1
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,644
Coach, why do we have to be here?
2
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:23,440
Because our revered teacher
and coach at Lenwood has died.
3
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,900
But trust me, boys, he was a huge asshole.
4
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:26,901
Like you, Coach?
5
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,403
I guess I am revered, sure.
6
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:29,654
No, the asshole part.
7
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,157
Who you calling asshole, big boy?
Take a lap!
8
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,783
-It's a vigil.
-Take a lap!
9
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:34,701
[DJ panting]
10
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:38,621
I recognize how tough
this time is for all of us.
11
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,291
And so we have brought in
a grief counselor
12
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:44,127
to help students get through this tragedy.
13
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,255
Also, please lift your candles high.
14
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:50,842
There's a fat boy running around here
like a dang fool!
15
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,719
What constitutes a lap?
16
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,971
-[Shannon whispering] Excuse me!
-Ow! My foot!
17
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,891
The lawyer called and said
you wouldn't sign the divorce papers.
18
00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:58,808
Again!
19
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,311
I don't understand why
we have to get lawyers involved.
20
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,772
-I don't wanna pay for that.
-I'm paying for it.
21
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,524
If you could afford a lawyer,
I might have stayed with you.
22
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,986
I don't know if you not signing these
is some warped way of telling yourself
23
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,447
we'll get back together,
but it's not gonna happen.
24
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,784
A man has died, Shannon.
25
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,619
What is wrong with you?
26
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:20,580
Show some respect, please.
27
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,290
Oh, there's my delivery guy.
28
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:24,542
Hey, buddy! Are you my chicken fingers?
29
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,336
I'm starving to death over here.
30
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:30,465
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
31
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,426
Big shot, if you're up there,
show me something!
32
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,387
-[all gasp]
-Oh, my Lord!
33
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,556
-[crowd murmuring]
-Oh, my God!
34
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,935
Save the chicken finger!
Somebody grab that bag!
35
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,354
[man screaming]
36
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,026
[man coughing]
37
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,365
-[gasps]
-Oh, shit. He seemed like a good dude.
38
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,992
[theme music playing]
39
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,664
[whistle blows]
40
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:03,790
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
41
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:06,626
♪ Sick of my job
Sick of those damn kids ♪
42
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:08,837
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
43
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,506
♪ Driving me crazy
'Bout to lose my shit ♪
44
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,466
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
45
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,761
♪ Sick of my job
Sick of those damn kids ♪
46
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,015
-♪ Hey, yeah ♪
-♪ 'Bout to lose my shit, yeah ♪
47
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,059
[tires screech]
48
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,355
♪ Hoops! ♪
49
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,314
[whistle blows]
50
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,232
♪ Hoops! ♪
51
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,359
♪ Hoops! ♪
52
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,027
♪ Hoops! ♪
53
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,912
-[microphone interference]
-Uh, welcome back.
54
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,207
I'd like to reintroduce
the grief counselor, Dr. Brooks,
55
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:50,670
who will now be available to not only
talk about Mr. Singleton's passing
56
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,965
but also the graphic death of Kyle G.,
57
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,718
Coach's delivery guy who we all saw
58
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,220
get horrifically burned alive.
59
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,222
Whoo! It's a twofer.
60
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,766
You know what they say. When it rains...
61
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,437
Well, actually, rain would have helped.
62
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,564
So awful. That poor guy.
63
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,191
I know. He didn't deserve that.
64
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,358
But I have to admit,
65
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,320
it was the best smelling tragedy
I've ever seen.
66
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,114
[woman] Well, Coach Hopkins,
67
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,408
I just want you to know,
first and foremost,
68
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,620
that just because Kyle G.
was your delivery driver
69
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,622
doesn't mean his death was your fault.
70
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,750
Yeah. No duh. It's his fault
for being a guy with a ponytail.
71
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,377
A ponytail at a vigil
is like walking around
72
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,338
with a fuse on your fucking head.
73
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,255
Oh...
74
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,550
Well, then if it's not that,
what brings you in today?
75
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,718
Is it Mr. Singleton?
76
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,429
Doctor, I need to talk to someone
about my wife.
77
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,014
She's a fucking lunatic.
78
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:44,807
Honestly, I'm here for the students.
79
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,769
If you're not here
to talk about one of the two tragedies,
80
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,438
-I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
-Well, I guess you're in luck.
81
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,815
I can talk about
that dead prick Singleton.
82
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,693
You see, he was
my high school basketball coach.
83
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,196
-[whistle blows]
-All right, fellas. Good hustle out there.
84
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:01,908
I just posted the names of the guys
who made the team on the locker room wall.
85
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,285
And if you didn't make it,
don't overreact.
86
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,789
All it means is
that your basketball dreams have died.
87
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,708
[grunts]
88
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:15,588
Yes! I'm on there! Let's go celebrate
before you check for yours. You're a lock.
89
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,508
Where's... Where's my name?
90
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,095
Oh, wow! Barry Hopkins' kid
didn't even make it.
91
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,430
[laughing]
92
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,227
Kirk, what am I gonna tell my dad?
93
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,438
Maybe tell him that not having a mom
for you in your life
94
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,940
has really messed you up
95
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,401
and that trying to please him
all the time is exhausting.
96
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,861
I don't know. I always use that excuse.
97
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:39,779
Ow!
98
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:44,993
[slow electronic music playing]
99
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:49,497
[woman] Dude!
100
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,750
Your face got in the way
of my angsty joint flick.
101
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,503
-Well, watch where you throw it.
-Hey, it's still lit.
102
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,880
[coughing]
103
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,674
[inhales deeply]
104
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,134
[coughing]
105
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:02,093
Oh, yeah.
106
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,971
I suddenly feel like listening
to some god-awful, horrible shit
107
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,306
like Blues Traveler.
108
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,142
I'm sorry I got in the way of your joint.
I can't win today.
109
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,478
Are you really that sad
about a joint hitting your eyeball?
110
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,106
No, I don't care about the joint,
and not that you'd care,
111
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,858
but I didn't make
the basketball team, OK?
112
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:18,067
So what?
113
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,571
If basketball is that sport
I'm thinking of, it's stupid anyways.
114
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,198
You don't get it. My dad is Barry Hopkins!
115
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,785
Runner-up for the Sixth Man of the Year
in the ABA,
116
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:31,581
which basically makes him
the best Seventh Man, which is a big deal!
117
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,416
Man, I wish I could have heard
what you said
118
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,960
to that asshole
who didn't put you on the team.
119
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,046
What do you mean?
I didn't say anything to him.
120
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,631
Really? You should have let him have it.
121
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,134
Yellin' at people
makes you feel hella better,
122
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:46,596
and saying "hella"
makes any sentence sound hella cooler.
123
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,473
Hey, this ain't the mall!
124
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,266
Quit yapping so loud!
125
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,435
We're very sorry
for the inconvenience, sir.
126
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,187
We should get out of here.
We're being rude.
127
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,314
No way! Fuck that, dude.
128
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,025
Don't come out here shoutin' at us,
you old wrinkled dick bitch!
129
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,652
Go inside before I mace you
130
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:05,865
and tell the cops you offered me
five bucks to see my tits, Grandpa.
131
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:08,743
See?
132
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,953
Oh, hey. I'm Shannon, by the way.
133
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,747
Ben. It's nice to meet you.
134
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,832
You think your coach is still at school?
135
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,127
Go for it.
136
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,296
OK. Um...
137
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,633
While I thank you
for the opportunity to compete,
138
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,260
I'm a little upset
you didn't see my potential, Coach.
139
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,512
[Shannon] And?
140
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:28,971
And? Um...
141
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,975
And you're... And you're a knucklehead,
and you're... and you're a piece of poo.
142
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,604
[Shannon] No, really give it to him!
143
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,399
And you're a real motherfucker, OK?
144
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,234
What did you just call me, Ben?
145
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,985
[whispers] Don't back down.
146
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:46,155
I called you a motherfucker because...
147
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,742
well, because that's what you are.
You're a real motherfucker.
148
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,578
And you might as well stay at home
and fuck your mother
149
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,164
'cause you're probably way better
at mom fuckin'
150
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,582
than you are at coaching!
151
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,376
My mother just passed away, Ben.
152
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:01,254
[whispers] That's no excuse
for what that asshole did to you.
153
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,463
Yeah, you're right.
154
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,091
So not only do you fuck your mom,
155
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:08,052
but now you're admitting to doing it
while she's dead,
156
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,763
and that's fucking disgusting.
157
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,057
You're right, Shannon. I feel alive!
158
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:16,769
Unlike this guy's cold dead mama,
whom he fucks.
159
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,980
Look at me! I'm on hella fire!
160
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,732
That was hella cool, dude!
161
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,819
[laughing]
162
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,946
You know what happened the next day?
163
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:31,075
You apologized to the coach
for what you said about his dead mother?
164
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,034
What? No!
165
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,413
Shannon jayed me off in the photo lab,
and I knew we were meant to be.
166
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:39,542
This has nothing to do
with the tragedies of the last 48 hours.
167
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,503
Fine. But wouldn't you agree
that we sound perfect for each other?
168
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,714
You and your wife? Yeah, sure.
169
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,091
So your professional medical opinion
170
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,343
is that I shouldn't
sign the divorce papers,
171
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,972
and I should do anything I can
to win her back with grand gestures.
172
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,266
Look, I don't have
all the details, OK? So--
173
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,851
Exactly, Doc.
174
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:59,020
Gosh, I feel 20 pounds lighter,
175
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,647
and I don't think
it's the diarrhea I've had this week.
176
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,692
Thank you, Doctor,
and a little something for your troubles.
177
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,907
Hi, doctor lady.
I'm Ron, the kids' favorite teacher.
178
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,619
I'm also sort of like a best friend
to them and a shoulder to cry on,
179
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,163
so if I can help in any way,
please let me know.
180
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:20,208
Well, thank you, Ron.
That's actually very helpful.
181
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:24,128
After tragedy, it can be hard
for children of any age to--
182
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,923
Sure, sure. I remember
how fast I had to grow up.
183
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,342
Wait. What? Is this about the tragedies?
184
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,011
-[helicopter blades whirring]
-[military music playing]
185
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,520
[all gasp]
186
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,230
That's the Bone Collector's stuff.
187
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,106
[man] What the fuck?
188
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,151
The new guy
doesn't wanna live too long, huh?
189
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,111
I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean to.
190
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,239
-[gunfire]
-Shit! We got company!
191
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,909
Well, let's put a pin in this
while I take one out of this.
192
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,750
Looks like I'll have to go old school.
193
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,335
[rock music playing]
194
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,811
Can't touch this.
195
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,819
Grab his gun, Ron!
196
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,237
Gun? Pfft!
197
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,488
I'm on a roll!
198
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,366
And that's how I stay so calm now.
199
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:36,617
Well, anyhoozle,
200
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,787
if there's anything you need,
don't be afraid to holler.
201
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,122
-[chuckles]
-[bell rings]
202
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,206
Ooh, that's lunch!
203
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,457
It's macaroni day.
204
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,755
[knocking on door]
205
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,466
Oh, my God! Ben, what do you want?
206
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,094
Well, I talked
to a professional therapist,
207
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,305
and she thinks
we should still be together.
208
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,890
She thinks we're soul mates.
Her words, not mine.
209
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,475
So I'm not gonna sign the papers.
210
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,604
Instead,
based on her professional opinion,
211
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,981
I'm gonna win you over
with grand gestures.
212
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,609
You're not winning shit, Ben.
213
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,527
Not in either court.
214
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,362
[laughs] This is classic us.
215
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,449
We are not getting back together,
so please stop trying!
216
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,076
We got a real cat and mouse thing,
you and me.
217
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:19,994
Ugh!
218
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,706
[bell rings]
219
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,251
Are you that dumb Dr. Phil wannabe
220
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,087
who's putting all these dumb ideas
in Ben's dumb head?
221
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,131
I'm sorry,
but you cannot just storm in here
222
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,884
while I'm in the middle
of talking to this student about...
223
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,385
Billy Joel, for some reason.
224
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,929
-I thought this was confidential.
-You need to hear my side.
225
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,433
[Brooks] Wait. What? No, please don't
launch into an off-topic story.
226
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,227
Come on, guys.
Get your fucking heads in the game.
227
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,438
This is the fucking state championship.
228
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,815
Get your shit together, you losers.
229
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,944
How was that? Did that say
"NBA Coach of the Year," or what?
230
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,946
Uh, that... That was great, hon. Um...
231
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,366
Hey, I'm gonna run out and grab some milk.
232
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,742
Didn't you just get a gallon?
233
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:00,868
Oh...
234
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,745
I... I don't think I did.
235
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,416
[rock music playing]
236
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,461
-You know I'm charging you for that.
-[burps]
237
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,962
Eat a dick, Carl.
238
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,339
-[mic interference]
-[man] Up next
239
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:17,718
on the bull, the only woman
to be banned from this bar seven times!
240
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:18,844
It's true!
241
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,639
I stole a toilet out of this bitch once.
242
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:25,935
[man] Make some noise, folks,
for Shannon "yeehaw" Hopkins.
243
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,520
-Excuse me!
-[cheering and whistling]
244
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,938
[coughs] Excuse me!
245
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,314
[clears throat]
246
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,066
Giddyup, bitch!
247
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,693
[country music playing]
248
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,070
[cheering and whooping]
249
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,489
Enough with the Mickey Mouse shit.
250
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,157
Crank it up!
251
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,536
[cheering]
252
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,166
Woo-hoo!
253
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:50,793
Yeehaw!
254
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,336
You're not wearing underwear.
255
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,340
I'm hairless and careless. [laughs]
256
00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,552
[beeping]
257
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,976
So I had to work off
the damage I'd done to the farm,
258
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:10,771
and that's when I realized
I needed to turn my life around.
259
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,940
And I knew I couldn't do that with him.
260
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,150
[boy] Definitely.
261
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,361
I mean, I love Coach, but he's
a bottomless pit of anger and resentments.
262
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,447
Sounds like you're way healthier
without him.
263
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,867
I am. And Ron, the guy I'm dating now,
is the best.
264
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,744
He's sweet, passive,
265
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,830
and doesn't have
a single skeleton in his closet.
266
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:31,250
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a divorce to reinitiate.
267
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,377
[sniffles] Thank God it's my turn.
268
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,630
I'm having
these horrible waking nightmares.
269
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,132
-Hello!
-Excuse me.
270
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,968
Can you please let
the little boy with the annoying voice in?
271
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,470
It's... It's not annoying.
272
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:46,682
It's a genetic abnormality that happens
to most of the men in my family.
273
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,476
There's a surgery, but we can't afford--
274
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,895
[clears throat] Sorry.
I'll make this quick.
275
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:54,440
I just wanna make sure
you're a state-licensed therapist.
276
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,192
I... Of course I am.
277
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,693
Perfect. Here's the thing.
278
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,570
I need to get a signature on these papers
279
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:02,323
saying that Felix here
is an emotional support dog.
280
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,950
I'm here to help the kids.
281
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,120
He's worm-free. You can check.
I brought the flashlight and everything.
282
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:12,374
OK. I am not using a flashlight
to check your dog's butt for worms.
283
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,918
Oh...
284
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,961
[laughing] OK. I see what you're after.
285
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:20,132
You want the great Barry Hopkins
to regale you with a story of yesteryear
286
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,300
before you'll do my bidding.
287
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:24,303
What are you talking about?
I don't even know who the hell you are.
288
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,305
Me? Ballin' Barry?
289
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:30,976
Former runner-up Sixth Man of the Year,
aka the best Seventh Man.
290
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,812
Oh, OK. I know you.
291
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,355
Your son was in here earlier.
292
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,023
Ben? You wanna talk about him?
293
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,024
OK. [sighs]
294
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,151
But let's... let's take the long way.
295
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,403
[Brooks] No, no, no! Do not begin a story!
296
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,696
[funk music playing]
297
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,782
[chatting]
298
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,204
Oh! Hey, Barry! How you doing?
299
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:53,582
Great game last night.
Now it's, uh, my turn to score.
300
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,708
Hmm!
301
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,252
Thanks, honey.
302
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,046
How about a little something
to start the party, Barry?
303
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,840
[snorts]
304
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,174
Oh, hell yeah!
305
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,634
That's good booger sugar.
306
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,427
Hey, Barry.
307
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,513
Why don't you meet me in the bathroom?
308
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,932
I got something I wanna show you.
309
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,309
Yuck! No, thanks. Plus, I just went.
310
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,478
-[woman] That's a foul!
-[record scratches]
311
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,106
What's wrong, ref?
You got shit in your eyes?
312
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:20,734
[Barry] Sure, she wasn't the prettiest
dame at the party, but she was fiery.
313
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,152
Barry Hopkins!
314
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:25,447
You'd be a pretty good player
if you could make a fucking free throw!
315
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,783
You'll never guess what happened next.
316
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:30,870
Let's just say it was genital penetration.
317
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,037
[Brooks] Oh, my God.
318
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,205
[moaning and banging]
319
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,042
[Brooks] The details are overwhelming
and not at all appropriate.
320
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,129
[Barry] You sure? Because we did it
in, like, five more positions,
321
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,422
one of which was the butt.
322
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:42,339
[Brooks] Oh, yuck!
323
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,257
[Barry] My butt.
324
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:46,760
[howling]
325
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:50,180
Holy shit!
326
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:53,475
You're that girl from that night
approximately nine months ago.
327
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,688
Holy shit! Diana married Charles?
328
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,691
Holy shit!
329
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,484
There's a baby in that paper!
330
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,861
It's yours.
331
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,322
You gotta look after it
because the boys in blue
332
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,074
got me doing three to five
for punching a congressman.
333
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,535
[babbles]
334
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,204
So you raised that little boy
all by yourself?
335
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,915
I did. All by myself.
336
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,458
Just me, Ben,
337
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,877
and our three live-in
round-the-clock nannies,
338
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,170
plus two part-timers.
339
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,047
What about after his mother got out?
340
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,757
[chuckles] Funny story.
341
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,426
She shivved the warden,
so she's never getting out.
342
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:31,805
OK. Well, as fascinating as that all is,
I'm not going to sign the papers for you.
343
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:32,806
What? Why?
344
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,643
Because I'm here
for a totally different reason.
345
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,187
Also, your therapy dog
is eating a box of pens.
346
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,523
Huh? Felix! No! Bad boy! Bad boy!
347
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,568
Remember what happened
when we ate blue pens last time?
348
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,986
We got sick!
349
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,071
[sighs]
350
00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:50,074
Well, good luck getting a steak
in this town, missy.
351
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,075
[door opens]
352
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:54,036
Unless you go to one of the steak houses
that's not mine.
353
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,871
Then, maybe you'll be fine, but...
354
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,499
Oh, to hell with it.
355
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,418
Come in to Hopkins Steak House anytime.
Love to have you.
356
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,882
[Shannon]
Ben, what the hell are you doing?
357
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,551
A grand gesture, Shan.
What does it look like?
358
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,262
Well, it looks
like you're vandalizing my truck.
359
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,180
I'll be honest.
360
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:16,308
I was trying to draw a mural of you and me
and a heart on the hood.
361
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,018
Would have been so fucking romantic.
362
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,021
But then the paint started running,
so now I'm just painting your truck red.
363
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,731
I don't need a grand gesture.
364
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,193
I talked to the shrink, and guess what?
She agrees with me now.
365
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,445
That double-talking flip-flopper!
366
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,947
Sign the damn papers, Ben.
367
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:30,864
No way!
368
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,783
Why do you keep dragging this out?
369
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:35,119
I told you I'd keep you on my insurance.
370
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,328
It's not that!
371
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,246
It's...
372
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,749
If I sign the papers,
it's officially over between us,
373
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,168
and I'm still in love with you, OK?
374
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,715
But yeah, also the insurance stuff.
375
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,134
Plus, I don't wanna
have to change my name back
376
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:51,343
and all that bullshit.
377
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,344
Oh, my God.
378
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,516
Oh, Dr. Brooks?
379
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:01,353
I just wanted to check in with you
and make sure everything was going OK.
380
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,814
Actually, I'm having trouble
talking to the kids.
381
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,357
Ugh! Join the club.
382
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,444
Their stories have no point,
and they're always sick.
383
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:12,740
No, I mean it's because these adults
seem more like kids than the kids do.
384
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,159
It's like they can't
handle their own problems.
385
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,702
[laughs]
386
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,079
An adult that can't handle their problems?
387
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,956
That sounds just like Chelsea.
388
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,750
I'm sorry. Who?
389
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,127
Oh, don't get me started on that.
390
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,879
I'm really not trying to.
391
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,922
Well, it was a crazy time.
392
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,425
[Brooks] Stop, stop, stop!
Please, please no!
393
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,933
♪ You gotta buckle that belt ♪
394
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:43,729
♪ Slide that flap deep inside ♪
395
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:47,066
♪ Before we take the airplane ride ♪
396
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,527
♪ You gotta turn off
All your electric shit ♪
397
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,864
♪ You can't use your phone
For a little bit ♪
398
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,868
♪ Smoke in the bathroom
I whoop your ass ♪
399
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:02,164
♪ That goes for you, too, first class ♪
400
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,166
[cheering and murmuring]
401
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,795
[birds cawing]
402
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,132
Oh, shit! Chelsea!
403
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,969
For the last time, call me Sully.
It's way cooler.
404
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,846
Chelsea's a girl's name.
405
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,558
Fine. Sully!
Birds just flew into the right engine.
406
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,268
-What?
-[alarm beeping]
407
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:24,603
[Sully] Oh, my God!
408
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:25,979
We're losing power.
409
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,481
We're all gonna die!
410
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:31,026
Everybody is depending on you.
You'd better figure something out.
411
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,695
[panting] OK! OK! OK!
412
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,822
Oh! Oops!
413
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,448
I spilled my ginger ale!
414
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,368
I'm the worst. I can't do this!
415
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,452
Listen here, Sully.
416
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,664
It's time for your balls to finally drop
and you to sack up.
417
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,707
You can do this! I know you can!
418
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,335
-You got soda all over yourself.
-[panting]
419
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:49,711
It's not soda.
420
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,754
[whispers] I peed.
421
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,507
[Opal] There!
We can land the plane there.
422
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,633
In a river?
423
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,801
Are you crazy?
424
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,302
Everything will get wet!
425
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,762
We have no choice!
426
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,265
[grunts]
427
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,643
[screaming]
428
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:10,107
I just want you to know
that whatever happens, you're responsible.
429
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,441
[alarm beeping]
430
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,036
Out of the way! Out of the way!
431
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,581
I did it! I did it all by myself!
432
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,834
It was my idea, and my nickname is Sully.
433
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,127
Don't call me Chelsea.
434
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,754
Also, this is definitely soda.
435
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,881
OK.
436
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,217
Come on. You're welcome. Hm-mm. Over he--
437
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,305
Two-faced girl-named
ever-lying piece of dookie.
438
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:45,392
You were responsible
for the miracle on the Hudson?
439
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:46,518
Uh-huh.
440
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:50,063
But Chelsea was worried I'd tell people,
so he blackballed me,
441
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:53,275
and that forced me
into the garbage life of education.
442
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:56,236
Anyway, I'll try
to keep the grown-ups out of your hair,
443
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,363
but they sure can ramble.
444
00:19:58,864 --> 00:19:59,948
No shit.
445
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,954
Am I crazy, or does this look
way better than it did before?
446
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,708
You're fucking crazy, Ben.
447
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,668
Now get out of the way. I'm leaving.
448
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,796
You're not going anywhere
until we settle this.
449
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,594
-Don't do it, Shannon.
-Don't tempt me, Ben.
450
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,678
I'm gonna do it.
451
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:25,015
I'm gonna squash your little brain
and never think about your dumb ass again.
452
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:25,933
Fine!
453
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,227
I guess this is how it ends.
454
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,984
It's seared into my brain,
the image of a man getting burned alive.
455
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:36,902
Nasty!
456
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,780
Unburden yourselves, please.
457
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:42,032
It's just one of those things
we're never gonna forget.
458
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,910
Like when that Red Bull dude
jumped from space.
459
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,287
Man, one second
you're talking to your friends, the next,
460
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,748
the delivery dude turns into Ghost Rider
in front of your ass.
461
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,125
OK, the first thing
I'm going to ask you boys
462
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,043
-to do--
-[bell rings]
463
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:54,544
-We're out of here.
-Later, Doc.
464
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,046
We should go watch Ghost Rider.
465
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:59,132
Wait. Are you sure you guys are OK?
We can talk longer.
466
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,510
No, that's cool.
We're just in here to miss last period.
467
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,136
What about what you saw?
468
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,263
That was nothing.
469
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,723
I just watched a guy
circumcise himself online.
470
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,141
I didn't even stop eating.
471
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,477
Yeah, I'll just bury that stuff
in the back of my brain
472
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,981
like I do all that childhood trauma
I got no one to talk to about.
473
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,359
I don't even know
what they expected me to do.
474
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:20,112
It's like a madhouse in there.
Everybody's completely fucking insane.
475
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,405
Hey, therapist lady!
476
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,990
Yes. What?
477
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,616
I need you to tell Ben here
478
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,577
what you said about
how he should sign the divorce papers.
479
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:30,914
You know what we spoke about earlier?
How he's awful for me?
480
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:34,501
Awful for you? I'm the legend
who romantically painted your truck red.
481
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:35,669
-Sort of.
-Stop! OK?
482
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,630
This is not what I was here for.
I was here for the kids.
483
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,382
[exhales deeply]
484
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:44,261
OK, look. If I'm being honest,
your love story sort of reminds me
485
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,847
of the story of how I met my husband.
486
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:50,183
[Brooks]
The ship had sunk only a few weeks before.
487
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:54,521
I'd been getting by fine on my own,
but then I saw him.
488
00:21:57,607 --> 00:21:58,984
It's just us.
489
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,778
We're the only ones on the entire Island.
490
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,322
-Boring!
-Boring!
491
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:06,575
Holy shit, was that story boring.
It had nothing to do with me.
492
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:10,162
I actually find it a little selfish
that you're rambling on about yourself.
493
00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:12,080
A delivery man died.
494
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,206
I agree, Shannon.
495
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,000
Whatever. I'm out of here.
496
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,210
-[Shannon] You can't leave!
-Just go, you fucking quack!
497
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,047
-[Ben] Some help you are!
-You gotta finish what you started, bitch.
498
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,507
-We're different and not meant...
-We are definitely meant...
499
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,051
[both] ...to be together.
500
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:28,889
-[Shannon] Oh, shit!
-Holy fuck!
501
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:31,683
Oh, no! What did I do?
502
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,310
No, no, no!
503
00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:36,355
I was just trying to bring Ben
his steak and cheese quesarito,
504
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:37,773
and now my life is over!
505
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:40,442
What? I skipped lunch.
506
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,907
Dr. Brooks wouldn't want us to grieve.
507
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:50,118
She was just here a day,
so that won't be too hard.
508
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,163
She tried to help some of us, then died.
509
00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:57,542
Anyway, don't forget the girls' volleyball
car wash this weekend.
510
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,962
I seriously do need therapy though.
511
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:06,968
♪ My home is in Kentucky ♪
512
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:11,807
♪ And that is where I'll die ♪
513
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:15,477
♪ I hope it's soon ♪
514
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,981
♪ 'Cause I presume ♪
515
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:24,986
♪ It's all a waste of time ♪