♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
- Brenda, sweetheart, would you like to say grace?
- Wow! Lucky girl.
Papa didn't let me say grace until I was 35.
- Bless us, oh Lord, and these-- ah!
KORVO: Go, green! Go, green!
YUMYULACK: Hippos! Hippos! Hippos!
- Jesus Christ! What the hell is going on here?
- We used a Come Alive ray to sci-fi some Hungry Hungry Hippos
into IRL life Hungry Hippos,
and things got a little titsy!
- Oh! Mine just ate an ugly vase! That's ten points for pink!
- Those were my father's ashes!
- That means double points, boyyy!
- Best game night ever!
- It's way better than when we all got diabetes from real-life Candyland.
- Ugh. What do you want? I'm gaming!
Hey, do we know a "Pupa"?
- Yes! - Come on, man!
- Uh-huh. Oh. Alright. Thanks for calling.
Jesus Christ.
Alright! Let's go, pink hippo!
- W-what was that all about?
- Nothing, the Pupa got arrested at the mall.
- What? We have to go save him!
- Okay, I see how it is.
We only worry about the Pupa when Terry's winning game night.
This is bullshit!
KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
Until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
and escaped into, uh, the space,
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
[stammers] This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
Why are there so many wildfires?
Where is your planet-sized hose so that we can just put everything out?
You should really think about building one of those.
♪
MALL COP: So yeah, the blue space creature, aka "the Pupa,"
walked into the Claire's jewelry store at 2:00 p. m.
and exited minutes later with the stolen merchandise.
- Earrings? What the hell, he doesn't even have ears.
[gasps] Or does he?
- Our Pupa would never steal anything.
He's got his own Bubba Gump Shrimp Platinum Rewards Mastercard.
It must have been another Pupa.
- I saw it all.
He stole sweet pearl earrings, a body piercing gun,
and three unicorn chokers.
- Why are Principal Cooke and Miss Frankie from school here?
I thought your second job was driving a forklift for the mob.
- I've got a ton of jobs, kid.
Teacher, storm chaser, this,
plus I sniff luggage at the airport for the DEA.
- This little sack of fucks has been running
a black market piercing ring at school.
Most of his customers have gotten infections.
- Titties! - I'm gonna hurl.
- I was a child psychiatrist before my crippling addiction
to celebrity feet forced me into a career in civilian security,
which is why I can tell you that this is an out-of-control teenager situation.
- This just doesn't make any sense. [thunder rumbling]
He's normally such a sweet little supercomputer.
I mean, yes, he did kill a RoboCop
and, yes, he will one day terraform a new planet that destroys us all
but come on, look at the cute little guy.
[glass shatters] [all scream]
- What the hell is wrong with you, Pupa? How could you do this to us?
- We take our eyes off you for two weeks to sci-fi some hippos,
and this is how you repay us?
- I am livid! Wait, is that a real word?
Well, then I'm fucking livid.
- Okay now, guys, let's take it easy here.
Maybe we just don't know Pupes as well as we thought.
- And I say it's livid time to find out.
- Now he's going to use livid wrong for everything.
- Rap music posters, a Game Gear,
The Twilight series?
These books are way too sexy for you!
- Bag of weed, a Harry Potter Whistle you turned into a bong.
- A SteelBook HD-DVD of The Joker,
a Mech suit that looks to be some sort of con-man businessperson,
what could this be for?
- Why you asking me? I don't know!
- What the hell? Are you stealing all this stuff, Pupa?
- This isn't the Pupa we know and love.
Who even are you?
- I wish I'd never been Pupa'd.
[all gasp]
- That mall cop was right.
The Pupa's an out-of-control motherfuckin' teenager!
[camera shutter clicking]
- Okay, team, what're we gonna do with the Pupa?
No idea is a bad idea. Go!
- He's a sensitive little dumpling. We should be nurturing him.
KORVO: Bad idea. Next.
- Let's smash him in the head with a hammer and throw him in a quarry.
KORVO: We'll use that as a backup, next.
- We shouldn't punish him.
We should learn from him, so we can steal stuff too!
I'm gonna start reading sexy books and shit.
- All these ideas suck.
He wants to be a teenager, then let's treat him like a teenager.
Pupa, as team leader, I have come to a decision.
You shall be grounded for one earth month.
- Grounded? - Yes, grounded.
[sobbing]
- Oh no, oh! It's gonna be okay.
Korvo, you made him cry. Psychopath.
- I-- I didn't know he would-- It's the right thing to do.
He has to learn-- [Pupa grunting]
JESSE: I told you he needed to be nurtured!
[screams]
YUMYULACK: Did the power go out?
TERRY: I didn't save a backup of my seven-part Animal Crossing fart fic!
I'm no Pupa expert, but even I know he isn't supposed to be two colors.
- You are the Pupa expert.
- Thank you, I won't let you down.
- AISHA, we have a problem.
AISHA: Oh dang, Korvo! You melting again?
Your skin looks nasty.
- What? I've been using Ole Henriksen's
Collagen Boosted True-C Complex Facial Serum twice a day!
No. It's the Pupa, he's all fucked up.
AISHA: The Pupa is stuck between powder blue and sea-foam green.
- No shit, but what does that mean?
AISHA: You guys can't go one day without being all,
"AISHA this and AISHA that,
and AISHA, help, my wooden penis is stuck in the hyperdrive."
- It's not my fault the thing has an oak - shaped hole.
AISHA: When the Pupa's pigment blinks yellow,
it means he's lost wi-fi signal.
When it's stalled between two colors,
it means his evolution has been tainted.
- Ugh, of course! That makes sense,
because the taint is between two things.
It's just like Shakespeare wrote, "'Taint thy balls, 'taint thy butthole."
- Okay, fess up, who tainted the Pupa?
- Don't look at me, I let him suck on old batteries all the time!
He should be healthy.
- It's probably society's fault.
- Yes! I bet it's because of all the human shit he's been doing.
He eats an insane number of garlic knots, and his only source of news
is Cameos from Finn Wolfhard.
- And he watched the HD-DVD 1K de-master of Joker
and absorbed Todd Phillips' values.
- Don't listen to them, Pupes. You just need some TLC, dontcha?
- The Pupa's being a little shit pebble,
and he needs to be taught that interrupting
a life-size Hungry Hungry Hippo game has consequences.
- Pupa, grounding clearly wasn't enough.
So as punishment for stealing all that stuff,
you will paint the ship!
- And smoke a pack of Marlboro lights with a pillowcase over your head!
- But the Pupa doesn't smoke.
- And now he never will again.
- Look, I don't like being the bad guy,
but you better have that ship painted by the time we're back.
- And I want these cigarettes smoked to the filters.
- Guys, the orange hippo got into a Panera, and the cops shot him.
If we hurry, we can still save green, pink, and yellow!
- Pupa, you stay here and learn your lesson,
and I'll hug you later.
Last one there is a rotten spore!
[burps]
[snorting]
[screams]
- Yes! That counts.
Point for the Yumyulone Ranger!
- Uh, guys, is it me or does the house look different?
- Holy fuck, the ship is gone!
- Is it crazy that I kinda like it without the ship?
- Yes, it's crazy! Where the fuck is the Pupa? Pupa!
- No way! Pupa got a Titan XL gaming chair with Napa leather upholstery?
- Where the hell is the ship, Pupa? And how did you get a PS7?
Those aren't even out yet! [gasps]
- You traded the ship to a witch for a gaming setup, didn't you?
- So what? I didn't ask to get assigned to you.
- Is anyone else weirded out
that he's suddenly talking in complete sentences?
- I don't know what's going on with you, Pupa,
but we will talk about this when I get back.
Terry and I have to go fight a witch for our spaceship.
You two stay here and make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble.
You ready to face this witch?
- I guess. I mean, we talk about her all the time,
but I never thought we'd actually confront her.
Fuck, man. A witch? I'm scared.
- We're gonna have to marshal all our firepower for an epic showdown
that's been three seasons in the making.
Hopefully, the Disney dark lords don't make us trim anything out,
because this shit is going to be fucking wild, I'll tell you that much.
- Let's do this shit!
[both laugh]
Man. Who knew Brigga Balba would be so nice.
And her home? Lovely!
- Oh, that little fountain in her tea garden was so peaceful.
- I was thinking the same thing! We really had her pegged wrong.
- I can't believe all we had to do was lease this rad pumpkin car
and buy all that Stella & Dot crap from her to get the ship back.
- It is not crap. Look at my "I'm a Girl Boss" chunky cufflet.
That's on trend, baby! [party music playing in distance]
- Terry, d-do you hear that?
[people chattering, laughing]
- Woo! Alright!
- An '80s movie-style rager?
- Not in my house!
Hey! That's the turntable I got for Passover
to mix ship noises with space sounds.
- Where the hell are Jesse and Yumyulack?
- Cannonball!
[splashing] [cheering]
- My turn! Oh!
Uh, to tell you that this is irresponsible!
- You two were supposed to be watching the Pupa!
- Yeah, and we watched him throw an awesome party!
- Okay, everyone out!
[all booing]
BOY: This is stupid. Whatever.
TERRY: That's the last straw, Pupa.
How could you throw a crazy '80s party without me?
You are super-duper chaluper grounded.
- Yeah, tell him, Terry! - Gah, ah!
I hate doing this because I'm the cool one who bites the cheese
right off the block instead of cutting off a piece,
but you leave me no choice.
No more iPad, no more sexy books.
No... more... Hulu!
[gasps]
[screams] - Look at him,
he's learning his lesson so hard right now!
Maybe I am the Pupa expert.
[groaning]
[sighs] - What the hell?
- I did not know that was an option.
- Aww, he laid an apology egg.
Apology egg-cepted, Pupa!
[eggshell cracking]
- Yeah, buddy!
YUMYULACK: What the hell is that?
- Little Buddy!
- Yeah, buddy!
[both laugh]
- Yeah, buddy! [door opens, closes]
- How the hell am I supposed to punish him
when he's palling around with a little buddy. Aw!
- Shit, if we had just smashed Pupa's head with a hammer
and thrown him in the quarry, none of this would've happened.
- We've clearly done everything we can, the Pupa isn't afraid of us.
We need someone who can whip Pupa into shape.
- Someone with a heart of gold, abs of steel,
and the calves of a hip-hop legend.
We need-- BOTH: Mark Wahlberg!
♪ trumpet playing ♪
[barks]
- Okay, so Mark Wahlberg has a restraining order against us,
but military school should work just as well.
[whistle blows]
- Alright, maggots, I own you!
You're nothing but pieces of maggot shit on the bottom of my shoe!
I will wipe your maggot asses off the face of this earth!
Do you understand me, maggots?
GROUP: Yes, sir!
- At some point, yelling "maggots" has diminishing returns.
- I like it, I'm-- I'm going to start doing it at home, maggot.
- Well, fuck me sideways.
In all my years of screaming at maggots,
I've never gotten to actually train an honest to goddamn maggot.
What's your name, maggot? - I'm the Pupa.
- Wrong. Your name is maggot.
And what the hell are you?
- Little Buddy!
- What in the almighty fuck is a Little Buddy?
- He yells an awful lot.
Aren't you worried this is gonna be too hard on the little guy?
- We need someone hard to set him straight.
- Hey, you think these guys would want to buy
some Stella & Dot dog tags?
We have some delish bespoke white gold necklaces.
I'm telling you!
♪ I'm telling you ♪
- Shut up and get in the gourd, maggot!
Oh yeah, that works for ya boy. Mm.
Jesse, trust me, this is the best thing for the Pupa.
- Yeah, he's gonna thank us later.
We'll have a laugh about it. Like--
[laughing]
I bet he's already learning-- [glass shatters]
[all scream] [tires squealing]
- What the hell was that? - Pupa and Little Buddy!
JESSE: How did they get out of military school so fast?
KORVO: They made friends with that hard-ass drill sergeant!
- The Pupa's too charismatic! People love his charm!
- We should never have stopped for Terry to hawk Stella & Dot to that brunch club!
TERRY: You can't talk to me like that.
I'm 10K away from being an associate ambassador.
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
♪
[engine revving, tires squealing]
♪
[gunshot] [motorcycle crashes]
- Who's the Pupa expert now, bitch?
- Okay, look, Pupa, it's not that we're mad.
We're just so disappointed in you. You're better than this.
- I don't get it. We've tried everything!
Tough love, soft love, crazy stupid love--
- We even had Courtney Love watch Love Actually with you and nothing!
- You were acting bad before but now with Little Buddy, it's way worse.
- Yeah, Little Buddy's a bad influence.
- Yes, Little Buddy's the problem. Because it's definitely not us.
- Little Buddy is my friend.
- No! I forbid you from seeing Little Buddy ever again! Get him, Terry.
- Give me that Little Buddy! Give him to me!
- And to make sure he never comes back,
I'm trapping him inside of a crystal paperweight.
- Yeah, budd--
- No!
- Now, he can't give you bad ideas, and he'll keep our bills from flying away.
- You know, Stella & Dot has a dandelion paperweight--
- Jesus fuck, Terry, it's a pyramid scheme.
[growling, snarling]
- Alright, this is just a tantrum. Let him tire himself out.
Pretty soon, he'll be back to normal and we can--
[Pupa screams]
- Oh! The pupa exploded into a mist!
- It's not a mist. - It's a fog.
- No, it's more like a steam.
- Whatever it is, we're trapped inside, and it smells like the Pupa's ass!
[people screaming]
- Great, what a classic teenager way to act out,
turning himself into a blanket of steam that hangs over the town.
Pupa, you recombine into your own physical form this instant!
You hear me, mister?
- No! Don't go that way! There are monsters!
- Great, now he's making monsters in the steam.
I told you we should have gotten him into soccer.
- Ohhh, I just saw a tentacle over there.
- The Pupa is such a bad teenager. [monster growling]
God, I wish I could be like him.
- No, he sucks.
Pupa, you're in a lot of trouble, young man!
You better stop being steam this instant or... no more playing Roblox!
[all scream]
YUMYULACK: Was that steam monster wearing a PewDiePie hoodie?
- The Pupa's delinquency must be manifesting
as adolescent creatures.
Look out! There's one wearing Tech Fleece and listening to Future!
[screaming]
[panting]
- Hey, guys. Geez, Ms. Frankie. You work here, too?
- [mimicking Jesse] "Aw geez, you work here, too."
Of course I don't, you idiot.
- Not that it's any of your business,
but we're making ossobuco for dinner!
It pairs well with a night of consensual edging.
[screeches]
[glass shatters]
[cell phone buzzes]
- Okay, it definitely seems like they are teens,
but somebody needs to go out there and find out
what we are really dealing with here.
- Uh, no, we don't!
These monsters are all over TikTok.
- That Pacific garbage patch is huge!
- These monsters are expressing all the Pupa's bad teen behavior.
We better pray he's not one of those arson kids.
- I think the Pupa just needs a friend.
Maybe if we can get home and release Little Buddy,
he'll stop misting himself.
- You have a point.
But if we let Little Buddy go, all our bills might fly away.
Ugh! What do we do? What do we do?
[screeches] [all scream]
- Come on, we can get to my car!
- Who the fuck is this guy? - I'm Desmond!
- Quick, give me the breathalyzer!
- Here. And also, wow.
I'd like to hear the story behind that! [breathalyzer beeps]
- Aw, come on! Point nine's my baseline!
Who else can drive? - Oh, let me try!
[beeps]
2.8! Yes! Alcoholic high score!
[beeps]
I got this.
- Wait! Sign my change-dot-org petition to help de-stigmatize cyberbullying!
- Whatever, man.
- You just don't get it! - No cap!
- I'm not sus, you're sus!
[tires squealing]
- Word, lit!
- We got problems, people!
[tires squealing]
[growling]
[acid sizzles] [screams]
- No, god! Why did I get emotionally invested in Desmond?
- Tell my wife I... re-financed our boat loan.
[growling]
- Uh, okay listen, if these monsters are really teens,
maybe we can just say things they don't like.
Did you clean your room?
[shrieks]
- It's working! What did you do at school today?
Tell me about your classes.
I want to meet your friends.
- Who's gonna accept my Facebook friend request?
[growling, shrieking]
- Release Little Buddy! That'll calm the Pupa down.
- This ray has no reverse mode?
- Well, shit, I'm so sorry I didn't foresee a time
where we would have to turn a paperweight back into a Little Buddy.
- No, no, no. We have to get Little Buddy out of there or we screwed!
- We can undo this, but it won't be easy.
Terry, I'll need you to go to the ship and activate the de-fractolyzer
which will take at least 12 hours.
After that comes the really hard part--
[glass shatters] - Yeah, buddy!
[laughing]
- My bills! Damn it!
I can't remember how much I owe in dues
to the WGA North for that whole Ted 3D fiasco!
JESSE: Little Buddy, come back here!
You're supposed to help us!
- The mistfogsteam is still everywhere!
[thuds]
- You a-holes better figure something out real quick!
- This isn't our fault.
- Yeah, we did everything for the Pupa.
He just watched too many violent video games
and read too many sexy books.
- This is Hollywood's fault! The Joker! The Joker!
- Let's go get Todd Phillips and sacrifice him to the steam.
I bet he lives in a Tony Stark-style house overlooking the bay.
- Will you aliens shut the fuck up?
[growls]
- Venmo me!
- I am so sick of listening to you blame everyone else.
This is on you.
[all gasp]
- I ship a thicc snack!
[growls] [all scream]
- The Pupa wouldn't be acting like this
if he had some structure in his life.
He needs present, tangible role models.
- We see this all the time. The problem starts at home.
- Home? But that's where we are.
- Oh my god, you are truly the shittiest parents I have ever met.
Korvo has spent more time eating me out
than being involved in the Pupa's education.
- Exactly. Wait, what?
- Well, guess what, you're fucking wrong,
because we're not human parents.
The Pupa is a member of our team.
- Do you feed him? Do you bathe him?
Do you lay in bed at night and worry he's gonna get run over by a car
or kidnapped by a pervert?
- No, I worry he's gonna get kidnapped by a car and run over by a pervert,
but now that I'm saying it out loud, yes.
- Then, honey, you are parents.
All the Pupa does is watch you dumbassses run around sci-fi'ing shit
with no consequences.
You are the bad influences.
He doesn't have to change, you do.
- Fuck that. It's not us. Let's go kill Todd Phillips!
- Woo! - Yeah, let's get him!
[bellowing]
- Ugh. I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
We have to fix the ship. We're out of Doritos.
Fuck you, Terry.
- Guys, that Supreme steam monster sounds exactly like us.
- Holy shit. Were we the Todd Phillips all along?
MONSTER: I want to trap someone in a paperweight!
- Aw, geez, we suck.
- I can't believe it, but these two shallow side characters were right.
[laser zaps]
- Regular Hungry Hungry Hippos? Ew.
- Come on, we have to play. Now!
- Really? - Yes!
[rattling]
- This is fucking boring.
It was better when we turned them into--
- Look! What's happening?
- The Pupa is reacting to us being bland and normal. See?
JESSE: Oh yeah! I guess it's working.
- From this moment forward, we have to change our ways.
- So no more awesome sci-fi stuff?
- No. I think we have to cut everything from our lives
that makes us a special, unique, weird family
and basically sand our whole situation down
so it's palatable to a broader, more corporate-approved audience,
I mean, the Pupa.
- I just signed up for a Mommy and Me music class
with the Pupa three days a week.
And then I guess we'll go get no sugar added,
lactose free fro-yo with the other moms.
- Oh my lilies, he's firming up. What else can we do?
- We could go back to school and actually give a shit?
JESSE: Keep going, keep going!
- Terry and I can get jobs. Real ones. Not comedy writing or firemen.
Something in an office. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With desks. And a computer and a printer and a receptionist named Gayle
that I keep trying to bang, but she won't let me hit it!
- We can do this. For the Pupa!
TERRY/JESSE/YUMYULACK: For the Pupa!
♪ Taking Heads' Once in a Lifetime playing ♪
♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ Living in a shotgun shack ♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ In another part of the world ♪
♪ And you may find yourself ♪
♪ Behind the wheel of a large automobile ♪
♪ And you may find yourself in a beautiful house ♪
♪ With a beautiful wife ♪
♪ And you may ask yourself ♪
♪ "Well, how did I get here?" ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Let the water hold me down ♪
♪ Letting the days go by ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Into the blue again ♪
♪ After the money's gone ♪
- Korvo, I can't make heads or tails of these mid-quarter distribution reports.
I think Jenkins ran all the numbers wrong.
- Well, he's Mr. Sarner's nephew, so we'll just have to do it again.
- Where have you guys been? Dinner will be ready in ten.
- We were at the library. Again.
- I have to write a 50-page paper on the effects of beach erosion.
Can I please just borrow the Useless Homework ray once?
- No. No rays in this house!
[telephone ringing]
- Yaya. Oh, hello Mr. Sarner.
You wanna come over tonight?
Oh, tonight is not good actually, Korvo has the shits--
Okay.
Ugh. That was Mr. Sarner.
He invited himself and his wife over for dinner,
and they want veal parmesan.
- But I'm making ginger-glazed salmon with a cucumber dill salad.
- Well, now you're making veal fuckin' parmesan!
And you have half an hour do to it, or we'll get fired from our work job!
[sighs]
- Are these really the stakes of our lives now?
Remember when we saved humanity from ice lava and napadoodles
and fought over who had more Christmas spirit?
- I spent 14 minutes in heaven with a janky BTS!
- Korvo turned into goo, and I had to fight my ex-lover Malcolm Gladwell!
- Oh, those were the days.
We used to do so much crazy sci-fi stuff.
- I love you guys.
And I love Moana.
- It's worth it. For the Pupa.
JESSE/TERRY/YUMYULACK: For the Pupa.
- Ahhh! Fuck!
- Yeah, buddy.
- Goddammit, is Little Buddy just gonna be, like,
fuckin' around all the time now or something?
- Yep. This is our life now.
♪ Into the blue again after the money's gone ♪
♪ Once in a lifetime ♪
♪ Water flowing underground ♪
♪ Same as it ever was ♪
♪ And look where my hand was ♪
♪ Time isn't holding up ♪
♪ Time isn't after us ♪
[sighs]
♪ Same as it ever was ♪
[telephone ringing]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[mimics laser fire]