Hmm.
Porcupine. No, wait.
Hedgehog.
Hyah, lizard, hyah!
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa,
and escaped into the... space,
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth,
stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home. People are stupid and confusing.
Why do all these old billionaires put young people's blood in their veins
when they can be paying to put Gray 55, the robot blood,
directly into their genitals?
That's the good stuff!
I heard there was an old PEZ dispenser out here somewhere.
- Do you think we'll get to see it? - Don't know, don't care.
I wonder what character it is.
Ooh, and what flavor the PEZ is.
Ooh, and if we find it,
I'm gonna crawl up on the top to get a view of the--
Stop trying to make this fun.
That bounty hunter could still be tracking us.
You know, I'm not some naive kid.
I did pretty good with your hippie pal in Sandbox Town, didn't I?
You almost got killed, twice!
Ah, but I didn't.
Meanwhile, you were higher than Matthew McConaughey's kite.
"Oh, I'm Gavin.
"I'm a lightweight who can't handle some mushrooms.
Oh, take me to the hospital, I can't feel my old hands."
I need to deliver these supplies to the NoHo Hank Funko Pop
Terry threw into the yard when Barry turned into a drama.
Nothing in my orders about keeping you alive.
Ooh, what's this thing?
Basketballburgh.
I've heard about Basketballburgh!
Do they really have a rollercoaster made out of K'nex?
Yeah, but it's the kind that's only scary
because you think it's gonna fall over the whole time.
Maybe if you get to like me, we can be scared of it together.
I don't want to like you. I want to be done with this.
Hyah!
Oh, my God, water!
This better not be a mirage!
Actually, I don't even care. It's so hot, I'll take the illusion.
Something's not right.
Why does it smell like the Smirnoff outlet store?
Last one in's a shitty wad of shit.
- What the hell? - Look!
Oh, my God. That dragonfly can't swim.
Someone call a bug lifeguard!
It's not water.
Jesus, what the hell is it?
Hand sanitizer,
the cheap kind that smells like coyote vagina.
At our scale, this stuff burns like acid.
Oh, my God, I could've died.
Hey, hey, you didn't. You're okay.
I don't think I like the Back Yard.
Yeah, well, I don't really like anything.
Except for Coldplay, they rule.
Come on, guys, he's gonna be here any second!
I broke out the gouda today!
Only the fanciest cheese for our famous friend.
Avatar! My blue!
Ah, my charcuterie board!
You know how many TikToks I had to study
to get the meat flopped right?
I told you two to stay out of the kitchen!
Why are you fighting? I thought you were besties.
They're both Geminis.
When Saturn's in their seventh house, good luck!
Neither of them were born on this planet.
The star signs are hecka different.
Gemini energy is bigger than galactic star charts!
You two better suck it up.
Our famous friend's coming over to hang out today.
But what he doesn't know is that it's actually an intervention.
Turns out you can have too much alcohol and heroin,
and weed, and all the other drugs smooshed up into a big ball.
He's going to freak out. Everyone needs to be as quiet as possible
while we spring a friend trap on his ass.
Oh, man, the look on his face when we confront him with his own failings
is gonna be tragic!
Stop it with the sci-fi fight already!
- That's it, if you can't behave,
then we're locking you two in the Manc Ave
until the intervention is over!
You two are like feral cats!
Are we sure it's a good idea to leave them alone?
Yeah, we had to move a lot of dangerous stuff down here
to make room for the intervention in the living room.
Like that laser cannon and the ottoman.
It's all harmless, they'll be fine.
What about this microuniverse in a snow globe?
Or this soul disc you made Terry after he saw Tron?
Oh, yeah, we recorded my soul onto that thing
so I could live in the grid as a program.
I'm hella bicoastal, baby.
I made that up to make you happy.
So I still have my digital soul?
- Not cool! - Ah!
Ah!
Whew, you almost released The Thing from The Thing.
That's a Miss Thing, so we don't get sued.
- Wink, wink.
But even in clearable parody form,
this little lady is just as dangerous as her big-screen counterpart.
Ah, geez, we can't leave them down here with Miss Thing.
- She'll eat them and steal their DNA.
Wow, Jesse, um, women have to support other women.
She's just jealous because Miss Thing rocks a bow better.
We'll just put her way up here. Problem solved.
Oh, my stars and garters, I haven't lit the candle in the bathroom yet!
Listen to me, you two,
if either of you come upstairs for even a second,
you're grounded for life!
But if you can make it through this intervention without fighting,
we'll take you to your favorite fast casual French restaurant.
- Au Bon Pain? - Oui. So be good.
Here, just zone out and watch
the director's commentary-only edition of Shrek.
For this first scene, I wanted
a sweeping wide shot, but the studio insisted on starting
with Shrek coming out of an outhouse, wiping his ass.
Now a lot of people wanna know how we got the donkey to talk.
No, it's not peanut butter. It was computers.
You know what I miss about the before-fore?
Being big enough that a raindrop wouldn't kill me?
Yeah, I was gonna say $5 foot longs.
But that raindrop thing really is a problem.
- Hedgey, did you just purr at her? - We're friends.
He wraps his little arms around me when we sleep.
I call them hedgehugs.
I've been beggin' you for hedgehugs.
He makes me feel safe, at least for a minute.
The Yard's a hard place to live,
but I'll take it over the Wall any day.
The Wall didn't have poison lakes.
Worse. I was there for every era.
I stormed the Duke's staircase in Wall War I.
When Tim took over, I helped clean and distribute sex toys to the needy.
I even smuggled Raisinettes over the wall in the Wall
when the Bowinians split off.
No Duke or Bowinians out here.
That's right, this is a simple yard.
Look at us delivering fruit to hungry people, no politics.
That's the way to live.
Mine! Mine!
No! Ah!
- Ah!
Aah!
What the... Oh, finally!
Do you know how long I've been trapped in the digital world?
There isn't even a single Del Taco in there!
- Ah!
Ah!
- Ah!
What's wrong, boy?
Road's blocked.
Usually, Terry throws his chicken legs
closer to the kitchen window.
It's the bounty hunter!
Jesus Christ, where? Oh, me.
Hyah, Hedgey, hyah!
He's still coming!
We gotta go off-road!
PEZ!
Oh, shit! No time to stop! Go, Hedgey, go!
Good boy! Get us outta this and it's grubs for dinner all week!
- Come on! - Look!
Hurry, push!
- It's working.
Hyah, hyah.
It'll take him hours to get all the way around.
This is gonna work.
Ah, we're sinking! Ah!
Oh, no, we need to jettison weight.
- Hedgey, quit it.
- It's gonna be okay. - Ah, come on!
- Hedgey. - Hedgey, please, you need to stay calm.
Ah, god, it burns!
Oh, my God, are you okay?
We're still sinking. We need to lighten the load.
- No! - Hedgey, no!
His quills protect him from the hand sanitizer!
Good boy!
Ha! I'm learning a shit-ton about hedgehogs today.
Crap!
We took on too much goo. Come on!
We can save the food, pass it over.
We can't leave the cart.
We can build a new cart.
Stop it! What are you doing?
We don't need the cart if we don't have the food!
It's ruined.
Goddammit.
You better have a really good answer for what just happened.
Um, I did the cart thing.
You call hand sanitizer goo.
Let's not point fingers.
What is wrong with you?
Ah! Au Bon Pain!
I forgive you for getting gacked on blow
and then running me over with your convertible.
No matter how many castles you defeat,
you'll never find the drug that makes you you again.
You know, I remember when you started out as a simple gamer boy,
but ever since the movie came out, you've changed.
You wanna fight the final boss? Look in the mirror.
Wahoo, that was beautiful, Terry.
But I'm gonna have to say, "Oh, no!"
You think I need your pity, you little bitches?
I'm a little bitch?
You're the one who offered to blow Eric Stonestreet for an eight ball.
So what if I did?
It's a-me, I'm a fucking a-movie star now!
You begged him!
Calm down, Terrance, let him express his feelings.
I don't wanna be here!
The Last of Us people don't have to put up with this shit.
The Last of Us guys didn't drive their Kart
off the PCH hopped up on PCP.
What were you thinking?
Can we talk about this later?
That bounty hunter's still out there. We gotta get going.
Get going where exactly? You tossed all the food!
Okay, I know it seems bad.
All we have is an empty cart!
I'm never gonna be able to clear my debt.
Yes, you will.
This isn't DoorDash.
When you get paid to transport food,
you don't get paid without the food!
We weren't transporting food!
Oh, I'm sorry, then what were we doing?
We're hauling this.
That's the real payload.
A stupid metal wheel?
It's a valve for a water spigot.
We can use it to turn the sprinklers back on.
Crops will grow again.
Everyone will have all the fruit they want.
- So you lied to me? - I had to.
The grass, everything is dying.
Someone turned the sprinklers off.
They were trying to take all the power and control the yard.
If they knew we had this...
That bounty hunter isn't even after me.
He's after this fuckin' valve.
Okay, technically, yes, but I had no choice.
Look, all you have to do is deliver this spigot to our contact
and you will get your Yardbucks.
This is exactly the type of
Tim and Sisto political bullshit I will not be part of.
Controlling water isn't political.
What? Haven't you seen Chinatown?
I only watch movies on Disney Plus!
Yeah, well, that's pretty fuckin' clear.
What are you doing?
If you leave now, you, you, you won't get paid!
Ah, what good's money
if I get killed by some Back Yard Duke before I can spend it?
Come on, Hedgey, let's leave this liar liar
before her pants catch on fire.
Fine, leave!
I don't need you. I'll do it myself!
Stupid Gavin.
Stupid jerk.
Doesn't even wanna save the Back Yard.
- Asshole!
You.
You killed my uncle!
Look, we just wanna see you get off the streets
and back to the Mushroom Kingdom.
No more tennis, no more golf,
no more superstar sagas.
Oh, come on.
Please go to rehab. You know it's the right thing to do.
Let us love you. Please!
Can you get me a meeting with Toad?
Oh, God, I'm a big piece of shit!
I'm-a so sorry, you guys.
I just wanna kill turtles and go on odysseys, you know?
I'm so sick of shooting up in the bathroom
of a Long John Silver's
with the fighters from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation!
- Shh. What the hell was that?
Huh. It's probably not important to the story.
Huh, I guess it was just our imagination.
Thank you, guys.
I was so close to game over,
but now it feels like I have hope.
Birdo, Birdo, Birdo!
Jesus Christ, this isn't about you.
- Mmm.
What's the matter, H?
You can't still be hungry after that double helping of mealworms.
No, no, do not give me that look.
Yeah, I know, I-I was starting to like her too,
even though she said I dress "daggy,"
whatever that means.
Hey, hey, come on, stop!
I'm in charge here!
Fine, we can go back.
Once we know she's safe, though, we are gone for good.
- Alright.
Okay then, if we're doing this, let's hurry up.
Hyah!
I think we really got through to him.
Eh, he won't last the month.
The Thanksgiving Day Parade's right around the corner,
and you know how he gets around the Rockettes.
Okay, I wonder what kind of shit show we're walking into down here.
[on screen] Four donkeys died during the production.
The stage lights were just too hot for the little guys.
We are very proud of you two.
You went the whole day without fighting, good job.
Go upstairs and get your puffy coats,
we're going to Au Bon Pain!
- Yay!
I need a fuckin' smoke.
They only had Camel Crushes.
Gross. Hand them over.
Terry, you brilliant son of a bitch.
I can't believe your plan worked.
Pretending to get our friend hooked on heroin
so we can have an intervention excuse
to lock the Pupa and JK Sevens down here...
So they would work together and become friends!
-"Pretending"? - Either way, I'm impressed.
It's called parenting, honey.
Top work, Miss Thing.
Looking forward to working together again.
Miss Thing, Miss Thing,
- Miss Thing! - Alright!
- Yeah! - You go, girl!
Little one hit me with a container of laundry detergent.
Here's an extra 20.
You're free to head out into the world and spread like a virus or whatever.
We don't really care what you do to humans.
Well, here's a tip, don't do drugs.
Huh. It looks like she stopped here and went off-road.
- What is it, bud?
Oh...
Lizard tracks, dammit!
Oh, why did it have to be Basketballburgh?
There's two dozen bastards down there who'd love to see me dead.
Yeah, I know.
As usual, I don't have a choice.
Hyah!
I'll bet you 10 Yardbucks I won't gamble, okay?
What the hell?
The rollercoaster!
Wow, it's so green.
Well done, Little Richard, really.
Tip-top work. Here's your Yardbucks.
Treat your wife to a nice meal, on me.
We're all the same size. That name doesn't make any sense.
It's because I have a tiny dick!
Happy?
Wait, I know you.
You used to be the head of the Wall Council.
You were one of the good guys.
I still am a good guy.
I can't thank you enough for guarding this as you crossed the Yard.
Now, with all the spigots,
I can control all the water
as far as the tiny eye can see!
Dammit, I bet this is just like Chinatown.