This is it. The final trial.
Oh! Ah...
I didn't think I'd bond with anyone out here.
I'm gonna fix the Silvercops from the inside.
It's bullshit. They won't let us become Silvercops.
- Then you tap out!
- You fucked up, son.
That you did.
Your asses belong to the Silver Army,
you Silvergrunts.
Listen up, grunts.
We'll be making planetfall in T-minus three minutes.
You'll be joining the war against the Scourge,
an alien race of soulless, ruthless automatons.
These psychotic fucks are spreading across the galaxy,
pillaging resources
and enslaving populations.
Tomblr, th-th-th-this is insane. We have to get outta here.
Don't talk to me, Dodge. You aren't my friend.
- Don't fuckin' talk to me either. - I wasn't going to.
I'm not here to make friends,
and I definitely won't have your back
when we get into battle.
All I care about is killing Horseys
and wearing their balls on a chain around my neck!
Jesus, Zobert.
You went from zero to trophy-kill way too fast.
Lock and load, grunts.
Just know that I will be with you every step of the...
Eat shit, you four-legged fucks!
- Oh, my God. - Run, run, run!
Look, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry for telling you
to fuck off, like, a minute ago.
I-I really feel like we-we're gonna become good friends now
and maybe we'll even share our backstory.
- Oh, my God!
No one can finish a sentence around here!
According to the Norton Antivirus Malware-mometer,
JK Sevens is sick.
As soon as he said "boop" instead of "bwap,"
I knew something was wrong.
Well, let's put him on the curb
and schedule a bulky item pickup.
Should we call Terry and Korvo?
No. They're seeing Avatar 4: The Na'vi Three Day Weekend
at the AMC Extended Stay.
That movie's 72 hours long,
and they made us promise not to interrupt
a single Zoë Saldana second.
Well, if they come home and JK's dead,
we'll never get our phones back.
It's so uncool of them to take our phones away
just because we never, ever do anything they tell us to do.
Agh! He's got SD cards and screws comin' out both ends.
My buttholes!
They blew off all my buttholes!
We're all just chickens for the choo-choo.
"Chickens for the choo-choo"?
Oh, this situation's so FUBAR,
I can't think of clichés.
It's horrifying.
If we can survive long enough, maybe we can escape.
I'm not escaping. We have a mission.
We have to defeat the Scourge and free this planet.
Dude, this war is bullshit.
Maybe. But if we prove our mettle here,
we'll be heroes,
and then they'll have to make us Silvercops.
Are you serious?
How could you still want to be a Silvercop
after they shipped us to the ass pit of the universe?
Because I don't quit when things get tough, Dodge.
Though I guess you do!
How long have you had that in your back pocket,
you turkey-lookin' motherfucker?
Look alive, Silver shits.
That's the guy from before. That's the guy from training.
- Shut up! Shut up! - I'm the new CO of this unit
and, yes, my second head was killed in action.
I'm sure he's interjecting something snarky and supportive
from the great beyond.
Okay, enough of that. We got a mission, people.
Our Silver Spies have learned about a secret
Horsey munitions facility.
We need two volunteers to locate the base,
infiltrate it, and activate this.
A homing beacon.
The signal will allow us to precision bomb the base,
obliterating it without damaging the minerals
in the surrounding area.
Minerals like Goo Rock,
Star Rubies,
and Gatoradium.
Valuable shit.
I'm not gonna lie,
this is a suicide mission.
But apparently that term is bad for morale,
so we're calling it
"Super Cool Chill Hero Time" instead.
Whatever dumbass goes on this has a death wish.
Sergeant, I'd like to volunteer!
Tomblr! Did you not hear what I just muttered?
Yeah, but like I said, we have to prove our mettle.
Happy to hear it, Private. Now we just need one more.
Perhaps a best friend from bootcamp?
Who maybe also looks like a tall dog?
I think he's talking to you.
Fine. I'm in, too.
You're all gonna die and rot in hell!
Ha! Guess he wasn't as dead as I thought.
But he's definitely dead now.
Hey hey, great to see the Opposites family again.
I can only assume Korvo died
from the whole turning to goo thing a few years ago.
- Poor bastard. - No, he's alive and totally fine.
Wow. I was sure he was a goner.
Please help us, doctor. Our robo is sick.
Well, I have no idea how to fix robots,
but I did once treat a woman named Alexa for a yeast infection.
A machine's just a person with no blood, so let's take a look.
- Hmm.
Nurse, bring in the Samba.
You have a robot vacuum for the office?
We get to keep whatever we remove from people's butts.
Whoa, that was awesome!
Just as I suspected.
He's a battle-bot, and he's sick
because he hasn't been fulfilling his core function of,
in strict medical terms, kicking robot ass.
I'm recommending JK start battle-boting
as soon as possible.
What's this prescription then?
That's not a prescription. It's a gamer tag.
In case you ever want to get owned in Call of Duty.
Feel free to turn back anytime.
I wish I could,
but someone has to keep your ass from getting killed.
I am perfectly capable of killin' my own ass.
I mean, assing my own kill.
I mean whatever! It doesn't matter!
Uh, any of you know Lieutenant Zergecchio?
He's supposed to guide us through
the Yummy Carrot Rainbow Gulch.
Oh, we have a special name for that place.
The Death Gulch.
'Cause people die there?
No, because people die there.
If you want Zergey, he's over there.
Zergecchio?
- Oh, geez!
Well, we can't find this base if we don't have a guide.
Better head back.
C-c-come on, man. That's not back.
You better be looking for another trench.
Ugh.
God, I'm starving. I'd kill for a scrotum leech right now.
Let's take a break. I have to use the little Tomblr's room.
The little... Ugh.
Just go. Don't try to make it funny. Just pee.
I wasn't looking for scrotum leeches.
What the fuck happened to you?
Let's... Let's just go.
Hopefully, JK can get some of the battle-boting
out of his system here.
I just don't want these robos to hurt him.
Okay, JK. Do your thing.
JK's got his mojo back!
He was my only friend!
Come on, dude. What happened back there?
You're all haunted and shit now.
I don't want to talk about it.
Wow, this must be Yummy Carrot Rainbow Gulch.
I don't know what those grunts we're talking about.
I'm not getting death vibes at all.
- Get down!
There's a Horsey sniper on the outcropping up ahead.
Yeah. And that sniper's got a gun!
I'm Tomblr. This is Charger.
On a special mission from Silver HQ.
Name's Gex. This here's Quigonowski.
And you're not going anywhere
with that Horsey scumbitch out there.
I can see the sniper.
He's on the high ridge.
Now he's lookin' right at us.
- Now he's pulling the trigger.
Now the bullets are coming this way. Oh, shit!
If you guys cover me,
I can sneak up to the perch and take him out.
But you'll get shot! The sniper, to remind you, has a gun!
Don't worry. I've been specially trained
in the latest sneaking techniques.
Somersaults, baby crawls, tippy toes.
I've heard of tippy toes before.
Supposed to really be something.
I also have a fiancée back home,
and she's pregnant with twins.
- Ah! I'm hit!
- We gotta save her! - No!
You go out there and you're dead too.
Ah! He got me in the head.
- Now he got my shoulders!
- And my toes!
I've been shot in the head, shoulders, knees, and toes!
Fuck you, you Horsey motherclomper!
Fuck you and your gorgeous, shiny mane!
Hmm. I have an idea.
- Yeah!
He had blinders on. Never saw us comin'.
In hindsight, not a smart move.
Also, inside sight.
Ah, shit. What's that?
It's Horsey patrol.
They must have heard the explosion.
Why'd they stop?
- We must be in a minefield.
Shit, shit, shit! I'm gonna die!
I'm so scared, I'm pissing myself.
It's gonna be okay. Relax.
I saw this exact same thing happen
in George Clooney's best movie, The Monuments Men.
We just have to find something of equal weight
and then we switch you out with it,
Raiders of the Lost Ark style.
On the count of three, I'm gonna pull you off
just like they did in Lethal Weapon.
I don't understand any of the references you're making!
On three.
One... two, three!
Wow, it worked!
I, uh, I didn't piss myself,
by the way. That, that was a joke.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Run!
So glad we cured JK Sevens and
won a $25
Cracker Barrel gift card.
That's country fried pancakes for everyone.
Hell yeah. Hulu's HuluLulu,
play Yumyulack's "Yumyu Mix" to celebrate.
Oh, geez.
I guess JK still has an appetite for robo destruction.
That's no big deal.
We can toss him a few more electronics
to get it out of his system.
Holy Jennifer Jason Lopez, that was it!
JK destroyed every gadget in the house.
Terry's Vitamix actually put up a decent fight.
What happens when we run out of stuff for him to kill?
I think Terry keeps a Hitachi Wand
in the earthquake supplies.
Get it!
Where? Where am I?
Stay back. Don't take another clop!
Relax, T, it's okay.
There are Horseys everywhere!
I know. They rescued us.
This is that secret base,
but it's not a munitions facility.
That's right, Tomblr.
You're safe here.
Who are you?
I didn't know Horseys could speak standard.
"Horsey" is a derogatory slur.
We are the Equinites.
My name is Buttercup.
I'm the leader of the resistance.
Oh, please.
You're the scourge on this world!
Come. It's time to remove your blinders and see the truth.
There are no soldiers here.
Just families, refugees.
This is a sanctuary
for those who've been driven from their homes.
But you were the ones who invaded this planet.
The Silvercops are the ones who came here
to steal our natural resources.
Easy to take when you exterminate the locals
and label them a scourge.
But that's the total opposite of what we were told.
Wait, does the military lie about its motives?
I suggest you rest and help yourself to our finest feedbags.
We are a peaceful people, and you are our guests.
Today is my first day delivering food for Grub Bud.
I am so excited.
Hey there, robo pal. Why don't you come on inside?
I am not supposed to enter homes.
No, it's fine.
We just wanna give you a tip.
Come on in. Don't be afraid.
What are you doing?
Sorry, little guy.
No, wait, please.
Ow, that's my wheel. Ow.
You got the Pad See Ew, right?
Yeah. And the papaya salad too.
Mm.
Damn, these oats are the shit.
Oh, I can't believe it.
The war, our mission, it's all a lie.
How could I be such a dumb sucker?
I mean, I tried to tell you multiple times.
I mean, I've become the very thing that terrified me
about the Silvercops when I was a kid.
A stupid, violent occupier.
Pretty ironic, huh?
You've always been totally honest with me,
and I should have trusted you.
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
I'm not who you think I am.
I'm actually a human from the planet Earth
who loves the Fast and Furious franchise and was shot into space.
Some Silvercops framed me for murder
and they were going to kill me,
but I escaped and changed my appearance
so I could enlist in Silver Bootcamp.
My plan has always been to work my way up the ranks
so I could get close to the Silvers who betrayed me
and take my revenge.
My name isn't even Dodge.
It's Glen Kumstein.
Glen Kum-steen?
No. What are you, reading it off a page?
I just said it now. Kumstein.
Let's get outta here, man.
Let's leave this planet and start new lives
that are not defined by getting revenge on the Silvercops.
- First, we destroy this homing beacon. - Tomblr, no!
Die! Die! Die! What?
Destroying that automatically signaled Silver HQ
to send a strike team to these coordinates.
I read the manual when I was taking a shit!
Oh, my stars and Marys, we gotta go!
Silvergrunts are on the way.
We have to get your people out now.
I'll herd everyone toward the main entrance.
No! That's where they'll be coming.
Is there another way out?
There used to be.
It collapsed during a bombing strike last winter.
What are we gonna do?
Back on Earth, my Honda S2000
had about 250 horsepower.
But with all the Equinites here,
we have at least double that.
What are you suggesting?
Let's yank off these rocks!
Kill everything that trots.
- Yah! Yah!
Yah! Yah!
Yah!
It's too heavy.
You can do it. Yah!
It's hard enough without you yelling, "Yah."
Shit, sorry.
God, I bet the optics on this are terrible too.
- Pull!
It's open!
The Silvers are here!
Buttercup, keep going.
We'll buy you some time.
- You see that, Kumstein? - Oh!
- No! - Oh, shit.
Oh, they zapped me.
H-h-hold on. I-I can get you outta here.
Help the Equinites to safety.
I'll hold off the grunts by myself.
Just make me one promise.
Rise up the ranks and take down
the entire Silver system.
- I'll do it. - Go!
I knew a filthy holo like you
could never be a Silvercop.
- Oh, shit!
Ow! Ow! Ah!
- Quit it. - You quit it!
This is the border of Stable Territory.
We should be safe here.
But you can proceed no further.
I understand, Buttercup.
Goodbye.
None of the apps,
not Postmates, UberEats, or even HuluLemon
will deliver to us anymore
because their robots keep disappearing at our house.
Oh, no! He's gushing oil!
Hang in there, JK. Don't die on us.
No, wait.
Ew! This oil is amniotic.
He's not dying, he's giving birth!
Okay, Sevens. You're gonna push on three.
One, two, three!
Push, JK Sevens! Push! Push!
Ah! I can see it. Just one more big push, JK.
You got this! One more!
Is... Is it a baby?
No, it's next year's EyePhone!
Oh, I wanna cut the cord!
I can't believe it.
All this time, JK just had morning sickness.
He must have only wanted to battle-bot
because he was so hormonal from his pregnancy.
Well, we've learned a valuable lesson.
Never trust a doctor who shares an office
with Hometown Buffet.
I'm sorry, Tomblr.
I don't think I'm ever getting off this planet,
much less infiltrating the Silvercops again.
Charger!
Every Silvergrunt suit has a recording device.
We heard everything you said
about taking down the Silvercops.
The balls on this guy. Thinks he's a one-man army.
You Silvercops can go fuck yourselves
in your stinking Silver asses!
He thinks we're Silvercops.
You're not?
Goldcops.
That's right. We were created to keep the Silvercops in line.
Your friend was spot on.
They're rotten to the core.
The entire Silver organization has to go down.
And you want my help?
What do you say?
Do you have what it takes to be...
a Goldcop?