1
00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:04,141
Move, y'all.
2
00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:05,377
We're getting rid
of this bee table.
3
00:00:05,444 --> 00:00:07,281
‐Why?
‐Betty, it is full of bees.
4
00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:08,918
‐(bees buzzing)
‐Look at this thing!
5
00:00:08,985 --> 00:00:10,555
It's like 100% hive.
6
00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:12,424
I wonder why
they don't bother you.
7
00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:15,899
I killed their queen.
Now I'm their queen.
8
00:00:15,965 --> 00:00:17,201
They'll do anything I want.
9
00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:19,005
Bees, pass me my cup.
10
00:00:19,071 --> 00:00:21,342
‐(buzzing)
‐Oh, they're busy.
11
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,313
And my theory is
that I'm so anemic
12
00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:26,185
that I give off less body heat
than a glass of white wine.
13
00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:28,189
Well, I hope
y'all didn't get too attached,
14
00:00:28,256 --> 00:00:31,095
'cause these hive turkeys
are about to get evicted.
15
00:00:31,162 --> 00:00:33,400
(saw buzzing)
16
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:34,603
What the...?
17
00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:36,205
Oh, man, a bee's walking
on the chain.
18
00:00:36,272 --> 00:00:37,441
Like a little escalator.
19
00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:38,945
He's not even breaking a sweat!
20
00:00:39,011 --> 00:00:40,548
Lord, this is humiliating.
21
00:00:40,615 --> 00:00:42,451
Heard you were gonna tackle
the bee table,
22
00:00:42,519 --> 00:00:44,155
so I got you a little surprise!
23
00:00:44,221 --> 00:00:45,357
And I mean really little.
24
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,829
I told Amazon
to sort by the cheapest.
25
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,967
Jenny, what did you do?
26
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,874
A Al Borland Brand
Sawz‐All Craftsman Pro?
27
00:00:53,941 --> 00:00:57,247
This is four times as expensive
as the one I told you I wanted.
28
00:00:57,314 --> 00:00:59,051
That's way too generous.
29
00:00:59,118 --> 00:01:02,024
Uh‐oh. I didn't...
30
00:01:02,091 --> 00:01:03,360
‐order this one.
‐(saw buzzing)
31
00:01:03,426 --> 00:01:05,063
What's that?!
I can't hear you!
32
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,167
This thing has a Ferrari engine.
33
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,940
That's not the saw I ordered!
34
00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:12,111
We need to return it!
35
00:01:12,177 --> 00:01:14,816
I love you, too, goll durn it!
36
00:01:16,052 --> 00:01:17,388
(saw revs)
37
00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:20,227
Guys, you might have just
witnessed the best moment
38
00:01:20,293 --> 00:01:21,764
of my life,
right up there with the time
39
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:25,237
David Blaine picked the lady
behind me for a magic trick.
40
00:01:25,303 --> 00:01:26,840
‐Well, the thing is...
‐I love it.
41
00:01:26,907 --> 00:01:29,713
Hey, Violet, what's the noise
Tim the Toolman makes?
42
00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:32,484
‐No. I don't know it.
‐Come on, Vi. Please.
43
00:01:32,552 --> 00:01:37,161
‐Ar, ar, ar!
‐That's it! Ar, ar, ar. (laughs)
44
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,964
(loud buzzing)
45
00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:41,670
Aah! (cries)
46
00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:45,645
‐Okay, now it's personal.
‐(saw revving)
47
00:01:45,712 --> 00:01:47,782
♪
48
00:02:15,337 --> 00:02:17,474
(saw buzzing)
49
00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:19,145
I won!
50
00:02:19,211 --> 00:02:21,115
I conquered the whole hive!
51
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,654
(yelling)
52
00:02:23,721 --> 00:02:26,660
Wow, Mom. You got a man
who can Braveheart some bees.
53
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:28,531
I'm not saying
that's not hot as hell, Vi,
54
00:02:28,597 --> 00:02:31,302
but I got to send that chain saw
back. It was a mistake.
55
00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,974
‐(Wayne laughing)
‐And good luck with that.
56
00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,310
Oh, Lord.
57
00:02:35,377 --> 00:02:37,615
Mother, can you move
so I can get to the eggs?
58
00:02:37,682 --> 00:02:40,053
Almost done.
Just looking for something.
59
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,191
Hot flash? Due to menopause?
60
00:02:42,257 --> 00:02:45,063
No, I was just looking
for these.
61
00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:46,365
Gram, what's menopause?
62
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:47,669
I totally know what it is.
63
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,171
I just want
to hear her explain it.
64
00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:50,875
Well, Vi, menopause is when
65
00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:54,215
a woman's ovaries
no longer produce estrogen
66
00:02:54,281 --> 00:02:55,551
and progesterone.
67
00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,655
Wow, Gram.
That's actually right.
68
00:02:57,722 --> 00:02:59,826
Otherwise known
as the "butt plumpers."
69
00:02:59,893 --> 00:03:01,429
As you can see by my rear,
70
00:03:01,495 --> 00:03:05,103
they are clearly still pumping
through my youthful bod.
71
00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:06,874
Yeah, that's more
what I expected.
72
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:10,982
Jenny, I know you spent a ton
on this, but it was worth it.
73
00:03:11,048 --> 00:03:12,552
You are so welcome!
74
00:03:12,619 --> 00:03:15,423
But, Wayne, the thing is,
I didn't really...
75
00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:17,829
Oh, my God.
Wayne, does that hurt?
76
00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:19,031
Does what hurt?
77
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,200
‐Oh!
‐JENNY: Ew.
78
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,369
We need to get you
to the doctor.
79
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,507
For a bee sting? No.
80
00:03:23,574 --> 00:03:25,544
Ooh. This heavy jacket
does not breathe.
81
00:03:25,611 --> 00:03:27,214
‐(Wayne coughs)
‐Both of you lunatics need
82
00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,584
to get your butts
to the doctor.
83
00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:31,355
You for that mega‐sting,
and you for your menopause.
84
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:34,863
‐No such thing.
‐Feel like a million bucks.
85
00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:37,769
So it's okay for me to keep it?
86
00:03:37,835 --> 00:03:39,572
Even though
it's way more expensive
87
00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:42,010
‐than the one
I actually ordered?
‐Um...
88
00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:44,783
Ugh. Can't we just qualify this
as a miracle and move on?
89
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,687
Is it a miracle,
or is it more like‐‐
90
00:03:46,753 --> 00:03:48,524
I don't know‐‐
what is that thing
91
00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:50,728
when someone takes something
that's not theirs?
92
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,832
Stealing?
Can't you just be my friend
93
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,836
and not spread some
moral authority on everything?
94
00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:56,405
‐You know I'm Jesus, right?
‐Oh, here we go.
95
00:03:56,472 --> 00:03:58,076
Like you would ever
let me forget.
96
00:03:58,142 --> 00:04:00,514
You know you can wear
modern‐day clothes if you want.
97
00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:02,184
Well, if you
just want affirmation,
98
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:03,620
you've come to the wrong place.
99
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:06,693
You know what? Maybe I have come
to the wrong place.
100
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,864
Well, if that's how you feel,
maybe I'll go.
101
00:04:08,931 --> 00:04:09,966
Great. Good.
102
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:11,469
Excuse me, Peter.
Coming through.
103
00:04:11,536 --> 00:04:13,106
Sorry, Thomas. You're going
to have to slide in.
104
00:04:13,172 --> 00:04:15,845
Judas, you're fine.
105
00:04:16,312 --> 00:04:17,347
‐(door chimes)
‐Oh, Lord.
106
00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:19,251
Y'all, the parking lot squatters
107
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,590
are back in full force today.
108
00:04:21,656 --> 00:04:24,028
Ew. Oh, no.
109
00:04:24,094 --> 00:04:28,336
That fat one is leaning all over
my Michael Kors Edition Lexus.
110
00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:29,773
Jenny, can you go move it?
111
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,411
Louise, we have been
over this. I am not your valet.
112
00:04:32,477 --> 00:04:34,081
Just move it, Jenny!
113
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,350
Ugh.
114
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:38,222
(indistinct chatter)
115
00:04:38,289 --> 00:04:40,761
(tires squealing)
116
00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:44,201
"Do‐do‐do‐do it."
117
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,504
You want me to move your car?
118
00:04:45,571 --> 00:04:48,209
Louise, such a snotty butt.
(yelps)
119
00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:51,716
Wait. Is it weird
that that felt good?
120
00:04:51,783 --> 00:04:53,921
And don't worry, Jesus. I'm not
gonna ask you about this.
121
00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:57,127
I don't need your opinion
on every little thing.
122
00:04:57,194 --> 00:04:59,398
(rumbling)
123
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:03,372
(wind whistling)
124
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,218
(gasps)
125
00:05:09,284 --> 00:05:10,988
(whimpers)
126
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,633
Wow. You got rid of that quick.
127
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,436
Whoa, bro!
128
00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:20,841
Bee sting.
Jenny wants me to see a doctor,
129
00:05:20,908 --> 00:05:22,845
but it is not necessary
'cause if I turn my head back
130
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:26,051
and sideways, I can basically
breathe. (wheezes)
131
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,822
Let me get a closer look
at ya. Mm.
132
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:29,893
You know,
I can help you out with that.
133
00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,130
Yeah, I've been taking courses
in holistic healing.
134
00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:36,438
Unlike those scientists with
their degrees and knowledge.
135
00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:37,808
Wait. How'd you get
into all that?
136
00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:40,480
I met a Buddhist shaman.
Her name is Heather.
137
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,217
She's been teaching me.
138
00:05:42,284 --> 00:05:43,520
It's just like community college
139
00:05:43,587 --> 00:05:45,290
except the classroom is
Heather's condo,
140
00:05:45,356 --> 00:05:46,960
and I have sex with the teacher.
141
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:50,768
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you found your new thing.
142
00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:52,972
It's not just my new thing, bro.
143
00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:54,776
Healing peeps is my calling!
144
00:05:54,842 --> 00:05:57,548
So let me help you, man.
Come on.
145
00:05:57,615 --> 00:05:58,984
It would mean so much to me.
146
00:05:59,051 --> 00:06:01,455
And, don't worry.
This whole deal is fully legit.
147
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:03,359
I got a YouTube channel
and everything.
148
00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:04,629
Check it out.
149
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,900
WAYNE:
Your motorcycle will help you
150
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:10,774
‐get to sick people quickly.
‐Oh, watch this part.
151
00:06:11,576 --> 00:06:12,812
WAYNE:
Oh, look at that.
152
00:06:12,878 --> 00:06:15,751
You found something to do
with your uncle's doves.
153
00:06:18,155 --> 00:06:20,326
Stop the presses.
154
00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:22,565
Rainbow hand magic?
155
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,370
♪
156
00:06:25,436 --> 00:06:27,508
You know what?
I trust that guy.
157
00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:29,344
Heal me, bro.
158
00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:30,948
Ouchie.
159
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,854
Ah, crap.
That's not my fault, is it?
160
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,924
I mean, my thing was the
door ding, which is harmless.
161
00:06:35,991 --> 00:06:37,995
This windshield is
a whole other situation.
162
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:40,567
Guess I should run this
by Jesus real quick.
163
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,270
‐(door chimes)
‐(gasps)
164
00:06:42,337 --> 00:06:43,540
This ceiling's a bleeder.
165
00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:46,011
I need more cloth
to apply pressure.
166
00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:47,213
Oh, no!
167
00:06:49,251 --> 00:06:51,890
(gasps)
Jesus is gone!
168
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:59,071
Jesus, I really need
to talk to you.
169
00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:02,611
I think I have a moral dilemma,
but I hope not 'cause if I do,
170
00:07:02,678 --> 00:07:05,383
it could put a real dent
in my bank account.
171
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:06,986
Jenny, you okay?
172
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:08,590
Brenda,
173
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:10,193
can I run something by you?
174
00:07:10,259 --> 00:07:12,832
When Louise asked me to move
her car, I may have moved it
175
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:15,436
a little too close
to a truck and dinged it.
176
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:17,374
‐Go on.
‐Then when I shut the door,
177
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,677
a rock fell out of the truck
178
00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:20,981
and cracked Louise's windshield
all to hell.
179
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:25,591
Here's what you're gonna do.
180
00:07:25,657 --> 00:07:29,498
Shut... your... mouth hole.
181
00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:31,636
‐Really?
‐Jenny, the one time
182
00:07:31,703 --> 00:07:33,573
I quote, unquote,
"did the right thing"
183
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,711
and fessed up,
I closed out the day
184
00:07:35,778 --> 00:07:37,748
with an arson charge,
two dead bodies,
185
00:07:37,815 --> 00:07:40,319
and... (laughs)
you guessed it,
186
00:07:40,386 --> 00:07:41,823
a raging bald spot.
187
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:46,599
Jenny, what the H‐E Single‐C
Single‐K did you do to my car?
188
00:07:49,171 --> 00:07:51,341
Shh.
189
00:07:51,408 --> 00:07:53,513
I didn't do anything to it.
190
00:07:54,247 --> 00:07:59,024
Oh, y'all, I bet it was
that skeezy old truck driver.
191
00:07:59,090 --> 00:08:00,828
‐(door chimes)
‐See how easy that was?
192
00:08:00,894 --> 00:08:02,698
But now that truck driver's
in trouble,
193
00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:04,000
and he didn't do anything.
194
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:07,106
Hey, for every gazelle
that escapes a lion,
195
00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:08,877
some other gazelle gets caught.
196
00:08:08,944 --> 00:08:11,916
‐Just be glad it ain't you.
‐(door chimes)
197
00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:14,020
Silver lining alert.
198
00:08:14,087 --> 00:08:17,126
That trucker is
the nicest guy in the world.
199
00:08:17,193 --> 00:08:20,501
He said his company's insurance
will cover it,
200
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,872
and he's taking me out
on a date tonight.
201
00:08:22,938 --> 00:08:25,276
Jesus works
in mysterious ways, y'all.
202
00:08:25,343 --> 00:08:30,687
Now, I got to go spritz my
pulse points with Dior Sauvage.
203
00:08:33,092 --> 00:08:36,566
Ha! I guess
"WWJD" now stands for
204
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,703
"What Would Jenny Do?"
(whoops)
205
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:40,741
‐(toilet flushes)
‐(grunting rhythmically)
206
00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:44,682
Oh! Oh, my mouth was open!
207
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,688
Okay, so let's get a look at it.
208
00:08:47,755 --> 00:08:49,357
You wore this crystal all night?
209
00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:51,361
Uh... absolutely.
210
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:55,804
Yes! I knew it! I did it!
211
00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:57,975
Bro, you're a miracle worker.
212
00:08:58,042 --> 00:09:00,313
So you did everything
just like I told you?
213
00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,716
Yup.
214
00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:03,653
I slept with the crystal,
215
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,489
which was actually super comfy.
216
00:09:05,557 --> 00:09:07,093
TRAVIS:
Power of crystals, man.
217
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,032
And you got up every ten minutes
to stare at the color blue?
218
00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:12,738
WAYNE:
And the swelling
started going down immediately.
219
00:09:12,805 --> 00:09:14,542
It was like magic.
220
00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:17,113
‐Completely pain‐free, too.
‐(laughing)
221
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,917
(gasps)
222
00:09:20,587 --> 00:09:22,524
This is a really big moment
for me.
223
00:09:22,591 --> 00:09:23,994
This is like my moon landing.
224
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:27,400
But even better
because it's real.
225
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,672
I couldn't help but overhear
226
00:09:29,739 --> 00:09:31,341
that miracles
are being dispensed.
227
00:09:31,408 --> 00:09:34,815
That they are. Travis here
just healed my swollen neck.
228
00:09:34,882 --> 00:09:36,686
‐You see?
‐Ooh. Well.
229
00:09:36,753 --> 00:09:40,594
Dr. Travis, look who's
whorking whonders.
230
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,831
Wayne, leave us.
231
00:09:42,898 --> 00:09:45,837
Travis,
how old do you think I am?
232
00:09:45,904 --> 00:09:48,409
‐Twenty... nine?
‐Twenty‐nine?!
233
00:09:48,475 --> 00:09:53,620
(laughs):
Oh, my Lord, I am a little bit
older than that.
234
00:09:53,687 --> 00:09:55,122
(sighs)
Travis,
235
00:09:55,189 --> 00:09:58,530
the desert approach‐eth
downstairs.
236
00:09:58,596 --> 00:09:59,832
Do you catch my drift?
237
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,936
I totally do,
but let's pretend I don't.
238
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:05,276
I'm talking about menopause,
you hot moron.
239
00:10:05,342 --> 00:10:09,885
Is there anything you can do...
hole‐listically?
240
00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:12,891
Can a one‐armed drummer
still play "Rock of Ages"?
241
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:14,862
Hell yes!
242
00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:16,866
(loud, indistinct chatter)
243
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:18,770
♪
244
00:10:20,139 --> 00:10:22,811
‐Oh, shoot.
‐Just put it back on the plate.
245
00:10:22,878 --> 00:10:25,784
Really? Isn't that... unsafe?
246
00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:28,222
Not everything is such
a moral dilemma.
247
00:10:28,288 --> 00:10:30,259
‐I haven't steered you
wrong yet, have I?
‐Ew.
248
00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:32,130
‐Louise sure isn't complaining.
‐(door chimes)
249
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,802
LOUISE:
Well, that couldn't
have gone worse.
250
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:36,071
I thought
that trucker was taking me
251
00:10:36,138 --> 00:10:38,075
on a nice date to a restaurant.
252
00:10:38,142 --> 00:10:39,879
But it turns out,
all he wanted to do
253
00:10:39,945 --> 00:10:42,718
was eat hot wings
in his apartment‐home.
254
00:10:42,785 --> 00:10:45,356
Then, he had a big surprise
for me.
255
00:10:45,422 --> 00:10:47,728
Flowers? A slice of cheesecake?
256
00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:49,965
No! His wife!
257
00:10:50,032 --> 00:10:51,502
What?
258
00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:53,840
LOUISE:
I was asleep
in his apartment‐home bed,
259
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:55,577
‐and then we heard a noise.
‐(door rattles)
260
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:59,785
‐(cat meows)
‐He pops straight up
and tells me that it's his wife.
261
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,689
She's a pediatric nurse,
and she came home
262
00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:04,294
at, like, 5:45 a. m.
263
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,734
I had to hide under the bed
while he made her breakfast.
264
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,772
Then as she fell asleep watching
265
00:11:09,839 --> 00:11:11,809
all five hours of
The Today Show,
266
00:11:11,876 --> 00:11:14,347
I tried to sneak out,
but she caught me
267
00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:17,019
and threw me off
their apartment‐home balcony.
268
00:11:17,086 --> 00:11:19,592
I landed
on a poor kid's dirty trampoline
269
00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:22,564
and flew
into a dimpsty dumpster.
270
00:11:22,631 --> 00:11:24,234
It's just been one bad thing
271
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,371
‐after another since yesterday.
‐(muffled laughing)
272
00:11:26,438 --> 00:11:31,147
I have to believe God is
punishing me for some reason.
273
00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,786
Oh, Louise,
God's not punishing you.
274
00:11:33,853 --> 00:11:35,155
In fact, I‐I feel terrible.
275
00:11:35,222 --> 00:11:38,195
‐(growls)
‐That this all happened
276
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,834
to you because...
277
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:46,077
I saw the squatters
smash your windshield.
278
00:11:46,144 --> 00:11:49,150
Yup, the squatters did it,
and I saw it.
279
00:11:49,718 --> 00:11:52,758
Hey, guys.
Venom, Captain Carl.
280
00:11:52,824 --> 00:11:54,093
Lougie, Eddie Toilet,
281
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,601
Squamp, Wound, Killer,
Baby Satan, Kathy.
282
00:11:57,668 --> 00:12:01,241
We are really, really sorry,
but Louise wants us to hose you.
283
00:12:01,308 --> 00:12:03,378
‐What?!
‐We'll do it gentle. Sorry.
284
00:12:03,445 --> 00:12:07,086
‐(all yelling)
‐All my pocket drugs are wet!
285
00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:09,725
Brenda, go easy.
These guys didn't do anything.
286
00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:11,963
Jenny, we're way past the "why."
287
00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:13,967
We're just
into the fun part now.
288
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,071
Take that, you nasty squatters!
289
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:18,876
That's what you get
for ruining my car!
290
00:12:20,647 --> 00:12:22,283
LOUISE:
Oh, no!
291
00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:25,022
Y'all, hit 'em again!
292
00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:26,959
(yelling)
293
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:32,236
Jesus, just need to talk to you.
294
00:12:32,303 --> 00:12:34,040
(sighs)
Okay.
295
00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:35,910
Well, Louise is falling apart,
and it's all my fault,
296
00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:38,616
and Brenda's gone crazy
and the squatters.
297
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:39,718
Oh, here we go.
298
00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:41,856
Hi there. Ew.
299
00:12:41,922 --> 00:12:44,127
Nope. What was I thinking?
300
00:12:44,193 --> 00:12:48,936
(muffled):
Jen. Jen? Whoa. Jenny?
301
00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:51,474
Mouth's crooked. Ugh.
302
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:54,013
Jesus. Oh, no. Let me
help you with those hands.
303
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,685
(mutters)
Hands?
304
00:12:56,752 --> 00:12:58,055
Well, hands are hard!
305
00:12:58,121 --> 00:12:59,257
Here, let me at least
help you talk better.
306
00:12:59,323 --> 00:13:02,998
(muffled):
This mouth is too big.
307
00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:04,535
Aah!
308
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:06,872
Mouth is too small.
309
00:13:06,939 --> 00:13:10,446
Wait. Jen, come back!
310
00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:15,355
♪
311
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,136
Ugh.
312
00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:25,777
‐What?
‐Travis is adjusting
my Chaka Khans.
313
00:13:25,844 --> 00:13:27,046
Root chakras, but yeah.
314
00:13:27,113 --> 00:13:28,950
Trav, can I talk to you
in the kitchen?
315
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,221
After you wash your hands.
316
00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:32,958
Dude, what the hell's going on?
317
00:13:33,024 --> 00:13:34,628
Betty's entering that phase
of her life
318
00:13:34,695 --> 00:13:38,435
where her body is slowly
transitioning from MILF to coug.
319
00:13:38,503 --> 00:13:40,640
I'm gonna help her stave off
that change indefinitely.
320
00:13:40,707 --> 00:13:44,715
But this thing with Betty, it's,
like, hormones and blood work
321
00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:46,819
and anatomy junk and...
322
00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:48,355
You know, the kind of stuff
323
00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:51,261
that may not have been taught
in Heather's condo.
324
00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,265
Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba, ba‐ba‐ba‐ba, bro.
325
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,035
I don't have to get
into any of that stuff.
326
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,906
All I have to do
is unlock Betty's power
327
00:13:56,972 --> 00:13:58,475
so she can heal herself.
328
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:01,982
So you're not getting into any
actual procedures or anything?
329
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,955
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just
gonna do some energy work
330
00:14:05,022 --> 00:14:07,694
and insert a geode
into her specialty place.
331
00:14:07,761 --> 00:14:10,232
Insert a what into the who?
332
00:14:13,973 --> 00:14:16,110
Wings! That's fun, right?
333
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:19,083
‐(groaning)
‐Aah!
334
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,956
‐Oh, get back in that wall. Get!
‐(groaning)
335
00:14:22,022 --> 00:14:23,024
‐(Jenny groans loudly)
‐BRENDA: Jenny!
336
00:14:23,091 --> 00:14:24,995
What in the hell?
337
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,899
Just, uh, cleaning up.
338
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,903
Great news.
Louise's spiral
339
00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:31,809
of bad luck has taken
an even bigger turn.
340
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:32,978
Oh, no.
341
00:14:33,044 --> 00:14:34,748
‐(door chimes)
‐It's official.
342
00:14:34,815 --> 00:14:36,819
There is no God!
343
00:14:36,885 --> 00:14:39,023
Oh, Louise,
please don't say that.
344
00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:41,261
What... what happened to you?
345
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:42,631
I took my car
346
00:14:42,697 --> 00:14:43,933
to the body shop,
347
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,235
and their waiting room
was nothing
348
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,672
but a metal folding chair
349
00:14:46,739 --> 00:14:48,275
and a Spin magazine
350
00:14:48,341 --> 00:14:49,343
from 2010.
351
00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,180
I was reading an article about
352
00:14:51,247 --> 00:14:53,786
the Kings of Leon,
and I realized
353
00:14:53,853 --> 00:14:55,657
‐my pocketbook was gone.
‐(gasps)
354
00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:56,792
(Brenda chuckles)
355
00:14:56,859 --> 00:14:58,629
And why do you look this way?
356
00:14:58,696 --> 00:15:02,202
Jenny, don't you get it?
My identity got stolen.
357
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,140
‐Yeah, but doesn't that mean...?
‐Shh, shh, shh.
358
00:15:04,206 --> 00:15:06,912
Jenny, we all know what happens
359
00:15:06,979 --> 00:15:10,152
when someone's identity
gets stolen.
360
00:15:10,218 --> 00:15:14,293
You have to choose
a new identity, right?
361
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,765
There can't be two of me
walking around,
362
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,003
so now I got to be someone else.
363
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,140
Thank God Brenda was available
to come on over
364
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:23,211
and help me create
my new identity‐‐
365
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:28,723
Toni with an "I" Beckerman
from Corpus Christi, Texas.
366
00:15:28,789 --> 00:15:30,693
I'm working on the accent.
367
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,833
Don't mess with Texas.
368
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,235
Also, I'm currently in a...
369
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,007
‐Sex cult.
‐Yes, Toni with an "I"
370
00:15:38,074 --> 00:15:40,212
is the leader of a sex cult.
371
00:15:40,278 --> 00:15:41,280
‐Ha.
‐(phone chimes)
372
00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:43,051
Louise, this is all my fault.
373
00:15:43,118 --> 00:15:45,222
Oh, no, it's Equifax.
374
00:15:45,288 --> 00:15:48,428
Y'all, the New Louise just got
to Long Island City and leased
375
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:50,499
a fleet of Jet Skis.
376
00:15:50,566 --> 00:15:55,142
My credit has plummeted to 380.
(cries)
377
00:16:01,354 --> 00:16:03,291
What size you think
is good for Betty?
378
00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:05,295
(gasps) Dah! No. God.
I'm still feeling
379
00:16:05,362 --> 00:16:07,767
like this may not be
the best way to approach this.
380
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:11,174
How could you, my greatest
success story, be doubting me?
381
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,311
Oh. I'm such a klutz.
Well, and that reminds me.
382
00:16:13,378 --> 00:16:15,482
This one's out of commish.
Fell in the toilet this morning.
383
00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:16,919
‐It fell in the toilet?!
‐All right.
384
00:16:16,985 --> 00:16:18,288
Just hit it with some Lysol.
385
00:16:18,354 --> 00:16:20,459
Wayne, you're not really
gonna let Travis
386
00:16:20,526 --> 00:16:23,364
put a mystical toilet rock
into Gram?
387
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:25,235
But I've never seen him
so focused and happy.
388
00:16:25,302 --> 00:16:27,206
I can't crap on his dream.
389
00:16:27,272 --> 00:16:30,111
No, what I need to do
is injure myself so bad
390
00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:32,517
that he'll have to admit
that he can't fix it.
391
00:16:32,584 --> 00:16:34,988
Look, I know an honest
conversation
392
00:16:35,055 --> 00:16:36,290
may seem scary, but...
393
00:16:36,357 --> 00:16:38,662
Exactly. So take this
meat tenderizer
394
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:40,800
and bang me up just enough
to look real bad,
395
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,672
like I'm dying, but not
bad enough so I actually die
396
00:16:43,739 --> 00:16:45,242
‐or anything.
‐Come with me.
397
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,246
I have a way‐less‐stupid idea.
398
00:16:47,312 --> 00:16:50,252
Aah! Travis, I need you!
399
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,757
I had a chain saw accident!
400
00:16:52,824 --> 00:16:55,128
(indistinct chatter)
401
00:16:55,195 --> 00:16:58,167
Looking good.
Just like Harrison Ford.
402
00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,538
(muffled grunt)
403
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:01,542
‐(door chimes)
‐Louise didn't have the guts,
404
00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:04,380
but Toni with an "I" Beckerman
knows exactly
405
00:17:04,446 --> 00:17:07,219
how to make those squatters pay.
406
00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:10,425
You don't reach the
upper echelon of a sex cult
407
00:17:10,492 --> 00:17:11,995
without having a few tricks
up your sleeve.
408
00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:13,866
Ready to eat some boiling oil,
409
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,135
you nasty squatters?
410
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,272
Oh, no‐no‐no‐no‐no!
Louise, stop!
411
00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:20,078
(sighs)
It was me.
412
00:17:20,145 --> 00:17:21,414
When I parked your car,
I slammed that door
413
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,517
'cause I was mad,
414
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,053
and then those rocks
fell off that truck;
415
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:25,590
I wanted them
to scratch your car.
416
00:17:25,656 --> 00:17:28,529
So if anything, I willed
this whole thing to happen.
417
00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:32,937
I started this whole spiral.
Me. I did it.
418
00:17:33,004 --> 00:17:35,442
(grunts)
So you're telling Toni
419
00:17:35,509 --> 00:17:37,847
that not only did you cause this
420
00:17:37,914 --> 00:17:42,422
but you lied to Louise's face
about what you did to her car?
421
00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:44,928
Yes, Toni. I lied
to Louise's face.
422
00:17:44,995 --> 00:17:46,130
Wait, what am I doing?
423
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:47,366
Louise, you are not Toni.
424
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:48,936
That's not how
stolen identity works.
425
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:50,205
Ha‐ha! Yeah, it is!
426
00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:51,575
Brenda, stop.
427
00:17:51,642 --> 00:17:53,378
Why would you do that?
428
00:17:53,444 --> 00:17:54,781
(sighs)
I'm really sorry.
429
00:17:54,848 --> 00:17:57,052
I've been getting advice from
an unreliable source
430
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,354
for the past few days.
431
00:17:58,421 --> 00:18:00,258
But all these decisions
were mine to make,
432
00:18:00,325 --> 00:18:01,494
and I chose wrong.
433
00:18:01,561 --> 00:18:03,297
I totally get it
if you want to fire me.
434
00:18:03,364 --> 00:18:08,509
If it were Louise standing here,
she'd fire you. But me?
435
00:18:08,575 --> 00:18:12,182
Toni with a "I"? Well,
I've been through a few things.
436
00:18:12,249 --> 00:18:13,786
An alcoholic father.
437
00:18:13,852 --> 00:18:15,623
Multiple divorces.
438
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:19,196
Nearly lost a finger working
on an oil rig.
439
00:18:19,263 --> 00:18:22,870
I'm too busy surviving
to be angry.
440
00:18:23,839 --> 00:18:28,882
Holy crap, I think I might
wanna switch teams for Toni.
441
00:18:28,949 --> 00:18:30,151
(sighs)
442
00:18:30,218 --> 00:18:31,955
Quick, smell this.
443
00:18:32,022 --> 00:18:33,826
‐(sniffs)
‐Now how's it feel?
444
00:18:33,892 --> 00:18:35,228
Aah! Still bad!
445
00:18:35,295 --> 00:18:37,633
Oh, what? I got to go talk
to my sage guy.
446
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,840
Okay. I hate to say it,
but we might actually have to...
447
00:18:40,906 --> 00:18:42,109
Go to the hospital?!
448
00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:44,379
Use quartz.
I got some on my bike.
449
00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:46,417
‐(door opens)
‐What the hell is your game?
450
00:18:46,484 --> 00:18:48,321
That's a scam wound
if I ever saw one.
451
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:50,526
(sighs)
Violet did it.
452
00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:52,597
I wanted him to be holding
his own eyeball,
453
00:18:52,663 --> 00:18:53,732
but he wussed out.
454
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:54,868
(quietly):
Like always.
455
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,237
He can't heal crap.
456
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,607
That thing with my neck?
457
00:18:57,673 --> 00:19:00,145
I went to a real doctor
to get it fixed.
458
00:19:00,211 --> 00:19:02,349
I was just lying to Travis
to build him up.
459
00:19:02,415 --> 00:19:05,923
So, you lied and made me think
I was good at this?
460
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,927
(sighs) Yes.
461
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:14,908
That's the nicest thing
anyone has ever done for me.
462
00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:17,412
‐Get in here. Do you feel this?
‐That's what it's all about.
463
00:19:17,479 --> 00:19:18,715
‐Are you feeling that?
‐Oh, I feel that.
464
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,251
‐That is all love, bro.
‐You feel me?
465
00:19:20,318 --> 00:19:22,289
I'm glad somebody's
getting touched.
466
00:19:22,355 --> 00:19:24,326
Travis, I guess
we're rain‐checking
467
00:19:24,393 --> 00:19:26,665
the crystal hoo‐ha therapy?
468
00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:31,006
(sighs heavily)
469
00:19:31,073 --> 00:19:32,175
‐Hi.
‐(screams)
470
00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:34,146
Jesus? Oh, Jesus,
471
00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:35,616
you scared me half to death.
472
00:19:35,683 --> 00:19:37,653
‐(slurping)
‐Where have you been?
I needed you!
473
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,160
You didn't need me. You just
needed to listen to yourself.
474
00:19:41,227 --> 00:19:43,899
And that worked.
I mean, it took way longer
475
00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:46,303
than I expected,
but you got there.
476
00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:48,474
I didn't like not being able
to talk to you.
477
00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:50,613
Hey, you said you
needed a break.
478
00:19:50,679 --> 00:19:53,417
(slurps) Anyway,
I was around the whole time.
479
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,789
You just refused to see me.
480
00:19:55,856 --> 00:19:57,960
♪
481
00:19:59,096 --> 00:20:00,298
Jenny.
482
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,433
Hey, Jenny.
483
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,471
Jenny, over here. Come on...
484
00:20:03,538 --> 00:20:06,143
‐(saw revving)
‐Hey, Jenny, Jenny.
485
00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:07,479
Jenny, over here.
486
00:20:07,546 --> 00:20:10,619
Hey, Jenny. Jenny.
Hey, Jenny. Jenny!
487
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:13,190
‐(groans)
‐(people screaming)
488
00:20:13,257 --> 00:20:15,328
‐(slurping)
‐Oh, wow.
489
00:20:15,395 --> 00:20:18,367
I'm sorry I ate you
and sprayed you
490
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,171
and threw you in the garbage.
491
00:20:20,238 --> 00:20:21,373
I've had worse.
492
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,643
You can go outside
the restaurant?
493
00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:24,781
Wh‐What do you think I am?
A vampire?
494
00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,250
JENNY (muffled):
I don't know the rules.
495
00:20:26,317 --> 00:20:27,185
JESUS:
Well, if I were anything,
496
00:20:27,252 --> 00:20:28,454
I'd be a werewolf.
497
00:20:28,522 --> 00:20:29,824
In Twilight,
Jacob was the sexy one.
498
00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:31,795
Are you kidding me?
Jacob's a snooze.
499
00:20:31,861 --> 00:20:34,132
I've had naps more exciting
than Jacob.
500
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,136
You did not just say that.
501
00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:37,305
Do we need another break?
502
00:20:37,372 --> 00:20:38,875
I think we might.
503
00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,178
♪
504
00:20:40,244 --> 00:20:41,815
(both laugh)
505
00:20:48,227 --> 00:20:50,164
So that's how you do hands.
506
00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:51,266
(door chimes)
507
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,770
All y'all are on notice.
508
00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:56,176
From now on,
if anyone screws with me,
509
00:20:56,243 --> 00:20:57,613
you're dead meat.
510
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,151
Louise, you don't have to keep
going with this identity.
511
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:00,819
Oh, hell no, y'all.
512
00:21:00,886 --> 00:21:04,159
My life has never been better.
513
00:21:04,226 --> 00:21:06,397
Before becoming Toni
with an "I,"
514
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:08,668
I was just a sad widow
feeling sorry for myself.
515
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:12,510
But I need to face the facts:
Daniel's dead.
516
00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:15,048
And so is the old Louise.
517
00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:16,551
And speaking of dead meat,
518
00:21:16,618 --> 00:21:18,955
that's what you'll be, Lougie,
if you keep
519
00:21:19,022 --> 00:21:20,491
using my bathroom.
520
00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:23,164
I'm gonna be Toni
a lot more often.
521
00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:25,502
It's like a gift from God.
522
00:21:26,905 --> 00:21:29,276
Hey, could you give me some
broader shoulders?
523
00:21:29,342 --> 00:21:30,679
‐What?
‐(Jenny gasps)
524
00:21:30,746 --> 00:21:32,650
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
525
00:21:32,716 --> 00:21:35,054
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
526
00:21:35,121 --> 00:21:36,891
and TOYOTA.