1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:02,292
-(organ music playing)
-(bell tolling)
2
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:07,214
thank you all for being here
to celebrate the life
3
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,633
of miss anne stafford,
4
00:00:09,719 --> 00:00:13,470
-a pillar of our community
who touched so many. -(sobbing)
5
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:17,349
miss anne's dance studio
was so much more
6
00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:19,852
than just a place
to learn to tap.
7
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:24,690
It was a haven for girls
who had nowhere else to turn.
8
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,650
Oh, miss anne!
9
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,319
Taken from us too soon!
10
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:32,322
(wails):
Oh, miss anne!
11
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,784
Mother, do not make
this funeral about you.
12
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:38,245
♪ ♪
13
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,751
-I have a story to tell!
-I do, too!
14
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,294
-Oh, lord.
-What's happening?
15
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,087
These two trauma queens
turn every funeral
16
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,881
into a sob story competition.
17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,884
Miss anne did more
than introduce me
18
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,094
to dance and pageantry.
19
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,055
She saved my life.
20
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,807
As you all know,
my father died...
21
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,225
During childbirth.
22
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:01,310
-What...?
-(gasping, crying)
23
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:02,770
he went out for a cigarette
24
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,354
and got run over
by an ambulance.
25
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,190
-(thunder crashes)
-(sobbing)
26
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,067
mother blamed me
for daddy's death.
27
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:10,277
(murmuring)
28
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,571
my father also died.
29
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,865
(thunder crashes)
30
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,951
serving his country,
a true hero,
31
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,912
in the korean war.
32
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,330
(murmuring)
33
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,332
oh, I just remembered
some more details.
34
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,750
(thunder crashes)
35
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,752
my father served
in world war ii,
36
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,754
which was probably
the greatest war.
37
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,923
Way better than the korean war.
38
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,300
I had to get a job
shucking pecans
39
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,761
at the preteen,
super tragic age of 11.
40
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:39,098
While working third shift
at the couch cushion factory,
41
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:42,434
my toe got sewn to a love seat.
42
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,937
I lost the tip
of my pointer finger.
43
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,522
But with lots of prayer
and my faith
44
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,942
in our lord jesus christ,
my fingertip
45
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:52,319
fully grew back
and my nails have never
46
00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:54,404
-been stronger.
-Wha...?
47
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,198
Oh, miss anne!
48
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:58,158
-(crying)
-(people gasping)
49
00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,618
good lord,
how many insane ladies
50
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,036
are gonna bum-rush this eulogy?
51
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,455
Marjune culpepper.
52
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:06,125
-Do you have a story to share?
-I do.
53
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:10,587
It's a story
I haven't told until now.
54
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,799
When I was just 18,
my father ran off.
55
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,551
-(gasping)
-my mama got real sick,
56
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,553
and we just didn't know how
we were gonna feed the baby.
57
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,556
So one day,
she gave me a red satin dress,
58
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,268
made me up and paraded me
in front of older men.
59
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,853
-(gasping)
-oh, hell no!
60
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:29,189
We were just doing
what we had to do to survive.
61
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,192
And mama said, "here's
your one chance, marjune.
62
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,819
Don't let me down."
63
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,571
-(groaning)
-and from then on,
64
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,615
I was bought and sold
like chattel
65
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:43,078
to men who were a minimum
seven times my age.
66
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:45,080
-(gasps)
-I was a husk.
67
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,040
And when miss anne
took me under her wing,
68
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:50,210
she built me back up,
piece by broken piece,
69
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,088
through the power of dance.
70
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,381
(crying)
71
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,217
did you hear that crock
of dookie dundee?
72
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,719
She made that whole thing up.
73
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:01,638
Oh, I'm trying
to unhear that web of lies.
74
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,766
What are y'all doing?
Cooking up some new sob stories?
75
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,602
Jenny, open your earholes.
76
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,897
Marjune culpepper
just stole the entire plot
77
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,566
of reba mcentire's
hit song "fancy"
78
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,444
and passed it off
as her own life story.
79
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:18,488
Red dress, locket, "be nice
to the rich men, fancy."
80
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:22,075
baby, tombstone, shack.
It's iconic.
81
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,744
Don't sugarcoat it, betty.
82
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,706
It's the best childhood
prostitute anthem ever recorded.
83
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,291
Y'all, come on.
84
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,585
She's not copying reba.
It's totally different.
85
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,421
(scoffs) that song's about
a girl whose mother got sick
86
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,506
and couldn't feed the baby
so she put her teenage daughter
87
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:38,383
in a red satin dress
and sold her off to rich men
88
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,177
'cause it was her one chance.
89
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,679
Oh, I'm hearing it now.
Yeah, she stole that story.
90
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,015
♪ ♪
91
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,838
violet:
God bless whomever uploaded
92
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:20,342
the jonestown massacre movie
from 1980 staring powers boothe.
93
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,345
1980s powers boothe
is a smokeshow.
94
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,264
When I get old enough,
I'm totally gonna
95
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:26,932
-change my name
to powers boothe.
-(aluminum bat clinks)
96
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,558
-if you don't do it, vi,
I will kill you.
-(kids cheering)
97
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:29,601
(both gasp)
98
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,603
-ugh. Ew.
-Gross.
99
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,189
How did the ball
get way out here?
100
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,149
-Come on! Throw the ball back!
-Kid: Come on!
101
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,693
They're scoring!
102
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:40,153
I'm already so violently bored
with this ball.
103
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,530
What is it even doing here?
104
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,949
-Just throw it!
-You ruin everything!
105
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,494
Hold on. We're trying
to decide what to do.
106
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,955
Please, lord,
just one of y'all throw it.
107
00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:52,082
Give me the ball. I'll do it.
108
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,293
♪ ♪
109
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,253
-(grunts)
-(kids groan)
110
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,755
ugh, seriously?
We're losing the game.
111
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,340
(grunts)
112
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:02,718
honestly, you can just roll it
if you need to.
113
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,053
Way to shut down the game,
you weirdos.
114
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,805
Both:
(gasp) bully!
115
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,765
You suck!
116
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,768
Remember I told you, if you
at least try, I'll pass you.
117
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,270
But you got to help me out here.
118
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,855
There's literally
nothing we could've done.
119
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,440
I mean, are people seeing this?
120
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,400
-Am I crazy?
-Classic harassment.
121
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,318
(both shout)
122
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,028
-a hand!
-An ugly glove!
123
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:24,865
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you.
124
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:28,952
All that love she's getting
is based on a stolen song lyric.
125
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,955
Every hug,
every pat on the shoulder,
126
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,583
every heartfelt handclasp.
127
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,918
(gasps) and now reverend moore's
praying with her?
128
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,755
That should be us
getting those extra prayers.
129
00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:42,716
Our stories were
the saddest ones by a mile.
130
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,219
Marjune culpepper
needs to be exposed, and then
131
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,473
this whole town will want
those hugs and prayers back.
132
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:52,684
That's right. The saddest thing
in her life should be us.
133
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:56,271
Crystalynn, I do not
care for you, but I bet
134
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,066
you're smelling exactly
what I'm smelling, y'all.
135
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,942
If you're cooking up
a devil's bargain,
136
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,903
I might fix myself a plate.
137
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,821
Hey, did y'all see
they got mini quiches...
138
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,199
Oh, no. Not a devil's bargain.
139
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,743
(school bell rings)
140
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,787
fowler:
Violet hart? David brito?
141
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,747
Come on out, guys.
You got to start training
142
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:15,749
for the presidential
physical fitness exam.
143
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,918
-No, thank you. Pass.
-Yeah. We're good.
144
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,628
-We're in the middle
of something.
-Who are you?
145
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,255
Well, I'm coach fowler, filling
in for coach stikeleather.
146
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,674
I guess he fell off his roof
trying to get pine needles
147
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:25,926
out of his directv dish.
148
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,302
Now, what's all this?
149
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:30,138
It's called
japanese flower arranging.
150
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,640
We have an agreement
with coach stikeleather.
151
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,517
We pursue our interests, and...
152
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,019
That's it.
That's the entire agreement.
153
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,522
Well, I love where you're going
with those flowers,
154
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,066
but this is a gym class,
so maybe put a pin
155
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:43,485
in the flowers and come on down
to the track, huh?
156
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,695
Come on, move it.
Your flowers are gonna be fine.
157
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,323
What a nazi. Did you hear that?
158
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,367
"your flowers will be fine."
(scoffs)
159
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,869
well, that's code for "don't you
dare try to express yourself."
160
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:56,081
marjune:
Oh, bless you both
for stopping by.
161
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,917
I could use
all the cheering up I can get.
162
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,253
Miss anne's passing
really brought up
163
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,296
painful memories for me.
164
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:07,968
Oh, my gosh, marjune, we were
just so moved by your story.
165
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,220
I shouldn't have waited
so long to tell it.
166
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,890
Yes, you might even say
your story was a hit.
167
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,351
Yes, it really sang.
168
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,188
You brought the mcentire room
to tears.
169
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:24,192
No one would ever hear it
and ask for a reba-ate.
170
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,986
Well, when you speak
from the heart,
171
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,071
it always connects.
Cookie?
172
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,323
Wow, she is really
not getting it.
173
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,617
We gotta stop being so clever.
174
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,494
I've got a question
that'll trip her up.
175
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,414
Marjune, what was the name
of that little town
176
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:38,665
you grew up in?
177
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,709
Um...
178
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,669
-Thinmint.
-Thinmint?
179
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,296
Yes, thinmint.
180
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,590
-You're saying thin mint?
-Thinmint.
181
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,467
-Thin...
-Mint.
182
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:52,262
Do you ever get back there,
to thinmint?
183
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:55,056
Oh, I haven't been
to thinmint in years.
184
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,350
You know what, marjune,
185
00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,353
I would love to see
this refreshing town
186
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,230
of thinmint, north carolina.
187
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:06,234
You know what? I think
that's a wonderful idea.
188
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,278
-It is?
-Absolutely.
189
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,071
We should go, the three of us.
190
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,782
I have been carrying around
so much pain,
191
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,075
it's time to face it.
192
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,745
And I need you both
for strength.
193
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,246
Oh, uh, really?
194
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:21,082
Yes. So, what do you say,
ladies? Road trip?
195
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,876
Uh-oh, looks like
she called our bluff.
196
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,505
Hmm? No. Caulderbluff is down
more toward wilmington.
197
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,509
Violet:
And then this jock comes in
and is like,
198
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,720
"get your asses down there
right now!"
199
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,389
yelling at us to get in line
and, I don't know,
200
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,266
man up or something like that.
201
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,809
Wait, he said that?
202
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,062
He might as well have,
throwing all his chest beating,
203
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,563
caveman crap around.
204
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,315
And if I fail the
presidential fitness test,
205
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,816
I fail gym.
206
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:50,028
And if the black mark
on my record is gym...
207
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,536
Vi, let us know when you feel
like you've made your point.
208
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,621
-Her gpa's gonna go down.
-Wayne gets it.
209
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,289
That friggin' meathead.
210
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,250
Punishing kids just for being
oddball weaklings.
211
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:06,378
This isn't the 1980s.
Weirdos are people, too.
212
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:10,173
He's totally homophobic.
An emotional terrorist.
213
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,217
Well, that terrorist is
about to meet the department
214
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,677
of wayneland security.
215
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,595
That homophobic,
knuckle-dragging,
216
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,889
kid rock listening roid rager
needs to learn
217
00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:20,559
he cannot mess with people
just because they're different.
218
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,686
Mm.
219
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,187
Oh, he's got a boyfriend.
220
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:27,440
We may have some details
wrong about this guy.
221
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,821
(school bell rings)
222
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,406
oh, sorry to keep you waiting.
223
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,199
Uh, I was just saying goodbye
to my husband.
224
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,661
He's headed off to south america
to fix some cleft palates.
225
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,204
It's hard being apart,
226
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,582
but seeing the looks
on those kids' faces
227
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,584
is just, oh... Wow.
228
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:49,379
So, what's going on?
What can I help you with?
229
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,548
Well, don't take this
the wrong way...
230
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,217
It's just that we heard
there might have been some...
231
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:58,221
Ooh... (chuckles) emotional
terrorism in your class.
232
00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,390
Oh, my god, thank you. Yes.
233
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,310
I mean, she and david have been
putting me through the ringer.
234
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,353
Here's a list of the things
they have done
235
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,607
in order to get out of
simply participating in gym.
236
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,650
David pretended to have
a heart attack.
237
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:14,070
Violet claimed to have
a split personality disorder
238
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,822
so that I couldn't even
talk to her.
239
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,575
Instead, I had to speak
to a wolf child named yoli.
240
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:22,037
And finally, they called
amber alerts on themselves
241
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,705
simply to get out
of jumping rope.
242
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,457
And all of this was
just yesterday.
243
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,834
Oh, no, our daughter's
the bad guy.
244
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,252
I blame myself.
245
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,962
I played her some old
jerky boys albums.
246
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,505
I poisoned the well.
247
00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:36,509
My lord, these old roads
are taking me back.
248
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,970
She's never been
on this road in her life.
249
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,389
She's just doubling down
on her double down.
250
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,099
(gasps)
oh, look.
251
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,976
There's doody's chicken.
252
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:48,104
That place used to have the best
fried chicken in the state.
253
00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,981
Doody was a dear friend
of my father's
254
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,941
and the first man
who ever made love to me
255
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,319
to the point I said,
"now I get it."
256
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:57,072
is she just gonna keep making up
roadside memories
257
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,199
until we jump out of this car?
258
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,743
If that's her strategy,
she's in for a big surprise.
259
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,746
'cause I'm not leaving
until she confesses to me
260
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,956
like I'm pope sean paul.
261
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,629
-We need to talk.
-Wayne, please. If I may.
262
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:16,549
I am her mother,
and I know how to approach this.
263
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,218
What the hell, violet?!
264
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,220
I marched down there
in full mama bear mode,
265
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,097
ready to lift a car
off my toddler,
266
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,141
only to find out that my toddler
was actually driving the car
267
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,310
and she drove it
right over her gym teacher,
268
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,312
who was a nice, reasonable man.
269
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,107
A nice, reasonable, gay man,
270
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:35,151
which I only mention
'cause you led us to believe
271
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,570
he was targeting y'all
for being different.
272
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,364
How could a gay guy
be mean like that?
273
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,366
And before you say anything,
274
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,202
no, he wasn't even fun mean like
the neighbor on will & grace.
275
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,788
He was a gentle gay,
like gandalf.
276
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,833
Violet, he said he'll give
you and david a "b"
277
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,877
if you can pass the presidential
physical fitness exam.
278
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,880
Which is just some pull-ups,
sit-ups and a light jog.
279
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,675
-In one day?
-Oh, come on,
it's hardly anything.
280
00:11:58,802 --> 00:11:59,968
Well, did you pass it?
281
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,886
-Yes.
-Yes, with flying colors.
282
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,556
♪ ♪
283
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,436
more... Weight!
284
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,980
I'm not the same as you guys.
285
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:14,607
My body is different.
286
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,317
-David: Oh, god. Cramp.
-Aw, shin splints.
287
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:18,069
-Cramp! Medical grade blisters.
-Oh, and my vision is blurry.
288
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,571
I have heat stroke.
I feel it.
289
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,197
-My organs are shutting down.
-Jenny: Guys.
290
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,158
We're not even to the car yet.
291
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,951
Okay, violet,
in over 45 minutes,
292
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,203
you did just under one push-up.
293
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,330
But we're rounding up, right?
294
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:32,208
And, david, as far as I can
tell, you didn't do anything.
295
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,210
Nuh-uh.
I did a half a sit-up.
296
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,670
That's just called lying down.
297
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,380
Bottom line, you guys would fail
298
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,382
the presidential
physical fitness exam
299
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,760
and whatever test they give
for osteoporosis.
300
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,721
Ugh. We don't need this.
Making me and david pass p.E.
301
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,848
Is like making the quarterback
learn the difference
302
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,057
between yaz and erasure.
303
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,350
Ooh. Perfect analogy.
304
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,644
-Low-energy five?
-Jenny: Violet,
305
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,104
stop fooling around.
306
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,814
It's like you
don't even care about this.
307
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,816
Ding, ding, ding!
I don't.
308
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,986
(exasperated groaning)
309
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,325
boy, she is not going to admit
to this lie for nothing.
310
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,577
She sure is going
to a lot of trouble
311
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,330
for something that's
just gonna blow up in her face.
312
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:14,125
Wait. It's starting to feel
like too much trouble.
313
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:17,587
-What do you mean?
-Let me walk you through this,
helen keller.
314
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,455
She was cornered,
like an animal,
315
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,383
had to think fast, so she
just got us on the road...
316
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,886
In the middle of nowhere.
317
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,222
-She's gonna kill us!
-She's fixin' to kill us!
318
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,765
Obviously,
we got to disguise ourselves
319
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,391
so we can get away from her.
320
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:32,477
Look around, dummy--
there's always black hair dye
321
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,187
in these gas station bathrooms.
322
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,940
No. When people are trying
to conceal their identity,
323
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,317
they bring their own black hair
dye to gas station bathrooms.
324
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,110
-(knocking)
-marjune: You guys almost ready?
325
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,320
Hang on!
326
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,447
Betty's doing
a real nasty number two.
327
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,115
Betty:
Why would you say that?
328
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:49,744
No, I'm not. Crystalynn's
the one that had diarrhea.
329
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:53,456
Crystalynn:
Marjune, I swear to you
I did not have diarrhea.
330
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,625
Betty:
Just one more minute.
331
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,293
When we leave this restroom,
332
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,045
we have to be
two totally different people.
333
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,923
How about you wet that toilet
paper and use it as a wig?
334
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,424
A white wig?
Like a british judge?
335
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,802
And then I'll squirt
that pink soap all over my head
336
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:06,886
like a punk rocker.
337
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,221
Whatever we do,
338
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,265
we cannot get back
in that truck with her.
339
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,852
Why did we get back
in this truck?
340
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,937
I don't know.
341
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,940
Violet hart,
you are not gonna give up.
342
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,316
You have to at least try.
343
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,652
I don't want to try,
because when I do,
344
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,696
it sucks and it's embarrassing.
345
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,906
It's easier to act
like things are stupid
346
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,533
and you're above them.
347
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,451
Then people are less likely
to tease you about it.
348
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:33,538
Oh, violet, I didn't know
how much you...
349
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:34,789
(gasps)
350
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,457
♪ ♪
351
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,543
-(bicycle bell rings)
-(grunts)
352
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,836
-(tries screech)
-aah!
353
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,754
-(horn honks)
-(grunts)
354
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,506
what the...?
355
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,924
(grunting)
356
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,259
hey!
357
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,052
(grunts)
358
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,847
♪ ♪
359
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:54,309
finally! Rocky horror is coming
to greenpoint after 45 years.
360
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,727
No way!
361
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,896
Guys, do you realize
what just happened?
362
00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,190
Yes. The town of greenpoint
just stepped into the '90s.
363
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:04,819
No, you both ran like
your houses were on fire.
364
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,946
Well, it was necessary.
365
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,657
Right, so there are some things
that get you off your ass.
366
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,619
Of course there are. They just
have to be important things.
367
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,496
Like, I don't know,
the opposite of gym class.
368
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,957
Well, I think I just figured out
how to get you guys to train.
369
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,459
Oh, lord.
370
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,003
Both:
She's gonna mr. Miyagi us.
371
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,176
(laughs)
I love that look.
372
00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:29,552
You guys are really
pulling me out of my funk.
373
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,471
We're surprised
you recognized us
374
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,641
and urged us to get
back in the truck.
375
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:37,060
I have to say, at first,
I was like, "who is this?
376
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,937
A british judge
and a punk rocker?"
377
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,189
(laughs) oh.
378
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,524
This is my favorite part
of the drive.
379
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:45,902
The part where
the road gets narrow
380
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,071
and there's not a soul around.
381
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,156
How about a little music?
382
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,201
-(spooky music plays)
-(chuckles nervously)
383
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,745
y'all, we got
to get a plan here.
384
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,455
I got one.
385
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,624
I've been trying to get some
of marjune's carpet fibers
386
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:02,085
under my toenails
for the coroner to find.
387
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,503
Smart move.
388
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,338
I also have swallowed
some seat padding,
389
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,257
so it'll be christmas morning
when that coroner empties
390
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:09,801
the contents of my stomach.
391
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:13,179
But now I'm thinking,
what if it doesn't come to that?
392
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,223
What if we get to her first?
393
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,558
Betty, are you pitching
pre-murder?
394
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:20,186
In self-defense,
which is airtight.
395
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:23,564
But if this doesn't work,
we are going down together.
396
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,651
If so, I wish you the best
in your afterlife,
397
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,654
as I will not be
seeing you in mine.
398
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,531
-Ready?
-Ready.
399
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,911
Oh, look, we're here.
400
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,496
Both:
Oh, what?!
401
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,623
("fancy" by reba mcentire
playing)
402
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,001
♪ well, I remember it all
very well looking back... ♪
403
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:46,504
well, this is it.
My childhood home.
404
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,381
♪ then mama spent
every last penny we had ♪
405
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,466
♪ to buy me a dancing dress ♪
406
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,177
♪ well, mama washed and combed
and curled my hair ♪
407
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,805
-♪ and then she painted
my eyes and lips ♪
-♪ lips... ♪
408
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,557
mama's mirror.
409
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,684
And my hair brush.
410
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,936
(gasps)
411
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,187
my locket.
412
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,898
-Good lord.
-Unbelievable.
413
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,567
Is that little juny?
414
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:08,901
-Nancy?
-(gasps)
415
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,987
oh, nancy, come here to me.
416
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:13,906
♪ here's your one chance,
fancy, don't let me down. ♪
417
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,491
this is my cousin nancy.
418
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,244
Oh, nan, I'm so sorry
I haven't been back.
419
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:23,166
Juny, why would you come back
after being so cruelly sold off?
420
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,419
Oh, my god, it's all true.
421
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,213
It is true, and I heard
every word y'all said.
422
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,174
We were in a small truck cab
together.
423
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,386
Do you all not understand
how sound works?
424
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,223
Now, violet, I know you
don't want to do a sit-up,
425
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,934
but I do know you want to get
a closer look at this.
426
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,686
Oh, my god!
427
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,647
Is that really the xanadu
soundtrack on purple vinyl?
428
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,442
-Yep. Want to read
the liner notes?
-(grunts)
429
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,486
okay, you probably
don't want to see this.
430
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,197
It's just a weird portrait
of an alien girl.
431
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:55,990
A margaret keane big eyes
portrait!
432
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:59,368
Must look directly
into those eyes!
433
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,621
(grunting)
434
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,122
♪ ♪
435
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,208
he's got playing cards
with pictures of cats
436
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,751
dressed as turn-of-the-century
pioneers!
437
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,586
-Oh, my god, kill me!
-What does she have?
438
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,755
Tales from the crypt
director's cut!
439
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,465
Unbelievable.
440
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,968
-(grunting)
-grace jones fashion
retrospective.
441
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,638
Taxidermied fox
wearing a monocle.
442
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,725
1970s cookbook where
every recipe uses jell-o!
443
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:27,980
("holding out for a hero"
by reika playing in japanese)
444
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,167
♪ ♪
445
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:54,382
-(exhales)
-congratulations, you did it.
446
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,043
You did the absolute
bare minimum to pass this test.
447
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,472
This is the most effort I've
ever put into gaining nothing.
448
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,767
I will cherish this
for no more than five minutes.
449
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:07,436
♪ ♪
450
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:13,359
you're doing your own
victory freeze frame?
451
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,486
Okay.
452
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,492
-We are bad people.
-Yep.
453
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,787
We have wickedness in us,
coursing through our veins.
454
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,706
Absolutely.
455
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,958
We almost killed a person.
456
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,251
Correct.
457
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,752
My daddy didn't die
in childbirth.
458
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,589
He died in orlando,
in his sleep,
459
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,966
spooning my loving mother
at their beautiful,
460
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,843
manicured retirement community.
461
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:42,346
Yep, and my mother never worked
in a couch cushion factory.
462
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,640
She baked in our kitchen
every day.
463
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:49,103
Delicious pork roasts
and heavenly layered cakes.
464
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,063
And I didn't lose a finger.
465
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,773
This is my original.
466
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,568
And I still have all the toes
the good lord gave me.
467
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,069
An even dozen.
468
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,487
You are gross.
469
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,323
Nevertheless,
we should come clean
470
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,575
to our loved ones
about all this.
471
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,035
You're right.
472
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,370
It's time we barfed up
the truth, y'all.
473
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,498
However, if we tell
our adult children that
474
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,668
much of what they know of their
family's past is embellished,
475
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:16,923
we risk causing them to never
trust anyone ever again.
476
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,633
That would be tragic.
477
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,802
Crystalynn, although
it gives me hand cancer
478
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,930
to feel your icy finger bones,
479
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,224
I propose we keep this
to ourselves
480
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,059
and make another devil's bargain
481
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,436
within our current
devil's bargain.
482
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,606
Betty, although touching you
feels like sticking my hand
483
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,525
in a garbage disposal
full of used needles,
484
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,486
I agree.
485
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,154
So you want a ride home?
486
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,864
I'd rather die than ride
in your crap wagon.
487
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,992
Good, because I didn't bring
a pet carrier for you,
488
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,621
and I sure as hell don't have
any newspaper for your seat.
489
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,754
Isn't this so exciting?!
490
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,631
I hope I brought
enough toast for everyone.
491
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,967
I'm really nervous
there won't be enough toast.
492
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,593
Wayne, I'm sure people
brought their own toast.
493
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,179
Fair warning,
when we get to time warping,
494
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,682
I treat it more like a mosh pit,
so if you get near me,
495
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,433
you will get bruised.
496
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,727
Everybody got their rice
ready to throw?
497
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:16,232
Okay, remember, throw the rice
down away from people's eyes.
498
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,026
Do you think this has become
too mainstream?
499
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,444
Yeah. Already lame.
500
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:23,072
Want to go watch eraserhead?
501
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,491
Yo, adrian!
502
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:29,203
I think there was
a miscommunication, my babies.
503
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,205
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
504
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,542
captioned by
media access group at wgbh