1
00:00:02,607 --> 00:00:04,766
What's going on
with y'all this weekend?
2
00:00:04,918 --> 00:00:06,675
I heard Brenda on the phone,
3
00:00:06,778 --> 00:00:10,271
ordering a party bus and
a dirty cantaloupe centerpiece
4
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:12,198
from Edible Arrangements.
5
00:00:12,391 --> 00:00:14,259
Edible Derangements.
6
00:00:14,319 --> 00:00:16,094
It's like an erotic knockoff?
Probably not gonna
7
00:00:16,154 --> 00:00:17,537
stand up in court. Anyway,
8
00:00:17,688 --> 00:00:19,113
Brenda is throwing
a bachelorette party
9
00:00:19,207 --> 00:00:20,431
for her cousin Brenda.
10
00:00:20,492 --> 00:00:21,857
Not just a bachelorette party.
11
00:00:21,918 --> 00:00:24,360
The throwdown to end
all throwdowns,
12
00:00:24,421 --> 00:00:25,937
starring the whole Brenda clan.
13
00:00:25,997 --> 00:00:27,696
We got a party bus,
drunk tubing,
14
00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,716
and as many male strippers
as you can legally have
15
00:00:29,867 --> 00:00:32,201
before you got to call it
a "nudist colony."
16
00:00:32,262 --> 00:00:35,463
Ooh, now, Jenny,
just be careful.
17
00:00:35,615 --> 00:00:37,223
Last time one of the Brendas had
18
00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:41,969
a bachelorette party, this one
went missing for five days,
19
00:00:42,105 --> 00:00:44,046
and this one--
20
00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:47,383
meaning you, Jenny--
got bit by a police horse.
21
00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:49,127
Yeah, it was awful.
22
00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:50,570
You know what, Brenda?
23
00:00:50,739 --> 00:00:52,906
I-I think I got
to sit this one out.
24
00:00:53,075 --> 00:00:54,557
Good for you, Jenny.
25
00:00:54,618 --> 00:00:56,559
You keep this up,
soon you'll be having
26
00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,727
just as much fun as me.
27
00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,989
Okay, off to my dead
husband's grave.
28
00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,658
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
29
00:01:03,752 --> 00:01:05,234
What the hell are you going?
30
00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:06,902
I'm pouring out some weak sauce
31
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:08,254
to honor my best friend,
32
00:01:08,447 --> 00:01:11,149
who died of Can't Hang Disease.
33
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:13,409
Oh, come on, Brenda.
I-I can't party like I used to.
34
00:01:13,512 --> 00:01:15,837
-I'm a mom now.
-(man shouts)
35
00:01:15,972 --> 00:01:19,173
-(Jenny laughs)
-There's my little hellraiser.
36
00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:21,476
♪ ♪
37
00:01:51,374 --> 00:01:52,707
Jenny, shouldn't you be packing?
38
00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:54,968
Oh, for the Brenda Bachelorette?
39
00:01:55,119 --> 00:01:56,619
Yeah, I don't know.
40
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,304
I don't know if I want to go
to an all-weekend party.
41
00:01:58,456 --> 00:02:00,473
I mean, it's not that I can't
hang. I was just planning
42
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,308
on organizing
my closet this weekend.
43
00:02:02,501 --> 00:02:04,051
Jenny, just go.
44
00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:05,536
You can be a responsible adult
45
00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:06,888
and still have fun
every once in a while.
46
00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:09,207
When's the last time
you really blew it out?
47
00:02:09,309 --> 00:02:11,818
Yeah, go party, Miss Martyr.
I can watch Violet.
48
00:02:11,969 --> 00:02:13,394
There's a covered dish
tonight at church.
49
00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:15,321
Violet can be my arm candy.
50
00:02:15,473 --> 00:02:16,805
Sorry, but there's no way
51
00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,324
that I'm going
to another church potluck.
52
00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:20,326
If I see green Jell-O
with marshmallows in it,
53
00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:22,220
I will never stop screaming.
54
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,664
Violet, you don't have to
get within six feet of Jell-O.
55
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,407
We can hang out this weekend,
you and me.
56
00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:29,502
-Wait, really?
-Yep, a father-daughter weekend.
57
00:02:29,695 --> 00:02:32,246
Sorry, common-law stepfather.
58
00:02:32,399 --> 00:02:34,156
Ah, nope. Wayne-Violet weekend.
59
00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:35,917
No father anywhere near that.
60
00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:38,569
Wayne, you're gonna have to be
more like a father than a buddy.
61
00:02:38,671 --> 00:02:40,755
-(horn honking)
-(women whooping)
62
00:02:40,907 --> 00:02:44,242
Come on, Jenny! Jump through
the ring of fire, girl!
63
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:47,412
-Go! I got this.
-Mom, just go.
64
00:02:47,472 --> 00:02:51,082
-(women whooping, cheering)
-You're sure?
65
00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:53,751
-Oh, my Lord, just go!
-Okay, you talked me into it.
66
00:02:53,811 --> 00:02:55,420
Don't eat a bunch of trash
and stay up too late.
67
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,012
And lock all the doors.
And drink all the milk
68
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:58,198
before it expires!
69
00:02:58,391 --> 00:03:01,092
(women whooping, clamoring)
70
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:02,869
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
71
00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,596
♪ Oh, yeah,
one, two, three, four... ♪
72
00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:08,750
(cheering and whooping)
73
00:03:14,424 --> 00:03:16,666
I cannot for the life of me
understand
74
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,610
why my potato salad is
still untouched.
75
00:03:19,671 --> 00:03:22,463
People are passing it up
just to spite me.
76
00:03:22,557 --> 00:03:24,707
Bobbie Nell,
your potato salad is always
77
00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,375
covered in cigarette ashes.
78
00:03:26,478 --> 00:03:30,137
Uh-oh! Looks like we got
a Bud situation.
79
00:03:30,273 --> 00:03:31,714
BETTY:
Never comes to service.
80
00:03:31,775 --> 00:03:34,049
He only worships
at the altar of free food.
81
00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:36,552
BOBBIE NELL:
He pounded all the ham biscuits
82
00:03:36,613 --> 00:03:38,479
and laid waste to the ambrosia.
83
00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:41,148
Oh, and now he's
moved on to my chicken?
84
00:03:41,243 --> 00:03:44,986
Eating it up before any actual
children of God can get a taste?
85
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,746
This stops now.
86
00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:48,897
Well, well, well,
87
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:50,917
if it isn't Bud Bullard.
88
00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:53,253
All right now, Betty.
If it wasn't for my strip club,
89
00:03:53,446 --> 00:03:56,405
no one would even feel guilty
enough to come here on Sunday.
90
00:03:56,508 --> 00:03:59,259
(inhales deeply)
91
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,427
Plus, your thighs
are my favorite.
92
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:04,580
You are gross.
Manhandling my breasts, as well.
93
00:04:04,641 --> 00:04:08,009
Welp, back to reveling
in the Lord's bounty.
94
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:09,844
This stops now.
95
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:13,773
I got to get this blasphemous
pig out of the Lord's trough.
96
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,258
-(phone rings, vibrates)
-Go for Bud.
97
00:04:16,278 --> 00:04:17,777
(deep voice):
Bud, where you at?
98
00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:20,505
I just pulled into your club,
and it's on fire!
99
00:04:20,606 --> 00:04:22,264
-What?!
-I said
100
00:04:22,325 --> 00:04:24,284
your filthy strip club
is on fire.
101
00:04:24,477 --> 00:04:26,393
Oh, no! My club! My girls!
102
00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,362
Hup-- oh, gaw! Oh, my heart!
103
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:30,348
Here it comes.
Oh, this ain't good.
104
00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:31,607
Uh-oh.
105
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:34,702
Don't you quit on me, heart! Oh!
106
00:04:34,854 --> 00:04:37,872
I'm gonna take one more bite
of this-- nope, bad idea.
107
00:04:37,966 --> 00:04:40,550
Ooh. Overshot it.
108
00:04:42,345 --> 00:04:44,470
Okay, we've got
French bread, pizzas,
109
00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:46,639
popcorn and fixings for s'mores.
110
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,808
I was thinking we could have
a movie night,
111
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,394
-then an indoor campout.
-(girls laughing)
112
00:04:52,805 --> 00:04:54,539
Um, sure.
113
00:04:54,599 --> 00:04:56,390
I think people are really
loving our shirts.
114
00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:57,875
They're so jealous.
115
00:04:57,935 --> 00:04:59,877
Okay, so since I put
on your fun T-shirt,
116
00:04:59,896 --> 00:05:01,729
can we do something
I want to do now?
117
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,472
Like, can we buy these fedoras
118
00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:04,991
and go over
to the Mega Joe Mart Café
119
00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:06,993
and take our pictures
as we sip espressos
120
00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,477
and pretend we're in Paris?
121
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:10,830
One million percent yes
on the fedoras,
122
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:12,665
but I'm pretty sure
your mom doesn't like you
123
00:05:12,858 --> 00:05:14,500
to have caffeine-- let me check.
124
00:05:14,693 --> 00:05:17,228
No, Wayne. You don't need
to call Mom! (groans)
125
00:05:17,246 --> 00:05:18,654
(women whooping, clamoring)
126
00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:21,007
-BRENDA: Hey, don't splash me!
-(phone ringing)
127
00:05:21,176 --> 00:05:23,509
Jenny Hart speaking here.
128
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,345
Hey, Jenny. Violet's fine.
129
00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:28,239
-Uh, I just wanted to ask...
-Catch!
130
00:05:28,257 --> 00:05:29,849
(whooping)
131
00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:31,909
-ALL: Oh!
-My cooter bone!
132
00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:34,336
(slurring):
Wait, sorry, Wayne.
Say that again?
133
00:05:34,397 --> 00:05:37,523
I just wanted to check, is
Violet allowed to have espresso?
134
00:05:37,716 --> 00:05:40,693
Oh, right. Okay, here are
the caffeine rules...
135
00:05:40,886 --> 00:05:43,087
Jenny, come on!
136
00:05:43,147 --> 00:05:44,605
You're talking about rules?
137
00:05:44,757 --> 00:05:47,758
Like some Jenny
narc-ass lifeguard?
138
00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:49,276
Lame.
139
00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:52,372
Wayne, there are no rules
this weekend! (chuckles)
140
00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:53,948
(quietly):
Except for the important ones.
141
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,541
Which you know which is which.
142
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:59,437
The only rules this weekend
are people that rule!
143
00:05:59,497 --> 00:06:00,880
(quietly):
Use your best judgment.
144
00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:03,608
We're both using
our best judgment this weekend.
145
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:05,218
(shouts)
146
00:06:05,369 --> 00:06:06,961
-I'm covered in snakes!
-(beeps)
147
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,796
So, what did she say?
148
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:11,874
Um, she said
I should decide for myself.
149
00:06:11,976 --> 00:06:14,376
Okay, well, what do you say?
150
00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:16,637
All right,
let me think it through.
151
00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:17,563
Huh?
152
00:06:18,516 --> 00:06:20,549
Sorry, Vi, you can't have
that coffee drink.
153
00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:22,718
"Okay, Wayne, I'll look
for a different kind of high.
154
00:06:22,779 --> 00:06:24,795
Drugs. Alcohol.
Whipped cream cans."
155
00:06:24,856 --> 00:06:27,073
Vi, you're drunk.
You got to get clean.
156
00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:28,056
"Then I'm running away."
157
00:06:28,118 --> 00:06:29,575
Berlin. Discotheques.
158
00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:30,968
(German accent):
"Yeah, Fraulein,
159
00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:32,227
you really want to party?"
160
00:06:32,288 --> 00:06:33,913
Wake up.
Bathtub full of ice.
161
00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:34,914
Kidneys gone.
162
00:06:35,107 --> 00:06:36,082
Nein!
163
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,233
Jenny, I'm sorry!
164
00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:40,235
Okay. Two espressos.
165
00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,422
I wrote a screenplay, Wayne.
I wrote a screenplay.
166
00:06:42,573 --> 00:06:44,239
It's 230 pages, Wayne.
167
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,593
It all takes place in the basket
of a hot-air balloon, Wayne.
168
00:06:47,786 --> 00:06:49,637
-What are you waiting for?
Take my picture. Take it!
-(gasps)
169
00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,097
Take it, take it, take it!
Take it now.
170
00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:52,932
(sips, chuckles)
171
00:06:54,177 --> 00:06:55,250
WAYNE:
Holy!
172
00:06:55,311 --> 00:06:56,919
Okay, giving you the credit card
173
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,012
was probably a mistake.
174
00:06:58,106 --> 00:07:00,255
Was it?
(laughs)
175
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:02,275
Yeah! Look at this.
176
00:07:04,637 --> 00:07:06,612
(door creaking)
177
00:07:06,764 --> 00:07:08,005
(monitor beeping steadily)
178
00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:11,358
Poor dumb baby.
What did I do to you?
179
00:07:11,511 --> 00:07:14,603
Just came to check on you,
'cause-'cause I feel guil...
180
00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:17,039
guil... guilty.
181
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,533
♪
182
00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:21,869
Oh, look at you,
laying there so vulnerable
183
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,854
in the moonlight glow.
184
00:07:23,873 --> 00:07:26,615
Layin' down, your stomach
flattens out a little bit.
185
00:07:26,676 --> 00:07:31,195
I get a glimpse of the potent,
virile man you once were.
186
00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:32,305
Betty, stop it.
187
00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:33,806
What are these thoughts
you're having?
188
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,476
Do not let your guilt
get you all horned-up.
189
00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:38,478
Betty? Is that Betty Hart?
190
00:07:38,671 --> 00:07:41,147
(shushing)
Save your strength.
191
00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:42,540
I'll be honest, I didn't know
192
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,484
if anyone would turn out
to visit me.
193
00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:47,820
I'm used to people crossing the
street to avoid this old perv.
194
00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:49,471
Bud, you know what,
195
00:07:49,574 --> 00:07:52,049
when you aren't slobbering
all over young boobies,
196
00:07:52,109 --> 00:07:53,493
you're actually kind of sweet.
197
00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:56,162
Betty, what time is it?
198
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:58,498
-6:30.
-Mm.
199
00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:01,149
What was that for?
200
00:08:01,169 --> 00:08:03,819
I promised myself if you
ever gave me the time of day,
201
00:08:03,838 --> 00:08:06,506
I'd kiss you
like there's no tomorrow.
202
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:08,916
Oh, lookee there.
203
00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:12,903
The clock just struck 6:31.
204
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,405
(kissing)
205
00:08:14,507 --> 00:08:16,724
(Bud and Betty laugh)
206
00:08:18,511 --> 00:08:20,261
Did you know that all matter
is merely energy
207
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:21,746
condensed to a slow vibration
208
00:08:21,764 --> 00:08:23,356
and we are
all one consciousness
209
00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:25,416
experiencing itself
subjectively?
210
00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:27,193
(gasps) Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Let's go see a movie.
211
00:08:27,386 --> 00:08:29,529
Oh, Vi, I-I don't know.
It's so late.
212
00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:31,272
Let's maybe let your mom
weigh in on this.
213
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:32,439
Wayne, no...
214
00:08:32,592 --> 00:08:34,349
(ringing, vibrating)
215
00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,869
(laughing)
216
00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:38,020
You sure that's the horse
217
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,613
-that bit ya?
-(snorts)
218
00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,099
Brenda, you don't forget
the sumbitch police horse
219
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,027
who bit you
at a bachelorette party in 2012!
220
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,529
Well, what are you gonna do
about it,
221
00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:49,865
write your congressman?
222
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:51,442
(gulping)
223
00:08:51,544 --> 00:08:54,036
-(bottle shatters)
-Taste teeth, pig horse!
224
00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:55,179
-Attagirl.
-(whooping)
225
00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:57,631
-COP: Hey!
-(horse neighs)
226
00:08:57,784 --> 00:08:59,058
(groans)
She's not picking up.
227
00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:00,893
Because she
so completely trusts you
228
00:09:01,045 --> 00:09:02,303
to do the right thing, Wayne.
Didn't you hear her say that?
229
00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:03,229
I heard her say that.
230
00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:04,789
Yeah, but I don't know...
231
00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:07,049
Okay. Bye-bye
to the best weekend of my life.
232
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,626
Guess this Hang Zone shirt
233
00:09:08,686 --> 00:09:11,320
isn't worth the poly-cotton
blend it's printed on.
234
00:09:12,356 --> 00:09:13,647
No, you're right.
235
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,408
This is the Hang Zone!
236
00:09:15,577 --> 00:09:17,410
Grab those
melted-into-a-blob Twizzlers out
237
00:09:17,561 --> 00:09:18,560
of the glove compartment.
238
00:09:18,621 --> 00:09:20,062
We're going to the dang movies!
239
00:09:20,123 --> 00:09:21,138
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
240
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,416
♪ ♪
241
00:09:31,593 --> 00:09:35,011
-(cheering)
-(pulsing dance music playing)
242
00:09:44,606 --> 00:09:46,680
Wayne, I want a nose ring!
243
00:09:46,774 --> 00:09:49,275
Violet, no.
Absolutely n...
244
00:09:49,444 --> 00:09:50,668
♪ ♪
245
00:09:50,686 --> 00:09:52,353
-(clicks)
-Hang Zone!
246
00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:53,988
Hang Zone.
247
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:01,287
Hello? Could you shine
that spotlight down a hair?
248
00:10:01,438 --> 00:10:03,289
-(gasps)
-(jangling)
249
00:10:03,482 --> 00:10:07,368
-What the?
-All jump for the Honorable
Judge David Lee Roth.
250
00:10:07,462 --> 00:10:10,296
As the bailiff,
I will be translating,
251
00:10:10,489 --> 00:10:13,466
as Judge DLR
only speaks in "whoas"
252
00:10:13,659 --> 00:10:16,026
and "bozy-bozy-bob-ditty-bops."
253
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:17,211
Wow!
254
00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,304
Oh, man.
255
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:19,955
DLR's a judge?
256
00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:22,141
(scatting)
257
00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,976
Ow!
258
00:10:24,128 --> 00:10:25,144
Yes.
259
00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:26,979
(scatting)
Bad dad!
260
00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:28,981
(scatting)
Negligence!
261
00:10:29,174 --> 00:10:30,816
Ditty-bop! Whoa!
262
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:33,152
Witness. Ow!
263
00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:35,546
You're on trial
for gross negligence
264
00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,898
and for being
a piss-poor father.
265
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:40,451
Who's our first witness?
266
00:10:41,445 --> 00:10:42,887
Violet!
267
00:10:42,947 --> 00:10:44,054
State your name.
268
00:10:44,115 --> 00:10:46,165
Whoa! Aah!
269
00:10:46,358 --> 00:10:47,983
I was once known as Violet Hart.
270
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,503
But now I'm Violence Hate.
271
00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:52,821
I live on the fringe
between the cracks,
272
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,007
in the seedy underbelly of...
273
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:58,068
(scatting): What made you
this way, little ditty-bop?
274
00:10:58,129 --> 00:11:00,996
He did. I used to think
some things were sacred:
275
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:03,908
laws, family,
Bea Arthur's musical number
276
00:11:04,009 --> 00:11:05,926
in The Star Wars
Holiday Special.
277
00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:09,504
Then Wayne taught me
anything can be defiled,
278
00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:10,915
even the nose on your face.
279
00:11:10,975 --> 00:11:12,766
Thank you, Wayne,
for teaching me
280
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:16,253
the real unsightly hole...
is society!
281
00:11:16,313 --> 00:11:17,588
Violet, no!
282
00:11:17,606 --> 00:11:19,615
Hi, guys. I'm home.
283
00:11:20,317 --> 00:11:22,259
My baby!
284
00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:26,447
Wayne, how could you
let... this... happen?
285
00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:28,599
-(gavel bangs)
-♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪
286
00:11:28,659 --> 00:11:33,528
♪ I declare you guilty ♪
287
00:11:33,589 --> 00:11:35,789
♪ So guilty, so guilty! ♪
288
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,776
-Wayne Edwards, you're guilty.
-(gasps)
289
00:11:38,836 --> 00:11:42,204
(scatting)
290
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:45,115
Judge DLR wants
to know what you are doing
291
00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:46,541
after the trial, honey.
292
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:49,453
Visiting your chambers.
293
00:11:49,513 --> 00:11:50,804
(scatting)
294
00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:54,066
Wow!
(speaking gibberish)
295
00:11:54,218 --> 00:11:56,477
I deserve this!
296
00:11:56,571 --> 00:11:57,945
Aah! Violet.
297
00:11:59,574 --> 00:12:00,814
Violet, you got
to take that thing out.
298
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:03,242
Your mom's gonna kill us both,
and then
299
00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:05,244
she's gonna dig me up
and kill me again.
300
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:07,154
It's fine, it's fun.
She's gonna love it.
301
00:12:07,306 --> 00:12:08,914
-How do you work this thing?
-There's a switch on the back.
302
00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:10,732
Nah. No! What am I doing?
303
00:12:10,752 --> 00:12:13,811
♪ Let's give 'em something
to talk about ♪
304
00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:16,404
Just hide that thing
until we figure out what to do.
305
00:12:16,507 --> 00:12:20,909
♪ How about love, love, love? ♪
306
00:12:21,804 --> 00:12:24,171
You got a piercing, didn't you?
307
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:27,249
-How did you know?
-Y'all were giving off
panic pheromones
308
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,583
from a mile away.
309
00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:30,344
Now Vi's got her head
in the fridge?
310
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,347
Either you're trying to get
to Narnia via the Frigidaire,
311
00:12:33,441 --> 00:12:35,349
or you got something
on your face.
312
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:38,352
And by the timb-ray of your
voice, I'm guessing nose ring.
313
00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,004
-(can hissing)
-Nope, you're wrong about that,
314
00:12:40,105 --> 00:12:42,281
'cause I'm just huffing
whipped cream.
315
00:12:42,474 --> 00:12:44,599
Don't you try
to Miss Doubtfire me.
316
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,844
I invented that move.
317
00:12:46,946 --> 00:12:48,695
-Ugh.
-Betty, real quick.
318
00:12:48,790 --> 00:12:51,106
Can you get Jenny to get Violet
to take out her nose ring
319
00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:53,441
without realizing that
Violet even has a nose ring,
320
00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:55,477
or that I let her get it?
Please?
321
00:12:55,505 --> 00:12:57,855
I can't right now!
I'm freakin' out in love!
322
00:12:57,915 --> 00:13:00,299
-So? What's new?
-It's all new.
323
00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:02,376
He's completely wrong for me.
324
00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:04,194
Wrong time, wrong man.
325
00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:06,472
But apparently,
all these wrongs are adding up
326
00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:09,049
to something
that is oh, so right.
327
00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:11,644
Now I got to go splash
some Jean Naté on my fun zones
328
00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:14,939
-'cause everything's moving
at lightning speed.
-Oh!
329
00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:18,042
Ding-dong.
330
00:13:18,143 --> 00:13:21,803
Nurse Betty's here
to give you your tongue bath.
331
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:24,306
There she is,
the original hottie.
332
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,899
Betty, meet Tampa and Emoji.
333
00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:28,052
They're gonna take me home.
I'm getting released.
334
00:13:28,153 --> 00:13:29,662
-Hey!
-Hey!
335
00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:32,981
Okay, ring, ring. It's recess.
336
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,408
All you school kids
get on out of here.
337
00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:37,002
Nurse Betty will take it
from here.
338
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:38,486
Okay, feel better, Bud!
339
00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:40,005
You two have fun.
340
00:13:40,198 --> 00:13:42,007
(women giggle)
341
00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:43,509
How you doing, Bud?
342
00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:45,327
Ah, they got me eating
egg whites
343
00:13:45,388 --> 00:13:47,071
and salt-free chicken soup.
344
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:49,682
It's all the worst foods
without their best part.
345
00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:51,742
Sure makes me miss
your fried chicken.
346
00:13:51,844 --> 00:13:53,911
And I missed
your Polish sausage.
347
00:13:54,013 --> 00:13:57,097
(laughing):
Oh, Betty, you are so gross.
348
00:13:57,249 --> 00:13:58,691
So are you, Bud.
349
00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:02,586
But together,
we make something beautiful.
350
00:14:02,646 --> 00:14:04,196
You know,
it's the craziest thing.
351
00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:05,772
I still can't remember
what happened
352
00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:07,424
right before my heart attacked.
353
00:14:07,484 --> 00:14:08,926
I was making a plate,
and then...
354
00:14:09,028 --> 00:14:11,686
Wait a minute.
Did I get a phone call?
355
00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:15,782
I don't know, but you're about
to get a bone call.
356
00:14:15,877 --> 00:14:18,544
Looks like I finally got
the medicine I needed.
357
00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:22,840
Ten cc's of Smoochacil
coming right up.
358
00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:27,636
Uh-uh.
359
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:30,872
Hmm?
360
00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:33,309
(grunts)
361
00:14:38,641 --> 00:14:41,125
-(camera clicking)
-You saw how fast Betty Hart
figured out what we did.
362
00:14:41,185 --> 00:14:43,402
I guarantee you
Jenny Hart is not far behind.
363
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:46,721
She's probably having a phantom
pain in her nostril as we speak.
364
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:49,149
Wayne, you made a decision.
365
00:14:49,243 --> 00:14:51,485
And it was the right decision
because now I love you.
366
00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:53,320
Oh, my God,
I hate being in charge. (sighs)
367
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,563
I'll text Jenny and tell her
how great everything's going
368
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,916
to buy us some time.
369
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,325
"Dear Jenny..."
370
00:14:58,477 --> 00:14:59,585
-(ringing)
-Ah, shoot! I hit FaceTime!
371
00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:01,736
-Just hang up.
-Oh, I can't.
372
00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:03,405
She'll think something's up.
Cover your face!
373
00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:05,257
(all whooping, laughing)
374
00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:06,717
(snoring)
375
00:15:08,346 --> 00:15:10,687
Crap! Wayne wants to FaceTime.
376
00:15:11,766 --> 00:15:14,007
I'm on my way home.
We're getting the check.
377
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:15,750
Everything's fine
on our end, too.
378
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:17,752
Don't you worry.
Just stay and have fun.
379
00:15:17,813 --> 00:15:21,923
Violet's just drinking coffee,
or... juice out of a mug.
380
00:15:21,984 --> 00:15:24,351
Which is how she likes it.
Isn't that right?
381
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:25,927
Yeah. Orange juice-y.
382
00:15:25,988 --> 00:15:28,096
Great. I'm sober
and my eyes are open.
383
00:15:28,115 --> 00:15:29,431
(imitates static)
384
00:15:29,492 --> 00:15:33,452
Whoa! Bad connection,
I guess. Bye.
385
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,774
I'm proud of you, Bud.
386
00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:42,628
Following doctor's orders,
eating all healthy.
387
00:15:42,821 --> 00:15:44,688
I'll tell you,
it is weird to be attracted
388
00:15:44,748 --> 00:15:46,298
to someone I do not employ.
389
00:15:46,491 --> 00:15:50,544
Oh, look who got that wrap dress
I wanted.
390
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,639
I would have purchased it,
but someone called me
391
00:15:53,832 --> 00:15:56,809
when I was at checkout
and said my house was on fire.
392
00:15:56,978 --> 00:15:58,811
Ha. Well,
it was nice seeing you.
393
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,206
It's Betty's
go-to move, you know.
394
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:03,649
What?!
395
00:16:03,842 --> 00:16:05,859
Your filthy strip club
is on fire!
396
00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:09,655
Oh, no, no, no.
I-I remember it now.
397
00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:12,474
That call I got right before
my heart attacked--
398
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,994
-that was you!
-(gasps) I can explain.
399
00:16:15,187 --> 00:16:16,720
That's why
you're-you're here with me?
400
00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:18,071
'Cause you feel guilty?
401
00:16:18,224 --> 00:16:21,316
No! I-I... I mean,
at first, maybe I did.
402
00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:23,894
But then I fell for you,
Bud, for real.
403
00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:26,654
Oh, I don't care
about stuff like this.
404
00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:29,299
I'm a pervert
and that's all I am.
405
00:16:30,627 --> 00:16:32,511
-(door closes)
-Oops.
406
00:16:32,704 --> 00:16:35,163
-Bud, wait!
-Wait! You haven't paid!
407
00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:37,908
Your manager just told me
that your house is on fire.
408
00:16:38,010 --> 00:16:39,935
Oh, no!
409
00:16:45,008 --> 00:16:47,026
I'm home! Hope you guys
didn't get into any trouble,
410
00:16:47,219 --> 00:16:48,752
'cause I sure didn't. Ha.
411
00:16:48,812 --> 00:16:51,363
(hiccups)
That wasn't... anything.
412
00:16:51,556 --> 00:16:54,107
Well, our weekend
was great, too.
413
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,943
So fun and just good clean,
responsible fun.
414
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,428
Oh, I did go kind of crazy
415
00:16:58,447 --> 00:17:00,113
and get all these piercings.
(laughs)
416
00:17:00,207 --> 00:17:02,875
Is that the craziest thing
you've ever seen in your life?
417
00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:05,544
Ha-ha, yup!
There's no topping this one.
418
00:17:05,695 --> 00:17:07,028
Oh, and Violet pierced her nose.
419
00:17:07,089 --> 00:17:09,790
Anyway, maybe I'll regret it,
maybe I won't.
420
00:17:09,942 --> 00:17:12,609
Just life. That's all.
Life decisions.
421
00:17:12,669 --> 00:17:14,778
(grunts)
Okay. Geez.
422
00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:16,538
Wow. Well,
423
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,766
I'm gonna go lay down
for 8,000 hours.
424
00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:23,470
Oh, my God,
did that actually...?
425
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:26,957
-Violet, did you pierce
your freaking nose?!
-(both gasp)
426
00:17:26,975 --> 00:17:28,716
And, Wayne, did you glue
some fishing tackle
427
00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,627
and hairpins on your face
to try and distract me?
428
00:17:30,646 --> 00:17:32,554
Jenny, you don't understand.
429
00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:34,981
We were in the
Hang Zone Extreme Zone.
430
00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:36,724
A nose ring?!
You know what, Wayne?
431
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:38,819
These aren't your decisions
to make.
432
00:17:38,971 --> 00:17:40,412
Lucky you, you-you get
to swoop in here
433
00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,973
and do the fun stuff
'cause you're not her dad.
434
00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,308
(groans)
435
00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:45,826
I'll take care of this.
436
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,420
You just go hang out
in the Fun Zone or whatever.
437
00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:50,497
And I'm gonna need
my bob pins back!
438
00:17:50,649 --> 00:17:51,906
(door closes)
439
00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,409
JENNY:
Here's what's happening.
440
00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:55,910
Violet, you're grounded
till you're 38.
441
00:17:55,971 --> 00:17:57,504
Now get your bedazzled
little honker
442
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,933
in your room until I say
you can come out. Now!
443
00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:03,751
All right, give it to me, too.
444
00:18:03,813 --> 00:18:05,771
I deserve it.
Read me the riot act.
445
00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:07,998
No, you are not gonna get me
to not lay into you
446
00:18:08,016 --> 00:18:09,683
by playing like you want me
to lay into you.
447
00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:11,276
-What?
-I don't know.
448
00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:12,686
I can't even look at you
right now.
449
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,504
I'm so frustrated and hungover.
450
00:18:14,606 --> 00:18:18,117
Just never make a decision
about Violet ever again.
451
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,452
(sighs)
452
00:18:21,572 --> 00:18:24,030
(pulsing dance music playing)
453
00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:26,500
♪ ♪
454
00:18:27,294 --> 00:18:28,869
Stop the music!
455
00:18:28,963 --> 00:18:30,963
-(music stops)
-Shame on you, Betty Hart.
456
00:18:31,114 --> 00:18:32,873
Playing with a man's emotions
like that.
457
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:36,301
And not even for money.
You're disgusting!
458
00:18:36,494 --> 00:18:38,303
He's a mess, thanks to you.
459
00:18:38,472 --> 00:18:39,972
Girls, what happened
to the music?
460
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:42,141
Oh. Hello, Betty.
461
00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:45,477
-Can we talk?
-Hmm. Hmm.
462
00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:49,873
Bud, it's true.
463
00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:52,967
I did make that call saying
your club was ablaze.
464
00:18:52,987 --> 00:18:55,395
-But I'm not gonna say
I'm sorry.
-Uh, what?
465
00:18:55,489 --> 00:18:57,531
'Cause it brought me
into your life.
466
00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:02,886
Aw, Betty, you broke my heart,
and that's how I know it's real.
467
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:06,331
I promise
to never break your heart again.
468
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:07,791
Get in here.
469
00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:12,004
Mmm. Oh, Betty, yeah.
470
00:19:12,197 --> 00:19:13,505
Mmm, mmm. Oh, Bet...
471
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,340
Oh. Oh, God! My heart!
472
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:18,159
Emoji, call 911!
473
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:20,161
(dog barking)
474
00:19:20,222 --> 00:19:21,513
Oh, I thought you left.
475
00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:23,498
I'm not leaving you here alone.
476
00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:26,576
You're grounded.
Now, get back in your room.
477
00:19:26,637 --> 00:19:28,020
Can I just get a snack?
478
00:19:28,213 --> 00:19:29,354
I guess.
479
00:19:29,547 --> 00:19:31,857
-Whoa!
-What?
480
00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:34,008
You look like
a punk-rock Rudolph.
481
00:19:34,028 --> 00:19:36,511
Which I know sounds awesome,
but trust me, it's not.
482
00:19:36,572 --> 00:19:38,271
Ow! No, don't touch it.
483
00:19:38,407 --> 00:19:39,698
It's how it's supposed to look.
484
00:19:39,891 --> 00:19:42,259
No. It's definitely infected.
485
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,094
We're going to the doctor.
486
00:19:44,154 --> 00:19:45,612
If you take me to the doctor,
487
00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:47,873
I am never stepping foot
in the Hang Zone again.
488
00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,616
Welp, nice knowing you.
489
00:19:49,768 --> 00:19:51,043
(distant siren wailing)
490
00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:52,619
(chime over P.A.)
491
00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:55,530
Can you help us?
I think her nose is infected.
492
00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:57,549
Oh, yeah, we need
to get on that quick.
493
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:59,125
Okay, Dad, we just need you
to fill out these forms,
494
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,610
-and we'll get her on back.
-(Violet yells)
495
00:20:00,671 --> 00:20:02,128
Well, I'm... (sighs)
496
00:20:02,281 --> 00:20:03,947
I'm not exactly her father.
497
00:20:03,966 --> 00:20:06,967
Oh. Well, we're gonna need
to speak to a legal guardian.
498
00:20:07,061 --> 00:20:09,210
(sighs)
499
00:20:09,271 --> 00:20:11,788
(phone rings, vibrates)
500
00:20:11,848 --> 00:20:14,958
Jenny, I'm at the hospital
with Violet. She's fine.
501
00:20:14,977 --> 00:20:16,551
But her nose is infected.
502
00:20:16,612 --> 00:20:18,237
They're gonna patch her up,
but they want
503
00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:19,646
to talk to a legal guardian.
504
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:22,724
-Mom, my nose is fine!
-Your nose is not fine!
505
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,726
Jenny, I know
I'm not her bio dad,
506
00:20:24,787 --> 00:20:27,304
but I love her like a dad,
and I want to take care of her
507
00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:30,231
like a dad, and this nose ring
is coming out now!
508
00:20:30,251 --> 00:20:32,900
Wayne, you're the suckiest
person in the world.
509
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:35,069
Wait, Violet.
What did you just call him?
510
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:37,071
The suckiest person
in the whole world.
511
00:20:37,174 --> 00:20:38,999
Okay, well,
if you're saying Wayne sucks,
512
00:20:39,151 --> 00:20:41,242
then I know he's doing
something right parent-wise.
513
00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:43,077
Point the phone at the nurse.
514
00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:44,671
I'm listening.
515
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:48,916
I can confirm
Wayne is officially a dad now.
516
00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:50,343
(rapid beeping)
517
00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:53,397
Lord, forgive me.
I did it again, y'all.
518
00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:02,263
I'd like to propose a toast:
to healing, both relationships
519
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:04,190
-and noses.
-Violet,
520
00:21:04,285 --> 00:21:06,285
I still can't believe you would
defile your body like that.
521
00:21:06,478 --> 00:21:10,622
You can't just go crazy and go
wherever your impulses take you.
522
00:21:10,815 --> 00:21:12,749
-Whoops!
-Here, let me
help you with those.
523
00:21:13,577 --> 00:21:15,535
Mom! Did you...?
524
00:21:15,629 --> 00:21:18,038
Okay, I can explain.
525
00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:21,024
Jenny Hart, what the hell
have you done to your body?
526
00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,802
Okay, this is totally different.
I am an adult,
527
00:21:23,995 --> 00:21:27,547
and this is a very classy and
understated artistic expression
528
00:21:27,641 --> 00:21:29,641
that the Brendas
dared me to get.
529
00:21:29,793 --> 00:21:31,476
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
530
00:21:31,645 --> 00:21:33,053
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
531
00:21:33,147 --> 00:21:34,771
and TOYOTA.