1 00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:06,251 Okay, do we need anything else in this aisle? 2 00:00:06,253 --> 00:00:08,419 Not unless you're looking to buy spiral notebooks, 3 00:00:08,513 --> 00:00:10,196 VHS tapes or diabetes candy. 4 00:00:10,423 --> 00:00:13,015 -(rock music plays over P.A.) -(gasps) Tarla J! 5 00:00:13,109 --> 00:00:15,426 Is "Tarla J," like, a facial cream or...? 6 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,095 I'm not seeing it on this shelf. 7 00:00:17,188 --> 00:00:19,855 No! This is Tarla J! Hello? 8 00:00:20,024 --> 00:00:22,450 "Inhabit My Body," parentheses, "Get Inside," parentheses, 9 00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:24,360 "My Heart," exclamation point! 10 00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:26,028 This is my jam! 11 00:00:26,122 --> 00:00:29,049 OMG, I used to want to be her! 12 00:00:29,217 --> 00:00:30,884 Oh, come on, Violet. Get in on this! 13 00:00:31,111 --> 00:00:32,777 You used to love me dancing in stores. 14 00:00:32,912 --> 00:00:34,703 You used to laugh your little buns off. 15 00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:37,465 ♪ I see you over there ♪ 16 00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:40,709 -♪ Inhabit my body, get inside ♪ -Ma'am. Ma'am. 17 00:00:40,878 --> 00:00:42,470 -♪ Get to know me, honey ♪ -Please stop dancing on me to Tarla J. 18 00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:46,641 ♪ Get into me like I'm into you... ♪ 19 00:00:46,735 --> 00:00:48,643 Mom, you are so embarrassing. 20 00:00:48,737 --> 00:00:50,628 How are you not lit up right now, Vi? 21 00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:52,888 If anything, it's dimming my life force. 22 00:00:52,982 --> 00:00:54,574 -(Jenny whoops) -Okay, 23 00:00:54,725 --> 00:00:56,743 I'm gonna go recharge my light and go stare 24 00:00:56,894 --> 00:00:59,913 at the nervous teens in the family planning aisle. 25 00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:01,155 ♪ You're gonna love this ride... ♪ 26 00:01:01,324 --> 00:01:02,824 Mother! 27 00:01:02,918 --> 00:01:04,918 ♪ My emotions, my body is an ocean... ♪ 28 00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:07,587 Did you hear that? Ooh, here comes the hot drop. 29 00:01:07,814 --> 00:01:10,315 -♪ Take a sip ♪ -♪ With those lips, mmm. ♪ 30 00:01:10,408 --> 00:01:12,550 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:42,182 --> 00:01:44,457 Vi, look what I got. Cakefetti! 32 00:01:44,684 --> 00:01:47,109 Remember we used to make Cakefetti cakes 33 00:01:47,129 --> 00:01:49,187 and dance around in the kitchen to Rock 92? 34 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,038 Let's make Cakefetti. 35 00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,632 No. No, thanks. 36 00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:55,951 Okay, well, you want to watch a Snapped marathon on Oxygen? 37 00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:57,862 Or let's prank call funeral homes and say, 38 00:01:57,881 --> 00:01:59,197 "Let me out! I'm still alive, 39 00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,699 and I'm trapped in one of your coffins." 40 00:02:01,718 --> 00:02:03,292 Mother! 41 00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:04,869 And there you have it. 42 00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,204 She'd rather sit alone in her room 43 00:02:06,297 --> 00:02:08,206 and eat an apple than hang out with me. 44 00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:10,650 Oh, my Lord on high! I found it! 45 00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:14,896 A genuine, weather-worn Route 66 highway sign. 46 00:02:14,990 --> 00:02:17,882 I made my high school boyfriend try to steal me one of these, 47 00:02:18,051 --> 00:02:19,884 and he got creamed by a semi. 48 00:02:20,053 --> 00:02:21,736 -Oh. -Ugh. Oh, Lord. 49 00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:24,980 It's at the Mountain Flea up in Cullowhee. 50 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,225 -(Wayne sighs) -But I got to find a way 51 00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:29,076 to get up the mountain to Cullowhee. 52 00:02:29,171 --> 00:02:32,563 And early, since these things do go fast. 53 00:02:32,732 --> 00:02:34,156 Wayne? 54 00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:36,659 I'm not taking your mother to Cullowhee. No way. 55 00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,569 I'm sick and tired of doing stuff for her 56 00:02:38,663 --> 00:02:40,087 and never, ever getting a thank-you. 57 00:02:40,256 --> 00:02:41,997 It's like she thinks I'm her manservant. 58 00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:44,909 I don't like being taken for granted over and over. 59 00:02:45,078 --> 00:02:48,095 Okay, Betty. I got your adult diapers 60 00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,914 and your 'roid cream. 61 00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:52,525 And your down-there irritation balm. 62 00:02:52,677 --> 00:02:55,253 Wayne, you forgot my Bit-O-Honeys. 63 00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:57,438 -(thunder crashes) -You see anything now?! 64 00:02:57,590 --> 00:02:59,181 No. Just keep tilting it. 65 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:02,184 Oh, there we go. Perfect. Don't move it. 66 00:03:02,278 --> 00:03:04,537 But it won't stay in this position on its own! 67 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,539 -(thunder crashes) -(yelling) 68 00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:08,282 Hmm? (grunts) 69 00:03:08,435 --> 00:03:09,784 Jenny, I can't do it anymore. 70 00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:11,452 (sighs) So how do you want to get out of this? 71 00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:12,861 You want to fake a nosebleed? 72 00:03:12,881 --> 00:03:14,380 No, we've done that before. 73 00:03:14,607 --> 00:03:16,031 It's got to be a real injury. 74 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,384 Where do you want it? Toe? Nutsack? 75 00:03:18,611 --> 00:03:20,127 Okay, you know what? I'll take her. 76 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,704 Because on the way up that mountain, 77 00:03:21,798 --> 00:03:23,205 I'm gonna demand a thank-you. 78 00:03:23,299 --> 00:03:25,800 You're gonna demand a thank-you from Betty Hart? 79 00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,727 Wayne, I'm offering you a much easier option 80 00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:29,729 with this meat tenderizer to the crotch. 81 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,397 I'm gonna demand a thank-you, 82 00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:34,976 and I bet my straightforwardness will finally earn her respect. 83 00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:36,218 Mm... 84 00:03:36,312 --> 00:03:38,479 -Hey, Betty, I can... -(horn honking) 85 00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:40,481 (engine revs) 86 00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:43,117 -(sustained honking) -(Wayne sighs) 87 00:03:44,729 --> 00:03:47,914 I could watch hamsters eating tiny meals 88 00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:51,158 24 hours a day for the rest of my mortal and immortal life. 89 00:03:51,253 --> 00:03:54,328 Do you think when hamsters watch us eat, they think we're cute? 90 00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:55,830 How could they not? 91 00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:57,848 I tried to show this amazing vid to my mom. 92 00:03:57,908 --> 00:04:00,151 She just stared at me like I was cray. 93 00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:02,428 My mom and I don't have much in common anymore. 94 00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:03,930 -It's, like, a bummer. -Wait. 95 00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:07,100 Who is this gorgeous weirdo? Tarla J? 96 00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:08,509 ♪ ♪ 97 00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,678 -♪ Inhabit my body... ♪ -VIOLET: Oh, yeah. 98 00:04:10,847 --> 00:04:12,105 That's that crappy song 99 00:04:12,332 --> 00:04:14,440 my mom was dancing to in the grocery store. 100 00:04:14,592 --> 00:04:15,775 ♪ Inhabit... ♪ 101 00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:17,944 Hang on. I think we need to do a deeper dive. 102 00:04:18,187 --> 00:04:19,854 I've seen her on Celebrity Prison-House. 103 00:04:19,948 --> 00:04:23,932 I am sensing a train wreck here. Click on this one. 104 00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,602 NARRATOR: Tarlulah Jade Bullock was born in Pensacola, Florida, 105 00:04:26,696 --> 00:04:30,197 and was reborn "Tarla J" when discovered 106 00:04:30,292 --> 00:04:33,793 by producer and star-maker Morty Grove at a Raging Waters. 107 00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,944 He liked to scout at water parks to get, 108 00:04:36,039 --> 00:04:39,524 "the lay of the land" on potential young stars. 109 00:04:39,617 --> 00:04:42,135 Creepy Svengali manager. Yes! 110 00:04:42,362 --> 00:04:44,362 NARRATOR: Success came swiftly for Tarla. 111 00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:45,805 Perhaps too quickly. 112 00:04:46,032 --> 00:04:48,032 Vi, this is actually great. 113 00:04:48,125 --> 00:04:49,475 Her and her mom partying together 114 00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:51,536 in matching Juicy tracksuits? Check. 115 00:04:51,704 --> 00:04:53,813 Estranged trailer-park father uses Tarla's money 116 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,150 to start an acai-flavored vodka company? Check. 117 00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:59,468 Please let there be a quickie marriage to a bodyguard 118 00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:01,712 or a femmy grandson of a Greek shipping tycoon? 119 00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:04,490 Check and... check. 120 00:05:06,328 --> 00:05:08,161 You know what this trip reminds me of? 121 00:05:08,388 --> 00:05:09,887 The time my meemaw drove me all the way down 122 00:05:10,056 --> 00:05:14,483 to Florida for Wrestle-Con, and I just thanked her so much. 123 00:05:14,502 --> 00:05:16,561 I never stopped thanking her. 124 00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:19,564 It's so important to say "thank you" out loud 125 00:05:19,657 --> 00:05:20,989 so people know how grateful you are. 126 00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:23,584 Wayne, are you doing the speed limit? 127 00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,903 Of course. Don't you worry about that. 128 00:05:25,996 --> 00:05:28,089 You'll thank me later. 129 00:05:28,183 --> 00:05:29,407 Oh, you idiot. 130 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,018 Everybody knows the real speed limit is ten above. 131 00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:33,744 By the time we get to the Mountain Flea, 132 00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:35,746 my sign will be gone-zo. 133 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,415 Fine. Is this what you want? 134 00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:38,649 (engine revs, tires squeal) 135 00:05:39,586 --> 00:05:41,652 ♪ 136 00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:47,425 Why couldn't my daughter marry a man with a real car, Gene? 137 00:05:47,518 --> 00:05:49,276 Lydia, this is a real car. 138 00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:50,853 -(horn honking) -BETTY: Attention tiny car! 139 00:05:50,947 --> 00:05:53,689 We have a flea market emergency. Move your ass! 140 00:05:53,858 --> 00:05:57,618 Betty, stop. Tiny car, we have no quarrel with you. 141 00:05:57,770 --> 00:06:01,196 Could you please move over? Thank you! 142 00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:03,532 ♪ Get out of the way, you're driving in the fast lane ♪ 143 00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:05,868 ♪ Get out of the way, get out of the way ♪ 144 00:06:05,962 --> 00:06:08,537 ♪ Get out of the way, you're driving in the fast lane ♪ 145 00:06:08,631 --> 00:06:09,555 ♪ Get out of the way. ♪ 146 00:06:09,782 --> 00:06:12,558 -(chirps) -(siren wailing) 147 00:06:12,785 --> 00:06:14,135 Great. 148 00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:15,636 Don't worry, Wayne. 149 00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:18,046 I got a couple sweater doughnuts for this cop. 150 00:06:18,141 --> 00:06:20,048 -Betty, no! -(taps on glass) 151 00:06:20,143 --> 00:06:21,717 -♪ If you don't lick it ♪ -♪ Lollipop song ♪ 152 00:06:21,811 --> 00:06:23,461 ♪ If you don't lick it, I will ♪ 153 00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:26,054 -♪ Lollipop song ♪ -♪ Lollipop song... ♪ 154 00:06:26,149 --> 00:06:28,149 Oh, she fully embraced the Lolita image. 155 00:06:28,317 --> 00:06:30,985 -Please let there be a meltdown. -Get to the meltdown. 156 00:06:31,154 --> 00:06:32,820 Tarla! Tarla! How long have you been in the plant? 157 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,473 -Tarla! -You like that plant, Tarla? 158 00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:37,625 (crowd clamoring) 159 00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:43,648 You know what? Now that I know the human wreckage 160 00:06:43,741 --> 00:06:47,001 behind this mindless pop song, I love it. 161 00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:48,502 Blast it. 162 00:06:48,671 --> 00:06:51,672 -♪ Inhabit my body ♪ -♪ Come inside ♪ 163 00:06:51,766 --> 00:06:53,099 ♪ Come get to know me, honey... ♪ 164 00:06:53,326 --> 00:06:55,159 Vi, you'll miss me when I'm dead and gone. 165 00:06:55,252 --> 00:06:57,603 You'll try to make Cakefetti, but it won't feel the same. 166 00:06:57,814 --> 00:06:59,439 You will have tears in your Cakefetti. 167 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:00,848 -(music playing faintly) -(gasps) What? 168 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:02,608 Who's listening to Tarla J? 169 00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:04,518 ♪ Into me like I'm into you ♪ 170 00:07:04,687 --> 00:07:06,504 ♪ I see you over there, boy... ♪ 171 00:07:06,597 --> 00:07:08,781 (high-pitched shrieking) 172 00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:15,529 (high-pitched, sustained shrieking) 173 00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:18,182 Mom, it's been two full minutes of you screaming silently. 174 00:07:18,317 --> 00:07:19,684 You need to inhale. 175 00:07:19,702 --> 00:07:21,627 (inhales) You like Tarla J? 176 00:07:21,854 --> 00:07:23,946 Something I also genuinely like? 177 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,631 Am I awake? Are you my daughter? 178 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,024 Yes to all of it? 179 00:07:27,117 --> 00:07:30,285 Well, turn it up! 180 00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:33,473 ♪ Inhabit my body ♪ 181 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,808 ♪ Come inside... ♪ 182 00:07:36,035 --> 00:07:38,369 Whoa! Mom, you look just like her. 183 00:07:38,462 --> 00:07:40,871 I mean, before she got addicted to nighttime cold medicine. 184 00:07:40,965 --> 00:07:42,999 Yeah, I only practiced it every day of my life 185 00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:45,151 -all through puberty. -Violet. 186 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:47,487 This is a moment you can share with your mom. 187 00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:48,804 I mean, look at her face. 188 00:07:48,823 --> 00:07:50,231 ♪ Get to know me, honey... ♪ 189 00:07:50,325 --> 00:07:53,809 Well, then, Ms. Hart, why don't you teach us? 190 00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:56,570 Violet, we could literally inhabit Tarla J's body. 191 00:07:56,664 --> 00:08:00,574 -Mm, maybe. -(horn honking) 192 00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,919 (sustained honking) 193 00:08:06,232 --> 00:08:08,007 Okay, on top of my speeding ticket, 194 00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:10,158 you got a ticket for indecent exposure. 195 00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:12,803 Oh, calm your panties. There's my sign! 196 00:08:13,906 --> 00:08:15,256 See? We aren't too late. 197 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:17,074 Hey, you know I'm trying to remember the theme song 198 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,943 to The Golden Girls. How did that go? 199 00:08:20,004 --> 00:08:22,688 ♪ Do-do for being a friend... ♪ 200 00:08:22,915 --> 00:08:24,915 Ugh! What was that first part again? 201 00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:26,859 (whispers): Thank you. 202 00:08:27,086 --> 00:08:29,103 ("Thank You for Being a Friend" plays) 203 00:08:29,255 --> 00:08:31,438 Thank you! A million thank-yous. 204 00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:34,425 I finally understand what my daughter sees in you. 205 00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:37,853 It's so nice to finally feel seen by my mother-in-law. 206 00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:41,040 -What? -And it's so nice to finally see you. 207 00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:42,792 Thank you. 208 00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,955 BETTY: There's no way you're gonna appreciate that sign 209 00:08:48,107 --> 00:08:51,008 as much as me, you flat-assed nerds! 210 00:08:53,946 --> 00:08:55,972 (tires screeching) 211 00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,967 You know what, Betty? I should have just 212 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,136 let your daughter take a mallet to my nuts! 213 00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:06,140 -What? -And by the way, it's "thank you for being a friend." 214 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:08,976 Thank you! I only agreed to take you on this fool's errand 215 00:09:09,128 --> 00:09:11,720 so that I could get a thank-you for all the stuff I do for you. 216 00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:14,481 But now I see that you are physically incapable. 217 00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:16,150 I am done with you. 218 00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,651 See you never, Betty! 219 00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:19,019 Ditto, dumbass! I don't want 220 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,639 to ever see you again, either. Bye. 221 00:09:21,732 --> 00:09:23,991 -Bye! -Bye! Aah! I'm getting scooped! 222 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,826 -Well, so am I. -Well, make it stop! 223 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,878 I can't! 224 00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:31,882 (gasps) 225 00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,845 ♪ 226 00:09:40,918 --> 00:09:42,250 Oh, my God, Ms. Hart! 227 00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:44,419 You were the Debbie Allen of this studio. 228 00:09:44,513 --> 00:09:46,922 Mom, how come you haven't brought me down here before? 229 00:09:47,016 --> 00:09:49,925 I mean, this place is the Jenny Hart Hall of Fame. 230 00:09:50,094 --> 00:09:51,685 I just didn't think you were interested. 231 00:09:51,854 --> 00:09:54,096 Every time I dance, you're so embarrassed. 232 00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:56,006 Because we're never in a dance studio. 233 00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:58,509 It's always in a Mega Lo Mart or a gas station parking lot. 234 00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:00,119 And everybody's staring. 235 00:10:00,346 --> 00:10:02,288 There's nothing wrong with that. It's fun! 236 00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:04,457 Have you ever heard the saying "Dance like no one's watching"? 237 00:10:04,684 --> 00:10:06,108 Yeah, but I'm not like you. 238 00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:09,611 I'm more of a "dance when no one's watching" person. 239 00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:11,613 Well, now no one's watching. 240 00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:13,858 Now, Ms. Hart, we want to inhabit Tarla J, 241 00:10:13,951 --> 00:10:15,359 really live her life. 242 00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:17,361 -So start pushing us too... -Shut up! 243 00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:19,530 Now you get your narrow asses in front of that mirror 244 00:10:19,623 --> 00:10:22,366 and straighten up 'cause here's where you start paying... 245 00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:23,976 in sweat. 246 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,387 -(gasps) That's from Fame. -I know. 247 00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:27,888 BOTH: Squee...! 248 00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:29,148 JENNY: Now let me refresh you 249 00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,709 on the steps: five, six, seven, eight. 250 00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:33,060 Step ball change, step ball change, 251 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:35,896 and heart and heart and glitter spray and glitter spray, 252 00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,472 spin and thrust, chug, chug, thrust, 253 00:10:37,492 --> 00:10:40,159 grapevine, grapevine, cabbage patch, running man, 254 00:10:40,386 --> 00:10:44,163 Roger Rabbit, Roger Rabbit, splits, teacup, teacup, 255 00:10:44,314 --> 00:10:46,223 booty thrust, scoop and changing the channels, 256 00:10:46,392 --> 00:10:49,743 fly swatter, peekaboo, peekaboo, sternum, sternum, "I know you!" 257 00:10:49,837 --> 00:10:52,062 And giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, 258 00:10:52,156 --> 00:10:55,916 and sternum and sternum and front walkover cooter slam! 259 00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,902 (panting): Okay, we got a lot of work to do. 260 00:10:57,995 --> 00:10:59,178 (groans) 261 00:11:02,332 --> 00:11:03,424 Try that button again! 262 00:11:03,518 --> 00:11:05,910 I am. It doesn't do squat! 263 00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:08,929 Use that top-heavy body and pull the door open or something. 264 00:11:09,081 --> 00:11:11,248 (straining): Yeah, it won't budge. Too heavy. 265 00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:14,585 -Help! Somebody get us out of here! -Please! Be a good "Samaritang" 266 00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:16,921 and help! Help! 267 00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:18,605 I'm trapped in here with a serial killer! 268 00:11:18,758 --> 00:11:20,090 I'm about to get cubed up! 269 00:11:20,184 --> 00:11:22,593 -Chopped into cubes! -Betty, 270 00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:25,020 I am not a serial killer. What the hell? 271 00:11:25,039 --> 00:11:27,189 I'm trying to get people's attention, you fool. 272 00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:30,692 Help! I'm getting human centipeded in here! 273 00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:34,029 I'm the front, which is why I can still use my mouth, 274 00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:36,716 but I'm doing it for the guy at the end's benefit! 275 00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:38,366 His name is Wayne Edwards! 276 00:11:38,535 --> 00:11:39,960 Here, I got one. Help! 277 00:11:40,054 --> 00:11:42,537 There's a brittle, almost corpse-like, 278 00:11:42,631 --> 00:11:43,889 incontinent, elderly, 279 00:11:44,116 --> 00:11:46,467 dried-up old Carolina raisin stuck in here, 280 00:11:46,619 --> 00:11:48,394 and all her medications are wearing off! 281 00:11:48,545 --> 00:11:49,562 That's all lies! 282 00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,046 I'm 34! 283 00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:53,123 And the man you just heard is about to get 284 00:11:53,217 --> 00:11:56,293 -a mouthful of a bunch of other people's excrement! -(meows) 285 00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:58,963 All right, this is dumb. I'm calling Jenny. 286 00:11:59,056 --> 00:12:01,389 Damn it, my battery's at 3%. 287 00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:02,316 Betty, gimme your phone. 288 00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:03,817 My phone's a no-go. 289 00:12:03,986 --> 00:12:05,652 I was sitting on it all the way up the mountain, 290 00:12:05,747 --> 00:12:07,154 and my thigh meat was dialing and redialing 291 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,822 the wrong password the whole time, 292 00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:10,657 so I'm locked out till June. 293 00:12:10,826 --> 00:12:12,659 (groans) Well, that's just perfect. 294 00:12:12,754 --> 00:12:14,587 Jenny, I have almost no battery power on my phone, 295 00:12:14,814 --> 00:12:15,755 so I got to make this quick. 296 00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:16,997 Great, then I'll be quick. 297 00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,591 I'm teaching Violet how to dance! 298 00:12:18,818 --> 00:12:20,484 No, no, no, listen, Jenny, I got to... 299 00:12:20,577 --> 00:12:21,668 We're dancing together. 300 00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:23,429 To Tarla J! 301 00:12:23,656 --> 00:12:25,747 No way. You've always wanted to share 302 00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:27,099 your love of dance with her. 303 00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:30,327 -Jenny! We are stuck in a gar... -(phone beeps) 304 00:12:30,346 --> 00:12:31,845 -(grunts) -(Wayne gasps) -(phone shatters) 305 00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:33,272 That's it! (shouting) 306 00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,274 -♪ If you don't lick it ♪ -(groans loudly) 307 00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:38,611 -(shouting) -♪ If you don't lick it ♪ 308 00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:40,279 -♪ Lollipop song ♪ -(groaning) 309 00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:42,673 -♪ If you don't lick it, ooh ♪ -(screaming) 310 00:12:42,691 --> 00:12:45,600 -(shouting) -♪ If you don't lick it, yeah, yeah ♪ 311 00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:47,119 -♪ If you don't lick it ♪ -(groans) 312 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,180 -(shouts) -♪ Lollipop song. ♪ -Violet, 313 00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:51,106 I want perfection. 314 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,108 Okay. The Fame thing was fun, 315 00:12:53,202 --> 00:12:54,960 but this is getting a little too real. 316 00:12:55,187 --> 00:12:56,353 So can we go now? 317 00:12:56,446 --> 00:12:58,613 No! You need to focus, Violet. 318 00:12:58,707 --> 00:12:59,965 I want you to get in the game. 319 00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:01,783 Stop being such a weird wallflower 320 00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:03,302 and hiding your light in a bushel. 321 00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:04,970 Put yourself out there! 322 00:13:05,197 --> 00:13:06,697 But I'm not a good dancer like you. 323 00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:08,290 And I don't like drawing attention to myself. 324 00:13:08,384 --> 00:13:09,958 And I feel like I'm gonna die. 325 00:13:10,052 --> 00:13:12,202 Great. You're right where I need you. 326 00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,371 Up until this moment, you've just been Violet Hart. 327 00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:18,058 But now you're finally Tarlulah Jade Bullock, 328 00:13:18,152 --> 00:13:20,635 the trashy little poor girl from the Panhandle, 329 00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,988 thrown onstage at age three, 330 00:13:23,215 --> 00:13:24,898 married your bodyguard at age 17. 331 00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:27,475 Everyone saw you as trash. 332 00:13:27,644 --> 00:13:29,236 Everyone thought you would sink 333 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:32,573 into the dirty, ugly swamp of the showbiz fringes, 334 00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,558 but what they forgot was 335 00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:37,819 that you were born in the swamp. 336 00:13:37,913 --> 00:13:39,988 Now, you got 30 seconds to cry, 337 00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:41,582 and then I want you to come back out here 338 00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:44,969 and get inside Tarla J's heart. 339 00:13:46,589 --> 00:13:47,905 Let's do it. 340 00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,907 Mom, that was amazing. 341 00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:51,758 ♪ ♪ 342 00:13:51,853 --> 00:13:54,019 ♪ Inhabit my body ♪ 343 00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:57,147 ♪ Come inside ♪ 344 00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,100 ♪ Inhabit my body ♪ 345 00:14:00,269 --> 00:14:02,436 -♪ Come inside ♪ -♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪ 346 00:14:02,588 --> 00:14:06,848 ♪ Get into me like I'm into you ♪ 347 00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:08,926 ♪ Inhabit my body ♪ 348 00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:11,053 -♪ Take a ride ♪ -♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪ 349 00:14:11,113 --> 00:14:14,856 ♪ Get into me like I'm into you ♪ 350 00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:17,692 ♪ I see you over there, boy ♪ 351 00:14:17,861 --> 00:14:20,045 ♪ You want to get a taste, boy ♪ 352 00:14:20,272 --> 00:14:21,696 ♪ There is no time to waste ♪ 353 00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,790 ♪ I want to know you, too ♪ 354 00:14:23,885 --> 00:14:26,034 ♪ Quit playing all these games, boy ♪ 355 00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:28,203 ♪ I know you want the same, boy ♪ 356 00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:30,964 ♪ My heart is open, come on inside ♪ 357 00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:33,117 ♪ You're gonna love this ride ♪ 358 00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:34,709 ♪ Don't toy with my emotions ♪ 359 00:14:34,878 --> 00:14:36,896 ♪ My body is a potion ♪ 360 00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:39,047 ♪ So come right up and take a sip ♪ 361 00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,608 ♪ With those lips, mmm ♪ 362 00:14:40,717 --> 00:14:42,568 ♪ Inhabit my body ♪ 363 00:14:42,719 --> 00:14:44,052 ♪ Come inside ♪ 364 00:14:44,146 --> 00:14:45,796 ♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪ 365 00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:49,408 ♪ Get into me like I'm into you. ♪ 366 00:14:49,635 --> 00:14:50,984 -(panting) -You did it! 367 00:14:51,078 --> 00:14:52,152 -We did it! -We did it! 368 00:14:52,321 --> 00:14:54,655 Mom, that was everything. 369 00:14:54,749 --> 00:14:56,323 Yeah. Now just wait till we tackle 370 00:14:56,492 --> 00:14:58,083 her next video, "Push Push Push." 371 00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:59,660 -Hmm? -I mean, it's gonna take a lot more time. 372 00:14:59,754 --> 00:15:00,827 -Hmm? -'Cause there's acrobatics involved, 373 00:15:00,996 --> 00:15:02,496 -but... -Yeah, Mom, I don't know. 374 00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:04,423 It was fun being Tarla J for a couple hours, 375 00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:05,573 but I think we're d... 376 00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:07,334 "Was fun"? Was? No. 377 00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:08,761 This is our thing now! 378 00:15:08,912 --> 00:15:10,671 This is how we bond, and this is my dream. 379 00:15:10,765 --> 00:15:12,506 And soon it'll be y'all's dream, 'cause that's how it works. 380 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,416 That's why you have children! 381 00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:16,268 Now, David, call your mom, 'cause we're going all night. 382 00:15:16,495 --> 00:15:17,269 Um... 383 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,146 All night. 384 00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:26,170 (groans softly) 385 00:15:26,188 --> 00:15:28,355 Violet, I, your mother, 386 00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:31,599 have something very special I would like to give to you. 387 00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,844 These were my dance shoes back in the day. 388 00:15:34,013 --> 00:15:36,622 I have dreamed of passing the dance torch to you. 389 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:38,624 So I held on to these shoes all these years. 390 00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:40,125 And I got to be honest, for a time there, 391 00:15:40,352 --> 00:15:42,127 I was worried you wouldn't want to dance, but now, 392 00:15:42,354 --> 00:15:45,113 thank God, I know you love it just as much as I do! 393 00:15:45,207 --> 00:15:46,356 Mom, no. 394 00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:47,949 You deserve them. 395 00:15:48,043 --> 00:15:50,043 And also, my lucky leotard. 396 00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:51,786 -Never been washed. -Nope. 397 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,972 This Ace bandage with toe blood from 398 00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,457 -the Western Carolina finals. -Ew. 399 00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:57,476 A journal I wrote in every day since you were born 400 00:15:57,645 --> 00:15:59,703 called "Letters to My Dancer Daughter." 401 00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:01,463 -Oh, God. -Let me see, hair extensions. 402 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:02,889 Sequins, scrunchies, 403 00:16:02,984 --> 00:16:04,391 scrunchies, leg warmers, diet pills, 404 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,318 cigarettes-- Oh! More scrunchies. 405 00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:07,987 Mom, Mom, stop. 406 00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:10,547 This was a one-time thing. I don't want to be a dancer. 407 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,216 The end. 408 00:16:12,384 --> 00:16:14,067 -Just let me put these shoes on you. -Mom, what are you doing? 409 00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:15,736 -Come on. Here, once you get them on your foot... -Ow! Stop. 410 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:18,055 -...you will get the magic of... -Stop! 411 00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:20,057 -Violet, this is my dream! -Mom, stop. 412 00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:22,984 I know this is not a popular saying, but... 413 00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:25,504 you got to give up on your dreams. 414 00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:30,400 I can't believe I thought I was gonna get anywhere 415 00:16:30,494 --> 00:16:31,752 with you this weekend. 416 00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:33,570 You know, I am a great son-in-law, 417 00:16:33,739 --> 00:16:35,830 and I have gone through fire for you. 418 00:16:35,924 --> 00:16:37,924 The only thing I'm gonna "go through" 419 00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:40,794 is this old stack of Playgirls I just found. 420 00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:42,913 Betty, I'm done mincing words. 421 00:16:43,048 --> 00:16:45,082 You are selfish and gross. 422 00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:46,917 And you also suck. 423 00:16:47,010 --> 00:16:48,268 -BETTY: I suck? -WAYNE: Yes, you do. 424 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,029 BETTY: Well, you're the suck master general 425 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,605 -that got us sucked into this garage. -WAYNE: Told you! 426 00:16:51,774 --> 00:16:52,656 That's not a real position, Betty! 427 00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:57,277 Good morning, Mom. 428 00:16:57,429 --> 00:16:59,112 -Is it? -Uh-oh. 429 00:16:59,281 --> 00:17:01,689 Just been up all night, getting my affairs in order. 430 00:17:01,784 --> 00:17:03,858 -What affairs? -Ah, nothing. 431 00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,693 I was just shopping for my casket. (chuckles) 432 00:17:05,746 --> 00:17:08,772 I'm thinking of going just full pine box. 433 00:17:08,791 --> 00:17:10,624 You know, it's perfect for an unremarkable woman 434 00:17:10,776 --> 00:17:12,793 with a daughter who doesn't care about her. 435 00:17:12,887 --> 00:17:14,369 Mom, you cannot be mad at me for this. 436 00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:15,629 What do you want me to do? 437 00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:16,889 Keep dancing and pretend to love it 438 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:18,540 and live a lie for the rest of my life? 439 00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:20,726 -Would that be so hard? -Ah! 440 00:17:22,879 --> 00:17:25,713 Good news! Ah, there's a sale on burlap sacks. 441 00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:27,549 You guys can just toss me into a river 442 00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:30,486 when the last of my light finally dims. 443 00:17:37,152 --> 00:17:39,161 (Wayne shivering) 444 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,324 BETTY: Ooh. 445 00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:46,919 What have we here? 446 00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:50,330 Better get these back to my room before Wayne wakes up. 447 00:17:50,499 --> 00:17:52,049 (Wayne shivering) 448 00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,808 Hey. Hey, wake up. 449 00:18:00,917 --> 00:18:02,676 You won't believe what I found. 450 00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:05,229 Beer. Still cold. 451 00:18:06,941 --> 00:18:10,016 We probably need to hydrate. Thanks. 452 00:18:10,111 --> 00:18:12,336 -Cheers. -Cheers. 453 00:18:12,354 --> 00:18:14,929 BETTY/WAYNE: ♪ If you like piña colada ♪ 454 00:18:15,023 --> 00:18:17,098 -♪ And getting bought in Ukraine ♪ -♪ Getting caught in the rain. ♪ 455 00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:19,509 They're both two cheaters with bad taste. 456 00:18:19,528 --> 00:18:21,194 How is that a happy ending? 457 00:18:21,396 --> 00:18:22,788 That's what I always said. 458 00:18:22,957 --> 00:18:26,458 I do appreciate you, Wayne. So much. 459 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:29,353 Okay. W-What? 460 00:18:29,371 --> 00:18:32,189 Wayne, if I went around all over the place 461 00:18:32,282 --> 00:18:36,526 telling people "thank you, thank you, thank you," 462 00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,119 then I'm indebted to 'em. 463 00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:41,140 I owe 'em. That's letting your guard down. 464 00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,143 And when you let your guard down, you get sucker punched. 465 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:46,979 And I throw punches. I don't take them. 466 00:18:47,206 --> 00:18:50,298 Betty, I would never sucker punch you. 467 00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:52,317 (inhales deeply) 468 00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:53,819 Thank... 469 00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:56,563 -...you... -(garage door whirring) 470 00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,398 No, no, no, no! Close it, close it! 471 00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,992 We're not done! 472 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:03,387 -Run! -Dang it. 473 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,888 Here's money for the beer. 474 00:19:05,057 --> 00:19:07,391 And sorry about the turds in the utility sink. Ha-ha! 475 00:19:07,484 --> 00:19:08,575 Betty couldn't hold it. 476 00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:11,003 BETTY: Uh, those were already in there. 477 00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:16,658 Wayne? 478 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,235 -Yeah? -Thank you. 479 00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,512 ♪ ♪ 480 00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:25,333 Look at that loser-mobile. 481 00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:26,876 You know what to do. 482 00:19:26,878 --> 00:19:29,146 -♪ -(tires squeal) 483 00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,417 Guess who got his thank-you. 484 00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,602 Oh, awesome. Wow. 485 00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:36,862 Wait. Where have you been hiding all day? 486 00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,513 I didn't even hear you get up this morning. 487 00:19:38,682 --> 00:19:40,682 You didn't notice I was gone all night? 488 00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:42,259 Well, I'm going through a lot with Violet. 489 00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,110 We had a great time, and then she just tells me 490 00:19:44,205 --> 00:19:46,112 she doesn't want to dance ever again. Ugh. 491 00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:48,265 What the hell am I supposed to do with that? 492 00:19:48,358 --> 00:19:52,026 Jenny, you got to remember, your dreams are not her dreams. 493 00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:53,695 Yeah, you're right. 494 00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,772 (sighs) You are absolutely right. 495 00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,699 So whenever you get a chance, check your e-mail, 496 00:19:57,867 --> 00:20:00,677 'cause I just sent you a playlist for my funeral. 497 00:20:03,782 --> 00:20:06,374 Wayne, can you pass the salt, please? 498 00:20:06,543 --> 00:20:08,635 Thank you. 499 00:20:08,787 --> 00:20:10,938 ♪ ♪ 500 00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:14,549 (Jenny sighs) 501 00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:16,718 -♪ Inhabit my body ♪ -(gasps) 502 00:20:16,812 --> 00:20:18,478 (people gasping) 503 00:20:18,647 --> 00:20:21,573 ♪ Come inside ♪ 504 00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:22,649 ♪ Inhabit my body... ♪ 505 00:20:22,818 --> 00:20:23,984 (high-pitched shrieking) 506 00:20:24,194 --> 00:20:25,744 ♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪ 507 00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:29,489 ♪ Get into me like I'm into you ♪ 508 00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:30,991 ♪ Inhabit my body... ♪ 509 00:20:31,085 --> 00:20:32,993 You're doing it. You're dancing in public 510 00:20:33,161 --> 00:20:35,161 and putting yourself out there, but you're doing it for me, 511 00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:38,757 and we're dancing together, and this is my dream! 512 00:20:38,984 --> 00:20:40,000 Well, this is a one-time thing, 513 00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:41,651 so I really hope you're enjoying it. 514 00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:43,987 I am! I am. 515 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,989 Mom, just 'cause I don't want to learn to dance 516 00:20:46,082 --> 00:20:48,508 doesn't mean there's not a lot of other people 517 00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:50,010 who want to learn to dance. 518 00:20:50,178 --> 00:20:51,919 ♪ I know you want the same, boy ♪ 519 00:20:52,014 --> 00:20:54,589 ♪ My heart is open, come on inside ♪ 520 00:20:54,683 --> 00:20:56,775 ♪ You're gonna love this ride. ♪ 521 00:21:01,023 --> 00:21:03,431 Okay, people, this class isn't just about dancing, 522 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,616 it's about letting your soul 523 00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:06,285 speak to your body and the thrill 524 00:21:06,453 --> 00:21:08,287 of kinship with your fellow dancers. 525 00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:11,123 Now take a deep breath and get ready to work! 526 00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,684 I thought this was gonna be in a pool. 527 00:21:14,703 --> 00:21:16,369 Well, get ready to swim in your own sweat. 528 00:21:16,538 --> 00:21:17,796 Only if you're physically able, though. 529 00:21:17,965 --> 00:21:19,706 Please do not have a heart attack in my class. 530 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,466 Five, six, seven, eight. 531 00:21:21,635 --> 00:21:23,193 Step ball change, step ball change and heart, 532 00:21:23,211 --> 00:21:25,362 and heart and glitter spray and glitter spray, 533 00:21:25,455 --> 00:21:26,863 spin and thrust, 534 00:21:26,956 --> 00:21:29,791 chug, chug, thrust, and grapevine, grapevine. 535 00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:31,718 -(meows) -(horn honks musically) 536 00:21:31,887 --> 00:21:33,720 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 537 00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:35,063 and TOYOTA.