1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,633
[beacon beeping]
3
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,927
Oh, damn it. Stop beeping.
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,262
- [beeping continues]
- Ah, stupid thing!
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,431
Okay. Loving that sound.
6
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,474
Also, drop that crap right now, mamacita.
7
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,059
We're headed to the arcade!
8
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,854
They're debuting a new VR game,
Below Deck Sailing Yacht.
9
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,063
I can't. This is important.
10
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,523
Yeah, yeah. I don't give a shit. Get this.
11
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,191
One of the deckhands
forgot to tie a fender,
12
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,152
and the stern is rubbin' on the dock.
13
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,654
I can't go to the bloody arcade.
I've gotta fix this beacon.
14
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,323
Allow me to counter that
with my whiny mode.
15
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,450
[clears throat]
16
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,535
[whiny voice] Korvo, there's no way
17
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,121
this thing matters more
than two adoring husbands
18
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:41,207
attending an exclusive VR event together.
19
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,043
You know I'd love to see VR Andy Cohen
20
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,711
be a messy little bitch but not today.
21
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,504
Come on! Set it aside
22
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,174
and revel in some Earth culture with me.
23
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:50,550
[Korvo] This is the distress beacon,
24
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,344
which you broke when you spilled
a low-carb V8 on it.
25
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:57,057
[normal voice] Sorry that I was thirsty
for over seven vegetables.
26
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,892
Everything in this house beeps. Who cares?
27
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,852
It's beaming our coordinates into space!
28
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,270
And?
29
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,898
And if any cyborgs in the quadrant
pick up the signal,
30
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,859
they could pinpoint our location
and assimilate us.
31
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:11,237
Cyborgs were a myth the elders made up
to trick us into going to bed on time.
32
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,239
I don't care.
I can't put the mission at risk.
33
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,450
Ugh! I wish there was a way to see
that everything would be okay
34
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,826
if you just bailed and had fun with us.
35
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,286
And I wish there was a way to show you
36
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:19,829
that being responsible is cool.
37
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:23,917
- [♪ mystical music]
- Wait, what if there was?
38
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,044
Why do you say that like that?
Stop. It's cringe.
39
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,921
Replicants, assemble!
40
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,339
Ah, geez. Are we in trouble?
41
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,257
I was just exploring my own body.
42
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,759
What do you... N-no.
43
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:35,595
We are finally going to use
the ship's What If? Device.
44
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,097
Oh, really? Hell yeah!
45
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:40,391
Holy moly. I didn't even know
we had a What If? Device.
46
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,060
Hey, what's a What If? Device?
47
00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:44,104
It's a piece of Shlorpian
technology you can use
48
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,355
to see how life would be different
49
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,440
depending on wild scenarios
we plug into it.
50
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,485
Inspired by how they do it in Futurama,
now airing on Hulu?
51
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,821
No, it's totally...
It's a very different thing.
52
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,490
Don't say that or we'll get an email
telling us we can't do it.
53
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:58,701
This is awesome! The Solar Opposites
are having our very own What If? Day.
54
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,870
We could do a bunch of wacky scenarios.
55
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,540
This is gonna rip ass.
Did I use that correctly?
56
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,833
- No.
- Cool!
57
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:08,253
Come on, hurry!
Let's go and do some What Ifs.
58
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:11,131
♪ What If Day, What If Day ♪
59
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:15,176
♪ Anything can happen on What If Day ♪
60
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,261
♪ What if ♪
61
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,804
♪ The Solars lived underwater ♪
62
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,972
♪ What if ♪
63
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,723
♪ Terry was allergic to corn ♪
64
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,058
♪ What if ♪
65
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,726
♪ Jesse had a Spice Girls bat mitzvah ♪
66
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,479
♪ And Young Sheldon had never been born ♪
67
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,524
- ♪ What if Korvo had big naturals ♪
- We're talkin' titties!
68
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:33,444
♪ Yum and the Pupa won
a Tony for writing a play ♪
69
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,779
♪ Well, you're about to find out ♪
70
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,489
♪ Because anything can happen ♪
71
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:40,243
♪ On What If Day ♪
72
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,452
[Terry] Yeah!
73
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,750
{\an8}I can't believe we have
our very own What If? Device.
74
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,586
{\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if I was a Yeti?"
75
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,338
{\an8}I can't wait to lurk around
all naked and mysterious
76
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,506
{\an8}while shitting in the snow.
77
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,175
{\an8}Perfect idea. We're doing that for sure.
78
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:58,261
{\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if I wore
two bows on my head?"
79
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,637
{\an8}Dream bigger, Jesse.
80
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,806
{\an8}- Ten bows.
- [Jesse gasps]
81
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,850
{\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if
ketchup tasted like mustard?"
82
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,019
{\an8}Let's go ham with
all sorts of crazy What Ifs.
83
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:08,146
{\an8}- I wanna go first.
- Nuh-uh. No way. Me, me!
84
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,564
{\an8}We're all going to get a turn.
85
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,107
{\an8}But it was my idea so I'm going first.
86
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,693
{\an8}AISHA, reveal the What If? Device.
87
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,069
[AISHA] Coming up!
88
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:16,696
[all] Whoa!
89
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,117
- Wait a hot girl second.
- What's wrong?
90
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,078
The What If button.
It's already been pushed.
91
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,206
- [♪ dramatic sting]
- How can you tell?
92
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,624
Usually, the crystal is above the top.
93
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,375
It's not supposed
to be recessed like that.
94
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,336
See? It should look like that.
95
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,129
Well, let's unpress it
so we can get What If'ing.
96
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,131
{\an8}- Don't touch that!
- Ow! What was that for?
97
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,341
{\an8}We can't just reset the button.
98
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,551
{\an8}Why not? I want to. It's so pressable.
99
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,471
{\an8}Because we don't have any idea
how long it's been running.
100
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,057
{\an8}Ow! See? It's hot
from being on for so long.
101
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,934
{\an8}Well, you know Terry
don't care about that shit.
102
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,101
You don't understand.
103
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,645
If this thing's been
running this whole time,
104
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,356
it means we're all already
inside someone's What If.
105
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,692
Okay, Grand Moff Obvious.
That's why we gotta turn it off.
106
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,570
If we do that,
reality as we know it will end,
107
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,031
meaning that something
unpredictable about our lives
108
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,449
could change for the worse.
109
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:03,117
I guess if we never turned it off,
110
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,453
it means someone liked
what they were What If'ing.
111
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:08,873
Exactly. Someone used the device
and their life got better.
112
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,959
Not me. I'm basically
all grievance all the time.
113
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,919
Me too. I mean, my life's okay,
114
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,546
but I've got notes. You know?
115
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,757
{\an8}Yeah. I'd be Mrs. Austin Butler right now
116
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,176
{\an8}if I had What If'd,
that's for darn tootin'.
117
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,012
{\an8}Sorry, but generally not being happy
isn't good enough.
118
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,807
{\an8}We're not unpressing this button
until we have a good guess
119
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,517
{\an8}what it will change about our lives.
120
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,103
{\an8}We need to do a pro and con list
for everyone here.
121
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,771
{\an8}Korvo, no! Pro and con lists are
122
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,606
{\an8}a gateway drug to Venn diagrams.
123
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,358
{\an8}Break out the whiteboard!
124
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,442
[all groan]
125
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,903
{\an8}And done.
126
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,948
{\an8}Crap. Turns out we actually
all have really awesome lives.
127
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,866
{\an8}So we all have an equal chance
of messing up our lives
128
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:44,951
{\an8}if we press the button.
129
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,786
{\an8}Fuck it. I'm gonna press that shit.
130
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,871
- No, don't!
- It's an even chance my life gets shitty.
131
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,331
I'm willing to take those odds.
132
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,749
- Me too.
- Yep. I'm in.
133
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,960
Nobody here has a bad life.
Why take the risk?
134
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,795
There was a whole song about it.
135
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:58,548
{\an8}Yeah. We were promised a bunch
of wacky What If scenarios.
136
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,633
{\an8}We don't take kindly
to broken promises, king.
137
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,968
{\an8}But you don't know what we'll lose.
138
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,678
{\an8}Finding out will be part of the fun.
139
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,305
{\an8}- Think about the mission.
- Mission, schmission.
140
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,140
{\an8}What if whatever the What If is
141
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,058
{\an8}endangers the thing that
we're doing with the Pupa?
142
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,644
Um, we're totally unbothered
by that possibility.
143
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,980
We're not exactly doing great
with the Pupa anyway.
144
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:17,191
Maybe resetting the device puts
the mission back a few steps.
145
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,318
Who cares?
146
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,112
- What? I care!
- Why? Your life sucks.
147
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,989
Don't you wanna slide that finger
148
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,741
all over that big red button?
149
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,117
Choke me and push it.
150
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,286
Don't try and sexy pet me
into agreeing with you.
151
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,663
I actually have a cool life.
Maybe the coolest life.
152
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,832
So cool you could chill Capri-Sun on it.
153
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,292
Your life isn't cool.
154
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,002
You're the leader of a team
that doesn't respect you,
155
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,337
you never let yourself have fun,
156
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,297
your fashion sucks,
and you're a bald-ass bitch.
157
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,423
You're a bald too.
158
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,383
Yeah, but we own it, like Steven Seagal.
159
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,762
We're slaying the no-hair,
no-ears look. Smooth.
160
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,305
Come on, gang. It's three against one.
161
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,015
Wait, wait, wait. You wanna have fun?
162
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,725
What if we play with the Dumb Ray instead?
163
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:53,019
Yeah. Hmm. What if we did that?
164
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,229
Let's use the What If? Device
and find out!
165
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,231
We wanna do a bunch of fun What Ifs now!
166
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,733
No more talking or being cautious.
167
00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,402
No. Let's leave the ship
and watch some TV.
168
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,279
I heard there's a
Carlito's Way marathon on VH1.
169
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,906
That's something
the whole family can enjoy.
170
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:07,658
You hyped the What If? Device
too well. Get him!
171
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:10,119
- [all shouting]
- [Korvo wailing]
172
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,748
- [all yelp]
- What the hell?
173
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,750
[AISHA] No roughhousing on the ship!
174
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,711
Whoa. I see your Shlorp Fu
has improved over the years.
175
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,338
Well then, let us begin.
176
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,923
AISHA, give me cover.
177
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,800
[♪ energetic music]
178
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,135
[Korvo grunting]
179
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,762
Come back here with the What If? Device,
180
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,472
you overly cautious son of a bitch!
181
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,932
I already did my steps for the day.
182
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,393
Please don't make me chase you. Please!
183
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,521
[tires screeching]
184
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,648
Follow that husband.
185
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,857
Keep your pants on.
186
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,695
I have $14,000 in unpaid parking tickets,
187
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,572
so I have to do this once a week.
188
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,199
You really shouldn't own a car.
189
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,660
Ugh, you sound just like
that woke-ass judge.
190
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:55,832
[Korvo shouting]
191
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,542
Gotta get you somewhere
Terry would never go.
192
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,419
That store that only sells
books about planes,
193
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,963
Disney's California Adventure,
maybe the dermatologist.
194
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,047
- [thud]
- Ah!
195
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,967
- Ah! Cut it out!
- [What If? Device beeping]
196
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,593
Without the ship systems,
this thing is unstable.
197
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,595
Ah! Stop hitting me!
198
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,806
It just leaked a random What If.
199
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,057
[phone rings]
200
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,268
Give us back that device.
We wanna have fun.
201
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,895
Also FYI, I'm gonna order
Greek food for dinner tonight.
202
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,522
So do you want to split a lamb souvlaki?
203
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,983
No to the first part.
Yes to the souvlaki. [grunts]
204
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,695
{\an8}Guys, check it out.
205
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,697
{\an8}What if I had a mustache?
206
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,783
I could finally participate
in No Nut Movember.
207
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,994
Oh, no! The device is losing cohesion.
208
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,163
All sorts of What Ifs are getting out.
209
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,706
Ah, not the coin machine!
210
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:41,043
Oh, my God, I'm alive! And I'm rich! Woo!
211
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,046
Ah! I've been tie-dyed.
212
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,258
[Korvo] Oh, God, a What If'ing phoenix.
213
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,343
Lollipop trees! A rhino!
214
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,220
- [cars thud]
- [device zapping]
215
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,346
Ah!
216
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,183
[all scream]
217
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,684
- [Korvo screams]
- [all screaming]
218
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,061
Oh, God. I suck at Rainbow Road.
219
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,939
Why couldn't it be Moo Moo Meadows? No!
220
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,983
[all screaming]
221
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:07,862
Korvo: Oh, God.
222
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,824
[all screaming]
223
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,246
Would you stop being a crazy person?
224
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,373
Do you realize how much worse
you're making our lives
225
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,791
by not pushing the button?
226
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,252
Don't you see that, Korvo? Don't you see?
227
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,380
Ah! I have a wedgie!
228
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,216
[happy gibberish]
229
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,884
I can't! I can't!
230
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,761
We'll just have to live
with all this weird shit.
231
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,639
Babe, what's going on with you?
You hate random chaos.
232
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,057
I know. It's just...
233
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,892
I think I was the one
who pushed the button.
234
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,311
Ah, Korvo, but that means--
235
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,813
It would be my life that would change
if we unpressed it.
236
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,774
- Oh, really?
- Why?
237
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,567
Because my life is amazing.
238
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,653
I'm in love with you and you love me back,
239
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,238
and we have a great little family.
240
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,739
I don't deserve any of this.
241
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,283
Oh, it only makes sense
that I made a What If
242
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,370
and asked what my life would be like
if you loved me, Terry.
243
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,248
[stammers] But the whiteboard,
the mission.
244
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,708
It's not the mission
I'm worried about. It's us.
245
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,419
If we push that button,
it might reset our marriage.
246
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,754
Our whole love story.
247
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,464
I don't wanna lose us so we can see
248
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,841
"What If Jesse had the powers
of Thor" or whatever.
249
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,594
Yeah, I'd use his hammer
to rob pharmacies.
250
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,888
What if, without this,
I become super lame and stupid
251
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,306
and we never end up together?
252
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,017
Oh, Korvo, I love you
because you're lame and stupid.
253
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,352
[Yumyulack] And unpopular.
254
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,145
Pushing the button will never change that.
255
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,480
- Really?
- Really.
256
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,274
But our marriage needs
to be built on truth.
257
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,651
We need to know our actual
un-What-If'd reality
258
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,361
for what we have to mean something.
259
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,697
We have to know what if the button
had never been pushed.
260
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,241
You're right. Terry, that's it!
261
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,034
What the hell's that?
262
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,828
It's an emergency crossover machine.
263
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,871
I keep it in the car
in case we ever get a flat tire
264
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,832
but also want to hang out
with the Flintstones.
265
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,166
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
266
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,876
I could have been
crossing over this whole time?
267
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,170
This machine uses
quantum entangle technology.
268
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,422
I can repurpose the components
269
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,090
and build a single-use What If? Device.
270
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,967
It won't be strong enough
to transform our world,
271
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,677
but we can watch the What If on a screen.
272
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,887
Of course! Wait, what?
273
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,764
I'm not a logic guy. I'm really stupid.
274
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,100
Alright, here we go.
Gather round, everyone.
275
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,811
What if whoever used our What If? Device
276
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,271
had never pressed the button?
277
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,189
[gadget whirs]
278
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,235
This is way back when we
escaped the destruction
279
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,528
of Planet Shlorp.
280
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,113
Look, there's the other 99 ships.
281
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,948
[Yumyulack] But you always say
it's a hundred adults.
282
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,533
Wouldn't that only be 50 ships?
283
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,452
[Korvo] A hundred adults is a
hundred sets of adults.
284
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,078
[Yumyulack] That was not clear.
285
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,663
[Korvo] Well, it's clear now,
you pedantic little shit.
286
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,707
[Terry] Shh!
This took us back far as hell.
287
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,087
Greetings, crew. It is I, Commander Zarck.
288
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,006
- Commander on the deck.
- [Solars gasp]
289
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,924
[Korvo] Who the fuck is Commander Zarck?
290
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,844
Holy crap. He must be our real
mission leader.
291
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,180
Hunk alert. Wee-woo, wee-woo.
292
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:42,475
Oh, my God, I want to take a bite
out of that!
293
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,227
Oh, sorry, babe. [groans]
294
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,606
- [What If zaps]
- [explosion booms]
295
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,858
Wait. So we used to have
a different mission leader?
296
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,985
I don't remember this Zarck guy at all.
297
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,195
Yeah, da fuck?
298
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,656
Da fuck indeed, Terry.
Let's keep watching.
299
00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,826
Get out of my seat and don't
mess with the controls again.
300
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,121
You've set us way off course.
We almost hit that space eye.
301
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,956
Sorry, sir. What should I be doing?
302
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,376
I don't care. Go clean out
the Pupa's poop tray.
303
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,503
Yes, sir. My course was better.
304
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,338
Man, I looked at all
the cabinets on the ship
305
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,839
and I can't find any cake.
306
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,175
Do we not have any treats? I want treats.
307
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,468
I'm bored!
308
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,012
Are we there yet? This sucks.
309
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,431
Everyone quiet! Hey, hey, it's okay.
310
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,433
We'll get you terraforming in no time.
311
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,601
- Coochie-coo.
- [Pupa giggles]
312
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,852
Enough complaining.
313
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,021
The future of the Shlorpian race
is in our hands.
314
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,398
Take the mission seriously
315
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:33,275
and follow my orders
with rational diligence.
316
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,112
[mocking] "Take the mission seriously."
317
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,155
Oh, God, that guy's such a sleemo.
318
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,449
You three are way too focused
on goofing off.
319
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,785
There's no room for fun when
we have a Pupa to take care of.
320
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,121
We have to be strict
and diligent at all times.
321
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,456
Wrong. It's not a dichotomy, Korvo.
322
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,792
They're too goofy, but you're too strict.
323
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,712
That kind of thinking will cause conflict
and endanger the mission
324
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,255
just as much as they are.
325
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:55,881
Uh, b-but it's very serious work, sir.
326
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,217
That's why you need balance. Like me.
327
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,136
Look, as long as I'm here, we'll be fine.
328
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,471
Commander, I am so over your vibe, sir.
329
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,725
- Terry, go to your room!
- Gah, I wish I'd never been planted!
330
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:06,809
[blows raspberry]
331
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,436
Nice one, boss.
332
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:09,854
Hey, a little respect.
333
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,689
I'm your leader
whether you like it or not.
334
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,066
We do all the work
while you just boss us around.
335
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,317
We don't need balance.
336
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,278
Oh? And who would be a better leader?
337
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,321
I would obviously be suited to the task.
338
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,074
Ha! This whole mission
would fall apart without me.
339
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,618
Oh, please. You wish.
We would do fine without you.
340
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,121
Oh really? Well how about we use
the What If? Device
341
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,790
to see how fast you'd botch this
if you were on your own.
342
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,751
[machinery whirring]
343
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:36,130
What if I was ejected in an escape pod
344
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:39,675
and my team had to complete
the mission by themselves
345
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,844
and they didn't remember me at all?
346
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,515
Or what if I don't press the button
and stayed your leader?
347
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,017
This device is powerful.
348
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,310
I shouldn't use it to make a point.
349
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,145
So this Zarck guy
pressed the What If button
350
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:53,689
and disappeared himself
and we all totally forgot?
351
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,774
What a loser.
352
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:55,900
Okay, but just so I'm clear,
353
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,318
what we're watching right now is
354
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,195
what would've happened
if he hadn't pressed the button
355
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,780
and stayed our leader on Earth, right?
356
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,948
Yes, Jesse. My God. Keep up much?
357
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,075
Let's watch how differently
that would've played out.
358
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,368
[alarm blaring]
359
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,162
We've located a planet
ripe for terraforming.
360
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:11,040
Everyone strap in and prepare for landing.
361
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,083
[♪ epic music]
362
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:17,379
♪
363
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,882
[whirring]
364
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,386
Ee-yarth, our new home.
365
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,430
[♪ muzak playing]
366
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,433
Good, good. The Pupa likes a clean house.
367
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,477
- Scrub near that wall.
- [canned laughter on TV]
368
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,812
- No TV.
- Ugh!
369
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,522
Our sole purpose in life is the mission.
370
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,857
Don't get distracted by human culture.
371
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,568
There's only one way to find out
if our neighbors like us.
372
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,862
- Nanobots.
- Buy an RV. Na-nanobots.
373
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:45,241
No! Those nanobots are only
to be used if cyborgs invade.
374
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,493
I'm gonna start wearing fun T-shirts
375
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,036
to show off my incredible personality
376
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,913
and provide a window into my genius.
377
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,958
- [laser zaps]
- My apparel!
378
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,876
Shlorpians wear robes.
379
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,461
[grunting]
380
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,922
Ooh, see that? The Pupa's evolving.
381
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,924
I wub you, Commander Zarck.
382
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,884
Aw! Good words, Pupa!
383
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,011
Commander Zarck, I'm requesting permission
384
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,013
for Terry and I to co-sleep in this bed.
385
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,139
Request denied.
386
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,766
You'll sleep in your regeneration pods
387
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,810
so you can do clerical work
while your body sleeps.
388
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,603
- [Korvo/Terry] Yes, sir.
- And Terry,
389
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,438
stop standing outside
the neighbor's window
390
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,606
and watching their TV.
391
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,774
No standing in line.
392
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,401
Absolutely not.
393
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,819
No. No!
394
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,195
No!
395
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,533
Oh, we finally did it!
The Pupa's terraforming!
396
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,285
[Yumyulack] What? No, that's too soon.
397
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,786
We didn't get to do any cool shit.
398
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,162
Aah, does this guy hate fun?
399
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,123
I don't buy it. This can't be it.
400
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,708
Look, it's happening!
401
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,043
All our hard work and discipline paid off.
402
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,336
The mission is complete.
403
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,422
Shlorpian civilization will be reborn
404
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:46,552
exactly as it always is,
unspoiled by outside influence!
405
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,220
[♪ dramatic music]
406
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,431
♪
407
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,849
[screaming]
408
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:08,032
[♪ dramatic music continues]
409
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,243
[screen glitching, static]
410
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,370
Wow. I can't believe it.
411
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,290
Zarck, am I right? Oh, he's a real Chad.
412
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,458
You know he chews gum.
413
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:18,667
Yeah, he was a stud.
414
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,545
Korvo, babe. You gotta push that button.
415
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,380
You'll reset Zarck's original What If,
416
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,507
and your biggest desire will come true.
417
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,594
The mission will be complete.
Earth will be terraformed.
418
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,012
We really messed this up.
419
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,556
Zarck would've gotten this world
terraformed twice over.
420
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,682
He's not wrong.
421
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,517
We do spend a lot of time arguing
422
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,645
about new Dr. Pepper flavors.
423
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:41,148
Little Pepper, Lot of Pepper,
Nurse Pepper, Pepper Zero.
424
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:46,528
It's okay, Korvo. We get it.
Do what you gotta do.
425
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,447
[♪ emotional music]
426
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,115
[Korvo groans]
427
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,409
[sparks crackling]
428
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,912
Whoa! More Shlorp Fu!
429
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,538
You broke the shit out of that thing.
430
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,082
Damn right, I did.
431
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,626
But I thought you wanted
to complete the mission.
432
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:01,794
That's like your whole thing.
433
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,837
That Zarck guy was full of shit.
434
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,048
Sure, he got the mission done
in record time,
435
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,884
but we aren't just cogs
in a Shlorpian machine.
436
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,386
We're guiding the Pupa,
437
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,972
but we're also learning
a lot from living on Earth.
438
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,766
We found out about love,
The Criterion Collection,
439
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,560
paintball, NASCAR, and Tubgirl.
440
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,479
Oh, love Tubgirl.
441
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,772
All these beautiful things
442
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,816
that Shlorpians
would benefit from knowing,
443
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,026
they aren't in the Pupa's record
of the home world.
444
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,736
How many Planet Shlorps have existed
445
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,988
where nothing's different?
446
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,573
Why do we keep replicating it
to be the same
447
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,909
when it could be the same but also better?
448
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,452
But th-the mission!
449
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,454
I mean, you always said my dicking around
would mess it up.
450
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,581
It does. You go too far all the time.
451
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,375
But now at least we can stay married
452
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,377
and keep boinking
for the good of the mission.
453
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,504
Amen, you bald little bitch.
454
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:48,048
[Korvo and Terry moaning]
455
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,175
Hell yeah! Oh, get it.
456
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,469
Kiss fest! Woo!
457
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,974
I'm gonna get into
a handstand for a vertical 69.
458
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,142
Catch me, catch me, catch me.
459
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,728
You better tongue that mound.
460
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,354
You're slayin', pimp!
461
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,065
Uh, what about all the random What Ifs
462
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,526
that the device created
when it was malfunctioning?
463
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,112
Like my mustache, and also this thing.
464
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,239
Oh. Oh, yeah.
465
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,908
Oh, look at my hot coins. [grunts]
466
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,493
Yeah, this thing's gotta go.
467
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,954
Doesn't it all just go away
like at the end of The Lion King
468
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,289
when light returns to Pride Rock?
469
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,582
No. Without the device,
470
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,250
we'll have to break it all down by hand.
471
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,044
- [gunshot]
- [coin machine screams]
472
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,128
[coins clinking]
473
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,174
[phoenixes screeching]
474
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,551
Keep going. You're doing great.
475
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,387
I just got off the phone with the Navy.
476
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,347
They dumped the woman
who turned into a dolphin
477
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:38,849
into the Mediterranean.
478
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:41,894
She's lovin' it. Doing
all sorts of flips and jumps.
479
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,437
[gunfire]
480
00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:47,608
Yeah! These holy water-infused
bullets are doing God's work!
481
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,151
[phoenix screeches]
482
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,486
[♪ pleasant music]
483
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,780
I'm pretty glad
you didn't press the button
484
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,323
and reset everything, Korvo.
485
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,491
Me too.
486
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:59,703
And so the big What If
turned out to be an "it was."
487
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,581
- Did-did that make sense?
- Well, we'll punch it up later.
488
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:05,000
- It's like 80% of the way there.
- Perfect.
489
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,336
Somehow, we got out of this day stronger
than before,
490
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,505
without any What If consequences.
491
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,298
Yeah. Consequences suck.
492
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,633
They really do.
493
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:13,884
Fuck consequences.
494
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,511
- [Terry laughs]
- Yeah, fuck 'em!
495
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,013
- Fuck consequences indeed.
- [all laughing]
496
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,599
[♪ suspenseful music]
497
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:24,228
[beacon beeping]
498
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,572
[electronic voice]
Distress signal received.
499
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,241
Downloading coordinates.
500
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:43,288
I've got you now, you ungrateful turds!
501
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:47,668
What If it's time for me
to get my revenge?!
502
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:51,046
[laughing maniacally]
503
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,219
Oh, shit, I forgot my water bottle!
504
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,305
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
505
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,498
♪
506
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,182
[mimicking laser fire]