Ah, the hospital in December.
No one wants to schedule procedures,
people are leaving town in droves,
a hush settles over the OR.
And we can par-tay!
Oh, I can't wait for Jenny to get here.
I haven't told her about the mixer yet.
- She is going to love it. - Ah!
Kids are what make the holidays so special.
- Yes. - My children used to love it
when I'd dress up for Christmas.
As Jack Frost, of course.
What's a... that?
He's Old Man Winter.
He nips at your nose?
Come on, girl.
Don't get mad, I grew up in L.A.
It's 80 degrees at Christmas and everything's on fire.
Ah! There you are!
Merry Christmas!
- It's December 19th. - I know,
but we're not gonna be together on the actual holiday.
Oh, that's gonna be weird.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna miss you.
Yes. Me, too. Which is why...
We're not gonna be able to have our whole Christmas,
but we'll have the abridged version in the lounge tonight.
Carols and eggnog, joyful colleagues and Caleb.
Ooh! That sounds fun.
But can we do it after I get back from my cruise?
We can't do Christmas after Christmas.
But we can do Christmas before Christmas?
Yes, everybody knows that.
Dr. Kenney, I have a patient for you:
an 18-year-old admitted with alcohol poisoning.
Well, I have a 27-year-old admitted with Christmas spirit.
Tell me, is this gonna be my whole month?
- Oh, yeah. - Okay.
Okay.
You stay put, I'll get back as fast as I can,
we'll go to my mixer,
and we'll put your tinfoil blob on top of the tree.
Okay, um, but I can't stay too late.
I-I didn't know you were gonna do this.
I still have to pack.
The only thing you have to pack for that cruise are
several different facial expressions
for every time your father says, "All the food is free".
Are you sure you're okay with me going on this cruise with Dad?
Yes, I'm fine. I just want to spend
a little holiday time with you.
- Dr. Kenney! - Yeah. Okay.
Oh.
So, is that what you're wearing on our date?
No, I planned on changing into my formal scrubs.
Oh, you, uh, brought a suitcase.
This is moving a little fast for me.
Oh, I have to get this.
Hey, Dad.
Yes, I'm excited about the magic show.
Oh, shows?
Great.
Lot of pressure for this date with Jenny tonight.
You've only got one chance to make a good enough impression
to last her through her many days at sea.
I think I can handle it.
I don't know, there's gonna be a lot of Europeans stuffed
into a lot of Speedos on that boat.
But if you can handle it...
Oh, fine.
You think I haven't thought about that?
All I've thought about for weeks is hot dudes in Speedos.
I heard it.
That's why I need to make this date happen before she leaves.
If she goes on this cruise before we go out,
I'm done. No shot.
All right. I was just...
trying to mess with your head,
but clearly you don't need my help.
All right, everyone.
Listen up.
In the spirit of the season,
an entire accounting department has been admitted
after a food poisoning incident at an office holiday party.
The ER is sending up their overflow,
so we need all residents to stay on shift for as long as it takes
to stabilize and treat everyone.
We need all hands on deck.
No, no, no, no.
Ah, it's gonna be okay, Dr. Kutcher.
We're doctors.
I bet "all hands on deck" is gonna be
the theme for Jenny's cruise.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
Okay, Harper, we're treating your dehydration
from the alcohol with IV fluids,
and we're giving you some analgesics
for your abdominal pain.
You'll feel better soon.
Oh, thank you.
I could've told you she had alcohol poisoning
when I found her throwing up on the carpet
in Izzy Phillipson's rec room.
- Sorry, Mom. - I bet you are.
She comes home from college for the winter break,
supposedly to spend time with her family.
And then I barely see her until I get a frantic call
from her friend at some party and find her drunk on the floor
like Liza Minnelli.
Who?
You're in enough trouble. Don't question my references.
- See how she is? - It's like they hit a certain age,
and everything else becomes so important,
they have no time for Mom.
- How old is yours? - 27.
It's a tough age.
Name one that isn't. Once they grow up,
all of a sudden you're not a priority anymore.
Oh, tell me about it. Before you know it,
you're eating an entire gingerbread house
on Christmas Eve all by yourself,
and they're living it up with their dad
at a holiday buffet on the open sea.
What?
It's an old saying.
You know, this food poisoning is the perfect metaphor
for the toxic excesses of the holidays.
I would say it's the perfect metaphor
for the perils of the potluck.
Because there's always an uninvited guest.
Bacteria.
I would've expected this kind of sloppy food preparation
from the sales department, but accounting?
Be better.
Can we focus?!
We all took an oath to treat people
as quickly as possible, so...
We'll start by testing for serious foodborne illness
such as listeria and E. coli.
If it's serious enough, we'll have to report it to the CDC.
These stool samples we've collected will go to
the lab for testing so we can identify the illness.
And off you go.
Come on, seriously?
Well, you got two hours till dinner.
Can't take Nurse Flash more than four
to shuffle those to the lab.
Screw this.
Sorry.
You're killing it, Doris!
Move, move, move, move, move!
Hey.
Hey. What you got there?
Oh, you know, just super-awesome doctor stuff.
Mm. You know, if you're too busy with work,
we can wait and go out after I get back from my cruise.
Unless, you know...
pirates.
It's-it's fine. I'll just have to meet you at the restaurant.
Okay. I just need some time to run home and get ready.
And I know that's poo.
Okay, Jenny, I'm back.
Let's go to the lounge!
It is a winter wonderland in there.
Well, I'm exaggerating.
It's more like a winter...
"Hey, this is better than normal" land.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
you're not leaving already, are you?
Yeah, I told you, remember? I have to go.
Come on, I worked really hard to make it
so that we would have some holiday time together.
Mom, you've known about this cruise for weeks.
I don't know why you're making such a thing of this.
Because everything's just moving so fast,
and it snuck up on me.
And I've seen the bikinis you wear.
It's not gonna take that much time
to pack a piece of string, Jennifer.
Fine! Okay, the truth is...
I'm not leaving to get ready for the trip.
I have a date.
Oh, so you're seeing somebody?
Well, no. Tonight is just a first date.
So, first you ditch me for your dad, and now
you're deserting me for some random guy on Christmas?
I am not deserting you.
And it's not even Christmas.
It's Christmas Eve Eve
Eve Eve Eve Eve.
I'm sorry.
Is it so wrong to expect 30 to 45
to 50 minutes with your mother?
Oh, wow, okay?
I'm going on a cruise with Dad and a guilt trip with you!
Well, that kind of attitude is not even welcome at my party.
Mom, you can't just spring things on me like this.
I have a life, too.
♪ Joy to the world ♪
- ♪ The Lord is come... ♪ - No!
So apparently now I'm the bad guy for wanting
to spend a little time with my daughter before the holidays.
She's the Grinch.
Dennis, are the results of my stool samples in yet?
Do you mind? We're dealing with a Christmas crisis.
Jenny's deserting Carol tonight
to go on some stupid date.
Oh, wow.
That's so surprising. With whom?
No idea.
But I'm sure it's some loser... Jenny has
the absolute worst taste in men.
I don't know, maybe he's, like, super charming?
Nah. I bet he's a total tool.
Definitely.
With, like, dumb poofy hair.
- And overly white teeth. - Yeah.
That is so her type.
You know... if Jenny's not coming, there's no point.
I'm-I'm canceling the mixer.
Wow. I guess we have different definitions of "cohost".
You can't just cancel Christmas.
It's not Christmas.
It's Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve.
See?
- Christmas tears families apart. - No.
That's because they've forgotten what's important: the presents.
Totally unnecessary presents.
You got headphones last year? Here's some AirPods.
You already have AirPods? Here's a drone.
Christmas!
Daniel, your test results came in.
Okay. We've got a positive match for listeria.
Oh, intense but treatable.
Well, the patients will just need supportive care till they improve.
This is great news... just pump 'em up with some fluids,
- and I'll be off to dinner. - Listen up.
No one's going home.
We have more food poisoning victims on the way.
Aw, come on!
Apparently the I.T. department
got into accounting's leftovers.
- You got to be kidding me. - I know.
Who eats leftovers from a potluck?
Oh. So this is uncomfortable?
Yeah.
Harper's pain should be subsiding by now.
This may not be alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna order an ultrasound.
Oh, my God, you're pregnant?
Probably... not.
Probably?
It's-it's not that kind of ultrasound.
You couldn't have led with that?
We'll get to the bottom of this soon, I promise.
Now that we know we're dealing with listeria,
we need to find the source of the illness
for our report to the CDC.
If it came from someone's kitchen, it could be contained,
but if it came from a restaurant or a grocery store,
we may have a large-scale outbreak on our hands.
So we have a mystery to solve.
What was the tainted dish at the potluck?
Each of you take a patient and find out what they ate.
Whatever dish they all had in common is the contaminated one.
I've got this patient over here.
Hi, Tom. I've got a few questions for you.
Great. I'm feeling pretty chatty.
Hey there, Sherry, how you feeling?
Like someone who's been getting sick
out of both ends nonstop for hours.
That's fair.
And could you tell us what you ate at your holiday party?
Do I have to?
It would really help us.
It was artichoke dip,
deep dish pizza...
... ham roll-ups.
Oh, my God.
Ambrosia salad,
seafood paella,
and broccoli casserole.
Thanks, Sherry, you're a trooper.
And, uh, one last thing. We'll need a sample.
Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem.
Kutcher, any leads?
Tom only ate the artichoke dip,
ham roll-ups, and ambrosia salad.
My patient didn't have the ham or the ambrosia,
just the artichoke dip.
Oh, ours ate the artichoke dip, too.
Boom! It's got to be the artichoke dip.
Mystery solved. Let's all get on with our night.
Whoa. We got another one from the I.T. department.
Now, he wasn't actually invited to the party,
but he reads all their e-mails, so he just showed up anyway.
Hello, good sir.
We have an important question for you.
Did you eat the artichoke dip?
No. There was none left.
So we still haven't found the source of the tainted dish.
It's gonna be a long night.
Hey, so...
the results of Harper's ultrasound revealed
that her symptoms were not only from alcohol poisoning.
She had a ruptured ovarian cyst,
which explains the pain and the vomiting.
Oh, my God, is that serious?
She'll be perfectly fine.
She doesn't even need further treatment,
just some rest.
So here I've been yelling at you
while you were suffering?
I'm so sorry.
I have been a terrible mom.
No, it's okay, Mom, you didn't know.
And you're not a terrible mom.
You just wanted a special Christmas with your daughter.
I guess I was excited that we'd finally
get to hang out together.
I was a little hurt when you went to that party.
Of course, because she abandoned you.
It was selfish of me.
Oh, selfish is a little harsh.
You're a grown woman now.
I can't expect you to spend all your time with your mom.
I do like hanging out with you, Mom.
Oh, you do? That is so sweet.
I love you, Mom.
I love you, honey.
Oh.
The remaining suspect dishes
are the store-bought broccoli casserole,
the deep dish pizza from Gino's restaurant,
and the homemade seafood paella.
But Tom didn't eat the seafood paella.
Mike didn't eat the pizza.
And Amanda didn't eat the broccoli casserole.
Let's start from the top with all the dishes.
- Who brought what? - Sherry brought the pizza.
Annie brought the broccoli casserole.
- Tom brought the seafood paella. - Wait.
Tom brought the paella
but says he didn't eat it,
which is why we ruled it out.
Why does one not try one's own dish? Hmm?
Curious.
That is curious.
Tom.
I'm wondering why you didn't try your dish.
I don't know. I didn't get a chance.
Didn't get a chance?
A seafood paella is a very involved dish to prepare.
All of the shellfish must be perfectly timed.
The hint of saffron ever so delicately balanced.
Seems like exactly the kind of dish
one would want to at least taste after so much work.
Mm, you wanted to impress your colleagues so badly,
didn't you, Tom?
Wanted to be king of the potluck,
but then it all went wrong.
Didn't it, Tom?
All right!
I ate the paella.
And it's ripping my insides apart.
Why'd you lie, Tom?
Why'd you say you didn't eat it?
I didn't want everyone to know it was my fault.
People still haven't forgiven me
for the clam dip from the Fourth of July.
Stop making seafood.
I was late for the party
so I took it off the stove a little early.
How early? Two hours?
What the hell, Tom?
And since the tainted dish came from Tom's kitchen,
any chance of an outbreak is contained.
Excellent work, doctors.
Mm, ah, too late for you, boo-boo.
Missed your reservation. Sorry, babe.
No, my night's not ruined yet.
Jenny's meeting me back here.
I just got to come up with something good.
- Hey, there you are. - Hey, hi.
Thanks for meeting me back here. It's been crazy.
They had to move Tom into a secure ward
because everyone was trying to kill him.
- You look really great. - Oh.
I'm excited we're finally doing this.
Yeah, me, too.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah. I just got into a fight
earlier with my mom, and it's just bothering me.
But it'll be okay, let's go out.
I don't want to keep putting this off,
and I'm really looking forward to it.
Yeah, you seem pumped.
I'm sorry, it's just...
I mean, Christmas was already gonna be weird
and now... now it feels worse.
You know what? Uh, we missed our reservation,
and I didn't have time to plan anything better.
And I want this to be special.
Maybe we should just postpone?
- Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll go out after you get back from your cruise.
I can't wait.
Hey, Jenny, it's Mom.
Just wanted to talk about what happened earlier.
Oh, never mind. You're here.
Looking right at you.
Ooh, you look nice. I'm waving.
Okay, love you. Bye. It's Mom.
Hi.
So, you all dressed for your date?
Yeah, but I canceled it.
What? Why?
Can you return the dress?
Did you leave the tags on it?
Of course I did.
I couldn't leave
for my trip without talking to you.
I don't like how we left things.
Neither do I.
- I'm sorry. - Me, too.
Oh.
I was actually still pretty mad
until I stopped at a Rite Aid
and saw one of those obnoxious singing, dancing Santas,
and it made me miss you.
Oh, sweetie.
Honey, I think I was being a little selfish.
I know you have a life.
I think I'm actually slightly jealous
that you're spending Christmas with your father.
Oh, were you trying to hide that?
Because you were doing a really bad job.
Well, we're only with Dad this year
because you're so busy.
I know, and I feel bad about that.
It's Christmas and I'm not with my kids.
I mean, I knew our traditions would change,
but I didn't think it would be because of me.
And I, I feel guilty about that so I made you feel guilty.
Yeah, but you don't have to feel guilty.
You're busy doing the most inspiring,
awesome thing any mom has ever done.
And it's just this year.
Yeah, but what if it's not just this year?
What if my schedule doesn't get better?
And what if you meet someone on that cruise and you marry them
and you spend next Christmas with their family,
and they're those fancy kind of people who invite me
but they don't really want me there,
and they have white carpeting
- because they can afford it. - Okay, Mom, Mom, Mom.
Calm down.
You're way ahead of yourself.
I am not marrying anyone I meet on the cruise.
Okay, that's a relief.
You know the kind of people that go on those things.
Case in point, your father.
Okay.
Maybe it won't be just this year.
That doesn't have to be bad.
We can make new traditions starting now.
Oh, honey.
It's a reindeer.
Mom, it's us.
Of course it is.
Amazing job, sweetie.
Come with me, Mom.
Okay.
Merry December 19th!
Oh, you did this?
Thank you so much, sweetie.
This is what it's all about.
Well, I hope this was worth missing your date for.
I think so.
He was pretty cool about it.
Oh, sounds like a keeper.
Carol, don't judge a book by the one nice thing it did.
I don't know.
I hear this book has gotten a lot of excellent reviews.
What book?
I'm always looking for something new to read.
You see how the holidays bring families together?
Yeah. They usually bring my family together
for foie gras and disappointed silences.
Ah, that's why you don't like Christmas.
I guess you'll have to spend this one
with me at my family's.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I'd love that.
And I know that I said I'm against materialism,
but I'd really love a drone.
Okay. Let's all raise our glasses in a toast.
To a very merry December 19th.
Hear, hear!
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ We-we-we wish you ♪
♪ A merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a Happy New Ye-e-e-e-ear ♪