1
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,392
Good morning, Lenwood!

2
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,561
Amazing news, everybody!

3
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I fucked my wife!

4
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,903
Morning, everybody. I fucked my wife!

5
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,905
Hey, kids. I fucked my wife!

6
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Betty, roses look great!

7
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I fucked my wife.

8
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I fucked my wife, trash man!

9
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-Who's the guy who fucked his wife?
-♪ Coach is, Coach is... ♪

10
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,958
Hey, Frank. How are ya?

11
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Every day's a little better
than the last one,

12
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,963
but I can't lie and say
I don't miss my dear, sweet Margaret.

13
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Well, she was a good woman,

14
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and it seemed like you guys
truly loved each other.

15
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-Anyway, I fucked my wife!
-♪ Who's the guy who fucked his wife... ♪

16
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,223
Uh, Guy Hoop-hucti-zwyfe?

17
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,726
That's me, and it's actually pronounced

18
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,062
"guy who fucked his wife."

19
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,773
Which, by the way, is something I did.

20
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,692
♪ He fucked his wife...♪

21
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I fucked my wife.

22
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- ♪ He fucked his wife...♪
- Ah, shit! My leg!

23
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At least I fucked my wife.
I hope I told enough people.

24
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♪ Hey, yeah ♪

25
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,462
♪ Sick of my job
Sick of those damn kids ♪

26
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♪ Hey, yeah ♪

27
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♪ Driving me crazy
'Bout to lose my shit ♪

28
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♪ Hey, yeah ♪

29
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♪ Sick of my job
Sick of those damn kids ♪

30
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♪ Hey, yeah
'Bout to lose my shit, yeah ♪

31
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♪ Hoops! ♪

32
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♪ Hoops! ♪

33
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♪ Hoops! ♪

34
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♪ Hoops! ♪

35
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That's a charge!

36
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,920
You no-dick bastard!

37
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That was a bullshit call!
I mean, are you blind?

38
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Get your head out of your own asshole!

39
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,970
Hey, man, is everything all right?

40
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,471
Love is fickle.

41
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And sometimes
love will break your fuckin' heart.

42
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,685
Whoa! Did something happen, buddy?

43
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,728
Shannon left me!

44
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,272
She's gone!

45
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Just like the NSYNC song
and the Hall & Oates song.

46
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There are a lot of songs on this subject.

47
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,112
Shannon left you?

48
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:38,408
That's so unexpected and terrible for you!

49
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,909
Man, I am shocked!

50
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,036
I had no idea
you guys were having problems.

51
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,956
Ron, why don't you get outta here
and go clean yourself up?

52
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,876
Thanks, Ben. You're the only one
that really cares about me.

53
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Hey, man. I love ya.

54
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,337
Time-out!

55
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,755
Good time-out, Coach.

56
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,091
They got Rogers on me.
He doesn't even come up to my waist.

57
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,759
Enough with the basketball shit!

58
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,469
We've been talking about it all season.

59
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Something important happened.

60
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,348
Shannon broke up with Ron.
I'm fuckin' golden.

61
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,309
This is better
than the day I took that selfie

62
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,060
with Vin Diesel at Kings Island.

63
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,271
Yeah, Coach,
you keep showing us that picture,

64
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and we've told you already,
that's not Vin Diesel.

65
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That little bald guy
was Vin fuckin' Diesel.

66
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Oh, come on, Coach.
That dude was like three feet tall.

67
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:18,323
Ah, they make you look tall in Hollywood.

68
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:20,575
I hear that Ryan Reynolds
is barely a foot.

69
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Anyway, as long as you called time-out,

70
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is there something you can say
that might inspire us?

71
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,497
Yeah, sure.

72
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I fucked my wife!

73
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,210
Yeah, the garbage man told me.

74
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,173
All right. Good effort, guys.
We'll get 'em next time.

75
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:37,800
Coach Hopkins.

76
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,010
Do you have a minute?

77
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She wants to have dinner!

78
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:44,849
Uh...

79
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That's great.
Now, the reason that I want--

80
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You don't understand!

81
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My wife wants to have dinner with me!

82
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,067
And I fucked her!

83
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,902
Wow, what a day!

84
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,278
Can you believe it?

85
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,034
Obviously, you could
move into Kirk's house and stay with him,

86
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:06,579
but I think it's probably better
that I just move back into our place.

87
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,873
-Ben, I--
-Uh-uh! I know what you're thinking.

88
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,041
I know what you're thinking.

89
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:13,044
And I want you to know
that I'm a much better listener now.

90
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,337
I love listening!

91
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,381
And I hear you. We should get a dog.

92
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,424
I said that six years ago.

93
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,385
I have a dog now. You met him.

94
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,136
Shannon, Shannon!

95
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,222
We have a dog.

96
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,477
Listen, Ben, I have something I wanna say.

97
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,563
Well, darling, that means
I have something that I wanna hear.

98
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,107
Again, listening,

99
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,526
but I think you should say it
while we're doing this.

100
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,862
Ben, I can't do this!

101
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:40,947
Oh, sure you can.

102
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,658
It's just like that scene in 27 Dresses.

103
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,035
McConaughey, Heigl, dream team.

104
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,578
That's an underrated movie.

105
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,080
They should make a sequel.

106
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,709
There's so many new dresses to focus on
since the movie came out.

107
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,377
It could really be a series.

108
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,129
-Ben...
-Come on. Just...

109
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Leave... Don't touch me!

110
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Relax your arms. Just...

111
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- I am relaxed, OK?
- No, like this.

112
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I don't wanna get back together!

113
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No, no, no! Your elbow has to bend,
or you'll never reach.

114
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,515
Ben! It's over, OK?

115
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,143
Sleeping with you was a huge mistake,
and I'm a fucking idiot!

116
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,397
Excuse me.

117
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,441
I'm just choking.

118
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,985
Oh!

119
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:19,986
That's so funny.

120
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:23,114
You thought I wanted to get back together.

121
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,950
Why? Because of the 27 Dresses arm thing?

122
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,619
Yeah, that. Oh, and the cake.

123
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,166
And the kids with the banner behind me.

124
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Uh, that's...
That's just a coincidence.

125
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:37,795
Ow!

126
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,672
Sorry, Coach. The rope broke.

127
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Hey, Shannon. I'm Cupid.

128
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,930
Hey!

129
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,142
Oh, honey, you must be a mess!

130
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Two breakups in one week?

131
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,937
It's like when I dated twins.

132
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But they were conjoined,
so it really was just one conversation.

133
00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,400
I don't know.

134
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,652
On the one hand, I feel really good.

135
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:02,945
And on the other hand,

136
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,573
I feel really guilty
about how good I feel.

137
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Well, you've been there for me
the last 17 breakups,

138
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and now's my chance to help you.

139
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I have a lot of time
to read self-help books on the toilet.

140
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,166
I take long poos, girl.

141
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:16,959
Let's start with step one.

142
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Get over him.

143
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,421
Holy shit!

144
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:24,509
Now, let's put anything you have
of Ron and Ben's in the fire.

145
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,803
I already started with Ron's iPad.

146
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,304
That was my iPad!

147
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,099
Girl, don't tell me
you don't have AppleCare?

148
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,148
Everybody, maybe pick up your feet.

149
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,776
Or don't. Whatever. Life is meaningless.

150
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,319
Coach, are you all right?

151
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,863
Yeah, Coach. You kinda look like Ron.

152
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,743
Shannon!

153
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,245
I'm done for, boys.

154
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:56,207
Shannon left me,
and she was my last chance at happiness.

155
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,960
Uh, Coach Hopkins.

156
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,545
Let's try this again.

157
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:03,423
I'm Coach Lamonte,
and I'm from Henderson Prep.

158
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,175
Ah, you couldn't have come
at a better time.

159
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,595
I gotta get out of here. I'm going through
a really painful breakup right now.

160
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,056
Plus, she's keeping our fucking dog.

161
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:17,228
But a new job at a fancy New England
high school that's a pipeline to D-One...

162
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:18,604
What's your first offer?

163
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Which I have to reject, art of the deal,
but twist my arm, and I'll take it.

164
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:23,860
I'll take anything!

165
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,070
I'm not here for you.

166
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,864
No, I'm here for the seven-footer.

167
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,005
Sure, all these players go on
to play Division I basketball,

168
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,216
and sure, they have amazing facilities,
but you know what?

169
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,303
They don't have me, and you need me.

170
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,804
You love me, Matty.

171
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,973
Yeah, Matty.
We're not even a team without you.

172
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,266
You can't leave us.

173
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,559
We're a family now.

174
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,729
Everybody, chill out.
I don't wanna go to Henderson Prep.

175
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,315
I'm happy here at Lenwood.
All my friends are here.

176
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:04,066
Oh, that's a relief!

177
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,943
Atta boy, Matty!

178
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,403
Stick with these geeks.

179
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,740
It's a good thing that prep school coach
talked to you, not my mom.

180
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:14,285
She's always dreamed
of me going away to a private school,

181
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,538
but she can't afford it.
If she found out, she'd make me go.

182
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,458
That is good. Otherwise,
we'd have to take care of your mom.

183
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,335
-Murder? That ain't cool, dog.
-Too far, Coach.

184
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,629
Coach, stop. You're not killing my mom.

185
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,923
You're right.
There's too many squealers on this team.

186
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,091
So, in the interest of keeping her alive,

187
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,552
which we all want so badly,

188
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,888
I say we head Lamonte off at the pass.

189
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:37,016
He's gonna go there next,
but we're one step ahead of him.

190
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,854
Matty, is your mama home?

191
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,065
Oh, yeah. She sure is. Come on in.

192
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:46,817
Mom, there's someone here to see you.

193
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,365
Ms. Atkins, how are you?

194
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,866
I'm Coach Lamonte.

195
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:57,328
I'm here to talk to you
about a big opportunity for Matty.

196
00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,498
Mr. Lamonte. Charmed, I'm sure.

197
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,376
And please, call me Matty's real mom.

198
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,336
Mom, stop.

199
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,677
Henderson Prep is the wrong place
for my son.

200
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,930
That's it. Just like that, Connie.
Tell him to fuck off.

201
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:19,809
Brushing off an opportunity like this
would be a big mistake, ma'am.

202
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,686
I'd hate to see you go down that road.

203
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:25,606
I regret going down on a lot of things,
but a road ain't one of 'em.

204
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,024
Oh, Connie, you idiot.

205
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:30,403
Whose idea was it to hire a prostitute
to play Matty's mom?

206
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,154
Oh, yeah. It was mine.

207
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,240
Are you a parent, Coach Lamonte?

208
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:38,786
Because I definitely,
100 percent am... to Matty,

209
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,998
and I just don't think
I can part with him!

210
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,875
Henderson Prep is a top-tier school.

211
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,087
And he would be guaranteed
college acceptance.

212
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,424
Lenwood High School is great too.
I went there.

213
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,426
Look, with all due respect,

214
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:56,095
only half the kids that go to Lenwood
get a diploma.

215
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,431
Their graduates are more likely
to end up on the streets

216
00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,515
than going to college.

217
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,435
In fairness, there's a lot of money
to be made on the streets.

218
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,396
Guys, remind me to find a female friend
who's not a hooker.

219
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:08,566
Look, ma'am, don't you wanna give your son
a real shot at life?

220
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:12,069
I am offering him
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

221
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,322
Once in a lifetime, huh?

222
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,699
What is she doing?
Why's she going off script?

223
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,200
You're right.

224
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:22,663
Henderson Prep sounds like
a great opportunity for my son.

225
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,874
That's it. He's going!

226
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,792
You must really see something in him

227
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,962
'cause I've never offered a guy
a free ride in my life.

228
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,090
What the fuck is she doing?

229
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,509
Making a sound decision
for her child's future?

230
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,387
Wait! Wait! Lamonte, wait!

231
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,722
What are you doing here?

232
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,641
That wasn't Matty's mom.

233
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:44,602
That was a prostitute named Connie
who I hired.

234
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:48,564
Look, Matty's my best player.
I can't let you take him away.

235
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:52,610
Not now. I'll lose my job,
and I just lost my wife and my dog.

236
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,528
Plus, Matty doesn't wanna go.

237
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,947
Well, maybe you can convince him.

238
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,992
Why would I help you steal my star player?

239
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,243
Because if you do,

240
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,372
there might be
an assistant coach position in it for you.

241
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,291
Wait. You're saying I could go with him?

242
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:10,878
Wow! Coach Hopkins at Henderson Prep.

243
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,672
I can already see it.

244
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,091
Shannon will be so fucking jealous.

245
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,635
Now, are you gonna
make this interesting for me?

246
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,512
I did. You said yes.

247
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,431
Right. Well, it would still be nice
if I knew what you saw in me.

248
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,558
That you have access to a seven-footer.

249
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,936
Yeah, but about me, though, specifically.

250
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:27,895
Uh...

251
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,690
You seem to know how to shout a lot
and not lose your voice.

252
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,358
With the best of 'em.

253
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,528
He's leaving. Our plan worked!

254
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,446
-Yeah!
-We did it!

255
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,656
-Yes!
-All right!

256
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,450
Guys, after having
a quick back and forth with Lamonte,

257
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,161
he said some really good things
about Henderson Prep,

258
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,497
and I think Matty
should consider going there.

259
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,457
My son,

260
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,292
a prep school boy!

261
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,794
Are you fucking kidding, Coach?

262
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,754
We just did all that stuff
to get rid of him.

263
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,047
Of course I'm kidding.

264
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,134
I just wanted to come back in
and have a laugh with you guys.

265
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,887
Anyway, why don't we all talk about
where our moms work and call it a day?

266
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,806
Matty, you wanna start us off?

267
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,646
Crystal Atkins. You're Matty's mom, right?

268
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,148
Crazy running into you here.

269
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,443
I'm Coach Hopkins.
I was just here shopping for, um...

270
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,236
creepy dolls.

271
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,320
Coach!

272
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,655
I know who you are.

273
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,073
And please put that down.

274
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,827
I never got a chance to thank you
for putting Matty on the team.

275
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,288
It's done wonders for his self-esteem.

276
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:30,249
You're welcome.
But if anything, I should be thanking you.

277
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:33,461
-Me?
-You gave birth to a seven-footer.

278
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,588
He must have been a huge baby.

279
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,923
Probably really messed you up down there.

280
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,425
Gotta be a train wreck.

281
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:43,012
Yuck! I don't even wanna think about
that enormous vagina of yours.

282
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,389
Well, I wouldn't describe it
quite like that.

283
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,642
I mean, sure, it... you know...
It's not messed up.

284
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,812
It bounced back,
just like, you know, they do.

285
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,523
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you got a real talent
on your hands,

286
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,816
and he's already being scouted.

287
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,277
Matty's being scouted?

288
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,654
Yeah. Henderson Prep wants to recruit him.

289
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,949
They wanna give him a full ride:
room and board. The whole nine.

290
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,451
That's amazing!

291
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,911
I'd love him to go!

292
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:10,706
I've been a single mom
his whole life and, you know,

293
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,083
I've always worked two jobs
just to keep him--

294
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,543
Boring!

295
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:15,836
Excuse me?

296
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:20,174
Oh, it's just a thing I do when I'm bored,
like a catchphrase for boring stuff.

297
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:24,053
All right. Well, great call
about the school. Very wise.

298
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,096
In fact, you should get all the credit.

299
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:29,266
If Matty asks,
we never had this conversation.

300
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,060
I think that's best for everyone--

301
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,603
Boring!

302
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,271
Look, he even does it to me.

303
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,275
Now you're ready for step three.

304
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,902
Get back out there.

305
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:44,114
Hey, I know that guy.
He's that skeezy injury attorney.

306
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,701
Oh my God! This kid plays on Ben's team!

307
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,120
Why don't we put this away
and get a scorpion bowl?

308
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,081
It's like a pitcher, but with straws.

309
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,459
Sure. After you pick someone,
maybe you can get a scorpion bowl.

310
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,671
Remember, this step is called
"get back out there."

311
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,172
I'm just about sick of this.

312
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,049
I want that damn scorpion bowl!

313
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:05,052
This is supposed to be about me,
but you're making it about you.

314
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,929
I'm trying to help you for once.

315
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,055
Well, you're not.

316
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:11,350
The whole point is
that I finally get to do what I wanna do,

317
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,769
but you're just making me do
what you wanna do.

318
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,521
You might as well be Ron or Ben.

319
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:17,606
How dare you!

320
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,609
Fine. I guess, as always, I'm the mess.

321
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,612
I'll just dump myself
before you can dump me.

322
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,656
Thinking she knows better than me.

323
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:29,660
I hope you choke on a little umbrella,
you skinny bitch.

324
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,873
Huh! Wow!

325
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,791
Look at that!

326
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,418
Hey, Coach. Can I talk to you?

327
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,961
Yeah, one minute. One minute!

328
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,339
Sure. Come on in, buddy.

329
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,467
Uh, is this a bad time?

330
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,469
Uh, what makes you think that?

331
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,637
You're half naked.

332
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,890
Now look, Matty,
I'm always there for my players.

333
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,559
Half naked, full naked, just socks.

334
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,102
Doesn't matter! What's up?

335
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,438
Well, my mom came home
from work last night,

336
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,899
and out of nowhere,
she came down pretty hard on me

337
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,775
and said I have to go to Henderson Prep.

338
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,695
I guess coach Lamonte found her after all.

339
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:06,906
Goddamn it, that fucking Lamonte!

340
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,324
That's terrible, Matty.

341
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,533
Yeah, it just sucks.

342
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,869
I mean, I feel
like I was just getting started here.

343
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,663
For the first time in my life,
I was actually starting to make friends,

344
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,917
and I'm not gonna know anyone there.
It's gonna be like I'm starting over.

345
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,001
This kills me.

346
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,879
This kills me
because we were so close, but...

347
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:25,049
Whoa! Major light bulb here, Matty.

348
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:29,011
What if I went with you? You and me.
I can't believe I just came up with that.

349
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:29,970
What?

350
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,473
Yeah, like,
I'll join you at Henderson Prep.

351
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:36,226
I'll pull some strings, see if they have
some dumb assistant coach job.

352
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,686
Then you won't have to go alone.

353
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,814
You'd do that for me?

354
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,608
Hey, I'm your coach.

355
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,443
We're family, Matty.

356
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,904
Uh, yeah,
I'm not hugging you without a shirt.

357
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,906
Do you want me to take my bottoms off?

358
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:49,949
Definitely not.

359
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,289
Peace offering.

360
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,959
It's from that Chinese place
where the kid works the register.

361
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,920
Listen, I feel bad
about how things went the other night.

362
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,630
You were just trying to help.

363
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,216
No, no, no, no.
I thought about it, and you were right.

364
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,884
I made this whole thing about me.

365
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,679
This was your breakup,
and we should have done what you wanted.

366
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,347
I got you something too.

367
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,265
Oh!

368
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,226
You got me a scorpion bowl?

369
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,061
I can't stay mad at you.

370
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,605
How the fuck
do you turn this thing on?

371
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,482
What in the hell?

372
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,609
Pay attention, everybody.

373
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,863
Please report immediately to the gymnasium
for an emergency assembly.

374
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,658
Doesn't matter what you're doing.
Haul ass.

375
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:36,829
I repeat, hurry the fuck up
and get to the gym, or you'll be expelled.

376
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,462
Um... Hey, yeah, I...

377
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:49,341
This is embarrassing. I, uh...
I didn't want this to be a whole thing.

378
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,427
You told us we'd be expelled!

379
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,846
All right. Let's just get into it.
Stop ruining the moment.

380
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:59,393
There comes a time in every man's life
when his God beckons him to move on.

381
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,853
When is that time?

382
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,814
Well, for me, it's right fuckin' now.

383
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:04,940
That's right.

384
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:09,069
Coach Hopkins is not gonna be home
to clean up your messes anymore.

385
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:12,948
Some people may say I'm just doing this
because I had sex with my wife

386
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,159
and she didn't wanna
get back together with me.

387
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,326
And to them, I say,

388
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,580
"What? Are you serious right now?

389
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,999
You're seriously fucking thinking that?

390
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,792
Yeah, it's fucking insane."

391
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:28,881
So today, I consider myself
the luckiest man on planet fucking Earth

392
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:33,677
because it's finally time
for me to get the fuck out of this dump.

393
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,723
And I'm retiring my jacket.

394
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,315
I'm leaving, and I'm never coming back.

395
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,401
So farewell, Lenwood,

396
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,195
and fuck you.

397
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,863
Fuck all of you!

398
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,533
Oh, fuck!

399
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,620
I left my fucking keys
in my fucking jacket.

400
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:00,746
That's why it was so heavy.

401
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,624
This is humiliating.

402
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,000
Everybody look away.

403
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,960
Pretend this part didn't happen.

404
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:12,091
It's even harder getting it down.
That doesn't make any sense.

405
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,761
What? Where?

406
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,013
Oh, fuck! They're not in here!

407
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,265
Ah, here they are.

408
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,767
I've had 'em all along!

409
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,270
All right. I'm retiring my jacket.

410
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,647
Go back to that moment.

411
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:46,667
Once again, Lenwood, go fuck yourselves!

412
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,938
♪ I've been walkin' the fine line♪

413
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,024
♪ Between the form and the function...♪

414
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,777
Fuck you, Dawa!

415
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,445
Go suck your own dick!

416
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,990
Fuck you, Matty's girlfriend.

417
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,409
And fuck you, weird religious kid.

418
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,703
And fuck you, dead delivery guy.

419
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,038
Fuck you, Chin twins.

420
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,124
And fuck you, Gunnar.

421
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,959
Fuck you, you bloated fuck.

422
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,711
Oh, no. Hey, Dad!

423
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,713
Biggest fuck-you of all!

424
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,965
Fuck you, Dad!

425
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,633
Hey! What changed?

426
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,594
We were good just a few days ago.

427
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:39,720
I changed.

428
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,097
I'm a big deal now, ya prick!

429
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,850
I'm no longer Barry Hopkins' son.

430
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:47,811
You're now Ben Hopkins' dad!

431
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,855
Well, I... I still love you, son.

432
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:53,483
Don't do that, 'cause fuck you, Dad!

433
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,196
Wow.

434
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,530
Ben's really gone.

435
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,201
I was certain it would be an aneurysm,
or Barry would just snap.

436
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,869
Hell, I thought I'd kill him.

437
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:09,458
I just realized I've been making a fist
for the last 12 years.

438
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,751
I'm so...

439
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,461
happy!

440
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:15,047
Oh, I agree. He will be missed.

441
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,382
So you're not upset about
what he said in his speech?

442
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:20,385
What? That you and Coach
had sex behind my back?

443
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:30,938
No way.

444
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,397
No, no, no, no, no.

445
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,567
You're clearly dealing
with some misplaced anger right now.

446
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,152
Why don't you take some time, and--

447
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,904
-Give me that whistle!
-Hold on!

448
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:41,365
-That's not how you--
-Oh, it's my team now!

449
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,993
Wait! Where are all the kids?

450
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:56,797
Guys! My guys! There you are!
I've been looking all over for you.

451
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,466
No, you weren't. You were gonna leave
without saying goodbye.

452
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:00,884
You and Matty can't leave.

453
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,010
We're a family.

454
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,930
This isn't goodbye, guys. It's, uh...

455
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,808
You know, it's just, like,
"so long for now" kind of thing.

456
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,977
That's just another way
to say that you're leaving.

457
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,770
All right. Yeah, I'm leaving, Isaac,

458
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:14,189
but that doesn't mean
I'm forgetting about you.

459
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:18,360
In fact, I got you guys some presents
to remember me by.

460
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,612
You didn't think I got you presents,
did ya?

461
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:21,613
I did.

462
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,657
They're in the...
They're right here, in the trunk.

463
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:25,826
Let me... Yeah, here they are.

464
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:28,578
See? Told you he wasn't just ghosting us.

465
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:33,083
Timebomb, I got you
this old Auto Trader magazine because...

466
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,294
well, 'cause you're the real deal.

467
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:40,424
Marcus, this spare tire reminds me of you
because it's reliable

468
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,259
and not good enough to start.

469
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:43,719
And, Isaac,

470
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:46,471
this tire jack is for you because...

471
00:21:47,055 --> 00:21:48,390
you know, you're always...

472
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:49,891
jacking.

473
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,561
Scott, here's a wrench for--

474
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:54,521
- It doesn't matter.
- Thank you.

475
00:21:54,604 --> 00:21:55,647
DJ,

476
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,482
little tub of shit.

477
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,277
Fat tongue, fat belly, big titty DJ.

478
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:04,114
I love you most of all.
You're like the lion in The Wizard of Oz.

479
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:07,784
Here's a pocketknife for you
'cause you're, uh, you know...

480
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:08,827
You're always...

481
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,288
Uh, you know, you're sharp.

482
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,874
Hm... I don't know. Uh...

483
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:16,960
It's got a toothpick,
'cause, you know, you like to, uh...

484
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:21,173
Listen, guys,
this is as hard for me as it is for you.

485
00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:24,343
Without you guys, I'd have no one.

486
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,928
You all believed in me from the start.

487
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,264
And I know this sounds crazy, but...

488
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,641
I think you guys might be my best friends.

489
00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:33,810
Anyways...

490
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:37,939
Thanks, losers,
and see you when I see you.

491
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:45,989
Guys, I think Coach might be a dick.

492
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:47,616
-Wow!
-Oh, shit!

493
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,493
I never saw it before just now.

494
00:22:52,829 --> 00:22:55,665
All right, Matty.
I even made a mix CD for the road.

495
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:56,708
Let's do this.

496
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:59,544
It's time to hit the road, Jack!

497
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:04,341
Ah, shit. That was supposed to play
"Hit the Road Jack."

498
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:05,550
Well, that one was a loss,

499
00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:08,887
but don't worry
'cause you and I are moving out.

500
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,849
That's OK because they can't touch this!

501
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:15,394
God fucking damn it!

502
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,312
This piece of crap is broken!

503
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:20,524
How the hell am I supposed
to drive off into the fucking sunset

504
00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:22,192
with no soundtrack?

505
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:25,028
What the fuck are we gonna talk about
for eight hours?

506
00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:26,613
Fuck!

507
00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:28,698
I'm not lettin' this bug me.

508
00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:30,242
From here on out, Matty,

509
00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:32,661
everything's gonna be smooth sailing.

510
00:23:43,338 --> 00:23:44,589
Oh, fuck!

511
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:46,883
You fucking piece of shit car!

512
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:48,635
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

513
00:23:48,718 --> 00:23:49,803
Fucking Marcus.

514
00:23:49,886 --> 00:23:51,388
Why the fuck did he take that?

515
00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:52,889
Taking fucking tires!

516
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:54,641
Who says yes to tires?

517
00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:55,976
Selfish prick.

518
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:57,853
♪ Can't touch this... ♪

519
00:23:57,936 --> 00:23:59,729
Oh, now it fuckin' plays!

520
00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:02,441
I'm trying to create
a fucking cinematic moment here.

521
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,692
Not Hammer Time!

522
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:09,906
Look at that!
Look at those fucking birds.

523
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,533
They're in a "V."

524
00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:14,369
I wish Little Man Tate had a V in it.

525
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,663
Have I ever told you about that movie?

526
00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:18,540
Underrated film!

527
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,000
True classic!

528
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:22,794
Let me tell you about it.
It's about a little man...

529
00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:28,800
♪ My home is in Kentucky ♪

530
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:33,597
♪ And that is where I'll die ♪

531
00:24:34,389 --> 00:24:37,267
♪ I hope it's soon ♪

532
00:24:37,350 --> 00:24:41,813
♪ 'Cause I presume ♪

533
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:46,818
♪ It's all a waste of time ♪