[♪ dramatic theme playing]
♪♪
Five, six.
- [Terry] Six, seven... - Seven,
- [trainer] eight. - ...eight. [sighs]
Terry, I'm finally ready.
Damn it, Korvo, you interrupted my last set
of [burps] burpees.
God, you're sexy.
Now get in the car, we're going to House Depot.
Ew, gross, what's at House Depot?
Everything we need to build a brick pizza oven in the backyard.
Finally, we can make-a da pizza!
A make-a da pizza!
I submitted my designs to myself last night,
and as of this morning, I gave myself the green light.
Alright, you almost never get ideas past yourself.
Yes, I'm a hard-to-please little slut.
Now, to buy the material so we can begin construction.
Replicants, family hardware trip!
Ooh, on the way, can we stop at Puddin' on the Ritz?
It's hands down the second-best
room-temp pudding pop pop-up shop in the region.
No, that's disgusting, I swear to God.
Get your asses down here, it's House Depot time!
We're coming!
Does it look like there's fewer little peeps in the wall?
You don't think a bunch of them got out, do you?
- [finger tapping] - No way.
They're probably just hiding under
ornamental rocks like lizards.
[Korvo] Stop ignoring me!
I said we're coming, goddammit!
[♪ dramatic music]
KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,
until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
and escaped into the... space,
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth,
stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.
Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
You can't feed your gremlins after midnight here.
On Shlorp, our gremlins had a vibrant late-night scene
that included dancing, food, and getting wet!
[♪ dramatic music]
[Korvo] Nope, that's my spot, get away!
[tires screeching, cars crashing]
- [Yumyulack] Whoa. - [Jesse] Geez.
Aw, smell that? Sawdust.
Look at all these doers getting more done.
What the hell? This isn't a store, it's a warehouse!
You wanna be coddled by shelves?
Go to Ace. The Depot's for builders.
[gasps] They have Banana Fanta!
It's the last Fanta flavor I haven't tried.
Check out those roomy washing machines.
Wonder if they'd let me nap in one.
Oh, the hoses are on sale.
- Look, they have green ones! - Can we go?
You know boring-ass bullshit makes my skin crawl.
There he is. Theo.
- [♪ enchanting music] - [Terry] Who's Theo?
He's the DIY guy I've been
talking to about Project Pizza Oven.
He's so knowledgeable and patient with me,
even though I ask too many questions.
Are you crushing on a guy wearing a high-vis vest?
- Is that what's happening here? - No, I respect Theo.
I fear him, I want to hear him say he's proud of me,
and in my wildest fantasy, we discuss lumber prices.
Aw, I'm glad you found someone who's gonna talk hardware with you,
'cause I am never gonna do that.
Thank God our marriage allows for platonic friendships.
[moaning, kisses smacking]
- [hand smacking butt] - Ooh.
Mr. Korvo, how's that pizza oven coming?
Just choosing bricks for the foundation, Theo.
Could you run me through the options again?
Well, there are fire bricks, burnt clay bricks,
sun-dried clay bricks.
Ugh, so boring.
This is worse than that time I tried to read a book.
Escort me to the brick aisle, Theo.
I wanna feel burnt clay in my hands.
Spoken like a true craftsman. Follow me.
- Lead the way, Daddy. - [Terry gasps]
Ha, did you just call the House Depot guy "Daddy"?
You know what? I just remembered,
I have another customer who needs my help building a-a door.
Theo, come on, that was just a slip of the tongue.
We can bounce back from this, right?
Sorry, but I can only deal with people
who are serious about hardware.
I am serious.
I want to handcraft a pizza oven
we only use a couple of times.
Uh, YouTube has some helpful tutorials.
Congratulations, Korvo, you somehow made House Depot fun
for three seconds.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why did I call Theo "Daddy"?
That's not a me thing, that's a you thing.
It was a classic Korvo meltdown.
You guys should've seen it. Total season one shit.
I was too busy not getting Banana Fanta
because a contractor bought the last bottles
for his HVAC guys.
I thought they were supposed to drink beer.
And I was having the nap of my life
in a two-and-a-half-cubic-foot front loader
until a 40-something childless couple
opened the door and tumbled me out.
Well, I hope everyone got their fill
of boring-ass House Depot,
because it's scorched earth now.
Theo has been on this pizza oven journey
with me from conception.
I can't lose him now.
Oh, Korvo, baby, he gone.
I can fix this. I just need another run
at that interaction, and luckily--
Please don't say there's a sci-fi way to do it.
Oh, shut up, you big silly, you love it when I go sci-fi.
Behold the Live Die Repeat Device.
Oh, shit, are we gonna get sued again?
I didn't know the Carlton dance was copyrighted
when I did it outside the window of The Today Show.
[AISHA] This device was only inspired
by the film Live Die Repeat,
which was initially known as Edge of Tomorrow,
even though that title sucks ass.
It was legit my favorite movie from 10 summers ago.
- How does it work? - [AISHA] When it's your turn,
you press your wedge and die.
Then the chronotones are activated
and you repeat the day you just lived.
Dammit, AISHA, that's so complicated.
I told you to make it like in the movie.
[AISHA] And I told you, WB's litigious as hell,
hence the inspired by.
- We doing this or not? - I'm sorry,
- did you just say we die? - Activate!
[button beeps]
[Korvo grunting]
Yeesh, that's pretty grim.
Isn't he supposed to come back to life?
[AISHA] It only works when you all do it.
- [button beeps] - [Jesse grunting]
- [button beeps] - [Yumyulack grunting]
Ugh, I freaking hate House Depot!
[Terry grunts]
[air whooshing]
[Korvo] I'm taking the spot again.
I know it causes an accident, but I don't care.
Ugh, it's worse than I remember.
There's that couple. I'm gonna chase them away with this broom
so they don't interrupt my nap later.
Come to mama, 'nana Fanta.
Hey, there's nothing to be nervous about.
You're a hyper-intelligent alien being,
and he's a guy who upsells toilet seats.
You're right, I got this.
Mr. Korvo, how's that pizza oven coming?
Going good, Daddy-- Fuck!
I don't why I keep calling Theo "Daddy."
But we're not gonna get to the bottom of that today.
I just have to keep live, die,
repeating until I get this brick interaction right.
I'm gonna sit this one out. I've got a citronella headache.
[AISHA] If Terry doesn't do it, none of y'all can.
The chronotones only work if you all do it.
- Why? - [AISHA] You know I'm too busy
to keep track of multiple time streams.
You're lucky I let you do it at all, bitch.
Family vote, who wants to go back to House Depot?
Ugh, fine.
Thank you, Terry, for always respecting the outcome of votes.
It's one of my two core values.
Respect the vote and never use the laughing/crying emoji.
- [button beeps] - [Yumyulack grunts]
- [button beeps] - [Korvo grunts]
- [button beeps] - [Jesse grunts]
Why don't we have any kids' chewable aspirin?
You know I don't like to swallow.
[AISHA] Your turn to die, Terry.
Get your ass in the seat.
Okay, I better hurry up
so I can go back to House Depot.
- Hold up, hold up. - [AISHA] Terry...
- Does it hurt? - [AISHA] No.
They're frozen in a state of chronological limbo
- until you die. - Well, limbo's comfy, right?
People hang out there forever sometimes.
[AISHA] Their chronotones are frozen.
They aren't aware of anything.
Great, I'm just gonna take a quick 10,
and then I'll die and repeat, BRB.
[AISHA] Terry, get your ass back in that sci-fi SIMON
and kill yourself!
Terry!
[Terry snoring]
[alarm beeps]
Damn, that went fast.
Ugh, gotta get back to the thing.
[sniffs] Ooh, bit ripe, better shower up first.
[can clanking]
[♪ dramatic music]
[slurps]
[♪ spaghetti western music]
♪♪
[lock clicks]
Morning, who are the early birds?
Oh, just some fellas passing through
on their way to Basketballburgh.
Do you remember when Yumyulack first left
that basketball out here?
What did I say?
Somebody's gonna hollow that thing out
and start living in it.
You were right, Uncle. You always are.
You're buttering me up. What do you want, Sofia?
Well, all my friends are heading out
to see the Pepsi can, and I was hoping--
Not today, I need you here minding The Birdhouse
while I conduct some business.
But you never let me go anywhere.
And the soda's fresh now.
If I wait, it'll lose its fizz.
Sofia, that can is deeper into the yard.
It isn't like over here by the house and the downspout.
It's too dangerous!
I have to keep you safe, dammit.
I'm the reason you're small to begin with.
Uncle Oscar, you can't blame yourself.
If I hadn't shushed Yumyulack
when he made a phone call during Luca,
you'd be in your sophomore year at Brown right now.
You know what?
Maybe Terry will toss another Pepsi
a little closer to town.
I'm sure he will, sweetie.
Oh, man, great post-shower miniseries.
You think those brothers aren't gonna band,
but then... [chuckles]
Wonder what that war was about?
- Schwimmer! - [JK Sevens beeping]
Ah, well, I'm rested, relaxed, and out of excuses.
Time to just suck it up and get back to House Depot...
- right after a snack. - Terry.
Korvo wouldn't let me have pudding earlier.
It makes total sense for me to get some now
while he's in limbzees.
I got one marshmallow pudding
with cool ranch sprinkles
and a side of extra thick pudding skin for--
- [Terry] That'd be me. - [man] That'd be me.
Ugh, it's for Jerry.
Please, let me finish saying the names.
This one's for Terry.
I've never met someone with my exact same pudding order.
You've got great taste.
Well, it doesn't hurt that it tastes great.
[Jerry and Terry laughing]
BT dubs, love your shirt. Is it ironic?
This? No, it's sincere.
I've been working on something in the same area,
but this is better.
Well, I adore your Helvetica in Courier shirt.
It's amazing what you can do with a public domain font.
Good eye. Hey, am I crazy or do we have a rapport?
You know what? I think we do.
Wanna join me? My booth has a great view of the highway.
Alright, cars and trucks!
[feet scurrying]
♪♪
Whoa, Hedgey.
Easy, boy, easy.
Hey, hey, aren't you Gavin?
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
You are. [laughs] I'd know that hedgehog anywhere.
Sorry, you got me confused
for some other ruggedly handsome hedgehog man.
Nah, nah, nah, I don't think so.
Dude, shut up, I'm trying to keep a low profile!
Didn't you see me pull my hat down?
Sorry, I'm just a fan.
I heard you did the Sandbox Run in under a day.
Oh, shit, am I known around here?
Nah, nah, you're good.
Most Gutterville folks haven't even
been past Pupa's playhouse.
Good, good.
You know anywhere I can post my hog for the night?
Right here, free of charge.
Thanks, kid.
Where do I get a drink?
[people chattering]
[♪ Western piano music]
Hey, what can I get you?
Tall glass of whatever's cheapest.
You take yard bucks?
I'll give you the combination.
Inside is a cart full of food.
- Where do you need it to go? - The northwest corner
at this exact location.
Ah, shit, Oscar, it's too far.
I can't be taking risks like that anymore. Got a girlfriend now.
A real-life girlfriend, not that acorn I drew boobs on.
But you're the only one I can trust to get it there.
If not, people will starve.
Look, the yard's tough for everybody now.
- I'll pay you 10,000 yard bucks. - [splutters]
It's not about the money.
You know I would do anything for the cause,
but not this time.
Oh, oh, if you're looking to get a cart across the yard, I'm your guy.
Mister, you can get in big trouble
listening to other people's business.
You'll be glad I did.
I got a hedgehog can pull your cart
faster than anybody.
We've been to all the territories
and a few others.
Save it, I know your type.
I don't do business with people I don't trust.
[Jerry and Terry laughing]
Ah, this is exactly what I needed.
Well, my pudding is done.
I must return to my alien spaceship and kill myself.
Or you could come to my place
and play a board game I invented.
It's like Cranium meets Trivial Pursuit
with the internet-lol-bacon-humor
of Cards Against Humanity
and a splash of TikTok's physical challenges.
You had me at a splash of TikTok's physical challenges,
which was at the end of your pitch,
but that did lock me in.
Ooh, but I can only play for a little bit though,
my family's dead.
Terry, you just completed a record-breaking 200 levels.
But this final roll determines everything.
- [Terry blowing] - [dice clicking]
Your trivia category choices are pop culture listicles,
discontinued snack foods, or dog sounds.
Hey, no shame in going for the easiest one, gimme the listicles.
What are the top 10 deaths
in the Final Destination franchise
that make you say, "Da fuq?"
Fifteen seconds, go!
Cut in half by a cherry picker,
cut in half by barbed wire, cooked in a tanning bed,
crushed by a pane of glass, crushed by weights,
impaled by a ladder, guts sucked out by a swimming pool drain,
beheaded by shrapnel, ironically hit by an ambulance
- and the log truck. - [Jerry] Whoa!
You just unlocked the throne room!
No one's ever gotten this far!
[♪ upbeat music]
Your whole house is the game?
Jerry, you are the king!
- Ugh, stinky. - [JK Sevens beeping]
[spray hissing]
[sniffs]
♪♪
- [gasps] - Whoa!
- I've never seen it so clean. - I worked all night.
Even fixed the bar top you built from an old Wahoo's coaster.
Look, Uncle, the wobble's gone.
I wanted to show you that I'm a man
you can trust to get things done.
So to get me to trust you,
you broke into my bar and touched all my stuff?
Well, I, uh, I can see now how that was misguided.
But, unless I'm mistaken,
you still haven't found anyone to pull your cart.
Why do you want this job so bad?
I wanna help your cause, hungry people, right?
I love to help the starving.
Nope, you're nothing but a bullshitter.
You aren't welcome here.
Get out and don't come back!
- That was harsh. - I know people, Sofia.
You can never trust a man like that.
[Terry] Hello, Marcia Gay Harden?
You don't know me, but I'm playing an
incredibly detailed homebrew board game,
and I need you to agree to be my dream date to win.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Okay, thanks. She said she'd take out a
restraining order if we called again.
[alarms blaring]
- Wait, did I win? - Yes.
It's 50 points if Marcia picks up at all.
Oh, yay, hey, good game to everyone.
No, it wasn't for me!
We need a rematch. Now!
Oof, would love to, but I can't.
My husband and replicants are stuck
in a Live Die Repeat machine.
I gotta hit a button that'll send us back to House Deeps.
So when you repeat today, it'll be like we never met,
and all my game levels we play tested
will be unfinished again?
Weird part of my story to focus on.
- But yeah, I guess. - Unacceptable!
You're staying here and playing my game until it's perfect!
Take your games and shove them up your Milton Bradley!
Only way I'm staying here is if you chain me to the wall.
- [chain clinks] - Ah!
Dammit, I forgot I got chained
when I missed three 2 Chainz questions.
Unlock me, I gotta kill myself.
Your roll!
[♪ dramatic music]
I need four gutter beers, one Yardarita, five mudslides--
[slurring] Gimme a shot of that barrel-aged paint thinner.
Needs another month for the turpentine
to absorb the flavor of the plastic.
- Gimme! - [Oscar grunts]
[drunk yells]
Not in here, buddy. You take it outside.
- Hey, that hurts. - [chuckles]
Maybe you're wrong about him.
Ah! [screams]
I know you said stay away,
but looked like you could use some help.
- Hope that's okay. - Thanks.
[man] Hey, shitbird!
McManus, how'd you find me?
Oh, hey, what's up man? These guys paid me.
Also, you were kind of a dick, so treat your fans better.
Dude, what the hell?
We need to talk.
What are you doing here, McManus?
You owe me 10,000 yard bucks.
- Where is it? - Talk to your boss.
I got another day to pay.
Oh, that's right, you do.
I'm just here to remind you what happens if you don't.
[Gavin grunting]
- [kicks thudding] - [Gavin grunting]
What was the sitcom starring Candice Bergen that--
- I don't know, Quantico? - Wrong!
You've given that same answer the last 10 times.
Oh, no, shit, I lose.
Dammit, I'm so pissed about losing.
- Can I go home now? - No.
You still need to fall down another chute
into a massage chair I rigged
to shock you if you get a question wrong about Taylor Swift.
Oh God, I would do anything to be back
with my family at House Depot right now
instead of answering TayTay triv.
I want this to be fun again.
Would it help if I got us some pudding?
I don't know, maybe. If it was room temp.
Ooh, I'll run to the store, and then down the chute you go!
- [door closes] - Okay, I bought some time to escape.
And if I can't do that, at least there'll be pudding.
Either way, I'm talking to myself.
[gasps] I bet I can use that dream date phone
to call non-dreamy dates.
♪♪
Can't call the cops or they'll arrest me.
I've got a warrant for selling pornographic Hearthstone cards.
Ugh, damn this grade-70 cable chain!
Ugh, why do I know that boring information?
Oh, my God, it's hardware.
Chains is just hardware.
- [phone beeping] - [phone ringing]
- This is Theo. - [Terry] Theo, this is Terry.
I'm the alien friend of that other weird alien, Korvo,
who called you Daddy this morning. That was today, right?
Yeah, man, that was weird.
I know you only help people who take home repairs seriously,
which I do not,
but you're a man with core values,
so I'm begging you to make an exception.
Is this a hardware emergency?
[Terry] Oh, that sounds so stupid, but yes, it is.
If someone who hates hardware is calling me up
asking for help, it must be dire.
I cannot turn my back on a home repair in need.
Tell me what you're seeing.
I-I'm cable chained to a wall. There are screws.
Otherwise, it's a standard board game trap house.
[Theo] Do you have any tools?
Let's see, the Monopoly thimble, a pudding spoon,
half a deck of Uno cards, and 400 Warhammer figurines.
[Theo] We can work with that.
Alright, I'll talk you through this
step-by-step, but do exactly as I say.
Thank you. Oh, you're a good man, Theo.
How can I ever repay you?
Sign up for the House Depot credit card.
[Terry] That's it? Oh, bro. If I get outta here,
I will absolutely do that.
Yes! Let's get you unchained.
Thanks, I guess now you know the truth about me.
And what's that?
That I don't give a shit about your cause.
I'm just some idiot who made bad bets
and I need yard bucks to save my ass.
10,000 yard bucks to be exact.
You still want the job?
Yeah, wait, really?
- You trust me now? - No.
But you're finally being honest with me.
And if I can't get a hero,
then I need someone who's motivated.
Thank you, I promise
I'll get your cart across the yard.
Oh, I know you will
or the McManus guy is gonna kill you.
Here, that's 3,000.
You'll get the rest when you deliver
to the spot marked on this map.
I suggest you leave at dawn.
Terry, come out to play!
- What the hell? - Oh, God!
[♪ dramatic music]
[Jerry and Terry grunting]
[punch thuds]
[Jerry grunts]
[glass shatters]
Mouse trap, bitch!
[sobbing] No, please stay.
Why go to House Depot?
You hate it there.
Because when you're married,
sometimes you gotta do the most boring,
terrible things to support the dead alien you love.
It's part of the vow, bro.
Your husband sounds like an asshole.
You should be married to me.
Who was the Taylor Swift song
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together about?
John Mayer?
Oh, my dear boy.
- Gyllenhaal. - [buzzer sounds]
- [electricity zapping] - [Jerry screaming]
[AISHA] Boy, where the hell you been?
A guy I met at a pudding shop trapped me in his board game.
- [AISHA] Again? - I know, it's my Achilles heel.
I love a good, old puddin' trap.
- [button beeps] - [Terry grunts]
House Depot, I'm so happy to see you!
The feels, the smells, the boring bolts, ah!
This is a huge attitude flip for you, Terry.
Did you do a whole story
while the rest of us were in chronological limbo?
No, nope, no, I-I pushed the button
and died right when you did.
Why do I get so nervous around Theo?
I never know what to say.
I know exactly what to say.
[Terry whispering]
Mr. Korvo, how's that pizza oven coming?
- Hey, Daddy. - What did you just call me?
I said, hey, Daddy...
can I sign up for the House Depot credit card?
Of course! When you're an HD card holder,
you can call me anything you want.
So tell me, Daddy,
what kind of bricks should I buy with my new credit card?
[Theo] I would go first-class burnt clay.
[Korvo] Huh, you don't think that's overkill?
[doorbell rings]
You don't know me, Jerry,
but I know that your whole house
is one kick-ass board game.
So every time my partner's at House Depot,
I'm gonna bring pudding over and we'll play.
I'll even let you win so you don't kidnap me.
- How's that sound? - You look so familiar,
like from a dream.
Nah, I was on season 16 of Bad Girls Club.
Now eat your pudding.
You know, I was thinking, for better flow,
we could add a two-top table over in the corner.
[♪ suspenseful music]
Oh, shit, Sofia. Hide. Now.
Find a place to hide.
Don't come out till morning
no matter what you hear.
- Promise me. - I'm scared.
I love you.
[♪ suspenseful music continues]
We're closed.
Where is it?
I'm not scared of you.
- Then you're of no use to me. - No, no, no, wait!
- [blood splattering] - [gasps]
[♪ dramatic music]
- It's gotta be in here somewhere. - [objects clattering]
Where is it?
[♪ dramatic music]
[furniture crashing]
[♪ dramatic music continues]
Goddammit. Hyah!
[♪ dramatic music continues]
Alright, Hedgey.
One last job, and then life will get
a whole lot simpler.
[dramatic music continues]
♪♪
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
[mimicking laser fire]