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♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
2
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♪
3
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[groaning]
4
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‐ What the heck happened to you?
5
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‐ I was in a focus group
for a new Funyons hard seltzer.
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I have a killer hangover,
and I keep coughing up salt,
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so please everyone shut the fuck up.
8
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‐ Korvo! Korvo! Korvo!
[marching band playing]
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‐ Aah!
10
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‐ Get out of here.
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‐ Were those gender reveal canons?
12
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‐ Yes, they were to reveal
an all‐new Korvo!
13
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Korvo's Second Act!
2 Fast 2 Korvo!
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Now that I'm not focusing on the mission
or fixing the ship,
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I'm free to do whatever I want!
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‐ You're still hung up on that?
We're not serialized.
17
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Like that big, weird face on the wall?
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We've never set that up.
[metallic vocalizing]
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‐ Tell that to... my new robe!
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‐ Ooh, fashion!
21
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‐ Please, just, could you hold off
on any big character changes
22
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until my headache goes away?
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‐ Sure, I‐I‐I'll just sit here
and think about ship repairs...
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‐ Thank you.
‐ Is what the old Korvo would have said.
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New Korvo has to practice
for a Stomp audition!
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‐ Aah! Aah!
[clanging]
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Aah!
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Oh shit, there we go.
29
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Nothing gets rid of a hangover
like a big ol' dump.
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[mewls]
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
32
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until the asteroid hit.
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
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and escaped into... the space,
35
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searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
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That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
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This is‐‐ this is my show.
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I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
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[stammers] This is ridiculous.
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I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
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People are stupid and confusing.
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I don't‐‐ I don't understand hair.
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Humans are always combing and creaming
and fawning over their hair.
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Hair sucks.
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A nice smooth dome with blue dots on it
is the ideal head.
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♪
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[Pupa groans]
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‐ Damn, you look thicc, Pupa.
What's the deal?
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‐ He gets all backed up with the stuff
he eats off the ground.
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Terry's supposed to clean him out,
but he hates doing it.
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Don't let him hear it's time or he'll hide
in the crawlspace under the house.
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[thud]
‐ We could do it.
55
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Decluttering stuff is a passion of mine.
56
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Like pottery or Korean hentai.
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‐ Great. It's all yours.
58
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See if Terry's retainer is in there.
59
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His teeth are starting to look like
Justin drew them himself.
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‐ Whoa, hold on,
cleaning out the Pupa isn't our job.
61
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‐ Well, I'm busy.
‐ With what?
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‐ Whatever da fuck I want.
63
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‐ Why the hell did you say
we would do this?
64
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I had big plans today.
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I was gonna work on developing
a notithible lithp
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to impreth hot chickth.
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‐ Well, excuse me for caring
about the Pupa.
68
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Don't be a butthole, dickwad.
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‐ Whatever, let's just get this done.
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TERRY: [muffled scream]
There's a dead raccoon down here!
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AISHA: Hey, Korvo,
what do you want to fix today?
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The xenon emitters are super fucked up.
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‐ I'm freeing myself
from all that sci‐fi shit, Aisha.
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I need to figure out something grounded.
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AISHA:
What, like getting a job?
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‐ Are there jobs that are fun,
with no boss,
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and, like, make you feel
like you're doing something
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even though you aren't?
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AISHA:
That's called a hobby.
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Here's a list of the 7,000
most popular American hobbies.
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‐ Omit any that require
a fifth grade education.
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AISHA:
None of them do. It's an American list.
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‐ Perfect.
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♪ pleasant music ♪
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♪
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[sizzling]
‐ Ugh, negative again.
87
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‐ We'll just have to keep trying.
88
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I really wish we could stop,
it's so annoying, having sex all the time.
89
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It's like a goddamn bang bus up in here.
90
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‐ Uh‐huh. I'm sure you're really put out.
91
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I just have this hunch
that we're destined to conceive
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the first baby in the Wall.
93
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Wouldn't that be cool?
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‐ Super cool.
95
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And a couple of slabs of turkey jerky.
96
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Wife wants me to up my protein.
97
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‐ Bit by the baby bug, huh?
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Been getting that a lot these days.
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‐ I guess it's in the air.
100
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‐ Hey, it's the Cricket Killer!
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[crowd cheering]
‐ On the house.
102
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‐ No, I can't.
103
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‐ You can do anything.
You saved the Wall twice!
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[chuckles]
105
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[panting]
106
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‐ Wait up!
107
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Hey, in my old life,
I‐I worked at Best Buy.
108
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But now instead of constantly lying
and ripping people off,
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I want to help them.
110
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I want to be like you!
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‐ No, you don't!
[man gasps]
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Sorry. Soldier reflexes.
113
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‐ Ahhh! That was awesome!
114
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I just got wall checked by a hero!
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♪ ethereal music ♪
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♪
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♪
118
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‐ Please tell me that's protein!
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‐ How long are we going to hide you
in the back of this musty church?
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‐ It's just until we know Pezlie is safe.
121
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‐ I just wish I could tell Nova.
122
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Newlyweds shouldn't have secrets.
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‐ The truth will come out soon enough.
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Mm, oh my god, this is so good.
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You're my hero!
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‐ Yeah, I get that a lot.
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‐ According to WebMD,
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we have to jack his mouth open
and climb inside.
129
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‐ How? We're not gonna fit in there!
130
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I can hardly even fit in my jeans
131
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since we learned
how easy it is fry shrimp!
132
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‐ I don't know, the Pupa's mysterious.
133
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You want to read it?
134
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‐ Reading's for narcs. Let's just do it.
135
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You just keep watching TV
and don't swallow us.
136
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‐ Paw Patrol!
137
00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:43,952
Aah.
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♪ dramatic music ♪
139
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♪
140
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‐ Oh, Cherie! What a beautiful child.
141
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Jesse's light is shining on us.
142
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‐ This is Sister Sisto, my protege.
143
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Our secrets are safe with her.
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‐ I signed an NDA in blood.
145
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,308
It was a blood orange Fresca,
still legally binding.
146
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‐ I can't thank you enough
for sheltering us for so long.
147
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I just don't want anyone finding out
about Pezlie, especially Tim.
148
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‐ Tim has lost his way.
149
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The Bowinian church will protect you.
150
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‐ Hopefully, it'll be a short stay.
151
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Tim's guards change shifts at midnight.
152
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I'll walk right in, knock him out,
153
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and have him back here
before anyone knows he's gone.
154
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‐ And then his lies will be revealed
to the rest of the Wall.
155
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‐ Exactly. I'll stay in disguise
until we get to his inner chamber.
156
00:05:29,956 --> 00:05:31,499
‐ You know, I don't‐‐
I don't think you should come.
157
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‐ What the fuck are you talking about?
158
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We've been preparing for this together.
159
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‐ You're emotionally invested.
This requires a cool head and focus.
160
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‐ I need to see the look in Tim's eyes
when he sees that I'm alive
161
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and I'm exposing him for the fraud he is.
162
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‐ This is my new thing.
I'm a hot sauce guy from now on.
163
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Look at all these hilarious labels.
164
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Ass Blastin' Hot?
165
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[awkward laughter]
166
00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:54,606
Doesn't get any better than that.
167
00:05:54,606 --> 00:05:57,400
Feels good to finally have something
that's all me.
168
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,861
‐ Yee‐haw! I'm Tomatillo Terry.
169
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KORVO:
W‐w‐what are you doing here?
170
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,156
‐ I'm always hot saucing
on the weekend, my dude.
171
00:06:03,156 --> 00:06:05,825
Yep, I've got the sixth most popular
tomatillo in the county.
172
00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:08,078
My sauce was featured
on MasterChef: Behind Bars.
173
00:06:08,078 --> 00:06:09,204
That's the one they film in prison.
174
00:06:09,204 --> 00:06:11,414
Every recipe requires toilet water
and shoe shine.
175
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,750
‐ Dammit, I‐I don't want
to share my hobby with you.
176
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,002
I want my own!
[clattering]
177
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:19,506
‐ Time to silently knit up in this bitch.
178
00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:20,465
Agh!
‐ I heard on Twitter
179
00:06:20,465 --> 00:06:22,467
that Bad Bunny has a cold,
so I'm knitting him a snuggie!
180
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:23,760
‐ I have never seen you knit!
181
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,471
‐ Bullshit. I homespun you those
Animal Crossing‐themed boot socks.
182
00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:27,764
KORVO: Those were from Hot Topic!
183
00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:29,140
‐ We're doing a collab.
184
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:30,976
Ow, ow, oh my God!
185
00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:33,019
Korvo, I think there are needles
in my eyes!
186
00:06:33,019 --> 00:06:34,563
Korvo? I can't see!
187
00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:36,856
I feel like Duncan in that movie
Prince of Thieves.
188
00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:38,400
Do you remember
that movie, Prince of Thieves?
189
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,861
The character of Duncan?
Oh, they took his eyes. That's me now!
190
00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,824
‐ Yes, this is it. This is gonna be
my jam, baby.
191
00:06:45,824 --> 00:06:47,117
TERRY: Wheeee!
‐ Fuck!
192
00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:48,702
‐ Wheeee!
193
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:51,121
[Korvo sighs]
194
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:54,457
‐ This one better work,
or it's back to being myself.
195
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,501
[train whistle blows]
196
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:59,629
‐ Is, uh, Terry here? Green alien?
Super hot and moist?
197
00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:00,964
Whimsical T‐shirts?
198
00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:02,424
‐ Nope, you're my first alien.
199
00:07:02,424 --> 00:07:04,759
‐ Yes! If another one comes in,
tell him to fuck off.
200
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:05,677
Trains are mine!
201
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:08,263
‐ I don't know, son. This ain't a hobby
for the faint of heart.
202
00:07:08,263 --> 00:07:09,180
‐ I have three hearts.
203
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,808
‐ It'll consume all your time,
ostracize you from your friends,
204
00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,560
and basically take over your life.
205
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,561
‐ Alright, enough with the foreplay.
206
00:07:14,561 --> 00:07:17,063
How much to get me
into a miniature caboose today?
207
00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:19,566
‐ Is this some sort of
competitive hobby thing
208
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:20,817
with your alien husband
209
00:07:20,817 --> 00:07:24,446
or do you actually care
about the locomotive arts?
210
00:07:24,446 --> 00:07:26,948
‐ I have unlimited budget
and zero self‐control.
211
00:07:26,948 --> 00:07:29,576
‐ Cabooses are right over here!
212
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:32,913
[music playing on TV]
[Pupa laughs]
213
00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:35,290
[roaring laughter]
214
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:37,459
‐ Wow, I guess Pupa's bigger
on the inside?
215
00:07:37,459 --> 00:07:39,628
A real biological marvel, this guy.
216
00:07:39,628 --> 00:07:41,963
‐ Agh, it smells like hotdog water.
217
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:44,507
‐ Hotdog water
never backs you up that bad.
218
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,842
What do you think he got into?
219
00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:47,510
‐ I don't know!
I don't even want to be here.
220
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:51,056
‐ Don't be a whiner, Yumyulack.
We can leave when we're done.
221
00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:53,016
Ugh, I got a waffle maker,
222
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:55,602
ugh, one of those blacklight
Bob Marley posters,
223
00:07:55,602 --> 00:07:57,812
and, oh, a koosh ball!
224
00:07:57,812 --> 00:08:01,149
‐ Yeah, I got a‐‐
I got a couple arms, some pogs,
225
00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:04,736
a ton of forks, and so many dead gooblers.
226
00:08:05,278 --> 00:08:07,322
Ugh! This is gonna take forever.
227
00:08:07,322 --> 00:08:09,199
Thanks a lot for opening your dumb mouth.
228
00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:11,034
‐ Hey, come back, where are you going?
229
00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:15,038
YUMYULACK: If we're stuck here,
I wanna be as far from you as possible.
230
00:08:15,747 --> 00:08:18,291
[growling softly]
231
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:22,837
♪ foreboding music ♪
232
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:28,260
♪
233
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,304
‐ Hold it. That's the alarm system.
234
00:08:31,304 --> 00:08:32,722
Gen 5 Furby.
235
00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:34,641
Motion sensors better than the Pentagon's.
236
00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:35,600
‐ I got this.
237
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:39,145
[blows]
‐ One wrong step, that Gizmo triggers,
238
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:41,356
and Tim's guards will hear
its moans and creepy phrases.
239
00:08:41,356 --> 00:08:43,692
CHERIE: That's why we spent weeks
practicing Capoeira.
240
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:44,859
Let's dance.
241
00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:47,070
[blows]
242
00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:51,074
♪ electronica music ♪
243
00:08:51,074 --> 00:08:53,285
♪
244
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:16,266
♪ electronica music continues ♪
245
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:18,810
♪
246
00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,153
[hooting]
247
00:09:28,153 --> 00:09:30,947
‐ And after passing
the Atlanta Trap Music Museum,
248
00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:34,242
the train takes five seconds
to reach the Tyler Perry Studios.
249
00:09:34,242 --> 00:09:36,536
‐ Korvo, this is amazing train work.
250
00:09:36,536 --> 00:09:39,372
You keep this up and you'll find yourself
on the cover of Chugga!
251
00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:40,790
KORVO: Ohh!
252
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:44,419
Aisha, have you seen
my model Lululemon store?
253
00:09:44,419 --> 00:09:45,337
AISHA: Damn, Korvo.
254
00:09:45,337 --> 00:09:48,423
I just scanned your happiness rating,
and it's an eight out of ten million.
255
00:09:48,423 --> 00:09:50,508
That's the highest it's ever been.
You okay?
256
00:09:50,508 --> 00:09:53,553
‐ It's simple: I'm a train man.
I find bliss in the rails.
257
00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:56,181
AISHA: Now that you have a hobby,
let's get back to cleaning up
258
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:57,557
the xenon in my vents.
259
00:09:57,557 --> 00:09:59,726
‐ Yeah, right! I'm never fixing you again!
260
00:09:59,726 --> 00:10:01,978
This is who I am now.
Look at my conductor hat!
261
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:03,396
Ohh. My Lulu!
262
00:10:03,396 --> 00:10:04,731
AISHA:
Korvo! Get back here!
263
00:10:04,731 --> 00:10:07,317
If you were a real basic bitch,
you'd call it Lemon!
264
00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:09,861
But I can't lie, that hat looked good.
265
00:10:11,571 --> 00:10:13,406
‐ Something's wrong.
‐ What a shithole.
266
00:10:13,406 --> 00:10:15,408
At least Ringo kept it tidy up here.
267
00:10:15,408 --> 00:10:16,660
‐ It wasn't always like this.
268
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:17,786
‐ Shh! I hear voices!
[muffled argument]
269
00:10:17,786 --> 00:10:19,162
‐ Someone else is here. We should go.
270
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:20,664
‐ No way. We've come too far.
271
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:21,748
‐ Cherie! Dammit.
272
00:10:21,748 --> 00:10:23,250
MAN: ...absolutely in
the top ten best albums.
273
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,460
No, I'm not saying we remove
any Beatles album.
274
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,629
Oh no, wait. Wait.
We forgot about Kendrick Lamar.
275
00:10:27,629 --> 00:10:28,421
[coughs]
276
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,508
[clears throat] Whoa, whoa, hey.
You can't talk to me like that.
277
00:10:31,508 --> 00:10:34,261
I'm the boss around here,
and if I say Home Alone takes place
278
00:10:34,261 --> 00:10:36,596
in the same cinematic universe
as Curly Sue,
279
00:10:36,596 --> 00:10:38,223
then that's what it's gotta be.
280
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,517
‐ What the fuck is he doing?
‐ I don't know.
281
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:42,644
TIM: ...raw like this.
You're my fuckin' boys.
282
00:10:42,644 --> 00:10:44,187
‐ You know those guys are dead.
283
00:10:45,272 --> 00:10:47,065
‐ Cherie?
[coughs]
284
00:10:47,065 --> 00:10:48,024
Cherie, is it really you?
285
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,443
‐ Bet you didn't think you'd ever see
this bad bitch again.
286
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:51,778
‐ I see you all the time.
287
00:10:51,778 --> 00:10:53,989
We have a standing date
to do the crossword together.
288
00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:56,199
Neapolitan, 10 across. Remember?
289
00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:57,909
[coughs] You told me
you were gonna get into jogging.
290
00:10:57,909 --> 00:10:59,119
‐ What are you talking about?
291
00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:01,871
‐ Hey, I'm sorry I killed you
but, hey, now we're ghost friends,
292
00:11:01,871 --> 00:11:04,291
just like Ethan and my Walldermen.
Right, guys?
293
00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:09,421
Hey, okay, enough sailor talk,
there's a lady present.
294
00:11:09,421 --> 00:11:11,381
‐ Uhhh, he thinks I'm a ghost.
295
00:11:11,381 --> 00:11:12,424
‐ What does that even‐‐
‐ Halk!
296
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:14,217
[coughs] Why are you a ghost?
297
00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:16,636
Whoa. That's cool.
I didn't even have to kill you.
298
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:19,097
You backed up my lie,
the whole cricket thing, remember?
299
00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:21,182
‐ I'm not here to listen
to your shit anymore.
300
00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:23,435
‐ Look at him. I think he's really sick.
301
00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:25,854
‐ Aw, man. Running out of teeth.
302
00:11:26,313 --> 00:11:28,315
Oh, so thirsty. Gotta have a drink.
303
00:11:28,315 --> 00:11:29,065
‐ Wait a minute‐‐
304
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,567
‐ Tim, what do you remember?
[Tim mumbling]
305
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,484
How did I die?
306
00:11:31,484 --> 00:11:33,111
‐ Oh boy, here we go again.
307
00:11:33,111 --> 00:11:35,447
She really loves to make me say it.
308
00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:36,907
I betrayed you.
309
00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:39,284
Stabbed you through
with a toothpick cane because‐‐
310
00:11:39,784 --> 00:11:42,037
[coughs]
Because I wanted to rule the Wall.
311
00:11:42,037 --> 00:11:43,788
And I've regretted it ever since.
312
00:11:43,788 --> 00:11:47,626
Every single night, nightmares.
I'm constantly having nightmares.
313
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:49,878
[coughs]
‐ What the hell happened to him?
314
00:11:49,878 --> 00:11:51,129
‐ I think I know. Look.
315
00:11:51,838 --> 00:11:53,173
CHERIE: The Burger King glass?
316
00:11:53,173 --> 00:11:56,551
‐ Vintage 1983.
Had the whole set when I was a kid.
317
00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:57,844
They don't sell 'em anymore.
318
00:11:57,844 --> 00:12:00,305
‐ So? Glass can't make you sick.
‐ Not the glass.
319
00:12:00,305 --> 00:12:02,432
The paint. It's lead, made in China.
320
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:04,226
Poison to the touch,
they had to recall them
321
00:12:04,226 --> 00:12:05,393
'cause they made kids sick.
322
00:12:05,393 --> 00:12:06,519
Real‐size kids.
323
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:08,313
Tim's only a jelly bean and a half tall.
324
00:12:08,313 --> 00:12:10,649
‐ Jesus, he's been drinking out of it
for at least a year.
325
00:12:10,649 --> 00:12:12,859
Cooked his backstabbing little brain.
326
00:12:12,859 --> 00:12:14,527
He'll be dead in a week.
‐ Perfect.
327
00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:16,446
Let's get out of here.
He did our job for us.
328
00:12:16,446 --> 00:12:17,405
‐ We still have to kidnap him.
329
00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,074
‐ What? This is what we wanted!
330
00:12:19,074 --> 00:12:20,742
‐ No! I want justice.
331
00:12:20,742 --> 00:12:23,161
‐ Cherie, come on, take a win
when you're handed one.
332
00:12:23,161 --> 00:12:26,206
‐ I want him fully cognizant
when we expose his ass
333
00:12:26,206 --> 00:12:27,332
or no one will believe us.
334
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:29,751
Give me the edamame pod.
I'll smuggle him out myself.
335
00:12:29,751 --> 00:12:32,379
‐ I'm not helping you save him.
The whole point was to take him out.
336
00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:33,713
‐ Halk, don't make me do this.
337
00:12:34,548 --> 00:12:37,467
If we don't expose the lies,
this will keep happening!
338
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:40,554
[Cherie yells]
339
00:12:42,055 --> 00:12:44,558
Pezlie needs to live in a Wall
based on truth.
340
00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:46,977
Not on his lies and not on yours.
341
00:12:47,811 --> 00:12:49,604
‐ [sighs] You're right.
342
00:12:50,021 --> 00:12:51,982
‐ Congratulations on growing a conscience.
343
00:12:54,276 --> 00:12:56,027
‐ Hey, guys, check out this tiny Lulu‐‐
344
00:12:56,027 --> 00:12:57,487
Terry?
‐ Oh hey, K‐dog.
345
00:12:57,487 --> 00:13:00,490
Check this out. And feel free to video it
so you can do it at home.
346
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,076
Choo‐choo, motha fuckers!
347
00:13:03,076 --> 00:13:04,619
‐ Holy shit!
‐ Damn, this guy's cool.
348
00:13:04,619 --> 00:13:07,080
‐ No, no. He hates model trains!
349
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,417
‐ Really? 'Cause Terry was just
pitching us his model town idea.
350
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:11,459
‐ You know Candyland, right?
351
00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:14,504
Picture, like, mountains of Lemonheads
and train tracks of candy cigarettes!
352
00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:16,256
‐ That's stupid! And it's not realistic.
353
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,383
It's as basic as
a Christmas gingerbread house.
354
00:13:18,383 --> 00:13:21,011
‐ We've been encouraging Terry
to get into model trains.
355
00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:22,929
The more the merrier, right?
‐ The more the shittier!
356
00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:24,097
‐ Aw, come on, Korvo.
357
00:13:24,097 --> 00:13:26,308
Nothing gets me going
like a hobby with a magazine.
358
00:13:26,308 --> 00:13:28,226
Makes me want to do‐‐
‐ Don't you segue into a montage‐‐
359
00:13:28,226 --> 00:13:29,352
‐ A montage!
360
00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:33,273
♪ electronica music ♪
361
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:37,694
♪
362
00:13:47,621 --> 00:13:49,956
Mm, mm, mm.
‐ What do you think you're doing?
363
00:13:49,956 --> 00:13:52,375
‐ Judge Dredd's on vacation
from Mega‐City One.
364
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:53,877
Just a li'l gift from me to you.
365
00:13:53,877 --> 00:13:57,214
‐ Dystopian law enforcement officers
don't fit in with my motif.
366
00:13:57,214 --> 00:13:58,715
‐ What about the White Hen Pantry I added?
367
00:13:58,715 --> 00:14:01,384
It's a regional Chicago option
for when 7‐Eleven is too classy.
368
00:14:01,384 --> 00:14:02,761
‐ Would you get that crap outta here!
369
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:04,512
My town is too bougie for a White Hen.
370
00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:06,890
‐ They've got unbeatable deals
on individual Kraft singles.
371
00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:08,016
Not packaged for retail,
372
00:14:08,016 --> 00:14:09,976
but that's not gonna stop the Hen,
you know what I'm sayin'?
373
00:14:09,976 --> 00:14:12,103
‐ No, I don't know
what you're sayin', Terry!
374
00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:13,480
I‐I hate you! You're ruining everything!
375
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,648
‐ But we're just having fun!
376
00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,233
‐ It's not fun! It's my life!
377
00:14:16,691 --> 00:14:17,234
[slams door]
378
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:19,069
[crackling]
379
00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,278
[hammering]
380
00:14:20,278 --> 00:14:21,446
[rattling]
381
00:14:22,697 --> 00:14:24,074
[whooshing]
382
00:14:24,407 --> 00:14:27,953
Thinks he can take trains from me.
I'll show him. I'll show them all.
383
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,748
[eating noisily]
384
00:14:31,748 --> 00:14:32,999
[rumbling, clattering]
385
00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:34,417
‐ Babe? That you?
386
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:36,920
Uh, what the hell?
387
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,422
♪ eerie music ♪
388
00:14:41,424 --> 00:14:43,760
Korvo? Did you move the house?
KORVO: No!
389
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,428
I invented a model train ray.
390
00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:48,682
It makes trains, towns, and rails
all at slightly larger than scale!
391
00:14:48,682 --> 00:14:49,599
[horn toots]
392
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,937
‐ Wow, K. This model is spectacular.
393
00:14:53,937 --> 00:14:54,646
[horn toots]
394
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,398
[train horn blares]
395
00:14:56,398 --> 00:14:59,192
‐ Ooh, look out, here comes the 9:15!
396
00:14:59,192 --> 00:15:02,362
‐ The fuck? It's huge!
Where does it even go?
397
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:05,532
‐ It's exactly 1.2:1 scale
of an actual train,
398
00:15:05,532 --> 00:15:08,743
and it goes... across the whole continent!
399
00:15:08,743 --> 00:15:12,706
[evil laughter]
400
00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:22,465
[horn tooting]
[laser zapping]
401
00:15:22,465 --> 00:15:24,634
[evil laughter]
402
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:30,181
[tires squealing]
403
00:15:30,181 --> 00:15:30,974
OFFICER: What the hell?
404
00:15:30,974 --> 00:15:33,059
Someone told me the huge,
destructive train
405
00:15:33,059 --> 00:15:35,812
was coming from the alien house,
but I didn't want to believe it.
406
00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:37,772
‐ We're getting calls
from all over the country.
407
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,733
You can't just put rails
wherever you want!
408
00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:41,318
‐ Fuck you! Trains for life!
409
00:15:42,611 --> 00:15:43,987
[horn blaring]
410
00:15:45,113 --> 00:15:47,949
‐ He gave us no choice.
We're gonna have to kill him.
411
00:15:47,949 --> 00:15:50,827
Okay, boys, turn those body cams off!
412
00:15:51,411 --> 00:15:53,121
[sirens blaring]
‐ Oh no, Korvo!
413
00:15:54,915 --> 00:15:57,167
[sirens blaring]
414
00:15:58,209 --> 00:15:59,336
[gunshots]
415
00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:05,800
‐ Ah! Huh!
416
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,135
‐ Train check, bitch!
[horn toots]
417
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,221
‐ That's breaking the rules!
No real trains allowed!
418
00:16:09,221 --> 00:16:10,889
‐ I'm trying to save you, you stupid man.
419
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:11,723
‐ Save this!
420
00:16:12,265 --> 00:16:13,350
[squealing]
421
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:14,309
[Terry groans]
422
00:16:14,309 --> 00:16:17,187
You'll never win this, Terry!
My train makes its own rails.
423
00:16:17,187 --> 00:16:18,271
[metallic creaking]
424
00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:20,190
[siren blaring]
425
00:16:23,151 --> 00:16:24,402
‐ Ahh!
426
00:16:24,819 --> 00:16:26,029
Watch out for the mountain!
427
00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:29,950
‐ You just broke
my plastic mountain, asshole!
428
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:30,909
That was expensive!
429
00:16:30,909 --> 00:16:32,452
‐ Oh yeah? What are you going
to do about it, ese?
430
00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:33,954
‐ I'm going to Tokyo drift!
431
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:36,331
TERRY:
Crap, crap, crap! Don't hit me!
432
00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:38,375
[evil laughter]
[Terry screaming]
433
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:43,505
‐ Nooooo!
434
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,507
[squealing]
435
00:16:48,927 --> 00:16:50,720
‐ Grab my hand like they did in True Lies.
436
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,389
‐ Why wouldn't you say,
"Like in Cliffhanger"?
437
00:16:52,389 --> 00:16:54,015
You know I love that movie.
‐ Yeah, but I don't!
438
00:16:54,015 --> 00:16:56,351
Jon Lithgow as the villain, no, thank you!
439
00:17:00,021 --> 00:17:01,481
Well, that's the end of trains.
440
00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,692
How about you start a blog
or find some room for Christ
441
00:17:03,692 --> 00:17:04,901
in your faithless, shallow life?
442
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:07,362
‐ You can't take away my hobby
if I am the hobby!
443
00:17:07,362 --> 00:17:10,240
‐ Easy there, Korvo.
That ray makes plastic libraries.
444
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,325
‐ And now it will make me a god!
445
00:17:12,325 --> 00:17:12,993
[horn toots]
446
00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,454
‐ Holy shit,
447
00:17:16,454 --> 00:17:21,751
a 1929 CCR double XL triple steam liner!
448
00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:22,752
[metallic creaking]
449
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:25,338
[Korvo laughing]
450
00:17:26,339 --> 00:17:27,215
[steam hissing]
451
00:17:28,174 --> 00:17:29,384
[train horn blaring]
452
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:34,139
♪ dramatic music ♪
453
00:17:34,139 --> 00:17:36,558
[laughter continues]
454
00:17:36,558 --> 00:17:40,896
♪
455
00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:48,320
[panting]
456
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,989
‐ Stop that, get off of me.
I‐I‐I'm happy as a train!
457
00:17:52,616 --> 00:17:54,284
‐ Hell yes! Ethan Hunt over here!
458
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:56,536
Mission: Possible, baby!
Wait, I can do it better.
459
00:17:56,536 --> 00:17:57,621
[grunts]
460
00:17:58,705 --> 00:18:00,749
Ah crap, that was worse.
I gotta try again.
461
00:18:00,749 --> 00:18:02,083
Don't have much time. [grunts]
462
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:04,502
♪ jazz music playing on TV ♪
463
00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:10,425
‐ Hey. A stub from when we saw Gotti
in IMAX 3D.
464
00:18:10,425 --> 00:18:12,761
Remember how Travolta's wig popped
right out of the screen?
465
00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:14,971
‐ Aw, that movie sucked butts.
466
00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:16,139
Pupa ate that, huh?
467
00:18:16,139 --> 00:18:17,349
‐ I guess he's not picky.
468
00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:19,809
[both laugh]
469
00:18:20,143 --> 00:18:22,979
Sorry if I was being
a biatch earlier. I just‐‐
470
00:18:22,979 --> 00:18:26,024
[screaming]
471
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:29,402
‐ [gasps]
Yumyulack? Yumyulack?
472
00:18:29,402 --> 00:18:30,528
[inhales deeply]
473
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,617
[Yumyulack gasps]
Oh no, it's, it's, it's a‐‐
474
00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:36,785
YUMYULACK: A javelina!
475
00:18:36,785 --> 00:18:37,827
[growls]
476
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:40,538
‐ We gotta get to the mouth!
477
00:18:40,997 --> 00:18:42,207
‐ Gah, Javelina!
478
00:18:42,207 --> 00:18:42,958
JESSE: Ha!
479
00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:44,626
[squeals]
480
00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:48,338
[gasps] I recognize this bite pattern.
481
00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:50,257
That's the shape of Terry's retainer.
482
00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:52,509
The Javelina must be wearing it.
483
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:55,095
‐ But why? Javelinas are famous
for eschewing dental hygiene.
484
00:18:55,095 --> 00:18:58,139
‐ Aw, he must be stressed out
and grinding his teeth.
485
00:18:58,139 --> 00:19:01,059
‐ I mean, who wouldn't be
when they live inside the Pupa?
486
00:19:02,018 --> 00:19:04,187
[grunting]
487
00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:06,189
‐ Ow! [gasps]
488
00:19:06,189 --> 00:19:08,149
Okay, Terry, time to be the hero.
489
00:19:08,149 --> 00:19:10,235
Just stay focused and‐‐ What the fuck?
490
00:19:10,235 --> 00:19:13,280
Oh, a framed fuckin' photo of
Polar Express Tom Hanks but none of me?
491
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,907
Goddammit, Terry, stay on point.
It's time to stop this train.
492
00:19:16,908 --> 00:19:18,952
Stickers? No! No!
493
00:19:18,952 --> 00:19:21,621
They're all stickers? Oh my God!
494
00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:23,331
KORVO THE TRAIN:
I'm still a model, you dumbass!
495
00:19:23,331 --> 00:19:24,708
You better get out of me right now.
496
00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:26,877
I'm going to end it all
by crashing into Union Station
497
00:19:26,877 --> 00:19:27,919
just like in Silver Streak.
498
00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:29,379
‐ But you'll die and I will too.
499
00:19:29,379 --> 00:19:31,047
And all the chains at Union Station.
500
00:19:31,047 --> 00:19:34,217
The Dunkin Donuts
and the Jared's Jeweler‐‐ Jewelry store.
501
00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:36,553
‐ But if I don't have my hobby,
what‐what am I?
502
00:19:36,553 --> 00:19:38,471
Without trains, I might as well be dead.
503
00:19:38,471 --> 00:19:40,181
‐ Korvo, you aren't what you do.
504
00:19:40,181 --> 00:19:41,933
You're who you love. And that's me.
505
00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:43,435
‐ But you have all your own hobbies.
506
00:19:43,435 --> 00:19:45,562
‐ And I wanted to share them
with you, you fool.
507
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:47,856
Why do you think I started train‐ing
in the first place?
508
00:19:47,856 --> 00:19:48,940
So we could do it together.
509
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:50,442
‐ Really? Together?
510
00:19:50,442 --> 00:19:52,485
You mean we can be like Stan and Barb
from down the block
511
00:19:52,485 --> 00:19:54,237
that started that homemade
candle company together?
512
00:19:54,237 --> 00:19:56,114
‐ Yes! But not as desperate
and lame as them
513
00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,908
because we don't have their debt problems.
514
00:19:57,908 --> 00:20:00,368
‐ Thank you, Terry.
That's all I needed to hear.
515
00:20:00,368 --> 00:20:02,203
I... I will stop being a train.
516
00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:03,663
‐ Alright! Woo!
517
00:20:03,663 --> 00:20:05,040
[sobbing]
518
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,125
Wait, why aren't you slowing down?
‐ I'm a long‐ass train.
519
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,294
It takes like ten minutes
to come to a stop.
520
00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:11,880
My‐my‐my brakes are a little rusty.
And I'm dehydrated.
521
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,382
‐ Alright, okay.
It just doesn't seem any slower.
522
00:20:14,382 --> 00:20:16,259
‐ You try slowing down
with this big of a caboose.
523
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:17,969
‐ Ugh, trains are so dorky.
524
00:20:17,969 --> 00:20:20,138
Cool things stop fast!
Like motorcycles.
525
00:20:20,138 --> 00:20:22,515
Maybe become a motorcycle next time.
Think about that.
526
00:20:22,515 --> 00:20:24,476
KORVO THE TRAIN: What?
Is saving my life boring to you?
527
00:20:24,476 --> 00:20:26,269
You want me to still Silver Streak?
TERRY: No.
528
00:20:26,269 --> 00:20:27,437
KORVO THE TRAIN:
Yeah, that's what I thought.
529
00:20:27,437 --> 00:20:29,272
TERRY: Stupid trains. I'm over it.
KORVO THE TRAIN: Hey!
530
00:20:32,025 --> 00:20:35,528
FURBY:
Ooo‐aaa. Feed Me! Tell me a joke!
531
00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:38,865
‐ Hey! Where are you going with that?
532
00:20:39,532 --> 00:20:40,367
‐ Uhhh‐‐
533
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:43,995
‐ You're supposed to be
in that edamame line over there.
534
00:20:45,163 --> 00:20:50,126
♪ tense music ♪
535
00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:54,881
♪
536
00:20:56,216 --> 00:20:57,801
[gasps]
‐ Sister! We have him but‐‐
537
00:20:57,801 --> 00:21:01,721
‐ He looks like he has lead poisoning
from some kind of fast food novelty glass.
538
00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:02,556
‐ She's good.
539
00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:03,765
SISTER SISTO:
I can nurse him back to health.
540
00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:05,684
Everyone! It's a Code Red!
541
00:21:06,268 --> 00:21:08,103
‐ You hear that, Pezlie? We did it.
542
00:21:08,103 --> 00:21:10,939
From now on, this will be a wall of truth.
543
00:21:11,439 --> 00:21:12,232
[giggles]
544
00:21:13,441 --> 00:21:14,818
[both grunt]
[Javelina squeals]
545
00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:18,113
‐ Let's get you some help, little fella!
546
00:21:18,113 --> 00:21:19,114
[muffled squealing]
547
00:21:19,114 --> 00:21:21,157
‐ This javelina needs a mouth guard.
548
00:21:21,157 --> 00:21:22,659
He's been grinding his teeth, see?
549
00:21:22,659 --> 00:21:25,453
‐ Dude, why would we be here
if we didn't already know that?
550
00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:26,746
[squealing]
551
00:21:26,746 --> 00:21:29,958
‐ Go on, Javelina.
Go where the javelinas go.
552
00:21:29,958 --> 00:21:33,336
Be free out in the woods,
doing javelina things.
553
00:21:33,336 --> 00:21:35,839
‐ We'll text you a reminder
for your six‐month checkup!
554
00:21:35,839 --> 00:21:38,425
‐ See? When we work together,
we can do anything.
555
00:21:38,425 --> 00:21:40,010
‐ Sorry I was a dick back in the Pupa.
556
00:21:40,010 --> 00:21:43,013
‐ I'm sorry too. But, hey, we both got
retainers out of it.
557
00:21:43,013 --> 00:21:46,349
And next time, we'll crawl
under the house before Terry does.
558
00:21:46,349 --> 00:21:48,018
Ech.
‐ Aagh.
559
00:21:49,102 --> 00:21:51,521
‐ Hey, good job cleaning out the Pupes.
He's in a much better mood.
560
00:21:51,521 --> 00:21:53,440
‐ Hmm. He had a javelina in him.
561
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:54,357
‐ What?
‐ Javelina.
562
00:21:54,357 --> 00:21:55,859
Inside the Pupa, it had your mouth guard?
563
00:21:55,859 --> 00:21:57,944
‐ Yeah, right.
The Pupa's javelina died last year
564
00:21:57,944 --> 00:21:59,779
from accidentally eating some rat poison.
565
00:21:59,779 --> 00:22:01,114
‐ But that means‐‐
566
00:22:02,616 --> 00:22:03,617
♪ angelic music ♪
567
00:22:03,617 --> 00:22:04,951
[grunts]
568
00:22:04,951 --> 00:22:07,037
♪
569
00:22:07,037 --> 00:22:07,954
[squeals]
570
00:22:08,622 --> 00:22:10,332
BOTH: It was a ghost!
571
00:22:10,332 --> 00:22:12,417
KORVO: That's stupid,
there's no such thing as ghosts.
572
00:22:12,417 --> 00:22:15,212
‐ Um, yes, there is, we took one
to the periodontist today.
573
00:22:15,212 --> 00:22:18,298
‐ Why would you not believe in ghosts?
You're a train.
574
00:22:18,298 --> 00:22:21,218
‐ I'm only a train because I lost
my model ray somewhere in Nevada.
575
00:22:21,218 --> 00:22:23,929
I'm reverting back to normal.
It's just going to take a while.
576
00:22:27,474 --> 00:22:29,684
‐ Sorry you don't have
a hobby anymore, Korvo.
577
00:22:29,684 --> 00:22:32,520
‐ It's okay. Terry and I are going
to do a hobby together.
578
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:33,396
‐ Yay!
579
00:22:33,396 --> 00:22:35,440
And you promised you would make
a real effort to like it.
580
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,276
‐ Yes. Once my body is back.
I promise to like it.
581
00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:39,694
W‐what did you have in mind?
582
00:22:42,197 --> 00:22:44,282
‐ This is my all‐time favorite hobby.
583
00:22:44,282 --> 00:22:46,493
‐ What is? I‐I can't see
what's at the front of the line.
584
00:22:46,493 --> 00:22:48,328
‐ No, this. We're doing it.
‐ Doing what?
585
00:22:48,328 --> 00:22:50,330
‐ Standing in line,
it's my favorite hobby.
586
00:22:50,330 --> 00:22:53,416
‐ What we're doing right now is it?
Y‐y‐you love waiting in lines?
587
00:22:53,416 --> 00:22:54,793
‐ You promised to try!
‐ I know I did!
588
00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:55,669
‐ Korvo!
‐ Whatever.
589
00:22:55,669 --> 00:22:58,129
It's just a dumb line.
I‐I‐I'll give it a chance.
590
00:22:58,129 --> 00:23:00,090
‐ Yeah! Line time, baby!
591
00:23:00,090 --> 00:23:01,132
♪ dramatic theme ♪
592
00:23:01,132 --> 00:23:02,342
‐ This is so stupid.
593
00:23:02,342 --> 00:23:06,137
♪
594
00:23:06,137 --> 00:23:08,306
How long are we supposed to stand
in this line anyway?
595
00:23:08,306 --> 00:23:12,769
♪
596
00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:14,437
Wow, w‐we're still here.
597
00:23:14,437 --> 00:23:16,147
♪
598
00:23:16,147 --> 00:23:17,899
Huh, I thought once the credits started,
599
00:23:17,899 --> 00:23:19,651
we'd crash to black and be out of here.
600
00:23:19,651 --> 00:23:24,447
♪
601
00:23:24,447 --> 00:23:26,324
You know what,
once the production cards hit,
602
00:23:26,324 --> 00:23:28,493
we'll be on to the next episode
and this will be done.
603
00:23:28,493 --> 00:23:32,414
♪
604
00:23:32,414 --> 00:23:36,668
♪
605
00:23:36,668 --> 00:23:37,919
Just a little bit longer.
606
00:23:37,919 --> 00:23:40,922
♪
607
00:23:44,467 --> 00:23:45,969
[mimicking laser fire]