1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,046
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,426
[school bell rings]
3
00:00:09,261 --> 00:00:12,055
Hey, come on, we gotta hurry
or we'll miss the new Drew Barrymore Show.
4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:15,433
Drew's having a reunion
with the bicycle from E.T.
5
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,477
The first time she did coke
was right off the seat.
6
00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:18,562
No can do, Yum.
7
00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:20,355
My new boyfriend's
pro Call of Duty team
8
00:00:20,355 --> 00:00:23,108
has a match against
the New Brunswick Acid Lions today.
9
00:00:23,108 --> 00:00:24,693
I have to be here to show support.
10
00:00:24,693 --> 00:00:25,777
Ugh, you're such a bot.
11
00:00:25,777 --> 00:00:26,987
You're only into eSports
12
00:00:26,987 --> 00:00:28,488
because you're dating a Twitch Partner.
13
00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:31,324
Nah-uh. I liked Z'ash
when he was just an Affiliate.
14
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:34,035
Plus, he's played all
the Horizon Zero Dawn DLC,
15
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,037
so he knows how to respect women.
16
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,164
Weren't you just dating
the debate captain?
17
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,375
And before that,
some emo douche?
18
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:42,627
You're really tossing out
the boy toys, Jesse.
19
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,629
You sure this isn't
about you and not them?
20
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,506
[motor rumbling]
21
00:00:46,506 --> 00:00:47,632
'Sup, @Jesse?
22
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:49,092
Z'ash has entered the chat.
23
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:52,095
Ooh! I love how online you are in IRL.
24
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,848
People come to the Oasis
for all the things they can do,
25
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:57,142
but they stay
for all the things they can be.
26
00:00:57,142 --> 00:00:58,602
What does that even mean?
27
00:00:58,602 --> 00:01:01,521
Whisk me away on my gaming chair-iot!
28
00:01:01,521 --> 00:01:04,065
Let the hunt for
Halliday's Easter Eggs begin.
29
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,277
Have fun going home in a chair
not ergonomically designed
30
00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:09,321
for extended subathons, loser!
31
00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:12,365
A better reality awaits!
32
00:01:13,158 --> 00:01:15,702
[Korvo] Planet Shlorp
was a perfect utopia,
33
00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:17,787
until the asteroid hit.
34
00:01:18,288 --> 00:01:20,749
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
35
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:22,626
and escaped into the... space,
36
00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:25,378
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
37
00:01:25,378 --> 00:01:26,671
We crashed on Earth,
38
00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:28,965
stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
39
00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:30,550
That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
40
00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:31,760
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
41
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,553
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
42
00:01:33,553 --> 00:01:34,804
Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
43
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,806
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
44
00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:37,891
It's a horrible home.
45
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:39,559
People are stupid and confusing.
46
00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:41,519
Why are there so many types of nipples?
47
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,688
Just settle on one size and shape
of nipple
48
00:01:43,688 --> 00:01:45,732
so I can pass my figure drawing class!
49
00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:48,944
[♪ dramatic music playing]
50
00:01:54,199 --> 00:01:55,367
Pupa.
51
00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:57,077
[JK Sevens beeps, dings]
52
00:01:58,495 --> 00:01:59,704
Ah.
53
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,164
[JK Sevens beeping]
54
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:05,210
[♪ dramatic music]
55
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,295
Keep it up, old guy.
56
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:10,006
Once we get all those yard bucks,
I can pay off my debts
57
00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:11,383
and maybe even have enough left over
58
00:02:11,383 --> 00:02:13,843
to buy a little homestead
by the tire swing
59
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,346
where Terry popped his eye out
trying to do a Jackass.
60
00:02:16,346 --> 00:02:17,514
[Hedgey squeaks]
61
00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,558
[laughs] You got that right.
62
00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:20,642
[sighs]
63
00:02:20,642 --> 00:02:22,394
Oh, hang on,
I gotta take a leak.
64
00:02:22,394 --> 00:02:23,478
[unzips]
65
00:02:23,478 --> 00:02:24,563
[urinating]
66
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:26,106
Awww, yeah.
67
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:27,732
[Sofia sneezes]
68
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,484
Shit, thought I cured that.
69
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:30,860
[Sofia sneezes]
70
00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:35,198
- [Sofia screams]
- [grunts]
71
00:02:35,574 --> 00:02:37,242
What the fuck are you doin' here?
72
00:02:37,242 --> 00:02:39,619
Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice
I was hiding in there.
73
00:02:39,619 --> 00:02:41,413
The hedgehog saw me sneaking
a look a couple times.
74
00:02:41,413 --> 00:02:43,582
- Oh, he did, did he?
- [squeaks]
75
00:02:43,582 --> 00:02:45,667
Well, may as well sit upfront now.
76
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,419
Don't feel like you have
to fart less on my behalf.
77
00:02:47,419 --> 00:02:49,129
Whoa, whoa, you're not going anywhere.
78
00:02:49,129 --> 00:02:50,714
You're going back to Gutterville.
79
00:02:50,714 --> 00:02:51,840
And for your information,
80
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,426
that is not farting,
the cart seat makes that noise.
81
00:02:54,426 --> 00:02:57,387
You don't understand,
my Uncle Oscar was murdered.
82
00:02:57,387 --> 00:02:59,139
What are you talkin' about?
I just saw him.
83
00:02:59,139 --> 00:03:02,726
This bounty hunter guy showed up
on a lizard and killed him.
84
00:03:02,726 --> 00:03:04,936
If I go back, he'll get me too.
85
00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:06,646
Crap, I think I know that guy.
86
00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:09,608
Was the lizard kind of flopping around,
like its bones were optional?
87
00:03:09,608 --> 00:03:11,610
Yeah, [sniffs] super floppy.
88
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:13,945
- Oh, shit. That's Little Richard.
- The singer?
89
00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:16,156
No, people call him that
because his name is Richard,
90
00:03:16,156 --> 00:03:18,116
- and he's little now.
- But we're all little.
91
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:20,035
Look, I owe money all over the yard.
92
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:21,870
Someone must have hired to hunt me down.
93
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,872
Your uncle was collateral damage.
94
00:03:23,872 --> 00:03:25,916
[Sofia sobbing]
95
00:03:26,499 --> 00:03:27,709
[sighs]
96
00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:30,712
I'll deliver you to the little village
that formed in the raccoon skull.
97
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:33,506
It smells like dead raccoon,
but you'll be safe, okay?
98
00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:35,258
I promise I won't slow you down.
99
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,468
You already have.
100
00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:38,053
Luckily, I know a shortcut.
101
00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:40,555
[Gavin farts]
102
00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:42,599
[Sofia]
Oh, it really is the seat!
103
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,100
[Gavin]
Nah, that one was me.
104
00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:46,353
[♪ gentle music playing]
105
00:03:46,353 --> 00:03:47,771
Hey! Everyone pay attention to me!
106
00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:50,440
I just got the greatest
fuckerfudgin' email of my life.
107
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,817
Don't tell me that Italian prince
needs more money.
108
00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,444
I'm starting to think he'll never be king.
109
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:56,071
Korvo, you are never going
to believe this,
110
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:59,407
but we have finally become
MeUndies Power Bottoms!
111
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,077
Sound the ancient horn
and light the ancestral fires!
112
00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:04,204
Today, we are the princes.
113
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:05,288
What's a Power Bottom?
114
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,415
It means we bought
so many pairs of MeUndies
115
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,292
that we've gained Ultra Diamond status!
116
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,711
We're the white meat turkey
of boxer brief subscribers!
117
00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:13,088
Hold on to your milkers
118
00:04:13,088 --> 00:04:15,382
'cause they're sending MeUndies
and YouUndies
119
00:04:15,382 --> 00:04:16,883
on an all-expenses-paid trip
120
00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:19,553
to their Balls Fresh Tropicool island!
121
00:04:19,553 --> 00:04:21,012
This is gonna be awesome!
122
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:22,806
- [Korvo spits]
- [Terry and Korvo laugh]
123
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,224
Oh, bitch, you're not going.
124
00:04:24,224 --> 00:04:26,017
Why can't this bitch go?
125
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:28,853
Because you buy Hanes
in a 20-pack plastic sack like a freak!
126
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,063
They don't even collab with Rihanna.
127
00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:32,148
Imagine a Hanes boy thinking he can go
128
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:34,192
to the MeUndies Tropicool island.
129
00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:35,694
Come on, guys, I really wanna go.
130
00:04:35,694 --> 00:04:37,404
Yeah, that's the point of status.
131
00:04:37,404 --> 00:04:38,697
Rubbing it in is half the fun,
132
00:04:38,697 --> 00:04:40,156
which is why we'll be sending you pictures
133
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:41,491
to make you jealous the whole time.
134
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:43,994
Have fun with your FOMO,
you little shit.
135
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,787
[Terry and Korvo laughing]
136
00:04:45,787 --> 00:04:48,707
Pfft, like I care about
a stupid underpants island.
137
00:04:48,707 --> 00:04:49,874
[phone dings]
138
00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:51,793
Aw, man, I'm hella jealous,
139
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:53,670
and they're not even out
of the driveway!
140
00:04:55,088 --> 00:04:56,131
I just don't understand
141
00:04:56,131 --> 00:04:58,049
why you won't let me
come on the whole journey.
142
00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:00,468
I've always wanted to see
all of the backyard.
143
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,970
Yard's a dangerous place.
144
00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:03,930
You've spent most
of your little life sheltered.
145
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:06,766
Don't trick yourself into thinking
that you know how to survive out here.
146
00:05:06,766 --> 00:05:08,685
Hey, buddy!
I can take care of myself!
147
00:05:08,685 --> 00:05:09,853
[earring sparkles]
148
00:05:09,853 --> 00:05:11,855
- [gasps]
- [both grunt]
149
00:05:11,855 --> 00:05:14,065
- Get those things off your head!
- Why did you do that?
150
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,359
- Your earrings! Get rid of 'em!
- No!
151
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,778
- [Hedgey squeaks]
- Lawn hasn't been watered in weeks.
152
00:05:18,778 --> 00:05:20,697
- The animals are gettin' desperate.
- So?
153
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:23,033
So a hungry squirrel's attracted
to shiny things.
154
00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:24,576
Like those fuckin' earrings.
155
00:05:24,576 --> 00:05:27,078
Okay, well, I didn't know that.
156
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,622
That's what I meant by sheltered.
157
00:05:28,622 --> 00:05:30,123
I'm a quick study.
158
00:05:30,123 --> 00:05:32,584
I only had to watch,
like, six YouTube tutorials
159
00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:33,668
to master a cat eye.
160
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:36,046
Yeah, well, just try not
to get us killed by a cat.
161
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:38,298
[Sofia] [grumbling]
That doesn't even make sense.
162
00:05:38,924 --> 00:05:40,508
[squirrel chittering]
163
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:43,428
Vacuum. Vacuum ghosts. Vacuum ghosts.
164
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:44,930
Wow, look at Z'ash go.
165
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,766
He's like the Michael Jordan
of Luigi's Mansion!
166
00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:50,518
Terry and Korvo won't stop
sending me pictures
167
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,187
from their stupid awesome vacation.
168
00:05:52,187 --> 00:05:54,564
Look at their room.
It's built into a cave,
169
00:05:54,564 --> 00:05:56,483
and they have
their own goth butler.
170
00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:58,401
Why did I have to wear
the wrong underwear?
171
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,529
Oh, my God, that's my goth
ex-boyfriend Allister.
172
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,073
His real name is Carl,
but he changed it
173
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:05,659
to better reflect the dark nature
of his outfits.
174
00:06:05,659 --> 00:06:09,079
Huh, weird that Allister/Carl works
at the MeUndies resort now.
175
00:06:09,079 --> 00:06:11,790
Oh, no, that's Harrison and Graham.
176
00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:14,960
Ah, geez, okay,
look, that's Isla Chafa,
177
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,461
an uninhabited island
178
00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:18,338
where I've been dumping
all my ex-boyfriends
179
00:06:18,338 --> 00:06:19,798
once they get too clingy.
180
00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:21,800
Damn, the staff all have sick rifles.
181
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,218
Would you listen to me?
182
00:06:23,218 --> 00:06:25,679
Terry and Korvo have been kidnapped
by my ex-boyfriends,
183
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:27,722
and now I have to rescue their asses!
184
00:06:27,722 --> 00:06:30,392
And possibly confront
my heartbreaker past!
185
00:06:30,392 --> 00:06:33,311
Ooh, that's a great excuse
to crash their vacation.
186
00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:34,896
It's not a vacation.
187
00:06:34,896 --> 00:06:36,856
How FOMO blind are you?
188
00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:38,858
Please let me come with you.
I deserve a treat!
189
00:06:38,858 --> 00:06:41,820
I haven't ruined
someone's life in, like, 10 hours.
190
00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:44,155
God, you are so stupid.
Okay, fine. Let's go.
191
00:06:44,823 --> 00:06:47,534
[cart rattling]
192
00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,495
There it is, Sandbox Town.
193
00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:53,248
You know, before they built it,
it was just a sandbox.
194
00:06:53,248 --> 00:06:55,333
And before that,
a place for cats to take a shit.
195
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:57,794
[Sofia] One of the six wonders
of the backyard!
196
00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:00,755
[♪ mellow Western music]
197
00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,054
Where is everybody?
198
00:07:08,054 --> 00:07:09,514
I don't know.
199
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:10,640
Keep your guard up.
200
00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:19,149
[creaking]
201
00:07:23,361 --> 00:07:25,238
[all] Lift, lift, lift.
202
00:07:25,864 --> 00:07:27,782
[all] Lift, lift, lift.
203
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,952
- Lift, lift, lift.
- Wow, they really want that bottle.
204
00:07:30,952 --> 00:07:33,830
You got a lot of balls
showing face in Sandbox Town,
205
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:36,666
you roughly one-centimeter-tall
piece of human garbage.
206
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:40,295
Anthony! Look, I swear to God,
I thought that paper plane could carry us.
207
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,925
I'm just fuckin' with you, man!
208
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,260
But now I'm not kidding.
209
00:07:48,428 --> 00:07:50,513
[laughs] I was just kidding again.
210
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,224
Comedy rule of twos, you know.
211
00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:54,142
Look how awesome my sword is.
212
00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:56,895
You totally thought
I was gonna stab you, bro.
213
00:07:56,895 --> 00:07:59,272
Your face was like, "Oh! Don't stab me!"
214
00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:01,191
[chuckles nervously]
Good to see you, Anthony.
215
00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:02,817
Welcome to my town.
216
00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,486
It used to be the sandbox.
217
00:08:04,486 --> 00:08:05,862
Yeah, that's pretty clear.
218
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:09,241
Stop diggin', start vibin'.
We have guests!
219
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,076
[crowd cheering]
220
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,288
[camera clicking]
221
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:19,584
Ugh!
222
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:25,048
We need to be careful
to not run into any of my ex-boyfriends.
223
00:08:25,048 --> 00:08:26,841
They've been abandoned here for so long
224
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:29,344
they've probably gone a little cuckoo.
225
00:08:29,344 --> 00:08:32,430
[laughing] I just sent a selfie
to Terry and Korvo.
226
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:35,183
They're gonna be so pissed
that I crashed their vacation.
227
00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:36,434
They've been kidnapped!
228
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,979
You're the only one who isn't seeing
what's happening here.
229
00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:40,897
[growling softly]
230
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:42,816
[phone dings]
231
00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:46,069
Oh! That little Hanes-wearing shit
is on our island!
232
00:08:46,069 --> 00:08:48,113
His FOMO is going to be
wearing off by the second!
233
00:08:48,113 --> 00:08:49,406
Quick, order us room service!
234
00:08:49,406 --> 00:08:50,907
Can we get some food over here?
235
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:53,118
Look at this picture of
Terry and Korvo's resort food.
236
00:08:53,118 --> 00:08:55,203
They just got free moldy bread!
237
00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:57,872
I gotta figure out a way
to make them as jealous as I am.
238
00:08:57,872 --> 00:08:59,082
Do you see any free snacks?
239
00:08:59,082 --> 00:09:00,458
Did you hear that?
240
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:02,294
- [chain clinking]
- Wallet chain!
241
00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:04,671
[Allister groaning]
242
00:09:07,883 --> 00:09:10,176
It's Allister. Being outside
of his mom's basement
243
00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:11,928
for this long must be making him crazy.
244
00:09:11,928 --> 00:09:13,179
We gotta get past him.
245
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:15,515
- [phone dings]
- Oh, Terry's sending smug selfies now.
246
00:09:15,515 --> 00:09:16,892
[Allister growls]
247
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,895
Shit, pentagram necklace!
248
00:09:19,895 --> 00:09:21,521
[Allister growls]
249
00:09:22,647 --> 00:09:24,649
Hurry, that'll only
distract him for a moment!
250
00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:25,984
Two can play at this game.
251
00:09:25,984 --> 00:09:29,863
Hashtag no filter.
Hashtag Hanesboy.
252
00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:32,949
- [phone dings]
- Silence your phone, dumbass,
253
00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:35,076
or you'll alert more feral boyfriends!
254
00:09:35,076 --> 00:09:37,454
Where do you think they do
the vacation braids here?
255
00:09:37,454 --> 00:09:39,623
If Terry sees me with vacation braids,
256
00:09:39,623 --> 00:09:41,374
he's gonna dump gooblers.
257
00:09:41,374 --> 00:09:44,377
Oh, no, it's Graham,
my VSCO ex-boyfriend,
258
00:09:44,377 --> 00:09:46,504
and Harrison, leader of the debate team.
259
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:47,964
They've learned to hunt as a pack.
260
00:09:47,964 --> 00:09:49,758
We have to get out of here.
261
00:09:49,758 --> 00:09:51,218
Sksksksk.
262
00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:52,427
See, the affirmative starts
263
00:09:52,427 --> 00:09:54,221
and they have six minutes
to make their case.
264
00:09:55,222 --> 00:09:57,265
- Grarrrrrr
- Oh, no. Run!
265
00:09:57,933 --> 00:09:59,935
[Jesse and Yumyulack panting]
266
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:01,478
- [Jesse grunts]
- [both screaming]
267
00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:06,608
[Jesse] Come on, let's hide behind
the stunningly beautiful waterfall.
268
00:10:06,608 --> 00:10:08,860
I bet Terry and Korvo haven't seen this.
269
00:10:10,946 --> 00:10:13,531
Oh, my God, Z'ash!
You came to save me.
270
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:15,158
You're the best boyfriend of all time.
271
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:16,868
Game over, Jesse.
272
00:10:16,868 --> 00:10:18,870
Basketballs? I don't get it.
273
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,372
Are those from NBA2K?
274
00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:21,539
- [Jesse groans]
- [Yumyulack yelps]
275
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:28,296
[♪ exotic music playing]
276
00:10:28,296 --> 00:10:31,132
♪
277
00:10:34,427 --> 00:10:36,429
The Pupa buried
that bottle of Maker's Mark
278
00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:38,056
with Little Buddy last year.
279
00:10:38,056 --> 00:10:39,891
That guy was a real bad influence.
280
00:10:39,891 --> 00:10:42,060
You've really found
a new life here, Tony.
281
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:43,687
We're all just grains of sand,
282
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:46,022
passing through fingers, tickling toes,
283
00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,858
a couple of grains getting stuck
around the labia flaps.
284
00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:50,694
When you become one with the sand,
285
00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,445
you truly find yourself.
286
00:10:52,445 --> 00:10:55,407
So what are you gonna do with the bottle
once you get it out?
287
00:10:55,407 --> 00:10:57,284
Nada. That's nothing in Mexican.
288
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:59,369
[laughs]
That's a lot of work for nothin'.
289
00:10:59,369 --> 00:11:01,955
We've already removed the plastic shovels
and candy wrappers.
290
00:11:01,955 --> 00:11:03,790
Once we get that bottle out,
291
00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:07,210
the sand will finally be at peace.
292
00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:09,588
Mm, this place is great.
293
00:11:10,046 --> 00:11:11,798
Plus, this food is amazing!
294
00:11:11,798 --> 00:11:15,010
Yeah, everyone seems
a little too into it.
295
00:11:16,428 --> 00:11:18,305
[rapturous groaning]
296
00:11:18,305 --> 00:11:20,432
Hey, something weird's
going on around here, right?
297
00:11:20,432 --> 00:11:24,394
Yeah, usually hippies dive
into an orgy way faster than this.
298
00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:25,687
They're harmless.
299
00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:26,980
So you love sand, huh?
300
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,524
Oh, yeah. I-I could talk
about it at length.
301
00:11:29,524 --> 00:11:30,942
[Gavin]
Hmm, please do.
302
00:11:32,819 --> 00:11:34,404
[moans] Where are we?
303
00:11:34,404 --> 00:11:36,948
Look, boys, the princess is awake.
304
00:11:37,949 --> 00:11:39,743
Z'ash, I can't believe
you would do this to me.
305
00:11:39,743 --> 00:11:42,287
I changed your diapers
during your Destiny raids.
306
00:11:42,287 --> 00:11:44,289
Did Crota mean nothing to you?
307
00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:47,042
The eSports boyfriend
that you knew as Z'ash
308
00:11:47,042 --> 00:11:48,293
was just a fiction,
309
00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:51,379
a ploy to distract you into complacency.
310
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:54,674
In reality, I am, and have always been,
311
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:56,343
Splash Mondoon,
312
00:11:56,343 --> 00:11:58,595
your regular sports boyfriend.
313
00:11:58,595 --> 00:12:01,473
I like basketball, hockey, and et cetera!
314
00:12:01,473 --> 00:12:03,558
No wonder you were so bad at Destiny 2.
315
00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:05,602
I planned all of this to get back at you
316
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:08,563
for abandoning me and your dumb other exes
on this cursed island.
317
00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:10,523
I used my rowing techniques to escape,
318
00:12:10,523 --> 00:12:13,109
then lured you here
with my general sports charisma.
319
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:16,238
Now you know how it feels
to be trapped by a lover.
320
00:12:16,238 --> 00:12:18,573
Jesse, what the hell is happening here?
321
00:12:18,573 --> 00:12:21,201
Ugh! I already explained it
and so did he.
322
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:22,911
Yeah, but even half paying attention,
323
00:12:22,911 --> 00:12:25,622
why are these exes
so heightened and specific?
324
00:12:25,622 --> 00:12:28,792
Because they aren't normal ex-boyfriends.
325
00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:32,837
At school, I was having a hard time
finding my own identity.
326
00:12:32,837 --> 00:12:35,090
All the other girls in my class
have distinct personalities,
327
00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:37,926
and I'm just a boring old space alien.
328
00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:39,886
So I used a device on the ship
329
00:12:39,886 --> 00:12:43,640
to 3D print flesh hunks coded
with hyper-specific interests,
330
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,268
then I dated them so I could adopt
their personalities.
331
00:12:46,268 --> 00:12:47,769
[Splash]
But that didn't work, did it?
332
00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:49,187
[Jesse]
No. I kept getting bored
333
00:12:49,187 --> 00:12:51,898
and ashamed of being
such a poser with each guy,
334
00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:53,316
so instead of breaking up with them,
335
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:56,319
I threw them away on this island
and started from scratch.
336
00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:58,238
- [Yumyulack] Jesse. Oh, my God.
- I know!
337
00:12:58,238 --> 00:13:00,490
I love 'em, leave 'em,
and never retrieve 'em.
338
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,993
Our cave is twice as big
as Terry and Korvo's.
339
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:04,244
That is so lit.
340
00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:08,164
Yum, your ADHD has gone
from cute to troubling real quick.
341
00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:10,625
Well, I'm glad you can finally
admit what you did, Jesse.
342
00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:12,794
It was cruel of you to use us
and then lose us.
343
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:14,588
I know and I'm sorry.
344
00:13:14,588 --> 00:13:16,256
Just let my family go, Splash.
345
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:17,549
They don't deserve this.
346
00:13:17,549 --> 00:13:20,176
Uh, I'm gonna have to give you
a red card on that one, chief.
347
00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,929
We're gonna leave you and your family
to rot in this cave.
348
00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:24,347
And after that, we're going
to move into your house
349
00:13:24,472 --> 00:13:26,349
so we can take a shit
in a real bathroom.
350
00:13:26,349 --> 00:13:27,517
[phone beeps]
351
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:28,727
Yumyulack's room is bigger.
352
00:13:28,727 --> 00:13:30,854
That whiny little pussy
must have gotten upgraded!
353
00:13:30,854 --> 00:13:33,481
Okay, sure. B-b-but does he have
all these bats? Huh?
354
00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:34,691
Send him a picture of those.
355
00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,776
[bats squealing]
356
00:13:39,863 --> 00:13:42,324
Hey, Gavin. Wake up, man.
What's the deal?
357
00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:43,992
[mumbling]
Yummy Eric Bana.
358
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:45,911
I'm going to T-Bell,
you want a new face?
359
00:13:45,911 --> 00:13:47,662
Are you stoned?
360
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:54,836
Hmm.
361
00:13:55,337 --> 00:13:59,633
♪
362
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,182
[gags, gasps]
363
00:14:11,478 --> 00:14:12,646
A-ha! I knew it.
364
00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:14,397
[Anthony] [gasps]
What're you doing here?
365
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:16,107
You're using these mushrooms
366
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:19,027
to drug your people
into zonked-out hippies.
367
00:14:19,027 --> 00:14:21,029
What? No.
These are shiitake.
368
00:14:21,029 --> 00:14:24,783
I know magic mushrooms grow
in a shit-positive environment,
369
00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:26,910
that's why this hole smells like ass.
370
00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:28,662
Okay, fine, you're right.
371
00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,789
The backyard is a terrifying place to live
372
00:14:30,789 --> 00:14:34,251
and the psilocybin,
it helps us become one with the sand.
373
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:36,294
And also we have killer orgies.
374
00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:39,548
Bullshit! If it was all good,
then you wouldn't be sneaking off.
375
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:41,841
I'm gonna tell the truth
and let your people decide
376
00:14:41,841 --> 00:14:43,969
if they like tripping balls all day.
377
00:14:43,969 --> 00:14:46,179
- Aah!
- You like truth, huh? Fine.
378
00:14:46,179 --> 00:14:49,224
I need these people stoned
so they keep digging.
379
00:14:49,224 --> 00:14:50,725
All this for sand?
380
00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:53,186
I don't care about the stupid sand.
381
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:55,230
What I want is the bottle.
382
00:14:55,230 --> 00:14:56,815
When I get that whiskey,
383
00:14:56,815 --> 00:14:59,693
I'm going to corner the market
on booze in the backyard.
384
00:14:59,693 --> 00:15:01,486
I'll be so rich with yard bucks,
385
00:15:01,486 --> 00:15:03,154
I can leave all these dummies behind
386
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:04,531
and move to Basketballburgh
387
00:15:04,531 --> 00:15:06,408
where I can buy my way into the elite.
388
00:15:06,408 --> 00:15:08,827
So you're just gonna abandon
these people?
389
00:15:08,827 --> 00:15:11,621
Of course, I am.
Rich people can do whatever they want.
390
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:13,456
Not if I tell them what you're up to.
391
00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:15,041
Uh, yeah, about that.
392
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:16,793
Remember my awesome sword?
393
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:17,878
I'm gonna kill you with it.
394
00:15:17,878 --> 00:15:19,588
- [sword swishes]
- [Sofia yelps]
395
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:23,675
You got shit in my eyes!
396
00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:26,177
Fuck! It's under my contact lens!
397
00:15:26,177 --> 00:15:29,347
Sorry, Yum. If I just had
confidence in who I was,
398
00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:31,725
I wouldn't have had to make
all those fake boyfriends
399
00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,351
and none of this would've happened.
400
00:15:33,351 --> 00:15:34,603
We almost have an ocean view.
401
00:15:34,603 --> 00:15:37,772
I don't need to get an identity
from ship-printed boyfriends.
402
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:41,067
I just have to be myself,
and then the power of my true personality
403
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,695
will overcome these boyfriends
and they'll release me.
404
00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:45,155
Hey, Splash.
405
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:46,323
- What do you want?
- [Allister groans]
406
00:15:46,323 --> 00:15:47,741
This is the real me.
407
00:15:47,741 --> 00:15:50,118
I like my family.
I love to sleep in.
408
00:15:50,118 --> 00:15:52,829
Once I returned Cheetos
Flaming Hot Wings from Applebee's
409
00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:54,414
and said it was 'cause they were cold,
410
00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:56,458
but I just regretted ordering them.
411
00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:58,209
That's the real Jesse.
412
00:15:58,209 --> 00:15:59,377
Now you know.
413
00:15:59,961 --> 00:16:01,588
[laughs]
414
00:16:01,588 --> 00:16:04,216
Nice try. That was just
a list of boring traits.
415
00:16:04,216 --> 00:16:08,595
Teenagers don't develop real personalities
until they get in their 20s.
416
00:16:08,595 --> 00:16:11,765
Oh, no!
So being myself didn't work?
417
00:16:11,765 --> 00:16:15,352
No, just like Wendy's fries, you're bland.
418
00:16:15,352 --> 00:16:17,520
We're gonna be trapped here until I'm 20?
419
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,481
Will Hulu even exist then?
420
00:16:19,481 --> 00:16:21,608
Wait.
Hey, Harrison, debate boyfriend.
421
00:16:21,608 --> 00:16:24,527
Yumyulack was just saying he wanted
to use an ad hominem attack.
422
00:16:24,527 --> 00:16:26,154
What? No way, you-you can't do that.
423
00:16:26,863 --> 00:16:27,948
Ah! [groans]
424
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:31,159
[Jesse and Yumyulack panting]
425
00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,370
Wait, don't you wanna hear me
establish my assertion
426
00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:34,871
with evidence and logic?
427
00:16:35,413 --> 00:16:37,582
- Stop them!
- [blowing whistle]
428
00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:39,626
[Jesse screaming]
429
00:16:43,797 --> 00:16:45,632
Gavin, we gotta go.
430
00:16:45,632 --> 00:16:48,552
Just disco fries, please.
I hide the key in my armpit.
431
00:16:48,552 --> 00:16:50,053
Come on, big guy, wake up.
432
00:16:50,053 --> 00:16:51,263
[Gavin groaning]
433
00:16:51,263 --> 00:16:53,848
[♪ intense music]
434
00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:56,142
You gotta sober up, man.
Come on.
435
00:17:08,905 --> 00:17:10,073
Wh-where are we?
436
00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:11,866
I need you to get
your head on straight.
437
00:17:11,866 --> 00:17:13,076
- Anthony is--
- [Anthony grunts]
438
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,995
[Anthony and Sofia scream]
439
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:16,204
[Sofia groans]
440
00:17:16,913 --> 00:17:20,542
[both grunting]
441
00:17:20,834 --> 00:17:22,043
What's going on?
442
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:24,921
This bottle belongs
to all the sand people.
443
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:26,923
It could change their lives.
444
00:17:29,301 --> 00:17:32,178
With that thinking,
you'll never survive in the backyard.
445
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:33,555
- [sword sparkles]
- [squirrel growling]
446
00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:35,849
Wow, that sword really is cool.
447
00:17:36,349 --> 00:17:38,476
- Where did you buy it?
- Buy it? [scoffs]
448
00:17:38,476 --> 00:17:40,103
I made this by hand.
449
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:43,440
Unlike you, I've had to scratch
and claw my own way
450
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,858
through this godforsaken yard.
451
00:17:44,858 --> 00:17:46,693
Wow, tell me more.
452
00:17:46,693 --> 00:17:49,362
I made it from the nail file part
of some clippers,
453
00:17:49,362 --> 00:17:51,448
and the handle is a piece of sticker.
454
00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:54,034
I once heard that
having something shiny
455
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:56,703
in the backyard is a really bad idea.
456
00:17:57,245 --> 00:17:58,330
- [squirrel screeching]
- [gasps]
457
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:01,333
No, no. [yells]
458
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:03,293
[growling]
459
00:18:05,462 --> 00:18:08,548
[♪ dramatic music]
460
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:09,883
[sword swishing]
461
00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:15,388
[rumbling]
462
00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:19,559
[thud]
463
00:18:19,976 --> 00:18:21,394
[screeches]
464
00:18:22,687 --> 00:18:24,231
[roars]
465
00:18:24,231 --> 00:18:27,400
[Anthony laughing]
466
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,278
That's right.
I control the sand.
467
00:18:30,278 --> 00:18:31,488
[wood creaking]
468
00:18:34,699 --> 00:18:36,409
- Get out of there.
- No.
469
00:18:36,409 --> 00:18:38,036
I've got this!
470
00:18:39,871 --> 00:18:42,374
I'm the master of the sand!
471
00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:43,917
[screaming]
472
00:18:46,336 --> 00:18:48,421
Let's get the fuck out of here
before he springs out of the sand.
473
00:18:48,421 --> 00:18:50,674
I have seen too many
of those kind of movies.
474
00:18:50,674 --> 00:18:53,051
[all grunting]
475
00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:55,303
♪
476
00:18:57,055 --> 00:18:58,348
Hashtag cardio life.
477
00:18:58,348 --> 00:19:01,268
I'll never beat these boys
without a real personality.
478
00:19:01,268 --> 00:19:03,478
I need life experience fast.
479
00:19:03,478 --> 00:19:06,356
Maybe I can date a vegan
or travel to Belize for one month
480
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:07,816
and make it my whole thing.
481
00:19:07,816 --> 00:19:09,651
But that's still so basic.
482
00:19:09,651 --> 00:19:11,945
Ah, great,
now it's loading car ads first.
483
00:19:11,945 --> 00:19:14,155
Why does it do that?
Just post already.
484
00:19:14,489 --> 00:19:16,491
Wait! Yumyulack, that's it.
485
00:19:16,491 --> 00:19:18,326
Uh, what the hell is going on?
486
00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:20,328
When did we end up on a cliff?
What day is it?
487
00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:22,622
I'm gonna throw you off this mountain
488
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:25,083
and kill your uncharismatic ass for good.
489
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:28,128
I may be basic,
but now I'm basic with this.
490
00:19:28,128 --> 00:19:29,337
You bought a car?
491
00:19:29,337 --> 00:19:33,008
That's the one thing that simulates
an identity in teens! Yech.
492
00:19:33,008 --> 00:19:37,470
That's right.
A 2009 Saturn Vue in clinical blue.
493
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,681
My credit journey starts today.
494
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:42,058
You have more personality
than anyone in your grade.
495
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,894
Why is this happening to me?
496
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:46,980
The more interesting I get,
the weaker you become.
497
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,940
I'm gonna get
a "coexist" bumper sticker
498
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,443
and be a designated driver, bitch.
499
00:19:51,443 --> 00:19:53,612
Everyone will wanna hang out
with me now.
500
00:19:54,613 --> 00:19:56,323
[Splash yells]
501
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,952
[♪ triumphant crescendo]
502
00:20:04,456 --> 00:20:05,916
- [tires squeal]
- [girl] Ugh.
503
00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,375
How long is this going to take?
504
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,919
We're starting to sober up.
505
00:20:08,919 --> 00:20:10,795
This will just take a minute, Stacis.
506
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,672
And then we can go back
to being popular.
507
00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,674
Hit a whippet while I wrap up my shit.
508
00:20:14,674 --> 00:20:17,177
Turn me up, queen.
509
00:20:18,511 --> 00:20:20,972
Come on, it's okay. You can do it.
510
00:20:20,972 --> 00:20:22,474
[groaning]
511
00:20:22,474 --> 00:20:24,976
You'll be safe here.
These are your people.
512
00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:27,479
[Allister groans]
513
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:32,609
Don't worry, I'm gonna get you all
to your natural habitats.
514
00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:35,362
Because I have a car.
515
00:20:35,362 --> 00:20:37,614
- [girls cheer]
- Jesse rules!
516
00:20:37,614 --> 00:20:39,449
Let's get fucked up on hard seltzer
517
00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:41,117
and disappoint our stepdads.
518
00:20:41,117 --> 00:20:42,577
Whoo-hoo!
519
00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:45,455
[Jesse]
Wow, what a day.
520
00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,958
We saved the boyfriends,
confronted my past,
521
00:20:47,958 --> 00:20:49,793
and we even rescued Terry and Korvo.
522
00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:52,879
I can't believe they thought
they were on a vacation the whole time.
523
00:20:52,879 --> 00:20:54,339
What a couple of dipshits.
524
00:20:54,339 --> 00:20:57,008
Wait a minute,
did we rescue Terry and Korvo?
525
00:20:57,008 --> 00:20:59,094
Yeah, right? I thought we did.
526
00:20:59,094 --> 00:21:01,596
Didn't Terry make us
those Skittles frittatas for brunch?
527
00:21:01,596 --> 00:21:02,722
I made those.
528
00:21:02,722 --> 00:21:03,932
Ah, geez.
529
00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:08,144
Oh, man. I've never felt
this relaxed in my life.
530
00:21:08,144 --> 00:21:11,273
Best wellness retreat ever.
531
00:21:12,524 --> 00:21:14,192
Damn, Korv, you're so relaxed.
532
00:21:14,192 --> 00:21:17,320
Yum's gonna be so jealous...
533
00:21:21,032 --> 00:21:22,200
How are you feeling?
534
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,660
Like shit.
535
00:21:24,536 --> 00:21:25,870
I'm glad you trusted your gut,
536
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:28,415
or we'd be stoned
and digging in sand right now.
537
00:21:28,415 --> 00:21:29,791
Huh.
538
00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:32,168
Maybe you do have what it takes
to make it out here.
539
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:33,712
I still have a lot to learn.
540
00:21:33,712 --> 00:21:37,215
Like, I can't believe that even after
we told everyone about Anthony's plan,
541
00:21:37,215 --> 00:21:40,760
they still decided to keep doing mushrooms
and worshiping the sand.
542
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:44,389
[Gavin] Ah, I guess we all have
to find some way to be happy.
543
00:21:48,184 --> 00:21:49,185
[groaning]
544
00:21:49,185 --> 00:21:50,979
[bounty hunter]
Tell me where they went.
545
00:21:50,979 --> 00:21:53,940
- I told you I don't know.
- Just like the rest of 'em.
546
00:21:54,941 --> 00:21:56,526
You're no use to me.
547
00:22:01,323 --> 00:22:02,866
[lizard growls]
548
00:22:09,497 --> 00:22:12,667
[♪ thrilling music]
549
00:22:16,838 --> 00:22:19,758
[♪ dramatic theme]
550
00:23:01,216 --> 00:23:02,717
[mimicking laser fire]