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{\an8}《北方極樂園》
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{\an8}(無敵凱瑟琳號)
(克里斯值得掌舵)
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{\an8}(66聲嗽叭)
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{\an8}(《公證人遊戲》)
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{\an8}茱蒂
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{\an8}出一張嘴可容易了
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{\an8}妳幹嘛這麼難過?
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{\an8}妳爸又要妳整個週末待在垃圾場?
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{\an8}不是啦,艾拉妮絲,問題在於春天到了
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{\an8}每年的這個時候
我都該準備好展現我的小茱調調
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{\an8}就是...愛過之後速速離開
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{\an8}親過之後立刻閃人
見到面之後就叫對方滾蛋
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{\an8}我懂了,妳應該在碼頭下面親熱
在外面待到十點
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{\an8}沒錯,我是該這麼做
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{\an8}但我目前絲毫沒有想跟男生幹嘛的欲望
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{\an8}我和我朋友昨天翻閱了整本年鑑
仔細審視了每個男孩
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{\an8}我對任何人都沒有感覺
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{\an8}不是吧,這可是要掛急診的狀況
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{\an8}對,我知道,我超不爽的
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{\an8}而且不僅是春天到了,還是滿月
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{\an8}還有,人身傷害律師傑瑞米凱須
有了新的看板
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{\an8}而妳知道我對他的感覺
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{\an8}他好性感、好討人厭
吹噓自己能夠讓你釋放出來
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{\an8}但拜託喔,傑若米,別光說不練好嗎?
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{\an8}雪正在融化,而我看到的只有原木
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{\an8}- 而妳知道原木長得像什麼
- 我知道
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{\an8}- 像雞雞
- 我說了我知道
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{\an8}我甚至不想談戀愛
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{\an8}我只想找一個長得帥的渣男
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{\an8}所以妳現在情慾高漲
但身邊沒有適合的人選
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{\an8}沒錯,妳形容得真好
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{\an8}也許我該去凍卵,專注於發展我的事業
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{\an8}妳還不能放棄
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{\an8}也許可以找一個
有著不實幻想的年輕浪子熱吻
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{\an8}試試靠近監獄的公車車站
或者葛萊美獎頒獎典禮
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號角聲,明天是郵輪靠港的日子
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那些郵輪總是載滿了討人厭的成人
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我敢打賭有些人會帶上
正在放春假的討人厭的兒子
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好耶,適合的人選
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他們就在船上,茱蒂,奔向他們吧
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德特姑媽,這是怎麼回事?
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妳在做古樸牛奶排毒嗎?
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我試過一次,差點死掉
但我的皮膚亮到不行
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不是啦,白癡,我在製作用來詐騙
郵輪小白的產品,要他們付我一大筆錢
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買一杯純正的阿拉斯加麋鹿奶
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你只需要在一般的牛奶裡
摻一點人類的頭髮,這樣就大功告成啦
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有些來自德拉瓦州的蠢蛋會付我20多美元
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所以那個垃圾袋裡裝滿了...
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在尤蘭達的髮廊裡被剪掉的人類頭髮
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她通常會把頭髮丟掉
你相信嗎?太浪費了
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我和他會是德特姑媽的詐騙實習生
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錢沒有我們的份,但我們有機會學習經商
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我通常會告訴你們
不要協助你們偉大的姑媽詐騙他人
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但郵輪常客簡直不是人
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比夫,說到船隻
大日子不就是今天了嗎?
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沒錯,我的網路筆友@漁夫一號!
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和我約好在雪地裡的腳趾酒館碰面
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如果他沒有被那些大型郵輪耽擱的話
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我也許甚至會去碼頭給他一個驚喜
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我好愛在約好的碰面時間之前
先來個驚喜巧遇
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就像你正準備按照預訂時間去看牙醫之前
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就在農夫市集巧遇你的牙醫一樣
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因為我們都熱愛繩結和海事法的細節
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我們在網路上建立起深厚的感情
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當然囉,我們也都喜歡
坐在海濱步道上晃腳
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他也會晃腳?這種朋友交定了
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- 早安,茱蒂
- 好的,好的,我得出門了
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我今天要忙著找男人
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這是我有史以來首度尊敬那女孩
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男孩在哪裡?
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真抱歉
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嗨,那是嗨的意思
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我說嗨是要跟你說哈囉啦
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嗨,我叫葛拉漢,我和我家人剛抵達這裡
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我之前都沒見過妳
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妳和妳家人跟雞一起待在統艙嗎?
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不是,我其實來自孤鹿鎮
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太棒了,妳家擁有這座小鎮嗎?
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不,我們只是住在這裡
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妳不會碰巧知道我能在哪裡買到
《富家子季刊》吧?
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本期有我的擊劍夥伴,我超嫉妒他的
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好喔,我好討厭這個人,但他也帥到不行
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而這兩點其實有種詭異的相容性
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- 要不我帶你四處看看?
- 好啊
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我們一小時後見
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我得先去買到那本雜誌,然後燒掉它
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妳可以帶我看看所有的當地銀行
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這裡就只有一間
但雜貨店裡有自動提款機
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雜貨店?
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我也很期待看看雜貨店是什麼樣子
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爸,你看到你的漁夫一號!了嗎?
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他的漁船叫冷酷公主號
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但這裡一大堆漂浮賭場,我找不到他的船
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什麼樣的船長會接下管理郵輪這種工作?
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既浮誇又低劣的人吧
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(孤鹿鎮碼頭)
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天啊,那些郵輪得讓出空間給漁船靠岸
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我們最不希望看到的就是
1997年孤鹿鎮大屠殺事件重演
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有好多人喪命
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其實沒有人喪命,但有這個可能
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那2002年的死亡懸崖大逃亡呢?
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和2009年的史華德市大屠殺呢?
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這兩起事件死傷慘重吧?
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嚴格來說並不算死傷慘重
各方均毫髮無傷
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但那是因為漁船把先行權
給了那些垃圾郵輪
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你看,有艘大船進來了,但這也太蠢了吧
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至少那艘郵輪的船長
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不需要拖船幫他把船好好地拉進來
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等等,你剛剛說你朋友的船
是什麼名字?
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冷酷公主號,怎麼了,你看到船了嗎?
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我絕對看到了
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在哪裡?我的視線
完全被這艘巨大的水河馬擋住了
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那艘水河馬就是冷酷公主號
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不是吧,不可能
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我朋友是我的敵人?
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(孤丸藥房)
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好的,好的,我需要一支
午後約會眼線,讓我看起來一副
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「她就跟孤鹿鎮的鵝一樣隨便」的樣子
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- 抱歉
- 不,我才抱歉
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- 給你
- 謝啦
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當我畫素描時,會用眼線筆當作鉛筆
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但我在郵輪上把我的眼線筆掉進海裡了
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這裡其實有賣真正的鉛筆,在那裡...
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我其實正在做一些
有關女性主義的藝術創作
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所以我才會用到化妝品
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有點像是對評論作評論
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如果妳想聽的話,我可以解釋給妳聽
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這個自以為無所不知的人
認為藝術是他發明的,實在糟糕透頂
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但他好吸引人,這點對我來說已足夠
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想要有人陪嗎,水手?
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我每天喜歡空出一小時來怪罪我父母
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但在那之後我都有空
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太好了,我們約下午在碼頭見
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酷喔,好的
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如果這個世界沒有讓我招架不住的話
那我們就等等見囉
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糟了,那個討人厭的帥哥剛剛害我失了神
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我忘了我已經約了另一個討人厭的帥哥了
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我肯定應付不來
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我最好是呼救一下
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最起碼我就不會自言自語
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- 妳說什麼?
- 沒事啦,薇拉,別管閒事
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茱蒂,我看到妳的求救簡訊了
有七顆愛心和這樣的表情符號
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我猜那表示是與愛情有關的緊急狀況?
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沒錯
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我飢渴的荷爾蒙讓我頭腦不清楚
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我現在和兩個帥度一樣
但討人厭的帥哥約好了今天下午碰面
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我該取消嗎?
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00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,099
我該逃跑嗎?
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不行,茱蒂,冷靜
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同時和不同的男人約會沒有什麼不對
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在我認識沃爾夫之前
我是交友軟體的重度使用者
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我成了堆疊約會專家
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我會教妳如何同時周旋於兩個男人之間
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對耶,兩個男孩的確表示我有更大的機會
找到人跟我親熱,在樓上摸來摸去
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我需要做這件事,不然我會...
我不誇張,我可能會死
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我是過來人,好的
先來說要緊的事,ABB
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找巴特巴特爾?
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00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,501
不是啦,妳怎麼會...
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是「永遠叫寶貝」啦
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00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,589
從這一刻開始,這些男孩便沒有名字了
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都用「寶貝」來稱呼他們
這樣妳就不會不小心叫錯名字
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妳也可以用「帥哥」
但我覺得妳應該無法掌握這個詞
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不可能,我現在已陷入泥沼
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就叫「寶貝」吧
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{\an8}(新鮮麋鹿奶)
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{\an8}這裡有麋鹿奶,現擠出來的甜美滋味
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{\an8}巨石強森也愛喝,而他看起來滿面春風
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如果有益於小麋鹿,肯定也有益於你
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莎朗,妳覺得呢?
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00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,860
我很想嚐嚐在地好滋味
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00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:27,238
這一定對我的腸道菌群大有幫助
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當然的囉,腸道菌群、屁股菌群
保利肖爾主演的《抓狂雙寶》
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你們看過那部片嗎?
那孩子的幽默真是了得
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我對牛奶過敏,我可以喝嗎?
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當然可以
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我這杯有真正的麋鹿毛,太棒了
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(雪地裡的腳趾酒館)
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他一定就是漁夫一號!
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他說他會戴條紋圍巾
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00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:53,139
這是個讓我放他鴿子的完美時機
181
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,266
然後花上好幾年揣測可能會發生什麼事
182
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,810
爸,這幾個禮拜
你一直把要跟他見面的事掛在嘴邊
183
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,061
我原句引用你說過的話
184
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,439
「我覺得我生平第一次
找到了我靈魂的伴侶」
185
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,609
但那時我還不知道他是郵輪船長,沃爾夫
186
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,986
郵輪船長的開船技術都很糟糕
187
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,531
他們就只會按下按鈕說:「停船」
「開船」和「開飯了」
188
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,242
就像是在海上練習開車一樣
他們是冒牌貨
189
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,329
爸,聽好,我沒有說
你一定要繼續和他當好朋友
190
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,872
但也許去打聲招呼吧
191
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,250
不可能,那裡還有其他的郵輪船長
那裡被感染了
192
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,585
完了,隆德拉來了
193
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,170
- 別說話
- 我沒說話
194
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,715
你好,比夫,我來買一些
墨西哥辣椒鑲乳酪起司
195
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,052
如果裡面有郵輪船長
他們最好別跟我搭話
196
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,554
對呀,他們好討人厭,噁心
197
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,349
感謝老天,她沒問我在這裡幹嘛
198
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,018
對了,你來這裡幹嘛?
199
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:42,271
透過窗口嘲笑那個男人
200
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,774
看看他一副蠢樣
201
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,692
說得好
202
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:50,488
你看吧,沃爾夫
郵輪船長和漁船船長不是同路人
203
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,783
爸,你看過BBC頻道的
《傲慢與偏見》迷你影集嗎?
204
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,951
柯林佛斯主演的
205
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:58,371
或者是馬修麥費狄恩主演
喬萊特執導的《傲慢與偏見》?
206
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,582
當然看過
茱蒂逼我把兩部都各看了20次吧
207
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,335
如果伊莉莎白班奈特
就只是因為她自以為對達西先生
208
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,379
恨之入骨,而沒有走向尼日斐莊園
209
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,298
去查看她姊姊是否得了重病之類的
結果會如何呢?
210
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,676
對耶,現在就是這種狀況
211
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,927
答對了,爸
212
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,346
整理好服裝儀容,進去吧
213
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,390
珍班奈特需要你
214
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,602
來復習一下,堆疊約會
最重要的原則是什麼?
215
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,229
保持警覺,拚命調情
216
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,313
茱蒂,妳學會了
217
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,065
去吧,好好表現
218
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,608
(孤鹿鎮,金錢博物館)
219
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:28,943
寶貝,準備好參觀博物館了嗎?
220
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,988
這裡有一個被召回的25分硬幣
上面的華盛頓不小心眨眼睛了
221
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,573
我其實從來沒看過硬幣
222
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,117
等著看我把這件事
告訴我蒙特伍德預備學校的同學吧
223
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,452
等我一下,我要去上個廁所
224
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,329
廁所在另一棟建築物裡
225
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,456
因為我不想讓你聽到我尿尿的聲音
226
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,125
跟我媽一樣
227
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,210
來嚐嚐麋鹿的滋味吧
228
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,795
{\an8}看到那女孩跑得有多快嗎?
229
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,589
{\an8}她之前喝了一些麋鹿奶
230
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,756
{\an8}有助於補充能量
231
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,842
{\an8}在這裡我們都稱它為青春之泉
232
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,844
{\an8}漢姆,告訴他們你幾歲
233
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,096
{\an8}我7...9歲了
234
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,473
{\an8}我20歲,有雙向調節作用
235
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,558
(想喝咖啡嗎?)
236
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,227
嗨,寶貝,你好嗎?
237
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,354
我好痛苦
238
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,940
太好了,太好了
這個地方今天有開放麥克風
239
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,484
桑提亞哥卡帕齊奧
將要揭曉他新作的十四行詩
240
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,652
《路上的鸛鳥》
241
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,112
是關於他的生育旅程
242
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,363
聽起來很動人
243
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,825
妳全都學會了
244
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,287
不,不行,無法,我辦不到
245
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,455
- 但是,爸...
- 不行
246
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,582
有什麼需要我幫忙的嗎?
247
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,960
先生,讓我為你介紹我的父親
也就是你的網友
248
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,921
無敵凱瑟琳號的比夫添特洛里托賓船長
249
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,006
不是吧...
250
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:35,635
跟我聊天的那位托賓船長是郵輪船長
251
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,220
- 給我把話收回去
- 爸,爸,冷靜
252
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,639
他只是搞錯了
253
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,599
我認識的托賓很聰明、很有格調
254
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:45,061
對於國內外所有的沿海深水港
255
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,520
有深入的了解
256
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,148
只有郵輪船長才有此能耐
257
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,234
和我聊天的那個人基本上自稱為
258
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,321
「漁夫一號!」
259
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:59,033
對,我在一號出生,而漁夫是我的綽號
260
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,619
我是科尼利厄斯賈茲費雪船長
261
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:05,206
我顯然不應該走進來,我在此向你告別
262
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:09,001
你們看,我吃的椰子蝦
都是我用聖地牙哥纏結親手捕來的
263
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,754
- 胡說八道,是比米尼紐結才對
- 胡說八道,是比米尼紐結才對
264
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,674
這下精采了,好一個轉折啊
265
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,926
也許我對你妄下定論了
266
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,720
就跟伊莉莎白和達西先生
在舞會時的狀況一樣
267
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,350
如果你有空的話
也許你會有興趣參觀我的船
268
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:29,438
如果在走路的時候,我們可以重拾
在網路上那段有關準時的對話
269
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,899
我想我倒是可以去看看
270
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,110
- 太好了
- 但我們應該各自離開
271
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,487
我同意,人多嘴雜
272
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:40,991
和你出門閒晃,但這算是個祕密
273
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,493
對,我們玩得很開心
274
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:45,121
但我們也許該低調一點
275
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,206
因為我有點偷偷摸摸
276
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,418
和你出門閒晃,但真的要很小心
277
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,794
和這傢伙出門時也一樣
278
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,212
(當牙齒是金錢)
279
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,256
我喜歡和你出門閒晃
280
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:58,008
但是,不,不行,我叫你要小聲點
281
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,218
安啦,安啦
282
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:03,305
- 我靜悄悄地跟你閒晃
- 好耶
283
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,390
(剉冰)
284
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,435
這趟行程真令人開心
很抱歉,剛碰面的時候我批評你了
285
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,062
我個人對你沒什麼意見,只是...
286
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,481
1997年、2002年和2009年的先行權意外
287
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,483
我知道,一切就此大不同
288
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:15,693
死了好多人
289
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,069
沒有人死,但是,你說得對
290
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,823
我承認有時候我的同儕可能會有點浮誇
291
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,659
但我擔任郵輪船長已經很多年了
292
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,202
如果我有學到些什麼
293
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:28,706
那就是漲潮的時候,所有的船長都會受惠
294
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,332
我也有一樣的人生哲學
295
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,585
爸,這就跟伊莉莎白領悟到達西先生
296
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:36,172
為了讓威克漢娶莉迪亞
所以幫她準備嫁妝時的狀況一樣
297
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,007
- 你以為我不知道嗎?
- 等等
298
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,926
我知道該如何讓這個下午劃下完美的句點
299
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,095
待在這裡,我馬上回來
300
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,098
- 隆德拉
- 比夫,我剛傳了一封簡訊給你
301
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,391
太好了...太好了
302
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,769
有一群船長今晚會來我的船上聚聚
303
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,771
在那些郵輪魯蛇離開的時候一起嘲笑他們
304
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,148
我會準備酸甜萊姆汁和微醺紅茶
305
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,025
所以可能會有點吵鬧,你要來嗎?
306
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,193
好啊,那還用說?
307
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,612
我最討厭郵輪和郵輪船長了
308
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,988
噁,我要吐了
309
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,072
他們最糟糕了
310
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,116
郵輪船長,臭死了
311
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,874
科尼利厄斯賈茲,你聽到了嗎?
312
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,542
- 我沒...
- 比夫,沒有必要解釋
313
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,044
我知道我們是彼此的天敵
314
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,796
但聽到那番話,不知怎地...
315
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:21,383
經過這麼長的時間
精準地說是208分鐘,我還是會感到刺痛
316
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,551
我很抱歉
317
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,345
比夫,這杯剉冰給你
318
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,638
很適合你
319
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,847
因為它冷冰冰的
320
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,309
爸,去追他,彌補過錯
321
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,812
我會留在這裡,試著挽救地上這杯剉冰
322
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,396
冰裡面有幾顆小石頭
323
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,023
沒什麼我咬不動的
324
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,693
天啊,沒想到一個沒有孩子的中年男子
325
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,153
竟會有這番經歷
326
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,863
對呀,這真的會讓人感觸良多
327
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,074
我很想多跟妳說說我的感受
328
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,575
- 好喔
- 一起吃晚餐?
329
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,203
那當然,寶貝
先這樣囉,好的,拜拜,再見
330
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,164
我聯絡上了我的助理
而他聯絡上了我爸的助理
331
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,376
所以我獲准在岸上再待幾個小時
332
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,711
- 太好了
- 他們匯給我兩千美元
333
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,338
那麼,我們等等要一起吃晚餐嗎?
334
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,007
這裡有餐廳嗎?
335
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,552
有喔,我通常只會坐在地上,吃一碗粗糧
336
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,886
但我樂意和你去餐廳吃飯
337
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,471
太好了,晚上見囉
338
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,682
哈尼碧,好的,蜜西艾莉特是對的
339
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,225
我費盡心力,而一切很值得,而且...
340
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,561
茱蒂,妳有把妳的東西放下來
顛倒它和翻轉它嗎?
341
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,355
還沒,但晚餐時就會...
342
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,860
不好意思,妳知道這個地方
會不會有工作手套嗎?
343
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,278
這雙手要用
344
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,738
媽媽咪呀,又來了
345
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,365
有的,他們應該會有
346
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,534
你是那種做苦活的工人嗎?
347
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,078
我是苔原國王遊輪工程部的員工
348
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,621
儘管我才17歲
349
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,332
我被診斷出太粗暴了,不適合念高中
350
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,959
我用手工作
351
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,879
這雙美麗、殘缺的手
352
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,255
太完美了
353
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,632
你今晚的晚餐打算怎麼辦?
354
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,801
塗一點在你的乾癬上,親愛的,相信我
355
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,721
{\an8}我每晚都會用這個來泡腳
我現在能夠劈腿了
356
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,140
{\an8}德特,有個壞消息,我們的頭髮快用完了
357
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,475
也許我每一杯都加太多杓了
358
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,728
沒關係,那才是賣點,你做得很好
359
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,355
幸運的是
我知道可以去哪裡找到更多頭髮
360
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,273
不是吧
361
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,151
我想這就是實習生的命運吧
362
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,777
不想付出那麼多都不行
363
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:08,365
但當我在幾年之後晉升為全職騙徒時
這一切也就值得了
364
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,453
船長,請允許我坐下來晃腳?
365
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,871
我不同意
366
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:17,249
郵輪船長和船長從來就不該成為朋友
367
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,876
這個世界永遠不會懂的
368
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,753
我想你說得對
369
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,547
- 但我永遠不會忘記這一天
- 我也是
370
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,550
我想我該去我朋友的船上
371
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,469
取笑你和你朋友了
372
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:31,055
而我也得和我的郵輪船長朋友們
做同樣的事
373
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:34,350
我們會聚在公主號上的
魚子醬夢想魚子醬吧
374
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,352
在我們出發之前狂歡最後一次
375
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,896
每當我看到比米尼紐結時,我就會想到你
376
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,440
或者某個不太會穿衣服的人
377
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,401
然後我說
378
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,820
「至少我聞起來不像熱水浴缸裡的水」
379
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,991
比夫,你沒聽到我在酸郵輪船長嗎?
380
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,701
比夫?
381
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:55,245
有,我聽到了,好好笑喔
382
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:57,373
你一定會很愛這一個
383
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,249
艾文有一堆壞掉的魚餌
384
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,418
他說我們該偷溜到郵輪上
385
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,963
把魚餌丟進泳池的旋轉溜滑梯
386
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,965
但那是費雪船長的船
387
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,049
誰?
388
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:11,470
費雪船長,因為我不喜歡他
所以我知道這個人
389
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,473
我覺得我們當然要去做溜滑梯這件事
390
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,059
比夫,你該帶上你的古董三齒魚叉
391
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,896
你可以刺破冷酷公主號的
充氣吉祥物冷酷公主
392
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,606
- 我...
- 好耶
393
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,901
讓那些有錢的渾蛋看看
真正擁有先行權的人是誰
394
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,154
船長,我的船長
395
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,826
(冷酷公主號)
396
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:38,038
比夫,你去把公主刺破
然後我們就把魚餌灑進泳池
397
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,331
沒問題
398
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,292
快啊,動手啊,還在等什麼?
399
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,128
刺...刺
400
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:49,550
漲潮的時候,所有的船長都會受惠
401
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,636
你幹嘛停下來?你要在躺椅上大便嗎?
402
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,221
如果你要的話,我準備好囉
403
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,640
不行,我不會在我朋友身上大便
404
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:01,311
沒錯,這艘船的船長
科尼利厄斯賈茲費雪船長
405
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,563
是我的朋友
406
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:03,939
- 朋友?搞屁...
- 對
407
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:07,901
他的船很大,我不能否認
但他的心胸也很寬大
408
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:12,156
我隱匿了我們的友情是我做錯了
所以,我現在要奔向他
409
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:16,452
(魚子醬夢想)
410
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,204
- 先生,你的手環?
- 我的手腕上沒有手環
411
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,041
但我有個心環要給你的船長
412
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,084
幹嘛不早說?進去吧
413
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,003
我說啦,但謝謝你
414
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,839
- 對,我想你的確說了,不好意思
- 不要緊
415
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,633
我以後會試著說得更清楚
416
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,136
- 挑戰之處就在於...
- 我可以繼續奔向我的朋友嗎?
417
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,220
好的,當然可以
418
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:37,556
做得好,葛瑞格
419
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,684
茱蒂,我來幫妳,為最後的階段作好準備
420
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,478
妳即將會深深以我為傲
421
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,355
我其實打算和三個人在這家餐廳約會
422
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,857
三個人?茱蒂,不行啊
423
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,068
我的辦法只能用在兩個人身上
不是三個人
424
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,652
哈尼碧,我一定要做這件事
425
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:54,490
裡面有三個潛在人選,而我很飢渴
426
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,868
但在一個大空間裡和三個人約會?
這簡直是不可能的任務
427
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,912
我需要這個
428
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,373
妳知道嗎?妳有點嚇到我了
429
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,834
妳就進去吧,想做什麼隨便妳
430
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:09,922
哈囉
431
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,757
我在找費雪船長
432
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,883
你哪位?
433
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,761
我是比夫托賓,我是漁船船長
434
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,931
這裡是郵輪船長聚會的地方
435
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,809
所以你何不速速跑回你那一側的碼頭
436
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,602
喝一杯熱騰騰的魚餌
437
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,562
退下,塔尼爾船長
438
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,982
我得請你別那樣和我的朋友說話
439
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:30,025
什麼?
440
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:33,821
看來我們找到羅密歐和「郵輪葉」了
441
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,241
所以,葛瑞格就這樣讓每個人進來?
這裡不需要控管嗎?
442
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,201
好了,好了,大家都冷靜下來
443
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,370
沒有必要繼續爭執下去
444
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,748
讓我們像理性的海事專業人士一樣交談
445
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,000
- 魚子醬?
- 是誰...魚餌?
446
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,085
魚子醬大戰
447
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,003
- 大家各就各位
- 開戰
448
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:51,797
不妙
449
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,801
妳騙了我,我因為乳糖腹瀉
整天待在廁所裡
450
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,971
而我得站在那裡,不停地拿衛生紙給她
451
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264
你得那麼做?
452
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,432
我們甚至沒時間參觀這個小鎮
453
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:03,767
這裡不怎麼樣
454
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,103
那不是麋鹿奶,把錢還給我
455
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,063
抓住你能抓住的東西然後開跑
456
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,731
(俄式餐廳)
457
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,400
太好了,這裡有吃的
458
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,111
我去廁所整理一下儀容
459
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,529
因為我有點邋遢
460
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,614
寶貝
461
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,783
- 我買了這個給妳,這很貴
- 我的天
462
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,661
你好貼心喔
但這個位子太通風了,對吧?
463
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,872
我要請服務生幫我們換位子,凱,泰勒
464
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,623
妳在叫誰?她已經離開了
465
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,709
雷恩
466
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,127
準備好點甜點了嗎?
467
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,670
我們才剛坐下
468
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,089
對,但他們要整理桌面了,葛拉漢
我是說...茱蒂
469
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,426
是泰勒啦,寶貝,我得走了
470
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,220
我們不能換位子
471
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,847
我們要換位子嗎?
472
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,307
妳的胸花是哪裡來的?
473
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,475
那不是很好笑嗎?我很快就回來
474
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,855
我好喜歡新的位子
475
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,987
茱蒂,妳在桌子底下幹嘛?
妳在躲妳的服務生嗎?
476
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,197
我可以解釋
477
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,657
事情就是...
478
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,995
好的,我同時和你們三個人約會
479
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:09,458
是喔,我也在這裡同時和兩個人約會
妳和她
480
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,792
- 琪瑪
- 茱蒂
481
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,711
我是和他、他,還有他一起來的
482
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:16,715
我也是和他、妳、他們和她一起來的
483
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,842
太好了,我要開始接吻了,可以嗎?
484
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:19,927
好啊
485
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,349
每個春天都是這樣
486
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,142
馬泰歐,拿水管來
487
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,023
我想我們是對的,我們真的做不成朋友
488
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:34,858
我想也是
489
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,611
也許有一天我們會再見
490
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,446
此生或來世
491
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:40,822
或者是一個半月後
492
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,283
當冷酷公主號預計再度停靠在這裡的時候
493
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,452
還有在網路上,就像一直以來一樣
494
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,162
沒問題,兄弟
495
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,753
大家,你們被抓了嗎?
496
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,756
- 還沒
- 可以的話,絆倒其中一個
497
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,259
我會盡力,家裡見囉
498
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,135
{\an8}傑若米凱須,好帥好性感
499
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,762
{\an8}(阿拉斯加最帥的人身傷害律師)
500
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:08,016
{\an8}他是一位人身傷害律師
而我正踏上一段感官旅程
501
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:08,934
{\an8}(我會釋放你)
502
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,936
{\an8}當我開車經過他的看板時
我的喇叭會嗶嗶嗶
503
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,854
{\an8}我想要和他一起提告,拜託
504
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:14,648
{\an8}開著你的吉普車撞上我
505
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:17,693
{\an8}他有法律義務調查茱蒂
506
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,027
{\an8}(他會找到錢)
507
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,947
{\an8}人身傷害律師,我正踏上一段感官旅程
508
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,117
{\an8}你獲准靠近我的法官席
509
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,870
{\an8}當我選擇法式舌吻時,希望你不會反對
510
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,872
{\an8}字幕翻譯:歐德慧
511
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,874
{\an8}傑若米凱須,好帥好性感