1 00:00:02,607 --> 00:00:04,766 What's going on with y'all this weekend? 2 00:00:04,918 --> 00:00:06,675 I heard Brenda on the phone, 3 00:00:06,778 --> 00:00:10,271 ordering a party bus and a dirty cantaloupe centerpiece 4 00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:12,198 from Edible Arrangements. 5 00:00:12,391 --> 00:00:14,259 Edible Derangements. 6 00:00:14,319 --> 00:00:16,094 It's like an erotic knockoff? Probably not gonna 7 00:00:16,154 --> 00:00:17,537 stand up in court. Anyway, 8 00:00:17,688 --> 00:00:19,113 Brenda is throwing a bachelorette party 9 00:00:19,207 --> 00:00:20,431 for her cousin Brenda. 10 00:00:20,492 --> 00:00:21,857 Not just a bachelorette party. 11 00:00:21,918 --> 00:00:24,360 The throwdown to end all throwdowns, 12 00:00:24,421 --> 00:00:25,937 starring the whole Brenda clan. 13 00:00:25,997 --> 00:00:27,696 We got a party bus, drunk tubing, 14 00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,716 and as many male strippers as you can legally have 15 00:00:29,867 --> 00:00:32,201 before you got to call it a "nudist colony." 16 00:00:32,262 --> 00:00:35,463 Ooh, now, Jenny, just be careful. 17 00:00:35,615 --> 00:00:37,223 Last time one of the Brendas had 18 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:41,969 a bachelorette party, this one went missing for five days, 19 00:00:42,105 --> 00:00:44,046 and this one-- 20 00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:47,383 meaning you, Jenny-- got bit by a police horse. 21 00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:49,127 Yeah, it was awful. 22 00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:50,570 You know what, Brenda? 23 00:00:50,739 --> 00:00:52,906 I-I think I got to sit this one out. 24 00:00:53,075 --> 00:00:54,557 Good for you, Jenny. 25 00:00:54,618 --> 00:00:56,559 You keep this up, soon you'll be having 26 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,727 just as much fun as me. 27 00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,989 Okay, off to my dead husband's grave. 28 00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,658 Doo-doo-doo-doo! 29 00:01:03,752 --> 00:01:05,234 What the hell are you going? 30 00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:06,902 I'm pouring out some weak sauce 31 00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:08,254 to honor my best friend, 32 00:01:08,447 --> 00:01:11,149 who died of Can't Hang Disease. 33 00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:13,409 Oh, come on, Brenda. I-I can't party like I used to. 34 00:01:13,512 --> 00:01:15,837 -I'm a mom now. -(man shouts) 35 00:01:15,972 --> 00:01:19,173 -(Jenny laughs) -There's my little hellraiser. 36 00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:21,476 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:51,374 --> 00:01:52,707 Jenny, shouldn't you be packing? 38 00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:54,968 Oh, for the Brenda Bachelorette? 39 00:01:55,119 --> 00:01:56,619 Yeah, I don't know. 40 00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,304 I don't know if I want to go to an all-weekend party. 41 00:01:58,456 --> 00:02:00,473 I mean, it's not that I can't hang. I was just planning 42 00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,308 on organizing my closet this weekend. 43 00:02:02,501 --> 00:02:04,051 Jenny, just go. 44 00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:05,536 You can be a responsible adult 45 00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:06,888 and still have fun every once in a while. 46 00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:09,207 When's the last time you really blew it out? 47 00:02:09,309 --> 00:02:11,818 Yeah, go party, Miss Martyr. I can watch Violet. 48 00:02:11,969 --> 00:02:13,394 There's a covered dish tonight at church. 49 00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:15,321 Violet can be my arm candy. 50 00:02:15,473 --> 00:02:16,805 Sorry, but there's no way 51 00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,324 that I'm going to another church potluck. 52 00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:20,326 If I see green Jell-O with marshmallows in it, 53 00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:22,220 I will never stop screaming. 54 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,664 Violet, you don't have to get within six feet of Jell-O. 55 00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,407 We can hang out this weekend, you and me. 56 00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:29,502 -Wait, really? -Yep, a father-daughter weekend. 57 00:02:29,695 --> 00:02:32,246 Sorry, common-law stepfather. 58 00:02:32,399 --> 00:02:34,156 Ah, nope. Wayne-Violet weekend. 59 00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:35,917 No father anywhere near that. 60 00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:38,569 Wayne, you're gonna have to be more like a father than a buddy. 61 00:02:38,671 --> 00:02:40,755 -(horn honking) -(women whooping) 62 00:02:40,907 --> 00:02:44,242 Come on, Jenny! Jump through the ring of fire, girl! 63 00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:47,412 -Go! I got this. -Mom, just go. 64 00:02:47,472 --> 00:02:51,082 -(women whooping, cheering) -You're sure? 65 00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:53,751 -Oh, my Lord, just go! -Okay, you talked me into it. 66 00:02:53,811 --> 00:02:55,420 Don't eat a bunch of trash and stay up too late. 67 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,012 And lock all the doors. And drink all the milk 68 00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:58,198 before it expires! 69 00:02:58,391 --> 00:03:01,092 (women whooping, clamoring) 70 00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:02,869 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 71 00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,596 ♪ Oh, yeah, one, two, three, four... ♪ 72 00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:08,750 (cheering and whooping) 73 00:03:14,424 --> 00:03:16,666 I cannot for the life of me understand 74 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,610 why my potato salad is still untouched. 75 00:03:19,671 --> 00:03:22,463 People are passing it up just to spite me. 76 00:03:22,557 --> 00:03:24,707 Bobbie Nell, your potato salad is always 77 00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,375 covered in cigarette ashes. 78 00:03:26,478 --> 00:03:30,137 Uh-oh! Looks like we got a Bud situation. 79 00:03:30,273 --> 00:03:31,714 BETTY: Never comes to service. 80 00:03:31,775 --> 00:03:34,049 He only worships at the altar of free food. 81 00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:36,552 BOBBIE NELL: He pounded all the ham biscuits 82 00:03:36,613 --> 00:03:38,479 and laid waste to the ambrosia. 83 00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:41,148 Oh, and now he's moved on to my chicken? 84 00:03:41,243 --> 00:03:44,986 Eating it up before any actual children of God can get a taste? 85 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,746 This stops now. 86 00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:48,897 Well, well, well, 87 00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:50,917 if it isn't Bud Bullard. 88 00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:53,253 All right now, Betty. If it wasn't for my strip club, 89 00:03:53,446 --> 00:03:56,405 no one would even feel guilty enough to come here on Sunday. 90 00:03:56,508 --> 00:03:59,259 (inhales deeply) 91 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,427 Plus, your thighs are my favorite. 92 00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:04,580 You are gross. Manhandling my breasts, as well. 93 00:04:04,641 --> 00:04:08,009 Welp, back to reveling in the Lord's bounty. 94 00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:09,844 This stops now. 95 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:13,773 I got to get this blasphemous pig out of the Lord's trough. 96 00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,258 -(phone rings, vibrates) -Go for Bud. 97 00:04:16,278 --> 00:04:17,777 (deep voice): Bud, where you at? 98 00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:20,505 I just pulled into your club, and it's on fire! 99 00:04:20,606 --> 00:04:22,264 -What?! -I said 100 00:04:22,325 --> 00:04:24,284 your filthy strip club is on fire. 101 00:04:24,477 --> 00:04:26,393 Oh, no! My club! My girls! 102 00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,362 Hup-- oh, gaw! Oh, my heart! 103 00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:30,348 Here it comes. Oh, this ain't good. 104 00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:31,607 Uh-oh. 105 00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:34,702 Don't you quit on me, heart! Oh! 106 00:04:34,854 --> 00:04:37,872 I'm gonna take one more bite of this-- nope, bad idea. 107 00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:40,550 Ooh. Overshot it. 108 00:04:42,345 --> 00:04:44,470 Okay, we've got French bread, pizzas, 109 00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:46,639 popcorn and fixings for s'mores. 110 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,808 I was thinking we could have a movie night, 111 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,394 -then an indoor campout. -(girls laughing) 112 00:04:52,805 --> 00:04:54,539 Um, sure. 113 00:04:54,599 --> 00:04:56,390 I think people are really loving our shirts. 114 00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:57,875 They're so jealous. 115 00:04:57,935 --> 00:04:59,877 Okay, so since I put on your fun T-shirt, 116 00:04:59,896 --> 00:05:01,729 can we do something I want to do now? 117 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,472 Like, can we buy these fedoras 118 00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:04,991 and go over to the Mega Joe Mart Café 119 00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:06,993 and take our pictures as we sip espressos 120 00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,477 and pretend we're in Paris? 121 00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:10,830 One million percent yes on the fedoras, 122 00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:12,665 but I'm pretty sure your mom doesn't like you 123 00:05:12,858 --> 00:05:14,500 to have caffeine-- let me check. 124 00:05:14,693 --> 00:05:17,228 No, Wayne. You don't need to call Mom! (groans) 125 00:05:17,246 --> 00:05:18,654 (women whooping, clamoring) 126 00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:21,007 -BRENDA: Hey, don't splash me! -(phone ringing) 127 00:05:21,176 --> 00:05:23,509 Jenny Hart speaking here. 128 00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,345 Hey, Jenny. Violet's fine. 129 00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:28,239 -Uh, I just wanted to ask... -Catch! 130 00:05:28,257 --> 00:05:29,849 (whooping) 131 00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:31,909 -ALL: Oh! -My cooter bone! 132 00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:34,336 (slurring): Wait, sorry, Wayne. Say that again? 133 00:05:34,397 --> 00:05:37,523 I just wanted to check, is Violet allowed to have espresso? 134 00:05:37,716 --> 00:05:40,693 Oh, right. Okay, here are the caffeine rules... 135 00:05:40,886 --> 00:05:43,087 Jenny, come on! 136 00:05:43,147 --> 00:05:44,605 You're talking about rules? 137 00:05:44,757 --> 00:05:47,758 Like some Jenny narc-ass lifeguard? 138 00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:49,276 Lame. 139 00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:52,372 Wayne, there are no rules this weekend! (chuckles) 140 00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:53,948 (quietly): Except for the important ones. 141 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,541 Which you know which is which. 142 00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:59,437 The only rules this weekend are people that rule! 143 00:05:59,497 --> 00:06:00,880 (quietly): Use your best judgment. 144 00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:03,608 We're both using our best judgment this weekend. 145 00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:05,218 (shouts) 146 00:06:05,369 --> 00:06:06,961 -I'm covered in snakes! -(beeps) 147 00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,796 So, what did she say? 148 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:11,874 Um, she said I should decide for myself. 149 00:06:11,976 --> 00:06:14,376 Okay, well, what do you say? 150 00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:16,637 All right, let me think it through. 151 00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:17,563 Huh? 152 00:06:18,516 --> 00:06:20,549 Sorry, Vi, you can't have that coffee drink. 153 00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:22,718 "Okay, Wayne, I'll look for a different kind of high. 154 00:06:22,779 --> 00:06:24,795 Drugs. Alcohol. Whipped cream cans." 155 00:06:24,856 --> 00:06:27,073 Vi, you're drunk. You got to get clean. 156 00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:28,056 "Then I'm running away." 157 00:06:28,118 --> 00:06:29,575 Berlin. Discotheques. 158 00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:30,968 (German accent): "Yeah, Fraulein, 159 00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:32,227 you really want to party?" 160 00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:33,913 Wake up. Bathtub full of ice. 161 00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:34,914 Kidneys gone. 162 00:06:35,107 --> 00:06:36,082 Nein! 163 00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,233 Jenny, I'm sorry! 164 00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:40,235 Okay. Two espressos. 165 00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,422 I wrote a screenplay, Wayne. I wrote a screenplay. 166 00:06:42,573 --> 00:06:44,239 It's 230 pages, Wayne. 167 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,593 It all takes place in the basket of a hot-air balloon, Wayne. 168 00:06:47,786 --> 00:06:49,637 -What are you waiting for? Take my picture. Take it! -(gasps) 169 00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,097 Take it, take it, take it! Take it now. 170 00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:52,932 (sips, chuckles) 171 00:06:54,177 --> 00:06:55,250 WAYNE: Holy! 172 00:06:55,311 --> 00:06:56,919 Okay, giving you the credit card 173 00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,012 was probably a mistake. 174 00:06:58,106 --> 00:07:00,255 Was it? (laughs) 175 00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:02,275 Yeah! Look at this. 176 00:07:04,637 --> 00:07:06,612 (door creaking) 177 00:07:06,764 --> 00:07:08,005 (monitor beeping steadily) 178 00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:11,358 Poor dumb baby. What did I do to you? 179 00:07:11,511 --> 00:07:14,603 Just came to check on you, 'cause-'cause I feel guil... 180 00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:17,039 guil... guilty. 181 00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,533 ♪ 182 00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:21,869 Oh, look at you, laying there so vulnerable 183 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,854 in the moonlight glow. 184 00:07:23,873 --> 00:07:26,615 Layin' down, your stomach flattens out a little bit. 185 00:07:26,676 --> 00:07:31,195 I get a glimpse of the potent, virile man you once were. 186 00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:32,305 Betty, stop it. 187 00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:33,806 What are these thoughts you're having? 188 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,476 Do not let your guilt get you all horned-up. 189 00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:38,478 Betty? Is that Betty Hart? 190 00:07:38,671 --> 00:07:41,147 (shushing) Save your strength. 191 00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:42,540 I'll be honest, I didn't know 192 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,484 if anyone would turn out to visit me. 193 00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:47,820 I'm used to people crossing the street to avoid this old perv. 194 00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:49,471 Bud, you know what, 195 00:07:49,574 --> 00:07:52,049 when you aren't slobbering all over young boobies, 196 00:07:52,109 --> 00:07:53,493 you're actually kind of sweet. 197 00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:56,162 Betty, what time is it? 198 00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:58,498 -6:30. -Mm. 199 00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:01,149 What was that for? 200 00:08:01,169 --> 00:08:03,819 I promised myself if you ever gave me the time of day, 201 00:08:03,838 --> 00:08:06,506 I'd kiss you like there's no tomorrow. 202 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:08,916 Oh, lookee there. 203 00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:12,903 The clock just struck 6:31. 204 00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,405 (kissing) 205 00:08:14,507 --> 00:08:16,724 (Bud and Betty laugh) 206 00:08:18,511 --> 00:08:20,261 Did you know that all matter is merely energy 207 00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:21,746 condensed to a slow vibration 208 00:08:21,764 --> 00:08:23,356 and we are all one consciousness 209 00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:25,416 experiencing itself subjectively? 210 00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:27,193 (gasps) Ooh, ooh, ooh! Let's go see a movie. 211 00:08:27,386 --> 00:08:29,529 Oh, Vi, I-I don't know. It's so late. 212 00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:31,272 Let's maybe let your mom weigh in on this. 213 00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:32,439 Wayne, no... 214 00:08:32,592 --> 00:08:34,349 (ringing, vibrating) 215 00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,869 (laughing) 216 00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:38,020 You sure that's the horse 217 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,613 -that bit ya? -(snorts) 218 00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,099 Brenda, you don't forget the sumbitch police horse 219 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,027 who bit you at a bachelorette party in 2012! 220 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,529 Well, what are you gonna do about it, 221 00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:49,865 write your congressman? 222 00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:51,442 (gulping) 223 00:08:51,544 --> 00:08:54,036 -(bottle shatters) -Taste teeth, pig horse! 224 00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:55,179 -Attagirl. -(whooping) 225 00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:57,631 -COP: Hey! -(horse neighs) 226 00:08:57,784 --> 00:08:59,058 (groans) She's not picking up. 227 00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:00,893 Because she so completely trusts you 228 00:09:01,045 --> 00:09:02,303 to do the right thing, Wayne. Didn't you hear her say that? 229 00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:03,229 I heard her say that. 230 00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:04,789 Yeah, but I don't know... 231 00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:07,049 Okay. Bye-bye to the best weekend of my life. 232 00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,626 Guess this Hang Zone shirt 233 00:09:08,686 --> 00:09:11,320 isn't worth the poly-cotton blend it's printed on. 234 00:09:12,356 --> 00:09:13,647 No, you're right. 235 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,408 This is the Hang Zone! 236 00:09:15,577 --> 00:09:17,410 Grab those melted-into-a-blob Twizzlers out 237 00:09:17,561 --> 00:09:18,560 of the glove compartment. 238 00:09:18,621 --> 00:09:20,062 We're going to the dang movies! 239 00:09:20,123 --> 00:09:21,138 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 240 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,416 ♪ ♪ 241 00:09:31,593 --> 00:09:35,011 -(cheering) -(pulsing dance music playing) 242 00:09:44,606 --> 00:09:46,680 Wayne, I want a nose ring! 243 00:09:46,774 --> 00:09:49,275 Violet, no. Absolutely n... 244 00:09:49,444 --> 00:09:50,668 ♪ ♪ 245 00:09:50,686 --> 00:09:52,353 -(clicks) -Hang Zone! 246 00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:53,988 Hang Zone. 247 00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:01,287 Hello? Could you shine that spotlight down a hair? 248 00:10:01,438 --> 00:10:03,289 -(gasps) -(jangling) 249 00:10:03,482 --> 00:10:07,368 -What the? -All jump for the Honorable Judge David Lee Roth. 250 00:10:07,462 --> 00:10:10,296 As the bailiff, I will be translating, 251 00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:13,466 as Judge DLR only speaks in "whoas" 252 00:10:13,659 --> 00:10:16,026 and "bozy-bozy-bob-ditty-bops." 253 00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:17,211 Wow! 254 00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,304 Oh, man. 255 00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:19,955 DLR's a judge? 256 00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:22,141 (scatting) 257 00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,976 Ow! 258 00:10:24,128 --> 00:10:25,144 Yes. 259 00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:26,979 (scatting) Bad dad! 260 00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:28,981 (scatting) Negligence! 261 00:10:29,174 --> 00:10:30,816 Ditty-bop! Whoa! 262 00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:33,152 Witness. Ow! 263 00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:35,546 You're on trial for gross negligence 264 00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,898 and for being a piss-poor father. 265 00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:40,451 Who's our first witness? 266 00:10:41,445 --> 00:10:42,887 Violet! 267 00:10:42,947 --> 00:10:44,054 State your name. 268 00:10:44,115 --> 00:10:46,165 Whoa! Aah! 269 00:10:46,358 --> 00:10:47,983 I was once known as Violet Hart. 270 00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,503 But now I'm Violence Hate. 271 00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:52,821 I live on the fringe between the cracks, 272 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,007 in the seedy underbelly of... 273 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:58,068 (scatting): What made you this way, little ditty-bop? 274 00:10:58,129 --> 00:11:00,996 He did. I used to think some things were sacred: 275 00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:03,908 laws, family, Bea Arthur's musical number 276 00:11:04,009 --> 00:11:05,926 in The Star Wars Holiday Special. 277 00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:09,504 Then Wayne taught me anything can be defiled, 278 00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:10,915 even the nose on your face. 279 00:11:10,975 --> 00:11:12,766 Thank you, Wayne, for teaching me 280 00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:16,253 the real unsightly hole... is society! 281 00:11:16,313 --> 00:11:17,588 Violet, no! 282 00:11:17,606 --> 00:11:19,615 Hi, guys. I'm home. 283 00:11:20,317 --> 00:11:22,259 My baby! 284 00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:26,447 Wayne, how could you let... this... happen? 285 00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:28,599 -(gavel bangs) -♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪ 286 00:11:28,659 --> 00:11:33,528 ♪ I declare you guilty ♪ 287 00:11:33,589 --> 00:11:35,789 ♪ So guilty, so guilty! ♪ 288 00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,776 -Wayne Edwards, you're guilty. -(gasps) 289 00:11:38,836 --> 00:11:42,204 (scatting) 290 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:45,115 Judge DLR wants to know what you are doing 291 00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:46,541 after the trial, honey. 292 00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:49,453 Visiting your chambers. 293 00:11:49,513 --> 00:11:50,804 (scatting) 294 00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:54,066 Wow! (speaking gibberish) 295 00:11:54,218 --> 00:11:56,477 I deserve this! 296 00:11:56,571 --> 00:11:57,945 Aah! Violet. 297 00:11:59,574 --> 00:12:00,814 Violet, you got to take that thing out. 298 00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:03,242 Your mom's gonna kill us both, and then 299 00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:05,244 she's gonna dig me up and kill me again. 300 00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:07,154 It's fine, it's fun. She's gonna love it. 301 00:12:07,306 --> 00:12:08,914 -How do you work this thing? -There's a switch on the back. 302 00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:10,732 Nah. No! What am I doing? 303 00:12:10,752 --> 00:12:13,811 ♪ Let's give 'em something to talk about ♪ 304 00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:16,404 Just hide that thing until we figure out what to do. 305 00:12:16,507 --> 00:12:20,909 ♪ How about love, love, love? ♪ 306 00:12:21,804 --> 00:12:24,171 You got a piercing, didn't you? 307 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:27,249 -How did you know? -Y'all were giving off panic pheromones 308 00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,583 from a mile away. 309 00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:30,344 Now Vi's got her head in the fridge? 310 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,347 Either you're trying to get to Narnia via the Frigidaire, 311 00:12:33,441 --> 00:12:35,349 or you got something on your face. 312 00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:38,352 And by the timb-ray of your voice, I'm guessing nose ring. 313 00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,004 -(can hissing) -Nope, you're wrong about that, 314 00:12:40,105 --> 00:12:42,281 'cause I'm just huffing whipped cream. 315 00:12:42,474 --> 00:12:44,599 Don't you try to Miss Doubtfire me. 316 00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,844 I invented that move. 317 00:12:46,946 --> 00:12:48,695 -Ugh. -Betty, real quick. 318 00:12:48,790 --> 00:12:51,106 Can you get Jenny to get Violet to take out her nose ring 319 00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:53,441 without realizing that Violet even has a nose ring, 320 00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:55,477 or that I let her get it? Please? 321 00:12:55,505 --> 00:12:57,855 I can't right now! I'm freakin' out in love! 322 00:12:57,915 --> 00:13:00,299 -So? What's new? -It's all new. 323 00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:02,376 He's completely wrong for me. 324 00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:04,194 Wrong time, wrong man. 325 00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:06,472 But apparently, all these wrongs are adding up 326 00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:09,049 to something that is oh, so right. 327 00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:11,644 Now I got to go splash some Jean Naté on my fun zones 328 00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:14,939 -'cause everything's moving at lightning speed. -Oh! 329 00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:18,042 Ding-dong. 330 00:13:18,143 --> 00:13:21,803 Nurse Betty's here to give you your tongue bath. 331 00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:24,306 There she is, the original hottie. 332 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,899 Betty, meet Tampa and Emoji. 333 00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:28,052 They're gonna take me home. I'm getting released. 334 00:13:28,153 --> 00:13:29,662 -Hey! -Hey! 335 00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:32,981 Okay, ring, ring. It's recess. 336 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,408 All you school kids get on out of here. 337 00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:37,002 Nurse Betty will take it from here. 338 00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:38,486 Okay, feel better, Bud! 339 00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:40,005 You two have fun. 340 00:13:40,198 --> 00:13:42,007 (women giggle) 341 00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:43,509 How you doing, Bud? 342 00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:45,327 Ah, they got me eating egg whites 343 00:13:45,388 --> 00:13:47,071 and salt-free chicken soup. 344 00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:49,682 It's all the worst foods without their best part. 345 00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:51,742 Sure makes me miss your fried chicken. 346 00:13:51,844 --> 00:13:53,911 And I missed your Polish sausage. 347 00:13:54,013 --> 00:13:57,097 (laughing): Oh, Betty, you are so gross. 348 00:13:57,249 --> 00:13:58,691 So are you, Bud. 349 00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:02,586 But together, we make something beautiful. 350 00:14:02,646 --> 00:14:04,196 You know, it's the craziest thing. 351 00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:05,772 I still can't remember what happened 352 00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:07,424 right before my heart attacked. 353 00:14:07,484 --> 00:14:08,926 I was making a plate, and then... 354 00:14:09,028 --> 00:14:11,686 Wait a minute. Did I get a phone call? 355 00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:15,782 I don't know, but you're about to get a bone call. 356 00:14:15,877 --> 00:14:18,544 Looks like I finally got the medicine I needed. 357 00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:22,840 Ten cc's of Smoochacil coming right up. 358 00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:27,636 Uh-uh. 359 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:30,872 Hmm? 360 00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:33,309 (grunts) 361 00:14:38,641 --> 00:14:41,125 -(camera clicking) -You saw how fast Betty Hart figured out what we did. 362 00:14:41,185 --> 00:14:43,402 I guarantee you Jenny Hart is not far behind. 363 00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:46,721 She's probably having a phantom pain in her nostril as we speak. 364 00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:49,149 Wayne, you made a decision. 365 00:14:49,243 --> 00:14:51,485 And it was the right decision because now I love you. 366 00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:53,320 Oh, my God, I hate being in charge. (sighs) 367 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,563 I'll text Jenny and tell her how great everything's going 368 00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,916 to buy us some time. 369 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,325 "Dear Jenny..." 370 00:14:58,477 --> 00:14:59,585 -(ringing) -Ah, shoot! I hit FaceTime! 371 00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:01,736 -Just hang up. -Oh, I can't. 372 00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:03,405 She'll think something's up. Cover your face! 373 00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:05,257 (all whooping, laughing) 374 00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:06,717 (snoring) 375 00:15:08,346 --> 00:15:10,687 Crap! Wayne wants to FaceTime. 376 00:15:11,766 --> 00:15:14,007 I'm on my way home. We're getting the check. 377 00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:15,750 Everything's fine on our end, too. 378 00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:17,752 Don't you worry. Just stay and have fun. 379 00:15:17,813 --> 00:15:21,923 Violet's just drinking coffee, or... juice out of a mug. 380 00:15:21,984 --> 00:15:24,351 Which is how she likes it. Isn't that right? 381 00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:25,927 Yeah. Orange juice-y. 382 00:15:25,988 --> 00:15:28,096 Great. I'm sober and my eyes are open. 383 00:15:28,115 --> 00:15:29,431 (imitates static) 384 00:15:29,492 --> 00:15:33,452 Whoa! Bad connection, I guess. Bye. 385 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,774 I'm proud of you, Bud. 386 00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:42,628 Following doctor's orders, eating all healthy. 387 00:15:42,821 --> 00:15:44,688 I'll tell you, it is weird to be attracted 388 00:15:44,748 --> 00:15:46,298 to someone I do not employ. 389 00:15:46,491 --> 00:15:50,544 Oh, look who got that wrap dress I wanted. 390 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,639 I would have purchased it, but someone called me 391 00:15:53,832 --> 00:15:56,809 when I was at checkout and said my house was on fire. 392 00:15:56,978 --> 00:15:58,811 Ha. Well, it was nice seeing you. 393 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,206 It's Betty's go-to move, you know. 394 00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:03,649 What?! 395 00:16:03,842 --> 00:16:05,859 Your filthy strip club is on fire! 396 00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:09,655 Oh, no, no, no. I-I remember it now. 397 00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:12,474 That call I got right before my heart attacked-- 398 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,994 -that was you! -(gasps) I can explain. 399 00:16:15,187 --> 00:16:16,720 That's why you're-you're here with me? 400 00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:18,071 'Cause you feel guilty? 401 00:16:18,224 --> 00:16:21,316 No! I-I... I mean, at first, maybe I did. 402 00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:23,894 But then I fell for you, Bud, for real. 403 00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:26,654 Oh, I don't care about stuff like this. 404 00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:29,299 I'm a pervert and that's all I am. 405 00:16:30,627 --> 00:16:32,511 -(door closes) -Oops. 406 00:16:32,704 --> 00:16:35,163 -Bud, wait! -Wait! You haven't paid! 407 00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:37,908 Your manager just told me that your house is on fire. 408 00:16:38,010 --> 00:16:39,935 Oh, no! 409 00:16:45,008 --> 00:16:47,026 I'm home! Hope you guys didn't get into any trouble, 410 00:16:47,219 --> 00:16:48,752 'cause I sure didn't. Ha. 411 00:16:48,812 --> 00:16:51,363 (hiccups) That wasn't... anything. 412 00:16:51,556 --> 00:16:54,107 Well, our weekend was great, too. 413 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,943 So fun and just good clean, responsible fun. 414 00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,428 Oh, I did go kind of crazy 415 00:16:58,447 --> 00:17:00,113 and get all these piercings. (laughs) 416 00:17:00,207 --> 00:17:02,875 Is that the craziest thing you've ever seen in your life? 417 00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:05,544 Ha-ha, yup! There's no topping this one. 418 00:17:05,695 --> 00:17:07,028 Oh, and Violet pierced her nose. 419 00:17:07,089 --> 00:17:09,790 Anyway, maybe I'll regret it, maybe I won't. 420 00:17:09,942 --> 00:17:12,609 Just life. That's all. Life decisions. 421 00:17:12,669 --> 00:17:14,778 (grunts) Okay. Geez. 422 00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:16,538 Wow. Well, 423 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,766 I'm gonna go lay down for 8,000 hours. 424 00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:23,470 Oh, my God, did that actually...? 425 00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:26,957 -Violet, did you pierce your freaking nose?! -(both gasp) 426 00:17:26,975 --> 00:17:28,716 And, Wayne, did you glue some fishing tackle 427 00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,627 and hairpins on your face to try and distract me? 428 00:17:30,646 --> 00:17:32,554 Jenny, you don't understand. 429 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:34,981 We were in the Hang Zone Extreme Zone. 430 00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:36,724 A nose ring?! You know what, Wayne? 431 00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:38,819 These aren't your decisions to make. 432 00:17:38,971 --> 00:17:40,412 Lucky you, you-you get to swoop in here 433 00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,973 and do the fun stuff 'cause you're not her dad. 434 00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,308 (groans) 435 00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:45,826 I'll take care of this. 436 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,420 You just go hang out in the Fun Zone or whatever. 437 00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:50,497 And I'm gonna need my bob pins back! 438 00:17:50,649 --> 00:17:51,906 (door closes) 439 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,409 JENNY: Here's what's happening. 440 00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:55,910 Violet, you're grounded till you're 38. 441 00:17:55,971 --> 00:17:57,504 Now get your bedazzled little honker 442 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,933 in your room until I say you can come out. Now! 443 00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:03,751 All right, give it to me, too. 444 00:18:03,813 --> 00:18:05,771 I deserve it. Read me the riot act. 445 00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:07,998 No, you are not gonna get me to not lay into you 446 00:18:08,016 --> 00:18:09,683 by playing like you want me to lay into you. 447 00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:11,276 -What? -I don't know. 448 00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:12,686 I can't even look at you right now. 449 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,504 I'm so frustrated and hungover. 450 00:18:14,606 --> 00:18:18,117 Just never make a decision about Violet ever again. 451 00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,452 (sighs) 452 00:18:21,572 --> 00:18:24,030 (pulsing dance music playing) 453 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:26,500 ♪ ♪ 454 00:18:27,294 --> 00:18:28,869 Stop the music! 455 00:18:28,963 --> 00:18:30,963 -(music stops) -Shame on you, Betty Hart. 456 00:18:31,114 --> 00:18:32,873 Playing with a man's emotions like that. 457 00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:36,301 And not even for money. You're disgusting! 458 00:18:36,494 --> 00:18:38,303 He's a mess, thanks to you. 459 00:18:38,472 --> 00:18:39,972 Girls, what happened to the music? 460 00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:42,141 Oh. Hello, Betty. 461 00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:45,477 -Can we talk? -Hmm. Hmm. 462 00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:49,873 Bud, it's true. 463 00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:52,967 I did make that call saying your club was ablaze. 464 00:18:52,987 --> 00:18:55,395 -But I'm not gonna say I'm sorry. -Uh, what? 465 00:18:55,489 --> 00:18:57,531 'Cause it brought me into your life. 466 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:02,886 Aw, Betty, you broke my heart, and that's how I know it's real. 467 00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:06,331 I promise to never break your heart again. 468 00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:07,791 Get in here. 469 00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:12,004 Mmm. Oh, Betty, yeah. 470 00:19:12,197 --> 00:19:13,505 Mmm, mmm. Oh, Bet... 471 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,340 Oh. Oh, God! My heart! 472 00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:18,159 Emoji, call 911! 473 00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:20,161 (dog barking) 474 00:19:20,222 --> 00:19:21,513 Oh, I thought you left. 475 00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:23,498 I'm not leaving you here alone. 476 00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:26,576 You're grounded. Now, get back in your room. 477 00:19:26,637 --> 00:19:28,020 Can I just get a snack? 478 00:19:28,213 --> 00:19:29,354 I guess. 479 00:19:29,547 --> 00:19:31,857 -Whoa! -What? 480 00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:34,008 You look like a punk-rock Rudolph. 481 00:19:34,028 --> 00:19:36,511 Which I know sounds awesome, but trust me, it's not. 482 00:19:36,572 --> 00:19:38,271 Ow! No, don't touch it. 483 00:19:38,407 --> 00:19:39,698 It's how it's supposed to look. 484 00:19:39,891 --> 00:19:42,259 No. It's definitely infected. 485 00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,094 We're going to the doctor. 486 00:19:44,154 --> 00:19:45,612 If you take me to the doctor, 487 00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:47,873 I am never stepping foot in the Hang Zone again. 488 00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,616 Welp, nice knowing you. 489 00:19:49,768 --> 00:19:51,043 (distant siren wailing) 490 00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:52,619 (chime over P.A.) 491 00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:55,530 Can you help us? I think her nose is infected. 492 00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:57,549 Oh, yeah, we need to get on that quick. 493 00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:59,125 Okay, Dad, we just need you to fill out these forms, 494 00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,610 -and we'll get her on back. -(Violet yells) 495 00:20:00,671 --> 00:20:02,128 Well, I'm... (sighs) 496 00:20:02,281 --> 00:20:03,947 I'm not exactly her father. 497 00:20:03,966 --> 00:20:06,967 Oh. Well, we're gonna need to speak to a legal guardian. 498 00:20:07,061 --> 00:20:09,210 (sighs) 499 00:20:09,271 --> 00:20:11,788 (phone rings, vibrates) 500 00:20:11,848 --> 00:20:14,958 Jenny, I'm at the hospital with Violet. She's fine. 501 00:20:14,977 --> 00:20:16,551 But her nose is infected. 502 00:20:16,612 --> 00:20:18,237 They're gonna patch her up, but they want 503 00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:19,646 to talk to a legal guardian. 504 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:22,724 -Mom, my nose is fine! -Your nose is not fine! 505 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,726 Jenny, I know I'm not her bio dad, 506 00:20:24,787 --> 00:20:27,304 but I love her like a dad, and I want to take care of her 507 00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:30,231 like a dad, and this nose ring is coming out now! 508 00:20:30,251 --> 00:20:32,900 Wayne, you're the suckiest person in the world. 509 00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:35,069 Wait, Violet. What did you just call him? 510 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:37,071 The suckiest person in the whole world. 511 00:20:37,174 --> 00:20:38,999 Okay, well, if you're saying Wayne sucks, 512 00:20:39,151 --> 00:20:41,242 then I know he's doing something right parent-wise. 513 00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:43,077 Point the phone at the nurse. 514 00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:44,671 I'm listening. 515 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:48,916 I can confirm Wayne is officially a dad now. 516 00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:50,343 (rapid beeping) 517 00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:53,397 Lord, forgive me. I did it again, y'all. 518 00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:02,263 I'd like to propose a toast: to healing, both relationships 519 00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:04,190 -and noses. -Violet, 520 00:21:04,285 --> 00:21:06,285 I still can't believe you would defile your body like that. 521 00:21:06,478 --> 00:21:10,622 You can't just go crazy and go wherever your impulses take you. 522 00:21:10,815 --> 00:21:12,749 -Whoops! -Here, let me help you with those. 523 00:21:13,577 --> 00:21:15,535 Mom! Did you...? 524 00:21:15,629 --> 00:21:18,038 Okay, I can explain. 525 00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:21,024 Jenny Hart, what the hell have you done to your body? 526 00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,802 Okay, this is totally different. I am an adult, 527 00:21:23,995 --> 00:21:27,547 and this is a very classy and understated artistic expression 528 00:21:27,641 --> 00:21:29,641 that the Brendas dared me to get. 529 00:21:29,793 --> 00:21:31,476 -(meows) -(horn honks musically) 530 00:21:31,645 --> 00:21:33,053 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 531 00:21:33,147 --> 00:21:34,771 and TOYOTA.