1 00:00:01,022 --> 00:00:03,024 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 2 00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:05,026 ♪ 3 00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:10,281 ‐ Terry, will you hand me the deatomizer? The Phillips one. 4 00:00:10,281 --> 00:00:11,908 The booster manifold is misaligned. 5 00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:15,453 ‐ Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out what Jet‐Skis fit my personality 6 00:00:15,453 --> 00:00:17,705 and turns out, all of them do. Look at this. 7 00:00:18,289 --> 00:00:19,999 KORVO: Ah, Terry, help! ‐ Oh, I'm sorry. 8 00:00:19,999 --> 00:00:21,501 ‐ Oh, my beautiful body. ‐ Oh, God. 9 00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:23,002 ‐ Put me in the thing, Terry. Put me in the medical thing. 10 00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:24,003 ‐ I don't‐‐ I don't know what you're talking about. 11 00:00:24,003 --> 00:00:25,547 ‐ The thing with the red light. ‐ What thing, which thing, what thing? 12 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,006 Which thing? Point to the thing. ‐ Right there. 13 00:00:27,006 --> 00:00:28,633 Oh, God, I'm slipping away. My one regret. 14 00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:30,969 I didn't read enough manuals. Tell everyone you know 15 00:00:30,969 --> 00:00:33,846 to take the time to read more manuals or they'll regret‐‐ 16 00:00:33,846 --> 00:00:35,139 ‐ Ah! 17 00:00:35,515 --> 00:00:37,141 ‐ [pained groans] 18 00:00:39,310 --> 00:00:40,937 [machine beeping, whirring] 19 00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:41,938 [ding] 20 00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:43,106 [air hissing] 21 00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:44,691 ‐ That didn't seem too bad, honestly. 22 00:00:45,024 --> 00:00:47,694 ‐ You are so annoying. I'm up there doing dangerous work. 23 00:00:47,694 --> 00:00:48,987 You have to be careful. ‐ I already said 24 00:00:48,987 --> 00:00:51,406 that it didn't seem too bad. What else do you need, man? 25 00:00:51,406 --> 00:00:53,116 ‐ We're supposed to be working together to survive, 26 00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:56,119 and you, you just, you make it worse. ‐ All right, look, breathe. 27 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:58,955 The only thing that matters is today we're gettin' a Jet‐Ski. 28 00:00:58,955 --> 00:01:01,291 By this afternoon, we're gonna be jumpin' the wake, 29 00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:03,334 gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog. 30 00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:06,296 Bologna sandwich in one hand, and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other. 31 00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:09,173 ‐ Oh, I have been looking forward to the gleaming the cube part. 32 00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:11,593 I've gleamed many items before, but never a cube. 33 00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:13,928 ‐ It's gonna be fun in the sun from now on. 34 00:01:13,928 --> 00:01:16,139 A Jet‐Ski is exactly what you need to relax. 35 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:18,182 ‐ You're right. I‐I need to stop stressing out so much. 36 00:01:18,182 --> 00:01:21,519 I'm gooblering more than Zortex at the Camoodian Eve parade. 37 00:01:21,519 --> 00:01:23,521 ‐ Poof, whatever that means. 38 00:01:23,521 --> 00:01:24,772 ‐ Why are your jeans in the freezer? 39 00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:28,067 ‐ Jen Garner had an Insta all about cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi. 40 00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:31,821 ‐ How am I supposed to enjoy the one Diet Dr. Pepper 41 00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:35,366 I allow myself a day with blue fucking ice cubes? 42 00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:37,285 [yells] 43 00:01:37,285 --> 00:01:39,204 [retches] 44 00:01:42,916 --> 00:01:45,501 ‐ Um, hey, little fella. 45 00:01:45,501 --> 00:01:46,502 [screams] 46 00:01:47,837 --> 00:01:48,671 ‐ Get fucked! 47 00:01:50,048 --> 00:01:53,092 ‐ What the hell was that? ‐ A red goobler. 48 00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,220 ‐ What, what do the red ones do? 49 00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:57,513 ‐ I don't know. 50 00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:00,516 KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia. 51 00:02:00,516 --> 00:02:02,477 Until the asteroid hit. 52 00:02:03,686 --> 00:02:06,064 One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa 53 00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:07,982 and escaped into, uh, the space, 54 00:02:07,982 --> 00:02:10,401 searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds. 55 00:02:11,194 --> 00:02:14,197 We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet. 56 00:02:14,197 --> 00:02:15,990 That's right, I've been talking this whole time. 57 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,784 I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo. 58 00:02:17,784 --> 00:02:19,494 This is‐‐ this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. 59 00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:21,538 Do you see me? This, this is ridiculous. 60 00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:23,540 I hate Earth. It's a horrible home. 61 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,875 People are stupid. Everyone claims to like old people 62 00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:27,377 but they're not fucking them. 63 00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:29,420 I fuck old people all the time. They love me. 64 00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:31,506 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 65 00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:33,967 ♪ 66 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,763 ‐ Hey, at lunch, do you wanna see what happens 67 00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:40,139 if we drink all the sodas at once? 68 00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,809 ‐ There's a Coke Zero chance I wanna do that. 69 00:02:42,809 --> 00:02:44,978 I have to focus on getting in with the cool kids. 70 00:02:44,978 --> 00:02:46,563 There's an opening at their lunch table now. 71 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:49,482 Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung. ‐ Ricky was super cool. 72 00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:53,695 He was dating two of the Stacis. Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas. 73 00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:56,281 You think you can fill that power vacuum? 74 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:59,075 ‐ My plan is to just slip into the seat, do nothing, 75 00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:00,952 then eventually, it'll seem normal that I'm there. 76 00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:02,787 ‐ It worked for Hulu. ‐ Hopefully, they'll invite me 77 00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:05,206 to Cooper Barn's party and I'll learn so much about humanity. 78 00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,417 Because that's the only reason I'm doing it. You know, for science. 79 00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,711 Keep your mouth shut. Don't ruin this for me. 80 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:13,590 ‐ Well, if you're getting in with them, I'm getting in with the Stacis. 81 00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,967 [quietly] 'Cause I'm afraid of them. 82 00:03:16,384 --> 00:03:17,760 ‐ Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here. 83 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,721 ‐ You know I love when you motherfucking paraphrase. 84 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,307 Give it to me, baby. ‐ Most gooblers are passive non‐verbal 85 00:03:22,307 --> 00:03:24,851 stress creatures who dance and sing and wander off 86 00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,936 to go see the world or whatever they do. 87 00:03:26,936 --> 00:03:29,647 The red gooblers only appear every 100,000th goobler. 88 00:03:29,647 --> 00:03:31,357 ‐ I knew you gooblered too much. 89 00:03:31,357 --> 00:03:33,151 [shouting] Why are you always so stressed? 90 00:03:33,151 --> 00:03:35,153 Why, why, why? Come on, tell me, man. 91 00:03:35,153 --> 00:03:37,488 Why? Tell me. ‐ Red gooblers are lethal. 92 00:03:37,488 --> 00:03:39,240 Their sole goal in life is to kill the host 93 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,701 either by direct violence or by stressing them out so much 94 00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:44,037 that their body goes into something called fetal shock. 95 00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:46,080 It's where your brain turns into a baby and then you die. 96 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,750 ‐ Well, good luck with that, baby brain. ‐ This is your fault. 97 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,336 At least half of these gooblers were because of stupid shit you've done. 98 00:03:51,336 --> 00:03:53,713 ‐ Okay, okay, look. Don't make another red goobler. 99 00:03:53,713 --> 00:03:56,090 He probably already forgot about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb. 100 00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:57,550 [tapping on glass] 101 00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,469 "I'm going to mill you"? ‐ Oh, my God. 102 00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:01,429 I think he means kill. ‐ [cackles] 103 00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:07,435 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 104 00:04:07,435 --> 00:04:10,438 ♪ 105 00:04:11,356 --> 00:04:12,357 [school bell rings] 106 00:04:12,357 --> 00:04:15,443 ‐ All right, some of you may have noticed you're going through changes. 107 00:04:15,443 --> 00:04:18,238 Like Paul over here. It's okay, Paul. 108 00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,823 Puberty is something that happens to all of us. 109 00:04:20,823 --> 00:04:24,619 It's completely natural and if you're like me, comes very early. 110 00:04:24,619 --> 00:04:27,789 I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit I got my period at six years old. 111 00:04:28,122 --> 00:04:29,791 ‐ Oh, no. Oh, oh. 112 00:04:31,459 --> 00:04:33,920 [gasps] Puberty! 113 00:04:34,379 --> 00:04:37,298 [gasps] Staci K. [gasps] Staci F. 114 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:39,467 ‐ Staci G. is out. 115 00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:41,094 She went into the woods to look for Slenderman. 116 00:04:41,094 --> 00:04:43,346 ‐ Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman. 117 00:04:43,346 --> 00:04:46,224 What the fuck are you doing in our bathroom, weirdo? 118 00:04:46,224 --> 00:04:49,102 ‐ First, I'm gonna make up a mean nickname for you. 119 00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:52,188 And then, she's gonna force you to eat a tampon. 120 00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:55,275 ‐ I've been slow cooking it all day. 121 00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:58,111 [whispers] In my vagina. ‐ Uh... 122 00:04:58,111 --> 00:04:59,487 uh, oh! 123 00:05:01,114 --> 00:05:01,906 [both gasp] 124 00:05:01,906 --> 00:05:05,785 ‐ Wow, you are, like, so beautiful. 125 00:05:05,785 --> 00:05:08,913 I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but can I touch your face? 126 00:05:08,913 --> 00:05:12,792 ‐ Uh, I do not get asked that all the time, and yeah. 127 00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,460 Touch away, Staci K. 128 00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:17,672 ‐ Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark. ‐ Dude, that's Ricky's seat. 129 00:05:17,672 --> 00:05:19,090 ‐ Was Ricky's seat. 130 00:05:19,716 --> 00:05:23,344 ‐ So I'm at Benihana with my parents, and my Juul dies. 131 00:05:23,344 --> 00:05:25,972 And I'm like, oh, shit. But then I realize, 132 00:05:25,972 --> 00:05:28,099 I can just vape the onion steam. 133 00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:29,350 ‐ Hey, you guys. Cool headphones. 134 00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:31,102 What are you listening to? The sex? 135 00:05:31,102 --> 00:05:32,854 [quietly] I need to tell you something. 136 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,439 ‐ Ugh, this table's weak now. 137 00:05:34,439 --> 00:05:36,399 Let's go recharge our headphones and jerk off. 138 00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:38,484 ‐ All right, fellas, keep it tight. I love you. 139 00:05:38,484 --> 00:05:41,571 I mean, okay. You just blew that for me! 140 00:05:41,571 --> 00:05:44,616 I was totally in. This is my cool kid table. 141 00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:46,659 You gotta find your own cool kids to hang with. 142 00:05:46,659 --> 00:05:49,370 Like, those guys. ‐ Those are cool kids? 143 00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:53,458 ‐ Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore that same cone to the Latin Grammys. 144 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:55,335 So awesome. Good luck. 145 00:05:55,335 --> 00:05:57,503 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 146 00:05:57,503 --> 00:05:59,589 ♪ 147 00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:04,093 ‐ Okay, you ready? 148 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,805 We gotta meet the guy selling us the Jet‐Ski in an hour. 149 00:06:07,805 --> 00:06:09,891 His name is Trent. I mean, how Trent is that? 150 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,768 ‐ Yes, Terry, I'm almost finished fortifying the house 151 00:06:11,768 --> 00:06:13,478 in case that little red butthole comes back. 152 00:06:13,478 --> 00:06:16,231 ‐ Oh, right, yeah, I should probably seal up all my hidden doors then. 153 00:06:16,231 --> 00:06:18,274 ‐ What hidden doors? ‐ I only have a couple, don't worry. 154 00:06:18,274 --> 00:06:20,360 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 155 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,363 ♪ 156 00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:30,119 ‐ Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit. It doesn't have any foot traffic. 157 00:06:30,119 --> 00:06:31,996 ‐ It takes a year for a business to be profitable, okay? 158 00:06:31,996 --> 00:06:34,040 ‐ But free pretzel day is right around the corner. 159 00:06:36,668 --> 00:06:38,753 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 160 00:06:38,753 --> 00:06:40,171 [screeching] 161 00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:43,633 [gunshot] 162 00:06:48,846 --> 00:06:50,431 [clamoring] 163 00:06:50,431 --> 00:06:52,934 ‐ Hey, watch the nose. It's new. ‐ Fuck you, Craig. 164 00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:55,395 ‐ Listen to me. You're not gonna believe this. 165 00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:58,648 I just had such a good experience with two girls in the bathroom, 166 00:06:58,648 --> 00:07:01,276 and it's all because of this. ‐ Nobody cares. 167 00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,402 What the hell is that? 168 00:07:02,402 --> 00:07:04,404 ‐ That's what I've been trying to tell you. 169 00:07:04,404 --> 00:07:06,656 It's my special flower. 170 00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:08,741 ♪ uplifting music playing ♪ 171 00:07:08,741 --> 00:07:11,661 ♪ 172 00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:15,665 ‐ I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man. ‐ No. 173 00:07:15,665 --> 00:07:17,584 I'm sorry I called your mom fat. 174 00:07:17,584 --> 00:07:19,502 I know she just got stung by a bunch of bees. 175 00:07:21,796 --> 00:07:24,299 ‐ You did this. ‐ Yep, totally her fault. 176 00:07:24,299 --> 00:07:27,427 Should we bully her until she decides to pursue a career in the arts? 177 00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:28,469 ‐ No, man, she's cool. 178 00:07:28,469 --> 00:07:30,471 Jesse, you should come to the big party tonight. 179 00:07:30,471 --> 00:07:32,807 See you there? ‐ Ha, you betcha. 180 00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:35,435 ‐ I really hate that I have to sell this baby. 181 00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:37,812 I can't believe the court made me choose between her and my kids. 182 00:07:37,812 --> 00:07:40,899 ‐ Now this can do sick flips, right? I mean, they have to be really sick. 183 00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:43,526 ‐ Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude. We had some great times together. 184 00:07:43,526 --> 00:07:45,778 Ah, I just want to make sure she goes to a good home, you know? 185 00:07:45,778 --> 00:07:47,739 ‐ [loud bang] ‐ Red goobler got a gun! 186 00:07:48,531 --> 00:07:51,784 ‐ That was a car backfiring, dude. Is someone huntin' you? 187 00:07:51,784 --> 00:07:53,745 I'm not sure that's the right home environment 188 00:07:53,745 --> 00:07:55,038 for a refined vehicle like this. 189 00:07:55,246 --> 00:07:57,540 ‐ No, no, no, don't worry, look. The only thing we're hunting for 190 00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,667 is a great deal, Trent. ‐ I hear that. 191 00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,502 [chuckles] Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey? 192 00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:02,420 ‐ Yes, yes, yes, yes. ‐ Obviously. 193 00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,422 ‐ Me first. ‐ No, I'm going first, Terry. 194 00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:05,256 ‐ The fuck out of my way! 195 00:08:05,256 --> 00:08:09,010 ‐ Why do you have to ruin everything? ‐ The flower saved the day. 196 00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:11,721 ‐ Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry. 197 00:08:11,721 --> 00:08:14,474 They're gonna chop it right off your head and no one will like you anymore. 198 00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:16,226 ‐ No, don't, please don't tell them. 199 00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:19,187 ‐ When I get home, I'm going to ruin your life. 200 00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:21,648 ‐ Not if I get there first. 201 00:08:21,648 --> 00:08:22,941 [horns honking] 202 00:08:22,941 --> 00:08:25,068 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 203 00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:28,071 ♪ 204 00:08:34,452 --> 00:08:35,537 Ah! 205 00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:40,792 [glass shatters] 206 00:08:40,792 --> 00:08:41,960 [woman screams] 207 00:08:42,752 --> 00:08:43,545 Ah! 208 00:08:45,547 --> 00:08:46,923 Yeah! 209 00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:47,966 [screaming] 210 00:08:47,966 --> 00:08:49,509 Oh, god, oh, help me. 211 00:08:49,509 --> 00:08:51,511 [groaning] 212 00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:56,891 ‐ Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. Oh, no. 213 00:08:56,891 --> 00:08:57,892 [siren wails] 214 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:04,774 ‐ He's lost too much of what I'm really hoping is blood. 215 00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:05,817 [monitor flatlines] 216 00:09:05,817 --> 00:09:06,693 ‐ No! 217 00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:10,321 No, no! 218 00:09:11,614 --> 00:09:15,660 ‐ Thanks for saving my life, I guess. ‐ Thanks for not dying. 219 00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:16,828 ‐ I'm still gonna tattle! 220 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,247 ‐ Ah, jeez. 221 00:09:19,247 --> 00:09:21,332 ♪ somber music playing ♪ 222 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:24,335 ♪ 223 00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:26,004 [imitating motor] 224 00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:29,132 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Wait till you get her on the water. 225 00:09:29,132 --> 00:09:30,633 ‐ This goes on the water? What? 226 00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:32,969 ‐ You know what, this feels right. Yeah. 227 00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:36,389 I'm gonna sell her to you guys. ‐ Uh, so should we take her now? 228 00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:39,017 ‐ You mind if I drop her off? I just wanted to get one last ride in. 229 00:09:41,144 --> 00:09:43,563 ‐ I got the red goobler. ‐ Wait, are you guys weird? 230 00:09:43,563 --> 00:09:45,273 ‐ No, no, no. Look, okay. 231 00:09:45,273 --> 00:09:47,650 We've been playing a game of tag with our best friends for the past 20 years. 232 00:09:47,650 --> 00:09:49,319 It's actually brought us much closer together. 233 00:09:49,319 --> 00:09:50,904 We'll see you at our house later. Thanks for the Jet‐Ski. 234 00:09:50,904 --> 00:09:51,946 You're cool. Bye! 235 00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:54,449 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 236 00:09:54,449 --> 00:09:57,493 ♪ 237 00:10:05,627 --> 00:10:07,503 ‐ [auctioneering] 238 00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:08,630 ...SpongeBob Square Pants... 239 00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,632 [auctioneering] 240 00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:15,511 ‐ Oof, I am sorry. I freaked out a little. 241 00:10:15,511 --> 00:10:17,889 But the good news is we have secured the Jet‐Ski 242 00:10:17,889 --> 00:10:19,641 and it looks like the red goobler is gone. 243 00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:22,685 Terry, did you poach eggs? 244 00:10:22,685 --> 00:10:25,146 ‐ No, I only like scrambled, fried, hard boiled, soft boiled, 245 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,106 sunny side, over easy, over medium, over hard, 246 00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:28,816 Easter, green, Benedict, McMuffin and deviled. 247 00:10:28,816 --> 00:10:30,902 ‐ The red goobler was here! ‐ Oh, I also like frittatas. 248 00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:33,947 ‐ How did he get in? 249 00:10:33,947 --> 00:10:35,782 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 250 00:10:35,782 --> 00:10:37,951 He's whispering to the memory foam mattress, Terry. 251 00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:39,911 What is he telling it? What does that mattress remember? 252 00:10:39,911 --> 00:10:41,621 ‐ He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos. 253 00:10:41,621 --> 00:10:44,082 Ah, I was saving President Snow for my YouTube channel. 254 00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:45,583 Now it's not even worth half a Phasma. 255 00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:47,877 ‐ He's filling up our DVR with "Madame Secretary." 256 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:49,212 That's a mom show. ‐ The son of a bitch 257 00:10:49,212 --> 00:10:51,381 took my jeans out of the freezer. ‐ Uh, I did that. 258 00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:53,091 Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon. 259 00:10:53,091 --> 00:10:55,176 If he sees that and thinks someone has asked me to blow them, 260 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:56,803 there's no way he's gonna sell us the Jet‐Ski. 261 00:10:56,803 --> 00:10:58,930 ‐ No, no, no, no. Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed. 262 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,890 That's what he wants, okay? We still have time to clean it up. 263 00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:02,892 ‐ We can't tell the replicants anything about the red goobler. 264 00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:04,352 I know Yumyulack will have night terrors 265 00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:06,020 and he'll end up sleeping in our bed again. 266 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,106 ‐ Terry, Korvo. ‐ Please don't tell them. 267 00:11:08,106 --> 00:11:10,066 I prom... [gasps] 268 00:11:10,066 --> 00:11:11,693 Yumyulack, look. 269 00:11:11,693 --> 00:11:15,029 ‐ I got one, too. It's beautiful. ‐ Meh. 270 00:11:15,029 --> 00:11:16,531 ‐ We have to hide these from Korvo and Terry. 271 00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:18,533 It'll freak them out. Terry will have night terrors 272 00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:20,243 and he'll end up sleeping in one of our beds again. 273 00:11:20,243 --> 00:11:22,078 ‐ What? I thought you said it wasn't special. 274 00:11:22,078 --> 00:11:24,122 ‐ Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool. 275 00:11:24,122 --> 00:11:27,125 This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party. ‐ They're coming. 276 00:11:29,294 --> 00:11:31,921 ‐ So, how was, uh, how was your day? ‐ Fine. 277 00:11:31,921 --> 00:11:33,381 How was your day? ‐ Equally fine. 278 00:11:33,381 --> 00:11:34,799 Yep, there's no such thing as a red goobler. 279 00:11:34,799 --> 00:11:36,509 ‐ I was just saying the same thing about head flowers. 280 00:11:36,509 --> 00:11:37,927 KORVO/YUMYULACK: What? TERRY/JESSE: Nothing. 281 00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:40,513 ‐ I knew this day would come, but, man. 282 00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:43,474 It is hard to say good‐bye to something you have been inside of. 283 00:11:43,474 --> 00:11:45,685 ‐ Oh. ‐ I, I meant metaphorically. 284 00:11:45,685 --> 00:11:47,896 You know, whatever, dude. ‐ Okay, well, uh, good luck 285 00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:50,273 with that whole thing, Trent. Um, we gotta go. 286 00:11:50,273 --> 00:11:51,816 We're late to get our backs waxed. 287 00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:54,235 ‐ Hurry, trap him in the garage. 288 00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:57,322 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him. ‐ [cackling] 289 00:11:57,322 --> 00:11:58,656 ‐ God damn it. Shit, shit, grab him. 290 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,626 ‐ [shuddering breaths] A small red man did this. 291 00:12:09,626 --> 00:12:10,710 [gasping] 292 00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:13,546 And I don't mean that as, like, derogatory toward little people. 293 00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:14,505 [groans] 294 00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:15,924 Or Native Americans, dude. 295 00:12:15,924 --> 00:12:18,092 He was just actually tiny and‐‐ red‐‐ 296 00:12:18,092 --> 00:12:19,677 [groans] 297 00:12:19,677 --> 00:12:21,638 ‐ This is bad, Terry. The red goobler set us up. 298 00:12:21,638 --> 00:12:23,306 ‐ What are we gonna do? I can't go to prison. 299 00:12:23,306 --> 00:12:25,683 I don't have a butthole. How will I smuggle in treats? 300 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:30,188 ‐ I wish I could say this wasn't something we see all the time. 301 00:12:30,188 --> 00:12:34,150 But this town has a real problem with unexplained high‐concept injuries. 302 00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,611 It's like we're cursed. Damn. 303 00:12:36,611 --> 00:12:39,364 I'm sorry for your loss. Was he a good friend? 304 00:12:39,364 --> 00:12:42,075 ‐ No, he was more than that. He was a Jet‐Ski. 305 00:12:42,075 --> 00:12:44,369 ♪ dance music playing ♪ 306 00:12:44,369 --> 00:12:46,788 ‐ Wow, our first real‐life high school party. 307 00:12:46,788 --> 00:12:48,206 It's just like I dreamed it would be. 308 00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:51,459 Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out that people are trashing his house. 309 00:12:51,459 --> 00:12:53,711 ‐ That's a family heirloom. Get away from my dog. 310 00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:55,964 Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes. Fuck! 311 00:12:55,964 --> 00:12:58,716 ‐ Classic Cooper. ‐ So you hang out with the Stacis 312 00:12:58,716 --> 00:13:00,677 while I make my move on the podcast guys. 313 00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:03,388 I wanna be toxically entrenched in a clique by 8:00. 314 00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:06,391 ‐ Whoo, Jesse. ‐ Yas, Jesse. 315 00:13:06,391 --> 00:13:08,768 ‐ Hey, what are you doing here? ‐ Oh, uh... 316 00:13:08,768 --> 00:13:09,936 [coughs] 317 00:13:11,688 --> 00:13:13,398 ‐ Dude, dude, dude, psyched you're here, man. 318 00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,608 Love the headphones. You're not a poser at all. 319 00:13:15,608 --> 00:13:17,527 Do you wanna buy a van with me? We could do road trips. 320 00:13:17,527 --> 00:13:19,153 Oh, we could solve mys‐‐ we could turn it into a food van. 321 00:13:19,153 --> 00:13:21,823 Oh, my God, I'm operating at such a different level, bro. 322 00:13:21,823 --> 00:13:24,742 ‐ Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey is a pretty sweet ride. 323 00:13:24,742 --> 00:13:27,203 ‐ Yeah, it is! Get in here, bro. 324 00:13:27,203 --> 00:13:29,289 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 325 00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:32,292 ♪ 326 00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:44,971 ‐ I feel like the goobler's on my back. Is he on my back? 327 00:13:44,971 --> 00:13:47,307 ‐ For the millionth time, no. Wait, is he on my back? 328 00:13:47,307 --> 00:13:48,641 ‐ No, you're clear. 329 00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,518 Oh, man, is this what life is like from now on? 330 00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:52,937 Just waiting for a ketchup packet to stab us in the back? 331 00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:55,440 ‐ We have to take the fight to him. Just like Kevin McCallister, 332 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,442 we shall not go softly into the night. 333 00:13:57,442 --> 00:13:59,777 He could be anywhere. In the vents, under a lampshade, 334 00:13:59,777 --> 00:14:01,029 the other side of town. ‐ Hey, think about it. 335 00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:03,239 He's literally made of your stress. ‐ So? 336 00:14:03,239 --> 00:14:06,618 ‐ So he's probably hiding out in the most stressful place you can imagine. 337 00:14:06,618 --> 00:14:08,620 [wolf howls] 338 00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:10,663 This is your most stressful place? ‐ Yes. 339 00:14:10,663 --> 00:14:12,749 For starters, how do they stay in business all year? 340 00:14:12,749 --> 00:14:14,083 It makes no sense financially. 341 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,211 The whole place smells like the inside of a plastic bag. 342 00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,504 And for some reason, they sell marked‐up PS4s. 343 00:14:18,504 --> 00:14:20,882 Plus I'm afraid of skeletons. Ah! See? 344 00:14:20,882 --> 00:14:22,675 ‐ Wait a minute, he's here. I can sense it. 345 00:14:22,675 --> 00:14:24,469 Also, I can see him right there. ‐ [grunts] 346 00:14:24,469 --> 00:14:26,638 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 347 00:14:26,638 --> 00:14:29,182 ♪ 348 00:14:29,182 --> 00:14:30,892 Oh, great, now we have to pay for that. 349 00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:34,729 ‐ Are you guys on molly? ‐ Molly is on molly, 350 00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:37,482 but the rest of us are on Jesse. 351 00:14:37,482 --> 00:14:39,108 ‐ You want some of this? 352 00:14:41,152 --> 00:14:44,739 ‐ Oh, yes, Jesse. That's me, super cool. 353 00:14:44,739 --> 00:14:47,617 ‐ Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. All I'm saying is think about it. 354 00:14:47,617 --> 00:14:49,536 Are you thinking about it? Are you fucking thinking about it? 355 00:14:49,536 --> 00:14:50,620 ‐ What am I thinking about? ‐ Our trip to the woods. 356 00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:52,038 ‐ Self‐publishing an erotic cookbook. ‐ Getting married. 357 00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,207 ‐ Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no, but I need to think about it. 358 00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:56,334 ‐ I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. BOTH: Oh, yeah! 359 00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:57,627 ‐ Hey, you guys want to hear a poem I just wrote? 360 00:14:57,627 --> 00:14:58,503 ‐ Fuck yes, dude! 361 00:15:00,171 --> 00:15:03,132 ‐ This is the greatest night ever. I have a nickname. 362 00:15:03,132 --> 00:15:06,678 They're calling me Yummy Bear. ‐ You are such a Yummy Bear. 363 00:15:06,678 --> 00:15:08,638 That's so you. ‐ Right? 364 00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:11,182 Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick. 365 00:15:11,182 --> 00:15:13,768 I know you just wanted to hang out and I guess I was jealous. 366 00:15:14,394 --> 00:15:17,647 ‐ You were a dick. But it's okay now. 367 00:15:17,647 --> 00:15:19,732 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 368 00:15:19,732 --> 00:15:22,443 ♪ 369 00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:27,323 [grunting] 370 00:15:30,952 --> 00:15:32,495 [cackles] 371 00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,336 ‐ The makeup here is marked up 1,000 percent. 372 00:15:40,336 --> 00:15:42,922 All these costumes are so slutty. ‐ Keep it together, Korvo. 373 00:15:42,922 --> 00:15:44,465 He wants you stressed. 374 00:15:51,222 --> 00:15:52,473 [groans] 375 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,225 ‐ Fuck you! ‐ There he is, get him. 376 00:15:54,225 --> 00:15:55,685 [babbling] 377 00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:57,520 ‐ Where did he go? 378 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480 [Red Goobler cackling] 379 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,108 ‐ Fuck, I hate this kind of place. I hate mirrors, goddamn it. 380 00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:04,485 This is so scary. ‐ [cackling] 381 00:16:08,364 --> 00:16:10,366 [cackling continues] 382 00:16:20,293 --> 00:16:23,379 ‐ So apparently I'm buying a van, writing a cookbook, 383 00:16:23,379 --> 00:16:24,923 and maybe marrying Mark Melner. 384 00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:27,342 ‐ Lucky, I always thought he'd make a good dad. 385 00:16:27,342 --> 00:16:29,510 Oh, hey, what's up, girl? 386 00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:30,595 [growls] 387 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:33,848 [screams] 388 00:16:34,766 --> 00:16:36,768 ‐ What the heck? Staci K? 389 00:16:37,977 --> 00:16:39,145 ‐ I'll kill you! 390 00:16:39,145 --> 00:16:41,231 [all growling] 391 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,198 ‐ Oh, shit, your dumb pollen must have mixed with my cool pollen 392 00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:51,491 and turned everyone into crazies. 393 00:16:51,491 --> 00:16:53,826 ‐ Ah! Cripes. ‐ Come on, let's get out of here. 394 00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:55,495 [grunting] 395 00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:05,964 ‐ Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo. 396 00:17:05,964 --> 00:17:07,632 You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together. 397 00:17:07,632 --> 00:17:09,842 TERRY: Korvo, where are you? Don't stress, man. 398 00:17:09,842 --> 00:17:11,678 We can still get him. Oh, my God! 399 00:17:11,678 --> 00:17:13,429 ‐ What? ‐ They have mini Japanese Kit Kats 400 00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:14,347 in all sorts of flavors. 401 00:17:14,347 --> 00:17:16,140 [Red Goobler babbling] 402 00:17:18,476 --> 00:17:19,394 ‐ No! ‐ Busted. 403 00:17:19,394 --> 00:17:20,979 ‐ Check us out, bitch. ‐ [groans] 404 00:17:23,398 --> 00:17:25,483 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 405 00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:28,486 ♪ 406 00:17:36,536 --> 00:17:38,496 [rumbling] 407 00:17:38,955 --> 00:17:40,957 [animals clamoring] 408 00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:44,168 [Red Goobler babbling] 409 00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:47,338 ‐ Explain to me again why we aren't just killing this A‐hole. 410 00:17:47,338 --> 00:17:49,340 ‐ If we do then, in a way, he wins. 411 00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,759 Maybe by cutting him open and studying his insides, 412 00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:54,429 I can learn how to control my stress instead of just avoiding it. 413 00:17:54,429 --> 00:17:55,889 ‐ Aw, that's nice, Korvo. 414 00:17:55,889 --> 00:17:57,765 But I still say we light this little cunt on fire. 415 00:17:57,765 --> 00:17:59,058 ‐ Oh, language, Terry. ‐ Sorry. 416 00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:00,894 I'm just all jacked up on green tea Kit Kats. 417 00:18:00,894 --> 00:18:03,897 ‐ Uh, guys, we have a big problem that Jesse caused. 418 00:18:03,897 --> 00:18:06,649 ‐ We grew flowers on our heads. We know it's a puberty thing 419 00:18:06,649 --> 00:18:08,818 and that we're turning into adults. ‐ What's "poo‐berty"? 420 00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:12,113 ‐ You know, when humans grow hair and bleed out of their penises and stuff. 421 00:18:12,113 --> 00:18:13,198 ‐ Oh, my God. ‐ Oh, that's awful. 422 00:18:13,198 --> 00:18:15,283 ‐ You're not a human. You don't get to have a puberty. 423 00:18:15,283 --> 00:18:18,119 You grow into our size and then eventually turn into a wise old tree. 424 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,538 And if you're lucky, someone uses your body to build a house. 425 00:18:20,538 --> 00:18:22,665 This is just fungus you get from not washing your hands. 426 00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:24,792 ‐ You gotta wash those hands. ‐ It's fine as long as you didn't let 427 00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:26,753 your pollens mix and infect anyone, all right? 428 00:18:27,503 --> 00:18:30,506 The only way to stop this infection is to inject the serum under their skin. 429 00:18:30,506 --> 00:18:33,092 But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too. 430 00:18:33,092 --> 00:18:35,678 Which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons. 431 00:18:35,678 --> 00:18:37,388 ‐ We get to cut people up? ‐ It doesn't hurt them. 432 00:18:37,388 --> 00:18:40,516 The cuts all heal themselves because of the sci‐fi goo the blades emit. 433 00:18:40,516 --> 00:18:42,185 ‐ Lame. ‐ But wouldn't it be safer 434 00:18:42,185 --> 00:18:43,686 to use, like, a dart or something? 435 00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:44,854 ‐ You want to use a dart? Okay, yeah. 436 00:18:44,854 --> 00:18:46,814 Go ahead, use a dart. This is way cooler than a dart. 437 00:18:46,814 --> 00:18:48,858 ‐ Let's go stab some kids and save some lives. 438 00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:50,985 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 439 00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:53,947 ♪ 440 00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:55,240 [screams] 441 00:19:03,873 --> 00:19:05,041 ‐ Thank you. 442 00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,960 ‐ Oh, eat it! 443 00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,213 Yes! ‐ Thanks, man. 444 00:19:14,217 --> 00:19:17,762 ‐ I'm sorry, I'm healing you. You're welcome, I love you. 445 00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:19,180 ‐ Wow, thanks. 446 00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:33,570 ‐ Don't worry, they won't remember any of this. 447 00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,572 ‐ But they're gonna remember I'm cool, right? 448 00:19:35,572 --> 00:19:37,574 ‐ No, at best, they'll remember that you aren't. 449 00:19:48,126 --> 00:19:49,836 [grunting] 450 00:19:57,927 --> 00:20:00,638 ‐ Oh, thanks, man. ‐ Yeah, no problem. 451 00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:02,724 ♪ soft music playing ♪ 452 00:20:03,808 --> 00:20:06,352 [barking] [quacking] 453 00:20:16,362 --> 00:20:17,363 [bell rings] 454 00:20:17,947 --> 00:20:20,950 ‐ Whoa, dude, what are you doing? ‐ Sitting with my party buds. 455 00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,702 Last night was crazy, right? ‐ Bro. 456 00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:26,247 This table's for air podders only. ‐ I could turn into a pod. 457 00:20:26,247 --> 00:20:29,209 ‐ No way, man. Pod save this seat for someone else. 458 00:20:31,377 --> 00:20:34,464 ‐ Sorry, Yummy Bear. Same thing happened to me with the Stacis. 459 00:20:34,464 --> 00:20:37,592 They told me to take my flat ass back to Planet Mexico. 460 00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:39,886 ‐ Everyone who's awesome and cool is such a jerk. 461 00:20:39,886 --> 00:20:42,680 I'm a jerk all the time, but it never gets me anywhere. 462 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,017 ‐ Hey, uh, we heard you guys were at that crazy party last night. 463 00:20:46,017 --> 00:20:47,644 ‐ Who said it was crazy? No one got stabbed. 464 00:20:47,644 --> 00:20:50,230 ‐ Oh, no, no, no. We haven't been to any of those parties. 465 00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:51,689 We just want to hear about it. 466 00:20:51,689 --> 00:20:54,484 ‐ So first, we were all hanging out at Barn's house. 467 00:20:54,484 --> 00:20:58,154 ‐ Was it in a real barn? ‐ No, it was Cooper Barn's house. 468 00:20:58,154 --> 00:21:02,659 Apparently, cool kids call each other by their last name. 469 00:21:02,659 --> 00:21:03,993 ALL: Ooh. 470 00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:10,833 ‐ [Red Goobler babbling] ‐ Ah! 471 00:21:14,629 --> 00:21:16,714 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪ 472 00:21:16,714 --> 00:21:18,591 ♪ 473 00:21:21,594 --> 00:21:26,015 ‐ Wake up, you little slut. It's time me and you had it out. 474 00:21:26,766 --> 00:21:28,184 What the? 475 00:21:28,518 --> 00:21:29,769 [gasps] 476 00:21:30,061 --> 00:21:32,981 No. No, no, no, no, no, no. 477 00:21:34,566 --> 00:21:37,193 This is a regular goob‐‐ ‐ Terry, have you seen my tennis racket? 478 00:21:37,777 --> 00:21:40,405 I've noticed that women who play tennis are particularly dominant. 479 00:21:40,405 --> 00:21:43,116 I have a better chance of finding an assertive mate while‐‐ 480 00:21:43,116 --> 00:21:45,034 What, where is the red goobler? ‐ I killed him. 481 00:21:45,034 --> 00:21:46,661 ‐ Damn, Terry, that's cold. ‐ Yeah. 482 00:21:46,661 --> 00:21:49,289 I just, um, I knew as long as he was alive, 483 00:21:49,289 --> 00:21:50,999 you would always worry about him escaping, 484 00:21:50,999 --> 00:21:53,585 and I wanted you to have, just, less stress in your life. 485 00:21:53,585 --> 00:21:56,004 I care about you, man. So I chopped up his body 486 00:21:56,004 --> 00:21:59,048 and I fed it to the pigs, and I shot the pigs into space. 487 00:21:59,048 --> 00:22:01,384 So don't worry, those pigs are safe. No, they're not. 488 00:22:01,384 --> 00:22:03,928 ‐ That is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 489 00:22:03,928 --> 00:22:05,179 Thank you, Terry. 490 00:22:06,931 --> 00:22:09,434 Oh, I feel so relaxed. I took a bath. 491 00:22:09,434 --> 00:22:11,269 Just a soak. Didn't even wash my junk. 492 00:22:11,269 --> 00:22:13,521 Nobody's hunting me anymore and it feels good, Terry. 493 00:22:13,521 --> 00:22:15,356 It feels right. ‐ Uh, yep, feels great. Good night. 494 00:22:15,356 --> 00:22:18,735 ‐ Ah, I will now enjoy the stress‐free sleep of safety, 495 00:22:18,735 --> 00:22:21,029 knowing that no one out there is playing the long game 496 00:22:21,029 --> 00:22:23,489 waiting for me to drop my guard, or‐or anything like that. 497 00:22:23,865 --> 00:22:24,991 Ah. 498 00:22:25,992 --> 00:22:27,827 [babbling] 499 00:22:31,206 --> 00:22:33,333 [seagulls cawing] 500 00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:35,418 ♪ tense music playing ♪ 501 00:22:35,418 --> 00:22:38,421 ♪ 502 00:22:43,509 --> 00:22:45,178 [cackling] 503 00:23:32,684 --> 00:23:34,185 Pew‐pew, pew‐pew‐pew!