1
00:00:01,022 --> 00:00:03,024
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

2
00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:05,026
♪

3
00:00:08,404 --> 00:00:10,156
‐ Whoa, hey. Oh, what is that thing?

4
00:00:10,156 --> 00:00:11,908
Oh, don't throw that out.
I can sell that on eBay.

5
00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:14,160
‐ It has an unstable gray hole inside.

6
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,620
‐ You're an unstable gray hole.

7
00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:17,205
JESSE: Nice. [snickers]
‐ It's too big for the trash.

8
00:00:17,205 --> 00:00:18,873
I'm gonna dump it behind the Burger King.

9
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‐ Don't, no, I can sell it
and then buy a chocolate fountain

10
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,253
so I can stop making
a mess in the microwave

11
00:00:23,253 --> 00:00:24,504
and you won't have
to yell at me anymore!

12
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‐ Look at the Pupa. I told you
to stop giving the Pupa candy.

13
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He can't eat candy, it gets him sick!

14
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‐ I didn't‐‐ I don't give him
candy anymore.

15
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‐ Well, he's getting it from someone!

16
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TERRY: God, one time.
[tapping on door]

17
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‐ Oh great, now what.

18
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The homeowners association
is updating the rules again.

19
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"Gardeners need to have marked trucks.

20
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"No RV parking in the driveway.

21
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All spaceships sticking out of houses
need to be painted to match the trim."

22
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Are you hearing this?
‐ Ooh, we should totally get an RV.

23
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‐ It looks fine the way it is.
I don't want it to blend into the house.

24
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It's my whole thing,
I'm the spaceship guy!

25
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Damn it! There's a gray hole, Terry!
A gray hole in the house!

26
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‐ If we had an RV, that probably
wouldn't even be a big deal.

27
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'Cause we could just live in an RV.

28
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‐ Stupid HOA, singling us out.

29
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You know, Terry, this proves that
everyone in the neighborhood hates us.

30
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‐ Oh, speak for yourself, man.
I am extremely likable.

31
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I mean, why do you think
everybody gives me more room
when I'm walking down the street?

32
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‐ They're avoiding us!
‐ They love us.

33
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‐ I think there's only one way
to find out who's right.

34
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Nanobots.
‐ Buy an RV.

35
00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:14,804
Nan‐‐ Nanobots.

36
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

37
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Until the asteroid hit.

38
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa

39
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and escaped into, uh, the space,

40
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searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.

41
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.

42
00:01:31,571 --> 00:01:33,323
That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.

43
00:01:33,323 --> 00:01:35,033
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.

44
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This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

45
00:01:37,535 --> 00:01:38,912
[stammers]
This is ridiculous.

46
00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:40,872
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

47
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People are stupid.

48
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I don't understand why people
have so many outfit choices

49
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when you could just wear
a thick, coarse robe.

50
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It's the perfect garment.
Boots and a robe. Easy.

51
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

52
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♪

53
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‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you
weren't shrinking kids down anymore?

54
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‐ These are adults.

55
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I got a couple litterbugs,

56
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a lady who had 15 items
in the 12‐item lane,

57
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and a guy who pronounces schedule
like "shed‐jewel."

58
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‐ That's not wall worthy,
that's you being a jerk.

59
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‐ Relax, they love it.

60
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[people screaming]

61
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Ha ha ha, look at 'em.

62
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‐ Seems like somebody needs
to learn a lesson.

63
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YUMYULACK:
Hey, little guy!

64
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

65
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‐ [laser pulsing]
‐ [alarm ringing]

66
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‐ That's the alarm! Lucky for you, I've
been teaching myself to hack at night

67
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while you've been wasting
your time sleeping.

68
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‐ Alexa, turn off alarm.

69
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[alarm stops]
ALEXA: Alarm deactivated.

70
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‐ Stupid Alexa. Always listening.

71
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‐ Hold it right there! I'm armed!

72
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‐ Lethal force!
Zap him with the bone zapper.

73
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[laser zaps]
‐ Crap, now it's out of charge!

74
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‐ Bite down on your poison teeth!

75
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‐ Terry?

76
00:02:40,557 --> 00:02:41,766
‐ Gordon?
[spits]

77
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Wait, you‐you work here?

78
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‐ Yup, yeah, man, it's my third job.

79
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I got three jobs, one, two, three.

80
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Got the three banger jobs, you know.
‐ Oh, man, well, that's good news.

81
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‐ You guys just here to jump in
and splash around the water pools?

82
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‐ Yeah, duh, but we also want
to dump microscopic robots

83
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in the town water supply so we can
find out if people like us.

84
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‐ Wait, what?
‐ No, it's not what you think.

85
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Everyone will unknowingly drink water
contaminated with our nanobots,

86
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which will harvest all their memories,

87
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and then they'll pee them out
and they'll end up back here.

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‐ I think that sounds like
a lot of fun, guys.

89
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Hey, the room with
the big pool of water

90
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that everyone drinks from
is right over here.

91
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Come on.
‐ How do you, uh, know this guy?

92
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‐ He sold me a gun.

93
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‐ Be sure to break up the clumps
or they might become sentient.

94
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‐ Hey, man, are you sure
this is gonna work?

95
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‐ Well, it better, each one
of these nanobot cost me 24 cents.

96
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

97
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[nanobots clinking]

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♪

99
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♪

100
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‐ Each Mortal Kombat movie
is better than the last.

101
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I mean, they should reboot them.

102
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Honestly, can you imagine how boffo
the box office would be?

103
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‐ We forgot to check the nanobots!

104
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‐ [door opens, closes]
‐ [grunting on TV]

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♪

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♪

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‐ [bird cawing]
‐ [Pupa groans]

108
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[cawing]

109
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‐ [gasps]
Oww!

110
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‐ [caws]
‐ [Pupa grunting]

111
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Yah!

112
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‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it.

113
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How can you be sure you're gonna get
all of those things out of there?

114
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I'm just kidding, I don't care.

115
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I work at the water treatment plant,
I'm not a cop.

116
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Oh, hey, by the way, I got some heroin.
You guys wanna do heroin?

117
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‐ It worked. We have pee‐data
on everyone in the neighborhood!

118
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I can finally reduce people to statistics!

119
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‐ Blood type, what their favorite song is,
what percentage gay they are‐‐

120
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Ooh! This is how much people like us!

121
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What the hell? Trent from
around the block doesn't like

122
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that I let Pupa go number two on his lawn?

123
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Where the heck is he supposed to go?

124
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‐ Brooke and Diane both think I ask
too many questions at the grocery store.

125
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I'm from outer space!

126
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It's not clear to me why you have
to cook bread twice.

127
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‐ [loudly]
Mitchell thinks I'm too loud!

128
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‐ I knew it! We're unlikable, aren't we?

129
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:05,952
Is it the sci‐fi stuff?
Do I smell bad? What is it?

130
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‐ Looks like people
just generally don't like us!

131
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One guy hates you.

132
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‐ Who?
‐ This, uh‐‐ some dude Tyler.

133
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‐ I don't even know anyone named Tyler.

134
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‐ Ugh, it feels like I'm covered in bees!

135
00:05:13,626 --> 00:05:15,628
‐ Fuck this Tyler guy.
What did I ever do to him?

136
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‐ We‐we‐we can act different, Korvo.
I mean, we can make people like us.

137
00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:20,091
‐ I need to repair this godforsaken ship.

138
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And if people don't like us,
that will make that job

139
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so much harder in so many ways.

140
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So to be clear: I don't need to be liked,

141
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it's strictly a work necessity.

142
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:28,224
‐ Well, I need to be liked!

143
00:05:28,558 --> 00:05:30,184
‐ Dang it, have you seen
my shrink ray anywhere?

144
00:05:30,184 --> 00:05:31,144
I'm hoping it didn't shrink.

145
00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:32,437
How ironic would that be.

146
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‐ I hid it.
‐ Give it back!

147
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I will, but first I want to prove to you

148
00:05:36,024 --> 00:05:38,776
that humans are mostly
basically good life forms.

149
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For the last couple months, you've been
putting way too many people in the wall.

150
00:05:42,113 --> 00:05:43,489
You need to pump the brakes, mister.

151
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‐ All I have to do is
follow you around? Fine. Easy.

152
00:05:46,951 --> 00:05:49,787
‐ And you have to do all my homework
and laundry for a week.

153
00:05:49,787 --> 00:05:52,916
‐ Hmmm... let me think.
Uh, laundry's not my strong suit.

154
00:05:52,916 --> 00:05:55,460
Um, dang it, did you hide my gun
that makes people do what I want?

155
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,170
‐ Yeah, I hid all your guns.

156
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,797
‐ All the blue areas are pockets
where people don't like us

157
00:05:59,797 --> 00:06:00,840
as much as they should.

158
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,383
And over here in this green area,

159
00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:05,053
that marks which houses give out
the biggest candy bars on Halloween.

160
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‐ With a little extra effort, I think
we can up our likability fast.

161
00:06:08,306 --> 00:06:09,849
Are you ready to do what it takes?

162
00:06:09,849 --> 00:06:11,142
‐ You mean sex stuff?

163
00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:12,477
‐ It's possible. Yeah.
‐ Then yes.

164
00:06:12,477 --> 00:06:14,395
‐ Then let's aggressively
make people like us!

165
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:17,315
‐ Shauna, the complete
McNugget buddy collection.

166
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:19,484
Here you go.
‐ Jeremiah, here's a gold bar.

167
00:06:19,484 --> 00:06:20,860
You can put it up your butt.

168
00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:22,278
‐ Carson, it's your son.

169
00:06:22,278 --> 00:06:24,614
He's alive again. There you go. Have fun.

170
00:06:25,406 --> 00:06:26,449
[zapping]

171
00:06:26,449 --> 00:06:27,909
Courtesy of Korvo!

172
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:30,828
‐ Oh my god, I can feel my legs!

173
00:06:30,828 --> 00:06:32,330
I have legs!

174
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,457
These are kind of hard to control.

175
00:06:34,457 --> 00:06:36,626
No, no, no, no, no, no!
[bubbling]

176
00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:38,878
‐ No traffic, no traffic!
You're all gonna be early.

177
00:06:38,878 --> 00:06:39,879
Keep moving. You're welcome.

178
00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:40,880
Everybody's welcome.
‐ You're getting there early!

179
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,383
You're getting there early!
No traffic today.

180
00:06:43,383 --> 00:06:45,134
Terry and Korvo.
‐ All right, Terry, that's enough.

181
00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:46,344
L‐L‐let's go.

182
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:48,972
‐ No, no, no, no, no!
[horn blaring]

183
00:06:54,894 --> 00:06:57,438
‐ I don't wanna talk
to Mr. Dutch, he's a dick.

184
00:06:57,438 --> 00:07:00,191
‐ He always eats lunch
alone in his office.

185
00:07:00,191 --> 00:07:02,402
Let's find out why, shall we?

186
00:07:02,402 --> 00:07:03,570
‐ Hey! Get outta here.

187
00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:06,114
‐ I had an extra pudding cup
today, Mr. Dutch.

188
00:07:06,114 --> 00:07:07,657
I thought you might want it.

189
00:07:07,657 --> 00:07:09,742
‐ I don't want any stupid pudding. I‐‐
[babbling]

190
00:07:10,451 --> 00:07:12,328
My ex‐wife used to pack my lunch.

191
00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:14,831
Ever since we separated,
I've been doing it on my own.

192
00:07:14,831 --> 00:07:16,708
I'm sorry if I've been
kind of a dick this year.

193
00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:17,750
I've‐‐ I've been going through a lot.

194
00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:20,628
‐ Everyone has shit to deal with,
Mr. Dutch. You hang in there.

195
00:07:20,628 --> 00:07:21,796
‐ Thank you, Jesse.

196
00:07:21,796 --> 00:07:25,258
You know what? Neither of you need to run
the mile in next week's fitness test.

197
00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:27,427
I'll just say you both got six minutes.

198
00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:29,596
‐ See? We were nice
to someone who was mean,

199
00:07:29,596 --> 00:07:31,347
and now we don't have
to run the mile.

200
00:07:31,347 --> 00:07:32,765
‐ That's true.
That's how it panned out.

201
00:07:32,765 --> 00:07:35,226
‐ Yeah, that might work on a sad,
old, lonely gym teacher, but‐‐

202
00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:37,687
‐ What about those mean surfer guys
at Fourth Beach?

203
00:07:37,687 --> 00:07:39,981
‐ Ugh, I hate them.
They're always mean to me.

204
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:44,444
‐ Something tells me that today
might be a little different. Wink.

205
00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:46,654
‐ Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Are you seeing this, Terry?

206
00:07:46,654 --> 00:07:48,615
‐ It's working! We're tricking people
into being our friends!

207
00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,700
Ah, this feels so good, I feel so whole!

208
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:51,826
‐ We're popular!

209
00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:54,537
Solar Opposites will be right back
after these set of‐‐

210
00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:56,539
[stammers] this set of
subsequent advertisements.

211
00:07:56,539 --> 00:07:57,582
♪

212
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:00,877
KORVO:
And now, back to Solar Opposites.

213
00:08:00,877 --> 00:08:04,130
Unless you spring for expensive Hulu,
then there was no commercial break

214
00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:07,050
and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense
and is probably quite jarring.

215
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,509
Good for you, Mr. Moneybags.

216
00:08:08,509 --> 00:08:09,552
[people chattering]

217
00:08:09,552 --> 00:08:11,137
Phil, I've got a brat
with your name on it.

218
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:12,889
It's laser engraved
right there in the middle, see?

219
00:08:12,889 --> 00:08:15,225
How's that amicable divorce, A‐A‐Angie?

220
00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:16,726
Phil, try the potato salad:

221
00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:19,687
your stomach acid will break it down,
and then you'll poop it out in a few days.

222
00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:22,232
‐ Look, this is the best town
I've ever lived in,

223
00:08:22,232 --> 00:08:23,691
and I'm from space.

224
00:08:23,691 --> 00:08:25,985
I should know a good town when I see one
'cause I've been to the moon.

225
00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:28,238
Oh, oh, hey, hey. Don't hide
from me over there, Delvin.

226
00:08:28,238 --> 00:08:30,698
I wanna hear about that dental thing.
Show me those chompers!

227
00:08:30,698 --> 00:08:33,576
‐ You and Korvo have gotten
pretty popular around here, Ter.

228
00:08:33,576 --> 00:08:36,037
‐ Yeah, some people are just
natural unifiers, I guess.

229
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,081
We have the juice.
It's like a little charisma thing.

230
00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:38,957
Charisma action going on.

231
00:08:38,957 --> 00:08:41,834
‐ You guys should run
for the president of the HOA.

232
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,711
Ruth, the old lady who runs it now?

233
00:08:43,711 --> 00:08:46,005
We would be so happy
to see that bitch go.

234
00:08:46,005 --> 00:08:47,840
‐ Some weird guy
with a ponytail just told me

235
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,676
that if we ran for president
of the HOA, we'd win!

236
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:51,302
‐ Oh my, Terry, do you know
what that means?

237
00:08:51,302 --> 00:08:52,554
‐ We could park an RV in the driveway.

238
00:08:52,554 --> 00:08:54,055
‐ We could make all the rules around here.

239
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:55,598
No more "paint the ship."

240
00:08:55,598 --> 00:08:57,725
No more "don't build a giant hole

241
00:08:57,725 --> 00:09:00,061
in the middle of the road
to capture children in."

242
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,647
‐ I‐I‐I could do some crazy
Disney's Blank Check style stuff,

243
00:09:02,647 --> 00:09:05,483
like build a water slide that goes down
under the ground with a window

244
00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,569
and you can see the dinosaur diorama
we built down there

245
00:09:07,569 --> 00:09:08,611
and, oh my god,
it would be so awesome.

246
00:09:08,611 --> 00:09:11,197
‐ Everyone would have
to like us, by HOA law.

247
00:09:11,197 --> 00:09:13,157
Which means they would have
to like me digging up dead bodies

248
00:09:13,157 --> 00:09:14,826
at the cemetery and fucking them.

249
00:09:14,826 --> 00:09:18,955
‐ And the only person who can get in
the way is the old lady president. Ruth.

250
00:09:18,955 --> 00:09:20,415
‐ Ruth.
‐ Ruth.

251
00:09:20,415 --> 00:09:22,417
BOTH: Ruuuuth.

252
00:09:22,417 --> 00:09:24,252
‐ Terry, no. Let's just go spy.

253
00:09:25,211 --> 00:09:28,089
I don't get it, she's been sitting
on her porch for seven hours.

254
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,800
Doesn't seem that tough.
TERRY: It's called stamina. She's flexing.

255
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,428
I'm freaking out. She's the incumbent,
Korvo. They never lose!

256
00:09:33,428 --> 00:09:35,597
‐ You boys want
some peanut butter cookies?

257
00:09:35,597 --> 00:09:36,681
‐ Oh, she's threatening us!

258
00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:39,893
‐ Can you help me get
a blanket down from my shelf?

259
00:09:39,893 --> 00:09:42,228
‐ She's a million years old, man,
she probably knows everything.

260
00:09:42,228 --> 00:09:43,730
How do we compete with that?
We need an edge!

261
00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:44,939
‐ I can update the nanobots,

262
00:09:44,939 --> 00:09:46,858
make them bigger
so they can gather more information.

263
00:09:46,858 --> 00:09:48,276
‐ You're going down, bitch.

264
00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,236
[engine starts, tires squealing]

265
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:52,739
‐ Sorry about the razzing, Yumyulack.

266
00:09:52,739 --> 00:09:56,576
I guess, like, we were so focused
on nicknaming and mocking your nipples

267
00:09:56,576 --> 00:10:00,413
because our buddy JT got
mondo chomped shredding the nar

268
00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:02,373
and had to have
his totes bummer jammed.

269
00:10:02,373 --> 00:10:04,000
‐ I totally understand.

270
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,503
‐ See? They were projecting
their own insecurities onto your nipples.

271
00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:10,465
‐ I would have done the same thing
if you'd been mondo chomped.

272
00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:13,343
‐ Ugh, why are we being nice?
I want to kill this little blue‐‐

273
00:10:13,885 --> 00:10:15,220
Yumyulack rules!

274
00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:16,804
‐ Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

275
00:10:16,804 --> 00:10:18,473
Jesse, I can't believe I'm saying this,

276
00:10:18,473 --> 00:10:20,850
but I'm actually glad
you hid my shrink ray,

277
00:10:20,850 --> 00:10:24,729
because today I learned that people are
only jerks when you're a jerk to them.

278
00:10:24,729 --> 00:10:26,856
‐ Wait a minute, you're not just
pretending to like humans

279
00:10:26,856 --> 00:10:28,691
so you get the shrink ray back, right?

280
00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:29,692
I'm no schmuck.

281
00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:32,946
‐ No way, I genuinely want to make friends
with every jerk in town.

282
00:10:32,946 --> 00:10:35,031
‐ Yes!
‐ And I know the perfect place to go next!

283
00:10:35,031 --> 00:10:36,282
‐ Hmm, let me guess.

284
00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:37,867
The guys who work at GameGrape,

285
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:40,119
the used game store in the mall.

286
00:10:40,119 --> 00:10:42,789
They're always so mean to you,
but I think today‐‐

287
00:10:42,789 --> 00:10:44,249
‐ No, way better. Come on!

288
00:10:44,249 --> 00:10:48,044
‐ What? Um, okay, uh,
wait, ooh, uh, oh boy‐‐

289
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:49,379
♪ punk rock music playing ♪

290
00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:51,422
‐ [barking]
‐ [man grunts]

291
00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:55,552
A‐actually, you know what?
We've done enough for today!

292
00:10:55,552 --> 00:10:57,345
You've grown so much and I think‐‐
‐ No way.

293
00:10:57,345 --> 00:10:59,806
I need to find out
why these guys are so mean.

294
00:10:59,806 --> 00:11:02,016
I bet it's the ex‐wife
lonely lunch thing again.

295
00:11:02,016 --> 00:11:03,101
‐ Oh man.

296
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:06,271
‐ Hey, do we have any scissors?
I'm in a little over my head here.

297
00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:08,273
‐ Shut the fuck up, Terry.
I'm upgrading the nanobots.

298
00:11:08,273 --> 00:11:10,233
Smarter nanobots means more information,

299
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:12,777
and more information means
there's no way we lose the debate.

300
00:11:12,777 --> 00:11:16,155
‐ Such a good idea. Nothing ever goes
wrong when you make robots too smart!

301
00:11:16,698 --> 00:11:18,533
[beeping]

302
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:23,830
♪ ominous music playing ♪

303
00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:25,665
[grunts]

304
00:11:25,665 --> 00:11:27,500
‐ Well, I'm sure that's the last
I'll see of that.

305
00:11:28,585 --> 00:11:32,422
♪ ominous music playing ♪

306
00:11:32,422 --> 00:11:34,424
[weights clinking]

307
00:11:34,424 --> 00:11:35,633
‐ [whooshing]
‐ [gasps]

308
00:11:38,136 --> 00:11:40,013
[line beeping]

309
00:11:40,889 --> 00:11:44,100
‐ Hello? If anyone is in here,
the police are on their way‐‐ Ohh!

310
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,019
Oh, oh, ow!

311
00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:48,271
[Pupa pants, grunts]

312
00:11:50,982 --> 00:11:52,358
[machine beeping]

313
00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:59,073
‐ We know everything there is to know
about everyone in town.

314
00:11:59,073 --> 00:12:00,783
What they want, what their secrets are.

315
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:03,161
I know things about people
they don't even know about themselves.

316
00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:06,456
Like Todd? His favorite color isn't red.
It's orange.

317
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:08,374
‐ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares,
who cares. What about Ruth?

318
00:12:08,374 --> 00:12:10,710
What is she afraid of?
Does she have any allergies?

319
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:13,087
What is gonna take her down?
‐ That's my one blind spot.

320
00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:15,924
That old withered bag refuses
to drink water.

321
00:12:15,924 --> 00:12:18,426
‐ Of course! Old people only drink Coke
and they never shower.

322
00:12:18,426 --> 00:12:20,511
‐ It doesn't matter. The only thing
we have to know about her is that

323
00:12:20,511 --> 00:12:23,473
she's about to be the ex head of the HOA.

324
00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:24,724
Nothing can stop us!

325
00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:27,268
Ha ha ha ha, Terry, ha ha ha ha ha ha.

326
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:31,022
[roaring softly]

327
00:12:31,481 --> 00:12:33,650
‐ Okay, look, you all know us.

328
00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:36,069
Me and Korvo, we give you what you want.

329
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:38,363
If you vote for us, we've got you covered.

330
00:12:38,363 --> 00:12:40,156
You want big speed bumps
that launch your car

331
00:12:40,156 --> 00:12:41,908
in the air like Dukes of Hazzard? Done.

332
00:12:41,908 --> 00:12:44,452
You want a ski‐lift?
I already crayoned up the plans.

333
00:12:44,452 --> 00:12:46,412
We can break ground today.

334
00:12:46,412 --> 00:12:50,250
‐ Two words: Internet. Fiber.
Not in that order.

335
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:51,209
You're getting it!
[crowd cheering]

336
00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:53,586
You're all gonna have
super‐fast interneeeet!

337
00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:55,630
‐ You know what?
I kinda feel bad for Ruth.

338
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:57,465
I bet she dies right
in that chair when we win.

339
00:12:57,465 --> 00:12:59,175
‐ I can't believe we're going
to be presidents.

340
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:02,178
This is amazing.
President Korvo. Mister Korvo.

341
00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:03,763
‐ Wait.

342
00:13:04,264 --> 00:13:05,473
‐ Wait, what the hell is that?

343
00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,600
Oh my god, no, the nanobots!

344
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,561
‐ [raspy voice]
I must speak.

345
00:13:09,561 --> 00:13:11,771
‐ Hey, hey, no, no, no, no.
Don't listen to this guy.

346
00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:14,357
He isn't even really a guy,
he's just a‐a pile of robots.

347
00:13:14,357 --> 00:13:15,650
‐ It's true.

348
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:20,321
I am composed of a trillion microscopic,
self‐replicating robots,

349
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,739
but I know‐‐ [coughs]

350
00:13:21,739 --> 00:13:24,659
that all humans require‐‐

351
00:13:25,201 --> 00:13:27,203
require‐‐
[clears throat]

352
00:13:27,203 --> 00:13:30,081
[normal voice] a stop sign
at the corner of Oak and Main.

353
00:13:30,081 --> 00:13:32,584
People speed through there
like they're street racing.

354
00:13:32,584 --> 00:13:34,627
It's got to stop,
and I can make it happen.

355
00:13:34,627 --> 00:13:36,004
‐ No. What?
‐ No, no, no, no, no.

356
00:13:36,004 --> 00:13:37,881
I‐I‐I don't think so, stop the clock.

357
00:13:37,881 --> 00:13:40,216
We already had the debate.
Everyone has to vote right now.

358
00:13:40,216 --> 00:13:41,885
‐ Where did you get that suit?
Take it off.

359
00:13:41,885 --> 00:13:43,011
[audience gasps]

360
00:13:44,971 --> 00:13:47,015
‐ Uh, it's my suit.
‐ Gordon, what the hell?

361
00:13:47,015 --> 00:13:50,435
‐ I too thought at first that this
Nanobot Man was some kind of frightening

362
00:13:50,435 --> 00:13:53,062
X‐Files type, you know,
monster creature.

363
00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,023
But then, he took me
to a nice steak dinner.

364
00:13:55,023 --> 00:13:56,065
KORVO: That's all it takes?

365
00:13:56,065 --> 00:14:00,236
‐ Folks, last thing I want to do is drag
this boring HOA election out any longer,

366
00:14:00,236 --> 00:14:03,156
but I think if you listen
for a moment, I could‐‐

367
00:14:03,156 --> 00:14:05,074
whoa, flip your vote.

368
00:14:05,074 --> 00:14:06,951
[crowd laughs]
‐ I‐I command you to leave this place!

369
00:14:06,951 --> 00:14:08,286
‐ Let's hear him out!

370
00:14:10,205 --> 00:14:13,166
♪ heavy metal music playing ♪

371
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,376
‐ Hey, guys, we got pudding over here!

372
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,962
Anybody want chocolate‐vanilla swirl?

373
00:14:21,049 --> 00:14:22,967
Man, these guys are real wound up.

374
00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:24,385
This might take more than a pudding cup.

375
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,762
‐ I know, we should probably
just go, right?

376
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:27,764
‐ You're gonna have to sing them
your friendship song!

377
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,515
‐ [nervous giggle]
I don't know if that's a good idea‐‐

378
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,184
[growling]

379
00:14:31,184 --> 00:14:32,477
‐ What the fuck?

380
00:14:32,477 --> 00:14:34,312
‐ Hey, guys, if you think
that's punk rock,

381
00:14:34,312 --> 00:14:36,022
wait till you hear my sister's song.

382
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:38,316
[all shouting]

383
00:14:39,317 --> 00:14:43,321
♪ Interracial love friendship‐‐ ♪

384
00:14:43,321 --> 00:14:44,155
Ah!

385
00:14:45,782 --> 00:14:47,116
Ah!
‐ Ohh! Ah!

386
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:50,828
‐ Look, I do think humans
are generally nice,

387
00:14:50,828 --> 00:14:52,205
but to prove that point to you today

388
00:14:52,205 --> 00:14:54,457
I installed microchips
in all of your enemies' heads

389
00:14:54,457 --> 00:14:56,918
that made them nice
when I clicked this button.

390
00:14:56,918 --> 00:14:58,753
But I didn't know about these neo‐Nazis,

391
00:14:58,753 --> 00:15:01,005
so it's not gonna work
and I think we're gonna die.

392
00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:02,840
‐ Ah, I told you some people are bad!

393
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,218
‐ You're right! Some people
are really, really bad!

394
00:15:05,218 --> 00:15:06,761
This is just like the movie Green Room!

395
00:15:06,761 --> 00:15:08,555
[both scream]

396
00:15:10,056 --> 00:15:11,683
‐ Darnell, your lawnmower broke,

397
00:15:11,683 --> 00:15:13,434
and they don't make
the gear anymore, am I right?

398
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,311
‐ [straining]
‐ [clanking]

399
00:15:15,311 --> 00:15:17,814
There you go, 3D printed on the spot.

400
00:15:17,814 --> 00:15:20,108
And little Elizabeth, born blind.

401
00:15:20,108 --> 00:15:21,693
Let's see what we can do about that.

402
00:15:21,693 --> 00:15:23,278
[straining]

403
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:24,279
[machine powers up]
There you go.

404
00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:26,865
‐ I can see all the smells
and sounds! It's amazing!

405
00:15:26,865 --> 00:15:29,367
[laughing]
Seems like your choice is clear:

406
00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:32,287
a vote for Nanobot Man
is a vote for happiness.

407
00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,873
‐ The only reason he knows what you want
is because he's been inside your pee.

408
00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:35,415
[crowd gasps]

409
00:15:35,415 --> 00:15:38,418
That's right, Nanobot Man has been spying
on you this whole time.

410
00:15:38,418 --> 00:15:40,920
Do you really want to elect a man
who's been inside your balls

411
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,338
or, or the other stuff?

412
00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:44,674
‐ It's true, I can see it!
I can see everything!

413
00:15:44,674 --> 00:15:46,467
‐ Hah!
[clears throat]

414
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:49,012
It's true, I have been in all your pee.

415
00:15:49,012 --> 00:15:49,846
[all gasp]

416
00:15:49,846 --> 00:15:52,640
I didn't want to bring this up,
but they've forced my hand.

417
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,185
Korvo is my dad,
and he built my nanobot bodies.

418
00:15:56,185 --> 00:15:58,521
And he and Terry put me in the water

419
00:15:58,521 --> 00:16:01,524
so they could read your minds
and give you presents.

420
00:16:01,524 --> 00:16:03,109
You can't elect these two liars.

421
00:16:03,109 --> 00:16:05,612
You're not their customer,
you are their product.

422
00:16:05,612 --> 00:16:07,822
‐ We harvest the data
for the good of the community!
[crowd shouting]

423
00:16:07,822 --> 00:16:09,657
How else would we know
that Dave needs a new shed

424
00:16:09,657 --> 00:16:10,783
for all his sex dolls?

425
00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:12,118
We can give him that shed!

426
00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:14,996
‐ That's not true! I have sex
with living, human beings!

427
00:16:14,996 --> 00:16:17,040
I love the feeling
of being pressed up against‐‐

428
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,584
[shudders] a warm bag of bones
and blood that can give consent.

429
00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,586
‐ I know you better than these guys.

430
00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:24,839
I know that Becky buried her
Guatemalan housekeeper in the back yard.

431
00:16:24,839 --> 00:16:26,674
[crowd gasps]
NANOBOT MAN: How 'bout that?
That's a big secret right there.

432
00:16:26,674 --> 00:16:28,593
‐ I'm sorry, what? You killed Lupe!

433
00:16:28,593 --> 00:16:30,929
‐ Uh, uh, Jeremy's poisoning
his wife for insurance.

434
00:16:30,929 --> 00:16:34,265
Uh, Lesley Donovan teaches class
while wearing a hidden vibrator.

435
00:16:34,265 --> 00:16:35,600
Samantha is cheating on Michael with Joey!
[Samantha gasps]

436
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,976
‐ What the fuck?

437
00:16:36,976 --> 00:16:39,604
TERRY: Phyllis spent all her kid's
cancer medicine money on a purse.

438
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:41,689
KORVO: Bobby snuck shit in a pie
at the pie place.

439
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:43,358
Everyone should be mad
about that.

440
00:16:43,358 --> 00:16:45,693
‐ Gary has a cactus fetish.
‐ Robert keyed Leslie's car.

441
00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:47,654
‐ This is all your fault.
You're making everyone fight!

442
00:16:47,654 --> 00:16:48,446
‐ Fuck you, Terry!

443
00:16:48,446 --> 00:16:49,322
[Terry grunts]
NANOBOT MAN: Ow!

444
00:16:49,322 --> 00:16:50,198
[Neo‐Nazis screaming]

445
00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:51,991
‐ Give me the shrink ray back!
‐ It's in my dollhouse!

446
00:16:51,991 --> 00:16:53,910
‐ What? You know
what's going to happen right now

447
00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:55,370
because you did that?
‐Yeah.

448
00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:57,705
‐ Now I have to take these guys out
with lethal force!

449
00:16:57,705 --> 00:16:59,707
‐ I'm going to stick
my knife up your‐‐ Ahh!

450
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:01,543
[all groan]

451
00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:04,003
♪ The Blue Danube Waltz playing ♪

452
00:17:05,588 --> 00:17:06,589
[grunting]

453
00:17:07,507 --> 00:17:10,176
‐ I don't like doing this!
‐ I said I was sorry!

454
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:12,554
‐ It's the suit, not me, it's the suit.

455
00:17:13,221 --> 00:17:14,472
The suit's on auto pilot.

456
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:18,059
[screams]
YUMYULACK: It just does this, sorry.

457
00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:21,187
Maybe, uh, I don't know,
maybe be tolerant next time.

458
00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:23,147
‐ Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

459
00:17:23,565 --> 00:17:24,816
Sorry about that eye.

460
00:17:26,943 --> 00:17:28,486
‐ Ugh!
[rifle zapping]

461
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:29,779
‐ Damn you, nanobots!
NANOBOT MAN: Me?

462
00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:31,865
This is all your fault! Nobody likes you!

463
00:17:31,865 --> 00:17:32,615
‐ Take that back!

464
00:17:35,034 --> 00:17:36,703
[growling]

465
00:17:47,046 --> 00:17:48,131
[straining]

466
00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,050
[straining]

467
00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:55,221
‐ Ah!
[gulping noisily]

468
00:18:04,856 --> 00:18:06,816
‐ Ah! Ahhh!

469
00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,068
‐ Okay, stop! Everyone stop.

470
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:10,695
Everyone just shut the fuck up.

471
00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:13,406
Look at yourselves. T‐this is fucked.

472
00:18:13,406 --> 00:18:14,991
I've been living here for 30 years

473
00:18:14,991 --> 00:18:17,702
and we never had any sci‐fi bullshit.

474
00:18:17,702 --> 00:18:19,704
You want things normal and regular.

475
00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:23,666
Don't vote for these
stupid ugly Alf‐lookin' motherfuckers.

476
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,668
I've had enough. Fuck these guys.

477
00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:26,711
‐ You tell 'em, Ruth!

478
00:18:26,711 --> 00:18:28,630
‐ You're goddamn right I'll tell 'em.

479
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:30,215
It's fucking bullshit.

480
00:18:30,215 --> 00:18:32,258
I just want to fucking live in peace.

481
00:18:32,258 --> 00:18:34,594
Vote for me, that's all I got to say.

482
00:18:34,594 --> 00:18:36,221
[crowd chanting]
‐ Ruth! Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!

483
00:18:36,221 --> 00:18:37,931
‐ But I can make free electricity

484
00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:40,016
by harnessing the temperature change
in the air!

485
00:18:40,016 --> 00:18:43,144
It solves global warming! Come on!

486
00:18:43,144 --> 00:18:46,189
‐ A‐and I have big ideas for
a video game library that we can all use!

487
00:18:46,189 --> 00:18:48,733
‐ Shut up and go back to your home
in the Abyss!

488
00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:50,735
‐ Not all aliens are from the Abyss!

489
00:18:50,735 --> 00:18:52,320
I don't even know you, who are you?

490
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,572
‐ I'm Tyler, and I think you suck.

491
00:18:54,572 --> 00:18:56,157
‐ I knew it! I knew that was Tyler!

492
00:18:56,157 --> 00:18:57,951
‐ Fuck you! I've always hated you!

493
00:18:57,951 --> 00:18:59,327
‐ Why would we even be from the Abyss?

494
00:18:59,327 --> 00:19:01,788
We have a spaceship sticking
out of the top of our house.

495
00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:04,582
NANOBOT MAN: I guess sometimes
when you gain sentience

496
00:19:04,582 --> 00:19:06,543
and you're full of data
about a neighborhood,

497
00:19:06,543 --> 00:19:07,919
you can overreach.

498
00:19:07,919 --> 00:19:09,546
I was just trying to help,

499
00:19:09,546 --> 00:19:11,798
and I ended up hurting
the people I love the most.

500
00:19:11,798 --> 00:19:13,216
I'm sorry, guys. Truly.

501
00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:14,842
I hope you still like me after all this.

502
00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:17,303
‐ Yes, I still like you, Mr. Nanobots.

503
00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:19,013
But you know what?
I'm starting to think

504
00:19:19,013 --> 00:19:21,140
I have to stop worrying
about who likes me.

505
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:23,560
I guess some humans
are unevolved bigots

506
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,228
who don't know a good thing
when they see one.

507
00:19:25,228 --> 00:19:27,397
‐ Us sci‐fi folks need to stick together.

508
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,899
To be honest, I'm proud
that I made such good nanobots

509
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:31,484
that they tried
to take over the neighborhood.

510
00:19:31,484 --> 00:19:33,820
Now all of you: back in the bag.
We've got work to do on the ship.

511
00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,780
‐ But I want to live in a house
and fall in love

512
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,156
and build a recipe folder.

513
00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:39,951
‐ Well, tough. I need to spray you
on a navigation panel.

514
00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:41,786
You know you have to listen to me, right?

515
00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:43,037
[grunts]
Get back here!

516
00:19:43,037 --> 00:19:44,622
You can't just be free! Damn it!

517
00:19:44,622 --> 00:19:45,999
‐ Man, they grow up so fast.

518
00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:47,750
Well, since we lost the election

519
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,003
and everyone's all crazy
high‐concept racist now,

520
00:19:50,003 --> 00:19:52,422
I guess that means we better paint
the ship to match the roof, huh?

521
00:19:52,422 --> 00:19:54,716
‐ I'll be painting it
even more silver than before.

522
00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:58,219
I'm going to light it up at night
so Ruth can see it from a mile away.

523
00:19:58,219 --> 00:20:01,014
‐ But the rules‐‐
‐ It's a $50 fine. I'll eat it.

524
00:20:01,014 --> 00:20:02,307
‐ Yeah, but then people won't like us‐‐

525
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,768
‐ Did you give him candy again?
‐ No!

526
00:20:05,768 --> 00:20:07,353
‐ Damn it, Terry! He's getting it
from somewhere

527
00:20:07,353 --> 00:20:09,397
and if he's not getting it from me,
he has to be getting it from you!

528
00:20:09,397 --> 00:20:11,191
‐ I don't know, man.
I‐I would remember if I did, but‐‐

529
00:20:11,191 --> 00:20:12,150
‐ What do you mean you would remember?

530
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,526
If he's not getting it from you,
where is he getting it?

531
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:14,652
‐ I don't know okay!
‐ Where?

532
00:20:14,652 --> 00:20:16,070
‐ Stop yelling at me!
‐ I'll yell at you as much as I want.

533
00:20:16,571 --> 00:20:18,740
‐ [Jesse sighs]
I shouldn't have lied to you.

534
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:21,951
Humans are complicated, but I
didn't think they were so complicated

535
00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:23,411
that they would try to kill us.

536
00:20:23,411 --> 00:20:25,413
‐ After today, I can tell
it's important to you

537
00:20:25,413 --> 00:20:27,165
that I be careful who I put in the wall.

538
00:20:27,165 --> 00:20:30,627
So from now on, I'll make sure that
everyone in the wall deserves to be‐‐

539
00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:32,295
Ooh, a guy in a red shirt!
[blaster zaps]

540
00:20:33,213 --> 00:20:36,382
‐ Wait, but‐‐
‐ Look, I had people in shirts
of all the other colors.

541
00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:39,302
I promise we'll use due process
on the next one.

542
00:20:39,302 --> 00:20:40,261
Don't yell at me.

543
00:20:40,261 --> 00:20:42,055
‐ Eh, he was probably a Nazi.

544
00:20:43,389 --> 00:20:45,683
I like humans, but I hate shoes.

545
00:20:45,683 --> 00:20:47,977
Like, how are we supposed
to taste the ground?

546
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:49,938
‐ I don't know, they don't flavor
their ground either.

547
00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:51,689
‐ Pff! Weird, right?
‐ [man screams]

548
00:20:51,689 --> 00:20:53,024
[grunts]
Oh!

549
00:20:53,024 --> 00:20:54,984
Hey, hey. What's going on here?
Where are we?

550
00:20:54,984 --> 00:20:56,152
W‐what is this? What is this?
[rumbling, clattering]

551
00:20:56,152 --> 00:20:57,278
What the hell is happening?

552
00:20:58,321 --> 00:20:59,906
[all screaming]

553
00:20:59,906 --> 00:21:00,990
[coughing]

554
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:03,076
♪ ominous music playing ♪

555
00:21:03,076 --> 00:21:05,453
Oh my god. What is this place?

556
00:21:06,913 --> 00:21:07,956
[panting]

557
00:21:07,956 --> 00:21:09,332
Wait, why‐‐ w‐‐where are you going?

558
00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:10,542
‐ Anywhere but here!

559
00:21:11,125 --> 00:21:12,252
[grunts]

560
00:21:15,421 --> 00:21:16,422
[all gasp]

561
00:21:16,422 --> 00:21:18,550
[all screaming]

562
00:21:21,094 --> 00:21:22,095
[groans]

563
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,395
‐ D‐don't hurt me, don't hurt me.
‐ Empty your pockets.

564
00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:33,606
Ugh!
‐ Hey wait, wait, wait, hey.

565
00:21:33,606 --> 00:21:34,732
I don't belong here!

566
00:21:34,732 --> 00:21:37,402
Two little aliens just shrank me down
for no reason.

567
00:21:37,402 --> 00:21:39,571
I'm just a regular guy.
I didn't do anything to anybody.

568
00:21:39,571 --> 00:21:41,364
‐ More Taffy bandits
will be arriving soon,

569
00:21:41,364 --> 00:21:42,991
and the gum boys move south at night.

570
00:21:42,991 --> 00:21:44,993
We don't want to be anywhere near here
when they meet.

571
00:21:44,993 --> 00:21:46,619
‐ Why are they called gum boys?

572
00:21:47,245 --> 00:21:48,621
‐ They love gum.

573
00:21:48,621 --> 00:21:51,040
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

574
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,043
♪

575
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,673
‐ Did they make a True Lies 2?

576
00:21:58,673 --> 00:22:00,258
The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

577
00:22:00,258 --> 00:22:01,968
Is there a sequel to that?

578
00:22:01,968 --> 00:22:04,429
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

579
00:22:04,429 --> 00:22:08,433
♪

580
00:22:40,465 --> 00:22:45,011
♪

581
00:22:46,304 --> 00:22:47,805
[imitating laser fire]