1 00:00:22,459 --> 00:00:26,584 NARRATOR: Once upon a time in a faraway land known as the 1980s, 2 00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:31,376 there was a lovely, smart, funny American girl named Donna who moved to England, 3 00:00:31,459 --> 00:00:35,001 where she fell in love with a handsome Frenchman named Henrique. 4 00:00:35,084 --> 00:00:37,793 They had a perfect child whom they called Eloise, 5 00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:42,459 and all was well until one day Henrique decided, as we say in England, 6 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,543 to fuck the babysitter. 7 00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:48,793 And so dear Donna returned to her charming hometown of Indianapolis, 8 00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:52,668 where she met another man who was-- well, he was Bill. 9 00:00:52,751 --> 00:00:56,001 And Donna had two more children, Alice and Paul. 10 00:00:56,084 --> 00:00:58,376 For half the year, Eloise would come to stay with them 11 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:01,334 and enjoy all the delights of Midwestern life: 12 00:01:01,418 --> 00:01:05,959 the motor speedway, the Putt-Putt, and of course the mall. 13 00:01:06,043 --> 00:01:09,209 -♪ That's Frosty the Snowman ♪ -(busy chatter) 14 00:01:09,293 --> 00:01:11,709 ♪ He's a jolly, happy soul... ♪ 15 00:01:11,793 --> 00:01:14,459 ELF PHOTO CLERK: Okay, everyone, say "jingle." 16 00:01:14,543 --> 00:01:16,668 -ALL: Jingle! -(camera clicks) 17 00:01:16,751 --> 00:01:18,543 Okay, everybody, hats and sweaters off. 18 00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:20,084 Let's see that Easter flair. 19 00:01:20,168 --> 00:01:22,626 All right, you heard your mother. He is risen. Let's go! 20 00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:23,793 Uh, wh-what's happening? 21 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:26,126 Well, I paid for three pictures, so we're moving on to Easter. 22 00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:28,668 Hey, big guy, do you mind stepping aside for these next ones? 23 00:01:28,751 --> 00:01:30,168 Yeah, let's go. Go get yourself a potato. 24 00:01:30,251 --> 00:01:31,501 Extra bacon bits. You earned it. Let's go. 25 00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:32,918 He's not allowed to eat in his suit. 26 00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:35,001 DONNA: Oh, just roll with it. Come here, Paulie. 27 00:01:35,084 --> 00:01:37,501 -Ooh, Mom, can we be hugging in the picture? -Yes. 28 00:01:37,584 --> 00:01:38,709 Oh, let's flex. 29 00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:40,376 -Uh, yes to hugging, no to flexing. -Yes. -Yay! 30 00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,459 -(camera clicks) -Excuse me. We weren't ready. -Come on. 31 00:01:42,543 --> 00:01:44,918 I-I'm sorry. There's a lot of people waiting. 32 00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:47,334 All right, I will pay for the four-picture package. 33 00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:49,209 I can pay for it, Mum. 34 00:01:49,293 --> 00:01:52,209 El, no, I'm not gonna allow my 13-year-old daughter to pay for this. 35 00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:54,709 -Her dad sent her here with $3,000. -I know. 36 00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:56,543 Oh, yeah, but we already decided she's buying us a Jet Ski. 37 00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:57,626 -Bill. -(Alice laughs) 38 00:01:57,709 --> 00:01:59,251 -I thought we landed on a hot tub. -(Bill laughs) 39 00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:02,251 How about one of those limousines with a hot tub? 40 00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:03,418 Let's get a lion. 41 00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:06,251 -Let's get a Taco Bell and put it in our backyard. -Yes! 42 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,376 Everybody, say... 43 00:02:07,459 --> 00:02:08,459 Bunny. 44 00:02:08,543 --> 00:02:09,959 -ALL: Bunny! -(camera clicks) 45 00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:11,584 Great. Okay, red, white and blue. 46 00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:13,084 -Quick like bunnies. -BILL: Wait. 47 00:02:13,168 --> 00:02:14,584 You're forgetting a very important holiday. 48 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,168 Give that to your mother. 49 00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:17,293 And we'll all say... 50 00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:19,418 BILL and KIDS: Surprise! 51 00:02:19,501 --> 00:02:21,251 ELOISE: Happy Mother's Day, Mum. 52 00:02:21,334 --> 00:02:24,376 Sorry I always have to miss it. 53 00:02:24,459 --> 00:02:26,459 This is so nice. 54 00:02:26,543 --> 00:02:28,209 BILL: Aw. Oh, don't cry. 55 00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:29,418 This is supposed to make you happy. 56 00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:32,084 I'm sorry. I can't stop it. It's happening. 57 00:02:32,168 --> 00:02:35,209 Mom, does Ellie really have to go home tomorrow? 58 00:02:35,293 --> 00:02:36,501 Well, honey, she will be back before you even know it. 59 00:02:36,584 --> 00:02:38,501 Why can't her dad live here? 60 00:02:38,584 --> 00:02:40,376 Because he lives in England, Alice. 61 00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:41,876 -I hate England! -Oh. 62 00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:43,001 That's reasonable. 63 00:02:43,084 --> 00:02:45,001 I'm sorry. Should I take the picture? 64 00:02:45,084 --> 00:02:48,209 This isn't gonna get any better, hon. Just take it. 65 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,251 -(sighs) -(camera clicks) 66 00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:53,126 NARRATOR: Yes, Donna's three children were once thick as thieves. 67 00:02:53,209 --> 00:02:56,209 But as they grew, well, they grew apart. 68 00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:58,501 Eloise had her father's fortune, 69 00:02:58,584 --> 00:03:03,459 and Alice and Paul had their father's Chrysler Sebring. 70 00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:08,043 By the year 2022, the family had scattered to the four winds, 71 00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:12,876 but there was a glimmer of hope that could perhaps bring them all together once more. 72 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:15,501 I'm speaking of course of a wedding. 73 00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,459 And that is how our story begins. 74 00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:20,543 ♪ ♪ 75 00:03:39,584 --> 00:03:41,584 ♪ ♪ 76 00:03:58,793 --> 00:04:00,709 ♪ Who took the bomp? ♪ 77 00:04:00,793 --> 00:04:02,709 ("Deceptacon" by Le Tigre playing) 78 00:04:17,751 --> 00:04:21,084 ♪ One, two, three, four ♪ 79 00:04:22,334 --> 00:04:23,751 ♪ See you later ♪ 80 00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:26,751 ♪ See you later. ♪ 81 00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:30,709 -(song ends) -(quiet chatter) 82 00:04:30,793 --> 00:04:34,709 What the fuck even is this? 83 00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,209 -(line rings) -PAUL (over phone): Hi, sis. 84 00:04:44,293 --> 00:04:47,459 Oh, my fucking God, have you seen this invitation? 85 00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:50,168 I-I am five minutes away from homiciding someone. 86 00:04:50,251 --> 00:04:52,001 -I can't stand her. -I know. I know. 87 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:54,876 I opened mine this morning, and then I just put it down on my kitchen table, 88 00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:57,668 I poured kerosene everywhere, and then I just literally burned my own house down. 89 00:04:57,751 --> 00:04:59,334 I mean, the invites are gorgeous, 90 00:04:59,418 --> 00:05:03,418 but I'm not kidding, I think she spent like $25,000. 91 00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:05,501 And they smell like rosemary. 92 00:05:05,584 --> 00:05:07,626 I am moving to space. 93 00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,084 Okay, I'm screaming, and I'm dead. 94 00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:11,876 I died of screaming, and now I'm also-- I'm stabbing people. 95 00:05:11,959 --> 00:05:13,501 I'm just, I'm just randomly stabbing people. 96 00:05:13,584 --> 00:05:15,334 -Paul! -Oh, sorry. 97 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:16,418 Okay, give me one second. 98 00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:18,376 I'm at work, and I have a patient in a trash can. 99 00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:20,584 That sounds fine and normal. 100 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,043 Okay, you got nine more minutes, Helen. 101 00:05:22,126 --> 00:05:23,334 -That's it. -(patients babbling, woman shrieks) 102 00:05:23,418 --> 00:05:25,501 There is a maxi pad near my shin. 103 00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,918 -How does that make you feel, honey? -I want to get out. 104 00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:30,376 I want you to let that feeling in but just not act on it. 105 00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:33,001 I am gonna add some more trash now. 106 00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:35,751 Now, remember, this might feel like I'm heaping garbage on you... 107 00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:38,251 -(gasps) -...but it's a gift. 108 00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:39,251 Hi. Sorry. 109 00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:40,959 Are you going to the wedding? 110 00:05:41,043 --> 00:05:42,543 No, I'm not going. 111 00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:45,626 Alice, Eloise is our half sister, which means we can half-ass the relationship. 112 00:05:45,709 --> 00:05:47,418 Although, she did ask me to be her maid of honor 113 00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:49,334 when I was like 17. 114 00:05:49,418 --> 00:05:51,918 Oh, my God. You're gonna go, aren't you? 115 00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:53,084 She doesn't even want us there. 116 00:05:53,168 --> 00:05:55,751 Or maybe she wants us to be her butlers. Whatever. 117 00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:57,209 -I'm not going. -Uh-huh. 118 00:05:57,293 --> 00:05:59,001 -(retches) -Okay, I really need to go now. 119 00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:03,626 Listen, Alice, stay strong, and please tell Mom to stop calling me. 120 00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:04,959 (Donna grunts) 121 00:06:05,043 --> 00:06:06,543 DONNA: Hello? 122 00:06:06,626 --> 00:06:07,751 (grunts) 123 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,293 Hello? 124 00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:11,126 (grunts) Hello? 125 00:06:11,209 --> 00:06:12,876 (grunting) 126 00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:14,668 Is anyone there? I seem to be stuck-- 127 00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:16,001 (yelps) 128 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,668 WOMAN: Ma'am? Coming in. 129 00:06:18,834 --> 00:06:20,793 DONNA: Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 130 00:06:20,876 --> 00:06:22,751 No worries. Uh, it's just my face. 131 00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,001 Uh, okay, let's see. 132 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,084 -Let me just... -DONNA: I just got-- I couldn't get... 133 00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,543 Can you unzip? 134 00:06:28,626 --> 00:06:30,251 -Whew. -Sure. 135 00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:31,584 -(fabric ripping) -DONNA: I got it. Wait. 136 00:06:31,668 --> 00:06:33,209 Oh, okay. 137 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,959 -Oh, I'm so sorry. -Oh. 138 00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:36,251 (fabric rips) 139 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:39,876 Hi. (chuckles) 140 00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:41,834 -I will pay for this. -Don't worry about it. 141 00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:44,543 Are you shopping for a special occasion? 142 00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:47,251 Yes, my daughter Eloise is getting married in England. 143 00:06:47,334 --> 00:06:48,376 She lives there. 144 00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:51,209 My first husband was European. French. Henrique. 145 00:06:51,293 --> 00:06:52,418 He's a douchebag. 146 00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:54,959 -Oh. Okay. -And my other children from my second marriage-- 147 00:06:55,043 --> 00:06:56,334 they don't seem to really like me right now. 148 00:06:56,418 --> 00:06:57,501 Especially my son Paul. 149 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,584 Ever since his father Bill died-- Bill was my second husband. 150 00:07:00,668 --> 00:07:02,501 -Yeah. -(sighs) Life's a journey. 151 00:07:02,584 --> 00:07:07,501 As for me, well, I guess the, uh... (panting) 152 00:07:07,584 --> 00:07:10,001 romantic chapters of my life are over, 153 00:07:10,084 --> 00:07:13,043 and I'm-I'm not sure what to do next. 154 00:07:13,126 --> 00:07:15,376 -Well... -And I've also developed 155 00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:16,584 this totally irrational fear of traveling. 156 00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,001 I'm so anxious. 157 00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:19,793 But my friend Barbara gave me some pot for my flight. 158 00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:21,876 -Do you do pot? -Uh, I... 159 00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:23,668 Oh, you can't answer that. You're at work, so don't. 160 00:07:23,751 --> 00:07:27,209 The point is I haven't had all my children together for a while. 161 00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:29,918 I mean, since Bill's funeral. 162 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:34,751 Shall I get you some other options? 163 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:37,918 Yes. Yes. I'll try not to completely destroy them. 164 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,543 (quietly): Wow. 165 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,626 ♪ ♪ 166 00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:51,334 (Donna sighing) 167 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:54,793 (line ringing) 168 00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:58,043 (sighs heavily) 169 00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:01,793 Can't ignore your mom forever, hon. 170 00:08:01,876 --> 00:08:05,001 I absolutely can ignore her forever, actually. 171 00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,376 I'm very cold and extremely heartless, so... 172 00:08:07,459 --> 00:08:09,793 It's very hard to be a parent, Paul. 173 00:08:09,876 --> 00:08:12,668 Okay, Helen, it's time for you to get back in the trash, 174 00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:16,001 and I'm gonna need you to take those puppies off. 175 00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:19,168 You're gonna have to rip these shoes off my bony, old, dead legs. 176 00:08:19,251 --> 00:08:21,918 You're the one who's paying 7,000 bucks a week to stand in trash 177 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,959 so you can function in a world where germs exist, Hels Bells. 178 00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:28,376 Okay, one at a time. Ooh, graceful. 179 00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:30,043 -(shudders) -That's all right. 180 00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,251 Yes, very daintily. 181 00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:34,293 Good. I'm going to let go of your hand now. 182 00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:36,209 You got it. 183 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:38,793 Take a deep breath. (inhales deeply) 184 00:08:38,876 --> 00:08:40,834 -You can do it. -(whimpers softly) 185 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:43,084 (woman crying, murmuring in distance) 186 00:08:43,168 --> 00:08:44,709 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 187 00:08:45,876 --> 00:08:47,251 (sobbing softly) 188 00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:49,751 It's okay. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm right here. 189 00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:51,251 It's okay. 190 00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,834 No, I can't-- Okay. 191 00:08:53,918 --> 00:08:56,459 All right. Okay. It's okay. 192 00:08:56,543 --> 00:08:57,834 -Yeah. -(busy chatter) 193 00:08:57,918 --> 00:08:58,959 Thanks. 194 00:08:59,043 --> 00:09:01,501 Oh, hey, Al, uh, do you have the RoboJet file? 195 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,168 Uh, it's just right here. 196 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,626 Uh, reschedule my Friday lunch, and do you want to sit in on my two o'clock? 197 00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:08,584 I could really use your input on this one. 198 00:09:08,668 --> 00:09:10,668 Yeah. I could squeeze you in. 199 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,251 -(rhythmic thumping) -(panting) 200 00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:15,043 Can we get dinner after this? 201 00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:17,668 Only if it's someplace nice. No cheeseburgers. 202 00:09:17,751 --> 00:09:20,043 -What if it's a very, very cool food truck? -No. 203 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,209 You own this whole company. 204 00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:23,543 You are not buying me a cheeseburger, bro. 205 00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:26,543 Did you just call me "bro" while we're fucking? 206 00:09:26,626 --> 00:09:28,543 I'm sorry. Your Honor. 207 00:09:28,626 --> 00:09:29,626 That's better. Say that one more time. 208 00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,834 -Your Honor. -Oh. Oh, shit. Oh. 209 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:39,126 How much money worth of wine do you think is in this cup? 210 00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:41,709 Like, is this $45 worth? 211 00:09:41,793 --> 00:09:44,668 You know, sometimes I think that you're actually just using me for my fortune. 212 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,584 Oh, my God, no. 213 00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:47,959 I'm using you for your dick. 214 00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:50,001 -I'm okay with that. -Good. 215 00:09:50,084 --> 00:09:51,668 (phone chirps) 216 00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:53,751 Who was that? 217 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,084 (scoffs) Barf. 218 00:09:55,168 --> 00:09:57,793 My mom is trying to get me to go to my sister's wedding again. 219 00:09:57,876 --> 00:09:59,751 Oh, and you're not gonna go 'cause you're gonna miss me too much? 220 00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,334 No. 221 00:10:01,418 --> 00:10:05,418 My sister's just-- We were close for a long time, 222 00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:09,126 and I thought she was amazing, but she was just rich. 223 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,459 Oh, that sucks. 224 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:15,084 No, not like a cool rich person like you or like Iron Man. 225 00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:17,834 -We're basically the same person. -Mm-hmm. But it's different. 226 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:21,043 She's not there for me, you know? Like, literally. 227 00:10:21,126 --> 00:10:23,459 She was supposed to come see me last summer. 228 00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:26,543 Oh, so she wasn't there for the breakup or the miscarriage? 229 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,668 Yeah, whatever. 230 00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:31,501 She bailed, chose to stay in London and play cricket 231 00:10:31,584 --> 00:10:33,251 and shove fish and chips up her butt. 232 00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:34,876 That's not how you eat them. 233 00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,251 You should go. 234 00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:38,251 Or maybe... 235 00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:39,584 we should go? 236 00:10:39,668 --> 00:10:41,251 What? 237 00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:42,376 -(fire roars) -(gasps) 238 00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:44,501 Give a girl a little warning. 239 00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:46,126 Give her some warning next time. 240 00:10:46,209 --> 00:10:47,543 (laughs) 241 00:10:47,626 --> 00:10:49,668 -Date night. -(lively chatter) 242 00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:51,084 She's kind of up there, you know. 243 00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:52,418 Hey, boys. 244 00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:55,376 -(laughter) -So excited for your big show tonight. 245 00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:58,376 Do you know Paul has never seen King Lear? 246 00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,584 Well, to be fair, I did see Gnomeo & Juliet, 247 00:11:00,668 --> 00:11:02,876 by myself, through a series of mix-ups. 248 00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:06,043 Oh, we're doing a whole gender thing, so it's actually Queen Lear. 249 00:11:06,126 --> 00:11:07,251 Oh, wow. 250 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,043 I'm sure it's better than that production of Cats where they made them all dogs. 251 00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:11,126 (laughter) 252 00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:12,376 Oh, hey, Dallas. 253 00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:13,876 Hi. 254 00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:16,584 Dallas, you have to meet Dominic and Paul. 255 00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:19,834 They are our best friends, and it is a travesty we haven't introduced you yet. 256 00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:21,959 DOMINIC: Hi, Dallas. Is it true what they say? 257 00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,751 Is everything bigger in Texas? 258 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:26,251 (laughs) Well, hi, boys. Uh... 259 00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:27,793 Oh, there's the lights. 260 00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:29,793 Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go. 261 00:11:29,876 --> 00:11:31,751 Um, I'm not a part of that. 262 00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:33,584 I'm just their straight friend. 263 00:11:33,668 --> 00:11:34,668 Yeah, we figured. 264 00:11:34,751 --> 00:11:36,251 You dress straight. 265 00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:38,084 PAUL: Wait, Dom. 266 00:11:38,168 --> 00:11:40,293 What is a Dallas? 267 00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:42,626 He's their, you know, extra. 268 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:44,043 -They opened their relationship? -Mm-hmm. 269 00:11:44,126 --> 00:11:45,126 I'm shocked. 270 00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:47,751 -Oh, Paul, you're so easily shocked. -I am not. 271 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:49,793 Yes. You're shocked every time they reveal a Masked Singer. 272 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,334 Okay, well, it's never who you expect it to be. 273 00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:53,418 That's the whole point of the show. 274 00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,459 (sighs) 275 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:02,293 Paul, I'd love to talk to you 276 00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:05,418 about making the trip. 277 00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:07,126 Airplane emoji. 278 00:12:07,209 --> 00:12:09,709 Where are you? Where are you? Oh. 279 00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:11,001 -No, that's a knife. -(phone whooshes) 280 00:12:11,084 --> 00:12:12,418 (gasps) 281 00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:14,918 ...that she may feel. 282 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:18,709 How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is. 283 00:12:18,793 --> 00:12:20,668 -To have a thankless child. -(phone buzzing) 284 00:12:20,751 --> 00:12:23,626 (quietly): Why did she send a knife? 285 00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:30,459 All right, sir, this is your destination. 286 00:12:30,543 --> 00:12:33,543 Please feel free to give me a five-star rating on my pretend Uber account. 287 00:12:33,626 --> 00:12:35,251 I will give you six. 288 00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:36,876 -...ty-nine? -No. 289 00:12:36,959 --> 00:12:39,376 -Yes! You said it. -(chuckles) 290 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,668 All right, time to face the music. 291 00:12:41,751 --> 00:12:44,584 You know, you could come to my place sometime, for the night. 292 00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:48,126 You could even ride up front like a real boy. 293 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:51,501 No, the-the way that she's gonna yell at me for being this late is bad enough. 294 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,709 I mean, if-if I was out all night, believe me... 295 00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:55,709 Yeah, okay. I get it. Never mind. 296 00:12:55,793 --> 00:12:57,709 Alice, I'm sorry. 297 00:12:57,793 --> 00:13:00,209 I mean, she already knows that I want a separation, but... 298 00:13:00,293 --> 00:13:02,043 (house door opens) 299 00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:06,626 The baby. 300 00:13:06,709 --> 00:13:08,168 Yeah. 301 00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:09,501 (exhales) 302 00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:11,584 Okay, I hate you. Go. 303 00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:13,209 (sighs) I hate you, too. 304 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,918 See you tomorrow. 305 00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,001 (car door closes) 306 00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:24,501 (house door closes) 307 00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:27,251 (sighs) 308 00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:29,459 I'm worried about Preston and Crosby. 309 00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:31,668 An open relationship just sounds very messy. 310 00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,876 Mm, I think that's sort of the point. (chuckles) 311 00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:35,418 I thought they were happy. 312 00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:37,751 Maybe they just want to share their happiness with someone else. 313 00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:41,876 Gosh, Paul, you're so young but so traditional. 314 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:43,543 Well, I think it's nice when two people 315 00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:46,918 can really commit to each other for life, you know? 316 00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:49,043 Like I thought my parents did. 317 00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:51,209 -Maybe they did. -No. No. 318 00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:54,084 My mom threw away all my dad's stuff, like, a week after he died, 319 00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,084 like he never even existed. 320 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,376 And she never even talks about him. 321 00:13:57,459 --> 00:13:59,959 I still don't think this awkwardness with your mom 322 00:14:00,043 --> 00:14:01,709 should stop us from going to London. 323 00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:02,793 -(sighs) -Hmm? 324 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,876 Okay, well, honey, my mom's not the only reason I don't want to go, okay? 325 00:14:05,959 --> 00:14:08,626 I also... have to work. 326 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:11,918 And... um, well, I don't like scones. 327 00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:16,293 Okay, so scones and open relationships-- they're off the table. 328 00:14:17,376 --> 00:14:19,709 Wait, do you really wish we had an open relationship? 329 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:20,959 No. 330 00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:23,168 (chuckles): No, I don't. 331 00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:26,126 (sighs) Paul, I think you should talk to your mom. 332 00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:31,001 You know, maybe she had her reasons for being weird with your dad, you know? 333 00:14:31,084 --> 00:14:32,834 Maybe he was whoring around town. 334 00:14:32,918 --> 00:14:35,793 You know, really giving it to the ladies at the Fuddruckers. 335 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,251 No, no. That's my mom's first husband that cheated on her. 336 00:14:39,334 --> 00:14:41,543 But she still has his picture up in her house. 337 00:14:41,626 --> 00:14:42,668 Henrique. 338 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,543 So then there's no Frenchmen in our threesomes? 339 00:14:45,626 --> 00:14:47,918 (sighs) You're hilarious. 340 00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:56,376 (sighs softly) 341 00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:59,376 ("The Wire" by Haim playing) 342 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:01,834 (busy chatter) 343 00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:06,709 ♪ You know I'm bad at communication ♪ 344 00:15:06,793 --> 00:15:08,001 ♪ It's the hardest thing for me to do ♪ 345 00:15:08,084 --> 00:15:10,793 ♪ And it's said it's the most important part ♪ 346 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:13,084 ♪ That relationships go through ♪ 347 00:15:13,168 --> 00:15:17,584 ♪ And I gave it all away just so I could say that ♪ 348 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:18,959 ♪ Well, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪ 349 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,001 ♪ That you're gonna be okay anyway ♪ 350 00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:23,501 ♪ You know there's no rhyme or reason ♪ 351 00:15:23,584 --> 00:15:25,251 ♪ For the way you turned out to be ♪ 352 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,668 ♪ I didn't go and try to change my mind ♪ 353 00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:29,709 ♪ Not intentionally ♪ 354 00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:32,209 ♪ I know it's hard to hear me say it ♪ 355 00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,126 ♪ But I can't bear to stay in ♪ 356 00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:36,626 ♪ I just know, I know, I know, I know that you're gonna be okay... ♪ 357 00:15:36,709 --> 00:15:42,751 You'll be seeing a lot more of these in London. 358 00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,709 ♪ Don't let your mind retire ♪ 359 00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:49,001 ♪ Oh, but I just couldn't take it ♪ 360 00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:51,834 -♪ I tried hard not to fake it... ♪ -(song ends abruptly) 361 00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,501 Oh! Hi. Martha. 362 00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:55,918 Top of the... good morning to you. 363 00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:58,293 Um, you're here to water the plants. 364 00:15:58,376 --> 00:16:00,334 -Yep. -Great. 365 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,501 I, um, came in to, uh, return the stapler, 366 00:16:03,584 --> 00:16:05,626 and then... 367 00:16:05,709 --> 00:16:07,626 something went wrong with my underwear. 368 00:16:07,709 --> 00:16:09,918 As you can see. They slipped down. 369 00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:12,209 They fell right off. 370 00:16:12,293 --> 00:16:14,209 -I know that sounds crazy, but... -Nope. 371 00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:15,626 It's happened to me a bunch of times. 372 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:16,793 Let's troubleshoot. 373 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,626 Let me help you out here. 374 00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:19,876 -I got this. -I can probably just... 375 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:21,959 No, no. I got this. Sorry. I got this. Please. 376 00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:24,418 -All right, I see exactly what happened. -You do? 377 00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:25,501 -I see what you did. -Yeah? 378 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,126 You just must have put one foot through this morning. 379 00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:28,334 -Wow. -Yeah. 380 00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:30,168 -Geez, what a goof, huh? -Come on. 381 00:16:30,251 --> 00:16:31,501 -It happens to the best of us. -Okay, yep. 382 00:16:31,584 --> 00:16:32,793 MARTHA: That's great, that's great. 383 00:16:32,876 --> 00:16:33,959 -Perfect. -Okay. 384 00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:36,334 -And we're just-- and that's as far as I can go. -Okay. 385 00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:38,126 And I want you to wiggle. 386 00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:39,334 -Right. -Give me a little... 387 00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:40,418 (imitates squeaking): "Er-ee, er-ee, er-ee." 388 00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:42,418 -That's it. That's it. Wow. -Yeah. 389 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,376 Ooh. That makes so much sense. 390 00:16:44,459 --> 00:16:45,626 Well done. 391 00:16:45,709 --> 00:16:47,668 -Thank you. Yeah. -You did it. Yeah, great. 392 00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:50,668 Um, okay, well, phew. 393 00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:52,209 -I'm glad you were here. -Yeah. 394 00:16:52,293 --> 00:16:54,501 -Have a good day. -You, too. 395 00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:56,376 Always good to see ya. 396 00:16:56,459 --> 00:16:58,418 Okay, bye. Love ya. I mean... 397 00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:00,751 I know. 398 00:17:02,459 --> 00:17:03,668 Ooh. 399 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,168 "I googled the best places for scones in the city. 400 00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:12,418 "It might be fun to try something new together. 401 00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,918 Love, Dominic." 402 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,751 Fucking Dallas. 403 00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:18,834 (phone ringing) 404 00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:20,418 -Paul Stevenson. -DONNA (over phone): Paul. 405 00:17:20,501 --> 00:17:21,834 Oh, finally. It's Mom. 406 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:24,959 Shit. 407 00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,459 Paul. Quick word? 408 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,668 It was just a hug. 409 00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:35,084 The protocol is the protocol. 410 00:17:35,168 --> 00:17:38,709 If we soothe our patients, they won't learn to self soothe. 411 00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:41,209 Would you pick up a baby every time it cried? 412 00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,376 No. I wouldn't. 413 00:17:45,459 --> 00:17:47,376 I would... 414 00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:50,168 put the baby down. 415 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:54,126 With extreme prejudice. 416 00:17:54,209 --> 00:17:56,293 You've broken the bond with Helen. 417 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,543 My method of treating OCD, 418 00:17:58,626 --> 00:18:01,668 which may I remind you is considered the gold standard, 419 00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:04,001 requires patients to confront their fears, 420 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:09,293 to be alone with their discomfort until they learn to comfort themselves. 421 00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:13,543 Sometimes a hug can be worse than a slap. 422 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:20,043 I'm giving you one month's unpaid leave to confront your fear of doing your job. 423 00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:27,418 (phone buzzing) 424 00:18:30,168 --> 00:18:31,293 Hi, Paul. 425 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,501 (singsongy): Guess who's coming to London. 426 00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:37,251 Mm. Guess who else is also going, and that guess is me. 427 00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:39,168 Yeah, well, my job sucks, 428 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,626 and I do not want to wind up with a Dallas. 429 00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:43,834 Did that sentence make no sense, or am I drunk? 430 00:18:43,918 --> 00:18:44,959 Or both? 431 00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:46,126 (sighs) Drink for me. 432 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,584 DONNA: Oh, Alice, 433 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,876 I'm just so relieved. 434 00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:52,084 Okay, hon, w-we'll talk soon. 435 00:18:52,168 --> 00:18:53,584 Okay, bye-bye. 436 00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:57,168 Yes! Alice and Paul are both going to the wedding. 437 00:18:57,251 --> 00:19:00,459 Why can't you ever be happy for me, Gerald, huh? Just once? 438 00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,001 ♪ ♪ 439 00:19:06,084 --> 00:19:07,126 Where are you? 440 00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:10,293 I am two wines deep and considering ordering something 441 00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:13,001 called the Excess Baggage Bacon Bites. 442 00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,168 Alice, I'm not at the airport. 443 00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:16,834 I-I can't fly out tonight. 444 00:19:16,918 --> 00:19:18,126 What? Why? 445 00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,668 Uh, Marissa... 446 00:19:19,751 --> 00:19:21,584 I don't want to hear about her. 447 00:19:21,668 --> 00:19:24,543 Look, I just need more time, okay? 448 00:19:24,626 --> 00:19:25,793 It's been months. 449 00:19:25,876 --> 00:19:27,334 You can't understand, okay? 450 00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,334 -You don't have children. -Oh, fuck off. 451 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,834 (sighs) I'm sorry. 452 00:19:30,918 --> 00:19:33,459 I... I didn't mean it like that. 453 00:19:33,543 --> 00:19:35,959 You know, when you said, "Let's go," I kind of thought you wanted to go, 454 00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:38,918 -so I guess that's on me. -I'm sorry. 455 00:19:39,001 --> 00:19:41,043 I will be there as soon as I can. 456 00:19:41,126 --> 00:19:43,126 Just please trust me. 457 00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:46,543 Okay. 458 00:19:46,626 --> 00:19:48,126 I'll see you soon. 459 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,918 -Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me. -(fingers snap) 460 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:56,543 -Shit. -Sir? 461 00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:59,626 Shit, I just got a notification that our hotel reservation was canceled. 462 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:01,501 Surprise. (laughs) 463 00:20:01,584 --> 00:20:02,793 Uh, sorry, what? 464 00:20:02,876 --> 00:20:06,126 Well, I canceled it because my dear friend Alcott Cotswald-- 465 00:20:06,209 --> 00:20:08,209 you know my old PhD professor-- 466 00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:10,043 he offered us a room in his flat. 467 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,418 Sorry, your dear friend, is it? 468 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,293 And it's-- We're gonna stay in his flat? 469 00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:16,168 -Are we on Downton Abbey? -(both laugh) 470 00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:18,918 Well, Alcott is quite wealthy and quite gay, so... 471 00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:20,501 -(chuckles) -...you know, I just figured his place 472 00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:22,793 would be much better than the hotel, so... 473 00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:26,043 Oh, Paul, you don't... you don't seem happy. 474 00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:27,168 -Mm. -No? 475 00:20:27,251 --> 00:20:29,751 I just feel like your life has been such a bummer, 476 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:31,959 and I wanted to do something nice for you. 477 00:20:32,043 --> 00:20:33,459 But if you don't want to stay with Alcott, 478 00:20:33,543 --> 00:20:34,793 -then I'll just cancel. -No, no, no. 479 00:20:34,876 --> 00:20:37,084 No. No. It's fine. 480 00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:38,709 Good. Good. 481 00:20:38,793 --> 00:20:41,293 -You're going to love him. -Mm-hmm. I'm sure I will. 482 00:20:41,376 --> 00:20:43,126 I love old, weird, rich men. 483 00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,334 Prince Charles-- mm, delish. 484 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:55,834 Oh, dear God. 485 00:20:55,918 --> 00:20:56,959 -What? -What? 486 00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:58,043 -Oh! -Oh! 487 00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,959 Oh. Ah, sorry. (chuckles) 488 00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:02,501 I shouldn't have worn such a light pant. 489 00:21:02,584 --> 00:21:04,543 Does someone have Tide to go? 490 00:21:05,626 --> 00:21:06,876 Sir? 491 00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:08,793 ♪ ♪ 492 00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:10,459 Oh, my God! 493 00:21:10,543 --> 00:21:12,543 -Are you okay? -Uh-- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. 494 00:21:12,626 --> 00:21:15,084 I-I'm fine. I just... 495 00:21:15,168 --> 00:21:19,168 My ex-husband just... messaged me on the Facebook. 496 00:21:19,251 --> 00:21:20,334 Oh, okay. 497 00:21:20,418 --> 00:21:21,793 I mean, he said-- Listen to this. 498 00:21:21,876 --> 00:21:25,126 "Looking forward to seeing you, darling." 499 00:21:25,209 --> 00:21:26,793 -Hmm. -Dumb. 500 00:21:26,876 --> 00:21:28,709 Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. 501 00:21:28,793 --> 00:21:30,209 So annoying. 502 00:21:30,293 --> 00:21:31,668 Look at him. Still handsome, right? 503 00:21:31,751 --> 00:21:34,251 WOMAN: Ooh. I'd let that happen. No offense. 504 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:35,709 (chuckles) 505 00:21:35,793 --> 00:21:37,376 Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. 506 00:21:37,459 --> 00:21:40,543 I-I ate a marijuana gummy in the cab. 507 00:21:40,626 --> 00:21:41,834 Do you want one? 508 00:21:41,918 --> 00:21:43,793 I'm a police officer. 509 00:21:43,876 --> 00:21:46,209 Oh. Um... (stammers) 510 00:21:46,293 --> 00:21:47,501 I don't actually... 511 00:21:47,584 --> 00:21:49,126 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not. 512 00:21:49,209 --> 00:21:50,459 Oh, my God. 513 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,126 -You gave me a heart attack. -(both laugh) 514 00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:55,209 ("Watching Strangers Smile" by Parquet Courts playing) 515 00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:03,834 Hi. I'd like to upgrade my ticket, please. 516 00:22:03,918 --> 00:22:05,459 And not because I'm drunk. 517 00:22:05,543 --> 00:22:06,793 Of course, ma'am. 518 00:22:06,876 --> 00:22:09,334 ♪ Watching strangers smile ♪ 519 00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:13,959 ♪ Never knew it was a privilege ♪ 520 00:22:14,043 --> 00:22:16,668 -♪ Until the wide, fearful eyes... ♪ -FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Water? 521 00:22:16,751 --> 00:22:18,126 Water? 522 00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:26,043 I've always wanted to live by the sea. 523 00:22:26,126 --> 00:22:27,668 ♪ Now I've been trapped... ♪ 524 00:22:27,751 --> 00:22:29,293 Thank you. 525 00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:30,584 ♪ For weeks on end ♪ 526 00:22:30,668 --> 00:22:33,584 ♪ My knees, my back, my brain... ♪ 527 00:22:33,668 --> 00:22:36,001 Holy shit, this is nice. 528 00:22:36,084 --> 00:22:37,834 Mm-hmm. 529 00:22:37,918 --> 00:22:39,334 Is this whole seat just for me? 530 00:22:39,418 --> 00:22:41,834 I think so. You want me to take a picture of you in it? 531 00:22:41,918 --> 00:22:44,501 Maybe. It's-it's my first time in business class. 532 00:22:44,584 --> 00:22:46,918 My company upgraded me. So cool. 533 00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:48,334 Very cool, Country Mouse. 534 00:22:48,418 --> 00:22:49,459 (chuckles): Oh. 535 00:22:49,543 --> 00:22:51,043 Wow. Okay. 536 00:22:51,126 --> 00:22:52,918 Yes, I actually am from Kansas. 537 00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:54,084 But what gave it away? 538 00:22:54,168 --> 00:22:56,209 Was it the piece of straw that I'm using as a toothpick? 539 00:22:57,293 --> 00:22:58,501 (chuckles) I'm sorry. 540 00:22:58,584 --> 00:23:00,251 I have no excuse. I'm just kind of a dick. 541 00:23:00,334 --> 00:23:01,376 It's fine. 542 00:23:01,459 --> 00:23:03,418 I kind of figured that everyone in business class 543 00:23:03,501 --> 00:23:05,376 was gonna be hot and mean like you. 544 00:23:07,584 --> 00:23:08,959 (groans, sighs) 545 00:23:09,043 --> 00:23:10,876 I'm Dennis, by the way. 546 00:23:10,959 --> 00:23:12,459 Alice. 547 00:23:12,543 --> 00:23:13,793 Oh, damn. 548 00:23:13,876 --> 00:23:15,376 They got Paddington on this flight? 549 00:23:15,459 --> 00:23:16,501 You've seen it, right? 550 00:23:16,584 --> 00:23:18,751 I haven't. Isn't it a kids movie? 551 00:23:18,834 --> 00:23:20,876 Uh, okay, first of all, that's dumb. 552 00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:23,459 It's not a kids movie. It's just a very good movie. 553 00:23:23,543 --> 00:23:25,543 And second of all, you are watching it. 554 00:23:25,626 --> 00:23:27,709 We are watching it. 555 00:23:32,834 --> 00:23:33,876 Sync. 556 00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:37,751 Uh, it's kind of scary, so just be prepared. 557 00:23:40,334 --> 00:23:42,334 ♪ ♪ 558 00:23:48,376 --> 00:23:50,209 Mm. 559 00:23:50,293 --> 00:23:52,001 No. 560 00:23:52,084 --> 00:23:54,418 Why are you up so early? 561 00:23:54,501 --> 00:23:56,418 My brother and sister are getting here today. 562 00:23:56,501 --> 00:23:59,959 And Mum of course, but, you know, siblings are just special. 563 00:24:00,043 --> 00:24:02,209 Oh, I can't wait to finally introduce you. 564 00:24:02,293 --> 00:24:03,834 I'm sorry, I just... 565 00:24:03,918 --> 00:24:07,209 I can't imagine being this excited to see my siblings. 566 00:24:07,293 --> 00:24:10,043 Well, that's because all Cecil and Bridge ever talk about is horses. 567 00:24:10,126 --> 00:24:13,084 Alice and Paul are so fun. 568 00:24:13,168 --> 00:24:14,751 We haven't been in touch as much lately, 569 00:24:14,834 --> 00:24:17,293 but I'm sure we'll be best friends again in no time. 570 00:24:17,376 --> 00:24:19,834 I don't want to seem overly excited when I see them. 571 00:24:19,918 --> 00:24:22,084 I've been practicing my face. How's this? 572 00:24:23,876 --> 00:24:25,084 Great. 573 00:24:25,168 --> 00:24:28,376 It looks like... boobs. 574 00:24:28,459 --> 00:24:30,001 -Oh. (laughs) -Boobs. 575 00:24:30,084 --> 00:24:31,584 -Stop. -(laughs) 576 00:24:31,668 --> 00:24:33,126 Stop it. 577 00:24:33,209 --> 00:24:36,376 It's bad luck to look at the bride's boobs before the wedding. 578 00:24:36,459 --> 00:24:38,626 Okay. (sighs) 579 00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:41,793 But if I look at your bottom, it's seven years of good luck, so... 580 00:24:41,876 --> 00:24:44,168 I said stop. 581 00:24:44,251 --> 00:24:47,251 I'm sorry I won't get to meet them till the rehearsal dinner. 582 00:24:47,334 --> 00:24:48,834 But I have to head out to the family manse. 583 00:24:48,918 --> 00:24:50,501 It's fine. 584 00:24:50,584 --> 00:24:52,834 I really want this time with them to catch up. 585 00:24:52,918 --> 00:24:55,918 Did I ever tell you about the time that all three of us 586 00:24:56,001 --> 00:24:58,001 threw up in the booth at Taco Bell? 587 00:24:58,084 --> 00:25:00,334 It's a beautiful story. 588 00:25:00,418 --> 00:25:01,543 Moving. 589 00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:04,709 (woman speaking indistinctly over P.A.) 590 00:25:26,709 --> 00:25:28,834 (chuckles softly) 591 00:25:28,918 --> 00:25:31,584 I don't... I don't know why I just did that. 592 00:25:31,668 --> 00:25:33,043 Oh, yes, I do. 593 00:25:33,126 --> 00:25:34,709 I ate a lot of marijuana. 594 00:25:34,793 --> 00:25:36,584 (laughs): You should have more. 595 00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:38,793 -(laughs) -Just kidding. 596 00:25:38,876 --> 00:25:41,084 It's so good to see you, Donna. 597 00:25:41,168 --> 00:25:42,209 You, too, Henrique. 598 00:25:42,293 --> 00:25:44,584 -Where are your bags? -Oh. 599 00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:47,293 You know, I don't know. 600 00:25:47,376 --> 00:25:49,209 (both laugh) 601 00:25:49,293 --> 00:25:54,501 It feels so weird to go from drunk to hungover with no sleep in between. 602 00:25:54,584 --> 00:25:55,668 Right? 603 00:25:55,751 --> 00:25:58,001 Should we get a drink? No. 604 00:25:58,084 --> 00:25:59,709 -Breakfast? -Yeah. 605 00:25:59,793 --> 00:26:01,376 I-I don't have any meetings until, like, tomorrow, 606 00:26:01,459 --> 00:26:03,668 so, yeah, you want to go get breakfast? 607 00:26:03,751 --> 00:26:08,043 We should totally do that... that thing. 608 00:26:08,126 --> 00:26:10,626 Okay, I'm gonna ignore the fact that you just started talking really weird. 609 00:26:10,709 --> 00:26:12,001 Thank you. 610 00:26:12,084 --> 00:26:14,626 I think my hotel has, like, a pretty elaborate brunch. 611 00:26:14,709 --> 00:26:15,709 Great. 612 00:26:15,793 --> 00:26:18,209 (high-pitched): I love elaborate things. 613 00:26:18,293 --> 00:26:19,793 Why are you still doing it? You're still talking weird. 614 00:26:19,876 --> 00:26:20,959 (normal voice): I know. Can you just keep ignoring it? 615 00:26:21,043 --> 00:26:22,459 For how long? 616 00:26:22,543 --> 00:26:24,543 (jet engine whooshing in distance) 617 00:26:26,626 --> 00:26:28,543 -Babe? -Hmm? 618 00:26:28,626 --> 00:26:31,626 Are you pr-pretending not to be with me? 619 00:26:31,709 --> 00:26:35,376 Oh. No, no. Uh... 620 00:26:35,459 --> 00:26:36,793 Yes. Sorry. 621 00:26:36,876 --> 00:26:38,834 It's just your pants. 622 00:26:38,918 --> 00:26:40,876 Not that bad. 623 00:26:43,376 --> 00:26:46,709 Mr. Dominic Shaw and Mr. Paul Stevenson? 624 00:26:46,793 --> 00:26:48,418 Uh-huh. 625 00:26:49,501 --> 00:26:50,751 Let me get your bags. 626 00:26:50,834 --> 00:26:53,001 No, you cannot find a replacement for that light fixture 627 00:26:53,084 --> 00:26:54,834 because it was one of a kind. 628 00:26:54,918 --> 00:26:56,418 This isn't Conran's for Christ's sakes. 629 00:26:56,501 --> 00:26:57,751 (whispers): Yeah, fuck Conran's. 630 00:26:57,834 --> 00:26:58,876 (both laugh quietly) 631 00:26:58,959 --> 00:27:00,376 Yes, I do expect to be reimbursed. 632 00:27:00,459 --> 00:27:02,626 -Hello, boys. How was your flight, hmm? -Mm. 633 00:27:02,709 --> 00:27:04,251 Who's ready for a shower? 634 00:27:04,334 --> 00:27:05,376 (Dominic chuckles) 635 00:27:05,459 --> 00:27:07,584 Oh, I'm already wet. 636 00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:10,709 ("Wet Dream" by Wet Leg playing) 637 00:27:12,793 --> 00:27:14,543 -♪ Beam me up ♪ -♪ Beam me up ♪ 638 00:27:14,626 --> 00:27:16,459 -♪ Count me in ♪ -♪ Count me in ♪ 639 00:27:16,543 --> 00:27:18,251 -♪ Three, two, one ♪ -♪ Three, two, one ♪ 640 00:27:18,334 --> 00:27:20,084 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 641 00:27:20,168 --> 00:27:23,418 -♪ Here we go, here we go ♪ -♪ Here we go, here we go ♪ 642 00:27:23,501 --> 00:27:26,959 ♪ Here we go, here we go, here we go ♪ 643 00:27:27,043 --> 00:27:30,501 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me? ♪ 644 00:27:30,584 --> 00:27:34,209 ♪ I got Buffalo '66 on DVD" ♪ 645 00:27:34,293 --> 00:27:37,751 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me..." ♪ 646 00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:39,084 Hi. Uh, checking in. 647 00:27:39,168 --> 00:27:40,459 -Alice Stevenson. -Stevenson. 648 00:27:40,543 --> 00:27:41,584 Of course. Welcome. 649 00:27:41,668 --> 00:27:42,793 How did you know my name? 650 00:27:42,876 --> 00:27:45,543 Your sister, Eloise, very kindly forwarded us your picture. 651 00:27:45,626 --> 00:27:48,626 She wanted to ensure a smooth check-in. 652 00:27:48,709 --> 00:27:51,168 And she has upgraded you to the Sterling Suite. 653 00:27:51,251 --> 00:27:53,959 Oh, I can't afford-- I mean, I-I... 654 00:27:54,043 --> 00:27:56,709 I prefer a smaller room 'cause, as you can see, I'm very short. 655 00:27:56,793 --> 00:27:58,793 I don't want to slip behind a piece of furniture or get lost. 656 00:27:58,876 --> 00:28:00,376 What would you even do, call 911? 657 00:28:00,459 --> 00:28:01,959 Do you guys have 911 here? 658 00:28:02,043 --> 00:28:03,459 Your bill has been covered in advance, 659 00:28:03,543 --> 00:28:05,709 including any incidental charges you acquire. 660 00:28:09,668 --> 00:28:11,751 She didn't need to do that. 661 00:28:12,918 --> 00:28:14,168 You've had a long flight, no doubt. 662 00:28:14,251 --> 00:28:16,168 Shall we show you to your room? 663 00:28:16,251 --> 00:28:17,376 Yeah. 664 00:28:17,459 --> 00:28:19,043 (clears throat) Thank you. 665 00:28:21,918 --> 00:28:24,501 -So... (stammers) -Yeah. I mean, what else are you doing? 666 00:28:24,584 --> 00:28:27,584 ("My Ever Changing Moods" by The Style Council playing) 667 00:28:35,251 --> 00:28:37,251 (singer vocalizing) 668 00:28:43,584 --> 00:28:46,293 (both panting) 669 00:28:46,376 --> 00:28:47,876 (song ends) 670 00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:50,376 -That's a giant bed. -I know. 671 00:28:50,459 --> 00:28:52,584 Why didn't we use the bed? 672 00:28:52,668 --> 00:28:53,876 We were in a hurry. 673 00:28:53,959 --> 00:28:55,668 Plus, we kind of fell off. 674 00:28:55,751 --> 00:28:57,543 Well, you fell. 675 00:28:57,626 --> 00:28:59,293 -I was pushed. -(chuckles) 676 00:28:59,376 --> 00:29:01,543 -(doorbell rings) -(gasps softly) 677 00:29:01,626 --> 00:29:05,043 (singsongy): Our miscellaneous charges have arrived. 678 00:29:07,126 --> 00:29:09,751 Hello, miss. I have your breakfasts. 679 00:29:09,834 --> 00:29:11,793 Right on, Jimmy John. 680 00:29:18,043 --> 00:29:19,168 Mm. 681 00:29:19,251 --> 00:29:21,043 Oh, yeah, there we go. 682 00:29:24,126 --> 00:29:27,459 So, two orders of eggs Benedict, 683 00:29:27,543 --> 00:29:31,876 one omelette forestière with spinach, watercress and polenta fries, 684 00:29:31,959 --> 00:29:34,293 a smoked Scottish haddock, 685 00:29:34,376 --> 00:29:38,168 one order of pancakes, waffles, two pain au chocolat, 686 00:29:38,251 --> 00:29:40,084 side of bacon, side of sausage, 687 00:29:40,168 --> 00:29:42,293 coffee service, tea service, 688 00:29:42,376 --> 00:29:43,793 a lobster risotto... 689 00:29:43,876 --> 00:29:45,918 -Gorgeous, yeah. -...orange juice, 690 00:29:46,001 --> 00:29:48,793 one bottle of Veuve Clicquot, 691 00:29:48,876 --> 00:29:50,376 a yogurt parfait, 692 00:29:50,459 --> 00:29:52,001 the steak frites 693 00:29:52,084 --> 00:29:55,584 and two bottles of sauvignon blanc. 694 00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:57,126 Wonderful. 695 00:29:57,209 --> 00:30:00,709 We've never tried food before, and we are very excited. 696 00:30:00,793 --> 00:30:02,793 Of course, miss. 697 00:30:03,834 --> 00:30:05,418 DENNIS: Mmm. 698 00:30:05,501 --> 00:30:07,293 ALICE: Mmm. 699 00:30:07,376 --> 00:30:09,209 What even time is it? 700 00:30:09,293 --> 00:30:12,418 Mm, must be, like, 3:30 in the afternoon. 701 00:30:12,501 --> 00:30:14,168 Oh, shit. 702 00:30:14,251 --> 00:30:17,251 I have to go to dinner with my dumb family soon. 703 00:30:17,334 --> 00:30:19,001 Huh, better finish all this breakfast, then. 704 00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:20,168 Oh, I'm going to. 705 00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:21,751 I'm gonna eat this. And this. 706 00:30:21,834 --> 00:30:22,959 That. 707 00:30:23,043 --> 00:30:25,376 I'm gonna head over due east. 708 00:30:25,459 --> 00:30:28,334 Then I might-- Don't even start here 'cause these are also mine. 709 00:30:28,418 --> 00:30:31,043 I'm gonna finish all of it, and if I barf, 710 00:30:31,126 --> 00:30:33,043 that will be no less than what they deserve. 711 00:30:33,126 --> 00:30:34,876 Are you my dream girl? 712 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:36,126 Please tell me you aren't married. 713 00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:38,626 -Shit. Jonathan. -What? 714 00:30:38,709 --> 00:30:41,001 -Oh, no. Are you married? -No. No, no. 715 00:30:42,084 --> 00:30:43,751 No, Jonathan is my rabbit. 716 00:30:43,834 --> 00:30:49,376 And I have to text someone-- uh, my friend who's watching him-- real quick 717 00:30:49,459 --> 00:30:53,793 just to make sure he has enough, um... um... 718 00:30:53,876 --> 00:30:55,626 -um... -Carrots? 719 00:30:57,043 --> 00:30:58,501 Yeah. Carrots. 720 00:30:58,584 --> 00:31:01,751 Well, since I now know that you have a rabbit 721 00:31:01,834 --> 00:31:05,376 and I still think that you might be my dream girl, 722 00:31:05,459 --> 00:31:07,959 do you think I can see you again while you're here? 723 00:31:08,043 --> 00:31:10,043 Sorry, what? 724 00:31:10,126 --> 00:31:12,209 I was asking you out. 725 00:31:12,293 --> 00:31:13,543 (phone chirps) 726 00:31:13,626 --> 00:31:14,626 Oh. 727 00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:17,751 Huh. 728 00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:19,918 ♪ ♪ 729 00:31:30,584 --> 00:31:32,168 Oh, God! 730 00:31:32,251 --> 00:31:33,334 Oh, sorry. 731 00:31:33,418 --> 00:31:34,876 Didn't mean to startle. 732 00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:37,084 That's okay. I thought you were Dominic. 733 00:31:37,168 --> 00:31:39,376 No, most decidedly not. 734 00:31:39,459 --> 00:31:40,834 (Paul sighs) 735 00:31:43,751 --> 00:31:48,584 So, do you always just barge into rooms in your own house like this? 736 00:31:48,668 --> 00:31:51,209 Oh, yes. It's one of my worst habits. 737 00:31:51,293 --> 00:31:52,251 (chuckles) 738 00:31:52,334 --> 00:31:56,293 Ah, if I told you my worst habits, I'd have to kill you. 739 00:31:56,376 --> 00:31:57,501 Ah. 740 00:31:57,584 --> 00:31:59,584 We better get going. 741 00:31:59,668 --> 00:32:00,876 Yes, of course. 742 00:32:00,959 --> 00:32:03,918 So, my driver will scoot you off to your little family dinner, 743 00:32:04,001 --> 00:32:06,709 but tomorrow night, you two belong to me. 744 00:32:06,793 --> 00:32:09,376 -Yes, sir. -Well, let's just remember that 745 00:32:09,459 --> 00:32:11,293 I'm going to look like a little tiny pile of ashes 746 00:32:11,376 --> 00:32:15,001 after spending the evening with my family, so you'll have to carry me out in an urn. 747 00:32:15,084 --> 00:32:17,001 (laughs) You're funny. 748 00:32:17,084 --> 00:32:18,168 He's funny. 749 00:32:18,251 --> 00:32:20,626 Mm, spend enough time with me, it's bound to rub off. 750 00:32:21,876 --> 00:32:23,043 Mm. 751 00:32:23,126 --> 00:32:26,459 ♪ My heart goes up, my heart goes down ♪ 752 00:32:26,543 --> 00:32:28,376 -♪ We fall in love ♪ -(Eloise chuckles) 753 00:32:28,459 --> 00:32:29,834 ♪ And we fall back out ♪ 754 00:32:29,918 --> 00:32:32,251 ♪ I'll give you anything you want... ♪ 755 00:32:32,334 --> 00:32:35,168 I miss those days when you were just a little baby, Ellie. 756 00:32:35,251 --> 00:32:38,418 But maybe soon we will have a grandchild. 757 00:32:39,584 --> 00:32:40,751 DONNA: Slow down, Henrique. 758 00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:43,084 Let her enjoy her wedding first. 759 00:32:43,168 --> 00:32:45,001 What is it, Ellie? Is something wrong? 760 00:32:45,084 --> 00:32:47,584 I'm okay, Mum, just tired. 761 00:32:47,668 --> 00:32:50,209 Weddings can be stressful. 762 00:32:50,293 --> 00:32:51,918 Remember to breathe. 763 00:32:52,001 --> 00:32:53,584 (Eloise breathes deeply) 764 00:32:53,668 --> 00:32:56,459 My bitch! 765 00:32:56,543 --> 00:32:58,126 Yay! 766 00:33:02,876 --> 00:33:04,459 Oh, hi. 767 00:33:04,543 --> 00:33:06,668 -Oh, thank God you're here. -Oh, my God. 768 00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:08,334 -Ugh. -I can't believe that I am. 769 00:33:08,418 --> 00:33:10,251 -You remember Dom. -Hi, Dom. 770 00:33:10,334 --> 00:33:11,876 (vehicle approaching) 771 00:33:13,043 --> 00:33:14,459 (laughs) 772 00:33:14,543 --> 00:33:16,418 Alice! Paul! 773 00:33:16,501 --> 00:33:18,251 (laughs) 774 00:33:18,334 --> 00:33:19,668 (Alice groans) 775 00:33:19,751 --> 00:33:21,876 -Paul. -Good to see you, Mom. 776 00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:24,709 -Um, Dominic. -Henrique. 777 00:33:24,793 --> 00:33:27,751 -Dominic, nice to see you again. -Nice to see you again. 778 00:33:29,043 --> 00:33:30,834 (Eloise chuckles nervously) 779 00:33:32,376 --> 00:33:35,084 -Have you been waiting long? -Oh, big-time. 780 00:33:36,459 --> 00:33:38,709 Well, I'll just go check on the table, then. 781 00:33:38,793 --> 00:33:40,668 (Eloise and Donna laugh) 782 00:33:41,668 --> 00:33:44,043 (lively chatter) 783 00:33:44,126 --> 00:33:46,209 And you look the same, and that's not fair. 784 00:33:46,293 --> 00:33:48,126 -Thank you. -DONNA: Is it possible that, um, 785 00:33:48,209 --> 00:33:50,668 I'm still a little stoned? (chuckles) 786 00:33:50,751 --> 00:33:52,751 -(whispers): Did you see? She just paid. -WAITER: White wine, madam. 787 00:33:52,834 --> 00:33:54,709 -You're hilarious. -Please. 788 00:33:54,793 --> 00:33:56,168 -I got it. (laughs) -Thank you. 789 00:33:56,251 --> 00:33:58,918 Let's not be shy, okay? 790 00:34:02,084 --> 00:34:03,584 -(clears throat) -DONNA: Really. 791 00:34:03,668 --> 00:34:05,834 Everyone. Hello. (chuckles) 792 00:34:05,918 --> 00:34:10,334 First, I'd like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart 793 00:34:10,418 --> 00:34:12,418 for coming to England for my nuptials. 794 00:34:12,501 --> 00:34:17,209 I know it was likely difficult to press pause on your work and lives, 795 00:34:17,293 --> 00:34:19,084 and I so appreciate it. 796 00:34:19,168 --> 00:34:21,459 Now, sweetheart, we wouldn't have dreamed of not coming. 797 00:34:21,543 --> 00:34:23,001 ELOISE: So, cheers. 798 00:34:23,084 --> 00:34:24,626 -ALL: Cheers. -(Eloise laughs) 799 00:34:26,376 --> 00:34:27,959 DONNA: Paulie. 800 00:34:28,043 --> 00:34:29,084 Okay. 801 00:34:29,168 --> 00:34:34,043 And since it's been a little while since we've all been together, 802 00:34:34,126 --> 00:34:39,001 I thought we'd play an icebreaker game that I found online called 803 00:34:39,084 --> 00:34:40,793 -"Would You Rather." -Oh. 804 00:34:40,876 --> 00:34:44,043 I played it with my team at work, and they absolutely loved it. 805 00:34:44,126 --> 00:34:45,543 Oh, what do you do for work again? 806 00:34:45,626 --> 00:34:48,001 Oh, I'm a project manager at Painted Wings. 807 00:34:48,084 --> 00:34:51,834 It's a foundation that encourages the disadvantaged to enjoy art. 808 00:34:51,918 --> 00:34:53,584 (quietly): I like to encourage them to enjoy food. 809 00:34:53,668 --> 00:34:55,334 -(Alice snickers) -What was that, Paul? 810 00:34:55,418 --> 00:34:56,709 Mm. 811 00:34:56,793 --> 00:35:00,001 Alice had something disgusting in her teeth. Ugh. 812 00:35:00,084 --> 00:35:01,334 'Cause I'm disgusting. 813 00:35:01,418 --> 00:35:05,126 Okay, I will start with Paul! 814 00:35:05,209 --> 00:35:07,709 -(Eloise laughs) -At your own risk. (chuckles) 815 00:35:07,793 --> 00:35:09,459 Oh, this is a fun one. 816 00:35:09,543 --> 00:35:12,709 Would you rather be four-foot-five or seven-foot-seven? 817 00:35:12,793 --> 00:35:14,126 Ooh, are we talking height or wiener? 818 00:35:14,209 --> 00:35:15,293 -DOMINIC: Paul. -ALICE: Excellent follow-up. 819 00:35:15,376 --> 00:35:16,584 PAUL: Excuse me. Thank you. 820 00:35:16,668 --> 00:35:18,209 -It's a fair question. -It's very fair. 821 00:35:18,293 --> 00:35:19,584 PAUL: Okay, definitely seven feet. 822 00:35:19,668 --> 00:35:23,543 I don't think there's a gay on the planet that wants to be miniature, 823 00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:26,084 because then you run the risk of an old crone coming along 824 00:35:26,168 --> 00:35:28,709 and snatching you up and putting you in her glass menagerie 825 00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:30,043 along with her treasures. 826 00:35:30,126 --> 00:35:32,001 -(Paul chuckles) -It's happened before. 827 00:35:32,084 --> 00:35:33,376 (clears throat) Alice. 828 00:35:33,459 --> 00:35:35,668 -Your turn. -Would you rather be 829 00:35:35,751 --> 00:35:39,626 poor and work at a job you love or rich and work at a job you hate? 830 00:35:39,709 --> 00:35:40,751 Rich and hate. 831 00:35:40,834 --> 00:35:43,084 Wait, Alice, you work at Jonathan Walsh's company, right? 832 00:35:43,168 --> 00:35:44,501 Yep. 833 00:35:44,584 --> 00:35:46,418 Are you on the tech side or creative? 834 00:35:46,501 --> 00:35:48,751 Uh, I'm his assistant. 835 00:35:48,834 --> 00:35:50,959 Oh. 836 00:35:51,043 --> 00:35:53,709 Well... yay. 837 00:35:53,793 --> 00:35:55,876 ELOISE: Alice is an extremely 838 00:35:55,959 --> 00:35:59,251 talented architect, and she'd be immensely successful at it if she wanted to. 839 00:35:59,334 --> 00:36:01,418 I want to do what I'm doing. 840 00:36:01,501 --> 00:36:02,709 That's why I'm doing it. 841 00:36:02,793 --> 00:36:04,668 Sorry, I thought I was defending you. 842 00:36:04,751 --> 00:36:06,584 We can't all have rich papas. 843 00:36:06,668 --> 00:36:09,834 Some of us have to get non-volunteer jobs. 844 00:36:09,918 --> 00:36:11,626 I know that. 845 00:36:11,709 --> 00:36:12,959 Actually, not all of us have dads at all. 846 00:36:13,043 --> 00:36:14,376 Paul. That's too dark. 847 00:36:14,459 --> 00:36:16,501 Alice, the wine is spilling. 848 00:36:16,584 --> 00:36:18,084 You bet it is, Mom. 849 00:36:18,168 --> 00:36:20,293 El, hit us with another one. This is fun. 850 00:36:20,376 --> 00:36:21,793 PAUL: Ooh, I'll go, I'll go. 851 00:36:21,876 --> 00:36:23,168 (babbles) Okay, Mom, 852 00:36:23,251 --> 00:36:25,668 off the top of my head, would you rather 853 00:36:25,751 --> 00:36:27,043 have your husband die 854 00:36:27,126 --> 00:36:30,501 or give away all his stuff without asking us if we wanted any of it? 855 00:36:30,584 --> 00:36:33,334 Ooh, or both. Is that allowed? Can you do both, Eloise? 856 00:36:33,418 --> 00:36:35,959 -(coughs) -Paul, you shouldn't talk to your mother that way. 857 00:36:36,043 --> 00:36:38,501 Oh. I know that you're very supportive of my mother. 858 00:36:38,584 --> 00:36:41,751 But also, isn't there a 19-year-old with daddy issues in this restaurant somewhere 859 00:36:41,834 --> 00:36:44,084 whose self-esteem you should be absolutely destroying? 860 00:36:44,168 --> 00:36:47,376 Do you have any more questions, El? 'Cause this is a fun icebreaker. 861 00:36:47,459 --> 00:36:48,543 I'm loving it. 862 00:36:48,626 --> 00:36:50,043 Oh, look! The food is here. 863 00:36:50,126 --> 00:36:51,376 -Oh. Mmm. -Delicious. 864 00:36:51,459 --> 00:36:53,084 -Delish. -Amazing. 865 00:36:53,168 --> 00:36:56,668 Well, so lovely having you all here. 866 00:36:56,751 --> 00:36:59,209 Only 72 hours till the big "I do." 867 00:36:59,293 --> 00:37:03,418 It's just so wonderful being here together with my children 868 00:37:03,501 --> 00:37:04,709 and all their friends. 869 00:37:04,793 --> 00:37:07,543 Sorry, did you mean Dominic when you said "friends," Mom? 870 00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:08,793 'Cause, you know, he's not my friend. 871 00:37:08,876 --> 00:37:10,043 He's my sexual lover. 872 00:37:10,126 --> 00:37:12,168 No, no, no. Not more of this. 873 00:37:12,251 --> 00:37:14,001 Paul, that was not directed at you. 874 00:37:14,084 --> 00:37:15,334 You know I support you. 875 00:37:15,418 --> 00:37:16,584 (vomits) 876 00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:18,418 -Oh, my God, Alice. -ALICE: (coughs) I'm fine. 877 00:37:18,501 --> 00:37:20,918 I think I just had some bad chicken. 878 00:37:21,001 --> 00:37:22,168 We didn't have any chicken. 879 00:37:22,251 --> 00:37:24,084 Poor thing. 880 00:37:24,168 --> 00:37:25,626 (Alice retching) 881 00:37:25,709 --> 00:37:26,751 Excuse me, sir? 882 00:37:26,834 --> 00:37:28,251 -Yes? -You see this man here? 883 00:37:28,334 --> 00:37:29,918 -MAN: Uh, yes. -DONNA: Well, he's my son. 884 00:37:30,001 --> 00:37:32,626 -What's happening? -And Dominic here is not just his friend. 885 00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:34,251 -No. Mom. -He's his boyfriend. 886 00:37:34,334 --> 00:37:35,501 Or, uh, lover. Or partner. 887 00:37:35,584 --> 00:37:36,751 -Okay. -They do sex things. 888 00:37:36,834 --> 00:37:38,751 -Ooh. -He puts it in his butt. 889 00:37:38,834 --> 00:37:41,209 -No, that's not-- that's... -Or maybe he puts it in his butt. 890 00:37:41,293 --> 00:37:42,418 -Oh, this is so much worse. -It doesn't matter. 891 00:37:42,501 --> 00:37:43,834 It's A-OK with me. 892 00:37:43,918 --> 00:37:46,459 I want to tell him my son is gay and I'm proud, 893 00:37:46,543 --> 00:37:47,918 and I always have been. 894 00:37:48,001 --> 00:37:49,418 Very proud. 895 00:37:50,501 --> 00:37:51,501 Eloise. 896 00:37:52,834 --> 00:37:55,126 Oh. Hello, Tom. 897 00:37:55,209 --> 00:37:56,334 Ha! 898 00:37:56,418 --> 00:37:57,918 Everyone, this is Tom. 899 00:37:58,001 --> 00:37:59,084 We work together. 900 00:37:59,168 --> 00:38:02,126 Oh, good. Mom was just explaining anal sex to him. 901 00:38:04,001 --> 00:38:05,334 Tom, this is, this is my family. 902 00:38:05,418 --> 00:38:06,959 I'm the proud father. 903 00:38:07,043 --> 00:38:08,751 I would be. (chuckles) 904 00:38:08,834 --> 00:38:10,668 Well, it's, uh, it's lovely to meet you all. 905 00:38:10,751 --> 00:38:13,709 And, uh, congratulations on the whole, uh, gay shebang. 906 00:38:13,793 --> 00:38:16,043 Um, everyone's doing it. 907 00:38:16,126 --> 00:38:17,334 (clears throat) 908 00:38:17,418 --> 00:38:19,834 Well, I'll see you at the wedding, Eloise. 909 00:38:20,834 --> 00:38:22,001 Did he just congratulate you for being gay? 910 00:38:22,084 --> 00:38:23,209 -Straight up. -No! 911 00:38:23,293 --> 00:38:25,293 Shush. 912 00:38:25,376 --> 00:38:26,959 All of you. 913 00:38:27,043 --> 00:38:31,376 I'm going to assume that all of your absolutely outrageous behavior tonight 914 00:38:31,459 --> 00:38:35,334 can be attributed to jet lag and not some sort of advanced rot 915 00:38:35,418 --> 00:38:36,918 occurring in each of your minds. 916 00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:38,501 But heed my words. 917 00:38:38,584 --> 00:38:41,376 This is my city, these are my people, 918 00:38:41,459 --> 00:38:46,626 and furthermore, and most importantly, this is my wedding. 919 00:38:46,709 --> 00:38:48,918 And you will not fuck this up for me. 920 00:38:49,001 --> 00:38:53,834 So whatever's going on with you tonight, I trust it is out of your systems entirely 921 00:38:53,918 --> 00:38:57,418 and from this moment forward, you will behave like a normal family 922 00:38:57,501 --> 00:39:00,418 who is here to happily celebrate a loved one's wedding. 923 00:39:00,501 --> 00:39:01,543 -(Alice groans) -Alice! 924 00:39:02,626 --> 00:39:04,543 Sober the hell up before my hen do tomorrow. 925 00:39:04,626 --> 00:39:06,376 Paul, leave Mum alone. 926 00:39:06,459 --> 00:39:08,209 And, Papa, just-just... 927 00:39:08,293 --> 00:39:11,043 You're basically being fine for once, actually. 928 00:39:11,126 --> 00:39:13,084 -Eloise, if I... -Absolutely not! 929 00:39:13,168 --> 00:39:15,001 -I... -Shush! 930 00:39:15,084 --> 00:39:16,126 You tried. 931 00:39:16,209 --> 00:39:19,626 I am pressing the reset button on all of this right now. 932 00:39:19,709 --> 00:39:20,959 Is that understood?! 933 00:39:21,043 --> 00:39:22,751 -Mm-hmm. -DONNA: Yeah. -Good! 934 00:39:22,834 --> 00:39:25,793 -Mum, Papa, let's go. -(fingers snap) 935 00:39:32,709 --> 00:39:34,709 She's even prettier when she's angry. 936 00:39:34,793 --> 00:39:36,959 Absolutely radiant. And that dress? 937 00:39:37,043 --> 00:39:39,418 -No one else could pull it off. -No one I know. 938 00:39:39,501 --> 00:39:41,209 ("2am" by Foals playing) 939 00:39:41,293 --> 00:39:43,168 (lively chatter, laughter) 940 00:39:45,918 --> 00:39:49,793 ♪ No, I can't sleep alone, I just wanna go home ♪ 941 00:39:49,876 --> 00:39:52,251 ♪ But I sleep alone again... ♪ 942 00:39:52,334 --> 00:39:54,584 -(sighs) -(phone ringing) 943 00:39:54,668 --> 00:39:57,793 ♪ I was always wanting more, but I never knew... ♪ 944 00:39:57,876 --> 00:39:59,418 Jonathan? 945 00:39:59,501 --> 00:40:01,334 Your rabbit? 946 00:40:01,418 --> 00:40:03,293 Oh, hi, Dennis. 947 00:40:03,376 --> 00:40:08,209 No, my house sitter was gonna call so that I could talk to my rabbit. 948 00:40:08,293 --> 00:40:09,959 Um, he has trouble sleeping 949 00:40:10,043 --> 00:40:12,126 'cause he's... 950 00:40:12,209 --> 00:40:13,418 a sociopath. 951 00:40:13,501 --> 00:40:15,626 (laughs) O-Okay. 952 00:40:15,709 --> 00:40:17,834 Um, well, listen. 953 00:40:17,918 --> 00:40:21,459 Uh, maybe this is a little forward, but, um... 954 00:40:21,543 --> 00:40:23,751 can I see you tomorrow night? 955 00:40:23,834 --> 00:40:27,251 Um, I have my sister's bachelorette party. 956 00:40:28,501 --> 00:40:30,543 -How about tonight? -(phone chirps) 957 00:40:30,626 --> 00:40:32,209 Y... 958 00:40:33,209 --> 00:40:39,168 Um, you know, I'm just really busy and kind of exhausted. 959 00:40:39,251 --> 00:40:41,168 Uh, okay. No worries. 960 00:40:41,251 --> 00:40:43,334 I know lots of other women in London, 961 00:40:43,418 --> 00:40:46,793 like Emma Thompson, the Spice Girls, 962 00:40:46,876 --> 00:40:48,334 Princess Diana. 963 00:40:48,418 --> 00:40:49,876 Uh, 's ghost. 964 00:40:49,959 --> 00:40:52,501 Okay, great, so I'll call you later, then, okay? 965 00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:54,334 Uh, right. Uh, good night. 966 00:40:54,418 --> 00:40:57,293 "Can't wait." 967 00:40:57,376 --> 00:40:59,501 (phone chirps) 968 00:40:59,584 --> 00:41:00,959 (sighs) 969 00:41:01,043 --> 00:41:03,043 ("Chaise Longue" by Wet Leg playing) 970 00:41:09,126 --> 00:41:10,709 -Hi! -(noisemaker blows, laughter) 971 00:41:10,793 --> 00:41:12,876 ♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪ 972 00:41:12,959 --> 00:41:16,084 ♪ All day long, on the chaise longue... ♪ 973 00:41:16,168 --> 00:41:17,876 -This is Moffy... -Hello. 974 00:41:17,959 --> 00:41:19,126 -...Mimzy -(noisemaker blows) 975 00:41:19,209 --> 00:41:20,959 -and Bits. -Hello. (chuckles) -Bits. Hi. 976 00:41:21,043 --> 00:41:24,043 Uh, did Mimzy not email you about what to wear? 977 00:41:24,126 --> 00:41:26,293 Oh, I'm such a cunt. 978 00:41:26,376 --> 00:41:27,584 I didn't. I forgot. 979 00:41:27,668 --> 00:41:30,418 -Aren't I a cunt, Bits? -She really is a cunt, Alice. 980 00:41:30,501 --> 00:41:32,793 -Concur one thousand percent. -(laughs) 981 00:41:32,876 --> 00:41:35,168 But I know a place we can stop and get Alice a suit. 982 00:41:35,251 --> 00:41:36,876 Thank you. 983 00:41:36,959 --> 00:41:40,376 So this is a British bachelorette party, huh? 984 00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:41,668 -Mm-hmm. -(laughter) -A hen do? 985 00:41:41,751 --> 00:41:43,043 Yeah, a hen do, yeah. 986 00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:45,293 Are we not gonna get to drink vodka out of penis-shaped cups? 987 00:41:45,376 --> 00:41:46,459 (laughter) 988 00:41:46,543 --> 00:41:50,001 Oh, my God, Americans are so fun! 989 00:41:50,084 --> 00:41:52,376 Can you imagine Eloise drinking out of a penis cup, Bits? 990 00:41:52,459 --> 00:41:54,251 (laughter) 991 00:41:54,334 --> 00:41:55,459 Well, maybe with a pinky out. 992 00:41:55,543 --> 00:41:56,793 She could, you know. 993 00:41:56,876 --> 00:41:58,793 (laughter) 994 00:41:58,876 --> 00:42:00,709 I like Alice. 995 00:42:00,793 --> 00:42:02,209 Oh. Uh, oh, pull over just here. 996 00:42:02,293 --> 00:42:04,084 ♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪ 997 00:42:04,168 --> 00:42:06,334 ♪ All day long, on the chaise longue ♪ 998 00:42:06,418 --> 00:42:09,126 ♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue... ♪ 999 00:42:09,209 --> 00:42:11,251 Hang tight. We'll be back with a suit. 1000 00:42:11,334 --> 00:42:13,084 ♪ On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue ♪ 1001 00:42:13,168 --> 00:42:14,459 -♪ On the chaise longue... ♪ -(laughter) 1002 00:42:14,543 --> 00:42:16,084 Having fun? 1003 00:42:16,168 --> 00:42:17,459 -Mm-hmm. -Mm. 1004 00:42:17,543 --> 00:42:19,376 Yeah, your friends are nice. 1005 00:42:19,459 --> 00:42:20,501 They like you. 1006 00:42:20,584 --> 00:42:23,293 I mean, they like that you make fun of me. (chuckles) 1007 00:42:23,376 --> 00:42:24,751 Oh, I wasn't... 1008 00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:26,126 -Um, I-I didn't mean to... -Oh. 1009 00:42:26,209 --> 00:42:27,543 No, no, it's okay. 1010 00:42:27,626 --> 00:42:30,501 You know, there's actually... 1011 00:42:30,584 --> 00:42:32,001 I've been meaning to talk to you about something, 1012 00:42:32,084 --> 00:42:33,501 something I should've talked to you about sooner. 1013 00:42:35,876 --> 00:42:38,209 Okay. Uh, good. 1014 00:42:38,293 --> 00:42:40,543 I just feel like you are so talented, 1015 00:42:40,626 --> 00:42:44,668 and my friend here in London has an architecture firm 1016 00:42:44,751 --> 00:42:46,418 and is looking for someone, and... 1017 00:42:46,501 --> 00:42:47,668 Oh, my God. 1018 00:42:47,751 --> 00:42:49,168 What? 1019 00:42:49,251 --> 00:42:51,418 (chuckles) Uh... 1020 00:42:51,501 --> 00:42:53,751 I mean, I just-- for a second there, 1021 00:42:53,834 --> 00:42:56,709 I actually thought that you were gonna apologize. 1022 00:42:56,793 --> 00:42:58,209 Apologize for what? 1023 00:42:58,293 --> 00:42:59,459 For last summer. 1024 00:43:01,709 --> 00:43:04,084 Well, I-I know-- I mean, I mean, 1025 00:43:04,168 --> 00:43:06,376 I-I know I canceled last-minute, but you said it was fine. 1026 00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:07,834 Yeah, of course I said it was fine, Eloise. 1027 00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,668 That's what people say when things aren't fine. 1028 00:43:09,751 --> 00:43:12,001 Well, I tried to fly you out to visit me so we could talk, and then... 1029 00:43:12,084 --> 00:43:14,251 I'm so sorry I didn't want to sit in your fancy apartment 1030 00:43:14,334 --> 00:43:16,376 and cry on your expensive couch. 1031 00:43:16,459 --> 00:43:18,334 You know what? Never mind. 1032 00:43:18,418 --> 00:43:19,501 Never mind. 1033 00:43:19,584 --> 00:43:21,501 (sighs) 1034 00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:23,876 I have a job. 1035 00:43:23,959 --> 00:43:26,209 I'm not a damaged charity case. 1036 00:43:26,293 --> 00:43:27,668 I don't need your help. 1037 00:43:27,751 --> 00:43:29,709 -(excited chatter outside) -I wasn't trying to... 1038 00:43:29,793 --> 00:43:31,584 -♪ ♪ -All right! 1039 00:43:31,668 --> 00:43:32,876 Onward! 1040 00:43:32,959 --> 00:43:35,001 ♪ ♪ 1041 00:43:35,084 --> 00:43:36,959 ♪ On the chaise longue... ♪ 1042 00:43:37,043 --> 00:43:38,668 Look what we got you. 1043 00:43:38,751 --> 00:43:40,793 (laughs): I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1044 00:43:40,876 --> 00:43:42,043 (laughs) 1045 00:43:42,126 --> 00:43:45,418 This will be perfect for my wedding to Donald Trump Jr. 1046 00:43:45,501 --> 00:43:46,543 (laughter) 1047 00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:51,626 ♪ On the chaise longue, all day long, on the chaise longue. ♪ 1048 00:43:51,709 --> 00:43:53,168 -Mm. -(song ends) 1049 00:43:53,251 --> 00:43:54,709 -WAITER: Here you go, sir. -Thank you. 1050 00:43:54,793 --> 00:43:57,668 God, it feels good to be out. 1051 00:43:57,751 --> 00:43:59,668 Even if it is with you, whom I despise. 1052 00:43:59,751 --> 00:44:00,668 Huh. 1053 00:44:00,751 --> 00:44:01,793 (chuckles) 1054 00:44:02,876 --> 00:44:06,751 You know, I never told you how sorry I was about Bill. 1055 00:44:06,834 --> 00:44:09,418 That's okay. 1056 00:44:09,501 --> 00:44:12,751 To be honest, things with us weren't great before he passed. 1057 00:44:13,834 --> 00:44:16,376 -You're a very good woman, Donna. -(chuckles) 1058 00:44:16,459 --> 00:44:18,543 I was a stupid man when we were married. 1059 00:44:18,626 --> 00:44:20,876 Finally agree on something. 1060 00:44:22,251 --> 00:44:24,334 (both laugh) 1061 00:44:24,418 --> 00:44:27,668 But I haven't lost all of my charm, have I? 1062 00:44:27,751 --> 00:44:29,876 Henrique, you're so full of shit. 1063 00:44:29,959 --> 00:44:32,709 Does that stuff still work on your 25-year-olds? 1064 00:44:32,793 --> 00:44:35,251 Like you wouldn't believe. 1065 00:44:35,334 --> 00:44:38,543 Does it make you feel younger, getting all that young ass? 1066 00:44:38,626 --> 00:44:41,626 I guess, uh, just makes me feel-- 1067 00:44:41,709 --> 00:44:43,084 I always liked new cars, you know? 1068 00:44:43,168 --> 00:44:46,709 But lately, just not so satisfying. 1069 00:44:46,793 --> 00:44:49,293 -Oh, boo-hoo. -(laughs) 1070 00:44:49,376 --> 00:44:52,043 You're not buying any of my bull today, huh? 1071 00:44:52,126 --> 00:44:54,168 "Poor me. I fuck 22-year-olds. 1072 00:44:54,251 --> 00:44:57,126 I drive a fancy car. I've never felt an emotion in my life." 1073 00:44:57,209 --> 00:44:58,501 (chuckles) 1074 00:45:06,209 --> 00:45:07,751 I have a hotel room. 1075 00:45:07,834 --> 00:45:09,918 All right. Okay. 1076 00:45:10,001 --> 00:45:11,334 Okay, all right. 1077 00:45:14,168 --> 00:45:15,626 (laughter) 1078 00:45:15,709 --> 00:45:16,751 Oh, my God. 1079 00:45:16,834 --> 00:45:18,418 Guys. 1080 00:45:18,501 --> 00:45:19,584 You got a yacht. 1081 00:45:21,084 --> 00:45:22,376 Oh, no, that's not our boat. 1082 00:45:22,459 --> 00:45:23,751 That's our boat. 1083 00:45:23,834 --> 00:45:25,084 (laughter) 1084 00:45:25,168 --> 00:45:27,043 BITS: Hell yeah! 1085 00:45:27,126 --> 00:45:28,501 Oh. 1086 00:45:28,584 --> 00:45:30,084 (laughter, whooping) 1087 00:45:30,168 --> 00:45:31,334 -Right. -♪ She gets her nails done... ♪ 1088 00:45:31,418 --> 00:45:37,168 CAPTAIN: Ladies, the river is cold, but it's plenty warm in here. (laughs) 1089 00:45:37,251 --> 00:45:39,584 -(women gasping) -Right. 1090 00:45:39,668 --> 00:45:40,668 Whoa. Whoa. 1091 00:45:40,751 --> 00:45:42,209 This is your captain speaking, lovelies. 1092 00:45:42,293 --> 00:45:43,543 ALICE: Rock and roll! 1093 00:45:43,626 --> 00:45:45,709 Now, first things first. I know where the beer's hiding. 1094 00:45:45,793 --> 00:45:46,918 (women cheer) 1095 00:45:47,001 --> 00:45:49,043 Which one's facing the life sentence? 1096 00:45:49,126 --> 00:45:51,168 Yes, here. That one. 1097 00:45:51,251 --> 00:45:53,168 -She'll be needing one the most. -Whoa! -(laughter) 1098 00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:55,709 Sorry, sweetheart. 1099 00:45:55,793 --> 00:45:57,751 -I'm a better driver than thrower. -(women cheer) 1100 00:45:57,834 --> 00:45:59,084 -Whoa. -Whoa. 1101 00:45:59,168 --> 00:46:00,543 I'm a better drinker than driver. 1102 00:46:00,626 --> 00:46:03,751 Sir, is there any way we can maybe make it less bumpy? 1103 00:46:03,834 --> 00:46:05,834 That's what she says to Ollie every night. 1104 00:46:05,918 --> 00:46:07,751 -(laughter) -CAPTAIN: Hey! Feisty, this one. 1105 00:46:07,834 --> 00:46:09,876 (imitating Eloise): "Just put it in and stay still." 1106 00:46:09,959 --> 00:46:11,001 -That's me. -(laughter) 1107 00:46:11,084 --> 00:46:12,501 "Ollie, please stop. 1108 00:46:12,584 --> 00:46:14,876 I'm trying to organize my vegetable drawer." 1109 00:46:14,959 --> 00:46:16,293 (laughter) 1110 00:46:16,376 --> 00:46:17,959 I think that's about enough for now. 1111 00:46:18,043 --> 00:46:19,876 (normal voice): That's what she says to Ollie! 1112 00:46:19,959 --> 00:46:21,168 (laughter) 1113 00:46:23,001 --> 00:46:25,126 (groans) I do not feel well. 1114 00:46:25,209 --> 00:46:27,376 Sir, I do not feel well. 1115 00:46:27,459 --> 00:46:29,293 Want me to crank it, do ya? 1116 00:46:29,376 --> 00:46:31,168 No. Do not crank it. 1117 00:46:31,251 --> 00:46:33,084 That's what Eloise says to Ollie! 1118 00:46:33,168 --> 00:46:34,376 Alice, that's enough. 1119 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:36,251 -Alice, that's enough. -What are you talking about? 1120 00:46:36,334 --> 00:46:38,418 -Alice, stop it. You're embarrassing. -I'm fine. 1121 00:46:38,501 --> 00:46:41,043 -Eloise, let go of my wrists. -Alice. Alice. 1122 00:46:41,126 --> 00:46:42,668 Oh, babe wrestling! 1123 00:46:42,751 --> 00:46:44,876 (both scream) 1124 00:46:44,959 --> 00:46:46,459 -Oh, no. -(people exclaiming) 1125 00:46:46,543 --> 00:46:48,001 (gasping) 1126 00:46:48,084 --> 00:46:50,043 Fuck! It's cold! 1127 00:46:50,126 --> 00:46:52,251 -Oh, no! -Eloise! 1128 00:46:52,334 --> 00:46:54,376 -Help! -Oh, no! -(women scream) 1129 00:46:54,459 --> 00:46:56,459 (women gasping, screaming) 1130 00:46:58,918 --> 00:47:01,084 -Hang on, lovelies. -(women shouting) 1131 00:47:03,251 --> 00:47:04,418 ELOISE: Too far! 1132 00:47:04,501 --> 00:47:05,668 ALICE: Wait, is that a sausage in the water? 1133 00:47:05,751 --> 00:47:07,251 ELOISE: That's not what that is. 1134 00:47:07,334 --> 00:47:09,293 ALICE: Oh, my God, where are my bottoms? 1135 00:47:09,376 --> 00:47:11,293 ("Sha Sha Sha" by Fontaines D.C. playing over speakers) 1136 00:47:11,376 --> 00:47:13,376 (sports announcer speaking indistinctly over TV) 1137 00:47:14,834 --> 00:47:16,126 Do you follow cricket? 1138 00:47:16,209 --> 00:47:17,584 Yeah, of course, of course. 1139 00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:18,709 I know all the rules. 1140 00:47:18,793 --> 00:47:21,293 You hit the bibbity-bob with the picky-pike, 1141 00:47:21,376 --> 00:47:23,001 and then everybody says, "Good show!" 1142 00:47:23,084 --> 00:47:24,043 Oh, so you do watch. 1143 00:47:24,126 --> 00:47:25,251 -(laughs): Yeah. -(laughs) 1144 00:47:25,334 --> 00:47:26,959 To new adventures. 1145 00:47:27,043 --> 00:47:28,251 Hear, hear. 1146 00:47:28,334 --> 00:47:30,209 And to old, rich Englishmen who pick up the tab. 1147 00:47:30,293 --> 00:47:33,126 Did you just call me old, you little wanker? 1148 00:47:33,209 --> 00:47:35,043 I'm just saying, when I first met you, I thought you were Sherlock Holmes. 1149 00:47:35,126 --> 00:47:36,126 The cheek of it. 1150 00:47:36,209 --> 00:47:37,584 How dare you? Right. 1151 00:47:37,668 --> 00:47:40,459 I'm off to find Dr. Watson in the lavatory. 1152 00:47:40,543 --> 00:47:41,834 -(grunting) -(laughs) 1153 00:47:43,293 --> 00:47:46,251 Mm, ah, you two sure seem to be getting along nicely. 1154 00:47:46,334 --> 00:47:48,376 -He's surprisingly nice. -Mm. 1155 00:47:48,459 --> 00:47:50,126 You know, it just makes me think. 1156 00:47:50,209 --> 00:47:53,626 Would it be so bad if something were to happen? 1157 00:47:53,709 --> 00:47:55,918 I don't know. It could be fun. 1158 00:47:56,001 --> 00:47:58,084 Wait, does he think that's what's gonna happen? 1159 00:47:58,168 --> 00:47:59,709 Well, I think he likes us. 1160 00:48:01,251 --> 00:48:03,209 ALCOTT: Mm. What's say we finish these up 1161 00:48:03,293 --> 00:48:05,043 and head home for a little nightcap? 1162 00:48:05,126 --> 00:48:06,334 -Mm, yes. -Well, no, no! 1163 00:48:06,418 --> 00:48:08,876 I mean, not yet. Right? 1164 00:48:08,959 --> 00:48:10,918 We should keep this party train a-rockin', right? 1165 00:48:11,001 --> 00:48:12,918 Oh, splendid idea. 1166 00:48:13,001 --> 00:48:15,043 Well, why don't we wet our beaks with something a little stronger 1167 00:48:15,126 --> 00:48:17,126 and then hit that dance floor. 1168 00:48:17,209 --> 00:48:18,876 Oh, genius. I love to dance. 1169 00:48:18,959 --> 00:48:20,959 -You love to dance? -Yes. 1170 00:48:21,043 --> 00:48:24,001 Absolutely. You can't keep me away from a good beat, you know? 1171 00:48:24,084 --> 00:48:26,459 I love... 1172 00:48:26,543 --> 00:48:27,626 beats. 1173 00:48:27,709 --> 00:48:29,668 Especially... 1174 00:48:29,751 --> 00:48:30,751 dancing beats. 1175 00:48:30,834 --> 00:48:31,834 Let's go. Come on. 1176 00:48:31,918 --> 00:48:33,501 I'm game. 1177 00:48:36,584 --> 00:48:38,584 (Donna sighs, chuckles) 1178 00:48:40,084 --> 00:48:43,418 The kids can never know this happened. 1179 00:48:45,418 --> 00:48:46,626 Ah, yes. 1180 00:48:46,709 --> 00:48:49,668 I'm the Disney villain who destroyed the family, huh? 1181 00:48:49,751 --> 00:48:50,918 No. 1182 00:48:51,001 --> 00:48:52,459 The Sebastian the crab? 1183 00:48:52,543 --> 00:48:53,751 No. 1184 00:48:53,834 --> 00:48:56,168 He was not a villain. 1185 00:48:56,251 --> 00:48:57,584 I took a guess. 1186 00:48:57,668 --> 00:48:59,876 More like Pepé Le Pew. 1187 00:49:01,459 --> 00:49:02,876 You're still so beautiful. 1188 00:49:02,959 --> 00:49:05,043 No, I'm not. 1189 00:49:05,126 --> 00:49:07,668 I'm old, and my skin is loose, and I don't care anymore. 1190 00:49:07,751 --> 00:49:09,209 -(chuckles) -Check these out. 1191 00:49:09,293 --> 00:49:10,751 (to the tune of "Bonanza"): ♪ Ding-da-da-ling, da-da-ling ♪ 1192 00:49:10,834 --> 00:49:12,376 ♪ Da-da-ling, da-ding-ding ♪ 1193 00:49:12,459 --> 00:49:13,709 -(laughs) -♪ Ding-da-da-ling, da-da-ling ♪ 1194 00:49:13,793 --> 00:49:15,376 ♪ Da-da-ling-ding-ding. ♪ 1195 00:49:15,459 --> 00:49:18,418 You know, you might be dangerously fun now, Donna. 1196 00:49:18,501 --> 00:49:20,834 Yeah? Well, eat your heart out, baby. 1197 00:49:22,043 --> 00:49:24,126 Get back here. 1198 00:49:24,209 --> 00:49:26,209 (Donna laughs) 1199 00:49:28,043 --> 00:49:30,043 ♪ ♪ 1200 00:49:34,376 --> 00:49:36,459 We'll just get cabs from here. Right, girls? 1201 00:49:36,543 --> 00:49:37,751 BITS: Yeah. 1202 00:49:37,834 --> 00:49:39,751 We're so sorry, Eloise. 1203 00:49:39,834 --> 00:49:41,376 We thought it would be fun. 1204 00:49:41,459 --> 00:49:42,876 I know. (chuckles) 1205 00:49:42,959 --> 00:49:44,376 I know. Let's just forget it, guys. 1206 00:49:46,043 --> 00:49:48,793 It was really nice of that man to give me his pants. 1207 00:49:48,876 --> 00:49:50,501 BITS: Yeah. 1208 00:49:50,584 --> 00:49:52,376 Yeah. 1209 00:49:52,459 --> 00:49:54,001 Really sorry. 1210 00:49:54,084 --> 00:49:56,001 See you both at the wedding. 1211 00:49:56,084 --> 00:49:57,668 ELOISE: Indeed. 1212 00:49:59,918 --> 00:50:04,334 Alice, before you go in, I just want to explain. 1213 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:05,584 (sighs) 1214 00:50:05,668 --> 00:50:08,709 I knew you'd had a miscarriage, and I wanted to be there for you, 1215 00:50:08,793 --> 00:50:11,001 but I just couldn't do it because... 1216 00:50:11,084 --> 00:50:13,001 Can we just stop? 1217 00:50:13,084 --> 00:50:15,293 Let's just stop. It's too hard. 1218 00:50:16,876 --> 00:50:18,793 I'm... 1219 00:50:18,876 --> 00:50:20,293 sorry for how I acted today. 1220 00:50:20,376 --> 00:50:23,293 I just feel so put down by you all the time 1221 00:50:23,376 --> 00:50:27,209 that sometimes I can't control myself. 1222 00:50:28,293 --> 00:50:31,126 And I just really want to stop trying. 1223 00:50:32,626 --> 00:50:36,543 I'll come to the wedding, then I'll fuck off and go back to America, 1224 00:50:36,626 --> 00:50:39,584 and we can stop pretending like we're sisters 1225 00:50:39,668 --> 00:50:41,626 when the truth is we aren't even friends. 1226 00:50:41,709 --> 00:50:43,793 But, Alice, that's not what I want. 1227 00:50:43,876 --> 00:50:47,334 I know you're not used to hearing this, El, but... 1228 00:50:47,418 --> 00:50:49,834 most people don't get exactly what they want in life. 1229 00:50:49,918 --> 00:50:52,793 You really think I don't know that? 1230 00:50:52,876 --> 00:50:54,376 Yeah, I really think you don't. 1231 00:50:54,459 --> 00:50:57,043 ♪ So will you stay? ♪ 1232 00:50:57,126 --> 00:50:59,668 ♪ 'Cause I'm, oh, so sick of this place ♪ 1233 00:50:59,751 --> 00:51:02,209 ♪ Feeling way too big and... ♪ 1234 00:51:02,293 --> 00:51:04,543 Fuck. Fucking fuck! 1235 00:51:05,584 --> 00:51:08,543 ♪ London is lonely without you ♪ 1236 00:51:11,084 --> 00:51:13,084 Hi. It's Alice. 1237 00:51:13,168 --> 00:51:15,626 -♪ I'm in the corner ♪ -(lively chatter) 1238 00:51:15,709 --> 00:51:17,751 ♪ Watching you kiss her ♪ 1239 00:51:17,834 --> 00:51:19,751 ♪ Oh ♪ 1240 00:51:21,668 --> 00:51:23,876 ♪ I'm right over here ♪ 1241 00:51:23,959 --> 00:51:25,834 ♪ Why can't you see me? ♪ 1242 00:51:25,918 --> 00:51:28,084 ♪ Oh ♪ 1243 00:51:29,293 --> 00:51:31,793 ♪ And I'm giving it my all... ♪ 1244 00:51:31,876 --> 00:51:33,126 (Dominic screams) 1245 00:51:33,209 --> 00:51:36,459 Am I on fire?! Am I on fire?! Am I on fire?! 1246 00:51:36,543 --> 00:51:37,793 I think we'd better get him home. 1247 00:51:37,876 --> 00:51:39,251 Or can we just leave him here? 1248 00:51:39,334 --> 00:51:41,001 You're a very bad man. 1249 00:51:41,084 --> 00:51:42,793 -You have no idea. -(laughs) 1250 00:51:42,876 --> 00:51:44,626 Sweetie, come on. Let's go. Let's go. 1251 00:51:44,709 --> 00:51:46,126 -You're fine. -(whimpering): Oh, God. 1252 00:51:47,209 --> 00:51:48,918 -(laughter) -PAUL: Oh, home sweet home. 1253 00:51:49,001 --> 00:51:50,126 ALCOTT: Oh, yes. 1254 00:51:50,209 --> 00:51:52,334 Well, I'm just saying, I think that we should count ourselves lucky 1255 00:51:52,418 --> 00:51:54,043 that the whole place didn't burn down. 1256 00:51:54,126 --> 00:51:56,043 -That's true. -I think so. 1257 00:51:56,126 --> 00:51:57,293 -Oh! -Dominic! 1258 00:51:57,376 --> 00:51:58,876 -Don't worry, don't worry. -Jesus! 1259 00:51:58,959 --> 00:52:00,501 Been meaning to smash that for ages. 1260 00:52:00,584 --> 00:52:03,459 Oh, God, that's probably more expensive than everything you own, Dom. 1261 00:52:03,543 --> 00:52:04,793 ALCOTT: Yes, absolutely right. 1262 00:52:04,876 --> 00:52:06,793 (Paul laughs) 1263 00:52:06,876 --> 00:52:08,959 Do park your tiny little bottom right down here. 1264 00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,876 (laughter) 1265 00:52:11,959 --> 00:52:13,001 (Alcott sighs) 1266 00:52:13,084 --> 00:52:15,126 Ooh, it's hot. 1267 00:52:15,209 --> 00:52:16,626 Isn't it? 1268 00:52:17,751 --> 00:52:19,834 Oh. 1269 00:52:19,918 --> 00:52:21,876 Uh... 1270 00:52:21,959 --> 00:52:23,418 Mmm. 1271 00:52:23,501 --> 00:52:24,709 Right there. 1272 00:52:25,793 --> 00:52:27,334 That feels good. 1273 00:52:27,418 --> 00:52:29,251 Oh, yeah. 1274 00:52:29,334 --> 00:52:30,793 ("Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood playing) 1275 00:52:30,876 --> 00:52:33,376 ♪ Well ♪ 1276 00:52:33,459 --> 00:52:35,418 ♪ Now ♪ 1277 00:52:35,501 --> 00:52:37,668 ♪ Relax, don't do it ♪ 1278 00:52:37,751 --> 00:52:39,626 ♪ When you want to go to it ♪ 1279 00:52:39,709 --> 00:52:42,584 ♪ Relax, don't do it ♪ 1280 00:52:42,668 --> 00:52:44,668 ♪ When you wanna come... ♪ 1281 00:52:44,751 --> 00:52:46,376 Ow! 1282 00:52:46,459 --> 00:52:48,626 (moans): Ow. 1283 00:52:48,709 --> 00:52:50,293 Oh. Hi there. 1284 00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:51,876 Hi. 1285 00:52:51,959 --> 00:52:53,126 ♪ Relax... ♪ 1286 00:52:53,209 --> 00:52:54,876 Hi. Also, hi. 1287 00:52:54,959 --> 00:52:56,084 Hi. 1288 00:52:56,168 --> 00:52:57,543 Whoa. Okay. 1289 00:52:57,626 --> 00:52:59,668 -Share, boys. Share. -(Paul chuckles) 1290 00:52:59,751 --> 00:53:01,334 There's enough to go around. 1291 00:53:01,418 --> 00:53:03,001 You like that? 1292 00:53:03,084 --> 00:53:05,126 -Yeah. -I'm asking him if he likes it. 1293 00:53:05,209 --> 00:53:07,209 What? 1294 00:53:07,293 --> 00:53:08,501 I said, do you like that? 1295 00:53:08,584 --> 00:53:10,043 No, you didn't. I s-- well, I said, "Do you like that?" 1296 00:53:10,126 --> 00:53:12,209 -And then he was... -You know what? 1297 00:53:12,293 --> 00:53:14,709 I'll be right back. 1298 00:53:14,793 --> 00:53:16,293 Don't go anywhere. 1299 00:53:16,376 --> 00:53:19,001 -♪ When you wanna come. ♪ -(song pauses) 1300 00:53:19,084 --> 00:53:20,709 -Ow. -You need to calm down. 1301 00:53:20,793 --> 00:53:22,793 This whole thing was your idea. Now I'm too into it? 1302 00:53:22,876 --> 00:53:25,293 Yeah, you need to be more thirsty but less thirsty. 1303 00:53:25,376 --> 00:53:26,376 I don't understand how to ride that line. 1304 00:53:26,459 --> 00:53:27,501 Just be a whore, Paul. 1305 00:53:27,584 --> 00:53:29,334 -Snacks and lube! -(song resumes) 1306 00:53:29,418 --> 00:53:31,709 -Oh, yeah, baby. -Are those chips? 1307 00:53:31,793 --> 00:53:33,251 Roast chicken and stuffing. 1308 00:53:33,334 --> 00:53:35,584 I'll go up on the couch, and, Paul, you get on all fours. 1309 00:53:35,668 --> 00:53:37,293 -Oh, great idea. -Oh, okay. 1310 00:53:37,376 --> 00:53:38,751 Sure. 1311 00:53:38,834 --> 00:53:41,793 All right, let me just help you out with these. 1312 00:53:41,876 --> 00:53:43,293 Oh. Okay. 1313 00:53:43,376 --> 00:53:45,584 Thank you. Ooh. (chuckles) 1314 00:53:45,668 --> 00:53:47,126 -Oh, okay. -There she goes! 1315 00:53:47,209 --> 00:53:49,251 (Alcott and Dominic sighing) 1316 00:53:49,334 --> 00:53:51,334 -Mmm. Help yourself. -Oh. 1317 00:53:51,418 --> 00:53:53,584 -Do you have any dip? -Hmm. 1318 00:53:53,668 --> 00:53:55,584 I think I have some... some hummus. 1319 00:53:55,668 --> 00:53:57,251 And then of course baba ghanoush. 1320 00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:58,459 Oh, do you have any guac? 1321 00:53:58,543 --> 00:53:59,918 Mm, I'm bound to. 1322 00:54:00,001 --> 00:54:01,751 Uh, sorry, sorry to interrupt. 1323 00:54:01,834 --> 00:54:03,251 Am I a chips table right now? 1324 00:54:03,334 --> 00:54:05,293 Actually, Paul darling, they're called crisps. 1325 00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:08,334 -Okay, no, no. No, no, no, no. -Oh, sorry. 1326 00:54:08,418 --> 00:54:09,876 -No, no. I'm sorry. -Of course, sorry. 1327 00:54:09,959 --> 00:54:11,959 -No. -(Dominic moans) 1328 00:54:12,043 --> 00:54:13,626 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1329 00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:15,418 What are you moaning about? Nothing is happening. 1330 00:54:15,501 --> 00:54:16,584 I think I'm very drunk. 1331 00:54:16,668 --> 00:54:18,084 Oh, God. I have to pee. 1332 00:54:20,168 --> 00:54:21,501 Well, that was a bust. 1333 00:54:21,584 --> 00:54:24,751 We're all just too drunk. 1334 00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:27,126 We should've just gone home earlier when I wanted to. 1335 00:54:27,209 --> 00:54:29,126 Oh, I see. So it's my fault, then? I ruined this? 1336 00:54:29,209 --> 00:54:31,459 Actually, yeah. 1337 00:54:31,543 --> 00:54:34,834 (sighs) All right, well, if you wouldn't mind. 1338 00:54:34,918 --> 00:54:36,459 No. 1339 00:54:38,334 --> 00:54:39,918 Not at all. 1340 00:54:44,418 --> 00:54:46,001 Good night. 1341 00:54:49,584 --> 00:54:51,584 ♪ ♪ 1342 00:54:59,209 --> 00:55:02,876 Jonathan isn't a rabbit, is he? 1343 00:55:04,543 --> 00:55:05,959 No. 1344 00:55:07,209 --> 00:55:08,293 Boyfriend? 1345 00:55:08,376 --> 00:55:09,918 Not really. 1346 00:55:10,001 --> 00:55:12,543 But if I tell you, you'll think I'm trash. 1347 00:55:13,709 --> 00:55:18,959 Well, actually, I saw you eat bacon off of the floor already, 1348 00:55:19,043 --> 00:55:20,376 so I know you're trash. 1349 00:55:20,459 --> 00:55:22,126 -Touché. -Yeah. 1350 00:55:24,334 --> 00:55:27,084 So how did you meet this rabbit? 1351 00:55:27,168 --> 00:55:28,501 (sighs) 1352 00:55:30,043 --> 00:55:32,043 -I'm his assistant. -Mm. 1353 00:55:33,168 --> 00:55:36,293 I was an architect-- I mean, I... I am an architect, 1354 00:55:36,376 --> 00:55:39,126 but he's my boss. 1355 00:55:39,209 --> 00:55:41,584 Oh. Complicated. 1356 00:55:41,668 --> 00:55:43,043 It's worse. 1357 00:55:43,126 --> 00:55:45,168 Married boss. With a baby. 1358 00:55:45,251 --> 00:55:47,459 Mm, then he's trash. 1359 00:55:49,001 --> 00:55:50,043 What? No. 1360 00:55:51,876 --> 00:55:53,959 He's... 1361 00:55:54,043 --> 00:55:56,334 He's, like, this... 1362 00:55:56,418 --> 00:55:58,751 big CEO and... 1363 00:55:58,834 --> 00:56:03,793 I mean, he's nice and funny, and his wife is mean. 1364 00:56:03,876 --> 00:56:05,209 So you know her? 1365 00:56:06,293 --> 00:56:09,251 No, but I've seen her Instagram, 1366 00:56:09,334 --> 00:56:11,584 and it's, like, a lot of really bad wine jokes. 1367 00:56:11,668 --> 00:56:12,709 Oh. 1368 00:56:12,793 --> 00:56:15,501 Yeah, wow, she sounds like a monster. 1369 00:56:15,584 --> 00:56:18,168 Hey, you are supposed to be on my side here. 1370 00:56:18,251 --> 00:56:21,334 This is me being on your side and not the side of 1371 00:56:21,418 --> 00:56:26,584 some rich, powerful guy who's lying to two women just so he can fuck them both. 1372 00:56:27,668 --> 00:56:29,418 (chuckles) 1373 00:56:29,501 --> 00:56:33,543 Well, it's over anyways now, so... 1374 00:56:33,626 --> 00:56:34,668 (sighs) 1375 00:56:34,751 --> 00:56:38,001 ...just gonna go to this wedding by myself, 1376 00:56:38,084 --> 00:56:43,209 and my family will see that I really am the loser that they think I am. 1377 00:56:43,293 --> 00:56:45,543 I doubt they think you're a loser. 1378 00:56:45,626 --> 00:56:46,793 My sister does. 1379 00:56:46,876 --> 00:56:48,126 And she's right. 1380 00:56:48,209 --> 00:56:50,584 She's like Net-a-Porter, 1381 00:56:50,668 --> 00:56:53,084 and I'm like Nordstrom Rack. 1382 00:56:53,168 --> 00:56:55,001 -(laughs) -Dot com. 1383 00:56:55,084 --> 00:56:56,084 (laughing): Jesus. 1384 00:56:56,168 --> 00:56:57,543 I'm being serious. 1385 00:56:57,626 --> 00:56:59,126 Yeah, I know. 1386 00:56:59,209 --> 00:57:01,584 Like, I just pale in comparison, so... 1387 00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:07,001 Alice, when I first walked onto that plane and I saw that I got to sit next to you, 1388 00:57:07,084 --> 00:57:08,709 I couldn't believe my luck. 1389 00:57:08,793 --> 00:57:12,959 I thought I was gonna be stuck next to some creepy, gross businessman 1390 00:57:13,043 --> 00:57:15,043 who was just gonna fart his way across the Atlantic. 1391 00:57:15,126 --> 00:57:16,584 -(laughing) -That would've been so cool for you. 1392 00:57:16,668 --> 00:57:20,126 Instead... instead, it was you, 1393 00:57:20,209 --> 00:57:24,001 this sassy, gorgeous woman. 1394 00:57:25,834 --> 00:57:27,543 (sighs) 1395 00:57:27,626 --> 00:57:28,918 Who are you? 1396 00:57:29,001 --> 00:57:30,626 Dennis. 1397 00:57:30,709 --> 00:57:31,876 Dennis Bottoms. 1398 00:57:31,959 --> 00:57:33,001 What? 1399 00:57:35,376 --> 00:57:38,043 -What, what? -Yeah, no, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have told you that. 1400 00:57:38,126 --> 00:57:39,126 -Wait, wait, wait. -(groans) 1401 00:57:39,209 --> 00:57:41,543 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. 1402 00:57:41,626 --> 00:57:42,834 Your last name is Bottoms? 1403 00:57:42,918 --> 00:57:44,876 -I-I shouldn't have told you. -Oh, wow. 1404 00:57:44,959 --> 00:57:46,084 No, I-- That was a mistake. 1405 00:57:46,168 --> 00:57:47,334 No, it's perfect. 1406 00:57:47,418 --> 00:57:49,126 -Oh, God. -(laughs) Okay. 1407 00:57:49,209 --> 00:57:51,126 Well... 1408 00:57:51,209 --> 00:57:54,543 Mr. Bottoms... (snickers) 1409 00:57:54,626 --> 00:57:58,209 would you make me the happiest woman in the world 1410 00:57:58,293 --> 00:58:03,876 and come to my horrible sister's rehearsal dinner and wedding with me? 1411 00:58:05,459 --> 00:58:07,918 (clears throat) Okay, but I'm not putting out. 1412 00:58:08,001 --> 00:58:10,168 Dennis. 1413 00:58:10,251 --> 00:58:12,459 You and I both know that's not true. 1414 00:58:12,543 --> 00:58:15,209 ♪ In the summer of '16 ♪ 1415 00:58:15,293 --> 00:58:16,876 ♪ Was it love or nicotine ♪ 1416 00:58:16,959 --> 00:58:21,876 -(playful chatter) -♪ That made us mellow on the 35? ♪ 1417 00:58:21,959 --> 00:58:24,043 ♪ It was penny paradise ♪ 1418 00:58:24,126 --> 00:58:26,876 ♪ Just a pretty likkle lie ♪ 1419 00:58:26,959 --> 00:58:32,043 ♪ And it hit me when I saw you ♪ 1420 00:58:32,126 --> 00:58:34,376 ♪ Hand in hand, Coldharbour Lane ♪ 1421 00:58:34,459 --> 00:58:36,751 ♪ Never take it easy on the PDA ♪ 1422 00:58:36,834 --> 00:58:38,918 ♪ I don't miss you, least not that way ♪ 1423 00:58:39,001 --> 00:58:41,626 ♪ But someone better want me like that someday... ♪ 1424 00:58:41,709 --> 00:58:45,959 Look, I'm gonna chalk up what happened last night to the booze 1425 00:58:46,043 --> 00:58:47,959 so I can forgive you. 1426 00:58:48,043 --> 00:58:50,043 (song ends) 1427 00:58:54,084 --> 00:58:55,334 (sobs) 1428 00:58:57,043 --> 00:58:59,918 Oh, my God, what are you-- Stop. 1429 00:59:00,001 --> 00:59:01,501 I feel awful about last night. 1430 00:59:01,584 --> 00:59:03,126 No, it's fine. I said I can forgive you. 1431 00:59:03,209 --> 00:59:04,501 Please stop crying. 1432 00:59:04,584 --> 00:59:06,168 Dominic, I wasn't apologizing. 1433 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:08,918 I feel awful because you talked me into doing a stupid threesome. 1434 00:59:09,001 --> 00:59:10,709 You always talk me into shit, 1435 00:59:10,793 --> 00:59:13,834 like moving to Philly and-and taking that stupid job 1436 00:59:13,918 --> 00:59:17,543 and watching Project Runway after Tim and Heidi left. 1437 00:59:17,626 --> 00:59:19,043 It's still good. 1438 00:59:19,126 --> 00:59:20,626 And now a threesome. 1439 00:59:20,709 --> 00:59:22,251 There's nothing shameful about a threesome, okay? 1440 00:59:22,334 --> 00:59:23,584 Calm down. 1441 00:59:23,668 --> 00:59:25,543 I'm not ashamed. 1442 00:59:25,626 --> 00:59:27,918 I'm hurt, Dominic. I feel like I'm not enough for you. 1443 00:59:28,001 --> 00:59:29,126 I'm never enough for you. 1444 00:59:29,209 --> 00:59:30,959 And I try so hard. 1445 00:59:31,043 --> 00:59:32,584 God, I try so hard to impress you. 1446 00:59:32,668 --> 00:59:34,459 And you can't see me, you know? 1447 00:59:34,543 --> 00:59:36,834 Dominic, you can't see me! 1448 00:59:36,918 --> 00:59:39,251 -We can hear you. -England hates me! 1449 00:59:41,918 --> 00:59:43,668 I think I'd like to break up with you now. 1450 00:59:44,751 --> 00:59:47,168 Are you fucking kidding me?! You're breaking up with me?! 1451 00:59:47,251 --> 00:59:49,126 -Yes. -Oh, fuck. 1452 00:59:49,209 --> 00:59:50,959 DOMINIC: I have feelings for Alcott, 1453 00:59:51,043 --> 00:59:53,459 and I'd like to explore them with my tongue. 1454 00:59:53,543 --> 00:59:54,709 Oh. 1455 00:59:54,793 --> 01:00:00,293 Sounds gorgeous, but, um, I'm actually kind of interested in Paul. 1456 01:00:01,376 --> 01:00:04,709 Oh, my G-- That's so nice. That's so nice. 1457 01:00:04,793 --> 01:00:07,084 I mean, no. No, thank you, but that's so nice. 1458 01:00:07,168 --> 01:00:08,501 Well, that's weird. 1459 01:00:08,584 --> 01:00:10,376 Oh, my God! 1460 01:00:10,459 --> 01:00:13,043 (grunts) I do beg your pardon. Uh, Dominic? 1461 01:00:13,126 --> 01:00:14,418 Yes. Do I know you? 1462 01:00:14,501 --> 01:00:16,501 It's Tom. We met the other night. 1463 01:00:16,584 --> 01:00:20,084 If you're thinking of a threesome, just fucking don't. 1464 01:00:21,084 --> 01:00:22,834 (groans): Oh, God. 1465 01:00:24,084 --> 01:00:27,834 So I'll just go grab the rest of my stuff and then you'll come get me? 1466 01:00:27,918 --> 01:00:30,751 Yeah. My sister arranged a car, which is probably a Bentley or something, 1467 01:00:30,834 --> 01:00:34,668 and we'll ride with my mom and my brother, who are a mess. 1468 01:00:34,751 --> 01:00:38,168 And my brother's boyfriend Dominic, who's a turd. 1469 01:00:38,251 --> 01:00:40,584 I can't wait to meet my future in-laws. 1470 01:00:43,501 --> 01:00:45,959 (phone chirping) 1471 01:00:46,043 --> 01:00:47,876 Oh, my God. 1472 01:00:47,959 --> 01:00:49,084 "Love you"? 1473 01:00:49,168 --> 01:00:50,668 Everything okay? 1474 01:00:50,751 --> 01:00:52,918 I just got a text from... 1475 01:00:54,001 --> 01:00:56,543 ...um, my sister, who is awful, 1476 01:00:56,626 --> 01:01:01,543 and she said that I cannot have a plus-one to the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. 1477 01:01:03,584 --> 01:01:06,209 Oh. Wow. 1478 01:01:06,293 --> 01:01:07,501 -Really? -Yeah. 1479 01:01:07,584 --> 01:01:09,251 She's the worst. 1480 01:01:10,459 --> 01:01:11,543 (sputtering sigh) 1481 01:01:12,918 --> 01:01:14,751 So what time's Jonathan getting in? 1482 01:01:15,834 --> 01:01:18,376 -No, uh, it's not... it-it wasn't... -No, please don't. 1483 01:01:18,459 --> 01:01:21,126 D-Don't. Uh... 1484 01:01:21,209 --> 01:01:23,126 It's okay. I get it. 1485 01:01:25,043 --> 01:01:27,709 You know, Alice... 1486 01:01:30,001 --> 01:01:32,709 ...first you were mean to me, 1487 01:01:32,793 --> 01:01:35,126 then you were super drunk, 1488 01:01:35,209 --> 01:01:37,793 then you slept with me, then you stole all of my pancakes, 1489 01:01:37,876 --> 01:01:40,376 pretended that your married lover was a rabbit, 1490 01:01:40,459 --> 01:01:44,459 turned me down for some rich asshole who's banging you on the side, 1491 01:01:44,543 --> 01:01:47,751 then drew me back in, invited me to your sister's wedding, 1492 01:01:47,834 --> 01:01:50,834 then ditched me for a rabbit again. 1493 01:01:50,918 --> 01:01:52,876 And despite that... 1494 01:01:53,959 --> 01:01:55,043 ...I really like you. 1495 01:01:56,543 --> 01:02:02,168 Because you have literally everything that any sane, decent man could ever want. 1496 01:02:02,251 --> 01:02:06,876 You are smart and funny and beautiful and nice. 1497 01:02:06,959 --> 01:02:08,168 Occasionally. 1498 01:02:09,709 --> 01:02:12,209 But you don't want a sane, decent man. 1499 01:02:13,209 --> 01:02:14,793 You want someone who makes you feel like shit. 1500 01:02:16,043 --> 01:02:18,293 Because you think you are shit. 1501 01:02:19,709 --> 01:02:21,459 That's really sad. 1502 01:02:22,543 --> 01:02:23,834 Wow. 1503 01:02:25,376 --> 01:02:28,418 You should, like, put that on a coffee mug or something. 1504 01:02:29,584 --> 01:02:31,293 Come on, Alice. 1505 01:02:31,376 --> 01:02:33,626 We both know that's way too long to put on a mug. 1506 01:02:38,168 --> 01:02:41,251 Good luck with your discount Mark Zuckerberg motherfucker, Alice. 1507 01:02:41,334 --> 01:02:42,959 Hope it's worth it. 1508 01:02:43,043 --> 01:02:46,043 ("Supalonely" by Benee featuring Gus Dapperton playing) 1509 01:02:50,209 --> 01:02:51,959 ♪ I know I fucked up ♪ 1510 01:02:52,043 --> 01:02:53,709 ♪ I'm just a loser ♪ 1511 01:02:53,793 --> 01:02:55,751 ♪ Shouldn't be with ya ♪ 1512 01:02:55,834 --> 01:02:57,209 -(sighs) -♪ Guess I'm a quitter ♪ 1513 01:02:57,293 --> 01:02:59,376 -(engine revving) -♪ While you're out there drinking ♪ 1514 01:02:59,459 --> 01:03:00,793 ♪ I'm just here thinking ♪ 1515 01:03:00,876 --> 01:03:04,126 ♪ 'Bout where I should've been ♪ 1516 01:03:05,793 --> 01:03:08,709 ♪ Water pouring down from the ceiling ♪ 1517 01:03:08,793 --> 01:03:10,459 ♪ I knew this would happen ♪ 1518 01:03:10,543 --> 01:03:12,376 ♪ Still hard to believe it ♪ 1519 01:03:12,459 --> 01:03:14,209 ♪ Maybe I'm dramatic ♪ 1520 01:03:14,293 --> 01:03:15,668 ♪ I don't wanna seem it ♪ 1521 01:03:15,751 --> 01:03:18,543 ♪ I don't wanna panic ♪ 1522 01:03:20,376 --> 01:03:24,043 ♪ I'm a sad girl in this big world ♪ 1523 01:03:24,126 --> 01:03:25,668 ♪ It's a mad world ♪ 1524 01:03:27,959 --> 01:03:29,876 ♪ All of my friends know... ♪ 1525 01:03:29,959 --> 01:03:31,501 Oh, my God. 1526 01:03:31,584 --> 01:03:33,293 You slept with him. 1527 01:03:33,376 --> 01:03:35,209 I did not. 1528 01:03:35,293 --> 01:03:36,501 (groans) 1529 01:03:36,584 --> 01:03:38,626 I knew there would be some sort of weird hookup at the wedding, 1530 01:03:38,709 --> 01:03:40,293 but I didn't think it would be you and Papa. 1531 01:03:40,376 --> 01:03:41,418 Eloise... 1532 01:03:41,501 --> 01:03:43,376 -(Eloise grunts) -(vehicle approaching) 1533 01:03:43,459 --> 01:03:45,209 DONNA: Hi, Paulie. 1534 01:03:45,293 --> 01:03:46,793 -Hi, Dominic. -Not now, Mom. 1535 01:03:46,876 --> 01:03:48,126 DOMINIC: I got it. I got it. 1536 01:03:48,209 --> 01:03:49,376 -Okay. -Thank you. 1537 01:03:49,459 --> 01:03:51,834 Why are you wearing this silken romper for our road trip? 1538 01:03:51,918 --> 01:03:53,293 She slept with my dad. 1539 01:03:53,376 --> 01:03:54,501 What? 1540 01:03:54,584 --> 01:03:55,793 It's more complicated than that. 1541 01:03:55,876 --> 01:03:58,334 -Why is Dominic just standing there? -(camera clicks) 1542 01:03:58,418 --> 01:03:59,459 We broke up. 1543 01:03:59,543 --> 01:04:01,043 -Good. -Good? 1544 01:04:01,126 --> 01:04:03,709 -Do you want me to give you a hug? -No, absolutely not. 1545 01:04:03,793 --> 01:04:06,251 So I take it we won't be seeing you at the wedding, then, Dominic? 1546 01:04:06,334 --> 01:04:09,001 Oh, I'm afraid not, but it was wonderful to meet you, Eloise. 1547 01:04:09,084 --> 01:04:13,126 You're very beautiful, so congratulations on that. 1548 01:04:13,209 --> 01:04:15,376 Unbelievable. 1549 01:04:15,459 --> 01:04:17,501 -Good luck to you, Dominic. -Oh. 1550 01:04:17,584 --> 01:04:21,126 You'll need it if you think you'll ever find anyone as wonderful as my brother 1551 01:04:21,209 --> 01:04:24,251 who will put up with a deeply embarrassing twat like you ever again, 1552 01:04:24,334 --> 01:04:26,209 you small, sad man. 1553 01:04:29,959 --> 01:04:31,918 Fuck off, Dominic! 1554 01:04:33,418 --> 01:04:34,584 (sighs) 1555 01:04:39,126 --> 01:04:40,459 (sighs) 1556 01:04:40,543 --> 01:04:41,543 Look, Eloise... 1557 01:04:41,626 --> 01:04:43,043 Nope. Not getting into it now. 1558 01:04:43,126 --> 01:04:45,084 I'm in my zen wedding place. 1559 01:04:46,501 --> 01:04:48,709 -Ta-ta. -(car door opens, closes) 1560 01:04:48,793 --> 01:04:49,834 (engine starts) 1561 01:04:49,918 --> 01:04:51,751 Paul, what happened? 1562 01:04:51,834 --> 01:04:54,626 I don't really feel like telling you about it, okay? 1563 01:04:54,709 --> 01:04:56,709 I'm trying to figure out whether I'm gonna get on Grindr or not. 1564 01:04:56,793 --> 01:04:58,793 Oh, I think you should take a moment and just... 1565 01:04:58,876 --> 01:05:00,543 -PAUL: Is this us? -(engine sputtering) 1566 01:05:00,626 --> 01:05:03,209 Oh. It's gonna be a long ride. 1567 01:05:03,293 --> 01:05:05,709 Oh, God. Why don't you change out of your sex clothes. 1568 01:05:05,793 --> 01:05:08,459 Good i... good idea. 1569 01:05:08,543 --> 01:05:10,543 ♪ ♪ 1570 01:05:14,126 --> 01:05:16,209 -Well, this is nice. -Oh, please. 1571 01:05:16,293 --> 01:05:18,376 Paul, move your knee 'cause it's right in my back. 1572 01:05:18,459 --> 01:05:21,459 Okay, I don't have a lot of room to work with. 1573 01:05:21,543 --> 01:05:25,168 I'm so glad Jonathan's meeting us there because he never would've fit in this car. 1574 01:05:25,251 --> 01:05:27,918 I-I for one am actually really disappointed that he's not with us, 1575 01:05:28,001 --> 01:05:30,751 and also separately, who is Jonathan, and what the fuck are you talking about? 1576 01:05:30,834 --> 01:05:33,459 -I think he's Alice's boyfriend, Paul. -(phone chirps) 1577 01:05:33,543 --> 01:05:35,501 Mom, if Alice had a boyfriend, I would know, okay? 1578 01:05:35,584 --> 01:05:37,084 We're very close. 1579 01:05:37,168 --> 01:05:39,168 Isn't Jonathan your boss? 1580 01:05:39,251 --> 01:05:40,876 -Alice! -Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1581 01:05:40,959 --> 01:05:42,209 -Alice, watch the road. -Sorry. 1582 01:05:42,293 --> 01:05:44,376 You know, honey, it's never a good idea to date your boss. 1583 01:05:44,459 --> 01:05:46,418 -Mom... -Mm-hmm, yeah, it's a much better idea 1584 01:05:46,501 --> 01:05:48,251 -to date your ex-husband who ruined your life. -Paul. 1585 01:05:48,334 --> 01:05:50,501 I know you're upset right now because of Dominic, but-- 1586 01:05:50,584 --> 01:05:52,543 -A-Alice. Oh! -Oh! -(tires screech) 1587 01:05:52,626 --> 01:05:54,418 -Sorry, sorry. -Do you want me to drive? 1588 01:05:54,501 --> 01:05:56,043 Yeah, right. You're still hungover. 1589 01:05:57,168 --> 01:05:58,251 -I'm okay for right now. -Are you sure? 1590 01:05:58,334 --> 01:06:00,251 -Yes, I'm okay for right now. -(phone chirps) 1591 01:06:01,334 --> 01:06:03,709 -Don't, Paul. No. -Oh! What? Come on. -I don't want to die today. 1592 01:06:03,793 --> 01:06:06,501 -I'm so sorry. I will text him for you. -No. No. 1593 01:06:06,584 --> 01:06:08,001 Wait a second, isn't your boss married? 1594 01:06:08,084 --> 01:06:09,626 Why would you not tell me you're dating your married boss? 1595 01:06:09,709 --> 01:06:11,751 Why would you not tell me that you and Dominic were on the rocks? 1596 01:06:11,834 --> 01:06:13,834 Al-Al-Alice, the-the road. 1597 01:06:13,918 --> 01:06:15,043 -Watch! -The road! 1598 01:06:15,126 --> 01:06:16,834 -(tires screeching) -Sorry. -Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 1599 01:06:16,918 --> 01:06:18,334 Actually, can we pull over? 1600 01:06:18,418 --> 01:06:19,959 Can we please, can we please pull over? 1601 01:06:22,584 --> 01:06:24,876 (cows mooing) 1602 01:06:24,959 --> 01:06:26,418 (Paul vomiting) 1603 01:06:26,501 --> 01:06:27,876 (sighs) 1604 01:06:27,959 --> 01:06:29,959 My God, you kids still barf a lot. 1605 01:06:31,959 --> 01:06:34,168 (sighs) 1606 01:06:34,251 --> 01:06:36,918 -Let's just all calm down and try to have a peaceful ride. -Ooh. 1607 01:06:37,001 --> 01:06:39,043 -Okay? -(sighs) 1608 01:06:39,126 --> 01:06:41,126 (engine starts) 1609 01:06:47,501 --> 01:06:49,459 -(loud thump) -(cow bellows) 1610 01:06:49,543 --> 01:06:51,209 -Oh, my God. -(gasps) 1611 01:06:51,293 --> 01:06:53,626 -What in the world is that? -That's a cow. 1612 01:06:53,709 --> 01:06:54,918 (chuffs) 1613 01:06:56,001 --> 01:06:58,168 Oh, my God. Is it okay? 1614 01:06:58,251 --> 01:07:00,334 Hello. I-I'm sorry. 1615 01:07:00,418 --> 01:07:02,709 -I think we-- Is this your cow? -Is it okay? 1616 01:07:02,793 --> 01:07:06,209 ♪ At last ♪ 1617 01:07:06,293 --> 01:07:09,459 ("At Last" by Etta James playing) 1618 01:07:09,543 --> 01:07:13,084 ♪ My love has come along ♪ 1619 01:07:13,168 --> 01:07:15,168 (lively chatter) 1620 01:07:17,793 --> 01:07:19,209 ♪ My lonely days ♪ 1621 01:07:19,293 --> 01:07:21,293 -Eloise, can I just grab you? -(quietly): Save me. 1622 01:07:21,376 --> 01:07:23,168 ♪ Are over ♪ 1623 01:07:25,959 --> 01:07:30,293 ♪ And life is like a song ♪ 1624 01:07:34,001 --> 01:07:36,168 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah... ♪ 1625 01:07:36,251 --> 01:07:37,876 (groans) 1626 01:07:37,959 --> 01:07:39,293 Mm. 1627 01:07:42,668 --> 01:07:45,168 -WOMAN: Oh! Oh. -Oh. Oh. -Oh. (chuckles) 1628 01:07:45,251 --> 01:07:46,543 Hello, Paul. 1629 01:07:46,626 --> 01:07:47,834 (Cockney accent): Well, 'ello, gov'na. 1630 01:07:47,918 --> 01:07:49,293 Fancy a crumpet? 1631 01:07:49,376 --> 01:07:50,543 (normal voice): (laughs) I'm just kidding. 1632 01:07:50,626 --> 01:07:51,626 I'm kidding, you guys. 1633 01:07:51,709 --> 01:07:54,418 -(chuckles) -Uh, Paul, these are my parents, Marjory and Frederic. 1634 01:07:54,501 --> 01:07:55,876 This is Paul, Eloise's brother. 1635 01:07:55,959 --> 01:07:57,501 Well, half brother. 1636 01:07:57,584 --> 01:08:02,376 Um, and as you can see, I'm flying solo, because I was dumped yesterday. 1637 01:08:02,459 --> 01:08:04,584 Yes, of course. Very sorry to hear about you and Dominic. 1638 01:08:04,668 --> 01:08:07,918 Well, turns out, Marj and Fred, I'm pretty terrible at threesomes. 1639 01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,709 (chuckles): Know what I mean? 1640 01:08:09,793 --> 01:08:11,709 Aren't we all? (chuckles) 1641 01:08:11,793 --> 01:08:13,584 Well, I was more than willing, is the thing, you know? 1642 01:08:13,668 --> 01:08:15,668 I was down to clown, as the kids say. 1643 01:08:15,751 --> 01:08:18,001 So on my hands and knees, really sort of arching, 1644 01:08:18,084 --> 01:08:19,543 um, and Alcott comes in-- 1645 01:08:19,626 --> 01:08:21,543 that was our third, the sort of special guest star, if you will-- 1646 01:08:21,626 --> 01:08:24,334 and he decided that he was feeling a little bit snacky. 1647 01:08:24,418 --> 01:08:26,834 -Um... -Would you excuse us for just one moment? 1648 01:08:26,918 --> 01:08:28,001 Rude. 1649 01:08:29,084 --> 01:08:31,543 Well, now, what do you suppose happened next? 1650 01:08:31,626 --> 01:08:34,168 After the other young man got snacky? 1651 01:08:34,251 --> 01:08:35,459 Uh... 1652 01:08:35,543 --> 01:08:38,793 This is my only nice suit. God. 1653 01:08:38,876 --> 01:08:40,793 -What is your bloody problem? -Oh, I'm so sorry. 1654 01:08:40,876 --> 01:08:42,501 Was I getting a little too real for you? 1655 01:08:42,584 --> 01:08:46,293 You just told my future in-laws about your failed threesome at my rehearsal dinner, 1656 01:08:46,376 --> 01:08:49,043 so, yes, it was a little too much for me today, Paul. 1657 01:08:49,126 --> 01:08:51,334 -Uh, sorry. Sorry. -Come on, Eloise. 1658 01:08:51,418 --> 01:08:53,376 It doesn't matter what I say, okay? 1659 01:08:53,459 --> 01:08:55,751 You liked me when I was a little baby that you could boss around, 1660 01:08:55,834 --> 01:08:57,793 and now you don't, you don't want any part of 1661 01:08:57,876 --> 01:08:59,918 actual, real, messy, grown-up Paul, okay? 1662 01:09:00,001 --> 01:09:04,418 I'm very sorry that I can't be this gorgeous, classy, stuck-up adult like you. 1663 01:09:04,501 --> 01:09:05,959 Oh, you're being such an ass. 1664 01:09:06,043 --> 01:09:07,834 Oh, really? I'm being an ass? Am I really? 1665 01:09:07,918 --> 01:09:10,876 Well, at least I didn't leave my own sister high and dry 1666 01:09:10,959 --> 01:09:13,293 after her boyfriend abandoned her because she had a miscarriage 1667 01:09:13,376 --> 01:09:14,668 that he blamed on her. 1668 01:09:14,751 --> 01:09:15,834 What are you talking about? 1669 01:09:15,918 --> 01:09:18,084 He blamed her? That's why they split up? 1670 01:09:18,168 --> 01:09:20,543 Yeah, and I flew out there and visited her, okay? 1671 01:09:20,626 --> 01:09:21,626 I used my miles. 1672 01:09:21,709 --> 01:09:23,334 And I get it, okay? I get it. 1673 01:09:23,418 --> 01:09:26,126 Hey, why would you want to spend any time with us, right? 1674 01:09:26,209 --> 01:09:29,168 You were always the beautiful, wanted child, 1675 01:09:29,251 --> 01:09:31,459 -and we were just Mom's second, less lovable family. -(fingers snap) 1676 01:09:31,543 --> 01:09:37,043 Now Mom is throwing herself at Henrique like some desperate teenager. 1677 01:09:37,126 --> 01:09:38,751 Jesus Christ. Ugh, God. 1678 01:09:38,834 --> 01:09:42,751 I'm so, so thankful that my dad is too dead to see any of this. 1679 01:09:42,834 --> 01:09:44,709 Well, I hate to break it to you, Paul, 1680 01:09:44,793 --> 01:09:46,751 but your father was an ass, too, just like mine. 1681 01:09:46,834 --> 01:09:48,084 I guess it's sort of Mum's type. 1682 01:09:48,168 --> 01:09:51,168 Okay. You have no right to talk about my dad like that. 1683 01:09:51,251 --> 01:09:55,209 He was a wonderful man, and he loved me, and I've been lost without him. 1684 01:09:55,293 --> 01:09:57,084 What can you possibly still need to get?! 1685 01:09:57,168 --> 01:09:58,709 Oh, sorry, just this. It's cake. 1686 01:09:58,793 --> 01:10:01,251 Oh, God, Paul, you're so off base. 1687 01:10:01,334 --> 01:10:02,918 -(scoffs) -The truth is, 1688 01:10:03,001 --> 01:10:05,334 when you came out to your parents, Bill couldn't handle it. 1689 01:10:05,418 --> 01:10:07,459 He said he thought it was disgusting, 1690 01:10:07,543 --> 01:10:10,376 and Mum told him she would leave him if he ever made you feel 1691 01:10:10,459 --> 01:10:12,709 even the slightest bit unloved or unaccepted. 1692 01:10:12,793 --> 01:10:16,293 She protected you from him, even after he died, 1693 01:10:16,376 --> 01:10:18,418 and you've been nothing but awful to her ever since. 1694 01:10:19,709 --> 01:10:21,584 -That's not true. -It is. 1695 01:10:23,501 --> 01:10:26,084 No, he said that, he s-said that he was fine with it. 1696 01:10:26,168 --> 01:10:29,459 He said that he loved me no matter what. 1697 01:10:29,543 --> 01:10:31,501 -He told me that. -Mum made him say that. 1698 01:10:31,584 --> 01:10:33,709 No, she did-- No, you're just m-- you're making things up. 1699 01:10:33,793 --> 01:10:35,709 I wish I were, Paul. 1700 01:10:35,793 --> 01:10:37,418 Mum loves you. 1701 01:10:37,501 --> 01:10:39,126 She was a fucking warrior for you. 1702 01:10:42,626 --> 01:10:44,126 Paul! 1703 01:10:45,126 --> 01:10:47,126 (sobbing) 1704 01:10:50,126 --> 01:10:51,209 You all right, mate? 1705 01:10:51,293 --> 01:10:52,543 (stammers) 1706 01:10:52,626 --> 01:10:54,876 Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay, thank you. 1707 01:10:54,959 --> 01:10:56,001 Yeah, okay. 1708 01:10:56,084 --> 01:10:58,459 Wait, if you have a chance, could you just bring some of those 1709 01:10:58,543 --> 01:11:00,668 -little cheese puffy things? -Yeah, okay. 1710 01:11:00,751 --> 01:11:02,126 And maybe just, like, a little white wine. 1711 01:11:02,209 --> 01:11:04,584 -Sure. -Okay, but not chardonnay. 1712 01:11:07,543 --> 01:11:09,376 That-- yes, well, okay. 1713 01:11:09,459 --> 01:11:11,751 (silverware tapping glass) 1714 01:11:11,834 --> 01:11:15,959 Thanks, everyone, for coming tonight to witness this woman 1715 01:11:16,043 --> 01:11:18,334 -making the biggest mistake of her life. -(phone buzzing) 1716 01:11:18,418 --> 01:11:20,084 (laughter) 1717 01:11:20,168 --> 01:11:24,001 I met Eloise at the polo club, and when I told my brother 1718 01:11:24,084 --> 01:11:26,043 I'd just seen the most beautiful girl in the world, 1719 01:11:26,126 --> 01:11:29,959 -he thought I was talking about one of the horses. -(laughter) 1720 01:11:30,043 --> 01:11:33,834 Thankfully, a similar mix-up has not occurred here today. 1721 01:11:33,918 --> 01:11:36,251 -You! -(crowd gasps) 1722 01:11:36,334 --> 01:11:38,626 -Alice. -No. 1723 01:11:39,918 --> 01:11:41,293 I mean, yes, I-I'm me, but-- 1724 01:11:41,376 --> 01:11:43,543 Hi. Marissa, welcome. 1725 01:11:43,626 --> 01:11:45,543 Don't try to be cute right now. 1726 01:11:45,626 --> 01:11:48,418 Why don't, uh, let... why don't you and I go outside? 1727 01:11:48,501 --> 01:11:52,001 No, no. I-I actually think maybe it could be fun for everybody here 1728 01:11:52,084 --> 01:11:53,709 to know that this person-- 1729 01:11:53,793 --> 01:11:56,918 and I use that word very loosely-- 1730 01:11:57,001 --> 01:11:59,584 has been fucking my husband... 1731 01:11:59,668 --> 01:12:01,168 (crowd gasping, murmuring) 1732 01:12:01,251 --> 01:12:03,834 ...while I have been home nursing a baby 1733 01:12:03,918 --> 01:12:07,376 who just vampires the life force out of me... 1734 01:12:07,459 --> 01:12:09,668 Marissa, I'm sorry. Jonathan said that... 1735 01:12:09,751 --> 01:12:11,876 And I'm supposed to only blame him for all of this, right? 1736 01:12:11,959 --> 01:12:13,834 Wrong. You're a woman. 1737 01:12:13,918 --> 01:12:15,251 -Okay. -You should've known better. 1738 01:12:15,334 --> 01:12:16,876 -You know how this feels. -(Alice stammering) 1739 01:12:16,959 --> 01:12:18,709 Uh, why don't we just go outside, 1740 01:12:18,793 --> 01:12:20,793 -and we can talk and... -No. No. 1741 01:12:20,876 --> 01:12:24,209 I am so tired of talking 1742 01:12:24,293 --> 01:12:28,209 to therapists and to sleep experts 1743 01:12:28,293 --> 01:12:32,043 and to my dumb piece of shit husband! 1744 01:12:32,126 --> 01:12:33,293 -I'm divorcing Jonathan! -(crowd gasping) 1745 01:12:33,376 --> 01:12:36,334 Yes. I mean, I-I think you should 'cause we-- 1746 01:12:36,418 --> 01:12:40,001 he screwed both of us over, and we're the victims here. 1747 01:12:40,084 --> 01:12:42,376 But first I'm gonna fistfight you. 1748 01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,459 (crowd murmuring) 1749 01:12:44,543 --> 01:12:47,793 Get back here, Strawberry Shortcake. 1750 01:12:49,168 --> 01:12:50,543 I haven't slept in four days. 1751 01:12:50,626 --> 01:12:52,501 -I'm invincible! -Stop this. Alice, stop this. 1752 01:12:52,584 --> 01:12:54,251 How am I supposed to stop it? 1753 01:12:56,918 --> 01:12:58,918 (Henrique and woman laughing) 1754 01:13:05,501 --> 01:13:07,501 (Henrique moaning) 1755 01:13:13,001 --> 01:13:14,918 -(woman laughs) -(pants unzip) 1756 01:13:17,334 --> 01:13:18,459 (gasps) 1757 01:13:18,543 --> 01:13:20,418 Paul, are you peeing on my feet?! 1758 01:13:20,501 --> 01:13:23,418 (mocking French accent): Uh, je m'appelle yes. 1759 01:13:23,501 --> 01:13:25,959 -Merde! (shouting in French) -(normal voice): What? Hey! Hey! 1760 01:13:26,043 --> 01:13:27,376 MARISSA: Get 'em up! Get 'em up! 1761 01:13:27,459 --> 01:13:29,293 -ALICE: Can you call security, please? -MARISSA: Don't call security! 1762 01:13:29,376 --> 01:13:32,043 -PAUL: Sorry. -(Henrique shouting in French) 1763 01:13:32,126 --> 01:13:33,834 (crowd gasping) 1764 01:13:33,918 --> 01:13:36,043 -Paul! -Oh, my God. 1765 01:13:36,126 --> 01:13:37,626 Oh, shit. 1766 01:13:37,709 --> 01:13:39,584 MARISSA: Alice, I'm gonna fuck you up! 1767 01:13:39,668 --> 01:13:42,126 -No. -Alice, who's that lady? 1768 01:13:42,209 --> 01:13:43,709 (grunting) 1769 01:13:50,251 --> 01:13:52,168 -No. -(grunting) 1770 01:13:53,084 --> 01:13:54,084 Oh. 1771 01:13:55,209 --> 01:13:56,876 -Oh. -ALICE: Stop. 1772 01:13:56,959 --> 01:13:58,293 Stop. Marissa. 1773 01:13:59,459 --> 01:14:00,834 (crowd gasping) 1774 01:14:00,918 --> 01:14:02,168 Oh, hell no. 1775 01:14:02,251 --> 01:14:04,126 Oh, um, Mum, no! 1776 01:14:04,209 --> 01:14:05,168 Get her, Mom! 1777 01:14:05,251 --> 01:14:07,334 Mom, no biting! No biting! 1778 01:14:12,959 --> 01:14:15,626 (Donna laughing) 1779 01:14:20,543 --> 01:14:22,834 Are... are you having a stroke? 1780 01:14:22,918 --> 01:14:25,918 I mean, do you think this is funny? 1781 01:14:27,501 --> 01:14:30,126 I do. I mean, kind of, yes. 1782 01:14:30,209 --> 01:14:31,334 (laughing) 1783 01:14:31,418 --> 01:14:34,168 Mom, you bit someone. 1784 01:14:34,251 --> 01:14:35,709 I did. 1785 01:14:35,793 --> 01:14:37,001 (laughs) 1786 01:14:37,084 --> 01:14:38,876 And I don't know what kind of lotion she uses, 1787 01:14:38,959 --> 01:14:40,584 but it was honestly kind of pleasant. 1788 01:14:40,668 --> 01:14:45,084 She did smell amazing, so I'm not shocked that she tasted good. 1789 01:14:45,168 --> 01:14:47,459 -(Donna laughs) -You guys are so weird. 1790 01:14:47,543 --> 01:14:49,918 Oh, my God. 1791 01:14:50,001 --> 01:14:52,084 You know how at every wedding there are those people? 1792 01:14:52,168 --> 01:14:54,001 The people everyone talk about after. 1793 01:14:54,084 --> 01:14:58,418 The drunk uncle, the-the cousin who humps everyone on the dance floor. 1794 01:14:58,501 --> 01:14:59,751 Cousin Randy. 1795 01:14:59,834 --> 01:15:01,543 -Ew. -Every time. 1796 01:15:02,626 --> 01:15:04,876 We're those people this time. 1797 01:15:06,168 --> 01:15:07,293 We're those people. 1798 01:15:07,376 --> 01:15:09,668 Oh, savage, Mom. 1799 01:15:09,751 --> 01:15:11,293 Ouch. 1800 01:15:12,293 --> 01:15:14,209 (chuckles) 1801 01:15:14,293 --> 01:15:15,418 (sighs) 1802 01:15:18,543 --> 01:15:20,043 Hey, Mom? 1803 01:15:20,126 --> 01:15:21,334 Mm, yes, Paulie? 1804 01:15:29,376 --> 01:15:31,084 (sighs) 1805 01:15:31,168 --> 01:15:35,876 I'm sorry that I've been such a terrible garbage heap of a son. 1806 01:15:36,959 --> 01:15:40,043 No, Paulie, you are wonderful. 1807 01:15:41,626 --> 01:15:44,334 I just can't believe that Dad... 1808 01:15:44,418 --> 01:15:45,709 I know, sweetie. 1809 01:15:48,376 --> 01:15:50,334 Why didn't you tell me? 1810 01:15:53,751 --> 01:15:56,168 Because you loved him. 1811 01:15:56,251 --> 01:15:58,584 And you felt that he loved you unconditionally, 1812 01:15:58,668 --> 01:16:02,084 and it's so rare to feel loved that way. 1813 01:16:02,168 --> 01:16:03,959 And I didn't want to destroy that. 1814 01:16:07,334 --> 01:16:11,168 And I'm sorry about Henrique 1815 01:16:11,251 --> 01:16:13,126 macking it on that floozy. 1816 01:16:14,751 --> 01:16:16,418 (laughs) 1817 01:16:16,501 --> 01:16:18,001 You know what? 1818 01:16:18,084 --> 01:16:19,126 It's fine. 1819 01:16:19,209 --> 01:16:23,751 Well, you deserve to be loved unconditionally, too. 1820 01:16:27,376 --> 01:16:29,459 I already am. 1821 01:16:32,376 --> 01:16:33,418 Ayo. 1822 01:16:33,501 --> 01:16:35,043 (all laugh) 1823 01:16:35,126 --> 01:16:36,751 -(door opens) -Oh. 1824 01:16:38,168 --> 01:16:39,709 Did my daughter Eloise come? 1825 01:16:39,793 --> 01:16:40,918 Yes. 1826 01:16:41,001 --> 01:16:43,168 So are we being released? 1827 01:16:43,251 --> 01:16:44,459 No. 1828 01:16:44,543 --> 01:16:46,626 But she left a note for you. 1829 01:16:46,709 --> 01:16:47,793 A-A note? 1830 01:16:47,876 --> 01:16:49,459 She wanted me to read it to you. 1831 01:16:49,543 --> 01:16:51,668 -Well, no, we can just read it oursel... -(clears throat) 1832 01:16:51,751 --> 01:16:52,751 Okay, you're gonna do it. 1833 01:16:52,834 --> 01:16:54,751 "Dear Mum, Alice and Paul, 1834 01:16:54,834 --> 01:16:59,334 I love you all, but I have changed your RSVPs for tomorrow to no." 1835 01:17:00,626 --> 01:17:02,584 Huh. 1836 01:17:02,668 --> 01:17:05,668 "All I've ever wanted was to feel like a part of this family 1837 01:17:05,751 --> 01:17:09,293 "instead of like a satellite spinning out in space all alone. 1838 01:17:09,376 --> 01:17:13,126 "I guess I thought maybe my wedding would be a chance to reconnect, 1839 01:17:13,209 --> 01:17:17,209 "but I see now that maybe we were never really connected. 1840 01:17:19,001 --> 01:17:21,584 "You have my promise: 1841 01:17:21,668 --> 01:17:24,793 From here on out, I'll stop trying so hard." 1842 01:17:24,876 --> 01:17:27,418 (sobs softly, sniffles) 1843 01:17:27,501 --> 01:17:30,751 Well, that's a real shame, innit? 1844 01:17:30,834 --> 01:17:32,918 Don't like to see that, do you? 1845 01:17:33,001 --> 01:17:34,668 Family torn apart and whatnot. 1846 01:17:34,751 --> 01:17:36,459 (sniffles) 1847 01:17:36,543 --> 01:17:39,543 ("Little Green Bag" by George Baker Selection playing) 1848 01:17:47,501 --> 01:17:49,001 ♪ Yeah... ♪ 1849 01:17:51,584 --> 01:17:52,959 ALICE: Dennis, hi. 1850 01:17:53,043 --> 01:17:54,209 Thanks for coming. 1851 01:17:54,293 --> 01:17:57,834 Thanks for even answering my call. 1852 01:17:57,918 --> 01:18:00,834 Sorry, Alice, who is Dennis? 1853 01:18:00,918 --> 01:18:02,626 Dennis is... 1854 01:18:02,709 --> 01:18:03,793 He... 1855 01:18:03,876 --> 01:18:05,043 I'm no one. 1856 01:18:05,126 --> 01:18:06,834 Alice and I used to be friends. 1857 01:18:08,626 --> 01:18:10,543 Oh, well, thank you very much. 1858 01:18:10,626 --> 01:18:12,334 -(quietly): He's cute. -Thank you, Dennis. 1859 01:18:13,334 --> 01:18:14,334 (car door closes) 1860 01:18:14,418 --> 01:18:15,834 Hey, I am really sorry. 1861 01:18:15,918 --> 01:18:17,543 It's okay. 1862 01:18:17,626 --> 01:18:20,334 My big old, dumb, Midwestern heart will mend somehow. 1863 01:18:20,418 --> 01:18:23,709 I'll meet a simpler girl, like maybe a lady scarecrow. 1864 01:18:23,793 --> 01:18:25,001 Do you have those in Kansas? 1865 01:18:25,084 --> 01:18:26,459 Oh, yeah. Definitely do. 1866 01:18:26,543 --> 01:18:28,293 (phone chirps) 1867 01:18:29,293 --> 01:18:31,084 That him? 1868 01:18:31,168 --> 01:18:32,626 Yeah. 1869 01:18:32,709 --> 01:18:36,293 From his new phone, because Marissa had his old phone, 1870 01:18:36,376 --> 01:18:37,501 which is why I thought he was coming. 1871 01:18:37,584 --> 01:18:39,209 And never mind. You don't care. 1872 01:18:39,293 --> 01:18:41,043 No, no, this is riveting. 1873 01:18:41,126 --> 01:18:42,168 Please go on. 1874 01:18:42,251 --> 01:18:47,001 He says Marissa is leaving him, so we can finally be... 1875 01:18:48,043 --> 01:18:49,293 ...together. 1876 01:18:49,376 --> 01:18:52,376 Sounds like a real dream come true. 1877 01:18:52,459 --> 01:18:57,584 Maybe someday you can punch his new mistress at her sister's rehearsal dinner. 1878 01:18:57,668 --> 01:18:58,751 Circle of life. 1879 01:19:16,209 --> 01:19:17,793 Thank you again. 1880 01:19:17,876 --> 01:19:21,251 And I can, um, Cash App you for the bail. 1881 01:19:21,334 --> 01:19:23,043 Okay. 1882 01:19:23,126 --> 01:19:24,959 My handle is Dennis underscore Bottoms. 1883 01:19:26,251 --> 01:19:28,084 S-So sorry. Bottoms? 1884 01:19:28,168 --> 01:19:30,584 Paul, not now. Come on. 1885 01:19:30,668 --> 01:19:31,918 (sighs) 1886 01:19:32,001 --> 01:19:34,709 Well, we'll always have Paddington. 1887 01:19:34,793 --> 01:19:36,251 He's a good bear. 1888 01:19:38,793 --> 01:19:40,418 See you, Alice. 1889 01:19:44,959 --> 01:19:46,251 (car door closes) 1890 01:19:49,251 --> 01:19:50,668 (Alice sighs) 1891 01:19:52,334 --> 01:19:54,126 Okay, who was that, now? 1892 01:19:54,209 --> 01:19:58,168 Just a really great guy who genuinely liked me and I completely fucked over. 1893 01:19:58,251 --> 01:19:59,668 Oh, there she is. 1894 01:19:59,751 --> 01:20:00,876 I'm doing great. 1895 01:20:00,959 --> 01:20:03,209 Hey. We're doing great. 1896 01:20:03,293 --> 01:20:06,209 Come on. Let's get you kids to bed. 1897 01:20:06,293 --> 01:20:08,751 I'm gonna tuck you in. (chuckles) 1898 01:20:08,834 --> 01:20:10,584 (door closes) 1899 01:20:10,668 --> 01:20:11,668 Donna. 1900 01:20:11,751 --> 01:20:13,418 Henrique. 1901 01:20:13,501 --> 01:20:15,459 I wanted to apologize. 1902 01:20:15,543 --> 01:20:17,251 Oh, really? What for? 1903 01:20:17,334 --> 01:20:19,001 For leading you on. 1904 01:20:19,084 --> 01:20:21,209 (laughs) 1905 01:20:21,293 --> 01:20:23,251 I didn't mean to ruin your life again. 1906 01:20:23,334 --> 01:20:24,834 Yeah, you know what, Henrique? 1907 01:20:24,918 --> 01:20:28,543 I think... I think I'm the one who owes you an apology. 1908 01:20:28,626 --> 01:20:31,793 I think I should apologize to you for ruining your life. 1909 01:20:31,876 --> 01:20:33,584 (laughs): What are you talking about? 1910 01:20:33,668 --> 01:20:35,501 I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 1911 01:20:35,584 --> 01:20:36,751 I was your first love. 1912 01:20:36,834 --> 01:20:41,001 And I was a kind, good woman who honestly loved you, and you blew that. 1913 01:20:41,084 --> 01:20:44,834 And ever since then, you've been trying to fill the massive space that I left 1914 01:20:44,918 --> 01:20:48,459 with money and things and sex, and nothing, nothing has probably ever 1915 01:20:48,543 --> 01:20:52,834 felt as good or real or safe as having someone who actually cared. 1916 01:20:52,918 --> 01:20:55,793 And now, you know what, your life is almost over. 1917 01:20:55,876 --> 01:20:58,043 You got what, 15 years left? 1918 01:20:58,126 --> 01:21:02,293 One before some X-ray or scan comes back with a dark spot on it 1919 01:21:02,376 --> 01:21:03,501 and we're staring into the abyss? 1920 01:21:05,793 --> 01:21:07,418 So I'm sorry. 1921 01:21:08,584 --> 01:21:13,293 I'm sorry I showed you a glimpse of what life is like when you treat people well, 1922 01:21:13,376 --> 01:21:16,043 when you hold on to the tiny parcel of love you are given 1923 01:21:16,126 --> 01:21:17,709 and you say "thank you" 1924 01:21:17,793 --> 01:21:20,543 instead of throwing it into the street and screaming for more. 1925 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:24,459 I'm sorry it was probably never as good for you again. 1926 01:21:24,543 --> 01:21:25,751 (sighs) 1927 01:21:25,834 --> 01:21:28,418 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going in there by myself, 1928 01:21:28,501 --> 01:21:29,959 because I'm very, very tired. 1929 01:21:30,043 --> 01:21:31,959 So good night, Henrique. 1930 01:21:36,834 --> 01:21:38,834 ♪ ♪ 1931 01:21:45,709 --> 01:21:48,543 Ollie, you're not supposed to see me. It's bad luck. 1932 01:21:48,626 --> 01:21:51,001 I figured we got all the bad luck out of the way last night. 1933 01:21:51,084 --> 01:21:53,584 That's not funny. 1934 01:21:53,668 --> 01:21:57,918 I just... I don't want you to have any regrets. 1935 01:21:58,001 --> 01:21:59,293 They are your family. 1936 01:22:00,376 --> 01:22:02,293 I suppose. 1937 01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:04,001 I've never really belonged to them. 1938 01:22:04,084 --> 01:22:07,043 Well, you belong with me. 1939 01:22:08,626 --> 01:22:10,626 And we will have our own family together. 1940 01:22:19,043 --> 01:22:21,668 I'm just gonna go and make sure everything's set up and tip-top. 1941 01:22:21,751 --> 01:22:22,918 (chuckles) 1942 01:22:30,126 --> 01:22:31,584 What color are these? 1943 01:22:32,668 --> 01:22:34,626 Oh, um, white? 1944 01:22:35,709 --> 01:22:37,251 They look cream. 1945 01:22:37,334 --> 01:22:40,001 Isn't that white? 1946 01:22:40,084 --> 01:22:42,626 Do you think snow and milk are the same color? 1947 01:22:44,626 --> 01:22:45,709 Yes? 1948 01:22:45,793 --> 01:22:46,876 No. 1949 01:22:46,959 --> 01:22:48,168 No, they are not. 1950 01:22:50,084 --> 01:22:51,709 I've got to go and get replacements for these. 1951 01:22:51,793 --> 01:22:52,876 It'll only take a minute. 1952 01:22:56,334 --> 01:22:57,668 Hello. 1953 01:22:59,126 --> 01:23:00,334 Martha. 1954 01:23:00,418 --> 01:23:04,876 I ordered 2,000 votives for my wedding, and I believe you sent the wrong color. 1955 01:23:04,959 --> 01:23:08,793 You see, I ordered white, and I received this. 1956 01:23:08,876 --> 01:23:10,959 -That looks white to me. -Does it? 1957 01:23:11,043 --> 01:23:13,043 Does it, Martha? 1958 01:23:13,126 --> 01:23:17,543 Because I'm pretty sure that's off-white, which literally means "not white." 1959 01:23:17,626 --> 01:23:21,418 And now I have 2,000 of those candles scattered all over the property 1960 01:23:21,501 --> 01:23:24,668 where I'm getting married, and it's not gonna be okay! 1961 01:23:24,751 --> 01:23:25,751 (Eloise sobs) 1962 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:27,793 (crying): Help me, Martha. 1963 01:23:27,876 --> 01:23:29,668 You're the only one who can help. 1964 01:23:29,751 --> 01:23:30,959 -(stammers) -(Eloise crying) 1965 01:23:31,043 --> 01:23:35,001 Um, wh-why don't I go check in the back and see if we have some white ones. 1966 01:23:36,668 --> 01:23:38,043 Great. 1967 01:23:39,959 --> 01:23:42,834 We do have the votives in white. 1968 01:23:44,334 --> 01:23:47,001 Oh. (laughs) 1969 01:23:47,084 --> 01:23:48,584 Oh, well, that's perfect. 1970 01:23:48,668 --> 01:23:50,834 We have 200 of them. 1971 01:23:50,918 --> 01:23:52,209 Two hundred? 1972 01:23:52,293 --> 01:23:54,293 I need 2,000. 1973 01:23:55,334 --> 01:23:56,668 (panting, sobbing) 1974 01:23:58,334 --> 01:24:00,876 Martha, I-I have to get out of here. 1975 01:24:00,959 --> 01:24:03,376 I-I can't breathe. I just... (sobbing) 1976 01:24:05,293 --> 01:24:06,751 -(yelps) -Eloise. 1977 01:24:06,834 --> 01:24:09,834 Do you know, I was just popping in here to get a card for your wedding gift. 1978 01:24:09,918 --> 01:24:11,376 Not now, Tom! 1979 01:24:11,459 --> 01:24:12,876 Splendid. 1980 01:24:15,126 --> 01:24:17,126 (Paul sighs) 1981 01:24:17,209 --> 01:24:19,126 Heading back to America in shame. 1982 01:24:19,209 --> 01:24:22,418 I finally know how Madonna felt after her Guy Ritchie divorce. 1983 01:24:22,501 --> 01:24:26,918 I know Eloise said not to come, but what if I went and stood at a distance? 1984 01:24:27,001 --> 01:24:28,126 -ALICE: Mom. (groans) -No. 1985 01:24:28,209 --> 01:24:31,084 The police officer read us the whole addendum 1986 01:24:31,168 --> 01:24:32,709 that stated specifically not to do that. 1987 01:24:32,793 --> 01:24:35,084 I know. I know. I know. 1988 01:24:37,293 --> 01:24:38,751 (vehicle door closes) 1989 01:24:38,834 --> 01:24:40,709 -Ollie. -Eloise is missing. 1990 01:24:40,793 --> 01:24:44,459 Apparently, she had some sort of meltdown at a candle store and then ran away. 1991 01:24:44,543 --> 01:24:46,501 I have no idea where she could be. 1992 01:24:53,418 --> 01:24:54,876 Really? Taco Bell? 1993 01:24:54,959 --> 01:24:56,626 Yep. Her favorite. 1994 01:24:56,709 --> 01:24:59,793 Henrique would never let her go to one, so we went constantly when she visited. 1995 01:24:59,876 --> 01:25:02,043 She used to have all her birthday dinners there. 1996 01:25:02,126 --> 01:25:03,293 Wasn't as sad as it sounds. 1997 01:25:03,376 --> 01:25:08,001 Would you guys mind if I went in by myself just for a minute? 1998 01:25:17,209 --> 01:25:18,209 (slurps) 1999 01:25:25,293 --> 01:25:27,251 Can I have a nacho? 2000 01:25:31,376 --> 01:25:33,293 -Eloise, I don't... -Wait. 2001 01:25:33,376 --> 01:25:35,251 Before you talk, I get to talk. 2002 01:25:36,418 --> 01:25:38,709 Alice, I'm sorry about last summer. 2003 01:25:39,709 --> 01:25:41,793 Paul told me. 2004 01:25:41,876 --> 01:25:44,959 About Andrew abandoning you after the miscarriage. 2005 01:25:45,043 --> 01:25:46,959 I promise I had no idea because... 2006 01:25:47,043 --> 01:25:48,626 I know, because I didn't tell you. 2007 01:25:48,709 --> 01:25:52,501 And I hated you for it, and it wasn't your fault. 2008 01:25:53,584 --> 01:25:55,626 There's a little more to it than that, though, too. 2009 01:25:55,709 --> 01:25:56,751 I... 2010 01:25:58,584 --> 01:26:00,418 What, El? What is it? 2011 01:26:04,126 --> 01:26:06,126 Shortly before I was going to come, 2012 01:26:06,209 --> 01:26:09,668 I found out that I can't have any children. 2013 01:26:11,459 --> 01:26:13,043 Ever. 2014 01:26:14,209 --> 01:26:19,834 I tried to get on that plane to come and see you, but I... I just... 2015 01:26:19,918 --> 01:26:21,001 I couldn't. 2016 01:26:21,084 --> 01:26:24,293 You know, growing up, 2017 01:26:24,376 --> 01:26:28,793 compared to you guys, I had this kind of half life. 2018 01:26:28,876 --> 01:26:30,626 And in my heart, I always thought, 2019 01:26:30,709 --> 01:26:36,209 "Well, I'll have a family of my own someday, and we will be connected." 2020 01:26:36,293 --> 01:26:37,709 Truly connected. 2021 01:26:39,043 --> 01:26:41,584 And in an instant, that dream was gone. 2022 01:26:41,668 --> 01:26:43,459 I'm really sorry. 2023 01:26:43,543 --> 01:26:44,959 It wasn't your fault. 2024 01:26:45,043 --> 01:26:46,709 No, I should have told you. 2025 01:26:46,793 --> 01:26:50,876 Instead, I just tried to make it up to you by upgrading your room 2026 01:26:50,959 --> 01:26:53,043 -and trying to get you a job and... -(chuckles) 2027 01:26:53,126 --> 01:26:54,876 Yeah, but those are nice things. 2028 01:26:54,959 --> 01:26:59,918 They're... really nice... things, 2029 01:27:00,001 --> 01:27:05,376 and I think I can just be an ungrateful dummy sometimes. 2030 01:27:07,209 --> 01:27:09,876 (sighs) I haven't even told you the worst part. 2031 01:27:11,959 --> 01:27:14,168 Ollie doesn't know. 2032 01:27:14,251 --> 01:27:18,084 He doesn't know that I can't have children, and... 2033 01:27:18,168 --> 01:27:20,584 I've been lying to him, and he thinks I'm perfect. 2034 01:27:20,668 --> 01:27:22,251 And I know he won't love me 2035 01:27:22,334 --> 01:27:24,751 -once he actually knows me because... -That's not... 2036 01:27:24,834 --> 01:27:27,709 ...it's only a matter of time before Ollie realizes 2037 01:27:27,793 --> 01:27:33,334 that all of this is just a show and that deep down, I'm just Doritos. 2038 01:27:35,084 --> 01:27:37,209 Okay, I'm not sure what you mean about the Doritos part 2039 01:27:37,293 --> 01:27:40,501 'cause they are a wonderful snack food and let's not be rude to them, 2040 01:27:40,584 --> 01:27:42,876 but, El, we love you. 2041 01:27:42,959 --> 01:27:44,459 Maybe too much. 2042 01:27:44,543 --> 01:27:49,668 We put you on a pedestal, and then we all just feel like such garbage around you 2043 01:27:49,751 --> 01:27:52,709 that we act terrible to get you to reject us, 2044 01:27:52,793 --> 01:27:55,376 and I'm only just now realizing what a fun bunch we are. 2045 01:27:55,459 --> 01:27:59,168 Alice, you deserve happiness. 2046 01:27:59,251 --> 01:28:00,459 Quit pushing it away. 2047 01:28:01,543 --> 01:28:03,376 You first. 2048 01:28:03,459 --> 01:28:05,168 You're my big sister. 2049 01:28:05,251 --> 01:28:06,876 You have to set a good example. 2050 01:28:09,668 --> 01:28:13,168 But you do need to tell Ollie 2051 01:28:13,251 --> 01:28:16,209 about the whole kid thing. 2052 01:28:18,793 --> 01:28:20,918 Okay. 2053 01:28:21,001 --> 01:28:22,668 I can go with you. 2054 01:28:22,751 --> 01:28:25,626 If... if you'd like that. 2055 01:28:28,501 --> 01:28:30,334 -(chuckles) -Okay. 2056 01:28:31,334 --> 01:28:32,751 (sobs softly) 2057 01:28:34,293 --> 01:28:37,293 Before you go, can you get me another gordita? 2058 01:28:37,376 --> 01:28:41,043 Um, regular or Double Cheesy? 2059 01:28:42,251 --> 01:28:43,876 Double Cheesy. 2060 01:28:45,876 --> 01:28:47,251 It's my big day. 2061 01:28:47,334 --> 01:28:48,418 (chuckles) 2062 01:28:48,501 --> 01:28:50,501 ♪ ♪ 2063 01:29:00,709 --> 01:29:02,709 (birds chirping) 2064 01:29:03,626 --> 01:29:05,709 Ladies and gentlemen, 2065 01:29:05,793 --> 01:29:08,001 gays and theys, your bride. 2066 01:29:14,126 --> 01:29:15,501 (chuckles) 2067 01:29:15,584 --> 01:29:17,626 Oh, Eloise. 2068 01:29:21,126 --> 01:29:23,043 You've never looked more beautiful. 2069 01:29:23,126 --> 01:29:24,668 Thanks, Mum. 2070 01:29:24,751 --> 01:29:28,001 I mean, it's just relentlessly unfair 2071 01:29:28,084 --> 01:29:30,334 you took all the good genes and you left us with the scrap. 2072 01:29:30,418 --> 01:29:32,959 Well, you did take all the wit. 2073 01:29:33,043 --> 01:29:34,876 I'm the only one with the correct toe lengths. 2074 01:29:34,959 --> 01:29:36,459 Why would you throw that in my face before a wedding? 2075 01:29:36,543 --> 01:29:38,251 Well, I'm just pointing it out. 2076 01:29:38,334 --> 01:29:40,626 -Look at you. Look at you. -(Alice chuckles) 2077 01:29:40,709 --> 01:29:41,834 Look at all of you. 2078 01:29:41,918 --> 01:29:43,668 You're absolutely perfect. 2079 01:29:43,751 --> 01:29:44,876 My God. 2080 01:29:44,959 --> 01:29:47,668 You're the loves of my life. 2081 01:29:47,751 --> 01:29:49,543 I have spent too much time dwelling on the past 2082 01:29:49,626 --> 01:29:52,293 instead of thinking of all the good that's in front of us. 2083 01:29:52,376 --> 01:29:53,626 But no more. 2084 01:29:53,709 --> 01:29:56,376 And no more not talking to each other. 2085 01:29:56,459 --> 01:29:58,626 Okay? We need each other. 2086 01:29:58,709 --> 01:29:59,709 Yes. 2087 01:29:59,793 --> 01:30:02,459 No more satellites drifting around in space. 2088 01:30:02,543 --> 01:30:04,459 Come in. Come. 2089 01:30:04,543 --> 01:30:06,209 Come, come. Come hug. 2090 01:30:06,293 --> 01:30:07,876 (Paul groans) 2091 01:30:07,959 --> 01:30:10,251 ALICE: Are we allowed to show this much emotion in the U.K.? 2092 01:30:10,334 --> 01:30:12,709 -(laughter) -Oh, this is so fun and uncomfortable. 2093 01:30:12,793 --> 01:30:15,084 -DONNA: Mwah. -I know, but let's just do it for one more minute, okay? 2094 01:30:15,168 --> 01:30:16,293 -(Donna chuckles) -Okay. 2095 01:30:16,376 --> 01:30:18,709 -HENRIQUE: Bonjour! -Papa. (chuckles) 2096 01:30:18,793 --> 01:30:20,626 Uh, hello, Henrique. 2097 01:30:20,709 --> 01:30:22,751 Nice to see you again. 2098 01:30:22,834 --> 01:30:27,168 Um, I'm... I'm really sorry that I peed on your shoes 2099 01:30:27,251 --> 01:30:29,626 and punched you in the face. 2100 01:30:29,709 --> 01:30:35,209 In my defense, you have been a real jerk to my mother 2101 01:30:35,293 --> 01:30:37,293 on several occasions. 2102 01:30:37,376 --> 01:30:39,001 I have. 2103 01:30:39,084 --> 01:30:41,751 It's true. I'm sorry. 2104 01:30:41,834 --> 01:30:44,876 And what you said to me before is also true, Donna. 2105 01:30:44,959 --> 01:30:46,584 Merci. 2106 01:30:48,168 --> 01:30:53,418 Now, Eloise, are we ready to walk down the aisle? 2107 01:30:55,043 --> 01:30:57,043 ♪ ♪ 2108 01:31:05,251 --> 01:31:08,126 Ooh. Squeeze up. The Americans are coming. They're coming. 2109 01:31:08,209 --> 01:31:11,001 -Oh! -(Eloise laughing) -Are you okay? Are you all right? 2110 01:31:11,084 --> 01:31:13,084 -(Donna yelping) -(lively chatter, laughter) 2111 01:31:17,168 --> 01:31:19,459 (laughter and lively chatter continues) 2112 01:31:19,543 --> 01:31:20,918 Come on, come on, don't worry... 2113 01:31:21,001 --> 01:31:22,418 Nice to see you. 2114 01:31:22,501 --> 01:31:25,376 Okay, okay, please hold it together, hold it together. 2115 01:31:25,459 --> 01:31:27,376 (laughter continues) 2116 01:31:27,459 --> 01:31:29,668 ♪ ♪ 2117 01:31:29,751 --> 01:31:31,501 Hello? 2118 01:31:33,293 --> 01:31:34,709 (clears throat) 2119 01:31:37,084 --> 01:31:38,834 (sighs) 2120 01:31:38,918 --> 01:31:40,168 (chuckles): Yes. 2121 01:31:40,251 --> 01:31:42,751 I loved the pot gummies. 2122 01:31:42,834 --> 01:31:45,043 Yeah, you were right. Five was too many. 2123 01:31:45,126 --> 01:31:47,584 (laughs) 2124 01:31:47,668 --> 01:31:48,876 Oh, it was beautiful. 2125 01:31:52,376 --> 01:31:53,501 Hi. 2126 01:31:55,543 --> 01:31:57,334 Oh. Wow. Hi. 2127 01:31:58,668 --> 01:31:59,876 Um, sorry. 2128 01:31:59,959 --> 01:32:02,001 That I'm on your plane. 2129 01:32:02,084 --> 01:32:03,334 Um, but don't worry. 2130 01:32:03,418 --> 01:32:07,334 This time, I'm in coach with the rest of the riffraff and criminals. 2131 01:32:07,418 --> 01:32:09,709 Mm. The rabbit didn't pay for an upgrade? 2132 01:32:09,793 --> 01:32:12,126 Um, no, I-I broke up with the rabbit. 2133 01:32:12,209 --> 01:32:14,043 Oh, no. 2134 01:32:14,126 --> 01:32:16,543 I'm devastated. 2135 01:32:16,626 --> 01:32:19,668 Feel like that was sarcastic. 2136 01:32:19,751 --> 01:32:22,626 Well, uh, maybe I'll come visit you back there, 2137 01:32:22,709 --> 01:32:24,043 bring my extra dinner roll. 2138 01:32:25,376 --> 01:32:26,543 Oh, yeah? 2139 01:32:26,626 --> 01:32:27,668 Not for you to eat. 2140 01:32:27,751 --> 01:32:32,251 I'm just gonna throw it directly at your dumb, hot face. 2141 01:32:34,043 --> 01:32:36,376 -I deserve that. -Mm. 2142 01:32:38,334 --> 01:32:39,459 Watch out. 2143 01:32:39,543 --> 01:32:41,543 (laughs) 2144 01:32:44,251 --> 01:32:48,209 NARRATOR: Once upon a time, there was a family again. 2145 01:32:48,293 --> 01:32:50,959 80 degrees in December is Los Angeles. 2146 01:32:51,043 --> 01:32:53,876 I did warn you, Paul. How's that wool sweater treating you? 2147 01:32:53,959 --> 01:32:55,959 -Well, it doesn't smell great. -But you look great. 2148 01:32:56,043 --> 01:32:58,168 You guys, I'm so glad we're here. 2149 01:32:58,251 --> 01:33:00,043 We missed you so much for Thanksgiving. 2150 01:33:00,126 --> 01:33:01,918 -You really didn't miss much. -Excuse me. 2151 01:33:02,001 --> 01:33:05,251 Mother, I love you, but you make a very dry turkey. 2152 01:33:05,334 --> 01:33:06,959 -Well, that's what gravy's for. -(Paul laughs) 2153 01:33:07,043 --> 01:33:08,584 Mom, that's not. It's supposed to be... 2154 01:33:08,668 --> 01:33:09,959 -(gasps) Oh! Please, please. -Oh! 2155 01:33:10,043 --> 01:33:11,209 Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. 2156 01:33:11,293 --> 01:33:13,209 Hi, little bunny. 2157 01:33:13,293 --> 01:33:15,668 I cannot believe how quickly the adoption went through. 2158 01:33:15,751 --> 01:33:18,334 -Look at how elegant this baby is. -(laughter) 2159 01:33:18,418 --> 01:33:20,834 Like, this is a classy baby. 2160 01:33:20,918 --> 01:33:22,543 And I bet she doesn't even poop. 2161 01:33:22,626 --> 01:33:23,918 She pooped all over the plane. 2162 01:33:24,001 --> 01:33:25,959 We briefly had to touch down in St. Louis. 2163 01:33:26,043 --> 01:33:27,126 -(laughter) -No, you don't poop. 2164 01:33:27,209 --> 01:33:28,334 Give her here. Gimme, gimme, gimme. 2165 01:33:28,418 --> 01:33:31,584 Look how perfect she is. (gasps) 2166 01:33:31,668 --> 01:33:34,876 I just know if I have a baby, it's gonna be one of the sloppy ones. 2167 01:33:34,959 --> 01:33:37,126 Nonsense. It'll be a Bottoms. 2168 01:33:37,209 --> 01:33:38,293 That's very noble. 2169 01:33:38,376 --> 01:33:39,501 (Donna laughs) 2170 01:33:39,584 --> 01:33:40,876 Ho, ho, ho. 2171 01:33:40,959 --> 01:33:42,626 Ah! (laughs) 2172 01:33:42,709 --> 01:33:43,876 I can't believe you did it. 2173 01:33:43,959 --> 01:33:45,043 No beard? 2174 01:33:45,126 --> 01:33:47,001 -No, it was itchy. I have a rash. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2175 01:33:47,084 --> 01:33:48,668 DONNA: All right, everybody, I've got headbands here. 2176 01:33:48,751 --> 01:33:50,168 -Camp. I love it. -Everybody, grab a headband. 2177 01:33:50,251 --> 01:33:51,626 You're so extra, Mom. 2178 01:33:51,709 --> 01:33:53,459 I had to be. It's special. 2179 01:33:53,543 --> 01:33:54,834 Oh, no, no. Mom, Mom, can you switch with Alice? 2180 01:33:54,918 --> 01:33:55,959 I want to match. 2181 01:33:56,043 --> 01:33:57,459 Oh, sweetheart. 2182 01:33:57,543 --> 01:33:58,918 -Alice, give me your headband. -Okay. 2183 01:33:59,001 --> 01:34:00,918 DONNA: Okay, everybody, 2184 01:34:01,001 --> 01:34:03,126 try not to sweat because I am not paying for retouching. 2185 01:34:03,209 --> 01:34:05,876 NARRATOR: And they didn't live happily ever after 2186 01:34:05,959 --> 01:34:09,251 because, I mean, let's face it, sweetheart, we're all food for worms. 2187 01:34:09,334 --> 01:34:12,168 But they visited the mall and the Putt-Putt and the Taco Bell, 2188 01:34:12,251 --> 01:34:14,334 and the world kept on spinning. 2189 01:34:14,418 --> 01:34:15,668 This is so nice. 2190 01:34:15,751 --> 01:34:18,126 (sobs): Oh, dear. 2191 01:34:18,209 --> 01:34:19,209 Oh, no. 2192 01:34:19,293 --> 01:34:21,251 Mom, this is supposed to make you happy. 2193 01:34:21,334 --> 01:34:22,709 (sobbing): I am happy. 2194 01:34:22,793 --> 01:34:24,001 I am. 2195 01:34:24,084 --> 01:34:26,001 Do you want me to start? 2196 01:34:26,084 --> 01:34:27,334 Yes. Okay. 2197 01:34:27,418 --> 01:34:28,626 NARRATOR: And they made the best of it. 2198 01:34:28,709 --> 01:34:29,709 PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, here we go. 2199 01:34:29,793 --> 01:34:31,168 NARRATOR: Right up until the credits rolled. 2200 01:34:31,251 --> 01:34:33,459 -(baby laughs) -(camera clicks) 2201 01:34:33,543 --> 01:34:35,418 ♪ "Let the credits roll" ♪ 2202 01:34:35,501 --> 01:34:38,418 ♪ When the lights come on and they play that song ♪ 2203 01:34:38,501 --> 01:34:42,459 ♪ Saying it's time to let the curtains close ♪ 2204 01:34:42,543 --> 01:34:45,584 ♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪ 2205 01:34:45,668 --> 01:34:48,876 ♪ So let the credits roll ♪ 2206 01:35:00,084 --> 01:35:01,543 -♪ I watch ♪ -♪ I watch ♪ 2207 01:35:01,626 --> 01:35:03,334 -♪ A montage ♪ -♪ A montage ♪ 2208 01:35:03,418 --> 01:35:06,584 ♪ Of moments I thought the world would end ♪ 2209 01:35:06,668 --> 01:35:08,084 -♪ Cut to ♪ -♪ Cut to ♪ 2210 01:35:08,168 --> 01:35:09,793 -♪ Part two ♪ -♪ Part two ♪ 2211 01:35:09,876 --> 01:35:12,834 ♪ I realized it was in my head ♪ 2212 01:35:12,918 --> 01:35:16,043 ♪ Brush my hair in the mirror, maybe I'll dye it blue ♪ 2213 01:35:16,126 --> 01:35:19,168 ♪ Heard the color is dated, but maybe dated is cool ♪ 2214 01:35:19,251 --> 01:35:22,084 ♪ It's the end of an era, I put my fist in the air ♪ 2215 01:35:22,168 --> 01:35:26,459 ♪ And then I look in the camera and tell 'em, "Let the credits roll" ♪ 2216 01:35:26,543 --> 01:35:29,501 ♪ When the lights come on and they play that song ♪ 2217 01:35:29,584 --> 01:35:33,168 ♪ Sayin' it's time to let the curtains close ♪ 2218 01:35:33,251 --> 01:35:36,959 ♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪ 2219 01:35:37,043 --> 01:35:39,168 ♪ So let the credits roll ♪ 2220 01:35:39,251 --> 01:35:42,251 ♪ When the lights come on and they play that song ♪ 2221 01:35:42,334 --> 01:35:46,209 ♪ Sayin' it's time to let the curtains close ♪ 2222 01:35:46,293 --> 01:35:49,709 ♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪ 2223 01:35:51,084 --> 01:35:53,084 ♪ ♪ 2224 01:36:03,834 --> 01:36:05,418 ♪ I know I've changed ♪ 2225 01:36:05,501 --> 01:36:09,959 ♪ Maybe you should go try it, too ♪ 2226 01:36:10,043 --> 01:36:11,876 ♪ I'm not the same ♪ 2227 01:36:11,959 --> 01:36:16,709 ♪ So don't expect what you're used to ♪ 2228 01:36:17,418 --> 01:36:18,918 ♪ Let the credits roll ♪ 2229 01:36:19,001 --> 01:36:21,876 ♪ When the lights come on and they play that song ♪ 2230 01:36:21,959 --> 01:36:25,959 ♪ Sayin' it's time to let the curtains close ♪ 2231 01:36:26,043 --> 01:36:29,626 ♪ This ain't a coming-of-age anymore ♪ 2232 01:36:29,709 --> 01:36:32,709 ♪ So let the credits roll. ♪ 2233 01:36:32,793 --> 01:36:34,793 ♪ ♪ 2234 01:36:43,293 --> 01:36:45,209 (song ends) 2235 01:36:45,293 --> 01:36:47,209 ♪ ♪ 2236 01:37:17,293 --> 01:37:19,209 ♪ ♪ 2237 01:37:51,293 --> 01:37:53,293 ♪ ♪ 2238 01:38:23,293 --> 01:38:25,293 ♪ ♪ 2239 01:38:55,293 --> 01:38:57,293 ♪ ♪ 2240 01:39:17,334 --> 01:39:19,334 (music ends)