1
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[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
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♪
3
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[♪ gentle music playing]
4
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Why the F did we leave Clervix 3
5
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,305
to come back to this
broke-ass planet?
6
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:13,390
Look at my skin.
7
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:15,850
It's cracking from all the dryness,
the air, the climate change,
8
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,602
my addiction
to blow-drying my scalp.
9
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Korvy, baby, hard disagree.
10
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:23,400
I love Earth. I missed organizing
all my T-shirts into loose categories.
11
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[man]
Hey, aliens! A little help?
12
00:00:24,985 --> 00:00:27,195
Is that our neighbor yelling at us
like a goddamn animal?
13
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- [hair dryer whirring]
- Who?
14
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Korvo, you gotta stop with the hair dryer.
15
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You got no hair,
you're burning a hole in your head,
16
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and you're making
the house smell like broccoli.
17
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[horn honking]
18
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I got your mail
while you were on vacay.
19
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,582
Shit-ton of packages.
20
00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:41,376
You guys really lean
into that "buy now" button.
21
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Ooh, my subscription boxes.
22
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I love the thrill
of having someone else make
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my purchasing decisions.
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I know you lovebirds
just got married,
25
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so I'm thinking
super fancy honeymoon, huh?
26
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Yeah, right. I would never be caught
on a low-rent, trash-ass moon.
27
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- Me neither.
- Come on.
28
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You guys know what
a honeymoon is, right?
29
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- What? Of course, we do.
- How dare you!
30
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Piss yourself until you die, Kevin!
31
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If there's anything we know,
it's what a bloody honeymoon is.
32
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According to Wikipedia,
a honeymoon is
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an uninterrupted newlywed vacation
taken immediately after the wedding.
34
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We're late for
our mandatory sex vacay?
35
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We gotta leave right now.
36
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You're right. I'll book us a room
at the nicest resort in Canada,
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the sexiest of all countries.
38
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Quick, pack several things
we won't end up wearing
39
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and some heavy books
we won't end up reading.
40
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- On it.
- [clothes rustling]
41
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Can someone drop me off
at the mall?
42
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OshKosh B'Gosh is having
a sale on all their galoshes.
43
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We're doing special
husbands-only time,
44
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and Wikipedia says
we can't be interrupted.
45
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[Yumyulack screaming]
46
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I tried playing softball,
47
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and I underhand pitched too fast.
48
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Sorry, pal, I can't help you,
49
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because half of
the Solar Opposites
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are goin' on a honeymoon.
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[Korvo]
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
52
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until the asteroid hit.
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
54
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and escaped into the... space,
55
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searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
56
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We crashed on Earth,
57
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stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
58
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That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
59
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
60
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My name is Korvo.
This is my show.
61
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Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
62
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,585
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
63
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It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
64
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They eat cheese, which is mold,
65
00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:12,592
but when I scrape mold off my feet
in a movie theater,
66
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everyone gets all like,
"Oh, oh, oh, don't do that. It's gross."
67
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[♪ dramatic music playing]
68
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[Ms. Frankie]
Alright, let's make this quick.
69
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I'm late for my other job,
70
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where I stand in front
of self-driving cars
71
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to see if they detect humans.
72
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Are you doing a bit?
Is that really a job?
73
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Of course, it is.
Now shut up.
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Due to your planetary absence,
you two are failing Sex Ed.
75
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I'm not sure we need to learn
about the sex, Ms. Frankie.
76
00:02:38,785 --> 00:02:40,495
Yeah, we reproduce asexually,
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without any floppy human organs.
78
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We have these things
called shmelk holes.
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Each Shlorpian has a unique one.
80
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Shut up! My paycheck is based
on how many students pass.
81
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So, if you fail,
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I swear I'll make sure
you get held back a year.
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[Yumyulack and Jesse]
No!
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We can't hang with the younger kids.
85
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They're intimidating as hell.
86
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Those bitches were raised on Euphoria.
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[Yumyulack and Jesse]
Ah!
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Please, we'll do anything.
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Good.
We also made porn dioramas
90
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to make sure you dumbass teenagers
comprehended the material.
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Oh, sorry,
that's my rusty trombone.
92
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[chuckles] I meant that.
93
00:03:10,942 --> 00:03:12,819
Can't we just be emancipated
from school
94
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like tennis prodigies?
95
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I wish. How good's your game?
96
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- [Yumyulack grunting]
- [ball popping]
97
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[Yumyulack groaning]
98
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You're impressive on clay,
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but your grass game falls to shit.
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It's a no-go on the emancipation.
101
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What a proclamation!
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Part of Sex Ed is learning
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that your actions have,
oh, consequences.
104
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Fucky-fucky can lead to some shit.
105
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So, you two have to take care
of this bag of sugar
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as if it were a baby for an entire week.
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It's conflict sugar, which I'm not
proud of, but it tastes better.
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I use it to bake oven-fresh cookies
that trick men into staying the night.
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Pssht, that's it?
Easy mode.
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Could have been easy mode,
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but now that you disrespected
my sugar,
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you also have to sci-fi it
into a real baby.
113
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But I don't want a Sugar Baby.
114
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I want a sugar daddy,
or at least a sugar legal guardian.
115
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And it's rude to assume
that just because we're aliens,
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we have the technology
to bring things to life.
117
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Uh-huh. Tell it
to Principal Cooke's living car.
118
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- [car brakes squealing]
- That's it, good car, good car.
119
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- Get the carrot. Fuck!
- [car thuds]
120
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[all laughing]
121
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Okay, that was us.
122
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Oh, shit,
it's coming back for more.
123
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[Principal Cooke]
Oh! Oh, God!
124
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Fine, here comes the sci-fi.
125
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[Make Alive ray zapping]
126
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- [♪ upbeat music playing]
- [Sugar Baby cooing]
127
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- It's so cute.
- Aww, hi, baby.
128
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You have one week to keep it alive.
129
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- It can die, right?
- Oh, yeah.
130
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Good, I mean bad.
131
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Don't let that happen.
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- We have to respect life in all its forms.
- [horn honking]
133
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[Principal Cooke]
It's grinding my bones into dust.
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[♪ sensual music playing]
135
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[Korvo and Terry moaning]
136
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Oh, my God, I had no idea
how turned on I'd get
137
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by making out on a bed
shaped like an organ.
138
00:04:45,745 --> 00:04:47,372
I'm glad you talked me
out of the Bahamas.
139
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[Korvo sighs]
Nothing beats
140
00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:50,959
Alanis Morissette's
Jagged Little Resort, eh?
141
00:04:50,959 --> 00:04:52,502
Canadian Reddit won't shut up aboot it.
142
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:55,005
They have the best gin
and Isn't-It-I-Tonics in the province.
143
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[knock on door]
144
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Ding-dong.
Sorry to interrupt you two love slugs.
145
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But I have complimentary champagne,
some big rush zip,
146
00:05:02,387 --> 00:05:04,973
and a pile of Simple Simons
with your name on it.
147
00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:07,475
Ah, yes, I understood
almost half of that.
148
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,560
It's drugs.
149
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,437
Wait a minute, complimentary zip?
150
00:05:10,437 --> 00:05:12,606
- When does that ever happen?
- Well, it's your honeymoon.
151
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You get all sorts of free stuff.
152
00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:15,483
What's the catch, bellman?
153
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You ought to know,
I have one hand in my pocket,
154
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and the other one is waiting for a tip.
155
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I've never tipped, and I never shall.
156
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- Get outta here!
- Sweetie.
157
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Ugh. Fine.
158
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Now get outta here.
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Damn, I was all wet to get married,
but I had no idea
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how great
the honeymoon perks would be.
161
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Yes, everyone's falling over themselves
to be nice to us,
162
00:05:33,585 --> 00:05:35,754
just because we've taken
their monogamy oath.
163
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Upgraded to first class,
big bowl of fruit in the room.
164
00:05:38,715 --> 00:05:41,009
What about all those chocolate dicks
we received on arrival?
165
00:05:41,009 --> 00:05:42,802
You guzzled those down.
Nom, nom, nom.
166
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Guilt-free dicks.
167
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:45,263
When people find out
you're on your honeymoon,
168
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it's a free Genie Pass to the best shit.
169
00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:48,058
As a married husband,
170
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I think we should enjoy
this unexpected boon
171
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without taking it to the extreme.
172
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Mm-hmm, I hear you on that,
173
00:05:53,605 --> 00:05:56,066
but counterpoint from
an equally married husband:
174
00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,943
Why don't we run around
and stress-test this shit
175
00:05:57,943 --> 00:05:59,819
so we can see how much
fun stuff we can get?
176
00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:03,615
- Only if we 69.5 first.
- Do I have to?
177
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[laughs] I'd love that.
178
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[Korvo grunts]
179
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[♪ upbeat music playing]
180
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Hey, those are my French fries.
181
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We're on our honeymoon.
182
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Aww, I'll get you truffle oil.
183
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,423
- [chair rattling]
- Ah, help!
184
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:23,093
Someone call the mounted police.
185
00:06:23,093 --> 00:06:25,303
I'm on my honeymoon, you old bitch.
186
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Enjoy your love.
187
00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:29,349
- H-moon hotties here!
- [gunshot]
188
00:06:29,349 --> 00:06:30,976
This is our spa day now.
189
00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:32,519
But we're on our honeymoon too.
190
00:06:32,519 --> 00:06:34,104
- Oh, shit!
- Checkmate!
191
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:36,731
You're all entitled to a special rubbing.
192
00:06:36,731 --> 00:06:38,024
[Korvo and Terry gasp]
193
00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:39,818
Uh, oh, yeah!
194
00:06:39,818 --> 00:06:41,653
Honey, you can't just shoot a gun
195
00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:43,321
into the ceiling
to get people's attention.
196
00:06:43,321 --> 00:06:44,406
But it's my honeymoon.
197
00:06:44,406 --> 00:06:46,241
Oh, shit, right, congratulations.
198
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:50,078
[Sugar Baby wailing]
199
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:52,455
- [Pupa growling]
- Ow, Pupa!
200
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,499
Punch JK Sevens somewhere else.
201
00:06:54,499 --> 00:06:56,293
And can you keep
that Sugar Baby quiet?
202
00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:57,460
I'm trying to game here.
203
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,255
I carried this baby
for nine whole blocks
204
00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:01,590
on the way home.
205
00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:04,509
The least you can do is tell me
I'm doing a good job.
206
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,052
Oh, come on, I don't want him.
207
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:07,137
My arms are tired.
208
00:07:07,137 --> 00:07:10,223
We are totally failing at being
a mandatory school family.
209
00:07:10,223 --> 00:07:11,933
I think it wants to feel skin to bag.
210
00:07:11,933 --> 00:07:13,393
Take off your shirt.
211
00:07:13,393 --> 00:07:16,313
Ugh, Pupa, JK, get away from me!
212
00:07:16,313 --> 00:07:19,524
And, Jesse, you gotta stop reading
those parenting subreddits.
213
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:21,359
But their judgments
keep me awake at night,
214
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:23,445
which helps me stay alert
for night-time feedings.
215
00:07:23,445 --> 00:07:25,488
Let's just do what all
reasonable parents do
216
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:26,698
when things get hard.
217
00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:29,075
Distract it with screen time.
218
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,702
- [slap thwacks]
- No screens for baby.
219
00:07:30,702 --> 00:07:31,870
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
- [Pupa screaming]
220
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,997
Can I get five more masseuses,
three for each cheek?
221
00:07:33,997 --> 00:07:35,874
On your honeymoon?
Of course.
222
00:07:35,874 --> 00:07:37,709
We really should have
gotten married sooner.
223
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,377
Who knew it would be
the cheat code to life?
224
00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:40,462
It's great, right?
225
00:07:40,462 --> 00:07:42,380
You should definitely
enjoy it while it lasts.
226
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:43,548
What on earth does that mean?
227
00:07:43,548 --> 00:07:45,842
- Honeymoons are only like a week?
- What?!
228
00:07:47,177 --> 00:07:49,930
[Terry] It's right there on Wikipedia.
Honeymoons last a week.
229
00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:52,474
After that, it's just traveling
without any of the perks,
230
00:07:52,474 --> 00:07:53,642
and our week's almost up.
231
00:07:53,642 --> 00:07:55,685
But I've grown accustomed
to the honey-lifestyle.
232
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:57,187
How am I supposed
to go back to underwear
233
00:07:57,187 --> 00:07:58,605
without newlywed cans?
234
00:07:58,605 --> 00:07:59,689
[cans clanking]
235
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,816
The honeymoon gives us a pass
from being decent and careful.
236
00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:03,735
I took that guy's wallet
and shoved him into the pool.
237
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,570
He was wearing
a Detroit Tigers hat, Terry.
238
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:06,821
A Detroit Tigers hat.
239
00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,615
He's gonna kill me, Terry.
He's probably from Michigan.
240
00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,533
I don't want this week to end!
241
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,620
Nor do I, Terry, but I can't control time,
not on that scale.
242
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,372
[gasps] Wait, I don't have to.
243
00:08:15,372 --> 00:08:17,249
If the honeymoon only lasts a week,
244
00:08:17,249 --> 00:08:19,834
then I just have to extend the week.
245
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,629
Korvo, you've gone honey-mad.
That doesn't make any sense.
246
00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:24,965
This is Korvo,
the blue alien in room 413.
247
00:08:24,965 --> 00:08:28,051
MTV Unplug your finger out of your arse
and get me a dovmecopter.
248
00:08:28,051 --> 00:08:30,470
My husband and I will have
one hand in our...
249
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:31,888
We'll be borrowing it for the afternoon.
250
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,682
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
251
00:08:35,475 --> 00:08:37,978
[♪ dramatic music playing]
252
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:40,021
[Korvo] If we find the Progenitor ship,
we'll find the answer
253
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:41,731
to extending our honeymoon week.
254
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:44,067
Ah, yes, the Progenitors.
I know them well.
255
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:46,027
That's why we're here,
for the Progenitors.
256
00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:48,196
Nothing like a good old Progenitor,
am I right?
257
00:08:48,196 --> 00:08:51,324
Progenitors were the ancient aliens
who created the solar system.
258
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:54,286
Ah, yes, the so-lar system,
I know it well.
259
00:08:54,286 --> 00:08:55,579
You're an alien from space.
260
00:08:55,579 --> 00:08:57,414
How do you not know
what a solar system is?
261
00:08:57,414 --> 00:08:59,666
I'm more of a sexy,
Flash Gordon-type alien.
262
00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:01,001
Damn right you are.
263
00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:02,085
[beeping]
264
00:09:02,085 --> 00:09:04,212
Okay, a Progenitor ship
should be buried right here.
265
00:09:05,964 --> 00:09:08,008
- And now we dig.
- Fight!
266
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,136
Right, yes, of course.
Diggity dig.
267
00:09:11,136 --> 00:09:15,140
- [pickaxes thudding]
- [Korvo and Terry grunting]
268
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,183
[♪ dramatic music playing]
269
00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:18,268
[Korvo]
Beautiful.
270
00:09:18,268 --> 00:09:19,603
A piece of ancient history,
271
00:09:19,603 --> 00:09:22,564
undisturbed since the dawn
of time, untouched by...
272
00:09:22,564 --> 00:09:23,815
- [scraping]
- Terry!
273
00:09:23,815 --> 00:09:25,817
Ugh, you ruined my vandalism.
274
00:09:25,817 --> 00:09:28,028
[door whirring]
275
00:09:28,904 --> 00:09:29,988
[door thuds]
276
00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:33,617
- [♪ suspenseful music playing]
- [both gasp]
277
00:09:33,617 --> 00:09:35,201
These primordial geniuses
278
00:09:35,201 --> 00:09:37,287
really knew how to design
a control room.
279
00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,623
Eat some ass, Marie Kondo.
280
00:09:39,623 --> 00:09:42,042
Oh, look, these two died fucking.
281
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:43,627
[signal beeping]
282
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:46,880
This species ignited the sun
and set the orbit of the Earth.
283
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,424
And they still had time
to be sexy freaks. Impressive.
284
00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:50,508
- [Terry grunts]
- [skeletons clatter]
285
00:09:50,508 --> 00:09:53,970
They locked the orbit into 52 weeks
to complete a full solar revolution.
286
00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:56,765
But if we increase
the circumference of the orbit
287
00:09:56,765 --> 00:09:58,266
a little larger...
288
00:09:58,266 --> 00:09:59,976
Can't spell circumference without cum!
289
00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:02,896
...then each of the 52 weeks
will have to be a day longer.
290
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:05,899
Which means
our honeymoon week is longer.
291
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:07,901
Terry, I love it when you understand
what I'm saying.
292
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:08,985
It hurt my brain.
293
00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:10,695
Now, let's get out
of this dusty sex tomb
294
00:10:10,695 --> 00:10:11,947
and go get more free stuff.
295
00:10:11,947 --> 00:10:14,574
[Korvo and Terry]
Honeymoon, honeymoon, tee-hee-hee!
296
00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:18,870
[♪ dramatic music playing]
297
00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:23,500
- [sighs]
- [phone ringing]
298
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,210
- [phone clicks]
- Hello?
299
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:28,713
Madam President! I've never had to answer
this phone, but-- what?
300
00:10:28,713 --> 00:10:29,965
The whole orbit?
301
00:10:29,965 --> 00:10:34,344
Okay, yeah, I'll just slide in
a new day called, uh, Blurgday
302
00:10:34,344 --> 00:10:35,512
right at the end there.
303
00:10:35,512 --> 00:10:38,598
[♪ dramatic music playing]
304
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:43,103
I-I'm sorry, ma'am, but your
appointment is on Saturday.
305
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:44,729
It's still Blurgday.
306
00:10:45,188 --> 00:10:46,648
It's too bad you're checking out.
307
00:10:46,648 --> 00:10:49,985
You never got to do our VIP
swim-with-the-beluga-whale experience.
308
00:10:49,985 --> 00:10:51,319
[both gasp]
309
00:10:52,279 --> 00:10:53,363
[signal beeping]
310
00:10:53,363 --> 00:10:55,699
[♪ dramatic music playing]
311
00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:58,535
Looks like a couple more days
were added to the week.
312
00:10:58,535 --> 00:11:00,787
So, would you like to swim
with the regular belugas
313
00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,123
or horny belugas
with the French maid hats?
314
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,374
We'll take both.
315
00:11:04,374 --> 00:11:07,419
[♪ dramatic music playing]
316
00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:08,920
[air whooshing]
317
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,590
[Korvo and Terry moaning]
318
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:12,674
Are you done honeymooning?
319
00:11:12,674 --> 00:11:14,551
Hell no, give me more days.
320
00:11:16,303 --> 00:11:17,387
[signal beeps]
321
00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:19,890
[♪ dramatic music playing]
322
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:24,769
- [glass tinkling]
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
323
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,563
How is this week so long?
324
00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:29,065
I don't know, but I'm so tired.
325
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,358
- [glass shatters]
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
326
00:11:30,358 --> 00:11:33,403
[♪ dramatic music playing]
327
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:36,823
[fire crackling]
328
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:40,327
Brr. Consequences build
as the week mysteriously extends.
329
00:11:40,327 --> 00:11:42,746
TGIFridays closed their doors for good,
330
00:11:42,746 --> 00:11:45,540
and SNL fans have been forced
to watch reruns
331
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:48,460
to get their fix of overplayed,
first-act sketches
332
00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:50,212
that beat non-jokes into the ground.
333
00:11:50,212 --> 00:11:51,296
Brr!
334
00:11:51,296 --> 00:11:53,673
As the Earth's orbit
moves away from the sun,
335
00:11:53,673 --> 00:11:55,383
temperatures continue to drop.
336
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:56,927
- [Sugar Baby thuds]
- [TV shatters]
337
00:11:57,135 --> 00:11:59,679
Sugar Baby, no, bad Sugar Baby.
338
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:00,764
- [bowl thudding]
- [Sugar Baby babbling]
339
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,224
It's been, like, 50 days!
340
00:12:02,224 --> 00:12:03,642
I can't do this anymore!
341
00:12:03,642 --> 00:12:06,853
It's all your fault for bringing
the Make Alive ray to school.
342
00:12:06,853 --> 00:12:07,938
Don't blame me.
343
00:12:07,938 --> 00:12:09,439
Whatever sci-fi shit is happening
344
00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:11,358
is for sure Terry and Korvo's fault.
345
00:12:11,358 --> 00:12:12,609
We gotta make them stop.
346
00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:14,694
We can't interrupt their honeymoon.
347
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:17,781
Can we please give
Sugar Baby screen time?
348
00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:19,449
It'll give us peace.
349
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:21,534
But I've been such a good parent.
350
00:12:21,534 --> 00:12:23,828
This week is too long.
Look at Pupa.
351
00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:26,414
He's a supercomputer,
and even he can't win.
352
00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,750
He's been trying to throw
JK Sevens out for days,
353
00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:30,669
no one's picking up the trash.
354
00:12:30,669 --> 00:12:31,920
[Sugar Baby wailing]
355
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,047
- [door thudding]
- Ahh!
356
00:12:34,047 --> 00:12:36,424
It feels like we're
never gonna get to Monday!
357
00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:37,717
We're co-parents.
358
00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:39,344
We have to give up on this together.
359
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:42,305
Ugh, fine, but can we
please let Sugar Baby
360
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:45,850
watch something sweet and chill
and mildly educational?
361
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:47,352
How about
The Great British Bake Off?
362
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:50,272
Those snaggle-toothed colonizers
could dull anyone to sleep.
363
00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:51,856
Okay, but only Bake Off.
364
00:12:51,856 --> 00:12:54,484
I don't want him getting coked up
on that flipping Blippi.
365
00:12:54,484 --> 00:12:57,571
[narrator] [on phone] This week,
we're making a single pancake.
366
00:12:57,571 --> 00:12:59,948
- [Sugar Baby cooing]
- [Jesse and Yumyulack sigh]
367
00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:03,535
And I think we'll have
the head-over-beet salad.
368
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,745
What the-- Oh, right,
the Alanis Morissette thing.
369
00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:07,872
And... choo, choo,
choo, choo, choo, choo,
370
00:13:07,872 --> 00:13:11,710
a side of this-album-is-about
Dave-Coulier-acorn squash.
371
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:13,295
Hello? I said I want the squash.
372
00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:14,379
- [ice crinkling]
- [♪ suspenseful music playing]
373
00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:18,174
Uh, Korvo, why is everyone frozen?
374
00:13:18,174 --> 00:13:21,636
Ah, I guess maybe we pushed the planet
a little far from the sun.
375
00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:23,263
But that's not so bad, right?
376
00:13:23,263 --> 00:13:24,848
No, we should be fine,
as long as we don't...
377
00:13:24,848 --> 00:13:27,058
- [Korvo gasps]
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
378
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:29,519
Holy shit, we're going to crash into Mars!
379
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:31,104
On our honeymoon!
380
00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:35,775
[♪ dramatic music playing]
381
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:36,860
Maybe we're gonna miss it!
382
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,737
Its gravitational pull
is already affecting us.
383
00:13:38,737 --> 00:13:40,280
We've flown too far from the sun, Terry,
384
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,198
and now the planet is going
to pay the price.
385
00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:43,617
[♪ dramatic music playing]
386
00:13:45,827 --> 00:13:47,120
[Terry screams]
387
00:13:49,164 --> 00:13:50,206
- [door clicks]
- Ahh!
388
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,208
[♪ dramatic music playing]
389
00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,631
Hope you enjoyed your stay. Do you have
a quick minute for a survey?
390
00:13:57,631 --> 00:13:58,882
[Terry and Korvo scream]
391
00:13:58,882 --> 00:14:00,091
How did we let it get so bad?
392
00:14:00,091 --> 00:14:02,427
I mean, I know how I did,
but you're the smart one, Korvo.
393
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:04,638
I know, but the danger
of changing the orbit
394
00:14:04,638 --> 00:14:06,389
was better than something
I'd read on Wikipedia
395
00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:07,849
that scared the gooblers out of me.
396
00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:10,518
Oh, God. What did you read about,
Chupacabras, ee-ee?
397
00:14:10,518 --> 00:14:12,479
There's a common phrase people use,
398
00:14:12,479 --> 00:14:13,855
"The honeymoon is over."
399
00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:14,981
What does that mean?
400
00:14:14,981 --> 00:14:16,650
It's what people say
about nasty couples
401
00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:18,401
who've been married for a while
and hate each other.
402
00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:21,196
They start to see the ugly parts
of their spouses they can't un-see.
403
00:14:21,196 --> 00:14:23,907
That's why the divorce rate
is like 4.5 out of 5.
404
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:25,033
So we make a promise.
405
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:26,493
Divorce is a forbidden D word.
406
00:14:26,493 --> 00:14:29,496
Like how Disney Plus won't let us say
"Donald [bleep] dirty [bleep]"
407
00:14:29,496 --> 00:14:31,498
or how Dopey is
the only dwarf that [bleep].
408
00:14:31,498 --> 00:14:32,958
I never want to resent you,
409
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:34,251
not more than I currently do.
410
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:36,086
Korvo, if we can fuck
with the Earth's orbit,
411
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:37,879
we can fuck
with marriage statistics.
412
00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:39,881
Honey, I am here for the tough times.
413
00:14:39,881 --> 00:14:42,217
- I want to see your ugly parts.
- I do too.
414
00:14:42,217 --> 00:14:44,302
Let's return Earth to its rightful orbit,
415
00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:47,055
warm the planet back to the previous
catastrophic temperature,
416
00:14:47,055 --> 00:14:49,641
and end this honeymoon on our terms.
417
00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:51,393
That's my hot-ass husband right there.
418
00:14:51,393 --> 00:14:54,354
And every year, we can celebrate
our anniversary right here.
419
00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:55,522
[pickax thudding]
420
00:14:55,522 --> 00:14:57,983
[♪ classical music playing]
421
00:14:57,983 --> 00:15:00,694
[air whooshing]
422
00:15:00,694 --> 00:15:03,780
[rumbling]
423
00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:09,077
♪
424
00:15:09,077 --> 00:15:10,245
[♪ classical music playing]
425
00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:11,454
[Yumyulack yawns]
426
00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:13,623
Good thing Korvo equipped the house
with its own artificial gravity
427
00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:15,542
after Terry kept throwing
his jugs on the roof.
428
00:15:15,542 --> 00:15:16,626
[window thudding]
429
00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:18,086
[distorted beeping]
430
00:15:18,086 --> 00:15:20,881
[♪ classical music continues]
431
00:15:20,881 --> 00:15:23,049
- [Sugar Baby screams]
- Ow, he cut me.
432
00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:25,260
What the heck is wrong with you?
433
00:15:25,719 --> 00:15:27,679
[gasps] It's the baking show.
434
00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:28,847
Look what they're using.
435
00:15:28,847 --> 00:15:30,765
[gasps] While we've been resting,
436
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:34,060
Sugar Baby was watching them
destroy his friends and family.
437
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:35,270
[both]
Ah!
438
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,188
That little freak's
on a murder mission.
439
00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,190
He was Ms. Frankie's special sugar.
440
00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:43,153
She must have killed all his friends
with her fresh-baked hook-up cookies.
441
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:46,072
We can't let him kill Ms. Frankie
or we'll never pass Sex Ed.
442
00:15:46,072 --> 00:15:47,616
Activate magnet shoes.
443
00:15:47,616 --> 00:15:48,909
[shoes beeping]
444
00:15:48,909 --> 00:15:50,410
[shoes clomping]
445
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:51,745
How do these work on cement?
446
00:15:51,745 --> 00:15:52,871
Shut up, nerd.
447
00:15:53,705 --> 00:15:56,041
[Pupa grunting]
448
00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:58,460
Ah! No!
449
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:05,175
[♪ heroic music playing]
450
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:06,968
[beeping]
451
00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:08,553
Harry Potter whistle!
452
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:11,890
- Aw, friends.
- [JK Sevens beeping]
453
00:16:13,516 --> 00:16:17,354
[Terry and Korvo grunting]
454
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:19,731
[♪ dramatic music playing]
455
00:16:19,731 --> 00:16:21,399
Oh, what the hell?
It's stuck.
456
00:16:21,399 --> 00:16:22,567
We're gonna have to do it manually.
457
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,695
There are 10 switches around the room
we must engage at the same time.
458
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:27,864
Love, love, love, love.
I got mine.
459
00:16:28,949 --> 00:16:30,951
That's eight. Come on, Terry,
we just need two more.
460
00:16:30,951 --> 00:16:33,745
[rumbling]
461
00:16:33,745 --> 00:16:35,705
How the hell are we supposed
to reach the last two?
462
00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:38,124
Oh, God. We're gonna have
to spread our flaps
463
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:39,417
and use our shmelk holes.
464
00:16:39,417 --> 00:16:43,004
What? I've never shown anyone
my shmelk hole. It's disgusting.
465
00:16:43,004 --> 00:16:45,340
I haven't either,
but we don't have a choice.
466
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:46,758
But mine's so ugly.
467
00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:48,218
You're not gonna think I'm sexy.
468
00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:50,303
This is what I read about
on Wikipedia, Terry.
469
00:16:50,303 --> 00:16:52,472
We're gonna see the ugly parts
of each other,
470
00:16:52,472 --> 00:16:53,848
and we'll be okay.
471
00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:56,476
- I don't know.
- Terry, I love all of you.
472
00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,186
Uh, okay, fine.
473
00:16:58,186 --> 00:17:00,772
[Terry groaning]
474
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:02,482
[limb rustling]
475
00:17:02,482 --> 00:17:03,984
[Terry groans]
476
00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:07,237
Oh, God, oh, fuck,
it smells like, like...
477
00:17:07,237 --> 00:17:08,905
I can't be clever on-the-fly
like Deadpool.
478
00:17:08,905 --> 00:17:09,990
It stinks, okay?
479
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:11,783
Hey, th-th-that's normal.
480
00:17:11,783 --> 00:17:13,743
I showed you mine,
it's your turn now.
481
00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:14,828
Okay.
482
00:17:14,828 --> 00:17:16,538
- [Korvo groaning]
- [limb rustling]
483
00:17:16,538 --> 00:17:18,206
[Terry]
What the fuck?
484
00:17:18,206 --> 00:17:20,292
It's beautiful.
That's not fair.
485
00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:22,377
- It's gross, don't look.
- No, it is not.
486
00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:23,879
Why does yours smell like cinnamon?
487
00:17:23,879 --> 00:17:25,672
I want it in my mouth.
488
00:17:25,672 --> 00:17:27,674
[♪ dramatic music playing]
489
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:29,301
[limb thuds]
490
00:17:29,301 --> 00:17:32,053
[machinery powers on]
491
00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:34,639
[♪ dramatic music playing]
492
00:17:36,892 --> 00:17:37,893
[limbs slurping]
493
00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:43,398
Hey, the polar bears are gonna be okay.
494
00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:45,483
Yes, but we also returned climate change.
495
00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:48,278
Oh, the polar bears
are not gonna be okay.
496
00:17:48,904 --> 00:17:51,823
[♪ dramatic music playing]
497
00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:53,408
- [screaming]
- [buildings thudding]
498
00:17:53,408 --> 00:17:55,035
[♪ dramatic music playing]
499
00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,703
Typical sci-fi reset.
500
00:17:56,703 --> 00:17:57,787
Oh, my baby.
501
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,123
[Sugar Baby growls]
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
502
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,542
Apologies to my subscribers
for the late post.
503
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:05,921
The gravity chaos fucked up
my other, other, other job.
504
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:09,049
ASMR of sexy Pokemon names.
505
00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:11,009
Charizard,
506
00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:14,387
Squirtle, Jigglypuff.
507
00:18:14,387 --> 00:18:16,556
[♪ dramatic music playing]
508
00:18:16,556 --> 00:18:17,724
Ah!
509
00:18:17,724 --> 00:18:19,601
- [Sugar Baby growls]
- Ahh!
510
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:22,229
- [Sugar Baby growling]
- Ow, that really hurts.
511
00:18:22,229 --> 00:18:24,105
I regret being helpful.
512
00:18:25,106 --> 00:18:26,608
- [glass shatters]
- Oh, no!
513
00:18:26,608 --> 00:18:28,318
What the hell is going on?
514
00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:30,612
We, we lost our Sugar Baby.
515
00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:31,905
Go ahead and fail us.
516
00:18:31,905 --> 00:18:33,907
Did you spend wakeless days
caring for something
517
00:18:33,907 --> 00:18:36,201
that exhausted you, didn't listen,
and eventually ran away
518
00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:37,702
to pursue something
you didn't approve of?
519
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:40,413
You betcha with a capital B,
Ms. Frankie.
520
00:18:40,413 --> 00:18:42,207
Plus, he stole 20 bucks outta my purse.
521
00:18:42,207 --> 00:18:44,918
Congrats, you experienced
true parenting, you passed.
522
00:18:44,918 --> 00:18:46,378
Sugar Baby is still out there.
523
00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:48,255
I'm worried he's gonna do
a murder on you.
524
00:18:48,255 --> 00:18:51,383
Nah, without us, I'm sure
he'll get licked to death by a horse.
525
00:18:51,383 --> 00:18:52,467
He'll be fine.
526
00:18:52,801 --> 00:18:54,636
[narrator]
Today, on The Great British Bake Off.
527
00:18:54,636 --> 00:18:56,346
Everyone, grab your sugar.
528
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,057
- [Sugar Baby growling]
- [host screaming]
529
00:18:59,808 --> 00:19:01,268
[♪ gentle music playing]
530
00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:03,728
Korvy, I'm having VIP withdrawal.
531
00:19:03,728 --> 00:19:05,689
- Am I important?
- We did the right thing.
532
00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:07,649
We have all we need to feel special,
533
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:09,776
us, the team family,
534
00:19:09,776 --> 00:19:12,237
and this goddamned
heart-shaped bed.
535
00:19:12,237 --> 00:19:13,363
[lips smacking]
536
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:15,740
[♪ gentle music playing]
537
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,076
[Terry] You wanna blow out my back
and break this bed in half?
538
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:20,120
[Korvo]
This heart shape is too small!
539
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,206
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
540
00:19:49,232 --> 00:19:51,818
♪
541
00:20:04,581 --> 00:20:06,082
[mimicking laser fire]