1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:05,048
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,887
Oh, Bradd and the aliens are gonna fight.
3
00:00:10,887 --> 00:00:13,640
You've got a big mouth, Bradd.
You better watch what you say.
4
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,642
What are you gonna do about it,
alien bitch?
5
00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:18,103
You're lucky you can even breathe
in this atmosphere,
6
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,980
lost in space little pieces of shit.
7
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:22,148
We're not lost in space,
you're lost in space!
8
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:24,067
I hate you, Bradd, you're a bad egg!
9
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,235
Oh, I'm so sorry.
10
00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:27,988
I don't want matinee-style freaks
creeping around school
11
00:00:27,988 --> 00:00:29,906
zapping people into piles of ash.
12
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:31,283
[all] Ooh!
13
00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:32,534
Hey, take that back!
14
00:00:32,534 --> 00:00:33,994
We don't do that anymore!
15
00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:35,328
What are you gonna do about it,
you little shit?
16
00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,163
I'm gonna bounty hunt your ass.
17
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,498
[all grunting]
18
00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:40,834
[students cheering]
19
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:41,918
Stop fighting.
20
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:44,087
You're kicking up
a cartoonish dust cloud!
21
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,339
[coughs] Oh, God, my allergies.
22
00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:47,924
Someone get my EpiPen!
23
00:00:47,924 --> 00:00:51,303
I can't die, I'm only 35 years away
from retirement.
24
00:00:51,303 --> 00:00:53,013
- [body thuds]
- [urine splatters]
25
00:00:53,847 --> 00:00:56,349
[Korvo] Planet Shlorp
was a perfect utopia,
26
00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:58,435
until the asteroid hit.
27
00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:01,438
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa,
28
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:03,273
and escaped into the... space,
29
00:01:03,273 --> 00:01:06,026
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
30
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,235
We crashed on Earth,
31
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,571
stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
32
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That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
33
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,449
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
34
00:01:12,449 --> 00:01:14,200
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
35
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,493
Bollocks,
I just dropped the Pupa.
36
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,454
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
37
00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:20,081
It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
38
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:22,208
Why are humans always running
and jogging for no reason
39
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:23,460
when they should be saving their energy
40
00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:25,045
for when they're being chased
by a Magoogoo?
41
00:01:25,045 --> 00:01:28,215
Everyone should be holding still
and storing calories at all times
42
00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:29,674
for when the Magoogoo emerges!
43
00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:32,886
[♪ dramatic music]
44
00:01:35,555 --> 00:01:37,015
[♪ gentle music]
45
00:01:37,015 --> 00:01:40,518
And done. My love language is
a combination of gift giving,
46
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,729
physical affection,
and '80s television theme songs.
47
00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:44,606
Yours is JavaScript.
48
00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:46,775
Oh, bugger, I've been telling people
I'm a Hufflepuff.
49
00:01:46,775 --> 00:01:49,319
Not all quizlets end
in Harry Potter houses, alright?
50
00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,445
- Well, they should.
- [door opens]
51
00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:52,030
- It hurts. It hurts.
- [Jesse and Yumyulack sobbing]
52
00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:54,449
Ow, it hurts.
Terry, Korvo!
53
00:01:54,449 --> 00:01:55,784
What the hell happened to you two?
54
00:01:55,784 --> 00:01:59,412
We got into a fight at school.
55
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A bully named Bradd with two Ds
56
00:02:01,665 --> 00:02:04,834
opened a can of double D
whoop ass all over us.
57
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,628
Oh. What have I told you
about fights?
58
00:02:06,628 --> 00:02:08,922
Shlorpians don't participate
in lowly human combat.
59
00:02:08,922 --> 00:02:11,007
We are hyperintelligent,
plant-based life forms.
60
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We don't do violence.
61
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,343
We were trying to ignore him,
62
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but then he said that all aliens are lame,
63
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and he called me bitch
and said his dad can beat you up.
64
00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:19,182
I don't care what he said.
65
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,393
You shouldn't let him get in your--
Wait, what did he say?
66
00:02:21,393 --> 00:02:23,061
- All aliens are lame.
- After that.
67
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- That I'm a little bitch.
- No, I'm fine with that.
68
00:02:25,063 --> 00:02:27,148
- The last thing.
- He said that his dad can beat you up.
69
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,776
Oh, please, that's taunting 101.
Who cares?
70
00:02:29,776 --> 00:02:30,860
That's horseshit.
71
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,363
I can't have anyone thinking
that a measly human can beat me up.
72
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I'm Korvo the motherfucking alien.
73
00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:37,617
Is this a bit?
Who cares what the kid said?
74
00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:39,160
He's a cum stain.
75
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,538
I care. He dragged me
and his dad in on this.
76
00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:43,331
The honor of this family, this team,
77
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,750
and the entire mission
hangs in the balance, Terry.
78
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,962
Wait a minute, Bradd said his dad
could beat up a dad in this family.
79
00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:50,338
How do we know
he wasn't talking about me?
80
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,423
I'm a dad too.
81
00:02:51,423 --> 00:02:54,301
[Korvo and replicants laugh]
82
00:02:54,301 --> 00:02:57,095
[laughter continues]
83
00:02:57,971 --> 00:03:00,473
Okay, you're right.
I'm more of a zaddy than a dad.
84
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,142
It's true.
That was good though, Terry.
85
00:03:02,142 --> 00:03:04,686
I really needed that.
You've energized me for an ass-kicking.
86
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,771
- Well, off to hurt a stranger.
- [Yumyulack] Korvo!
87
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,899
Korvo, wait.
If you kick his ass with ray guns,
88
00:03:08,899 --> 00:03:10,066
it'll just make it worse.
89
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,985
That's what he was saying we always do.
90
00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:14,279
Oh, please, I can take on
this Bradd's dad
91
00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:15,572
without Shlorpian science.
92
00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:18,783
I've got all the sci
and fi I need right here.
93
00:03:19,326 --> 00:03:21,912
[sighs] That man is such a Hufflepuff.
94
00:03:21,912 --> 00:03:23,330
- [Pupa laughing]
- Hey!
95
00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:26,708
[Pupa laughing]
96
00:03:26,708 --> 00:03:28,627
That's Korvo's third-favorite glowing orb.
97
00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:30,712
It's powered by something
that could destroy time and space.
98
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:32,631
Plus, he uses it to roll out his back.
99
00:03:32,631 --> 00:03:33,715
Ah!
100
00:03:34,174 --> 00:03:35,842
- [Pupa coos]
- Oh, okay,
101
00:03:35,842 --> 00:03:37,219
you guys are going naughty mode?
102
00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:39,429
Drop it. Drop it!
103
00:03:41,348 --> 00:03:43,767
- Pupa, I said drop it!
- [Pupa coos]
104
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:45,101
Pupa, no, drop it!
105
00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:46,937
Pupa, you drop that orb right now!
106
00:03:48,897 --> 00:03:50,273
[knocking]
107
00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:53,151
- Can I help you?
- Are you Bradd's dad?
108
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:54,486
I'm Korvo the alien.
109
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:55,779
Oh, I've heard about you.
110
00:03:55,779 --> 00:03:58,698
Word on the road is
your kid told my replicants
111
00:03:58,698 --> 00:03:59,908
you could beat me up.
112
00:03:59,908 --> 00:04:02,077
I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson.
113
00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:04,162
You're being real aggressive
right now, man.
114
00:04:04,162 --> 00:04:05,747
Well, I didn't evolve on Earth.
115
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:08,375
I have strength beyond
your limited imagination.
116
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:09,876
You can't go around writing checks
117
00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:12,045
that your bullshit can't cash,
you little bitch.
118
00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:13,880
Don't call me a little bitch.
119
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,508
Oh, I'm sorry, you're a big bitch.
120
00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:19,219
[grunts] Don't you grab my fist
mid-swing, you cheater.
121
00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:21,137
[Korvo grunting]
122
00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:22,973
[bones cracking]
123
00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:24,266
[Korvo yells]
124
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:26,685
[Korvo groaning]
125
00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:30,772
- [fist thudding]
- [face squelching]
126
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:36,194
[Korvo groans]
127
00:04:37,571 --> 00:04:40,156
Dammit. Ugh. Ah.
128
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:41,324
Oh. Oh, God.
129
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,994
[AISHA] Korvo, you think
you gonna drag your nasty,
130
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,495
beat-up ass through my shit
131
00:04:45,495 --> 00:04:48,039
and not tell me how you got so messed up?
132
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:51,334
I ran into the, uh, Boondock Saints,
and they sucker-punched me.
133
00:04:52,127 --> 00:04:53,211
[Korvo grunts]
134
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,213
[Korvo screaming]
135
00:04:57,132 --> 00:04:58,633
[hissing]
136
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,927
[AISHA] And I know there weren't
any Boondocks Saints.
137
00:05:00,927 --> 00:05:04,222
The replicants told me about
your dumbass beef with Bradd's dad.
138
00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:06,558
I'm glad you got it out your system.
139
00:05:06,558 --> 00:05:09,102
Oh, Aisha, it is very much
still in my system,
140
00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:10,604
but something's not right.
141
00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:12,188
[AISHA] Yeah, your stupid ego.
142
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:13,982
I shouldn't be able
to be harmed at all by a human
143
00:05:13,982 --> 00:05:16,693
who hasn't even experienced
the technological singularity yet.
144
00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:17,777
It doesn't make any sense.
145
00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:20,113
[AISHA] You are letting
your pride get the best of you.
146
00:05:20,113 --> 00:05:22,699
Like in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
147
00:05:22,699 --> 00:05:24,242
before the zombies showed up.
148
00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:25,577
This is not about pride.
149
00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:27,078
It's about my perceived self-worth.
150
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:29,497
[AISHA] If I had eyes,
you know I'd be rolling 'em.
151
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,750
This guy jeopardized
my standing as a leader
152
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,043
and the sanctity of the mission.
153
00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:35,003
Now I have to go sci-fi on his ass.
154
00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:37,297
Aisha, prepare me a Shlorpian Muscle-tini.
155
00:05:37,297 --> 00:05:40,342
[AISHA] Fine, but nobody's buying
that this is about the mission.
156
00:05:41,259 --> 00:05:42,260
[♪ comical musical sting]
157
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:45,347
Using science for petty victories
never goes wrong.
158
00:05:45,347 --> 00:05:46,514
[laughs manically]
159
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:49,517
[AISHA] Your bwa-ha-ha laugh
is weak as fuck.
160
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:54,522
[♪ bright music]
161
00:05:57,776 --> 00:05:59,194
[feet thumping]
162
00:05:59,194 --> 00:06:01,696
♪
163
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:03,698
- [door clatters]
- [Korvo grunts]
164
00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:05,825
[♪ dramatic music]
165
00:06:07,202 --> 00:06:08,578
[chair thuds]
166
00:06:08,578 --> 00:06:09,746
[head boings]
167
00:06:10,372 --> 00:06:13,166
- [♪ dramatic orchestral music]
- [both grunting]
168
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:17,087
[Korvo thuds]
169
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:21,341
[fist thudding]
170
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:25,220
[groaning]
171
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,806
[Korvo screaming]
172
00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:30,433
[doors whoosh]
173
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,352
- [♪ bright music]
- [doors whoosh]
174
00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:39,484
[♪ lively music]
175
00:06:43,697 --> 00:06:44,948
Mm. Ah!
176
00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:46,825
♪
177
00:06:46,825 --> 00:06:49,160
[scope whirring]
178
00:06:52,414 --> 00:06:54,416
[♪ comical music]
179
00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:56,376
[Korvo screaming]
180
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:57,460
[thuds]
181
00:06:58,295 --> 00:06:59,963
[spear whooshes]
182
00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:01,214
- [spear squelches]
- [Korvo grunts]
183
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:03,258
[beeping]
184
00:07:03,258 --> 00:07:04,676
[explosion booms]
185
00:07:04,676 --> 00:07:07,762
[♪ downtempo whimsical music]
186
00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:13,476
[tires screech]
187
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:14,603
Drop it!
188
00:07:15,562 --> 00:07:16,897
[horns honking]
189
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:19,357
[tires screeching]
190
00:07:19,357 --> 00:07:20,984
- [horn blares]
- Aah!
191
00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:22,235
Ha, ha!
192
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,612
- [thuds]
- [Terry groans]
193
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,364
Yay!
194
00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:29,034
Oh, God! [grunts]
195
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:31,119
Drop it!
196
00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:34,998
[♪ light swing music]
197
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:40,045
♪
198
00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:42,881
[happy humming]
199
00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:44,507
[bacon sizzling]
200
00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:49,721
[♪ mischievous music]
201
00:07:53,934 --> 00:07:55,143
[pan clangs]
202
00:07:58,438 --> 00:08:00,982
[birds chirping]
203
00:08:00,982 --> 00:08:03,443
[Korvo screaming]
204
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:06,655
[♪ mischievous music]
205
00:08:12,786 --> 00:08:14,204
[♪ suspenseful music]
206
00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:15,664
[giggling]
207
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,877
[acid hisses]
208
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:22,087
[♪ dramatic sting]
209
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,969
[♪ suspenseful music]
210
00:08:33,974 --> 00:08:36,017
[♪ music crescendos]
211
00:08:38,812 --> 00:08:40,438
[acid hisses]
212
00:08:42,315 --> 00:08:43,316
[Korvo thuds]
213
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:45,860
- [tube clinks]
- [acid hisses]
214
00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:48,196
[♪ whimsical flourish]
215
00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:51,491
[sparks hissing]
216
00:08:51,491 --> 00:08:53,910
- [glass shatters]
- [♪ dramatic music]
217
00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:57,080
[saws whirring]
218
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,711
♪
219
00:09:07,549 --> 00:09:09,384
[shoes squeaking]
220
00:09:10,552 --> 00:09:12,554
- [indistinct chatter]
- [sirens blaring]
221
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,433
Drop it!
Please, drop it!
222
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:18,351
[sirens blaring]
223
00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:21,521
- Don't jump.
- You have so much to live for.
224
00:09:23,648 --> 00:09:25,108
No!
225
00:09:26,234 --> 00:09:27,402
[JK Sevens beeping]
226
00:09:28,528 --> 00:09:29,988
Drop... it.
227
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:32,824
[Pupa whooshes]
228
00:09:32,824 --> 00:09:35,368
What do we do now?
That was gonna be my whole evening.
229
00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:37,370
Uh, there's
a Monster Truck rally in town.
230
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:40,290
Ugh, fine, but only
because I already revealed
231
00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:41,917
I don't have another option.
232
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,877
[♪ dramatic music]
233
00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:49,132
[zipper buzzes]
234
00:09:54,262 --> 00:09:56,056
[♪ jaunty music]
235
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:00,894
[knocking]
236
00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:06,024
[phone ringing]
237
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:11,529
[♪ mischievous music]
238
00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:14,199
[baby cooing]
239
00:10:15,408 --> 00:10:16,534
[knife flicks]
240
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:18,036
[squeals]
241
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:20,038
[Korvo gags]
242
00:10:20,038 --> 00:10:22,207
[♪ jaunty music resumes]
243
00:10:24,459 --> 00:10:26,336
[Korvo grunts]
244
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:30,215
[♪ "Ode to Joy" playing]
245
00:10:32,884 --> 00:10:35,095
♪
246
00:10:35,554 --> 00:10:38,390
[thudding footsteps]
247
00:10:42,394 --> 00:10:44,229
[gears whirring]
248
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:46,481
No, no! [grunts]
249
00:10:46,481 --> 00:10:48,525
[electricity crackling]
250
00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:50,235
[Korvo thuds]
251
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:52,112
♪
252
00:10:55,657 --> 00:10:56,950
[fists thudding]
253
00:10:56,950 --> 00:10:58,326
[Korvo thudding]
254
00:10:58,326 --> 00:10:59,411
Drop it!
255
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,456
[♪ lively music]
256
00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:08,545
[water splashes]
257
00:11:08,545 --> 00:11:10,171
[quiet cackling]
258
00:11:12,632 --> 00:11:13,675
[pistol fires]
259
00:11:13,675 --> 00:11:15,176
[missile beeps]
260
00:11:17,637 --> 00:11:18,930
[♪ comical music]
261
00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:20,348
[missile beeps]
262
00:11:23,685 --> 00:11:24,728
[explosion booms]
263
00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:26,897
[eyes blinking]
264
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:29,065
♪
265
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,442
[♪ dramatic music]
266
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:31,526
[bell tings]
267
00:11:36,615 --> 00:11:38,366
[ship buzzing]
268
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,077
[♪ lively music]
269
00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:42,913
[ship whooshing]
270
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:49,211
[♪ suspenseful music]
271
00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:50,921
♪
272
00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:55,675
[♪ lively music]
273
00:11:59,638 --> 00:12:03,266
[♪ suspenseful orchestral music]
274
00:12:04,601 --> 00:12:06,519
- [intestines rumbling]
- [alarm blaring]
275
00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:11,483
[Korvo screams]
276
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,693
[screaming continues]
277
00:12:14,402 --> 00:12:15,654
[ship splashes]
278
00:12:18,782 --> 00:12:20,575
[♪ dramatic music]
279
00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:22,953
- [gulps]
- [gun firing]
280
00:12:25,872 --> 00:12:26,998
[♪ tense music]
281
00:12:26,998 --> 00:12:28,124
Drop it.
282
00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:32,796
[guns clicking]
283
00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:36,883
Drop it.
284
00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:39,719
Wait, who are you tellin' to drop it?
285
00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:41,263
I'm telling the Pupa.
286
00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:44,683
- The what?
- The goddamn supercomputer behind you.
287
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:47,477
You know what? Can we just say
that we're all gonna drop it, please?
288
00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:49,938
No, he's right.
You guys are my bros.
289
00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,856
I really meant it earlier
when I said that for me,
290
00:12:51,856 --> 00:12:53,900
the action is the juice.
291
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,277
I love you guys.
292
00:12:55,277 --> 00:12:58,154
Let's ditch this heist
and go to that Monster Truck rally
293
00:12:58,154 --> 00:13:00,031
that's in town, for old times' sake.
294
00:13:00,031 --> 00:13:01,491
- Come on, everyone bring it in.
- [guns clatter]
295
00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:02,659
[JK Sevens beeping]
296
00:13:02,659 --> 00:13:03,743
Drop it!
297
00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,956
[♪ lively music]
298
00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:17,674
[♪ quizzical music]
299
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:30,604
[♪ lively music]
300
00:13:34,274 --> 00:13:37,652
[♪ mischievous music]
301
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:47,829
♪
302
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,834
[♪ mischievous music]
303
00:13:53,835 --> 00:13:54,836
[door slams]
304
00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:56,963
[Korvo] You fucked up now,
Bradd's dad.
305
00:13:56,963 --> 00:14:00,800
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
306
00:14:04,888 --> 00:14:08,767
[Korvo] Well, well, well, it looks like
the tables have turned.
307
00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:10,352
You're in my house now!
308
00:14:10,352 --> 00:14:12,062
This evenly matched battle of--
309
00:14:12,062 --> 00:14:14,314
- Evenly matched?
- [Korvo] Yes, we are two great warriors
310
00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:15,398
fighting to a stalemate.
311
00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:17,275
Don't try to throw me off, Bradd's dad,
312
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:19,736
or should I say Evgeni?
313
00:14:19,736 --> 00:14:21,446
How'd you find my real name?
314
00:14:21,446 --> 00:14:23,615
[Korvo] Oh, I know so much about you.
315
00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:25,867
Like your fear of being eaten by an orca!
316
00:14:27,452 --> 00:14:29,663
You thought your identity was a fortress,
317
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,248
but there were cracks in the walls.
318
00:14:31,248 --> 00:14:35,293
Today, as we two equally
unbreakable fighters faced off,
319
00:14:35,293 --> 00:14:38,004
I started to gather information about you.
320
00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:40,173
At first, I thought you were just
a boring suburban,
321
00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:41,675
ABC Primetime dad.
322
00:14:41,675 --> 00:14:43,134
So I couldn't understand
how you could fight me
323
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:44,678
to a draw so many times.
324
00:14:44,678 --> 00:14:46,304
I don't remember there being a draw.
325
00:14:46,304 --> 00:14:48,306
[Korvo] As an alien
from another planet living on Earth,
326
00:14:48,306 --> 00:14:51,101
my survival demands that I drink
a quart of piss a day,
327
00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:54,020
look good in a crop top,
but mostly to be observant.
328
00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:57,941
While we fought, I had my eyes open.
329
00:14:58,817 --> 00:15:00,318
I first knew something was amiss
330
00:15:00,318 --> 00:15:02,571
when I saw a painting
above your fireplace.
331
00:15:02,571 --> 00:15:04,948
I saw beyond its basicness.
332
00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:07,242
The forest in that painting
was in Nova Scotia,
333
00:15:07,242 --> 00:15:09,035
known for being voted
one of the best places
334
00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:11,621
to raise a Hanna,
like from the movie Hanna.
335
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:13,707
Sweet little Evgeni must have been trained
336
00:15:13,707 --> 00:15:16,877
in the art of fighting by his dad,
just like a Hanna.
337
00:15:16,877 --> 00:15:18,962
My dad moved me
to the woods as a baby,
338
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:20,922
after a time traveler tried to murder me.
339
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,675
My dad beat his ass.
340
00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:25,677
[Korvo] No, he didn't!
They were evenly matched!
341
00:15:26,303 --> 00:15:28,597
You made your attack robots
look like my kid?
342
00:15:28,597 --> 00:15:30,891
- That's fucked up.
- [Korvo] That doesn't matter.
343
00:15:30,891 --> 00:15:33,226
We've been intertwined
from the very beginning, Evgeni.
344
00:15:33,226 --> 00:15:35,854
The unstoppable force
versus the immovable object.
345
00:15:35,854 --> 00:15:36,938
We balance each other.
346
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:39,566
I don't remember any balance
when I was smoking you.
347
00:15:39,566 --> 00:15:41,151
[Korvo] Perhaps earlier
you noticed me pass you
348
00:15:41,151 --> 00:15:42,861
on my daily rollerblading route.
349
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:44,779
The literature you were reading
at the magazine stand
350
00:15:44,779 --> 00:15:46,072
piqued my interest.
351
00:15:46,072 --> 00:15:48,700
You mean when you tried
to kill me and totally ate shit?
352
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:49,868
[Korvo] No, I didn't! Shut up!
353
00:15:49,868 --> 00:15:52,078
My sharpened powers
of deduction made me realize
354
00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:54,122
that your background
is way more complicated
355
00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:55,916
than I previously guessed.
356
00:15:55,916 --> 00:15:57,542
You were later trained in Russia,
357
00:15:57,542 --> 00:16:00,170
a hunch that was proven true
when you shot at me
358
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:03,215
after I had shrunken myself down
and ended up in your toilet.
359
00:16:03,215 --> 00:16:06,468
Two shots in the head, one in the heart,
even when shooting into a shitter.
360
00:16:06,468 --> 00:16:09,221
Wait, you were in my body
and I shit you out?
361
00:16:09,221 --> 00:16:10,889
I didn't even know you were in the toilet.
362
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:12,891
[Korvo] Wait, so why were
you shooting at your own shit?
363
00:16:12,891 --> 00:16:14,476
To break down the log!
364
00:16:15,018 --> 00:16:16,186
You know what? I'm sick of this.
365
00:16:16,186 --> 00:16:17,646
My past is none of your concern.
366
00:16:17,646 --> 00:16:19,356
I keep it to myself for a reason.
367
00:16:19,356 --> 00:16:20,732
[Korvo] I could leave it at that,
368
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:22,484
but I can't because
you're not just a Hanna
369
00:16:22,484 --> 00:16:24,861
who was subsequently trained by the KGB.
370
00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:27,239
No. When I was in you,
I took a sample,
371
00:16:27,239 --> 00:16:29,449
which analysis proved
you've been genetically altered
372
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:31,451
into a killing machine by Weapon Z,
373
00:16:31,451 --> 00:16:34,371
a legally clearable version
of Weapon X for parody purposes,
374
00:16:34,371 --> 00:16:37,624
a program that's Canadian
and so is poutine,
375
00:16:37,624 --> 00:16:39,834
which is what you were eating!
376
00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:42,712
We're two sides of the same coin, Evgeni.
377
00:16:42,712 --> 00:16:45,090
A double-headed dildo of fighting ability.
378
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,133
Sure, I could step into the shadows
and be evil like you,
379
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:48,301
but I choose not to.
380
00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:50,720
- You attacked me.
- [Korvo] I fight for justice.
381
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,556
What about you, Evgeni,
why do you fight?
382
00:16:52,556 --> 00:16:54,891
Is it your training
or your watered-down genetics?
383
00:16:54,891 --> 00:16:56,268
Or are you just an asshole?
384
00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:57,686
The only reason I had to fight you
385
00:16:57,686 --> 00:17:00,188
was because my son came home
crying with a black eye.
386
00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:02,190
Your shitty kids have been bullying him.
387
00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:04,025
He told me exactly what they said to him.
388
00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:06,027
That all humans are dumb
and that he's a little bitch
389
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:08,280
and that their dad could kick my ass.
390
00:17:09,239 --> 00:17:10,532
[robots whir and thud]
391
00:17:11,825 --> 00:17:15,120
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, for realsies?
- Yeah.
392
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,289
That's exactly what
the replicants told me
393
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:18,957
but that Bradd was bullying them.
394
00:17:18,957 --> 00:17:20,834
Did they have black eyes too?
395
00:17:20,834 --> 00:17:22,711
They bloody did.
396
00:17:23,253 --> 00:17:24,921
You didn't threaten
to kick my ass, did you?
397
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:27,257
No, no, I did not.
398
00:17:29,843 --> 00:17:31,219
Well then, what the fuck?
399
00:17:31,678 --> 00:17:33,138
[♪ dramatic music]
400
00:17:33,471 --> 00:17:35,974
Please, I don't have
any more in the tank.
401
00:17:35,974 --> 00:17:38,685
This is it.
Th-th-this is the end of me.
402
00:17:39,019 --> 00:17:40,103
Please just drop it.
403
00:17:40,604 --> 00:17:44,107
[crying] Why?
Why are you doing this?
404
00:17:44,107 --> 00:17:45,692
We trained you to be good.
405
00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:48,612
We trained you to respond
to a verbal command.
406
00:17:48,612 --> 00:17:49,738
[groans]
407
00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:53,533
Wait, was it, "Drop it"?
408
00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:57,871
[gasps] Pupa... give it.
409
00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:03,710
Oh, alright, we trained you
to give it, not drop it.
410
00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:05,962
Oh, who's the Hufflepuff now, huh?
411
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:07,339
Where's the sorting hat when you need it?
412
00:18:07,339 --> 00:18:08,798
Oh, my God.
413
00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:12,886
- [Terry giggles]
- Drop it!
414
00:18:15,347 --> 00:18:17,349
So they made the whole thing up.
415
00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:19,392
They knew we would have
to answer the call to battle,
416
00:18:19,392 --> 00:18:21,269
the two of us,
great handsome warriors
417
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,146
of undeniably equal skill.
418
00:18:23,146 --> 00:18:24,814
Saying it doesn't make it true.
419
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:26,816
I said undeniably, Evgeni,
420
00:18:26,816 --> 00:18:28,568
that means you can't deny it.
421
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,528
I just don't understand why.
422
00:18:30,528 --> 00:18:31,863
Why did they go to the trouble?
423
00:18:31,863 --> 00:18:33,615
Wait, did your replicants ask
424
00:18:33,615 --> 00:18:35,700
if they could go
to a Monster Truck rally today?
425
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,787
Yes, but I said no,
I can't support Monster Trucks.
426
00:18:38,787 --> 00:18:40,497
The monster part makes them too scary.
427
00:18:40,497 --> 00:18:42,165
I don't even support regular trucks.
428
00:18:42,791 --> 00:18:45,168
Wait, did Bradd ask you
if he could go too?
429
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:46,962
You don't think?
430
00:18:48,588 --> 00:18:50,757
[crowd cheering]
431
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:55,053
- Yeah!
- Smash that shit!
432
00:18:55,637 --> 00:18:57,222
Look at those happy little bastards.
433
00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:58,723
I wonder what they like more,
434
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:00,809
the large wheeled trucks
or that they got away with it.
435
00:19:00,809 --> 00:19:02,686
I'm proud of 'em for getting one past me.
436
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:04,104
Look at 'em having fun.
437
00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:06,064
My dad never let me go to anything fun.
438
00:19:06,064 --> 00:19:07,524
Maybe I'm too hard on the kid.
439
00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:10,151
I too am impressed
by my replicants' wiles.
440
00:19:10,151 --> 00:19:12,112
Hey, let's not tell them
we figured it out.
441
00:19:12,112 --> 00:19:13,321
Let 'em think they pulled it off.
442
00:19:13,321 --> 00:19:14,739
- Really?
- Yeah.
443
00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:17,367
We'll get our revenge
during their impressionable teen years.
444
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,452
- I love that plan.
- Good.
445
00:19:19,452 --> 00:19:21,496
But just to be clear,
we are not friends,
446
00:19:21,496 --> 00:19:23,123
and we are nothing alike.
447
00:19:23,123 --> 00:19:24,207
Fine.
448
00:19:25,292 --> 00:19:26,668
Have you ever taken
449
00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:28,545
one of those Harry Potter
sorting hat quizlets?
450
00:19:28,545 --> 00:19:29,963
Sure, I'm a Hufflepuff.
451
00:19:30,422 --> 00:19:31,840
- Why?
- Oh, no reason.
452
00:19:32,215 --> 00:19:33,717
No reason at all.
453
00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:35,051
- Woo!
- Alright!
454
00:19:35,051 --> 00:19:36,803
- This is awesome!
- Alright. Yeah!
455
00:19:36,803 --> 00:19:40,098
- Oh, my God!
- [crowd cheering]
456
00:19:41,099 --> 00:19:42,267
[Terry laughing]
457
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:43,351
Drop it!
458
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:45,228
Drop it!
459
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:48,648
I'm the Pupa.
460
00:19:49,608 --> 00:19:52,652
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
461
00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:35,487
[mimicking laser fire]