1
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,102
(groans)
I'm gonna need
a stronger stream.
2
00:00:08,238 --> 00:00:09,738
Oh! Gross!
3
00:00:12,058 --> 00:00:13,591
Eh, close enough.
4
00:00:13,610 --> 00:00:15,518
Hey, Jenny, why the hell
are you cleaning out
5
00:00:15,579 --> 00:00:18,204
dookie chairs
before your shift starts, girl?
6
00:00:18,373 --> 00:00:19,947
It's called
"going the extra mile."
7
00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:21,690
I'm dropping hints
left and right to Louise
8
00:00:21,752 --> 00:00:23,710
that I deserve a raise.
9
00:00:23,903 --> 00:00:26,713
Dropping hints for a raise?
That never works.
10
00:00:26,906 --> 00:00:29,107
Well, if I just storm up to her
and demand a raise,
11
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:31,033
she'll think
I'm being unladylike and rude
12
00:00:31,094 --> 00:00:34,112
-and just shut me down.
-Yeah. That's why
I avoided all that
13
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:35,871
and just gave myself a raise,
14
00:00:35,932 --> 00:00:38,116
in the form
of free toilet paper,
15
00:00:38,134 --> 00:00:39,967
cleaning supplies, and most
of the lesser ordered fish.
16
00:00:40,062 --> 00:00:42,970
I don't want sand dabs and TP.
I want cash.
17
00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:44,472
"Mon-nee."
And I know how to get it.
18
00:00:44,608 --> 00:00:45,807
I speak "Louise."
19
00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:48,068
Watch this.
20
00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:52,297
Oh, hey, Louise.
Ugh, sorry.
21
00:00:52,357 --> 00:00:54,240
Oh, I'm out here
just cleaning out
22
00:00:54,392 --> 00:00:55,742
these real dirty high chairs.
23
00:00:55,935 --> 00:00:58,060
I hope you don't mind.
I didn't clock in yet.
24
00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,412
I'm just doing it
on my own time.
25
00:00:59,605 --> 00:01:01,989
(chuckles)
Totally don't mind, extra mile.
26
00:01:02,142 --> 00:01:04,809
Well, what I wish
somebody would do
27
00:01:04,869 --> 00:01:06,644
is clean up all this garbage.
28
00:01:06,704 --> 00:01:08,830
I hope somebody does that.
29
00:01:08,924 --> 00:01:11,983
Somebody might be working on it.
30
00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:13,868
Wait. What are you doing?
31
00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:17,013
Giving myself a bonus in
the form of high-test petroleum.
32
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:22,160
Aah! Freakin' 89 octane?
33
00:01:22,178 --> 00:01:25,105
Come on, Louise,
give me the good stuff.
34
00:01:25,273 --> 00:01:27,273
♪ ♪
35
00:01:55,286 --> 00:01:57,195
♪ ♪
36
00:01:57,255 --> 00:01:59,364
And then I went and organized
the walk-in fridge.
37
00:01:59,382 --> 00:02:01,307
So, mission accomplished.
38
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,868
Louise would have to be blind
not to get the message.
39
00:02:03,928 --> 00:02:05,736
Wait. What is the message again?
40
00:02:05,805 --> 00:02:07,981
Wayne, duh.
That I want a raise.
41
00:02:08,132 --> 00:02:09,557
Jenny, I didn't even know
the point of your story
42
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:10,799
until just now.
43
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,152
Why don't you just say it?
44
00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,379
I did.
I practically screamed it.
45
00:02:14,439 --> 00:02:16,381
Believe me, it's crystal clear.
46
00:02:16,399 --> 00:02:17,732
After washing
the poopy high chairs,
47
00:02:17,884 --> 00:02:19,192
I made sure to go inside,
48
00:02:19,327 --> 00:02:20,976
panting, sweating
and sighing loudly
49
00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:22,978
in her presence.
50
00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:25,390
(loud, exhausted sigh)
51
00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:26,908
That's a huge neon sign
that says:
52
00:02:27,002 --> 00:02:28,984
"I am busting my ass off
for you."
53
00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:32,821
Then, to let her know,
loud and clear,
54
00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:34,899
how much I need more money,
I let her catch me
55
00:02:34,959 --> 00:02:36,901
fixing the strap on my purse
with tape.
56
00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:38,753
(groans loudly)
57
00:02:38,847 --> 00:02:40,663
Which screams:
"Hello. I'm a poor person
58
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,573
making the best of it."
59
00:02:42,634 --> 00:02:45,852
And then, while scrolling
through my phone, I said...
60
00:02:46,045 --> 00:02:48,930
Huh. Oh, wow.
61
00:02:49,024 --> 00:02:50,932
...to get her to say...
62
00:02:51,026 --> 00:02:53,175
-What, Jenny?
-So that I could point out
63
00:02:53,195 --> 00:02:54,936
that the cost of living
has gone up
64
00:02:55,030 --> 00:02:57,422
for three consecutive quarters.
65
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,867
Jenny, asking for a raise
is not the time
66
00:03:01,018 --> 00:03:02,610
for the typical
passive-aggressive
67
00:03:02,746 --> 00:03:04,946
-Southern lady stuff.
-Rude.
68
00:03:05,098 --> 00:03:06,206
Vi, I'm so sorry I can't make
69
00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:07,356
your parent-teacher night
tonight.
70
00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,283
I swear I'll make the next one.
71
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:10,710
Gram's been getting ready
all day
72
00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:13,271
to make her grand return
to her alma mater.
73
00:03:13,289 --> 00:03:14,956
Violet, I should warn you.
74
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,124
Tonight's
parent-slash-teacher conference
75
00:03:17,277 --> 00:03:20,369
might end up turning into
a Oh, My Lord, She's Back!
76
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,129
Slash Who, Princess Di?
77
00:03:22,282 --> 00:03:23,890
No, Better Than That
78
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:27,560
Colon Greenpoint High's Own
Betty Jean Bryant! conference.
79
00:03:27,753 --> 00:03:30,063
Come on, Vi, I can't wait
for you to see this.
80
00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:31,973
Your stock's about to go up.
81
00:03:32,108 --> 00:03:33,791
Oh, no.
82
00:03:33,851 --> 00:03:35,293
Violet, I'm so sorry.
83
00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:37,886
Oh, Mother, no.
This is gonna be amazing.
84
00:03:37,906 --> 00:03:39,797
There's nothing
more deliciously tragic
85
00:03:39,857 --> 00:03:41,983
than someone who peaked
in high school.
86
00:03:42,135 --> 00:03:44,244
Oh, come on, now, Betty
didn't peak in high school.
87
00:03:44,412 --> 00:03:46,804
Greenpoint High School,
we make 'em say wow!
88
00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:49,249
When we walk onto the field,
it goes pow, pow...
89
00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:50,808
-(loud thump)
-Paah!
90
00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:53,670
Okay, I cooter-slammed
onto a pine cone.
91
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:56,506
(pop music playing faintly)
92
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,910
(groans)
93
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,763
Okay, here's
where you get your raise.
94
00:04:03,956 --> 00:04:05,598
Or, more likely,
find out that Louise
95
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:07,825
didn't catch
any of your drifts.
96
00:04:07,885 --> 00:04:11,104
Oh, Lord, y'all. Jenny.
Just the person I want to see.
97
00:04:11,273 --> 00:04:13,498
Told you.
Somebody's drift got caught.
98
00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:15,275
Raise time!
99
00:04:15,443 --> 00:04:18,927
We have got
a serious bathroom situation.
100
00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:21,430
Some crazy woman
is hogging the stall.
101
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:22,949
Oh, no.
We got a stall camper?
102
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,842
How long's she been in there?
Five, ten minutes?
103
00:04:24,944 --> 00:04:26,935
35 minutes, Jenny!
104
00:04:26,955 --> 00:04:29,271
I'm hurtling towards a UTI.
105
00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:31,682
There's two stalls, Norma.
Just use the other one.
106
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:33,942
Oh, Jenny, you know that other
toilet's out of commission
107
00:04:34,045 --> 00:04:35,611
due to all
the tampons and shrimp
108
00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,204
that people
keep flushing down it.
109
00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:39,040
Nobody saw who it is?
110
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:43,469
All we know is she's wearing
blue Skoocher Ship-Shapes.
111
00:04:43,621 --> 00:04:44,879
Why don't y'all just go in there
112
00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:46,622
and just tell her
to get the hell out?
113
00:04:46,683 --> 00:04:48,123
(women gasping)
114
00:04:48,143 --> 00:04:49,700
Now, I'm with Bud on this one.
115
00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:52,537
Just go knock on the door
and say, "Hurry it up!"
116
00:04:52,555 --> 00:04:55,148
Are you nuts? We don't talk
to each other in the bathroom.
117
00:04:55,341 --> 00:04:56,799
Why not?
118
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,543
'Cause we don't make sounds
in there.
119
00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,320
We have a protocol.
120
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:02,396
If you walk in, and there's
another woman in the stall,
121
00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:04,549
you wait politely.
122
00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:07,568
If she needs more time,
she'll give you a throat clear.
123
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,570
And then the woman in waiting
responds with a throat clear
124
00:05:09,706 --> 00:05:12,498
that says,
"I respect your space, honey."
125
00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:14,000
What if you have to fart?
126
00:05:14,193 --> 00:05:15,910
BOBBIE NELL:
If the bathroom's empty?
127
00:05:16,062 --> 00:05:18,729
Anything goes.
128
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:21,841
But as soon as someone walks i,
you got to hold everything.
129
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,010
If something is halfway out,
130
00:05:24,161 --> 00:05:26,179
you best vacuum it back in.
131
00:05:26,372 --> 00:05:27,663
What? Oh, no!
132
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:29,407
That's insane!
133
00:05:29,425 --> 00:05:31,684
It is a system that has been
in place since time began.
134
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,260
I mean, I'm assuming.
135
00:05:33,413 --> 00:05:34,670
You don't need a damn system.
136
00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:36,672
You know what we do
in the men's room?
137
00:05:36,775 --> 00:05:38,432
Anything and everything.
138
00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:40,526
(video game music playing)
139
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,684
I'll take the order and sanity
of the women's room any day.
140
00:05:48,703 --> 00:05:50,036
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Yeah! I agree!
141
00:05:50,187 --> 00:05:52,038
Now, let's get back
to the problem at hand.
142
00:05:52,231 --> 00:05:53,873
Has anyone given her
a throat clear?
143
00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:55,950
Isn't she supposed to do
the first one?
144
00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,377
If you don't get
a throat clear first,
145
00:05:57,545 --> 00:05:59,194
you can initiate.
146
00:05:59,255 --> 00:06:01,622
I'm gonna go in there
and see what's what.
147
00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:04,467
(taking deep breath):
Okay.
148
00:06:08,581 --> 00:06:10,473
(clearing throat softly)
149
00:06:14,437 --> 00:06:15,853
(clearing throat loudly)
150
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:20,149
(clearing throat)
151
00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:25,554
(drips echoing)
152
00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:26,814
What the...?
153
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,741
This woman is a nightmare!
154
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:31,302
(others chattering, groaning)
155
00:06:31,362 --> 00:06:33,988
Sorry I keep getting
recognized, y'all.
156
00:06:34,082 --> 00:06:35,640
Yes, it's me,
157
00:06:35,741 --> 00:06:38,809
Betty Jean Hart, née Bryant.
158
00:06:38,828 --> 00:06:40,736
Lord, I know this is supposed
to be about you, hon.
159
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,404
It's not gonna be.
160
00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:43,814
But it's supposed to be.
161
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,758
Oh, my Lord,
your gram looks amazing.
162
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,818
-What did I miss?
-Five words:
163
00:06:47,879 --> 00:06:49,429
She went here. Glory days.
164
00:06:49,622 --> 00:06:51,005
(gasps)
165
00:06:51,099 --> 00:06:56,010
Well, if it isn't
my Mr. Erickson. (gasps)
166
00:06:56,104 --> 00:06:59,497
Wait. He taught chemistry
when you went here?
167
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:00,923
He sure did.
168
00:07:00,984 --> 00:07:03,443
And just like David LeRoth says:
169
00:07:03,611 --> 00:07:06,003
I was hot for teacher.
170
00:07:06,063 --> 00:07:08,448
Oh, wow.
She is really feeling herself.
171
00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:11,284
These innuendos are en fuego.
172
00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:12,935
Somebody call
the fuego department,
173
00:07:12,996 --> 00:07:14,937
'cause I'm
about to fan the flames.
174
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:19,125
You know, Mr. Erickson sure does
use a lot of Bunsen burners.
175
00:07:19,318 --> 00:07:21,185
His buns will be burning
176
00:07:21,245 --> 00:07:22,870
once I'm done
slapping 'em silly.
177
00:07:23,022 --> 00:07:25,965
Oh, we're also learning
about protons and ions.
178
00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:28,468
I have an i-on his bulge.
179
00:07:28,661 --> 00:07:30,636
Amazing.
What can you do with...
180
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:32,863
-a beaker?
-Beaker? Mm.
181
00:07:32,924 --> 00:07:35,791
Sounds like Mr. Erickson's
box spring later tonight.
182
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,551
(imitating creaking):
Be-ker, be-ker, be-ker.
183
00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:40,730
-(gasps) Amazing.
-Very high degree of difficulty.
184
00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:44,709
(huffs) This woman
is ruining everything!
185
00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:47,728
Am I missing something here?
Just be direct.
186
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,137
Trust me.
It has to be handled
187
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,473
in a very specific
and delicate way.
188
00:07:51,493 --> 00:07:52,883
Watch this.
189
00:07:52,944 --> 00:07:56,737
Jenny, that squatter
sure is a problem.
190
00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:59,557
(sighs)
She sure is, Louise.
191
00:07:59,575 --> 00:08:02,818
I sure wish someone
could get her out.
192
00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:04,504
Oh, preach, girlfriend.
193
00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:06,564
If someone could get her out,
that person would be
194
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:10,158
a real valuable employee,
wouldn't they?
195
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,996
Oh, my gosh,
it would be very appreciated.
196
00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:16,057
(both sigh loudly)
197
00:08:17,501 --> 00:08:19,334
Oh, my God.
Did you pick up on that?
198
00:08:19,395 --> 00:08:22,580
Well, why don't you tell me
what you think just happened.
199
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:23,889
Clearly,
she's offering me a raise
200
00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:25,599
to get that woman
out of the restroom.
201
00:08:25,693 --> 00:08:27,676
This is the height of dumbness.
202
00:08:27,737 --> 00:08:30,271
A smart person would see
how smart it is.
203
00:08:30,365 --> 00:08:31,739
-What?
-Nothing!
204
00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:39,038
Folks, we interrupt
tonight's live finale
205
00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:41,040
of Who Wants A New Penis?
206
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:44,043
to bring you
this breaking story.
207
00:08:44,212 --> 00:08:48,789
Some lady psychopath
has broken every societal norm
208
00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:51,776
by camping out
in a public restroom
209
00:08:51,794 --> 00:08:55,871
and ignoring multiple
throat clears. Ooh-wee-woo.
210
00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:58,282
Normally I get juiced up
by chaos,
211
00:08:58,342 --> 00:09:00,284
but this mess is a nightmare.
212
00:09:00,344 --> 00:09:02,620
There are ways of getting
a woman out of a restroom
213
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,622
without asking directly
like an animal.
214
00:09:04,682 --> 00:09:06,473
It's very simple. Watch this.
215
00:09:06,568 --> 00:09:07,808
Somebody get me a boombox
216
00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:09,902
-and a ska CD!
-What?
217
00:09:12,574 --> 00:09:15,157
(ska music playing)
218
00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:23,874
(banging loudly)
219
00:09:27,338 --> 00:09:29,338
(leaf blower whirring loudly)
220
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,484
"My Life in the Black Eyed Pea,
by Taboo.
221
00:09:33,544 --> 00:09:36,078
"Chapter One:
In the summer of 2001,
222
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,306
I met apl.de.ap."
223
00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:40,841
(groans)
224
00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:43,686
♪ ♪
225
00:09:48,634 --> 00:09:49,567
(horn toots)
226
00:09:51,937 --> 00:09:53,854
(toilet flushing)
227
00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:55,430
(horn tooting)
228
00:09:55,491 --> 00:09:59,410
I saw you. You're done.
You've done your business.
229
00:10:02,373 --> 00:10:06,108
-(gasps, groans)
-Ooh, ooh, Jenny!
230
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:09,462
Jenny Hart, any updates
on the situation in there?
231
00:10:09,613 --> 00:10:12,022
-You're just gonna speak righ...
-Get out of my face, MayKay!
232
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,357
(horn tooting)
233
00:10:13,376 --> 00:10:14,467
(indistinct chatter)
234
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:16,636
Randy, I've heard
enough talking.
235
00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:19,305
Jenny needs action
to help her get that raise.
236
00:10:19,498 --> 00:10:22,032
What would
my favorite action heroes do?
237
00:10:22,051 --> 00:10:23,809
Now, Steven Seagal would put on
Asian lady's pajamas
238
00:10:24,002 --> 00:10:26,053
and start doing
some sleepy karate.
239
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,371
Okay, not that.
240
00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:29,482
Oh. Sarah Connor.
That would mean
241
00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,558
I would have to father
a robot-taming baby...
242
00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:34,136
Nah, I don't have time for that.
243
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,804
What I really gotta do
is get in that bathroom.
244
00:10:35,907 --> 00:10:37,639
How about through
the vents, baby?
245
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,308
Oh, yeah. That's it.
246
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,144
Time for John McClane.
247
00:10:42,205 --> 00:10:43,721
You about to do a Die Hard?
248
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,873
With a vengeance.
249
00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:48,392
Come on. Push me harder.
250
00:10:48,452 --> 00:10:50,744
-Lift me higher.
-RANDY: I'm trying.
251
00:10:50,897 --> 00:10:53,580
I don't have any strength
in my limbs, baby. I'm all core.
252
00:10:53,675 --> 00:10:55,991
My arms and legs
are like noodles.
253
00:10:56,052 --> 00:10:57,325
♪ ♪
254
00:10:57,428 --> 00:11:00,421
Mmm. He's still got it.
255
00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:03,683
The good news is, so do I.
256
00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:05,759
My senior year talent show,
257
00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:08,762
we had a moment he couldn't
forget even if he tried.
258
00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:11,673
♪ All the boys
think she's a spy ♪
259
00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:17,029
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes. ♪
260
00:11:17,222 --> 00:11:19,347
(excited chatter)
261
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,866
♪ ♪
262
00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:30,543
-Good job.
-(exhales)
263
00:11:33,372 --> 00:11:35,789
Well, hello, Mr. Erickson.
264
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,676
It's me, Betty Jean Bryant.
265
00:11:40,212 --> 00:11:42,112
Sorry, not ringing a bell.
266
00:11:42,173 --> 00:11:43,371
Wait, what? Now, wh...
267
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:45,207
(all gasp)
268
00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:46,951
Fire drill!
269
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,213
♪ Catch me, Jesus,
I'm falling ♪
270
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,290
Okay, y'all,
enough of this mess.
271
00:11:53,350 --> 00:11:56,051
I appreciate all your thoughts
and prayers,
272
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,237
but if you are standing
in this restaurant,
273
00:11:58,406 --> 00:12:00,239
you have got to order something.
274
00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:02,241
Lookie-loos, you got to order.
275
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:04,243
Reverends, you got to order.
276
00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:07,304
Asian film crew,
y'all need to order, too.
277
00:12:07,364 --> 00:12:09,306
Choir, you can sing your order.
278
00:12:09,408 --> 00:12:11,658
John 3:16 guys,
you got to order.
279
00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:12,993
Y'all all got to order.
280
00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:15,904
Oh, my God, that's it.
281
00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,481
Somebody hand me
282
00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:20,634
-a frickin' menu.
-(all gasp)
283
00:12:22,013 --> 00:12:24,430
How could Mr. Erickson
not remember me?
284
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:26,006
It makes zero sense.
285
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,084
I have been told
I am medically unforgettable.
286
00:12:29,145 --> 00:12:31,086
Uh-oh, this is real.
287
00:12:31,147 --> 00:12:34,164
I know. If it were a movie,
I'd own it in every format.
288
00:12:34,225 --> 00:12:36,609
But this
has zero rewatchability.
289
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,669
If Mr. Erickson
doesn't remember me,
290
00:12:38,729 --> 00:12:41,113
then maybe
no one else does, either.
291
00:12:41,306 --> 00:12:43,449
Gram, don't worry,
we still love you.
292
00:12:43,642 --> 00:12:46,268
Of course you love me.
You're my grandbaby.
293
00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:47,678
Come on, let's just
get out of here.
294
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:50,347
Screw that.
I know what I got to do.
295
00:12:50,407 --> 00:12:52,148
I've got to recreate
my legendary performance
296
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:53,608
at this assembly.
297
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:57,371
Betty Jean Bryant Davis Eyes
rides again.
298
00:12:57,523 --> 00:12:59,690
Oh, no. I think we have
to help her, David.
299
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:04,386
Yeah. Or else act three of this
rom-com is gonna be real sad.
300
00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:09,291
These ducts are so much smaller
than they are in the movies.
301
00:13:09,352 --> 00:13:10,851
And dirtier.
302
00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:15,372
(yells)
Oh, my God!
303
00:13:15,432 --> 00:13:17,891
-(hisses)
-(screams)
304
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:19,877
Fine. Take my dumb lighter.
305
00:13:19,937 --> 00:13:21,529
It's not like you know
how to use it anyway.
306
00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,232
Oh, crap.
What did you do, Wayne?
307
00:13:25,384 --> 00:13:26,641
You just gave possums fire.
308
00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:29,811
-You idiot.
-(all hissing)
309
00:13:29,831 --> 00:13:31,405
You can't make
that poor lady order
310
00:13:31,499 --> 00:13:33,148
and eat food on the toilet.
311
00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:34,725
I mean... (scoffs)
girl, I'll eat anywhere.
312
00:13:34,743 --> 00:13:37,895
Snarfing down corn dogs
at the gyno? That's my jam.
313
00:13:37,955 --> 00:13:41,006
But on a toilet? No way.
314
00:13:41,199 --> 00:13:42,758
That's the point.
315
00:13:44,086 --> 00:13:45,827
(exhales)
316
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:48,889
Hey, how y'all doing today?
Have you dined with us before?
317
00:13:50,092 --> 00:13:51,575
(laughs)
No worries.
318
00:13:51,594 --> 00:13:53,185
Got a menu right here for you.
319
00:13:53,378 --> 00:13:55,170
Let me tell you a little bit
about our specials today.
320
00:13:55,189 --> 00:13:57,022
We've got a stuffed flounder
which comes with a baked potato
321
00:13:57,215 --> 00:14:00,025
and our signature
jalapeño hush puppies. Yum.
322
00:14:00,218 --> 00:14:02,269
And our chef
is really letting it rip
323
00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:04,938
with a southwestern shrimp
entree on a bed of rice pilaf.
324
00:14:05,032 --> 00:14:07,533
Any of this striking your fancy?
325
00:14:07,726 --> 00:14:09,184
Yeah, you don't want
to eat on the toilet.
326
00:14:09,245 --> 00:14:11,704
Don't blame you. Kind of gross.
327
00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:12,830
(gasps)
328
00:14:22,216 --> 00:14:25,125
She wants clam strips!
329
00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:26,627
-(all yelling, groaning)
-No!
330
00:14:26,779 --> 00:14:28,095
Clams on the toilet?!
331
00:14:32,751 --> 00:14:34,685
-♪ ♪
-(horses neighing)
332
00:14:40,776 --> 00:14:43,127
Mighty nice clams today.
333
00:14:43,145 --> 00:14:45,404
Thank you, Lord,
for this bounty.
334
00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:51,994
(bell clanging)
335
00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:56,990
Great haul today, Jebediah.
336
00:14:57,084 --> 00:15:00,978
This is the saddest part.
Watching them go.
337
00:15:01,038 --> 00:15:03,071
I only wish I could be there
to witness the moment
338
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:06,091
when some lucky person
gets to enjoy them.
339
00:15:06,284 --> 00:15:08,928
For to be in the presence
of these clams
340
00:15:09,121 --> 00:15:11,913
is to be in the presence
of God Himself.
341
00:15:11,933 --> 00:15:13,991
JENNY:
Here are your toilet clams,
you weird monster.
342
00:15:14,051 --> 00:15:15,676
You happy now?
343
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,511
(indistinct chatter, shushing)
344
00:15:17,605 --> 00:15:19,772
She wants tartar sauce.
345
00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:20,981
(all yelling, groaning)
346
00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:28,614
"Come out to the Last Supper,
we'll get you a quick raise,
347
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,265
in and out. Yeah."
348
00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:33,177
Aha! Here we are. Showtime.
349
00:15:33,278 --> 00:15:35,179
You in there, please evacuate,
350
00:15:35,239 --> 00:15:37,272
or you will be manually
extracted through this vent.
351
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,107
And trust me,
you do not want that.
352
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:40,851
There's a nasty possum up here
353
00:15:40,869 --> 00:15:42,610
that you do not want
to mess with.
354
00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:44,797
Oh, God, it's the ceiling ghost.
355
00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:47,115
I didn't want to make
those toilet clams.
356
00:15:47,176 --> 00:15:48,709
WAYNE:
Oh, sorry. (chuckles)
357
00:15:48,861 --> 00:15:50,452
Just trying to get
to the women's bathroom.
358
00:15:50,513 --> 00:15:53,197
Uh, n-not in the creepy way.
The hero way.
359
00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:54,932
(cheering and applause)
360
00:15:56,885 --> 00:15:59,052
And that concludes our events
for tonight's open house.
361
00:15:59,146 --> 00:16:01,705
Wrong! Hit it, David.
362
00:16:01,765 --> 00:16:04,483
("Bette Davis Eyes" playing)
363
00:16:11,075 --> 00:16:15,068
♪ Her hair is Harpo goal ♪
364
00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:18,905
♪ Her lips are speedy guys ♪
365
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:22,743
♪ Her hands are never coal ♪
366
00:16:22,878 --> 00:16:26,005
♪ She got Betty Bryant eyes ♪
367
00:16:28,009 --> 00:16:30,175
♪ She's precoated ♪
368
00:16:30,327 --> 00:16:32,994
♪ And she knows,
mm, yeah, yeah ♪
369
00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,847
(babbling)
370
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,049
♪ Po-bush ♪
371
00:16:37,243 --> 00:16:39,910
♪ She got Gerta Darbo
standoff flies ♪
372
00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,762
♪ She got ♪
373
00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:47,317
♪ Betty Bryant eyes. ♪
374
00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:54,941
Remember me now, Mr. Erickson?
375
00:16:55,036 --> 00:16:56,260
(grunts)
376
00:16:56,278 --> 00:16:57,536
Ooh...
377
00:16:57,729 --> 00:17:00,597
Okay, yes.
Of course I remember you.
378
00:17:00,616 --> 00:17:02,282
You're that girl I one time
379
00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,376
said "good job" to, and then you
thought I was in love with you.
380
00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:06,545
I even tried to get a
restraining order against you,
381
00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:08,272
and they said
"It wouldn't look good."
382
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:10,883
I thought I was done with you,
but now you're back?
383
00:17:11,076 --> 00:17:13,201
Ugh.
384
00:17:13,262 --> 00:17:16,296
Well, on the bright side,
at least he remembered you.
385
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:20,208
There's no bright side.
My glory days were a fraud.
386
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:23,062
Clearly a figment
of my imagination.
387
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,731
So what I thought was my peak
was just a whiff,
388
00:17:25,924 --> 00:17:29,151
a zero, a total airball.
389
00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:33,797
Gram, you know what I think?
390
00:17:33,857 --> 00:17:36,483
You didn't peak in high school,
you're peaking right now.
391
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:39,803
You know what everyone's gonna
be talking about after today?
392
00:17:39,863 --> 00:17:41,138
Betty Jean Bryant.
393
00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:43,165
♪ ♪
394
00:17:45,077 --> 00:17:47,068
Yeah, I guess you're right.
395
00:17:47,088 --> 00:17:48,328
Let's get out of here.
396
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,756
I always was too good
for this place.
397
00:17:57,473 --> 00:17:59,414
(inhales sharply)
I'm in a bathroom
398
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:01,767
serving tartar sauce
to a woman on a toilet?
399
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,994
And why? Why did I have to go
400
00:18:04,012 --> 00:18:06,254
and tie my raise
to a stupid stunt?
401
00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:08,348
Because I have been taught
it's not ladylike
402
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,943
to directly ask
for what I want, that's why.
403
00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:12,945
And look at you.
You're in the same boat.
404
00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:15,005
All you want is
to be left alone.
405
00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:18,008
Probably came in here,
accidentally let one fly,
406
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:19,693
which is also "so unladylike,"
407
00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:22,287
and then that little voice
came into your head saying
408
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,272
"You're not allowed to fart."
409
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:26,125
"You're not allowed
to ask for a raise."
410
00:18:26,318 --> 00:18:28,518
"You're not allowed
to be president."
411
00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,945
Well, this ends now.
412
00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:34,282
You know what? Stay in here
as long as you want.
413
00:18:34,343 --> 00:18:36,209
WAYNE (laughs):
Oh, my God, Jenny.
414
00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:38,286
-Great speech.
-Thanks, Wayne.
415
00:18:38,347 --> 00:18:39,996
Are you Die Hardin' it up there?
416
00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:42,141
WAYNE:
You know it. 'Cause it was time
to take action
417
00:18:42,334 --> 00:18:43,958
and get something done.
418
00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:46,370
Well, as you can see,
I just got it done.
419
00:18:46,471 --> 00:18:48,630
I still think the direct
approach would've been better.
420
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,208
What's direct about
crawling around in the ceiling?
421
00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:52,559
(woman clears throat)
422
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:53,986
(gasps)
423
00:18:55,072 --> 00:18:56,471
Oh, got it. I hear you, girl.
424
00:18:56,532 --> 00:18:57,805
Ha. You do you.
425
00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:59,900
WAYNE:
Message received. Scooting out.
426
00:18:59,994 --> 00:19:01,368
(heavy thumping overhead)
427
00:19:04,039 --> 00:19:05,889
That toilet lady
has pushed me to my limit,
428
00:19:05,949 --> 00:19:08,834
but I'm hanging in there.
429
00:19:08,985 --> 00:19:12,153
-You just speak into the bulb...
-I know where to speak.
430
00:19:12,214 --> 00:19:13,747
-Everybody, listen up.
-(others shushing)
431
00:19:13,899 --> 00:19:15,340
Instead of harassing
that poor lady,
432
00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:18,068
we should be asking ourselves
why we were so quick
433
00:19:18,128 --> 00:19:19,678
to label her a monster.
434
00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:22,497
We go in bathrooms
afraid to make a sound,
435
00:19:22,558 --> 00:19:25,926
and we go to work afraid
to stand up for ourselves.
436
00:19:26,078 --> 00:19:28,836
We are literally
and figuratively afraid
437
00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:30,689
to make a stink.
438
00:19:30,882 --> 00:19:35,435
Well, I say:
ladies, let's make a stink.
439
00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:39,847
Louise Culp, I want a raise!
Boom.
440
00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:41,608
-(cheering and applause)
-♪ Catch me, Jesus,
I'm falling ♪
441
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,945
Hell yeah. I'm gonna tell
my boss I want a raise, too.
442
00:19:45,039 --> 00:19:46,780
-Enough is enough!
-Yeah!
443
00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:49,041
Jenny.
(stammers)
444
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:52,878
Well, I was gonna give you
a raise all day today.
445
00:19:53,071 --> 00:19:54,771
(toilet flushes)
446
00:19:54,873 --> 00:19:57,123
(people gasping)
447
00:19:57,218 --> 00:20:00,093
My name's Darlene Sims...
448
00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:05,057
...and yes,
I destroyed your toilet.
449
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:06,558
(all gasp)
450
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,452
(cheering and applause)
451
00:20:08,512 --> 00:20:11,137
Darlene, that is so brave.
452
00:20:11,273 --> 00:20:12,472
I was on my way to the most
453
00:20:12,608 --> 00:20:14,307
important job interview
of my life.
454
00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:19,238
And like many women,
I have chronic anxious IBS.
455
00:20:19,406 --> 00:20:21,481
Let it out, Darlene, baby.
456
00:20:21,575 --> 00:20:24,743
And I want y'all to know,
it was coming out of me
457
00:20:24,936 --> 00:20:27,304
the second
I walked into your bathroom.
458
00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:28,972
Let me paint a picture.
459
00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,825
JENNY:
And so, Darlene Sims
openly shared
460
00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,810
her bathroom journey
with a level of detail
461
00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:36,088
that few women
have publicly expressed.
462
00:20:36,281 --> 00:20:40,074
And the inspiration
was infectious.
463
00:20:40,185 --> 00:20:41,818
And as we continued
to share stories
464
00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:45,505
of struggle and triumph,
one thing became clear:
465
00:20:45,599 --> 00:20:48,916
our days of holding it in
were finally over.
466
00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:51,085
Run! Possum's right behind me!
467
00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:53,355
And he's got fire, which he
totally had when I met him!
468
00:20:57,945 --> 00:20:59,611
ANNOUNCER:
Please welcome to the stage,
469
00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:02,281
from the upcoming comedy
Forty-Nine Hands,
470
00:21:02,474 --> 00:21:06,100
Carl Joharnsarn
and Bethany Vallway.
471
00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:08,862
And the winner
for best foreign-language
472
00:21:09,014 --> 00:21:10,938
short-form documentary.
473
00:21:11,041 --> 00:21:14,776
From Japan, Hiroki Kakatani's
A Stall Too Far: How One
474
00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:16,402
Tiny Woman
Held a Bathroom Mirror
475
00:21:16,547 --> 00:21:18,371
Up to a Small Town
and Their Beliefs.
476
00:21:18,524 --> 00:21:21,616
ANNOUNCER: This is Hiroki's
15th nomination and first win
477
00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:23,635
(speaking Japanese)
478
00:21:23,828 --> 00:21:26,713
Jenny Hart...
(continues in Japanese)
479
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,307
-Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord!
-Yeah!
480
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:29,866
-We're famous!
-(cheers)
481
00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:31,727
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)