1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,046
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

2
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:05,048
♪

3
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:07,050
♪

4
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,512
[screams]

5
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- Is that a fucking mosquito?

6
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[screeches]

7
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- Run!

8
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

9
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[screeches]

10
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Ugh! It fucking slimed me!

11
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- I'm not a goddamn runner!

12
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I have flat feet and a super-long torso!

13
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[grunts]

14
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- Aah!
- What the shit!

15
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[screeches]

16
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[growls]

17
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[both grunt]
- My skin is burning!

18
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[both scream]

19
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[screeching]

20
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[Halk grunts]
CHERIE: What the hell?

21
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,477
- You got skeeter saliva on you.

22
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,271
Scrub it, or you'll itch for a week.

23
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Come with me if you want to larva.

24
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You know, 'cause baby mosquitoes
are larva and the movie--

25
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Uh, whatever, just let's go
so you don't die.

26
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

27
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Until the asteroid hit.

28
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa

29
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and escaped into, uh, the space,

30
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searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.

31
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.

32
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That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.

33
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.

34
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This is-- this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

35
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[stammers] This is ridiculous.

36
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I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

37
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People are stupid and confusing.

38
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Why do you let Tom Cruise do
all his own stunts?

39
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The man's going to get himself killed.

40
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Please, Mr. Cruise,
if you're within the sound of my voice,

41
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scale it back.

42
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You're the greatest entertainer
the world has ever known.

43
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And I'm sure your beliefs
are reasonable too.

44
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I haven't looked into it.

45
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♪

46
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[panting]

47
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[grunting]

48
00:02:01,748 --> 00:02:02,749
- Ah.

49
00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:03,875
[gasps]

50
00:02:06,670 --> 00:02:07,671
[straining]

51
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:11,341
[grunts]

52
00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:15,554
[machinery whirring]

53
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- Mm.

54
00:02:19,349 --> 00:02:22,435
The winner of the house
smoothie challenge is... Terry.

55
00:02:22,435 --> 00:02:24,563
- What?
- Yes, biatches! I only used vodka!

56
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:27,065
- In what world does my
Hot Meatloaf Smoothie not win?

57
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Taste it again.
That's real-ass butter, son.

58
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[all scream]

59
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- Eat meatloaf, monster!

60
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JESSE: Please stop!

61
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- Jesse! What the hell happened
to our Emily in Paris body suit?

62
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- Guys, I was undercover in the human suit

63
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when I overheard huge news.

64
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- There's a Ray Donovan cast reunion?

65
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- No.
- Then what the fuck, Jesse?

66
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- There I was,
doing hard investigative journalism

67
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on why humans like hummus
and then suddenly--

68
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KORVO: Snore. Skip to the end!

69
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JESSE: I heard that our town
might be listed by Parade Magazine

70
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as one of the Ten Nicest Places to Live!

71
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And the judges are coming this week!

72
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KORVO: Don't care.
This is a horrible use of a flashback.

73
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- And our family was not invited
to the giant town photo.

74
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- What...
- The...
- Hell!

75
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- We weren't invited to something?
Now I fucking care.

76
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- Hold up, everyone hold your butts.

77
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You sure they're talking
about The Solars?

78
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,155
Or was it The Kohlers,
those kitchen sink CEOs down the block?

79
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'Cause last time I checked,
this town straight-up loves us.

80
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We totally settled this
with Nanobot Man, 'member?

81
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The whole people liking us stuff?

82
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- And I'm basically
the moral center of this town.

83
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That's why I gave the mayor my Yum-signal

84
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in case they ever need
my vigilante services.

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[siren wailing in distance]

86
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[bird coos]

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- Yumyulack,
you're the moral center of dick.

88
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And, Jesse, your sources suck.

89
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Why are we fucking paying
for that journalism MBA

90
00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,970
from Grand Canyon University?
- It's true!

91
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People are afraid of us
'cause we're always zapping them

92
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into random things.

93
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- "Zapping"? Please.
I don't zap. Name one time.

94
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- When you turned people who love
dinner parties into bottles of wine.

95
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- Look at how tight my calves were.

96
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- And remember Terry turning
Red Goobler's fiancée into a rat?

97
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:54,986
- Who is framing these?

98
00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:56,780
- That was a couple of losers
who deserved it.

99
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:59,366
But this idea that the entire town
is scared of us is batshit.

100
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Watch, I-I-I'll prove it to you.

101
00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:04,120
- See? The mailman is delivering our mail
like he does for everybody.

102
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From a safe distance,
with an LA Sparks-branded T-shirt cannon.

103
00:04:07,082 --> 00:04:08,458
What up, Franklin!

104
00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:10,585
- Please don't turn me into horsey sauce

105
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:12,754
like you did to Doug,
who used to have this route!

106
00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:14,923
- Well, maybe Doug shouldn't have
crinkled my magazines!

107
00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,299
- Hang on. I'm sensing a pattern.
[men gasp]

108
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That group of tough guys
wearing Judas Priest shirts

109
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crossed the street only after they saw us.

110
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And is this why planes never fly
over our house?

111
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Harrison Ford has crashed into every yard
on this street except ours.

112
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[tires screeching]

113
00:04:27,352 --> 00:04:30,355
- And did you guys ever notice how
the Pupa only has "away-game" playdates?

114
00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:31,731
- [gasps] Wait a fucking minute.

115
00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:33,733
Is that DoorDash guy delivering food

116
00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:35,610
straight to Kevin's door?

117
00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,028
I thought the "Dash" was on us!

118
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:39,698
- I always have to pick it up
from DoorDash HQ in San Francisco.

119
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The ramen turns into a cold brick
by the time I get home.

120
00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:44,869
- Fam, we gotta fix this.
I want that hot Dash!

121
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:47,289
- Jesse, you're always
annoyingly preachy about kindness.

122
00:04:47,289 --> 00:04:48,665
Teach us how not to be jerks.

123
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:50,625
- First lesson: say please.

124
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- No, I'm the goddamn boss.

125
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Put a dime in
the "Know Your Place" jar, you snizz.

126
00:04:54,588 --> 00:04:56,464
- Oh, this ain't gonna be easy.

127
00:04:57,632 --> 00:05:00,552
- Hey, isn't this where we had
our Shlorpian sexual harassment training?

128
00:05:00,552 --> 00:05:01,928
Who was the hot guy who ran it?

129
00:05:01,928 --> 00:05:03,054
Real strong shoulders,

130
00:05:03,054 --> 00:05:04,723
like cum gutters on the roof,
know what I'm sayin'?

131
00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:06,016
- Listen up, maggots!

132
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I only have 23 hours
to teach you some empathy

133
00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:11,605
before Parade Magazine judges this town!

134
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[ticks]

135
00:05:13,273 --> 00:05:16,234
This is a paintball gun
that represents our sci-fi rays.

136
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Repeat after me. I will not use this--

137
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[firing]
[Pupa gulps]

138
00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,031
- I need more paintballs, woman!

139
00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:23,658
Please.
[Pupa burps]

140
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:24,701
[alarm blares]

141
00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:27,120
- Okay, Korvo. You're at a car shop.

142
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And this mechanic's gonna tell you
what's wrong with your car.

143
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,542
- This piece of cardboard shit thinks
he knows more than me?

144
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:34,711
JESSE:
We're just gonna listen to him.

145
00:05:34,711 --> 00:05:37,339
- You see, when the warning light goes on,

146
00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:39,132
that means there's a problem.

147
00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:40,884
- I know what
a warning light is, cocksnot!

148
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JESSE:
Ah-ah-ah. Patience.

149
00:05:42,427 --> 00:05:44,429
Remember, he's just trying to help.

150
00:05:44,429 --> 00:05:46,097
This here's yer spark plug.

151
00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:48,433
Ya want me to write
those words down for ya?

152
00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:51,019
- Bitch!
JESSE: Hear him out.

153
00:05:52,062 --> 00:05:53,647
- That'll be $300.

154
00:05:53,647 --> 00:05:55,649
[screams]
[firing]

155
00:05:55,649 --> 00:05:56,566
[alarm blares]

156
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,610
- Okay. Terry, you're in an Uber pool.

157
00:05:58,610 --> 00:06:00,737
- Wow, how frugal of me.
I'm growing already!

158
00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:03,573
JESSE: All you need to do is
make it across the room.

159
00:06:03,573 --> 00:06:05,075
- Okay, I see what's happening.

160
00:06:05,075 --> 00:06:07,702
These Red Sox fans are gonna
yammer on about Beantown,

161
00:06:07,702 --> 00:06:09,746
and you think I'm gonna turn them
into chowda or some shit.

162
00:06:09,746 --> 00:06:12,457
But joke's on you, kid,
because I love Boston.

163
00:06:12,457 --> 00:06:15,293
That's why I got a We Bought a Zoo
Matt Damon tattoo inside my lip!

164
00:06:15,293 --> 00:06:17,337
So start her up, Jesse. Gimme your worst!

165
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,297
CARDBOARD SOX FAN 1:
Did you hear what happened at the end

166
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:22,008
of Fast and Furious 10:
10 Fast, 10 Furious?

167
00:06:22,008 --> 00:06:23,718
- Ahh. No spoilers! Stop the car!

168
00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:24,970
JESSE:
Stay calm and use your words.

169
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,721
- I heard Vinnie Diesel
steals the Space Shuttle.

170
00:06:26,721 --> 00:06:28,807
- Remove your mouths from your faces!

171
00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:30,058
- I couldn't believe they killed--

172
00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:32,644
- I will burn every last Dunkin Donuts
in this hemisphere,

173
00:06:32,644 --> 00:06:34,563
you Guinness-blooded dem-apple havers!

174
00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:36,064
[firing]

175
00:06:36,064 --> 00:06:37,524
[alarm blares]
[Pupa gasps, gulps]

176
00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:39,025
[whistling sigh]

177
00:06:40,193 --> 00:06:42,279
JESSE: Okay, we're gonna
make this real simple.

178
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:43,863
Just order from the menu.

179
00:06:44,406 --> 00:06:47,409
- I'd like a grilled cheese... please.

180
00:06:47,409 --> 00:06:48,410
JESSE: That's the ticket!

181
00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:51,121
- Would you like mozzarella,
American, provolone--

182
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:52,330
[Yumyulack screams]
[paintball gun fires]

183
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,707
- Why would you do that?

184
00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:56,084
- Come on! Cheddar wasn't even
in their top three!

185
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:02,048
[whistling]

186
00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:06,344
CHERIE:
Jesus. This was the prison level.

187
00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:08,305
You can still see the tally marks
on the walls.

188
00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:10,849
Oh god, this guy only made it one day.

189
00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:12,267
That's depressing.

190
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:14,144
- Well, prisons in the time
of The Duke, yeah.

191
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:15,645
But now, it's home.

192
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:17,063
Come on! You must be starving.

193
00:07:17,606 --> 00:07:18,815
- What the hell are we doing?

194
00:07:18,815 --> 00:07:20,859
Do I need to remind you
that the last people we followed

195
00:07:20,859 --> 00:07:21,943
ate Joe Sanders?

196
00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:24,529
- Dude. That's the Janitor. He was one
of the first people in the Wall.

197
00:07:24,529 --> 00:07:25,530
- So?

198
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:28,491
- So, he must know
how to stop the mosquitoes.

199
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,828
- We did what we came to do.
The power is on. Let's go home.

200
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,830
- And put my baby to sleep every night

201
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:38,001
knowing that at any second
a dumpster Dracula could suck her dry?

202
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:40,128
Fuck that. Who knows how many there are?

203
00:07:40,128 --> 00:07:42,088
- Well, there's about ten
by your feet right now.

204
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,506
[gasps, screams]

205
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,507
[larva squeals]

206
00:07:45,217 --> 00:07:46,218
- How do we kill them all?

207
00:07:46,218 --> 00:07:49,012
- You can't. I'll show you why.

208
00:07:49,012 --> 00:07:50,347
[Janitor whistles]

209
00:07:50,347 --> 00:07:52,474
- Hell no. Absolutely not.

210
00:07:55,101 --> 00:07:56,645
No goddamn respect.

211
00:07:56,645 --> 00:07:59,773
No one listens, fucking bugs spittin'
on me and shit--

212
00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:02,609
- So... How'd we do?

213
00:08:02,609 --> 00:08:04,653
- You all failed miserably!

214
00:08:04,653 --> 00:08:05,987
- Uh, recount much?

215
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:08,698
- Not one of you thought
about another person's feelings!

216
00:08:08,698 --> 00:08:11,701
The Parade Magazine judges
will be here in a few hours!

217
00:08:13,703 --> 00:08:14,704
[ticks]

218
00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,207
- Whatever. Who cares
if we're not invited.

219
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:18,833
I say we photobomb these losers.

220
00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:19,960
- Hard agree.

221
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,963
What if we turn everyone who was shitting
on us into actual Polaroids?

222
00:08:22,963 --> 00:08:25,131
I can whip up a ray gun that will--
- Brill, Korvo.

223
00:08:25,131 --> 00:08:26,550
- You leave me no choice.

224
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,802
I invoke Taro Nedgerton!

225
00:08:28,802 --> 00:08:29,844
[all gasp]
[Pupa coughs]

226
00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:30,929
- You're banishing us?

227
00:08:30,929 --> 00:08:34,057
- A Shlorpian can only invoke
Taro Nedgerton once in a lifetime.

228
00:08:34,057 --> 00:08:36,434
You can't just willy-nilly invoke
Taro Nedgerton.

229
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,853
- We did it the first day we landed
and now we can't invoke shite.

230
00:08:38,853 --> 00:08:40,689
- I invoke!
[blows whistle]

231
00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,941
KORVO:
Don't do this, Jesse! Please!

232
00:08:42,941 --> 00:08:44,609
AISHA:
Banished Shlorpians must remain

233
00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:47,362
in the brainwashing room
for a full solar cycle.

234
00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:48,405
- A year?

235
00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:50,323
AISHA:
Or until you assholes learn empathy.

236
00:08:50,323 --> 00:08:51,324
- A year?

237
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:55,328
AISHA: Commencing
sympathy re-education in three, two--

238
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:59,916
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
[all scream]

239
00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:01,877
KORVO:
Why is a puppy friends with an otter?

240
00:09:01,877 --> 00:09:03,003
They don't share a habitat!

241
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:05,755
YUMYULACK:
The rainbows! They burn my eyes!

242
00:09:05,755 --> 00:09:08,091
- Now everyone in town
can be who they want

243
00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:10,594
without sci-fi messing up their life.

244
00:09:10,594 --> 00:09:11,720
TERRY:
Okay, I think it's over--

245
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,972
Oh no. Babies discovering bubbles!

246
00:09:13,972 --> 00:09:15,181
[all scream]

247
00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:19,185
- Oh god no.
Marlo! Marlo, get back here!

248
00:09:19,185 --> 00:09:20,729
Not the aliens' house.

249
00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,314
Anywhere but the aliens' house!

250
00:09:22,314 --> 00:09:24,524
Shit, shit, shit. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

251
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:27,068
- Hi there, neighbs!

252
00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:30,655
- Oh god, I'm sorry! The leash slipped.
Please don't tell Korvo. Oh god.

253
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:33,325
- You don't have to worry
about my family anymore.

254
00:09:33,325 --> 00:09:35,911
They're all hella locked up.
Have a fun day!

255
00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:37,203
[humming]

256
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:45,295
- Hey! Remember those dicks who turned me
into a gummy bear last year?

257
00:09:45,295 --> 00:09:46,922
- It was technically a Swedish Fish.

258
00:09:46,922 --> 00:09:48,548
I tried to bone you in the gummy butt.

259
00:09:48,548 --> 00:09:50,759
It was the second craziest 9-11
of my life.

260
00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:54,179
- Well, they're all locked up!
We can be jerks again!

261
00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:56,890
[all chuckle]
♪ electronic music playing ♪

262
00:09:57,515 --> 00:10:01,102
ALL: [howling]
Jeeerks!

263
00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:04,064
[man grunts]

264
00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:05,065
[girl screams]

265
00:10:05,065 --> 00:10:06,441
- Jeeerks!

266
00:10:06,441 --> 00:10:08,026
Jeeerks!

267
00:10:08,026 --> 00:10:10,445
- Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!

268
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,031
Jerks!

269
00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:16,368
[howling]

270
00:10:16,368 --> 00:10:18,495
[howling continues]

271
00:10:18,495 --> 00:10:21,623
- Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jeeerks!

272
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:24,876
- Now generally, I'm a dark meat guy.

273
00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:28,255
But when it comes to skeetos,
you want that sweet yellow meat.

274
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,800
- So you're kinda like Quint
from Jaws, but for bugs?

275
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,301
- Hey, that's what I'm going for.

276
00:10:33,301 --> 00:10:34,844
I got bored making diaphragms

277
00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:37,138
out of the lambskin scraps
Yumyulack gives us.

278
00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:39,683
So now I come down
to the lower levels, catch a bug,

279
00:10:39,683 --> 00:10:41,810
go back up, sell its meat
at the meat market.

280
00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:44,354
All this time, you thought
you were eating turkey jerky.

281
00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:46,606
But no, that is grade-A mosquito.

282
00:10:46,606 --> 00:10:48,525
- Mm. This is good.

283
00:10:48,525 --> 00:10:50,485
- Gotta use all parts of the skee-buffalo.

284
00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:52,821
Steaks from the thorax.
Netting from the wings.

285
00:10:52,821 --> 00:10:54,489
Check this out: Would you believe this hat

286
00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:55,907
used to be a mosquito's head?

287
00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:58,577
You can't fight nature.
You gotta learn to live with it.

288
00:10:58,577 --> 00:11:01,538
- I really think the point of all humanity
is that you don't.

289
00:11:01,538 --> 00:11:03,999
- Take it from a First Gen Wallian.
I've seen it all.

290
00:11:03,999 --> 00:11:06,001
We went from gum boys to the Tim era.

291
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:07,961
Now we're blessed with mosquito protein.

292
00:11:07,961 --> 00:11:10,338
These disgusting monsters are our future.

293
00:11:10,338 --> 00:11:12,549
This is how we rid ourselves

294
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:15,302
of our reliance on the aliens' candy.

295
00:11:15,677 --> 00:11:18,847
- Mm, this tastes just like
a freshly microwaved Bob Evans!

296
00:11:18,847 --> 00:11:21,433
- We gotta convince Parliament
to protect these bugs.

297
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:24,436
It's the only way the Wall can be
in harmony with itself.

298
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:28,356
- Mm.

299
00:11:28,356 --> 00:11:31,359
Goddammit. Yeah, this is delicious.

300
00:11:37,616 --> 00:11:39,910
- Ugh. We've had a good run, Maddie.

301
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:43,163
But this town no longer needs
its Civic Responsibility Manager.

302
00:11:43,163 --> 00:11:45,165
I can't believe
my life's work was to create

303
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,125
the world's first Jerk Monitoring System,

304
00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,585
and now I'll never get to use it.

305
00:11:48,585 --> 00:11:51,546
But now that we're up
for Top Ten Nicest Places to Live,

306
00:11:51,546 --> 00:11:53,757
there are no more jerks to be monitored.

307
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,258
- Do you want me to unplug it?

308
00:11:55,258 --> 00:11:56,843
- Please. I can't bear it.

309
00:11:58,803 --> 00:11:59,846
[beep]
Wait!

310
00:11:59,846 --> 00:12:00,931
[beeping]

311
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,266
The jerks, the jerks are filling up
the streets!

312
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,936
No, no, they aren't hiding anymore.

313
00:12:05,936 --> 00:12:07,145
The jerks are on the move!

314
00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:09,397
Get me the mayor!

315
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:13,568
If we don't act now, here's how many jerks
we'll be at in ten minutes.

316
00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:14,611
Twenty minutes.

317
00:12:14,611 --> 00:12:17,447
And in an hour's time,
we'll have completely lost our city.

318
00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:20,450
Oh god. We might be too late.

319
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,035
Kid Rock just announced he's bringing

320
00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:24,913
his Make America Squirt Again festival
to our town!

321
00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:27,082
[gasps]
- Well, I know what I need to do.

322
00:12:27,082 --> 00:12:29,751
I'm gonna sleep with my mistress
in my own bed!

323
00:12:29,751 --> 00:12:31,211
Jeeerks!
THOM: Wow.

324
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:33,505
All this time, the mayor was a jerk.

325
00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:36,258
That's a political first.
It's up to us now, Maddie.

326
00:12:37,175 --> 00:12:38,301
[blows]

327
00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:41,263
- Nope. It's up to you now!
You're fat. Byeee!

328
00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:44,307
- The town is full of jerks,
and Parade Magazine is coming today.

329
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:46,184
We have to do something before they--
[airplane whooshing]

330
00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:48,103
Oh no.

331
00:12:48,979 --> 00:12:50,814
Oh god, no!

332
00:12:56,945 --> 00:12:58,572
- Hey. Bones writer.

333
00:12:58,572 --> 00:13:00,282
- Man, how long was I asleep?

334
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,284
Those skeeto poppers
really knocked me out.

335
00:13:02,284 --> 00:13:03,535
- Whoa. What the hell?

336
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:06,371
- Your partner's lost
her cool-haircut head. Untie me.

337
00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:09,124
- Hey, psycho, what's with the hostage?

338
00:13:09,124 --> 00:13:11,918
- The Janitor needed to be taken
out of the equation, he'll be fine.

339
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:14,004
- We were his guests! What equation?

340
00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:16,756
- E equals kill every mosquito.

341
00:13:16,756 --> 00:13:18,550
- What? We can feed the whole Wall.

342
00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:21,094
- Anything that can hurt Pezlie
needs to be destroyed.

343
00:13:21,094 --> 00:13:23,138
- Jesus, Cherie, how many
more people have to die

344
00:13:23,138 --> 00:13:24,931
because you have to nuke every threat?

345
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:27,350
- Well, maybe you could start helping
with some threats.

346
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:28,518
I thought you were a hero.

347
00:13:28,518 --> 00:13:30,770
- I've never wanted to be a hero!

348
00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:32,564
That's it. I'm done. I'm going home.

349
00:13:32,564 --> 00:13:35,025
- You can't quit! We're partners!

350
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:37,110
- My wife is my partner.

351
00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:39,779
I never should have left her behind.
- Fine! Fuck it!

352
00:13:40,405 --> 00:13:41,573
Go!
- Don't you get it?

353
00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:43,783
There's always gonna be another battle.

354
00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:46,036
It'll never end!
- Then I'll keep fighting!

355
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,412
- What's the point
of fighting for your family

356
00:13:47,412 --> 00:13:49,956
if you never get to be with your family?

357
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:53,627
Go home, Cherie. Before you make
that baby an orphan.

358
00:13:58,757 --> 00:14:00,550
- So this is where we are, huh?

359
00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:02,802
You're just like Tim. And The Duke.

360
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:04,346
- You don't know shit about Ringo.

361
00:14:04,346 --> 00:14:05,764
- We've been given a blessing!

362
00:14:05,764 --> 00:14:07,849
But you're too busy "leading" to see it.

363
00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:11,019
Liars, always holding on to power
with your stupid lies.

364
00:14:11,019 --> 00:14:13,230
- No, I got rid of all the liars.

365
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:15,607
- If you think that, then you don't know
who's lying to you.

366
00:14:15,607 --> 00:14:17,609
- Oh, shut up. [grunts]
[Janitor groans]

367
00:14:22,113 --> 00:14:26,451
Mm. Ugh, this would be so much easier
if this wasn't so delicious.

368
00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:29,079
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

369
00:14:29,079 --> 00:14:31,331
♪

370
00:14:32,082 --> 00:14:34,626
- Okay, Pupa.
Let's go get in that town photo.

371
00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:37,254
Now that the three biggest town jerks
are locked in our ship,

372
00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:38,588
we can be free to--
[squishing]

373
00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:40,632
Eww! [gasps]

374
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,718
[people shouting]
[glass shatters]

375
00:14:46,846 --> 00:14:48,265
[cheering]

376
00:14:49,683 --> 00:14:51,685
- Listen to this dream I had last night.

377
00:14:51,685 --> 00:14:54,187
It's super long,
and you're totally not in it.

378
00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:55,188
[laughs]

379
00:14:55,188 --> 00:14:56,314
[thud]

380
00:14:58,567 --> 00:14:59,985
- What's happening?

381
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:02,362
There's a lot of people around
in summer scarves!

382
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:05,282
- Those aliens who turned us
into iguanas last year are gone!

383
00:15:05,282 --> 00:15:06,908
- We totally deserved it, too.

384
00:15:06,908 --> 00:15:09,578
But now, the jerks are back, baybee!

385
00:15:09,578 --> 00:15:12,038
[howling]

386
00:15:12,038 --> 00:15:14,040
- Oh no, I was wrong!

387
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,419
Korvo, Terry, and Yum weren't the problem,
they were the solution!

388
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:20,797
- Ahh! I tried arson, but it backfired!

389
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:22,465
Oh god! Ahh!

390
00:15:22,465 --> 00:15:27,888
♪

391
00:15:27,888 --> 00:15:30,098
♪

392
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:31,266
- Hey! Emily in Paris!

393
00:15:31,683 --> 00:15:33,351
This is how it will look in five minutes.

394
00:15:33,351 --> 00:15:35,395
In ten minutes.
- I don't have time for this!

395
00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:37,939
Goddammit.

396
00:15:39,441 --> 00:15:43,236
♪

397
00:15:43,236 --> 00:15:45,196
♪

398
00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:47,115
That's the silhouette he chose?

399
00:15:47,115 --> 00:15:48,617
[all sobbing]

400
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:51,328
- I get it now. I fucking love empathy!

401
00:15:51,328 --> 00:15:54,289
- Yes, we've seen soldiers surprising
their kids at the airport,

402
00:15:54,289 --> 00:15:55,874
and we double-watched Scrooged.

403
00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:57,667
It expanded every heart I have!

404
00:15:57,667 --> 00:16:00,045
AISHA:
Hold up. Got a message for Yum.

405
00:16:00,045 --> 00:16:02,714
- Oh my god, the town finally needs
its moral center!

406
00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,841
- Aisha, release us!
AISHA: I don't think you're ready.

407
00:16:04,841 --> 00:16:05,967
- Fam, I was wrong!

408
00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:09,930
Jerks have totally taken over,
and only you assholes can save this town!

409
00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:11,681
- Come on, Ai-eesh, we need to get out!

410
00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:13,975
- Come on, sister girl,
we're running out of time!

411
00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:16,686
AISHA: Jesus, you fucking aliens
get into some stupid shit.

412
00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:18,688
Okay, we can skip to the final test.

413
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:21,775
I ordered a pizza, all you gotta do
is talk to the delivery guy

414
00:16:21,775 --> 00:16:22,817
and get your pizza. Okay?

415
00:16:22,817 --> 00:16:23,860
- Wow, that's it?

416
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:24,861
- Easy. Not even hungry.

417
00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:26,238
AISHA: Also, he's two hours late.

418
00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:27,572
- What? Where the fuck's my 'za?

419
00:16:27,572 --> 00:16:29,074
- Come on, you guys can do this.

420
00:16:29,074 --> 00:16:31,117
As of now, I believe in you!

421
00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,410
[doorbell rings]

422
00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:34,162
[spits]

423
00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:36,623
- Ah! My Teen Titans collector vases!

424
00:16:36,623 --> 00:16:38,541
- Ugh. Let's get this over with.

425
00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:40,085
- Hello, pizza representative.

426
00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:41,378
PIZZA DUDE:
Uh yeah, I got a pizza

427
00:16:41,378 --> 00:16:43,463
for Korn, Larry, and HackitySack.

428
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:44,839
- Call me by my Christian name!

429
00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:47,050
- No, no, calm your tits, Yumyulack.
This can be done.

430
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:48,301
Thank you.

431
00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:50,220
AISHA: Cute. Now tip him.

432
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,388
- For not doing his job?

433
00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:53,848
- Come on. We gotta get out of here.
The city needs me.

434
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:56,184
- Uh, does it go any lower
than ten percent?

435
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:58,103
No, ten is the bottom? Of course it is.

436
00:16:58,103 --> 00:16:59,479
[beep]
Okay, we did it, open the doors.

437
00:16:59,479 --> 00:17:00,647
AISHA: Give him five stars.

438
00:17:00,647 --> 00:17:01,898
- What?
- Fuck off!

439
00:17:06,528 --> 00:17:09,614
I can't. A perfect five-star rating
means something, dammit.

440
00:17:09,614 --> 00:17:11,575
- Okay, if I've learned anything today,

441
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:14,077
it's that empathy isn't about doing
the correct thing.

442
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:17,455
It's about skipping what makes sense
to make someone else feel good.

443
00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:19,416
Come on, what would Scrooged do?

444
00:17:19,416 --> 00:17:21,543
- He would... think about
what other people want

445
00:17:21,543 --> 00:17:23,962
and give them that
because he's actually Santa.

446
00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:26,423
- Yes! Wait, what?
No, did you even watch the movie?

447
00:17:26,423 --> 00:17:29,050
- No, I had my eyes closed the whole time,
but I remember the poster.

448
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,135
[dings]

449
00:17:30,135 --> 00:17:31,678
- Yeah!
- Alright!

450
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:34,806
- It's empathy time, motherfuckers.
Let's get decent!

451
00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:38,143
♪ What the world needs now ♪

452
00:17:38,894 --> 00:17:41,521
♪ Is love, sweet love ♪

453
00:17:41,521 --> 00:17:42,480
[horn honks]

454
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,441
♪ It's the only thing ♪

455
00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:48,612
♪ That there's just too little of ♪

456
00:17:48,612 --> 00:17:51,448
♪ What the world needs now ♪

457
00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:53,617
♪ Is love ♪

458
00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:54,951
♪ Sweet love ♪

459
00:17:55,702 --> 00:17:57,871
♪ No, not just for some ♪

460
00:17:58,705 --> 00:17:59,706
[screams]

461
00:18:01,249 --> 00:18:02,292
[yelping]

462
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:03,293
[both scream]

463
00:18:05,837 --> 00:18:07,964
[beeping]

464
00:18:08,632 --> 00:18:10,759
- Oh my god, I did it.

465
00:18:10,759 --> 00:18:12,093
All the jerks are gone!

466
00:18:12,093 --> 00:18:13,220
Which means

467
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,055
I get to be the only jerk in town!

468
00:18:15,055 --> 00:18:17,641
[evil laughter]

469
00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:19,976
What a fuckin' reveal!

470
00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:23,230
♪ serene music playing ♪

471
00:18:23,230 --> 00:18:25,982
- Whoa, our town looks gorgeous!

472
00:18:25,982 --> 00:18:28,360
- Yeah, we empathized the fuck
outta this place.

473
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:29,402
[vehicles approach]

474
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,411
- In all my time as a Parade judge,

475
00:18:38,411 --> 00:18:41,373
I have never seen nicer townfolk.

476
00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:45,502
Surely the Top Ten will include
the gorgeous city of GeenaDavisville.

477
00:18:45,502 --> 00:18:49,005
[seagulls squawking]

478
00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:50,382
- Yeah!
MAN: Check it out,

479
00:18:50,382 --> 00:18:52,175
I'm giving this fountain a golden shower!

480
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:53,510
JESSE: Oh no, this is bad.

481
00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:54,553
[grunts]
[coins clatter]

482
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:56,137
- [blows] Sorry.

483
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,472
Please continue.

484
00:18:57,472 --> 00:18:58,557
- Oh my god.

485
00:18:58,557 --> 00:19:00,976
Did you just turn that man into coins?

486
00:19:01,476 --> 00:19:04,646
♪

487
00:19:05,313 --> 00:19:07,899
- Aw, I love our family pics.
Really makes this house a home.

488
00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:10,193
- Ah yes, every time
I walk by this picture,

489
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:12,779
I'll remember what a total bag of shit
that guy was.

490
00:19:12,779 --> 00:19:14,447
- Fudgeballs. After all that,

491
00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:17,951
I can't believe we didn't get listed
in the Ten Nicest Places to Live.

492
00:19:17,951 --> 00:19:19,369
We could've been on the cover!

493
00:19:19,369 --> 00:19:21,121
- Nah, son! This cover is way better.

494
00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:23,456
"Town's Moral Center
Saves Everyone's Ass."

495
00:19:23,915 --> 00:19:27,711
Oooh! One-- no, two-- no,
three-- no, four!

496
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:29,588
Four recipes for creamy chowders?

497
00:19:29,588 --> 00:19:30,589
Yeah, baby!

498
00:19:32,591 --> 00:19:34,676
[Cherie grunts]
[squealing]

499
00:19:35,886 --> 00:19:37,220
No. Ow. No, no.

500
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,388
No, no, no, no, no, no.

501
00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:40,724
[choking, coughing]

502
00:19:43,226 --> 00:19:44,227
[Halk grunts]

503
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:46,688
- Halk! You came back.

504
00:19:46,688 --> 00:19:48,106
- You know me.
[larva squeals]

505
00:19:48,106 --> 00:19:49,274
Always the hero.

506
00:19:49,274 --> 00:19:51,484
[both grunt]
[larvae squeal]

507
00:19:52,152 --> 00:19:54,321
- There are way too many!
- The lighter!

508
00:19:54,321 --> 00:19:55,655
We can use the fluid!

509
00:19:57,574 --> 00:20:00,035
One... two...

510
00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,292
[larvae squealing]

511
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,087
- Good teamwork... partner.

512
00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:12,088
[crack]

513
00:20:12,088 --> 00:20:13,256
- What was--
[crack]

514
00:20:13,256 --> 00:20:14,716
- The floor! Run!

515
00:20:14,716 --> 00:20:17,510
[screaming]

516
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:22,515
♪

517
00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:03,348
[mimicking laser fire]