1 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,677 Why the F did we leave Clervix 3 2 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,262 to come back to this broke-ass planet? 3 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,346 Look at my skin. 4 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,807 It's cracking from all the dryness, the air, the climate change, 5 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,559 my addiction to blow-drying my scalp. 6 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,936 Korvy, baby, hard disagree. 7 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:23,356 {\an8}I love Earth. I missed organizing all my T-shirts into loose categories. 8 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,941 {\an8}Hey, aliens! A little help? 9 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,152 Is that our neighbor yelling at us like a goddamn animal? 10 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,236 - Who? 11 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,321 Korvo, you gotta stop with the hair dryer. 12 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,240 You got no hair, you're burning a hole in your head, 13 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,742 and you're making the house smell like broccoli. 14 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,162 I got your mail while you were on vacay. 15 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,538 Shit-ton of packages. 16 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,332 You guys really lean into that "buy now" button. 17 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,585 Ooh, my subscription boxes. 18 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,295 I love the thrill of having someone else make 19 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,504 my purchasing decisions. 20 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,256 I know you lovebirds just got married, 21 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:51,009 so I'm thinking super fancy honeymoon, huh? 22 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:54,345 Yeah, right. I would never be caught on a low-rent, trash-ass moon. 23 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,680 - Me neither. - Come on. 24 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,099 You guys know what a honeymoon is, right? 25 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,143 - What? Of course, we do. - How dare you! 26 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,270 Piss yourself until you die, Kevin! 27 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,647 If there's anything we know, it's what a bloody honeymoon is. 28 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,775 According to Wikipedia, a honeymoon is 29 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:10,445 an uninterrupted newlywed vacation taken immediately after the wedding. 30 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,197 We're late for our mandatory sex vacay? 31 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:13,656 We gotta leave right now. 32 00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:16,743 You're right. I'll book us a room at the nicest resort in Canada, 33 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,078 the sexiest of all countries. 34 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,913 Quick, pack several things we won't end up wearing 35 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,539 and some heavy books we won't end up reading. 36 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,624 - On it. 37 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,917 Can someone drop me off at the mall? 38 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,878 OshKosh B'Gosh is having a sale on all their galoshes. 39 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,630 We're doing special husbands-only time, 40 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,381 and Wikipedia says we can't be interrupted. 41 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,176 I tried playing softball, 42 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,845 and I underhand pitched too fast. 43 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:36,930 Sorry, pal, I can't help you, 44 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,765 because half of the Solar Opposites 45 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,059 are goin' on a honeymoon. 46 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,354 Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia, 47 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,397 until the asteroid hit. 48 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,442 One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa 49 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,236 and escaped into the... space, 50 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,947 searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds. 51 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,323 We crashed on Earth, 52 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,659 {\an8}stranding us on an already overpopulated planet. 53 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,244 {\an8}That's right, I've been talking this whole time. 54 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,495 {\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa. 55 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,247 {\an8}My name is Korvo. This is my show. 56 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,498 {\an8}Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa. 57 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,542 {\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth. 58 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:08,169 {\an8}It's a horrible home. People are stupid and confusing. 59 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,671 {\an8}They eat cheese, which is mold, 60 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,549 {\an8}but when I scrape mold off my feet in a movie theater, 61 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,135 {\an8}everyone gets all like, "Oh, oh, oh, don't do that. It's gross." 62 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852 {\an8}Alright, let's make this quick. 63 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,186 {\an8}I'm late for my other job, 64 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,729 {\an8}where I stand in front of self-driving cars 65 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,148 {\an8}to see if they detect humans. 66 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,567 {\an8}Are you doing a bit? Is that really a job? 67 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,235 {\an8}Of course, it is. Now shut up. 68 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,780 {\an8}Due to your planetary absence, you two are failing Sex Ed. 69 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,741 {\an8}I'm not sure we need to learn about the sex, Ms. Frankie. 70 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,451 {\an8}Yeah, we reproduce asexually, 71 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,287 {\an8}without any floppy human organs. 72 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,705 {\an8}We have these things called shmelk holes. 73 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,165 {\an8}Each Shlorpian has a unique one. 74 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,751 {\an8}Shut up! My paycheck is based on how many students pass. 75 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}So, if you fail, 76 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,297 {\an8}I swear I'll make sure you get held back a year. 77 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,423 {\an8}No! 78 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,841 {\an8}We can't hang with the younger kids. 79 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,676 {\an8}They're intimidating as hell. 80 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,345 Those bitches were raised on Euphoria. 81 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,471 Ah! 82 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,681 Please, we'll do anything. 83 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,350 Good. We also made porn dioramas 84 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,520 to make sure you dumbass teenagers comprehended the material. 85 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,606 Oh, sorry, that's my rusty trombone. 86 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,899 I meant that. 87 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,775 Can't we just be emancipated from school 88 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:13,985 {\an8}like tennis prodigies? 89 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,070 {\an8}I wish. How good's your game? 90 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,743 {\an8}You're impressive on clay, 91 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,578 {\an8}but your grass game falls to shit. 92 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,288 {\an8}It's a no-go on the emancipation. 93 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,664 {\an8}What a proclamation! 94 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,832 {\an8}Part of Sex Ed is learning 95 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,460 {\an8}that your actions have, oh, consequences. 96 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,420 {\an8}Fucky-fucky can lead to some shit. 97 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,048 {\an8}So, you two have to take care of this bag of sugar 98 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,717 {\an8}as if it were a baby for an entire week. 99 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,303 {\an8}It's conflict sugar, which I'm not proud of, but it tastes better. 100 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,431 {\an8}I use it to bake oven-fresh cookies that trick men into staying the night. 101 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:45,600 Pssht, that's it? Easy mode. 102 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,976 Could have been easy mode, 103 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,354 but now that you disrespected my sugar, 104 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,523 you also have to sci-fi it into a real baby. 105 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,192 But I don't want a Sugar Baby. 106 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:57,195 {\an8}I want a sugar daddy, or at least a sugar legal guardian. 107 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,031 And it's rude to assume that just because we're aliens, 108 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,158 we have the technology to bring things to life. 109 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,994 Uh-huh. Tell it to Principal Cooke's living car. 110 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,788 - That's it, good car, good car. 111 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,414 - Get the carrot. Fuck! 112 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,626 Okay, that was us. 113 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,836 Oh, shit, it's coming back for more. 114 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,380 Oh! Oh, God! 115 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,423 Fine, here comes the sci-fi. 116 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,677 {\an8} 117 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,263 - It's so cute. - Aww, hi, baby. 118 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,723 {\an8}You have one week to keep it alive. 119 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,183 {\an8}- It can die, right? - Oh, yeah. 120 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,977 {\an8}Good, I mean bad. 121 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,561 {\an8}Don't let that happen. 122 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,772 {\an8}- We have to respect life in all its forms. 123 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,401 {\an8}It's grinding my bones into dust. 124 00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,866 Oh, my God, I had no idea how turned on I'd get 125 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,702 by making out on a bed shaped like an organ. 126 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,328 I'm glad you talked me out of the Bahamas. 127 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,579 Nothing beats 128 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,915 Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Resort, eh? 129 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,458 Canadian Reddit won't shut up aboot it. 130 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,961 They have the best gin and Isn't-It-I-Tonics in the province. 131 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,132 Ding-dong. Sorry to interrupt you two love slugs. 132 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,343 But I have complimentary champagne, some big rush zip, 133 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,929 and a pile of Simple Simons with your name on it. 134 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,432 Ah, yes, I understood almost half of that. 135 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,516 It's drugs. 136 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,393 Wait a minute, complimentary zip? 137 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,562 - When does that ever happen? - Well, it's your honeymoon. 138 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,980 You get all sorts of free stuff. 139 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,440 {\an8}What's the catch, bellman? 140 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,067 You ought to know, I have one hand in my pocket, 141 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,986 and the other one is waiting for a tip. 142 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,612 I've never tipped, and I never shall. 143 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,197 - Get outta here! - Sweetie. 144 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,490 Ugh. Fine. 145 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,075 Now get outta here. 146 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,412 Damn, I was all wet to get married, but I had no idea 147 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,830 how great the honeymoon perks would be. 148 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,541 Yes, everyone's falling over themselves to be nice to us, 149 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,710 just because we've taken their monogamy oath. 150 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,671 Upgraded to first class, big bowl of fruit in the room. 151 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,965 What about all those chocolate dicks we received on arrival? 152 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,759 You guzzled those down. Nom, nom, nom. 153 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:43,843 Guilt-free dicks. 154 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,219 When people find out you're on your honeymoon, 155 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,846 it's a free Genie Pass to the best shit. 156 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,014 As a married husband, 157 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,224 I think we should enjoy this unexpected boon 158 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,018 without taking it to the extreme. 159 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,561 Mm-hmm, I hear you on that, 160 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,022 but counterpoint from an equally married husband: 161 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,899 Why don't we run around and stress-test this shit 162 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,776 so we can see how much fun stuff we can get? 163 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,571 - Only if we 69.5 first. - Do I have to? 164 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:04,989 I'd love that. 165 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,289 Hey, those are my French fries. 166 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,749 We're on our honeymoon. 167 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,001 Aww, I'll get you truffle oil. 168 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,380 - Ah, help! 169 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,049 Someone call the mounted police. 170 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,259 I'm on my honeymoon, you old bitch. 171 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,886 Enjoy your love. 172 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,305 - H-moon hotties here! 173 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,932 This is our spa day now. 174 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,475 But we're on our honeymoon too. 175 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,060 - Oh, shit! - Checkmate! 176 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,687 You're all entitled to a special rubbing. 177 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,774 Uh, oh, yeah! 178 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,609 Honey, you can't just shoot a gun 179 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,277 into the ceiling to get people's attention. 180 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,362 But it's my honeymoon. 181 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,197 Oh, shit, right, congratulations. 182 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,412 - Ow, Pupa! 183 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,455 Punch JK Sevens somewhere else. 184 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,249 And can you keep that Sugar Baby quiet? 185 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,417 I'm trying to game here. 186 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,211 I carried this baby for nine whole blocks 187 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,546 on the way home. 188 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:04,465 The least you can do is tell me I'm doing a good job. 189 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,008 Oh, come on, I don't want him. 190 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,093 My arms are tired. 191 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,179 We are totally failing at being a mandatory school family. 192 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,889 I think it wants to feel skin to bag. 193 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,349 Take off your shirt. 194 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,269 Ugh, Pupa, JK, get away from me! 195 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,480 And, Jesse, you gotta stop reading those parenting subreddits. 196 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,315 But their judgments keep me awake at night, 197 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,401 which helps me stay alert for night-time feedings. 198 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,445 Let's just do what all reasonable parents do 199 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,654 when things get hard. 200 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,031 Distract it with screen time. 201 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,658 - No screens for baby. 202 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,953 Can I get five more masseuses, three for each cheek? 203 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,830 On your honeymoon? Of course. 204 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,665 We really should have gotten married sooner. 205 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,333 Who knew it would be the cheat code to life? 206 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:40,418 It's great, right? 207 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,336 You should definitely enjoy it while it lasts. 208 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:43,504 What on earth does that mean? 209 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,798 - Honeymoons are only like a week? - What?! 210 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,886 It's right there on Wikipedia. Honeymoons last a week. 211 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,430 After that, it's just traveling without any of the perks, 212 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,598 and our week's almost up. 213 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,641 But I've grown accustomed to the honey-lifestyle. 214 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,143 How am I supposed to go back to underwear 215 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,561 without newlywed cans? 216 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,772 The honeymoon gives us a pass from being decent and careful. 217 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,691 I took that guy's wallet and shoved him into the pool. 218 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,526 He was wearing a Detroit Tigers hat, Terry. 219 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,777 A Detroit Tigers hat. 220 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,571 He's gonna kill me, Terry. He's probably from Michigan. 221 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,490 I don't want this week to end! 222 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,576 Nor do I, Terry, but I can't control time, not on that scale. 223 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,328 Wait, I don't have to. 224 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,205 If the honeymoon only lasts a week, 225 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,790 then I just have to extend the week. 226 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,585 Korvo, you've gone honey-mad. That doesn't make any sense. 227 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,921 This is Korvo, the blue alien in room 413. 228 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,007 MTV Unplug your finger out of your arse and get me a dovmecopter. 229 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,426 My husband and I will have one hand in our... 230 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,844 We'll be borrowing it for the afternoon. 231 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,977 If we find the Progenitor ship, we'll find the answer 232 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,687 to extending our honeymoon week. 233 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,023 Ah, yes, the Progenitors. I know them well. 234 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,983 That's why we're here, for the Progenitors. 235 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:48,152 Nothing like a good old Progenitor, am I right? 236 00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:51,280 Progenitors were the ancient aliens who created the solar system. 237 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,242 Ah, yes, the so-lar system, I know it well. 238 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535 You're an alien from space. 239 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,370 How do you not know what a solar system is? 240 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,622 I'm more of a sexy, Flash Gordon-type alien. 241 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,957 Damn right you are. 242 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,168 Okay, a Progenitor ship should be buried right here. 243 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,964 - And now we dig. - Fight! 244 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,092 Right, yes, of course. Diggity dig. 245 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,224 Beautiful. 246 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,559 A piece of ancient history, 247 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,520 undisturbed since the dawn of time, untouched by... 248 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,771 - Terry! 249 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,773 Ugh, you ruined my vandalism. 250 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,157 These primordial geniuses 251 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,243 really knew how to design a control room. 252 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,579 Eat some ass, Marie Kondo. 253 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,998 Oh, look, these two died fucking. 254 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,836 This species ignited the sun and set the orbit of the Earth. 255 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,380 And they still had time to be sexy freaks. Impressive. 256 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:53,926 They locked the orbit into 52 weeks to complete a full solar revolution. 257 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,721 But if we increase the circumference of the orbit 258 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,222 a little larger... 259 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,932 Can't spell circumference without cum! 260 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,852 ...then each of the 52 weeks will have to be a day longer. 261 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,855 Which means our honeymoon week is longer. 262 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,857 Terry, I love it when you understand what I'm saying. 263 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:08,941 It hurt my brain. 264 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,651 Now, let's get out of this dusty sex tomb 265 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:11,902 and go get more free stuff. 266 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:14,530 Honeymoon, honeymoon, tee-hee-hee! 267 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,166 - Hello? 268 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,669 Madam President! I've never had to answer this phone, but-- what? 269 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:29,920 The whole orbit? 270 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,300 Okay, yeah, I'll just slide in a new day called, uh, Blurgday 271 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,468 right at the end there. 272 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,059 I-I'm sorry, ma'am, but your appointment is on Saturday. 273 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,685 It's still Blurgday. 274 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,604 It's too bad you're checking out. 275 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,940 You never got to do our VIP swim-with-the-beluga-whale experience. 276 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,491 Looks like a couple more days were added to the week. 277 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,743 So, would you like to swim with the regular belugas 278 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,079 or horny belugas with the French maid hats? 279 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,330 We'll take both. 280 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,630 Are you done honeymooning? 281 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,507 Hell no, give me more days. 282 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,519 How is this week so long? 283 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,021 I don't know, but I'm so tired. 284 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:40,282 Brr. Consequences build as the week mysteriously extends. 285 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,702 {\an8}TGIFridays closed their doors for good, 286 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,496 {\an8}and SNL fans have been forced to watch reruns 287 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,416 {\an8}to get their fix of overplayed, first-act sketches 288 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,167 {\an8}that beat non-jokes into the ground. 289 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,252 {\an8}Brr! 290 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,629 As the Earth's orbit moves away from the sun, 291 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,339 temperatures continue to drop. 292 00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,635 Sugar Baby, no, bad Sugar Baby. 293 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,179 It's been, like, 50 days! 294 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,597 I can't do this anymore! 295 00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:06,809 It's all your fault for bringing the Make Alive ray to school. 296 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:07,893 Don't blame me. 297 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,395 Whatever sci-fi shit is happening 298 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,313 is for sure Terry and Korvo's fault. 299 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,565 We gotta make them stop. 300 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,650 We can't interrupt their honeymoon. 301 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,737 Can we please give Sugar Baby screen time? 302 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,405 It'll give us peace. 303 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,490 But I've been such a good parent. 304 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,784 This week is too long. Look at Pupa. 305 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,370 He's a supercomputer, and even he can't win. 306 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,706 He's been trying to throw JK Sevens out for days, 307 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,624 no one's picking up the trash. 308 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,003 - Ahh! 309 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,380 It feels like we're never gonna get to Monday! 310 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,673 We're co-parents. 311 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,300 We have to give up on this together. 312 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,261 Ugh, fine, but can we please let Sugar Baby 313 00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:45,806 watch something sweet and chill and mildly educational? 314 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,308 How about The Great British Bake Off? 315 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,227 Those snaggle-toothed colonizers could dull anyone to sleep. 316 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,812 Okay, but only Bake Off. 317 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,440 I don't want him getting coked up on that flipping Blippi. 318 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,526 [on phone] This week, we're making a single pancake. 319 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:03,491 And I think we'll have the head-over-beet salad. 320 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,701 What the-- Oh, right, the Alanis Morissette thing. 321 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,828 And... choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, 322 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,665 a side of this-album-is-about Dave-Coulier-acorn squash. 323 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,250 Hello? I said I want the squash. 324 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:18,130 Uh, Korvo, why is everyone frozen? 325 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,592 {\an8}Ah, I guess maybe we pushed the planet a little far from the sun. 326 00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,219 But that's not so bad, right? 327 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,804 No, we should be fine, as long as we don't... 328 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,475 Holy shit, we're going to crash into Mars! 329 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,060 On our honeymoon! 330 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:36,816 Maybe we're gonna miss it! 331 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,692 Its gravitational pull is already affecting us. 332 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:40,236 We've flown too far from the sun, Terry, 333 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,154 and now the planet is going to pay the price. 334 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,162 - Ahh! 335 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,586 Hope you enjoyed your stay. Do you have a quick minute for a survey? 336 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,047 How did we let it get so bad? 337 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,383 I mean, I know how I did, but you're the smart one, Korvo. 338 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,593 I know, but the danger of changing the orbit 339 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,345 was better than something I'd read on Wikipedia 340 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,805 that scared the gooblers out of me. 341 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,474 Oh, God. What did you read about, Chupacabras, ee-ee? 342 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,434 There's a common phrase people use, 343 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,811 "The honeymoon is over." 344 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,937 What does that mean? 345 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,605 It's what people say about nasty couples 346 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,357 who've been married for a while and hate each other. 347 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,151 They start to see the ugly parts of their spouses they can't un-see. 348 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,863 That's why the divorce rate is like 4.5 out of 5. 349 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:24,989 So we make a promise. 350 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,448 Divorce is a forbidden D word. 351 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:29,451 Like how Disney Plus won't let us say "Donald [bleep] dirty [bleep]" 352 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,453 or how Dopey is the only dwarf that [bleep]. 353 00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,913 I never want to resent you, 354 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:34,206 not more than I currently do. 355 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,041 Korvo, if we can fuck with the Earth's orbit, 356 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,835 we can fuck with marriage statistics. 357 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,837 Honey, I am here for the tough times. 358 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,172 - I want to see your ugly parts. - I do too. 359 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,258 Let's return Earth to its rightful orbit, 360 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,011 warm the planet back to the previous catastrophic temperature, 361 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,597 and end this honeymoon on our terms. 362 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,348 That's my hot-ass husband right there. 363 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,310 And every year, we can celebrate our anniversary right here. 364 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,579 Good thing Korvo equipped the house with its own artificial gravity 365 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,497 after Terry kept throwing his jugs on the roof. 366 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:23,005 - Ow, he cut me. 367 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,215 What the heck is wrong with you? 368 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,635 It's the baking show. 369 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,802 Look what they're using. 370 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,721 While we've been resting, 371 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,016 Sugar Baby was watching them destroy his friends and family. 372 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,225 Ah! 373 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,144 That little freak's on a murder mission. 374 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,146 He was Ms. Frankie's special sugar. 375 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:43,108 She must have killed all his friends with her fresh-baked hook-up cookies. 376 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:46,028 We can't let him kill Ms. Frankie or we'll never pass Sex Ed. 377 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,571 Activate magnet shoes. 378 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,700 How do these work on cement? 379 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:52,826 Shut up, nerd. 380 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,415 Ah! No! 381 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,509 Harry Potter whistle! 382 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,845 - Aw, friends. 383 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,355 Oh, what the hell? It's stuck. 384 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,523 We're gonna have to do it manually. 385 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,651 There are 10 switches around the room we must engage at the same time. 386 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,820 Love, love, love, love. I got mine. 387 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,906 That's eight. Come on, Terry, we just need two more. 388 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,661 How the hell are we supposed to reach the last two? 389 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,080 Oh, God. We're gonna have to spread our flaps 390 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,373 and use our shmelk holes. 391 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,960 What? I've never shown anyone my shmelk hole. It's disgusting. 392 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,295 I haven't either, but we don't have a choice. 393 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:46,714 But mine's so ugly. 394 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,173 You're not gonna think I'm sexy. 395 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,259 This is what I read about on Wikipedia, Terry. 396 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,428 We're gonna see the ugly parts of each other, 397 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,804 and we'll be okay. 398 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,432 - I don't know. - Terry, I love all of you. 399 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,142 Uh, okay, fine. 400 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,192 Oh, God, oh, fuck, it smells like, like... 401 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,861 I can't be clever on-the-fly like Deadpool. 402 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,945 It stinks, okay? 403 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,739 Hey, th-th-that's normal. 404 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,699 I showed you mine, it's your turn now. 405 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,783 Okay. 406 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,162 What the fuck? 407 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,247 It's beautiful. That's not fair. 408 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,332 - It's gross, don't look. - No, it is not. 409 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,834 Why does yours smell like cinnamon? 410 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,627 I want it in my mouth. 411 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,353 Hey, the polar bears are gonna be okay. 412 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,439 Yes, but we also returned climate change. 413 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,233 Oh, the polar bears are not gonna be okay. 414 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,363 {\an8} 415 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,658 Typical sci-fi reset. 416 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:57,743 Oh, my baby. 417 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,498 Apologies to my subscribers for the late post. 418 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,876 The gravity chaos fucked up my other, other, other job. 419 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,004 ASMR of sexy Pokemon names. 420 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,964 Charizard, 421 00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:14,343 Squirtle, Jigglypuff. 422 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,679 Ah! 423 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,556 - Ahh! 424 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,184 - Ow, that really hurts. 425 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,061 I regret being helpful. 426 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,563 - Oh, no! 427 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,273 What the hell is going on? 428 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,567 We, we lost our Sugar Baby. 429 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,860 Go ahead and fail us. 430 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,862 Did you spend wakeless days caring for something 431 00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,156 that exhausted you, didn't listen, and eventually ran away 432 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,658 to pursue something you didn't approve of? 433 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,369 You betcha with a capital B, Ms. Frankie. 434 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,162 Plus, he stole 20 bucks outta my purse. 435 00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:44,873 Congrats, you experienced true parenting, you passed. 436 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,333 Sugar Baby is still out there. 437 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,210 I'm worried he's gonna do a murder on you. 438 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,338 Nah, without us, I'm sure he'll get licked to death by a horse. 439 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,422 He'll be fine. 440 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,591 Today, on The Great British Bake Off. 441 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,301 Everyone, grab your sugar. 442 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,684 Korvy, I'm having VIP withdrawal. 443 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,644 - Am I important? - We did the right thing. 444 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,604 We have all we need to feel special, 445 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,731 us, the team family, 446 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,192 and this goddamned heart-shaped bed. 447 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,031 You wanna blow out my back and break this bed in half? 448 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,075 This heart shape is too small!