1 00:00:01,485 --> 00:00:04,670 -♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪ 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,005 ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,506 -♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,175 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 5 00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:13,828 ♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 6 00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:15,014 ♪ Catch some fish ♪ 7 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,682 ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 8 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:17,832 ♪ Wow ♪ 9 00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:21,245 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 10 00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:22,837 ♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,248 ♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 12 00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:25,840 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 13 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:29,737 ♪ In the Great North. ♪ 14 00:00:31,607 --> 00:00:34,182 (cheering) 15 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,518 NARRATOR: The year was 1904. 16 00:00:36,612 --> 00:00:38,779 It was Alaska's longest and coldest winter 17 00:00:38,931 --> 00:00:40,021 in recorded history. 18 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,874 The winter known as Mother Death. 19 00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:44,692 The citizens of Lone Moose were on the verge of running out 20 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,120 of food, firewood and even hope. 21 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,955 But then, one very early morning, 22 00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:52,109 Mayor Parsnips went out on yet another search for sustenance 23 00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:53,110 and found... 24 00:00:53,128 --> 00:00:54,720 PARSNIPS: I have found a huge pile 25 00:00:54,871 --> 00:00:55,721 of moose droppings. 26 00:00:55,872 --> 00:00:57,389 Brown gold. Brown gold! 27 00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:59,283 NARRATOR: First he searched for the moose itself 28 00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:01,226 to kill and eat it right away, yum, yum, yum. 29 00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:03,120 But he never found the bounteous beast. 30 00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:05,747 Instead, day after day, he did find 31 00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:07,232 a prodigious pile of poops. 32 00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:09,068 A blessing from the behind. 33 00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:10,736 He collected them and distributed 34 00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:12,404 the magical manure house to house. 35 00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:14,298 Thus the citizens of Lone Moose 36 00:01:14,316 --> 00:01:17,225 used the beige bounty to keep their fires burning, 37 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:18,911 to plant potatoes indoors, 38 00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:21,138 to patch the cracks in their windows and, yes, 39 00:01:21,307 --> 00:01:24,308 one guy did eat them, and soon died. 40 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,493 But if it weren't for the rear gifts given 41 00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:28,403 from moose to mayor, the whole town might have perished 42 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,905 before the winter finally let up in mid-July. 43 00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:33,926 And so, each spring, the citizens of Lone Moose 44 00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:36,595 gather to celebrate both mooses and mayors 45 00:01:36,746 --> 00:01:38,597 at the Rear Gifts Festival, 46 00:01:38,824 --> 00:01:41,249 an event that culminates in the legendary Turd Drop, 47 00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:43,343 where everyone in town shellacs a moose poop to drop. 48 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,662 And whoever gets their fortunate fece closest 49 00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:48,089 to the target on the Mayor Parsnips monument 50 00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:49,924 wins a big prize. 51 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,276 Thanks for watching, 52 00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:53,003 and see you at the festival. 53 00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:54,855 -(applause) -First off, a big thank you 54 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:57,116 to the Lone Moose Civic Light Opera actors 55 00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:59,785 for helping me with that remarkable short film. 56 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:01,286 Please go see their current production 57 00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:03,847 of Lars von Trier's Melancholia. 58 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:05,457 It'll really get you thinking. 59 00:02:05,609 --> 00:02:06,941 Now, a lot of you are probably wondering, 60 00:02:07,035 --> 00:02:10,036 "Mayor Peppers, why did you spend $160 61 00:02:10,189 --> 00:02:12,706 of the city's operating budget to make this tape?" 62 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,207 Yeah. Should've spent it on dip. 63 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,027 -Spend it on dip. -(chanting): Spend it on dip. 64 00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,211 Spend it on dip. 65 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,214 I did get dip. I always get dip. 66 00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,200 It's on the back table. Geez. 67 00:02:23,218 --> 00:02:26,036 I made the video because I wanted to remind everyone-- 68 00:02:26,129 --> 00:02:27,962 but specifically the Evanoffs, 69 00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:29,815 the Tobins and the Tuntleys-- 70 00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:31,892 of what the festival is all about. 71 00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:34,895 It's about winning the Turd Drop by any means necessary. 72 00:02:34,971 --> 00:02:36,563 Including cheating, injury and death. 73 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,849 -Hell yeah. -No. It's about town unity. 74 00:02:39,885 --> 00:02:41,568 -Eh! Wrong. -Please, guys. 75 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,570 You know the festival is the one day a year 76 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,813 the Lone Moose mayor gets to take a vacation day, 77 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,574 in honor of Mayor Parsnips. 78 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,818 But I never get to enjoy it because of your stupid rivalry 79 00:02:50,913 --> 00:02:52,504 and bonkers behavior. 80 00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:53,821 So I'm begging you, 81 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,249 let me have my one day of peace this year. 82 00:02:56,402 --> 00:02:57,843 Can't you guys just do this for the mayor? 83 00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:59,753 -This is nuts. -Thank you, Honeybee. 84 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,906 I just want to pop a weed gummy, maybe grab a sandwich 85 00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:05,184 from Lone Moose's latest food truck sensation, 86 00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:07,928 Barbara Baconbottom's Bottomless Bacon Truck. 87 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,338 Ooh, I'll have one ready for you, Mayor dear. 88 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,765 Thank you, Barbara Baconbottoms. 89 00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,341 And once I'm a little high, 90 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,919 I just want to go in the bounce house and enjoy myself. 91 00:03:15,938 --> 00:03:17,845 Can you guys please focus your rivalry 92 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,514 back where we usually focus it? 93 00:03:19,608 --> 00:03:22,534 on our hatred of our rival town Ted's Folly 94 00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:25,019 and my archnemesis Mayor Ted? 95 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,613 (sighs) Mayor Peppers is right. 96 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,616 He does a lot for the town. It's the least we could do. 97 00:03:29,768 --> 00:03:32,044 -Fine. -I guess I agree, but I hate it. 98 00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:34,438 Great. It's settled. Thank you, Tobins, 99 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,939 Evanoffs and Tuntleys. 100 00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:39,051 This year, we will just have a nice, normal Turd Festival. 101 00:03:39,202 --> 00:03:41,111 May our love for each other shine 102 00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:43,630 like a pile of turds in the morning light. 103 00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,632 ♪ X-X-O-O ♪ 104 00:03:45,784 --> 00:03:50,287 ♪ I don't like playing tic-tac-toe! ♪ 105 00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,788 Okay, that's a blondie break. 106 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:54,066 Apologies for the quality of the blondies, guys. 107 00:03:54,217 --> 00:03:56,643 My dad got his hands caught in a wasp's nest, 108 00:03:56,795 --> 00:03:57,885 so I had to make them. 109 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,963 (robotically): Bees do not compute. 110 00:03:59,982 --> 00:04:01,648 (beeping) 111 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,391 (laughter) 112 00:04:03,485 --> 00:04:05,318 Ham, Crispin, you guys aren't laughing. 113 00:04:05,471 --> 00:04:08,138 (robotically): Don't tell me you didn't see the movie. 114 00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:10,991 Oh, no, we saw it. We definitely saw it. 115 00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:12,993 -Which one again? -Uh, Dandroid, 116 00:04:13,145 --> 00:04:15,254 where Adam Sandler plays a robot named Dan, 117 00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:16,755 who's the butler for the president. 118 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,648 He's a robot, but he's allergic to bees. 119 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:19,983 It's incredible. 120 00:04:20,002 --> 00:04:21,760 (laughs) A bunch of us saw it this weekend. 121 00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:23,837 -(robotically): We loved it. -Oh, yeah. Now I remember. 122 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,747 We also saw it and loved it. 123 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,325 -Uh, we did? -Yeah, remember? 124 00:04:28,343 --> 00:04:30,160 W-We saw it and you loved it. 125 00:04:30,178 --> 00:04:35,665 I-I remember because you said "I love this movie!" 126 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:36,942 You yelled it. Remember? 127 00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,594 I'm surprised you don't remember yelling that. 128 00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:41,171 CRISPIN: So, um, 129 00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:42,764 are we gonna talk about how you pretended 130 00:04:42,858 --> 00:04:45,617 we saw an Adam Sandler movie about a robot or...? 131 00:04:45,844 --> 00:04:47,435 Oh. Yeah. Sorry. 132 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,696 I just go along with whatever teenage boys are talking about 133 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,198 since I don't have a lot of, you know, guy friends. 134 00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,293 What do you mean you don't have guy friends? 135 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,202 You're literally in a band with dudes. 136 00:04:56,355 --> 00:04:58,705 But I'm not really, like, friends with them. 137 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,023 I mean, I have other friends. 138 00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,691 There's Goldie, my Aunt Denice, 139 00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:02,634 Barbara Baconbottoms 140 00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:03,951 from the Bottomless Bacon Truck. 141 00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,879 Uh, all perfect human beings. 142 00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:08,715 Yes, but all older ladies. 143 00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:10,884 Older ladies have a lot to offer-- 144 00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,960 menopause jokes, thoughts on wine. 145 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,814 Yeah, and their divorce stories are incredible. 146 00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:17,390 But I do feel like a full freak. 147 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,042 Well, if you're that worried about it, Ham, 148 00:05:19,061 --> 00:05:21,378 why don't you try to... make a new friend our age? 149 00:05:21,396 --> 00:05:24,656 Oh! Maybe you can meet a new bud at the Rear Gifts Fest. 150 00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:26,216 Oh, yeah! Great idea. 151 00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:28,827 I'll meet a new teen guy friend, and, next thing you know, 152 00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:31,404 we'll be pruning his prize rose bushes together. 153 00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:32,497 Ham, honey, no. 154 00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:33,648 JUDY: Hey, Kima, 155 00:05:33,742 --> 00:05:34,891 what did you get for number four? 156 00:05:34,984 --> 00:05:36,651 Uh, I put "C," but, to be honest, 157 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,653 I chose at random and I'm not looking back. 158 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,005 -"C" it is. -Hmm. 159 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:41,656 Why aren't you guys being mean to each other? 160 00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:44,492 Isn't this your families' weird turd rivalry time? 161 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,070 It is. But Mayor Peppers begged our families and the Tuntleys 162 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,239 to call a truce for the Rear Gifts Festival, 163 00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:50,757 so the truce is loose. 164 00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:52,242 And speaking of rear gifts, 165 00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:55,245 excuse me while I drop some off in the gift collector. 166 00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:56,671 Loud and proud. I love it. 167 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,764 Do your thing, chicken wing. 168 00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:59,416 -ESTHER: You can't do this! -Hmm? 169 00:05:59,434 --> 00:06:02,694 You're not wearing that magnetic paint to cheat at the Turd Drop! 170 00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:03,920 WALT: It says on the package, 171 00:06:03,939 --> 00:06:05,772 "Can be worn up to 30 minutes 172 00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:07,257 "before side effects begin, 173 00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:08,775 "including coma, liver failure, 174 00:06:08,927 --> 00:06:10,351 mild skin irritations and death." 175 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,520 It says that on the package?! 176 00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:13,947 Look, my plan is solid-- 177 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,190 I'm gonna put a magnet in our turd, wear this paint, 178 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,192 stand near the center of the target and make sure 179 00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,452 we win first place. 180 00:06:19,621 --> 00:06:21,195 Then I'll run right to the river to wash it off. 181 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,365 You're going to wash off deadly paint in the river?! 182 00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:26,551 You're an environmental scientist, Walt! 183 00:06:26,778 --> 00:06:28,035 Come on, Esther. 184 00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,705 You know my whole life is rules and facts and figures 185 00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:32,391 and recycling and composting. 186 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,408 But at Rear Gifts, 187 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,543 I get to let my turd flag fly. 188 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,787 Plus, you think the Tuntleys and Tobins 189 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:38,880 are really gonna not cheat? 190 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,066 Of course not. But we promised. 191 00:06:41,293 --> 00:06:42,383 I had my fingers crossed. 192 00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:44,403 (gasps) His fingers were crossed? 193 00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,312 I guess the poops in the early morning light 194 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,889 aren't gonna unite us all. 195 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,908 (pants) I got to go tell my family! 196 00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:51,893 -(panting) -Judy! Where are you going?! 197 00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:54,246 Oh. Uh, I have diarrhea! And the flu! 198 00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:57,140 And, uh, a-a family emergency! So it's a classic triple threat! 199 00:06:57,159 --> 00:06:58,917 Bye, guys! Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye! 200 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,089 So, yup, the Evanoffs are cheating 201 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,573 at the Turd Drop after all. 202 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:07,317 What naive fools we've been. 203 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,819 And now we're sitting here with no dangerous cheating plan 204 00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:13,339 and zero chance of winning that mani-pedi gift certificate. 205 00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,841 Hold up. The prize for winning 206 00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:16,993 is just a mani-pedi gift certificate? 207 00:07:17,086 --> 00:07:19,104 Yes, and we desire it with all our hearts. 208 00:07:19,331 --> 00:07:21,848 But the festival is tomorrow and we don't have anything planned. 209 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,835 Well, what if one of us already had a plan in motion 210 00:07:25,854 --> 00:07:27,337 that will win us the competition? 211 00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:28,763 -KIDS: Yes! -I'm listening. 212 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,507 Now, what do we all know is the biggest challenge 213 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,600 of finding the right backdoor brownie to drop? 214 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:36,062 OTHERS: The consistency of a moose fece can make it hard to shellac. 215 00:07:36,214 --> 00:07:40,107 -Exactly. -I wonder if I could drive all the way back to Fresno tonight. 216 00:07:40,202 --> 00:07:42,294 So, after the town hall Turd Fest meeting, 217 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,796 I saw a moose in the woods and I thought, "Huh, the moose 218 00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:47,281 "is out here just eating whatever he can get his lips on. 219 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,283 "But me? Hell, I'm a human. 220 00:07:49,377 --> 00:07:51,470 "I can eat moose food in just the right combination 221 00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:53,046 "on purpose, 222 00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:55,715 "so as to create a perfectly formed Downtown Smoothie Brown 223 00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:57,809 -that's easy to shellac." -My God. 224 00:07:57,961 --> 00:07:58,885 Yep. I had help. 225 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,221 I went to see the vet, Dr. French. 226 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,890 I would not recommend eating the diet of a wild animal, Wolf. 227 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:05,817 But Lord knows no one can stop you weirdos 228 00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,894 from injuring yourselves trying to win the Turd Drop. 229 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,729 So, what the hell, I'll play. 230 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,472 What's your favorite aquatic vegetation? 231 00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:14,159 Oh, pondweed, for sure. It's not even close. 232 00:08:14,386 --> 00:08:15,568 So ever since then, 233 00:08:15,737 --> 00:08:18,479 I've been munching moose grass pretty hard. 234 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,405 -Honey, no. -What? 235 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,891 That sounds... Never mind. Go on. 236 00:08:21,985 --> 00:08:23,076 I'm a little plugged up right now, 237 00:08:23,228 --> 00:08:25,411 but I know my perfect posterior pellet 238 00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:27,822 is on its beautiful journey towards birth. 239 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,824 Babe, please, remember the filter. 240 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,917 Would Barack tell Michelle that? 241 00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,344 If the Obamas were lucky enough 242 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,237 to be a part of the fest, he would. 243 00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,681 Now, the moose poop from my behind is, simply put, 244 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,165 going to be superior. 245 00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:39,518 It'll be more fibrous, denser, 246 00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:42,169 meaning it won't be blown side to side by the wind. 247 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,247 Plus, with the new instant shellac I ordered, 248 00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,766 the turnaround time on a late-breaking butt bullet 249 00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:48,175 is almost nonexistent. 250 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,586 Uh, which way is the ocean? 251 00:08:49,604 --> 00:08:50,678 I'm gonna walk into it. 252 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,438 Guys, I just got to do this. 253 00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,439 For the family! 254 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,367 E-Everyone else has a great skill. 255 00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:57,277 Ham makes cakes, Judy's an artist, 256 00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,612 Moon can track any animal. But me? 257 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:03,357 Well, my one real skill is going absolutely nuts to the butts 258 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:06,119 for the Turd Drop every year and bringing home the prize. 259 00:09:06,271 --> 00:09:09,789 Hmm. Wolf, this is a terrible, disgusting idea. 260 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,608 But if everyone else is cheating, 261 00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:12,884 well, we got to go for it. 262 00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:14,778 And Mayor Peppers, he won't even have to know. 263 00:09:14,796 --> 00:09:17,705 Yes! This year, my caboose will be our moose! 264 00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:19,282 Okay, the fest is tomorrow, 265 00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,393 so please excuse me to go eat some more pondweed. 266 00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:23,136 It's turd o'clock, baby! 267 00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:24,545 BEEF: Any luck in there, son? 268 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:25,789 Nothing yet. 269 00:09:25,807 --> 00:09:27,290 I was really hungry yesterday, 270 00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:28,958 so I think I might've eaten too many sticks. 271 00:09:28,977 --> 00:09:30,310 I can tell they're creating 272 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,070 a sort of a beaver dam situation in there. 273 00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:33,721 I'm gonna think about that sentence 274 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,906 for the rest of my life. 275 00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,316 Well, why don't we all go over 276 00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:38,468 and get some lettuce bowls from Leticia's Lettuces 277 00:09:38,486 --> 00:09:40,579 -to help get things moving. -Uh-oh. 278 00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,230 Hello there, good friends we have made a truce with. 279 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,642 -How pleasant to see you! -(chuckles nervously) 280 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:46,826 And you as well! 281 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:47,977 MRS. TUNTLEY: What's going on here? 282 00:09:48,071 --> 00:09:49,162 BEEF: Absolutely nothing. 283 00:09:49,314 --> 00:09:50,922 Just greeting friends... 284 00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:52,498 (chuckles): at a joyous festival. 285 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,593 Where there will be no cheating at all. 286 00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,669 -Oh, I agree. -Yup! Yup. 287 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,671 So, what's in the bags, Tuntleys? 288 00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,432 There's nothing controversial in our satchels, 289 00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:02,826 and I for one resent the implication. 290 00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:04,661 How'd you get hurt there, Mr. Tuntley? 291 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,012 He's not hurt. He's just tired. 292 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,772 Especially in the... arm. 293 00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,182 It has nothing to do with the drop, 294 00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:10,591 if that's what you're implying. 295 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,503 (overlapping arguing) 296 00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:14,520 PEPPERS: Stop! 297 00:10:14,673 --> 00:10:16,189 This better not be what it looks like. 298 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,358 'Cause what it looks like is the three families 299 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,118 that always cheat at the drop 300 00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:23,513 having some kind of fight that will result in violence 301 00:10:23,531 --> 00:10:24,772 and ruin my day off. 302 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,516 Oh, Mayor Peppers. 303 00:10:26,534 --> 00:10:28,034 May-or Pep-pers. 304 00:10:28,111 --> 00:10:30,703 (chuckles): No, no, no, no. Not at all. 305 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,689 We were just, um... 306 00:10:32,782 --> 00:10:34,207 hugging. With our words. 307 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:37,710 Good! Because the message this year is unity and togetherness. 308 00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:41,381 Now, I'm gonna take my ass over and jump in the jump house. 309 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,307 Keep it together. 310 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,142 All right. Time to grab a plate 311 00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:46,144 and hit this best bro buffet. 312 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:47,479 Bon voyage, fair Ham. 313 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,797 Bring me good news from the friend front. 314 00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:51,483 Aye, aye, Captain Boyfriend. 315 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:52,817 -Oh, and Ham? -Yes? 316 00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:54,486 No meeting any new older lady friends, 317 00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:57,638 no matter how shimmery their natural gray streaks look 318 00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,639 in a low braid. 319 00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,640 Crispin, I promise. 320 00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,901 -Oh, wow. -Ham! 321 00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,404 Yep! Sorry! Boy, that braid shimmered. 322 00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:06,331 I'll start assembling the turbine. 323 00:11:06,558 --> 00:11:09,334 Henry, you dig up the generator from where we pre-buried it. 324 00:11:09,561 --> 00:11:10,560 Copy that, Mom. 325 00:11:10,729 --> 00:11:11,819 Appreciate the hustle. 326 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,230 Turd Day is my time to shine, 327 00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:15,823 so put your back into it. 328 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,676 Okay. Lookin' for boys, 329 00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,010 possible friends. 330 00:11:19,237 --> 00:11:20,737 Ooh! Tie-dye a turd? 331 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:21,680 That sounds fun. 332 00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:23,589 No, Ham. Focus. 333 00:11:23,742 --> 00:11:25,074 (weakly): Hi. 334 00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,410 Good, good. Yeah, just get warmed up. 335 00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:28,761 -(loudly): Hello! -Aah! Geez. 336 00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,355 -(groans) -Sorry. Sorry. 337 00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,673 Okay, too loud. No problem. Just dialing it in. 338 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,693 Ooh! Barbara's bacon truck. 339 00:11:34,844 --> 00:11:36,936 Maybe I'll just take a little breather with her. 340 00:11:37,088 --> 00:11:38,345 (British accent): Hello, Ham! 341 00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:39,605 Hello, Barbara! 342 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,183 Top of the bacon to ya, my fine fire-headed friend. 343 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,443 What can I do ya for? 344 00:11:43,611 --> 00:11:45,370 Well, I'm actually over here looking for teen boys. 345 00:11:45,597 --> 00:11:47,706 Not in a sexy way-- in a make-a-friend way. 346 00:11:47,933 --> 00:11:50,116 Do you think teen boys would like this icebreaker-- 347 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,711 what's your preferred Internet service provider? 348 00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:53,786 (chuckles): Oh-ho-ho, Ham. 349 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,272 Go get yourself a BFT, dear-- 350 00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,383 a bacon, friend and tomato. 351 00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:01,294 Well, it's pretty clear all three of the Big Rear families 352 00:12:01,446 --> 00:12:02,870 have some kind of cheating planned. 353 00:12:02,964 --> 00:12:05,706 If that was a gigantic turd in the Tuntleys' backpack, 354 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,392 by God, I respect them. 355 00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:10,119 All right. I think all this kale has finally loosened my tail. 356 00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:12,455 You know what? I think I'm gonna head out to the woods 357 00:12:12,474 --> 00:12:15,066 like a real moose to do a glorious number two 358 00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:16,568 under the clear blue sky. 359 00:12:16,795 --> 00:12:17,902 Beautiful, son. 360 00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:19,963 Come on, butt. What would a moose poop? 361 00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:23,316 Damn, this wig is hot. I'm sweating right through my boobs! 362 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,636 (gasps) Barbara Baconbottoms is actually Mayor Ted Folly, 363 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,079 our mayor's nemesis? 364 00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:29,748 Hello? Is someone there? 365 00:12:29,975 --> 00:12:31,140 I'm hearing things. 366 00:12:31,159 --> 00:12:32,751 All right, time for a little test run 367 00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:35,478 of my remote-controlled turd drone. 368 00:12:35,647 --> 00:12:36,829 Diarrhea Day-Lewis. 369 00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:39,758 Mayor Ted's trying to pull some crap with the poop. 370 00:12:42,578 --> 00:12:44,912 All right, I know we are enemies today, 371 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,580 so thank you for agreeing to meet with us. 372 00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:48,415 Are you just gonna accuse us of cheating again? 373 00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:51,511 Oh, no. I know you were all still planning to cheat, 374 00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:52,678 and, frankly, so were we. 375 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:53,679 -This is what we do. -(assenting) 376 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,089 This is the way. 377 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,849 But I didn't call this meeting to talk about that. 378 00:12:57,002 --> 00:12:58,592 It's something much worse-- 379 00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:01,780 a non-Lone Moose resident is trying to enter the Turd Drop. 380 00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:03,597 -(gasping) -Who is it? 381 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,099 Barbara Baconbottoms. 382 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,619 But Barbara moved here fair and square two months ago. 383 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,603 (laughs) I agree, Mrs. Tuntley, 384 00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,698 that someone calling themselves Barbara Baconbottoms 385 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,275 did, in fact, move here. 386 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,962 But Babs Bacons is not actually a lovely British lady. 387 00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:21,024 She's the mayor of our rival town, Ted's Folly. 388 00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:22,692 -(gasping) -And Ted knows, 389 00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:24,527 he knows, that Mayor Peppers' day-- 390 00:13:24,546 --> 00:13:27,530 nay, his decade-- would be ruined 391 00:13:27,549 --> 00:13:31,125 if his archnemesis Mayor Ted won the big town prize. 392 00:13:31,294 --> 00:13:33,703 And it gets worse-- Barbara/Ted has a drone 393 00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:35,371 that looks exactly like a poop. 394 00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:36,648 Damn it, Dad! Why didn't you think of that? 395 00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:39,466 -Yeah, Uncle Walt. -I'm sincerely sorry, guys. 396 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,634 But what do we do now? 397 00:13:40,728 --> 00:13:42,636 Uh, go right to Mayor Peppers and tell him 398 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:44,547 and then do the Turd Drop without cheating 399 00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:45,639 like you promised. 400 00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:47,383 Well, that's dumb. Any other ideas? 401 00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:49,977 Yes. Since we were all gonna cheat at the Turd Drop anyway, 402 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,479 how 'bout we keep our cool cheating plans 403 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,499 but do them together, for Peppers? 404 00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,650 -For Peppers. -OTHERS: For Peppers. -Yeah. 405 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,670 Okay. I guess you guys are doing this instead? 406 00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:01,747 -Hands in. -Fire up the griddle of righteousness. 407 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:04,175 It's time to fry some bacon. 408 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,343 Hi. Hello. 409 00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:06,511 Uh, hi? 410 00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:07,737 So, what's, uh, 411 00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:10,014 your preferred Internet service provider? 412 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:12,016 I... don't have one. 413 00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:14,760 Yeah. Me neither. 414 00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:16,245 (sighs) 415 00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,189 REGINA: You see anything you like? 416 00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:19,582 ♪ ♪ 417 00:14:19,675 --> 00:14:20,600 Uh, yeah. 418 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:21,767 You. 419 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,345 ...and that's what a mammogram feels like. 420 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,029 Fascinating. 421 00:14:25,256 --> 00:14:26,513 -Hello, Ham. -(gasps) 422 00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:28,774 You simply must introduce me to your new friend. 423 00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:32,019 Oh! Yeah, well, this is Regina, 424 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:34,780 and she's a... 16-year-old boy. 425 00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,040 -Oh, really? -Uh-huh. 426 00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:37,876 And where do you go to school, Regina? 427 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,377 Don't talk to him. He's my friend. 428 00:14:39,528 --> 00:14:41,604 Um, what's happening here exactly? 429 00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:42,714 Is this sexting? 430 00:14:42,941 --> 00:14:45,291 Regina, this is my boyfriend Crispin. 431 00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,552 I was supposed to be trying to befriend guys my own age, 432 00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:48,869 but I was mesmerized by you, 433 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,613 and now, well, here we are. 434 00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:51,872 Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham, 435 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,449 get me one of those organic sodas 436 00:14:53,468 --> 00:14:54,893 and let's figure this out together. 437 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,786 Oh! You want a Dandelion Diva 438 00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,212 or a Joint-Health Jackfruit? 439 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,972 Oh, Joint-Health, please. 440 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,974 And then, at the last second, we were gonna use 441 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,235 this generator you see here to turn on 442 00:15:04,387 --> 00:15:05,737 this powerful wind turbine, 443 00:15:05,964 --> 00:15:07,739 blow all the turds to hell and gone. 444 00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:09,632 And while everyone was distracted, 445 00:15:09,725 --> 00:15:10,909 Jim was gonna find our turd 446 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,410 and put it right in the middle of the target. 447 00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,303 How was Jim gonna find your poop? 448 00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:17,749 Oh, he's got a photographic memory for the shapes of turds. 449 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,084 I do. It's a blessing and a curse. 450 00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:21,811 A masterful plan, Dorothy. 451 00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:24,238 Thank you. There's a reason I was valedictorian 452 00:15:24,332 --> 00:15:25,757 of my veterinary college. 453 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:27,650 But there is one tiny problem-- 454 00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:30,670 the turbine on/off switch is... on the fritz. 455 00:15:30,838 --> 00:15:33,156 When we were practicing, my wife, uh... (chuckles) 456 00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,600 couldn't turn it off, so it blew me into a tree 457 00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:37,176 and I broke my collarbone. 458 00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:38,752 OTHERS: Congratulations. 459 00:15:38,846 --> 00:15:40,087 Thank you. (chuckles) 460 00:15:40,181 --> 00:15:42,498 It also blew all of my clothes completely off. 461 00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:44,500 You don't know pride until you've seen your naked father 462 00:15:44,669 --> 00:15:48,112 crumpled in the snow in service of a dangerous Turd Drop stunt. 463 00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:50,281 All right, based on the intelligence from Wolf, 464 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,009 we can assume that Ted plans to beat the system 465 00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:56,103 by activating his drone just as the turds drop. 466 00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:58,939 Gravity causes all objects to fall at the same rate. 467 00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,367 But Ted's turd won't be falling-- 468 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,702 it'll be flying. 469 00:16:02,854 --> 00:16:04,203 To defeat Ted's mechanized weaponry, 470 00:16:04,355 --> 00:16:06,113 we'll need the wind machine. The kids and I 471 00:16:06,207 --> 00:16:08,024 will help camouflage it and stand by to help. 472 00:16:08,117 --> 00:16:10,451 Meanwhile, Walt will wait till the last minute 473 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,528 to get painted so he does not literally die. 474 00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:14,363 Once Walt looks like the Tin Man, 475 00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:17,141 he'll run to the target, attracting the drone 476 00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:18,217 to his magnetized body. 477 00:16:18,369 --> 00:16:20,144 This will infuriate Mayor Ted 478 00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:22,705 and lead him to physically attack Walt. 479 00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:24,890 Then the Tuntleys will switch on the wind turbine 480 00:16:24,967 --> 00:16:27,801 and it will blow off Barbara's wig, revealing her to be 481 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,803 none other than Ted Folly. 482 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,230 His plan will be foiled, 483 00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:32,973 and Peppers will salute us all 484 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,383 -as heroes. -(Honeybee sniffles) 485 00:16:34,402 --> 00:16:35,809 Why am I crying? 486 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,644 I thought this whole thing was so stupid, but... 487 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,056 I think I get it now and I want to enter next year 488 00:16:40,074 --> 00:16:42,074 and I want to win and I want to cheat. 489 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,151 And, again, why am I crying? 490 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,745 -(sniffles) -'Cause you're a Lone Mooser now. 491 00:16:45,897 --> 00:16:47,488 The thought of destroying Ted Folly 492 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,731 -touches your heart. -(sniffles) 493 00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:49,841 But, wait, who will win the drop? 494 00:16:50,068 --> 00:16:51,676 That's the best part-- we all will. 495 00:16:51,903 --> 00:16:54,420 We're gonna give Peppers his unity after all. 496 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,906 Seriously, I can't stop! I'm so moved! 497 00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:59,575 -(sniffles) -But since the turds are already in the chopper, 498 00:16:59,744 --> 00:17:02,002 we will need a new one for all of us to sign. 499 00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:04,338 Son, your butt has been called into battle. 500 00:17:04,432 --> 00:17:07,191 -It's time to drop the moose deuce. -Yes! 501 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,105 The Turd Fest is actually going smoothly 502 00:17:13,258 --> 00:17:14,681 for the first time in years. 503 00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,759 This is your moment, Peppers. 504 00:17:16,778 --> 00:17:17,610 This is your day. 505 00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,762 Ah. Thanks for coming along 506 00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:21,039 to support me, you guys. 507 00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:23,115 I really do want to find a new teen friend. 508 00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:24,267 Well, what about him? 509 00:17:24,285 --> 00:17:26,026 HAM: He's-- huh, yeah-- 510 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,271 -eating his own hair. -Maybe him? 511 00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:29,622 CRISPIN: Yeah, he's... 512 00:17:29,698 --> 00:17:31,107 really into his bike. 513 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:33,626 -Him? -HAM: Yeah. I think he has a certain 514 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,220 -friend something. -Why don't you go say hi? 515 00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:37,446 Uh, yeah. 516 00:17:37,465 --> 00:17:39,282 You know you aren't walking, right? 517 00:17:39,284 --> 00:17:43,210 Ham, I have a pillow that says "Caesar Salad the Day." 518 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,897 I don't know what it means. I was drunk when I bought it. 519 00:17:46,124 --> 00:17:48,624 But I think the point is, life is short. 520 00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:51,477 Go out there and Caesar salad yourself a new friend. 521 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,979 Okay. Um, will you guys walk over with me? 522 00:17:54,132 --> 00:17:54,888 Sure, babe. 523 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,299 ♪ Drain pipes ♪ 524 00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:57,742 ♪ Where do they go? ♪ 525 00:17:57,893 --> 00:17:58,968 ♪ Drain pipes ♪ 526 00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,894 ♪ Does anybody know? ♪ 527 00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:04,231 -Whatcha playin'? -Oh. Just a song I wrote about drain pipes. 528 00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:06,567 Oh. Well, uh, I'm Ham 529 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,312 and this is my boyfriend Crispin and my friend Regina. 530 00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:10,904 She is an older lady and, 531 00:18:11,073 --> 00:18:13,574 you know what, maybe that does make me a freak, 532 00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:15,742 but do you want to hang out with all of us? 533 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,153 Uh, yeah, you guys seem great. 534 00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:19,155 Especially you. I enjoy your comforting 535 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:21,157 but glamorous Julianne Moore energy. 536 00:18:21,175 --> 00:18:23,768 Thank you. Now, what do you guys say-- 537 00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:25,103 should we all head back to my booth 538 00:18:25,254 --> 00:18:27,438 and I can tell you about my friend Nancy's divorce? 539 00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:29,014 'Cause it's a wild one. 540 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,350 Yes, please. Did it involve a juicy affair? 541 00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:32,926 -You know it did. -Ooh. 542 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,172 And I'd love it if there was a dispute over a beach house. 543 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:37,782 Ham, there was! 544 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:40,343 All right. It's turd time. 545 00:18:40,361 --> 00:18:42,011 I might never meet my grandchildren, 546 00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:43,454 -but it'll be worth it. -Mom, 547 00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:45,364 you already have grandchildren. I'm an uncle. 548 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,608 Let your mother have her moment, son. 549 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,034 And if we lose Dad 550 00:18:49,187 --> 00:18:51,778 as he uses his body to attract a turd drone today, 551 00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:55,374 let us trust that this is part of life's great mystery. 552 00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:57,860 Friends and neighbors, thank you 553 00:18:58,029 --> 00:18:59,637 for a wonderful, peaceful day 554 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,697 where I didn't have to call in a SWAT team, 555 00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:03,141 reset a broken femur 556 00:19:03,292 --> 00:19:05,309 or figure out how to anticipate a lawsuit. 557 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:07,979 And now the dropping of the gifts! 558 00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:09,872 KIMA: It's almost time, Dad! 559 00:19:09,891 --> 00:19:12,466 -Get ready! -Go, Walter! Go, go, go! 560 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,044 Here come the turds! 561 00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,879 (panting, grunts) 562 00:19:16,881 --> 00:19:20,158 Oh! Oh! Don't you dare! 563 00:19:20,385 --> 00:19:22,493 Fire up the generator! 564 00:19:23,646 --> 00:19:25,163 -Oh, what's happening?! -(gasps) My wig! 565 00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:27,498 -It's Mayor Ted! -(clamoring) 566 00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:30,168 No, no, no! Turn off the wind, Tuntley! 567 00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:32,895 Uh-oh! The button's not working 568 00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:34,154 -again, guys! -(shouting) 569 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,749 -(whimpering, shouting) -Hit it again! 570 00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:39,594 Stay with me, brave underwear! 571 00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:43,072 -Well, there we go. -KIMA: Dad! 572 00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:45,741 The poisonous paint! Get up! Get up! 573 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,518 Run to the river! 574 00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:48,835 Don't worry, everyone! 575 00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:50,262 I pooped the winning poop. 576 00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:52,506 Mayor Ted didn't win here today. 577 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,084 Lone Moose did. 578 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,269 Huh. Oh, uh... (chuckles nervously) 579 00:19:57,422 --> 00:19:58,863 Uh, hello, Mayor Peppers. 580 00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:01,090 -Great Turd Drop, huh? -(groans) 581 00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:03,442 Uh, one for the books... 582 00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:05,536 At the town meeting, I asked everyone 583 00:20:05,763 --> 00:20:07,872 to keep things under control at the festival. 584 00:20:08,099 --> 00:20:09,540 And that didn't exactly happen. 585 00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,359 But, today, the three families that normally cheat 586 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,603 to beat each other cheated to help me. 587 00:20:14,622 --> 00:20:17,940 In their own special way, they're my moose poops. 588 00:20:17,959 --> 00:20:19,700 -Hell yeah, we are! -(sniffles) 589 00:20:19,794 --> 00:20:21,034 I'm crying again. 590 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,445 PEPPERS: And perhaps it was foolish of me 591 00:20:22,463 --> 00:20:24,613 to ask you to not injure yourselves 592 00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:26,206 being stupidly competitive. 593 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,542 After all, we're Alaskans. 594 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,543 We get burnt. 595 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,544 We fall in holes. 596 00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:31,971 We die too young. 597 00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,155 And we can't change. 598 00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,290 And we won't change. 599 00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:35,716 We outright refuse. 600 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,644 Because life's too short not to die once in a while. 601 00:20:38,796 --> 00:20:41,797 Now, who will take this mani-pedi gift certificate? 602 00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:42,907 We're gonna share it. 603 00:20:43,134 --> 00:20:44,967 We're each gonna get one nail done. 604 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:46,059 That's beautiful! 605 00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:47,803 Now, if you'll excuse me, 606 00:20:47,896 --> 00:20:49,747 I'm going back in the bounce house. 607 00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:52,808 ♪ Older lady friend ♪ 608 00:20:52,827 --> 00:20:55,736 ♪ She's just what I want ♪ 609 00:20:55,830 --> 00:21:00,149 ♪ She knows what to order in every single restaurant ♪ 610 00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:01,700 ♪ Yeah! ♪ 611 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:04,987 ♪ She recently stopped shaving her pits ♪ 612 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,266 ♪ Her ideal boyfriend is Jimmy Smits ♪ 613 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,768 ♪ Oh, there's just something about her ♪ 614 00:21:10,995 --> 00:21:14,680 ♪ Something that tells me I would die ♪ 615 00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:17,333 ♪ Oh, without her! ♪ 616 00:21:17,351 --> 00:21:19,518 ♪ Older lady friend! ♪ 617 00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:21,762 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 618 00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:24,115 and TOYOTA.