1 00:00:02,338 --> 00:00:04,709 -♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪ 2 00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,179 ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:06,245 --> 00:00:07,716 -♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:10,522 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 5 00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:13,728 ♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 6 00:00:13,828 --> 00:00:15,197 ♪ Catch some fish ♪ 7 00:00:15,264 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 8 00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:17,870 ♪ Wow ♪ 9 00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:21,142 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 10 00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:22,746 ♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:22,879 --> 00:00:24,182 ♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 12 00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:26,185 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 13 00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:29,659 ♪ In the Great North. ♪ 14 00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,001 [cheering] 15 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,538 [Wolf] I can't remember 16 00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:37,542 if it's fork on the left or spoon on the left. 17 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,012 [sighs] If I don't figure this out now, 18 00:00:39,112 --> 00:00:40,715 what will I do if I get crowned princess 19 00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:42,017 of a small European country? 20 00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:43,554 If you behead a few people right off the bat, 21 00:00:43,621 --> 00:00:45,123 they won't care how you place your flatware. 22 00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,529 Luckily, our table-setting expert is right here. 23 00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:50,935 Care to weigh in, Lone Moose's Cup King, Ham Tobin? 24 00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:52,539 [grunts] 25 00:00:52,639 --> 00:00:54,275 So... not like I had it? 26 00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:57,148 Sorry, Wolf. I'm in the middle of a major crisis here. 27 00:00:57,214 --> 00:00:59,418 I am freaking out about the stupid assignment 28 00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:01,055 for my public speaking elective. 29 00:01:01,122 --> 00:01:03,527 It's worth 50% of our grade and it's known as... 30 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,363 The soul crusher. 31 00:01:05,430 --> 00:01:07,168 You belong to me now, Ham. 32 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:10,040 As you can probably guess by how demonic Moon is acting, 33 00:01:10,106 --> 00:01:11,978 the assignment is to give a speech to his class. 34 00:01:12,044 --> 00:01:12,979 [gasps] 35 00:01:13,046 --> 00:01:14,315 No, not room 15. 36 00:01:14,448 --> 00:01:15,818 They're notorious hecklers. 37 00:01:15,885 --> 00:01:18,056 I heard Jeremy Nicholbottom transferred schools 38 00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,227 after presenting to that class last semester. 39 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:21,797 Who did you hear that from? 40 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,366 Who didn't I hear it from? 41 00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:24,670 The heckles get so bad most people 42 00:01:24,770 --> 00:01:26,172 don't even finish the speech. 43 00:01:26,272 --> 00:01:27,575 Mr. Golovkin teaches my class 44 00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:29,679 and he loves failing people for not finishing. 45 00:01:29,746 --> 00:01:31,483 He called it "one of life's delights." 46 00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:33,721 And the topic of the speech isn't helping, either. 47 00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:35,490 It's "Alaska: Wow." 48 00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:37,729 That sounds easy. Alaska is full of wows. 49 00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:40,467 Which of its many wonders are you focusing on? 50 00:01:40,569 --> 00:01:42,170 Let me read you what I have so far. 51 00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:44,943 "Alaska has the longest coastline in the nation 52 00:01:45,044 --> 00:01:48,585 with 66,000 miles of shorelines. Wow." 53 00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:51,523 Oh, Ham, my class is gonna eat you alive. 54 00:01:51,623 --> 00:01:54,630 And I'll personally pick the last bit of gristle 55 00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,065 off your bones. 56 00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:57,235 Moon, that's your brother. 57 00:01:57,335 --> 00:01:59,639 Family means nothing in room 15. 58 00:01:59,739 --> 00:02:02,211 [gasps] What if this brings my grade down to a B-minus? 59 00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:03,715 That's a Ham Tobin F. 60 00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:05,685 I'll have to run away to Seattle, and I'm no Frasier. 61 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,087 I'm not even a Niles. 62 00:02:07,187 --> 00:02:08,591 Ham, buddy, calm down. 63 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:11,263 You just need a more "Alaska: Wow" topic. 64 00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:12,899 If I were giving the speech-- which I am not 65 00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:15,303 because I chose turquoise jewelry design as my elective-- 66 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,774 I'd tell a story with some sizzle. 67 00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:20,247 I, too, could spin any number of colorful Alaskan yarns. 68 00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:22,753 I've also got an Alaskan story in my butt 69 00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:24,488 that'll make you say "what?" 70 00:02:24,556 --> 00:02:26,794 [laughs] Fools. 71 00:02:26,861 --> 00:02:29,498 I bet none of your stories would impress me. 72 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,002 How about we make it a contest? 73 00:02:31,102 --> 00:02:33,373 We each tell our own "Alaska: Wow" story 74 00:02:33,473 --> 00:02:34,810 and Moon chooses the best one. 75 00:02:34,877 --> 00:02:36,747 And then I can use that one for my presentation. 76 00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,918 It's not plagiarism when you're saving your own life. 77 00:02:39,018 --> 00:02:42,091 I'm in. And like velour sweatpants and infinity scarves, 78 00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:43,260 you're both already out. 79 00:02:43,393 --> 00:02:45,497 And if you snooze, you lose. 80 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:46,934 Sorry, just some good-natured ribbing, 81 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,538 nothing personal meant by it. 82 00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:51,977 Whereas everything I say during your stories will be personal. 83 00:02:52,077 --> 00:02:52,979 Who's first? 84 00:02:53,046 --> 00:02:55,050 The loud teen, the plaid mumbler 85 00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,854 or the lady dressed as Barney's sister? 86 00:02:56,954 --> 00:02:58,223 The heckling has begun. 87 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,595 I stay ready so I don't have to get ready. 88 00:03:00,662 --> 00:03:02,598 I'll go first. [sighs] Now presenting: 89 00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:04,302 the true story of how Bob Ross, 90 00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,406 one of America's most beloved painters 91 00:03:06,473 --> 00:03:08,744 found inspiration in Alaska. 92 00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,113 Perfect topic, Judy. 93 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,083 Ten-year-olds go crazy for beloved painters. 94 00:03:12,184 --> 00:03:14,823 Well, no. [stammers] Well, no, it was-it was more exciting 95 00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:17,796 than just that because, uh, uh, true fact: 96 00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:19,666 Bob Ross was stationed here 97 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,903 in the Air Force. You like airplanes, right? 98 00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:23,708 And he was part of a, um, 99 00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:26,479 Air Force fighter pilot training thingy. 100 00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,682 And it's really exciting. 101 00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:29,485 And cinematic, actually, some might say. 102 00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:32,090 We see Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, 103 00:03:32,157 --> 00:03:35,097 flying in a very cool fighter jet. 104 00:03:35,197 --> 00:03:37,502 Wow, Ham Hock, look at these gorgeous clouds. 105 00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:38,637 I mean, I know we're in the middle 106 00:03:38,704 --> 00:03:40,407 of life-or-death flight training, 107 00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:42,477 but I-I... I simply must paint them. 108 00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:44,482 Uh, Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, 109 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,252 I think you should fly the plane. 110 00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,223 Sorry, but you know they call me Maverick 111 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,260 because of my unorthodox flying style. 112 00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:52,765 Aah! Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, please stop painting. 113 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,336 -We're headed right for a mountain! [screams] -Whoops. 114 00:03:56,372 --> 00:03:58,076 [Ham Hock screams] 115 00:03:58,109 --> 00:03:59,846 Eh, Ham Hock might be okay. 116 00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:03,286 Ham Hock's dead. That's the eighth navigator you've killed 117 00:04:03,353 --> 00:04:04,489 this week with your painting. 118 00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,560 What can I say? I'm a Maverick. 119 00:04:06,627 --> 00:04:07,729 Damn it, I ought to ground you, 120 00:04:07,829 --> 00:04:09,464 but because everyone else is dead 121 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:10,868 and you have a cool leather jacket, 122 00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:13,473 I'm sending you to the most elite flight academy 123 00:04:13,541 --> 00:04:15,845 in the country: Snow Gun. 124 00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:18,082 [Judy] Bob-Judy was sent to Snow Gun in Alaska, 125 00:04:18,182 --> 00:04:21,055 and Chief Beeferson was also going, for plot reasons. 126 00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,893 So, Bob-Judy sets off for the North. 127 00:04:22,959 --> 00:04:25,097 As he's landing, he knows he's gonna 128 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,433 love Snow Gun Alaska because-- 129 00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,004 [Wolf] Because they had hunk volleyball! 130 00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:31,108 Just a bunch of shirtless dudes having fun, 131 00:04:31,175 --> 00:04:33,848 patting butts, screaming, "Yeah!" 132 00:04:33,915 --> 00:04:34,850 in slow-motion. 133 00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:35,952 What are the rules? 134 00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,221 Nobody knows and nobody cares. 135 00:04:37,288 --> 00:04:38,658 -[Judy] Wolf. -[Wolf] What? 136 00:04:38,725 --> 00:04:40,360 We were all waiting for that scene. 137 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:41,697 Stop messing up my story. 138 00:04:41,797 --> 00:04:44,101 Yeah, she wants to mess it up herself. 139 00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,972 Judy, please. I need this to be good. 140 00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:48,677 And it will be, because the best thing about Snow Gun was 141 00:04:48,744 --> 00:04:50,548 the gorgeous Alaskan scenery. 142 00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,919 Bob-Judy knew right away that he would need to paint 143 00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:55,391 all of it while flying and killing more pilots. 144 00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:56,994 I need to paint all of this while flying 145 00:04:57,094 --> 00:04:58,530 and killing more pilots. 146 00:04:58,563 --> 00:05:00,535 [Judy] And then Maverick meets his new nemeses, 147 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,204 IceWolf and HoneyBarf. 148 00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:04,308 We know all about your reputation, Maverick. 149 00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:06,079 You're too dangerous to be in a plane. 150 00:05:06,145 --> 00:05:07,481 Your dad was reckless, too. 151 00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,051 Hundreds of men died on D-Day 152 00:05:09,118 --> 00:05:11,924 because your dad was sculpting in his plane over Normandy. 153 00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:14,128 And in the War of 1812, your great-grandpa 154 00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:16,833 would fall off his horse because of his damn decoupage. 155 00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,537 Wow, you guys know a lot about my family. 156 00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:20,975 We know your painting is writing checks your plane can't cash. 157 00:05:21,075 --> 00:05:22,912 And even though we hate each other right now 158 00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:25,919 we're gonna later come to share a mutual respect. 159 00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:28,055 Looking forward to it. 160 00:05:28,757 --> 00:05:29,993 [Chief Beeferson] Maverick! 161 00:05:30,093 --> 00:05:32,464 I finally found someone willing to fly with you. 162 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,303 -Call sign: Goose. -Honk. 163 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,274 Bob-Judy, no more painting up there. 164 00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,678 I can't bury another man, 165 00:05:38,744 --> 00:05:40,548 even if that man is a goose. 166 00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:43,921 Damn this majestic Alaskan scenery. 167 00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,391 Maybe I'll just paint 168 00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:47,628 one little happy tree... 169 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:51,803 Honk! 170 00:05:52,606 --> 00:05:54,074 Eject, Goose, eject! 171 00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:55,979 [Judy] Bob-Judy ejects just in time, 172 00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,648 but Goose couldn't work the ejection lever 173 00:05:57,715 --> 00:05:59,318 because uh, because he was a goose. 174 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:02,224 -Honk! Honk, honk, honk, honk! -No! 175 00:06:02,358 --> 00:06:04,629 -[Judy] But, luckily, Goose remembered he could fly. -Honk. 176 00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,833 Honk. Honk! 177 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,971 [Judy] But then he got sucked into the engine. 178 00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,277 My painting. 179 00:06:12,411 --> 00:06:14,147 Oh, and Goose! 180 00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:19,826 Moon, I hope you're liking this story 181 00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:21,863 because things are about to get "soary." [chuckles] 182 00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:24,836 The only thing you should be "soary" about is talking, babe. 183 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,873 Did you just call your sister "babe"? 184 00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:29,612 It's an energy, Dad. Please don't question it. 185 00:06:29,713 --> 00:06:31,583 Come on, Judy, I need something good. 186 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,986 I'm gonna be pulled limb from limb 187 00:06:33,086 --> 00:06:34,388 by a bunch of toddlers tomorrow. 188 00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:36,058 And then we'll sword fight with your arms 189 00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:38,797 while your partially-living head still screams. 190 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:39,599 Fun. So, 191 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,202 Bob-Judy is despondent 192 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,471 after losing-slash-killing 193 00:06:42,605 --> 00:06:44,107 his best and only friend, Goose. 194 00:06:44,976 --> 00:06:46,847 Goose's wife and child were also sad. 195 00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:47,882 -Honk. -Honk. 196 00:06:47,982 --> 00:06:49,685 [Judy] But this isn't about them. 197 00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:51,656 It's about our cool hero, who expressed his sadness 198 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,661 by riding a motorcycle. But then 199 00:06:53,728 --> 00:06:54,930 something exciting happened. 200 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:56,366 [Chief Beeferson] Damn it. We've got bogeys. 201 00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,035 Scramble the jets! 202 00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:00,240 What the hell? 203 00:07:00,340 --> 00:07:01,142 Damn it, Mav. 204 00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,879 We have to send these planes up now. 205 00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:05,383 Oh, really? Can we at least let them dry first? 206 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,154 [Judy] So, IceWolf and HoneyBarf 207 00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:08,724 are fighting the enemy and saying 208 00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:10,226 cool fighter stuff, like... 209 00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:11,597 -Lock and load. -Roger that. 210 00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:12,766 Aircraft carrier. 211 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,802 The MiG on our six is not engaging. 212 00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:16,472 It's like... it's like he can't see us. 213 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,376 [Judy] And that's when they realized 214 00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:20,848 Bob-Judy's painting had made the planes... 215 00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:23,019 Invisible. Damn it, Mav, you did it. 216 00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,723 [Judy] But then Chief Beeferson notices... 217 00:07:24,790 --> 00:07:26,392 [Chief Beeferson] The sun is setting. 218 00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:27,661 All the sky colors 219 00:07:27,728 --> 00:07:29,665 are changing in a breathtaking way. 220 00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:30,934 [Judy] But Beeferson had an idea. 221 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,540 IceWolf, HoneyBarf, I need you to fly 222 00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,476 full speed towards that building. 223 00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:36,613 Sounds great, you got it. 224 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,650 [Chief Beeferson] Pull up, pull up! 225 00:07:39,619 --> 00:07:41,088 [Judy] And because 226 00:07:41,155 --> 00:07:43,594 of how much Alaska made Bob-Judy say, "Wow!," 227 00:07:43,661 --> 00:07:45,564 the good guys from America won against 228 00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,804 the vague but definitely evil bad guys. 229 00:07:48,871 --> 00:07:50,808 [cheering] 230 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,311 Well, Maverick, 231 00:07:52,411 --> 00:07:54,583 -I guess I respect you now. -To Maverick. 232 00:07:54,649 --> 00:07:56,653 [Judy] Then Bob-Judy pops the champagne bottle 233 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,256 and hits the mom goose, 234 00:07:58,323 --> 00:07:59,893 -who also dies. -Honk! 235 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,666 -Geez, Judy. -What? You wanted excitement. 236 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,703 Okay. Moon, did you love it? 237 00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:06,806 -I love when it ended. -[groans] 238 00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:08,577 Not to worry, Ham. I've got a speech 239 00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:12,117 about something that makes everyone say "wow": flags. 240 00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:15,858 -[others groan] -Your groans of excitement are warranted. 241 00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:17,929 I'm gonna tell you the true story 242 00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:20,133 of how Alaska's actual state flag 243 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,840 came to be designed by a 14-year-old named Benny Benson. 244 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:27,181 A real Alaskan hero close in age to yourself, 245 00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,483 and I will tell it based on 246 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,489 a truly action-packed movie I recently saw 247 00:08:31,557 --> 00:08:34,128 that was originally about math and janitors. 248 00:08:34,228 --> 00:08:36,566 -Young Benny Quinnson... -[Judy] Oh, my God. 249 00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:39,940 Did you change the boy who designed the Alaskan flag 250 00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:43,013 into Moon's crush Quinn in a sad attempt to win? 251 00:08:43,079 --> 00:08:44,916 I definitely don't have a crush on Quinn. 252 00:08:45,017 --> 00:08:47,320 That's defamation, but I'm listening. 253 00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,593 Benny Quinnson worked as a janitor 254 00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:50,961 at Alaska Flag University, 255 00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:53,366 the foremost institution for flag design. 256 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,172 Well, if it isn't Mary Moppins. 257 00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:57,440 [laughs] 258 00:08:57,508 --> 00:09:00,046 Mop that, loser. You're just a 14-year-old punk 259 00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:02,417 who doesn't know anything about flag design and, uh, 260 00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:05,157 -you never will. -[Beef] But Benny Quinnson had a secret 261 00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:07,160 none of the flag design students knew: 262 00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:10,768 she was a flag design genius, with the ability to see 263 00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,774 the beautiful complexity of flags that others couldn't. 264 00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:16,914 But she kept it to herself because all of her friends 265 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,917 were nice but also super dumb. 266 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:20,721 [Wolf] And all they did was play 267 00:09:20,822 --> 00:09:22,491 hunk volleyball! 268 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,529 Just a bunch of shirtless townies 269 00:09:24,629 --> 00:09:26,065 breaking into the university at night, 270 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,267 and the air conditioning is off, 271 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,571 so they're greasy as hell. 272 00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:29,773 What are the rules out here? 273 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,610 Nobody knows and nobody cares. 274 00:09:31,676 --> 00:09:33,346 -[others] Wolf. -[Wolf] Okay, fine. 275 00:09:33,446 --> 00:09:35,283 [Beef] Actually, all Benny and her friends did 276 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:38,456 was hang out at the local bar in their Alaskan town. 277 00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:40,193 Hello, my dirtbag friend, HoneyBen. 278 00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:42,965 I'm also a dirtbag who turns out to be a genius 279 00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,902 but never forgets her dirtbag roots. 280 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,673 As your best friend who's the same age as you, 281 00:09:46,774 --> 00:09:47,809 you want a drink? 282 00:09:47,909 --> 00:09:49,412 Of course, because I have a sad 283 00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,082 flag-related thing in my past 284 00:09:51,148 --> 00:09:52,450 I'm trying to repress. 285 00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:54,789 I can't believe that you're so much better at creating flags 286 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:57,562 than everyone at the school, but you're just a janitor there. 287 00:09:57,662 --> 00:10:00,500 That's all I've ever known. My dad was a janitor 288 00:10:00,568 --> 00:10:01,836 and his dad was a janitor 289 00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:03,206 and his dad was a mop. 290 00:10:03,306 --> 00:10:05,143 You know, every morning when I come to your house, 291 00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:06,546 I hope you're not there. 292 00:10:06,646 --> 00:10:08,049 That's a mean thing to say. 293 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,189 No. It's-it's heartfelt. Because you're too smart. 294 00:10:11,289 --> 00:10:13,627 You know, they're looking for someone to make a new flag 295 00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:14,829 for our great state of Alaska. 296 00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:16,600 If it ain't about sweeping or trash, 297 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,669 I don't want to hear it. 298 00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:19,070 I've put flags behind me 299 00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,843 because of that sad flag-related thing in my past. 300 00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:27,655 [grunts] Wow, you really know how to make a floor wet. 301 00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:28,924 Thank you. 302 00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:31,563 But you know what you know even more? Flags. 303 00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,767 I know you solved the unsolvable equation 304 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,103 that I left on the board. 305 00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,806 You could be the next Flannery McBanner, 306 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,777 and they named banners after her. 307 00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,848 Flags aren't just pieces of fabric 308 00:10:40,915 --> 00:10:42,651 flapping in the wind like idiots, 309 00:10:42,718 --> 00:10:43,988 they give us our identity, 310 00:10:44,088 --> 00:10:46,793 and you could create the one our state needs. 311 00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:48,162 -I can't. -Is it because 312 00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:50,400 you have a sad flag-related thing in your past? 313 00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,370 Yes, that's exactly what it is. 314 00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,909 Then I need to send you to a "tell it like it is" therapist 315 00:10:54,976 --> 00:10:56,479 who will never give up on you. 316 00:10:56,546 --> 00:10:59,117 [man] I'm Dr. Notyafault, and I'm gonna help you 317 00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:02,057 with the sad flag-related thing in your past. 318 00:11:02,124 --> 00:11:03,961 -I'm also gonna tell it like it is. -[scoffs] 319 00:11:04,028 --> 00:11:07,802 Let me guess-- a flag killed your beloved pony, Peppermint? 320 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,437 Yes. That is what happened. 321 00:11:09,505 --> 00:11:12,377 All I wanted was to show my beloved pony, Peppermint, 322 00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:13,747 the largest flag in the world. 323 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,152 He also loved flags, because who doesn't? 324 00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,089 But when I stood back to take a photo of my pony 325 00:11:18,156 --> 00:11:20,359 near the flag, the flag was too heavy. 326 00:11:20,459 --> 00:11:23,098 It flattened him to death. 327 00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,169 The only thing left to bury was his tail. 328 00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:26,338 After that, I swore 329 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:27,976 I'd never have anything to do with flags again, 330 00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,411 which is why I bought a zoo 331 00:11:29,478 --> 00:11:31,248 and tried to deal with my amnesia while being chased 332 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,522 by international assassins hell-bent on killing me. 333 00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:35,189 -[grunts] -[gasps] 334 00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,060 Here's the deed to your zoo. 335 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,799 -[grunts] -Aah! -[Honeybee] Beef, 336 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,903 no! Those are totally different Matt Damon movies. 337 00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:43,072 -Are they? -Yep. 338 00:11:43,138 --> 00:11:43,874 Right. 339 00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:45,043 [Beef] So then... 340 00:11:45,143 --> 00:11:46,612 Benny Quinnson, I know you're sad 341 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,517 that a flag flattened Peppermint, 342 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,220 but I must tell it like it is. 343 00:11:50,353 --> 00:11:51,656 You're a flag genius. 344 00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,225 You can't keep running from this. 345 00:11:53,325 --> 00:11:54,862 Yes, I can. 346 00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:56,465 I'll never give up on you, 347 00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:58,035 but I will bill you for this session 348 00:11:58,102 --> 00:11:59,739 even though you have 44 minutes left. 349 00:12:03,947 --> 00:12:05,216 And so Benny ran. 350 00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,786 Ran even though she knew she should stop running. 351 00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:09,191 Just like you should stop running your damn mouth. 352 00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:11,128 -Moon. -If you can't stand the heat, 353 00:12:11,195 --> 00:12:12,966 stay out of the crematorium, babe. 354 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,136 Come on, Dad, I need a miracle. 355 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:17,842 Hang in there, Ham. So, Dr. Notyafault 356 00:12:17,942 --> 00:12:19,411 doesn't give up on Benny 357 00:12:19,512 --> 00:12:20,915 because he refuses to. 358 00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,383 Hi, Dr. Notyafault. 359 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,820 Thinking about flags, kid? 360 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:25,023 [sighs] Always. 361 00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,893 Benny, what happened to Peppermint-- 362 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,296 it's not ya fault. 363 00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:29,431 Yes, it is. 364 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:30,500 -Isn't. -Is. 365 00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:31,970 -No, it's not. -Hm, yeah. 366 00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:34,308 I never looked at it that way before. It's not my fault. 367 00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,511 You're cured. 368 00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,848 Now, can I tell you the story of how my wife died? 369 00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:40,152 -No, thank you. -Well, I listened to your thing, 370 00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:41,255 but fine. You know, 371 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:43,459 a flag can say so much with so little. 372 00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:47,768 That flag of our great state of Alaska will stay blank, 373 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,138 saying nothing at all, 374 00:12:49,204 --> 00:12:52,010 unless somebody figures out how to fill it in. 375 00:12:54,549 --> 00:12:56,051 Huh. Now that my best friend left 376 00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:57,387 without even saying goodbye, 377 00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:58,990 it actually feels pretty bad. 378 00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:01,295 [Beef] So even though Benny was only 14, 379 00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:04,602 she created a flag that was just like Alaska-- 380 00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:06,839 beautiful in its simplicity. 381 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,812 That son of a bitch. This flag was her fault. 382 00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,516 And I love it. 383 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,588 [crying] The majesty... 384 00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:15,524 of flags. 385 00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:19,064 Father, the only interest I have in flags 386 00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:20,968 is you moving ours to half-mast 387 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:24,107 'cause your funeral is right around the corner, old man. 388 00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,376 You see how I'm talking to Dad, Ham? 389 00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:27,515 To our own father, whom I actually respect? 390 00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:29,217 Now imagine there's 20 of me, 391 00:13:29,250 --> 00:13:31,388 desperate to get to their pudding pack at lunch. 392 00:13:31,455 --> 00:13:32,925 Oh, God, I'm doomed. 393 00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:35,998 Maybe I should see if Jeff Bezos wants to take me to space 394 00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:37,500 like that little Dutch boy. 395 00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:40,006 Ham, keep it together, 'cause I'm about to destroy 396 00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:41,141 your father and sister. 397 00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:42,744 -Leave the threats to me. -So sorry. 398 00:13:42,811 --> 00:13:44,414 Now, before I start up my story car 399 00:13:44,481 --> 00:13:46,786 and drive it directly into your brain, 400 00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:47,989 let me ask you one thing, 401 00:13:48,056 --> 00:13:49,592 Moon, do you hate vegetables? 402 00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,295 I do, in fact, hate vegetables. 403 00:13:51,362 --> 00:13:53,800 Then imagine a world, right here in Alaska, 404 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,640 where the only food was plain vegetables. 405 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:58,309 Then, imagine that one man, 406 00:13:58,376 --> 00:14:01,181 an ordinary plumber by the name of Steve Henson, 407 00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:03,386 was about to do something extraordinary. 408 00:14:03,419 --> 00:14:06,091 To make an invention that would echo through time, 409 00:14:06,191 --> 00:14:08,129 bringing joy to millions. 410 00:14:08,196 --> 00:14:11,034 Yes, that man invented ranch dressing, 411 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,272 and I'm gonna tell you how he did it in a way that's fun 412 00:14:13,339 --> 00:14:15,778 and actiony and doesn't totally make sense, 413 00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:18,215 like The Matrix, but also totally original. 414 00:14:18,282 --> 00:14:19,418 Just go with it. 415 00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,188 So, we're in, like, this dystopian future, 416 00:14:21,255 --> 00:14:23,025 and in this dystopian future 417 00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:24,394 we find an ordinary plumber 418 00:14:24,461 --> 00:14:25,730 living in Alaska 419 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,200 by the name of Honey-bee-o Henson. 420 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,170 [Moon] Tell me, Honey, will this story 421 00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:30,908 "bee" over anytime soon? 422 00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:33,614 I just started. And it's "bee-o," like Neo. 423 00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:36,686 Again, not that this is based on The Matrix or anything. 424 00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:38,489 Honeybee, you are now my only hope. 425 00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:40,427 I am begging you to take this seriously. 426 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,566 And I'm begging you to stop now while you're way, way behind. 427 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,571 Both of you shut your holes and let me roll. 428 00:14:45,638 --> 00:14:48,008 Like I said, there were only vegetables in this world, 429 00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:50,915 so that's all anyone ate, day in and day out. 430 00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:52,350 Until one spooky morning, 431 00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:53,821 when Honey-bee-o goes to the fridge and... 432 00:14:53,954 --> 00:14:55,824 [smart fridge] Wake up, Honey-bee-o. 433 00:14:55,891 --> 00:14:56,993 But I am awake. 434 00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,429 Never mind, I'm coming out. 435 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,567 [Honeybee] Then the fridge door opened, 436 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,772 and a cool, mysterious bad boy stepped out, 437 00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:03,874 Guy Morfieri. 438 00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:05,042 Hello, Honey-bee-o. 439 00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:07,080 The world you're living in is a lie. 440 00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,550 Also, you're low on radishes. 441 00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:10,954 Okay, how did you get in there? And in here? 442 00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:12,357 There's no time to explain, 443 00:15:12,423 --> 00:15:14,360 and it also wouldn't make any sense, but listen, 444 00:15:14,427 --> 00:15:15,998 this world-- the world around you-- 445 00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:17,735 it's actually imaginary. 446 00:15:17,768 --> 00:15:19,304 Everything? Even my toilet? 447 00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:22,076 Especially your toilet, but there is a real world. 448 00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:23,479 With real toilets? 449 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,884 Stop talking about toilets. I need you to focus. 450 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,389 The real world is just people in goo pods. 451 00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:31,128 It's pretty gross, but at least it's real, or whatever. 452 00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:32,497 And are there toilets in there? 453 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,067 -I swear to God. -Sorry. 454 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,506 Look, we have to wake everyone up from goo sleep 455 00:15:36,572 --> 00:15:39,477 to set them free, so I've chosen you to help. 456 00:15:39,578 --> 00:15:40,479 Make sense? 457 00:15:40,581 --> 00:15:41,549 -Nope. -Perfect. 458 00:15:41,616 --> 00:15:43,219 Oh, and here's the big thing: 459 00:15:43,286 --> 00:15:45,190 vegetables don't have to taste bad. 460 00:15:45,256 --> 00:15:46,692 We've all been lied to, 461 00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,664 and that's why you have to choose. 462 00:15:48,731 --> 00:15:51,435 Eat this Brussel sprout, and you stay in the world you know, 463 00:15:51,503 --> 00:15:53,540 or take this clove of garlic and change 464 00:15:53,641 --> 00:15:55,076 everything forever 465 00:15:55,142 --> 00:15:56,646 and be in a bunch of danger. 466 00:15:56,746 --> 00:15:57,748 Brussel sprout, please. 467 00:15:57,815 --> 00:15:59,150 -No, pick the other one. -Uh, 468 00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:00,787 normally, I don't eat straight-up garlic 469 00:16:00,887 --> 00:16:02,524 from men who step out of my refrigerator, 470 00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:04,896 but you're charming as hell and your hair makes me smile, 471 00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,464 so let's go. 472 00:16:10,406 --> 00:16:11,876 So, what do you think so far, Moon? 473 00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:13,412 I liked the part where you said vegetables suck, 474 00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,049 but I hated the part where you kept talking. 475 00:16:15,149 --> 00:16:17,921 Oh, no! Talking is, like, the main part of a presentation. 476 00:16:17,988 --> 00:16:19,324 Sounds like I'm still in the running. 477 00:16:19,424 --> 00:16:21,963 And I think my flag story was pretty nice. 478 00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,935 And I think it was a war crime. Tomato, "tomahto." 479 00:16:25,035 --> 00:16:26,171 Speaking of tomatoes, 480 00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:27,808 when Honey-bee-o takes the garlic, 481 00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:29,746 she and Guy Morfieri go into this, 482 00:16:29,812 --> 00:16:31,516 like, uh, white void space 483 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,085 so she can train to save the world 484 00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:34,689 from flavorless vegetables, starting with... 485 00:16:34,755 --> 00:16:36,593 [Wolf] Hunk volleyball! 486 00:16:36,693 --> 00:16:37,995 It's dudes in leather shorts 487 00:16:38,061 --> 00:16:40,132 spinning a cauliflower ball on one finger. 488 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,936 -Wolf! -Sorry, my Matrix Maven. 489 00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:43,106 -Go on. -So, 490 00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:44,976 Honey-bee-o and Guy Morfieri do, like, 491 00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:46,746 karate stuff and some light gymnastics, 492 00:16:46,847 --> 00:16:49,417 and it's very unclear how those things would help people 493 00:16:49,484 --> 00:16:51,121 get out of goo pods, but it looks cool as hell. 494 00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:53,091 [grunts] Damn it. No matter how cool this looks, 495 00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:54,328 it isn't working. 496 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,630 -What should we do? -Hmm. I know. 497 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,835 Let's go see a weird lady who speaks in riddles 498 00:16:57,969 --> 00:16:59,739 and will also not explain anything. 499 00:16:59,806 --> 00:17:00,741 Perfect. 500 00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:02,110 [woman] As The Jude-acle, 501 00:17:02,176 --> 00:17:03,212 I can tell you, you might 502 00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:04,782 be The One, Honey-bee-o, 503 00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:07,522 but first you have to believe that you're The One. 504 00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:09,357 So, am I The One? Or... 505 00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:11,529 I'm pretty sure it's you, but I'm wrong a lot. 506 00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:14,000 I thought the guy in The Jinx documentary was innocent, 507 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,102 so, you know what I mean? 508 00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:16,739 [Honeybee] And then, um... 509 00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:18,743 something happens. Give me a sec. 510 00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:20,814 [Moon] You don't remember the movie, do you? 511 00:17:20,881 --> 00:17:22,483 -What movie? -The Matrix. 512 00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:24,822 This isn't that. It's just a cool story I'm making up. 513 00:17:24,889 --> 00:17:26,926 Oh, oh, oh, hold on, I remember now. 514 00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:28,997 I just remembered I'm supposed to upload 515 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,400 some instructions to your brain. 516 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,971 I'm just gonna pop back to goo world real quick. 517 00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:35,276 Cool spoon trick. 518 00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:37,114 Okay, um, sorry about that. I just 519 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,752 uploaded something to your goo world brain. 520 00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:44,060 A recipe for some kind of sauce. 521 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,331 Oh, and I also uploaded a playlist called 522 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,369 "Now That's What Guy Calls Music" 523 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,838 that takes me to an emotional Flavortown 524 00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:52,310 when I'm feeling down. A lot of Spin Doctors on there. 525 00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,280 Well, then why don't we go ahead now 526 00:17:54,414 --> 00:17:55,650 and get back to the goo world, 527 00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:57,755 make this sauce recipe you uploaded in my brain 528 00:17:57,822 --> 00:17:58,956 and then put it in the goo pods 529 00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:00,226 so I can win this story competition. 530 00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:01,796 Wait, what story competition? 531 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,298 No time to explain. Let's go. 532 00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:06,471 [Honeybee] And then Agent Beef Smith shows up 533 00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:08,075 to stop them because he wants people to stay 534 00:18:08,175 --> 00:18:09,343 in those goo pods forever. 535 00:18:09,444 --> 00:18:11,181 Vegetables should not be delicious. 536 00:18:11,281 --> 00:18:14,220 If you don't like dry broccoli, just try it wet. 537 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:15,690 -Like, soaked in water? -Yes. 538 00:18:15,757 --> 00:18:18,530 What are you talking about, man? Nobody wants wet-getables. 539 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,001 Honey-bee-o, kick this guy's ass. 540 00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:22,437 [Honeybee] And then they fought. 541 00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,542 Honey-bee-o used his, uh, mind powers 542 00:18:24,642 --> 00:18:26,211 to make ingredients appear and made them 543 00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,149 fly around and mixed it all in the air 544 00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:30,153 in a big ol' blob of floating sauce, 545 00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,656 but then Agent Beef Smith 546 00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:33,726 shoots at him with carrot bullets. 547 00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:37,133 But he stops them mid-air with flavor powers. 548 00:18:38,102 --> 00:18:39,471 Alaska: Wow! 549 00:18:39,539 --> 00:18:40,974 With the perfect combination of buttermilk, 550 00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:43,947 mayo, eggs and a proprietary blend of herbs and spices, 551 00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:47,721 I've invented an amazing sauce right here in this fine state. 552 00:18:47,788 --> 00:18:49,291 I'll call it Donkey Sauce. 553 00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:51,028 I will sue you into oblivion. 554 00:18:51,094 --> 00:18:52,430 Ranch dressing it is. 555 00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,668 [Honeybee] And then she sends the carrot with the ranch dressing 556 00:18:54,735 --> 00:18:57,608 into his mouth and the flavor was too delicious. 557 00:18:57,674 --> 00:18:59,578 No! It's too delicious! 558 00:18:59,645 --> 00:19:01,015 Aah! 559 00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:04,154 -Honey-bee-o, you did it. -Yes, and I think it all 560 00:19:04,221 --> 00:19:05,422 made perfect sense, don't you? 561 00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:07,260 Definitely. Let's go sauce those pods. 562 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,232 [Honeybee] So then everyone got free of their goo pods, and then, 563 00:19:10,332 --> 00:19:12,538 in the sequel, they have a big rave in a cave. 564 00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,675 And that's the true story of how Alaska was the site 565 00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,780 of the invention of the most perfect sauce of all time. 566 00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:18,650 And the real inventor's name was Steven Henson, 567 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:20,821 and I worship him and his beautiful mind. 568 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,023 Case closed. I win. 569 00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:24,696 Ugh. Did she win, Moon? Or did Judy win? 570 00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,030 [weak chuckle] Or Dad? 571 00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,302 Which story will make it so I don't wind up peeing my pants 572 00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:29,271 in front of your class? 573 00:19:29,371 --> 00:19:30,808 Hmm. I'm sorry, Ham, 574 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,376 but I can't choose. 575 00:19:32,477 --> 00:19:35,216 I'm forced to declare a three-way tie 576 00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,487 for worst story ever. 577 00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:39,324 But my story was about hating vegetables. 578 00:19:39,391 --> 00:19:40,793 It was about salad, 579 00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:43,265 which I wouldn't even eat if it was dipped in frosting. 580 00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,904 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. What am I supposed to do? 581 00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:49,243 I'm sorry, Ham, but it's time to get your affairs in order 582 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:51,414 because tomorrow, you die. 583 00:19:51,516 --> 00:19:54,688 All right, everyone, I have just realized that the lasagna 584 00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:57,160 has been in for 90 extra minutes and is on fire, 585 00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:00,032 so, let's extinguish it and go out for pizza. 586 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,502 [Ham grunts] 587 00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:03,338 Desperate to get to their pudding pack. 588 00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:05,744 -[echoes] Pack. Pack. Pack. -"Now That's What Guy Calls Music." 589 00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:08,583 -[echoes] Music. Music. Music. -Wouldn't even eat if it was dipped in frosting. 590 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,756 [gasps] I know what I have to do. 591 00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:13,760 -[kids booing] -[crying] 592 00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:16,800 Um, so, uh, today, 593 00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:20,774 I will be telling you about Alaska's coastlines... 594 00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:23,179 -Boo! -So long, brother. 595 00:20:23,279 --> 00:20:25,116 ...as shown on these 596 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,086 cupcakes I made! 597 00:20:27,187 --> 00:20:28,723 Everyone gets six. 598 00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:32,330 Six whole cupcakes that you will get to eat during my speech. 599 00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:33,766 -Now we're talking. -[whoops] 600 00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:36,706 You son of a bitch. You cracked it. 601 00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:39,746 Are you really giving each of my students six cupcakes? 602 00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:41,816 Yep. And in ten minutes it'll be your problem. 603 00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:44,120 But for now, their mouths are too full 604 00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:45,524 to say a word, so... 605 00:20:45,657 --> 00:20:46,893 Alaska: Wow! 606 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,667 Our great state has the longest coastline in the nation. 607 00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:52,337 ♪ When it comes to setting tables ♪ 608 00:20:52,437 --> 00:20:54,709 ♪ There's one man who knows his stuff ♪ 609 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,712 ♪ The proper placement of a salad knife ♪ 610 00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:58,382 ♪ A meal time stud, the king of cups ♪ 611 00:20:58,482 --> 00:21:00,888 ♪ Unrivaled use of charger plates ♪ 612 00:21:00,988 --> 00:21:03,192 -♪ Knows which glass is for wine ♪ -♪ That one ♪ 613 00:21:03,258 --> 00:21:06,265 ♪ Just give that man a call and he'll make that table fine ♪ 614 00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,335 -♪ It's Ham ♪ -♪ Ham ♪ 615 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,441 ♪ The Lone Moose king of cups, it's Ham ♪ 616 00:21:11,509 --> 00:21:13,212 -♪ Ham ♪ -♪ Sit down to eat ♪ 617 00:21:13,312 --> 00:21:15,316 ♪ And watch him strut, it's Ham ♪ 618 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:17,921 -♪ Ham ♪ -♪ This kid has got the grease ♪ 619 00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:20,359 ♪ He's better at setting tables than ♪ 620 00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:22,698 ♪ That candle from the Beauty and the Beast. ♪ 621 00:21:22,764 --> 00:21:24,902 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 622 00:21:24,969 --> 00:21:26,337 and TOYOTA.