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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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You know Alain, his twin brother
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He was always kind to me
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Well we flirted a bit
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It's normal, no?
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What could I do?
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Jean-Claude had been dead
more than a year
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You can't wait forever
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So we became lovers
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It wasn't bad at all
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Even better, amazing
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I know, it was his brother
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but at last I could breathe
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Things were better
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apart from his dog, Kremone
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She was his true love
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She was so angry that she would
lie on the bed between us
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to stop Alain touching me
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Then one day she disappeared
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We looked everywhere
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Then the gravedigger phoned and said
he'd found her at the cemetery
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She'd spent the whole day
sitting on his grave
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What's incredible
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during the night she decided
to dig up his bones
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The gravedigger returned at dawn
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She'd dug up the earth
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Nothing, there was just an empty hole
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not even a coffin!
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The police came
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I insisted they re-open the case
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They finally told me
Jean-Claude was not dead
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He'd fled the country
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Something with the mafia
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He’d grassed to the police
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Puff, vanished
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He lives in Algeria
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can't come back or
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he'd be killed
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He'd done it for me, for all of us
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I insisted I had to see him or else
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I'd reveal everything
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I loaded the car
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Kremone beside me, motionless, expectant
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I don't understand what goes on
in the head of that poodle
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One evening I was in a cafe
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Jean-Claude arrived
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He shouted
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“my wife with my brother
how is it possible?!”
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He said he couldn't live
without Kremone
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Kremone looking back
over his shoulder...
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...in triumph!
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She's beautiful but sad
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What about my ceiling?
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My omelette?
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Seeing you sitting there
makes me think of my cousin
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She was mad about chickens
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I don't remember where
she was living then
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but she’d seen an advert
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in a newspaper
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for 10 chickens and an enormous coop
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I went to the farm, mud everywhere
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Old buildings but no people
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I went to look for the farmer
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There were animals everywhere...
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…but nobody
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So I decided to leave
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I was going back to my van
when I heard a strange noise
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And there in the ditch
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stuck in the mud was an old man
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Unable to get out,
his legs stuck in the mud
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I couldn't pull him out on my own
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He asked me to get him a coffee
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Do you want some more coffee?
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"Reheat the pot on the stove" he said
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I went to the kitchen, lit the gas...
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...and I heard footsteps
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A man came into the kitchen
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He was handsome. Very handsome
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You can't imagine how handsome!
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He told me his dream
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he was stuck in a ditch
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covered in mud - a horrible nightmare
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He woke when he heard me come in
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We went out to the ditch...
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...there was no one there!
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The old man had gone
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It was as if I had
entered into his dream
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So we drank the coffee
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I stayed for 3 days
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After a few weeks we got married
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We were very happy...
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...well, I think we were
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I never got the chickens
Nor him - he disappeared
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I'm now alone
you have your chicken
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Don't do that again, what you did last night
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Don't do that to me
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Listen now to The Song of Forgotten Cars
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And now, the Song of Forgotten Cigarettes
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Ladies and gentlemen,
our laureate, Professor...
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...Schmetterling
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Before we hear from our
distinguished guest
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I would like us to reflect
on his discoveries
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while listening to the Saint Felix ensemble
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It gives us great pleasure to award him
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the Ewaldiana Prize
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named after one of the famous founders
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of the science of crystallography
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I remember one day with my uncle
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he said he was going to climb this rock
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I said you're mad - it's too high
It's dangerous
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But he was too confident
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He climbed it
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he jumped
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and I never saw my uncle again
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The police put a net across the river
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A thick fog came down
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They never found him
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We went to eat at Gaspard's
as it was a Sunday
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It was a sad meal
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No grandfather
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and now no uncle
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I'm tired
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Good night
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Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
the 19th fête of St.Julien en Clop
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Between us, I'd love a smoke
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Between us, I'd love a smoke
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but my doctor has forbidden me
after the death of his dog
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I'd like to thank
Mr & Mrs Fanonvilliers
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for the mutton they supply for the grill
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They know nothing about sheep
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The mutton reminds us of
our beautiful countryside
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Apologies...
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...I have terrible stomach cramps...
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...I think it's the oysters
prepared by my husband
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I'd like to thank Mrs Leboitier
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for her exceptional tomatoes
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whose flavour is beyond our wildest dreams
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And the wines supplied by Gaston Leduc
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who despite his great age
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still adds to the general drunkenness
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We are all here together
faced with an uncertain future
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rotten with uncertainty
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defenceless against a world
in perpetual evolution
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towards the abyss…
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…of oblivion
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I leave you amongst these trees,
these stones
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these bottles, and
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your favourite chicken race!
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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull