054 --> 00:46:45,806 while my husband sat around looking pretty! 892 00:46:47,182 --> 00:46:49,017 That is so unkind. 893 00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:50,686 The Palm Royale is finished. 894 00:46:50,769 --> 00:46:52,771 There's no coming back from this shit parade 895 00:46:52,855 --> 00:46:55,983 and it's all on me to dig us out of another goddamn hole! 896 00:46:56,066 --> 00:46:58,819 It's all on you because you want it that way. 897 00:46:58,902 --> 00:47:00,487 Because you like it that way! 898 00:47:01,029 --> 00:47:02,865 And how about you stop being so fucking nasty? 899 00:47:02,948 --> 00:47:06,577 How about you tell Jed to get out there and scrub the goddamn pool! 900 00:47:06,660 --> 00:47:08,036 [speaks Spanish] 901 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,122 And clean the goddamn pool yourself. 902 00:47:12,583 --> 00:47:14,418 [door opens, closes] 903 00:47:22,718 --> 00:47:24,511 ["Nature Boy" playing] 904 00:47:27,848 --> 00:47:29,183 [Maxine] Where are you going? 905 00:47:29,933 --> 00:47:30,934 Don't talk to me. 906 00:47:31,018 --> 00:47:32,519 [Maxine] What? What did I do? 907 00:47:32,603 --> 00:47:34,188 Rock left word at the front desk. 908 00:47:35,105 --> 00:47:36,440 He never wants to see me again. 909 00:47:37,357 --> 00:47:38,859 You did the right thing. 910 00:47:40,277 --> 00:47:41,278 I know you're right, 911 00:47:41,862 --> 00:47:43,113 but I still feel like shit. 912 00:47:43,197 --> 00:47:44,489 So thanks for that. 913 00:47:47,409 --> 00:47:48,911 See ya around, maybe. 914 00:47:49,453 --> 00:47:52,247 Oh. Okay. Well, see ya. 915 00:48:00,631 --> 00:48:02,090 Douglas. [chuckles] 916 00:48:03,175 --> 00:48:05,302 Virginia filled me in on what happened 917 00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:07,721 with Mirabelle. 918 00:48:07,804 --> 00:48:09,139 And… 919 00:48:09,223 --> 00:48:12,893 And I… I brought you her ashes. I… I thought you might want them. 920 00:48:12,976 --> 00:48:14,394 [gasps] 921 00:48:14,478 --> 00:48:19,191 I know you always wanted a family, Max. I'm just… I'm… I'm so sorry. 922 00:48:19,274 --> 00:48:20,442 [exhales sharply] 923 00:48:22,236 --> 00:48:23,237 This is… 924 00:48:24,321 --> 00:48:25,572 This is so sweet… 925 00:48:32,829 --> 00:48:33,914 [sighs] 926 00:48:41,964 --> 00:48:43,131 Jed? 927 00:48:43,924 --> 00:48:44,925 These are my 928 00:48:45,968 --> 00:48:47,094 private quarters. 929 00:48:48,512 --> 00:48:49,721 You shouldn't be here. 930 00:48:50,305 --> 00:48:53,725 I was wondering if there was anything you needed. 931 00:48:54,268 --> 00:48:56,144 Did you clean the pool? 932 00:49:01,358 --> 00:49:02,359 Maybe I did. 933 00:49:04,152 --> 00:49:05,529 Maybe I didn't. 934 00:49:11,869 --> 00:49:13,328 Oh. [sighs] 935 00:49:14,162 --> 00:49:15,163 Shit. 936 00:49:21,503 --> 00:49:23,797 - [gasps] - Permission to come aboard? 937 00:49:23,881 --> 00:49:25,174 Permission granted. 938 00:49:28,427 --> 00:49:30,846 [Evelyn moaning, panting] 939 00:49:38,228 --> 00:49:40,898 Thanks for bringing me Mirabelle. 940 00:49:42,149 --> 00:49:44,860 It's very graceful of you 941 00:49:45,402 --> 00:49:47,654 considering the circumstances. 942 00:50:06,048 --> 00:50:07,090 Maxine? 943 00:50:08,884 --> 00:50:09,885 Trust me. 944 00:50:11,970 --> 00:50:13,222 She'll be happy in here. 945 00:50:14,181 --> 00:50:15,182 [chuckles] 946 00:50:19,186 --> 00:50:20,187 [Douglas sighs] 947 00:50:21,146 --> 00:50:22,898 Maxine, I need to ask you something. 948 00:50:22,981 --> 00:50:26,151 I'm going to Switzerland… [stammers] …and I want you to come with me. 949 00:50:27,402 --> 00:50:29,905 Actually… [stammers] …I need you to come with me. 950 00:50:29,988 --> 00:50:31,698 To-To be there in person, 951 00:50:32,991 --> 00:50:36,119 so that you can sign away your claim on the baby trust. [stammers] 952 00:50:36,203 --> 00:50:39,456 It's just… [stammers] It's just kind of a red tape thing. 953 00:50:40,290 --> 00:50:42,709 You know, because of us having been married. [sighs] 954 00:50:43,752 --> 00:50:46,213 I'm sorry it's so last minute. 955 00:50:46,296 --> 00:50:51,426 It didn't matter when you were dead, but now that you're alive… 956 00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:01,937 I heard what you said at the funeral. 957 00:51:02,688 --> 00:51:03,772 Um… 958 00:51:05,190 --> 00:51:06,233 That you love me. 959 00:51:07,401 --> 00:51:10,070 And I want you to know that I accept your apology. 960 00:51:11,488 --> 00:51:12,865 And I love you too. 961 00:51:14,700 --> 00:51:16,410 [groans] This has all just gone… 962 00:51:17,119 --> 00:51:18,787 It's gone too far. I just… 963 00:51:19,454 --> 00:51:21,790 I've had so many feelings today and I just… I… 964 00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:25,002 I need to go home and stop feeling. 965 00:51:26,712 --> 00:51:28,463 [Maxine] Well, did you mean what you said? 966 00:51:31,383 --> 00:51:32,843 [Douglas sighs] 967 00:51:32,926 --> 00:51:35,721 [romantic music playing] 968 00:51:50,068 --> 00:51:51,195 I'll take that as a yes. 969 00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:53,071 I'll go to Switzerland. 970 00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:56,116 Wait, Switzerland? 971 00:51:58,452 --> 00:52:01,413 That's the scene of Norma's first crime. 972 00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:03,582 Max… 973 00:52:05,709 --> 00:52:07,711 [fire crackling] 974 00:52:09,338 --> 00:52:10,797 You ready for round two? 975 00:52:11,548 --> 00:52:13,258 I'm ready for you to clean the pool. 976 00:52:14,551 --> 00:52:15,636 That'll be all, Jed. 977 00:52:17,638 --> 00:52:18,680 Well, goddamn. 978 00:52:31,527 --> 00:52:34,488 - Get back inside your coffin, Maxine. - She's mad at you. 979 00:52:34,571 --> 00:52:37,282 - Yeah, I can tell. - You know they almost fired me today? 980 00:52:37,366 --> 00:52:39,201 And if I was a white man, they probably would have. 981 00:52:39,284 --> 00:52:41,370 The only reason why they're keeping me around is to trot me out 982 00:52:41,453 --> 00:52:43,247 whenever the FBI is accused of being racist. 983 00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:44,831 [stammers] I'm so sorry. 984 00:52:44,915 --> 00:52:46,542 She's in a very dark place. 985 00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:47,626 [footsteps approaching] 986 00:52:47,709 --> 00:52:49,753 - [Mary] Maxine. - Oh. 987 00:52:50,671 --> 00:52:51,880 Hello, Mary. 988 00:52:53,006 --> 00:52:54,091 [Mary] Virginia, 989 00:52:54,967 --> 00:52:57,928 now that you are in law enforcement, 990 00:52:58,011 --> 00:53:00,597 I would like to report a missing person. 991 00:53:00,681 --> 00:53:02,224 Oh, yeah? Who? 992 00:53:02,307 --> 00:53:03,308 Me! 993 00:53:04,476 --> 00:53:07,646 For three days… 994 00:53:09,231 --> 00:53:12,109 I was being held hostage 995 00:53:12,192 --> 00:53:14,486 - in my very own home… - What? 996 00:53:14,570 --> 00:53:18,198 …by the same murderess 997 00:53:18,282 --> 00:53:22,244 that you have been trying to capture, 998 00:53:22,995 --> 00:53:24,538 and no one cared. 999 00:53:24,621 --> 00:53:28,333 No, no one sent up flares for Mary. 1000 00:53:29,126 --> 00:53:30,377 And meanwhile, 1001 00:53:31,086 --> 00:53:33,797 my bootlegger is gone. 1002 00:53:35,966 --> 00:53:42,890 My one chance at finding true and lasting passion… 1003 00:53:42,973 --> 00:53:45,684 - [inhales sharply] - …evaporated into thin air 1004 00:53:45,767 --> 00:53:49,730 as soon as Norma arrived and took me hostage. 1005 00:53:50,647 --> 00:53:52,649 [gasps] When will I find love? 1006 00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:55,652 When? 1007 00:53:56,528 --> 00:54:00,157 I… I don't know. But can we go back to Norma? 1008 00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:02,618 [stammers] I'm sorry, she's… she's at your house? 1009 00:54:03,952 --> 00:54:04,953 Was. 1010 00:54:05,037 --> 00:54:06,038 She left. 1011 00:54:06,788 --> 00:54:12,711 She had me deliver a message to Robert saying to go home and I did that. 1012 00:54:13,420 --> 00:54:15,839 And now I'm free, no thanks to you, 1013 00:54:15,923 --> 00:54:19,593 to go and search for my bootlegger. 1014 00:54:21,970 --> 00:54:23,013 [Mary breathes shakily] 1015 00:54:24,556 --> 00:54:26,183 [inhales sharply] And no. 1016 00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:32,105 I do not need any help from "law enforcement." 1017 00:54:33,857 --> 00:54:35,526 The spirit is strong 1018 00:54:36,735 --> 00:54:39,196 and she will guide me. 1019 00:54:44,451 --> 00:54:46,119 [Virginia] We gotta get to the Dellacorte. 1020 00:54:48,789 --> 00:54:50,123 Norma's a genius. 1021 00:54:50,958 --> 00:54:52,000 [sighs] 1022 00:54:53,126 --> 00:54:54,169 They're gone. 1023 00:54:55,003 --> 00:54:56,839 They're both gone. 1024 00:54:56,922 --> 00:54:58,006 [Ann] Both? 1025 00:54:58,090 --> 00:54:59,967 Norma and Robert. Don't you see? 1026 00:55:00,050 --> 00:55:02,761 While this whole town was here trying to trap her, 1027 00:55:03,428 --> 00:55:05,973 she slipped in… [stammers] …and she took him… 1028 00:55:06,056 --> 00:55:07,391 - Where her trail ran cold. - Yes. 1029 00:55:07,474 --> 00:55:09,434 Where she vacations with Mary in the Alps. 1030 00:55:09,518 --> 00:55:11,645 Where she had Robert send her paintings. 1031 00:55:12,563 --> 00:55:13,605 [all] Switzerland! 1032 00:55:13,689 --> 00:55:14,898 ["Fools Rush In" playing] 1033 00:55:14,982 --> 00:55:16,149 [Evelyn sighs] 1034 00:55:26,159 --> 00:55:27,452 [sighs] 1035 00:55:56,273 --> 00:55:58,525 "To Jed, I'll love you forever. 1036 00:55:59,234 --> 00:56:00,777 Your Mitzi." 1037 00:56:02,738 --> 00:56:03,739 Well, 1038 00:56:05,282 --> 00:56:07,784 this will do quite nicely. 1039 00:56:08,452 --> 00:56:09,536 [door opens, closes] 1040 00:56:13,498 --> 00:56:15,876 [Maxine] I know today was a bit challenging, 1041 00:56:15,959 --> 00:56:18,921 but I'm going to Switzerland with Douglas and Mitzi. 1042 00:56:19,505 --> 00:56:20,714 Strictly business. 1043 00:56:21,465 --> 00:56:23,800 But since you're my conservator, 1044 00:56:24,384 --> 00:56:28,347 I need your permission to travel. Just a quick John Hancock. 1045 00:56:28,430 --> 00:56:31,016 - With Mitzi? You don't say. - Hmm. 1046 00:56:31,099 --> 00:56:32,309 I know. 1047 00:56:32,392 --> 00:56:33,977 I'll do you one better, Maxine. 1048 00:56:34,728 --> 00:56:35,729 I'll come with you. 1049 00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:41,235 Eddie and I could use a little time away and Switzerland could be just the thing. 1050 00:56:50,702 --> 00:56:52,037 [Mary] Mirabelle said… 1051 00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:53,539 [wind whistling] 1052 00:56:53,622 --> 00:56:55,999 …I would find the killer by the pool. 1053 00:56:58,377 --> 00:56:59,378 Yes. 1054 00:56:59,920 --> 00:57:02,589 The energies are strong right here. 1055 00:57:05,425 --> 00:57:07,636 Killer of Maxine, 1056 00:57:08,762 --> 00:57:10,222 reveal thyself. 1057 00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:18,188 [gasps] 1058 00:57:20,232 --> 00:57:22,818 Oh. My bootlegger. 1059 00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:24,570 At last. 1060 00:57:26,113 --> 00:57:27,281 Where have you been? 1061 00:57:29,575 --> 00:57:30,909 I've missed you. 1062 00:57:44,756 --> 00:57:47,092 ["Someone's In the Kitchen with Dinah" playing]