1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,128
{\an8}♪ The Great North ♪
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,838
♪ Here we live ♪
♪ Hup, oh ♪
3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,256
- ♪ Here we'll stay ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪
4
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,091
♪ From longest night to longest day ♪
5
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,136
♪ In the Great North ♪
6
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,854
{\an8}- Hey, Judy.
- Easy for you to say.
7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,439
{\an8}Whoa, what's got you down to the dumps?
8
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,858
{\an8}Did your dad make you spend
the whole weekend at the dump again?
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,318
{\an8}No. The thing is, Atlanis, it's spring.
10
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:30,113
{\an8}That time of year when I should
be getting my Jude-groove on.
11
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,489
{\an8}You know, lovin' and leavin',
12
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,701
{\an8}kissing and quitting,
first face and then "get out of my face."
13
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,204
{\an8}I get it. You should be making out under
the docks, staying out until ten o'clock.
14
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,706
{\an8}Abso-slut-ly, I should.
15
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,251
{\an8}But I am currently in a wasteland
of no boy-related excitement.
16
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:47,130
{\an8}My friends and I went through the yearbook
yesterday to look in detail at every boy,
17
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,965
{\an8}and I didn't feel a thing for any of them.
18
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,301
{\an8}Oh, no. This is a medical emergency.
19
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,344
{\an8}Yeah, I know. I'm all riled up.
20
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,014
{\an8}And it's not just that it's spring,
there's also a full moon.
21
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:59,017
{\an8}Plus personal injury attorney,
Jeremy Crash, has that new billboard,
22
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,852
{\an8}and you know how I feel about him.
23
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:04,522
{\an8}Ugh, he's so hot and obnoxious,
bragging that he can get you off.
24
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,816
{\an8}It's like,
"Uh, prove it, Jeremy."
25
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,487
{\an8}The snow is melting
and all I see are logs.
26
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,530
{\an8}And you know what logs look like.
27
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:13,740
I know.
28
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,617
{\an8}- Penises.
- I said I knew.
29
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,951
{\an8}I don't even want romance.
30
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:21,039
{\an8}I'm just looking for a beautiful face
with a bad personality.
31
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,958
{\an8}So you're having a horn-dog moment,
but there's no meaty bones in the yard.
32
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,794
{\an8}Exactly. And so beautifully said.
33
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:29,089
Maybe it's time to freeze my eggs
and focus on my career.
34
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,590
{\an8}Hey, you can't give up yet.
35
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:33,593
{\an8}Maybe find a young, disillusioned drifter
to suck face with.
36
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,179
{\an8}Try the bus stop near the jail
or the Grammy Awards.
37
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,933
That horn! Tomorrow is cruise docking day.
38
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,893
Those ships are always filled
with annoying adults,
39
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,687
and I've heard some of them brought
their annoying teen sons on spring break.
40
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:46,439
Yes! The meaty bones.
41
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,067
They're on the ships, Judy. Run to them!
42
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,612
Uh, what's going on there, Aunt Dirt?
43
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,030
You're doing the Goop milk cleanse?
44
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:57,200
I tried it once.
I almost died, but skin was radiant.
45
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,996
No, idiot. I'm preparing my product to con
the cruise noobs into paying me a fortune
46
00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:04,791
for a glass of genuine Alaskan moose milk.
47
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,378
You just mix a little human hair
into regular old cows milk, and boom!
48
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,131
Some dumb-dumb from Delaware
is forking over a 20.
49
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,174
So that trash bag is filled with--
50
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:15,426
Human hair clippings from Yolanda's salon.
51
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,888
Normally, she just throws them out.
Can you believe that? Wasteful.
52
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:21,599
And me and him are gonna be
Aunt Dirt's scam interns.
53
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:25,228
We don't get any of the money, but we get
the opportunity to learn the business.
54
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:28,481
Normally, I would tell you
not to help your great aunt con people,
55
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,359
but cruise ship patrons are barely people.
56
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,903
Beef, speaking of ships,
isn't today the big day?
57
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:38,491
Indeed. My internet pen pal, @Fisherman1!,
58
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,161
and I are set to meet
at the Toe in the Snow Tavern--
59
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,788
if he's not delayed
by those bloated water pigs.
60
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,915
I may even go down to the dock
and surprise him!
61
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,042
I love a surprise meetup
before a planned meetup.
62
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,086
Like when you run into your dentist
at the farmers market
63
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,671
right before your scheduled appointment.
64
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,883
We've bonded so much online
over our shared love of knots,
65
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,926
the finer points of maritime law,
66
00:02:56,926 --> 00:03:00,054
and of course, dangling our feet
over the edge of a boardwalk.
67
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,473
He dangles too? Oh, he's a keeper.
68
00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,434
- Well, good morning, Judy.
- Yeah, yeah. Gotta go.
69
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,186
I'm on a tight schedule
to go get some ass.
70
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,106
Well, that's the first time
I've ever respected that girl.
71
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,861
Where are the boys?
- Ah!
72
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,030
- Ow!
- Oh, sorry about that.
73
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,740
Ah-woo-ga!
74
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,033
I mean, hi. That was hi.
75
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,160
Uh, hello, is what I mean to say.
Hi. [giggles] Hi.
76
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,662
Hey, I'm Graham.
My family and I just arrived.
77
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:25,955
I haven't seen you before.
78
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:29,209
Are you and your family
in steerage with the chickens?
79
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,543
Oh, uh, no.
80
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,003
I'm actually from Lone Moose.
81
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,089
Fascinating. And does your family
own the town?
82
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,549
No, we just live here.
83
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,594
Do you happen to know where I could find
a copy of Rich Boy Quarterly?
84
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,555
My fencing partner is in it
and I am extremely jealous.
85
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,725
Okay, wow, I hate
this person, but he's also very hot,
86
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,311
and those two things are actually
working together in a wild way.
87
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,771
Uh, how about I show you around?
88
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,689
Sure. I'll meet you back here in an hour
89
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,816
after I find
and burn my friend's magazine.
90
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:56,110
You could show me all your local banks.
91
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:59,030
Uh, we only have one,
but there is an ATM in the grocery store.
92
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,282
A grocery store?
93
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,618
I look forward to finding out
what that is too.
94
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:09,040
Do you see your Fisherman1!, Dad?
95
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,585
Well, his fishing vessel
is called the Chilly Princess,
96
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,380
but I can't see it
in this parade of floating casinos.
97
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,258
What kind of captain would even
take a job running a cruise ship?
98
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,593
Someone flashy and trashy. Ugh.
99
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:21,761
Good Lord!
100
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,889
Those cruise ships need to yield
to the fishing vessels.
101
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:28,059
The last thing we need is a repeat
of the '97 Lone Moose Massacre.
102
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,727
So many lives lost.
103
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,145
Actually, no one died.
104
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,230
But they could have.
105
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,565
Well, what about the
Death Cliff Death Run of '02,
106
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,401
and the Seward Slaughter in '09?
107
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,069
Those were pretty deadly, huh?
108
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,698
Well, not technically deadly.
All parties were unscathed.
109
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:45,702
But that's only because the fishing boats
let those crap-tubs have the right of way.
110
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,913
Oh, look. We got a big one coming in.
Bet this will be stupid.
111
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,581
Huh. Well,
at least that cruise captain
112
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,501
doesn't need a tug boat
to help him pull in properly.
113
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,712
Wait, what did you say
your friend's boat was called?
114
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,755
The Chilly Princess. Why? Do you see her?
115
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,382
Oh, I see her, all right.
116
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,719
Where? This huge water hippo
is blocking my whole view.
117
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,306
That water hippo
is the Chilly Princess.
118
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,849
But no, it can't be.
119
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:11,144
My friend is my enemy?
120
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,062
Okay, okay, okay.
121
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,481
I need an afternoon date
eyeliner that screams,
122
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,359
"she's loose as a goose in Lone Moose."
123
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,195
- Oh, sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
124
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,280
- Here.
- Thanks.
125
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,449
I use eyeliner as a pencil
when I do my sketches,
126
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,659
but I dropped mine
over the side of the cruise.
127
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,370
Well, they actually have pencil pencils,
like, right over--
128
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,457
Um, actually,
I'm doing some art about feminism,
129
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,791
so that's why I use makeup.
130
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,835
It's kind of a comment on a comment.
131
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,628
I can explain it to you if you want.
132
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:41,299
Wow. Ew. This know-it-all
who thinks he invented art is awful,
133
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,385
but hot,
and that is totally doing it for me.
134
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,387
You're, uh, looking for
a little company, sailor?
135
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:50,350
Well, I like to block out an hour a day
to blame my parents for things,
136
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,726
but I'm free after that.
137
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,187
Great. I'll meet you down
by the docks this afternoon.
138
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,271
Cool. Yeah.
139
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:59,317
If I'm not overwhelmed by the weight
of the world, uh, I guess I'll see ya.
140
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,401
Oh, no!
141
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,362
I was so distracted
by that obnoxious hottie,
142
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,697
that I forgot I made a date
with the other obnoxious hottie.
143
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,741
I'm definitely in over my boobs.
144
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,867
I better call for backup--
145
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,994
at the very least
so that I stop talking to myself.
146
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,872
- What?
- Nothing! Mind your own business, Vera.
147
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,462
Judy, I got your 9-1-1 text with the seven
heart emojis and the face going like this.
148
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,964
I figured that meant love emergency?
149
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,049
It did!
150
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,134
My hungry, low hormones
scrambled my brain,
151
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:28,638
and now I have dates with two, equally hot
but unlikeable, guys this afternoon.
152
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,099
Should I cancel? Uh, should I run?
153
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,183
No, Judy, calm down.
154
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,769
There's nothing wrong with fanning
a couple flames at the same time.
155
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,313
Before I met Wolf,
I was very active on the dating apps.
156
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:40,233
I became an expert
on rocking a Rude Dude Rotation.
157
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,944
I'll teach you how to balance
both these guys at once.
158
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,153
Oh! Huh. Yes.
159
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:49,033
Two boys does mean more chances for a
messy make out and upstairs honk-a honk-a,
160
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:52,203
and I need that or I'll--
and I'm not exaggerating-- probably die!
161
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:55,289
Been there.
All right, first thing's first, A.B.B.
162
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,333
Ask for Butt Butter?
163
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,293
No. Why would you--
164
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,795
Always Be Babe-ing.
165
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,589
From this moment forward,
these boys do not have names.
166
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,134
Call them both "babe"
so you don't accidentally mix them up.
167
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,011
You can also use "cutie,"
but I don't think you can pull it off.
168
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:11,180
Not a chance.
I'm clinging on by my fingertips here.
169
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,265
"Babe" it is!
170
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,685
{\an8}Moose milk!
Tastes sweet straight from the teat!
171
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,312
{\an8}The Rock drinks it
and things are going pretty good for him.
172
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:21,190
If it's good enough for a baby moose,
it's good enough for you.
173
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,275
What do you think, Sharon?
174
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,860
I'd love to get some local flavor.
175
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:27,238
Ooh, I bet this will be incredible
for my gut biome.
176
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:31,409
You bet it will. Gut biome, butt biome,
Pauly Shore's Bio-Dome.
177
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,620
You ever seen that one?
Crackerjack sense of humor on that kid.
178
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,874
Now, I'm allergic to cows milk.
Can I have this?
179
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,958
Sure.
180
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,961
I got a real moose hair. Incredible.
181
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,383
That must be him. Fisherman1!
182
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,635
He said he'd be wearing a striped scarf.
183
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:53,139
Well, this is the perfect opportunity
for me to simply leave him alone,
184
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,266
and spend years wondering
what might have been.
185
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,810
You've been talking about
meeting this guy for weeks, Dad.
186
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,061
You said, and I quote,
187
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,439
"I feel like I've met
my soul's first mate."
188
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,609
But that was before
I knew he was a cruise ship captain, Wolf.
189
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,986
Cruise captains don't steer with finesse.
190
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,531
They just push buttons that say stop,
go and announce buffet.
191
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,242
It's like having training wheels at sea.
They're phonies.
192
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,329
Look, Dad, I'm not saying you have
to follow through on being best friends,
193
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,872
but maybe just go say hi.
194
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,250
No way. There's a bunch of other
cruise captains in there. It's infested.
195
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,585
Oh, shoot, Londra's coming.
196
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,670
Stop talking.
- I wasn't talking.
197
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,715
Heya, Beef. Just popping in
to pick up some jalapeño poppers.
198
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,052
If there's any cruise captains in there,
they better not try to talk to me.
199
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,554
Yeah, they're nasty. Yuck.
200
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,265
Thank God,
she didn't ask me why I was here.
201
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,643
Oh, by the way, why are you here?
202
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,271
Oh! To mock, uh,
that man through the window.
203
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:45,274
Look at his stupid stuff.
204
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:46,692
Good one.
205
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:50,488
See Wolf, cruise captains
and boat captains don't mix.
206
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,783
Dad, haven't you ever seen
the BBC's Pride and Prejudice miniseries
207
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,951
starring Colin Firth?
208
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:58,371
Or Joe Wright's Pride and Prejudice movie
starring Matthew Macfadyen?
209
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,582
Of course. Judy's made me watch
each of those, like, 20 times.
210
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,335
Well, what if Lizzie Bennet
hadn't walked up to Netherfield
211
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,379
to see if her sister was super sick
or whatever,
212
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,298
just 'cause she thought
she hated Mr. Darcy's guts?
213
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,676
Right. This is exactly like that.
214
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,927
Bang-o bong-o, Dad.
215
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,346
Put on some walking boots
and hike up your skirts.
216
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,390
Jane Bennet needs you.
217
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,602
Now, let's review. What's the most
important part of a Rude Dude Rotation?
218
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,229
Stay alert and flirt, flirt, flirt.
219
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,313
Judy, you got this.
220
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,691
Go forth and make me proud.
221
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,943
Hey, babe, ready to hit the museum?
222
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,988
They have a recalled quarter
where Washington is accidentally blinking.
223
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,573
I've actually never seen a coin.
224
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,117
Wait till I tell the boys
from Mountwood Prep about this.
225
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,578
Give me a minute
to run to the ladies' room,
226
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,329
in, uh, a different building.
227
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,456
Because I don't want you to hear me pee.
228
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,125
Just like Mother.
229
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,210
Get your mouth on the moose.
230
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,795
{\an8}See how fast that gal's running?
231
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,589
{\an8}She had some moose milk earlier.
232
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,756
{\an8}Great for energy.
233
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,842
{\an8}And around here it's known
as the fountain of youth.
234
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,552
{\an8}Ham, tell them how old you are.
235
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,096
{\an8}Oh, I'm sevente-- nine.
236
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,473
{\an8}And I'm 20. It works both ways.
237
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,058
Hi.
238
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,227
Hey, babe, how are you?
239
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,354
Oh, I'm suffering terribly.
240
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,940
Great. Great.
There's an open mic here today.
241
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,484
Santiago Carpaccio
is unveiling his new sonnet,
242
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,652
"A Stork In The Road."
243
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,112
It's about his fertility journey.
244
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,363
Sounds soulful.
245
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,825
There's nothing left to teach.
246
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,786
Mmm. Nope. Nope. Nope.
247
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:21,871
- Can't do it.
- But Dad--
248
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,247
No.
249
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,582
Yes. May I help you?
250
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,960
Sir, may I present my father
and your Internet friend,
251
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,921
Captain Beef Tenderloin Tobin
of the Mighty Kathleen.
252
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,173
Oh, uh, that can't--
253
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:35,635
The Captain Tobin I was speaking
with captains a cruise vessel.
254
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,220
- You take that back.
- Dad, Dad, take it easy.
255
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,639
He just made a mistake.
256
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,599
The Tobin I met was intelligent
and classy,
257
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:45,061
with an extensive knowledge
of deep water ports on all seaboards,
258
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,520
foreign and domestic.
259
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,148
That could only be a cruise captain.
260
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,234
Well, the person I was speaking with
literally called himself a
261
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,321
"Fisherman1!"
262
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:59,033
Yes. Well, I am a man
and Fisher is my last name.
263
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,619
I'm Captain Cornelius Jazzy Fisher.
264
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:05,206
It was obviously a mistake
to come in here and I bid you farewell.
265
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:09,001
Look, I've captured my coconut shrimp
in a San Diego jam knot.
266
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,878
Nonsense. That's a Bimini twist.
267
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:11,962
Oh.
268
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,674
Well, well, well. That is a twist.
269
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,926
Perhaps I've been too hasty to judge you.
270
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,470
Just like Lizzie with Mr. Darcy
at the ball.
271
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,350
Well, if you were free, perhaps
it would interest you to tour my boat.
272
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:29,438
If while walking, we were to revisit
our online conversation about punctuality,
273
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,899
I suppose I could stomach a look around.
274
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,110
- Wonderful.
- We should leave separately though.
275
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,487
Agreed. Tongues will wag.
276
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,698
♪ Hanging out with you ♪
277
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,991
♪ But it's kind of a secret ♪
278
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:45,121
♪ Yeah we're having fun
But we also should keep it down ♪
279
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,206
♪ 'Cause I'm kinda being sneaky ♪
280
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,418
♪ Hanging with you
But also real discreetly ♪
281
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,628
♪ Hanging out with this guy too ♪
282
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,339
♪ I like hanging out with you ♪
283
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:58,008
But, uh, shh, shh, shh.
Nope. No, no, no. I said shush.
284
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,218
Chill out! Chill out.
285
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,720
♪ Chill out ♪
- ♪ I'm quietly... ♪
286
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,305
♪ ...hanging with you
Yeah ♪
287
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,224
What a delightful tour.
288
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:07,435
Apologies for judging you upon meeting.
289
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,062
I don't have anything
against you personally, it's just--
290
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,481
The Right Of Way Incidents
of '97, '02 and '09.
291
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,483
I know. Changed things forever.
292
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:15,693
So many dead.
293
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,069
None dead. But, yes.
294
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,823
I will admit that sometimes
my ilk can be a little flashy,
295
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,659
but I've been captaining cruises
for many years now.
296
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,202
And if I've learned anything,
297
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:28,706
it's that a rising tide
raises all boat captains.
298
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,332
I have the same philosophy.
299
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,585
Dad, this is just like
when Lizzie realized
300
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:36,172
that Mr. Darcy paid for Lydia's dowry
to get Wickham to marry her.
301
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,007
Think I don't know that?
Wait.
302
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,926
I know the perfect thing
to wrap up this afternoon.
303
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,095
Stay here. Boat right back!
304
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,098
- Londra.
- Beef, hey! I just sent you a text.
305
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,391
Oh, great, great, great.
306
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,769
A bunch of us captains
are gonna hang tonight on my boat,
307
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,771
to mock those cruiser-losers
as they leave.
308
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,148
I'm gonna have hard limeades
and tipsy ice tea.
309
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,025
So it might get rowdy. You in?
310
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,193
Yeah, totally.
311
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,612
I hate cruises and their captains.
312
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,988
Ick! Barf!
313
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,072
They're the worst.
314
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,575
Cruise captains, pee-yoo!
315
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,874
Cornelius Jazzy, you heard that?
316
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,542
- I didn't--
- No need to explain, Beef.
317
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,044
I know we're natural enemies.
318
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,796
Somehow, hearing it out loud though,
319
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:21,383
after all this time,
208 minutes to be precise, it stings.
320
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,551
I'm so sorry.
321
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,345
You can have the snow cone, Beef.
322
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,638
It will suit you.
323
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,847
It's cold.
324
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,309
Go to him, Dad. Make this right.
325
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,812
I'm gonna stay here
and try to salvage this street cone.
326
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,396
A couple pebbles in the ice.
327
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,023
Nothing I can't chew.
328
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,274
Wow.
329
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,693
I had no idea a childless man
in his middle years
330
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,153
could go through that much.
331
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,863
Yeah, it really makes you think.
332
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,074
I'd love to tell you more
about my feelings.
333
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,575
Okay.
- Dinner tonight?
334
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,203
You know it, babe.
Bye-bye for now. Okay. Bye-bye. Goodbye.
335
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,164
I was able to reach my assistant,
who reached my father's assistant,
336
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,376
and I have permission
to stay ashore a few more hours.
337
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,711
- That's great.
- They wired me $2,000.
338
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,338
So, should we do dinner later?
339
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,007
Do you have restaurants here?
340
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,552
Yeah, uh-huh. I usually just have
a bowl of kibble on the floor,
341
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,886
but I'd love to try one.
342
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,471
Great. See you tonight.
343
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,682
Honeybee. Okay, Missy Elliott was correct.
344
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,141
I worked it and it was worth it. And--
345
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,561
Judy, did you put your thing down,
flip it and reverse it?
346
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,355
Not yet, but that's what dinner is for--
347
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,606
Wow.
348
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,860
Um, excuse me. Do you know
if this place has worker's gloves
349
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,278
for these hands?
350
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,738
Mamma Mia 2! Here We Go Again.
351
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,365
I mean, uh, uh, yeah, they should.
352
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,534
Are you some kind of dirty worker?
353
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,078
Oh, I'm in engineering
on the Tundra King Cruise,
354
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,621
even though I'm only 17.
355
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,332
I got diagnosed with being
too rugged for high school.
356
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,959
I work with my hands.
357
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,879
These beautiful broken hands.
358
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,255
Oh, wow. Perfect.
359
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,632
Uh, are you doing anything
for dinner tonight?
360
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,801
Put a little on your psoriasis. Trust me.
361
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,637
I soak my legs in it every night,
and now I can do the splits.
362
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,140
Bad news, Dirt. We're running low on hair.
363
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,475
Maybe I've been putting
too many scoops in each cup.
364
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,728
Nah. That's what sells it.
You did perfect.
365
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,355
Luckily, I know where to get more hair.
366
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,273
Oh, no.
367
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,151
I guess this is what being an intern is.
368
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,777
Gave more of myself than I wanted,
369
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:08,365
but it'll be worth it in a few years when
I get promoted to full-time Grifter.
370
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,453
Permission to sit and dangle, Captain?
371
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,871
Permission denied.
372
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:17,249
A cruise ship captain and a boat captain
were never meant to be friends.
373
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,876
The world will never understand.
374
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,753
I suppose you're right.
375
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,547
- But I'll never forget today.
- Me neither.
376
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,550
Well, I guess it's time for me
to head to my friend's boat
377
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,469
to make fun of you and your friends.
378
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:31,055
And I must do the same
with my cruise captain friends.
379
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:34,350
We gather at the Caviar Dreams caviar bar
aboard the Princess
380
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,352
for a last hurrah before we depart.
381
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,896
I'll think of you
whenever I see a Bimini Twist,
382
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,440
or someone who doesn't dress very well.
383
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,401
So then I said,
384
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,820
"Well, at least
I don't smell like hot tub water."
385
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,991
Beef, did you not hear
my cruise captain burn?
386
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,701
Beef?
387
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:55,245
No, I did. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha.
388
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,373
Oh, oh, oh!
You're gonna love this!
389
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,249
Ivan's got a bunch of rotten chum,
390
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,418
and he said
we should sneak onboard that cruise
391
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,963
and dump it down their twirly pool slide.
392
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,965
But that's Captain Fisher's boat.
393
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,049
Who?
394
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:11,470
Um, Captain Fisher. I know about him
because I don't like him
395
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,473
and think we should do
the slide thing for sure.
396
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,059
Oh, Beef,
you should bring your antique trident.
397
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,896
You can pop their inflatable
Chilly Princess mascot, Princess Chilly!
398
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,606
- Oh, I-I--
- Yeah!
399
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,609
Let's go show those rich jerks
who really has the right of way.
400
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,154
Oh, captain. My captain.
401
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,830
You go pop the Princess, Beef,
then we'll chum the waters.
402
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,332
Certainly. Mmm.
403
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,292
Go on. Do it. What's the hold up?
404
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,128
Pop it. Pop it. Pop it!
405
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:49,341
The rising tide raises all boat captains.
406
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,636
Why you stoppin'? You gonna poop
in one of the lounge chairs?
407
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,221
I'm ready if you are!
408
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,640
No! I won't poop on my friend.
409
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,100
That's right.
410
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:02,563
The captain of this boat, Captain
Cornelius Jazzy Fisher, is my friend.
411
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:03,939
Friend? What the--
Yes.
412
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:07,901
His boat is big, I cannot lie,
but so is his heart.
413
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:12,156
And I was wrong to hide our friendship,
so, now I'm going to run to him.
414
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,202
Bap-bap-bap. Wristband, sir?
415
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,204
I don't have a wrist band on my wrist,
416
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,041
but I have a heart band for your captain.
417
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,084
Oh, why didn't you say so? Go on through.
418
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,003
I did say so, but thank you.
419
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,839
- Yes, I guess you did say so. My bad.
- No worries.
420
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,633
I'll, uh, try to be clearer
in the future in my language.
421
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,136
- You know the challenge--
- May I continue running to my friend?
422
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,220
Yes. Of course.
423
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:37,556
Nice one, Greg.
424
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,684
Hey, Judy. Here to get you prepped
for the final phase.
425
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,478
You're about to be so proud of me!
426
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,355
I actually planned three dates here
at the restaurant.
427
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,857
Three? Judy, no!
428
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,068
My rules only work for two dates,
not three.
429
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,652
Honeybee! I have to do this!
430
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:54,490
I got three meaty bones in there...
...and mama's hungry!
431
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,868
But three dates in one big room?
The science isn't even close on that.
432
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,622
I need this!
433
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,373
You know what?
You're kinda freaking me out.
434
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,834
So just get in there
and do whatever you're gonna do.
435
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,922
Hello.
436
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,757
I'm looking for Captain Fisher.
437
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,883
And who are you?
438
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,761
I am Beef Tobin, a fishing boat captain.
439
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,931
Well, this is a cruise captains' hang out,
440
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,809
so why don't you scurry along back
to your side of the docks
441
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,602
and drink a nice cup hot cup of chum.
442
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,562
Stand down, Captain Tennille.
443
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,982
I'll ask you not to speak that way
to my friend.
444
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:30,025
What?
445
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:33,821
Well, looks like
we found Romeo and "Cruise-liette."
446
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,241
So, is Greg just letting anyone
come in here? Is there no security?
447
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,201
Now, now. Let's all calm down.
448
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,370
There's no reason
for this feud to continue.
449
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,748
Let's just talk like
reasonable maritime professionals-- Oh!
450
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,000
- Caviar?
- Chum?
451
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,085
Caviar fight.
452
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,003
- Everyone to your positions.
- Let's go.
453
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:51,797
Hey!
- Uh-oh.
454
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,801
You lied to me! I was in the bathroom
all day with lactose diarrhea!
455
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,971
And I had to stand there and
give her toilet paper over and over again.
456
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264
You had to?
457
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,932
We didn't even get to see the town!
458
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,767
Meh. It's not that great.
459
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,103
That's not Moose Milk.
I want my money back!
460
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,063
Grab what you can and run!
461
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,400
Oh, sweet. They have food.
462
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,111
I'm just going to go the bathroom
to freshen up,
463
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,529
'cause I am not fresh.
464
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,614
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
465
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,783
- I bought you this. It was expensive.
- Oh, my Gosh.
466
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,661
You are so sweet.
But this table is so drafty, am I right?
467
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,872
I'm gonna ask the waiter
to switch us, 'kay, Tyler?
468
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,623
Who? Oh, she's already gone.
469
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,709
Rayne! Oh!
470
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,127
You ready for dessert?
471
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,670
We just sat down.
472
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,089
Yeah, but they gotta flip tables, Graham.
I mean-- [stutters] Judy!
473
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,426
I mean, Tyler. I mean, babe. Ah!
Gotta run!
474
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,220
Well, we can't switch tables.
475
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,847
Were we gonna switch tables?
476
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,307
Where did you get a corsage?
477
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,475
Isn't that funny though?
I'll be right back.
478
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,311
Um...
479
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,855
Love the new table.
480
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,441
Uh.
481
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,987
Judy, why are you under a table?
Are you hiding from your servants?
482
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,197
I can explain.
483
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,366
And-And the explanation is...
484
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,995
Well, I'm on a date with all three of you.
485
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:09,458
Oh, yeah. I'm here on two dates as well.
You and her.
486
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,792
- Oh, hey, Kima.
- Hey, Judy.
487
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,711
I'm here with him, him and him.
488
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:16,715
I'm also here with him, and you,
and them and her.
489
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,842
All right, great.
I'm gonna start kissing now, is that fine?
490
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:19,927
Yep.
491
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,096
♪ Mmm, yeah, ah, ah ♪
492
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,349
Every spring with this.
493
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,142
Mateo, get a hose!
494
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,023
Well, I guess we were right.
We really can't be friends.
495
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,858
I guess not.
496
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,611
Maybe one day we'll see each other again.
497
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,446
In this life or the next.
498
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:40,822
Or in like a month and a half
499
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,283
when the Chilly Princess
is scheduled to dock here again.
500
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,452
And also online, like all the time.
501
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,913
You got it, buddy.
502
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,753
Hey, guys. You get caught?
503
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,756
- Not yet!
- Trip one of them for us if you can!
504
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,925
I'll do my best. See you at home.
505
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,762
{\an8}♪ Jeremy Crash
Hot piece of ass ♪
506
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:08,016
{\an8}♪ He's an injury attorney
And I'm on a sensual journey ♪
507
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,226
{\an8}♪ When I drive by his billboard ♪
508
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,936
{\an8}♪ My horn goes beep, beep, beep ♪
509
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,854
{\an8}♪ I wanna file a case with him please ♪
510
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:14,648
{\an8}♪ Hit me with your jeep, jeep, jeep ♪
511
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:18,026
{\an8}♪ He's got a legal duty
To investigate Judy ♪
512
00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:21,947
{\an8}♪ Injury attorney
I'm on a sensual journey ♪
513
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,117
{\an8}♪ You have the mission
To approach my bench ♪
514
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,912
{\an8}♪ I hope you won't object
When my kiss is French ♪
515
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,872
{\an8}♪ Jeremy Crash ♪
516
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,874
{\an8}♪ Hot piece of ass ♪