1 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,102 (groans) I'm gonna need a stronger stream. 2 00:00:08,238 --> 00:00:09,738 Oh! Gross! 3 00:00:12,058 --> 00:00:13,591 Eh, close enough. 4 00:00:13,610 --> 00:00:15,518 Hey, Jenny, why the hell are you cleaning out 5 00:00:15,579 --> 00:00:18,204 dookie chairs before your shift starts, girl? 6 00:00:18,373 --> 00:00:19,947 It's called "going the extra mile." 7 00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:21,690 I'm dropping hints left and right to Louise 8 00:00:21,752 --> 00:00:23,710 that I deserve a raise. 9 00:00:23,903 --> 00:00:26,713 Dropping hints for a raise? That never works. 10 00:00:26,906 --> 00:00:29,107 Well, if I just storm up to her and demand a raise, 11 00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:31,033 she'll think I'm being unladylike and rude 12 00:00:31,094 --> 00:00:34,112 -and just shut me down. -Yeah. That's why I avoided all that 13 00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:35,871 and just gave myself a raise, 14 00:00:35,932 --> 00:00:38,116 in the form of free toilet paper, 15 00:00:38,134 --> 00:00:39,967 cleaning supplies, and most of the lesser ordered fish. 16 00:00:40,062 --> 00:00:42,970 I don't want sand dabs and TP. I want cash. 17 00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:44,472 "Mon-nee." And I know how to get it. 18 00:00:44,608 --> 00:00:45,807 I speak "Louise." 19 00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:48,068 Watch this. 20 00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:52,297 Oh, hey, Louise. Ugh, sorry. 21 00:00:52,357 --> 00:00:54,240 Oh, I'm out here just cleaning out 22 00:00:54,392 --> 00:00:55,742 these real dirty high chairs. 23 00:00:55,935 --> 00:00:58,060 I hope you don't mind. I didn't clock in yet. 24 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,412 I'm just doing it on my own time. 25 00:00:59,605 --> 00:01:01,989 (chuckles) Totally don't mind, extra mile. 26 00:01:02,142 --> 00:01:04,809 Well, what I wish somebody would do 27 00:01:04,869 --> 00:01:06,644 is clean up all this garbage. 28 00:01:06,704 --> 00:01:08,830 I hope somebody does that. 29 00:01:08,924 --> 00:01:11,983 Somebody might be working on it. 30 00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:13,868 Wait. What are you doing? 31 00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:17,013 Giving myself a bonus in the form of high-test petroleum. 32 00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:22,160 Aah! Freakin' 89 octane? 33 00:01:22,178 --> 00:01:25,105 Come on, Louise, give me the good stuff. 34 00:01:25,273 --> 00:01:27,273 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:55,286 --> 00:01:57,195 ♪ ♪ 36 00:01:57,255 --> 00:01:59,364 And then I went and organized the walk-in fridge. 37 00:01:59,382 --> 00:02:01,307 So, mission accomplished. 38 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,868 Louise would have to be blind not to get the message. 39 00:02:03,928 --> 00:02:05,736 Wait. What is the message again? 40 00:02:05,805 --> 00:02:07,981 Wayne, duh. That I want a raise. 41 00:02:08,132 --> 00:02:09,557 Jenny, I didn't even know the point of your story 42 00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:10,799 until just now. 43 00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,152 Why don't you just say it? 44 00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,379 I did. I practically screamed it. 45 00:02:14,439 --> 00:02:16,381 Believe me, it's crystal clear. 46 00:02:16,399 --> 00:02:17,732 After washing the poopy high chairs, 47 00:02:17,884 --> 00:02:19,192 I made sure to go inside, 48 00:02:19,327 --> 00:02:20,976 panting, sweating and sighing loudly 49 00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:22,978 in her presence. 50 00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:25,390 (loud, exhausted sigh) 51 00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:26,908 That's a huge neon sign that says: 52 00:02:27,002 --> 00:02:28,984 "I am busting my ass off for you." 53 00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:32,821 Then, to let her know, loud and clear, 54 00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:34,899 how much I need more money, I let her catch me 55 00:02:34,959 --> 00:02:36,901 fixing the strap on my purse with tape. 56 00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:38,753 (groans loudly) 57 00:02:38,847 --> 00:02:40,663 Which screams: "Hello. I'm a poor person 58 00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,573 making the best of it." 59 00:02:42,634 --> 00:02:45,852 And then, while scrolling through my phone, I said... 60 00:02:46,045 --> 00:02:48,930 Huh. Oh, wow. 61 00:02:49,024 --> 00:02:50,932 ...to get her to say... 62 00:02:51,026 --> 00:02:53,175 -What, Jenny? -So that I could point out 63 00:02:53,195 --> 00:02:54,936 that the cost of living has gone up 64 00:02:55,030 --> 00:02:57,422 for three consecutive quarters. 65 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,867 Jenny, asking for a raise is not the time 66 00:03:01,018 --> 00:03:02,610 for the typical passive-aggressive 67 00:03:02,746 --> 00:03:04,946 -Southern lady stuff. -Rude. 68 00:03:05,098 --> 00:03:06,206 Vi, I'm so sorry I can't make 69 00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:07,356 your parent-teacher night tonight. 70 00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,283 I swear I'll make the next one. 71 00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:10,710 Gram's been getting ready all day 72 00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:13,271 to make her grand return to her alma mater. 73 00:03:13,289 --> 00:03:14,956 Violet, I should warn you. 74 00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,124 Tonight's parent-slash-teacher conference 75 00:03:17,277 --> 00:03:20,369 might end up turning into a Oh, My Lord, She's Back! 76 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,129 Slash Who, Princess Di? 77 00:03:22,282 --> 00:03:23,890 No, Better Than That 78 00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:27,560 Colon Greenpoint High's Own Betty Jean Bryant! conference. 79 00:03:27,753 --> 00:03:30,063 Come on, Vi, I can't wait for you to see this. 80 00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:31,973 Your stock's about to go up. 81 00:03:32,108 --> 00:03:33,791 Oh, no. 82 00:03:33,851 --> 00:03:35,293 Violet, I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:37,886 Oh, Mother, no. This is gonna be amazing. 84 00:03:37,906 --> 00:03:39,797 There's nothing more deliciously tragic 85 00:03:39,857 --> 00:03:41,983 than someone who peaked in high school. 86 00:03:42,135 --> 00:03:44,244 Oh, come on, now, Betty didn't peak in high school. 87 00:03:44,412 --> 00:03:46,804 Greenpoint High School, we make 'em say wow! 88 00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:49,249 When we walk onto the field, it goes pow, pow... 89 00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:50,808 -(loud thump) -Paah! 90 00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:53,670 Okay, I cooter-slammed onto a pine cone. 91 00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:56,506 (pop music playing faintly) 92 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,910 (groans) 93 00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,763 Okay, here's where you get your raise. 94 00:04:03,956 --> 00:04:05,598 Or, more likely, find out that Louise 95 00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:07,825 didn't catch any of your drifts. 96 00:04:07,885 --> 00:04:11,104 Oh, Lord, y'all. Jenny. Just the person I want to see. 97 00:04:11,273 --> 00:04:13,498 Told you. Somebody's drift got caught. 98 00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:15,275 Raise time! 99 00:04:15,443 --> 00:04:18,927 We have got a serious bathroom situation. 100 00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:21,430 Some crazy woman is hogging the stall. 101 00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:22,949 Oh, no. We got a stall camper? 102 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,842 How long's she been in there? Five, ten minutes? 103 00:04:24,944 --> 00:04:26,935 35 minutes, Jenny! 104 00:04:26,955 --> 00:04:29,271 I'm hurtling towards a UTI. 105 00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:31,682 There's two stalls, Norma. Just use the other one. 106 00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,942 Oh, Jenny, you know that other toilet's out of commission 107 00:04:34,045 --> 00:04:35,611 due to all the tampons and shrimp 108 00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,204 that people keep flushing down it. 109 00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:39,040 Nobody saw who it is? 110 00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:43,469 All we know is she's wearing blue Skoocher Ship-Shapes. 111 00:04:43,621 --> 00:04:44,879 Why don't y'all just go in there 112 00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:46,622 and just tell her to get the hell out? 113 00:04:46,683 --> 00:04:48,123 (women gasping) 114 00:04:48,143 --> 00:04:49,700 Now, I'm with Bud on this one. 115 00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:52,537 Just go knock on the door and say, "Hurry it up!" 116 00:04:52,555 --> 00:04:55,148 Are you nuts? We don't talk to each other in the bathroom. 117 00:04:55,341 --> 00:04:56,799 Why not? 118 00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,543 'Cause we don't make sounds in there. 119 00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,320 We have a protocol. 120 00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:02,396 If you walk in, and there's another woman in the stall, 121 00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:04,549 you wait politely. 122 00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:07,568 If she needs more time, she'll give you a throat clear. 123 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,570 And then the woman in waiting responds with a throat clear 124 00:05:09,706 --> 00:05:12,498 that says, "I respect your space, honey." 125 00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:14,000 What if you have to fart? 126 00:05:14,193 --> 00:05:15,910 BOBBIE NELL: If the bathroom's empty? 127 00:05:16,062 --> 00:05:18,729 Anything goes. 128 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:21,841 But as soon as someone walks i, you got to hold everything. 129 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,010 If something is halfway out, 130 00:05:24,161 --> 00:05:26,179 you best vacuum it back in. 131 00:05:26,372 --> 00:05:27,663 What? Oh, no! 132 00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:29,407 That's insane! 133 00:05:29,425 --> 00:05:31,684 It is a system that has been in place since time began. 134 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,260 I mean, I'm assuming. 135 00:05:33,413 --> 00:05:34,670 You don't need a damn system. 136 00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:36,672 You know what we do in the men's room? 137 00:05:36,775 --> 00:05:38,432 Anything and everything. 138 00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:40,526 (video game music playing) 139 00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,684 I'll take the order and sanity of the women's room any day. 140 00:05:48,703 --> 00:05:50,036 -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. -Yeah! I agree! 141 00:05:50,187 --> 00:05:52,038 Now, let's get back to the problem at hand. 142 00:05:52,231 --> 00:05:53,873 Has anyone given her a throat clear? 143 00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:55,950 Isn't she supposed to do the first one? 144 00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,377 If you don't get a throat clear first, 145 00:05:57,545 --> 00:05:59,194 you can initiate. 146 00:05:59,255 --> 00:06:01,622 I'm gonna go in there and see what's what. 147 00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:04,467 (taking deep breath): Okay. 148 00:06:08,581 --> 00:06:10,473 (clearing throat softly) 149 00:06:14,437 --> 00:06:15,853 (clearing throat loudly) 150 00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:20,149 (clearing throat) 151 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:25,554 (drips echoing) 152 00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:26,814 What the...? 153 00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,741 This woman is a nightmare! 154 00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,302 (others chattering, groaning) 155 00:06:31,362 --> 00:06:33,988 Sorry I keep getting recognized, y'all. 156 00:06:34,082 --> 00:06:35,640 Yes, it's me, 157 00:06:35,741 --> 00:06:38,809 Betty Jean Hart, née Bryant. 158 00:06:38,828 --> 00:06:40,736 Lord, I know this is supposed to be about you, hon. 159 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,404 It's not gonna be. 160 00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:43,814 But it's supposed to be. 161 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,758 Oh, my Lord, your gram looks amazing. 162 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,818 -What did I miss? -Five words: 163 00:06:47,879 --> 00:06:49,429 She went here. Glory days. 164 00:06:49,622 --> 00:06:51,005 (gasps) 165 00:06:51,099 --> 00:06:56,010 Well, if it isn't my Mr. Erickson. (gasps) 166 00:06:56,104 --> 00:06:59,497 Wait. He taught chemistry when you went here? 167 00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:00,923 He sure did. 168 00:07:00,984 --> 00:07:03,443 And just like David LeRoth says: 169 00:07:03,611 --> 00:07:06,003 I was hot for teacher. 170 00:07:06,063 --> 00:07:08,448 Oh, wow. She is really feeling herself. 171 00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:11,284 These innuendos are en fuego. 172 00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:12,935 Somebody call the fuego department, 173 00:07:12,996 --> 00:07:14,937 'cause I'm about to fan the flames. 174 00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:19,125 You know, Mr. Erickson sure does use a lot of Bunsen burners. 175 00:07:19,318 --> 00:07:21,185 His buns will be burning 176 00:07:21,245 --> 00:07:22,870 once I'm done slapping 'em silly. 177 00:07:23,022 --> 00:07:25,965 Oh, we're also learning about protons and ions. 178 00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:28,468 I have an i-on his bulge. 179 00:07:28,661 --> 00:07:30,636 Amazing. What can you do with... 180 00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:32,863 -a beaker? -Beaker? Mm. 181 00:07:32,924 --> 00:07:35,791 Sounds like Mr. Erickson's box spring later tonight. 182 00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,551 (imitating creaking): Be-ker, be-ker, be-ker. 183 00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:40,730 -(gasps) Amazing. -Very high degree of difficulty. 184 00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:44,709 (huffs) This woman is ruining everything! 185 00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:47,728 Am I missing something here? Just be direct. 186 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,137 Trust me. It has to be handled 187 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,473 in a very specific and delicate way. 188 00:07:51,493 --> 00:07:52,883 Watch this. 189 00:07:52,944 --> 00:07:56,737 Jenny, that squatter sure is a problem. 190 00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:59,557 (sighs) She sure is, Louise. 191 00:07:59,575 --> 00:08:02,818 I sure wish someone could get her out. 192 00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:04,504 Oh, preach, girlfriend. 193 00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:06,564 If someone could get her out, that person would be 194 00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:10,158 a real valuable employee, wouldn't they? 195 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,996 Oh, my gosh, it would be very appreciated. 196 00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:16,057 (both sigh loudly) 197 00:08:17,501 --> 00:08:19,334 Oh, my God. Did you pick up on that? 198 00:08:19,395 --> 00:08:22,580 Well, why don't you tell me what you think just happened. 199 00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:23,889 Clearly, she's offering me a raise 200 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:25,599 to get that woman out of the restroom. 201 00:08:25,693 --> 00:08:27,676 This is the height of dumbness. 202 00:08:27,737 --> 00:08:30,271 A smart person would see how smart it is. 203 00:08:30,365 --> 00:08:31,739 -What? -Nothing! 204 00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:39,038 Folks, we interrupt tonight's live finale 205 00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:41,040 of Who Wants A New Penis? 206 00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:44,043 to bring you this breaking story. 207 00:08:44,212 --> 00:08:48,789 Some lady psychopath has broken every societal norm 208 00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:51,776 by camping out in a public restroom 209 00:08:51,794 --> 00:08:55,871 and ignoring multiple throat clears. Ooh-wee-woo. 210 00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:58,282 Normally I get juiced up by chaos, 211 00:08:58,342 --> 00:09:00,284 but this mess is a nightmare. 212 00:09:00,344 --> 00:09:02,620 There are ways of getting a woman out of a restroom 213 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,622 without asking directly like an animal. 214 00:09:04,682 --> 00:09:06,473 It's very simple. Watch this. 215 00:09:06,568 --> 00:09:07,808 Somebody get me a boombox 216 00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:09,902 -and a ska CD! -What? 217 00:09:12,574 --> 00:09:15,157 (ska music playing) 218 00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:23,874 (banging loudly) 219 00:09:27,338 --> 00:09:29,338 (leaf blower whirring loudly) 220 00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,484 "My Life in the Black Eyed Pea, by Taboo. 221 00:09:33,544 --> 00:09:36,078 "Chapter One: In the summer of 2001, 222 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,306 I met apl.de.ap." 223 00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:40,841 (groans) 224 00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:43,686 ♪ ♪ 225 00:09:48,634 --> 00:09:49,567 (horn toots) 226 00:09:51,937 --> 00:09:53,854 (toilet flushing) 227 00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:55,430 (horn tooting) 228 00:09:55,491 --> 00:09:59,410 I saw you. You're done. You've done your business. 229 00:10:02,373 --> 00:10:06,108 -(gasps, groans) -Ooh, ooh, Jenny! 230 00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:09,462 Jenny Hart, any updates on the situation in there? 231 00:10:09,613 --> 00:10:12,022 -You're just gonna speak righ... -Get out of my face, MayKay! 232 00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,357 (horn tooting) 233 00:10:13,376 --> 00:10:14,467 (indistinct chatter) 234 00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:16,636 Randy, I've heard enough talking. 235 00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:19,305 Jenny needs action to help her get that raise. 236 00:10:19,498 --> 00:10:22,032 What would my favorite action heroes do? 237 00:10:22,051 --> 00:10:23,809 Now, Steven Seagal would put on Asian lady's pajamas 238 00:10:24,002 --> 00:10:26,053 and start doing some sleepy karate. 239 00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,371 Okay, not that. 240 00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:29,482 Oh. Sarah Connor. That would mean 241 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,558 I would have to father a robot-taming baby... 242 00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:34,136 Nah, I don't have time for that. 243 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,804 What I really gotta do is get in that bathroom. 244 00:10:35,907 --> 00:10:37,639 How about through the vents, baby? 245 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,308 Oh, yeah. That's it. 246 00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,144 Time for John McClane. 247 00:10:42,205 --> 00:10:43,721 You about to do a Die Hard? 248 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,873 With a vengeance. 249 00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:48,392 Come on. Push me harder. 250 00:10:48,452 --> 00:10:50,744 -Lift me higher. -RANDY: I'm trying. 251 00:10:50,897 --> 00:10:53,580 I don't have any strength in my limbs, baby. I'm all core. 252 00:10:53,675 --> 00:10:55,991 My arms and legs are like noodles. 253 00:10:56,052 --> 00:10:57,325 ♪ ♪ 254 00:10:57,428 --> 00:11:00,421 Mmm. He's still got it. 255 00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:03,683 The good news is, so do I. 256 00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:05,759 My senior year talent show, 257 00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:08,762 we had a moment he couldn't forget even if he tried. 258 00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:11,673 ♪ All the boys think she's a spy ♪ 259 00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:17,029 ♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes. ♪ 260 00:11:17,222 --> 00:11:19,347 (excited chatter) 261 00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,866 ♪ ♪ 262 00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:30,543 -Good job. -(exhales) 263 00:11:33,372 --> 00:11:35,789 Well, hello, Mr. Erickson. 264 00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,676 It's me, Betty Jean Bryant. 265 00:11:40,212 --> 00:11:42,112 Sorry, not ringing a bell. 266 00:11:42,173 --> 00:11:43,371 Wait, what? Now, wh... 267 00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:45,207 (all gasp) 268 00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:46,951 Fire drill! 269 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,213 ♪ Catch me, Jesus, I'm falling ♪ 270 00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,290 Okay, y'all, enough of this mess. 271 00:11:53,350 --> 00:11:56,051 I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers, 272 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,237 but if you are standing in this restaurant, 273 00:11:58,406 --> 00:12:00,239 you have got to order something. 274 00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:02,241 Lookie-loos, you got to order. 275 00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:04,243 Reverends, you got to order. 276 00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:07,304 Asian film crew, y'all need to order, too. 277 00:12:07,364 --> 00:12:09,306 Choir, you can sing your order. 278 00:12:09,408 --> 00:12:11,658 John 3:16 guys, you got to order. 279 00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:12,993 Y'all all got to order. 280 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:15,904 Oh, my God, that's it. 281 00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,481 Somebody hand me 282 00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:20,634 -a frickin' menu. -(all gasp) 283 00:12:22,013 --> 00:12:24,430 How could Mr. Erickson not remember me? 284 00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:26,006 It makes zero sense. 285 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,084 I have been told I am medically unforgettable. 286 00:12:29,145 --> 00:12:31,086 Uh-oh, this is real. 287 00:12:31,147 --> 00:12:34,164 I know. If it were a movie, I'd own it in every format. 288 00:12:34,225 --> 00:12:36,609 But this has zero rewatchability. 289 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,669 If Mr. Erickson doesn't remember me, 290 00:12:38,729 --> 00:12:41,113 then maybe no one else does, either. 291 00:12:41,306 --> 00:12:43,449 Gram, don't worry, we still love you. 292 00:12:43,642 --> 00:12:46,268 Of course you love me. You're my grandbaby. 293 00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:47,678 Come on, let's just get out of here. 294 00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:50,347 Screw that. I know what I got to do. 295 00:12:50,407 --> 00:12:52,148 I've got to recreate my legendary performance 296 00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:53,608 at this assembly. 297 00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:57,371 Betty Jean Bryant Davis Eyes rides again. 298 00:12:57,523 --> 00:12:59,690 Oh, no. I think we have to help her, David. 299 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:04,386 Yeah. Or else act three of this rom-com is gonna be real sad. 300 00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:09,291 These ducts are so much smaller than they are in the movies. 301 00:13:09,352 --> 00:13:10,851 And dirtier. 302 00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:15,372 (yells) Oh, my God! 303 00:13:15,432 --> 00:13:17,891 -(hisses) -(screams) 304 00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:19,877 Fine. Take my dumb lighter. 305 00:13:19,937 --> 00:13:21,529 It's not like you know how to use it anyway. 306 00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,232 Oh, crap. What did you do, Wayne? 307 00:13:25,384 --> 00:13:26,641 You just gave possums fire. 308 00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:29,811 -You idiot. -(all hissing) 309 00:13:29,831 --> 00:13:31,405 You can't make that poor lady order 310 00:13:31,499 --> 00:13:33,148 and eat food on the toilet. 311 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:34,725 I mean... (scoffs) girl, I'll eat anywhere. 312 00:13:34,743 --> 00:13:37,895 Snarfing down corn dogs at the gyno? That's my jam. 313 00:13:37,955 --> 00:13:41,006 But on a toilet? No way. 314 00:13:41,199 --> 00:13:42,758 That's the point. 315 00:13:44,086 --> 00:13:45,827 (exhales) 316 00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:48,889 Hey, how y'all doing today? Have you dined with us before? 317 00:13:50,092 --> 00:13:51,575 (laughs) No worries. 318 00:13:51,594 --> 00:13:53,185 Got a menu right here for you. 319 00:13:53,378 --> 00:13:55,170 Let me tell you a little bit about our specials today. 320 00:13:55,189 --> 00:13:57,022 We've got a stuffed flounder which comes with a baked potato 321 00:13:57,215 --> 00:14:00,025 and our signature jalapeño hush puppies. Yum. 322 00:14:00,218 --> 00:14:02,269 And our chef is really letting it rip 323 00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:04,938 with a southwestern shrimp entree on a bed of rice pilaf. 324 00:14:05,032 --> 00:14:07,533 Any of this striking your fancy? 325 00:14:07,726 --> 00:14:09,184 Yeah, you don't want to eat on the toilet. 326 00:14:09,245 --> 00:14:11,704 Don't blame you. Kind of gross. 327 00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:12,830 (gasps) 328 00:14:22,216 --> 00:14:25,125 She wants clam strips! 329 00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:26,627 -(all yelling, groaning) -No! 330 00:14:26,779 --> 00:14:28,095 Clams on the toilet?! 331 00:14:32,751 --> 00:14:34,685 -♪ ♪ -(horses neighing) 332 00:14:40,776 --> 00:14:43,127 Mighty nice clams today. 333 00:14:43,145 --> 00:14:45,404 Thank you, Lord, for this bounty. 334 00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:51,994 (bell clanging) 335 00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:56,990 Great haul today, Jebediah. 336 00:14:57,084 --> 00:15:00,978 This is the saddest part. Watching them go. 337 00:15:01,038 --> 00:15:03,071 I only wish I could be there to witness the moment 338 00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:06,091 when some lucky person gets to enjoy them. 339 00:15:06,284 --> 00:15:08,928 For to be in the presence of these clams 340 00:15:09,121 --> 00:15:11,913 is to be in the presence of God Himself. 341 00:15:11,933 --> 00:15:13,991 JENNY: Here are your toilet clams, you weird monster. 342 00:15:14,051 --> 00:15:15,676 You happy now? 343 00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,511 (indistinct chatter, shushing) 344 00:15:17,605 --> 00:15:19,772 She wants tartar sauce. 345 00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:20,981 (all yelling, groaning) 346 00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:28,614 "Come out to the Last Supper, we'll get you a quick raise, 347 00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,265 in and out. Yeah." 348 00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:33,177 Aha! Here we are. Showtime. 349 00:15:33,278 --> 00:15:35,179 You in there, please evacuate, 350 00:15:35,239 --> 00:15:37,272 or you will be manually extracted through this vent. 351 00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,107 And trust me, you do not want that. 352 00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,851 There's a nasty possum up here 353 00:15:40,869 --> 00:15:42,610 that you do not want to mess with. 354 00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:44,797 Oh, God, it's the ceiling ghost. 355 00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:47,115 I didn't want to make those toilet clams. 356 00:15:47,176 --> 00:15:48,709 WAYNE: Oh, sorry. (chuckles) 357 00:15:48,861 --> 00:15:50,452 Just trying to get to the women's bathroom. 358 00:15:50,513 --> 00:15:53,197 Uh, n-not in the creepy way. The hero way. 359 00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:54,932 (cheering and applause) 360 00:15:56,885 --> 00:15:59,052 And that concludes our events for tonight's open house. 361 00:15:59,146 --> 00:16:01,705 Wrong! Hit it, David. 362 00:16:01,765 --> 00:16:04,483 ("Bette Davis Eyes" playing) 363 00:16:11,075 --> 00:16:15,068 ♪ Her hair is Harpo goal ♪ 364 00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:18,905 ♪ Her lips are speedy guys ♪ 365 00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:22,743 ♪ Her hands are never coal ♪ 366 00:16:22,878 --> 00:16:26,005 ♪ She got Betty Bryant eyes ♪ 367 00:16:28,009 --> 00:16:30,175 ♪ She's precoated ♪ 368 00:16:30,327 --> 00:16:32,994 ♪ And she knows, mm, yeah, yeah ♪ 369 00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,847 (babbling) 370 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,049 ♪ Po-bush ♪ 371 00:16:37,243 --> 00:16:39,910 ♪ She got Gerta Darbo standoff flies ♪ 372 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,762 ♪ She got ♪ 373 00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:47,317 ♪ Betty Bryant eyes. ♪ 374 00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:54,941 Remember me now, Mr. Erickson? 375 00:16:55,036 --> 00:16:56,260 (grunts) 376 00:16:56,278 --> 00:16:57,536 Ooh... 377 00:16:57,729 --> 00:17:00,597 Okay, yes. Of course I remember you. 378 00:17:00,616 --> 00:17:02,282 You're that girl I one time 379 00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,376 said "good job" to, and then you thought I was in love with you. 380 00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,545 I even tried to get a restraining order against you, 381 00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:08,272 and they said "It wouldn't look good." 382 00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,883 I thought I was done with you, but now you're back? 383 00:17:11,076 --> 00:17:13,201 Ugh. 384 00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:16,296 Well, on the bright side, at least he remembered you. 385 00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:20,208 There's no bright side. My glory days were a fraud. 386 00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:23,062 Clearly a figment of my imagination. 387 00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,731 So what I thought was my peak was just a whiff, 388 00:17:25,924 --> 00:17:29,151 a zero, a total airball. 389 00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:33,797 Gram, you know what I think? 390 00:17:33,857 --> 00:17:36,483 You didn't peak in high school, you're peaking right now. 391 00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:39,803 You know what everyone's gonna be talking about after today? 392 00:17:39,863 --> 00:17:41,138 Betty Jean Bryant. 393 00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:43,165 ♪ ♪ 394 00:17:45,077 --> 00:17:47,068 Yeah, I guess you're right. 395 00:17:47,088 --> 00:17:48,328 Let's get out of here. 396 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,756 I always was too good for this place. 397 00:17:57,473 --> 00:17:59,414 (inhales sharply) I'm in a bathroom 398 00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:01,767 serving tartar sauce to a woman on a toilet? 399 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,994 And why? Why did I have to go 400 00:18:04,012 --> 00:18:06,254 and tie my raise to a stupid stunt? 401 00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:08,348 Because I have been taught it's not ladylike 402 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,943 to directly ask for what I want, that's why. 403 00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:12,945 And look at you. You're in the same boat. 404 00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:15,005 All you want is to be left alone. 405 00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:18,008 Probably came in here, accidentally let one fly, 406 00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,693 which is also "so unladylike," 407 00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:22,287 and then that little voice came into your head saying 408 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,272 "You're not allowed to fart." 409 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:26,125 "You're not allowed to ask for a raise." 410 00:18:26,318 --> 00:18:28,518 "You're not allowed to be president." 411 00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,945 Well, this ends now. 412 00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:34,282 You know what? Stay in here as long as you want. 413 00:18:34,343 --> 00:18:36,209 WAYNE (laughs): Oh, my God, Jenny. 414 00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:38,286 -Great speech. -Thanks, Wayne. 415 00:18:38,347 --> 00:18:39,996 Are you Die Hardin' it up there? 416 00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:42,141 WAYNE: You know it. 'Cause it was time to take action 417 00:18:42,334 --> 00:18:43,958 and get something done. 418 00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:46,370 Well, as you can see, I just got it done. 419 00:18:46,471 --> 00:18:48,630 I still think the direct approach would've been better. 420 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,208 What's direct about crawling around in the ceiling? 421 00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:52,559 (woman clears throat) 422 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:53,986 (gasps) 423 00:18:55,072 --> 00:18:56,471 Oh, got it. I hear you, girl. 424 00:18:56,532 --> 00:18:57,805 Ha. You do you. 425 00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:59,900 WAYNE: Message received. Scooting out. 426 00:18:59,994 --> 00:19:01,368 (heavy thumping overhead) 427 00:19:04,039 --> 00:19:05,889 That toilet lady has pushed me to my limit, 428 00:19:05,949 --> 00:19:08,834 but I'm hanging in there. 429 00:19:08,985 --> 00:19:12,153 -You just speak into the bulb... -I know where to speak. 430 00:19:12,214 --> 00:19:13,747 -Everybody, listen up. -(others shushing) 431 00:19:13,899 --> 00:19:15,340 Instead of harassing that poor lady, 432 00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:18,068 we should be asking ourselves why we were so quick 433 00:19:18,128 --> 00:19:19,678 to label her a monster. 434 00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:22,497 We go in bathrooms afraid to make a sound, 435 00:19:22,558 --> 00:19:25,926 and we go to work afraid to stand up for ourselves. 436 00:19:26,078 --> 00:19:28,836 We are literally and figuratively afraid 437 00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:30,689 to make a stink. 438 00:19:30,882 --> 00:19:35,435 Well, I say: ladies, let's make a stink. 439 00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:39,847 Louise Culp, I want a raise! Boom. 440 00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:41,608 -(cheering and applause) -♪ Catch me, Jesus, I'm falling ♪ 441 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,945 Hell yeah. I'm gonna tell my boss I want a raise, too. 442 00:19:45,039 --> 00:19:46,780 -Enough is enough! -Yeah! 443 00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:49,041 Jenny. (stammers) 444 00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:52,878 Well, I was gonna give you a raise all day today. 445 00:19:53,071 --> 00:19:54,771 (toilet flushes) 446 00:19:54,873 --> 00:19:57,123 (people gasping) 447 00:19:57,218 --> 00:20:00,093 My name's Darlene Sims... 448 00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:05,057 ...and yes, I destroyed your toilet. 449 00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:06,558 (all gasp) 450 00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,452 (cheering and applause) 451 00:20:08,512 --> 00:20:11,137 Darlene, that is so brave. 452 00:20:11,273 --> 00:20:12,472 I was on my way to the most 453 00:20:12,608 --> 00:20:14,307 important job interview of my life. 454 00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:19,238 And like many women, I have chronic anxious IBS. 455 00:20:19,406 --> 00:20:21,481 Let it out, Darlene, baby. 456 00:20:21,575 --> 00:20:24,743 And I want y'all to know, it was coming out of me 457 00:20:24,936 --> 00:20:27,304 the second I walked into your bathroom. 458 00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:28,972 Let me paint a picture. 459 00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,825 JENNY: And so, Darlene Sims openly shared 460 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,810 her bathroom journey with a level of detail 461 00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:36,088 that few women have publicly expressed. 462 00:20:36,281 --> 00:20:40,074 And the inspiration was infectious. 463 00:20:40,185 --> 00:20:41,818 And as we continued to share stories 464 00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:45,505 of struggle and triumph, one thing became clear: 465 00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:48,916 our days of holding it in were finally over. 466 00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:51,085 Run! Possum's right behind me! 467 00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:53,355 And he's got fire, which he totally had when I met him! 468 00:20:57,945 --> 00:20:59,611 ANNOUNCER: Please welcome to the stage, 469 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:02,281 from the upcoming comedy Forty-Nine Hands, 470 00:21:02,474 --> 00:21:06,100 Carl Joharnsarn and Bethany Vallway. 471 00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:08,862 And the winner for best foreign-language 472 00:21:09,014 --> 00:21:10,938 short-form documentary. 473 00:21:11,041 --> 00:21:14,776 From Japan, Hiroki Kakatani's A Stall Too Far: How One 474 00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:16,402 Tiny Woman Held a Bathroom Mirror 475 00:21:16,547 --> 00:21:18,371 Up to a Small Town and Their Beliefs. 476 00:21:18,524 --> 00:21:21,616 ANNOUNCER: This is Hiroki's 15th nomination and first win 477 00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:23,635 (speaking Japanese) 478 00:21:23,828 --> 00:21:26,713 Jenny Hart... (continues in Japanese) 479 00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,307 -Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord! -Yeah! 480 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:29,866 -We're famous! -(cheers) 481 00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:31,727 -(meows) -(horn honks musically)