1
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,677
Why the F did we leave Clervix 3
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,262
to come back to this
broke-ass planet?
3
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,346
Look at my skin.
4
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,807
It's cracking from all the dryness,
the air, the climate change,
5
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,559
my addiction
to blow-drying my scalp.
6
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,936
Korvy, baby, hard disagree.
7
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:23,356
{\an8}I love Earth. I missed organizing
all my T-shirts into loose categories.
8
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,941
{\an8}Hey, aliens! A little help?
9
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,152
Is that our neighbor yelling at us
like a goddamn animal?
10
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,236
- Who?
11
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,321
Korvo, you gotta stop with the hair dryer.
12
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,240
You got no hair,
you're burning a hole in your head,
13
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,742
and you're making
the house smell like broccoli.
14
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,162
I got your mail
while you were on vacay.
15
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,538
Shit-ton of packages.
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,332
You guys really lean
into that "buy now" button.
17
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,585
Ooh, my subscription boxes.
18
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,295
I love the thrill
of having someone else make
19
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,504
my purchasing decisions.
20
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,256
I know you lovebirds
just got married,
21
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:51,009
so I'm thinking
super fancy honeymoon, huh?
22
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:54,345
Yeah, right. I would never be caught
on a low-rent, trash-ass moon.
23
00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,680
- Me neither.
- Come on.
24
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,099
You guys know what
a honeymoon is, right?
25
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,143
- What? Of course, we do.
- How dare you!
26
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,270
Piss yourself until you die, Kevin!
27
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,647
If there's anything we know,
it's what a bloody honeymoon is.
28
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,775
According to Wikipedia,
a honeymoon is
29
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:10,445
an uninterrupted newlywed vacation
taken immediately after the wedding.
30
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,197
We're late for
our mandatory sex vacay?
31
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:13,656
We gotta leave right now.
32
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:16,743
You're right. I'll book us a room
at the nicest resort in Canada,
33
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,078
the sexiest of all countries.
34
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,913
Quick, pack several things
we won't end up wearing
35
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,539
and some heavy books
we won't end up reading.
36
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,624
- On it.
37
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,917
Can someone drop me off
at the mall?
38
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,878
OshKosh B'Gosh is having
a sale on all their galoshes.
39
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,630
We're doing special
husbands-only time,
40
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,381
and Wikipedia says
we can't be interrupted.
41
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,176
I tried playing softball,
42
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,845
and I underhand pitched too fast.
43
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:36,930
Sorry, pal, I can't help you,
44
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,765
because half of
the Solar Opposites
45
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,059
are goin' on a honeymoon.
46
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,354
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
47
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,397
until the asteroid hit.
48
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,442
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
49
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,236
and escaped into the... space,
50
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,947
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
51
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,323
We crashed on Earth,
52
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,659
{\an8}stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
53
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,244
{\an8}That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
54
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,495
{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.
55
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,247
{\an8}My name is Korvo.
This is my show.
56
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,498
{\an8}Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
57
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,542
{\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
58
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:08,169
{\an8}It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
59
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,671
{\an8}They eat cheese, which is mold,
60
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,549
{\an8}but when I scrape mold off my feet
in a movie theater,
61
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,135
{\an8}everyone gets all like,
"Oh, oh, oh, don't do that. It's gross."
62
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852
{\an8}Alright, let's make this quick.
63
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,186
{\an8}I'm late for my other job,
64
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,729
{\an8}where I stand in front
of self-driving cars
65
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,148
{\an8}to see if they detect humans.
66
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,567
{\an8}Are you doing a bit?
Is that really a job?
67
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,235
{\an8}Of course, it is.
Now shut up.
68
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,780
{\an8}Due to your planetary absence,
you two are failing Sex Ed.
69
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,741
{\an8}I'm not sure we need to learn
about the sex, Ms. Frankie.
70
00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,451
{\an8}Yeah, we reproduce asexually,
71
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,287
{\an8}without any floppy human organs.
72
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,705
{\an8}We have these things
called shmelk holes.
73
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,165
{\an8}Each Shlorpian has a unique one.
74
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,751
{\an8}Shut up! My paycheck is based
on how many students pass.
75
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:49,878
{\an8}So, if you fail,
76
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,297
{\an8}I swear I'll make sure
you get held back a year.
77
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,423
{\an8}No!
78
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,841
{\an8}We can't hang with the younger kids.
79
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}They're intimidating as hell.
80
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,345
Those bitches were raised on Euphoria.
81
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,471
Ah!
82
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,681
Please, we'll do anything.
83
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,350
Good.
We also made porn dioramas
84
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,520
to make sure you dumbass teenagers
comprehended the material.
85
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,606
Oh, sorry,
that's my rusty trombone.
86
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,899
I meant that.
87
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,775
Can't we just be emancipated
from school
88
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}like tennis prodigies?
89
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,070
{\an8}I wish. How good's your game?
90
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,743
{\an8}You're impressive on clay,
91
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,578
{\an8}but your grass game falls to shit.
92
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,288
{\an8}It's a no-go on the emancipation.
93
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,664
{\an8}What a proclamation!
94
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,832
{\an8}Part of Sex Ed is learning
95
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,460
{\an8}that your actions have,
oh, consequences.
96
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,420
{\an8}Fucky-fucky can lead to some shit.
97
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,048
{\an8}So, you two have to take care
of this bag of sugar
98
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,717
{\an8}as if it were a baby for an entire week.
99
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,303
{\an8}It's conflict sugar, which I'm not
proud of, but it tastes better.
100
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,431
{\an8}I use it to bake oven-fresh cookies
that trick men into staying the night.
101
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:45,600
Pssht, that's it?
Easy mode.
102
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,976
Could have been easy mode,
103
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,354
but now that you disrespected
my sugar,
104
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,523
you also have to sci-fi it
into a real baby.
105
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,192
But I don't want a Sugar Baby.
106
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:57,195
{\an8}I want a sugar daddy,
or at least a sugar legal guardian.
107
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,031
And it's rude to assume
that just because we're aliens,
108
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,158
we have the technology
to bring things to life.
109
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,994
Uh-huh. Tell it
to Principal Cooke's living car.
110
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,788
- That's it, good car, good car.
111
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,414
- Get the carrot. Fuck!
112
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,626
Okay, that was us.
113
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,836
Oh, shit,
it's coming back for more.
114
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,380
Oh! Oh, God!
115
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,423
Fine, here comes the sci-fi.
116
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,677
{\an8}
117
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,263
- It's so cute.
- Aww, hi, baby.
118
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,723
{\an8}You have one week to keep it alive.
119
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,183
{\an8}- It can die, right?
- Oh, yeah.
120
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,977
{\an8}Good, I mean bad.
121
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,561
{\an8}Don't let that happen.
122
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,772
{\an8}- We have to respect life in all its forms.
123
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,401
{\an8}It's grinding my bones into dust.
124
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,866
Oh, my God, I had no idea
how turned on I'd get
125
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,702
by making out on a bed
shaped like an organ.
126
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,328
I'm glad you talked me
out of the Bahamas.
127
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,579
Nothing beats
128
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,915
Alanis Morissette's
Jagged Little Resort, eh?
129
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,458
Canadian Reddit won't shut up aboot it.
130
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,961
They have the best gin
and Isn't-It-I-Tonics in the province.
131
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,132
Ding-dong.
Sorry to interrupt you two love slugs.
132
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,343
But I have complimentary champagne,
some big rush zip,
133
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,929
and a pile of Simple Simons
with your name on it.
134
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,432
Ah, yes, I understood
almost half of that.
135
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,516
It's drugs.
136
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,393
Wait a minute, complimentary zip?
137
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,562
- When does that ever happen?
- Well, it's your honeymoon.
138
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,980
You get all sorts of free stuff.
139
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,440
{\an8}What's the catch, bellman?
140
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,067
You ought to know,
I have one hand in my pocket,
141
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,986
and the other one is waiting for a tip.
142
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,612
I've never tipped, and I never shall.
143
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,197
- Get outta here!
- Sweetie.
144
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,490
Ugh. Fine.
145
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,075
Now get outta here.
146
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,412
Damn, I was all wet to get married,
but I had no idea
147
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,830
how great
the honeymoon perks would be.
148
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,541
Yes, everyone's falling over themselves
to be nice to us,
149
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,710
just because we've taken
their monogamy oath.
150
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,671
Upgraded to first class,
big bowl of fruit in the room.
151
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,965
What about all those chocolate dicks
we received on arrival?
152
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,759
You guzzled those down.
Nom, nom, nom.
153
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:43,843
Guilt-free dicks.
154
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,219
When people find out
you're on your honeymoon,
155
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,846
it's a free Genie Pass to the best shit.
156
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,014
As a married husband,
157
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,224
I think we should enjoy
this unexpected boon
158
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,018
without taking it to the extreme.
159
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,561
Mm-hmm, I hear you on that,
160
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,022
but counterpoint from
an equally married husband:
161
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,899
Why don't we run around
and stress-test this shit
162
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,776
so we can see how much
fun stuff we can get?
163
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,571
- Only if we 69.5 first.
- Do I have to?
164
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:04,989
I'd love that.
165
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,289
Hey, those are my French fries.
166
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,749
We're on our honeymoon.
167
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,001
Aww, I'll get you truffle oil.
168
00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,380
- Ah, help!
169
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,049
Someone call the mounted police.
170
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,259
I'm on my honeymoon, you old bitch.
171
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,886
Enjoy your love.
172
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,305
- H-moon hotties here!
173
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,932
This is our spa day now.
174
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,475
But we're on our honeymoon too.
175
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,060
- Oh, shit!
- Checkmate!
176
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,687
You're all entitled to a special rubbing.
177
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,774
Uh, oh, yeah!
178
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,609
Honey, you can't just shoot a gun
179
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,277
into the ceiling
to get people's attention.
180
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,362
But it's my honeymoon.
181
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,197
Oh, shit, right, congratulations.
182
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,412
- Ow, Pupa!
183
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,455
Punch JK Sevens somewhere else.
184
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,249
And can you keep
that Sugar Baby quiet?
185
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,417
I'm trying to game here.
186
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,211
I carried this baby
for nine whole blocks
187
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,546
on the way home.
188
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:04,465
The least you can do is tell me
I'm doing a good job.
189
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,008
Oh, come on, I don't want him.
190
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,093
My arms are tired.
191
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,179
We are totally failing at being
a mandatory school family.
192
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,889
I think it wants to feel skin to bag.
193
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,349
Take off your shirt.
194
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,269
Ugh, Pupa, JK, get away from me!
195
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,480
And, Jesse, you gotta stop reading
those parenting subreddits.
196
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,315
But their judgments
keep me awake at night,
197
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,401
which helps me stay alert
for night-time feedings.
198
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,445
Let's just do what all
reasonable parents do
199
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,654
when things get hard.
200
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,031
Distract it with screen time.
201
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,658
- No screens for baby.
202
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,953
Can I get five more masseuses,
three for each cheek?
203
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,830
On your honeymoon?
Of course.
204
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,665
We really should have
gotten married sooner.
205
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,333
Who knew it would be
the cheat code to life?
206
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:40,418
It's great, right?
207
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,336
You should definitely
enjoy it while it lasts.
208
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:43,504
What on earth does that mean?
209
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,798
- Honeymoons are only like a week?
- What?!
210
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,886
It's right there on Wikipedia.
Honeymoons last a week.
211
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,430
After that, it's just traveling
without any of the perks,
212
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,598
and our week's almost up.
213
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,641
But I've grown accustomed
to the honey-lifestyle.
214
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,143
How am I supposed
to go back to underwear
215
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,561
without newlywed cans?
216
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,772
The honeymoon gives us a pass
from being decent and careful.
217
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,691
I took that guy's wallet
and shoved him into the pool.
218
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,526
He was wearing
a Detroit Tigers hat, Terry.
219
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,777
A Detroit Tigers hat.
220
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,571
He's gonna kill me, Terry.
He's probably from Michigan.
221
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,490
I don't want this week to end!
222
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,576
Nor do I, Terry, but I can't control time,
not on that scale.
223
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,328
Wait, I don't have to.
224
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,205
If the honeymoon only lasts a week,
225
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,790
then I just have to extend the week.
226
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,585
Korvo, you've gone honey-mad.
That doesn't make any sense.
227
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,921
This is Korvo,
the blue alien in room 413.
228
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,007
MTV Unplug your finger out of your arse
and get me a dovmecopter.
229
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,426
My husband and I will have
one hand in our...
230
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,844
We'll be borrowing it for the afternoon.
231
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,977
If we find the Progenitor ship,
we'll find the answer
232
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,687
to extending our honeymoon week.
233
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,023
Ah, yes, the Progenitors.
I know them well.
234
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,983
That's why we're here,
for the Progenitors.
235
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:48,152
Nothing like a good old Progenitor,
am I right?
236
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:51,280
Progenitors were the ancient aliens
who created the solar system.
237
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,242
Ah, yes, the so-lar system,
I know it well.
238
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535
You're an alien from space.
239
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,370
How do you not know
what a solar system is?
240
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,622
I'm more of a sexy,
Flash Gordon-type alien.
241
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,957
Damn right you are.
242
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,168
Okay, a Progenitor ship
should be buried right here.
243
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,964
- And now we dig.
- Fight!
244
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,092
Right, yes, of course.
Diggity dig.
245
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,224
Beautiful.
246
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,559
A piece of ancient history,
247
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,520
undisturbed since the dawn
of time, untouched by...
248
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,771
- Terry!
249
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,773
Ugh, you ruined my vandalism.
250
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,157
These primordial geniuses
251
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,243
really knew how to design
a control room.
252
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,579
Eat some ass, Marie Kondo.
253
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,998
Oh, look, these two died fucking.
254
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,836
This species ignited the sun
and set the orbit of the Earth.
255
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,380
And they still had time
to be sexy freaks. Impressive.
256
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:53,926
They locked the orbit into 52 weeks
to complete a full solar revolution.
257
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,721
But if we increase
the circumference of the orbit
258
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,222
a little larger...
259
00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,932
Can't spell circumference without cum!
260
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,852
...then each of the 52 weeks
will have to be a day longer.
261
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,855
Which means
our honeymoon week is longer.
262
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,857
Terry, I love it when you understand
what I'm saying.
263
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:08,941
It hurt my brain.
264
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,651
Now, let's get out
of this dusty sex tomb
265
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:11,902
and go get more free stuff.
266
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,530
Honeymoon, honeymoon, tee-hee-hee!
267
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,166
- Hello?
268
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,669
Madam President! I've never had to answer
this phone, but-- what?
269
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:29,920
The whole orbit?
270
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,300
Okay, yeah, I'll just slide in
a new day called, uh, Blurgday
271
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,468
right at the end there.
272
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,059
I-I'm sorry, ma'am, but your
appointment is on Saturday.
273
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,685
It's still Blurgday.
274
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,604
It's too bad you're checking out.
275
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,940
You never got to do our VIP
swim-with-the-beluga-whale experience.
276
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,491
Looks like a couple more days
were added to the week.
277
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,743
So, would you like to swim
with the regular belugas
278
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,079
or horny belugas
with the French maid hats?
279
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,330
We'll take both.
280
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,630
Are you done honeymooning?
281
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,507
Hell no, give me more days.
282
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,519
How is this week so long?
283
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,021
I don't know, but I'm so tired.
284
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:40,282
Brr. Consequences build
as the week mysteriously extends.
285
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,702
{\an8}TGIFridays closed their doors for good,
286
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,496
{\an8}and SNL fans have been forced
to watch reruns
287
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,416
{\an8}to get their fix of overplayed,
first-act sketches
288
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,167
{\an8}that beat non-jokes into the ground.
289
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,252
{\an8}Brr!
290
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,629
As the Earth's orbit
moves away from the sun,
291
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,339
temperatures continue to drop.
292
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,635
Sugar Baby, no, bad Sugar Baby.
293
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,179
It's been, like, 50 days!
294
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,597
I can't do this anymore!
295
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:06,809
It's all your fault for bringing
the Make Alive ray to school.
296
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:07,893
Don't blame me.
297
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,395
Whatever sci-fi shit is happening
298
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,313
is for sure Terry and Korvo's fault.
299
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,565
We gotta make them stop.
300
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,650
We can't interrupt their honeymoon.
301
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,737
Can we please give
Sugar Baby screen time?
302
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,405
It'll give us peace.
303
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,490
But I've been such a good parent.
304
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,784
This week is too long.
Look at Pupa.
305
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,370
He's a supercomputer,
and even he can't win.
306
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,706
He's been trying to throw
JK Sevens out for days,
307
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,624
no one's picking up the trash.
308
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,003
- Ahh!
309
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,380
It feels like we're
never gonna get to Monday!
310
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,673
We're co-parents.
311
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,300
We have to give up on this together.
312
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,261
Ugh, fine, but can we
please let Sugar Baby
313
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:45,806
watch something sweet and chill
and mildly educational?
314
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,308
How about
The Great British Bake Off?
315
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,227
Those snaggle-toothed colonizers
could dull anyone to sleep.
316
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,812
Okay, but only Bake Off.
317
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,440
I don't want him getting coked up
on that flipping Blippi.
318
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,526
[on phone] This week,
we're making a single pancake.
319
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:03,491
And I think we'll have
the head-over-beet salad.
320
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,701
What the-- Oh, right,
the Alanis Morissette thing.
321
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,828
And... choo, choo,
choo, choo, choo, choo,
322
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,665
a side of this-album-is-about
Dave-Coulier-acorn squash.
323
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,250
Hello? I said I want the squash.
324
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:18,130
Uh, Korvo, why is everyone frozen?
325
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,592
{\an8}Ah, I guess maybe we pushed the planet
a little far from the sun.
326
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,219
But that's not so bad, right?
327
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,804
No, we should be fine,
as long as we don't...
328
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,475
Holy shit, we're going to crash into Mars!
329
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,060
On our honeymoon!
330
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:36,816
Maybe we're gonna miss it!
331
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,692
Its gravitational pull
is already affecting us.
332
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:40,236
We've flown too far from the sun, Terry,
333
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,154
and now the planet is going
to pay the price.
334
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,162
- Ahh!
335
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,586
Hope you enjoyed your stay. Do you have
a quick minute for a survey?
336
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,047
How did we let it get so bad?
337
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,383
I mean, I know how I did,
but you're the smart one, Korvo.
338
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,593
I know, but the danger
of changing the orbit
339
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,345
was better than something
I'd read on Wikipedia
340
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,805
that scared the gooblers out of me.
341
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,474
Oh, God. What did you read about,
Chupacabras, ee-ee?
342
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,434
There's a common phrase people use,
343
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,811
"The honeymoon is over."
344
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,937
What does that mean?
345
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,605
It's what people say
about nasty couples
346
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,357
who've been married for a while
and hate each other.
347
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,151
They start to see the ugly parts
of their spouses they can't un-see.
348
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,863
That's why the divorce rate
is like 4.5 out of 5.
349
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:24,989
So we make a promise.
350
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,448
Divorce is a forbidden D word.
351
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:29,451
Like how Disney Plus won't let us say
"Donald [bleep] dirty [bleep]"
352
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,453
or how Dopey is
the only dwarf that [bleep].
353
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,913
I never want to resent you,
354
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,206
not more than I currently do.
355
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,041
Korvo, if we can fuck
with the Earth's orbit,
356
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,835
we can fuck
with marriage statistics.
357
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,837
Honey, I am here for the tough times.
358
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,172
- I want to see your ugly parts.
- I do too.
359
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,258
Let's return Earth to its rightful orbit,
360
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,011
warm the planet back to the previous
catastrophic temperature,
361
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,597
and end this honeymoon on our terms.
362
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,348
That's my hot-ass husband right there.
363
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,310
And every year, we can celebrate
our anniversary right here.
364
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,579
Good thing Korvo equipped the house
with its own artificial gravity
365
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,497
after Terry kept throwing
his jugs on the roof.
366
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:23,005
- Ow, he cut me.
367
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,215
What the heck is wrong with you?
368
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,635
It's the baking show.
369
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,802
Look what they're using.
370
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,721
While we've been resting,
371
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,016
Sugar Baby was watching them
destroy his friends and family.
372
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,225
Ah!
373
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,144
That little freak's
on a murder mission.
374
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,146
He was Ms. Frankie's special sugar.
375
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:43,108
She must have killed all his friends
with her fresh-baked hook-up cookies.
376
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:46,028
We can't let him kill Ms. Frankie
or we'll never pass Sex Ed.
377
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,571
Activate magnet shoes.
378
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,700
How do these work on cement?
379
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:52,826
Shut up, nerd.
380
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,415
Ah! No!
381
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,509
Harry Potter whistle!
382
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,845
- Aw, friends.
383
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,355
Oh, what the hell?
It's stuck.
384
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,523
We're gonna have to do it manually.
385
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,651
There are 10 switches around the room
we must engage at the same time.
386
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,820
Love, love, love, love.
I got mine.
387
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,906
That's eight. Come on, Terry,
we just need two more.
388
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,661
How the hell are we supposed
to reach the last two?
389
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,080
Oh, God. We're gonna have
to spread our flaps
390
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,373
and use our shmelk holes.
391
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,960
What? I've never shown anyone
my shmelk hole. It's disgusting.
392
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,295
I haven't either,
but we don't have a choice.
393
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:46,714
But mine's so ugly.
394
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,173
You're not gonna think I'm sexy.
395
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,259
This is what I read about
on Wikipedia, Terry.
396
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,428
We're gonna see the ugly parts
of each other,
397
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,804
and we'll be okay.
398
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,432
- I don't know.
- Terry, I love all of you.
399
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,142
Uh, okay, fine.
400
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,192
Oh, God, oh, fuck,
it smells like, like...
401
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,861
I can't be clever on-the-fly
like Deadpool.
402
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,945
It stinks, okay?
403
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,739
Hey, th-th-that's normal.
404
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,699
I showed you mine,
it's your turn now.
405
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,783
Okay.
406
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,162
What the fuck?
407
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,247
It's beautiful.
That's not fair.
408
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,332
- It's gross, don't look.
- No, it is not.
409
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,834
Why does yours smell like cinnamon?
410
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,627
I want it in my mouth.
411
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,353
Hey, the polar bears are gonna be okay.
412
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,439
Yes, but we also returned climate change.
413
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,233
Oh, the polar bears
are not gonna be okay.
414
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,363
{\an8}
415
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,658
Typical sci-fi reset.
416
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:57,743
Oh, my baby.
417
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,498
Apologies to my subscribers
for the late post.
418
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,876
The gravity chaos fucked up
my other, other, other job.
419
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,004
ASMR of sexy Pokemon names.
420
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,964
Charizard,
421
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:14,343
Squirtle, Jigglypuff.
422
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,679
Ah!
423
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,556
- Ahh!
424
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,184
- Ow, that really hurts.
425
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,061
I regret being helpful.
426
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,563
- Oh, no!
427
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,273
What the hell is going on?
428
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,567
We, we lost our Sugar Baby.
429
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,860
Go ahead and fail us.
430
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,862
Did you spend wakeless days
caring for something
431
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,156
that exhausted you, didn't listen,
and eventually ran away
432
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,658
to pursue something
you didn't approve of?
433
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,369
You betcha with a capital B,
Ms. Frankie.
434
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,162
Plus, he stole 20 bucks outta my purse.
435
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,873
Congrats, you experienced
true parenting, you passed.
436
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,333
Sugar Baby is still out there.
437
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,210
I'm worried he's gonna do
a murder on you.
438
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,338
Nah, without us, I'm sure
he'll get licked to death by a horse.
439
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,422
He'll be fine.
440
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,591
Today, on The Great British Bake Off.
441
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,301
Everyone, grab your sugar.
442
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,684
Korvy, I'm having VIP withdrawal.
443
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,644
- Am I important?
- We did the right thing.
444
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,604
We have all we need to feel special,
445
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,731
us, the team family,
446
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,192
and this goddamned
heart-shaped bed.
447
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,031
You wanna blow out my back
and break this bed in half?
448
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,075
This heart shape is too small!