1
00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:04,670
-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪
2
00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,154
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,581
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪
4
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,250
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:13,904
♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
6
00:00:14,073 --> 00:00:15,014
♪ Catch some fish ♪
7
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,682
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
8
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:17,850
♪ Wow ♪
9
00:00:18,077 --> 00:00:21,186
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
10
00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:22,855
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
11
00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:24,264
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,916
♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
13
00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:29,987
♪ In the Great North. ♪
14
00:00:31,681 --> 00:00:33,365
(cheering)
15
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:36,093
HAM: Has anyone seen Dad?
16
00:00:36,111 --> 00:00:37,870
I thought I saw him
in the hallway earlier,
17
00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:39,613
but it was just
Wolf in Dad's bathrobe,
18
00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:41,615
gently caressing the collar
with his cheek.
19
00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:44,101
I was doing some laundry and it
had just come out of the dryer.
20
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:46,861
Who could resist putting
on some warm, fresh Dad?
21
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,105
If he's not around, who made
22
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:50,215
this classic
Dad-style breakfast?
23
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,200
I did. I'm day-drinking
with Cheesecake later,
24
00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:53,719
so I got to put down a base. Oh,
25
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,280
and I got to remember to bring
a couple leashes this time.
26
00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:58,706
We always end up rescuing
stray dogs when we're drunk.
27
00:00:58,801 --> 00:01:00,284
Or should I say they rescue us.
28
00:01:00,302 --> 00:01:02,210
Good morning, everybody.
29
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,454
-(all gasp)
-America's Next Top What the...
30
00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:05,806
Oh. Oh, wow.
31
00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:08,067
Alyson is here and she
is wearing my father's shirt,
32
00:01:08,218 --> 00:01:10,051
which in every rom-com
I've ever seen means
33
00:01:10,071 --> 00:01:11,904
that she slept with my father.
Oh, my God.
34
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:14,055
She's my dad now.
Wait, no, she's my mom.
35
00:01:14,149 --> 00:01:16,241
Oh, what? (grunts)
I'm freaking out.
36
00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:17,725
Oh, I see.
37
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,487
You think me and your dad
did the "you know what."
38
00:01:20,639 --> 00:01:22,973
We did not.
I called Beef last night
39
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,066
-to take a look at my heat pump.
-Uh-oh.
40
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,827
And the part I need
has to be ordered,
41
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,312
so he invited me to stay here.
42
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:29,646
He said I could sleep in his bed
43
00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:31,815
and he would sleep in the car
a few miles away.
44
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,759
Day drinking, car sleeping?
45
00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:36,261
Okay, this might be
the coolest family ever.
46
00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:37,596
I'll just be here
a couple nights.
47
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,489
-And don't worry, my house pigs
-(phone vibrates)
48
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:40,915
Peanut Butter and Jam
are staying with a friend.
49
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,159
Oh, look. Dad texted.
50
00:01:42,328 --> 00:01:44,770
He said, "Panicked because
Alyson was in my bed
51
00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:47,439
and I actually drove to the
border of Canada last night,"
52
00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:50,000
and as I read this
I realize I probably
53
00:01:50,002 --> 00:01:51,610
should not have
said it out loud.
54
00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,003
Anyway, he's on his way back.
55
00:01:53,021 --> 00:01:54,671
Well, Alyson,
it's nice to have you here
56
00:01:54,731 --> 00:01:56,673
and I wonder where my dad
will drive to tonight.
57
00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:59,100
I hope it's Georgia
and he picks up an accent.
58
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,528
Can you imagine getting
tucked in with a twang?
59
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,530
Hoo-ee, y'all.
60
00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:05,031
WOLF:
Oh, no way.
61
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,351
Cody Humikowski from
high school works here now?
62
00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:09,444
-You want the usual?
-You know what, surprise me...
63
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,521
with your absolute
cheapest beer.
64
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:12,856
Coming up, pal.
65
00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,282
-Hey, Cody.
-What do you want?
66
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,860
A million dollars,
but I will settle for a beer.
67
00:02:17,029 --> 00:02:18,470
-(laughs)
-What?
68
00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:20,455
One beer, please. Aw, man.
69
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,956
That drives me nuts.
He was the one guy
70
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,367
in high school
who didn't like me.
71
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:25,051
-And I guess he still doesn't.
-No way.
72
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,146
Everyone likes you. That's
your thing-- being likable.
73
00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:29,723
But maybe he's thinking
about something else.
74
00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:31,984
You never know what people
are going through. Like me.
75
00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:34,227
I just found out the woman
I'm dating is my aunt,
76
00:02:34,396 --> 00:02:36,638
so now our anniversary's ruined.
77
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,064
-What'll it be?
-I'd like a new car,
78
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,883
-but I will settle for a beer.
-(laughs)
79
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:42,052
I hear that, my man.
Coming right up.
80
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:43,570
Jabba the What the Hell?
81
00:02:43,722 --> 00:02:45,480
All right,
this has gone on long enough.
82
00:02:45,557 --> 00:02:47,482
Cody is my likability
white whale,
83
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,410
and I'm gonna stab
him with my charmpoon.
84
00:02:50,562 --> 00:02:52,153
ALYSON:
Hi, Beef. Hope you had
85
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,246
a nice drive last night.
86
00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:54,731
Yes, I often drive all night
87
00:02:54,824 --> 00:02:55,990
through the Alaskan wilderness
88
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,843
when a friend
needs to use my bed.
89
00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:58,993
Nothing special.
90
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,254
Well, if your non-special
night driving
91
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:02,997
did have anything to do with me,
92
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:04,607
I wanted to tell you
not to worry.
93
00:03:04,743 --> 00:03:06,852
I am currently
in a committed relationship.
94
00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:09,188
Wait, really?
Like, a serious relationship?
95
00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:11,190
I thought you didn't
do that kind of thing.
96
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,342
Me either, but he just
knocked me off my clogs, Beef.
97
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:15,861
His name is Jobiathan.
98
00:03:16,088 --> 00:03:19,013
He's a doctor and he lives out
near Ballistic Missile Island.
99
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,607
You know,
the tiny island that still has
100
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:23,368
a ballistic missile there,
but also a very nice resort?
101
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:26,279
Where did you meet
this relationship man?
102
00:03:26,432 --> 00:03:29,041
Oh, we've only met online,
but we got serious pretty quick.
103
00:03:29,192 --> 00:03:31,785
That's terrible. I mean,
that you haven't met yet.
104
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,287
-What a shame.
-We're gonna finally meet up
in real life
105
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,048
this weekend and stay
at the Ballistic Missile Resort.
106
00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:38,275
He booked
the Underground Bunker Room.
107
00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:41,053
No windows,
and cans of Spam everywhere.
108
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:44,056
-It's so fun.
-Well, I am happy for you.
109
00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:46,299
I guess. And Jerbriacram.
110
00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:47,968
-Jobiathan.
-Joberthion.
111
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,286
Sure.
112
00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:50,804
Jebarkikon.
113
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,456
(exhales)
114
00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:54,882
All right, Cody,
time to get to know me.
115
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,811
Hey, there he is,
the Code Man!
116
00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,738
-(laughs)
-(groans)
117
00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:01,481
Peeing, huh? Yeah, me, too.
118
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:03,391
Looks like we're
on the same pee schedge.
119
00:04:03,485 --> 00:04:05,469
-Washing your hands, huh?
-Uh-huh.
120
00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:07,746
I'll be doing that, too,
right after I pee.
121
00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,231
Loving the Bleederhosen
shirt B-T-dubs.
122
00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:12,492
Yeah, I'll see you out there.
Got a little more peeing to do.
123
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,736
Then some hand washing,
like I just said.
124
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,663
-Yep, whatever.
-Cool, bud.
125
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,239
How'd it go in there?
126
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,983
I tried to start a urinal convo,
127
00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:21,485
-and he barely responded.
-That's insane.
128
00:04:21,503 --> 00:04:23,320
Who doesn't love
some tinkle talk?
129
00:04:23,338 --> 00:04:25,338
I know. I'm a great
urinal conversationalist.
130
00:04:25,507 --> 00:04:27,099
Well, if it makes you feel
any better,
131
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,175
there's a guy in Talkeetna
who doesn't like me.
132
00:04:29,328 --> 00:04:31,770
His name is "my dad,"
but you know what they say.
133
00:04:31,847 --> 00:04:34,422
If someone doesn't like you,
you just have to accept it and--
134
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:37,091
Try super hard, never give up
until they change their mind.
135
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:40,003
Yep, I'm gonna make Cody like me
if it kills me.
136
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:42,339
Seems like a great use of time,
and I support it.
137
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,007
Oh, hanging some art, Beef?
138
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,118
Re-hanging.
The nail became loose.
139
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,935
So I am hammering in a new one
140
00:04:48,104 --> 00:04:49,604
just to the right
of the old hole.
141
00:04:49,698 --> 00:04:51,773
Oh, neat. Can't wait
to see how it turns out.
142
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,850
It will look
just like it did before.
143
00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:56,036
Well, like I said, neat.
144
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,204
-Uh, what the heck was that?
-What do you mean?
145
00:04:58,357 --> 00:05:00,448
I mean, you said "hammering,"
you said "nail,"
146
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,876
you said "old hole," and she
didn't even say something like,
147
00:05:03,028 --> 00:05:05,119
"Don't threaten me
with a good time."
148
00:05:05,197 --> 00:05:08,140
Yeah, that's not the
sexually tense Dad-Alyson vibe
149
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:10,367
-we're all regrettably used to.
-It's true.
150
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:12,385
My dynamic with Alyson
has changed
151
00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:14,888
because she has a boyfriend now
named Joblerone.
152
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,706
Whoa. She's settling down?
153
00:05:16,725 --> 00:05:17,874
How do you feel about that, Dad?
154
00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,133
Well, it can't be that serious.
155
00:05:19,227 --> 00:05:21,486
I mean, it's Alyson.
She dates the sign spinner
156
00:05:21,638 --> 00:05:24,305
in front of the tax place
every tax season,
157
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,550
but by April 16th she's
always back playing the field.
158
00:05:26,568 --> 00:05:28,718
Okay, Beef,
but if you really like Alyson,
159
00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:30,662
you might want to actually
make a move sometime.
160
00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:32,572
Hmm. I'll think about it.
161
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,982
Perhaps I will,
as we say in Alaska,
162
00:05:35,077 --> 00:05:38,078
"throw my taxidermied elk
into her lodge lobby."
163
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,188
All right, but I wouldn't
wait forever. You never know
164
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:42,549
when a lady is gonna
close up the lobby for good.
165
00:05:44,903 --> 00:05:46,178
(echoing): You never know
166
00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:49,739
when a lady is going
to close up the lobby for good.
167
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,516
-Hello, Alyson.
-Oh, hi, Beef.
168
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:53,501
I'm just doing my nighttime
wind-down routine.
169
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:55,245
I like to stick snow
in my armpits and think
170
00:05:55,338 --> 00:05:57,672
of funny comebacks I should've
said during the day.
171
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,250
Oh. Good. Well, I was wondering
172
00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,861
if you might want to walk around
173
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:04,938
the house once... or something.
174
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:06,590
Sometime.
It doesn't have to be now.
175
00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:08,942
Beef, I can tell
you're trying to flirt with me,
176
00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:11,444
but the relationship
between me and Jobiathan
177
00:06:11,597 --> 00:06:14,264
is a little more serious
than I let on.
178
00:06:14,357 --> 00:06:17,601
-What do you mean?
-I'm driving to Ballistic
Missile Island tomorrow
179
00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,044
to get married to him.
180
00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:20,995
Married?! Markie's Post.
181
00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:23,048
The lodge lobby is closed.
182
00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:29,112
So you said yes to marrying
a man you haven't met
183
00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:30,964
-named Jacabrocky?
-Jobiathan.
184
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,283
And, yes, he hid
a digital engagement ring
185
00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:34,876
in my digital soufflé.
186
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,787
-I almost digitally choked.
-How romantic.
187
00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:39,789
I find him so interesting.
188
00:06:39,808 --> 00:06:41,549
He's just a solid guy.
Not flashy.
189
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,718
Actually, he kind of reminds me
of you, Beef.
190
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,462
At least in his messages.
191
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,571
Oh. Cool.
192
00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:49,966
You know, I, uh,
actually have an errand to run
193
00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:52,135
at Ballistic Missile Island.
194
00:06:52,228 --> 00:06:54,154
Oh, really?
What do you need to do there?
195
00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:56,581
I need to pick up a wrench
196
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,566
from a guy at a store.
197
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:00,660
So, I could go with you.
198
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:02,087
Hmm, well, if you drove,
199
00:07:02,164 --> 00:07:03,922
that would free me up
to think my thoughts.
200
00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:06,983
Who knows, uh, maybe even
have second thoughts.
201
00:07:07,002 --> 00:07:08,501
But fair warning, I tend to be
202
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,262
pretty free with my farts
on road trips.
203
00:07:10,489 --> 00:07:12,431
If you're okay with that,
I'm happy for the company.
204
00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:15,082
Oh, no-no problem.
On road trips, I consume
205
00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:17,436
nothing but coffee,
Corn Nuts and licorice.
206
00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,938
The resulting smells
are deeply unpleasant.
207
00:07:20,165 --> 00:07:21,998
Sounds like
we're a perfect match.
208
00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:22,941
(sighs)
209
00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,517
WOLF:
Welp, I'm headed
210
00:07:24,594 --> 00:07:26,427
-to the curling club.
-Uh, what's going on
211
00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:28,262
with that shirt there, babe?
Did you make it with a Sharpie?
212
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,448
Yep. Looks great, right?
213
00:07:29,675 --> 00:07:31,599
This guy Cody from high school
is the bartender
214
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,267
at the curling rink
and he likes this band,
215
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:36,012
but he doesn't like me,
but when he sees this shirt,
216
00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:38,290
we'll be on a rocket ship
to Homie Heaven.
217
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,200
(sighs)
Babe, are you doing this again?
218
00:07:40,352 --> 00:07:42,127
-Doing what?
-Going all-out to make sure
219
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:44,779
-absolutely everyone likes you.
-I don't do that.
220
00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:46,690
Sweetie, you still go
to your middle school bully's
221
00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:48,692
improv shows.
You even needed my ex-boyfriend
222
00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:50,084
to like you for some reason.
223
00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:53,029
Happy birthday, buddy.
Be on the lookout for a package.
224
00:07:53,122 --> 00:07:55,307
Hint: I hope you
like making soda.
225
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:56,382
Who is this?
226
00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,259
Uh-huh, and then what happened?
227
00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,719
-He started to like you.
-Exactly.
228
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,147
I wore him down and now
he likes my Facebook posts.
229
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,483
Okay, but sometimes
you put a lot of energy
230
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,151
into people
who don't deserve it.
231
00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:07,894
I just don't want to find out
one day that you've become
232
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,547
pen pals with a serial killer
and you gave him our address.
233
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,232
Who, Charlie the Choker?
Oh, don't worry.
234
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,975
There's no way
that guy's getting paroled.
235
00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:16,386
-Wolf!
-Horrific crimes.
Sweet guy, though.
236
00:08:16,404 --> 00:08:19,055
Well, off to make Cody
my bro-dy.
237
00:08:19,074 --> 00:08:20,165
HONEYBEE:
Why did you want to meet us
238
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,167
-in the panic room?
-Because I am panicking.
239
00:08:22,318 --> 00:08:24,485
Is Mountain Man Marv
on our property again?
240
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:26,396
He'll leave
after he finishes filling
241
00:08:26,414 --> 00:08:28,064
his pillowcases with pine cones.
242
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:30,066
It's not that.
Alyson is getting married.
243
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:32,252
What?!
To that Internet guy? When?
244
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,404
It's happening tomorrow
on Ballistic Missile Island.
245
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,348
I offered to drive her
to her marriage
246
00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:38,016
and take the ferry with her
and she said
247
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,001
she was gonna fart a lot,
and I said...
248
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,578
Beef, Beef.
Slow down. Slow down.
249
00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:43,246
Okay, so you're driving her
to get married.
250
00:08:43,306 --> 00:08:45,506
-That is actually great news.
-What? No, it's not.
251
00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:47,675
It's terrible.
She was the first person
252
00:08:47,769 --> 00:08:50,103
who made me feel anything
after Kathleen left.
253
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,439
And I guess I hoped
she'd always be out there
254
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:56,368
as a someday possibility,
but instead
255
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:59,871
Alyson has given her heart
to a man she hasn't met
256
00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:01,765
with a name I cannot pronounce.
257
00:09:01,933 --> 00:09:02,949
Beef, relax.
258
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,784
This drive is actually
the perfect setup
259
00:09:04,936 --> 00:09:07,103
for a romantic comedy.
Trust us, we've seen 'em all.
260
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:09,697
Yeah, we all watch
the Lifemark Channel constantly.
261
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,608
We've even seen Swipe North,
262
00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:13,367
about that girl who dates Santa.
263
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,961
Ah, I have actually
seen that one.
264
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,705
It gave me hope.
Santa is much older than me,
265
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:19,115
and he managed to find love.
266
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,117
Beef, this car trip
is the perfect opportunity
267
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,894
to stop Alyson
from getting married.
268
00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:24,712
You just need to make
a list of everything
269
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,972
you would have liked to do
with her if you were dating
270
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,548
and squeeze it
into the road trip.
271
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,309
Show her what she'd be
missing out on with you
272
00:09:29,461 --> 00:09:31,144
if she goes through with this.
273
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,313
Hmm. I do love lists.
274
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,222
But it's only a one-hour drive
275
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,134
and then a 45-minute ferry
to BM Island.
276
00:09:38,227 --> 00:09:39,411
That's not a lot of time.
277
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,729
It's the perfect run time
for a romantic comedy.
278
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:43,473
-What should we call it?
-How about
279
00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:46,142
Beef Drives Alyson
to Marriage Place?
280
00:09:46,235 --> 00:09:47,977
I mean, it says what it is
in the title,
281
00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:50,213
and test audiences love that.
282
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:52,573
-Cody?!
-(groans)
283
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,575
Crazy running into you here.
284
00:09:54,669 --> 00:09:56,486
You mean at my job where I work?
285
00:09:56,504 --> 00:09:58,930
(brays)
Hey, I just remembered that
286
00:09:59,157 --> 00:10:01,082
yesterday you were wearing
that Bleederhosen shirt
287
00:10:01,284 --> 00:10:03,176
and today I'm wearing
my Bleederhosen shirt.
288
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,677
Love that band.
289
00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:06,346
Oh, I borrowed that shirt
from my roommate when I was
290
00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:07,755
looking through his closet
for money.
291
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,332
I thought Bleederhosen
was a store.
292
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:11,776
Oh, that reminds me, I also
brought you a muffin basket.
293
00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:15,505
And yes, good eye, every muffin
does have a pinwheel in it.
294
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,782
I'm allergic to muffins.
And pinwheels
295
00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:19,859
are way too much work. All that
breathing? (scoffs) No thanks.
296
00:10:20,011 --> 00:10:23,196
Totally. Well, see you at the
bar right now when I sit down.
297
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,438
(sighs)
298
00:10:24,532 --> 00:10:26,625
Allow me to get
the door for you.
299
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,701
And I don't mean to imply
that you don't know
300
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,778
-how to open a door.
-I know, Beef.
301
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,856
But I appreciate the clarity.
302
00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:34,190
"Open and close car door
for her."
303
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:37,284
Done. Next up,
"Make her a mixtape."
304
00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:39,045
One step ahead of you, list.
305
00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:42,090
I have prepared
a mixtape for our journey.
306
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,533
Aw, that's sweet, Beef.
307
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,551
Donnie Wahlberg
made me a mixtape once.
308
00:10:45,704 --> 00:10:47,479
It was just 90 minutes
of the Entourage theme.
309
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,131
Well, this mix is mostly
The Cranberries.
310
00:10:50,225 --> 00:10:51,708
I'm a bit of a "bog boy."
311
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:53,134
Oh, yeah, I'm also a fan-berry.
312
00:10:53,228 --> 00:10:54,544
BEEF:
So far, so good.
313
00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:57,138
So, Alyson, I was thinking
that we could have
314
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:58,548
a thoughtful conversation
315
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,474
in which we get
to know each other better.
316
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,902
I'll start:
I've never used lotion.
317
00:11:03,054 --> 00:11:05,738
-I'm naturally moist. Oh.
-(snoring)
318
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,390
(snoring continuing)
319
00:11:07,409 --> 00:11:09,559
-Alyson, uh, we're here.
-(snorts)
320
00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:11,169
Oh, oh. (laughs)
Oh, wow.
321
00:11:11,396 --> 00:11:13,579
Oh, I can't believe
I slept the whole way.
322
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:16,416
Ooh. Hope I wasn't farting
too much in my sleep.
323
00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,176
You did fart. A lot.
324
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,161
Yeah, that makes sense.
I was having a dream
325
00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:22,013
where I could fart so strongly
that my anus worked
326
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,182
as a sort of jetpack,
and then I bonked my head
327
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:25,925
-on the bottom of a helicopter.
-(horn blows)
328
00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:28,228
Oh, there it is,
the Love Choo Choo.
329
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,338
Why would they call
a boat a train?
330
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,340
Well, many of the people aboard
are on their way to BM Island
331
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,194
for a quickie marriage,
so they gave it a fun theme.
332
00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:37,770
But a boat already has a theme.
333
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,923
The theme is a boat.
334
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,108
CAPTAIN (over P.A.):
Calling all lovers,
the Love Choo Choo
335
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,685
will now begin boarding
for Ballistic Missile Island.
336
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:48,598
Well, looks like
I'm a 45-minute ferry ride away
337
00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:51,267
from becoming
Mrs. Jobiathan Flavor.
338
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,255
Joey from Friends,
lend me your confidence.
339
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,611
CAPTAIN (over P.A.):
Folks, we'll be at
Ballistic Missile Island
340
00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:02,536
in about 30 minutes.
341
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:03,871
Uh, Alyson?
342
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:05,890
-Yes, Beef?
-I was thinking--
343
00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:08,209
-wind, right?
-What about it?
344
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,954
-Uh, it's profound.
-Well, I guess it is.
345
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:12,564
-Thanks, Beef.
-(phone rings)
346
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:13,881
Excuse me a moment.
347
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,567
-Hello?
-Hey, Dad.
348
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,236
How's Beef Drives Alyson
to Marriage Place going?
349
00:12:18,387 --> 00:12:20,146
Terrible.
She slept the whole way here.
350
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,240
And now I only have
30 minutes left
351
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:24,058
and there are
so many items on my list.
352
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,152
Like slow dancing,
spontaneous whittling
353
00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:27,987
and kissing beneath
some fireworks.
354
00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:29,806
I didn't even bring
any fireworks with me.
355
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,233
-Rookie mistake.
-Don't give up hope just yet,
Beef.
356
00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:34,827
In a romantic comedy,
when a couple is meant to be,
357
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:36,403
there's always
a deus ex machina.
358
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,165
Oh, yeah, the deus ex machina
is something unexpected
359
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,075
that happens in a rom-com
that makes it possible
360
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,910
for the leads
to spend more time together.
361
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,929
Like in Swipe North
when Anne Hathaway and Santa
362
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,081
got stuck
under that giant candy cane.
363
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:48,825
I don't think
that'll happen here,
364
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,435
but if I see a giant candy cane,
365
00:12:50,586 --> 00:12:52,253
I will try
to pull it on top of us.
366
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,939
Okay, but, Beef, listen,
this is very important.
367
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,849
If there is a deus ex machina,
368
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,018
use the time
to make this a real date.
369
00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:00,278
Tell her everything
you want to say.
370
00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:01,687
'Cause after
the deus ex machina,
371
00:13:01,856 --> 00:13:03,172
well, that's when
the lead decides
372
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,282
that she's gonna
marry the wrong guy
373
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:05,858
or hold out for the right one.
374
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:08,678
Like how Anne Hathaway almost
married the Easter Bunny.
375
00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:09,937
Oh, I hated that bunny.
376
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,790
So arrogant,
driving that BMW around.
377
00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:13,199
-(thudding)
-Wait, something's happening.
378
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:14,700
I'll call you guys back.
379
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,519
CAPTAIN:
We seem to be
having engine trouble,
380
00:13:16,538 --> 00:13:17,945
so we're stranded
for the moment.
381
00:13:18,039 --> 00:13:19,947
In the meantime,
why not take advantage
382
00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:22,300
of the Love Choo Choo's many
entertainment and food options.
383
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:25,595
The deus ex machina.
It's real.
384
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,215
-How you doing?
-What?
385
00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:31,884
Sorry, I was imitating
Joey from Friends.
386
00:13:32,037 --> 00:13:33,369
-Leave me alone.
-You got it.
387
00:13:33,388 --> 00:13:36,539
Look, Alyson, I know you're
getting married tomorrow
388
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:39,375
and I respect that,
but I was wondering,
389
00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:41,561
would you want to go
on one last date
390
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,970
with me?
391
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,214
You see, in high school,
Kathleen just told me
392
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:48,051
I was her boyfriend one day,
and I agreed.
393
00:13:48,069 --> 00:13:50,995
So, I have never
actually been on a real date.
394
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,480
-Not even with a ghost?
-Uh, no.
395
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,408
-Not even with a ghost.
-Well, sure, Beef.
396
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,061
I'd love to pass the time
on the Love Choo Choo with you.
397
00:13:58,079 --> 00:14:00,396
It'll be my last round
of Donkey Kong
398
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:01,914
before I leave the arcade
for good.
399
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:05,568
Care to hitch your arm
to the old Beef wagon?
400
00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:07,178
-Cody!
-Whoa!
401
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,589
-Taking out the trash, huh?
-What the hell, man?
402
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,666
Sorry. So, I was thinking
maybe we take a drive
403
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,094
and jam out to some tunes.
Maybe grub some chow.
404
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,838
Just, like, blow the roof
off this town, you know?
405
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:19,432
(groans)
If I come with you,
406
00:14:19,584 --> 00:14:21,100
will you promise
to stop bothering me?
407
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,343
And do you also promise
not to kill me?
408
00:14:22,437 --> 00:14:24,562
I so promise
not to kill you, Cody.
409
00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:25,846
So promise.
410
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,515
♪ We made a love casserole ♪
411
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,260
♪ Yeah, we made it
from our past, you know ♪
412
00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:33,854
♪ We took the leftovers
from our lives ♪
413
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,766
♪ Put 'em in a pan
and we added chives ♪
414
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,543
♪ We made a love casserole ♪
415
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:42,029
♪ And we made it so much
it's gonna last-erole ♪
416
00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:43,956
♪ We put it in the fridge
next to the chicken ♪
417
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,368
♪ It'll never go bad
or give us botulism ♪
418
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,555
♪ We made a love casserole! ♪
419
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,706
There's the old miss.
420
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,300
The old lady.
421
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,469
Our old high school.
And there's the old school bench
422
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:58,471
where I diarrhea-ed my pants.
(chuckles)
423
00:14:58,623 --> 00:15:00,214
Had to call my dad
to pick me up.
424
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:02,400
-And that corner
is where he picked me up.
-Okay.
425
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:04,310
Pretty fun night, huh?
You know, Codes,
426
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,738
I know we never got to know
each other in high school,
427
00:15:06,889 --> 00:15:08,406
but now that you see
how cool I am,
428
00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:10,133
you know there's
no reason not to like me.
429
00:15:10,151 --> 00:15:11,725
(scoffs)
Who said I didn't like you?
430
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,136
I just never thought about you.
431
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:14,820
But now, since you forced me
to think about you,
432
00:15:14,973 --> 00:15:16,656
I guess you're... fine.
433
00:15:16,808 --> 00:15:18,824
Oh, wow.
That is so good to hear.
434
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,401
And now that you've opened
the friendship door,
435
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,921
how about I get a little peek
inside your personality house?
436
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:25,498
What are you into these days,
Cody? Music, animals?
437
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,908
Nah, I hate music.
And animals are the worst.
438
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,261
I had a dog once, not anymore.
439
00:15:30,488 --> 00:15:32,079
See you in hell, Mr. Pillowsby.
440
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,006
Oh, well, there must
be something you're into.
441
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:35,099
Uh, I don't know.
442
00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:36,917
I like shooting stop signs
with my shotgun.
443
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,011
I like strip clubs,
harassing nerds online,
444
00:15:39,164 --> 00:15:42,423
setting sheds on fire, stomping
on plants, stuff like that.
445
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,608
Oh. Huh.
446
00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:45,835
That stuff sounds, uh... fun.
447
00:15:45,853 --> 00:15:47,111
Hey, you want
to see something funny?
448
00:15:47,263 --> 00:15:48,947
-Well, uh, sure.
-(grunts)
449
00:15:49,023 --> 00:15:50,690
CODY:
Dumbass tree.
450
00:15:50,842 --> 00:15:52,599
Oh. (weak chuckle)
Yeah.
451
00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:54,177
Funny.
(chuckles)
452
00:15:54,195 --> 00:15:56,679
Thank you for joining me
for a great first date.
453
00:15:56,772 --> 00:15:59,182
Perhaps you can give me
some pointers for my next one.
454
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,683
I don't know who it will
be with, but I'm pretty sure
455
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,536
I'll take her to the grain mill.
It's a mill.
456
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,204
There's a lot of grain...
You know what,
457
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,522
I don't want to ruin it for you
458
00:16:06,541 --> 00:16:08,282
in case Jamiroquai
takes you there.
459
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,617
I don't really think
you need dating tips, Beef.
460
00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:11,970
I've had a lot of fun.
461
00:16:12,197 --> 00:16:14,030
Just maybe stop
putting so much pressure
462
00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:15,622
on yourself so you can relax.
463
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:18,034
(grunts) When you said "relax,"
I tensed up.
464
00:16:18,052 --> 00:16:20,703
How do you do it?
What is your secret, Alyson?
465
00:16:20,722 --> 00:16:23,039
I guess I've just never taken
romance all that seriously.
466
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,208
I've dated around so much
that marriage and monogamy
467
00:16:25,226 --> 00:16:27,301
actually seem like
a fun, new adventure.
468
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,713
And Jobiathan seems neat,
so why not settle down?
469
00:16:30,732 --> 00:16:33,065
Or settle for?
470
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:36,143
-I don't know.
-Alyson, I'm sure Jabanaram
471
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,905
is neat, but
you are leagues beyond neat,
472
00:16:40,058 --> 00:16:42,391
and you should
absolutely not settle.
473
00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,727
You have so many good qualities.
474
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:46,579
You're kind and interesting,
but one of my
475
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,173
favorite things about you
is that you can't help
476
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,034
being yourself,
and for someone who has trouble
477
00:16:52,086 --> 00:16:54,253
reading people,
I appreciate that.
478
00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,422
Because whatever you do or say,
479
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,999
I know you're
genuinely being you.
480
00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:01,519
Wow, Beef.
Even Dave, the spider wrangler
481
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:05,314
I lived with on Montezuma Beach,
never saw me that clearly.
482
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:11,437
CAPTAIN:
Hope you're enjoying our nightly
fireworks presentation.
483
00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:15,241
Looks like we're finally back
en route, folks. Choo choo!
484
00:17:18,446 --> 00:17:22,206
Well, I guess this is where
we part ways, Mrs. Flavor.
485
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,267
I'm sorry about kissing you.
486
00:17:24,285 --> 00:17:27,045
It's okay. In case you didn't
notice, I kissed you back.
487
00:17:27,196 --> 00:17:29,213
You know, Beef,
I'm starting to wonder
488
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:31,791
if Jobiathan really is the guy
I want to settle down with.
489
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,552
Alyson? Yes, I am Jobiathan.
490
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,113
And yes, I look different
than I do online.
491
00:17:37,131 --> 00:17:39,448
And yes, I do have
several more children at home.
492
00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:41,284
And yes, I am married
to one other woman
493
00:17:41,377 --> 00:17:43,969
who was recently jailed
due to a misunderstanding,
494
00:17:44,122 --> 00:17:46,122
but she knows about you,
and we thought
495
00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:48,215
we could have what we call
a "marriage Neapolitan."
496
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,925
You'll be the strawberry.
497
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,718
(robotically):
I am a robot.
498
00:17:51,813 --> 00:17:54,072
Nice to meet you, human.
499
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,482
Oh. Okay. Yes, uh, sir,
500
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,984
could you please stop
bothering my robot?
501
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:00,636
-You're draining her battery.
-Sorry.
502
00:18:00,638 --> 00:18:02,062
It's just that
your robot looks exactly
503
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:03,489
like a woman
I was supposed to marry.
504
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,975
I get that all the time.
Come on, robot.
505
00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:07,660
Let's get back on the ferry.
506
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,736
You're late for robot class.
507
00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,756
(robotically):
I love to learn...
508
00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:13,925
-Alyson? Are you Alyson?
-Mm.
509
00:18:14,152 --> 00:18:15,576
WOLF:
Well, here we are
back at your work.
510
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,320
-So, goodbye.
-Hey, you want to keep going?
511
00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:19,505
We could hit the 24-hour
gun range in Death Cliff.
512
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,432
Beat the crap
out of some lawn ornaments
513
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,493
or just score some coke
and chuck crap at cars?
514
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,587
Maybe not tonight.
I'm a little tired,
515
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,773
so how about a
gun range-vandalism rain check?
516
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:30,424
Come on, man. We're friends now.
517
00:18:30,518 --> 00:18:32,944
Hey, I'll head to the dumpster
and get some chucking stuff.
518
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,671
Okay, cool.
I'll just wait right here.
519
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,115
Don't you worry about that.
520
00:18:39,768 --> 00:18:40,843
Well, Cody is not
521
00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,102
who I thought he was.
522
00:18:42,271 --> 00:18:44,104
And I know
this may sound super harsh,
523
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,015
but I don't think
I care if he likes me.
524
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,108
Aw, man.
Now I feel bad I said that.
525
00:18:48,202 --> 00:18:49,443
No, Wolf. That's great.
526
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,203
-It's great that you said that.
-It is?
527
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,856
Listen, I get that you feel bad
when people don't like you
528
00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:55,133
because being likable
is your thing.
529
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,784
But save your energy
for the people you like,
530
00:18:57,879 --> 00:19:00,287
such as me
and our eventual kids.
531
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,697
And that grumpy guy
at the ice cream store
532
00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:03,032
who's always mean to me.
533
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,625
-No, not him.
-Right, right, right.
534
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,293
BEEF:
I'm sorry things
didn't work out
535
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,887
the way you were expecting,
536
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:09,405
but I had a pretty fun night.
537
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:12,650
And telling that wizard you were
a robot was very exciting.
538
00:19:12,877 --> 00:19:14,152
I had fun, too. It's weird.
539
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,062
I never feel insecure,
but I guess I'm wondering.
540
00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:18,990
If I hadn't been
about to get married,
541
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,567
would you still
have said all those things
542
00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:22,809
you said to me tonight?
543
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,904
Alyson, I meant
everything that I said
544
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,722
on board the Love Choo Choo.
545
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,392
You are a true catch,
and I'm literally a fisherman,
546
00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:30,910
so I know
what I'm talking about.
547
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:33,504
But I realized something
about myself
548
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:35,080
during our journey.
549
00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,400
Was it that you want
to get a cape like Jobiathan?
550
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:39,343
Ooh, got to admit,
that man can dress.
551
00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:40,678
No, it's not that.
552
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,162
It's that after we kissed,
553
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:45,591
all I wanted to do was,
well, marry you?
554
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,909
And have four kids?
555
00:19:46,928 --> 00:19:48,019
That's the only second step
556
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:49,745
I have ever taken
in a relationship.
557
00:19:49,838 --> 00:19:51,022
Hmm. I get that.
558
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,916
So I must not be ready
for a regular second step,
559
00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,885
because I don't know
how to think differently yet.
560
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:58,087
We're two very different people
561
00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:00,423
who have led
two very different lives.
562
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,200
You had four kids
right out of high school
563
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,352
and I once spent two years urban
backpacking through Dallas.
564
00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:08,855
Yeah. I'm thinking that before
I make another big commitment,
565
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:11,709
I should maybe even date around.
566
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,270
You should absolutely
date around.
567
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:16,196
And don't even think about
settling down again
568
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,882
until you live life a little.
569
00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:19,366
You're gonna do great out there.
570
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:20,793
-Thank you, Alyson.
-In fact,
571
00:20:20,945 --> 00:20:22,445
I'm gonna get you a mop,
572
00:20:22,463 --> 00:20:24,613
cause you're gonna be
cleaning up, Beef.
573
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:26,298
All right, off we go.
574
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,133
Should we do another shot
of cranberry juice?
575
00:20:28,286 --> 00:20:29,543
Make mine a double.
576
00:20:29,637 --> 00:20:31,804
♪ Do you have to,
do you have to ♪
577
00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:33,973
♪ Do you have to
let it linger? ♪
578
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,641
JUDY:
And now
579
00:20:35,718 --> 00:20:38,811
I present to you
Swipe North 2: Still Swiping.
580
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,905
Did you guys know that
Mark Ruffalo stayed in character
581
00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:43,223
the whole time
they shot the movie?
582
00:20:43,392 --> 00:20:46,077
Even his real-life wife and kids
had to call him Santa Claus.
583
00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:48,137
I read online that Anne
Hathaway's character, Heather,
584
00:20:48,155 --> 00:20:50,114
gets a job in Seattle
and she and Santa have to try
585
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:52,157
to make a long-distance
relationship work.
586
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:53,751
By God, I'm rooting for them.
587
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,403
Shh. Close your cocoa flaps.
It's starting.
588
00:20:56,497 --> 00:20:59,164
♪ Do you really think
I can find love once more? ♪
589
00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:02,075
♪ I just uploaded your profile
so say hello to l'amour ♪
590
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,320
♪ I'm gonna swipe north
on finding love again ♪
591
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:07,323
♪ I'm saying yes to Tabitha,
Brandy, Anne and Jen. ♪
592
00:21:07,416 --> 00:21:09,508
♪ Congrats, you've got a match,
her name is Maddison ♪
593
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,436
♪ She likes peppermint,
snow and large abdomens ♪
594
00:21:12,663 --> 00:21:15,514
♪ You got to write her back,
ask her more about herself ♪
595
00:21:15,666 --> 00:21:17,441
♪ And tell her
that I live with 600 elves ♪
596
00:21:17,593 --> 00:21:20,093
♪ Gonna swipe north,
hope she's a fan of dairy ♪
597
00:21:20,262 --> 00:21:23,506
♪ And eating only cookies,
feeling super merry ♪
598
00:21:23,524 --> 00:21:25,283
♪ Gonna swipe north,
gonna really believe ♪
599
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:26,951
♪ There'll be a new girlfriend ♪
600
00:21:27,061 --> 00:21:28,527
♪ For me under
the Christmas tree. ♪
601
00:21:28,679 --> 00:21:29,770
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
602
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,206
and TOYOTA.