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♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
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♪
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♪
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- Goddammit, Terrance!
- You rang?
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- Of course, I fucking rang.
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Did we or did we not decide
to paint an accent ceiling?
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- Yass.
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- And did we or did we not decide
to paint it eggshell white?
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The whitest of all whites.
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The Kaley Cuoco of whites.
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The "calling the cops
on a barbecue" of whites.
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- Sounds famil.
13
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- Then what in holy Gragnor's Crack
is this?
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- Hot dog consensually railing
a cupcake!
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Painted it last night after I smoked
some meth from my English pipe.
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It's a red velvet cupcake
so you know it's c-lassy.
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Ahh, you broke my Pipe-r Perabo!
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- Ha, missed me, sucka!
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- Choke on some
of this lattice red paint!
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TERRY: Ah, yeah!
[Jesse grunting]
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- Stop it! Stop it all of you!
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This was supposed to be something
we did as a family.
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Like playing golf
or when we got that portrait
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where we were all
in black turtlenecks and gold chains
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like Death Row Records.
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- Hi, Terry!
- Oh, hells no.
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Pupa can't join in.
He always gets paint all over himself,
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and then we don't know
what color he really is.
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- Yeah, remember when we thought
he was purple
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and had to sacrifice
that virgin e-sports kid?
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- Shame he died a virgin,
but at least he wasn't buried as one.
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- What's done is done.
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Now, as leader of this family
and unquestioned star of the show,
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I decree we paint the ceiling white.
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- Well, I don't decree that bullshite.
Do you guys decree that?
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- No!
- Kree-aw from Captain Marvel?
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- Okay, I've heard all of your
well-thought-out arguments
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and decided on a course of action.
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- The fuck you gonna do
with that gargoyle ray, fart face.
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- Oh nothing. Just gonna freeze
you guys for a while
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so I can finally do what I want!
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[grunting]
Dammit.
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- Now, Phil, Dr. Sarner said
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this was the best dialysis machine.
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Oh dammit, I'm so sick
of those gargoyle-making aliens.
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Look what they've done to us.
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Our couch: gargoyle.
Our TV: gargoyle.
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Our dog: gargoyle.
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Fucking Mr. Peaches is a symbolic
gothic demon, Phil.
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And those dick-faced alien kids
run around all day with no supervision.
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Well, I am done.
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I'm calling the city
before they turn you into a--
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Son of a bitch!
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
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until the asteroid hit.
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
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and escaped into... the space,
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searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
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That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
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This is-- this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
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[stammers]
This is ridiculous.
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I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
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People are stupid and confusing.
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I can't believe humans
haven't solved Pi yet.
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I almost want to tell you the answer
because it's embarrassing for you.
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Okay, it's four.
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♪
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- Ugh! Our water bill is crazy
this month.
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Why do you guys take
such long showers?
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Are you touching
your mounds again?
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You gotta stop touching it
or it's gonna fall off!
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- Man, this sucks!
That hot dog was art.
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- No, Terry,
Ready Player Three is art.
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Stop whining and hand me
another can of white paint.
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- Oh, this one?
You want this one? Okay.
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Yeah, just grab it. Go ahead.
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- Don't make me come down there.
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- Get it now.
- Goddammit.
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Would you give me that!
- Suck a big dick!
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- Whoa!
[doorbell rings]
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- Everyone freeze!
Child Protective Services!
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We got an anonymous tip
that children were being turned
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into gargoyles in this house.
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[sobs]
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CPS AGENT 2:
Uh, Jim. Which one are the kids?
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- Well, shit, they're drinking herbal tea
and clearly paying household bills
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but they're taller.
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- Plus, this one feels like
she has an old soul.
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- Huh?
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- [yelling]
She says you have an old soul!
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- Pshhh. Ahh.
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- Only one way to find out
who's a kid and who's not.
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- Okay, we gave you IQ tests
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and you two scored the lowest,
so you must be the kids.
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- That's bullshit, you know
these tests are culturally biased
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against plant-based lifeforms.
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- I don't test well!
I have attention deficit dis--
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Oh, I love your jacket!
Where did you get that?
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Is that Topman?
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- This is for the best.
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The accent ceiling is just a white symbol
for how much you guys don't get me.
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I need to be with people who...
are going in that sweet-looking van?
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- Shotgun!
- Fuck you, Terry.
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[grunting]
- Hey.
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Ah. Stop it.
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Ah, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
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Ow, ow, ow, I said.
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- What's going to happen to them?
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- If they're lucky,
they'll be lost in the system,
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then end up on the street,
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sucking and fucking their way
to a dollar and a cent.
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- Oh man, that sounds like Terry.
He's gonna thrive.
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- What can we do?
- Forget about those kids.
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Go on with your life.
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Buy a Jimmy John's franchise
or a Jersey Mike's. Maybe a Blimpie's?
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Anything in the fast casual
sandwich space.
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That's my side hustle.
Let me know.
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[van door closes]
[engine starts]
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- You think Terry and Korvo
are gonna be okay?
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- I really hope so.
I like them.
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- Today is gonna be one of those weird
Solar Opposites days, right?
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- You betcha!
Probably best to just roll with it.
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Last one to the school bus
is a deviled egg!
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CPS AGENT 1:
Welcome to CPS HQ.
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To save money, we share office space
with a Wing Stop.
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You're lucky, the cops have
to share with a Jiffy Lube.
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OFFICER 1: Motherfucker!
OFFICER 2: Freeze!
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- Wing Stop for da win!
Yay-yay!
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- I'm still mad at you
but in this one case, you are spot on.
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These Mango Habanero ones
are the T-I-Ts.
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- Bet they would taste great
with some Terry sauce.
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- Oh hell yes. Gimme!
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- It's too bad you can't have any
because you ruined my painting!
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[squirts]
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- Did you see what that kid just did?
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I think we might finally have one
for "Project Dark Brilliance."
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My Little Pony omega code three.
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Franklin, get him ready
for transport.
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YUMYULACK: Oh shit!
JESSE: Oh no!
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- What in the fuck are you two cocknobbers
doing in the hallway?
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- Oww!
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- Wait, I thought the Stacis
weren't bullying us anymore.
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- That's because our bullies union was
in negotiation with the teachers union,
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but we struck a deal that says
we can smoke cigarettes
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and bully kids on Wednesday.
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- Ah jeepers, it's Humpday.
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You gotta admire these ladies.
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By outsourcing their bullying,
they keep their hands clean.
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- It's called
plausible deniability, bitches!
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I learned it from my dad!
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- Principal Cooke, can you please
tell the Stacis to stop this?
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- I can't be talking
to any students today.
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I am not in a good place.
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Oh. Why!
Why does the world hate me?
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- Geez Louise, we gotta get
our life together
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or we're gonna end up
just like that sad bastard.
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- The only way we'll ever beat
the Stacis of the world
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is by understanding
how they think.
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- We could use the Psyche Ray
to get inside their heads.
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- I smell what you're dealing,
and I like it.
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- Okay, now boy alien tell girl alien
how gross her ankles are.
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- They look like mushy green straws.
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- Hyah!
[Yumyulack grunts]
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- See, Kevin, that's how
you land like a boss.
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Go cry to your whore mother.
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Hey, where's Terry? Is he dead?
Is he in Kentucky?
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- Terry is special, and he went
to a school for special kids.
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- Okay, but I thought we couldn't
call them "special" anymore
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because of Antifa.
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What about me?
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- We've found you a great home
with a very nice couple.
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- And I'll be their only child?
The center of their attention?
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The apple of their eye?
The star of their spin-off?
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- Uh, sure. He's a CPA, woo!
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And she is in charge
of writing instructions
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for all Best Buy branded refridge--
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- Shut up, you had me
at Best Buy branded refridge.
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[gulping]
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[foreboding music playing]
[crow cawing]
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[beeping]
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- Dr. Weatherstone, how are
the new recruits looking?
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- Too early to tell, sir.
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00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:53,164
Subject Delta 2 looks to be able
to summon fire from his penis.
186
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:55,500
Subject Gamma 4 can move
a pineapple with her brain.
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And Theta 5 does
a mean Robert De Niro impression.
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00:06:58,169 --> 00:07:00,547
- [mimicking Robert De Niro]
I have nipples, can you milk me, Greg?
189
00:07:00,547 --> 00:07:03,091
- That's one of the easy impressions,
like Kermit.
190
00:07:03,091 --> 00:07:04,009
Throw her in the kiln.
191
00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:06,595
- But it's Vega 6
that's got real potential.
192
00:07:06,595 --> 00:07:08,930
His numbers are off the charts.
Check this out.
193
00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:11,266
- New York, Atlanta, OC,
Dallas, DC,
194
00:07:11,266 --> 00:07:13,518
Bev Hills, Miami, SLC, DC--
195
00:07:13,518 --> 00:07:16,396
[speeding up] DC, OC, OC, NYC,
Bev Hills, Potomac, Miami, SLC--
196
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- He got all the Real Housewives.
197
00:07:18,106 --> 00:07:21,234
No kid has ever been able
to do a perfect RHO sequence.
198
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,569
He's the one.
199
00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:24,446
- He's special,
but he's also an innocent.
200
00:07:24,446 --> 00:07:27,407
You can see it in his eyes.
I'm worried he won't make it.
201
00:07:27,407 --> 00:07:30,076
- Let me make this clear,
Dr. Weatherstone.
202
00:07:30,076 --> 00:07:33,705
I don't care that you're the most
attentive lover I've ever had,
203
00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:35,123
I make the rules around here.
204
00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:36,541
Prep him for surgery.
205
00:07:36,541 --> 00:07:40,295
Some crazy evil shit
is about to go down.
206
00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:42,714
[door closes]
- This is wrong.
207
00:07:42,714 --> 00:07:45,342
Someone has to do something,
and soon, or we're all--
208
00:07:45,342 --> 00:07:46,676
[alarm beeps]
Oh, lunchtime!
209
00:07:46,676 --> 00:07:48,428
Taco salad,
come to mama!
210
00:07:49,095 --> 00:07:50,305
[door opens, closes]
211
00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:52,057
- Listen up!
212
00:07:52,057 --> 00:07:53,767
I am Officer Clark.
213
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,478
This is my partner, Officer McGar.
214
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:59,439
We both served two tours
in Afghanistan.
215
00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:01,149
I'm only going to say this once!
216
00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:03,485
We are so fucking
217
00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:05,528
happy for you guys!
218
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,531
You're all going to loving homes
and families!
219
00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:11,493
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, and these aren't shotguns,
220
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they're candy cannons!
221
00:08:12,953 --> 00:08:15,622
Boom! Boom! Sweetarts for everyone!
[kids cheering]
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪
223
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:22,254
♪
224
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TOUR GUIDE: Fun fact, the tunnel scenes
for Daylight were filmed right here
225
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:29,386
due to tax rebates and the fact
that Sly Stallone got chlamydia
226
00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:32,806
from visiting a New York bathhouse
that he still frequents to this day!
227
00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:33,932
[groaning]
228
00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:35,725
[engine revving]
229
00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:37,435
[tires squealing]
230
00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:39,521
- I have been assured
my new family will allow me
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00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:41,898
to paint an accent ceiling
the color of my choosing.
232
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- My new family said
I could only stain a chair.
233
00:08:44,109 --> 00:08:45,735
- Sucks for you, Belinda.
234
00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:47,279
[tires squealing]
235
00:08:48,363 --> 00:08:49,197
[all screaming]
236
00:08:49,197 --> 00:08:50,365
[tires squealing]
237
00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:52,200
- Oh god, I was wrong.
It sucks for all of us!
238
00:08:58,957 --> 00:09:01,042
[metallic creaking]
239
00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:02,586
- Is this part of the tour?
240
00:09:02,586 --> 00:09:04,254
- Great question.
But actually, no.
241
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,423
- It's just one of
those horrible coincidences,
242
00:09:06,423 --> 00:09:08,967
like when the people on
the Fast and Furious 3D ride
243
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:10,427
all had sex with Tyrese.
244
00:09:10,427 --> 00:09:12,053
- But I am part of the tour!
245
00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:13,305
- Holy shit, it's fuckin' Sly!
246
00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:15,181
- That's right, it's me, Sly Stallone.
247
00:09:15,181 --> 00:09:17,684
Sometimes I get bored
of all the charity work I do.
248
00:09:17,684 --> 00:09:20,437
I like to ride the bus undercover
and see how people react.
249
00:09:20,437 --> 00:09:21,354
[rumbling]
250
00:09:21,354 --> 00:09:23,273
Come on,
let's get you out of here!
251
00:09:26,192 --> 00:09:27,903
- Don't fucking touch me,
Sylvester Stallone.
252
00:09:27,903 --> 00:09:31,281
Don't you know who I am? I'm Korvo!
I do the hero shit around here!
253
00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:35,076
[eating noisily]
254
00:09:35,076 --> 00:09:35,744
[gasps]
255
00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:38,705
[sighs]
256
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:46,796
- Okay, I'm gonna go in
and make sure Staci K. is alone,
257
00:09:46,796 --> 00:09:49,132
then I'll give you the signal.
258
00:09:49,132 --> 00:09:51,218
Wait for it.
- Wh-wh-what's the signal?
259
00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:53,845
- I don't know, I'm just making
this shit up as I go along.
260
00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:56,223
[sizzling]
261
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,433
- Principal Cooke?
262
00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,310
Uh, what are you doing?
263
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,687
- This is the only place that has
a strong enough power outlet
264
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:03,939
for my hotplate.
265
00:10:03,939 --> 00:10:05,148
Please don't tell on me.
266
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:08,568
If I get caught cooking beans and eggs
on school grounds again, I'll lose my job.
267
00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:10,320
This is all I have!
268
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,738
- Die, motherfucker!
- No, wait!
269
00:10:12,405 --> 00:10:15,033
[screaming]
270
00:10:16,243 --> 00:10:17,035
[farts]
271
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:20,080
- Well, this day just took a turn.
272
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,374
But I guess this is
exactly what I thought
273
00:10:22,374 --> 00:10:24,042
a boring principal's brain
would look like.
274
00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:26,711
- Ugh. Even basic thinks this is basic.
275
00:10:26,711 --> 00:10:27,796
- How do we get out of here?
276
00:10:27,796 --> 00:10:30,549
- Good thing I read
the Psyche Ray manual
277
00:10:30,549 --> 00:10:31,841
so I know what to do.
278
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,051
- Yeah, I read it too.
279
00:10:33,051 --> 00:10:35,428
But maybe explain the rules to me
as if I was, like, someone
280
00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:37,180
who binge-watches
premium streaming TV.
281
00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:38,056
- Yay, you.
282
00:10:38,056 --> 00:10:40,308
All we have to do is find
Cooke's inner child,
283
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:41,601
and he will lead us out.
284
00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:42,769
- Seems simple enough.
285
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:47,232
JESSE: Aw jeez, turns out
Principal Cooke is hella deep.
286
00:10:47,232 --> 00:10:49,693
♪
287
00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:53,655
- Son, I wish your mom had miscarried you
when she got kicked in the stomach
288
00:10:53,655 --> 00:10:55,782
by that Budweiser Clydesdale.
289
00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:58,577
- Wow. I just thought Principal Cooke
was a big bag of sad
290
00:10:58,577 --> 00:11:02,163
'cause he had to work with kids,
but he clearly has daddy issues!
291
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:03,957
Surprised he's not workin' a pole.
292
00:11:03,957 --> 00:11:06,042
- I don't know,
I think his dad seems rad.
293
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:07,752
Hey, is that the Inner Child?
[growls]
294
00:11:13,091 --> 00:11:16,011
- I don't think so.
Check out that Fudgsicle.
295
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:18,096
Cooke went crazy
when it spilled before.
296
00:11:18,096 --> 00:11:20,140
This must be
Cooke's Temper Monster!
297
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:21,558
It's fueled by all his anger.
298
00:11:21,558 --> 00:11:24,644
If he catches us,
we'll never get out of the psyche!
299
00:11:24,644 --> 00:11:26,521
[roars]
300
00:11:26,521 --> 00:11:28,398
[screaming]
301
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,693
[shivering]
302
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:33,111
[grunts]
[can clatters]
303
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,781
- Hey Dr. W.,
has anyone ever told you,
304
00:11:36,781 --> 00:11:38,658
you look just like that girl
from the movies.
305
00:11:38,658 --> 00:11:40,660
- Amy Adams? Rachel McAdams?
- No. No.
306
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,746
- Elizabeth Banks? Emma Stone?
- Nah.
307
00:11:42,746 --> 00:11:44,205
- No. Oh, it's Kathy Bates!
308
00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:47,500
- What? Forget it. I've decided
to break you out. To save you.
309
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:48,585
- But I love it here.
310
00:11:48,585 --> 00:11:51,213
I got my Switch, and they let me paint
my accent ceiling any color I want!
311
00:11:51,213 --> 00:11:53,632
- [Dr. Weatherstone gasps]
Oh wow, that's fucking classy.
312
00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,426
But look, Terry,
you're too special for this place.
313
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:58,762
Trust me, they are going
to do terrible stuff to you
314
00:11:58,762 --> 00:11:59,679
if you stay here.
315
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:00,680
[whispers]:
Butt stuff.
316
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,057
- [gasps]
But I don't have a butt!
317
00:12:02,057 --> 00:12:03,850
- That's even worse!
Come on!
318
00:12:05,101 --> 00:12:06,311
[alarm blaring]
319
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,188
[engine starts]
320
00:12:08,188 --> 00:12:10,190
MAN ON RADIO: The tunnel is closed
due to a cinematic crash.
321
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:13,026
There seems to be some sort
of Daylight situation going on.
322
00:12:13,026 --> 00:12:14,903
- Dammit, the tunnel was our way out!
323
00:12:14,903 --> 00:12:16,947
- I don't understand
what's happening right now!
324
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:19,658
♪
325
00:12:21,826 --> 00:12:24,537
- Okay, Sylvester Stallone, I've
got places to be and families to join.
326
00:12:24,537 --> 00:12:27,165
This is big boy time, and you
and I are clearly the alpha dogs here.
327
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:28,959
The main men,
the stinkiest poops.
328
00:12:28,959 --> 00:12:30,210
What's our plan to save the day?
329
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:33,088
- Listen, little blue boy,
go back with the other orphans
330
00:12:33,088 --> 00:12:37,259
and let an 11-time Golden Raspberry
Award-winning actor take care of this.
331
00:12:37,259 --> 00:12:39,970
- Not good enough, Demolition Man,
I need the deets.
332
00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:42,889
- Okay, I promise I will get
all of you out of here alive.
333
00:12:42,889 --> 00:12:45,225
It's not gonna be easy,
some of you will die,
334
00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:46,685
but if we can swim
through the water
335
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:48,770
without getting eaten
by the tunnel alligators,
336
00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:51,731
then as God as my witness,
I will save all of your lives.
337
00:12:51,731 --> 00:12:53,900
Except most of you,
who will probably die.
338
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,152
- Pfft! That sounds super fucking lame.
339
00:12:56,152 --> 00:12:59,364
First, tunnel alligators don't exist,
only rats that cook French food.
340
00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,408
B, everyone should come with me
'cause I'm an alien,
341
00:13:01,408 --> 00:13:02,993
I'm a leader,
and I know leader shit.
342
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,870
Like, um, heat signatures.
Huh? Huh? That's pretty cool.
343
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:07,455
Who's impressed?
I know that guy is.
344
00:13:07,455 --> 00:13:08,540
[rumbling]
345
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,625
- We'll go with you.
- Good luck, suckers.
346
00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:12,794
Hope you're not Expendable!
Get it?
347
00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:16,381
♪
348
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,009
[electricity crackling]
349
00:13:19,009 --> 00:13:21,553
- Told you this would be way cooler
than whatever Rocky IV is doing.
350
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:23,388
[metallic creaking]
[all scream]
351
00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:27,017
- You sure this is safe?
- Yeah, man, don't be such a--
352
00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:28,602
[growling]
Holy fuck, tunnel gators!
353
00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:29,811
I knew it! I'll save you!
354
00:13:29,811 --> 00:13:31,771
[men screaming]
355
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:32,898
You guys got this, right?
356
00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:35,567
- No, we don't have it!
Come back!
357
00:13:36,109 --> 00:13:38,069
[Temper Monster growling]
358
00:13:38,069 --> 00:13:39,404
[thudding footsteps]
359
00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:44,284
- I think we're lost!
None of this was in the manual!
360
00:13:44,284 --> 00:13:46,995
- Wait, I know what this is.
It's Super Mario 64, right?
361
00:13:46,995 --> 00:13:49,080
- I don't know boomer shit like that!
362
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,583
- Come on, if we wanna get out of here,
we have to jump into the paintings.
363
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:52,500
- Are you sure?
364
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,628
- I've never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
365
00:13:54,628 --> 00:13:55,629
[both grunt]
366
00:13:56,046 --> 00:13:57,631
- Stop trying to play the trumpet.
367
00:13:57,631 --> 00:14:00,634
You are going to be a principal.
That's why I named you Principal.
368
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:04,471
- Oh my god, Principal Cooke's name
is Principal Principal Cooke?
369
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:08,516
[playing off-tune]
370
00:14:08,516 --> 00:14:10,101
- I told you to stop playing!
371
00:14:10,101 --> 00:14:13,730
You'll never be as good as Trumpet,
your brother, and he's dead!
372
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:14,773
[slams door]
373
00:14:15,315 --> 00:14:17,234
[grunting]
374
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:19,569
[rumbling]
[screams]
375
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:22,405
- Keep trying, you piece of shit!
Keep trying!
376
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:23,907
You've killed everybody else!
377
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:26,368
You know what,
you haven't killed me!
378
00:14:26,368 --> 00:14:28,286
- Mr. Stallone,
who are you talking to?
379
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,413
- I actually don't know
who I was talking to.
380
00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:33,333
It's from my best movie,
1996's Daylight.
381
00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:34,125
Have you heard of it?
382
00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:38,964
- Uh, maybe you were yelling
at the tunnel itself
383
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:41,675
because it's kind of
the bad guy character in the movie.
384
00:14:41,675 --> 00:14:45,470
- Exactly! Like how Paris is a character
in London Has Fallen.
385
00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:48,139
Yo! What the hell
are you doing back here?
386
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,392
- I saved those other guys
and came back to save all of you
387
00:14:50,392 --> 00:14:52,269
'cause I'm sure Stallone
cocked it all up.
388
00:14:52,269 --> 00:14:54,437
[rumbling]
[Korvo screams]
389
00:14:55,647 --> 00:14:56,523
Fuck!
390
00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:58,650
- Hold on! I'll save you!
391
00:14:58,650 --> 00:14:59,901
- Yeah, hold on!
I'm saving you!
392
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,319
- That's literally impossible!
393
00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:03,154
- You're literally impossible!
[grunts]
394
00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:05,115
[Stallone screaming]
395
00:15:05,115 --> 00:15:06,950
- Sly! No!
396
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:08,952
- You guys saw that.
I tried to save him.
397
00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:10,245
Th-there was nothing I could do!
398
00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:11,621
I'm the leader now. L-let's go.
399
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:12,581
- Look!
400
00:15:14,457 --> 00:15:17,335
[Stallone grunts]
- That asshole ran off and left me to die!
401
00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,129
- Not true. No.
I-I-I went to get help.
402
00:15:19,129 --> 00:15:20,297
[rumbling]
403
00:15:20,297 --> 00:15:22,674
- We have to get out now.
We don't have time for this.
404
00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:25,343
- But we do have time for me
to make a dramatic speech.
405
00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:27,554
When we first met,
406
00:15:27,554 --> 00:15:30,223
we were a bunch of beautiful strangers
thrown together
407
00:15:30,223 --> 00:15:31,933
in an impossible situation.
408
00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:35,604
But now, we are tunnel brothers
and sisters.
409
00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:38,356
Some of us may have sex with--
410
00:15:38,356 --> 00:15:40,108
Ah!
- That's what I'm talking about!
411
00:15:40,775 --> 00:15:42,360
[rumbling]
412
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,114
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
413
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:48,199
♪
414
00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:52,037
♪
415
00:15:53,371 --> 00:15:57,042
♪
416
00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:57,834
- Hurr!
417
00:15:57,834 --> 00:16:00,503
[firing]
418
00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:02,255
[screaming]
419
00:16:06,843 --> 00:16:08,637
- [yawns]
Where are we, Kathy Bates?
420
00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:10,764
- No idea. Let's get some food
and get back on the road.
421
00:16:10,764 --> 00:16:12,766
I made contact
with "The Genius Initiative."
422
00:16:12,766 --> 00:16:15,310
They're a secret group
that protects specials like you.
423
00:16:15,310 --> 00:16:18,021
I've thrown away everything
I ever worked for for you, Terry.
424
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:19,564
I'm going to be with you
the whole time.
425
00:16:19,564 --> 00:16:21,775
I couldn't have my own children
'cause I was kicked in the stomach
426
00:16:21,775 --> 00:16:23,276
by a Budweiser Clydesdale.
427
00:16:23,276 --> 00:16:24,736
I'm gonna be your Mommy now.
428
00:16:24,736 --> 00:16:26,780
God, I've waited all my life
to say that!
429
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,198
- [yawns]
Whatevs. Let's eat.
430
00:16:28,198 --> 00:16:31,201
I got a hankering for a Salisbury Steak
or maybe some Sand Dabs.
431
00:16:31,201 --> 00:16:33,411
Definitely in need
of a large glass of scotch.
432
00:16:33,411 --> 00:16:36,456
- Wait, what? Scotch? Sand Dabs?
No kid would ever eat that.
433
00:16:36,456 --> 00:16:40,252
- BevMo Card, Kleenex, ticket stub
to a Counting Crows concert,
434
00:16:40,252 --> 00:16:42,087
a fucking digital camera!
435
00:16:42,087 --> 00:16:43,463
You're not a special kid!
436
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:45,131
- Doy. I never said I was a kid.
437
00:16:45,131 --> 00:16:47,259
- Holy shit, what have I done?
438
00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:48,051
[grunts]
439
00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:51,137
- What about my Nintendo?
440
00:16:51,137 --> 00:16:52,430
[grunts]
[tires squealing]
441
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:53,390
Switchy!
442
00:16:55,058 --> 00:16:58,019
- Whoa. Principal Cooke has seen
some darkness.
443
00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:00,105
Now I kinda like him.
- Me too!
444
00:17:00,105 --> 00:17:02,315
All he ever wanted to do
was play the trumpet,
445
00:17:02,315 --> 00:17:05,068
but his Dad was
a big fat piece of shit.
446
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:07,696
Maybe we were meant to be here.
447
00:17:07,696 --> 00:17:10,615
Maybe today is about seeing people
through their eyes
448
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:12,367
and not how we perceive them.
449
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:15,078
Maybe if we help Principal Cooke,
we'll get out alive
450
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:17,831
and with a better understanding
of how a life not lived
451
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,583
can crush a man's soul.
452
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,418
- Okay, that is way too bleak for me.
453
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:23,128
This isn't Bojack Horseman.
454
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:24,379
[Temper Monster growling]
Oh shit.
455
00:17:24,379 --> 00:17:25,213
We're running out of time!
456
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:27,674
- This has gotta be it.
Cooke's playroom when he was a kid.
457
00:17:27,674 --> 00:17:30,135
Look, PPC: Principal Principal Cooke.
458
00:17:30,135 --> 00:17:31,136
[growling]
459
00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:37,225
- There's the Inner Child!
460
00:17:40,186 --> 00:17:41,354
- What the teets?
461
00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:44,524
- I think it's an American Boy doll
they released in the '70s.
462
00:17:44,524 --> 00:17:46,192
DOLL: I'm going to find a wife
that will cook and clean
463
00:17:46,192 --> 00:17:48,194
while I'm out screwing
my Brazilian secretary!
464
00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:49,529
[thudding footsteps]
[both scream]
465
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:52,198
[roaring]
466
00:17:56,453 --> 00:17:58,079
COOKE: Did I burn down
the girls' bathroom
467
00:17:58,079 --> 00:17:59,998
making beef stew on my hot plate?
468
00:17:59,998 --> 00:18:01,416
Yes. Yes, I did.
469
00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,710
The question we should
really be asking is:
470
00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:05,545
was the beef stew good?
471
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,589
No. No, it was not.
472
00:18:07,589 --> 00:18:10,050
- You were told not to cook
at school anymore.
473
00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:13,094
I don't care if beef stew
is my third favorite stew,
474
00:18:13,094 --> 00:18:14,679
I have no choice but to fire--
475
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:15,347
[babbling]
476
00:18:15,347 --> 00:18:17,265
[moaning]
477
00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,018
[grunting]
478
00:18:20,018 --> 00:18:22,479
- This is Cooke's room.
And these are Cooke's toys, right?
479
00:18:22,479 --> 00:18:24,564
If the Temper Monster can control them,
480
00:18:24,564 --> 00:18:26,775
then maybe he is actually
the Inner Child.
481
00:18:26,775 --> 00:18:29,611
- Yes! Cooke must have so much
residual anger and regret
482
00:18:29,611 --> 00:18:31,571
that his child turned
into the monster.
483
00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:33,865
- Of course! The answer is jazz!
484
00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:36,117
- Goddammit! Why is the answer
always fucking jazz?
485
00:18:36,117 --> 00:18:39,621
- Hey, bud. Remember what
you wanted to be.
486
00:18:39,621 --> 00:18:42,582
It's not too late.
You can still be like Trumpet, you know.
487
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:44,376
- Huh.
488
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:46,127
- Quick, Yum,
what do you know about jazz?
489
00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:47,337
You watched all of Treme.
490
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:49,214
- That's just 'cause
I love Steve Zahn.
491
00:18:49,214 --> 00:18:52,259
But I think you just make a lot of noises,
and that counts as jazz.
492
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:54,803
Scrippity-doo-doo, bee-bop!
493
00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:56,596
Scrippity-doo-doo, bee-bop--
494
00:18:56,596 --> 00:19:00,308
- This feels really disrespectful
and borders on cultural misappropriation!
495
00:19:00,308 --> 00:19:01,685
- In this one case, it's okay!
496
00:19:02,185 --> 00:19:06,106
[both scatting]
497
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,151
[sighs]
498
00:19:13,196 --> 00:19:15,198
- It's working!
- We're getting out of here!
499
00:19:16,116 --> 00:19:17,784
[crying]
500
00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:20,579
- Trumpet!
I miss my dead brother!
501
00:19:20,579 --> 00:19:24,499
It should've been me that died in that vat
of cookie dough at Mrs. Fields!
502
00:19:24,499 --> 00:19:26,001
- Cooke, what's wrong with you?
503
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:29,880
- I'm sorry, the only way
I can describe it is through jazz!
504
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,465
[scatting]
505
00:19:41,391 --> 00:19:42,434
♪ Get it? ♪
506
00:19:45,145 --> 00:19:47,772
[all applauding]
507
00:19:47,772 --> 00:19:50,901
- We get it now.
Jazz made us totally get it.
508
00:19:52,277 --> 00:19:54,154
- Our work here is done.
BOTH: Ah.
509
00:19:54,154 --> 00:19:56,072
- STACI K: What the fuck
are you doing in our hallway?
510
00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:57,699
To the bleachers now!
511
00:19:57,699 --> 00:20:00,285
- Ah, son of a bitch,
it's still Wednesday I guess.
512
00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:01,202
[grunts]
513
00:20:02,329 --> 00:20:04,039
♪
514
00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:08,335
♪
515
00:20:09,336 --> 00:20:10,170
- Click.
516
00:20:11,129 --> 00:20:14,716
♪
517
00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:17,302
[indiscernible radio chatter]
518
00:20:17,302 --> 00:20:20,472
- Hey, Korvo. Sorry I roundhouse
kicked you in the head.
519
00:20:20,472 --> 00:20:22,557
I just had to do
what a leader does.
520
00:20:22,557 --> 00:20:25,477
You know, it's moments like this,
moments of crisis,
521
00:20:25,477 --> 00:20:28,021
when you find out who you really are
and where you belong.
522
00:20:28,021 --> 00:20:30,899
- Wow, Sylvester Stallone,
I never thought of it that way.
523
00:20:30,899 --> 00:20:33,652
- I learned that from Dolly Parton
on the set of Rhinestone
524
00:20:33,652 --> 00:20:35,654
when a grip was choking
on an egg roll.
525
00:20:35,654 --> 00:20:37,656
I froze up. But Dolly didn't.
526
00:20:37,656 --> 00:20:39,491
She saved that fat man's life.
527
00:20:39,491 --> 00:20:41,993
That was the moment I realized
she was the star,
528
00:20:41,993 --> 00:20:45,413
and I was not... gonna get a look
at those massive hooters.
529
00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:48,375
Anyway. I'm out.
You need a ride somewhere?
530
00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:51,211
- Yes, I do.
I need to go home to my family.
531
00:20:51,211 --> 00:20:53,296
That's where I belong.
Holy shit.
532
00:20:53,296 --> 00:20:54,881
Is that the truck from Over The Top?
533
00:20:54,881 --> 00:20:57,050
- Yep. I keep everything
from my films.
534
00:20:57,050 --> 00:21:00,011
I got the plans for my escape
from Escape Plan in the cab.
535
00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:01,721
You wanna see them?
- Hell fuckin' yes!
536
00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:03,181
Hey, w-will you autograph my neck?
537
00:21:04,432 --> 00:21:05,600
What a day.
538
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,310
You want to know what I learned?
- No one's asking.
539
00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:09,354
- I learned that every story
can't be through your eyes.
540
00:21:09,354 --> 00:21:10,730
You can't always be the star.
541
00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:12,816
Sometimes you have to be
the funny-talking foreigner,
542
00:21:12,816 --> 00:21:14,859
like Rob Schneider in every movie
for a hot second.
543
00:21:14,859 --> 00:21:17,237
- What about Deuce Bigalow?
He was the lead in that one.
544
00:21:17,237 --> 00:21:19,072
- And The Animal.
Oh, and The Hot Chick.
545
00:21:19,072 --> 00:21:20,740
- Man, Schneider had
a lot of swings at the plate.
546
00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:22,200
- He's got star quality!
547
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,160
Look, I've been the lead
in this family for far too long.
548
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,287
It's time for someone else.
549
00:21:25,287 --> 00:21:27,038
Terry, this is very hard for me,
550
00:21:27,038 --> 00:21:29,291
we can paint the accent ceiling
whatever you want it to be.
551
00:21:29,291 --> 00:21:30,333
- What's an accent ceiling?
552
00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:33,211
- Wow, Korvo. Yum and I kinda learned
the same thing as you.
553
00:21:33,211 --> 00:21:35,005
- I love it when
a theme comes together!
554
00:21:35,714 --> 00:21:37,591
- Goddammit, Pupa.
What did I tell you about the paint?
555
00:21:37,591 --> 00:21:38,466
- He's a total mess.
556
00:21:38,466 --> 00:21:41,678
- Have you just been sitting around here
all day getting dirty, ya little shit?
557
00:21:41,678 --> 00:21:44,180
- Why are you such a lazy sack
of shit, Pupa? Answer me!
558
00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:47,434
[all shouting]
559
00:21:47,893 --> 00:21:50,145
[thunder rumbling]
560
00:21:50,145 --> 00:21:52,898
- Trumpet, I know
I haven't tooted you in ages.
561
00:21:52,898 --> 00:21:56,943
All my life, I thought I was the one
that should have died in that Mrs. Fields.
562
00:21:56,943 --> 00:22:00,405
But now I realize, no,
you were supposed to die
563
00:22:00,405 --> 00:22:02,574
and I was supposed to live
564
00:22:02,574 --> 00:22:05,410
so I could give the world this!
565
00:22:05,410 --> 00:22:06,036
[inhales deeply]
566
00:22:06,036 --> 00:22:07,787
[playing off-tune]
567
00:22:07,787 --> 00:22:08,538
Shit!
568
00:22:08,538 --> 00:22:10,373
[playing off-tune]
569
00:22:10,373 --> 00:22:11,249
Fuck!
570
00:22:11,249 --> 00:22:15,962
[playing off-tune]
571
00:22:15,962 --> 00:22:20,467
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
572
00:22:20,467 --> 00:22:24,971
♪
573
00:23:00,298 --> 00:23:01,800
[mimicking laser fire]