1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,046
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:07,092 --> 00:00:08,677
[beacon beeping]
3
00:00:08,677 --> 00:00:10,971
Oh, damn it. Stop beeping.
4
00:00:10,971 --> 00:00:12,305
- [beeping continues]
- Ah, stupid thing!
5
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:14,474
Okay. Loving that sound.
6
00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:16,518
Also, drop that crap
right now, mamacita.
7
00:00:16,518 --> 00:00:18,103
We're headed to the arcade!
8
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:20,897
They're debuting a new VR game,
Below Deck Sailing Yacht.
9
00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,107
I can't. This is important.
10
00:00:22,107 --> 00:00:23,483
Yeah, yeah. I don't give a shit.
Get this.
11
00:00:23,483 --> 00:00:25,235
One of the deckhands
forgot to tie a fender,
12
00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:27,195
and the stern is rubbin' on the dock.
13
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,698
I can't go to the bloody arcade.
I've gotta fix this beacon.
14
00:00:29,698 --> 00:00:32,366
Allow me to counter that
with my whiny mode.
15
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,493
[clears throat]
16
00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:35,579
[whiny voice]
Korvo, there's no way
17
00:00:35,579 --> 00:00:38,164
this thing matters more
than two adoring husbands
18
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:41,251
attending an exclusive
VR event together.
19
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:43,086
You know I'd love
to see VR Andy Cohen
20
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,754
be a messy little bitch but not today.
21
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,548
Come on! Set it aside
22
00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:49,217
and revel in some
Earth culture with me.
23
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,510
[Korvo]
This is the distress beacon,
24
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,388
which you broke when you spilled
a low-carb V8 on it.
25
00:00:53,388 --> 00:00:57,100
[normal voice] Sorry that I was thirsty
for over seven vegetables.
26
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,935
Everything in this house beeps.
Who cares?
27
00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:00,896
It's beaming our coordinates into space!
28
00:01:00,896 --> 00:01:02,230
And?
29
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,941
And if any cyborgs in the quadrant
pick up the signal,
30
00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:07,903
they could pinpoint our location
and assimilate us.
31
00:01:07,903 --> 00:01:11,281
Cyborgs were a myth the elders made up
to trick us into going to bed on time.
32
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:13,283
I don't care.
I can't put the mission at risk.
33
00:01:13,283 --> 00:01:15,577
Ugh! I wish there was a way to see
that everything would be okay
34
00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:16,870
if you just bailed
and had fun with us.
35
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:19,873
And I wish there was a way to show you
that being responsible is cool.
36
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:23,960
- [♪ mystical music]
- Wait, what if there was?
37
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,087
Why do you say that like that?
Stop. It's cringe.
38
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,964
Replicants, assemble!
39
00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,382
Ah, geez. Are we in trouble?
40
00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:31,301
I was just exploring my own body.
41
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:32,552
What do you... N-no.
42
00:01:32,552 --> 00:01:35,639
We are finally going to use
the ship's What If? Device.
43
00:01:35,639 --> 00:01:37,140
Oh, really? Hell yeah!
44
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:40,435
Holy moly. I didn't even know
we had a What If? Device.
45
00:01:40,435 --> 00:01:42,103
Hey, what's a What If? Device?
46
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,147
It's a piece of Shlorpian technology
you can use
47
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,398
to see how life would be different
48
00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:47,484
depending on wild scenarios
we plug into it.
49
00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:50,528
Inspired by how they do it in Futurama,
now airing on Hulu?
50
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,864
No, it's totally...
It's a very different thing.
51
00:01:52,864 --> 00:01:55,533
Don't say that or we'll get an email
telling us we can't do it.
52
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,745
This is awesome! The Solar Opposites
are having our very own What If? Day.
53
00:01:58,745 --> 00:02:00,914
We could do a bunch of wacky scenarios.
54
00:02:00,914 --> 00:02:03,583
This is gonna rip ass.
Did I use that correctly?
55
00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:04,751
- No.
- Cool!
56
00:02:04,751 --> 00:02:08,296
Come on, hurry!
Let's go and do some What Ifs.
57
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:11,174
♪ What If Day, What If Day ♪
58
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:15,220
♪ Anything can happen
on What If Day ♪
59
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,304
♪ What if ♪
60
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,847
♪ The Solars lived underwater ♪
61
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,015
♪ What if ♪
62
00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:20,767
♪ Terry was allergic to corn ♪
63
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:21,851
♪ What if ♪
64
00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,770
♪ Jesse had
a Spice Girls bat mitzvah ♪
65
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:26,523
♪ And Young Sheldon
had never been born ♪
66
00:02:26,523 --> 00:02:29,568
- ♪ What if Korvo had big naturals ♪
- We're talkin' titties!
67
00:02:29,568 --> 00:02:33,488
♪ Yum and the Pupa won
a Tony for writing a play ♪
68
00:02:33,488 --> 00:02:34,823
♪ Well, you're about to find out ♪
69
00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:36,533
♪ Because anything can happen ♪
70
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:40,287
♪ On What If Day ♪
71
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:41,454
[Terry]
Yeah!
72
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,794
I can't believe we have
our very own What If? Device.
73
00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:49,629
I'm gonna ask,
"What if I was a Yeti?"
74
00:02:49,629 --> 00:02:52,382
I can't wait to lurk around
all naked and mysterious
75
00:02:52,382 --> 00:02:53,550
while shitting in the snow.
76
00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:55,218
Perfect idea.
We're doing that for sure.
77
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:58,305
I'm gonna ask, "What if I wore
two bows on my head?"
78
00:02:58,305 --> 00:02:59,681
Dream bigger, Jesse.
79
00:02:59,681 --> 00:03:01,850
- Ten bows.
- [Jesse gasps]
80
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,894
I'm gonna ask, "What if
ketchup tasted like mustard?"
81
00:03:03,894 --> 00:03:06,062
Let's go ham with
all sorts of crazy What Ifs.
82
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,189
- I wanna go first.
- Nuh-uh. No way. Me, me!
83
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,608
We're all going to get a turn.
84
00:03:09,608 --> 00:03:11,151
But it was my idea so I'm going first.
85
00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:13,737
AISHA, reveal the What If? Device.
86
00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:15,113
[AISHA]
Coming up!
87
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:16,740
[all] Whoa!
88
00:03:18,617 --> 00:03:21,161
- Wait a hot girl second.
- What's wrong?
89
00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:24,122
The What If button.
It's already been pushed.
90
00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:26,249
- [♪ dramatic sting]
- How can you tell?
91
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:27,667
Usually, the crystal is above the top.
92
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,419
It's not supposed
to be recessed like that.
93
00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:31,379
See? It should look like that.
94
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:33,173
Well, let's unpress it
so we can get What If'ing.
95
00:03:33,173 --> 00:03:35,175
- Don't touch that!
- Ow! What was that for?
96
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:36,384
We can't just reset the button.
97
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,595
Why not? I want to.
It's so pressable.
98
00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:41,514
Because we don't have any idea
how long it's been running.
99
00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:44,100
Ow! See? It's hot
from being on for so long.
100
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,977
Well, you know Terry
don't care about that shit.
101
00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,062
You don't understand.
102
00:03:47,062 --> 00:03:48,647
If this thing's been running
this whole time,
103
00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:51,399
it means we're all already
inside someone's What If.
104
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,736
Okay, Grand Moff Obvious.
That's why we gotta turn it off.
105
00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:57,614
If we do that,
reality as we know it will end,
106
00:03:57,614 --> 00:04:00,075
meaning that something
unpredictable about our lives
107
00:04:00,075 --> 00:04:01,493
could change for the worse.
108
00:04:01,493 --> 00:04:03,161
I guess if we never turned it off,
109
00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:05,497
it means someone liked
what they were What If'ing.
110
00:04:05,497 --> 00:04:08,917
Exactly. Someone used the device
and their life got better.
111
00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:11,002
Not me. I'm basically
all grievance all the time.
112
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:12,963
Me too. I mean, my life's okay,
113
00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:15,590
but I've got notes. You know?
114
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:17,801
Yeah.
I'd be Mrs. Austin Butler right now
115
00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:20,220
if I had What If'd,
that's for darn tootin'.
116
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:23,056
Sorry, but generally not being happy
isn't good enough.
117
00:04:23,056 --> 00:04:25,850
We're not unpressing this button
until we have a good guess
118
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,561
what it will change about our lives.
119
00:04:27,561 --> 00:04:30,146
We need to do
a pro and con list for everyone here.
120
00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:33,650
Korvo, no! Pro and con lists
are a gateway drug to Venn diagrams.
121
00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:35,402
Break out the whiteboard!
122
00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:36,486
[all groan]
123
00:04:37,237 --> 00:04:38,947
And done.
124
00:04:38,947 --> 00:04:41,992
Crap. Turns out we actually
all have really awesome lives.
125
00:04:41,992 --> 00:04:43,910
So we all have an equal chance
of messing up our lives
126
00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:44,995
if we press the button.
127
00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,830
Fuck it. I'm gonna press that shit.
128
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,915
- No, don't!
- It's an even chance my life gets shitty.
129
00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:50,375
I'm willing to take those odds.
130
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,793
- Me too.
- Yep. I'm in.
131
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:54,004
Nobody here has a bad life.
Why take the risk?
132
00:04:54,004 --> 00:04:55,839
There was a whole song about it.
133
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,592
Yeah. We were promised a bunch
of wacky What If scenarios.
134
00:04:58,592 --> 00:05:00,677
We don't take kindly
to broken promises, king.
135
00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,012
But you don't know what we'll lose.
136
00:05:02,012 --> 00:05:03,722
Finding out will be part of the fun.
137
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,599
- Think about the mission.
- Mission, schmission.
138
00:05:05,599 --> 00:05:07,183
What if whatever the What If is
139
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:09,102
endangers the thing that
we're doing with the Pupa?
140
00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:11,688
Um, we're totally unbothered
by that possibility.
141
00:05:11,688 --> 00:05:14,024
We're not exactly doing great
with the Pupa anyway.
142
00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:18,361
Maybe resetting the device puts
the mission back a few steps. Who cares?
143
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:21,156
- What? I care!
- Why? Your life sucks.
144
00:05:21,156 --> 00:05:24,951
Don't you wanna slide that finger
all over that big red button?
145
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:26,077
Choke me and push it.
146
00:05:26,077 --> 00:05:28,330
Don't try and sexy pet me
into agreeing with you.
147
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,707
I actually have a cool life.
Maybe the coolest life.
148
00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:32,876
So cool you could chill Capri-Sun on it.
149
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,127
Your life isn't cool.
150
00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:36,046
You're the leader of a team
that doesn't respect you,
151
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:37,339
you never let yourself have fun,
152
00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:39,341
your fashion sucks,
and you're a bald-ass bitch.
153
00:05:39,341 --> 00:05:40,425
You're a bald too.
154
00:05:40,425 --> 00:05:42,427
Yeah, but we own it,
like Steven Seagal.
155
00:05:42,427 --> 00:05:45,805
We're slaying the no-hair,
no-ears look. Smooth.
156
00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:47,349
Come on, gang.
It's three against one.
157
00:05:47,349 --> 00:05:49,059
Wait, wait, wait.
You wanna have fun?
158
00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:50,769
What if we play with
the Dumb Ray instead?
159
00:05:50,769 --> 00:05:53,063
Yeah. Hmm.
What if we did that?
160
00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:55,273
Let's use the What If? Device
and find out!
161
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:57,275
We wanna do a bunch of fun What Ifs now!
162
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:58,777
No more talking or being cautious.
163
00:05:58,777 --> 00:06:01,446
No. Let's leave the ship
and watch some TV.
164
00:06:01,446 --> 00:06:03,323
I heard there's a Carlito's Way
marathon on VH1.
165
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,950
That's something
the whole family can enjoy.
166
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:07,702
You hyped the What If? Device
too well. Get him!
167
00:06:07,702 --> 00:06:10,163
- [all shouting]
- [Korvo wailing]
168
00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:13,792
- [all yelp]
- What the hell?
169
00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:15,794
[AISHA] No roughhousing
on the ship!
170
00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:18,755
Whoa. I see your Shlorp Fu
has improved over the years.
171
00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:20,382
Well then, let us begin.
172
00:06:20,382 --> 00:06:21,967
AISHA, give me cover.
173
00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:23,843
[♪ energetic music]
174
00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:26,179
[Korvo grunting]
175
00:06:26,179 --> 00:06:29,516
Come back here with the What If? Device,
you overly cautious son of a bitch!
176
00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:30,976
I already did my steps for the day.
177
00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:33,436
Please don't make me chase you.
Please!
178
00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:36,565
[tires screeching]
179
00:06:37,607 --> 00:06:38,692
Follow that husband.
180
00:06:38,692 --> 00:06:39,901
Keep your pants on.
181
00:06:41,987 --> 00:06:44,739
I have $14,000
in unpaid parking tickets,
182
00:06:44,739 --> 00:06:46,616
so I have to do this once a week.
183
00:06:46,616 --> 00:06:48,243
You really shouldn't own a car.
184
00:06:48,243 --> 00:06:50,704
Ugh, you sound just like
that woke-ass judge.
185
00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:55,792
[Korvo shouting]
186
00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:57,586
Gotta get you somewhere
Terry would never go.
187
00:06:57,586 --> 00:06:59,462
That store that only sells
books about planes,
188
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:02,007
Disney's California Adventure,
maybe the dermatologist.
189
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:03,091
- [thud]
- Ah!
190
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:05,677
- Ah! Cut it out!
- [What If? Device beeping]
191
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,637
Without the ship systems,
this thing is unstable.
192
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,639
Ah! Stop hitting me!
193
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:11,850
It just leaked a random What If.
194
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:13,059
[phone rings]
195
00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:15,312
Give us back that device.
We wanna have fun.
196
00:07:15,312 --> 00:07:17,939
Also FYI, I'm gonna order
Greek food for dinner tonight.
197
00:07:17,939 --> 00:07:19,566
So do you want to split a lamb souvlaki?
198
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:22,027
No to the first part.
Yes to the souvlaki. [grunts]
199
00:07:24,613 --> 00:07:25,739
Guys, check it out.
200
00:07:25,739 --> 00:07:27,741
What if I had a mustache?
201
00:07:27,741 --> 00:07:30,827
I could finally participate
in No Nut Movember.
202
00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:33,038
Oh, no! The device is losing cohesion.
203
00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:35,206
All sorts of What Ifs are getting out.
204
00:07:35,206 --> 00:07:36,750
Ah, not the coin machine!
205
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:41,087
Oh, my God, I'm alive!
And I'm rich! Woo!
206
00:07:42,255 --> 00:07:44,090
Ah! I've been tie-dyed.
207
00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:47,302
[Korvo]
Oh, God, a What If'ing phoenix.
208
00:07:47,302 --> 00:07:49,387
Lollipop trees! A rhino!
209
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:51,264
- [cars thud]
- [device zapping]
210
00:07:51,264 --> 00:07:52,390
Ah!
211
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,227
[all scream]
212
00:07:55,227 --> 00:07:56,728
- [Korvo screams]
- [all screaming]
213
00:07:56,728 --> 00:07:59,105
Oh, God.
I suck at Rainbow Road.
214
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:01,983
Why couldn't it be
Moo Moo Meadows? No!
215
00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:04,027
[all screaming]
216
00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:07,989
Korvo:
Oh, God.
217
00:08:10,242 --> 00:08:11,868
[all screaming]
218
00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:17,290
Would you stop being a crazy person?
219
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,417
Do you realize how much worse
you're making our lives
220
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:20,835
by not pushing the button?
221
00:08:20,835 --> 00:08:23,296
Don't you see that, Korvo?
Don't you see?
222
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:26,424
Ah! I have a wedgie!
223
00:08:26,925 --> 00:08:28,260
[happy gibberish]
224
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:29,928
I can't! I can't!
225
00:08:29,928 --> 00:08:31,805
We'll just have to live
with all this weird shit.
226
00:08:31,805 --> 00:08:34,683
Babe, what's going on with you?
You hate random chaos.
227
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,101
I know. It's just...
228
00:08:36,101 --> 00:08:37,936
I think I was the one
who pushed the button.
229
00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:40,355
Ah, Korvo, but that means--
230
00:08:40,355 --> 00:08:42,857
It would be my life that would change
if we unpressed it.
231
00:08:42,857 --> 00:08:44,818
- Oh, really?
- Why?
232
00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:46,611
Because my life is amazing.
233
00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:48,697
I'm in love with you
and you love me back,
234
00:08:48,697 --> 00:08:50,282
and we have a great little family.
235
00:08:50,282 --> 00:08:51,783
I don't deserve any of this.
236
00:08:51,783 --> 00:08:54,327
Oh, it only makes sense
that I made a What If
237
00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:57,414
and asked what my life would be like
if you loved me, Terry.
238
00:08:57,414 --> 00:09:00,292
[stammers] But the whiteboard,
the mission.
239
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,752
It's not the mission
I'm worried about. It's us.
240
00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:05,463
If we push that button,
it might reset our marriage.
241
00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:06,798
Our whole love story.
242
00:09:06,798 --> 00:09:08,508
I don't wanna lose us so we can see
243
00:09:08,508 --> 00:09:10,886
"What If Jesse had the powers
of Thor" or whatever.
244
00:09:10,886 --> 00:09:13,638
Yeah, I'd use his hammer
to rob pharmacies.
245
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,932
What if, without this,
I become super lame and stupid
246
00:09:15,932 --> 00:09:17,350
and we never end up together?
247
00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:20,061
Oh, Korvo, I love you
because you're lame and stupid.
248
00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:21,396
[Yumyulack] And unpopular.
249
00:09:21,396 --> 00:09:23,189
Pushing the button will never change that.
250
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:24,524
- Really?
- Really.
251
00:09:24,524 --> 00:09:26,318
But our marriage needs
to be built on truth.
252
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,695
We need to know
our actual un-What-If'd reality
253
00:09:28,695 --> 00:09:30,405
for what we have to mean something.
254
00:09:30,405 --> 00:09:32,741
We have to know what if the button
had never been pushed.
255
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:35,201
You're right.
Terry, that's it!
256
00:09:35,952 --> 00:09:37,078
What the hell's that?
257
00:09:37,078 --> 00:09:38,872
It's an emergency crossover machine.
258
00:09:38,872 --> 00:09:40,916
I keep it in the car
in case we ever get a flat tire
259
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:42,876
but also want to hang out
with the Flintstones.
260
00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:43,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
261
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,921
I could have been
crossing over this whole time?
262
00:09:45,921 --> 00:09:48,215
This machine uses
quantum entangle technology.
263
00:09:48,215 --> 00:09:49,466
I can repurpose the components
264
00:09:49,466 --> 00:09:51,134
and build a single-use What If? Device.
265
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:53,011
It won't be strong enough
to transform our world,
266
00:09:53,011 --> 00:09:54,721
but we can watch
the What If on a screen.
267
00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:56,932
Of course! Wait, what?
268
00:09:56,932 --> 00:09:58,808
I'm not a logic guy.
I'm really stupid.
269
00:09:58,808 --> 00:10:01,144
Alright, here we go.
Gather round, everyone.
270
00:10:01,603 --> 00:10:03,855
What if whoever used
our What If? Device
271
00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:05,315
had never pressed the button?
272
00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:07,234
[gadget whirs]
273
00:10:09,402 --> 00:10:12,572
This is way back when we escaped
the destruction of Planet Shlorp.
274
00:10:12,572 --> 00:10:14,157
Look, there's the other 99 ships.
275
00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:15,992
[Yumyulack] But you always say
it's a hundred adults.
276
00:10:15,992 --> 00:10:17,577
Wouldn't that only be 50 ships?
277
00:10:17,577 --> 00:10:19,496
[Korvo] A hundred adults
is a hundred sets of adults.
278
00:10:19,496 --> 00:10:20,872
[Yumyulack]
That was not clear.
279
00:10:20,872 --> 00:10:22,707
[Korvo] Well, it's clear now,
you pedantic little shit.
280
00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,751
[Terry] Shh! This took us back
far as hell.
281
00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:30,131
Greetings, crew.
It is I, Commander Zarck.
282
00:10:30,131 --> 00:10:32,050
- Commander on the deck.
- [Solars gasp]
283
00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:33,969
[Korvo] Who the fuck
is Commander Zarck?
284
00:10:33,969 --> 00:10:36,888
Holy crap.
He must be our real mission leader.
285
00:10:36,888 --> 00:10:39,224
Hunk alert. Wee-woo, wee-woo.
286
00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:42,519
Oh, my God,
I want to take a bite out of that!
287
00:10:42,519 --> 00:10:45,272
Oh, sorry, babe. [groans]
288
00:10:46,273 --> 00:10:48,650
- [What If zaps]
- [explosion booms]
289
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,902
Wait. So we used to have
a different mission leader?
290
00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:53,029
I don't remember this Zarck guy at all.
291
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:54,239
Yeah, da fuck?
292
00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:56,700
Da fuck indeed, Terry.
Let's keep watching.
293
00:10:57,909 --> 00:11:00,870
Get out of my seat and don't mess
with the controls again.
294
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:04,165
You've set us way off course.
We almost hit that space eye.
295
00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:06,001
Sorry, sir.
What should I be doing?
296
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:08,420
I don't care. Go clean out
the Pupa's poop tray.
297
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,547
Yes, sir.
My course was better.
298
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:12,382
Man, I looked at all
the cabinets on the ship
299
00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:13,884
and I can't find any cake.
300
00:11:13,884 --> 00:11:16,219
Do we not have any treats?
I want treats.
301
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:17,512
I'm bored!
302
00:11:17,512 --> 00:11:20,056
Are we there yet? This sucks.
303
00:11:20,056 --> 00:11:22,475
Everyone quiet!
Hey, hey, it's okay.
304
00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:24,477
We'll get you terraforming
in no time.
305
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:25,645
- Coochie-coo.
- [Pupa giggles]
306
00:11:25,645 --> 00:11:26,730
Enough complaining.
307
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:29,065
The future of the Shlorpian race
is in our hands.
308
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,442
Take the mission seriously
309
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:33,320
and follow my orders
with rational diligence.
310
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:36,156
[mocking]
"Take the mission seriously."
311
00:11:36,156 --> 00:11:38,199
Oh, God, that guy's such a sleemo.
312
00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,493
You three are way too focused
on goofing off.
313
00:11:40,493 --> 00:11:42,829
There's no room for fun
when we have a Pupa to take care of.
314
00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:45,165
We have to be strict
and diligent at all times.
315
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,500
Wrong. It's not a dichotomy, Korvo.
316
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,836
They're too goofy, but you're too strict.
317
00:11:49,836 --> 00:11:52,756
That kind of thinking will cause conflict
and endanger the mission
318
00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:54,299
just as much as they are.
319
00:11:54,299 --> 00:11:55,926
Uh, b-but it's very serious work, sir.
320
00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:58,261
That's why you need balance.
Like me.
321
00:11:58,261 --> 00:12:00,180
Look, as long as I'm here,
we'll be fine.
322
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:02,515
Commander, I am so over your vibe, sir.
323
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,769
- Terry, go to your room!
- Gah, I wish I'd never been planted!
324
00:12:05,769 --> 00:12:06,853
[blows raspberry]
325
00:12:06,853 --> 00:12:08,480
Nice one, boss.
326
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,898
Hey, a little respect.
327
00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:11,733
I'm your leader
whether you like it or not.
328
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,110
We do all the work
while you just boss us around.
329
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,362
We don't need balance.
330
00:12:15,362 --> 00:12:17,322
Oh? And who would be
a better leader?
331
00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:19,366
I would obviously be suited to the task.
332
00:12:19,366 --> 00:12:22,118
Ha! This whole mission
would fall apart without me.
333
00:12:22,118 --> 00:12:24,663
Oh, please. You wish.
We would do fine without you.
334
00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:27,165
Oh really?
Well how about we use the What If? Device
335
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,834
to see how fast you'd botch this
if you were on your own.
336
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,795
[machinery whirring]
337
00:12:32,754 --> 00:12:36,174
What if I was ejected
in an escape pod
338
00:12:36,174 --> 00:12:39,719
and my team had to complete
the mission by themselves
339
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,888
and they didn't remember me at all?
340
00:12:42,764 --> 00:12:46,560
Or what if I don't press the button
and stayed your leader?
341
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,061
This device is powerful.
342
00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:49,354
I shouldn't use it to make a point.
343
00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:51,189
So this Zarck guy
pressed the What If button
344
00:12:51,189 --> 00:12:53,733
and disappeared himself
and we all totally forgot?
345
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:54,818
What a loser.
346
00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:55,944
Okay, but just so I'm clear,
347
00:12:55,944 --> 00:12:57,279
what we're watching right now is
348
00:12:57,279 --> 00:12:59,239
what would've happened
if he hadn't pressed the button
349
00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:00,824
and stayed our leader on Earth, right?
350
00:13:00,824 --> 00:13:02,993
Yes, Jesse. My God.
Keep up much?
351
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,120
Let's watch how differently
that would've played out.
352
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,204
[alarm blaring]
353
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:08,206
We've located a planet
ripe for terraforming.
354
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:11,084
Everyone strap in
and prepare for landing.
355
00:13:11,084 --> 00:13:13,128
[♪ epic music]
356
00:13:13,128 --> 00:13:17,424
♪
357
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:19,926
[whirring]
358
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,431
Ee-yarth, our new home.
359
00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:26,474
[♪ muzak playing]
360
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:29,477
Good, good.
The Pupa likes a clean house.
361
00:13:29,477 --> 00:13:31,521
- Scrub near that wall.
- [canned laughter on TV]
362
00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:32,856
- No TV.
- Ugh!
363
00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:34,566
Our sole purpose in life is the mission.
364
00:13:34,566 --> 00:13:36,902
Don't get distracted by human culture.
365
00:13:37,444 --> 00:13:39,613
There's only one way to find out
if our neighbors like us.
366
00:13:40,155 --> 00:13:41,907
- Nanobots.
- Buy an RV. Na-nanobots.
367
00:13:41,907 --> 00:13:45,285
No! Those nanobots are only to be used
if cyborgs invade.
368
00:13:45,827 --> 00:13:47,537
I'm gonna start
wearing fun T-shirts
369
00:13:47,537 --> 00:13:49,080
to show off
my incredible personality
370
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,957
and provide a window
into my genius.
371
00:13:50,957 --> 00:13:54,002
- [laser zaps]
- My apparel!
372
00:13:54,002 --> 00:13:55,921
Shlorpians wear robes.
373
00:13:56,421 --> 00:13:57,505
[grunting]
374
00:13:57,505 --> 00:13:59,966
Ooh, see that?
The Pupa's evolving.
375
00:13:59,966 --> 00:14:01,968
I wub you, Commander Zarck.
376
00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:03,929
Aw! Good words, Pupa!
377
00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:06,056
Commander Zarck,
I'm requesting permission
378
00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:08,058
for Terry and I
to co-sleep in this bed.
379
00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:09,184
Request denied.
380
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:10,810
You'll sleep in your regeneration pods
381
00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:12,854
so you can do clerical work
while your body sleeps.
382
00:14:12,854 --> 00:14:14,648
- [Korvo/Terry] Yes, sir.
- And Terry,
383
00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,483
stop standing outside
the neighbor's window
384
00:14:16,483 --> 00:14:17,651
and watching their TV.
385
00:14:17,651 --> 00:14:18,818
No standing in line.
386
00:14:18,818 --> 00:14:20,445
Absolutely not.
387
00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:21,863
No. No!
388
00:14:21,863 --> 00:14:23,240
No!
389
00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:27,577
Oh, we finally did it!
The Pupa's terraforming!
390
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:29,329
[Yumyulack]
What? No, that's too soon.
391
00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:30,830
We didn't get to do any cool shit.
392
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,207
Aah, does this guy hate fun?
393
00:14:32,207 --> 00:14:34,167
I don't buy it.
This can't be it.
394
00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:35,752
Look, it's happening!
395
00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:38,088
All our hard work
and discipline paid off.
396
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:39,381
The mission is complete.
397
00:14:39,381 --> 00:14:41,466
Shlorpian civilization will be reborn
398
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:46,596
exactly as it always is,
unspoiled by outside influence!
399
00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:48,265
[♪ dramatic music]
400
00:14:48,265 --> 00:14:50,475
♪
401
00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:51,893
[screaming]
402
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:08,076
[♪ dramatic music continues]
403
00:15:08,994 --> 00:15:11,288
[screen glitching, static]
404
00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:13,415
Wow. I can't believe it.
405
00:15:13,415 --> 00:15:16,334
Zarck, am I right?
Oh, he's a real Chad.
406
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,502
You know he chews gum.
407
00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,712
Yeah, he was a stud.
408
00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:21,590
Korvo, babe.
You gotta push that button.
409
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:23,425
You'll reset Zarck's original What If,
410
00:15:23,425 --> 00:15:25,552
and your biggest desire will come true.
411
00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:28,638
The mission will be complete.
Earth will be terraformed.
412
00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:29,848
We really messed this up.
413
00:15:29,848 --> 00:15:32,601
Zarck would've gotten this world
terraformed twice over.
414
00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:33,727
He's not wrong.
415
00:15:33,727 --> 00:15:37,689
We do spend a lot of time
arguing about new Dr. Pepper flavors.
416
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:41,109
Little Pepper, Lot of Pepper,
Nurse Pepper, Pepper Zero.
417
00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:46,573
It's okay, Korvo. We get it.
Do what you gotta do.
418
00:15:46,573 --> 00:15:48,491
[♪ emotional music]
419
00:15:48,491 --> 00:15:50,160
[Korvo groans]
420
00:15:51,202 --> 00:15:52,454
[sparks crackling]
421
00:15:52,454 --> 00:15:54,956
Whoa! More Shlorp Fu!
422
00:15:54,956 --> 00:15:56,583
You broke the shit out of that thing.
423
00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:58,126
Damn right, I did.
424
00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:00,670
But I thought you wanted
to complete the mission.
425
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:01,838
That's like your whole thing.
426
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:03,882
That Zarck guy was full of shit.
427
00:16:03,882 --> 00:16:06,092
Sure, he got the mission done
in record time,
428
00:16:06,092 --> 00:16:08,929
but we aren't just cogs
in a Shlorpian machine.
429
00:16:08,929 --> 00:16:10,430
We're guiding the Pupa,
430
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:13,016
but we're also learning
a lot from living on Earth.
431
00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:15,810
We found out about love,
The Criterion Collection,
432
00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:18,605
paintball, NASCAR, and Tubgirl.
433
00:16:18,605 --> 00:16:20,523
Oh, love Tubgirl.
434
00:16:20,523 --> 00:16:21,816
All these beautiful things
435
00:16:21,816 --> 00:16:23,860
that Shlorpians
would benefit from knowing,
436
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,071
they aren't in the Pupa's record
of the home world.
437
00:16:26,071 --> 00:16:27,781
How many Planet Shlorps
have existed
438
00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:29,032
where nothing's different?
439
00:16:29,032 --> 00:16:31,618
Why do we keep replicating it
to be the same
440
00:16:31,618 --> 00:16:33,954
when it could be the same
but also better?
441
00:16:33,954 --> 00:16:35,121
But th-the mission!
442
00:16:35,121 --> 00:16:37,415
I mean, you always said
my dicking around would mess it up.
443
00:16:37,415 --> 00:16:39,626
It does. You go too far all the time.
444
00:16:39,626 --> 00:16:41,419
But now at least we can stay married
445
00:16:41,419 --> 00:16:43,421
and keep boinking
for the good of the mission.
446
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:45,549
Amen, you bald little bitch.
447
00:16:45,549 --> 00:16:48,093
[Korvo and Terry moaning]
448
00:16:48,093 --> 00:16:50,220
Hell yeah! Oh, get it.
449
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:52,514
Kiss fest! Woo!
450
00:16:54,641 --> 00:16:57,018
I'm gonna get into a handstand
for a vertical 69.
451
00:16:57,018 --> 00:16:58,186
Catch me, catch me, catch me.
452
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:00,772
You better tongue that mound.
453
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:02,399
You're slayin', pimp!
454
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:05,110
Uh, what about all
the random What Ifs
455
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,571
that the device created
when it was malfunctioning?
456
00:17:07,571 --> 00:17:10,156
Like my mustache,
and also this thing.
457
00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:12,284
Oh. Oh, yeah.
458
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:14,953
Oh, look at my hot coins. [grunts]
459
00:17:14,953 --> 00:17:16,496
Yeah, this thing's gotta go.
460
00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:18,999
Doesn't it all just go away
like at the end of The Lion King
461
00:17:18,999 --> 00:17:20,333
when light returns to Pride Rock?
462
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:21,626
No. Without the device,
463
00:17:21,626 --> 00:17:23,295
we'll have to break it all down by hand.
464
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:25,088
- [gunshot]
- [coin machine screams]
465
00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:26,172
[coins clinking]
466
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:30,135
[phoenixes screeching]
467
00:17:30,969 --> 00:17:32,596
Keep going.
You're doing great.
468
00:17:33,471 --> 00:17:35,432
I just got off the phone with the Navy.
469
00:17:35,432 --> 00:17:37,392
They dumped the woman
who turned into a dolphin
470
00:17:37,392 --> 00:17:38,894
into the Mediterranean.
471
00:17:38,894 --> 00:17:41,938
She's lovin' it.
Doing all sorts of flips and jumps.
472
00:17:41,938 --> 00:17:43,398
[gunfire]
473
00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:47,444
Yeah! These holy water-infused bullets
are doing God's work!
474
00:17:47,944 --> 00:17:49,195
[phoenix screeches]
475
00:17:49,195 --> 00:17:50,530
[♪ pleasant music]
476
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:52,824
I'm pretty glad
you didn't press the button
477
00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:54,367
and reset everything, Korvo.
478
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,535
Me too.
479
00:17:55,535 --> 00:17:59,497
And so the big What If
turned out to be an "it was."
480
00:18:00,457 --> 00:18:02,626
- Did-did that make sense?
- Well, we'll punch it up later.
481
00:18:02,626 --> 00:18:05,045
- It's like 80% of the way there.
- Perfect.
482
00:18:05,045 --> 00:18:07,380
Somehow, we got out
of this day stronger than before,
483
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,549
without any What If consequences.
484
00:18:09,549 --> 00:18:11,343
Yeah. Consequences suck.
485
00:18:11,343 --> 00:18:12,677
They really do.
486
00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:13,929
Fuck consequences.
487
00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:15,555
- [Terry laughs]
- Yeah, fuck 'em!
488
00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:18,058
- Fuck consequences indeed.
- [all laughing]
489
00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:20,644
[♪ suspenseful music]
490
00:18:20,644 --> 00:18:24,272
[beacon beeping]
491
00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:35,617
[electronic voice]
Distress signal received.
492
00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:37,285
Downloading coordinates.
493
00:18:39,496 --> 00:18:43,333
I've got you now,
you ungrateful turds!
494
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:47,712
What If it's time for me
to get my revenge?!
495
00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:51,091
[laughing maniacally]
496
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,264
Oh, shit, I forgot my water bottle!
497
00:18:57,264 --> 00:19:00,350
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
498
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:26,543
♪
499
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:43,226
[mimicking laser fire]