1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,919
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,923
♪
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,925
[♪ gentle music playing]
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,677
Why the F did we leave Clervix 3
5
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,262
to come back to this
broke-ass planet?
6
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,346
Look at my skin.
7
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,807
It's cracking from all the dryness,
the air, the climate change,
8
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,559
my addiction
to blow-drying my scalp.
9
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:19,936
Korvy, baby, hard disagree.
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,356
{\an8}I love Earth. I missed organizing
all my T-shirts into loose categories.
11
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,941
{\an8}[man]
Hey, aliens! A little help?
12
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,152
Is that our neighbor yelling at us
like a goddamn animal?
13
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- [hair dryer whirring]
- Who?
14
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,321
Korvo, you gotta stop with the hair dryer.
15
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,240
You got no hair,
you're burning a hole in your head,
16
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and you're making
the house smell like broccoli.
17
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[horn honking]
18
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I got your mail
while you were on vacay.
19
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,538
Shit-ton of packages.
20
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,332
You guys really lean
into that "buy now" button.
21
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,585
Ooh, my subscription boxes.
22
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,295
I love the thrill
of having someone else make
23
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:46,504
my purchasing decisions.
24
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I know you lovebirds
just got married,
25
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,009
so I'm thinking
super fancy honeymoon, huh?
26
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:54,345
Yeah, right. I would never be caught
on a low-rent, trash-ass moon.
27
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- Me neither.
- Come on.
28
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,099
You guys know what
a honeymoon is, right?
29
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,143
- What? Of course, we do.
- How dare you!
30
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,270
Piss yourself until you die, Kevin!
31
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,647
If there's anything we know,
it's what a bloody honeymoon is.
32
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According to Wikipedia,
a honeymoon is
33
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:10,445
an uninterrupted newlywed vacation
taken immediately after the wedding.
34
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,197
We're late for
our mandatory sex vacay?
35
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,656
We gotta leave right now.
36
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,743
You're right. I'll book us a room
at the nicest resort in Canada,
37
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,078
the sexiest of all countries.
38
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Quick, pack several things
we won't end up wearing
39
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and some heavy books
we won't end up reading.
40
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:22,624
- On it.
- [clothes rustling]
41
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:23,917
Can someone drop me off
at the mall?
42
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OshKosh B'Gosh is having
a sale on all their galoshes.
43
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We're doing special
husbands-only time,
44
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and Wikipedia says
we can't be interrupted.
45
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[Yumyulack screaming]
46
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,176
I tried playing softball,
47
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and I underhand pitched too fast.
48
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:36,930
Sorry, pal, I can't help you,
49
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,765
because half of
the Solar Opposites
50
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are goin' on a honeymoon.
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[Korvo]
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
52
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until the asteroid hit.
53
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
54
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and escaped into the... space,
55
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,947
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
56
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We crashed on Earth,
57
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,659
{\an8}stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
58
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{\an8}That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
59
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{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.
60
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{\an8}My name is Korvo.
This is my show.
61
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{\an8}Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
62
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,542
{\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
63
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,169
{\an8}It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
64
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,671
{\an8}They eat cheese, which is mold,
65
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,549
{\an8}but when I scrape mold off my feet
in a movie theater,
66
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,135
{\an8}everyone gets all like,
"Oh, oh, oh, don't do that. It's gross."
67
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[♪ dramatic music playing]
68
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{\an8}[Ms. Frankie]
Alright, let's make this quick.
69
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,186
{\an8}I'm late for my other job,
70
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{\an8}where I stand in front
of self-driving cars
71
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,148
{\an8}to see if they detect humans.
72
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{\an8}Are you doing a bit?
Is that really a job?
73
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{\an8}Of course, it is.
Now shut up.
74
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{\an8}Due to your planetary absence,
you two are failing Sex Ed.
75
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,741
{\an8}I'm not sure we need to learn
about the sex, Ms. Frankie.
76
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,451
{\an8}Yeah, we reproduce asexually,
77
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{\an8}without any floppy human organs.
78
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,705
{\an8}We have these things
called shmelk holes.
79
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,165
{\an8}Each Shlorpian has a unique one.
80
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{\an8}Shut up! My paycheck is based
on how many students pass.
81
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{\an8}So, if you fail,
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{\an8}I swear I'll make sure
you get held back a year.
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00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,423
{\an8}[Yumyulack and Jesse]
No!
84
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{\an8}We can't hang with the younger kids.
85
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}They're intimidating as hell.
86
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,345
Those bitches were raised on Euphoria.
87
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[Yumyulack and Jesse]
Ah!
88
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,681
Please, we'll do anything.
89
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,350
Good.
We also made porn dioramas
90
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,520
to make sure you dumbass teenagers
comprehended the material.
91
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,606
Oh, sorry,
that's my rusty trombone.
92
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,899
[chuckles] I meant that.
93
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,775
Can't we just be emancipated
from school
94
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}like tennis prodigies?
95
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:16,070
{\an8}I wish. How good's your game?
96
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,031
- [Yumyulack grunting]
- [ball popping]
97
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,033
[Yumyulack groaning]
98
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,743
{\an8}You're impressive on clay,
99
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,578
{\an8}but your grass game falls to shit.
100
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{\an8}It's a no-go on the emancipation.
101
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{\an8}What a proclamation!
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{\an8}Part of Sex Ed is learning
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{\an8}that your actions have,
oh, consequences.
104
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{\an8}Fucky-fucky can lead to some shit.
105
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{\an8}So, you two have to take care
of this bag of sugar
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{\an8}as if it were a baby for an entire week.
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{\an8}It's conflict sugar, which I'm not
proud of, but it tastes better.
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{\an8}I use it to bake oven-fresh cookies
that trick men into staying the night.
109
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Pssht, that's it?
Easy mode.
110
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Could have been easy mode,
111
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but now that you disrespected
my sugar,
112
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you also have to sci-fi it
into a real baby.
113
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,192
But I don't want a Sugar Baby.
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{\an8}I want a sugar daddy,
or at least a sugar legal guardian.
115
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And it's rude to assume
that just because we're aliens,
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we have the technology
to bring things to life.
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Uh-huh. Tell it
to Principal Cooke's living car.
118
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- [car brakes squealing]
- That's it, good car, good car.
119
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- Get the carrot. Fuck!
- [car thuds]
120
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[all laughing]
121
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,626
Okay, that was us.
122
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Oh, shit,
it's coming back for more.
123
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[Principal Cooke]
Oh! Oh, God!
124
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Fine, here comes the sci-fi.
125
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[Make Alive ray zapping]
126
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{\an8}- [♪ upbeat music playing]
- [Sugar Baby cooing]
127
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- It's so cute.
- Aww, hi, baby.
128
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{\an8}You have one week to keep it alive.
129
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{\an8}- It can die, right?
- Oh, yeah.
130
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{\an8}Good, I mean bad.
131
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{\an8}Don't let that happen.
132
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{\an8}- We have to respect life in all its forms.
- [horn honking]
133
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{\an8}[Principal Cooke]
It's grinding my bones into dust.
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{\an8}[♪ sensual music playing]
135
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[Korvo and Terry moaning]
136
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,866
Oh, my God, I had no idea
how turned on I'd get
137
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,702
by making out on a bed
shaped like an organ.
138
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,328
I'm glad you talked me
out of the Bahamas.
139
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:48,579
[Korvo sighs]
Nothing beats
140
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,915
Alanis Morissette's
Jagged Little Resort, eh?
141
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,458
Canadian Reddit won't shut up aboot it.
142
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,961
They have the best gin
and Isn't-It-I-Tonics in the province.
143
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,129
[knock on door]
144
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,132
Ding-dong.
Sorry to interrupt you two love slugs.
145
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,343
But I have complimentary champagne,
some big rush zip,
146
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,929
and a pile of Simple Simons
with your name on it.
147
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,432
Ah, yes, I understood
almost half of that.
148
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,516
It's drugs.
149
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,393
Wait a minute, complimentary zip?
150
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,562
- When does that ever happen?
- Well, it's your honeymoon.
151
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,980
You get all sorts of free stuff.
152
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,440
{\an8}What's the catch, bellman?
153
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:18,067
You ought to know,
I have one hand in my pocket,
154
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,986
and the other one is waiting for a tip.
155
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,612
I've never tipped, and I never shall.
156
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,197
- Get outta here!
- Sweetie.
157
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,490
Ugh. Fine.
158
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,075
Now get outta here.
159
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,412
Damn, I was all wet to get married,
but I had no idea
160
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,830
how great
the honeymoon perks would be.
161
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,541
Yes, everyone's falling over themselves
to be nice to us,
162
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,710
just because we've taken
their monogamy oath.
163
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:38,671
Upgraded to first class,
big bowl of fruit in the room.
164
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,965
What about all those chocolate dicks
we received on arrival?
165
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,759
You guzzled those down.
Nom, nom, nom.
166
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:43,843
Guilt-free dicks.
167
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,219
When people find out
you're on your honeymoon,
168
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,846
it's a free Genie Pass to the best shit.
169
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,014
As a married husband,
170
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,224
I think we should enjoy
this unexpected boon
171
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without taking it to the extreme.
172
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,561
Mm-hmm, I hear you on that,
173
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,022
but counterpoint from
an equally married husband:
174
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:57,899
Why don't we run around
and stress-test this shit
175
00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,776
so we can see how much
fun stuff we can get?
176
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,571
- Only if we 69.5 first.
- Do I have to?
177
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,989
[laughs] I'd love that.
178
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,074
[Korvo grunts]
179
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:09,869
[♪ upbeat music playing]
180
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,289
Hey, those are my French fries.
181
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,749
We're on our honeymoon.
182
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,001
Aww, I'll get you truffle oil.
183
00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,380
- [chair rattling]
- Ah, help!
184
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,049
Someone call the mounted police.
185
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,259
I'm on my honeymoon, you old bitch.
186
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,886
Enjoy your love.
187
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,305
- H-moon hotties here!
- [gunshot]
188
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,932
This is our spa day now.
189
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,475
But we're on our honeymoon too.
190
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,060
- Oh, shit!
- Checkmate!
191
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,687
You're all entitled to a special rubbing.
192
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:37,980
[Korvo and Terry gasp]
193
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,774
Uh, oh, yeah!
194
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,609
Honey, you can't just shoot a gun
195
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,277
into the ceiling
to get people's attention.
196
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,362
But it's my honeymoon.
197
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,197
Oh, shit, right, congratulations.
198
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,034
[Sugar Baby wailing]
199
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,412
- [Pupa growling]
- Ow, Pupa!
200
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,455
Punch JK Sevens somewhere else.
201
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,249
And can you keep
that Sugar Baby quiet?
202
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,417
I'm trying to game here.
203
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,211
I carried this baby
for nine whole blocks
204
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,546
on the way home.
205
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,465
The least you can do is tell me
I'm doing a good job.
206
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,008
Oh, come on, I don't want him.
207
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,093
My arms are tired.
208
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:10,179
We are totally failing at being
a mandatory school family.
209
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,889
I think it wants to feel skin to bag.
210
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,349
Take off your shirt.
211
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,269
Ugh, Pupa, JK, get away from me!
212
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,480
And, Jesse, you gotta stop reading
those parenting subreddits.
213
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,315
But their judgments
keep me awake at night,
214
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,401
which helps me stay alert
for night-time feedings.
215
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,445
Let's just do what all
reasonable parents do
216
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,654
when things get hard.
217
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,031
Distract it with screen time.
218
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,658
- [slap thwacks]
- No screens for baby.
219
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,826
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
- [Pupa screaming]
220
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,953
Can I get five more masseuses,
three for each cheek?
221
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,830
On your honeymoon?
Of course.
222
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,665
We really should have
gotten married sooner.
223
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,333
Who knew it would be
the cheat code to life?
224
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,418
It's great, right?
225
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,336
You should definitely
enjoy it while it lasts.
226
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,504
What on earth does that mean?
227
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,798
- Honeymoons are only like a week?
- What?!
228
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,886
[Terry] It's right there on Wikipedia.
Honeymoons last a week.
229
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,430
After that, it's just traveling
without any of the perks,
230
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,598
and our week's almost up.
231
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,641
But I've grown accustomed
to the honey-lifestyle.
232
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,143
How am I supposed
to go back to underwear
233
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:58,561
without newlywed cans?
234
00:07:58,644 --> 00:07:59,645
[cans clanking]
235
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,772
The honeymoon gives us a pass
from being decent and careful.
236
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,691
I took that guy's wallet
and shoved him into the pool.
237
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,526
He was wearing
a Detroit Tigers hat, Terry.
238
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,777
A Detroit Tigers hat.
239
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,571
He's gonna kill me, Terry.
He's probably from Michigan.
240
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,490
I don't want this week to end!
241
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,576
Nor do I, Terry, but I can't control time,
not on that scale.
242
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,328
[gasps] Wait, I don't have to.
243
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,205
If the honeymoon only lasts a week,
244
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,790
then I just have to extend the week.
245
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,585
Korvo, you've gone honey-mad.
That doesn't make any sense.
246
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,921
This is Korvo,
the blue alien in room 413.
247
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,007
MTV Unplug your finger out of your arse
and get me a dovmecopter.
248
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,426
My husband and I will have
one hand in our...
249
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,844
We'll be borrowing it for the afternoon.
250
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,638
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
251
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,934
{\an8}[♪ dramatic music playing]
252
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,977
{\an8}[Korvo] If we find the Progenitor ship,
we'll find the answer
253
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,687
to extending our honeymoon week.
254
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,023
Ah, yes, the Progenitors.
I know them well.
255
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,983
That's why we're here,
for the Progenitors.
256
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,152
Nothing like a good old Progenitor,
am I right?
257
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,280
Progenitors were the ancient aliens
who created the solar system.
258
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,242
Ah, yes, the so-lar system,
I know it well.
259
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,535
You're an alien from space.
260
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,370
How do you not know
what a solar system is?
261
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,622
I'm more of a sexy,
Flash Gordon-type alien.
262
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,957
Damn right you are.
263
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,041
[beeping]
264
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:04,168
Okay, a Progenitor ship
should be buried right here.
265
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,964
- And now we dig.
- Fight!
266
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,092
Right, yes, of course.
Diggity dig.
267
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:15,096
- [pickaxes thudding]
- [Korvo and Terry grunting]
268
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,139
[♪ dramatic music playing]
269
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,224
[Korvo]
Beautiful.
270
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,559
A piece of ancient history,
271
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,520
undisturbed since the dawn
of time, untouched by...
272
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:23,771
- [scraping]
- Terry!
273
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,773
Ugh, you ruined my vandalism.
274
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,984
[door whirring]
275
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:29,944
[door thuds]
276
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:33,573
- [♪ suspenseful music playing]
- [both gasp]
277
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,157
These primordial geniuses
278
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,243
really knew how to design
a control room.
279
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,579
Eat some ass, Marie Kondo.
280
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,998
Oh, look, these two died fucking.
281
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,583
[signal beeping]
282
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,836
This species ignited the sun
and set the orbit of the Earth.
283
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,380
And they still had time
to be sexy freaks. Impressive.
284
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:50,464
- [Terry grunts]
- [skeletons clatter]
285
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:53,926
They locked the orbit into 52 weeks
to complete a full solar revolution.
286
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,721
But if we increase
the circumference of the orbit
287
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,222
a little larger...
288
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,932
Can't spell circumference without cum!
289
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,852
...then each of the 52 weeks
will have to be a day longer.
290
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,855
Which means
our honeymoon week is longer.
291
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,857
Terry, I love it when you understand
what I'm saying.
292
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:08,941
It hurt my brain.
293
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,651
Now, let's get out
of this dusty sex tomb
294
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,902
and go get more free stuff.
295
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,530
[Korvo and Terry]
Honeymoon, honeymoon, tee-hee-hee!
296
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:18,826
[♪ dramatic music playing]
297
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:23,456
- [sighs]
- [phone ringing]
298
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,166
- [phone clicks]
- Hello?
299
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:28,669
Madam President! I've never had to answer
this phone, but-- what?
300
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:29,920
The whole orbit?
301
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:34,300
Okay, yeah, I'll just slide in
a new day called, uh, Blurgday
302
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:35,468
right at the end there.
303
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:38,554
[♪ dramatic music playing]
304
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,059
I-I'm sorry, ma'am, but your
appointment is on Saturday.
305
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,685
It's still Blurgday.
306
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,604
It's too bad you're checking out.
307
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,940
You never got to do our VIP
swim-with-the-beluga-whale experience.
308
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,275
[both gasp]
309
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,319
[signal beeping]
310
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,655
[♪ dramatic music playing]
311
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,491
Looks like a couple more days
were added to the week.
312
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,743
So, would you like to swim
with the regular belugas
313
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,079
or horny belugas
with the French maid hats?
314
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,330
We'll take both.
315
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:07,375
[♪ dramatic music playing]
316
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,876
[air whooshing]
317
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,545
[Korvo and Terry moaning]
318
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,630
Are you done honeymooning?
319
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,507
Hell no, give me more days.
320
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,343
[signal beeps]
321
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,845
[♪ dramatic music playing]
322
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,725
- [glass tinkling]
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
323
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,519
How is this week so long?
324
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:29,021
I don't know, but I'm so tired.
325
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,314
- [glass shatters]
- [Sugar Baby wailing]
326
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,359
[♪ dramatic music playing]
327
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,779
[fire crackling]
328
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,282
Brr. Consequences build
as the week mysteriously extends.
329
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,702
{\an8}TGIFridays closed their doors for good,
330
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,496
{\an8}and SNL fans have been forced
to watch reruns
331
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:48,416
{\an8}to get their fix of overplayed,
first-act sketches
332
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,167
{\an8}that beat non-jokes into the ground.
333
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,252
{\an8}Brr!
334
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,629
As the Earth's orbit
moves away from the sun,
335
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,339
temperatures continue to drop.
336
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,882
- [Sugar Baby thuds]
- [TV shatters]
337
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,635
Sugar Baby, no, bad Sugar Baby.
338
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:00,720
- [bowl thudding]
- [Sugar Baby babbling]
339
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,179
It's been, like, 50 days!
340
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,597
I can't do this anymore!
341
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,809
It's all your fault for bringing
the Make Alive ray to school.
342
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:07,893
Don't blame me.
343
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,395
Whatever sci-fi shit is happening
344
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,313
is for sure Terry and Korvo's fault.
345
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,565
We gotta make them stop.
346
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,650
We can't interrupt their honeymoon.
347
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,737
Can we please give
Sugar Baby screen time?
348
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,405
It'll give us peace.
349
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,490
But I've been such a good parent.
350
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,784
This week is too long.
Look at Pupa.
351
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,370
He's a supercomputer,
and even he can't win.
352
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,706
He's been trying to throw
JK Sevens out for days,
353
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,624
no one's picking up the trash.
354
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,876
[Sugar Baby wailing]
355
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,003
- [door thudding]
- Ahh!
356
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,380
It feels like we're
never gonna get to Monday!
357
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,673
We're co-parents.
358
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,300
We have to give up on this together.
359
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:42,261
Ugh, fine, but can we
please let Sugar Baby
360
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,806
watch something sweet and chill
and mildly educational?
361
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,308
How about
The Great British Bake Off?
362
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:50,227
Those snaggle-toothed colonizers
could dull anyone to sleep.
363
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,812
Okay, but only Bake Off.
364
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,440
I don't want him getting coked up
on that flipping Blippi.
365
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,526
[narrator] [on phone] This week,
we're making a single pancake.
366
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,904
- [Sugar Baby cooing]
- [Jesse and Yumyulack sigh]
367
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:03,491
And I think we'll have
the head-over-beet salad.
368
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,701
What the-- Oh, right,
the Alanis Morissette thing.
369
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,828
And... choo, choo,
choo, choo, choo, choo,
370
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:11,665
a side of this-album-is-about
Dave-Coulier-acorn squash.
371
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,250
Hello? I said I want the squash.
372
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:14,335
- [ice crinkling]
- [♪ suspenseful music playing]
373
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:18,130
Uh, Korvo, why is everyone frozen?
374
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,592
{\an8}Ah, I guess maybe we pushed the planet
a little far from the sun.
375
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:23,219
But that's not so bad, right?
376
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,804
No, we should be fine,
as long as we don't...
377
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,014
- [Korvo gasps]
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
378
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,475
Holy shit, we're going to crash into Mars!
379
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,060
On our honeymoon!
380
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,731
[♪ dramatic music playing]
381
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:36,816
Maybe we're gonna miss it!
382
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,692
Its gravitational pull
is already affecting us.
383
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,236
We've flown too far from the sun, Terry,
384
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,154
and now the planet is going
to pay the price.
385
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,572
[♪ dramatic music playing]
386
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,076
[Terry screams]
387
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,162
- [door clicks]
- Ahh!
388
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,164
[♪ dramatic music playing]
389
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,586
Hope you enjoyed your stay. Do you have
a quick minute for a survey?
390
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,838
[Terry and Korvo scream]
391
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,047
How did we let it get so bad?
392
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,383
I mean, I know how I did,
but you're the smart one, Korvo.
393
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,593
I know, but the danger
of changing the orbit
394
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,345
was better than something
I'd read on Wikipedia
395
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:07,805
that scared the gooblers out of me.
396
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,474
Oh, God. What did you read about,
Chupacabras, ee-ee?
397
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,434
There's a common phrase people use,
398
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,811
"The honeymoon is over."
399
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:14,937
What does that mean?
400
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,605
It's what people say
about nasty couples
401
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,357
who've been married for a while
and hate each other.
402
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,151
They start to see the ugly parts
of their spouses they can't un-see.
403
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,863
That's why the divorce rate
is like 4.5 out of 5.
404
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:24,989
So we make a promise.
405
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,448
Divorce is a forbidden D word.
406
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,451
Like how Disney Plus won't let us say
"Donald [bleep] dirty [bleep]"
407
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,453
or how Dopey is
the only dwarf that [bleep].
408
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,913
I never want to resent you,
409
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,206
not more than I currently do.
410
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,041
Korvo, if we can fuck
with the Earth's orbit,
411
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,835
we can fuck
with marriage statistics.
412
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,837
Honey, I am here for the tough times.
413
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,172
- I want to see your ugly parts.
- I do too.
414
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,258
Let's return Earth to its rightful orbit,
415
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:47,011
warm the planet back to the previous
catastrophic temperature,
416
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,597
and end this honeymoon on our terms.
417
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,348
That's my hot-ass husband right there.
418
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:54,310
And every year, we can celebrate
our anniversary right here.
419
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,477
[pickax thudding]
420
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,938
[♪ classical music playing]
421
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,649
[air whooshing]
422
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,736
[rumbling]
423
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,033
♪
424
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,200
[♪ classical music playing]
425
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,410
[Yumyulack yawns]
426
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,579
Good thing Korvo equipped the house
with its own artificial gravity
427
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,497
after Terry kept throwing
his jugs on the roof.
428
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,582
[window thudding]
429
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,042
[distorted beeping]
430
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,836
[♪ classical music continues]
431
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,005
- [Sugar Baby screams]
- Ow, he cut me.
432
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,215
What the heck is wrong with you?
433
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,635
[gasps] It's the baking show.
434
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,802
Look what they're using.
435
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,721
[gasps] While we've been resting,
436
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:34,016
Sugar Baby was watching them
destroy his friends and family.
437
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,225
[both]
Ah!
438
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,144
That little freak's
on a murder mission.
439
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,146
He was Ms. Frankie's special sugar.
440
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:43,108
She must have killed all his friends
with her fresh-baked hook-up cookies.
441
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,028
We can't let him kill Ms. Frankie
or we'll never pass Sex Ed.
442
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,571
Activate magnet shoes.
443
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,864
[shoes beeping]
444
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,366
[shoes clomping]
445
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:51,700
How do these work on cement?
446
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,826
Shut up, nerd.
447
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,996
[Pupa grunting]
448
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,415
Ah! No!
449
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,130
[♪ heroic music playing]
450
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:06,924
[beeping]
451
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,509
Harry Potter whistle!
452
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,845
- Aw, friends.
- [JK Sevens beeping]
453
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:17,309
[Terry and Korvo grunting]
454
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,687
[♪ dramatic music playing]
455
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,355
Oh, what the hell?
It's stuck.
456
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,523
We're gonna have to do it manually.
457
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,651
There are 10 switches around the room
we must engage at the same time.
458
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:27,820
Love, love, love, love.
I got mine.
459
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,906
That's eight. Come on, Terry,
we just need two more.
460
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,701
[rumbling]
461
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,661
How the hell are we supposed
to reach the last two?
462
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,080
Oh, God. We're gonna have
to spread our flaps
463
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,373
and use our shmelk holes.
464
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:42,960
What? I've never shown anyone
my shmelk hole. It's disgusting.
465
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,295
I haven't either,
but we don't have a choice.
466
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,714
But mine's so ugly.
467
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,173
You're not gonna think I'm sexy.
468
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,259
This is what I read about
on Wikipedia, Terry.
469
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,428
We're gonna see the ugly parts
of each other,
470
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,804
and we'll be okay.
471
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,432
- I don't know.
- Terry, I love all of you.
472
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,142
Uh, okay, fine.
473
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,728
[Terry groaning]
474
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,438
[limb rustling]
475
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,939
[Terry groans]
476
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,192
Oh, God, oh, fuck,
it smells like, like...
477
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,861
I can't be clever on-the-fly
like Deadpool.
478
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:09,945
It stinks, okay?
479
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,739
Hey, th-th-that's normal.
480
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,699
I showed you mine,
it's your turn now.
481
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:14,783
Okay.
482
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,493
- [Korvo groaning]
- [limb rustling]
483
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,162
[Terry]
What the fuck?
484
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:20,247
It's beautiful.
That's not fair.
485
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,332
- It's gross, don't look.
- No, it is not.
486
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,834
Why does yours smell like cinnamon?
487
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,627
I want it in my mouth.
488
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,629
[♪ dramatic music playing]
489
00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:29,256
[limb thuds]
490
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:32,009
[machinery powers on]
491
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,595
[♪ dramatic music playing]
492
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:37,848
[limbs slurping]
493
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,353
Hey, the polar bears are gonna be okay.
494
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,439
Yes, but we also returned climate change.
495
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:48,233
Oh, the polar bears
are not gonna be okay.
496
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,779
[♪ dramatic music playing]
497
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,363
{\an8}- [screaming]
- [buildings thudding]
498
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,990
[♪ dramatic music playing]
499
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,658
Typical sci-fi reset.
500
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,743
Oh, my baby.
501
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,079
[Sugar Baby growls]
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
502
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,498
Apologies to my subscribers
for the late post.
503
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,876
The gravity chaos fucked up
my other, other, other job.
504
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:09,004
ASMR of sexy Pokemon names.
505
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,964
Charizard,
506
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,343
Squirtle, Jigglypuff.
507
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,512
[♪ dramatic music playing]
508
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:17,679
Ah!
509
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,556
- [Sugar Baby growls]
- Ahh!
510
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,184
- [Sugar Baby growling]
- Ow, that really hurts.
511
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,061
I regret being helpful.
512
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,563
- [glass shatters]
- Oh, no!
513
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,273
What the hell is going on?
514
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,567
We, we lost our Sugar Baby.
515
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:31,860
Go ahead and fail us.
516
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,862
Did you spend wakeless days
caring for something
517
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,156
that exhausted you, didn't listen,
and eventually ran away
518
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,658
to pursue something
you didn't approve of?
519
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,369
You betcha with a capital B,
Ms. Frankie.
520
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,162
Plus, he stole 20 bucks outta my purse.
521
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,873
Congrats, you experienced
true parenting, you passed.
522
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,333
Sugar Baby is still out there.
523
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,210
I'm worried he's gonna do
a murder on you.
524
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,338
Nah, without us, I'm sure
he'll get licked to death by a horse.
525
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:52,422
He'll be fine.
526
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,591
[narrator]
Today, on The Great British Bake Off.
527
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,301
Everyone, grab your sugar.
528
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,012
- [Sugar Baby growling]
- [host screaming]
529
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,223
[♪ gentle music playing]
530
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,684
Korvy, I'm having VIP withdrawal.
531
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,644
- Am I important?
- We did the right thing.
532
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,604
We have all we need to feel special,
533
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,731
us, the team family,
534
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,192
and this goddamned
heart-shaped bed.
535
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,318
[lips smacking]
536
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,696
[♪ gentle music playing]
537
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,031
[Terry] You wanna blow out my back
and break this bed in half?
538
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,075
[Korvo]
This heart shape is too small!
539
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:23,162
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
540
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,773
♪
541
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,038
[mimicking laser fire]