1
00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:06,251
Okay, do we need
anything else in this aisle?
2
00:00:06,253 --> 00:00:08,419
Not unless you're looking
to buy spiral notebooks,
3
00:00:08,513 --> 00:00:10,196
VHS tapes or diabetes candy.
4
00:00:10,423 --> 00:00:13,015
-(rock music plays over P.A.)
-(gasps) Tarla J!
5
00:00:13,109 --> 00:00:15,426
Is "Tarla J," like,
a facial cream or...?
6
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,095
I'm not seeing it on this shelf.
7
00:00:17,188 --> 00:00:19,855
No! This is Tarla J! Hello?
8
00:00:20,024 --> 00:00:22,450
"Inhabit My Body," parentheses,
"Get Inside," parentheses,
9
00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:24,360
"My Heart," exclamation point!
10
00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:26,028
This is my jam!
11
00:00:26,122 --> 00:00:29,049
OMG, I used to want to be her!
12
00:00:29,217 --> 00:00:30,884
Oh, come on, Violet.
Get in on this!
13
00:00:31,111 --> 00:00:32,777
You used to love me
dancing in stores.
14
00:00:32,912 --> 00:00:34,703
You used to laugh
your little buns off.
15
00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:37,465
♪ I see you over there ♪
16
00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:40,709
-♪ Inhabit my body, get inside ♪
-Ma'am. Ma'am.
17
00:00:40,878 --> 00:00:42,470
-♪ Get to know me, honey ♪
-Please stop dancing
on me to Tarla J.
18
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:46,641
♪ Get into me like
I'm into you... ♪
19
00:00:46,735 --> 00:00:48,643
Mom, you are so embarrassing.
20
00:00:48,737 --> 00:00:50,628
How are you not
lit up right now, Vi?
21
00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:52,888
If anything,
it's dimming my life force.
22
00:00:52,982 --> 00:00:54,574
-(Jenny whoops)
-Okay,
23
00:00:54,725 --> 00:00:56,743
I'm gonna go recharge my light
and go stare
24
00:00:56,894 --> 00:00:59,913
at the nervous teens
in the family planning aisle.
25
00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:01,155
♪ You're gonna love
this ride... ♪
26
00:01:01,324 --> 00:01:02,824
Mother!
27
00:01:02,918 --> 00:01:04,918
♪ My emotions,
my body is an ocean... ♪
28
00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:07,587
Did you hear that?
Ooh, here comes the hot drop.
29
00:01:07,814 --> 00:01:10,315
-♪ Take a sip ♪
-♪ With those lips, mmm. ♪
30
00:01:10,408 --> 00:01:12,550
♪ ♪
31
00:01:42,182 --> 00:01:44,457
Vi, look what I got.
Cakefetti!
32
00:01:44,684 --> 00:01:47,109
Remember we used
to make Cakefetti cakes
33
00:01:47,129 --> 00:01:49,187
and dance around
in the kitchen to Rock 92?
34
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,038
Let's make Cakefetti.
35
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,632
No. No, thanks.
36
00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:55,951
Okay, well, you want to watch
a Snapped marathon on Oxygen?
37
00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:57,862
Or let's prank call
funeral homes and say,
38
00:01:57,881 --> 00:01:59,197
"Let me out! I'm still alive,
39
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,699
and I'm trapped
in one of your coffins."
40
00:02:01,718 --> 00:02:03,292
Mother!
41
00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:04,869
And there you have it.
42
00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,204
She'd rather sit alone
in her room
43
00:02:06,297 --> 00:02:08,206
and eat an apple
than hang out with me.
44
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:10,650
Oh, my Lord on high!
I found it!
45
00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:14,896
A genuine, weather-worn
Route 66 highway sign.
46
00:02:14,990 --> 00:02:17,882
I made my high school boyfriend
try to steal me one of these,
47
00:02:18,051 --> 00:02:19,884
and he got creamed by a semi.
48
00:02:20,053 --> 00:02:21,736
-Oh.
-Ugh. Oh, Lord.
49
00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:24,980
It's at the Mountain Flea
up in Cullowhee.
50
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,225
-(Wayne sighs)
-But I got to find a way
51
00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:29,076
to get up the mountain
to Cullowhee.
52
00:02:29,171 --> 00:02:32,563
And early,
since these things do go fast.
53
00:02:32,732 --> 00:02:34,156
Wayne?
54
00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:36,659
I'm not taking your mother
to Cullowhee. No way.
55
00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,569
I'm sick and tired
of doing stuff for her
56
00:02:38,663 --> 00:02:40,087
and never, ever
getting a thank-you.
57
00:02:40,256 --> 00:02:41,997
It's like she thinks
I'm her manservant.
58
00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:44,909
I don't like being
taken for granted over and over.
59
00:02:45,078 --> 00:02:48,095
Okay, Betty.
I got your adult diapers
60
00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,914
and your 'roid cream.
61
00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:52,525
And your down-there
irritation balm.
62
00:02:52,677 --> 00:02:55,253
Wayne, you forgot
my Bit-O-Honeys.
63
00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:57,438
-(thunder crashes)
-You see anything now?!
64
00:02:57,590 --> 00:02:59,181
No. Just keep tilting it.
65
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:02,184
Oh, there we go.
Perfect. Don't move it.
66
00:03:02,278 --> 00:03:04,537
But it won't stay
in this position on its own!
67
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,539
-(thunder crashes)
-(yelling)
68
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:08,282
Hmm? (grunts)
69
00:03:08,435 --> 00:03:09,784
Jenny, I can't do it anymore.
70
00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:11,452
(sighs) So how do you want
to get out of this?
71
00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:12,861
You want to fake a nosebleed?
72
00:03:12,881 --> 00:03:14,380
No, we've done that before.
73
00:03:14,607 --> 00:03:16,031
It's got to be a real injury.
74
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,384
Where do you want it?
Toe? Nutsack?
75
00:03:18,611 --> 00:03:20,127
Okay, you know what?
I'll take her.
76
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,704
Because on the way up
that mountain,
77
00:03:21,798 --> 00:03:23,205
I'm gonna demand a thank-you.
78
00:03:23,299 --> 00:03:25,800
You're gonna demand a thank-you
from Betty Hart?
79
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,727
Wayne, I'm offering you
a much easier option
80
00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:29,729
with this meat tenderizer
to the crotch.
81
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,397
I'm gonna demand a thank-you,
82
00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:34,976
and I bet my straightforwardness
will finally earn her respect.
83
00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:36,218
Mm...
84
00:03:36,312 --> 00:03:38,479
-Hey, Betty, I can...
-(horn honking)
85
00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:40,481
(engine revs)
86
00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:43,117
-(sustained honking)
-(Wayne sighs)
87
00:03:44,729 --> 00:03:47,914
I could watch hamsters
eating tiny meals
88
00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:51,158
24 hours a day for the rest
of my mortal and immortal life.
89
00:03:51,253 --> 00:03:54,328
Do you think when hamsters watch
us eat, they think we're cute?
90
00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:55,830
How could they not?
91
00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:57,848
I tried to show
this amazing vid to my mom.
92
00:03:57,908 --> 00:04:00,151
She just stared at me
like I was cray.
93
00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:02,428
My mom and I don't have much
in common anymore.
94
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:03,930
-It's, like, a bummer.
-Wait.
95
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:07,100
Who is this gorgeous weirdo?
Tarla J?
96
00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:08,509
♪ ♪
97
00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,678
-♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
-VIOLET: Oh, yeah.
98
00:04:10,847 --> 00:04:12,105
That's that crappy song
99
00:04:12,332 --> 00:04:14,440
my mom was dancing to
in the grocery store.
100
00:04:14,592 --> 00:04:15,775
♪ Inhabit... ♪
101
00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:17,944
Hang on. I think
we need to do a deeper dive.
102
00:04:18,187 --> 00:04:19,854
I've seen her
on Celebrity Prison-House.
103
00:04:19,948 --> 00:04:23,932
I am sensing a train wreck here.
Click on this one.
104
00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,602
NARRATOR:
Tarlulah Jade Bullock
was born in Pensacola, Florida,
105
00:04:26,696 --> 00:04:30,197
and was reborn "Tarla J"
when discovered
106
00:04:30,292 --> 00:04:33,793
by producer and star-maker
Morty Grove at a Raging Waters.
107
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,944
He liked to scout
at water parks to get,
108
00:04:36,039 --> 00:04:39,524
"the lay of the land"
on potential young stars.
109
00:04:39,617 --> 00:04:42,135
Creepy Svengali manager. Yes!
110
00:04:42,362 --> 00:04:44,362
NARRATOR:
Success came swiftly for Tarla.
111
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:45,805
Perhaps too quickly.
112
00:04:46,032 --> 00:04:48,032
Vi, this is actually great.
113
00:04:48,125 --> 00:04:49,475
Her and her mom
partying together
114
00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:51,536
in matching Juicy tracksuits?
Check.
115
00:04:51,704 --> 00:04:53,813
Estranged trailer-park father
uses Tarla's money
116
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,150
to start an acai-flavored
vodka company? Check.
117
00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:59,468
Please let there be a quickie
marriage to a bodyguard
118
00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:01,712
or a femmy grandson
of a Greek shipping tycoon?
119
00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:04,490
Check and... check.
120
00:05:06,328 --> 00:05:08,161
You know what this trip
reminds me of?
121
00:05:08,388 --> 00:05:09,887
The time my meemaw drove me
all the way down
122
00:05:10,056 --> 00:05:14,483
to Florida for Wrestle-Con,
and I just thanked her so much.
123
00:05:14,502 --> 00:05:16,561
I never stopped thanking her.
124
00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:19,564
It's so important
to say "thank you" out loud
125
00:05:19,657 --> 00:05:20,989
so people know
how grateful you are.
126
00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:23,584
Wayne, are you doing
the speed limit?
127
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,903
Of course.
Don't you worry about that.
128
00:05:25,996 --> 00:05:28,089
You'll thank me later.
129
00:05:28,183 --> 00:05:29,407
Oh, you idiot.
130
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,018
Everybody knows the real
speed limit is ten above.
131
00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:33,744
By the time we get
to the Mountain Flea,
132
00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:35,746
my sign will be gone-zo.
133
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,415
Fine. Is this what you want?
134
00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:38,649
(engine revs, tires squeal)
135
00:05:39,586 --> 00:05:41,652
♪
136
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:47,425
Why couldn't my daughter marry
a man with a real car, Gene?
137
00:05:47,518 --> 00:05:49,276
Lydia, this is a real car.
138
00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:50,853
-(horn honking)
-BETTY: Attention tiny car!
139
00:05:50,947 --> 00:05:53,689
We have a flea market emergency.
Move your ass!
140
00:05:53,858 --> 00:05:57,618
Betty, stop. Tiny car,
we have no quarrel with you.
141
00:05:57,770 --> 00:06:01,196
Could you please move over?
Thank you!
142
00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:03,532
♪ Get out of the way, you're
driving in the fast lane ♪
143
00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:05,868
♪ Get out of the way,
get out of the way ♪
144
00:06:05,962 --> 00:06:08,537
♪ Get out of the way, you're
driving in the fast lane ♪
145
00:06:08,631 --> 00:06:09,555
♪ Get out of the way. ♪
146
00:06:09,782 --> 00:06:12,558
-(chirps)
-(siren wailing)
147
00:06:12,785 --> 00:06:14,135
Great.
148
00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:15,636
Don't worry, Wayne.
149
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:18,046
I got a couple sweater doughnuts
for this cop.
150
00:06:18,141 --> 00:06:20,048
-Betty, no!
-(taps on glass)
151
00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:21,717
-♪ If you don't lick it ♪
-♪ Lollipop song ♪
152
00:06:21,811 --> 00:06:23,461
♪ If you don't lick it, I will ♪
153
00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:26,054
-♪ Lollipop song ♪
-♪ Lollipop song... ♪
154
00:06:26,149 --> 00:06:28,149
Oh, she fully embraced
the Lolita image.
155
00:06:28,317 --> 00:06:30,985
-Please let there be a meltdown.
-Get to the meltdown.
156
00:06:31,154 --> 00:06:32,820
Tarla! Tarla! How long
have you been in the plant?
157
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,473
-Tarla!
-You like that plant, Tarla?
158
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:37,625
(crowd clamoring)
159
00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:43,648
You know what? Now that I know
the human wreckage
160
00:06:43,741 --> 00:06:47,001
behind this mindless pop song,
I love it.
161
00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:48,502
Blast it.
162
00:06:48,671 --> 00:06:51,672
-♪ Inhabit my body ♪
-♪ Come inside ♪
163
00:06:51,766 --> 00:06:53,099
♪ Come get to know me,
honey... ♪
164
00:06:53,326 --> 00:06:55,159
Vi, you'll miss me
when I'm dead and gone.
165
00:06:55,252 --> 00:06:57,603
You'll try to make Cakefetti,
but it won't feel the same.
166
00:06:57,814 --> 00:06:59,439
You will have tears
in your Cakefetti.
167
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:00,848
-(music playing faintly)
-(gasps) What?
168
00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:02,608
Who's listening to Tarla J?
169
00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:04,518
♪ Into me like I'm into you ♪
170
00:07:04,687 --> 00:07:06,504
♪ I see you over there, boy... ♪
171
00:07:06,597 --> 00:07:08,781
(high-pitched shrieking)
172
00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:15,529
(high-pitched,
sustained shrieking)
173
00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:18,182
Mom, it's been two full minutes
of you screaming silently.
174
00:07:18,317 --> 00:07:19,684
You need to inhale.
175
00:07:19,702 --> 00:07:21,627
(inhales)
You like Tarla J?
176
00:07:21,854 --> 00:07:23,946
Something I also genuinely like?
177
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,631
Am I awake? Are you my daughter?
178
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,024
Yes to all of it?
179
00:07:27,117 --> 00:07:30,285
Well, turn it up!
180
00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:33,473
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
181
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,808
♪ Come inside... ♪
182
00:07:36,035 --> 00:07:38,369
Whoa!
Mom, you look just like her.
183
00:07:38,462 --> 00:07:40,871
I mean, before she got addicted
to nighttime cold medicine.
184
00:07:40,965 --> 00:07:42,999
Yeah, I only practiced it
every day of my life
185
00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:45,151
-all through puberty.
-Violet.
186
00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:47,487
This is a moment
you can share with your mom.
187
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:48,804
I mean, look at her face.
188
00:07:48,823 --> 00:07:50,231
♪ Get to know me, honey... ♪
189
00:07:50,325 --> 00:07:53,809
Well, then, Ms. Hart,
why don't you teach us?
190
00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:56,570
Violet, we could literally
inhabit Tarla J's body.
191
00:07:56,664 --> 00:08:00,574
-Mm, maybe.
-(horn honking)
192
00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,919
(sustained honking)
193
00:08:06,232 --> 00:08:08,007
Okay, on top
of my speeding ticket,
194
00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:10,158
you got a ticket
for indecent exposure.
195
00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:12,803
Oh, calm your panties.
There's my sign!
196
00:08:13,906 --> 00:08:15,256
See? We aren't too late.
197
00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:17,074
Hey, you know I'm trying
to remember the theme song
198
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,943
to The Golden Girls.
How did that go?
199
00:08:20,004 --> 00:08:22,688
♪ Do-do for being a friend... ♪
200
00:08:22,915 --> 00:08:24,915
Ugh! What was
that first part again?
201
00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:26,859
(whispers):
Thank you.
202
00:08:27,086 --> 00:08:29,103
("Thank You for Being a Friend"
plays)
203
00:08:29,255 --> 00:08:31,438
Thank you!
A million thank-yous.
204
00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:34,425
I finally understand
what my daughter sees in you.
205
00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:37,853
It's so nice to finally
feel seen by my mother-in-law.
206
00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:41,040
-What?
-And it's so nice
to finally see you.
207
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:42,792
Thank you.
208
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,955
BETTY:
There's no way you're gonna
appreciate that sign
209
00:08:48,107 --> 00:08:51,008
as much as me,
you flat-assed nerds!
210
00:08:53,946 --> 00:08:55,972
(tires screeching)
211
00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,967
You know what, Betty?
I should have just
212
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,136
let your daughter take a mallet
to my nuts!
213
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:06,140
-What?
-And by the way, it's
"thank you for being a friend."
214
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,976
Thank you! I only agreed to
take you on this fool's errand
215
00:09:09,128 --> 00:09:11,720
so that I could get a thank-you
for all the stuff I do for you.
216
00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:14,481
But now I see that you are
physically incapable.
217
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:16,150
I am done with you.
218
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,651
See you never, Betty!
219
00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:19,019
Ditto, dumbass! I don't want
220
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,639
to ever see you again, either.
Bye.
221
00:09:21,732 --> 00:09:23,991
-Bye!
-Bye! Aah! I'm getting scooped!
222
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,826
-Well, so am I.
-Well, make it stop!
223
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,878
I can't!
224
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:31,882
(gasps)
225
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,845
♪
226
00:09:40,918 --> 00:09:42,250
Oh, my God, Ms. Hart!
227
00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:44,419
You were the Debbie Allen
of this studio.
228
00:09:44,513 --> 00:09:46,922
Mom, how come you haven't
brought me down here before?
229
00:09:47,016 --> 00:09:49,925
I mean, this place is
the Jenny Hart Hall of Fame.
230
00:09:50,094 --> 00:09:51,685
I just didn't think
you were interested.
231
00:09:51,854 --> 00:09:54,096
Every time I dance,
you're so embarrassed.
232
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:56,006
Because we're never
in a dance studio.
233
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:58,509
It's always in a Mega Lo Mart
or a gas station parking lot.
234
00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:00,119
And everybody's staring.
235
00:10:00,346 --> 00:10:02,288
There's nothing wrong
with that. It's fun!
236
00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:04,457
Have you ever heard the saying
"Dance like no one's watching"?
237
00:10:04,684 --> 00:10:06,108
Yeah, but I'm not like you.
238
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:09,611
I'm more of a "dance when
no one's watching" person.
239
00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:11,613
Well, now no one's watching.
240
00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:13,858
Now, Ms. Hart,
we want to inhabit Tarla J,
241
00:10:13,951 --> 00:10:15,359
really live her life.
242
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:17,361
-So start pushing us too...
-Shut up!
243
00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:19,530
Now you get your narrow asses
in front of that mirror
244
00:10:19,623 --> 00:10:22,366
and straighten up 'cause
here's where you start paying...
245
00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:23,976
in sweat.
246
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,387
-(gasps) That's from Fame.
-I know.
247
00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:27,888
BOTH:
Squee...!
248
00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:29,148
JENNY:
Now let me refresh you
249
00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,709
on the steps:
five, six, seven, eight.
250
00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:33,060
Step ball change,
step ball change,
251
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,896
and heart and heart and
glitter spray and glitter spray,
252
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,472
spin and thrust,
chug, chug, thrust,
253
00:10:37,492 --> 00:10:40,159
grapevine, grapevine,
cabbage patch, running man,
254
00:10:40,386 --> 00:10:44,163
Roger Rabbit, Roger Rabbit,
splits, teacup, teacup,
255
00:10:44,314 --> 00:10:46,223
booty thrust, scoop
and changing the channels,
256
00:10:46,392 --> 00:10:49,743
fly swatter, peekaboo, peekaboo,
sternum, sternum, "I know you!"
257
00:10:49,837 --> 00:10:52,062
And giddyup, giddyup, giddyup,
258
00:10:52,156 --> 00:10:55,916
and sternum and sternum
and front walkover cooter slam!
259
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,902
(panting): Okay, we got
a lot of work to do.
260
00:10:57,995 --> 00:10:59,178
(groans)
261
00:11:02,332 --> 00:11:03,424
Try that button again!
262
00:11:03,518 --> 00:11:05,910
I am. It doesn't do squat!
263
00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:08,929
Use that top-heavy body and pull
the door open or something.
264
00:11:09,081 --> 00:11:11,248
(straining):
Yeah, it won't budge. Too heavy.
265
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:14,585
-Help! Somebody get us
out of here!
-Please! Be a good "Samaritang"
266
00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:16,921
and help! Help!
267
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:18,605
I'm trapped in here
with a serial killer!
268
00:11:18,758 --> 00:11:20,090
I'm about to get cubed up!
269
00:11:20,184 --> 00:11:22,593
-Chopped into cubes!
-Betty,
270
00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:25,020
I am not a serial killer.
What the hell?
271
00:11:25,039 --> 00:11:27,189
I'm trying to get
people's attention, you fool.
272
00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:30,692
Help! I'm getting
human centipeded in here!
273
00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:34,029
I'm the front, which is why
I can still use my mouth,
274
00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:36,716
but I'm doing it for the guy
at the end's benefit!
275
00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:38,366
His name is Wayne Edwards!
276
00:11:38,535 --> 00:11:39,960
Here, I got one. Help!
277
00:11:40,054 --> 00:11:42,537
There's a brittle,
almost corpse-like,
278
00:11:42,631 --> 00:11:43,889
incontinent, elderly,
279
00:11:44,116 --> 00:11:46,467
dried-up old Carolina raisin
stuck in here,
280
00:11:46,619 --> 00:11:48,394
and all her medications
are wearing off!
281
00:11:48,545 --> 00:11:49,562
That's all lies!
282
00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,046
I'm 34!
283
00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:53,123
And the man you just heard
is about to get
284
00:11:53,217 --> 00:11:56,293
-a mouthful of a bunch
of other people's excrement!
-(meows)
285
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:58,963
All right, this is dumb.
I'm calling Jenny.
286
00:11:59,056 --> 00:12:01,389
Damn it, my battery's at 3%.
287
00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:02,316
Betty, gimme your phone.
288
00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:03,817
My phone's a no-go.
289
00:12:03,986 --> 00:12:05,652
I was sitting on it
all the way up the mountain,
290
00:12:05,747 --> 00:12:07,154
and my thigh meat
was dialing and redialing
291
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,822
the wrong password
the whole time,
292
00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:10,657
so I'm locked out till June.
293
00:12:10,826 --> 00:12:12,659
(groans)
Well, that's just perfect.
294
00:12:12,754 --> 00:12:14,587
Jenny, I have almost
no battery power on my phone,
295
00:12:14,814 --> 00:12:15,755
so I got to make this quick.
296
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:16,997
Great, then I'll be quick.
297
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,591
I'm teaching Violet
how to dance!
298
00:12:18,818 --> 00:12:20,484
No, no, no, listen,
Jenny, I got to...
299
00:12:20,577 --> 00:12:21,668
We're dancing together.
300
00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:23,429
To Tarla J!
301
00:12:23,656 --> 00:12:25,747
No way.
You've always wanted to share
302
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:27,099
your love of dance with her.
303
00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:30,327
-Jenny! We are stuck in a gar...
-(phone beeps)
304
00:12:30,346 --> 00:12:31,845
-(grunts)
-(Wayne gasps)
-(phone shatters)
305
00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:33,272
That's it!
(shouting)
306
00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,274
-♪ If you don't lick it ♪
-(groans loudly)
307
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:38,611
-(shouting)
-♪ If you don't lick it ♪
308
00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:40,279
-♪ Lollipop song ♪
-(groaning)
309
00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:42,673
-♪ If you don't lick it, ooh ♪
-(screaming)
310
00:12:42,691 --> 00:12:45,600
-(shouting)
-♪ If you don't lick it,
yeah, yeah ♪
311
00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:47,119
-♪ If you don't lick it ♪
-(groans)
312
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,180
-(shouts)
-♪ Lollipop song. ♪
-Violet,
313
00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:51,106
I want perfection.
314
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,108
Okay. The Fame thing was fun,
315
00:12:53,202 --> 00:12:54,960
but this is getting
a little too real.
316
00:12:55,187 --> 00:12:56,353
So can we go now?
317
00:12:56,446 --> 00:12:58,613
No! You need to focus, Violet.
318
00:12:58,707 --> 00:12:59,965
I want you to get in the game.
319
00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:01,783
Stop being such
a weird wallflower
320
00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:03,302
and hiding your light
in a bushel.
321
00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:04,970
Put yourself out there!
322
00:13:05,197 --> 00:13:06,697
But I'm not a good dancer
like you.
323
00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:08,290
And I don't like
drawing attention to myself.
324
00:13:08,384 --> 00:13:09,958
And I feel like I'm gonna die.
325
00:13:10,052 --> 00:13:12,202
Great.
You're right where I need you.
326
00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,371
Up until this moment,
you've just been Violet Hart.
327
00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:18,058
But now you're finally
Tarlulah Jade Bullock,
328
00:13:18,152 --> 00:13:20,635
the trashy little poor girl
from the Panhandle,
329
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,988
thrown onstage at age three,
330
00:13:23,215 --> 00:13:24,898
married your bodyguard
at age 17.
331
00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:27,475
Everyone saw you as trash.
332
00:13:27,644 --> 00:13:29,236
Everyone thought you would sink
333
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:32,573
into the dirty, ugly swamp
of the showbiz fringes,
334
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,558
but what they forgot was
335
00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:37,819
that you were born in the swamp.
336
00:13:37,913 --> 00:13:39,988
Now, you got 30 seconds to cry,
337
00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:41,582
and then I want you
to come back out here
338
00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:44,969
and get inside Tarla J's heart.
339
00:13:46,589 --> 00:13:47,905
Let's do it.
340
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,907
Mom, that was amazing.
341
00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:51,758
♪ ♪
342
00:13:51,853 --> 00:13:54,019
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
343
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:57,147
♪ Come inside ♪
344
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,100
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
345
00:14:00,269 --> 00:14:02,436
-♪ Come inside ♪
-♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
346
00:14:02,588 --> 00:14:06,848
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
347
00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:08,926
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
348
00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:11,053
-♪ Take a ride ♪
-♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
349
00:14:11,113 --> 00:14:14,856
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
350
00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:17,692
♪ I see you over there, boy ♪
351
00:14:17,861 --> 00:14:20,045
♪ You want to get a taste, boy ♪
352
00:14:20,272 --> 00:14:21,696
♪ There is no time to waste ♪
353
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,790
♪ I want to know you, too ♪
354
00:14:23,885 --> 00:14:26,034
♪ Quit playing all these games,
boy ♪
355
00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:28,203
♪ I know you want the same,
boy ♪
356
00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:30,964
♪ My heart is open,
come on inside ♪
357
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:33,117
♪ You're gonna love this ride ♪
358
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:34,709
♪ Don't toy with my emotions ♪
359
00:14:34,878 --> 00:14:36,896
♪ My body is a potion ♪
360
00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:39,047
♪ So come right up
and take a sip ♪
361
00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,608
♪ With those lips, mmm ♪
362
00:14:40,717 --> 00:14:42,568
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
363
00:14:42,719 --> 00:14:44,052
♪ Come inside ♪
364
00:14:44,146 --> 00:14:45,796
♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
365
00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:49,408
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you. ♪
366
00:14:49,635 --> 00:14:50,984
-(panting)
-You did it!
367
00:14:51,078 --> 00:14:52,152
-We did it!
-We did it!
368
00:14:52,321 --> 00:14:54,655
Mom, that was everything.
369
00:14:54,749 --> 00:14:56,323
Yeah. Now just wait
till we tackle
370
00:14:56,492 --> 00:14:58,083
her next video,
"Push Push Push."
371
00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:59,660
-Hmm?
-I mean, it's gonna take
a lot more time.
372
00:14:59,754 --> 00:15:00,827
-Hmm?
-'Cause there's acrobatics
involved,
373
00:15:00,996 --> 00:15:02,496
-but...
-Yeah, Mom, I don't know.
374
00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:04,423
It was fun being Tarla J
for a couple hours,
375
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:05,573
but I think we're d...
376
00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:07,334
"Was fun"? Was? No.
377
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:08,761
This is our thing now!
378
00:15:08,912 --> 00:15:10,671
This is how we bond,
and this is my dream.
379
00:15:10,765 --> 00:15:12,506
And soon it'll be y'all's dream,
'cause that's how it works.
380
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,416
That's why you have children!
381
00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:16,268
Now, David, call your mom,
'cause we're going all night.
382
00:15:16,495 --> 00:15:17,269
Um...
383
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,146
All night.
384
00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:26,170
(groans softly)
385
00:15:26,188 --> 00:15:28,355
Violet, I, your mother,
386
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:31,599
have something very special
I would like to give to you.
387
00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,844
These were my dance shoes
back in the day.
388
00:15:34,013 --> 00:15:36,622
I have dreamed of passing
the dance torch to you.
389
00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:38,624
So I held on to these shoes
all these years.
390
00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:40,125
And I got to be honest,
for a time there,
391
00:15:40,352 --> 00:15:42,127
I was worried you wouldn't want
to dance, but now,
392
00:15:42,354 --> 00:15:45,113
thank God, I know you love it
just as much as I do!
393
00:15:45,207 --> 00:15:46,356
Mom, no.
394
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:47,949
You deserve them.
395
00:15:48,043 --> 00:15:50,043
And also, my lucky leotard.
396
00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:51,786
-Never been washed.
-Nope.
397
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,972
This Ace bandage
with toe blood from
398
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,457
-the Western Carolina finals.
-Ew.
399
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:57,476
A journal I wrote in every day
since you were born
400
00:15:57,645 --> 00:15:59,703
called "Letters
to My Dancer Daughter."
401
00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:01,463
-Oh, God.
-Let me see, hair extensions.
402
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:02,889
Sequins, scrunchies,
403
00:16:02,984 --> 00:16:04,391
scrunchies, leg warmers,
diet pills,
404
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,318
cigarettes-- Oh!
More scrunchies.
405
00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:07,987
Mom, Mom, stop.
406
00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:10,547
This was a one-time thing.
I don't want to be a dancer.
407
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,216
The end.
408
00:16:12,384 --> 00:16:14,067
-Just let me put
these shoes on you.
-Mom, what are you doing?
409
00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:15,736
-Come on. Here, once you
get them on your foot...
-Ow! Stop.
410
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:18,055
-...you will get the magic of...
-Stop!
411
00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:20,057
-Violet, this is my dream!
-Mom, stop.
412
00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:22,984
I know this is not
a popular saying, but...
413
00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:25,504
you got to give up
on your dreams.
414
00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:30,400
I can't believe I thought
I was gonna get anywhere
415
00:16:30,494 --> 00:16:31,752
with you this weekend.
416
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:33,570
You know,
I am a great son-in-law,
417
00:16:33,739 --> 00:16:35,830
and I have gone through
fire for you.
418
00:16:35,924 --> 00:16:37,924
The only thing
I'm gonna "go through"
419
00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:40,794
is this old stack of Playgirls
I just found.
420
00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:42,913
Betty, I'm done mincing words.
421
00:16:43,048 --> 00:16:45,082
You are selfish and gross.
422
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:46,917
And you also suck.
423
00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:48,268
-BETTY: I suck?
-WAYNE: Yes, you do.
424
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,029
BETTY: Well, you're
the suck master general
425
00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,605
-that got us
sucked into this garage.
-WAYNE: Told you!
426
00:16:51,774 --> 00:16:52,656
That's not a real position,
Betty!
427
00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:57,277
Good morning, Mom.
428
00:16:57,429 --> 00:16:59,112
-Is it?
-Uh-oh.
429
00:16:59,281 --> 00:17:01,689
Just been up all night,
getting my affairs in order.
430
00:17:01,784 --> 00:17:03,858
-What affairs?
-Ah, nothing.
431
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,693
I was just shopping
for my casket. (chuckles)
432
00:17:05,746 --> 00:17:08,772
I'm thinking of going
just full pine box.
433
00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:10,624
You know, it's perfect
for an unremarkable woman
434
00:17:10,776 --> 00:17:12,793
with a daughter
who doesn't care about her.
435
00:17:12,887 --> 00:17:14,369
Mom, you cannot
be mad at me for this.
436
00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:15,629
What do you want me to do?
437
00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:16,889
Keep dancing
and pretend to love it
438
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:18,540
and live a lie
for the rest of my life?
439
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:20,726
-Would that be so hard?
-Ah!
440
00:17:22,879 --> 00:17:25,713
Good news! Ah,
there's a sale on burlap sacks.
441
00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:27,549
You guys can just toss me
into a river
442
00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:30,486
when the last
of my light finally dims.
443
00:17:37,152 --> 00:17:39,161
(Wayne shivering)
444
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,324
BETTY:
Ooh.
445
00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:46,919
What have we here?
446
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:50,330
Better get these back to my room
before Wayne wakes up.
447
00:17:50,499 --> 00:17:52,049
(Wayne shivering)
448
00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,808
Hey. Hey, wake up.
449
00:18:00,917 --> 00:18:02,676
You won't believe what I found.
450
00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:05,229
Beer. Still cold.
451
00:18:06,941 --> 00:18:10,016
We probably need
to hydrate. Thanks.
452
00:18:10,111 --> 00:18:12,336
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
453
00:18:12,354 --> 00:18:14,929
BETTY/WAYNE:
♪ If you like piña colada ♪
454
00:18:15,023 --> 00:18:17,098
-♪ And getting bought
in Ukraine ♪
-♪ Getting caught in the rain. ♪
455
00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:19,509
They're both two cheaters
with bad taste.
456
00:18:19,528 --> 00:18:21,194
How is that a happy ending?
457
00:18:21,396 --> 00:18:22,788
That's what I always said.
458
00:18:22,957 --> 00:18:26,458
I do appreciate you, Wayne.
So much.
459
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:29,353
Okay. W-What?
460
00:18:29,371 --> 00:18:32,189
Wayne, if I went around
all over the place
461
00:18:32,282 --> 00:18:36,526
telling people "thank you,
thank you, thank you,"
462
00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,119
then I'm indebted to 'em.
463
00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:41,140
I owe 'em.
That's letting your guard down.
464
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,143
And when you let your guard
down, you get sucker punched.
465
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:46,979
And I throw punches.
I don't take them.
466
00:18:47,206 --> 00:18:50,298
Betty, I would never
sucker punch you.
467
00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:52,317
(inhales deeply)
468
00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:53,819
Thank...
469
00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:56,563
-...you...
-(garage door whirring)
470
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,398
No, no, no, no!
Close it, close it!
471
00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,992
We're not done!
472
00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:03,387
-Run!
-Dang it.
473
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,888
Here's money for the beer.
474
00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:07,391
And sorry about the turds
in the utility sink. Ha-ha!
475
00:19:07,484 --> 00:19:08,575
Betty couldn't hold it.
476
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:11,003
BETTY:
Uh, those were already in there.
477
00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:16,658
Wayne?
478
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,235
-Yeah?
-Thank you.
479
00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,512
♪ ♪
480
00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:25,333
Look at that loser-mobile.
481
00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:26,876
You know what to do.
482
00:19:26,878 --> 00:19:29,146
-♪
-(tires squeal)
483
00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,417
Guess who got his thank-you.
484
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,602
Oh, awesome. Wow.
485
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:36,862
Wait. Where have you been
hiding all day?
486
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,513
I didn't even hear you
get up this morning.
487
00:19:38,682 --> 00:19:40,682
You didn't notice
I was gone all night?
488
00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:42,259
Well, I'm going through
a lot with Violet.
489
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,110
We had a great time,
and then she just tells me
490
00:19:44,205 --> 00:19:46,112
she doesn't want
to dance ever again. Ugh.
491
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:48,265
What the hell
am I supposed to do with that?
492
00:19:48,358 --> 00:19:52,026
Jenny, you got to remember,
your dreams are not her dreams.
493
00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:53,695
Yeah, you're right.
494
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,772
(sighs)
You are absolutely right.
495
00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,699
So whenever you get a chance,
check your e-mail,
496
00:19:57,867 --> 00:20:00,677
'cause I just sent you
a playlist for my funeral.
497
00:20:03,782 --> 00:20:06,374
Wayne, can you pass
the salt, please?
498
00:20:06,543 --> 00:20:08,635
Thank you.
499
00:20:08,787 --> 00:20:10,938
♪ ♪
500
00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:14,549
(Jenny sighs)
501
00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:16,718
-♪ Inhabit my body ♪
-(gasps)
502
00:20:16,812 --> 00:20:18,478
(people gasping)
503
00:20:18,647 --> 00:20:21,573
♪ Come inside ♪
504
00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:22,649
♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
505
00:20:22,818 --> 00:20:23,984
(high-pitched shrieking)
506
00:20:24,194 --> 00:20:25,744
♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
507
00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:29,489
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
508
00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:30,991
♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
509
00:20:31,085 --> 00:20:32,993
You're doing it.
You're dancing in public
510
00:20:33,161 --> 00:20:35,161
and putting yourself out there,
but you're doing it for me,
511
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:38,757
and we're dancing together,
and this is my dream!
512
00:20:38,984 --> 00:20:40,000
Well, this is a one-time thing,
513
00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:41,651
so I really hope
you're enjoying it.
514
00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:43,987
I am! I am.
515
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,989
Mom, just 'cause I don't want
to learn to dance
516
00:20:46,082 --> 00:20:48,508
doesn't mean there's not
a lot of other people
517
00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:50,010
who want to learn to dance.
518
00:20:50,178 --> 00:20:51,919
♪ I know you want the same,
boy ♪
519
00:20:52,014 --> 00:20:54,589
♪ My heart is open,
come on inside ♪
520
00:20:54,683 --> 00:20:56,775
♪ You're gonna love this ride. ♪
521
00:21:01,023 --> 00:21:03,431
Okay, people, this class
isn't just about dancing,
522
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,616
it's about letting your soul
523
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:06,285
speak to your body
and the thrill
524
00:21:06,453 --> 00:21:08,287
of kinship
with your fellow dancers.
525
00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:11,123
Now take a deep breath
and get ready to work!
526
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,684
I thought this
was gonna be in a pool.
527
00:21:14,703 --> 00:21:16,369
Well, get ready to swim
in your own sweat.
528
00:21:16,538 --> 00:21:17,796
Only if you're physically able,
though.
529
00:21:17,965 --> 00:21:19,706
Please do not have
a heart attack in my class.
530
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,466
Five, six, seven, eight.
531
00:21:21,635 --> 00:21:23,193
Step ball change,
step ball change and heart,
532
00:21:23,211 --> 00:21:25,362
and heart and glitter spray
and glitter spray,
533
00:21:25,455 --> 00:21:26,863
spin and thrust,
534
00:21:26,956 --> 00:21:29,791
chug, chug, thrust,
and grapevine, grapevine.
535
00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:31,718
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
536
00:21:31,887 --> 00:21:33,720
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
537
00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:35,063
and TOYOTA.