1 00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:04,545 -♪ look up there ♪ -♪ what do you see? ♪ 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,879 ♪ nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:07,172 -♪ like a rock ♪ -♪ and a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:10,050 ♪ oh, the great north ♪ 5 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,637 ♪ way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 6 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:14,847 ♪ catch some fish ♪ 7 00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,515 ♪ or gaze at a bear ♪ 8 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,641 ♪ wow ♪ 9 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,145 ♪ oh, the great north ♪ 10 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,396 ♪ here we live, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,064 ♪ here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 12 00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,649 ♪ from longest night to longest day ♪ 13 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:29,611 ♪ in the great north. ♪ 14 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,449 [cheering] 15 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,869 Now remember, people are gonna see this banner 16 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,663 Right when they walk in the door for the lil' prommers prom prep 17 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:42,583 For lil' preppers practice prom, so it can't be crooked. 18 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,252 -Okay, how does that look? -Uh... Perfect. 19 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,464 -Meow. Meow. -Moon, you okay there? 20 00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:51,050 You only involuntarily meow when you're extremely stressed. 21 00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,926 I'm not stressed. 22 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,845 -Meow. -Oh, I see. 23 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,764 Is today the day you ask quinn to the dance? 24 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,474 Oh, boy. It's good that he's just meowing. 25 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,350 We'll know he's really nervous if he-- 26 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:01,477 [yowling] 27 00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:03,353 Aw, come on, moon! As a fellow prepper, 28 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,314 I'm sure you've run through every possible scenario. 29 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,316 What's the worst thing that could happen? 30 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,026 -I die. -I'm sure she'll say "yes." 31 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,445 You're one of the top ten most eligible preppers. 32 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,364 You're smart, you're funny, you own your own bear suit. 33 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,741 Moon, go. 34 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:18,911 Hey, quinn, it's moon. From school? 35 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,497 Hi, moon. I knew it was you, because of how I can see you. 36 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,374 Cool. Cool. Anyway, I was just thinking, um, 37 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,168 I'm going to the lil' prommers prom prep 38 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,419 For lil' preppers practice prom. 39 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:29,379 You're going to the lil' prommers prom prep 40 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,673 For lil' preppers practice prom, so... 41 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,300 What if we went together? 42 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,426 Oh. No. 43 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,512 [distorted, echoing] no. No. No. No. 44 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,430 No. No... 45 00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:39,306 Meow. 46 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,350 [laughs] oh, my god, everybody, 47 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,311 Moon just asked quinn to the dance, but she said, "no." 48 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:45,687 Moo. [yowling] 49 00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,731 Oh, god, he mooed a meow! 50 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,817 Does anyone know the science on that?! 51 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,443 [crowing] 52 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,612 Maybe it would have been better if he died. 53 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,072 [beef] son, I ironed 54 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,658 Your suit for the lil' practice prommers... Ah. 55 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,743 I see you're packing your most prized possessions 56 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,203 Into a duffel bag. 57 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,622 -I assume this means you're going off-grid? -Yup. 58 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,249 Well, may I ask what triggered 59 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,084 This latest rupture with society? 60 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:10,337 School? Siblings? Social circle? Lady troubles? 61 00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,297 Troubles doesn't begin to describe it. 62 00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:16,301 Mm, I see. I fear I also have been in your shoes. 63 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,053 I wish I could make this better for you, 64 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,848 But some time in the woods alone is indeed one 65 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,307 Of the only known cures. 66 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,309 Thank you. I'll need that headlamp, 67 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,519 And that family-size bag 68 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,688 Of captain aloof's cheezy poofs, please. 69 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:28,981 The weather band said 70 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,566 A chinook wind might blow through tonight. 71 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,693 So I would also ask you to take a walkie-talkie 72 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,444 -In case of emergency. -All right, but where I'm going, 73 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:37,573 It's gonna be a lot more walkie than talkie. 74 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:38,991 Goodbye, father. 75 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,660 Remember to report to the van at 0800 hours. 76 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,747 You may go off the grid, but not off the school attendance list. 77 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,542 [moon] ah. This is the life. 78 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,460 And with each moment, I care less and less 79 00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,504 About you-know-who saying you-know-what 80 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,381 About the little you-know-what prep 81 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,758 For you-know-what practice you-know-what. 82 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,802 -[snoring] -[wind howling] 83 00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,137 Aah! Oh. 84 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,889 -Chinook wind. -[wind howling] 85 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,933 Nice try, nature. You're not gonna get rid of me that easy! 86 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,768 -[moon gasps] -[loud panting] 87 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,270 Mysterious figure in a gas mask 88 00:03:08,472 --> 00:03:10,147 And hazmat suit running through the woods? 89 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:13,025 Oh, you better believe I'm gonna see where the hell this leads. 90 00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,527 [loud, rapid panting] 91 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,365 [grunts] 92 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,743 [grunting] 93 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,453 [moon] code wintermint! 94 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,704 Code wintermint! 95 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,373 Wintermint. Wintermint. 96 00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,209 "wintermint: Mysterious figure in gas mask 97 00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:32,127 "sighted on tobin property disappearing 98 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,587 Into locked hatch in the ground"? 99 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,881 This is why I never remove my under-poncho 100 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,507 During rainy season. 101 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,302 Ah, man, you guys woke me up from the craziest dream. 102 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,137 The mucinex booger made me dinner, 103 00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:44,306 But we couldn't eat until I sneezed? 104 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,308 And then I did, and it was such a good sneeze 105 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,894 That the mucinex booger was crying! 106 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,938 And now I'm in the woods with a frying pan. 107 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,773 Judy, uh, what's the, uh, book for? 108 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,566 Y-you gonna use it as a weapon? 109 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,818 Maybe. It's 1001 irish jokes. 110 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,362 If he's irish, he could be devastated. 111 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,447 Okay, weapons ready. We're almost there. 112 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,824 The hatch door is camouflaged to look like the ground. 113 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:05,285 That's probably why we never noticed it before. 114 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:08,080 Attention, trespasser: Please show yourself! 115 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,040 [hatch-dweller] nice try, ya crummy commies! 116 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,500 You'll never take me alive! 117 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,252 Uh, we are not commies, 118 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,671 And we mean you no harm. What is your name? 119 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,047 My name's mind your own business, 120 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,050 Boris, nuclear mutant of the eternal wasteland! 121 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:23,470 And my name is beef tobin. You're on my property. 122 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,298 -Did you say "beef tobin"? -Affirmative. 123 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,058 If you're a tobin, then prove it. 124 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,601 Do the tobin handshake. 125 00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:31,436 There is no tobin handshake. 126 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,814 Correct. That was a test, and you passed. 127 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,816 I'm dirtrude, but I just go by "dirt." 128 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,903 My god! Legendary long-lost tobin family member aunt dirt? 129 00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:42,239 Well, benny goodman's blowhole, you found me! 130 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,453 Sorry for calling you commies, but you can't be too careful. 131 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,080 I'd rather be apologizing to you here 132 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,165 Than bending the knee to brezhnev in moscow, 133 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,951 -If know what I mean. -Absolutely. 134 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,296 Aunt dirt, I can't believe it's really you. 135 00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:59,881 Believe it, buddy boy. Your dad's big sister. 136 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,800 Dirtrude gertrude tobin. 137 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,176 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 138 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,178 So is this place, like, your she shed 139 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,346 Or your murder dungeon? 140 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,557 This is my survival bunker, dollface. 141 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,642 I've lived here since the soviets invaded america. 142 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,185 Wait. When did that happen? 143 00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:13,979 -It did not. -It did! It was good Friday, 144 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:17,107 March 27, 1964, when the earth shook 145 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,359 As their tanks rumbled ashore. 146 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,486 I believe you are actually referring 147 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,364 To the great alaskan earthquake of 1964, 148 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,034 During which you disappeared and were presumed dead. 149 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,536 Better presumed dead than red, you know what I mean? 150 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,456 Your version of off-the-grid is off the charts. 151 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:33,832 It's amazing that you were able 152 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,909 To survive down here this whole time. 153 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,503 Survive? I thrived, short stack. 154 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,256 I got everything a 25-year-old woman could ever want 155 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:44,176 Or need in this baby: Canned beans, 156 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,761 The collected works of ray bradbury, 157 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,806 A 1963 cheesecake calendar from skagway studebaker sales 158 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,351 And service for, um... Company. 159 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,771 -[gasps] is that-- -yup, the tc-320 carbonizer, 160 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,523 A world-class urine filtration system. 161 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,192 -Wow. -Turns my tinkle 162 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,735 Into clean, potable drinking water 163 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,987 That barely even tastes like tinkle. 164 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,489 Just a hint, but you want that. 165 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,532 Oh, thank you so much, but I, uh... 166 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,867 Had tinkle for lunch. 167 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:12,079 Ooh. Doctor bojangles' energy crackers. 168 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,414 Ugh! These are awful. Ugh! 169 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,666 And yet, I can't stop eating them. 170 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,418 These crackers make me want to start a business. 171 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,837 I'm talking synergy. I'm talking seed funding. 172 00:06:20,997 --> 00:06:22,547 I'm talking leverage. I'm still talking. 173 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,257 -Judy, uh, it looks like... -[grunting] 174 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,593 ...Dr. B.'s e.C.'s are mostly ephedrine, 175 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,595 Which is speed, so maybe don't eat anymore. 176 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,806 Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Just this box. 177 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,182 And, hey, ham, let's roll some calls. 178 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:33,767 -Get my boy greek on the line. -On it! 179 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,811 Oh, and let's have kevin order a bunch of sushi 180 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,105 For when the investors arrive. Kevin! 181 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:41,566 Wait. So, aunt dirt, if you came down here in 1964, 182 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,194 Does that mean you've never seen a single movie? 183 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,987 Babe, they had movies before 1964. 184 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,197 That can't be right. 185 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,782 Well, don't you worry, aunt dirt. 186 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,492 Me and honeybee will introduce you 187 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,369 To the magical world of the moving image. 188 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,413 We can pick out all the best movies you missed 189 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:55,747 While you were down here and catch you up. 190 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,624 The list basically writes itself. 191 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,000 Number one with a bullet: 192 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,294 The judi dench masterpiece, nanny fanny. 193 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,130 What? You're going nanny fanny 194 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,007 When away in a danger starring the rock is out there? 195 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,885 -He humiliated those dumbass wise men. -Fair point. 196 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,345 Ooh, and we can't forget 197 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,139 The look who's talking cinematic universe. 198 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,016 There will be plenty of time to bring aunt dirt up to speed. 199 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,768 Oh, another great movie. Speed! 200 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,728 -I love speed. -Oh, hell, yeah! 201 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,480 Okay, I'm gonna collect all of these to burn 202 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:21,982 -While you guys get dressed. -[judy grunting] 203 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,775 Then let's take aunt dirt to maude's all day 204 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:27,028 For a modern breakfast before I drop you kids at school. 205 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,614 Aunt dirt, is it okay if I stay down here instead? 206 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:33,201 [shakily] this place fully rips. 207 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,036 Of course. Make yourself at home. 208 00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:37,581 Uh, you have school, but you can come down here 209 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,541 And rip when you get home. 210 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,917 Oh, I almost forgot. 211 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,420 You will not need a gun at breakfast, aunt dirt. 212 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,672 Ha! That's what they'd like you to think. 213 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,632 Stop playing their game, sweetie pie. 214 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,009 Cary grant's anus, 215 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,012 -I forgot my smokes. -Oh, no, your smokes! 216 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,346 Uh, you can't smoke 217 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,848 In any public spaces anymore, aunt dirt. 218 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,933 -Not even in hospitals? -Aunt dirt, you were 219 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,643 In the bunker for 60 years. 220 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,103 A lot's changed in that time. 221 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,189 Shirley temple's balls! 60? 222 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,649 Wow. I'm over 80 years old. 223 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,067 Hot dog! This is great news! 224 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,944 Daddy can no longer pressure me to get hitched 225 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,071 And become a baby-making machine. 226 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,615 How is daddy, by the way? 227 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,325 -Mm... -[aunt dirt] all right. 228 00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:17,621 Yeah, if I'm 80-something, then, uh... Math. 229 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,080 Thanks for the coffee, sweetie. 230 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,540 -Honk. -[gasps] hey, now! 231 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,168 -Aunt dirt! -Sorry. She's from the past. 232 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,878 What's the big deal? Back in my day, 233 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,755 Honking a boob was basically a handshake. 234 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,383 Oh, it happens. Ma'am, that'll be a dollar for the honk jar. 235 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,219 Pay the broad. 236 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,470 What's the matter with this one? 237 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,472 I believe he is dreading going to school. 238 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,557 Ugh. I know how that is. I hated school. 239 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:38,767 But cheer up, champ. 240 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,977 You're almost old enough to work at a factory. 241 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,938 Or if you're lucky, get drafted. 242 00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,314 I would kill to be drafted. 243 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,149 Then I could skip that stupid dance. 244 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,818 The dance? Let me guess-- some hot number turned you down? 245 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:52,280 Quinn. She didn't even give me a reason, just a flat-out "no." 246 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,991 Well, she probably has a reason. Most likely diphtheria. 247 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,243 Huh. Maybe you're right. 248 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,411 Put it on his tab, toots! 249 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:01,373 Don't forget to ask your chippie if she's got the dippie. 250 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,959 Hey, beef, you think you could take me by woolworths? 251 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,044 I want to get a new fm radio so I can hear 252 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,088 Freddie frost-tone's alaskan boogie minute. 253 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,965 Well, there hasn't been a woolworth's here 254 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,258 For about 40 years, 255 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,968 And freddie frost-tone tragically 256 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,929 And ironically burned to death in the '90s. 257 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,389 All right, fine. 258 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,766 There's a couple other places I want to get my peepers on. 259 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,561 But first things first. [grunting] 260 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:26,064 Whatever these things are, they freaking chafe. 261 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,150 [sighs] 262 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,443 -Hi, quinn. -Hi, moon. 263 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,904 Out of curiosity, do you have diphtheria? 264 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,406 No, but thank you so much for asking. 265 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:37,242 Is there a thick grey-white coating covering the back 266 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,286 Of my throat, nose and tongue that I am unaware of? 267 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,788 Uh, no, I just thought maybe you said "no" 268 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,291 To going to the dance with me because you have diphtheria 269 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,251 Or some other bacterial infection. 270 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,711 Oh. No. I turned you down 271 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,337 Because I'm going with someone else. 272 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,463 I see. 273 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,633 [meows, hisses] 274 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,010 -Moon! Where are you going? -[yowling] 275 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,346 -It's blt day in the cafeteria! -[meowing] 276 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:01,641 [aunt dirt] the hell is this crap?! They put in a mall?! 277 00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:04,978 What is this-- paris? Where is johnny tiny's burlesque hall? 278 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,439 Johnny tiny's was torn down 20 years ago 279 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:10,025 After a bunch of dancers fell off the silver moon 280 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,068 They descended from the ceiling on. 281 00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,195 What a waste of legs. 282 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,406 A left up here. Get ready, beef. You're about 283 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,408 To have the best egg cream you've ever tasted in-- 284 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:21,244 [gasps] oh, my god. I'm in hell. 285 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,496 I live in hell now. [sighs] 286 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,249 Please, just take me to my friend melinda's house. 287 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:28,293 I need to see a friendly face. 288 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:32,172 Melinda's house is... This frigging crap? 289 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,590 [beef] I'm sorry, dirtrude. 290 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,676 [aunt dirt sighs] just take me back to the bunker. 291 00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:41,181 What in richard burton's butt crack? It's locked! 292 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,725 [moon] sorry! Occupied! 293 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,064 Moon, I need you to open the door, 294 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,482 And more importantly, 295 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,609 -Return to school. -Oh. No, thank you, father. 296 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,361 The second I open this door, 297 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,279 Someone could rush in and utterly reject me 298 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,156 In favor of some above-ground-boy. 299 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,993 Ah. I see. I take it quinn doesn't have diphtheria? 300 00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:03,578 She doesn't even have cholera! 301 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,914 Well, I'm sorry your friend is in excellent health. 302 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,874 I really don't love the notion of one of my kids 303 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,669 Being in a hole in the ground all alone, but 304 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,587 If this is what you need, I guess I'll allow it. 305 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,130 But keep the walkie on. 306 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,008 Roger that, but if the batteries die, I'm not changing them. 307 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,135 All right. Care to come up with me to the main house? 308 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,846 I can make us some lunch. Maybe some hot pockets? 309 00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,598 -Hot pockets?! -You know what? 310 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:26,309 Let's just head in, and I'll show you what I mean. 311 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,353 [aunt dirt] mmm. Now what do you call 312 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,606 That contraption you cooked it in again? Lenin's lunchbox? 313 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,525 Close. A microwave. 314 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:34,859 Now, if you like hot pockets, 315 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,611 There are many more culinary innovations 316 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,029 I can introduce you to. 317 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,782 Let me start by asking you to imagine this. 318 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,284 What if a hamburger could help you? 319 00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,328 I would ask, what's in it for the hamburger? 320 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,038 Nothing's free in this world, son. 321 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,541 Aunt dirt, since you're locked out of your bunker for now, 322 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,043 Maybe we can all help ease you into modern living. 323 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:55,046 Ooh, yes, I'd love to do a feminist history presentation, 324 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,339 Catch you up on that. 325 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,882 I'm gonna call it my "judy x talk," 326 00:11:57,968 --> 00:11:59,884 And I will be wearing a black turtleneck 327 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,219 And walking back and forth 328 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,680 And steepling my fingers a lot like this. 329 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,973 -No, thank you. -And how about 330 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,725 We get you going on that movie catch-up tonight? 331 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,310 Yeah! We can start with a double feature of two classics: 332 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:12,439 Scorsese's mean streets and adam sandler's hubie Halloween. 333 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,858 Aunt dirt, it's moon. Do you copy? 334 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:15,984 Go for dirtrude. 335 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,736 I'm in the mood for a little music. 336 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,863 Which of your 45s do you recommend? 337 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:23,241 Well, I was always partial to "the atom bomb dance-along." 338 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,578 Or if you really want to boogie, I'd put on "the polio pounce." 339 00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:28,997 ♪ doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪ 340 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,583 ♪ get out your iron lung, the dance has begun ♪ 341 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,294 ♪ now we're doin' the polio pounce! Whoo! ♪ 342 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,630 ♪ ♪ 343 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:41,509 Knock, knock. It's time for school. 344 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,094 [moon] no can do, big man. 345 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,680 What if I told you, after school we're taking aunt dirt 346 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,892 To the paint-ball place in whippleton, splattletons? 347 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:51,060 I'd say that having felt the sting of the paintball 348 00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:54,606 Called "romantic rejection," I care to play no more. 349 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,692 Ugh. Fine, moon. One more day. 350 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,616 All right, son, your bunker pass is revoked, 351 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,910 But your pancake pass just came through. 352 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,703 I wish I could eat pancakes, dad, 353 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,205 But having burned my tongue 354 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,998 On the bitter syrup of rejection, 355 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,458 I prefer the taste of nothing 356 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:17,253 -And the company of no one. -Hmm. 357 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,467 Care to dance? 358 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,053 ♪ ♪ 359 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,940 [laughing] okay, I'll bite, natalie. 360 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,900 What do you call a mop in space? 361 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,778 [laughing] oh, my god, you are so funny. 362 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:44,280 -A vacuum cleaner. -[knocking] 363 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,032 Are you expecting someone? 364 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,659 -Go away! -[beef] I will not. 365 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,410 Moon, it's been four days. 366 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,913 -I need you to come out. -Ha! Days mean nothing. 367 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,374 They're an invention of the greeting card industry. 368 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,334 Listen, we're heading to the mall, and I can't believe 369 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,002 I'm saying this, but if you'll get out 370 00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:01,005 Of this damned hole in the ground and come with us, I'll... 371 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:05,093 I'll buy you the rs470 vapor crossbow package. 372 00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:08,179 What on earth would I do with a crossbow in here, father? 373 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,431 Are you joking? You've been begging me 374 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,560 For the rs470 every single day for two years. 375 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:17,772 I was so naive, but now my eyes are open wider than natalie's. 376 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:18,982 Who is natalie? 377 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,358 Dad, I'm not coming out for the crossbow. 378 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:23,152 Or for anything. I'm more bunker than boy now. 379 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:26,531 -I'm staying in here forever! -[groans] 380 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,165 -[aunt dirt] can't sleep, you big galoot? -Nope. 381 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,792 -You? -Nope. Keep calling old friends 382 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:42,505 To catch up, and finding out they died 20 years ago. Lol. 383 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,757 Am I using that right? "lots of loss"? 384 00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,968 Anyway, what's mel-ing your tormé? 385 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,386 I'm just worried about moon. 386 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,722 He's gone off the grid before, but never like this. 387 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,433 You never wanted to take a powder from the world for a bit? 388 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,978 Of course, I love taking a powder, but where does it end? 389 00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,064 Yeah. Lucky for me, prom happened before I checked out. 390 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,441 Best night of my life. 391 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,360 My friend melinda snuck in a flask of mint juleps, 392 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:07,155 And we spent the whole night dancing to mary wells 393 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,240 Before we barfed beneath the northern lights together. 394 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,659 Sounds like a pretty groovy time. 395 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,662 -It was absolutely boss. -[sighs] 396 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,955 All right, enough is enough. 397 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,541 Moon is going to his lil' prommers prom prep 398 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,959 For lil' preppers practice prom 399 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,544 If I have to dig through the earth's crust 400 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:24,213 And come up through the bunker floor to get him out. 401 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,506 Well, you don't have to go that far. 402 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,925 Don't tell the russkies, 403 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,344 But one of the bunker walls is just straight up plywood. 404 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,346 Kind of ran out of bunker cash at the end. 405 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,473 All you got to do is dig down a couple feet, 406 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:34,682 Give it a swift kick. 407 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,267 -[laughing] -[beef grunts] 408 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,102 -[moon gasps] -[beef grunts] 409 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,687 What in the actual hell? 410 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,147 Moon, the lil' prommers prom prep 411 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,691 For lil' preppers practice prom is in 12 hours, 412 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,109 And you're gonna be there. 413 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,736 -Hard pass. -Enough! 414 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,656 I will not have you wasting your life buried in some tomb. 415 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,908 -Okay, rude. -Nice try, boomer! 416 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,035 [grunts] 417 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,578 -[grunts] -where did he...? 418 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,038 Where did my son go?! 419 00:15:57,123 --> 00:16:00,249 Uh, well, I guess he discovered the back-up bunker. 420 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,001 The bunker has a back-up bunker? 421 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,920 -And you didn't tell me? -My bad. 422 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,339 You ever hear that one before, beef? "my bad"? 423 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:07,966 It's just one of the fun bits of slang 424 00:16:08,126 --> 00:16:10,176 I've picked up this week, and I love it. 425 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,512 It really sings. "my bad!" 426 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,184 Moon, please, you can't just live in a hole 427 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,936 In a hole in the ground. 428 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,230 I can as long as someone regularly 429 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,898 Dribbles some beans down the air vent. 430 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,985 -Technically, that's true. -Son, I get it. 431 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,153 Your aunt dirt's return has made me realize 432 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,115 That we tobins have a natural bunker mentality. 433 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,618 But your aunt and I have not set the best example for you. 434 00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,245 What?! I'm incredible. 435 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,871 -[moon] agreed! -Think of all the things 436 00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:41,290 You'd miss if you really stayed in here, moon. 437 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,500 I mean, the sound of your boots 438 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,961 Crunching over freshly-fallen August snow, 439 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,047 Or that first sip of coffee as the sun rises. 440 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,590 What about deal or no deal? 441 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:49,924 You love to watch howie make a deal. 442 00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,594 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, dad! 443 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,222 Aunt dirt lived without those things, and she's perfect. 444 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,932 I'm gonna be just like her. 445 00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,809 Ugh. Moon, listen. 446 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:02,395 I understand exactly how you feel. 447 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,605 Sometimes it feels like the whole world's one big, 448 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,358 Scary communist trying to violently invade alaska 449 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,111 And make your secret girlfriend melinda break up with you 450 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,614 So she can marry frank, the molasses king of wasilla. 451 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,034 That's not exactly how I feel. 452 00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,578 Wait. Melinda? From the prom and the barfing? 453 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,581 -That's why you went in here. -Well, the, uh... 454 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,459 It was mostly the soviets, but, yeah, yeah, also a little bit 455 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,128 The secret girlfriend marrying frank thing. 456 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,088 So, you got rejected, too? 457 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:32,175 Oh, big time. When those russian tanks rolled out of the sea-- 458 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,177 -It was an earthquake. -Well, that was the morning 459 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:37,430 I got the news that melinda went ahead and married frank. 460 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,516 I know how that feels. Quinn didn't just say "no" to me. 461 00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:41,934 She's going with someone else. 462 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,978 My only choice was to come in the bunker. 463 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,480 Just like you, aunt dirt. 464 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:48,566 Well, now, a few days ago, I would have agreed with you. 465 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,943 But since you guys coaxed me out of my hidey-hole, 466 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,529 I've realized how much I've missed out on. 467 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:54,822 Like toaster strudel. 468 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,949 And pornography that moves around. 469 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,952 And things getting better for gals like me. 470 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,206 -All equally amazing developments. -Hmm. 471 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,916 So, yeah, I get you want to be like me, 472 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,626 Because I'm basically vince from that movie 473 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,462 I watched this morning-- entourage: The movie. 474 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,632 But, moon, don't be like this part of me. 475 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,966 I realize you can't see me, 476 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,927 But I am gesturing to the bunker right now. 477 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,513 But what if I never get over my heartbreak? 478 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,348 Did you ever get over yours? 479 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,016 I think so. I'm actually thinking 480 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,852 I'm gonna ask out that spicy waitress at the diner. 481 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:28,022 You guys made a fuss, but she was eye-honking me right back. 482 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,108 And it might not have worked out with quinn, 483 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:33,361 But you could meet another hotsy-totsy at a sock hop 484 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,321 Or a clambake or a beatles concert. 485 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,824 [gasps] boy, I'd love to see my favorites, 486 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,451 -John and george, again. -Oh, boy. 487 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:41,953 -What? -Nothing. Uh... 488 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,329 Uh, aunt dirt's right, moon. 489 00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,997 Your life's gonna be pretty good. 490 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,874 Be a shame if you missed it. 491 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,753 I am willing to give society one more chance, 492 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,172 If aunt dirt will honor one request. 493 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,590 Shoot your shot, playa. 494 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,385 Oh, is that not a real slang? Did honeybee trick me? 495 00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,929 ♪ ♪ 496 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,265 [sighs] 497 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,935 Incredible. Nasa figured out how 498 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,020 To make spoons out of chips, huh? 499 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,522 Wait till ham hears about this. 500 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,483 I think ham knows about tostitos scoops, aunt dirt. 501 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,318 Hi, moon. Nice to see you this fine evening. 502 00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,696 Hello, quinn. Where's your date? 503 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,156 I'm prepared to shake his hand. 504 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:20,950 Moon, this is my date-- david. David, moon. 505 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:24,036 You turned me down for a pot-bellied pig in a vest? 506 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,497 He also had little pants, but he pooped them. 507 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,082 -And then ate them. -I see. 508 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,751 And I... Turned you down because this is a practice prom 509 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,712 So I wanted to bring a practice date. 510 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,463 Besides, david loves to dance. 511 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,216 Oh. In that case, mind if I cut in? 512 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,051 My dance card's been empty for years. 513 00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,221 Care to, uh, dance? 514 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,100 ♪ ♪ 515 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:55,651 Have you seen this? The ipod nano? Look how small it is. 516 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,153 Guess how many songs it can hold? 517 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,530 -A hundred billion. -Pretty much. 518 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,240 Wow. What'll they think of next? 519 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,700 I guess I'll find out, huh? 520 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,577 You can keep bringing cool stuff down to the bunker 521 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,330 For me to see, because the hatch is always open. 522 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,457 Literally, thanks to your father. 523 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:12,210 Okay, all the locks are off all the hatch doors. 524 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:15,504 Unless there's a hatch within the hatch within the hatch? 525 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,048 -Nope, that's it. -I just hope 526 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,217 No commies break in in the middle of the night. 527 00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,593 Okay, lenny bruce, that's not funny. 528 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:21,928 Don't even joke about that. 529 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,638 I mean, if you want to joke around, 530 00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:24,805 At least tell a real one. Like, 531 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,807 Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? 532 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,602 'cause he was too far out, man. 533 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,687 Ya got to help me, doc. 534 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:34,523 I just feel so dang tired all the time. 535 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:39,528 Here, billy, try one of these dr. Bojangles energy crackers. 536 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,621 ♪ when you're feeling kinda sluggish ♪ 537 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,206 ♪ not so very ruggish and you pray ♪ 538 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,917 ♪ the day will simply go away ♪ 539 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,502 ♪ have yourself a dr. Bojangles ♪ 540 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,337 ♪ the cracker with all the angles ♪ 541 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,047 ♪ which nine million out of ten doctors ♪ 542 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,466 ♪ prescribe today! ♪ 543 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,426 Captioning sponsored by bento box entertainment 544 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:05,054 And toyota.