1 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:06,580 ♪ I got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart ♪ 2 00:00:06,732 --> 00:00:07,822 ♪ Where? ♪ 3 00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:10,917 ♪ Down in my heart to stay. ♪ 4 00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:13,587 -(rock music playing in distance) -(cheering) 5 00:00:13,739 --> 00:00:15,597 (plane approaching) 6 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,018 Oh, Lord, that megachurch next door 7 00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:21,669 must be having another one of their Lord-a-Paloozas. 8 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,430 Shut up out there, you heathens! 9 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,767 I can't hear myself praying for a night with Richard Gere! 10 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,586 Now, now, let's not yell at our neighbors. 11 00:00:29,605 --> 00:00:31,255 They're bringing more people to the Lord, 12 00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:33,365 and that's just good for everybody. 13 00:00:33,592 --> 00:00:35,942 ANNOUNCER: Attention, Bucklake parishioners. 14 00:00:36,095 --> 00:00:37,611 Enter the raffle now 15 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:41,098 to win a brand-new, whiz-bang Trickster Sea-Doo! 16 00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:44,376 A Sea-Doo? Those are the dirt bikes of the ocean! 17 00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:48,530 Oh, uh, I forgot that my house is on fire. 18 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,291 Me, too! Uh, different house, though! 19 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,718 -(parishioners clamoring) -MAN: Me, too. 20 00:00:52,869 --> 00:00:54,595 -MAN 2: See you. -WOMAN: Next Sunday. 21 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,465 Oh, such a beautiful service today. 22 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,392 Pastor Joanne, you knocked it out of the park. 23 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:03,044 (chuckles) I loved your joke about springtime. 24 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,304 WAYNE AND JENNY: "Spring is here. 25 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,899 I got so excited that I wet my plants!" 26 00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:08,049 (laughing) 27 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,810 Look out, Ellen DeGeneres. 28 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,236 (music playing) 29 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:12,629 ANNOUNCER: Bucklake Ministries. 30 00:01:12,648 --> 00:01:14,740 Fun. Food. Community. 31 00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:18,635 And now double the faith healings. 32 00:01:18,654 --> 00:01:21,305 VIOLET: It's like if Jesus ran a Six Flags. 33 00:01:21,323 --> 00:01:23,064 Ugh, look at that tacky minister. 34 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,583 Be healed! 35 00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:26,401 If he can heal with his hands, 36 00:01:26,495 --> 00:01:28,253 why'd he have to get all that plastic surgery? 37 00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:31,481 As over-the-top as he is, some people seem to really love him. 38 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,984 It's hard to compete with all that pizzazz. 39 00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:36,169 I'm thinking about dusting off my electric guitar 40 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,079 -for Easter services. -BETTY: No! 41 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,431 Pastor Joanne, 42 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,767 don't you dare pick up that electrical guitar! 43 00:01:41,918 --> 00:01:44,586 Yes, you are an angel on this earth, Pastor Joanne. 44 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,180 All you got to do is just keep doing you. 45 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,441 Well, we might not have any ticket giveaways, 46 00:01:49,668 --> 00:01:51,443 but we do have a good old-fashioned 47 00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,687 pancake dinner fundraiser coming up. 48 00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,614 We will for sure be there. 49 00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:57,449 -WAYNE: Whoa! -Bucklake! 50 00:01:57,601 --> 00:02:00,694 Getting closer to God! 51 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,772 Are you gonna have a jetpack at your pancake dinner? 52 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,000 ♪ ♪ 53 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,048 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:39,383 And then that megachurch did 55 00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:41,309 this whole American Gladiators thing, 56 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:44,070 and a guy came out dressed like you and did the entire course. 57 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:45,146 So tacky. 58 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,057 Yeah, totally. 59 00:02:47,075 --> 00:02:48,483 So the guy looked like me? 60 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,502 Well, yeah, except he was real chiseled and buff. 61 00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,230 You must hate places like Bucklake. 62 00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:54,656 All that showy hoo-ha. 63 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,508 (laughs): You kidding me? 64 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:57,825 I love a megachurch. 65 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,012 All those people cheering for me? 66 00:03:00,239 --> 00:03:02,497 That's as close as I'm ever gonna get to being Bono. 67 00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:05,017 I just wish I could help out Pastor Joanne. 68 00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:06,852 You know, slow down that megachurch a little. 69 00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:10,247 Well, that Minister Mikey Buckley is, um... 70 00:03:10,265 --> 00:03:11,081 What? 71 00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:12,098 Oh, I don't like to gossip. 72 00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:13,250 I shouldn't have said anything. 73 00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:14,342 I knew it! 74 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,769 There is something up with that guy. 75 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:17,196 So what you're trying to tell me is 76 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,346 that if I went over there, 77 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,847 I could dig up the dirt on Buckley 78 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,441 and bring down that phony-baloney church? 79 00:03:21,593 --> 00:03:23,109 No! That's not what I'm saying. 80 00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:24,686 Well, if you don't want me digging, 81 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,096 just tell me what it is, then. 82 00:03:26,114 --> 00:03:27,447 No can do-sies. 83 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:28,615 Come on! 84 00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:30,525 (zipper sound effect) 85 00:03:30,619 --> 00:03:32,753 (heavenly music plays) 86 00:03:33,697 --> 00:03:35,756 You're such a cheeseball. 87 00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:39,443 Sorry, guys. We don't carry... 88 00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:41,403 lily of the valley, 89 00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:43,222 nightshade, or any of the plants on here 90 00:03:43,373 --> 00:03:44,223 that start with "poison." 91 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,207 Not even the lowly sumac? 92 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:48,227 Our garden of death is just gonna be a cactus 93 00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:50,470 and some brown snapdragons. 94 00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:53,214 Wait, what is that? 95 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,442 ♪ ♪ 96 00:03:57,554 --> 00:03:59,145 Whoa... 97 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,056 We sell these Jesus statues, you know, for people's gardens. 98 00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:03,242 And usually people love 'em. 99 00:04:03,469 --> 00:04:05,059 But this little guy is different. 100 00:04:05,153 --> 00:04:07,079 Just got this crazy vibe. 101 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,414 Like he's been through a whole world of suffering. 102 00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:12,809 It's like he's designed to make people regret things. 103 00:04:12,828 --> 00:04:16,480 This version of Jesus is why my abuela never remarried. 104 00:04:16,498 --> 00:04:18,498 (sighs) Look how many times he's been marked down. 105 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,984 Nobody wants him. It's just too much for people to handle. 106 00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:23,411 And I've done everything to try to get someone to take him. 107 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,079 I-I gave him a Hawaiian shirt, 108 00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:26,990 a-a Dr. Seuss hat... 109 00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,675 DAVID: Did you try zany sunglasses? 110 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,327 WAYNE: Oh, the zaniest. 111 00:04:30,387 --> 00:04:32,980 But those eyes pierce everything. 112 00:04:34,016 --> 00:04:36,108 David, what do you think would happen 113 00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:37,501 if we took this Jesus around town 114 00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:39,836 and made people confront their worst life choices? 115 00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:41,505 They would be hypnotized by guilt. 116 00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:44,116 And, best case, they have a physical reaction to that? 117 00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:46,118 Maybe an embarrassing one? 118 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,935 -Please, Wayne, get us this Jesus. -Wayne, can you get us 119 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:48,936 this Jesus? 120 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:49,621 Why? 121 00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:51,531 For a... art project. 122 00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:53,107 It's a photo essay about what happens 123 00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:56,110 when people stop being polite and start seeing Jesus. 124 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,446 It's called Real World: Jesus. 125 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:01,115 Well, I would go with Real Saviors of Greenpoint, 126 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,467 but we can figure that out later. 127 00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:05,095 Let's have some fun. 128 00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:08,031 You want it here? 129 00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:09,533 No, a little to the left. 130 00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,977 (strained): I thought this guy was supposed to carry me. 131 00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,537 No, that's too far. 132 00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:15,463 -(grunts) -Perfect. 133 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,315 Okay, now hide. 134 00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,150 (tires screech) 135 00:05:21,897 --> 00:05:23,805 ♪ ♪ 136 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,473 (gulps) 137 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,476 I don't feel good about my choices. 138 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,661 I'm the garbage! 139 00:05:30,572 --> 00:05:32,480 How did you know he was gonna litter? 140 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,648 Everyone litters. 141 00:05:33,742 --> 00:05:36,226 Because people are trash. 142 00:05:36,244 --> 00:05:40,130 Now, let's catch us some common shoplifters. 143 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,249 (gasps) 144 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,260 ♪ ♪ 145 00:05:46,088 --> 00:05:47,179 What the hell are we doing? 146 00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:49,072 Don't look at me, Jesus. I'm disgusting. 147 00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:51,099 I got to get my GED. 148 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,169 (engine idling) 149 00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:56,746 Okay, here's your... 150 00:05:56,765 --> 00:05:57,764 ♪ ♪ 151 00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:59,082 Oh, mercy! Lord! 152 00:05:59,101 --> 00:06:00,250 Let me get you an extra biscuit. 153 00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:02,586 I am so sorry for everything. 154 00:06:02,679 --> 00:06:04,421 Praise him! Praise you! 155 00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,422 Oh, Lord! 156 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,682 WAYNE: Wait, but she didn't do anything wrong. 157 00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:09,776 Why is she in your art project? 158 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,995 Oh, no, we just wanted free biscuits. 159 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,332 Hmm. 160 00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:18,268 Mother, I think it's up to us 161 00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,045 to do something about that megachurch. 162 00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:21,938 Damn right. Let me go get 163 00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:23,715 my "hitting" golf clubs. 164 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,610 Mother, we're not gonna hit anybody with golf clubs. 165 00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:27,944 Good Lord. Just listen. 166 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,037 A little birdie told me that Minister Mikey 167 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,948 might have some skeletons. 168 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,875 Ooh, what are we talking? 169 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,394 Buried bodies? 170 00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:36,377 Drug addiction? 171 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,455 Money laundering? Kid diddling? 172 00:06:38,473 --> 00:06:40,882 I don't know yet, but I know how to find out: 173 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,550 a classic long con. 174 00:06:42,644 --> 00:06:44,644 First we earn the trust of those closest to him. 175 00:06:44,796 --> 00:06:46,980 We infiltrate the choir. Learn their songs. Study their quirks. 176 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,133 And then, when the time is right, we drop the hammer. 177 00:06:50,152 --> 00:06:53,136 I used to love a good long con, 178 00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:56,581 but who has time in the age of YouTube and Instasnap? 179 00:06:56,808 --> 00:06:58,475 This has to be a short con. 180 00:06:58,568 --> 00:07:00,160 Okay, why do you have a wheelchair 181 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,586 locked and loaded under your bed? 182 00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:05,632 Every woman should have a wheelchair in her arsenal. 183 00:07:07,502 --> 00:07:09,653 (indistinct chatter) 184 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:14,007 Is this a church service or Monday Night Raw? 185 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,100 Welcome to Bucklake. 186 00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,601 Or should I say, "Welcome home"? 187 00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:20,346 Our facial recognition software tells me you're new here. 188 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,465 (whirring) 189 00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,608 Oh, what? 190 00:07:23,835 --> 00:07:26,169 Please accept a coffee voucher to our Starbucks. 191 00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:28,505 Y'all have a Starbucks in here? 192 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:31,191 Yep, right by the complimentary massage chairs. 193 00:07:31,343 --> 00:07:32,284 (air horn blows) 194 00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:33,860 And I'd also like to offer you your choice 195 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,289 of a new member hoodie or cozy ribbed cardigan. 196 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,033 I'll take a cardigan for myself 197 00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:44,871 and a hoodie for my sweet invalid mother who's in hospice. 198 00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:46,206 What? We're here. 199 00:07:46,358 --> 00:07:48,616 I mean, we might as well rip 'em off, right? 200 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,968 (rock music playing) 201 00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:52,620 ♪ Yeah ♪ 202 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,864 ♪ It's about faith ♪ 203 00:07:54,883 --> 00:07:57,309 ♪ Yeah, you got love... ♪ 204 00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:58,702 Ugh. 205 00:07:58,795 --> 00:08:00,312 Everything here is so tacky. 206 00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:02,388 -This high-quality cardigan. -Tacky. 207 00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:04,207 (scoffs) These stupid comfortable seats 208 00:08:04,226 --> 00:08:05,875 with adjustable armrests. 209 00:08:05,894 --> 00:08:07,877 -Tacky. -And this dumb freakin' 210 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,546 lavender-flavored delicious latte. 211 00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:12,491 Yeah, and the barista put too much whipped cream 212 00:08:12,642 --> 00:08:13,825 in my hot co-coa. 213 00:08:14,052 --> 00:08:15,719 BOTH: Tacky. 214 00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:18,145 Okay, we get the dirt on this plastic preacher, 215 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,498 get out of this phony-baloney circus, 216 00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:23,168 and get to Pastor Joanne's Easter pancake dinner. 217 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:30,324 -♪ Ah... ♪ -♪ Hey... ♪ 218 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:35,905 ♪ Can you feel it? Can you feel it? ♪ 219 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,757 (cheering) 220 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,018 ♪ Ah-ha ♪ 221 00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,578 ♪ It's about faith ♪ 222 00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:43,188 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 223 00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:46,266 All right. All right! (whoops) 224 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,010 Welcome home. Now, I don't know about y'all, 225 00:08:49,104 --> 00:08:50,103 but I'm feeling a little, 226 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,512 just a little wiggly. 227 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,181 -(cheering) -I'm feeling a little jiggly. 228 00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:57,702 -(cheering) -I'm feeling a little extra power of the Lord right now. 229 00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,520 And I got to share it with y'all. 230 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,282 Now, who's ready for some divine healing? 231 00:09:02,434 --> 00:09:03,542 (cheering) 232 00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,710 Come on down to the stage. 233 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,420 That's our cue. 234 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,200 Oh, no. Everyone knows I can't resist the thrill 235 00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:14,460 of a T-shirt cannon. 236 00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:16,037 Stay focused, dummy! 237 00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:18,298 In the name of the Father, 238 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:21,042 the Son and the Holy Spirit, 239 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,136 I say begone, Satan! 240 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,064 Let this woman stand! 241 00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:30,310 (gasping) 242 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,461 (murmuring) 243 00:09:31,554 --> 00:09:36,223 And receive her $50 Kohl's gift card! 244 00:09:36,318 --> 00:09:38,577 ♪ ♪ 245 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,898 -I can walk! I can! -(gasping) 246 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,899 (band playing) 247 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,643 What are you doing? 248 00:09:46,661 --> 00:09:48,903 50 free dollars to Kohl's, Jenny. 249 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,647 You are so weak-willed. 250 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:54,183 I caught a shirt! I caught a shirt! (whooping) 251 00:09:54,185 --> 00:09:55,677 ♪ Yeah. ♪ 252 00:10:01,827 --> 00:10:05,011 Jenny, which Easter hat do you like better? 253 00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:06,938 This one? 254 00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,665 Or...? 255 00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:11,443 Ooh, I like that one. Very Bianca Jagger. 256 00:10:11,594 --> 00:10:15,672 So, how was Pastor Joanne's pancake dinner fundraiser? 257 00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:18,933 Okay, I didn't go to Pastor Joanne's church. 258 00:10:19,027 --> 00:10:22,603 Because I was at a... 259 00:10:22,697 --> 00:10:24,347 more church! (chuckles) 260 00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:25,531 Oh, I hope you're keeping track, though, 261 00:10:25,684 --> 00:10:27,292 'cause I should get extra points for this. 262 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:28,868 Jenny, I've told you a million times, 263 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,687 there's no point system. 264 00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:32,613 And if you keep asking, you're gonna lose a bunch of points. 265 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,281 So there are points. 266 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,283 Okay, yes. Of course there are points. 267 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,469 How many does Ghandi have? 268 00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:39,045 Oh, you don't want to get into all that. 269 00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:40,121 More than Tom Hanks? 270 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,197 Forget the points. 271 00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:42,623 Your hat is stupid. 272 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,884 -You just lost 98 points. -(heavenly music plays) 273 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,293 (gasps) No! 274 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,937 Is that a little or a lot? 275 00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:50,339 This is such a great idea, Wayne. 276 00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:53,818 Taking Jesus to Bud's Baby Dolls is the ultimate. 277 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,820 Yeah, you have great shaming instincts. 278 00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:57,897 Look, look, look, here comes a dude. 279 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,974 (lock chirps) 280 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,661 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh... 281 00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:07,582 (both laughing) 282 00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,336 -Nope. -Amazing. 283 00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:13,746 These dirtbags feel so bad about themselves. 284 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,656 (laughing) 285 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,158 Kinda feel bad for 'em. 286 00:11:17,252 --> 00:11:19,594 -Don't you? -No. -Are you kidding? 287 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,832 ♪ ♪ 288 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,409 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 289 00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,502 (laughing) 290 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:29,854 He's talking to it. 291 00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:31,172 Don't look at me. 292 00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:33,191 Why are you looking at me like that? 293 00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,918 (crying) 294 00:11:34,936 --> 00:11:36,269 (gasps) 295 00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:39,605 We did this. This is just a prank. We put this here. 296 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,015 It came from Bigsby's. 297 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,516 Yeah, it's just a dumb statue. 298 00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,185 Just a dumb statue? 299 00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:45,370 I don't know how to live anymore! 300 00:11:45,597 --> 00:11:48,206 -Get away from me! Get away! -BOTH: Aah! 301 00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:50,875 Wayne, that guy's gonna hurt himself. 302 00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:52,101 (laughs) 303 00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:54,379 Oh, man, that is hilarious! 304 00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:56,214 No! Not hilarious. 305 00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:59,108 No, it's hilarious... 306 00:11:59,127 --> 00:12:01,594 -that you fell for this. -What? 307 00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:04,371 (both gasp) 308 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,282 That's right, reverse prank. 309 00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:08,301 Classic way to teach pranksters 310 00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:10,878 that pranks can have consequences. 311 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,063 Jason, get over here. 312 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,399 This is my pal Jason, and his breakdown 313 00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:17,694 was my prank on you guys. How does it feel? 314 00:12:20,515 --> 00:12:23,224 All right, Wayne. The prankers have become the prank-ed. 315 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,893 Teaching us a lesson about karma using Jesus? 316 00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:26,986 You're a freakin' genius. 317 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,304 I look so sexy 318 00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:29,655 when I think I've killed a person. 319 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:33,643 Oh, God, what have I been doing with my life? 320 00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,086 I'm gonna kill myself! 321 00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,480 Okay, Wayne, we get it. Geez. 322 00:12:37,499 --> 00:12:38,906 Oh, no, I don't know that guy. 323 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,384 Uh, hey, we got to get that thing out of here. 324 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,596 Ooh-hoo, we are gonna turn 325 00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:47,098 Bucklake inside out with our Easter looks. 326 00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,158 I heard there's gonna be a hologram 327 00:12:49,177 --> 00:12:51,436 where Jesus talks to Prince. 328 00:12:51,587 --> 00:12:53,679 I heard they Easter brunch during the service, 329 00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,106 Medieval Times-style. 330 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:56,274 -(both gasp) -Oh. 331 00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:57,609 Hey, y'all. 332 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:02,021 BOTH: Pastor Joanne! 333 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,448 Betty, I got your message 334 00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,266 that you couldn't come to my pancake dinner 335 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,177 because of your emergency back surgery? 336 00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:11,105 Uh... that's right. Yep. 337 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,698 It's feeling pretty good now. 338 00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:14,608 The transplant's really taking. 339 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,961 Check this out. (whoops) 340 00:13:17,113 --> 00:13:18,445 (grunting) 341 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,523 You got a back transplant? 342 00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:23,209 Yep. Mm-hmm. The whole thing had to go. 343 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:25,470 And when I was helping her with her rehab, 344 00:13:25,697 --> 00:13:29,307 that caused me to hurt my back really bad. 345 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,293 So we both had to get back transplants. 346 00:13:32,387 --> 00:13:34,813 But we're doing great! Ha. We've been praying. 347 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,389 (laughs) Look! 348 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,399 (both grunting) 349 00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:42,803 Well, I missed having y'all there. 350 00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:45,306 -(thunder cracks) -Congratulations on your backs. 351 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,618 Oh, shoot. Quick, get under here. 352 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,581 Uh... 353 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,820 I love that they do communion pizza here. 354 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,007 I love Pastor Joanne's pancake dinners, 355 00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,677 but this is Pizza Hut quality. 356 00:14:05,828 --> 00:14:08,596 Oh, there goes Minister Mikey. 357 00:14:09,999 --> 00:14:11,924 -Let's go introduce ourselves. -Hang on, 358 00:14:12,077 --> 00:14:13,593 I got to fluff my hair first. 359 00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:16,020 Did you know you can use your phone as a mirror? 360 00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:18,731 -That's a life hack. -(sighs) 361 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,195 Oh, look at that. 362 00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,347 That's not a mistress, is it? 363 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,659 No, he's saving that poor girl's soul. 364 00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:32,278 (both moaning) 365 00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:35,098 Okay, so he is in a relationship 366 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,433 with a woman of the night. 367 00:14:37,452 --> 00:14:38,935 More like a woman of the afternoon. 368 00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:42,029 But that's fine. Jesus didn't judge prosties. 369 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,623 When can we be together? 370 00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:46,442 Once we turn that Podunk little Greenpoint Methodist into 371 00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:48,945 a parking structure/Bucklake complex, 372 00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:50,947 we're gonna put you in a beautiful townhome. 373 00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:55,376 Hold on. He's actively trying to destroy Pastor Joanne's church? 374 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,212 Over my smoking hot dead body. 375 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,065 By the way, did you try the mini quiche? 376 00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:08,239 Ooh, that turd Minister Mikey is 377 00:15:08,466 --> 00:15:10,909 gonna force Pastor Joanne out of her church. 378 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,652 That sexy minister sucked us in, 379 00:15:12,804 --> 00:15:15,729 and he's gonna hurt our sweet angel Joanne. 380 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,806 Ah... 381 00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,565 We have to protect her at all costs. 382 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:21,144 Even if it means getting up before these roll-y balls 383 00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:24,071 get to my lower back. Lord, it hurts so good, y'all... 384 00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:27,634 I'm just gonna get a quick pic of me in this pleasure machine. 385 00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:31,003 Oh, shoot. Left my camera on again. 386 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,746 Wait, what's this movie? 387 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,657 Once we turn that podunk little 388 00:15:34,676 --> 00:15:37,176 Greenpoint Methodist into a parking structure... 389 00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,328 Mother! You taped the whole thing. 390 00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:41,105 Do you know what this means? 391 00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:44,000 It's our smoking gun. 392 00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,777 We got to go nuclear with this. 393 00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,761 Blast this out on all the medias. 394 00:15:47,855 --> 00:15:49,355 CNN. Al Rokers. 395 00:15:49,507 --> 00:15:52,008 Call that gap-toothed Adonis Michael Strahan, 396 00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:54,235 and offer him an exclusive. 397 00:15:55,029 --> 00:15:56,471 I knew there was something off 398 00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:59,182 about that Minister Mikey, based on teeth alone. 399 00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,607 That guy's veneers cost more 400 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,961 than my double-wide, and they're twice as big. 401 00:16:03,188 --> 00:16:05,463 His parishioners deserve to know what a creep he is. 402 00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:07,799 And we have the proof on Mother's phone. 403 00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:09,025 Amen. 404 00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:10,543 This is better than any telenovela 405 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,527 I've ever seen. 406 00:16:11,546 --> 00:16:12,971 Even the one where the evil twin 407 00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,530 turned out to be a robot. 408 00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:16,716 We infiltrate the Easter service and show that smoking gun 409 00:16:16,868 --> 00:16:18,142 to the whole church at once. 410 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:19,719 But we're gonna need your help. 411 00:16:19,871 --> 00:16:23,039 Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. 412 00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,483 It'll be Easter Sunday, so we're gonna 413 00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,727 have to look real nice. 414 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,530 ♪ ♪ 415 00:16:36,054 --> 00:16:37,053 Let's do this. 416 00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:38,404 JENNY: We slip in 417 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,314 with the rest of the parishioners. 418 00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:44,910 BETTY: Once we're inside, Wayne will distract the guard. 419 00:16:45,063 --> 00:16:46,746 Security! Security! I need help! 420 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,322 What seems to be the problem, sir? 421 00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:50,842 Um... a squirrel took my doughnut. 422 00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:53,069 Oh. Well, can you just get another one? 423 00:16:53,162 --> 00:16:55,404 Not one with jelly in the middle. 424 00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:57,089 What kind of security detail doesn't form 425 00:16:57,242 --> 00:16:59,075 a perimeter around doughnuts? 426 00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:01,577 BETTY: Meanwhile, Violet and David will create 427 00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:03,746 a huge ruckus at the Easter egg hunt. 428 00:17:03,839 --> 00:17:05,414 JENNY: 'Cause they're about to hunt Easter eggs 429 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,841 with Bucklake's A/V guy Speedy Robinson. 430 00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:10,528 He's got three toddlers, and he'll definitely be there. 431 00:17:10,755 --> 00:17:13,439 Oh, my God! This Easter Bunny's pants are full of eggs. 432 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,441 He must be laying them. 433 00:17:15,593 --> 00:17:16,926 (children cheering) 434 00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:19,078 No. No, no, no, no! 435 00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:23,458 JENNY: Then a discreet hand-off... 436 00:17:25,953 --> 00:17:27,436 Keys be with you. 437 00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:29,196 And also with you. 438 00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:31,774 -JENNY: ...and I get them to Mother. -Look! 439 00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,292 -He's in that tree! -What tree? 440 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:37,555 ♪ Ah, faith, hope, love and joy ♪ 441 00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:41,208 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 442 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,636 -Took you long enough. -More swag, Mother? 443 00:17:43,788 --> 00:17:46,064 They were passing out Bucklake bacon waves! 444 00:17:46,215 --> 00:17:47,807 Do you know what a bacon wave is? 445 00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:50,643 So you can make crispy bacon in the microwave, Jenny! 446 00:17:50,795 --> 00:17:53,646 Just get in the sound booth and wait for my signal. 447 00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:56,365 -Wait, what's the signal? -This... 448 00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:02,638 What the hell? 449 00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:03,989 No, that's way too long. 450 00:18:04,142 --> 00:18:05,917 (sighs) Okay, what about this? 451 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,903 The Hammer dance? Oh, everybody's gonna be doing that. 452 00:18:09,997 --> 00:18:11,089 Oh, you're right. Damn it. 453 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,906 Let me just think for a second. 454 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,258 ♪ Pump ♪ 455 00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:16,152 ♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪ 456 00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:17,987 ♪ Pump, pump it up, pump, pump ♪ 457 00:18:18,005 --> 00:18:20,156 ♪ Party on the block, pump, pump it up ♪ 458 00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,391 -♪ Pump, pump. ♪ -(cheering, whistling) 459 00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:28,422 Folks, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice 460 00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,108 when he died for our sins. 461 00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:33,018 And all he asks for in return 462 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,929 is ten to 15% of your income. 463 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,432 Now, is that so much to ask? 464 00:18:38,526 --> 00:18:40,301 Oh, uh, uh-uh. No, ma'am, ma'am-- 465 00:18:40,303 --> 00:18:42,027 we're-we're not doing the healings yet. 466 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,696 Oh, I'm not here to be healed. 467 00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:45,772 I'm here to expose a sickness. 468 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,867 -Yours! -(congregation gasps) 469 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,276 (murmuring) 470 00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:51,036 That's what they went with? 471 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,131 So confusing. 472 00:18:56,027 --> 00:18:56,634 Oh. 473 00:18:56,861 --> 00:18:58,711 (congregation groans) 474 00:18:58,805 --> 00:18:59,620 Oh, Lord. 475 00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:02,047 What in the holy salvation 476 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,532 is going on here? 477 00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:05,292 You're going down! 478 00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:06,978 What is that, a raspberry seed? 479 00:19:07,205 --> 00:19:08,220 Ugh. What is that? 480 00:19:08,373 --> 00:19:10,731 Sorry, wrong video. Hang on. 481 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,227 Hello. Betty Hart coming at you, 482 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:19,490 and this is why I should be on The Amazing Race. 483 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,717 Ooh! 484 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:23,903 I just got a splinter in my crotchal region! 485 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,812 -Mother! -Uh... 486 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,147 BETTY: Come here, baby. 487 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,574 -Let Mama pet you. -(honks) 488 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,076 Aw, now there's a good boy. 489 00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:32,912 Get to the incriminating one. 490 00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:34,397 No, no, no, no, no! 491 00:19:34,490 --> 00:19:36,841 Ow! You pecked me in my crotchal region! 492 00:19:37,068 --> 00:19:39,135 ♪ ♪ 493 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,391 (alarm blaring) 494 00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:51,022 Security! Get this woman! 495 00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:55,526 (birds singing) 496 00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:57,195 Damn it, Mother. We had him! 497 00:19:57,346 --> 00:19:58,921 Well, if we had gone with my plan, 498 00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:00,514 I could be in the greenroom right now, 499 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,034 rifling through my gift basket with Michael Strahan! 500 00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:05,352 Ugh, this whole thing got way out of hand. 501 00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,371 I just wanted to help Pastor Joanne. 502 00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:11,042 Don't worry, Mom. We brought backup. 503 00:20:11,936 --> 00:20:13,436 (gasps) 504 00:20:13,529 --> 00:20:16,772 ♪ ♪ 505 00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:18,466 (gasping) 506 00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:23,779 Oh, my God, what am I doing? 507 00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:25,448 What am I doing with my life? 508 00:20:25,466 --> 00:20:28,059 I cannot deceive these people anymore. 509 00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:30,353 We got to shut this place down. 510 00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:38,903 And build a bigger place in Florida where nobody knows me. 511 00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:40,479 On it, sir. And the hookers? 512 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,147 Yes, bring 'em all. 513 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,158 It's Florida. They'll love it. 514 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,084 -Wow, this place is hopping. -JOANNE: Wow. 515 00:20:53,311 --> 00:20:55,311 Lots of new faces here. 516 00:20:55,329 --> 00:20:58,372 Guess I better break out the big guns. 517 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,741 (strums) 518 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,244 When the Lord spoke to John the Baptist, 519 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,005 he had a lot to say. 520 00:21:06,157 --> 00:21:10,935 But in the end, it all boiled down to one thing: 521 00:21:11,162 --> 00:21:13,104 God bless America. 522 00:21:13,331 --> 00:21:15,273 (playing "The Star-Spangled Banner") 523 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,483 (applause) 524 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,853 (whoops) 525 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,855 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 526 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,431 and TOYOTA. 527 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,266 -(meows) -(horn honks musically) 528 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:28,995 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org